Joyful Parents, Successful Children
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About this ebook
So success is not about having money; success is about having a good heart.
That is the main education you should give your children.
-Lama Zopa Rinpoche
This book contains perfect advice from Lama Zopa Rinpoche, not only providing the Dharma context for how our children should be brought up but also containing many helpful suggestions of how we can introduce simple Dharma practices for our children. Rinpoche emphasizes the responsibility that Buddhist parents have to educate their children in good qualities and behavior and to set a good example and practice the qualities Rinpoche outlines as essential for achieving every type of happiness, both short- and long-term.
This ebook was designed & published by Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive for Amitabha Buddhist Centre (ABC). We are non-profit Buddhist organizations affiliated with the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition (FPMT) and invite you to visit us online for more Dharma teachings.
Lama Zopa Rinpoche
Lama Zopa Rinpoche is a Tibetan Buddhist scholar and meditator who for 30 years has overseen the spiritual activities of the worldwide network of 160-plus centers, projects and social services that form the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition (FPMT) which he founded with Lama Thubten Yeshe. Born in the Mount Everest region of Thami in 1946, Rinpoche was recognized soon afterwards by His Holiness Tulshig Rinpoche and five other lamas as the reincarnation of the great yogi Kunsang Yeshe. Rinpoche was taken under the care of FPMT's founder Lama Thubten Yeshe, soon after leaving Tibet, in Buxa Duar, India, in the early 1960's. Rinpoche was with Lama Yeshe until 1984 when Lama Yeshe passed away and Lama Zopa Rinpoche took over as spiritual guide of FPMT.
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Joyful Parents, Successful Children - Lama Zopa Rinpoche
DEDICATION
Through the merit created by preparing, reading, thinking about and sharing this book with others, may all teachers of the Dharma live long and healthy lives, may the Dharma spread throughout the infinite reaches of space and may all sentient beings quickly attain enlightenment.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
JOYFUL PARENTS, SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN
Dedication
Publisher’s Acknowledgements
Editor’s Preface and Acknowledgements
Raising Children With Bodhicitta
Making a Relationship Meaningful
Generating the Good Heart
Teaching the Seven Foundations
-Kindness
-Rejoicing
-Patience
-Forgiveness
-Apologising
-Contentment
-Courage
Making the Worry Worthwhile
Helping Children Collect Merit
Living an Inner Life
Appendix 1. The 16 Human Dharmas
Appendix 2. The 10 Powerful Mantras
Appendix 3. A Practice for Children
Appendix 4. A Letter to the Children of Maitreya School
Appendix 5. A Prayer for Children
Notes
About Lama Zopa Rinpoche
The Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition
Amitabha Buddhist Center
Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive
What to do with Dharma teachings
Final Dedication
PUBLISHER’S ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Parenting is one of the most challenging undertakings in life for which nothing quite prepares us. At the same time, nurturing, guiding and raising children can be deeply joyful and fulfilling.
As Buddhist parents, we have a special and very important responsibility to ensure that our offspring not only receive a good worldly education but are also educated to be good-hearted human beings.
This book contains perfect advice from Lama Zopa Rinpoche. It not only provides the Dharma context for how our children should be brought up but also contains many helpful suggestions of how we can introduce simple Dharma practices to our children.
We wish to thank Ven. Joan Nicell and vbook; Nick Ribush of Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive, Tom Truty of FPMT Education Services and Laura Miller of Mandala for providing additional editorial materials; and Lobsang Drolkar and Soh Seok Keim for their support and assistance.
Ng Swee Kim
Publications Group
Amitabha Buddhist Centre
April 2015
EDITOR’S PREFACE AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
In this little book, Kyabje Zopa Rinpoche speaks about the need for Buddhist parents to make a plan for raising their children. This plan involves giving meaning to the decision to bring children into the world, and after having given birth to them, ensuring that they do everything within their power to make their children’s lives as meaningful as possible. Otherwise, as Rinpoche says, Being born in a Buddhist family will be no different from being born in a non-Buddhist family.
Rinpoche then explains exactly how parents should go about doing this—by teaching their children how to generate a good heart and the Seven Foundations for Happiness and Peace (kindness, rejoicing, patience, forgiveness, apologising, contentment and courage) and by guiding them in virtuous actions while they are still young.
The main body of the book comes from two talks given at Institut Vajra Yogini in Lavaur, France, on 15 and 23 May 2009 respectively. The context of these talks was a month-long retreat related to Avalokiteshvara (Chenrezig in Tibetan) who is revered as the embodiment of compassion.
Students present at the retreat, as well as those participating in the retreat from their homes around the world, were encouraged to count their recitations of the mantra OM MANI PADME HUM, with the aim of reaching a combined total of 100 million mantras. Almost every day of the retreat, Rinpoche would join one or more sessions and give an explanation of some part of the practice.
On one of these occasions, Rinpoche was inspired by the words mother and father sentient beings
in the following request to Avalokiteshvara to talk about how Buddhist parents can best raise their children:
Arya Avalokiteshvara, treasure of compassion,
Together with your retinue, please pay attention to me.
Please quickly free me and all mother and father sentient beings
Of the six realms from the ocean of cyclic existence.
Please enable profound and extensive peerless bodhicitta
To quickly grow in our mindstreams.
With the water of your compassion, please quickly cleanse
Our delusions and actions accumulated since beginningless time,
And with your compassionate hand,
Lead me and all migrating beings to the blissful pure land. ¹
By keeping in mind that their child is one of the numberless sentient beings—for whom they, as Buddhists, develop bodhicitta at the beginning of every practice—parents can avoid raising their children with the painful mind of attachment that thinks only of my child. By understanding that they receive every happiness, past, present and future, up to enlightenment from their child, parents will be able to rejoice in their opportunity to be of use to at least one sentient being. As Rinpoche says, Since you spend so many years of your life with your children, it is important to make them the focus of your Dharma practice and meditation.
Just as parents can use their children to develop bodhicitta, so too can people use their partners, parents, other people in their care and even their pets, to develop this altruistic wish to achieve enlightenment.
In these talks, Rinpoche emphasises the responsibility that Buddhist parents have to educate their children in good qualities and behaviour while they are still young; that is, when they are still willing to listen and do what their parents ask them to! Parents should also set a good example and practise the qualities Rinpoche outlines as essential for achieving every type of happiness, both short- and long-term.
In addition, parents need to teach their children how to do simple Dharma practices like prostrating and giving offerings to holy objects. Even if children do not continue to do these practices when they grow older, because actions bring results, sooner or later, they will reap the results.
Rinpoche sums up his advice saying, "Since as Buddhist parents, you can do so much