Stress And Stereotypes

 I guess even the toughest among us has a breaking point.  I am by no means the toughest, but I am pretty strong for the most part.  Now R might disagree with that because he always sees the softer, wimpier side of me.  But what he doesn't understand is that I don't have to be tough when he is around.  That's about the only time, and the rest of world seems to view me much differently than he does.

Today however, the world got a little different view.  I went to Dr. Ivy League's office for my weekly check in on this diet thing.  I stepped on the scale and thought it was the same as last week.  At that point I just started crying uncontrollably.  I had hit my breaking point.  The poor girl couldn't quite figure out what was wrong.  I was babbling pretty much incoherently about all the things going on in my life.  Lucky for me, she speaks fluent sobbing female and figured it out.  As a result, they are taking me off the program for about a month...two weeks at least. 

My Step Dad is going in for a quadruple bypass Wednesday.  I have also been worried about my brother who is going in for a defibrillator soon.  My Mother has been seriously stressed over my Step Dad and I have been trying to hold it together for her.  (My brother is a half brother and had a different Mother, but she is still concerned for him too.)  R is gone to Utah most of every week now for the job he is doing.  On top of that, I have been trying to deal with small pesky things like finding Ridley a new home, the post office who refuses to acknowledge the fact that the mistake in losing the package is their fault and won't do anything about.  (Thank you Andrea for taking that little point of stress away today...you're still a rock star!)  And dealing with all of these things on 500 calories a day. Not to mention the memory issues, extreme fatigue and muscle cramps that go with it.  Plus the fact that I started the diet after being sick for ten days.  So all the stress I had been holding back just bubbled to the surface and rushed out like a water fall.  I am talking Angel Falls in Venezuela, and I just couldn't stop crying.  I was so embarrassed.  As it turned out I was wrong, and I actually lost five pounds.  But that goes back to the memory thing.  Luckily they give me a print out from the scale every week or I wouldn't have known  for sure.

I am going to still try to eat healthy for the time I am not doing the diet and watch what I eat carefully, but I am not going to be in starvation mode right now.  It's just too much.  Tomorrow I am also going for a massage...God knows I need it.

On the other topic I was going to talk about, I read an interesting article today about tattoos.  You can see one of my two in the pic shown above. (Ignore my cracked heel!)  I also have a small man in the moon with a star on the back of my neck.  I got it when I was 21, before tattoos on the neck were really a thing, and I had short hair. I got my ankle one 21 years later, and I thought for several years about what I wanted to get and even if I wanted to get it.

I learned something interesting about how people view tattoos these days.  While the old stereotype used to be that if you had one you were probably a biker and someone not to be messed with, that has changed.  Personally I thought it wasn't a big deal anymore.  But now there is a new stereotype; if you have one you either feel a need to belong to a group, you are greatly dissatisfied with yourself in some way, or you are craving attention.  Who knew?

I am not here to try to change how you feel about having one on yourself...that's a very personal choice.  But honestly, despite this diet thing, I have never really been dissatisfied with my body image since I was 14 and convinced I needed a nose job.  I couldn't care less about belonging to a group.  When it comes to craving attention...again not really a problem.  I tend to get way more attention than I usually want.

The thought process that went into getting it went something like this:  I love winged hearts, they have always been my logo...and it would look cute on my ankle.  Do I want that forever?  *Insert a couple years deliberation*  Answer; yes!

We live in a world that is supposed to be so enlightened, understanding and accepting...so why is this even a big deal?   By the way, the article I read was written by someone who is gay.  While that isn't something I have ever had a problem with since so many of my friends have been gay...and both of my tattoos were gotten with gay best friends, we are all expected to be understanding and accepting of that...so who are they to judge this?  I find that interestingly ironic. 

Personally I think life is hard...especially lately.  Do what makes you happy.  I feel that it's up to you what you want to do with your life and your body, and as long as you aren't hurting anyone else in the process, I am ok with that and it's not my place to judge.  Vive la difference!

~*~ Tidbits ~*~

 

As promised...I told you I had a new animal in the works...so please meet Tidbits!  Much like the elephant I had been wanting to make an upright pig when suddenly everyone was doing them.  I had done some four standing ones years ago.  But now was the time!  I hope you like him.  He is available on my website at www.blondheart.com

Opening The Door

This week has been hard.  Pretty much on every front.  At the beginning of the week I thought I was going to do so much better.  I was wrong.

