Scrip 3

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5YC Theatre: At the Back of the North Wind

September 2022
Director – Catelyn Lawrence
Book, Music, Lyrics – Matt Kramer
CAST:
North Wind. . . . .Ashley Tone
Diamond. . . . .Riley Unterbug
Evil. . . . .Matt Kramer
Destiny. . . . .Catelyn Lawrence
Blaze. . . . .Grant Malcolm
Daylight. . . . .Sasha Saynor
Jasper. . . . .Jonathan Rizzo
Photon. . . . .Noah Garcia
Luminance. . . . .Owen Garcia
Eclipse. . . . .Caiden Garcia
The Dog. . . . .Clint Doggett
The Cat. . . . .Elayne Doggett
The Breeze. . . . .Natalie Kramer

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SYNOPSIS:
Based on the classic novel by 1800s author and minister George
MacDonald, this is a completely reworked version but still
retains the essence of his book. Set in a retro 1980s fantasy
world, the story follows young Diamond and her adventures with
the North Wind, a whimsical young woman who is the
personification of the wind itself.
The tale explores the common question "Why does a loving God
allow bad things to happen in the world", as Diamond and a host
of curious characters come to understand the biblical reality of
good and evil existing together on the earth. Fun in parts but
bittersweet and thought-provoking in other parts, our version is
updated from Victorian to a stereotypical "totally rad" 80s
style.
As you do not know what is the way of the wind. . . .so you do
not know the works of God who made everything. - Ecclesiastes
11:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your
own understanding. - Proverbs 3:5
CHARACTER BREAKDOWNS:
THE NORTH WIND (ASHLEY TONE) – similar to Jem from the 80s
animated series Jem and the Holograms; a cool, trendy, rock star
type, but with a sweet, optimistic, compassionate heart; she is
the living personification of the actual north wind, and
struggles with her uncontrollable ability to bring both pleasure
and disaster to the earth; she represents the core of the tale-
we live in a world where good and evil are growing together.
DIAMOND (RILEY UNTERBUG) – a curious, kind-hearted, average 80s

teen girl (like half of 1980s films, the ordinary young person
with the fantasy companion- E.T., Gremlins, Flight of the
Navigator, Explorers, etc). Very mature for her age, she is
secretly dying of cancer and is on a journey to discover why God
would ever allow such a thing; she goes to “the back of the
north wind” (heaven) at the end.
EVIL (MATT KRAMER) – similar to the 80s punk/heavy metal bands

like Twisted Sister; the literal personification of evil (not
the devil, but simply the embodiment of the concept of evil
itself); an old glam-rocker with a gruff British accent, he
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wanders the earth administering evil; though truly wicked, he’s

been around since the fall of man and treats his work as simply
a job.
DESTINY (CATELYN LAWRENCE) – a fantasy Jane Fonda 80s fitness

instructor; perky, energetic, and always ready to get everyone
in shape, she is the living personification of destiny- the
purpose and meaning of every human’s life; like the North Wind,
she is an immortal concept, and understands that Diamond’s
destiny is very short, but very meaningful.
BLAZE (GRANT MALCOLM) – Diamond’s next-door neighbor and

Daylight’s brother, obsessed with Atari video games and going to
the arcades; chill, easily distracted, but a genuine friend to
Diamond, he becomes the North Wind’s next friend after Diamond
passes away.
DAYLIGHT (SASHA SAYNOR) – Diamond’s next-door neighbor and

Blaze’s younger sister, the opposite of her brother- sweet,
perky, optimistic, constantly referring to popular 80s pre-teen
stuff; carefree and often flighty, she is saved by Diamond from
a near-fatal accident.
JASPER (JONATHAN RIZZO) – Diamond’s other neighborhood friend, a

computer-savvy intellectual who is an expert at the new
Commodore 64 computer system (and all of its now-primitive
features); Jasper knows about Diamond’s illness, having fully
recovered from the same illness himself several years back;
Jasper and Diamond represent the key theme of good things and
bad things happening in life.
PHOTON (NOAH GARCIA) - like Tron, 80s laser tag, Knight Rider,
and 80s action figures like G.I. Joe, MASK, etc, and
representing the unseen war between God and the devil, light and
dark; Photon is an agent of light, calm, cool, never ruffled,
always right on the mark; the war between light and dark looks
very much like the Photon laser tag arenas of the 80s.
LUMINANCE (OWEN GARCIA) - like Tron, 80s laser tag, Knight

Rider, and 80s action figures like G.I. Joe, MASK, etc, and
dark; Luminance is an agent of light, impulsive, passionate,
easily angered by Evil; the war between light and dark looks
very much like the Photon laser tag arenas of the 80s.
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ECLIPSE (CAIDEN GARCIA) - like Tron, 80s laser tag, Knight

Rider, and 80s action figures like G.I. Joe, MASK, etc, and
dark; Eclipse is one of Evil’s agents, very cool, eerily calm,
calculating, always looking for something to disrupt; the war
between light and dark looks very much like the Photon laser tag
arenas of the 80s.
THE DOG (CLINT DOGGETT) – fashioned after every 80s animated

film which featured human-like animals- The Fox and the Hound,
An American Tail, The Secret of Nimh, Oliver & Company, etc);
the dog from the “Cat and the Fiddle” nursery rhyme- pompous,
self-important, and far less intelligent than he pretends, he
begins as a Fagin-like pickpocket but turns good in the end;
symbolically representing the unexplainable things of life.
*British accent*
THE CAT (ELAYNE DOGGETT) - fashioned after every 80s animated

film which featured human-like animals- The Fox and the Hound,
An American Tail, The Secret of Nimh, Oliver & Company, etc); an
orphaned cat who works for the Dog as a pickpocket (like how
Dodger is to Fagin in Oliver Twist); outspoken, high-strung, and
far more clever than her employer, she is the cat from the
nursery rhyme “Cat and the Fiddle”, and turns good in the end;
symbolically representing the unexplainable things of life.
*British accent*
THE BREEZE (NATALIE KRAMER) – the ethereal servant of the North

Wind- the actual breeze itself; when the North Wind blows, it’s
the Breeze who follows; impartial and indifferent to good or
evil, she is simply a servant; similar to the Muses in the film
Xanadu.
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MUSICAL NUMBERS:
“The North Wind Blows”. . . .Destiny (Catelyn Lawrence)

Blaze (Grant Malcolm)
Daylight (Sasha Saynor)
Jasper (Jonathan Rizzo)
Photon (Noah Garcia)
Eclipse (Caiden Garcia)
Luminance (Owen Garcia)
“Why”. . . .Diamond (Riley Unterbug)
“Ride the Wind”. . . .North Wind (Ashley Tone)
“The Cat and the Fiddle”. . . .Dog (Clint Doggett)

Cat (Elayne Doggett)
“Scrub the Stars”. . . .Destiny (Catelyn Lawrence)

North Wind (Ashley Tone)
Diamond (Riley Unterbug)
Dog (Clint Doggett)
Cat (Elayne Doggett)
“Supernaturally Natural”. . . .Blaze (Grant Malcolm)

Daylight (Sasha Saynor)
Jasper (Jonathan Rizzo)
Photon (Noah Garcia)
Eclipse (Caiden Garcia)
Luminance (Owen Garcia)
“Guiding Star”. . . .North Wind (Ashley Tone)
“Come Thou Fount”. . . .Diamond (Riley Unterbug)
“Guiding Star Reprise”. . . .Destiny (Catelyn Lawrence)

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“The North Wind Blows”

Destiny, Blaze, Daylight, Jasper, Photon, Eclipse,
Luminance
DESTINY:
Stand clear ‘cause when she blows
The world you know is gonna turn upside down
Stand here, but goodness knows
She’ll take your hand and twirl you around
DESTINY, BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, JASPER, PHOTON, LUMINANCE,

ECLIPSE:
The North Wind blows
So you better hold on
She’ll move through ocean, field, and tree
And there she goes
So you better come see
She’ll blow and she’ll blow
And she’ll set you free
DAYLIGHT:
She’ll make a breeze or blow a storm
BLAZE:
She’ll warm or freeze you
Never know which one
BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, JASPER:

Yeah, both are real and that’s the norm

ECLIPSE:
Till life is over that’s how it’s done

And there she goes

ECLIPSE:
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And there she goes
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“Why”
Diamond
DIAMOND:
All night, sound bytes
Runnin’ through my brain like a
Boom box, maxed out
What am I gonna do
Twirling, swirling
Kinda wanna shout
Gettin’ spazzed out, psyched out
What’s it all about
Why why why

Does a bird begin to fly
So high
I wish I could learn to fly
Oh why
Do we do what we do
Is it real, is it true
Why why why

So high
Oh why
Do we do what we do
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“Ride the Wind”

North Wind
NORTH WIND:
The wind blows where it wants to blow
Where it comes, you just don’t know
You can’t see the wind
But you see what it does
You feel when it’s coming
And you see where it was
Ride the wind

