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The Third Miss Symons

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Henrietta Symons is the third daughter in a large Victorian family, a misfit with neither charm nor beauty. Querulous and bad-tempered, she watches as her life passes aimlessly by, clinging to her one saving grace—she knows herself for what she is, and self-knowledge, however bitter, turns her life of defeat into a kind of victory.

144 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1913

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About the author

F.M. Mayor

9 books24 followers
aka Mary Strafford

Flora Macdonald Mayor was an English novelist and short story writer who published under the name F. M. Mayor.

Mayor's father, Joseph Bickersteth Mayor (1828-1916), was an Anglican clergyman and professor of classics and then of moral philosophy at King's College London; her mother, Alexandrina Jessie Grote (1830-1927),[1:] was niece of the utilitarian George Grote as well as the Anglican clergyman and Cambridge moral philosophy professor John Grote. Flora Mayor read history at Newnham College, Cambridge, before becoming an actress. She later turned to writing. In 1903 she became engaged to a young architect, Ernest Shepherd, who died in India of typhoid before Mayor was able to travel out to join him. She never married, and lived closely with her twin sister Alice MacDonald Mayor (1872-1961).

Mayor's first book was a collection of stories, Mrs Hammond's Children, published in 1902 under the pseudonym Mary Strafford. Her short novel, The Third Miss Symons, was published in 1913 with a preface by John Masefield.

Her best known novel is The Rector's Daughter (1924). She also wrote ghost stories, which were much admired by M.R. James. Correspondence and some literary papers are held at Trinity College, Cambridge.

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5 stars
29 (14%)
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71 (36%)
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79 (40%)
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13 (6%)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
Profile Image for Paul.
1,347 reviews2,097 followers
January 3, 2019
4.5 stars
Flora Mayor was a remarkable woman; she read history at Cambridge in the early 1890s; a great achievement. She then became an actress before turning to literature. She wrote short stories and several novels, which were well regarded. She was a writer of ghost stories which were greatly admired by M R James (the greatest writer of ghost stories ever!). Again I wonder why she is so little known. There is no individual biography of her. There is a joint biography of Mayor and her friend Mary Sheepshanks published in the 1980s by virago.
This novel was published in 1913 and is set in the Victorian era and is essentially the study of a Victorian woman who did not marry. Women and their place in the world was one of Mayor’s themes. Henrietta (Etta) Symons is an uninteresting middle daughter in a large family. The reader spends the whole novel in her company, through her whole life. Mayor makes her hard to sympathise with because of her temper, her impatience, lack of charm and her pettiness. Other people, including her family find her difficult and unlovable. In fact the reader is aware that she does have a capacity to love and sees that her attempts at friendship and her reaching out are rejected because of her diffidence and temper.
It is a portrayal of what Mayor saw as the fate of a particular type of woman of the Victorian period; as the original introduction by John Masefield describes the lot of these women:
“the fate to be born in a land where myriads of women of her station go passively like poultry along all the tramways of their parishes; life is something that happens to them, it is their duty to keep to the tracks, and having enough to eat and enough to put on therewith to be content, or if not content, sour, but in any case to seek no further over the parochial bounds.”
Etta did fall in love. At school there were two adored objects who were female, Etta was misunderstood. And later there was even a young man who showed some interest;
“And perhaps she loved him all the more because he was not soaring high above her, like all her previous divinities, but walking side by side with her. Yes, she loved him; by the time he had asked her for the third dance she loved him”
Unfortunately, one of her sisters proved more interesting and Etta less interesting.
Etta never marries and has no interests and shows no interests in music or study. For a period of her life she travels on the continent going from cheap hotel to cheap hotel. Sometimes she has a travelling companion, women like herself. None of them last for very long. Mayor succinctly sums up the travel situation when Etta and her companion of the time arrive in Italy;
“They went to Italy. Neither of them cared in the smallest degree for sculpture, architecture, painting, archaeology, poetry, history, politics, scenery, languages, or foreigners.”
I am very tempted to make a comment about modern English people abroad but I will desist.
Mayor is also making a point about opportunities available to women as she occasionally interjects into the narrative:
“Even now, when there is a certain amount of choice and liberty, a woman who is thrown on her own resources at 39, with no previous training, and no obvious claims and duties, does not find it very easy to know how to dispose of herself. But a generation ago the problem was far more difficult. Henrietta was well off for a single woman, but she was incapable, and not easy to get on with. She would have thought it derogatory to do any form of teaching – teaching the natural refuge of a workless woman. ….. It was before the days of women’s colleges; they were established, but frequented only by pioneers, in whose ranks no Henrietta’s are to be found. But courses of lectures were so ordinary that not even the most timid could look askance at them.”
A good deal has been made, looking back at this type of novel, of boredom as “feminist protest” and of the spinster’s queer potential and there are certainly elements of both here; combined with the wasting of a life. Henrietta wanted to be loved and didn’t know how to easily give and receive it and was consequently misunderstood. Mayor manages to create in the reader a mixture of irritation and sympathy and the more perceptive reader will see that Etta’s anger and unhappiness are directly linked to her upbringing, lack of opportunity and her place in society as a woman.
It is a brief and powerful novel, I found the ending slightly irritating, but that is a minor quibble.
Profile Image for JimZ.
1,194 reviews643 followers
March 15, 2022
This book reminded me of The Lonely Passion of Judith Hearne (Brian Moore) ...which I read 20 years ago and stuck with me because it was so frigging sad.