I started this whole hardcore diet process on the heels of being sick for 10 days, then of course people in my family started having issues with their hearts, and that is truly stressful.  (My brother is doing ok for the moment and my step Dad is going in for a bypass on the 8th.)  I honestly think this diet has to be difficult when times are good, let alone when they are trying.  Tuesday I blew it...just a little but I did.

So I have to admit that a few minutes ago I was feeling pretty defeated.  I don't know if I have lost anything this week because my scale went all wonky on me.  I replaced the batteries, but I am still not convinced it's right.  I bought a new scale that is weighing me consistently eight pounds heavier than the other one.  Which is right?  I have no idea.

The extreme exhaustion returned today despite the B 12 vitamins, and I got muscle cramps.  I am already sick of eating the same things.  R said there is no way he could survive on what little I am eating.  Of course he said this while stuffing his skinny self with two hotdogs!  It's so unfair that some people can eat anything and be thin and some of us can eat nothing and still be fat.   Now when I say extreme exhaustion...I mean it takes an effort to lift the remote and fast forward on shows I have recorded.  I normally have limitless energy so this is kind of new for me and I don't know what to do with it.

Anyway...as I said I was feeling pretty defeated a few minutes ago.  But I have also told you many times in the past that the universe delivers up just the answer to something that we need right when we need it...and often in ways we never imagined it would.

I had finally shut the TV off and I was looking very quickly through a book for something else entirely before I hauled myself upstairs to bed.  I came across this thing that was basically talking about trusting in something.  It said when you think you have run out of everything you can give, to take that tiny ounce of strength, courage and trust and use it as a key to open the door to allow more in.

Now this had absolutely nothing to do with what I am doing, they were talking about something else entirely.  But isn't it funny how sometimes simple words and ideas can really hit home for what's going on your life?

While I am still feeling fatigue, I feel just that tiniest bit stronger and I have a renewed sense that I can do this.  All I have to do is find that small measure of strength to keep going, and it will open the door to more strength, more trust in this process, and more faith that I can achieve what I want to achieve.

I hope that if any of you are in a place now or in the future that you will remember this simple idea.  All you need is a little bit of strength, trust, courage or even love to use as a key to opening the door to more of what you need.

Have a wonderful weekend!  

Hugs, K. <3

A Tale Of Two Artists

If you read my blog then you know I love jewelry.  I also love to support other artists and get something a bit different and unique in the process.  Unfortunately not all artists are created equal.  Today I am going to tell you two very different stories about artists that I have had dealings with recently.  

First I want to tell you about Andrea from Artigiano Jewel box 

I had been looking at her shop for a couple months.  Her aesthetic is amazing and her silver work is top notch, you can just tell from her pictures and the things people have said in feedback about her work.  I wanted something a little bit different than an item she offered in her shop.  (Not the ring shown above, I just snagged one of her pics and hopefully she won't be mad at me for it.  Isn't it incredible though!  I may have to have one of those in the future.)  But I was nervous about asking because I always hate to ask anyone for a custom order.  I don't really like to do those very much, and so I don't like to put that on other people.  But finally I got up the nerve and asked her if she would do it.  She was SO nice about it, and she had it done in a week!  A WEEK!!!  

So she sent it off first class mail to me and I had the tracking number and all that.  Now for some reason the post office has decided to send it on a tour of the US instead of getting it to me.  But that is not Andrea's fault.  Even so she felt bad and has been keeping on top of it, calling the post office and said that if they don't get it straightened out soon she will just make another one.  She has kept in touch every few days.  And that is what makes Andrea a rock star!

On the flip side I am going to tell you about another artist.  I am not going to say their name because that's not cool.  But I ordered a ring from them on February 16th.  It wasn't a special order, it was just what they offered in their shop.  It was supposed to take 6 weeks.  So I patiently waited.  Finally on March 28th I got an e-mail saying that they had mail problems and apologizing for not getting back to me sooner and that it would be shipped and I would get a confirmation and tracking number very soon.  

