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Don't Cry for Me
A Black father makes amends with his gay son through letters written on his deathbed in this wise and penetrating novel of empathy and forgiveness, for fans of Ta-Nehisi Coates, Robert Jones Jr. and Alice Walker
As Jacob lies dying, he begins to write a letter to his only son, Isaac. They have not met or spoken in many years, and there are things that Isaac must know. Stories about his ancestral legacy in rural Arkansas that extend back to slavery. Secrets from Jacob's tumultuous relationship with Isaac's mother and the shame he carries from the dissolution of their family. Tragedies that informed Jacob's role as a father and his reaction to Isaac's being gay.
But most of all, Jacob must share with Isaac the unspoken truths that reside in his heart. He must give voice to the trauma that Isaac has inherited. And he must create a space for the two to find peace.
With piercing insight and profound empathy, acclaimed author Daniel Black illuminates the lived experiences of Black fathers and queer sons, offering an authentic and ultimately hopeful portrait of reckoning and reconciliation. Spare as it is sweeping, poetic as it is compulsively readable, Don't Cry for Me is a monumental novel about one family grappling with love's hard edges and the unexpected places where hope and healing take flight.
As Jacob lies dying, he begins to write a letter to his only son, Isaac. They have not met or spoken in many years, and there are things that Isaac must know. Stories about his ancestral legacy in rural Arkansas that extend back to slavery. Secrets from Jacob's tumultuous relationship with Isaac's mother and the shame he carries from the dissolution of their family. Tragedies that informed Jacob's role as a father and his reaction to Isaac's being gay.
But most of all, Jacob must share with Isaac the unspoken truths that reside in his heart. He must give voice to the trauma that Isaac has inherited. And he must create a space for the two to find peace.
With piercing insight and profound empathy, acclaimed author Daniel Black illuminates the lived experiences of Black fathers and queer sons, offering an authentic and ultimately hopeful portrait of reckoning and reconciliation. Spare as it is sweeping, poetic as it is compulsively readable, Don't Cry for Me is a monumental novel about one family grappling with love's hard edges and the unexpected places where hope and healing take flight.
301 pages, Hardcover
First published February 1, 2022
About the author
Daniel Black
11 books1,061 followersDaniel Black is a native of Kansas City, Kansas, yet spent the majority of his childhood years in Blackwell, Arkansas. He is an associate professor at his alma mater, Clark Atlanta University, where he now aims to provide an example to young Americans of the importance of self-knowledge and communal commitment. He is the author of "They Tell Me of a Home" and "The Sacred Place".
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,202 reviews
February 6, 2022
I enjoyed this book's exploration of a father struggling to accept his gay son, failing to be a better parental figure, and being too late to make amends. It's really easy to simplify people who are homophobic and carry sexist beliefs into one-dimensional antagonists, and it’s especially rare to get their perspectives in a book (as opposed to a queer protagonist, where my values are easier to align with theirs). Despite the heavy subjects, the book was a surprisingly easy and quick read because of the casual writing style. It makes me reflect on ‘strict’ parents and the close-mindedness of older generations, what they’ve been through, how their upbringing and cultures influenced their beliefs, and their struggle in seeing life result in a way they hadn’t dreamed for. It makes me think about how things like wanting happiness for yourself isn’t something that an older generation isn’t used to wanting, because many older black people and POC were just focused on surviving. I liked gaining insight into this man’s life, where I could experience his regrets and loneliness over the years.
I’m not sure what to rate this, since stories like these obviously aren’t my forte, but will go with 3.5 stars for now. I think the ideas are great, but the book feels a little incomplete. I wish there was better character development for the father to realize his wrongdoings, since the book provides it as a simple and quick moment that somehow absolves his past prejudice. This is hard to believe considering he’s learned to be violent and abusive throughout his life, and it takes a long time to really unlearn these things. Also, while the format of every chapter being letters written to his son is unique, I wonder if the book would have been more effective if it had been written as a traditional novel so that we could have explored more of his relationship with his son, instead of the limiting one-sided moments we got. They felt like brief glimpses to a father-son relationship, rather than a fully developed one that could have packed a stronger punch.
I’m not sure what to rate this, since stories like these obviously aren’t my forte, but will go with 3.5 stars for now. I think the ideas are great, but the book feels a little incomplete. I wish there was better character development for the father to realize his wrongdoings, since the book provides it as a simple and quick moment that somehow absolves his past prejudice. This is hard to believe considering he’s learned to be violent and abusive throughout his life, and it takes a long time to really unlearn these things. Also, while the format of every chapter being letters written to his son is unique, I wonder if the book would have been more effective if it had been written as a traditional novel so that we could have explored more of his relationship with his son, instead of the limiting one-sided moments we got. They felt like brief glimpses to a father-son relationship, rather than a fully developed one that could have packed a stronger punch.
March 4, 2022
Audiobook…. Read by the author, Daniel Black
….7 hours and 28 minutes
It’s not comfortable for me to read books about estrangement between a parent and a child—
Is it really comfortable for anybody?
But— when I do — I try to examine, and learn something ‘new’ about primal broken relationships.
Jacob, an African-American, facing death by cancer, writes letters of regrets and remorse to his gay son, Isaac.
Jacob writes about his ‘coming-of-age’ —generations that came before him— his memories- he’s good intentions that failed—
and his hopes and dreams for his son Isaac to have a better life than he did.
For me the sadness lies in the estrangement—-
not the secrets, the denial, or even abuse— but the pain — of turning away —disengaging completely. The ‘unclear’ forgiveness— and the ‘clear’ unforgiveness.
It’s simply sad when estrangement is ‘the’ relationship with all the power.
The writing is raw…..
with little droplets of ‘better understanding’ the cause and effects of so much failure…
And…
an opportunity to witness the
ultimate apology ….
and whether or not that apology helps.