This was not as sad, but still not a bowlful of cherries. She always had a maid. This was the end of the Victorian era and so people had to have their servants. 🤨

This was a relatively short read, 144 pages, with large print in my Virago Modern Classic edition. The introductions were by John Masefield (a book review essentially from 1913) and a later review by Dame Susan Hill, who was an English author.

Main take-away for me is childhood can be so important in forming our personality....

To end on that cheery note (😉), I will eventually read the other book that Virago has re-issued, The Rector’s Daughter. I hope that is a bit more cheerful. 🤨

Reviews:
https://heavenali.wordpress.com/2017/...
https://savidgereads.wordpress.com/20...
https://bookssnob.wordpress.com/2009/...
Profile Image for Fiona MacDonald.
786 reviews191 followers
January 4, 2019
Whilst a rather depressing read, it was fascinating to see Mayor's interpretation of unmarried women in the Victorian age.
Henrietta Symons is the 3rd daughter of a large family. She is mean, uninteresting and unloveable. Her family do not like or respect her, no man wants to commit to her, and she isn't interested in doing anything productive with her life. As the years go by she is buffered from one sister's family to the next, never feeling like she is wanted or accepted in their home. Finally she embarks on a life of travelling abroad, and whilst she doesn't exactly enjoy it, she begins to learn that life continues outside of her little, mieserable bubble.
Mayor has a great way of writing and I would love to read more of her work.
Profile Image for Jane.
820 reviews758 followers
December 28, 2010
The story of a Victorian spinster. A surplus woman. A life unlived.

It doesn’t sound compelling, and yet it is: The Third Miss Symons set tied me up in knots.

Henrietta, known to her family as Etta, was a fifth child and a third daughter, and was to be followed by more children.

“A large family should be a specially happy community, but it sometimes occurs that there is a boy or a girl who is nothing but a middle one, fitting in nowhere.”

And so it was with Etta. Partly because of her position in the family. Her two elder sisters were close, her brothers were another group, and the younger ones were too much younger. It happens.

It was impossible not to feel for the little girl who so wanted just a little more acceptance, a little more understanding, a little more importance.

But it was easy to see that Etta didn’t have the social skills, the understanding of the small details and interactions that relationships are built upon. That wasn’t helped by her family situation or the strictures of the society that she was born into, but surely Etta herself had to take some of the responsibility.

“Why was it that people did not love her? She was not uglier or stupider or duller than anyone else … Why had God sent her into the world if she were not wanted? She found the problem insoluble.”

She has no insight, no empathy with other people. She wants to be loved, but too often she confuses that with being important. She tries, but she just doesn’t understand. And others see her as difficult and bad-tempered, so difficult and bad-tempered was what she becomes.

Ultimately she did not crave a husband, or children, or companionship. She just wanted a role and some status. But in her heart she knew that she would never have the life she wanted.

I found it painful watching the decline of a woman, brought up in an age when having a husband, children, a household of her own, was perceived as the only route to happiness and success, when there was no other way that was not perceived as failure for women who could not achieve, or maybe even did not want, that.