Nine days later I still hadn't heard anything.  I sent an e-mail and waited.  No reply.  Now this is an artist that I had ordered from once before a couple years ago, so when I ordered I didn't bother to check them out because I had no problem the first time.  After another three days I sent another e-mail.  Nothing.  I posted to their facebook page.  They deleted the post, along with some other people's posts who were asking where their orders were as well.  In the interim I went and looked at their Etsy shop to see if there was an announcement about a delay or anything.  Then I noticed something, their feedback wasn't 100%.  When I went to look at it, they had over 50 negative feedback notices for non shipment, wrong size or misspelled words on stamped items.  Many of them even went on to say that the wrong sizes and misspellings were never fixed or replaced, and many people had never gotten a refund after waiting months with never receiving their orders at all.

At this point I decided to call Paypal about getting a refund.  The brilliance of setting a six week delivery time is that it goes beyond the 45 day limit for a paypal refund.  Paypal did send them an e-mail in hopes of prompting them to send the ring.  But they also suggested that if I didn't get it to call my bank.  I finally did that a couple days ago.  

While the bank did get part of my money back, the problem with that was I had a little bit of money already in my paypal account that went toward the purchase.  So it didn't show up in the bank record.  That money is lost, as well as the rather large fee the bank took to get the money back.  So from all this aggravation and money spent, I have nothing to show for it.

Normally I am pretty patient with people, I am understanding, forgiving if you have a problem that arises...because that happens to all of us...and I am never vindictive.  I always feel that whatever you do will come back on you through your own karma.  However this time I am not letting this one go.  And I will tell you why.

It's not that I was out so much money that my stock portfolio is going to crash or anything...but it's the principal of the thing.  Some people won't buy from artists because they believe that whole Hollywood cliche' that we are a flaky and untrustworthy lot.  While that couldn't be farther from the truth for most of us, whenever someone does something like that it casts aspersions on our industry as a whole.  Now most artists I know, myself included, work incredibly hard and really never get paid enough for all that goes into what they do.  But those few rotten apples can ruin it for a whole bunch of us.

So I am going to go the distance on this one.  Having been an artist for so long, I know the correct agencies to call and get that ball rolling.  I cannot stand the thought that there are people out there who are being taken advantage of, and from what I read some of them don't even know how to get their money back.  People don't realize that you can go through your bank if you have to.

All in all with everything I have going on right now in my personal life with my family and my diet, I soooo did not need the frustration of having to deal with this annoying little issue.  There was no reason I should have had to either.

If you are buying from an artist on Etsy, I urge you to look at their feedback before ordering...even if you have done business with them in the past.  If you are dealing with an unfamiliar artist not on Etsy, Google them.  If they have a bad rep past one or two unhappy people it will come up.

If you are an artist and cannot meet your obligations I urge you to save your reputation and just stop taking orders until you get caught up, and please...PLEASE treat people the way you would want to be treated if you were the customer.  I am sure you would hate to spend money on something that isn't made correctly or that you never receive.  It's ok to say no to certain things, but do it in a nice way, and never say yes if you won't or can't deliver.

Now go look at Andrea's shop, because you need her jewelry...you really do! And her feedback is perfect!

Hugs, K. <3

Airavata And Interesting Lessons Learned

 

Like a kid with a new toy, I had to make another elephant.  Chances are there will be another one soon.  Or...who knows maybe another animal?   I would like to introduce you to Airavata!  He is available on my website (he has been adopted now, thank you!)  at www.blondheart.com

Now as promised I said I would give you a more in-depth update on my diet.  First of all I want to tell you that I have lost eight pounds the first week, YAY!  But I won't lie, it hasn't been easy.  

The first two days of "loading" really sent me into a tail spin.  I am not used to eating that much sugar, fat and carbs.  The second day my short term memory just went away.  Now in the past I have told you that sometimes I dislike having this incredible memory retention, but you know what they say...you don't miss something until it's gone.  Lesson learned...it's a far better thing to remember everything, rather than nearly nothing.   It was such an odd feeling and I felt confused and helpless almost.

There was an upside to it though, when I try to design patterns I usually over think and over complicate them, and it freed me up to do the elephant without over thinking it.  Complicated is not always better.  Getting out of your head and just doing something without over thinking it works.  Lesson learned.

When I moved on to the actual diet phase, it was hard the first few days.  Especially giving up my 9 PM iced latte.  It's not even just about the coffee, it's about that pleasant hour when no one bugs me and I goof off for a bit before starting work.  My little furry darlings know that when Mom has that cup they don't bug me for anything.  A decade or so back when I discovered that I was allergic to chocolate I thought I would die without it.  Every time I tell someone now that I am allergic they always respond that same way...that they would die without chocolate.  But really you don't.  The first couple weeks were rough, but then I got over it.  It's amazing how you can give up things you thought you couldn't live without.  However...I am still on the phase where I feel like I am going to die without my COFFEE!!!  lol  Iced tea just isn't the same.

The next thing that happened was Saturday I was hit with fatigue.  Extreme fatigue.  Luckily in the book it tells you if this happens to go get vitamin B 12.  That made a huge difference.  Sunday my blood sugar dropped.  My vision was swimming, and I was lightheaded.  R made me drink orange juice which you aren't supposed to have, and he made me eat a little more.

Today I went in for my weekly visit with Dr. Ivy League, and sat in the infrared sauna.  I came out feeling great and today was so much better all the way around.  So I am confident, and I have to tell you..it's almost surreal stepping on the scale every morning and seeing that figure 2 pounds less.  While I know it won't be 2 pounds every day for the entire time because you level off, I can't wait to see how far I get.

I want to thank all of you for your positive feedback and supportive e-mails with this.  It's really helped!

Hugs, K. <3

~*~ Torbert ~*~

 

As promised I have a brand new animal for you!  Please meet Torbert.  I have been wanting to do an upright elephant for ages.  Years and years ago I did some four standing ones.  I was about to design a new upright one a few years ago when all of a sudden everyone was doing elephants and it put me off a bit.  But I decided it was time to give in!  So here he is in all of his adorable lilac colored glory!

I hope you like him as much as I do!  He is available on my website at www.blondheart.com

I will also have more of a diet update for you a little later in the week.  I am proud to say that I have lost 4 pounds already though!  

Have a lovely weekend, Hugs, K. <3

HA2CG

I don't know if you have ever heard of HCG, or the more concentrated version HA2CG.  Until I went to this latest doctor I had never heard of it.  I am learning however, that lots of people have heard of it and have done it.  

If you're not familiar with it, it's for weight loss.  You can buy HCG over the counter or on the internet, but apparently it's not regulated and it's not a wise choice to do this because you can't guarantee what you're getting.  Since mine came through the doctor it is supposed to be better regulated.  I am also doing a detox program in conjunction with it which is crucially important.  

I started it today.  If you're not familiar with it, basically it's a combination of 2 amino acids.  Other than some minor side effects, it's pretty much supposed to be harmless.  I am not one for "fad" diets.  But I decided to give this a try because the doctor raved about it.  

The first two days you have to "load" which means you have to stock up on all the things you are about to be denied.  Fat, sugar, oil and carbs. Then for the following six weeks you eat 500 calories a day consisting of lean protein, vegetables and fruit.  I know it sounds scary, but so far everyone has assured me it's easier than you think.  The amino acids suppress your appetite for one thing.

By loading, you are resetting your hypothalamus and fooling your body into believing that you are not going into starvation mode, so it uses the fat stores in your body.

Now the interesting thing is that when you are over weight people automatically assume that you eat badly, you eat a lot, you are lazy and you are a giant couch potato.  Well let me tell you, this isn't always the case.  I actually eat pretty well.  I am not perfect, but who is?  I eat a lot of veggies and lean protein already.  I am bad about my coffees.  I don't eat a huge amount of grains or carbs.  I am allergic to a lot of those things. I eat about half as much as my very thin husband, and I eat better foods. A huge part of my problem is that I don't process my food correctly. I am also not that sedentary.  We are going to work to fix that.  I don't produce enough hydro-some type of acid for one thing.  He also said I am not producing a few other things in the right amounts.

So this first day of "loading" has been horrible.  I feel sick.  And I have to tell you, it's amazing how fast fat, carbs, oil and sugar can effect you.  By the end of today I already had two pimples and several more on the way.  I feel bloated and my back is killing me.  He said that most people love this phase.  I on the other hand, am having doubts I can do it again tomorrow.  I know I will force myself, but I am not looking forward to it.