Personally… I like to believe that the father’s apology helped repair his relationship with his son.
Quick -page-turner-gripper …
My only quibble was that the styling of
June… 2003
July…. 2003
August….2003….
etc. etc….
had a monotonous repetitive predictability that took a little away from the bigger issues at hand.
However …the flaws of being a human were bleeding on the table - fully expose…
— literally and figuratively, the guts were up in our faces.
Daniel Black, is a courageous author.
….7 hours and 28 minutes
It’s not comfortable for me to read books about estrangement between a parent and a child—
Is it really comfortable for anybody?
But— when I do — I try to examine, and learn something ‘new’ about primal broken relationships.
Jacob, an African-American, facing death by cancer, writes letters of regrets and remorse to his gay son, Isaac.
Jacob writes about his ‘coming-of-age’ —generations that came before him— his memories- he’s good intentions that failed—
and his hopes and dreams for his son Isaac to have a better life than he did.
For me the sadness lies in the estrangement—-
not the secrets, the denial, or even abuse— but the pain — of turning away —disengaging completely. The ‘unclear’ forgiveness— and the ‘clear’ unforgiveness.
It’s simply sad when estrangement is ‘the’ relationship with all the power.
The writing is raw…..
with little droplets of ‘better understanding’ the cause and effects of so much failure…
And…
an opportunity to witness the
ultimate apology ….
and whether or not that apology helps.
Personally… I like to believe that the father’s apology helped repair his relationship with his son.
Quick -page-turner-gripper …
My only quibble was that the styling of
June… 2003
July…. 2003
August….2003….
etc. etc….
had a monotonous repetitive predictability that took a little away from the bigger issues at hand.
However …the flaws of being a human were bleeding on the table - fully expose…
— literally and figuratively, the guts were up in our faces.
Daniel Black, is a courageous author.
February 12, 2022
It will sound callous to say that I found this novel-length letter boring. The premise is promising - a dying father reflects on his troubled relationship with his gay son and attempts to make amends. Unfortunately, the writing is bare-bones basic and didn't keep me engaged. I was happy to reach the end. I'm giving it 3 stars because I do have a (tiny) heart.
February 28, 2022
In his introduction, Daniel Black explains that His father died when the two of the had been separated for years. Black wrote Don't Cry for Me as a way of imagining his father's life in the years when they hadn't had conduct. Isaac, the son in the novel, is gay and Black, as is Black the author, and that was a key factor in the distance between him and his father. Jacob, Isaac's father knows he is dying of cancer and writing out his life's story for his son, not so much as an apology, but as a truth telling—a way of offering Isaac a piece of his past that he can choose to hold onto or release as he sees fit.
Initially, I was dubious about this premise, which suggested a great deal of wishful thinking; however, Black created a father and son pair who were both strong figures, complex, and almost constantly in conflict. In his letter, Isaac describes his life as a child, when he was raised by his maternal grandparents, his courtship, marriage, and that marriage's dissolution, and his life on his own.
It isn't a spoiler, I think, to say that a big piece of Jacob's story is coming to realize how violent and limited his concept of manhood was. As he reflects during his time alone and reads (cameo appearance here for Alice Walker's the Color Purple), he comes to see other versions of manhood, even if he's unable to adopt them as his own. The fact that Jacob acknowledges his inability to change is what keeps this novel from functioning as a wishful thinking. A father and son have a chance to come to know each other, but there is no forced happy ending.
Don't Cry for Me offers readers both an understanding of a specific father-son relationship, and it also opens up the ways in which readers can consider their own intergenerational family relationships. This book allowed me to rethink some issues I've been confronted as my parents (now in their 90s) age. I can thank Black—and his creations Jacob and Isaac—both for the powerful story his novel tells and for insights of my own that resulted from reading Don't Cry for Me.
If you are someone who appreciates family stories, particularly cross-generational ones, who has experienced, wants to learn more about the pressures that race in the U.S. can place on Black families, or about the ways gender identity and sexuality can affect family relationships, this is a book to read sooner, rather than later.
I received a free review copy of this title from the publisher via EdelweissPlus; the opinions are my own.
Initially, I was dubious about this premise, which suggested a great deal of wishful thinking; however, Black created a father and son pair who were both strong figures, complex, and almost constantly in conflict. In his letter, Isaac describes his life as a child, when he was raised by his maternal grandparents, his courtship, marriage, and that marriage's dissolution, and his life on his own.
It isn't a spoiler, I think, to say that a big piece of Jacob's story is coming to realize how violent and limited his concept of manhood was. As he reflects during his time alone and reads (cameo appearance here for Alice Walker's the Color Purple), he comes to see other versions of manhood, even if he's unable to adopt them as his own. The fact that Jacob acknowledges his inability to change is what keeps this novel from functioning as a wishful thinking. A father and son have a chance to come to know each other, but there is no forced happy ending.
Don't Cry for Me offers readers both an understanding of a specific father-son relationship, and it also opens up the ways in which readers can consider their own intergenerational family relationships. This book allowed me to rethink some issues I've been confronted as my parents (now in their 90s) age. I can thank Black—and his creations Jacob and Isaac—both for the powerful story his novel tells and for insights of my own that resulted from reading Don't Cry for Me.
If you are someone who appreciates family stories, particularly cross-generational ones, who has experienced, wants to learn more about the pressures that race in the U.S. can place on Black families, or about the ways gender identity and sexuality can affect family relationships, this is a book to read sooner, rather than later.
I received a free review copy of this title from the publisher via EdelweissPlus; the opinions are my own.
August 13, 2022
This was such a great read. It was painful, but important. Review to come.
