Torn Love: Tragic Hope, #2

This is for you Sharie! To say you are a blessing

in my life in an understatement. Love you!

Prologue

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~Nate~

This essay for Sociology was going to be the death of me. How exactly was I supposed to know about Motherhood as a social tool? I’ve been working on this stupid paper for like three days now. After spending the past few hours working on it, I was finally about half way through it. I was struggling with how to start wrapping it up when my phone startled me out of my thoughts.

Whatcha doing tomorrow? Lily asked cheerfully as a greeting when I answered. I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t do a little jump at hearing her so happy. And for it to be directed at me, especially after Lily just spent the weekend away with her boyfriend Brice. She just got back into town a few hours ago. Knowing that she was away with him did not help my concentration on completing this essay.

Not too much. I’m off work so it will probably be just school work and maybe laundry if my mom didn’t do it already. What about you?

"I was hoping you would be available to have lunch with me and Mason?

Of course! I said without hesitation. I would always say yes to hanging out with her. Brice coming too? Please say no, I silently begged.

Na, Lily replied. Yes! I cheered in my head. Even better! He has class and stuff.

Sucks for him I guess. So how was your trip?

Good. I’ll tell you guys all about it tomorrow.

Aw come on! Save me from this horrible essay Lil.

She laughed. It’s just easier to tell both of you at the same time so I’m not repeating myself.

I tried again to pry what happened on their trip but she was insistent that she wanted to wait and tell me and Mason about it over lunch. We chatted for a few more minutes before getting off the phone. I sighed, guess I would have to wait till tomorrow to find out what happened.

~*~

I pulled into the restaurant parking lot just as Lily & Mason got out of his car. I could not help but grin when I saw her. She looked good in her t-shirt and jeans. I walked over and gave her a big hug before we headed in. The hostess walked us to an empty booth and a minute later a waitress appeared to take our orders. As soon as the waitress was done, I asked Lily about the trip.

I sat there and listened as she went over everything that happened during the short trip. I had to admit, I was a bit jealous that I was not there with her. Her face brightened so much when she talked about experiencing snow for the first time. I was so young when I first seen it, I wondered if I was like that. She told us more about meeting Brice’s friends and how diverse they were. I already knew about the one friend because she text me a picture of him claiming that we were twins.

I thought she was done when the food we ordered arrived but she added, There’s something else I got to tell you guys. Brice proposed and I said yes!

She put her hand on the table, showing us the ring. It wasn’t anything fancy. If she hadn’t told me it was an engagement ring, I would have never known that is what it represented. I almost cursed out loud but it turned into a coughing fit. This could not be happening. I needed to get it together.

Wow, I finally rasped out. Wasn’t expecting that.

Mason passed on his congratulations and gave her a peck on the cheek. I wish I could be that happy for her but all I could manage was a small crooked smile.

Did you guys set a date or anything? I asked. I crossed my fingers under the table and hoped for a no. And I got it! It wouldn’t be for at least a year according to Lily. She was thinking about getting a dress at the Renaissance Festival which didn’t come around till late February or early March.

Luckily Mason steered the conversation away from Lily’s engagement. It was the hardest thing to do, sitting there, feeling like I lost my chance with her. Why hadn’t I just told her sooner? Because you are a coward, I told myself even though I didn’t believe it. I just didn’t want to lose her in my life. And I was terrified that if I told her, I would lose her friendship too.

We were close to finishing our meal when Mason realized he needed leave. Nate, can you take Lil home? he asked.

Sure, I mumbled around my mouthful of fries. This was a sign if I ever saw one. It was time to tell her she was making the wrong choice. I needed to take that risk of losing her. If I didn’t now, she would marry Brice and I would never have my shot with her. I waited a few minutes after Mason left, before I finally mustered up enough courage to speak but couldn’t look at her when I said it.

I don’t think you should marry him. I bit out, my anger coming out more than I wanted. But anger was better than feeling hurt. Hurt meant the chance of tears and I was not going to even hint at crying.

Why not? Lily replied, spearing her food so hard I’m surprised she didn’t break the fork or the plate.

I have to do this I reminded myself. I couldn’t lie now. I slowly lifted my head and met her gaze. Anger mixed with a hint of wonder stared back at me. This I had to say directly to her face. I just hoped that I wouldn’t regret this.

Because I love you. I paused before adding, More than just as a friend.

Chapter One

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~Lily~

You what! I almost screamed out, dropping my fork. It landed with a loud clang as it hit my plate. I know I did not just hear what I think I heard considering I just announced my engagement to Brice. Yesterday I came back from our trip to West Virginia where Brice proposed. If telling my two best guy friends was not nerve wrecking enough, now Nate was dropping his own bomb on me.