At any rate, this first whole week I am probably not going to feel so hot.  He said as the toxins start to work their way out of your system you will experience fatigue and just generally blah.  I wanted to update you on this so that if you don't hear from me you will know why.  I need your mental good wishes and strength.  I know that what I have chosen to do isn't going to be easy.  So I hope you will all bear with me and support me as I take this journey.  I will keep you updated on my progress.  

Also I am in the process of working on a brand new animal.  It may be slow going if I don't feel well, but it will be coming soon!

One last little fun thing...I hit 30,000 views on my blog today!  Thank you all for taking time to read what I write!

I hope you all have a wonderful week!  Hugs, K. <3

~*~ Little Prince ~*~

I would like to introduce you to the Little Prince.  He has been hand dyed and his wonderful little crown is made from half of a vintage collar.  Isn't he sweet!  He has been added to my website at www.blondheart.com

Feeling Terrified

 

 I hope you all had a lovely Easter!  Mine was pretty low key, we didn't even have Easter dinner because I was still sick and we had big sandwiches for lunch...so we weren't hungry.  We are going to have it tomorrow night.

About a month ago I told you that I had to send Ridley back to the doggie rescue that we got him from.  They tried to find him a home, and then he started biting and snapping at people.  They said for insurance reasons they couldn't take him to the adoption fairs and they asked me to foster him until they found him a home.  I was completely puzzled.   He had never been aggressive and I couldn't imagine why he was doing this all of a sudden.

When I picked him up last Saturday they told me that they thought he was overweight and had reduced his food to a cup and a half a day.  Now Ridley is a border collie and a very large, active  dog.  When they told me that, I understood why he was biting people...he was hungry!  He wasn't overweight at all either.

Tomorrow I go in to this new doctor and he is going to put me on a six week HCG detox program starting Tuesday.  I don't process food right, and we need to restart my system so to speak.  I am overweight, but I don't really eat that much, and I eat fairly healthy.  I am not running any marathons, but I am also not a complete couch potato.  I was feeling pretty encouraged over this whole process because he assured me there are no chemicals and no side effects....that is until I spoke to him Friday. 

I knew there would be dietary restrictions, but what I didn't learn until Friday was that I have to go down to 500 calories a day.  Also no fat at all.  The no fat isn't so bad, but 500 calories is starvation mode for your body.  There are side effects from that.  Aside from fat loss, you can lose muscle.  You can also mess up your thyroid, and I already have hypothyroidism.  Now I have it completely controlled with Synthroid, but I don't want to upset that balance.  Most frightening of all, is that hair loss is a possibility too.  I want to be thinner so I am healthier...but I do NOT want to be thinner and bald!  My hair is down to my tailbone.  It took forever to get it that long.  The thought of it falling out utterly paralyzes me with fear.  Plus like Ridley I am nervous I am going to want to start biting people!

I am curious if any of you have done this program...and if so, what were your results, thoughts and views on this?  I could really use some insight if any of you have any.   I do know that they used to do it as an injection, and that there used to be a chemical component involved.  But it has been changed to remove the chemicals and now it's drops.  So the HCG is safer.  But 500 calories a day...that is very little, and 6 weeks is a long time.  I am also afraid that any weight I lose will return when I start eating a bit more. 

Edit:  I have decided to push it back a week before I do anything.  I have been sick for about 4 days, and then last night after I posted this I got some very bad news, which has me terrified in a different way...so I am not in the right physical or mental shape to do this today.  I will keep you posted.

Happy Easter

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed Easter!

Artists And Obsessions

 

 I like to watch a show on the History channel called "Ancient Aliens."  I don't really buy into it mind you, but it's entertaining, and occasionally they have things that make you go hmmm...and give me pause to ponder them.  I like to ponder things.  It leads to theories and understanding.

Tonight the episode was about Leonardo da Vinci.  The poor guy, I feel rather bad for him.  Ever since Dan Brown pulled him out for fiction purposes he has gotten a lot of press.  Much of it tabloid worthy.  

In this episode they posited the theory that Leo had been in contact with aliens, and that's how he came up with many of his ideas.  I think that's utter nonsense.  Of course Leo was a genius and for some reason people cannot accept genius for just that.  They tend to sometimes think there has to be another explanation simply because they don't understand how it works.  It's not so hard to predict how things will be made in the future.  Back in the early 80's I was working at Sears in the audio-visual department as they called it then, when laser discs and the Sony Walkman first came out.  I remember saying to another girl that I worked with that some day we would have smaller devices that didn't require any tapes or discs because we would be able to put the music directly onto it.  25 years later we have iPods.  How did I know?  I have no idea, it just came to me.