Content/ Trigger Warnings- Suicide, Suicide attempt (caused due to intense bullying) Homophobia, Cancer, Bullying (physical, verbal & emotional), Cheating in a Relationship, Pregnancy due to Wedlock, Toxic Parents, Abusive parents, Miscarriage, Abortion, Sexual Assault, Groping, Touching a person without their consent, Ableism, Shooting, Murder, Racism, Slavery, Discrimination, Oppression
Content/ Trigger Warnings- Suicide, Suicide attempt (caused due to intense bullying) Homophobia, Cancer, Bullying (physical, verbal & emotional), Cheating in a Relationship, Pregnancy due to Wedlock, Toxic Parents, Abusive parents, Miscarriage, Abortion, Sexual Assault, Groping, Touching a person without their consent, Ableism, Shooting, Murder, Racism, Slavery, Discrimination, Oppression
January 22, 2022
Written in the form of letters that make up chapters, Don't Cry for Me is a father's love letter to the son he rejected for not meeting the standard of manhood he set for him. Within the letters, the father explores the examples of what black men were supposed to look like, what they were to do, how they were to live, how they were to express themselves and how they were to interact with others.
In writing the letters, the father tells the history of their family and how he was raised by his grandparents, how he met his son's mother and how he saw their father & son relationship. At times he seems to seek redemption and at others he makes no apologies for his ways. But as his letter writing continues over the course a few months, we see the father's thinking evolve in some facets, but not all. My only regret is that the reader doesn't have a chance to find out how the letters are received by the son or if the father ever sends them.
I absolutely loved this book. I've long been a fan of Daniel Black's writing so I was excited to see he was releasing a new book. It was well worth the wait.
In writing the letters, the father tells the history of their family and how he was raised by his grandparents, how he met his son's mother and how he saw their father & son relationship. At times he seems to seek redemption and at others he makes no apologies for his ways. But as his letter writing continues over the course a few months, we see the father's thinking evolve in some facets, but not all. My only regret is that the reader doesn't have a chance to find out how the letters are received by the son or if the father ever sends them.
I absolutely loved this book. I've long been a fan of Daniel Black's writing so I was excited to see he was releasing a new book. It was well worth the wait.
August 25, 2022
Beautiful and poignant, full of raw emotions, Don't Cry For Me left its mark on me. Not the easiest read but definitely one not to be missed.
February 17, 2022
I devoured this book! I know it’s only February but I am calling it right now that this book will be in my top reads for 2022. Once I discovered that the author was narrating his own book, I knew I had to get the audio! This is a heartbreaking and heartfelt fictional story that reads like a memoir -- what is better than that!?
Jacob is a father on his deathbed and, through a series of letters, is trying to make amends with his estranged, gay son, Isaac. The author admonishes the reader to “Reconsider the capacity of our fathers’ hearts. Many of them were handed so little, yet we expected so much. They gave more than they had, but less than what we needed.” These letters are raw and retrospective but I don’t know if I felt more for Jacob or Isaac once their unspoken truths were laid bare.
Jacob is eagerly searching for understanding when he says: “A man’s history is all he has. It says more than his mouth ever will…let my words love you better than I ever did.” This is a story about family, love, life, regrets, hope, forgiveness and what we inherit. This is one that will stay with me.
Jacob is a father on his deathbed and, through a series of letters, is trying to make amends with his estranged, gay son, Isaac. The author admonishes the reader to “Reconsider the capacity of our fathers’ hearts. Many of them were handed so little, yet we expected so much. They gave more than they had, but less than what we needed.” These letters are raw and retrospective but I don’t know if I felt more for Jacob or Isaac once their unspoken truths were laid bare.
Jacob is eagerly searching for understanding when he says: “A man’s history is all he has. It says more than his mouth ever will…let my words love you better than I ever did.” This is a story about family, love, life, regrets, hope, forgiveness and what we inherit. This is one that will stay with me.
October 3, 2022
This was a beautiful novel about family and relationships, specifically about one father, on his deathbed, at attempting to share his life more fully with his estranged son.
Jacob writes to his gay son whom he hasn't spoken to in over a decade. He goes back to the beginning, sharing events of his childhood and upbringing he never revealed to his son—not to excuse his behavior but to provide context for his decisions and reactions as he raised his own son later in life.
It's a poignant, touching story that borders on preachy but thankfully never fully crosses over into that territory. Instead, it's honest and raw and moving.
Jacob writes to his gay son whom he hasn't spoken to in over a decade. He goes back to the beginning, sharing events of his childhood and upbringing he never revealed to his son—not to excuse his behavior but to provide context for his decisions and reactions as he raised his own son later in life.
It's a poignant, touching story that borders on preachy but thankfully never fully crosses over into that territory. Instead, it's honest and raw and moving.
April 11, 2022
Don't Cry for Me
is a beautifully written, poignant book, full of regret.
“No one should diminish themselves to prove their love.”
This one hurt my heart. I got it as a Book of the Month add-on in March because I had FOMO after not ordering it in February. But I don’t necessarily agree with BOTM’s classification of it as historical fiction, because while it does recount some older events, the book is set in (relatively) present day.
Jacob is dying, and he’s mostly alone. He decides to write to his estranged son, Isaac, to ask for forgiveness for how he treated him through the years. And as he tries to explain why he is the way he is, he goes back to his childhood, where he was raised by his grandparents in rural Arkansas and never got more than an 8th-grade education.
Jacob writes about the way boys and men were expected to act, particularly Black men, during that time, and details a number of incidents through his life in which he acted less than honorably, toward fellow classmates, impaired people from his town, and his ex-wife, Isaac’s mother. And while he now realizes that the things he did were wrong and he regrets them, he feels his actions were more a product of his time and his upbringing.
But Jacob’s biggest regrets are for the way he treated his son, whom both he and his wife could sense was different even early on. Isaac’s biggest sin was not being a “real man,” not being masculine, not liking sports, and ultimately, his sexuality. Jacob’s detailing of his cruelty toward his son certainly hit close to home, and the deterioration of their relationship will feel familiar to those who found themselves treated similarly.
