Work That Makes You Cry

I was at a training today and it was tough. The entire day was centered around child safety.  We heard stories from child sexual abuse survivors as well as those who have molested.  I'm thankful that the lights were out when we were watching certain videos because I couldn't help to cry.

Why are there so many bad people in the world?  I just don't understand it.

Participating in this training makes me want to change jobs.  I want to work in an office or a coffee shop or at a campground.  It is so difficult being responsible for child safety.  There is so much evil out there - it terrifies me.  It really, really scares me.

I listened to one individual talk about how he had molested over 100 children.  He showed no remorse.  I wanted to kill him. 

Just as I was questioning my work, the presenter told our group that for every trained professional, ten children become safer.  So, because of the 30 people who were trained to screen and identify potential child molesters, 300 children are in safer situations.  This made me feel better.  This reminded me of why I deal with the difficult stuff.  It's for the kids.  Thank God for those of us who have the strength to stick around for a little while in this field. 

I still wish that abuse wasn't a part of this world.  I wish that no one ever had endure it.  I wish that children were always safe, always loved and always put first.  God, please help those of us in these roles stay intuitive, attentive, open, sane, compassionate and intentional. 

Funny Story Monday: Talking with a Child

I'd like to share one of my favorite memories of a conversation I had with a child.  I was talking to a 3rd grade boy about how he was getting along with his older sister who was pregnant and living with him.  This was our conversation:

Me:  So, how are things going with your sister living with you?

Boy:  Not good.

Me:  No?  How come?

Boy:  (with a very intense look) Because she's a bitch.

Me:  Ah, you're not supposed to say that.

Boy:  Well, it's true.

Me:  (trying not to laugh) Oh, boy.

Boy:  Please don't ever get pregnant.

Me:  Why?

Boy:  Because your husband will end up hating you.

Did I mention that we were sitting in a school library while we were having this conversation?   This kid is amazing.  If he was older, we'd be really good friends.  He made me laugh and see the world from a different perspective.  He is honest and real and a person I truly admire.

Full Moon Reflections

It is full moon crazy at work.  I'm so busy I can't see straight.  There seems to be a lot of crises going on.  I had to call in an abuse report and was actually put on hold because "all counselors are busy".  Really?  Are there that many incidents of child abuse being reported at the same time? 

I have a million yellow post-it notes stuck to my desk, various folders, my monitor, on my bulletin board and my phone.  I even have post-it notes stuck inside folders.  Today, when I opened a folder to look for something, I came across a note I wrote last week.  It had a kid's name on it with "mom was killed" written underneath.  Oh, yeah.  I heard about this poor child and thought that I would try to help her.  I had completely forgotten.

This sort of shook me to the core.  How did I get so busy that abuse reports and working with children of murdered parents seems normal?  I can't help everyone.  Even though I try, I know this.  Is it possible to fix all the wrong in this world?  How are these kids going to make it?  I have built the necessary professional walls that allow me to do my job without taking in too much of other people's stuff but at what cost? 

Sometimes, life is completely intense and it is really difficult to accept all of the bad in the world.  We have to, though.  This is life and we'll go crazy if we don't.  It's just hard.  I thought of a verse that helps me keep things in perspective.  This verse reminds me that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. 

But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, whom raises the dead. 

 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again.
2 Corinthians 1: 9-10

Funny Story Monday

I thought that I would start something new.  I don't really have a signature blogging day so I figured that I would just make one up.  I have a funny story to tell about today and it dawned on me that I could do this every Monday.  Who doesn't need to laugh on a Monday of all days?  We'll see how long it lasts.  Today's story:

I work for a mentoring organization and I was matching a kid with a mentor today.  When I asked him what were some things that he wants to do with her, he shared that he would like to play outside and learn soccer.  This was a pretty normal response.

But when I asked him what some indoor activities were that he'd like to do with her, he cocked his head to the side and made a deep thinking face.  Then, with a lot of excitement and enthusiasm, he said "I could run down the hallway and scream 'The British are coming. The British are coming.' Just like Paul Revere."  Hmm.  I can honestly say that I never would have thought of this.

Happy Monday!

Note to Self

Work is not always like this.  It's the busiest time of year.  Breathe in and breathe out.  Embrace the exhaustion you are feeling and remember your purpose.  When you start getting freaked out and overwhelmed, close your eyes and visualize happy children.  Children asking and waiting for caring adults to become their friends, to mentor them. 

As you drive all around town and put lots of miles on your car, think about the families you get to meet.  The parents and caregivers who are courageous enough to ask for help.  The volunteers who feel like they are being called to impact their community.  The boy who craves a positive male role model and wants a mentor to teach him to fish.

Teach him to fish.  Play basketball with him.  Show him how to control his anger.  Set boundaries for him and be there for him even when he doesn't notice. 

You don't have the energy to clean your house or paint your nails because you are needed elsewhere.  This is the time that others need you more.  This is your purpose.  Take it all in and savor it.  Open yourself to all of it.  The smiles, tears, laughter, frustrations, stressors, anxieties, hugs, singing, overbooked calendar and even the red tape.

You keep praying that God helps you find your purpose.  Maybe you aren't noticing what is right in front of you.  You are running away from something very important.  It's lingering within you.  You just haven't grasped it yet.  You haven't fully embraced your purpose.  But it is there.  Waiting to be developed.  Hoping to be appreciated.  Get some sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

Psalm 143:10

 

Kids

I'm sure I have mentioned that I work with children. School started on Monday and today was my first time back since June. God, I really missed them. I work with between 60 and 80 kids and I just love them. The things the say will both break my heart and make my day.