While I would never presume to put myself in the same category as Leonardo, I can relate to him in many ways.  He was an artist who was interested in science, and so am I.   He was so obsessed with understanding the workings of the human body that he risked imprisonment and even death to dissect corpses, which was illegal at the time, simply to see muscles and skeletons and how they work.  I can understand this obsession fully. I have no interest in how the body works because that's main stream info now.  But my obsession is to understand the mind.  I have a burning desire to understand why people do what they do because sometimes their behavior simply mystifies me.  In fact I can become so caught up in trying to understand someone's motivation for something, that my friends think I am interested in the given person in a different way.  It's very difficult to explain your burning need to understand something you don't even really care about, and/or fascination with mindless things to those who don't share your fascination.

I have all sorts of odd little curiosities about things, and that can often crop up in my work.  I am obsessed with wings.  I don't know why, I have no desire to fly.  I simply find them incredibly interesting and slightly romantic.  I am also fascinated and captivated by safety pins.  Again I have no idea why.  I use them a lot.  You have to admit, they are brilliant in such a simple way.  With this latest bear (shown above) I wanted to give her hinged wings and the best way to do that was to use safety pins.  I think it's cute and functional.  *Shrugs*

Another thing they touched on was his obsession with his painting of the Mona Lisa.  They suggested that he carried it around for the rest of his life because it contained a hidden message of some sort.  Perhaps...he was known for that.  But I think there are several other possible explanations.  Either he was obsessed with the woman who posed for the painting in some way and since he couldn't study her directly he chose to do it through his work, or he was dissatisfied with the painting.  When I make a piece (I am not comparing a teddy bear to the Mona Lisa, but hey art is art) and I am dissatisfied with it, I will keep it around for a while to study it and figure out what I feel I did wrong.  It's probably nothing, but that's the way it works.  My last possible theory is simply that he liked it.  I keep things I like sometimes.  Artists do that, they get to keep some of their work when they really like it.  Sometimes inspiration comes from ourselves.  It's no great mystery.

The last thing the show touched on was that people tend to idolize and even worship genius.  If this is true, I haven't witnessed it in my own life.  In fact people tend to either get annoyed or be afraid of me for it.  I think Leo dealt with much of the same while he was alive.  Perhaps people only idolize genius posthumously? That will never happen to me, because I keep my theories mainly to myself, so I don't make those types of contributions to the world and very few people actually know about my being a genius.

When it comes to obsession, we tend to view that as a negative thing.  And yet...we are all obsessed with knowing or learning something.  We all have our odd little fascinations.  The difference is, when they are yours they don't seem odd.  So my friends, what fascinates you?  Do you know why?  Do others find it odd, when you don't?

I guess the Mad Hatter said it best; "We're all mad here!"  It's true of course, we all have our things that appear crazy to someone else, but they too have their own brand of crazy. As you will remember, the Hatter was obsessed with why a raven was like a writing desk! 

Lil Black Cloud

Over the years I haven't really bought much teddy bear jewelry.  I know, you're probably surprised because I am a jewelry girl.  I do have a couple pieces.  I have a scrimshaw Muffy cameo that is made from fossilized ivory, and a wonderful silver pin made by another artist long ago.  But I find most of it to be lacking.  

So today as I was out wandering aimlessly along the internet, imagine my surprise when I ran across this.  Isn't it ridiculously cute!   I couldn't pass it up!  It was created by the equally adorable Kimmie from Lil Black Cloud 

She also has an Etsy shop found here:  Lil Black Cloud Etsy Shop

She offers a variety of sterling silver pendants and earrings.  Along with the bear, there are bunnies, birds, a robot, band aid, acorn, a star that I love... and something I may yet have to have: a smiling coffee cup!  Of course there are clouds too!  For the more serious minded, there are some lovely origami sterling pieces as well.  There is so much more than I have listed...just go see all the cuteness for yourself!  Go NOW! 

Suffering For Art

 

I haven't done a winged sentiment in forever, and I thought I would make one for the heck of it.   This is just a funny one...but I thought you might enjoy it.  Feel free to use it, just link it back to my blog.  Thanks!