This is certainly a powerful book. It made me sad and angry, sometimes simultaneously, and at times I wished the book was more of a give-and-take between the characters rather than Jacob’s letters. But perhaps Don't Cry for Me can provide comfort or explanation as well as an example of sheer poetry in storytelling.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2021 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2022/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2021.html.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
“No one should diminish themselves to prove their love.”
This one hurt my heart. I got it as a Book of the Month add-on in March because I had FOMO after not ordering it in February. But I don’t necessarily agree with BOTM’s classification of it as historical fiction, because while it does recount some older events, the book is set in (relatively) present day.
Jacob is dying, and he’s mostly alone. He decides to write to his estranged son, Isaac, to ask for forgiveness for how he treated him through the years. And as he tries to explain why he is the way he is, he goes back to his childhood, where he was raised by his grandparents in rural Arkansas and never got more than an 8th-grade education.
Jacob writes about the way boys and men were expected to act, particularly Black men, during that time, and details a number of incidents through his life in which he acted less than honorably, toward fellow classmates, impaired people from his town, and his ex-wife, Isaac’s mother. And while he now realizes that the things he did were wrong and he regrets them, he feels his actions were more a product of his time and his upbringing.
But Jacob’s biggest regrets are for the way he treated his son, whom both he and his wife could sense was different even early on. Isaac’s biggest sin was not being a “real man,” not being masculine, not liking sports, and ultimately, his sexuality. Jacob’s detailing of his cruelty toward his son certainly hit close to home, and the deterioration of their relationship will feel familiar to those who found themselves treated similarly.
This is certainly a powerful book. It made me sad and angry, sometimes simultaneously, and at times I wished the book was more of a give-and-take between the characters rather than Jacob’s letters. But perhaps Don't Cry for Me can provide comfort or explanation as well as an example of sheer poetry in storytelling.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2021 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2022/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2021.html.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
February 26, 2023
3.5 STARS (Rounded up!)
Receiving something like this from your dead parent would honestly be a gift. Told in letters written to his son, Jacob asks Isaac for amends after he failed as a father and ostracized his son for being gay. The letters read like a memoir, so I often forgot I was reading a piece of fiction. Don’t Cry for Me was very educational in that it explored both generational and racial differences. There are so many stories about the past that we forget to ask our loved ones while they are alive. Once they are gone, the questions seem to flow more freely. I wasn’t on the edge of my seat, and I think the book would have been better if it included Isaac’s reactions to the letters. Overall, a strongly worded novel.
If you liked this book, check out Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood.
Receiving something like this from your dead parent would honestly be a gift. Told in letters written to his son, Jacob asks Isaac for amends after he failed as a father and ostracized his son for being gay. The letters read like a memoir, so I often forgot I was reading a piece of fiction. Don’t Cry for Me was very educational in that it explored both generational and racial differences. There are so many stories about the past that we forget to ask our loved ones while they are alive. Once they are gone, the questions seem to flow more freely. I wasn’t on the edge of my seat, and I think the book would have been better if it included Isaac’s reactions to the letters. Overall, a strongly worded novel.
If you liked this book, check out Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood.
April 25, 2022
Beautiful. A marvelous book reflecting topics so important and nuanced. It was revealing in so many ways! After The Prophets, this is one of the best I've read this year so far. Daniel Black did that!
This is the first book I've read by Daniel Black and I'll definitely have to explore his others!
This is the first book I've read by Daniel Black and I'll definitely have to explore his others!
March 26, 2022
Daniel Black is a wonderful storyteller and writer.
Don't Cry For Me keeps its really real. Definitely a book I will recommend to friends who are looking for something to get them into the habit of reading.
BAPC x Daniel Black
YouTube:
https://youtu.be/n4PWMsXVWas
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7zxm...
Don't Cry For Me keeps its really real. Definitely a book I will recommend to friends who are looking for something to get them into the habit of reading.
BAPC x Daniel Black
YouTube:
https://youtu.be/n4PWMsXVWas
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7zxm...
November 15, 2022
I read Don’t Cry for Me in one sitting; I couldn’t put it down. The audiobook is fabulous, and the writing is beautiful. This isn’t a book I would recommend to everyone, but I think it’s a very important novel that made me have lots and lots of feels for a variety of reasons.
January 4, 2025
I’m 2 for 2! The first two books I’ve read in 2025 have been five-star reads! I picked up this book because the companion book is set to release later this month. It’s essentially a letter from Jacob to his son, Isaac. Jacob, having been taught by his grandfather about the true essence of being a “real” man, was determined to pass on this knowledge to his son. However, Isaac was his own person, and Jacob struggled to come to terms with this. This book deeply touched my heart. As a mother, I cherish the incredible gift my children are, and it was heartbreaking to see somebody lose sight of their child's individuality. Even if we don’t fully understand their choices we as parents are there to support and love. Jacob unfortunately didn’t learn this lesson until he was nearing death. It was a challenging and relatable read. For several reasons, my father is around the same age as Jacob, and I’m the same age as Isaac. While I have a great relationship with my dad, I understand the generational differences and frustrations that can arise. My dad handled my son’s coming out quite well, but I’m not sure he would have handled one of my brothers coming out the same. Additionally, my own children are estranged from their father for various reasons, which often leaves me wondering how he could have walked away from such remarkable individuals. He has missed out on witnessing their incredible journey to becoming adults. I eagerly anticipate reading Isaac’s story later this month. The author narrates the book, which usually makes me a bit apprehensive, but he did an exceptional job.
