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What I'd Rather Not Think About
What if one half of a pair of twins no longer wants to live? What if the other can’t live without them?
This question lies at the heart of Jente Posthuma’s deceptively simple What I’d Rather Not Think About. The narrator is a twin whose brother has recently taken his own life. She looks back on their childhood, and tells of their adult lives: how her brother tried to find happiness, but lost himself in various men and the Bhagwan movement, though never completely.
In brief, precise vignettes, full of gentle melancholy and surprising humour, Posthuma tells the story of a depressive brother, viewed from the perspective of the sister who both loves and resents her twin, struggles to understand him, and misses him terribly.
This question lies at the heart of Jente Posthuma’s deceptively simple What I’d Rather Not Think About. The narrator is a twin whose brother has recently taken his own life. She looks back on their childhood, and tells of their adult lives: how her brother tried to find happiness, but lost himself in various men and the Bhagwan movement, though never completely.
In brief, precise vignettes, full of gentle melancholy and surprising humour, Posthuma tells the story of a depressive brother, viewed from the perspective of the sister who both loves and resents her twin, struggles to understand him, and misses him terribly.
224 pages, Paperback
First published May 26, 2020
About the author
Jente Posthuma
8 books71 followersJente Posthuma is schrijver en freelance journalist. Ze schreef onder andere voor De Groene Amsterdammer, nrc.next, de Volkskrant en Mister Motley. Haar korte verhalen verschenen in de Revisor, Das Magazin, Torpedo Magazine en nrc.next. In 2012 won ze de A.L. Snijdersprijs voor het beste zeer korte verhaal. Met A.L. Snijders, Tommy Wieringa, Carel Helder en Elsje de Wijn speelde ze drie literaire theatervoorstellingen in De Kleine Komedie in Amsterdam. Haar debuut 'Mensen zonder uitstraling' verschijnt in augustus 2016 bij uitgeverij Atlas Contact. Ze woont en werkt in Amsterdam.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 623 reviews
May 15, 2024
Shortlisted for the Booker International 2024.
It is the first literary fiction I've read after a month and a half. I was in a bit of hurry to get to it before the winner is announced next week. I still have Crooked Plow but i am not sure I am ready for it.
This book is about a pari of twins, boy and girl, one of which kills himself. I was expected to dislike this book due to its grim subject and based other reviews, but I didn't. I actually liked the vignette style writing about random issues. Some of the ideas did not concern any of the brothers but they were interesting. It was dark, but also the tone was quite light. I would not like it to win but I did not mind that it was shortlisted.
It is the first literary fiction I've read after a month and a half. I was in a bit of hurry to get to it before the winner is announced next week. I still have Crooked Plow but i am not sure I am ready for it.
This book is about a pari of twins, boy and girl, one of which kills himself. I was expected to dislike this book due to its grim subject and based other reviews, but I didn't. I actually liked the vignette style writing about random issues. Some of the ideas did not concern any of the brothers but they were interesting. It was dark, but also the tone was quite light. I would not like it to win but I did not mind that it was shortlisted.
April 9, 2024
Now Shortlisted for the International Booker Prize 2024, because this year's Booker is more or less a joke
It really, really pisses me off when a book employs Nazi references in an attempt to simulate depth and importance, and Posthuma constantly slaps us with the infamous Dr. Josef Mengele (and of course also Adolf Hitler). Yes, the novel is about fraternal twins and the suicide of the older brother, but there is absolutely no plausible connection to the brutal twin experiments Mengele conducted in concentration camps, experiments that encompassed the severe torture and murder of children. To continuously reference them for shock value and to signal pain is rather disgusting, IMHO. Stop the literary abuse of the Holocaust, it's not a tool authors should employ when they can't make their actual topic work.
And the actual plot here is about the aforementioned twins, with the younger sister narrating how she grew apart from her queer brother during their college years, how he sank into depression in his thirties and finally drowned himself (no spoiler, we learn that right away). The suicide happens at around 60 percent, so we also have a substantial part dealing with the aftermath for the ones left behind and grieving, a narrative decision I want to applaud because it's not portrayed frequently.
There are also attempts to make the narrator appear interestingly odd, as a woman with a temper who likes to stroke and collect sweaters, but it comes across as a weird girl trope - and this leads us to the heart of my criticism: The text is contrived, every aspect is obviously rendered to signal heaviness and importance. It's also often clichéd, and, worst of all, it's terribly boring. We get the mandatory cultural references from Osho to Trump to Ween to watching "Survivor" (hahaha, funny), and it's mainly just pointless. The stronger scenes involve the grieving sister in the last quarter, convincingly showing a woman trapped in her sadness.
What I'd rather not think about are the many strong eligible novels the International Booker decided to ignore in favor of this.
It really, really pisses me off when a book employs Nazi references in an attempt to simulate depth and importance, and Posthuma constantly slaps us with the infamous Dr. Josef Mengele (and of course also Adolf Hitler). Yes, the novel is about fraternal twins and the suicide of the older brother, but there is absolutely no plausible connection to the brutal twin experiments Mengele conducted in concentration camps, experiments that encompassed the severe torture and murder of children. To continuously reference them for shock value and to signal pain is rather disgusting, IMHO. Stop the literary abuse of the Holocaust, it's not a tool authors should employ when they can't make their actual topic work.
And the actual plot here is about the aforementioned twins, with the younger sister narrating how she grew apart from her queer brother during their college years, how he sank into depression in his thirties and finally drowned himself (no spoiler, we learn that right away). The suicide happens at around 60 percent, so we also have a substantial part dealing with the aftermath for the ones left behind and grieving, a narrative decision I want to applaud because it's not portrayed frequently.
There are also attempts to make the narrator appear interestingly odd, as a woman with a temper who likes to stroke and collect sweaters, but it comes across as a weird girl trope - and this leads us to the heart of my criticism: The text is contrived, every aspect is obviously rendered to signal heaviness and importance. It's also often clichéd, and, worst of all, it's terribly boring. We get the mandatory cultural references from Osho to Trump to Ween to watching "Survivor" (hahaha, funny), and it's mainly just pointless. The stronger scenes involve the grieving sister in the last quarter, convincingly showing a woman trapped in her sadness.
What I'd rather not think about are the many strong eligible novels the International Booker decided to ignore in favor of this.
April 6, 2024
What a surprise this reading experience was! One of those unexpected, totally immersive books that, while I was reading it, I completely forgot that I was reading. I got fully lost in the narrator's story, in her reflections of her relationship to her twin brother, as she ponders what led him to ultimately take his life.
There are no easy answers, perhaps no answers at all. But I found the way that Jente Posthuma wrote these vignettes, usually between 1-3 pages at most, of memories or moments from the unnamed narrator's life, creates a sort of mosaic. Each small tile, either a dark or light moment, when you zoom out, crafts a picture of their life spent together as she tries to piece it all together.
There's many layers here around identity, bodies (they are twins, but not identical), family, good vs evil, etc. And she explores this through contemporary and historical examples of trauma and tragedy. But the most impactful moments are the ones that are the most simple, personal and raw: recollections of seemingly insignificant days spent with the ones you love.
