Only You: Indiana Panthers, #5

Chapter 1

Jacob

I reached my arms out high in the air as I twisted my back, ignored the blazing September sun blaring down on my eyes, and somehow plucked the football out of the air and brought it to my chest for safekeeping a second before my feet hit the ground. The moment my cleats touched grass, I was off and running like a rocket. I dodged several tackles by leaping left and right, yanking my foot away from two separate grasps and then stretching my long legs out to motor as fast as I could down the rest of the field until I touched the goal line and entered the end zone.

I stopped running and took a second to catch my breath. Wow, it was hot outside. The temperatures had remained in the low eighties, which is normally very pleasant, but not when you are wearing football pads and a helmet. Early season practices were always so brutal for that reason, even in Indiana where the winters would come on quickly and harshly. But sometimes this happened by Thanksgiving, and sometimes not until Christmas. And sometimes it would stay almost Spring-like until Halloween. That was the beauty of the Midwest.

Great grab! Vincent Jones, our full back said as he ran up to slap me a heavy handed high five. He was a big brute, but a hell of a nice guy. I was glad he was on our side.

I loved these practice scrimmage games we’d play against our B team, which consisted mostly of freshman and some sophomores who hadn’t quite proven they could hang with the main roster yet. Some of the guys would treat them as underlings and even bully them around a bit, but I always did my best to be nice to them. They were all talented players who had been selected to play for our team by the same people that we had, so they must have thought there was a reason for them to be there. And I remembered what it felt like to be in their shoes just three years earlier. Luckily, I’d proven myself ready to join the main roster after Sonny Lamer, then Senior star receiver, had been injured. I stepped into his place and I hadn’t looked back since. It had been two stellar seasons since then and I saw no reason why this wouldn’t be another great one, if not the very best season.

I sighed as I tossed the ball back to Chance Atkins, our star quarterback, possibly the best quarterback in all of college football. We all knew he was going to get called up to the pros, no question. I just hoped that I could be there alongside him. The two of us had a great working relationship, as any quarterback and wide receiver should have. After playing together for a few seasons we could read each other perfectly and just move with each other as if by total instinct. It was sweet relationship. And we were good friends off the field as well. You weren’t likely to find a more solid guy around anywhere.

I got back into the huddle position and waited to hear what the next play was going to be. I was beat. We all were. The heat was baring down on us, our idiot coach just didn’t care about this at all and was willing to work us until we all dropped dead of heat exhaustion, and I felt like we were more than ready for the game Saturday, which was two days away. Why were we being worked so hard, so close to game time?

We did two more plays just like that one until the coach realized we had this perfected already and were ready to take on Maryland Saturday. Then he let us hit the showers.

The moment I hit the shower I turned the water on cold and stood there for several minutes letting the cool refreshing water replenish my skin and wash the sweat off me. After a few minutes I started to feel like my normal self again, taking a few large swigs from a sports drink to replenish the massive electrolytes I’d just lost.

After the shower I dried off and started to get dressed. I had a bit of a full evening of studying to do. I had a Criminology final to study for and I was nowhere near acing the material. I was a criminology major. Law enforcement and the study of crime was something that I had always been interested in. If for some reason my football career did not work out, I was planning to go to Law School, but I enjoyed criminology so much I might have opted to pursue graduate studies in that instead. Law could get pretty dry and boring. Besides, there were too many damn lawyers in the world anyway.

But I hoped I never had to make that decision. Playing ball had been all I’d ever really wanted to do since I was a little boy. Every waking moment from the time I was seven years old had been about football for me since then. I started playing football about that time in some pee-wee leagues and some Pop Warner leagues. Then it just branched out from there. I had a natural ability, but I never forgot that a lot of other people did to. My parents had instilled in me a work hard attitude that I had never allowed to wane within myself.

Great play out there, Bobby said as he stepped up to his locker beside mine. He was the only guy I knew who somehow got sweatier while taking a shower. He basically needed another shower the moment he stepped out of the shower. It was a bizarre thing. But he was a good guy and one of my best friends. The guy also never took anything seriously, so laughter always followed him around.

Thanks, man, I said. You had a nice one earlier.