February 6, 2022
"now i see why you and your mother read so much. it makes you think, makes you see things you can’t see, and that was my problem. i had all kinds of opinions, but i couldn’t see a damn thing."
it's utterly heartbreaking, made me feel so sad as a black person who also is part of the lgbtq+ community! i understand isaac so well but i could also understand jacob, even though ours ages have a giant gap and i don't really have a dad who made me go through all that hell but some parents are really enough to make us understand how different things were back then, but i still can't feel sorry for him..wish things had been better and i wish the same for all of us out there! important book tho!!
it's utterly heartbreaking, made me feel so sad as a black person who also is part of the lgbtq+ community! i understand isaac so well but i could also understand jacob, even though ours ages have a giant gap and i don't really have a dad who made me go through all that hell but some parents are really enough to make us understand how different things were back then, but i still can't feel sorry for him..wish things had been better and i wish the same for all of us out there! important book tho!!
February 1, 2022
Daniel Black's Don't Cry for Me is a love letter to a son from a father who, because of his own past, failed to let his son know he loved him.
Jacob was raised by his grandparents on a plot of land in Arkansas during the 1940s and 50s. Being Black in the South during this time meant facing discrimination and fear, and, for Black men, it meant building a hard, tough exterior that kept others out. Jacob met Rachel, moved to Kansas City, and had a son, Isaac, the subject to whom Jacob writes each of his letters. As Isaac grows up, it becomes clear that the things he loves - art, singing, drama, reading - don't align with the masculine picture Jacob had envisioned for their father-son relationship. And Jacob takes out his frustration about this fact on Isaac and Rachel, as Isaac leans into being gay and Rachel supports, defends, and loves him.
Don't Cry for Me is formatted as a series of letters written in 2003 and 2004 by Jacob to Isaac while Jacob is on his deathbed, dying of lung cancer. The letter format clearly hearkens back to Ta-nehisi Coates, but it is not executed well. Jacob is supposedly a man who could barely read until adulthood and yet Jacob's voice reflect's the author's own academic background (he's an English professor) than it does the characters and this creates a sense of unbelief, especially since much of the content of Jacob's letters orbit the idea that he is apologizing for his own ignorance. Additionally, the book is quite unbelievable because Jacob, a man who had been violent and abusive throughout his life, had his "Come to Jesus" in a blink-of-an-eye moment in which he realized his wrongs all in one, single experience: reading The Color Purple.
The idea of this book is beautiful: a father writes to his son to apologize and show love; the execution, however, left me wishing the story had just taken the form of a traditional novel, one in which Jacob and Isaac's relationship could have been explored with more depth and believability.
Jacob was raised by his grandparents on a plot of land in Arkansas during the 1940s and 50s. Being Black in the South during this time meant facing discrimination and fear, and, for Black men, it meant building a hard, tough exterior that kept others out. Jacob met Rachel, moved to Kansas City, and had a son, Isaac, the subject to whom Jacob writes each of his letters. As Isaac grows up, it becomes clear that the things he loves - art, singing, drama, reading - don't align with the masculine picture Jacob had envisioned for their father-son relationship. And Jacob takes out his frustration about this fact on Isaac and Rachel, as Isaac leans into being gay and Rachel supports, defends, and loves him.
Don't Cry for Me is formatted as a series of letters written in 2003 and 2004 by Jacob to Isaac while Jacob is on his deathbed, dying of lung cancer. The letter format clearly hearkens back to Ta-nehisi Coates, but it is not executed well. Jacob is supposedly a man who could barely read until adulthood and yet Jacob's voice reflect's the author's own academic background (he's an English professor) than it does the characters and this creates a sense of unbelief, especially since much of the content of Jacob's letters orbit the idea that he is apologizing for his own ignorance. Additionally, the book is quite unbelievable because Jacob, a man who had been violent and abusive throughout his life, had his "Come to Jesus" in a blink-of-an-eye moment in which he realized his wrongs all in one, single experience: reading The Color Purple.
The idea of this book is beautiful: a father writes to his son to apologize and show love; the execution, however, left me wishing the story had just taken the form of a traditional novel, one in which Jacob and Isaac's relationship could have been explored with more depth and believability.
June 11, 2024
Jacob Swinton is dying. So, he's writing a letter to his gay son Isaac, revealing all of his thoughts, troubles, past, and heartache. Isaac hasn't seen Jacob in awhile because his "traditional" beliefs and how cruel he was to him growing up. Jacob knows this, but he wants Isaac to know everything before he dies, even if it ends with his son not forgiving him. Jacob's life from childhood in rural Arkansas to the early 2000s is revealed to us. A life of a man who could never be truly loved by the other men in his life; a man whose definition of love merely meant making sure his son survived so that he wouldn't make him feel ashamed.
Don't Cry for Me is a quick read, but it is also a lot. The book primarily deals with father and son relationships and toxic masculinity among Black men, especially during and after the Civil Rights era. At the beginning of the book, Jacob tells Isaac that it will be his own decision whether to forgive him or not, and I think that is Daniel Black telling us the readers as well that it's our own decision. Jacob does some cruel things to Isaac, despite claiming that it's all done in the name of his love for him as a father or that he's trying to make a him a proper man, and it often tear-jerking. As a child too, Jacob is not given a lot of love by his grandfather and the other men around him and that shapes him too into the man he is. There are some softer, kinder moments too; Jacob is not a total walking stereotype. But at the end of it all, it is ultimately each, individual reader's decision of what they think of Jacob.
