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Rinoa Heartilly's Reviews > City of Glass
City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments, #3)
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** spoiler alert **
So, I'm just going to save you from having to read this book:
Everyone, except Clary: WOHOO, we're going to Alicante!!!!
Clary: *moping* ohnoes, they left me behind! But with my super special unicorn powers I can get there myself, although it was said that that's impossible!
Aldertree: YOU GOING TO JAIL!!
Simon: Crap, but I guess someone will get me out of jail soon...
*300 pages later*
...hello?
Sebastian/Jonathan: Hello, I'm a new character introduced only to make sense of this mess. Want to make out?
Clary: SURE!
*2 seconds later*
Ew, lets stop, I want to make out with the guy I still think of as my brother.
Jace: Hey Clary I think I'm a demon so it's okay for us to be together!
Clary: YAY!
ME: ...What?
Isabelle: OHNOEZ, demon attack! Also, Max is dead.
Alec: Whatever. Who cares.
Jocelyn: Hi honey, I'm back!
Clary: Whatever. Who cares, I've just invented the MOST PERFECTEST RUNE EVER. With it, you can combine the powers of Shadowhunters and Downworlders. YOU GET THEIR POWERS AND THEY GET NOTHING!!!!
Everyone: YAY!!!
Alec&Magnus: WE WUV EACH OTHER NOW!
*Exposition time! We learn that Sebastian/Jonathan is actually Valentins son and Jace is the son of that Stephen guy. He's been cut out of the womb of his dying mother and Valentin then raised him because HE COULDN'T STAND HIS OWN SON. Also, Clary and Jace got the blood of the same angel in them, which sort of still makes them related, but WHO CARES?!?!? They WUV each other!*
Sebastian/Jonathan: I KEEL YOU!!!
Jace: I KEEL YOU FIRST!!!
*later*
Jace: I KEEL YOU!!!
Valentine: I KEEL YOU FIRST!!!
Angelguy: Valentin, with my awesome powers of gold and sparkle, I hereby sentence you to death through spitting a lightning bold. Also, Clary, make a wish.
Clary: I realize I can wish for world peace or safety for my friends or rainbow ponies, but I want to get the guy I'm hot for back from the dead.
ME: ...God.
EVERYONE: YAY!
Simon: GREAT, now I've got two hot chicks going after me! One is a werewolf and the other one unbelievably beautiful! What does this remind us off???
ME: Oh please, no.
Maia: WTF, I thought I'd get a lead role in this shit! Where's my lawyer????
THE END.
Inspired by Madelines abridged Shakespeare reviews.
P.S.: YOU DON'T PLAY MARIO KART WITH THE TOUCHPEN!
P.P.S.: Believe it or not, but that's what Simon does on the first page. ISN'T HE COOL?
P.P.S.: Here's my review for COFA and here's the one for COLS.
Everyone, except Clary: WOHOO, we're going to Alicante!!!!
Clary: *moping* ohnoes, they left me behind! But with my super special unicorn powers I can get there myself, although it was said that that's impossible!
Aldertree: YOU GOING TO JAIL!!
Simon: Crap, but I guess someone will get me out of jail soon...
*300 pages later*
...hello?
Sebastian/Jonathan: Hello, I'm a new character introduced only to make sense of this mess. Want to make out?
Clary: SURE!
*2 seconds later*
Ew, lets stop, I want to make out with the guy I still think of as my brother.
Jace: Hey Clary I think I'm a demon so it's okay for us to be together!
Clary: YAY!
ME: ...What?
Isabelle: OHNOEZ, demon attack! Also, Max is dead.
Alec: Whatever. Who cares.
Jocelyn: Hi honey, I'm back!
Clary: Whatever. Who cares, I've just invented the MOST PERFECTEST RUNE EVER. With it, you can combine the powers of Shadowhunters and Downworlders. YOU GET THEIR POWERS AND THEY GET NOTHING!!!!
Everyone: YAY!!!
