Ten Rules You Absolutely Must Not Break

if You Want to Survive the School Bus

By John Grandits
KYLE: It was the first day of school, and my brother James was walking me to the corner where
the school bus stopped. I’d never taken the bus before, and to be honest I was a little
nervous. But James was a school bus expert and he promised to help me out.
JAMES: Pay attention Kyle. Don’t walk on people’s lawns. They don’t like it when you do that.
And don’t get to the bus stop too early! That’s always a mistake. But don’t get there late,
either. You’ll get left behind.
KYLE: My stomach turned over. In one of the nature shows I watch on TV, a young Canada
goose got left behind when the flock flew south for the winter. I think it froze to death. Too
bad James wasn’t taking the bus with me. Last year he rode the bus and Mom walked me
to school. Then we moved. Now he gets to walk, and I have to take the bus. James had told
me all about riding the bus. He said if you weren’t careful, you could get laughed at or
yelled at. You could get pushed around or even pounded. Big kids would steal your lunch
and your money and even your football card collection! Sometimes I wondered if he was
exaggerating a little. But if even half the stories were true. I was in trouble. (to James) So
what am I supposed to do?
JAMES: Just think of what I’d do and try to act like me. And always, always follow my rules.
KYLE: He called them the. . .

INTRODUCTION
Ten Rules You Absolutely Must Not Break if You Want to Survive the School Bus by John
Grandits

KYLE: I was going to follow every one of them. I didn’t want to get pounded. A couple of kids
and their parents were already at the bus stop. There was a house with a fenced-in yard on
the corner, and inside the yard there was a dog, barking like crazy. I couldn’t see him, but

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 he sounded like an artic wolf that hadn’t eaten all winter. The fence looked old and rotten.
(Dog barking viciously)
JAMES: Better stay back. That dog sounds nuts.
BIG KID: No lie. I heard he ate a first-grader last year.
KYLE: Everyone moved as far away from the fence as possible – even the grownups. But I had
bigger things to worry about than some dumb wolf dog. I had to ride the school bus all
alone . . . by myself . . . surrounded by kids I didn’t know. Suddenly there it was: the school
bus, charging right at me like a giant yellow rhinoceros! At the last second it jerked to a
stop. The door swung open. Man, what was that smell? Last year’s barf? James waved
and walked away. That’s when the big kid pushed me aside, knocking my backpack to the
ground. By the time I’d picked up all my stuff, everyone else was on the bus. I climbed
onboard. The driver was nasty-looking.
BUS DRIVER: Hurry up, kid. I don’t have all day, you know.
KYLE: The first row of seats was empty, but I kept going because of . . . RULE ONE: Never sit in
the first row. The second row was filled – and the third row, too. There were kids of every
size and shape and color on the bus, and everyone one of them was staring at me. I felt like
a zebra at a lion party. The fourth row was filled, the fifth, the sixth. Oh no! Every seat was
taken except in the last row. But I couldn’t sit there because of . . . RULE TWO: Never sit in
the last row. I thought maybe I should go back to the first row and break Rule One. But
then I’d have to walk by everybody again. And I’d break . . . RULE THREE: Never, ever make
yourself stand out in any way. I’d been very careful to put on ordinary clothes that
morning. I hadn’t worn my moose antlers hat or my lucky bowling shirt. Even so, there I
was, stopped dead in the middle of the aisle, with everybody staring at me. I walked to the
last row and sat down. I had broken Rule Two and probably Rule Three because I didn’t
break Rule One. I stared at my shoes. The day was not starting out well. There was a kid
sitting in the window seat next to me. I could see legs and feet, jeans and sneakers. Was it
a boy or a girl? I didn’t want to be rude, but I was curious. I decided to take a peek – and
immediate broke . . . RULE FOUR: Never make eye contact.

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BIG KID: What are you looking at, dweeb?
KYLE: It was the big kid from my stop, and he was glaring at me. Up close, he was the size of a
grizzly bear. He must have been in the sixth grade, at least! Quickly, I looked away. My
brother had told me that eye contact was very dangerous. If you looked at a kid wrong, he
might lash out at you, like a cornered animal. All of a sudden, the big kid’s lunch bag fell off
the seat! Without thinking about what James would do, I picked it up. That’s when I
remembered . . . RULE FIVE: Never touch anyone’s stuff.
BIG KID: (yelling) What are you doing with my lunch!
KYLE: Nothing. (tossing it into his lap) It fell on the floor. I was just trying to help.
BIG KID: Help yourself to my Twinkies, you mean!
KYLE: No, honest. I just picked it up.
BIG KID: Get out of this seat! (growling) You little kids are a pain!
KYLE: James would never have gotten into this mess because he wouldn’t have broken . . .
RULE SIX: Never talk to big kids.
JAMES: Big kids on the bus are bad. Never, ever talk to a big kid unless you’re one yourself!
KYLE: And I wasn’t. So far, the big kid had already yelled at me. Maybe he wasn’t pounding
me yet, but he might be planning to pound me later. I go up, crossed the aisle, and sat
down. There was a girl in the other half of the seat.
GIRL: Don’t pay any attention to him. I saw the whole thing. You didn’t try to take his lunch.
KYLE: Yeah, but I shouldn’t have touched his stuff. I guess I wasn’t thinking. (to audience)
Which only proved that I still wasn’t thinking, because I’d just broken . . . RULE SEVEN:
Never talk to girls. James had told me that girls were even worse than big kids. They were
as mean as snakes; they never stopped talking, and they hated sports. And if you were nice
to them on the bus, they might want to sit with you at lunch. Actually, that part didn’t
sound too bad to me. I wouldn’t mind having someone to sit with at lunch. But my brother
was the expert. And it was true, the girl hadn’t stopped talking since I’d sat down. But I
sort of stopped listening because the barf smell was getting to me and I had to concentrate
on not adding to it. Still, I snapped to attention when I heard her say