Jacob's life in rural Arkansas, though rough and meager, was not without happiness. He did look up to his grandfather Abraham despite his emotional closed off-ness and his older brother Esau was the light of his life. Esau was the kindest male figure in Jacob's life, and after his absence, that's when his life begins to crumble. He grows up into the rituals of early manhood: being told not to cry, becoming physically stronger, isolating and punishing any boy who's too sensitive (there's one particularly disturbing moment where this happens and I won't repeat it here), and messing around with girls. Jacob's home in Arkansas is a very religious one, there are constant reminders on what God wants and how the Church is central to life there. The Bible pretty much dictates how everyone should act, hence why Jacob says why it wasn't okay for girls to fool around like boys. One thing that I will applaud here is that Black doesn't ignore how toxic masculinity and men's control affects and hurts women. The central drama and narrative is about fathers and sons, but women are frequently maligned or mistreated throughout the book. Jacob starts off saying that that was simply the way back then, but he realizes how horrific it actually is. Jacob comes to learn this through his wife, and Isaac's mother, Rachel. After he and Rachel marry, they move to the city where the Civil Rights and second-wave feminist movements are heating up. The division between Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. is discussed as is Rachel's feminist awakening after reading The Feminine Mystique.
It is this change in society and Isaac's eventual childhood that is ultimately the catalyst for the events of Jacob and Isaac's rift. Although Jacob sees now more than ever the struggle of Black people, especially Black men, in America, he still clings to the old ways. He is trying to have himself and his family survive, just as his grandfather did for him and his brother and grandmother. However, Isaac becomes less and less interested in traditional masculine pastimes and Rachel becomes less and less submissive. In fact, Rachel even reveals her personal feelings about Jacob along with things she kept secret from him. Jacob tries to keep Isaac on the path to manhood, even after divorcing Rachel, but both he, and us the readers, soon realize that he is not emotionally attached him.
However, in a very sweet moment of the book, Jacob takes Isaac to his family's land in Arkansas, telling him it'll all be his someday. It's actually a very tender and sincere moment amidst all the angst and hate in the book, even though Jacob and Isaac are still wary around each other. But something strange happens. In a somewhat Beloved-esque twist, it appears that Isaac speaks to or becomes possessed by the souls of his dead relatives. So much so that he knows where they're buried and that they tell him what Jacob is hiding, more on this later. We're never sure if this spirit possession is actually happening or if it's Isaac messing with Jacob, but I wouldn't deny it. After this, Isaac paints the family's land as it was before time and decay took it. So, who knows?
Jacob and Isaac's rift widens even more after this to the point where they barely talk to each other. Jacob comes to realize just how cruel the old ways were and what he's done, but he still wrestles with how different Isaac is--even as he's writing these letters. But still, he recognizes what he's done wrong. He doesn't make anymore personal attempts to apologize to Isaac because he believes he hates him. His letters are essentially his apology.
I do not know if I could forgive Jacob. I do not have the experiences of a Black gay man growing up in the 70s and 80s like Isaac, but I do have a strict, conservative Cuban father and being his son can be exhausting, though he wasn't as strict as Jacob. Don't Cry for Me definitely struck a cord with me, Black knows how to get into your emotions. His characters are alive and their actions and thoughts leave us questioning, shaking our heads, cheering a few times, but mostly begging and praying for something better for them. The entirety of the book is Jacob's perspective, so we don't get enough of the other characters, but I still had a full understanding of who they all were by the end. Black's prose is very readable, but personable and emotional. It hooks itself into you and takes you along for the journey.
So...about what Jacob is hiding. Perhaps it is something horrible he witnessed and did not intervene in as a child, Jacob he a number of things in his childhood that are questionable. Or perhaps it's something else. One thing he reveals towards the end to Isaac is that as a child he witnessed his brother Esau bathing and becoming infatuated with his beauty. He wonders if his desire for his brother then is akin to Isaac's attraction to men, or something similar but different. Jacob doesn't touch upon this anymore. A part of me wanted it explored more, but the question that remains with me is this: "Is there something else within Jacob that's repressed?" I don't know what Black wants us to do with this reveal, but it is a damn eyebrow raiser. When I first started reading this book, I didn't think queerness would be central. It really isn't, but it makes me wonder. I don't know if with this revelation that Jacob is actually queer and repressed--he was definitely attracted to women, so he might be bisexual if anything--or if it was merely misunderstood childhood wonder. I don't know. But this repressed memory may be the root of Jacob's behavior and ideals, even with his grandfather's influence. I cannot say.
If I have any criticisms of this book is that Jacob and Isaac's situations got formulaic. Isaac did something unmasculine, Jacob freaked out, Rachel defends Isaac, and then everyone is sullen. Additionally, whenever Isaac did something unmasculine, Jacob would say "Boys/men didn't do that!" I don't think it needed to be said every, single time. Other than that, I have no other criticisms.
I am in agreement with other reviews that we need Isaac's perspective. Thankfully, there will be a sequel from Isaac's perspective next year. I look forward to Isaac's Song: A Novel.
Don't Cry for Me is a quick read, but it is also a lot. The book primarily deals with father and son relationships and toxic masculinity among Black men, especially during and after the Civil Rights era. At the beginning of the book, Jacob tells Isaac that it will be his own decision whether to forgive him or not, and I think that is Daniel Black telling us the readers as well that it's our own decision. Jacob does some cruel things to Isaac, despite claiming that it's all done in the name of his love for him as a father or that he's trying to make a him a proper man, and it often tear-jerking. As a child too, Jacob is not given a lot of love by his grandfather and the other men around him and that shapes him too into the man he is. There are some softer, kinder moments too; Jacob is not a total walking stereotype. But at the end of it all, it is ultimately each, individual reader's decision of what they think of Jacob.
