Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $9.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians
    The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians
    The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians
    Ebook86 pages2 hours

    The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians

    By Dan Elloway

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    A frank and funny look at what makes the Norwegians NORWEGIAN.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherXenophobe's Guides
    Release dateJul 8, 2013
    ISBN9781908120694
    The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians

    Related to The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians

    Titles in the series (32)

    View More
    View More

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Sugar And Spice

      Sep 2, 2022

      Sugar And Spice
      18 min read

    • Article

      Cabbage patch

      Sep 16, 2023

      Cabbage patch
      6 min read

    • Article

      Uncorked

      May 3, 2023

      Uncorked
      7 min read

    • Article

      For Fjords’ Sake

      Aug 3, 2021

      For Fjords’ Sake
      6 min read

    • Article

      President Donald J. Trump Proclaims October 9, 2017, as Leif Erikson Day

      Oct 6, 2017

      LEIF ERIKSON DAY, 2017 - - - - - - - BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA A PROCLAMATION More than a thousand years ago, explorer Leif Erikson -- son of Iceland and grandson of Norway -- sailed with his crew to Newfoundland, Nova

      2 min read

    • Article

      The Herero

      Nov 29, 2022

      The Herero
      5 min read

    • Article

      An Arctic rail SAGA

      Jan 12, 2023

      An Arctic rail SAGA
      13 min read

    • Article

      Old Norse

      Feb 15, 2022

      Old Norse
      9 min read

    • Article

      THE GREATEST outdoors

      Aug 20, 2019

      THE GREATEST outdoors
      10 min read

    • Article

      The Islamization of Oslo

      Jan 24, 2018

      The Islamization of Oslo
      8 min read

    • Article

      SPOKEN Like A LOCAL

      Mar 1, 2024

      The Yorkshire Dialect Society was formed in 1897, out of the ashes of the Yorkshire committee of the English Dialect Society. The latter had decided to wind up after the culmination of work for the English Dialect Dictionary, which was edited by York

      2 min read

    • Article

      Queen Sonja Of Norway

      Feb 3, 2023

      Queen Sonja Of Norway
      3 min read

    • Article

      Why collect Scandinavia?

      Feb 14, 2020

      For more than a thousand years, ties between the Nordic countries and the British Isles have been very strong. Vikings from Denmark settled in Britain and founded cities like York. People in Sweden, Denmark and Norway speak basically the same languag

      1 min read

    • Article

      Scandinavian Genealogy

      Oct 31, 2023

      Scandinavian Genealogy
      6 min read

    • Article

      A Parsonage in New Hope

      Dec 4, 2023

      A Parsonage in New Hope
      12 min read

    • Article

      How to Collect Norway

      Sep 13, 2024

      How to Collect Norway
      6 min read

    • Article

      Arctic Sojourn

      Aug 20, 2019

      Arctic Sojourn
      6 min read

    • Article

      Back To The Water

      May 12, 2022

      Back To The Water
      7 min read

    • Article

      Letters

      Jan 11, 2022

      Letters
      5 min read

    • Article

      Going Dutch

      Jul 17, 2018

      Going Dutch
      11 min read

    • Article

      Genealogy Without Borders

      Sep 11, 2020

      Genealogy Without Borders
      9 min read

    • Article

      Reading the Runes

      Aug 29, 2024

      Reading the Runes
      9 min read

    • Article

      Reading the Runes

      Aug 29, 2024

      Reading the Runes
      8 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      The Xenophobe's Guide to the Norwegians - Dan Elloway

      Nationalism & Identity

      Norwegians define themselves in simple terms: they are not Swedish. This simple definition comes from centuries of being dominated both politically and culturally by the Swedes, and millions of foreigners believing Norway to be the capital of Sweden (it’s not, just in case you are unsure).

      Norwegians define themselves in simple terms: they are not Swedish.

      To show the world that they are Norwegian and definitely not Swedish, every Norwegian, at any moment in time, will be wearing an item of clothing with a Norwegian flag on it.

      How Norwegians see themselves

      Once a Norwegian has established that he or she is not Swedish, their identity follows strict geographical rules. To the world, they are Europeans. To the Europeans, they are Scandinavians. To the Scandinavians, they are Norwegians. To other Norwegians, they are from the East or West coast. To anyone from the (East or West) coast, they are from a tiny island somewhere off that coast.

      This island will usually have its own dialect, spoken by only the few thousand native islanders, its own football team and often its own single-person police force. Most Norwegians are very proud of their own little island, but they will still move away as soon as they are old enough.

      There is a distinct split between the East and West coasts in Norway, emphasised by the very different dialects and by the distance between the two. It’s a nine-hour drive from Oslo in the East to the city of Bergen in the West. Taking in two mountain passes, the journey can last considerably longer when snow closes the road to anything but ‘column driving’, when cars have to wait at the foot of the mountain for a snow plough and then follow the plough across the mountain in a long column.

      People on the West coast claim that the city of Bergen is their capital – as opposed to the official capital of Oslo, in the East.

      People on the West coast claim that the city of Bergen is their capital – as opposed to the official capital of Oslo, in the East. There are even two ‘national’ newspapers, one published in Bergen and the other in Oslo. Both newspapers report national and international news, but largely ignore any events happening on the other side of the country.

      It does not matter if a Norwegian is from the East or West. Because, when he looks North, he is definitely from the South.

      People from the West think of Easterners as soft, self-obsessed and urban (which has negative connotations in nature-loving Norway), while people from the East refer to Westerners as insanely chatty, boastful and provincial. However, when he looks North, it does not matter if a Norwegian is from the East or West. Because, when he looks North, he is definitely from the South.

      Northern Norway, which stretches up into the Arctic Circle, is a region in itself. People from the North are hardy, silent folk who spend half the year hunting, skiing and fishing in complete darkness. They think all Southerners, whether from the East or West coast, are soft suburban types. Southerners, for their part, are convinced all Northerners have been driven slightly crazy by the midnight sun.

      The North includes around 70,000 Sami, the original indigenous people of Scandinavia. The Sami population stretches across the Arctic Circle, taking in Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia. In the 1980s the Norwegian government passed laws that protected the Sami culture, language and way of life. Most Norwegians feel the Sami are essentially a separate nation living, for the most part, on Norwegian soil. The Sami tend to feel the same way.

      When pushed, a Norwegian will describe himself as shy, hard-working and nature-loving. This is accurate, to an extent. A Norwegian is extremely shy, until he gets two drinks inside him, at which point he will talk to anyone he meets. He works extremely hard until the clock hits 4 pm, at which point he will switch off his computer and go home. And all Norwegians love nature, especially when trying to despatch it with a hunting rifle.

      17 May

      The Norwegians are proud of their land, with its stunning fjords and endless forests. They are proud of their government, national skiing team and education system. They are even proud of their high tax rate. They are, in short, proud to be Norwegian. But they do not like to shout about it, even though they sometimes can’t help themselves. The shouting happens most obviously on 17 May, Norwegian National Day.

      The Norwegians are proud to be Norwegian. But they do not like to shout about it, even though they sometimes can’t help themselves.

      On 17 May 1814 the founding fathers of modern Norway, the Eidsvollsmenn (literally, the Men of Eidsvoll) signed Norway’s constitution at the manor house in Eidsvoll. The constitution was considered to be one of the most democratically liberal in the world. However, at the time Norway was still under Swedish rule and the constitution was also seen as a declaration of independence. From that day onwards Norwegians have gathered on 17 May to express their nationalism, even though Sweden (peaceably) granted Norway its independence in 1905.

      For a few hours, once a year, the entire country is draped in the Norwegian colours of red, blue and white.

      17 May is the most important day in the Norwegian calendar. It’s a day of children’s parades, flag waving, eating and drinking. For a few hours, once a year, the entire country is draped in the Norwegian colours of red, blue and white. In small villages, along fjords and mountain valleys, children march waving flags and people greet each other by saying ‘Gratulerer med dagen’ (Congratulations for the day). In Oslo, the parade winds past the palace and the Royal Family stands for hours waving to the

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1