He shrugged. I guess I get lucky sometimes. Hey, what are you doing tonight? The cowboys are playing the Broncos on ESPN. Want to come over and watch, drink some beers?

I groaned. I’d love to man, but I do have schoolwork to do.

What? Let it go. You know where your path is going. Your grades are fine.

Yeah, but there are no guarantees in life. You always got to have several back up plans. Haven’t you ever heard of not putting all of your eggs in one basket?

Yeah, but I’ve also read that having backup plans basically installs in you a feeling of security that holds you back, because you know you don’t really have to do this. You are still ok. I think people need that extra edge sometimes. You know? It’s cool to drive forward and just ignore everyone who tells you that you should always have a backup because you might not make it. Allowing those thoughts to creep into your mind will set you up for failure. At least, that’s what I’ve read.

I was surprised. Wow, I never knew you did that much reading.

Yeah, there is a lot you don’t know about me. I play everything off as if I’m a goofball, but I work like crazy on things I’m passionate about. Self-development just happens to be one of those things.

Nice, I replied. Maybe you should change your major to Philosophy or something.

Nah, there is way too much boring reading there. I like to delve into things I’m interested in.

I finished getting dressed and started to head out. Before I did, I checked my phone. I felt a gnawing inside a pit in my stomach. I had been feeling that way a lot lately when I grabbed my phone. It was not good and I knew that I should fix the problem, but for some reason I felt deadlocked and paralyzed to make any changes.

I felt a bit sick to my stomach as I checked my messages. I had six messages from Irene. Wow...

Hey, baby. How’s it going? I miss you. What are you up to? Text me back already. Are you with someone else? Is that why you are ignoring me? I thought your practice ended an hour ago? I’ll find out if you are cheating.

As I read through them I couldn’t help but groan out loud and shake my head. Bobby noticed and offered some support.

Irene? He asked.

I grinned. You know it.

Bobby shook his head and ran a hand through is long, shaggy hair. Dude, I don’t know why you don’t cut it loose with that girl. She is mental.

Agreed, I said.

Is the sex that good? He laughed.

Well, actually yes...

I knew it. What is it with crazy women being the most awesome in bed?

I don’t know, but that isn’t enough anymore. This is getting bizarre and crazy.

Well, I hope you figure it out. You do not need this type of stress and distraction in your life right now.

Right. I don’t know. Everything with her started off great. We had a lot in common, she was sweet, and we just hit it off so well right from the start. And of course, the sex was amazing. I really thought she might have been the one at first. But then about two months in, her mask of sanity began to slip and that’s when she started becoming ultra-possessive and weird. It was like I’d never actually met her before.

Wow, man. That’s a tough one. I’ve often wondered how psychos can keep up the normal thing for so long, until you are ensnared in their world, and then they finally reveal themselves.

I know, I said. That’s the thing. It just takes you apart piece by piece until you hardly even know who you are anymore. I just want to move on.

Bobby shrugged. Then do it.

It’s not that simple.

Why isn’t it?

I have feelings for her. I don’t know why anymore, but I do. I still feel that if I can peel back this obsessive side of her that maybe that sweet girl I fell for will come back. I keep thinking maybe she was screwed over by some asshole guy in her past and that is why she is acting this way.

Has she confided in you about anything like that? Bobby asked.

No. She won’t really open up like that. It’s hard to read her, especially now.

Well, if she doesn’t want to change then she isn’t going to. I’d advise you to step away and cut your losses my friend.

He put his hand on my shoulder and slapped it down a few times. He was a good friend. We’d become fast bros soon after meeting on the team our freshman year. He was a talented player who just didn’t believe in himself enough. And he was way smarter than most people would ever know. Bobby was one of those guys who observed everything and did not miss a trick.

Right, I replied. I’ll catch you later, man.

I left the field house and started walking across campus towards my dorm room. I wanted to call Irene and tell her that I was ok and that I was most definitely not cheating on her, but the allegation was so ludicrous that I felt insulted by it. I wasn’t going to dignify it with a response. Besides, I’ve never responded well to orders or to people who want to try to boss me around. I ignore them and just do my own thing.