Jacob's life in rural Arkansas, though rough and meager, was not without happiness. He did look up to his grandfather Abraham despite his emotional closed off-ness and his older brother Esau was the light of his life. Esau was the kindest male figure in Jacob's life, and after his absence, that's when his life begins to crumble. He grows up into the rituals of early manhood: being told not to cry, becoming physically stronger, isolating and punishing any boy who's too sensitive (there's one particularly disturbing moment where this happens and I won't repeat it here), and messing around with girls. Jacob's home in Arkansas is a very religious one, there are constant reminders on what God wants and how the Church is central to life there. The Bible pretty much dictates how everyone should act, hence why Jacob says why it wasn't okay for girls to fool around like boys. One thing that I will applaud here is that Black doesn't ignore how toxic masculinity and men's control affects and hurts women. The central drama and narrative is about fathers and sons, but women are frequently maligned or mistreated throughout the book. Jacob starts off saying that that was simply the way back then, but he realizes how horrific it actually is. Jacob comes to learn this through his wife, and Isaac's mother, Rachel. After he and Rachel marry, they move to the city where the Civil Rights and second-wave feminist movements are heating up. The division between Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. is discussed as is Rachel's feminist awakening after reading The Feminine Mystique.
It is this change in society and Isaac's eventual childhood that is ultimately the catalyst for the events of Jacob and Isaac's rift. Although Jacob sees now more than ever the struggle of Black people, especially Black men, in America, he still clings to the old ways. He is trying to have himself and his family survive, just as his grandfather did for him and his brother and grandmother. However, Isaac becomes less and less interested in traditional masculine pastimes and Rachel becomes less and less submissive. In fact, Rachel even reveals her personal feelings about Jacob along with things she kept secret from him. Jacob tries to keep Isaac on the path to manhood, even after divorcing Rachel, but both he, and us the readers, soon realize that he is not emotionally attached him.
However, in a very sweet moment of the book, Jacob takes Isaac to his family's land in Arkansas, telling him it'll all be his someday. It's actually a very tender and sincere moment amidst all the angst and hate in the book, even though Jacob and Isaac are still wary around each other. But something strange happens. In a somewhat Beloved-esque twist, it appears that Isaac speaks to or becomes possessed by the souls of his dead relatives. So much so that he knows where they're buried and that they tell him what Jacob is hiding, more on this later. We're never sure if this spirit possession is actually happening or if it's Isaac messing with Jacob, but I wouldn't deny it. After this, Isaac paints the family's land as it was before time and decay took it. So, who knows?
Jacob and Isaac's rift widens even more after this to the point where they barely talk to each other. Jacob comes to realize just how cruel the old ways were and what he's done, but he still wrestles with how different Isaac is--even as he's writing these letters. But still, he recognizes what he's done wrong. He doesn't make anymore personal attempts to apologize to Isaac because he believes he hates him. His letters are essentially his apology.
I do not know if I could forgive Jacob. I do not have the experiences of a Black gay man growing up in the 70s and 80s like Isaac, but I do have a strict, conservative Cuban father and being his son can be exhausting, though he wasn't as strict as Jacob. Don't Cry for Me definitely struck a cord with me, Black knows how to get into your emotions. His characters are alive and their actions and thoughts leave us questioning, shaking our heads, cheering a few times, but mostly begging and praying for something better for them. The entirety of the book is Jacob's perspective, so we don't get enough of the other characters, but I still had a full understanding of who they all were by the end. Black's prose is very readable, but personable and emotional. It hooks itself into you and takes you along for the journey.
So...about what Jacob is hiding. Perhaps it is something horrible he witnessed and did not intervene in as a child, Jacob he a number of things in his childhood that are questionable. Or perhaps it's something else. One thing he reveals towards the end to Isaac is that as a child he witnessed his brother Esau bathing and becoming infatuated with his beauty. He wonders if his desire for his brother then is akin to Isaac's attraction to men, or something similar but different. Jacob doesn't touch upon this anymore. A part of me wanted it explored more, but the question that remains with me is this: "Is there something else within Jacob that's repressed?" I don't know what Black wants us to do with this reveal, but it is a damn eyebrow raiser. When I first started reading this book, I didn't think queerness would be central. It really isn't, but it makes me wonder. I don't know if with this revelation that Jacob is actually queer and repressed--he was definitely attracted to women, so he might be bisexual if anything--or if it was merely misunderstood childhood wonder. I don't know. But this repressed memory may be the root of Jacob's behavior and ideals, even with his grandfather's influence. I cannot say.
If I have any criticisms of this book is that Jacob and Isaac's situations got formulaic. Isaac did something unmasculine, Jacob freaked out, Rachel defends Isaac, and then everyone is sullen. Additionally, whenever Isaac did something unmasculine, Jacob would say "Boys/men didn't do that!" I don't think it needed to be said every, single time. Other than that, I have no other criticisms.
I am in agreement with other reviews that we need Isaac's perspective. Thankfully, there will be a sequel from Isaac's perspective next year. I look forward to Isaac's Song: A Novel.
April 4, 2022
I’m going to need a second to gather myself… WOW
This book will forever stay with me. So emotional, full of pain, regrets, longing,apologies , etc. A father’s love is hard to understand, but this book did a phenomenal job showing that. I… could talk about this all day.
This book will forever stay with me. So emotional, full of pain, regrets, longing,apologies , etc. A father’s love is hard to understand, but this book did a phenomenal job showing that. I… could talk about this all day.
December 7, 2021
Wow! Already my favorite book of 2022.
January 2, 2025
“You must learn to uproot unwanted seeds without destroying the entire harvest.”
This made me want to cry but in the best way. Honestly after reading about Jacob’s upbringing, I wasn’t expecting such growth and character development… and it felt so natural. Initially I thought this was going to be a bunch of excuses to his son or trying to blame his actions on his grandfather. However, this book didn’t feel like excuses. It was an explanation as to why.
I’m very intrigued to see how Isaac navigates all of this trauma in the sequel. This was a great book to end 2024.
This made me want to cry but in the best way. Honestly after reading about Jacob’s upbringing, I wasn’t expecting such growth and character development… and it felt so natural. Initially I thought this was going to be a bunch of excuses to his son or trying to blame his actions on his grandfather. However, this book didn’t feel like excuses. It was an explanation as to why.
I’m very intrigued to see how Isaac navigates all of this trauma in the sequel. This was a great book to end 2024.
