How to Win Friends &

Influence People
Book Review by Daniel Kwitko
Part One: Fundamental Techniques
in Handling People

 1. “If You want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over

the Beehive”
 2. The Big Secret of Dealing With People

 3. “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with

Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way”
 “If You Want to Gather Honey,
Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”

 Criticism is pointless and dangerous because it wounds

someone's pride and puts them on the defensive.
 By criticizing we do not make lasting long-term changes and
as a result incur resentment.
 Its human nature to respond better to positive reinforcement
instead over negative punishment.
 Confucius said “Don’t complain about the snow on your
neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.”
 Abraham Lincoln learned this lesson at a young age as a
lawyer.
 The Big Secret of Dealing
With People
 The only way to make someone want to do
something is to make them want it for themselves.
 Let people know that you appreciate them often.

 When complimenting someone don’t be blunt…tell

them how they are doing something well.
 One virtue that is greatly neglected is appreciation.

 Flattery is transparent….give honest appreciation.

 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole
World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks
a Lonely Way”

 Think always in terms of another persons point of

view in order to see things from their angle.
 Arouse an eager to want in another person. Make
them want something for themselves. Inspire
confidence.
 Each party in this type of negotiation should gain
something.
 Part Two: Six Ways to
Make People Like You
 1. Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere

 2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression

 3. If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed for

Trouble
 4. An Easy Way to Become a Good
Conversationalist
 5. How to Interest People

 6. How to Make People Like You Instantly

 Do This and You’ll Be
Welcome Anywhere
 People are most interested in themselves.

 You can make more friends by being genuinely

interested in them than by trying to get other people
interested in you.
 If we want to make friends put ourselves out there
for other people that require unselfishness.
 Greet people with enthusiasm.
 A Simple Way to Make a
Good First Impression
 Actions speak louder than words.

 Give real heartwarming smiles…not fake insincere

ones
 Seek happiness…this comes from the inside and not
outward conditions.
 Lincoln stated “Most folks are about as happy as
they make up their minds to be.”
 Be proactive and choose to be happy.
 If You Don’t Do This, You
Are Headed for Trouble
 Sometimes it is difficult to remember names so
people come up with simple nicknames.
 DO NOT use nicknames or abbreviated
names….make the effort to learn a name and how to
say it.
 People are proud of their names.

 Remembering someone names shows that person

that you are genuine and sincere.
 An Easy Way to Become a
Good Conversationalist
 Being a good listener will make you a good
conversationalist.
 The people you are talking to are way more
interested in themselves and their problem.
 Ask questions and encourage people to talk about
themselves.
 Focus on their accomplishments .
 How to Interest People

 Talking focused on other peoples interest benefits

both parties.
 Before speaking to someone do research on them.

 Talk to them about what interests them the most.

 By studying them and what they like, the other

person will become more open and comfortable
with you.
 How to Make People Like
You Instantly
 There is one all-important law of human conduct-
Always make the other person feel important!
 Give unto others what we would have other give
unto us.
 You can work this magic everyday.

 Recognize others importance sincerely because most

likely they will have a superior attitude towards you.
 This is a sure way to their hearts.
 Part Three: How to Win People
to Your Way of Thinking

 1. You Can’t Win an Argument

 2. A Sure Way of Making Enemies-and How to

Avoid It.
 3. If You’re Wrong, Admit It

 4. A Drop of Honey

 5. The Secret of Socrates

 6. The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints

 Part Three: How to Win People
to Your Way of Thinking cont.

 7. How to Get Cooperation

 8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

 9. What Everybody Wants

 10. An Appeal That Everybody Likes

 11. The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You

Do It?
 12. When Nothing Else Works, Try This
 You Can’t Win an
Argument
 A majority of the times, an argument just ends with
both sides convinced that they are right.
 You cant win an argument because even if you
literally do win it, the loser feels inferior because
you hurt their pride.
 Always control your temper, point out areas of
agreement, listen, and give them a chance to express
their points.
 Best thing to do is avoid arguments all together.
A Sure Way of Making Enemies-
and How to Avoid It.

 You cant tell people they are wrong because it is a

direct blow to their intelligence and will hurt their
feelings.
 If you are going to prove something so it subtly.

 When contradicting someone, always used phrases

such as “I may be wrong.”
 Respect other’s opinions, admit when you are
wrong, and be diplomatic when proving points.
 If You’re Wrong, Admit It

 Be humble and admit that you are wrong. This will

resolve any conflict quicker.
 Be eager to criticize yourself if you are wrong. This
will take any fight left in your opponent out.
 Any fool can defend their mistakes, but admitting
your mistakes is noble and makes you stand out
above the rest.
 Admitting your mistakes brings a certain feeling of
satisfaction.
 A Drop of Honey

 Nobody will want to agree with you if you go off on

them while expressing a point. Be respectful about
proving your point and they will receive it better.
 Show non threatening body language. Do not clench
your fists or appear aggressive.
 Always begin in a friendly way.