And watch the world unfold beneath you
When you catch me in your sails
Running through your hair
When you ride the wind
I’ll take you anywhere

The Spirit’s the same
And He goes where He will
And one thing is certain
You won’t catch Him standing still
Ride the wind

DIAMOND: We’re flying!
NORTH WIND: Of course we’re flying!
Ride the wind

Just ride the wind
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“The Cat and the Fiddle”

The Dog, the Cat
DOG:
Hey diddle diddle
The cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such sport
And the dish ran away with the spoon
CAT, DOG:
I don’t get it, it doesn’t make sense
I wouldn’t give my pound or pence
To a rhyme that’s clearly gone insane
Some things can’t be explained
CAT:
Hey diddle diddle
It seems like a riddle
For psychoanalysis
So what does it mean
Has anyone seen
Such a weird allegory as this
CAT, DOG:
Hey diddle diddle
May not live up to its hype
You may think there’s a symbol in what it implies
But I think it’s a load of tripe

Why in the world are we willing to do

Why don’t you just save a shilling or two
And accept that the world ain’t always sane
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“Scrub the Stars”

Destiny, North Wind, Diamond, Dog, Cat
DESTINY:
Take a look what you can be
When you trust in things that you can’t see
Though your mind may be reeling
You go through the ceiling
Your faith rockets up to the sky
DESTINY, NORTH WIND, DIAMOND, CAT, DOG:

Scrub the stars
You can make the heavens shine
You can reach for high above
You can go beyond the line
When you scrub the stars

You can shine as bright as day
When you take a leap of faith
You can find a greater way
NORTH WIND:
Take a look what you can do
When that prayer of faith has now come true
NORTH WIND, DESTINY:

Though it may seem confusing
I’m glad that I’m choosing
To trust in the things I can’t see

Scrub the stars


Scrub the stars

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“Supernaturally Natural”
Blaze, Daylight, Jasper, Photon, Eclipse, Luminance

Wise up, look out, stand up
Whatcha gonna do
When you fall down
With the bad guys all around
PHOTON:
Rise up, think fast, stand strong
Everything is real
And it’s no dream
PHOTON, LUMINANCE:
It’s a world you’ve never seen
PHOTON, LUMINANCE, ECLIPSE, BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, JASPER:

I am supernaturally natural
What’s unseen is eternal and unbreakable
Open your eyes to the battle that’s raging
Soldiers are engaging
DAYLIGHT:
Whatcha gonna do
When it gets tough
And the world is not enough
ECLIPSE:
There’s another place
That you can’t see

But it’s real as real can be

Everyday I gotta choose light or darkness
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“Guiding Star”
North Wind
NORTH WIND:
He’ll be the guiding star
That guides you through the night
When the waves are crashing down
And you feel you’re lost and can’t be found
He’ll be there and He’ll be shining bright

To get you to the end
When the world is caving in
And you can’t find a way to win
He’s the one that you can call your friend

That you can always see
And in the darkest night
He is the way, the truth and light
Leading you and me to victory
He takes my hand
Gonna be okay
We’ll make it through today
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“Come Thou Fount”

Diamond
DIAMOND:
Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry

Take my ransomed soul away
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day
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“Guiding Star Reprise”

Destiny
DESTINY:
In life or death, you have the victory
So take my hand
Gonna be okay
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ACT I
CUE MUSIC: “NORTH WIND BLOWS”
80’S “FEATURE PRESENTATION” MUSIC FOLLOWED BY A

COMPUTERIZED VOICE THAT “GLITCHES” LIKE THE 80S
DIGITAL CHARACTER MAX HEADROOM:
ANNOUNCEMENT: W-W-Welcome to George MacDonald’s At the

Back of the North Wind-Wind. At this time, please s-s-
silence all your cellular phones, and keep your legs
and belongings out of the performance areas-areas,
which are marked in white on the floor. If you have
small children with you, please help them to remain
quiet throughout the show for the courtesy of the
performers and the attendees. There will be a 10-
minute intermission-mission during the show. Welcome
to the 1980s. Remember that? Shoulder pads, knee
socks, where’s the-where’s the beef. Okay, let’s get
on with it. Life is short.
AS THE SONG BEGINS, DESTINY (CATELYN LAWRENCE) ENTERS,

A WHIMSICAL AND PERKY 80s FITNESS INSTRUCTOR WHO IS
THE LIVING PERSONIFICATION OF DESTINY ITSELF.
WE ARE IN A CURIOUS WORLD OF FANTASY, WHERE LOGIC AND

ILLOGIC COLLIDE TOGETHER, AND EVERYTHING IS
STEREOTYPICALLY 1980S- THE MUSIC, OUTFITS, AND GENERAL
VIBE.
OTHERS WHO ENTER FOR THIS SONG ARE BROTHER AND SISTER
BLAZE (GRANT MALCOLM) AND DAYLIGHT (SASHA SAYNOR), AND
JASPER (JONATHAN RIZZO), ALL NEIGHBORS OF DIAMOND.
ALSO THE AGENTS OF LIGHT AND DARK: PHOTON (NOAH
GARCIA), LUMINANCE (OWEN GARCIA), AND ECLIPSE (CAIDEN
GARCIA).
THE THREE AGENTS ARE NOT YET SUITED IN THEIR “LASER

TAG-STYLE” ATTIRE, BUT START TO ASSEMBLE THEIR OUTFITS
WHILE THE SONG IS GOING ON, AS IF EVERYTHING IS STILL
GETTING STARTED UP.
ALSO ENTERING IS THE BREEZE (NATALIE KRAMER), WHO

DANCES HER WAY AROUND THE REST OF THE CAST.
THE OPENING NUMBER IS VERY CHEERY, LIKE ONE OF THE

COUNTLESS CHEESY 1980S COMMERCIALS.
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DESTINY:
Stand clear ‘cause when she blows
The world you know is gonna turn upside down
Stand here, but goodness knows
She’ll take your hand and twirl you around

ECLIPSE:
And there she goes
DAYLIGHT:
She’ll make a breeze or blow a storm
BLAZE:
She’ll warm or freeze you
Never know which one

Yeah, both are real and that’s the norm

ECLIPSE:
Till life is over that’s how it’s done

And there she goes
AT THE “PAC MAN DIES” SOUND FX, BLAZE IS PLAYING AN

ATARI GAME WITH A JOYSTICK AND IT’S OBVIOUSLY “GAME
OVER” FOR HIM.
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DIAMOND (RILEY UNTERBUG), AN AVERAGE 80S TEEN GIRL,

ENTERS DURING THE FINAL CHORUS, GOING OVER TO THE
PHONE.

ECLIPSE:
And there she goes
EVERYONE FREEZES, NO TIME FOR APPLAUSE AS DIAMOND

IMMEDIATELY BEGINS TALKING ON THE PHONE:
DIAMOND: (INTO PHONE) I know, Christie,

but I can’t come with you to the
mall today. I’ve got. . .something
I need to do. You and Scott have a
good time and maybe I’ll meet up with
you guys next week.
SHE SEEMS TO GET A BIT MORE SERIOUS WHEN SHE SAYS:
DIAMOND: Christie? You really are

the best friend in the whole world.
. . .I just want you to know. . .
Okay, see ya.
SHE HANGS UP.
CUE MUSIC: “WHY”
DIAMOND:
All night, sound bytes
Runnin’ through my brain like a
Boombox, maxed out
What am I gonna do
Twirling, swirling
Kinda wanna shout
Gettin’ spazzed out, psyched out
What’s it all about
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Why why why

So high
Oh why
Do we do what we do
IN THE MUSIC BIT, THE REST OF THE CAST UNFREEZES AND

EXITS, LEAVING DIAMOND ONSTAGE.
DIAMOND:
Why why why
So high
Oh why
Do we do what we do
THE SOUND OF WIND BLOWS. DIAMOND LOOKS OUTWARD, AS IF

SENSING SOMETHING.
THE BREEZE ENTERS AGAIN, FLUTTERING THROUGH SO MUCH

THAT DIAMOND FEELS A BIT OF A CHILL. THE BREEZE EXITS
WHEN THE NORTH WIND ENTERS.
ON THE FINAL “GUITAR RIFF” IN THE MUSIC, THE NORTH

WIND (ASHLEY TONE) ENTERS. THE BIG CRESCENDO IS
BROKEN, THOUGH, WHEN THE MUSIC ENDS AND THE NORTH WIND
SAYS IN AN OH-SO-80S VOICE:
NORTH WIND: Hello?! What do you

mean, closing up my window?
DIAMOND IS QUITE SHOCKED BY THE APPEARANCE OF THIS

STRANGE BEING. THOUGH OBVIOUSLY A FANTASTIC BEING, SHE
SPEAKS IN A PERKY, TRENDY WAY AND LOOKS LIKE AN 80S
POP STAR, LIKE JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS.
DIAMOND: Your. . .your what?
NORTH WIND: Hello?! My window! Every

night you keep that window open, so
I was all, like, flying straight at it
going about a million miles an hour,
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and whammo! I mean, the one night you

decide to close the window! Not even!
DIAMOND: Who are you?! What are you

doing here?
NORTH WIND: Oh, like you’ve never seen

me before! Okay, yeah, sure, actually
you haven’t seen me before, but you
still know who I am!
DIAMOND: How can I know who you are

if I’ve never seen you?
NORTH WIND: Interesting question,

Diamond! We’re going to get along
great! I’m the North Wind, and I’m
here to take you to places you’ve-
DIAMOND: Wait a minute, wait. You’re

the what?
NORTH WIND: I’m the North Wind!
DIAMOND: I didn’t know the North Wind

could talk.
NORTH WIND: And I didn’t know that

Darth Vader would turn out to be Luke’s
father. I didn’t like Empire Strikes
Back as much as the first one. Hopefully
the third one will be more like the
original, right?
DIAMOND: You. . .go to the movies?
NORTH WIND: I’m the wind! I go wherever

I’m led! And I’m here to take you to
places you’ve never dreamed! That
was what you were praying, wasn’t it?
DIAMOND: Not really praying. Just

wondering. . .I’m not sure I know how
to pray. I’m not sure what I even think
about God, whether I should believe in
Him or not.
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NORTH WIND: (SERIOUS) I know, Diamond.

That’s why I’m here.
CUE MUSIC: “RIDE THE WIND”
NORTH WIND:
You can’t see the wind
But you see what it does
You feel when it’s coming
And you see where it was
Ride the wind


The Spirit’s the same
And He goes where He will
And one thing is certain
You won’t catch Him standing still
Ride the wind

AND THEN, THEY BEGIN TO FLY (HOWEVER WE WANT GIVE THIS

IMPRESSION WITHOUT ACTUALLY FLYING).
DIAMOND: We’re flying!
NORTH WIND: Of course we’re flying!
Ride the wind

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Just ride the wind

THEY JUMP OFF THE STAGE AND LAND ON THE GROUND TO

INDICATE THAT THEY HAVE TOUCHED DOWN, AS THE SONG
ENDS.
CUE MUSIC: “THE OCEAN”
NORTH WIND POINTS OUTWARD BEYOND THE AUDIENCE. WE HEAR

THE SOUND OF WAVES.
NORTH WIND: There it is, Diamond!

The Atlantic Ocean! Biggest ocean
in the world!
DIAMOND: Isn’t that the Pacific Ocean?
NORTH WIND: No, it’s the Atlantic.

I just told you.
DIAMOND: No, I mean, the biggest ocean

is actually the-
NORTH WIND: ‘xcuse me, but I got to

do some work before we go on our
adventure. Here.
SHE HANDS DIAMOND A BEAUTIFUL TELESCOPE.
NORTH WIND: See what you can find out

there.
DIAMOND: Gnarly! Where’d you get this?
NORTH WIND: Uh, hello? I’ve been around.
DIAMOND: You’re really nice, North

Wind. I like you an awful lot!
NORTH WIND BEGINS BLOWING IN THE DIRECTION OF THE

OCEAN. DIAMOND LOOKS OUT AT THE OCEAN WITH THE
TELESCOPE.
DIAMOND: Hey! I can see a boat out

there!
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CUE MUSIC: “THE STORM”
NORTH WIND BEGINS TO BLOW A LITTLE HARDER. AND A

LITTLE HARDER. THE WIND IS PICKING UP.
THE BREEZE ENTERS, AS NORTH WIND BLOWS, FLUTTERING

AROUND THE ROOM AND REVEALING THAT THE WIND IS PICKING
UP.
DIAMOND: Hey, what are you doing?
NORTH WIND: There’s a storm coming.

So I have to keep blowing.
SHE DOES. AND THE WIND GETS STRONGER, AND LOUDER.
DIAMOND: Well, wait a second! Don’t

blow too hard! There’s a boat out there!
BUT NORTH WIND KEEPS BLOWING, ARMS OUTSTRETCHED,

STARING DEAD AHEAD! OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS AT A TERRIBLE
STORM RAGES!
THE BREEZE DANCES VIOLENTLY.
DIAMOND: No!
DIAMOND WATCHES THE SHIP THROUGH HER TELESCOPE.
DIAMOND: The boat capsized! It capsized,

North Wind! Stop it!
NORTH WIND STANDS UNMOVING, BLOWING IN THE STORM,

IGNORING EVERYTHING AROUND HER, EVEN DIAMOND. IS SHE
EVIL? DIAMOND IS HORRIFIED.
AS THE MUSIC AND THE STORM ENDS, NORTH WIND COMES TO

AGAIN. THE BREEZE EXITS.
NORTH WIND TURNS TO DIAMOND AFTER AN AWKWARD MOMENT OF

SILENCE. NORTH WIND SEEMS A LITTLE INDIFFERENT TO WHAT
JUST HAPPENED.
NORTH WIND: Sorry about that. Ready to

go?
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DIAMOND THRUSTS THE TELESCOPE BACK INTO NORTH WIND’S

HANDS. SHE IS FURIOUS.
DIAMOND: No! No, thank you very much,

I’m not ready to go! What sort of a
terrible creature are you?!
NORTH WIND: Take a chill pill, Diamond.

What’s wrong?
DIAMOND: What’s wrong?! You caused

a storm! And it made that entire boat
sink right into the water!
NORTH WIND: They have lifeboats.

They all got out.
DIAMOND: Oh, how very kind of you!

Those people could have been killed
because of the storm you created!
NORTH WIND: I didn’t create anything!

I’m the North Wind! I blow a breeze
or I blow a storm. It’s just what I
do.
DIAMOND: Well, I’m not going on

any adventures with you! I hate you!
I wish I’d never met you!
A PAUSE. NORTH WIND IS SURPRISED BY THESE EMOTIONS.
NORTH WIND: Didn’t you just say that

you liked me? You thought I was really
nice?. . . .Why?
DIAMOND: (SIGHS) Because I thought you

were good. You gave me a present and
everything. . . .
NORTH WIND: Yeah. I did. (HANDS HER THE

TELESCOPE) So why do you hate me now?
DIAMOND: Well. . .because you allowed

something so. . .so evil!
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NORTH WIND: So I’m good and bad?. . .

Are there two “Me’s”? The good Me
and the bad Me? You liked the one
Me because I gave you good things,
but you hate the other Me because I
allowed something bad to happen. . .
There’s only one me. You have to like me
just the same through the good and
the bad.
ANOTHER LONG SILENCE AS DIAMOND PONDERS THIS. DIAMOND

SEEMS TO BE THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING IN PARTICULAR,
SOMETHING VERY CLOSE TO HER HEART.
DIAMOND: (BITTER) I don’t want bad things

to happen. I don’t ever want bad things
to happen. . . .
NORTH WIND: (PAUSE) But they happen

all the same. . .
THIS IS AN UNCOMFORTABLE THOUGHT FOR DIAMOND.
NORTH WIND: (CHEERING UP) Know what

you need? A new perspective! And the
best place for that is on the moon!
Let’s go!
DIAMOND: Um, that’s impossible.
NORTH WIND: Hello?! I’m the wind!

I can go anywhere! Come on!
NORTH WIND TAKES DIAMOND’S HAND AND GOES RACING OFF.
DIAMOND: Wait! Don’t we need space

suits or something?!
THEY EXIT.
CUE MUSIC: “LIGHT AND DARK”
FRENZIED MUSIC BEGINS, AND THE FOUR AGENTS EMERGE

AGAIN, FULLY IN THEIR BATTLE ATTIRE.
PHOTON AND LUMINANCE ARE HAVING A LASER TAG-STYLE

FIGHT WITH ECLIPSE, FIRING LASERS AT ONE ANOTHER ALL
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AROUND THE ROOM. THE SOUND OF LASERS CAN BE HEARD IN

THE MUSIC, AND WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS:
LUMINANCE: Wait! Times! Times!
ECLIPSE: This is war, Luminance!

You don’t get “times”!
LUMINANCE: Yeah, but my gun’s jammed!
ECLIPSE APPROACHES LUMINANCE, LASER GUN POINTED AT

HIM.
ECLIPSE: Too bad, man. This is how

we do it on the real battlefield.
BUT PHOTON HAS ALREADY COME TO THE SIDE AND IS

POINTING A LASER GUN DIRECTLY AT ECLIPSE.
PHOTON: Brains, Eclipse. A

real agent uses brains and knowledge
to win a battle.
ECLIPSE: I saw you out of the corner

of my eye.
LUMINANCE: That’s totally bogus, man!