There are no easy answers, perhaps no answers at all. But I found the way that Jente Posthuma wrote these vignettes, usually between 1-3 pages at most, of memories or moments from the unnamed narrator's life, creates a sort of mosaic. Each small tile, either a dark or light moment, when you zoom out, crafts a picture of their life spent together as she tries to piece it all together.
There's many layers here around identity, bodies (they are twins, but not identical), family, good vs evil, etc. And she explores this through contemporary and historical examples of trauma and tragedy. But the most impactful moments are the ones that are the most simple, personal and raw: recollections of seemingly insignificant days spent with the ones you love.
May 18, 2024
you’ve hurt my feelings jente posthuma. the simplicity of this is what makes it so beautiful and melancholic.
September 22, 2023
Full disclosure! I thought this was a true story until the last third. Oops. Never mind. I still loved it.
Trigger warning – suicide, suicidal ideation, themes of death and dying, depression.
I really appreciated the presentation of short vignettes, meaning I could dip in and out. I love that. It was too easy to pick up and put down, and considering I was reading this on a beach weekend away, it was perfect. The heavy theme of depression and suicide did not put me off, which usually is the case. It was interesting in an odd kind of way. The prose was sharp and compulsive, but still meandered. This was unusual but certainly worked for me.
This was a translation, I feel the unusualness of it lent itself well to any bumps along the way, if there was anything clunky it fell in with the uniqueness of the story. The unnamed narrator grapples with her life after losing her twin to suicide.
I didn’t understand that what is comforting to one person can stifle another.
How to decide to live or die, what is life worth and the pressure of those who love to give support to one so conflicted. The book had definite notes of humour and warmth, but certainly is a quirky read. I found this to be a well written and hugely unique.
This brother and sister trio are extremely close in their relationship, we observe how they grapple with their relationship as it teeters from stifling to fractured and all shades in between.
I love reading about all things NY so I loved this referring to Trump in a radio interview hours after 2001. ..in which he said he now owned the tallest building in downtown Manhattan. Trump has tried to build the tallest tower in the world three times but each attempt has failed, though he’s never put it this way himself. If you say that you’re the best in the world often enough, people will eventually believe it, said Donald, who kept a book of Hitler’s speeches on his nightstand.
The unnamed narrator consistently searched for connection between her twin at all stages of their lives, and on looking back describes to the reader where they converged and digressed and quarrelled.
He was always a little more extreme than me.
I recommend this short and concise book to those who will not be averse to the very specific theme as mentioned above, and I thank Marina at Scribe Publications for my Advanced Reading Copy to read and review.
Trigger warning – suicide, suicidal ideation, themes of death and dying, depression.
I really appreciated the presentation of short vignettes, meaning I could dip in and out. I love that. It was too easy to pick up and put down, and considering I was reading this on a beach weekend away, it was perfect. The heavy theme of depression and suicide did not put me off, which usually is the case. It was interesting in an odd kind of way. The prose was sharp and compulsive, but still meandered. This was unusual but certainly worked for me.
This was a translation, I feel the unusualness of it lent itself well to any bumps along the way, if there was anything clunky it fell in with the uniqueness of the story. The unnamed narrator grapples with her life after losing her twin to suicide.
I didn’t understand that what is comforting to one person can stifle another.
How to decide to live or die, what is life worth and the pressure of those who love to give support to one so conflicted. The book had definite notes of humour and warmth, but certainly is a quirky read. I found this to be a well written and hugely unique.
This brother and sister trio are extremely close in their relationship, we observe how they grapple with their relationship as it teeters from stifling to fractured and all shades in between.
I love reading about all things NY so I loved this referring to Trump in a radio interview hours after 2001. ..in which he said he now owned the tallest building in downtown Manhattan. Trump has tried to build the tallest tower in the world three times but each attempt has failed, though he’s never put it this way himself. If you say that you’re the best in the world often enough, people will eventually believe it, said Donald, who kept a book of Hitler’s speeches on his nightstand.
The unnamed narrator consistently searched for connection between her twin at all stages of their lives, and on looking back describes to the reader where they converged and digressed and quarrelled.
He was always a little more extreme than me.
I recommend this short and concise book to those who will not be averse to the very specific theme as mentioned above, and I thank Marina at Scribe Publications for my Advanced Reading Copy to read and review.
September 18, 2024
Now shortlisted for the International Booker Prize 2024!
A millennial time document and an effort to come to terms with the suicide of a twin. The number two remains, no longer part of a whole
This was shocking to me, because if the oldest person I knew understood even less about the world than I did, then how was it possible that other adults had all the answers? And what was the point of living longer if you weren't going to get any wiser?
What I'd Rather Not Think About, nominated for this year's International Booker Prize is definitely an interesting time document of the early 2000s, and a story of pain and loss.
Maybe a bit too close and zoomed in for me to fully appreciate, but Jente Posthuma brings to life the twins at the heart of the book well.
The main character, the sister, feels that she never was fully as good or valid as het extroverted gay brother: I'm either too much or too little. I'm terrible at dispensing the right dose of myself.
There is a Virginia Woolf like ending, but the narrative in itself is not what is most interesting. The way the author brings to life the world of the early 2000s, with Wikipedia, Twin Towers, Donald Trump, therapy, watching survivor and cheap travel to South America to discover oneself. It is the same vibe the Lorde hits in her Solar Power album or Billie Eilish in TV.
Both of the twins have mental problems, with our main character having 142 sweaters in her home, all wool, as a coping mechanism. The parents are both geologists, but are mostly absent. There is a macabre, desperate dance between the brother and sister, of repulsion, codependency and not being able to truly overcome the distance between both individuals. All their relationships outside themselves are unsuccessful or at least onorthodox and fleeting in a way.
A heavy book despite the small page number and very immersive in a time period.
Also Jente her writing is very quotable, I've included the Dutch quotes I resonated with below:
Het was toen mijn gevoelens nog aan de buitenkant zaten, en ik niet wist dat dit niet de bedoeling was.
Want een klusser was hij niet, hij deed alsof, zoals hij ook speelde dat hij een leuke vader was
Als je je leven met niemand deelt vervliegt het.
Jouw talent is geen talent maar een gebrek, je kan geen afstand bewaren
Ik ben te weinig of te veel, ik kan mijzelf slecht doseren
Ik heb geen behoefte aan een eigen leven, zei ik.
Je wil niet zelf leven, zei mijn broer. Maar zo was het niet. Ik wilde gewoon leven, met mijn broer.
Soms is woede een uiting van verdriet, zei Elsa, en een manier om mensen van je af te duwen.
Een nee is altijd sterker dan een ja.
Contact kan je niet afdwingen
Het is een wet volgens Leo dat er altijd een is die meer van de ander houdt
Dat je je zo onbelangrijk voelt dat je alleen via een ander leeft
Mijn broer wil weten wie hij is
Maar ik snapte wel wat voor een troostend is voor de ander verstikkend kan zijn
Ik geloof niet meer in familie
Ze was er altijd, ook als ik dat niet wilde
Ik ben nummer een en zij is nummer twee
Waarom zou je lang leven als je er toch niet wijzer van wordt?
Ik wil niet dood maar ik wil niet langer leven
Mijn broer zei dat hij stuk was en niet te repareren was
De oudsten gingen altijd als eerste kapot
Ik bedacht dat van alle liefde die je in je had, maar een fractie een ander kan bereiken
Wie neemt er nou vloerverwarming als ie dood wil?
Het voordeel van verliezen is dat het achter de rug is. Je hebt verloren, je kunt ontspannen, inademen gaat weer.
Ik wilde verdwijnen en weer terug komen
Hij zei dat mijn broer er alleen gelukkig uitzag als hij sliep
Door zelf te vertrekken kun je ervoor zorgen dat je niet verlaten wordt
Ik wil samenzijn zei ik, alleen weet ik niet goed hoe dat moet
Dat het mogelijk is van iemand te houden en toch weg te gaan
A millennial time document and an effort to come to terms with the suicide of a twin. The number two remains, no longer part of a whole
This was shocking to me, because if the oldest person I knew understood even less about the world than I did, then how was it possible that other adults had all the answers? And what was the point of living longer if you weren't going to get any wiser?
What I'd Rather Not Think About, nominated for this year's International Booker Prize is definitely an interesting time document of the early 2000s, and a story of pain and loss.
Maybe a bit too close and zoomed in for me to fully appreciate, but Jente Posthuma brings to life the twins at the heart of the book well.
The main character, the sister, feels that she never was fully as good or valid as het extroverted gay brother: I'm either too much or too little. I'm terrible at dispensing the right dose of myself.
There is a Virginia Woolf like ending, but the narrative in itself is not what is most interesting. The way the author brings to life the world of the early 2000s, with Wikipedia, Twin Towers, Donald Trump, therapy, watching survivor and cheap travel to South America to discover oneself. It is the same vibe the Lorde hits in her Solar Power album or Billie Eilish in TV.
Both of the twins have mental problems, with our main character having 142 sweaters in her home, all wool, as a coping mechanism. The parents are both geologists, but are mostly absent. There is a macabre, desperate dance between the brother and sister, of repulsion, codependency and not being able to truly overcome the distance between both individuals. All their relationships outside themselves are unsuccessful or at least onorthodox and fleeting in a way.
A heavy book despite the small page number and very immersive in a time period.
Also Jente her writing is very quotable, I've included the Dutch quotes I resonated with below:
Het was toen mijn gevoelens nog aan de buitenkant zaten, en ik niet wist dat dit niet de bedoeling was.
Want een klusser was hij niet, hij deed alsof, zoals hij ook speelde dat hij een leuke vader was
Als je je leven met niemand deelt vervliegt het.
Jouw talent is geen talent maar een gebrek, je kan geen afstand bewaren
Ik ben te weinig of te veel, ik kan mijzelf slecht doseren
Ik heb geen behoefte aan een eigen leven, zei ik.
Je wil niet zelf leven, zei mijn broer. Maar zo was het niet. Ik wilde gewoon leven, met mijn broer.
Soms is woede een uiting van verdriet, zei Elsa, en een manier om mensen van je af te duwen.
Een nee is altijd sterker dan een ja.
Contact kan je niet afdwingen
Het is een wet volgens Leo dat er altijd een is die meer van de ander houdt
Dat je je zo onbelangrijk voelt dat je alleen via een ander leeft
Mijn broer wil weten wie hij is
Maar ik snapte wel wat voor een troostend is voor de ander verstikkend kan zijn
Ik geloof niet meer in familie
Ze was er altijd, ook als ik dat niet wilde
Ik ben nummer een en zij is nummer twee
Waarom zou je lang leven als je er toch niet wijzer van wordt?
Ik wil niet dood maar ik wil niet langer leven
Mijn broer zei dat hij stuk was en niet te repareren was
De oudsten gingen altijd als eerste kapot
Ik bedacht dat van alle liefde die je in je had, maar een fractie een ander kan bereiken
Wie neemt er nou vloerverwarming als ie dood wil?
Het voordeel van verliezen is dat het achter de rug is. Je hebt verloren, je kunt ontspannen, inademen gaat weer.
Ik wilde verdwijnen en weer terug komen
Hij zei dat mijn broer er alleen gelukkig uitzag als hij sliep
Door zelf te vertrekken kun je ervoor zorgen dat je niet verlaten wordt
Ik wil samenzijn zei ik, alleen weet ik niet goed hoe dat moet
Dat het mogelijk is van iemand te houden en toch weg te gaan
March 17, 2024
"By my twenty-seventh birthday, I owned 142 sweaters, and it was high time I saw a therapist."
A sister tells us, in the form of short and more or less chronological vignettes, the story of the bond with her twin brother, who has committed suicide. Inseparable as children, they gradually grow apart as students, against the sister's will. The brother suffers from depression, does his best to find meaning and happiness but is less and less able to let his sister in.
The jury of the International Booker calls this short novel 'deeply moving' and it's true, but not in a dramatic way. The tone is rather understated and factual, using memories that feel so real it seems autobiographical.
The voice of the sister is quite unique and the way she portrays her brother is very realistic. Not all the metaphors were equally convincing though.
A sister tells us, in the form of short and more or less chronological vignettes, the story of the bond with her twin brother, who has committed suicide. Inseparable as children, they gradually grow apart as students, against the sister's will. The brother suffers from depression, does his best to find meaning and happiness but is less and less able to let his sister in.
The jury of the International Booker calls this short novel 'deeply moving' and it's true, but not in a dramatic way. The tone is rather understated and factual, using memories that feel so real it seems autobiographical.
The voice of the sister is quite unique and the way she portrays her brother is very realistic. Not all the metaphors were equally convincing though.
July 1, 2021
Heel erg mooi en heel erg raak.
Ik zou het aan iedereen aanraden, maar niet op een te bewolkte dag.
Wel lagen sommige motieven er een beetje te dik bovenop, maar stiekem houd ik daar ook wel weer van. Waarom zou ik liegen.
(Hieronder mijn lievelingszin)
Op mijn zeventwintigste had ik honderdtweeënveertig truien en was het tijd om in therapie te gaan.
(En stiekem ook deze)
Mijn vader kwam ook graag in de schuur, vanwege de kleuren waarschijnlijk, want een klusser was hij niet. Hij deed alsof, zoals hij ook speelde dat hij een leuke vader was.
Ik zou het aan iedereen aanraden, maar niet op een te bewolkte dag.
Wel lagen sommige motieven er een beetje te dik bovenop, maar stiekem houd ik daar ook wel weer van. Waarom zou ik liegen.
(Hieronder mijn lievelingszin)
Op mijn zeventwintigste had ik honderdtweeënveertig truien en was het tijd om in therapie te gaan.
(En stiekem ook deze)
Mijn vader kwam ook graag in de schuur, vanwege de kleuren waarschijnlijk, want een klusser was hij niet. Hij deed alsof, zoals hij ook speelde dat hij een leuke vader was.
May 30, 2023
What I'd Rather Not Think About is beautiful in its simplicity. It is not really a book about the death of a twin but rather a collection of remembrances and of how the surviving twin is continuing to live while trying to understand how their big brother could leave them, leave life. It is also about the survivor wondering if they can or should be able to continue without the most significant relationship having gone.
The writing is spare but says everything it needs to. Some of the vignettes are only short paragraphs and others are pages long but they all address different parts of the twins' lives plus the aftermath first of their father leaving and then the twin brother taking his own life.
I meant to take this book slowly but found myself unable to put it down. This is the first Jente Posthuma I've read but I'd love to read more. Her writing is something I want more of.
Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.
The writing is spare but says everything it needs to. Some of the vignettes are only short paragraphs and others are pages long but they all address different parts of the twins' lives plus the aftermath first of their father leaving and then the twin brother taking his own life.
I meant to take this book slowly but found myself unable to put it down. This is the first Jente Posthuma I've read but I'd love to read more. Her writing is something I want more of.
Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.
May 18, 2024
Shortlisted for the 2024 International Booker Prize - which will make a fascinating factoid for a future novel in this ilk.
The fact that we weren't identical was something I'd long considered a handicap.
What I'd Rather Not Think About is Sarah Timmer Harvey's translation of Waar ik liever niet aan denk by Jente Posthuma, the novel's title is in part a nod to Deborah Levy's Things I Don't Want to Know.
The story is narrated by one of a pair of fraternal twins, in her mid 30s at the time of the novel, the younger of the two siblings:
My brother called himself One and me Two because he had been born forty-five minutes earlier than I was on a sweltering day in August. He treated me like his little sister, was longer and heavier than me at birth, and had taken up almost all the space in my mother's belly. I'd been stuck behind him with my left leg thrown over my shoulder, or so the story goes. This was why it took a little extra time for me to emerge. Our actual due date had been a month later but my brother had gone ahead, and I wasn't about to be left behind.
The fact that we weren't identical was something I'd long considered a handicap, a consequence of our premature birth, even once I understood the difference between identical and fraternal twins. We could have grown even closer in that ninth month.
The author explained at the Booker readings that she doesn't like characters in books (that she reads as well as writes) having given names, as she finds is distracting, hence the 'One' and 'Two' - and she'd have ideally avoided that as well.
We learn early on that Two's brother, One, has died of suicide, a death with echoes of Woolf as he cycled into a river laded down with stones.
The novel tells of her relationship with her brother -close but not as close as she wishes it was - and of their respective lives, and the source of his, ultimately fatal, depression, in a series of non-linear vignettes.
Some Wikipedia pages I read only because I knew the information on them would interest my brother. I searched for facts about pigs and deforestation and antidepressants so that I could share these little titbits with him, always in small doses, otherwise it would seem like I deliberately sought them out. After his death, there was no limit to my googling. I constantly searched for new facts, for ways to outsmart my brother, now that it was no longer necessary. I learned that pigs will compulsively rub against the bars of their excessively narrow cages in a desperate attempt to seek out some form of contact.
In theory, and particularly as a twin, this should resonate emotionally. However, rather too much of the novel consists of shallow facts gained from Wikipedia. This lacks the intellectual depth of a typical Wikinovel - here we 'learn' about the twin towers and Philippe Petit; Donald Trump's divorce from Ivanka and the fact he has small hands (who knew?); the 2008 financial crisis and Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. A TV series called 'Survivor' also features prominently - apparently an international franchise developed in the UK.
It doesn't help when the facts include statements like, referring to Ulm Cathedral: The church had a tower, that was 16,153 metres tall, the tallest church tower in the world, which I’d read on Wikipedia before I visited it. Leaving aside the fact that the decimal comma really ought to have become a point in the English translation, a 16 metres highest church tower is clearly an order of magnitude wrong. I'd wondered if this was actually a clever nod to the narrator's lack of intellectual depth, but apparently the Dutch original has it, correctly, as 161,53 metres.
There is an odd diversion into the story of Osho / Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, whose philisophy attracts her brother but added little to the novel.
More pertinently and movingly, the narrator is obsessed with Josef Mengele, and two twins who were his victims in particular, Miklosz and Tibor Bleier. Although the analysis lacks depth and, as her twin points out to the narrator: You’re not Jewish, my brother said. You’re not an identical twin. You’re not a victim of anything.
For me an odd inclusion on the International Booker longlist, although this interview with the translator does bring out the novel's qualities: https://www.asymptotejournal.com/blog....
The fact that we weren't identical was something I'd long considered a handicap.
What I'd Rather Not Think About is Sarah Timmer Harvey's translation of Waar ik liever niet aan denk by Jente Posthuma, the novel's title is in part a nod to Deborah Levy's Things I Don't Want to Know.
The story is narrated by one of a pair of fraternal twins, in her mid 30s at the time of the novel, the younger of the two siblings:
My brother called himself One and me Two because he had been born forty-five minutes earlier than I was on a sweltering day in August. He treated me like his little sister, was longer and heavier than me at birth, and had taken up almost all the space in my mother's belly. I'd been stuck behind him with my left leg thrown over my shoulder, or so the story goes. This was why it took a little extra time for me to emerge. Our actual due date had been a month later but my brother had gone ahead, and I wasn't about to be left behind.
The fact that we weren't identical was something I'd long considered a handicap, a consequence of our premature birth, even once I understood the difference between identical and fraternal twins. We could have grown even closer in that ninth month.
The author explained at the Booker readings that she doesn't like characters in books (that she reads as well as writes) having given names, as she finds is distracting, hence the 'One' and 'Two' - and she'd have ideally avoided that as well.
We learn early on that Two's brother, One, has died of suicide, a death with echoes of Woolf as he cycled into a river laded down with stones.
The novel tells of her relationship with her brother -close but not as close as she wishes it was - and of their respective lives, and the source of his, ultimately fatal, depression, in a series of non-linear vignettes.
Some Wikipedia pages I read only because I knew the information on them would interest my brother. I searched for facts about pigs and deforestation and antidepressants so that I could share these little titbits with him, always in small doses, otherwise it would seem like I deliberately sought them out. After his death, there was no limit to my googling. I constantly searched for new facts, for ways to outsmart my brother, now that it was no longer necessary. I learned that pigs will compulsively rub against the bars of their excessively narrow cages in a desperate attempt to seek out some form of contact.
In theory, and particularly as a twin, this should resonate emotionally. However, rather too much of the novel consists of shallow facts gained from Wikipedia. This lacks the intellectual depth of a typical Wikinovel - here we 'learn' about the twin towers and Philippe Petit; Donald Trump's divorce from Ivanka and the fact he has small hands (who knew?); the 2008 financial crisis and Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. A TV series called 'Survivor' also features prominently - apparently an international franchise developed in the UK.
It doesn't help when the facts include statements like, referring to Ulm Cathedral: The church had a tower, that was 16,153 metres tall, the tallest church tower in the world, which I’d read on Wikipedia before I visited it. Leaving aside the fact that the decimal comma really ought to have become a point in the English translation, a 16 metres highest church tower is clearly an order of magnitude wrong. I'd wondered if this was actually a clever nod to the narrator's lack of intellectual depth, but apparently the Dutch original has it, correctly, as 161,53 metres.
There is an odd diversion into the story of Osho / Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, whose philisophy attracts her brother but added little to the novel.
More pertinently and movingly, the narrator is obsessed with Josef Mengele, and two twins who were his victims in particular, Miklosz and Tibor Bleier. Although the analysis lacks depth and, as her twin points out to the narrator: You’re not Jewish, my brother said. You’re not an identical twin. You’re not a victim of anything.
For me an odd inclusion on the International Booker longlist, although this interview with the translator does bring out the novel's qualities: https://www.asymptotejournal.com/blog....
August 9, 2024
A stunner. And a banger. Yes, sometimes the observations are overwrought. But idc, this consumed all of me. And hit a few nerves. An aching work of literature.
Tempted to start it all over again. Adore.
Tempted to start it all over again. Adore.
May 7, 2024
46th book of 2024.
So starts What I'd Rather Not Think About, now shortlisted for this year's Man Booker International. Marketed as a book of vignettes dealing with grief, I was prepared for another sparse and disappointing read, something like last year's Western Lane. But I was pleasantly surprised by Posthuma's (come on, with a surname like that, you have to write about death) novel. The surviving twin copes with the loss of the other to suicide. Drowning, coincidentally, which makes the first few lines of the novel above even more prophetic (I'd forgotten that waterboarding is the first line of the book till I wrote them out). It's light on the touch but some of the vignettes moved me. I think about death far too often, particularly recently, and having a brother myself, found the book doubly moving. I haven't read many Dutch authors, so a nice opportunity to do so.
And what are the chances? When I was at the station the other day reading this on the platform and waiting for my train, Swann, my old professor who infrequently appears in many of my reviews, appears, and we spend the journey catching up. His wife is Dutch, so he said he'd remember the writer's name and tell her about it. I wonder if he did.
Waterboarding, I told my mother. It's when someone places a cloth over your face, then continuously pours water over it. It feels like drowning. It is drowning.
And you're going to do it, she said.
Yes.
My mother sighed. This has to be one of your brother's ideas.
So starts What I'd Rather Not Think About, now shortlisted for this year's Man Booker International. Marketed as a book of vignettes dealing with grief, I was prepared for another sparse and disappointing read, something like last year's Western Lane. But I was pleasantly surprised by Posthuma's (come on, with a surname like that, you have to write about death) novel. The surviving twin copes with the loss of the other to suicide. Drowning, coincidentally, which makes the first few lines of the novel above even more prophetic (I'd forgotten that waterboarding is the first line of the book till I wrote them out). It's light on the touch but some of the vignettes moved me. I think about death far too often, particularly recently, and having a brother myself, found the book doubly moving. I haven't read many Dutch authors, so a nice opportunity to do so.
And what are the chances? When I was at the station the other day reading this on the platform and waiting for my train, Swann, my old professor who infrequently appears in many of my reviews, appears, and we spend the journey catching up. His wife is Dutch, so he said he'd remember the writer's name and tell her about it. I wonder if he did.
May 4, 2024
"I walked over to the window and breathed onto the glass until it grew misty. Using my forefinger, I drew my brother's face. He'd been dead for two years. I stroked his cheek, which felt cold and damp. I stroked his face again and again until I'd accidentally erased it."
This book is exceptionally well written and crafted. Somewhat experimental in form, it is comprised of seemingly unconnected short passages that tell the story of the inner life of someone unable to go on living and told by his twin who cannot seem to find a way to grieve. We know from page one that we are hearing from the twin sister of a man who has died by suicide and that she is telling their story. For the first half of the book I admired the craftsmanship, but could not find a way to sink into the story. There was this profound and unbridgable emotional remove, an arctic coldness that was at odds with the sister's words which reveal the most profound grief imaginable. (Neither character has a name, so I have to use "the sister" and "the brother.") It took me weeks to get through those pages, and I had to force myself to come back to the book once I set it down. I am not entirely sure I would not have abandoned ship if I were not doing a buddy read with the lovely and talented Briana https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/8...
Then the second half came and it changed completely and I motored through, rapt. Suddenly it was clear that this woman was crammed full of feelings but had no idea how to feel them. That sounds convoluted, but it becomes clear that she has tried to intellectualize the very act of feeling. The sister thinks there is a right way to feel, like there is a right way to play a particular song or solve an equation, and that she just needs to figure out how to do it right. This seemingly emotionless book suddenly became heartbreaking. The sister's desire to connect and to process was just there all the time, and she could not access it. And this was not just with respect to the grief, but to her relationships with her family and her partner and to a large extent her knowledge of herself. The first half of the book suddenly became essential and poignant once I viewed it in the context of the second half.
"Help, I said. I was lying in bed, and said this softly, so that it woundn't wake Leo. Help, I repeated. I stepped out of bed and walked into the living room, over to the window. Help, I whispered to the window. Outside, a student was bending over her bike. She was searching for something on the ground and almost fell over a few times. Help, I said to the girl with the bike, and the plant on the windowsill, and the Moroccan cushion on the sofa. I picked up the cushion and held it to my face. Help, I whispered."
Strongly recommended, especially for my friends who love very very good prose.
December 12, 2024
Много хубав роман със силни послания и важни теми. Признавам си, че ако не беше попаднал в списъка за Международния Букър щях да го подмина, ако разчитах само на анотацията.
Едно и две са брат и сестра близнаци. И двамата харесват момчета. Едно се самоубива на 35 години. Две не може да се сбогува с него, чете дневниците му, живее в апартамента му, спи в леглото му. Романът са нейните реминисценции и спомени за детството и отношенията им в търсене на причината какво се е объркало.
Първоначално си мислех, че авторката ще
отдели прекалено много на темата за самоубиството, но далеч не се оказа така. За мен в основата си “Онова, за което не искам да мисля” е книга за всепоглъщащата сила на депресията и за малките детайли в живота, които могат да ни тласнат в нейните дълбоки и тъмни дебри. Без да ни насочва директно, Йенте Постюма е оставила малки кукички в историята, които за мен оформиха причините за края на Едно.
Ако депресията е болестта на съвременния човек, то това е изключително важна, смислена и значима книга! Ако обичате ясни и точни послания, ясен и конкретен край, пряка реч, динамика и диалози това не е книга за вас.
Съзнавам, че с написаното от мен вероятно ще отблъсна много читатели, но на мен книгата ми хареса и смело и давам 5⭐️
“Склонността към самоубийство била признак на интелигентност , потребност да избягаш от затвора на егото. За онзи, който виждал безсмислие във взичко, самоубийството - или пълното себеотдаване - било единствената алтернатива.”
“Самоубийството е агресивен акт. За да сложиш край на живота си, ��рябва да умееш да проявяваш агресия.”
“Животът явно е достатъчно хубав в очите на всеки, който е избрал да остане жив.”
Едно и две са брат и сестра близнаци. И двамата харесват момчета. Едно се самоубива на 35 години. Две не може да се сбогува с него, чете дневниците му, живее в апартамента му, спи в леглото му. Романът са нейните реминисценции и спомени за детството и отношенията им в търсене на причината какво се е объркало.
Първоначално си мислех, че авторката ще
отдели прекалено много на темата за самоубиството, но далеч не се оказа така. За мен в основата си “Онова, за което не искам да мисля” е книга за всепоглъщащата сила на депресията и за малките детайли в живота, които могат да ни тласнат в нейните дълбоки и тъмни дебри. Без да ни насочва директно, Йенте Постюма е оставила малки кукички в историята, които за мен оформиха причините за края на Едно.
Ако депресията е болестта на съвременния човек, то това е изключително важна, смислена и значима книга! Ако обичате ясни и точни послания, ясен и конкретен край, пряка реч, динамика и диалози това не е книга за вас.
Съзнавам, че с написаното от мен вероятно ще отблъсна много читатели, но на мен книгата ми хареса и смело и давам 5⭐️
“Склонността към самоубийство била признак на интелигентност , потребност да избягаш от затвора на егото. За онзи, който виждал безсмислие във взичко, самоубийството - или пълното себеотдаване - било единствената алтернатива.”
