Dry Wit Quotes

“Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so yourself."
"Too proud to crawl?" Kelsier said. "Nosense! Why, I'd say that we Mistborn are too proud not to be humble enough to go crawling about--in a dignified manner, of course."
Dockson frowned, approaching the desk. "Kell, that didn't make any sense."
"We Mistborn need not make sense.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn: The Final Empire

“He had three
incision sites: one where the microscopic camera had gone in and
two where they’d done the actual work, and the abuse he’d taken
today went straight to her heart. “Oh, Pace.”
“I’m guessing that wasn’t an ‘Oh, Pace, you’re so sexy, take me.’ ”
― Jill Shalvis, Double Play

“The mother was holding a baby, had a stroller with what looked like twin girls around three, and had a five-year-old boy who was running around the shelves with a finger shoved up his nose. I considered warning him that if he fell, he would poke his brain out, but it struck me that losing intelligence was not something he was worried about.”
― Eileen Cook, Unraveling Isobel

“And fetch some straw.
We’ll put it between us and the ground. No reason we shouldn’t sleep soft tonight.”
“Straw. I love luxury.”
― Joanna Bourne, The Forbidden Rose

“The [living] room was as intimate as an operating room but not as welcoming.”
― Robert B. Parker, Sixkill

“There are four on whose pots the Holy One, blessed he, knocked, only to find them filled with piss, and these are they: Adam, Cain, the wicked Balaam, and Hezekiah."

Again, an abrupt transposition from the divine to the domestic, from upper to lowly spheres, occurs in the midrash. The homely image of the Holy One knocking on pots apparently derives from the practice of tapping on a clay or earthen pot to hear its ring in order to decide if it is worthy of holding wine. In current Hebrew usage, the expression 'to assess or gauge someone's pot' still denotes taking in the measure of a person's character. From Adam's answer to God, we learn that he turned out to be a pisspot.”
― Shuli Barzilai, Tales of Bluebeard and His Wives from Late Antiquity to Postmodern Times

“Shakuni wondered if the tea he had drunk had been poisoned.
Even if it had, there was not much he could do about it. If death was coming, he would rather be sitting down anyway. Yet he was curious. Which of his crimes had the White Eagle uncovered?”
― Gourav Mohanty, Sons of Darkness

“[The White Knight insists on singing Alice a song which he introduces as follows.]

'The name of the song is called "Haddocks' Eyes".'

'Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?' Alice said, trying to feel interested.

'No, you don't understand,' the Knichgt said, looking a little vexed. 'That's what the name is called. The name really is "The Aged Aged Man".”
― Lewis Carroll, alice adventures in wonderland by Lewis Carroll

“But it appeared that the motivation for the project was a newspaper article titled 'Research Proves Kids Need a Mom and a Dad.' Someone had written the word 'crap' in red beside the article. It was an excellent start. Scientists need to cultivate a suspicious attitude to research.”
― Graeme Simsion

“He told me one day that he was being followed by a lurking suspicion.”
― W.E. Bowman

“But he had no understanding of the virtues of moderation. He had the kind of generous nature that reckoned panic was not something you hoarded for yourself; you shared it with family.”
― Gourav Mohanty, Sons of Darkness

“Is what happened tonight common?'

'Which part? The marriage proposal or the open-heart surgery?”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire

“He raised an eyebrow at me. 'You plan to use that?'

'Why does everyone think I'm going to stab them when I pick up anything that's not blunt?'

'Well,' Kieran replied blandly, 'you do have a habit of doing exactly that.'

I started to argue but quickly realised that, unfortunately, he had a point. 'Only when it's deserved.' I placed the dagger on the small wooden table. 'And it's not my fault that some of you deserve to be stabbed. Repeatedly.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire