Namratha's Reviews > Inferno

"Abandon hope all ye who enter here"
~ Dante's Divine Comedy.

(Oh, Mr.Brown...the irony and the accuracy)
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The last Dan Brown novel that I recall reading and enjoying to the hilt was Angels & Demons. So, when I proudly hefted his new tome INFERNO home from the book store, I was all:


And then, barely twenty pages had passed by and my buoyant emotions pretty much went The Little Mermaid Way:


The author has decided to morph into a dry-as-day-old-bread version of Wikipedia. And also, into a closet tourist guide - a tourist guide who will bore the sweaty and itchy tourists into a rigid stupor as he drones on, ad nauseum, about every gilt-edged pillar and every conspiracy-ridden niche that the museums of Italy seem to be overflowing with.

And might I add that the plot was non-existent.
So my reaction at the complete absence of a storyline began at a mild:


laboured along at a steady:


and eventually escalated into a full-blown:


But wait, there was more…

200 Pages on and we are still sifting through a sea of unnecessary facts, vapid musings of the characters and brick-by-brick descriptions of Italy’s hotspots.
And still, no plot.

I am getting a tad snitty and mighty snotty now, Mr.Brown.
Take it from here, Miss.Pony:


I’m trying to keep an open mind. I’m trying to remember that one day, I will write a book and I will not want reviewers to tear it to soul-destroying shreds. I remind myself that Dan Brown is an articulate man with a brilliant mind.

But a description of Gondolas? Which, for the record, wasn't essential to the plot. REALLY, Mr.Brown?!?


AND, if I have to hear about the Provost’s deeply tanned face or his sun drenched visage one more time:


And then, a faint glimmer of hope.
THE PLOT! It exists! It’s alive!!

Hallelujah!


But wait, I spoke too soon.

What you saw and read and believed is NOT what you saw and read and believed.
Yes, big shock there, Prof.Langdon.


On a parallel (but seemingly wholly unrelated) note, is the plot progressing?

Nope. No sir. Not at all. It’s just more pages of lectures and descriptions and yes, lectures.


Stop it, Mr.Brown!
Stop it.
Please.
I am getting big imaginary welts on my forehead with all these big imaginary medieval *headdesks*


It’s not right.
I want to stop. But I have paid a third-cousin-twice-removed-duke’s ransom for this book.

I must finish it.
I must.
I will see the promised land.

But it’s a lonely path. And it’s dark.

*help*


Why is it not ending?

Why!?!


Mr.Brown. STOP. Please.

For the love of Angels & Demons, STOP.

and...
oh look, I'm done.


Deep in my heart, having emerged from INFERNO with my wallet lighter, my head throbbing and my spirit chafed, I only have to say this:

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To summarize,
I broke my rule of writing scathing reviews because:
a) An interesting premise could have avoided a long and messy demise, had the book been 200 pages long. 200 pages. Not 400 agonizing, brain-numbing pages long.

b) Reputed and respected Prof.Langdon is facing what could probably be the biggest catastrophe of his life. And his reactions? Dry chuckles. Startled asides. The occasional uppity smirk.
Kristen Stewart. Rejoice. YOU have more expressions than Robert Langdon.

c) Sienna Brooks was a huge disappointment. And really, were her actions justified? I think not. Prof.Langdon, stop acting all noble and understanding. You just want to, excuse the crudeness, get into her pants.