“Самоубийството е агресивен акт. За да сложиш край на живота си, ��рябва да умееш да проявяваш агресия.”
“Животът явно е достатъчно хубав в очите на всеки, който е избрал да остане жив.”
June 30, 2024
this book explores the grief of an unnamed protagonist’s twin brother. The narrator shares vignettes of reminiscences of her twin brother in ways that render his character substantial. There are sentimental notes regarding her loss and although we apprehend that her brother suffered from depression, we quickly learn that in many ways these are symptoms of the protagonist as well.
Regardless of the subdued tone of the novel, it is intertwined with humour that renders this novel lighter than expected. Posthuma did such an incredible job at amalgamating humour and dark themes, as well as excelling at understanding twin psychology (as a twin myself, i can confirm!!).
Regardless of the subdued tone of the novel, it is intertwined with humour that renders this novel lighter than expected. Posthuma did such an incredible job at amalgamating humour and dark themes, as well as excelling at understanding twin psychology (as a twin myself, i can confirm!!).
April 1, 2024
I wasn’t expecting to have this one near the top of my Booker list but I really enjoyed it. It is told from the perspective of a sister who is a fraternal twin and is super close to her twin brother. It is told in a very vignette style of writing and the chapters are really short, and kind of show snippets of their life together and bits of their childhood rather than acting like a traditional plotted novel.
Something happens at the 70% mark of the book which completely changes the sister’s life. It tells you on the blurb but I feel like it’s kind of a spoiler because it happens so late in the book, or maybe they want you to know it’s coming. Anyway, it’s really sad and pensive. I really enjoyed the dark discussions the twins have together about the Twin Towers and other traumatic media events, and how it affects their emotional states growing up.
It was written well and I’m glad it was short with short chapters as it kept the prose snappy and didn’t feel like it was ever stuck for too long.
I’d recommend this one if you want something short, dark and thoughtful.
Something happens at the 70% mark of the book which completely changes the sister’s life. It tells you on the blurb but I feel like it’s kind of a spoiler because it happens so late in the book, or maybe they want you to know it’s coming. Anyway, it’s really sad and pensive. I really enjoyed the dark discussions the twins have together about the Twin Towers and other traumatic media events, and how it affects their emotional states growing up.
It was written well and I’m glad it was short with short chapters as it kept the prose snappy and didn’t feel like it was ever stuck for too long.
I’d recommend this one if you want something short, dark and thoughtful.
August 31, 2020
De hoofdpersoon blijkt zelf sterker in haar schoenen te staan dan ze dacht. Ze is vindingrijk, maar niet zo goed met relaties. Haar gevoelens worden ingetogen en sober omschreven, maar je voelt ze wel. Het maakt van ‘Waar ik liever niet aan denk’ een rauwe roman. Zo’n roman die rustig en leuk begint, maar waar je uiteindelijk verstrikt raakt in een verhaallijn die dieper gaat dan je had verwacht.
Het einde is open… dat voelt rauw. Heel rauw! Als een rauwe wond zonder pleister. Een boek wat even moet bezinken! Vijf sterren en in mijn top 25 van beste boeken die ik ooit las!
Lees verder op mijn blog :)
Het einde is open… dat voelt rauw. Heel rauw! Als een rauwe wond zonder pleister. Een boek wat even moet bezinken! Vijf sterren en in mijn top 25 van beste boeken die ik ooit las!
Lees verder op mijn blog :)
March 17, 2024
Metaphors overdone, narrative going around in circles (though that might even be a plus if the point was to show the temporality of a trauma), humor trying too hard, and the Holocaust having nothing to do with anything in the book but there it was. It's not something I would usually read, so yeah, no big surprise there.
March 31, 2024
There are some books which just appeal to you from the second you start reading them and Jente Posthuma’s What I’d Rather Not Think About did that to me. It’s got an observant main protagonist, who is funny, it talks about big issues and it’s in a vignette format, most of the sections are a page long. I think it works for this type of book.
The main narrator has a twin brother who commits suicide in his adulthood – this is not a spoiler, we find this out a few pages int he book. Throughout the novel in non chronological order, she gives insights into incidents during their childhood, adulthood and how her brother’s suicide affected her psychologically.
By the end of the book we discover that the narrator has a strong bond with her brother, to a point where it dominates every action, it effects her relationship with her husband and her inability to make friends. At one point they are apart but they always end up being together.
What I’d rather…. also explores mental health and leading up to grief. Rather both these themes intertwine with each other; the brother’s mental health problems eventually leads to grief, which affects his sister’s mental health.
Despite the downer tone, the book has many humorous moments. The narrator’s self deprecating passages and her observations are genuinely funny and helps lighten up the darker moments, although some of those parts will create some type of laughter.
Although I’m not the type to compare books, I think What I’d Rather… is a great companion piece to Carmel Doohan’s Seesaw (or vice versa), another novel about the complexities of twins. It’s amazing at how the bond between two people born together has so many complexities. Anyway What I’d Rather Not… is excellent and another stand out of this year’s International Booker Longlist.
The main narrator has a twin brother who commits suicide in his adulthood – this is not a spoiler, we find this out a few pages int he book. Throughout the novel in non chronological order, she gives insights into incidents during their childhood, adulthood and how her brother’s suicide affected her psychologically.
By the end of the book we discover that the narrator has a strong bond with her brother, to a point where it dominates every action, it effects her relationship with her husband and her inability to make friends. At one point they are apart but they always end up being together.
What I’d rather…. also explores mental health and leading up to grief. Rather both these themes intertwine with each other; the brother’s mental health problems eventually leads to grief, which affects his sister’s mental health.
Despite the downer tone, the book has many humorous moments. The narrator’s self deprecating passages and her observations are genuinely funny and helps lighten up the darker moments, although some of those parts will create some type of laughter.
Although I’m not the type to compare books, I think What I’d Rather… is a great companion piece to Carmel Doohan’s Seesaw (or vice versa), another novel about the complexities of twins. It’s amazing at how the bond between two people born together has so many complexities. Anyway What I’d Rather Not… is excellent and another stand out of this year’s International Booker Longlist.
September 16, 2024
3.5. Very well written. Very sad story. Its genuinely giving dutch sally rooney (i read the dutch version btw I’m doing this in english for you <3). In my opinion, Sally has a way of writing so honestly it can come off quite dry, which I feel like this had too. The writing matched the vibe of the story that was told and I love it when an author does that so well. I would have loved a more cohesive ending.
Also just refreshing to read something dutch again lol
Also just refreshing to read something dutch again lol
December 1, 2024
3.75
it was fine but oh so forgettable. finished 30 seconds ago and it’s already slipping from my memory
it was fine but oh so forgettable. finished 30 seconds ago and it’s already slipping from my memory
Read
July 23, 2023What I’d Rather Not Think About is a raw and powerful literary Dutch novel, told from the perspective of one half of a pair of twins.
Our nameless narrator was born 45 minutes after her twin brother, and the two of them have been inseparable ever since. Growing up as best friends, they both moved to Amsterdam when they turned eighteen.
After her brother came out as gay, the twins remained close, sharing dinners with partners and living close to each other.
They had dreams of moving to New York before they hit thirty, which never materialised, and when they were thirty-five, our narrator’s brother took his own life.
My full thoughts: https://booksandbao.com/essential-dut...
Our nameless narrator was born 45 minutes after her twin brother, and the two of them have been inseparable ever since. Growing up as best friends, they both moved to Amsterdam when they turned eighteen.
After her brother came out as gay, the twins remained close, sharing dinners with partners and living close to each other.
They had dreams of moving to New York before they hit thirty, which never materialised, and when they were thirty-five, our narrator’s brother took his own life.
My full thoughts: https://booksandbao.com/essential-dut...
April 27, 2024
Скоро ще напиша и ревю за книгата. В "онова, за което не искам да мисля" срещнах различен подход в писането, тежки теми, лекота за четене (въпреки предишното споменато). Още много неща намерих между кориците, скоро ще ви споделя и тях.
Read
July 7, 2020“New York kent zelfmoordloze dagen. Het zijn geen feestdagen, ze worden niet van tevoren aangekondigd. 12 juli 1993 was een zelfmoordloze dag in New York, lazen mijn broer en ik de volgende dag op teletekst.”
Bladzijde 15 van de tweede roman van Jente Posthuma. Haar eerste roman, Mensen zonder uitstraling uit 2016, heb ik niet gelezen. Maar als dat boek half zo intens is als deze, moet dat nog even wachten. Want dit bovenstaande citaat staat op bladzijde 15.
Op een fragmentarische wijze kruipen we steeds een beetje dichter in de buurt van deze tweeling, beschreven door de ogen van Twee, het zusje. Omdat het boek uit fragmenten bestaat, kort – elk fragment zijn eigen pagina – is dit een boek wat je in een enkele middag uit kan lezen, misschien zelfs in een enkele zit. Maar ik wilde er eigenlijk zo lang mogelijk mee doen. Want deze inhoud past niet bij een enkele middag.
Waar ik liever niet aan denk bestaat uit een verzameling van truien, New York, een tweeling, een eenling. De bouwstenen voor een bijzonder boek. Op Books & Macchiatos is nu een nieuwe recensie te lezen, over een bijzonder en innemend boek. Een boek waar ik me soms een beetje verloren voelde, maar waar ik waarschijnlijk nog een tijdje aan zal denken.
Bladzijde 15 van de tweede roman van Jente Posthuma. Haar eerste roman, Mensen zonder uitstraling uit 2016, heb ik niet gelezen. Maar als dat boek half zo intens is als deze, moet dat nog even wachten. Want dit bovenstaande citaat staat op bladzijde 15.
Op een fragmentarische wijze kruipen we steeds een beetje dichter in de buurt van deze tweeling, beschreven door de ogen van Twee, het zusje. Omdat het boek uit fragmenten bestaat, kort – elk fragment zijn eigen pagina – is dit een boek wat je in een enkele middag uit kan lezen, misschien zelfs in een enkele zit. Maar ik wilde er eigenlijk zo lang mogelijk mee doen. Want deze inhoud past niet bij een enkele middag.
Waar ik liever niet aan denk bestaat uit een verzameling van truien, New York, een tweeling, een eenling. De bouwstenen voor een bijzonder boek. Op Books & Macchiatos is nu een nieuwe recensie te lezen, over een bijzonder en innemend boek. Een boek waar ik me soms een beetje verloren voelde, maar waar ik waarschijnlijk nog een tijdje aan zal denken.
July 8, 2024
huh. well that was depressing! might've been four stars if i hadn't found the narrator so self-centered, so it'll have to be 3.5 stars.
February 4, 2023
Vond het echt een heel mooi, aangrijpend boek over het verlies van een tweelingbroer.
enkele lievelingpassages: (spoilers ahead I guess?)
‘Ik bedacht dat van alle liefde die je in je hebt vaak maar een flard de ander bereikt.’
‘Lange tijd wist ik niet dat het angst was wat ik voelde, zei mijn broer. Ik dacht dat iedereen zich zo voelde, dat het normaal was om hartkloppingen te krijgen van het geluid van de tram.
Ik wist pas hoe benauwd ik me had gevoeld toen de benauwdheid over was, toen mijn broer zichzelf verdronken had.’
‘Ze vroeg of ik me een beetje kon redden. Natuurlijk kon ik dat. Had ik mijn broer maar een beetje gered. Dat had ik niet gedaan.’
‘Ik was veel te veel. En toch was ik niet genoeg geweest.’
‘Met de waaier wapperde ik mezelf zuurstof toe. De weken na zijn dood had ik zuurstof genoeg, maar het nadeel van verliezen is dat er na de eerste weken nog meer weken komen, dat het doorgaan van de weken niet went en je tijdens slapeloze nachten steeds maar weer denkt dat het gewapper met die waaier best had kunnen wennen. Soms denk je dat inademen misschien wel helemaal niet meer nodig is.’
enkele lievelingpassages: (spoilers ahead I guess?)
‘Ik bedacht dat van alle liefde die je in je hebt vaak maar een flard de ander bereikt.’
‘Lange tijd wist ik niet dat het angst was wat ik voelde, zei mijn broer. Ik dacht dat iedereen zich zo voelde, dat het normaal was om hartkloppingen te krijgen van het geluid van de tram.
Ik wist pas hoe benauwd ik me had gevoeld toen de benauwdheid over was, toen mijn broer zichzelf verdronken had.’
‘Ze vroeg of ik me een beetje kon redden. Natuurlijk kon ik dat. Had ik mijn broer maar een beetje gered. Dat had ik niet gedaan.’
‘Ik was veel te veel. En toch was ik niet genoeg geweest.’
‘Met de waaier wapperde ik mezelf zuurstof toe. De weken na zijn dood had ik zuurstof genoeg, maar het nadeel van verliezen is dat er na de eerste weken nog meer weken komen, dat het doorgaan van de weken niet went en je tijdens slapeloze nachten steeds maar weer denkt dat het gewapper met die waaier best had kunnen wennen. Soms denk je dat inademen misschien wel helemaal niet meer nodig is.’
May 25, 2024
2.25/5
did not enjoy this. started out great, but i slowly got lost trying to decipher the linkage between mental health and all that mentions of 9/11, the holocaust, hitler, trump etc… is the book trying to simulate grief by using devastating real life events in a fictional story? also that mengele obsession is weird as hell.
did not enjoy this. started out great, but i slowly got lost trying to decipher the linkage between mental health and all that mentions of 9/11, the holocaust, hitler, trump etc… is the book trying to simulate grief by using devastating real life events in a fictional story? also that mengele obsession is weird as hell.
June 25, 2023
Llevo días pensando en cómo hablar de este libro. Hay tanto que contar y me ha transmitido tantas cosas que no sé bien ni por dónde empezar...
Una novela tierna y a la vez desgarradora que trata temas como las relaciones fraternales, el abandono, la soledad, la depresión, el suicidio, el duelo, la culpa. Y de una forma muy íntima y cercana, porque la narradora es la propia autora hablando de su vida y en especial de la relación que tenía con su hermano gemelo. Un hermano al que siente como parte de sí misma, en quien se ve reflejada, de quien depende, del que no puede o no sabe desprenderse.