Sometimes this sort of independent nature gets me into trouble. But more often than not, it sets me free. Why couldn’t I just tell Irene that we were through? There was something there that was holding me to her. I just didn’t know what it was for the life of me.

When I got home, I was ready to heat up some leftover pizza and get to work studying, but the second I stepped through the door, I realized this might not happen after all. Irene was sitting on the couch wearing a very casual, but sexy outfit. She was wearing a tank top, a pair of exercise shorts, and from what I could see, no bra. Her large, double D’s were on full display and I couldn’t help but get a bit excited. This woman was beautiful and her sexy nature had a great hold on me. Wow, that sex was good. It was like a drug that I couldn’t put down. It had entrenched its grip on me good and tight and every time that I thought about leaving it ratcheted up the intensity and I felt like my whole world was going to explode. It was sad really.

Hey, what are you doing here? I asked. Irene had her own dorm away from mine. I kept forgetting that I had given her a key. I wanted to get it back, but I knew she probably already made copies of it and would get in to do something awful. I needed to speak to housing about getting the lock changed, or maybe having her barred from the dormitory all together? Could I do that? Was that a thing?

What am I doing here? Irene demanded. I’m going out of my mind wondering where my man is. That’s what I’m doing here. Did you not see my texts?

I was at practice.

Yeah, practice always ends at six. It’s almost seven-thirty. What slut were you out banging? Who is she? You know I’ll kill that bitch!

I tried not to laugh. You are getting upset over nothing. Baby, please. You need to calm down.

Don’t tell me to calm down. I want to know where you’ve been.

I told you, I said. I was getting angry and annoyed at these allegations.

I don’t believe you.

Well, I don’t care.

What?

I don’t care what you believe. I’m done having this argument. If you came over here to fight and freak out over nothing then you can leave. I have work to do.

Oh, it’s like that? You are just going to turn me away, like I mean nothing to you? Is that it?

You are acting crazy, trying to start a fight about nothing. I have done nothing wrong and I’m not going to stand here and defend myself. If you came to fight then you can just leave. I’m done with this.

Choose your words carefully, she warned me.

Why? What are you going to do? Leave me? That would be the biggest favor you ever could do for me, actually. I wish you’d go with that instinct.

I was getting angry now and the more I talked, the better I felt. I was getting a lot off my chest right now. This was great. The look on Irene’s face was priceless. She was shocked by my indifference. But she had driven me to this point. Couldn’t she see that?

You are not serious, Irene said. Think it over. It might become a reality.

No. There is nothing to think over. I want you out of my life. This isn’t working anymore.

Irene’s face was one full of shock and sorrow. Tears began to stream down her cheeks. No... not the waterworks...

I have always been a sucker for that sort of thing, especially when it came to Irene. I hate to see a woman crying, and I really cared for Irene. Even though she was making my life miserable, I didn’t want her to feel the heart ache of this breakup. Maybe I was being brash? Did I really want to end this? I wasn’t sure. I was a bit conflicted. On one hand it would make everything so much easier in my life if I went through with this. But on the other hand, I would be lonely and I would miss Irene. We had some great times together and when she wasn’t acting like she was going without some medication she desperately needed, she was a wonderful woman. But this had become too messy, too crazy. I just needed a break from it.

Ugh, I didn’t know what to do. I hung my head and walked over to the couch where I sat down beside her. I wrapped my arm around her body and held her close to me. She buried her head on my shoulder and cried. The tears were real, so she was either hurting badly at the thought of losing me, or she was the best actress that I’d ever seen.

I kissed her on the forehead and brushed her hair back off her face. Then I tilted her face up towards mine. Look, I’m sorry. I don’t want this to end, but you have to get a handle on yourself. You can’t act like this. It’s tearing us apart. Your jealousy has gotten way out of control. If there is someone you need to speak with down at the student health center, maybe a counselor or somebody, then you should do it. But we can’t go on like this. I can’t go on like this.

I saw the rage flashing in her eyes a second before she pushed me away and stood up. Oh, so I’m crazy, now? Is that the way you want to think of me? I’m acting crazy? You’re not? Please... if you could only see how messed up you are. I’m not worried about losing you; you should be worried about losing me.

With that, Irene stood up and walked to the door. She turned back towards me and glared. You’d better think about what you really want and really think if I’m someone you want as your enemy.