I love you more than just a friend, Nate repeated. "I’m in love with you Lily."

Is this some belated April Fool’s joke? I asked, a bit hopefully. It was just yesterday after all.

No it isn’t. He looked me straight in the eye. "I’m serious Lily. I’m in love with you."

Since when? I squeaked in disbelief. He took a moment to collect his thoughts. He wiped his hands on his napkin and leaned back in the booth.

Since I was in Europe.

And you’re just telling me now?! My voice cracking as I mimicked his posture by leaning back. I really wish Mason had not left before we were done eating lunch.

I wanted to earlier but you didn’t react the way I hoped at the airport. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t lie. I was caught up in the moment when I kissed you but I just didn’t add in the part of loving you. Then before I knew it, you hooked up with Brice, and then the fight and accident happened. That’s also kinda why I didn’t show up or call. I was afraid I would just burst out with it and you had enough to deal with. And I didn’t tell you during that first visit when you got home because of your break-up and I could see how much you still loved Brice. I’ve tried so hard to respect your space, and Mason’s. He paused for a second. I didn’t say anything, I was in shock. He doesn’t know, he added softly.

I...I...just gotta go, I stammered, jumping up out of the booth and started to walk out. It was all too much.

Don’t go, he said grabbing my wrist. I quickly shook him off.

I need some air.

I’ll go with you. He started to slide out of the booth.

No, stay here. I held my hand out to stop him. I’ll be back.

Promise? His voice was filled with worry.

Yeah. I tried to walk out of the restaurant as casual as possible. I was about one row deep in the parking lot when I started pacing frantically. This can’t be happening! I thought shaking my head furiously as if to shake what just happened out of it.

I stopped pacing so I could yank my phone out of my jeans. I flipped it open and just stared at it. I racked my brain trying to think of someone to call but no one came to mind. I just told everyone about the engagement. How could I now announce that my best friend loves me too! Mason was a definitely someone I could not call. Though he was my other best friend, I could not risk him finding out. I wouldn’t do that to Nate. My mom, Melody and Emma were a no-go to call either. It might get back to Brice. They could not know till I figure out what to do about this. I slammed the phone shut, shoved it back into my pocket and went back to my frantic pacing.

I really did not know what to do with this new piece of information. I have never really looked at Scraps that way before. Yeah he’s really cute. I have always known that but never let the thoughts go past that. More out of respect for Mason than anything else. It’s always been like an unwritten rule between us that we wouldn’t date each other’s friends. He didn’t want to be subject to the vulgar details of someone being with me or if we broke up having to deal with it. I knew it was hard enough on him when it happened with Brice and they were not even that close yet.

Oh crap! Brice! Here I am thinking about my friend and the man I’m in love with just proposed. I stopped again. This time to stare at my ring. I twisted it back and forth on my finger. I am in love with him right? Why else would I say yes? Of course I am, I reminded myself as my thoughts battled. So why then was I standing here thinking about Nate and what he said? There is no chance that I love Nate the same way...is there?

I glanced up to see him walking towards me carrying a square foam container. He gave me a half nervous smile when he saw me look up. He clearly looked hurt which was not helping me any. Scraps waited till he was close before talking.

I figured since you’ve been gone over ten minutes, you were ready to go. So I got the rest of your lunch boxed up for you. He held out the container towards me. I slowly grabbed it.

Thanks. Sorry, I didn’t realize I was out here that long. You can go ahead and leave. I can call Brice to pick me up.

Um do you think that’s a good idea? Don’t you think he’ll ask what’s up? No offense Lils but it’s easy to tell that something is bothering you and you know Brice will notice and want to know what it is.

He was right. I never been that good at hiding my feelings and I did not want to lie to Brice if he asked. Point taken. Can we leave now then?

Yeah, just give me a sec to put the top back down. We walked over to his Jeep without another word. Once the top was down, we climbed in. He took off his hat and handed it to me. You might wanna put this on, unless you want your hair to become a pom-pom. I could tell he was trying to joke with me to ease the tension but I just took the hat from him.

He then proceeded to untie the black bandana with white skulls on it that hung from the rearview mirror and wrapped it around his head. I glanced over with just my eyes as I put that hat on. I could not help but notice how sexy he looked with it on. Where did that come from? I cannot be thinking that! I quickly looked away when he looked over as he grabbed his sunglasses off the dash. Heavy metal blared from the radio as he started it up. That was the only sound that came from the inside of the vehicle on the way to my house. I just sat there leaning back in my seat, allowing the air from the exposed soft window to brush across my face.

I was already pulling the hat off and undoing the seatbelt when we pulled into my driveway. He slowly took the hat from me. Even though he had sunglasses on, I could tell he was looking at me with sad eyes.

