My Dear Fiona

Francis Rosenfeld

My Dear Fiona

UUID: 888349cf-4f89-4b4e-b7cd-539660f74ab7

This ebook was created with StreetLib Write

https://writeapp.io

Table of contents

Dedication

PART I

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

PART II

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Epilogue

Other Books by Francis Rosenfeld

© 2023 Francis Rosenfeld

Cover Design © JohnBellArt at SelfPubBookCovers

Dedication

To those still alive in our memories, with undying love.

PART I

PART 1

Chapter 1

My Dear Fiona

There are things we don ’t talk about, and they weigh heavily on our souls. Who decided they don’t matter? Life is like virgin land. It only surrenders its bounty after we drench it in our sweat, tears, and blood.

People squander their lives, energy, and purpose as if they don ’t value themselves enough to live for real, instead choosing to take a backseat and yield the spotlight to some higher power which, based on the results, doesn’t care about them too much.

While I ’m writing to you, Fiona, I’m gazing at the same moon you watched from afar in your distress centuries ago, hoping for the miracle that never came, the one that would have freed you from your fear and pain. This moon is like a symbol of unanswered prayers. Some wishes are granted too late, aren’t they? I wonder if God works this way, if all the questions that are left unanswered are in fact processed in a much slower and more permanent frame of reference, in God’s time.

For some, this is a metaphorical musing. They don ’t know how lucky they are, the innocents, to live their lives in real time, and not in retrospect.

I ’ve had visions of my future, it’s so far away it’s almost like it’s in a another world, and my life is trying to catch up with it, as if it hadn’t happened yet, as if all the choices weren’t made ages ago, in a different reality where time doesn’t exist.

My gift, the gift we share, leaves no room for doubt, not in this simple world we inhabit, hiding like unwanted time travelers, and I can ’t help wonder if you knew, back then, waiting for that fateful morning, that I existed, or would exist one day, that I was like you and we were destined to meet.

So many things differ from your time, and yet none at all: despite advances in technology, the human spirit never changes. We ’re still the same lost souls with slightly better toys.

I didn ’t see you there, in my already written life, and yet, here you are, defying the certainty of a predetermined future.

Who were you, my friend? Who was the girl with soft blond hair who left this world too soon? The one whose blood called out to mine, Fiona Corrigall of Cuween Hill.

We ’re only passing through this world, us travelers, we pass through it, but never belong.

We’re children born of the wind.

I hear your voice in the night air sometimes singing a melancholy song, with a simple melody that haunts me, my sister from the past.

In every rain I feel your tears, your soft breath in the fog, your anger in the storms, while life passes me by, pretending to surprise me, just like it does everyone else.

Your fate decided that you ’d never age, but I already know I will. Mine is a very long life, I gathered, or will be, or was. I’m getting lost in all my times on occasion. If there is such a thing as time, I will be a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother to you, who died centuries before I was born, but whose spirit is as bright and alive as anyone I ever met.

Be friendly unto me, Fiona Corrigall; to you I pledge my truth

Chapter 2

Alone in Kirkwall

I used to see this sea wall in my dreams. You can’t imagine how weird it feels to look at it in real life! I’m not really sure I’m awake right now, Fiona. There is an elusive threshold of weirdness and serendipity past which we stop believing anything is real, a madness of sorts, a sweet, addictive madness.

Ever since I was awarded this research grant to explore your life and times, I'm in disbelief, constantly questioning what I'm seeing in this taffy-like reality that shifts and changes its colors with the slightest tug.

My parents thought me irresponsible for picking anthropology as a field of study, not easy to make a living at studying dead strangers from a thousand years ago, and this last research project really set them off, because, as they said, just like a soft cow pile, the last thing I needed was another bucket of water.

I ’m sharing this with you undiluted, if you’ll pardon my pun, my whimsical sister, because I know you’ll find it as hilarious as I did.

Long story short, my mom cried for hours, pulling all the guilt trips in the arsenal (they still work, I have to confess, but I don ’t feel bad; if you can’t be soft and vulnerable with your own mother, how can you even pretend to care for anyone else). My dad, after strenuously forbidding me to go, despite the fact I’m a grown woman, damn it, well, at least as far as the official documents are concerned, insisted to take a leave of absence and accompany me here. Or chaperone. Hey, you should be able to find a better term for this enhanced degree of parental supervision, given you lived in times and places more suited for its use.

Anyway, I managed to dissuade him at the last minute, and, as I took leave of any expectations for a conventional life, which I knew I had to leave behind when I boarded that plane, going I don ’t exactly know where, the last glance I got of him was his twitching mustache and the crease between his eyebrows as he saw me off with his arms crossed and a disappointed look on his face.

I swear, sometimes, Fiona, if I didn ’t know they loved me…

So here I am, on my own, (Gasp! Cover your eyes, polite society!), talking to a dead woman of the Northern seas whose crystalline giggles I can almost hear in the wind.

Your people probably thought you more mature than mine do me. You must have seemed a grown woman before you even turned twenty, definitely wiser than my parents think I am right now, a decade older.

That matters little, anyway, to people like us. Old, young, these are conventions people make to place themselves in the landscape we call time, but it makes very little difference when its painted veil is laid out on a table in front of you in its entirety, in such a way that you can reach out and touch it with your finger anywhere you wish.

