. (not active on this account stop adding me)'s Reviews > Fix Her Up

edit: if you're going to be offended enough to shit talk me in a group chat and get all of your friends to block me because of this review, that's a bit immature. 1 star reviews and people's opinions aren't a direct attack against you. grow the fuck up.

The best thing about this book is my reading of it got multiple people to remove it from their TBR's and lower their ratings.

I've read a lot of romance books in my time. I've seen as many descriptions of a man's genitals as you could imagine. I've heard the vilest things from a male's perspective. But this book might be one of the worst. I only read this because I heard the sex scenes were phenomenal, but I was literally crying laughing throughout them. It felt like a joke I wasn't privy to. Were they part of Georgie's clown routine?

me before this book: i can't wait! i've finally found another 5 star romance book! i can't wait for the steamy sex scenes!

me after reading the first chapter:

Georgie is over her family and friends not taking her - or her job - seriously. As a clown who performs at parties, it's difficult for her to find someone who views her as an adult, instead of a little kid. Travis has recently injured his shoulder after a successful baseball career and is now in remission. His team no longer wants him, and he can't find a purpose anymore. After he's offered a position as a sport's caster and discovers they're looking for a man who's settled-down, Georgie proffers they fake date. Not only will it help with the job offer, but she desires to expand her business, and having a man by her side may make that easier.

Something I want to point out that irritated me personally was the depiction of Travis' shoulder injury. I also have a torn rotator cuff, except I'm not a professional athlete and have been denied treatment or surgery to dull the pain. I've endured eight-hour shifts in complete agony, been told the pain is in my head by my own parents and doctors and forced to just live with it. However, poor little Travis is given multiple surgeries because he's an athlete, and a little bump from Georgie makes him feel the need to rest for hours. Not to mention, he takes Advil for the pain. Anyone with an actually torn rotator cuff can tell you that regular pain killers do absolutely nothing to dull the agony it leaves you in. Absolutely nothing. This is such a dramatic thing to be annoyed with, but I haven't lived with this chronic pain since I was two years old to see a male act like it's no big deal, even after he was privileged enough to receive treatment. I'm fuming even thinking about the things I've withstood while he rests for hours after a little pain. If you believe this is an insignificant thing to criticise a book for, imagine being in agony for hours and withstanding it because people dismiss your pain. Imagine a man getting treatment for it, getting knocked a tiny bit, then resting for hours. Not to mention, it was a pretty shitty representation.

Where do I begin with my critiques of the romance? Firstly, Travis literally isn't interested in her until she 1) gets a haircut and wears tighter clothes and 2) another man takes an interest in her. I don't understand how that's romantic in the slightest? It takes him a significant amount of time to realise his opinion should've been the same before she changed, but I still thought it was gross behaviour.

"With a handful of little-sister tit.
'Christ, Georgie.' He let her go like she'd caught fire, but not before registering the fullness of her breast, the way it tucked into his palm like a sweet little peach, her nipple tightening on contact."

Y'all were really thirsting over a man who referred to a girl as his "little sister" during sexual acts. He literally grabs her boob early in the book and says "little sister tit". LITTLE. SISTER. TIT. Then, during a sex scene, he proceeds to think about her as a little sister again. It's disgusting and I don't understand why it's supposed to be sexy. Please read the above quote and acknowledge that he thought of her in a young, sisterly way while TOUCHING HER BOOB and LIKING IT. Again, how is this romance? Why does everyone think it's sexy?

"Virgin or not, you've thought about riding this dick or you wouldn't have dropped your skirt for me. Tell me I'm right."

In addition, I hated how Travis would constantly point out Georgie was a virgin and he was the first man to participate in sexual acts with her. Even the thought of kissing her "virgin lips" and being the "first man to claim her mouth" had me cringing so hard, I think I have a kink in my back now. I despise the notion that all women in romance books have to be virgins and only have sex with one man in their lives, while their male counterparts have slept with the entire population of a small country.

"Sexual pain slashed across his face, his body growing rigid. 'Baby girl. I pump against this pussy one more time and I'm not coming anywhere but balls deep. Those panties are history. You hear me? You see how fucked up I am?"

"An earthquake. Her orgasm obliterated her, twisting her loins like a pretzel and squeezing while her legs fought for purchase against the overwhelming nature of it."

My dinner came back up my throat multiple times while reading this book. The sex scenes - that everyone said were phenomenal - were the most cringeworthy things I've ever read. I sat in my bed with tears streaming down my face, cackling uncontrollably because none of this was steamy. It made me never want to read a romance book ever again. The above quote wasn't even the worst of it.

"But he'd get over that part. They hadn't engaged in the main event, so he probably just had some extreme form of blue balls. If it meant spraining his fucking wrist, he'd handle the problem sooner or later."

"She was the epitome of wholesome. Until he got her on her back, apparently. Nothing wholesome about how she came. His dick pushed against the front of his fly and he cursed."

If I discovered a man had these thoughts about me, I would fucking floor it to a separate country. It's disgusting. The sheer amount of references Travis made towards his hard dick was disgusting and off-putting. These characters are both constantly objectifying each other, though, I'll balance it out. I don't think anything that seriously utters the phrase "concrete buttocks" should get more than 1 star. I'm serious. Read the first chapter.

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FUCKING "BABY GIRL" PET NAME. I gagged. It wasn't cute in the slightest. It additionally helps that he always refers to Georgie as a "little sister" and a fucking "baby" girl. What are you trying to tell us, Travis?

Romance aside, this book was fucking boring beyond words. The fake dating aspect doesn't begin until 40%, with Travis being an absolute asshole the entire time, only just learning from his mistakes. The only thing I could appreciate about this was Georgie and Rosie's characterisation, otherwise, it was an absolute hellish experience. My eyes are sore from rolling them back into my head so often. This book has honestly put me off reading romance books. And that's a lot coming from me.

I'm sorry if this review is abrasive and informal, but I'm genuinely mad people advertised this as the best romance book of our time, and it absolutely sucked ass. I wish my expectations weren't so high for it, then I would've at least given it a 2 star rating.