And I thought just many other possibilities there would have been for Etta if she had been born even one generation later.

But then I thought a little more. I wondered if she would have taken chances offered to her, when she couldn’t find any joy in small things. She had nieces and nephews. She was able to travel. She had chances to do good works …

Yes, she had a narrow and restricted life, but there were possibilities, opportunities that she either failed to notice or failed to appreciate.

But maybe that is too much too ask when someone is fundamentally unhappy … Yes, I think it is …

Etta didn’t understand her world, but I’m not sure that her world ever took the trouble to understand Etta.

Although …

So many questions that I am still turning over in my mind.

And, although Etta lived in a very different world, mant of the questions that her story raises still resonate today.

And I am asking them because F M Mayor has created an utterly believable life. She tells Etta’s story simply and clearly, with real understanding and compassion.

The Third Miss Symons is not a happy book, but it is a book with much to say.

Profile Image for Bree (AnotherLookBook).
251 reviews69 followers
August 11, 2016
A novella about a woman who is neither charming nor beautiful, whose temper alienates her from her large Victorian family, and who watches as her life passes her by.

Full review at Another Look Book

Reminded me of:
- Frances Hodgson Burnett (Emily Fox-Seton, aka A Lady of Quality/The Making of a Marchioness)
- Winifred Watson (Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day)
- Jane Austen (Mansfield Park)
- Vita Sackville-West (All Passion Spent)
- Tracy Chevalier (Falling Angels)
- Sylvia Townsend Warner (Lolly Willowes)
Profile Image for Peggy.
376 reviews38 followers
May 17, 2017
A short quick read. Well written, conveyed the unpleasant story of an unpleasant person. I didn't 'enjoy' it per say because it was quite depressing and left me feeling undone. But I think that gives credit to the author as she so thoroughly made Etta real to the reader that I think that was why it left me feeling down. A sad life.
Profile Image for Tania.
926 reviews100 followers
September 20, 2017
Rather a sad story, full of pathos, about a third daughter of a large family who just wants to be loved but, owing to several character flaws, isn't. It is set in Victorian times and looks at the place of such women in Victorian society.
Profile Image for ☄.
390 reviews19 followers
July 23, 2021
why was it that people did not love her? – she to whom love was so much that if she did not have it, nothing else in the world was worth having. she was not uglier or stupider or duller than anyone else... why had God sent her into the world if she were not wanted?

pain ❤️
Profile Image for Karen Chung.
401 reviews102 followers
May 28, 2012
This title caught my eye as I was skimming through a list of Librivox recommendations for Women’s History Month, March 2012.

This novel is unlike any other that I have read. It is the story of a mid-Victorian woman with enough income from her father that she doesn't need to work. In all of her life, she never succeeds in moving beyond her constant self-absorption to really care about others, or at least be pleasant around them, so they aren't compelled to avoid her.

There are parts I can somewhat empathize with - we humans all have these things in us. What I couldn't identify with at all was her lack of any kind of intellectual interests or professional ambition. So many of us define ourselves through our work and studies, but Miss Symons has no foundation in either area on which to build a fuller life, given that she's not very good at endearing herself to others. I also couldn't identify with Miss Symons' constant nitpicking, complaining, and nagging - these are sure ways to make both oneself and others miserable. But I guess the author's point is, in the absence of other ways to feel some kind of personal power, these gave her some kind of momentary and superficial satisfaction that helped her get through her long days of what was mostly idleness.

This book impressed me for two main reasons: 1. the author's successful creation and depiction of an anti-heroine, someone who muddles her way through life by doing hardly anything noteworthy or laudable, while still managing to hold reader interest to the end; and 2. as with all good books, it holds up a mirror to us all, to see ourselves reflected in an extreme case of the self-centered things we all do and frailties we all suffer from to varying extents. Rather than ending up judgmental of Miss Symons, this reader at least looked to her for insight into herself and the human heart and life in this world in general, and overall was able to understand at least somewhat the life choices Miss Symons made, her internal justifications for them, and her assessments of their consequences on her life. There are probably more Miss Symonses in the world than we may realize, and there is probably more of Miss Symons in us all than we would care to admit.