Alec&Magnus: WE WUV EACH OTHER NOW!
*Exposition time! We learn that Sebastian/Jonathan is actually Valentins son and Jace is the son of that Stephen guy. He's been cut out of the womb of his dying mother and Valentin then raised him because HE COULDN'T STAND HIS OWN SON. Also, Clary and Jace got the blood of the same angel in them, which sort of still makes them related, but WHO CARES?!?!? They WUV each other!*
Sebastian/Jonathan: I KEEL YOU!!!
Jace: I KEEL YOU FIRST!!!
*later*
Jace: I KEEL YOU!!!
Valentine: I KEEL YOU FIRST!!!
Angelguy: Valentin, with my awesome powers of gold and sparkle, I hereby sentence you to death through spitting a lightning bold. Also, Clary, make a wish.
Clary: I realize I can wish for world peace or safety for my friends or rainbow ponies, but I want to get the guy I'm hot for back from the dead.
ME: ...God.
EVERYONE: YAY!
Simon: GREAT, now I've got two hot chicks going after me! One is a werewolf and the other one unbelievably beautiful! What does this remind us off???
ME: Oh please, no.
Maia: WTF, I thought I'd get a lead role in this shit! Where's my lawyer????
THE END.
Inspired by Madelines abridged Shakespeare reviews.
P.S.: YOU DON'T PLAY MARIO KART WITH THE TOUCHPEN!
P.P.S.: Believe it or not, but that's what Simon does on the first page. ISN'T HE COOL?
P.P.S.: Here's my review for COFA and here's the one for COLS.
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Reading Progress
June 20, 2010
– Shelved
July 9, 2010
–
Started Reading
July 9, 2010
–
2.03%
"You don't play Mario Kart with the Touchpen! ARGH! ... And yes, Dinotopia will have to wait again.^^"
page
11
July 10, 2010
–
24.03%
"When are the good (read: Alec) parts going to start? I don't care if Clary dies from poisoning!"
page
130
July 14, 2010
–
86.69%
"You know what would actually be really cool? If Jace and Clary turned out to be brother and sister for realz. Haha."
page
469
July 16, 2010
–
100.0%
"This book would have been better if at least one of the main good characters had died (preferably Jace)"
page
541
July 16, 2010
–
Finished Reading
January 15, 2012
– Shelved as:
stoopid-with-a-capital-q
January 15, 2012
– Shelved as:
all-my-hate
Comments Showing 1-50 of 209 (209 new)
message 1:
by
Liza
(new)
-
rated it 2 stars
Sep 14, 2010 02:01AM
Your review is perfect. This could have been such a better series if the author hadn't blatantly copied from famous and great books and if the incest wasn't involved. What I find totally outrageous is that not only there's going to be a fourth book in the series (the villain will reincarnate or something probably) but also a fifth and a sixth! .. The stuff people do for money...
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Thanks :) I'm actualy surprised I even got to the third book as the first one already majorly pissed me off with it's copying, It's like reading the thing that comes out when you put Star Wars, Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (all much better than Clares series) together with Twilight. It just feels wrong. -.-There's going to be a fourth book? AND a fifth and a sixth? Hasn't Clare milked this franchise enough?
I heard there's also going to be some sort of prequel trilogy... Star Wars, anyone?
Ugh. Cassandra Clare annoys me to no end. She's even worse than Clary and that's saying something xD
Oh... OMG! hahaha. Your review is perfect. :)
Your review was crazy good. You just captured every moment when I was thinking: "Wait a minute, this is wrong in so many levels..."
While I do really like this series, I did also really enjoy your review :-) It made me laugh.
Thanks for not being offended xD Nice to know there are still people like you out there.
Love the review. (: Made me laugh.
Glad to make you smile :)
This is so good! If I had knew it is here I would read it and then the nex book, because this is exactly like book, but more understandable and a lot shorter. Hat off. =)
Thanks! I wrote reviews like this for the next two books in the series as well, so if you don't want to bother with them...
