Manny > Books: fun-with-lara‎ (51)

Could you write the text of a quirky pedagogical picture book for low intermediate students of English entitled "Journalist Jamila Loves Subject-Auxiliary Inversion"? Jamila is a young journalist who speaks excellent English. Her best friend is Farzad, another journalist who reports from war zones. Farzad meets up with Jamila when he's feeling bad and poses rhetorical questions about the terrible things he's seen. He's so upset that he usually forgets how to express himself correctly in English. Jamila is very sympathetic. She gives him a hug and then she corrects his grammar. It's a kind of game between them, and it makes them both feel better.

We want 15-25 pages with 3-5 sentences per page, no page numbers.

An image of Jamila, a young journalist, sitting with her friend Farzad, another young journalist. Farzad is very upset. Jamila is holding his hand and trying to comfort him.

Use a manga style with exaggeratedly large eyes.

Og ein dag kom han Lars springende etter henne og gav henne dette biletet, og ho sa vel ikkje takk eingong, tenkjer ho Oline, og ikkje syntest ho vel at biletet var noko særleg, heller, helst var det vel berre noko rableri, syntest ho nok, men ho tok då imot og så hengde det der på veslehuset og der har det nu hange i alle dei år, tenkjer ho Oline, og ho synest vel og etter kvart at biletet er vakkert, og ho skjøner vel og kva Lars kan ha meint med det biletet, gjer ho vel, men å seie det! få sagt kva han kan ha meint! nei det går vel ikkje, eg ho kan vel omogeleg seie det, heller, for då var det vel ikkje noko vits for han Lars å male biletet, då, kan ein vel tenkje, tenkjer ho Oline, men biletet er fint, det, sjølv om det vel helst er noko rableri, fordi han Lars ha malt det, er biletet fint, det meiner ho nok, ja, om einkvan andre enn han Lars hadde malt det, hade ho ikkje synst at det var noko vakkert, tenkjer ho Oline, men no synest ho at biletet er så vakkert at det nesten er som om ho skal ta til tårene når ho ser på det.

And one day Lars came running after her and gave her this picture, and she didn't even say thank you, thinks Oline, and she didn't think the picture was anything special either, really just a scribble, she thought, but she let him give it to her and she hung it in the outhouse and it's been hanging there all these years, thinks Oline, and in the end she thought the picture was beautiful, and she understands what Lars meant with the picture, she does, but how would she say it! say what he meant! no you can't do that, she could never say it, because then why would Lars have painted the picture would he, thinks Oline, but the picture is lovely, even if it's just a scribble, because Lars painted it the picture is lovely, that's what she thinks, yes, even though if someone else had painted it she wouldn't have thought it was anything special, thinks Oline, but now she thinks the picture is so beautiful that tears almost come to her eyes when she looks at it.

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There is a pause between the second last and last words in the first sentence of the last paragraph which must not be there as there is no punctuation mark between the two words. For the same reason, there must not be any pause between the third last and second last words in the last sentence of the same paragraph.

The Bengali word chosen for the English word ‘inventor’ actually means artist and not inventor; there is a more accurate word in Bengali for inventor.

The last sentence could be improved by restructuring it. But, I think that would not do much to improve it. The reason is this: The English translation of the last sentence as it stands now would be the following: The artist is showing a huge amount of interest in his initiative because of this success and he/she is waiting for his/her next technological invention.

The sentence needs to rephrased if the following in intended:

The inventor is greatly motivated by this success and is looking forward to his/her next technological invention.

I checked the Ukrainian version. Despite its numerous instances of unconventional usage and dubious stylistic choices the text overall could easily pass as a work of a 10 year old child. It was unexpected to find a newly coined participle блукуючи instead of блукаючи the blunder most probably caused by the wrong declension of the same verb. Overall not too shabby.

I read the story. It is well written. There are two points where I felt it could improve from my perspective:

- The AI generated an odd use of ‘mahli’ (local) birds in the title. While everywhere else the use of word ‘mahala’ sounds appropriate. In the title when used to describe the birds, it seems a bit off.
- At another point, the use of the words ‘ibtadai doar’ though might have sounded better in English, it reads a bit off in the Urdu sentence. The use of these word here does not flow with the present tense/contemporary nature of the story, making it seem like a historical text and translates more as in the ‘beginning era of their efforts’ rather than ‘at the start of their effort’ at least to me.

Otherwise, the text reads really well as a short story about birds attempting to fly to the moon and inspiring children and adults to appreciate their efforts and expand their own horizons.

As a native speaker, I can say that it flows quite smoothly and it's almost impossible to tell if it was written by a Vietnamese person or not. However, upon closer inspection, there may be a few words that are not 100% appropriate (but they are still not incorrect).

Overall, it is quite good in Vietnamese