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GIRL: That guy’s not so tough, you know. One time I saw him run away from a squirrel. But he
likes to pick on younger kids. He’s a big bully.
KYLE: Oh no! James had especially warned me to obey . . . RULE EIGHT: Never mess with the
bully.
JAMES: Every bus has a bully. It could be a big kid or a little one. A boy or a girl. It doesn’t
matter. If you make the bully mad, your life will be miserable.
KYLE: I spent the rest of the bus ride imagining the bully beating me up all the way through
grade school, high school, and college. Finally, the bus screeched to a stop, and I escaped. I
found my classroom, met my teacher, and sat down with the other kids. The rest of the day
went OK, and one nice thing actually happened. At recess I was watching a game of
kickball, and I saw the talking girl from the school bus. She was captain of one of the teams,
and she was really good! Anyway, while she was waiting for her turn to kick, she came over
and talked to me. And talked and talked. She told me that she took acting classes on
Saturday, and yellow was her favorite color. She knew a lot about chameleons, because she
had three of them. I was going to tell her about my ant farm, only she didn’t leave any
spaces for me to say anything. Of course, James never would have listened to a girl, but it
wasn’t bad. In fact, the chameleon stuff was interesting, and she said I could be on her
kickball team tomorrow. Finally, it was time to go home. But I couldn’t find my bus. There
were thousands of them. It was a heard of identical yellow rhinos. Which one was mine?
GIRL: (hanging out the bus window) Hey, new kid. Over here.
KYLE: Yes! I’d found the bus – or at least it had found me. I hurried to get one, because of . . .
RULE NINE: Never be the last one on the bus.
BUS DRIVER: (frowning) Sit down, kid. You’re the last one onboard.
KYLE: I could see that my brother was right about this rule. There were no seats left – except
in the first row, right next to the big kid bully. (To big kid, weakly as he slides into the seat)
Uh, hi. (to audience) I didn’t look him in the eye. Even so, I’d managed to break Rule One,
Three, Six. Eight and Nine in about thirty seconds. That must be a new world record. James
would never approve, but I was too tired to care.

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BIG KID: Man, I hate the ride home on this bus.
KYLE: Yikes! The big kid bully was talking to me! (To big kid, carefully) Really?
BIG KID: Yeah, I always get a bad seat – like this one. (glaring at Kyle as if it were his fault) And
I hate where the bus stops.
KYLE: You mean, because of the dog? (big kid grunts) – (to audience) which I took to mean yes.
(to big kid) Yeah. What if it got loose? That would be really scary.
BIG KID: (nodding) You’d think the bus driver could stop across the street. But nooooo!
KYLE: Have you asked her?
BIG KID: Are you nuts? There are rules you have to follow when you ride the bus.
KYLE: Tell me about it. (to audience) And I remembered the last one on my brother’s list . . .
RULE TEN: Never, absolutely never, mess with the bus driver.
BIG KID: She’s scarier than the dog on the corner. (smiling evilly) Why don’t you ask her?
You’re a little kid. She probably won’t yell at you . . . much.
KYLE: I thought it over. I’d already broken every other ule. I might as well go for ten out of
ten. (rising up from his seat, he taps the bus driver on the shoulder) Ms. School Bus Driver
Lady?
BUS DRIVER: Yeah? What? Sit down, kid. No talking to the driver.
KYLE: But I wasn’t going to quit now. (to bus driver) There’s a scary dog on the corner by our
stop. Could you please drop us off on the other side of the street instead?
BUS DRIVER: Oh, is that all? No sweat, kid. Now sit down.
BIG KID: (impressed) Wow! Good work! (then catches himself and growls) Little kids get away
with murder!
KYLE: Maybe that was true, but I still felt brave. I’d broken ever single one of my brother’s
rules. Even so, I hadn’t gotten pounded – and I hadn’t even barfed on the bus. I walked on
people’s lawns all the way home. James was waiting for me.
JAMES: (jumping up and down) How was the school bus? Where did you sit? Did you get
pounded? Who's the bully? Is the driver mean? You didn’t talk to any girls, did you? Was
it terrible?

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KYLE: It was OK. I think I’ll be all right. And I learned something I never expected to learn.
JAMES: Oh, yeah? What’s that?
KYLE: (grinning) RULE ELEVEN: Never, absolutely never, pay attention to your big brother’s
list of Ten Rules You Absolutely Must Not Break if You Want to Survive the School Bus!

SOURCE INFORMATION
Author: John Grandits
ISBN: 978-0618788224
Publisher: Clarion Books
Date (Month/Year): July 2011

AWARD HISTORY
2016 National Qualifier
2021 National Qualifier - MS

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