We won this round and you know it!
PHOTON: We protected all those

people in the boat. They all got out
alive, so what are you still doing
here?
EVIL: (OFF-STAGE) Just doing his job

job, Photon.
EVIL (MATT KRAMER) ENTERS. LOOKING LIKE THE GLAM

ROCKER TYPE OF THE 80S (LIKE TWISTED SISTER), HE IS
THE PERSONIFICATION OF THE CONCEPT OF EVIL. NOT THE
DEVIL, JUST THE LIVING PERSONALITY OF EVIL ITSELF. HE
SPEAKS IN A GRUFF BRITISH ACCENT.
EVIL: That’s what we’re all doing,

right? Just doing our jobs. We’re
dark and you’re light, and we’ll
be fighting it out till the end of
29
time, so let’s just call it a truce

and be on our merry way.
GLARING AT ONE ANOTHER, PHOTON, ECLIPSE, AND LUMINANCE

LOWER THEIR GUNS.
PHOTON AND LUMINANCE EXIT.
EVIL: (CALLING TO THEM) Stick around,

maybe Kenner’ll make an action figure
line out of you.
ECLIPSE IS EXITING WHEN EVIL STOPS HIM.
EVIL: Hey, don’t get cornered like

that again. Bad for business.
NOT IMPRESSED WITH THIS REMARK, ECLIPSE EXITS.
EVIL SIGHS IN A TIRED WAY, AND BEGINS TO PACE,

BECOMING QUITE PHILOSOPHICAL. HE SEEMS QUITE BORED
WITH HIS EXISTANCE.
EVIL: (QUOTING FROM MACDONALD’S BOOK)

The sun is gone down
And the moon's in the sky
But the sun will come up
And the moon be laid by
The flower is asleep
But it is not dead
When the morning shines
It will lift its head
When winter comes
Will it die? Oh, no!
It will only hide
From the frost and snow
Sure is the summer
Sure is the sun
The night and the winter
Are shadows that run
HE TURNS AND ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE.
EVIL: Perhaps you think you don’t know me,

but yeah you do, and I do know you. I’m
Evil. Nice to meet you. Hello. (MOVING DOWN
THE AISLES) Yeah, we’ve all had some fun
30
times together. I was with you when you

thought nobody was looking, I was there when
you stole, when you cheated, when you lied. I
was there when the North Wind blew over that boat.
Pity about the lifeboats. Can’t win ‘em all,
now can I? Yes, sir, yes, ma’am, I’m a creep,
a cad, and a villain, and I serve a master who
is all those things and a whole lot worse, a
master so evil he actually tried leading an
insurrection in the presence of God. Stupid
idea, I always thought. Still, I suppose you all
despise me for causing those evil things in your
life. Well, let me tell you, ladies and
gentlemen, there’s only one person who caused
any of it, and that’s you, you, you! There’s no
greater culprit in this world than self, no greater
instigator of sin and corruption and misery than
humankind. The human heart is a wild and dangerous
place, where people keep porcelain promises that
easily break, and plans and schemes brew and bubble
and foam. Yeah, ladies and gents, welcome to the
world as we know it, a world of good and evil
growing up alongside one another like wheat and
tares. A world, I might add, that was created by
God Himself. I know they don’t say that in the
public schools or the museums anymore, but get
with it, man, I’m Evil and even I know that God
created everything. . .You don’t get it,
do ya? You just don’t get me and my lot.
Well, we’re going to be around till the end
of the age, so no, we won’t “turn down the
boombox please, it’s hurting my ears”. Make a
wrong move and I’ll be at your doorstep. . .
Unless you’re a fool. One of those fools who
actually believes that a loving God would allow
Evil to exist in your perfect little paradise.
CUE MUSIC: “TO THE MOON”
THE MUSIC TRANSITIONS US TO THE MOON.
NORTH WIND AND DIAMOND ENTER, AS MUSIC CONTINUES.
NORTH WIND: Welcome to the moon, Diamond.

Sooner or later you’ll have to learn that
nothing is impossible, especially
when you follow the wind.
31
CONTINUING TO EXPLORE THE MOON, NORTH WIND AND DIAMOND

TEMPORARILY EXIT.
AT THE “FIDDLE” MUSIC, A LITTLE CAT (ELAYNE DOGGETT),

BRITISH AND DRESSED IN RAGGED VICTORIAN ATTIRE,
ENTERS, LOOKING AROUND THE MOON IN DISTRESS AND
DISGUST. HER SELF-IMPORTANT BUT SLOW-WITTED GUARDIAN,
A BRITISH DOG (CLINT DOGGETT) FOLLOWS; THEY ARE LIKE
THE NUMEROUS ANIMATED CHARACTERS OF THE 80S (VERY
HUMAN-LIKE ANIMALS) FROM FOX AND THE HOUND, THE
RESCUERS, OLIVER & COMPANY, AN AMERICAN TAIL, ETC.
MUSIC ENDS.
DOG: (LOOKING OUT PROUDLY) There

you are, you see? How many little
kittens your age can say they’ve been
to the moon and gotten a view like
that, eh?
CAT: (FURIOUS) We’re stuck on the moon,

Dog! Absolutely and completely stuck!
Why did I ever team up with you?!
DOG: Well, if I recall, you got no

mother, no father, and what with us
both being expert pickpockets, I
thought it was rather brilliant of
me to take you in and make you my
little partner in crime.
CAT: You said there would be a cow!

A cow jumping over the moon! You
said they were selling tickets!
Thousands of people to steal from!
DOG: Well, that’s what they told me.

How was I supposed to know it was all
a hoax?
CAT: We’ve been scammed! If you’re such

a brilliant crook, why didn’t you
notice you were being scammed? Ruddy
dogs never notice anything!
NORTH WIND AND DIAMOND ENTER AGAIN.

32
NORTH WIND: Oh, hey, want to see the

man in the moon? It’s not really a
man, it just looks like a face.
DIAMOND: How are we able to breathe

up here?
NORTH WIND: Don’t question the impossible.

Just accept it with gratitude.
THEN NORTH WIND, CAT, AND DOG ALL LAY EYES ON EACH
OTHER.
NORTH WIND, CAT, DOG: (AT THE SAME TIME)

Oh, no, not you!
CAT: What are you doing here?
NORTH WIND: I go wherever I want.

(AMUSED) Guess I don’t have to ask
what you guys are doing here. Seen
any good cows lately?
DIAMOND: Cows?
NORTH WIND: Oh, there was a scam

a while back inviting people to see
“the cow jumping over the moon”, like
in the nursery rhyme. And these two
fell for it. Been stuck on the moon
ever since.
DIAMOND IS VERY INTERESTED IN MEETING THE DOG AND CAT.
DIAMOND: You mean. . .you’re the Cat

and the Dog from the nursery rhyme?
“Hey diddle diddle
The little dog laughed to see such sport”
CAT: “And the dish ran away with the

spoon”, yes, we know.
33
DIAMOND: I never really got that

nursery rhyme. I mean, it doesn’t
make any sense at all.
DOG: Ah, there’s a lot of things in

life that don’t make no sense.
CAT: (IRRITABLY) Right, like a cat and

a dog being stuck on the moon.
DOG: But take it from me, just

because it don’t make sense, it
don’t mean there’s not a reason for
it somewhere.
CUE MUSIC: “THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE”
DOG:
Hey diddle diddle
The little dog laughed to see such sport
And the dish ran away with the spoon
CAT, DOG:
CAT:
Hey diddle diddle
It seems like a riddle
For psychoanalysis
So what does it mean
Has anyone seen
Such a weird allegory as this
CAT, DOG:
Hey diddle diddle
May not live up to its hype
You may think there’s a symbol in what it implies
But I think it’s a load of tripe

34

Why in the world are we willing to do

Why don’t you just save a shilling or two
And accept that the world ain’t always sane
END SONG.
DIAMOND: Are there really some things

that can’t be explained?
NORTH WIND: Yeah, lots of things. But

it doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason.
Sometimes we just don’t know what the
reason is.
DIAMOND: But somebody does. Somebody

has to know the reason.
NORTH WIND: Well, hello, yeah! There’s

one who knows the reason behind
everything!
DIAMOND: Who?
NORTH WIND: My Master.
DIAMOND: (NOT THRILLED) Oh. . . .You’re

talking about God again, aren’t you?
NORTH WIND: Yeah. . .Why does God make

you so upset?
DIAMOND: He doesn’t! I’m just. . .

searching for something. It’s a big
secret, North Wind. Hardly anyone
knows about it. . .I need to find the
answer, and I’ve prayed about it, and
God won’t do anything!
NORTH WIND: How do you know He won’t

do anything?
DIAMOND: Believe me, I would know.