The book is well written, and the Librivox reading, delivered in lovely British English, which I listened to while following along in the Gutenberg e-text on an iPad, was excellent, with just a few tiny misreadings here and there. Recommended to anyone interested in a book that challenges popular notions of what a novel should be like.
Profile Image for Jim Leckband.
727 reviews1 follower
September 30, 2011
A tale of the life of an unpleasant, boring Victorian woman. F. M. Mayor pulls off a miracle in making this unlikely premise into a very interesting book. Henrietta is pompous, bigoted, nasty, selfish and always misunderstood (at least she thinks she is - she is usually all well too understood.)

I found myself wondering at what purpose Mayor had in constructing such an unlikable character - what was being illuminated? There are several answers that I came up with. The first as a satire on the tendency of so-called women's books to have a saint as a main character. Second as a personal vendetta against someone she knew - it does seem at times to be too closely observed for it not to be based on real-life characters. Third as a commentary on the society that doesn't have use for women that don't marry, don't teach and aren't charitable - we as a society don't have a use for them so we think they are undesirable all the way through.
Profile Image for SarahC.
277 reviews28 followers
February 17, 2012
Mayor's story is solely an examination of Etta, a Victorian lady, an eternal daughter and sister, who yearns to define herself and live a fuller life, but does not know how. She is upper middle class, refined, critical, and unpleasant. She was raised by uninterested and uninteresting parents within a large family, among sisters who found their entrance into adult life by their charm and beauty and "marrying well." Etta remains single, manages the family home in part, travels, and remains static within. Even her attempts at social work and education are without spark, and truthfully without real effort on her part. Mayor shows us a story of earlier women's lives who are raised without real purpose or any seeds of inspiration which they might cultivate through time as they grown and mature.
Profile Image for Mrsgaskell.
430 reviews23 followers
November 3, 2016
I downloaded this freebie Kindle classic solely based on the opening sentence: "Henrietta was the third daughter and fifth child of Mr. and Mrs. Symons, so that enthusiasm for babies had declined in both parents by the time she arrived."

It's a rather sad story of an aimless life but it's a compelling read and comparatively short so I read it in one sitting. Etta wants to love and be loved but she doesn't fit it. Her older sisters are close and she is excluded. Her mother is not particularly interested in her children and Etta doesn't really have many personal attractions. She also has a cross temperament. She forms some attachments at school but they are either one-sided or doomed by her bad temper. Since she is comfortably off she doesn't need to do anything and lacks purpose. She takes over her father's household unsuccessfully after her mother's death but that ends with her father's remarriage. She's not a success at charitable work either, and once she has definitely missed the opportunity of marriage, she spends much time abroad in impersonal pensiones. This is well worth reading if one is interested in the life of Victorian women. What a waste of lives and opportunities!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Phoebes.
554 reviews27 followers
March 13, 2014
The Third Miss Symons è stata davvero una bella lettura. Anche se parlava di una donna vissuta più di un secolo fa, e per fortuna le cose per noi donne da allora sono un po’ cambiate, resta comunque sempre attuale per la sua descrizione della vita di una persona, fondamentalmente, sola. Lo stile di Mayor non scade mai però nel patetico e nel melodrammatico, riuscendo anzi a mischiare l’ironia alla malinconia, per cui alla fine il romanzo non risulta triste come potrebbe sembrare, ma simpatico, si fa leggere con piacere, e conquista.

The Third Miss Symons is really a good read. Although it spoke of a woman who lived more than a century ago, and luckily things for us women are a bit changed since then, it still remains of today in its description of the life of a person, basically, alone. The style of Mayor never degenerating, however, into pathetic and melodramatic, managing to mix the irony with melancholy, so eventually the novel is not as sad as it may seem, but nice, to read with pleasure, and be won.

http://www.naufragio.it/iltempodilegg...
Profile Image for Karen.
505 reviews61 followers
May 9, 2017
“A large family should be a specially happy community, but it sometimes occurs that there is a boy or a girl who is nothing but a middle one, fitting in nowhere.”

Such a one is Henrietta Symons. Longing to be loved, she becomes essentially little loved by anyone. Surrounded by relatives and friends of no particular genius, she fails to find lasting companionship or peace in her life that is in any way comparable to the people around her, and largely this is due to her own failure at grasping the opportunities that do arise in her life.

This should be a bleak book. That it is both heartbreaking and enchanting is a tribute to F M Mayor and her genius at packing so much into such a slim volume.