Then she slammed the door behind her as she stormed out.

I sat there stunned for several minutes. What had just happened? I thought Irene was torn up about the thought of us breaking up and then somehow, she turned it back on me and put me on the defensive. What in the hell was happening here?

I warmed up my dinner and ate it in silence as I struggled to focus on my studies, but the thing with Irene was still with me. What was I doing? I needed to just break it off and end it. This was not going to get better. In fact, it was only getting worse from what I could see. I was delaying the inevitable and it looked like something awful was going to happen with us if I didn’t just take that step.

I picked up my phone and I tried to make the phone call. I doubted that she would answer me. I then thought about sending her a text, but then it hit me how lame that was. Breaking up with someone by text or email was a pretty punk move. I wasn’t going to do things that way.

And a part of me still wanted this. I still wanted to be with Irene, but the sweet, loving Irene whom I’d fallen in love with so quickly. And I knew that was not real. She had lulled me into a false sense of security and she was not backing off now that she had me in her grasps. There was no real her, I didn’t think. At least not the woman I thought she was or wished she was. No, that was all a carefully constructed illusion.

I finished my dinner and eventually I was able to immerse myself in my studies and let the thing go from my mind. After a few hours of intense study, I felt better about my schoolwork and I had a much clearer vision of how I needed to handle Irene. I was going to break it off with her in person, very soon. I figured I would need to contact housing and have them change the locks first. Then I would tell campus security about Irene just in case she tried to do anything stupid.

And then lastly, I would set up a meeting with her in a public place to tell her that we were through. That was it. That was how it all had to go down.

As I drifted off to sleep that night I couldn’t help thinking about Irene and all of the wonderful times we’d had in the beginning. I wanted that again. But I wanted it with someone else, with someone real. Would I find that any time soon? Or maybe I was meant to just focus on the game and advancing my career for right now. Perhaps this was all a sign that I had to ignore my lustful and romantic feelings for a while.

But I couldn’t help but feel that I was just floundering for the moment. Just floundering.

Chapter 2

Maria

I entered the restaurant and approached the host in the front. He was a nice looking, middle-aged man wearing a nice suit. If he hadn’t been standing at the front desk and his body language had been more of a commanding presence, I might have thought he was the manager.

Yes, can I help you? He asked. His voice was higher pitched and softer than I would have imagined of a man of his stature. It was a bit of an odd fit and it caught me off guard for a moment.

Yes, I said. I’m supposed to be meeting some friends here at seven. I might be a tad early. It should be under Winters.

Of course, he said. Allow me a moment to check, please.

He looked at the roster and then up at me with a smile. Your party hasn’t arrived yet. Would you like to have a drink at the bar while you wait?

Sure, I said.

I went into the bar section and ordered a martini. I was a bit nervous, but I wasn’t sure exactly why. I was meeting three of my closest girlfriends for a night of dinner and drinks. Tomorrow I was leaving. I couldn’t get my head around it. New York had been my home my whole life. I loved the city, the culture, the atmosphere—but now it was going to be gone from me. I was packing it all up and heading to Indiana the next morning.

It was scary but exciting. I was following my dream. Ever since I was young I had wanted to practice medicine. And then as I grew up and became more interested in sports, that interest merged into sports medicine. Which is what I was highly trained at NYU to do. I’d just finished my degree and my residency. And I’d sent my resume out into the world hoping to land a job fairly close to home, possibly even at my alma mater. But that didn’t happen. Indiana University had come calling. They needed a new team doctor since their last one had just retired.

I gladly accepted and got ready to move. But the closer it came to actually packing it all up and doing it, the harder it was. I was going to leave my friends, my family—everything that I held dear behind. And I was venturing into a new world, a new city and place that I knew very little about. It was scary and intimidating.

As I sat there at the bar drinking my drink and looking around, I observed a handsome man entering the bar area. He was tall, broad shouldered, and very clean cut. He looked like some kind of business professional. As he entered he had a very casual way about him, as if he didn’t take life too seriously. His eye caught mine and he smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back.

It had been a while since I’d been even mildly interested in being romantic with someone. My previous boyfriend Dale and I had