June 6, 2024
“Memories reveal who you used to be, what you once thought important, what regrets you cannot shake.” -Daniel Black, Don’t Cry For Me
I enjoyed reading this epistolary novel about one father’s evolution from being a toxic man to becoming a more loving and forgiving person. Jacob, the father, writes letters to his son Isaac over three months. In these letters Jacob reflects on his past, retelling memories and regrets. It reads quickly. I love that books were crucial in helping to change the father for the better. This book will make you reflect on the past lives of your parents, what they experienced and went through, the good and the bad, and what they were really like before they became your parents. Daniel Black has said that he plans to write a sequel to this book from Isaac’s perspective. I hope he does that.
I enjoyed reading this epistolary novel about one father’s evolution from being a toxic man to becoming a more loving and forgiving person. Jacob, the father, writes letters to his son Isaac over three months. In these letters Jacob reflects on his past, retelling memories and regrets. It reads quickly. I love that books were crucial in helping to change the father for the better. This book will make you reflect on the past lives of your parents, what they experienced and went through, the good and the bad, and what they were really like before they became your parents. Daniel Black has said that he plans to write a sequel to this book from Isaac’s perspective. I hope he does that.
February 25, 2022
I couldn't do what this book asked me so I did the opposite: I cried so many times I lost count while reading this beautiful, emotional, heartbreaking story about a father who's writing letters to his estranged son, since he's on his deathbed and has lots of regrets.
I'll try to write some sort of review later and drop some quotes because wow, this book is amazing, but now I can't, I have to return to the kitchen floor to keep crying.
This book is an excellent exploration of fatherhood, loss, sexuality, about the history of racism in the US that goes back to slavery times and how its aftereffects are still active today but since I can't make myself write a decent review, I'll just drop some quotes from the book for you and hopefully this will convince you to read it:
“The ability to read, even a little, would later save my life.”
“Now I see why you and your mother read so much. It makes you think, makes you see things you can’t see, and that was my problem. I had all kinds of opinions, but I couldn’t see a damn thing.”
“I guess we made the same error—allowing the world to define us.”
“Hurt lingers in the soul. It rearranges your feelings without your permission.”
“I’m trying to be honest here, to give you my heart, but it’s difficult and messy, so you’ll have to take it as it is—if you want it at all.”
“No one should diminish themselves to prove their love.”
I'll try to write some sort of review later and drop some quotes because wow, this book is amazing, but now I can't, I have to return to the kitchen floor to keep crying.
This book is an excellent exploration of fatherhood, loss, sexuality, about the history of racism in the US that goes back to slavery times and how its aftereffects are still active today but since I can't make myself write a decent review, I'll just drop some quotes from the book for you and hopefully this will convince you to read it:
“The ability to read, even a little, would later save my life.”
“Now I see why you and your mother read so much. It makes you think, makes you see things you can’t see, and that was my problem. I had all kinds of opinions, but I couldn’t see a damn thing.”
“I guess we made the same error—allowing the world to define us.”
“Hurt lingers in the soul. It rearranges your feelings without your permission.”
“I’m trying to be honest here, to give you my heart, but it’s difficult and messy, so you’ll have to take it as it is—if you want it at all.”
“No one should diminish themselves to prove their love.”
December 20, 2022
One of the most emotionally impactful novels that I have read. Told in a series of reflective letters from a dying father to his estranged son, we truly see and feel a heart, soul, and history laid bare. Generational trauma, toxic masculinity, familial bonds, and racial and sexual identity are examined in a voice so raw and real that it echoes long after the novel’s conclusion. Absolutely devastating, but such an important story, that needs to be told, and needs to be heard.
February 25, 2022
I'm not crying, you're crying. BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.
April 27, 2023
an incredibly emotional and moving novel in which a father, dying of cancer, writes letters to his son; a son he failed. rich, detailed, and brutal, this is his final chance to apologize to his son for his mistakes. by the end of this epistolary novel, your stomach will be in knots. hauntingly beautiful.
March 9, 2022
This book is a journal or series of letters written from a father to a gay son as the father is dying. He is attempting to apologize for the many hurts he has caused over the years. It is beautifully done.
August 16, 2024
“I want readers to reconsider the capacity of our father’s hearts. Many of them were handed so little yet we expected so much. They gave more than they had but less than we needed.” Whew this hit deep!
If you’ve ever had a strained relationship with a parent this book is for you. Isaac and Jacob were not the conventional father and son pair. Their story broke my heart because Isaac needed more than Jacob was capable of giving. Parents don’t always deserve the grace that we extend to them especially in our adult lives but seeing things from Jacob’s perspective softened my heart a bit.
You have to ask yourself the questions tho, at what point are the generational curses broken and when is too late too late.
Don’t Cry for Me was a letter from a black father as he appealed to his son on his death bed. Jacob attempted to right his wrongs with words that he was unable to speak to his son during his childhood into adulthood years. Man did my heart go out to them both. My heart went out to Jacob for not being the father he wished he could be and it went out to Isaac for not having the father he so desperately needed.
This book tugged at my heartstrings and not only does it have me reevaluating the relationships I have with my kids and how I can be better for them but also my relationship with my parents and coming to terms with the fact that maybe they did do the best that they could.
“Tell them I tried” 😢
January 16, 2023
I truly loved every page of this book. Jacob, on his death bed alone and left with his thoughts and regrets, writes letters to his son Issac explaining his history as a child, a husband, a brother, a father, and a son.
As the letters are written over months, Jacob expresses remorse for his failure as a father, a husband, and a man.
This is a love letter I will never forget.
As the letters are written over months, Jacob expresses remorse for his failure as a father, a husband, and a man.
This is a love letter I will never forget.
February 19, 2022
some of this was a little slow but the end made me cry so 3.5 rounded up lol
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