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Jennifer's Reviews > River of Teeth
River of Teeth (River of Teeth, #1)
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This is the most tedious book I’ve ever read about feral man-eating hippos. (There haven’t been any others, but it would be hard to set the bar lower than River of Teeth.)
Spoiler: it’s not about hippos so much as a motley crew of Wild West characters with as much depth as a movie poster. They bicker, they posture, they take fully half this slim novella to assemble and get started on the herding feral hippos bit. There is also, of course, a sneering villain and a very thin story of revenge. And a romance, which works as well as you might expect between characters who are caricatures to start with.
I wanted them all to get eaten by feral hippos, and very few of them actually do. Most of the hippos actually in the book are domesticated and act as bland horse-analogues for the crew during their plodding, joyless, stupidcaper operation.
Also, Sarah Gailey seems to think that a French accent can be approximated by dropping all the h’s and inserting the odd ‘oui.’ Her British and Mexican characters are equally products of an author who has apparently never spoken to an actual person from either country.
River of Teeth could maybe have worked as a campy B monster-of-the-week movie (I totally want to see the feral hippos eat someone - team hippo all the way), but I found all of it thoroughly tedious. Even the hippos and the swamp setting feel like cardboard cutouts with nothing of the actually really cool science behind them.
I’m blacklisting Sarah Gailey. There was nothing in here that makes me remotely interested in anything else by this author.
Spoiler: it’s not about hippos so much as a motley crew of Wild West characters with as much depth as a movie poster. They bicker, they posture, they take fully half this slim novella to assemble and get started on the herding feral hippos bit. There is also, of course, a sneering villain and a very thin story of revenge. And a romance, which works as well as you might expect between characters who are caricatures to start with.
I wanted them all to get eaten by feral hippos, and very few of them actually do. Most of the hippos actually in the book are domesticated and act as bland horse-analogues for the crew during their plodding, joyless, stupid
Also, Sarah Gailey seems to think that a French accent can be approximated by dropping all the h’s and inserting the odd ‘oui.’ Her British and Mexican characters are equally products of an author who has apparently never spoken to an actual person from either country.
River of Teeth could maybe have worked as a campy B monster-of-the-week movie (I totally want to see the feral hippos eat someone - team hippo all the way), but I found all of it thoroughly tedious. Even the hippos and the swamp setting feel like cardboard cutouts with nothing of the actually really cool science behind them.
I’m blacklisting Sarah Gailey. There was nothing in here that makes me remotely interested in anything else by this author.
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Reading Progress
June 10, 2022
–
Started Reading
June 10, 2022
– Shelved
June 10, 2022
–
36.52%
"I’m halfway through this slim book, and no one has been eaten by a hippo yet. Instead, there’s been a lot of people posturing and some very unconvincing dialogue. I was promised man-eating hippos!"
page
65
June 11, 2022
–
Finished Reading
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Ryan
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Jun 11, 2022 09:32AM
Does Gailey not know how murderous Hippos are? They use crocodiles as toothbrushes ffs! How disappointing.
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Well, you've removed my complexes about never finishing this one! I felt that I should have liked it, should have been able to finish such a short story but I couldn't. Your words could have been mine if I could have been as articulate.And yes for the "oui" ! When speaking English a French someone won't have any problem to remember that oui is yes, it's rather basic! 😄 The worse is when it's doubled: "oui, oui". Why but why?! Nobody ever doubles the oui. For couleur locale a drawling "ouais" can do nicely 😁
@Hélène Louise I figured you would have thoughts on the representation of French people. 😁 This book totally reads like it was written by a white American with no exposure to the outside world. Another reviewer also pointed out that rivers apparently run uphill in this book…smh.
@Ryan The feral hippos eat a dog and a couple people, but they’re disappointing given how cool, fast, and deadly real hippos are. I wouldn’t have been sad if everyone had been eaten by hippos at the end.
It must take special skills to make a book with feral man-eating hippos tedious. I didn’t like a Gailey book I’ve read before (Upright Women Wanted), and this does not make me want to put her back on my to-read list.
What a disappointment! Hippos are so cool!
Yeah, Gailey has been truly underwhelming for they hype.
@Nataliya I saw your review for Upright Women and didn’t realize that Gailey was the author. It sounds bad for similar reasons (and despite and interesting premise).@Karina So disappointing! Gailey didn’t even have to make stuff up to make hippos and swamps interesting, and she still didn’t manage it.
@carol. Gailey feels…fashionable. I don’t think her writing has much substance, it just checks the boxes of current sensibilities.
Thank you, Sarah Gailey, for bringing out Jennifer's feral reviewing predator. I needed the laugh
Aww, thanks, Justin! This was worthy of going full velociraptor on.
Thanks for your entertaining review and the warning. Now I understand the underwhelming rating of this book, although it sounds good in theory. These feral hippos seem to be of the kind that bore you to death (while the real hippos are feral, fast (shame on you Usain Bolt and the entire human race) and quite deadly).
Thanks, Westerly! Good ideas...terrible execution. Hippos deserve better.
"I wanted them all to get eaten by feral hippos, and very few of them actually do."I recall from when my parents lived in Kenya, hearing a LOT of horrible stories about hippos. FAR deadlier than lions. Definitely the leading wildlife menace in East & South Africa.
If memory serves, one of the Narco barons imported some hippos to his jungle estate, for fun in throwing enemies in the water for "bait". Pablo Escobar maybe?? Nice guy.
From the book blurb:"Other true things about hippos: they are savage, they are fast, and their jaws can snap a man in two."