Lily, I’m really sorry I keep messing things up in your life.

You don’t mess up my life. You just complicate it sometimes. This being one of them. I’m just going to go though. Thanks for the ride. I got out and walked around the Jeep.

Real quick, he called out as I reached his side. Would it of made a difference if I told you this sooner?

Honestly... I do not know. I turned around and headed up the path to go inside giving him a low wave as I went. He waited till I went inside before pulling away.

~Nate~

I punched the dashboard and immediately regretted it. It hurt. What the hell is wrong with me? Spitting out my freaking feelings to Lily like that. I wanted to stay with her and make this right. She had a look of utter despair and it was not my intention to cause her this much hurt. But I knew my company wasn’t welcomed right now. Did I really expect her to be all ok then and jump me? No. I don’t know what I expected, mostly because I wasn’t thinking when I blurted it out.

I hoped that I didn’t just ruin our friendship. I would rather watch her have a happily ever after with Brice (as much as that would hurt) than not have her at all in my life. I was holding on to the fact she didn’t cuss me out or tell me to go away as a good sign.

I wished I could call someone for advice or their opinion. Mason’s my go-to for this kind of thing but I really, really didn’t want to tell him. I did the unthinkable by falling in love with Lily. It was the equivalent to falling for his sister if he had had one. Lily was my other advice giver but obviously not even close to being an option.

~Lily~

I managed to eat the rest of my lunch without thinking of the lovely predicament (Why I even thought it was a predicament, I didn’t know) I was now in. That was till my phone rang just as I was finishing the last piece. It was Brice calling. I quickly swallowed the chicken and answered.

Hi.

Hey you, how’d lunch go?

It was alright.

Is everything ok? Wow Scraps was totally right about Brice knowing my moods! Even on the phone he could tell. It’s my own fault, I forgot to sound cheerful.

I’m just tired. I was actually getting ready to lay down for a bit. So can I call you back later? At least I was not lying; I really did want to lie down. Maybe a nap would help clear my mind enough to figure out what this all meant for me.

Of course. I love you.

Love you too, I replied and hung up the phone. I decided it was best to leave the phone on the table while I tempted a nap.

Chapter Two

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~Lily~

Sleep was pointless. Why did I even think I could even attempt to sleep with that explosive declaration Scraps laid on me. So instead I just lay there staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe it. Nate was in love with me. How did this happen? Did I lead him on without knowing it? I tried to think of anything that happened last year before their trip. Yeah I would lay on him but I did that with Mason too. It never seemed to bother him that I did either.

So we shared the bond of both losing our father, but that’s not enough to fall for someone, was it? Ok, I thought, what about after the trip and his kiss at the airport? I brought my knees to my chest and rested my head on my arm. How could I be so stupid! Mason was right. I really am oblivious. I fell back in a sigh. I thought what else I could have missed. Especially now knowing that the kiss was not a total accident. Looking back now, I should have known something was up.

Then I remembered something he said that day at the beach. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. I knew then something was off by the way he said it. Now I knew. I thought about how hard it must have been for him every time I kissed his cheek or hugged him. No wonder he’s seemed to have distanced himself. Plus I now understood why he would always stop me when I kissed Brice. It must’ve been torture for him to watch my relationship with Brice. Brice, I repeated to myself. It just dawned on me that all I have been thinking about is Scraps! I do not know what was frustrating me more, the fact that Scraps told me he loved me or the fact I can’t get him off my mind. Why should I even care, I’m marrying Brice, right?

I rolled over to my side in frustration. There staring back at me from the nightstand were the smiling faces of the two men I didn’t want to see right now. One frame held a picture of me and Brice together from my sister’s wedding and the other was from a while ago of Mason, Nate, and me in San Francisco. I slammed them both down.

I flipped to my other side. Ugh. Not any better. The group shot from the Renaissance Festival I had taken of the three guys, teasing they were my three musketeers, sat staring at me. Something about that day niggled at my mind but I couldn’t think what it was. I shrugged that thought away. Had enough going on in my head. I turned that frame down as well.

Now the only one I saw was a picture of me and my dad. I felt my eyes well up immediately. I’m not doing this I told myself, not now. I got out of bed and looked around. My room was filled with pictures. I can’t stay in here. Deciding to go for a walk, I put on my sneakers. Just as I was heading out the front door, I heard my phone ring from the kitchen. I ignored it as I locked the door behind me.

~Nate~

When I got home, I went straight to the punching bag. Thank God Brian wasn’t home, certainly not in the mood for his crap. He would probably just laugh at my situation then we would start fighting because he laughed at me. I didn’t need that right now. The bag was the better option.

I must’ve worked the bag for almost an hour alternating between punching and kicking it. The adrenaline wore off