Niccolo Quotes

“He shoved the phone at her again. “What does this do?” Hand shaking, she took it from him. “Um. It’s called a Smartphone. You can talk to people or send messages. It’s got Internet too.” She pointed to a collection of funny looking symbols on the glossy surface. Inter-net. Is that used for some sort of fishing? And why is the phone called smart? Were prior ones stupid?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Any day now?” Viktor prodded. “Sì, sì. Do not get your…” Niccolo paused to recall the exact phrase. “Get your balls in a bunch.” Viktor shook his head. “Panties.” Niccolo frowned. “Why would you wear panties? Aren’t those for females?” Viktor growled. “Can we go now?” “Yes, but I insist you tell me more about your man-panties later.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“So. You in?” Niccolo looked from side to side. “In? In what?” “Yes. In. Are you onboard? Ready to throw down. Roll the dice. Ride that crazy cow called life and make her your bitch?” Niccolo frowned. Her colloquialisms were simply offensive. And this coming from a ruthless vampire. “You are asking if I am committed. Sì?” “Siii.” She rolled her eyes.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Although he was an ancient Viking, Viktor wasn’t “old school” as the younger vampires called it. Viktor embraced everything modern, and that included automatic handguns with custom made wooden bullets and quirky sayings like, “That’s right, bitches! Who’s your bad-dy?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Okay. Good point.” He’s very honest. I should ask how he is in bed. She slapped her hands over her mouth. “I didn’t just say that out loud again, did I?”
"Yes, you did.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Control, no. This place—I simply do not understand it. The humans here wear giant cocktail glasses around their necks and insert exorbitant amounts of money into little machines that light up. I still cannot understand, however, why they call them ‘slut machines.’ Is because they steal your money?” “I believe the correct name is ‘slot machine.’ They’re kind of fun…”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“And, let me compliment your fashionable attire, my friend. Is naked the new black?” said Rodrigo. Apparently, the two men could see each other. That figures; all monsters can see in dark. “I am uncertain of what happened to the old black while I have been indisposed,” Niccolo replied flatly.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Niccolo had never seen so many gadgets and flashing lights, all just so they could remotely observe an abandoned military hanger about a quarter mile away. In the good ol’ days, we just hid behind a bush.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“You want to leave the queen’s employ?” He nodded with an uncompromising stare. “Complicated. Unprecedented. Perfectly insane…I’m in!”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“You will marry me. We will be together. I will not discuss this again.” His dark eyes turned into bottomless, black pits. “Capisce?” he growled. Barbarian. Or, is he a medieval bastard? Dammit why didn't I pay closer attention to time periods in history class?”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“There were certain elements of the human world that where out of their control: war, inflation, American Idol…all things which could cause major irritation to a vampire’s daily life.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“She spun to face him. “Listen, Hellboy, we need to make this quick. I have garage sales to hit and naughty souls to claim. Decide.” “I do not understand.” Was this goddess tormenting him for sport? Why did she call him “Hellboy?” How very rude! She poked at his bare chest with a razor sharp fingernail. “You hate taking orders.” Sì, true. After all, I am vampire. “And even if you decided to listen like a good little boy, the odds of pulling this off are slim to none.” I happen to excel at all things impossible. I am a vampire! “So don’t come crying if you end up in your queen’s dungeon…” Vampires do not cry, silly woman. “Tortured three times a day for all eternity, which is where you have a ninety-nine point nine, nine, nine percent chance of landing if you don’t do exactly as I say.” Actually, those numbers are quite encouraging. He thought his odds were somewhere between pigs flying and hell freezing over. “Buon. I understand. Tell me what you saw, what I must do.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Is there any spot on his body that isn’t hard? Tonsils? Kidneys? Oh! His tongue... silky little devil.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Sì, maybe I should consult Viktor. Niccolo pulled his phone from his pocket. His fingers jabbed at the miniature text pad with frustration:
H asked me 2 break 1 of my rules, then I should sleep w/ her. Yes? Niccolo hit send.
Viktor responded immediately: U mean sexting. right?
Niccolo: Sexting?
Viktor: Sex+texting.
Niccolo: Idiot. real sex.
Viktor: Dumbass! Then u lose chance 4 freedom.
Niccolo: Have lost it already. I think.
Viktor: K, then tell her who U R instead, ass.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“He’s such a workaholic. Never stops to reflect, smell the roses. It’s just kill, kill, protect, protect with that man.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Cimil’s eyes lit. “The Niccolo DiConti? What an honor!” Niccolo stood a little taller then. “Yes, I seek your assistance.” Cimil rolled her eyes. “Well, no duh. You didn’t abandon your queen’s side, risking her wrath, to see me in my fabulous birthday suit.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“There is only one way to be relieved from her service: death. I would like to avoid it.” “I see. You wouldn’t happen to have some wildly irrational reason for doing all this, would you? I love acts of futile insolence. They’re so whimsical!” Trying not to sound like a pansy, he admitted, “I no longer wish to kill for her.” “A vampire who doesn’t want to…kill? You don’t want to—” Cimil broke off, laughing hysterically. “That totally qualifies!”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Helena silently put down the phone and tiptoed to the bathroom door. What should she do? Run? Knock? Walk in? Get naked? And…how should she feel? Excited? Freaked out? Angry because he hadn’t called for three weeks? Relieved, because the wait was over and she could finally start asking all those questions swimming in her head? The door swung open, and Niccolo boldly stood before her in his birthday-suit-glory, his unforgettable diamond-cut abs glistening with drops of water. A whoosh of air left her lungs. I’m going with…naked and excited!”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Niccolo released a quick breath. “Will you assist me or not?” he said. “Sure, my little cupcake of despair. Now, normally I charge $12.99 plus shipping and handling, but in this case I’ll cut you a deal.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“The corner of his mouth twitched with an arrogant smirk. “You are my mate, sì?” “Mate?” Like, as in…first? Buddy? Other shoe? Niccolo took another small step forward, lightly pressing his body, and every hard part in between, against hers. Her body instantly responded with prickly goose bumps. “Your mate,” he said, then slowly bent his head to nuzzle her neck. “Designed by fate and the universe to be your ideal companion in every way.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Oh God, now she couldn’t remember why she’d ever left him. She needed him. More than air or sunlight and beaches, definitely more than garlic.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“You do not mean that, my sweet. I know you are lying.” Yes. Maybe. Crap! I don’t…“No".”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Niccolo frowned. Why did Viktor, and modern humans for that matter, always speak of beasts of burden? Ass this and ass that. Hungry as a horse…”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Accidentally Married to...a Vampire?

“Защото ако синът не харесва баща си - както и да е. Това е естествената смяна на поколенията. Но когато един мъж се осмелява да мрази сина си - това е неестествено.”
― Dorothy Dunnett, Niccolò Rising