We asked one child to tell us how he shows people he likes them and he replied, "Duh. I give them a hug". Geez, how did I not realize that. I am really excited about going back to schools tomorrow and Friday. I can't wait to see how much they've grown, how they are feeling about school, what their plans are for the school year and how we can help them be successful.

I really believe that kids are lacking positive role models. I spoke with a mom about recently moving out of town and asked how her son was feeling about having to start a new school. She responded, "I don't know. I haven't asked him". Well, maybe you should.

I'm not a parent so I can't pretend that I know what it is like. I do love the children I work with, though. I know that they crave attention, feedback, guidance, fun, honest conversation and unconditional love. I don't know the exact kind of parent I will be but I do know that I will respect my child and show genuine interest in him or her. I wish this for all of the kids I work with. I wish that they had three meals a day and weren't exposed to violence. I hope that they feel loved and cared for. I strive to teach them leadership skills and to find their innate strengths.

Prayer:  Please, God, take care of the kids I work with. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of their lives. Help them feel loved and appreciated. Give them strength to make good choices; especially, in difficult situations. Remind them that there are people who care for them and that we will do everything in our power to see that they reach their full potential.

Little Girl Hurt

I work with children and one of my kids has been very ill. We just found out that she is going to have a very intrusive surgery in the next couple of days. Her entire life will be changed forever. I feel so helpless while her family is dealing with this hundreds of miles away from their home. How do you provide comfort in times like these?

I just keep praying that God guides the doctor's hands so that her surgery goes well. I pray that when she wakes up and realizes her life will be different forever, she will not lose strength. I pray for her mother and father who are in shock about the devastating turn their daughter has taken. I pray that God helps all of us realize he has a plan for this little girl - even if we don't know what it is.

If anyone out there reads this post, please pray for this little girl. She's beautiful, strong and full of life. Please pray that she stays this way.

Thank you.

Monday's Random Thoughts

I never blog about random things.  I try to be intentional about what I write so that it relates to the title of my blog.  I feel like sharing a few random thoughts today that sort of follow-up from yesterday's post.

• The boy I mentor did awesome last week so we had pizza for lunch today!  Woohoo.  He's been doing amazing and it surprises me how much happiness I feel just because he's doing his school work and behaving appropriately.  I wish that I had a picture of him walking through school carrying that pizza box.  He was so proud of himself for being rewarded.
• We talked while we ate pizza and I told him about a dream I had last night.  There were two birds trapped in my house and I was trying to set them free.  His analysis of my dream:  "Well, it must mean that you are stressed out or it has something to do with your childhood".  He actually said this to me.  He's only nine years old.
• He loves pizza and ate four slices.  There was one left and I offered it to him.  He said, "No thanks.  Let's share it with that nice lady at the front desk".  How wonderfully sweet he is.
• Why don't I practice yoga every day?  I absolutely love it.  I feel so much better afterward.  It alleviates any back and leg pain, it stretches my entire body, relieves stress and opens me up emotionally.
• The construction going on at my office is in full swing.  It was so loud today that I tried drowning out the noise with my iPod.  I just had a combination of music and drilling in my head.  The noise is so intrusive - I actually feel different.  Out of sorts.  I've always appreciated the trade (my husband has been in the trade all his life) but I have a much deeper appreciation for those individuals who do this type of work every day. 
• I entered my first photography contest last night.  I did it just to do it.  We'll see if it goes anywhere or if I get any more passionate about it.  Maybe it will motivate me to compile a portfolio and start actively getting my photos out there. 
• I've been reading a lot of A to Z Challenge posts and I get a little anxious when I find out that people are already finished writing their 26 posts.  I feel like I'm the only person who hasn't.  I am a procrastinator and I work best under pressure.  I always have been.  I've written ten posts so far - that is huge for me.  I guess that I just need to focus on what works for me.  I do admire all those other bloggers, though.

Happy Monday.  May your week be full of wonder, humor, creativity and enjoyment.

Tears & Leadership

I think that I have mentioned in another post that I am a mentor.  I visit with a little boy at his school once a week and we have been friends for over a year.  He's amazing and so full of potential.  I love talking with him.  We can talk for an entire hour.  We tell each other stories, brainstorm ideas, discuss the future and talk about our lives.  He also has some emotional issues and it is difficult for him to manage his feelings.  When I walked into his classroom last week, he was in tears.  It was a bad day.

I can't remember what I had planned for the two of us but it didn't matter.  He was in trouble and very, very unhappy.  We weren't allowed to leave his classroom so I pulled up a chair and sat with him as he cried.  After a few moments, I told him the only thing that felt natural, "I've missed you".  We started talking and he eventually stopped crying.  I gave him my undivided attention.  I listened to him talk, we discussed the inappropriateness of his earlier behaviors, role played ways he could have acted differently, worked on a math test and talked about animals.  I never let him off the hook when he misbehaves or manipulates situations.  I do remind him how smart he is, how compassionate he can be and how extremely creative he is. 

I don't know how long this boy will be a part of my life but I am appreciative of every moment.  I sincerely want the best for this child and I pray that he achieves lifelong success.  I've learned so much from him.  His raw emotion and tears of frustration foster my leadership capacity.  I can't plan the words that I say to him when he is upset, I just have to feel my way through.  I take a deep breath, give him my full attention and speak with authenticity and love.  I believe that those who exercise positive leadership must be authentic as well as compassionate.  These are qualities that allow us to do adaptive work, help others reach their full potential, find meaning in chaos and act as change agents.  This boy has taught me how to be in the here and now.  I will be forever grateful for our relationship.