alexandra osborn's Reviews > House of Marionne

DNF @ 55%

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Fourth Wing, The Mortal Instruments, and Barbie Princess Charm School came together to have a Grisha baby? Of course you have. Well, wonder no longer. I present to you House of Marionne by J.Elle, a YA urban fantasy novel that combines all of these books but somehow only incorporates the negative traits. Genetics are a tricky thing.

In this delightful little story, we follow this chic named Quell (don't even get me started on the names) who's *not like the other girls* because she has magic and welll... it really isn't quite explained if this is a normal thing to have or not. Anyway, our girl Quell has this thing called toushana (a form of magic) inside her which she knows she has and also knows is bad but doesn't really understand anything else about magic somehow.

In the beginning, Quell takes on the form of Clary from the Shadowhunter books and has a few dangerous run ins with some strange men with carvings (*cough* runes) and weird tattoos and magic and stuff. We then learn that Clary- I mean Quell's- mom kind of has a history with these things I guess which is why the two of them (mother-daughter family, not explained) are always on the run.

Aparently, Quell's Grandmom (yes, GRANDMOM) is some magical headmistress of this powerful magic house/school/I don't really know, which is technically in the same world but like also not (hidden away, maybe). After Quell runs away, she is taken in by her British (I'm assuming because she drinks tea and seems very proper) Grandmom and has to learn to control her magic, but not her toushana that no one seems to know about (don't even ask me tf this is because I'm confused out of my mind) because that's like a dark magic thing or something (which took me until 45% through to put this together). This is where J. Elle had the chance to make this into a sexy villianess origin story but that is obvisouly not what happened or else I wouldn't be here giving this 1 star. Oh, and I forgot to mention that everyone at this "school" also has to learn etiquette and a number of other boring things like how to curtsy and sit straight in your chair (*cue that scene in Barbie where they walk around with books on their heads*).

Obvisouly, Quell meets this hottie named Jordan and they have this whole thing that I'm not even going to expain. It's supposed to be enemies to lovers except it's actually not. All you need to know is that Jordan is basically just like any other shadow-summoning beast of a love-interest we meet in every single YA fantasy (Xaden, Rhysand, Darkling) but he actually has NO PERSONALITY. Like, AT ALL.

Now that we're on the note of characters, lets look at who we've got on the docket: Quell, Grandmom, Jordan, Abby, Shelby, Rose, Yagrin (I forgot about him, he gets a pov but has no relation to Quell whatsoever except I think he tried to kill her at the beginning maybe?). As you can see, either the characters had parents who despised them so much to give them crappy names, or they just had the pleasure of being boring. The names were actually the least boring thing about any of these people though because THEY HAD NO DEPTH OR PERSONALITY. But you know what they did have? Tiaras growing out of their heads and masks growing out of their faces (no one invited you, Tamlin). I have never seen flatter people in my life and I felt so disconnected. The one time that Jordan and Quell had a meaningful conversation to add depth or whatever, they literally just talked about what kind of houses they want to live in someday. Yes, you read that right. (If you were wonering, it included lots of pretty little shrubs and pretty little windows and pretty little cottages on the beach)

The writing was... well, something. At times, it was actually pretty good. At others, it was cringy and tear-inducing. Observe:

"And I'm early. Like, really early."

"Seriously, dude, try pepperoni. It's so much better."

“Oh, yeah this guy and I were out doing stuff"

"Abby's beau Mynick..." Shut up.

"My name rolls off his tongue like suede, with an inflection, a smoothness I could listen to over and over again." Well, okay.

We also really need to talk about the world-building which was just a disaster. I was so confused by literally every single thing so don't even ask me to explain. I had absolutely no idea what was even going on the entire time and I've never felt so disconnected from a world before. Scratch that. I've never felt so disconnected from a world, characters, or a general story like that before. The setting? No idea. The magic system? Not a clue.

I'm too emotionally spent to discuss the romance any further. Enough said.

House of Marionne had such potential which is what made reading it so painful. It was horribly executed and I felt so disconnected and disengaged the entire time. I actually feel really bad about giving a DNF a 1 star review but I just couldn't do it because I had no idea what was happening. I'm sure that many others would enjoy this (maybe if you liked Zodiac Academy and Crave?) but I did not. It really was just all over the place.

**Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for granting me this ARC in exchange for my honest review