35
NORTH WIND THINKS A MOMENT.
NORTH WIND: Well, maybe it’s something

that has a reason, but you just can’t
explain it. Like the nursery rhyme.
DOG: You know, the North Wind’s got

a point there, miss. Maybe it’s
something you’re not meant to
understand.
CAT: (IRRITATED) Like how a cat and

a dog got stuck on the moon?
DIAMOND: (SIGHS) What am I doing,

taking advice from the wind and a
couple of crooks who happen to be
talking animals, while standing, and
breathing, on the moon. . .
NORTH WIND: Yeah, not what you normally

expect when you get out of bed in the
morning.
DIAMOND CONTINUES TO THINK. NORTH WIND TURNS TO THE

DOG AND CAT.
NORTH WIND: All right, I think you guys

have been punished long enough. If
you agree to be a good little cat
and a good little dog, maybe I can
blow you back down to earth.
CAT: How much do you want for it?
DOG: I’m in charge, Cat. I’ll deal with

this. (AND THEN, REPEATING) How much
do you want for it?
NORTH WIND: What would the North Wind

do with money? Not even! Just catch the
wind and it’ll all work out!
DESTINY: (OFF-STAGE) Did somebody

say workout?
DESTINY ENTHUSIASTICALLY ENTERS.

36
DESTINY: Hey, gang! I’m Destiny! The

plan and purpose of all humankind!
And this is an unbelievable
coincidence! I was just about to scrub
the stars, and I thought to myself,
who can I get to help me out? And
here you are! It’s. . .destiny! But
if we’re going to scrub the stars,
we got to be in shape!
CUE MUSIC: “DANCING WITH DESTINY”
ENERGETIC MUSIC STARTS PLAYING, AND DESTINY GOES INTO

A PERKY WORKOUT ROUTINE. NO ONE ELSE SEEMS ALL THAT
INTERESTED IN JOINING.
DESTINY: Okay, gang, ready to dance your

way to health? Let’s go! And one, and
two! And one, and two! That’s it! You
got it! Remember to stretch those arms.
You need to feel it right in here. And
one, and two! And one, and two!
THE MUSIC ENDS, AND DESTINY TAKES A LOUD, ENTHUSIASTIC

BREATH.
DESTINY: Whew! Great job, you guys!

(TO AUDIENCE) Remember, Dancing with
Destiny, the Complete Workout, is
available on VHS, 19.95 plus shipping
and handling, allow four to six weeks
for delivery.
SHE LOOKS AT NORTH WIND.
DESTINY: Hey, Windy! What are you

doing on the moon?
NORTH WIND: I have a new friend. This

is Diamond.
THERE IS A SUDDEN AWKWARD PAUSE AS DESTINY SEES

DIAMOND FOR THE FIRST TIME. IT’S AS IF DESTINY ALREADY
KNOWS HER, OR KNOWS SOMETHING QUITE SERIOUS ABOUT HER.
DOES THE NORTH WIND KNOW, TOO?

37
DESTINY: Oh. . .(TRIES TO BE CHEERY)

Hey, Diamond. I’m Destiny. Literally.
I mean, I’m literally the plan and
purpose that every human being has
on the earth. Right here, in the flesh.
DIAMOND: What about humans who don’t

have a purpose?
DESTINY: No such thing. God doesn’t create

anything without a purpose.
DIAMOND: I’m not sure He created a

purpose for me.
DESTINY SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT DIAMOND IS TALKING ABOUT.
DESTINY: (SERIOUS) Of course He did.

Of course you have a purpose, Diamond.
DIAMOND LOOKS DOUTFULLY AT DESTINY. THEY BOTH SEEM TO

KNOW SOMETHING. DESTINY AND NORTH WIND SHARE A GLANCE
AS WELL.
DESTINY: Well, my purpose right now

is to scrub the stars. You guys want
to help?
DESTINY PULLS OUT ROLLER SKATES FOR HERSELF, NORTH

WIND, AND DIAMOND, AND THEY BEGIN PUTTING THEM ON.
DOG: Now look here, we ain’t scrubbing

nothing for nobody!
NORTH WIND: How would you like to stay

on the moon for another six months?
DOG: Let’s get scrubbing.
THE DOG AND CAT GRAB RAGS, WHILE NORTH WIND, DESTINY,
AND DIAMOND GET INTO THE ROLLER SKATES.
DESTINY: You need to put these on first.
DIAMOND: You mean we’re actually going

to scrub the stars?
38
DESTINY: Yep! Why else do you think

they sparkle so brightly at night?
DIAMOND: (SIGHS) I can’t believe I’m

doing all this.
DESTINY: It’s what happens when you

catch hold of the wind. It’s called
having faith, Diamond. Faith is all
about believing in the impossible!
AS SOON AS THEY ARE READY WITH THE SKATES:
DESTINY: Right!
CUE MUSIC: “SCRUB THE STARS”
DESTINY, NORTH WIND, AND DIAMOND TAKE BROOMS, AND ON

ROLLER SKATES, BEGIN TO “SWEEP AND SCRUB THE STARS”
(WE WILL HAVE VARIOUS LITTLE “STARS” SET UP THROUGHOUT
THE ROOM).
NOT ON ROLLER SKATES BUT WITH RAGS IN HAND, THE CAT

AND THE DOG ARE ALSO IN THE NUMBER.
DESTINY:
Take a look what you can be
When you trust in things that you can’t see
Though your mind may be reeling
You go through the ceiling
Your faith rockets up to the sky

Scrub the stars

NORTH WIND:
Take a look what you can do
When that prayer of faith has now come true
39
NORTH WIND, DESTINY:


Scrub the stars


Scrub the stars


MUSIC CONTINUES AFTER THE SONG, GIVING TIME FOR THEM

TO TAKE OFF THE ROLLER SKATES. THE DOG AND CAT FOLLOW
THE NORTH WIND AS SHE, DESTINY, AND DIAMOND EXIT.
WE RETURN TO EARTH, TO DIAMOND’S HOUSE.
BLAZE AND DAYLIGHT, DIAMOND’S NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBORS,

ENTER DIAMOND’S HOUSE, WITH BLAZE IMMEDIATELY GOING TO
THE ATARI GAME CONSOLE AND PICKING UP THE JOYSTICK,
STARING AT THE UNSEEN TV SCREEN.
DAYLIGHT IS HOLDING A DRINK WITH HER AS SHE LOOKS

THROUGH A BASKET OF THINGS IN DIAMOND’S ROOM.
DAYLIGHT: Cool! Did you know Diamond

has Mall Madness? (THAT’S A BOARD GAME)
40
BLAZE: Be quiet. I’m trying to

concentrate.
DAYLIGHT LOOKS AT THE (UNSEEN) TV.
DAYLIGHT: You started again! It was my

turn after you! Give me the joystick!
SHE REACHES FOR IT.
BLAZE: No! Daylight! Just one more

game! I’ve got to beat this!
DAYLIGHT: You won’t get past twenty-five

thousand points.
BLAZE: I will if you stop distracting

me.
DIAMOND RETURNS HOME.
DIAMOND: Make yourselves at home.
DAYLIGHT: Your mom let us in.
IT IS OBVIOUSLY JUST THE USUAL THING TO HAVE BLAZE AND

DAYLIGHT OVER AT THE HOUSE.
DIAMOND: Not your stupid Centipede

fixation. Blaze, you have an Atari
game console at home. Why do you
always come over and play with mine?
BLAZE: You have better games than

I do.
DAYLIGHT: Mom says he spends way too

much time at the arcades.
DIAMOND: So you come over to my house

where your mom can’t see you.
BLAZE: Bingo.
DAYLIGHT: He’s trying to get twenty-

five thousand on Centipede.
41
DIAMOND: Big deal. I’ve gotten that

before.
DAYLIGHT: (SATISFIED, TO BLAZE) She

totally dissed you.
BLAZE: I’m not even listening.
BLAZE CONTINUES TO PLAY THE VIDEO GAME.
DAYLIGHT LEANS OVER AND LOOKS IN THE BASKET AGAIN,

ABSENT-MINDEDLY NOT REALIZING HER DRINK IN HER HAND IS
VERY CLOSE TO TIPPING AND POURING ONTO THE ATARI
CONSOLE AND ALL THE ELECTRIC WIRES.
DAYLIGHT: You don’t still play with

these fashion plates anymore, do you,
Diamond? Can I have them?
DIAMOND THEN SEES DAYLIGHT’S CUP.
DIAMOND: (RUSHING OVER) Daylight!

What are you doing?! Be careful!
SHE HASTILY PULLS DAYLIGHT’S ARM, AND DRINK, AWAY FROM

THE ELECTRICS.
DIAMOND: You do know that pouring

liquids all over electronics can
lead to electrocution!
DAYLIGHT: I know, I’m sorry! I

wasn’t paying attention. . .
BLAZE: No!!
BLAZE IS FURIOUS. FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.
DAYLIGHT: So I guess you didn’t get

twenty-five thousand.
BLAZE: One more time.
DIAMOND REMOVES THE GAME CARTRIDGE FROM THE CONSOLE.
BLAZE: Hey, just one more time!

42
DIAMOND: Me and my mom are leaving

in a few minutes, so goodbye.
BLAZE: How long will you be gone?

One hour? Two hours?
DIAMOND: I don’t know, maybe forever.