 Abraham Lincoln said “A drop of honey catches

more flies than a gallon of gall.”
 The Secret of Socrates

 Begin conversations and arguments by emphasizing

things you agree on, not on which you differ.
 Keep reaffirming that you both are looking for the
same end, but only differ on the method to achieve it.
 Get “yes” responses in order to capture the attention
of our proposal.
 The “Socratic method” is asking questions in which
the opponent would have to agree. Your opponents
will always end embracing your conclusion.
 The Safety Valve in
Handling Complaints
 Let the other person do most of the talking. Listen
patiently with an open mind and ask questions.
 Encourage them to express everything as much as
they want.
 Do not interrupt if you disagree with them. Let
them talk everything out of their system.
 Build people up instead of surpassing them. If you
are doing well encourage others to follow. This way
you are building them up with you.
 How to Get Cooperation

 Nobody likes to feel like they are being told to do

something.
 We rather feel that we are acting on our own
without any outside influence.
 Let the other person feel that the idea is their own.

 In order to get cooperation ask for advice.

A Formula That Will Work
Wonders for You
 Even if someone is completely wrong do not
condemn them. Try to understand their point of
view by being tolerant.
 Try to put yourself in their shoes.

 When tensions become overwhelming, try looking

through an others eyes.
 By looking at another's point of view you can
understand them on a whole level resulting in
admiration instead of disrespect.
 What Everybody Wants

 The magic phrase that stops arguments, “I don’t

blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were
you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”
 A majority of the people you meet will want some
kind of sympathy. If you give it to them they will
love and trust you.
 Be respectful and sympathetic of others opinions
and desires.
 An Appeal That
Everybody Likes
 All people you meet will have a high regard for
themselves.
 They will be unselfish in their own ways.

 All of us like to find motives that sound good.

 In order to change people appeal to nobler motives.

 Put your decision out there and sit on it. Do not

make brash decisions. Think it over for a little bit.
The Movies Do It. TV Does
It. Why Don’t You Do It?
 You cannot simply just state the truth.

 The truth has to be vivid and dramatic.

 You should dramatize your ideas in all aspects of

life to really get your point across.
 Always be honest when dramatizing your ideas. Do
not misconstrue dramatizing with falsifying.
When Nothing Else Works,
Try This
 Every successful person likes playing the game of
life. They enjoy proving themselves and their worth
to others. All in the effort to win.
 Encourage competition in order to excel.

 Stimulate competition by throwing down the

gauntlet. This will appeal to people with spirit
because they will fight for what they earn.
Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change
People Without Giving Offense or
Arousing Resentment
 1. If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

 2. How to Criticize-and Not Be Hated for It

 3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

 4. No One Likes To Take Orders

 5. Let The Other Person Save Face

 6. How to Spur People On to Success

Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change
People Without Giving Offense or
Arousing Resentment cont.
 7. Give a Dog a Good Name

 8. Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct

 9. Making People Glad to Do What You Want

 If You Must Find Fault,
This Is the Way to Begin
 It is always easier to hear unpleasant things about
you after we have heard praise about our good
points.
 Just like a barber lathering your face before a shave.

 Always begin with praise and appreciation before

finding fault in someone.
 Just like a dentist giving Novocain before drilling a
cavity…..the pain is certainly not as intense.
 How to Criticize-and Not
Be Hated for It
 Many people will begin criticizing someone with a sincere
phrase.
 However, this is followed by the word “but” and lastly a
critical conclusion.
 The “but” and critical statement distract from the sincere
phrase.
 In order to prevent this contradiction, replace “but with
“and.”
 If you are going to call out peoples mistakes do it indirectly.
 Talk About Your Own
Mistakes First
 Humility in conversation brings about human relation
miracles.
 Admitting your own mistakes can bring you down to
someone else’s level resulting in an increased level of
trust.
 Even if someone else hasn’t called you out, admitting
your own faults can get others to realize they have to do
the same.
 Do not criticize until you have mentioned your own
faults first.
 No One Likes To Take
Orders
 Allow people to do things themselves and do not
demand others to do things.
 Let people learn from their mistakes. This saves a
persons pride because they do not feel like a
subordinate.
 Do not give orders…..give suggestions.

 Also, ask questions of people instead of ordering

them around.
 Let The Other Person Save
Face
 What a man thinks of themselves is more important
than what others think of him.
 Do not diminish another person by belittling them.

 Breaking someone down is not proactive.

 Instead let that person save face in the situation.

 How to Spur People On to
Success
 Praise people on their improvements no matter how
slight they are.
 Praise people on specific accomplishments.