I have just bought my own copy because I will be re-reading this soon. Hopefully the next person to take out the library copy I read will love it as much as I did.

I would recommend F M Mayor's The Rector's Daughter and Rachel Ferguson's Alas, Poor Lady to those who liked this book.
Profile Image for CuteBadger.
766 reviews14 followers
September 15, 2011
This is a strange, short book about a prickly woman who does nothing much with her life. Miss Symons has a family who don't seem to like her much, has her only chance at marriage stolen away by her sister, doesn't enjoy doing good works and travels in Europe as a way more of escaping from herself than as a means of learning about other countries and their ways.

Miss Symons is not only strange, but she's an "odd" woman in the sense of not being paired with a man as contemporary society expected and also in the sense of being thought odd for not being able to find a husband.

There isn't much dialogue in the novel and it's told by a third-person narrator so this distances the reader from Miss Symons and almost makes her feel like the subject of a social experiment being observed by the reader.

I quite enjoyed it, despite the main character being irritating at times, and found it a quick read. An interesting peek into women's lives at the turn of the 20th century.
Profile Image for Jane.
405 reviews
November 10, 2019
I do believe this novel gave me a glimpse into what it is like to be the sort of person who is unlovable and while wishing to change that fact, cannot. Her instincts fail her repeatedly and she consistently misses the mark. She doesn't connect with other people at all, and fails to understand how words damage others. Through a series of misfortunes, her situation is made worse. While others find ways to enjoy life, she cannot. She also is not particularly intelligent and therefore lacks curiosity about the world. Still, there are times when you have hope for this desperate soul and there are some sublime moments.
Profile Image for Laura.
Author 4 books17 followers
November 30, 2013
Mayor weaves a completely absorbing study of Henrietta, thwarted by her era, her family, and her own flawed character from winning the love she craves. Over the decades, she accommodates herself to a life without purpose or meaning. The genius of the novel is how it makes the reader empathize with Henrietta, without asking us to like her or even pity her. The characters and story are thoroughly human. I especially appreciate a novel that doesn't end the account of the "heroine" at age 30 or even 40, but keenly observes how she lives her whole life.
1,093 reviews15 followers
January 12, 2018
When a book is as crispy and well written as this to give less than 3 stars would be a churlish. It's a quick read and a wonderful character study but it is miserable. A dull story of a dull life. It certainly takes some skill from a writer to make a reader get to the end (although, to be fair, it is very short). Interesting rather than entertaining, but Mayor can certainly write as she shows in the better developed a more sympathetic Parson's Daughter.
Profile Image for Pam.
303 reviews31 followers
January 28, 2017
a very short, straightforward story of a spinster and all the unfortunate occurrences of her life, it's about how cruel the world could be to a spinster at the time and how few opportunities they had to pursue their own interests and find their own happiness
Profile Image for Kathleen.
284 reviews34 followers
June 20, 2010
This is a very sad and depressing book; I can't say I enjoyed it much. It did made me very thankful I have such a close and loving family, unlike Etta in this book.
Profile Image for Jae.
384 reviews37 followers
July 13, 2013
Reading Virago Modern Classics is a joy, and this is another great writer I've discovered. A small masterpiece of characterisation by F.M Mayor.
Profile Image for MTK.
492 reviews36 followers
August 28, 2017
Υπάρχει επίθετο αντίθετο του "αξιαγάπητος"; Αν ναι, χαρακτηρίζει την ηρωίδα απόλυτα. Η μικρή καθημερινή τραγωδία ενός ανθρώπου που κανείς δεν αγαπάει.
Profile Image for Janet.
681 reviews5 followers
March 4, 2013
Henrietta ‘Etta’ Symons is the titular Miss Symons in this short chronological novel by F M Mayor, who is probably better known for The Rector’s Daughter. Etta is the third daughter in a large, upper-middle class Victorian family. She’s overlooked by her family and is a loner, despite initially having a great capacity for love and desiring affection.

The novel follows Etta from birth to death – she never really makes much of an impression on life. Her one attempt at finding love is thwarted and as she gets older and becomes more belligerent her siblings tolerate her, but are grateful that she never stays too long. She, in turn, finds it hard to put down roots and so travels extensively. She has one redeeming feature – her generosity. Despite the family’s neglect of her, she’s always ready to be a shoulder to lean on or to bail them out with monetary gifts.