It probably wouldn ’t be advisable to tell the research committee that I am pulling most of the strands that unravel your past from visions and dreams, and that, right now, I know without doubt and without proof you weren’t born here, but a lot farther north, on the continent, and this short trip across the channel must have seemed like going to the ends of the earth for you, on that wooden boat, creaking from every joint, small and fragile like an eggshell, braving the frozen mists and the ice floes, uncertain whether you’ll ever see land again.

This rocky cliff must have been a vision of Paradise, after that long voyage, I know that because I can see it through your eyes, and I can feel how cold you were, even wrapped in all those thick blankets and furs your wealthy family was proud to pamper you with.

Love doesn ’t change through time, does it, Fiona? I bet your family loved you just as much as mine does me; I bet you were the apple of your father’s eye, and your mother couldn’t stop beaming with joy every time she looked at you, you beautiful Norse princess, that she worried over your slightest sniffle and doted on your every need. Love is timeless.

Don ’t worry, Fiona. I’ll find your artifacts. I’ll find your historical records. I’ll find your real footsteps on the surface of time, and you’ll become as real to the others as you are to me now, while I watch this rugged coast through your eyes. I can see it emerge from its shroud of clouds and reveal itself to your enchanted sight for the first time, during the parting of the mists, long before the mighty sea wall was even a dream.

The sea batters it relentlessly now, whipped by haunting winds; this is a rugged land which sulks under its vernal light, and yet you ’re made of sunshine and laughter. The ghostly weather never dimmed your cheer, aah…, to be young!

A friendly stranger passed me by, walking his dog on the promenade at the top of the wall, and asked me, in a dialect I could barely make out, whether I was writing a letter to send home. I suppose I am, in ways. We travelers have many homes, and none.

I can ’t shake how excited you were at the sight of this island. You must have arrived here in the dead of winter, a strange decision for a seafaring clan like yours.

I suppose you didn ’t have a choice, that you were running from a much larger danger, one so imminent it made your winter sea voyage seem safe by comparison.

How old were you? 12? 13? And yet you were no longer a child. That weight on your shoulders is not just the blankets and furs, is it?

I can tell you knew how to read and write. Often when I close my eyes, I can see you writing letters to me as well, scribbled in a sharp and labored runic script, and it makes me sad I don ’t understand what they mean.

The fingers holding the quill are calloused and spatulated, accustomed to turning the spindle and adjusting the warp tension in the loom much more than they are to writing. There is no softness in them, because they had been kept busy since they could hold a needle, and their fingertips are pricked raw by its constant use.

Literacy makes you privileged. It was an unusual honor for a woman of your time, an honor reserved only for those meant to rule. That privilege comes wrapped in crushing responsibility; people like you aren ’t afforded childhoods. Who taught you joy and laughter, Fiona? Or maybe those aren’t things that need to be taught.

I wish I could read those letters of yours! Here ’s to learning dead languages, although I must confess Norse runic script never occurred to me as an option before. You can’t justify learning it because it helps you understand botanical nomenclature.

It ’s late spring now, as warm as springs get this far north, and yet a shiver slithers through my bones and I instinctively wrap my cardigan tight around my body as passing clouds obscure the sun. Old wives’ tales say a shiver from the blue means somebody’s walking on your grave.

See? People already know time is a painting where all the ages of life can be seen at once, but they know it in their bones, in their instincts, they wouldn ’t be caught dead believing it in their waking state, for fear of going mad. Maybe someone did just walk on my grave right now, although my guess is they’re more likely to have walked on yours.

I passed the old town church on my way here, and the eerie field of black tombstones in its courtyard. I ’ll have to stop there later and see if I can find any records of your family. Not of you, of course, sister. You lived too far back in time for that. The best I can hope for is maybe a great-great-great-great-grandchild or niece, or nephew. Did you have siblings, Fiona?

I have a sister, and we ’re very close.

I suspect I am a direct descendant of yours, which means your blood flows in my veins as well. We are thus blessed, we women, to have the thread of ancestry unbroken all the way to the beginning of our line.

I ’ve never seen an entire cemetery of black stones before. What do you know about it? It’s very unusual.

***

I stopped by the church yesterday and the mystery of the black tombstones was explained: the graveyard experienced a massive fire, yet the church was unharmed, not even a speck of smoke or soot.

I bet you ’d be asking yourself right now, Fiona, how does one set stone on fire, and you’d be right. The priest couldn’t explain it either, hence the miracle designation of the phenomenon. It happened so long ago no written records of it remained, and oral history can be very imaginative in these parts. It’s hard to separate truth from fantasy after all these centuries.

I ’ll make a record of my notes and organize them later, I don't want to forget the stories I heard, which, although they may be unbelievable to most, are still too fascinating to ignore.

Legend has it a beautiful young maiden, which strangely matches your description, used to sneak out at night and come to the cemetery to meet her beloved. The affair went on for years, and the maiden ’s parents started to worry when she turned away every suitor that knocked on their door. Why, she was turning twenty and she was already an old maid, right, Fiona? Anyway. Her parents thought, maybe she pledged herself to faith and they would have been thrilled for her to join the convent in the next town, but the mere thought of leaving the village of her birth was enough to set their daughter into a wretched panic.

Suspecting foul play, her father followed her to the cemetery one night and saw her wait there by a tombstone, and a beautiful young man appeared, but not of flesh, an eerie creature glowing faintly in the darkness.

He was too