Goodbye.
DAYLIGHT: Bye, Diamond.
DAYLIGHT EXITS.
DIAMOND: (TO BLAZE) I’m going to the

doctor. I don’t know how long it’ll
be. You can play Centipede again
tomorrow.
BLAZE IS ABOUT TO LEAVE, BUT THEN FACES DIAMOND AGAIN,

SUDDENLY CONCERNED.
BLAZE: Why are you going to the

doctor? Are you sick or something?
DIAMOND: I’ll see you tomorrow, Blaze.
THEY STARE AT ONE ANOTHER FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN BLAZE

EXITS.
AS SOON AS HE EXITS, JASPER, DIAMOND’S OTHER NEIGHBOR,

ENTERS.
JASPER: Hey, Diamond, wait!
DIAMOND SIGHS IN A “WHY CAN’T I GET AWAY FROM MY

FRIENDS” WAY.
JASPER: Look, I know you’re about to

leave, but I need to borrow an
extension cord for my new Commodore
64. I did tell you I got a new Commodore
64, didn’t I?
DIAMOND: (GETTING EXTENSION CORD) Many

times.
43
JASPER: You should get one. It’s totally

rad. 64 kilobytes of RAM, multicolor
sprites, custom chip for waveform
generation. . .
DIAMOND: (HANDS HIM THE CORD) I have

no idea what you’re talking about.
JASPER: I’m talking about the wave of

the future!
DIAMOND: Come on, Jasper, computers

are for techno geeks. I can’t really
imagine computers taking over the
entire world.
JASPER: Ever see 2001: A Space Odyssey?
DIAMOND: I’ve seen enough of space

for one day. Please, I’ve got to go.
JASPER: Okay. (THINKS BEFORE LEAVING)

Look, don’t worry about it. Your
doctor’s appointment, I mean. I
went through the same thing three
years ago and I’m completely fine.
DIAMOND NODS, BUT DOESN’T RESPOND. JASPER EXITS.
NOW SERIOUS, DIAMOND SITS DOWN, LOST IN THOUGHT, AND

REMAINS THERE THROUGHOUT THIS NEXT SCENE.
NORTH WIND ENTERS, WATCHING DIAMOND.
ECLIPSE ENTERS, ALSO LOOKING AT DIAMOND. ECLIPSE

APPROACHES HER; DIAMOND DOESN’T SEE OR HEAR ANY OF
THIS.
NORTH WIND LUNGES FORWARD.
NORTH WIND: Stop it!
ECLIPSE: Back off, North Wind. I

have authorization to be here. I’m
just carrying out orders.
NORTH WIND: Who’s orders?

44
EVIL ENTERS.
EVIL: Mine.. . . .All right, Eclipse,

take five.
ECLIPSE EXITS. DIAMOND REMAINS IN THOUGHT, BUT

OBLIVIOUS TO THESE CONVERSATIONS.
EVIL APPROACHES NORTH WIND. SHE IS NATURALLY REPULSED

BY HIM.
EVIL: Hello, Windy. How’s business?

Keeping busy? I know I am. Nice job on
the storm at sea, by the way, especially
the overturned boat.
NORTH WIND IS PASSIONATELY FURIOUS AT THIS REMARK.
NORTH WIND: (FURY) All right, look,

we are not having this conversation
again! For the millionth time, I’m
the wind! I blow! Whether it’s good
or bad, it’s out of my control!
EVIL: (REMAINING COOL) Yeah, yeah, I’m

just saying, when the North Wind
causes high winds and hurricanes, it
makes my job a whole lot easier. We’re
kind of like partners, you and me.
NORTH WIND: We are so not partners!
EVIL: Oh, no, what about a couple of

years ago when you blew off the top of
Mount St. Helen’s? They’re saying it
was the deadliest and most destructive
volcano eruption in the history of
the United States of America. You
certainly blew up a storm then, didn’t you?
IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE NORTH WIND FEELS THIS; SHE

FEELS THE GUILT OF BEING THE WIND IN THESE
CATASTROPHIC EVENTS, AND EVIL KNOWS IT.
45
NORTH WIND: I didn’t cause it! I’m

a servant of God’s creation! I have
to do what He created me to do!
EVIL: Funny sort of God, if you ask me.

If you didn’t cause it, who did? God?
I mean, He made the world and He made
the wind, why is He not responsible for
the destructive power of His own creation?
NORTH WIND IS TRYING NOT TO BE RATTLED.
NORTH WIND: Human sin. You know as well

as I do. That’s the cause!
EVIL: Free will. Yeah, I know all about

that. It’s because of free will that
I exist. Now why create free will if
you know it’s likely to bring destruction?
Your Master does a lot of unexplainable
things.
NORTH WIND: My Master doesn’t have to

explain anything to you! It’s His
creation. He can do whatever He likes.
EVIL: Yeah. I’ve noticed that. . . .

Well, since we’re here, we might as
well have a nice little chat about our
mutual friend, Diamond. Made friends
with her, have you? You do know there’s
no record of her in the Book of Life,
so she’s fair game at the moment.
NORTH WIND: Don’t you dare lay a hand

on Diamond!
EVIL: If she’s not in the Lamb’s Book

of Life, then she’s fair game! You know
the rules as well as I do. I got just
as much of a chance of dragging her
to hell as you have whisking her off
to heaven.
NORTH WIND: She will believe. She will!

46
EVIL: No she won’t. Why should she?

What’s your God ever done for her?
She doesn’t understand it. Nobody
understands it. Even you don’t
understand. . . .why you have to blow
good and evil in every other breath.
Why do we exist together. . .against
one another while at the same time, sharing
an equal playing field. . . .Look, I’m not
the devil, I’m just Evil. I’m the concept,
the realization of rebellion against God.
It’s just my job, it’s what I do, same as
you, Windy. You blow the wind, that’s what
you do. In a world where good and evil exist,
that’s going to have good and bad consequences.
If you got a problem with it, why don’t
you take it up with God? He’s the one
allowing it to happen.
NORTH WIND: (FIERCELY) Do not blame my

Master for anything! He created choice,
and the consequence of making a rebellious
choice is evil!
EVIL: Right, well, take away the power

of choice. If He took away free will,
no more evil. We lose, you win. End of
story. Why doesn’t your God do that,
huh? (PAUSE) You can’t answer because
you don’t know. You’re a part of
creation, I’m the result of human
sin. We just don’t know these things,
do we? So we carry on, doing our job,
it’s a daily grind, but it’s a living,
ain’t it? . . .You better take your little
steps of faith and say your little prayers,
and hope with all hope that Diamond makes
the right choice. You and I both know
how important it is. Getting her to scrub
the stars may teach her about taking leaps
of faith, but it hasn’t saved her soul.
NORTH WIND: (AFTER A MOMENT) Not yet.
EVIL: Maybe never.
EVIL EXITS. AFTERWARDS, NORTH WIND EXITS, TOO.

47
IN THE SILENCE, DIAMOND THEN GETS UP, AND EXITS.
CUE MUSIC: “CAT AND DOG’S NEW JOB”
THE CAT AND THE DOG ENTER WITH PHOTON AND LUMINANCE.
PHOTON: So, Destiny tells me you’ve

gone legit, and she ordered me to
put you to work.
DOG: (VERY CON MAN) Right, yeah, now

look here, son. If there’s anything
special you need, you just let me know.
PHOTON: I’m an agent of light, Dog.

Don’t try to con an agent of light.
Now, we’re looking for a couple
of informants, and I think you’d be
perfect for the job.
NEITHER THE DOG NOR CAT HAVE A CLUE WHAT “INFORMANT”

IS, BUT PRETEND THEY DO.
DOG: Informant! Well!. . .Right. . .

Informant. . . .
LUMINANCE: You don’t know what that

is, do you?
CAT: Of course we know what it is!

Dog, tell them what it is.
DOG: Oh, no, please, after you.
CAT: I don’t feel like telling them!

You tell them!
DOG: First time for everything.
PHOTON: An informant is the same thing

as a spy.
CAT: There, you see? It’s the same

thing as a spy. Just as I thought.
48
LUMINANCE: We need you to keep a look

out for Evil and tell us anything you
discover.
PHOTON: Since you’ve been servants of

Evil for a while, it won’t be hard for
you to spot. Inform us of any suspicious
activity at once.
PHOTON AND LUMINANCE EXIT.
AN IRRITABLE MOMENT OF SILENCE.
CAT: Another great mess you’ve gotten

me into. First we’re pickpockets,
then we’re stuck on the moon, now
we have to be informationals.
What sort of guardian are you?
DOG: The only one you got, I don’t

mind saying. I don’t understand it,
either. We’re not supposed to be
understood. We’re from a nonsense
poem. We don’t make no sense. . . .
So let’s just try to make a go of this
“going legit” thing. (QUIETER) At least
long enough until we can make a break for
it, right?
DOG AND CAT EXIT.
BLAZE ENTERS, LOOKING AT A GAMING MAGAZINE. DAYLIGHT

FOLLOWS, WITH A PEPSI IN HAND (WITH THE OLD LOGO).
DAYLIGHT: Okay, I think I officially

like Pepsi better than Coca-Cola.
But I like Dr. Pepper better than
Mr. Pibb.
BLAZE: Is there anybody in the known

universe who really cares?
DAYLIGHT: Well, I’m just saying!
SHE LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER AT THE MAGAZINE.