I know I shouldn´t do that (reading review like this before reading) but I will do it. =)
I enjoy reviews like this! Anyone else do this format?! Thank you for accepting my friend request. :)
I got inspired (read: totally stole the format from) by Madeline's (http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/11...) Abridged Shakespeare Reviews. There's also The Editing Room (http://www.the-editing-room.com/) which does the same for movies... Otherwise, no idea.^^
Hahahahahaha!!! This was hilarious!! I think this will make it make more sense when I start reading the book!
This is a good book!!!!! Cassandra Clare is a great author!
@Kacie:Good for you that you liked the book, not everyone shares that opinion though. :)
I literally don't have to read the rest of the book now, I can imagine it in her writing style and everything.
Best. Review. Ever.
Gee, thanks you all. uwu
Isn't it Valentine? And btw, I loved the book, but u were unbelievably funny! So true! :)
omg yeah it is let me just change that real quickly
you made me LOL so hard xDDD definetly NOT going to read this, I just wasn't sure, now I am.
Can't stop laughing.... thanks... you just made my day xDDDDD
haha this is brilliant! I personally enjoyed the book, though look at it in a different way after reading this! made me laugh so much!
Perfect review xDDDDD just what I think when I was reading the book xD
This...is just the greatest review ever. Made my night.
I know this review was meant to sort of turn someone off to the series, and it was funny too, but even after reading this, it had the opposite effect on me.. It just makes me want to go back and re-read the series xP lol needless to say, I'm actually a fan of TMI.
@TaresaIt wasn't meant to keep anyone from reading the book, everyone is allowed to read whatever they want to. Just look at it as my way of letting off steam after being severely pissed off by a book that I personally didn't enjoy.
And if you enjoy the books, good for you! Enjoying things is super nice and have fun rereading the series! :D
... I can't help it! I am cracking up right now ^o^ although i did love the book and I rated it five stars, this is the most accurate and hilarious review i've ever read lol and i agree with everything you wrote we just look at it differently... and omigawd the twilight reference!!! haha i didn't even see thst at first but you are so right.
City of Glass is my favorite book in the series, I don't know why but your review made me laugh so hard and i love it now lol :)))
I adore the books, but damn that review was priceless! xD
we did it... we reached 100 likes.. sw aggy....
Can we go conquer the world now?
nah, we'll need the powers of a thousand souls for that, this is just the beginning... imagine me twirling my mustache here for extra emphasis
lol could not stop laughing :')
I loved the book but this was freaking hilarious
I actually loved this book but this was HILLARIOUS! Haha XD
Dear comment writer,You're probably a really nice guy and all I mean if you live by me lets do lunch but I gonna gave to disagree with what you wrote. This book was so much more than how you put it... It's probably one of the only book series that has the evenly distributed amount of gushy romance(unlike Twilight), drama, action, great character development, great story line and kick ass characters. I love this series, it's probably my favorite, I've even met the author. As I respect your opinion and I don't think it's wrong it's what you think. So...you know...like I said let's do lunch...umm......ya!
ok good you liked the series?? also idk if you just call everyone a guy but im a girl haha
I actually liked the book but I loved this review, it was funny.
Thank you for your review!! I forced myself to finish reading not only the first book but the second as well. I did start reading the third book but I just can't force myself to read these books anymore. I somehow have the entire series so far and every time I consider reading them I think "but everyone loves these books and they're making a movie" and this I give the books a reprieve and let them continue to take up space on my shelves. I need to remember that just because everyone likes them and someone is making a movie does not mean I will necessarily enjoy it too. (Cough, Beautiful Creatures, cough.)
Same, Antoinette. I'm just so very happy I didn't actually buy those goddamn books (the pretty covers were very tempting). :D
Yup. That pretty much sums it up. Well put, Miss Heartily.
I didn't mind the series. But this review is HILARIOUS :) awesome job
Just finished the series. Liked it really, but your reviev is like the best one and I agree with you :)
