Impractical Pyromancy

I feel like that/that's pronouns are slept on

Like, two doms talking to each other

"What are we going to do with That"

"Well That really likes stingy impact play and having That's boundaries pushed so let's use a single tail on That until That's bleeding and crying"

"Ohhhh yeah That will love that!"

Also if you're like me and enjoy being slightly annoying to those you like ohhh goodness do I have a bit for you

~

Person: ohhh I love that

That/ that's user: yeah you do😉

Person: shut up -_-

~

Person: well that was a really lovely dinner, thank you

That/ that's user: well I'm not dinner yet but I'll convince my partner to kill and eat me one day

Person: ughhhh

~

Person: what the hell was that!

That/ that's user: hey! Rude!

Person: gods you're annoying

~

Person: well see that's the problem wit

That/ that's user: I am frequently a problem but not this time I swear

Person: stop!

I love that i can’t control my cat

There is a fuzzy little gremlin in my house. She has her own agenda. Sometimes she cuddles me. Sometimes she doesn’t. When I have a bad day and cry on the bed she snuggles up and meows at me til I pet her. If I pick her up she scratches the shit out of me. I love this about her.

shaving remains a great evil only outmatched by not shaving

someone has to do something about this

someone other than me and something other than spendng time and money on permanent hair removal

Whoever decided to give your sinuses boner parts should be beaten

hey girl, I've been erect (in my face) for five days and you're invited. to kill me. i cannot breathe. twould be an act of mercy,

At LEAST let us have face orgasms in recompense. Please. Where there is erectile tissue, there should be orgasmic potential.

sneezes

Let's see, if women are supposed to be innately good and pure victims, and penises are supposed to be innately evil and impure perpetrators or violence; then as a woman with a penis this must mean that I achieve a state of perfect karmic balance and transcend the concept of human morality whenever I masturbate, achieving a godlike state of absolute truth.

I guess that means I have an imperative obligation for the benefit of humanity to spend all my time jerkin it.

So if I'm not a woman and I do not have a penis, that ALSO means I'm in the perfect state of karmic balance? 🤔

Well if I'm right and understand this correctly, and lords know neither of those is true, you need to get yourself your own penis and then. And then. Touch... it.

😯 🫢 just like that?! Wraoww...

I'm that e

It's that easy!

Reblog daily for health and prosperity

Some cleansing positive energy for your timeline

Overcome by the brave and confident trans womanly urge to say "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

i hate ~professional phonecalls in full generality but like, listen. i understand being on hold for a zillion years. i know places are shortstaffed. i get it. however i think i should not have to navigate more than 1 phone tree submenu in order to get to the point of being on hold. i was going to compare this to a labyrinth but i think that would be more fun and less stressful honestly. yes even with a minotaur

the hold music just got real distorted for a sec right after i posted this and i was like oh fuck. the minotaur

#everyone pause im trying to conceive of an audio labyrinth (via @theunfairfolk )

sorry are you telling us we have to hold

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i hope im not just a mutual to you but also a really annoying stranger who is somehow always going through something

I just saw this and I’m cackling:

Aldjdhal @tikkunolamorgtfo

My uncle Malaprop was a police defective. He was one of the best men on the farce.

Macrocheles Rettenmeyri is a species of mite that latches onto the end of an ant's foot, and acts as a surrogate foot (while draining blood). same deal a foot gets

Eddieeee! Eddie I am your foot now, Eddie. We can still be the lethal protector Eddie. Step on me, Eddie.

Former pilot kicked upstairs to being a handler.

At first she's deeply upset by it, this slowly morphs into jealousy towards her replacements, then quickly erupts into unflinching sadism in how she treats them.

And thus, the circle is unbroken.

Centopéia pernas de hortelã (Mint Leg Centipede) limpando e cuidando de seus bebês! (Scolopendra sp. Vietnã)

Mama mia! It's mah spaghetti, she escape all over, she run away from-a tha spaghetti ma-ma! Now look, ah gotta tha spaghetti everywhere! Come-a back an let mama care for you, baby spaghetti!