49
THEY ARE UNAWARE OF ECLIPSE ENTERING, LOOKING LIKE

HE’S JUST SEARCHING FOR A WAY TO KEEP BUSY. HE
APPROACHES DAYLIGHT, WHO ONCE AGAIN IS SOMEWHAT
CARELESSLY HOLDING HER DRINK IN A WAY THAT COULD
EASILY SPILL.
DAYLIGHT: We already have Missile

Command. And Space Invaders.
BLAZE: I know, Daylight! I’m reading

about this new one coming out. Star
Raiders.
DAYLIGHT: Is that like a combination

of Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost
Ark?
BLAZE: No.
SHE POINTS TO A GAME IN THE MAGAZINE.
DAYLIGHT: I wonder if they’ll ever

fix Q-bert so he doesn’t fall off
the back of the cubes whenever you
hold the joystick wrong.
BY NOW ECLIPSE HAS COME BEHIND DAYLIGHT, AND HE USES

HIS LASER GUN TO POKE THE SODA CAN OUT OF DAYLIGHT’S
HAND AND ONTO THE GROUND.
BLAZE: Daylight! Look what you’ve

done now!
DAYLIGHT: Okay, okay, chill out.
SHE PICKS UP THE CAN (IT WILL BE EMPTY BUT SHE ACTS AS
IF THERE IS SODA SPILLED EVERYWHERE).
BLAZE: (SIGHS IRRITABLY) Why can’t

you ever do anything right?
BLAZE EXITS, NOT NOTICING ECLIPSE THE ENTIRE TIME.
DAYLIGHT: (HER HANDS ARE STICKY) Well,

why are you always so psyched out
by everything? Blaze, I need a towel!
50
SHE HURRIES AFTER BLAZE AND EXITS.
EVIL ENTERS, LOOKING AT ECLIPSE.
EVIL: Was that supposed to be evil?
ECLIPSE: No.
ECLIPSE CONFIDENTLY BEGINS TO WALK ON, BUT EVIL STOPS

HIM.
EVIL: So why bother, mate? Haven’t

got anything better to do with your
time?
ECLIPSE: Haven’t got anything worth

my time.
EVIL: Oh, I am sorry. I suppose all

the violence in the world- murder,
hatred, floods, famine- just isn’t
interesting enough for you.
ECLIPSE: It’s the same thing, over

and over again! And what’s the point?
In the end, we lose. At the end of
it all, evil is defeated, so yeah,
not a lot of motivation there, man.
EVIL: Look, there may be a little

action around here soon with Diamond.
She’s coming home from the doctor’s
now. It’s not “Soviet Union World
War III” caliber, exactly, but we
secretly know that’s a dud, right?
Don’t say anything, but I already know
nuclear war is off the agenda. Can’t be
that outlandish anymore. We got to go in,
Eclipse. Loosen up their hearts, their
morals, their values. I know it’s not as
exciting as some of the things we’ve pulled
off before, but it’s just as effective.
Maybe even more. Auschwitz brought everyone
together. But social issues, moral issues. . .
issues of the heart. . .That’s what tears
everyone into pieces.
51
ECLIPSE: (NOT THRILLED) Yeah, let’s get

this party started, man.
ECLIPSE WANDERS OFF AND EXITS. EVIL ISN’T MUCH

THRILLED, EITHER.
DIAMOND ENTERS. SHE LOOKS WORRIED, SCARED, ANGRY,

QUIETLY THINKING ABOUT THINGS. LIKE THE OTHERS, SHE
DOESN’T SEE EVIL STANDING THERE.
EVIL: Bad news? Well, as least it

gives me job security.
HE EXITS. NORTH WIND ENTERS AND SEES DIAMOND.
NORTH WIND: Diamond! Your window

was open so I just came right in!
DIAMOND: I don’t feel like going

on any adventures right now, North
Wind.
NORTH WIND: But. . .you won’t find

what you’re searching for if you
don’t explore.
DIAMOND: I don’t know if I want to

explore anymore.
NORTH WIND: Diamond. . . .Please don’t

give up. If you come with me, maybe
you’ll. . . .maybe you’ll understand
why.
CUE MUSIC: “THE NEXT ADVENTURE”
DIAMOND LOOKS AT NORTH WIND, REALIZING THAT SHE KNOWS

DIAMOND’S SECRET.
DIAMOND IS WILLING TO GO WITH NORTH WIND AGAIN.
THE BREEZE ENTERS, AS THE WIND BLOWS, AND SHE DANCES

AROUND AS DIAMOND AND NORTH WIND EXIT.
ANNOUNCE: There will now be a 10-minute

intermission. (THE BREEZE EXITS)
52
ACT II
CUE MUSIC: “SUPERNATURALLY NATURAL”
AFTER THE VIDEO GAME SOUND AND THE SONG BEGINS,

PHOTON, LUMINANCE, ECLIPSE, BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, AND
JASPER ENTER.
THE BREEZE ALSO ENTERS AND IS A PART OF THE NUMBER.

Whatcha gonna do
When you fall down
With the bad guys all around
PHOTON:
Everything is real
And it’s no dream
PHOTON, LUMINANCE, ECLIPESE:

It’s a world you’ve never seen

DAYLIGHT:
Whatcha gonna do
When it gets tough
And the world is not enough
ECLIPSE:
LUMINANCE:
There’s another place
That you can’t see

But it’s real as real can be
53



THE BREEZE EXITS.
BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, AND JASPER FREEZE AT THE END, WITH

PHOTON, LUMINANCE, AND ECLIPSE MOVING AROUND THEM.
LUMINANCE: You’re not staying in your

zone, Eclipse! That’s cheating!
ECLIPSE: This isn’t laser tag, Luminance!

I can go wherever I want.
PHOTON: You mean wherever you’re sent.

We can only do what our masters
allow us to do.
ECLIPSE INDICATES BLAZE AND DAYLIGHT.
ECLIPSE: I’m taking these two out.
HE POINTS TO JASPER.
ECLIPSE: We already tried Jasper but

it didn’t work. But these two. . .
LUMINANCE: Don’t try to be all dope

about it. Those are Diamond’s friends.
We’re watching Diamond, so we’re
watching them, too.
ECLIPSE: They’re fair game and you

know it!
54
PHOTON: Yeah, we do know it, thank you,

Eclipse. We’re both allowed to be here.
Dark and light, sometimes you get the
victory and sometimes we get it.
PHOTON POINTS HIS GUN RIGHT AT ECLIPSE’S HEAD.
PHOTON: This wouldn’t feel very nice,

would it?
ECLIPSE POINTS HIS GUN AT LUMINANCE.
ECLIPSE: Luminance wouldn’t think so,

either.
LUMINANCE: (PANICKED, SINCE HE’S THE ONE

WHO WOULD GET IT IF. . .) Put it down,
Photon! I think he’s serious!
PHOTON CASUALLY LOWERS HIS GUN.
PHOTON: All in a day’s work. . . .
PHOTON AND LUMINANCE KEEP THEIR EYE ON ECLIPSE (AND

VISE VERSA) AS THE THREE EXIT.
BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, AND JASPER UNFREEZE, ENDING A

CONVERSATION.
JASPER: . . .No, but the Commodore

64 has a built-in modulator to plug
into the TV set, so you don’t even
need Atari 2600.
BLAZE: Look, I don’t have six hundred

dollars just laying around in my room,
Jasper. Anyway, I can always go
over to Diamond’s house and play on her
Atari system, so. . . .
JASPER: Speaking of Diamond, what did

they say? You know, the doctor’s
appointment.
BLAZE: She doesn’t ever talk to me

about things like that. I guess it
wasn’t serious.
55
JASPER: (NOT SO SURE) Hope so. . .

We’ll keep praying.
BLAZE: We don’t pray at our house.
JASPER: I’ll keep praying, then. See

ya.
JASPER EXITS.
DAYLIGHT: You can’t even get twenty-

five thousand on Centipede.
BLAZE: (WALKING PAST HER) I’m never

paying attention to anything you say.
DAYLIGHT: Sixteen thousand eight

hundred twenty-four is all you can
do!
BLAZE AND DAYLIGHT EXIT.
THE CAT WANDERS IN, LOOKING BORED. SHE IS SOON

FOLLOWED BY THE DOG.
CAT: Look out for evil, he said.

Report any suspicious activity, he
said. My mum didn’t raise me to be
a prison guard!
DOG: Your mum didn’t raise you at all.