¿Y qué pasa cuando de repente pierdes a alguien tan vital para ti? ¿Y si además es esa persona la que ha decidido marcharse, desaparecer? Con un estilo muy personal nos transmite cómo intenta sobrellevar que su hermano la haya dejado, las emociones a las que se enfrenta, los recuerdos bonitos y también los malos entendidos, las discusiones, las huidas y los acercamientos, te mete en su piel y en su mente y es una sensación desgarradora. Aunque también desprende ternura y hasta toques de humor, me ha hecho reflexionar y sentir muchas cosas, y eso para mí tiene muchísimo valor.
Hay temas en los que preferiríamos no pensar pero que son necesarios. Porque aprendes de ellos, porque te hacen crecer, porque te descubren de nuevo el mundo a través de otros ojos y otra mirada, porque son universales. Y por eso está bien enfrentarse a ellos, mirarlos a la cara. Este libro trata algunos de ellos, es de los que remueven y te dejan pensando mucho tiempo después, y justamente por eso vale la pena. Ojalá le deis una oportunidad.
Una novela tierna y a la vez desgarradora que trata temas como las relaciones fraternales, el abandono, la soledad, la depresión, el suicidio, el duelo, la culpa. Y de una forma muy íntima y cercana, porque la narradora es la propia autora hablando de su vida y en especial de la relación que tenía con su hermano gemelo. Un hermano al que siente como parte de sí misma, en quien se ve reflejada, de quien depende, del que no puede o no sabe desprenderse.
¿Y qué pasa cuando de repente pierdes a alguien tan vital para ti? ¿Y si además es esa persona la que ha decidido marcharse, desaparecer? Con un estilo muy personal nos transmite cómo intenta sobrellevar que su hermano la haya dejado, las emociones a las que se enfrenta, los recuerdos bonitos y también los malos entendidos, las discusiones, las huidas y los acercamientos, te mete en su piel y en su mente y es una sensación desgarradora. Aunque también desprende ternura y hasta toques de humor, me ha hecho reflexionar y sentir muchas cosas, y eso para mí tiene muchísimo valor.
Hay temas en los que preferiríamos no pensar pero que son necesarios. Porque aprendes de ellos, porque te hacen crecer, porque te descubren de nuevo el mundo a través de otros ojos y otra mirada, porque son universales. Y por eso está bien enfrentarse a ellos, mirarlos a la cara. Este libro trata algunos de ellos, es de los que remueven y te dejan pensando mucho tiempo después, y justamente por eso vale la pena. Ojalá le deis una oportunidad.
July 23, 2020
Momenten kun je fotograferen, vasthouden en koesteren, maar hoe zit dit met de mensen die het meest dichtbij je staan, en wat doe je wanneer ze ondanks je verwoede pogingen om ze bij je te houden toch door je vingers heen glippen? Daarover buigt de naamloze hoofdpersoon zich in dit bijzondere verhaal. Als onderdeel van een tweeling onderzoekt ze wie zij, nummer Twee, is, wanneer ze de grip op en de verbondenheid met haar tweelingbroer verliest. Want wie ben je nog zonder de ander wanneer je altijd samen één was?
"Even was 1 WTC het hoogste gebouw ter wereld... Maar wat is erger? Heel even het hoogste gebouw ter wereld zijn geweest of nooit het hoogste gebouw ter wereld zijn geweest omdat de toren naast je altijd net iets hoger was?"
Aan de hand van korte fragmenten treedt de lezer het hoofd binnen van Twee. Dromen, herinneringen, en overpeinzingen wisselen elkaar af, vullen elkaar soms aan, of zijn met elkaar in strijd, net zoals dit in het echte leven ook gebeurt. We blikken terug op hun vroegere jeugd, op de bijzondere symbiotische relatie die ooit was en het moment waarop de eerste scheurtjes zichtbaar werden en de tweeling uit twee eenlingen begon te bestaan.
"Dat was toen mijn gevoelens nog aan de buitenkant zaten en ik nog niet wist dat dit niet de bedoeling was."
Het geheel is meeslepend, emotioneel en confronterend, en staat net als 'Mensen zonder uitstraling' vol met prachtige zinnen, en rake beeldspraak. Ik hou echt van Posthuma's schrijfstijl, laconiek en licht cynisch aan de ene kant, en tegelijkertijd ook kwetsbaar en pijnlijk eerlijk.
'Waar ik liever niet aan denk' is een ontroerend verhaal over voor en na, over troost en rouw, over katten en truien en over samen en alleen. Over de verwoestende kracht van depressie, dood, overleven en verzuipen, soms letterlijk en soms nog vluchtig naar adem kunnen happen wanneer het water al tot aan je lippen staat.
"Even was 1 WTC het hoogste gebouw ter wereld... Maar wat is erger? Heel even het hoogste gebouw ter wereld zijn geweest of nooit het hoogste gebouw ter wereld zijn geweest omdat de toren naast je altijd net iets hoger was?"
Aan de hand van korte fragmenten treedt de lezer het hoofd binnen van Twee. Dromen, herinneringen, en overpeinzingen wisselen elkaar af, vullen elkaar soms aan, of zijn met elkaar in strijd, net zoals dit in het echte leven ook gebeurt. We blikken terug op hun vroegere jeugd, op de bijzondere symbiotische relatie die ooit was en het moment waarop de eerste scheurtjes zichtbaar werden en de tweeling uit twee eenlingen begon te bestaan.
"Dat was toen mijn gevoelens nog aan de buitenkant zaten en ik nog niet wist dat dit niet de bedoeling was."
Het geheel is meeslepend, emotioneel en confronterend, en staat net als 'Mensen zonder uitstraling' vol met prachtige zinnen, en rake beeldspraak. Ik hou echt van Posthuma's schrijfstijl, laconiek en licht cynisch aan de ene kant, en tegelijkertijd ook kwetsbaar en pijnlijk eerlijk.
'Waar ik liever niet aan denk' is een ontroerend verhaal over voor en na, over troost en rouw, over katten en truien en over samen en alleen. Over de verwoestende kracht van depressie, dood, overleven en verzuipen, soms letterlijk en soms nog vluchtig naar adem kunnen happen wanneer het water al tot aan je lippen staat.
March 21, 2023
Твърде мрачна, подтискаща и депресираща книга. Нито разбрах защо братът се е самоубил, нито разбрах какво иска от живота сестрата. А може би книгата не е за да разбера героите в нея, а за да разбера себе си.
Може би няма да запомня тази книга, но ще запомня последния абзац от нея:
"Някакво дете в Китай оцеляло в свлачище в резултат на проливните дъждове благодарение на това, че баба му застанала на четири крака, за да го заслони. Възрастната жена не оживяла. Ако имаш здрава маса, е добре да се скриеш под нея. А ако няма под какво да се скриеш, най-добре се свий на кълбо, закрий глава с лакти и потърси заслон в себе си."
Може би няма да запомня тази книга, но ще запомня последния абзац от нея:
"Някакво дете в Китай оцеляло в свлачище в резултат на проливните дъждове благодарение на това, че баба му застанала на четири крака, за да го заслони. Възрастната жена не оживяла. Ако имаш здрава маса, е добре да се скриеш под нея. А ако няма под какво да се скриеш, най-добре се свий на кълбо, закрий глава с лакти и потърси заслон в себе си."
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