The main thread running through the novel is of how older unmarried women in the Victorian era were deemed worthless. If they were unable to find a man to love them then that must be due to some failing on their part – and like a self-fulfilling prophecy this happens to Etta.

I enjoyed reading this book, despite the rather pessimistic nature of it. At times I wanted to shake Ella and tell her to get a grip, but at the same time I felt an inordinate amount of sympathy for her – she had so much love to give, but love bypasses her. She shows strength by refusing to feel sorry for herself despite her lack of spouse and leads a successful, if ultimately unfulfilled, life. I will definitely try one of Mayor’s two other novels.
Profile Image for Ali.
1,241 reviews379 followers
December 23, 2017
The Third Miss Symons was the first novel published by Flora MacDonald Mayor, the daughter of an Anglican clergyman and professor of classics. It had been preceded by a collection of short stories in 1901, and two more novels and some ghost stories came later. I read F M Mayor’s 1924 novel The Rector’s Daughter in 2015 – it’s a beautiful, poignant novel, though a sad one. It was through the introduction of that novel, that I got the sense that Flora Mayor was more than the quiet, Victorian, clergyman’s daughter we might envisage from her novels – which all do seem to run along rather similar lines. Having read history at Cambridge Flora later became an actress, before eventually turning to writing.

The Third Miss Symons – for me at least, was rather depressing. The Rector’s Daughter was merely sad, it was also compelling and quite brilliant. I was relieved that this was such a short novel, I started it late one evening and finished it the following morning. It offers us a rather bleak and probably not unrealistic portrait of the life of a woman whose destiny it is to never fully connect with anyone, and to remain without a recognisable role or purpose. There is a pall of deep unhappiness that exudes through the novel, I felt the mood and the atmosphere of the novel briefly affected my own mood. No doubt it is testament to the skill of Flora Mayor as a writer that she manages to produce this atmosphere of wasted years so effectively.

full review: https://heavenali.wordpress.com/2017/...
831 reviews8 followers
January 24, 2016
The Third Miss Symons by FM Mayor - probably better than I think it is: Good

Interesting book, well written about an unpromising topic. The author made me feel sympathy despite my actual feelings about 'Miss Symons' herself.

Henrietta is the third daughter and fifth (but not last) child born into a well-to-do Victorian family. The book charts her life as an ordinary, maybe plain, child into a socially awkward and bad-tempered adult. Thanks to her sister's meddling, she loses the only suitor to come forward and ends up an old-maid, left at home to run the household for her widowed father, constantly searching for affection and for a place in the world.

A deeply dissatisfied woman with no place in society and no useful characteristics, the story is one of unfulfillment in a time when women of her class were only considered useful as wives and mothers.... or as elderly ladies dispensing 'charity'. I can only thank my lucky stars that I was born when I was. Whilst born into the working class, at least I have had the opportunities afforded me by (ever improving) equality and being allowed to find my own place in the world!
Profile Image for Luann Ritsema.
333 reviews41 followers
October 1, 2021
Remarkable. Mayor manages to render sympathetic the sad, unlikable Henrietta, without real redemption, without major epiphanies, but slowly and against the reader’s own inclination. Henrietta has little going for her, save her own self awareness: not enough to save or change her but more than enough to make her human and to elicit the reader’s wistful longing for something more for this frustrating heroine.
Profile Image for Helen.
Author 6 books39 followers
Read
March 20, 2018
The rather sad tale of awkward, quarrelsome spinster Henrietta, who can't find her place in life. In middle age she spends her time moving from place to place abroad, feeling always the odd woman out, but she is not a sympathetic character, people don't like her, so she is always unhappy. She has some insight into her personality defects, but seems incapable of doing anything about them.
Profile Image for Wilde Sky.
Author 16 books38 followers
December 20, 2018
The life of a Victorian spinster is detailed.

This was a difficult book to get into and I found it a bit depressing but also a compelling read.

If you are single and over 50 you'll probably find this book worth reading.
1,314 reviews1 follower
January 24, 2021
A very quick read, about 2 hours.
Very enjoyable though slightly depressing. It must have been an awful life when nothing in it happens; such boredom is unimaginable nowadays for most unmarried women, mainly because they know a marriage isn’t the be all and end all of life.
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