 Nobody wants insincere flattery.

 Talk about changing people in order to inspire.

 This might make them realize their hidden strengths

and talents.
 Give a Dog a Good Name

 In order to improve a certain aspect of a person, act

as if the one particular trait that you want to have
them improve is already one of their best traits.
 Give someone a good reputation to live up to. Make
them aspire for good things so that they want to
achieve them.
 They will make all the effort in the world to live up
to their given name and reputation.
 Make the Fault Seem Easy
to Correct
 Always encourage to inspire confidence in order to
make the fault seem minimal and easy to correct.
 Let the person with the fault know that you believe
in them.
 Be positive when critiquing others by letting them
know they have a natural talent in the fault they are
trying to correct.
 Get them to want to practice until they are proficient
in the task at hand.
 Making People Glad to Do
What You Want
 Always make the other person happy about doing the
thing you suggest.
 Be honest and sincere. Do not promise insurmountable
goals.
 Have specific goals for the person. Make sure you know
exactly what you want them to do.
 Be empathetic by putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

 Keep the other persons wants in mind when making

suggestions.
 Connecting to Class
Content
 The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by
Stephen Covey
 Part One: Fundamental Techniques in
Handling People Connection to The 7 Habits
of Highly Effective People Part Two: Private
Victory

 Criticizing others is a short term emotional outlet. Instead of sitting down

with someone and working on a plan for improvement, sometimes people
resort to criticizing instead.
 These unplanned outbursts are done with having the end in mind. The focus
needs to be on an end result that benefits everyone.
 This would require a proactive approach. Being proactive requires a leader
to look at the overall picture, especially with the end in mind, and not react
off emotions. By thinking of the positives and not criticizing, a leader can
leave a greater impact.
 The books do disagree in regards to the two sections being compared. Habit
Three in the & Habits book focuses on putting first things first, or focusing
on your highest priorities and saying no when you have to. Chapter Three in
the How to Win Friends book focuses on seeing things from another's
perspective and putting their wants above your own.
Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You
Connection to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People Part Three: Public Victory

 Part Two in the How to Win Friends book focuses

on greeting people with enthusiasm, actions speak
louder than words, valuing names, listen, and make
others feel important. The fourth habit, win-win,
focuses on maturity and integrity.
 Integrity utilizes all of the main focuses of part two
of the How to Win Friends book. Someone with
integrity values themselves and others so they will
make the effort to listen to them and make them feel
important.
 Part Three: How to Win People to Your
Way of Thinking Connection to Part
Four: Renewal

 Part three focuses on getting people to accept and agree with your way
of thinking. This also means not arguing with others. You cannot force
your opinions on others. Also, if you are wrong admit it. True leaders
display humility. Part Four: Renewal focuses on becoming a smart keen
leader. The greatest asset in Part Four is yourself.
 They connect in that they both focus on the leader and what they need
to do to be effective. They differ in that How to Win Friends looks at
success as followers buying into your vision, while The 7 Habits looks at
personal accomplishes in physical, social, mental, and spiritual respects.
 How to Win Friends and Influence People focuses on getting others to
accept you and your leadership, while The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People focuses more on the leader and their personal victories in all
aspects of life.
 Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without
Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment Connection to
All 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

 Part Four in How to Win Friends focuses on admitting

your own faults before criticizing others, giving
suggestions over orders, and letting the other person
save face. The 7 Habits Book relates in regards to Habit
6: Synergize. Habit 6 emphasizes the importance of
teamwork and finding new solutions to old problems.
 They both relate in that they stress the importance of
group work to solve problems. They differ in that How
to Win friends looks at the interpersonal relationships
that occur within the groups while the 7 Habits looks
more at an overhead view of group work.
Highlights and Criticisms of How to
Win Friends and Influence People.

 I really connected with this book and enjoyed it immensely. Dale Carnegies use of
stories in each chapter to demonstrate his points provided a way to seek ideas in
action. Also, I am a huge Abraham Lincoln fan so seeing Carnegie incorporate
him so much throughout the book was an added perk.
 Dale Carnegie also stressed the importance of empathy throughout the book. By
understanding ourselves completely we can successfully be empathetic towards
others.
 Self awareness allows us to understand others and be proactive. We can rise
above the situation and realize what we must do to make friends and influence
people.
 The one issue I had with this book is that it focuses on how we can make others
happier and more comfortable under leadership. I would have liked to read more
on improving oneself before helping others, but luckily for me The 7 Habits of
Highly Effective People covers what How to Win Friends and Influence People
does not.
 Works Cited

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to Win Friends and Influence

People (Rev. ed.). New York: Simon and Schuster.

Covey, S. R. (2013). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective

People (25th anniversary ed.). London: Simon &

Schuster.