You’re an orphan, remember?
CAT: Well, then, you’re the closest

thing I got to a parent, so why don’t
you start acting like one?
DOG: I ain’t no parent. I’m a thief

and a pickpocket, like you. Besides,
I’m a dog and you’re a cat.
CAT: Well. . .Well, couldn’t we just

pretend that you’re the father and
I’m the child? We’re nonsense characters
anyway, so. . . .
56
DOG: I’ll take it under advisement,

now be on the lookout for evil.
The sooner we get this done, the
sooner we can be on our way to
somewhere else.
EVIL NOW ENTERS. THE CAT IS JUST ABOUT TO TURN IN HIS

DIRECTION.
CAT: But where are we going to find

evil all the way out here? (SEES EVIL)
I found it.
EVIL: Hello, little Cat. Got yourself

down from the moon, then, have you?
Well, Dog. Been a while. What have we
got going on here?
DOG: Sorry, Evil, little change of plans.

Had to make a little arrangement to
get ourselves off the moon, you see.
Little con job, nothing more.
EVIL: Oh. All right. ‘Cause from where

I was standing, it looked a bit like
you were going legit, working for the
agents of light instead of my lot.
But I can see I was greatly mistaken.
I’m over in this neck of the woods
right now because of Diamond.
DOG: Diamond? The one on the moon?
EVIL: That’s the one. She made friends

with the North Wind, been riding around
with her lately. Yeah, lots of evil
swirling around Diamond, so naturally,
I feel like I need to put in a personal
appearance. It’s hard finding any motivation
anymore for this job. I mean, work myself
to the bone and what do I have to look
forward to? Lake of burning fire? Call that
a pension plan? Still, we do what we got to
do, right?
57
DOG: What’s this evil all around Diamond?

Not that I’m the slightest bit
interested, of course, but. . .
EVIL: Well, you get it in the animal

kingdom, too, so I guess you’ll
understand. . . . .I guess you know
that cancer is a very dangerous and
potentially fatal illness.
THE CAT AND DOG BECOME QUITE SERIOUS, REALIZING NOW

THAT DIAMOND IS IN TROUBLE. EVIL ALMOST FORGETS THEY
ARE THERE AS HE CONTINUES QUITE PHILOSOPHICALLY.
EVIL: The old man, eighty-nine years

old, he doesn’t question it, really.
Been a good life, we all have to go. . .
But the fifteen-year-old girl. . . .
She’s bound to have questions. . . .
Doubts. . . .The love of God suddenly
doesn’t look quite so loving. Believe
me, when a human soul is up for grabs,
you can bet you’ll find me there, standing
in the shadows, whispering “He isn’t
loving. He’s never been loving.” Greatest
lie since the fall in the garden. So easy
to believe when the world seems to be crumbling
down around you.
EVIL BEGINS TO HEAD OUT.
EVIL: I’ll let you get back to your

important work.
HE WORKS. CAT AND DOG REMAIN SILENT, AS THEY KNOW

DIAMOND AND ARE GREATLY CONCERNED FOR HER.
CAT: We’ve got to tell Photon! He

said to be on the lookout for evil,
and we’ve just seen it!
DOG: (TRYING TO NOT CARE) Now look,

it’s not as if we care about Diamond,
exactly, but-
CAT: Of course we care! Diamond’s

our friend! Come on!
58
THEY HURRY OUT.
DIAMOND ENTERS WITH NORTH WIND. DIAMOND IS HOLDING

SOMETHING INVISIBLE IN HER HANDS AND SEEMS TO HAVE
CHEERED UP A BIT FROM ACT I.
NORTH WIND: Here, do it over Alaska,

they’re used to it there!
DIAMOND: You mean, this is actually

a chill?
NORTH WIND: Just like in wintertime!
DIAMOND: It’ll actually makes things

colder when I throw it?
NORTH WIND: You better hurry up or

you’ll freeze your hands!
DIAMOND RELEASES THE “CHILL” IN HER HANDS.
NORTH WIND: The temperature down there

just dropped thirty degrees! I love
seasons, especially fall. That’s
when everyone likes me the best.
I blow and everyone says “Yay! The
summer heat’s going away and the fall
breeze is blowing”.
DIAMOND: I guess it’s hard for you,

being loved and hated. My grandma didn’t
like you at all during Hurricane Dennis.
She lives in Florida and they had a
lot of damage last year.
NORTH WIND: I know. . . .
DIAMOND: That doesn’t bother you?
NORTH WIND: I’m the wind. It’s just

what I do.
DIAMOND PULLS OUT THE TELESCOPE NORTH WIND GAVE HER,

AND LOOKS OUT INTO THE DISTANCE. SHE SPOTS SOMETHING
LOVELY.
59
DIAMOND: Hey, what is that place? There!

(POINTS)
NORTH WIND: It’s the country. . .at the

back of the North Wind. Diamond, life
on this earth is only one side. There’s
another side. . .a side with no beginnings
or endings, no sadness, no evil.
DIAMOND: Why don’t we all just go to

that side?
NORTH WIND: There’s only one way to

get there.
DIAMOND: (SIGHS) Okay, I’ve already heard

about all this at Sunday school. You have
to accept Jesus into your heart and He’ll
free you from your sin and you can
go to heaven. Right?
NORTH WIND: Well, yeah, you said it

correctly, but. . .you don’t really
believe it, do you?
DIAMOND IS QUIET A MOMENT.
DIAMOND: I just don’t understand why

God would. . .would allow such evil
things to happen to- (SHE ALMOST SAID
ME). . .to people.
NORTH WIND: Are there two God’s? The

good God and the bad God? You have to
love Him through the good and the bad.
DIAMOND LOOKS AT NORTH WIND.
DIAMOND: Have you known all along?
NORTH WIND NODS HER HEAD. DIAMOND BECOMES ANGRY.
DIAMOND: They said it’s incurable.

Incurable!! Why?! You won’t tell me!
God won’t tell me! I want to know why!
60
NORTH WIND: I don’t know, Diamond!

I can’t explain it any more than you!
DIAMOND: This is wrong, North Wind!

It’s evil! I mean, if God created
everything, did He create evil?
NORTH WIND WAVES HER HAND AND STOPS TIME. DIAMOND

FREEZES THERE AND NORTH WIND BEGINS TO PACE QUICKLY.
NORTH WIND: No, no, no! I knew she

was going to ask me that! No, He
didn’t! But. . .well, He created. . .
SHE TURNS AND LOOKS OUT TO GOD DESPERATELY.
NORTH WIND: Oh, God, please, what am

I supposed to do? I know the answers
but I’m only Your servant! I don’t. . .
Sometimes even I don’t understand why
I blow hurricanes, tornadoes. . .
Oh, God, that old woman died from hypothermia
last night! From my blizzard!!
NORTH WIND IS ALMOST IN TEARS.
DESTINY ENTERS, NOT PERKY THIS TIME, BUT CALMLY

APPROACHING NORTH WIND.
NORTH WIND: You tell me, Destiny!

You’re the one who knows all the plans
and purposes of everything! If God
created everything, did He create evil?
DESTINY: You know the answer, Windy.

No, He didn’t. He created free will,
and evil is the consequence of
rebellion against God.
NORTH WIND: Well, why create free will?!

Just make them obey Him! Like me! I
have to be the wind! I have no choice!
DESTINY: Human beings are different

than us. . .Better. . .God made them
in His own likeness. . .He wanted a
relationship with them so badly, He
61
was. . .willing to take the risk. The

risk of humankind making the wrong choice.
NORTH WIND: Well, I’m not going to

stand around and let Diamond die!
DESTINY: That’s not your job, it’s

mine.
NORTH WIND: Then you’d better start

working those abs like you’re always
saying in all your little workout
videos and make Diamond well!
Just. . .make her well!
DESTINY: Windy. Chill. I’m a principle

of God’s handiwork. The destiny and
purpose of every human life. Only
God has the final say. Only He can
make her well or lay her to rest.
NORTH WIND: But if. . .if God knows

everything. . .didn’t He know. . .I
mean, why. . .why would He-
DESTINY: Just because. . . .Because

He’s God, Windy. And we’re not. . . .
We have to love Him through the good
and the bad.
NORTH WIND RESIGNS TO THE REALITY SHE ALREADY KNOWS.
NORTH WIND: Just because?. . . .
DESTINY: Just because.
DESTINY QUIETLY EXITS, AS NORTH WIND PROCESSES THIS.

SHE THEN WAVES HER HAND AND DIAMOND UNFREEZES.
NORTH WIND: Look, Diamond, I’ll tell

you. But when. . . .when you learn
to accept God for who He really is. . .
SHE POINTS UP INTO THE SKY.
NORTH WIND: Well, He’s just like

the north star! The brightest star
62
in the universe. Always there.

Always pointing you in the right
direction, even in the darkness.
CUE MUSIC: “GUIDING STAR”
NORTH WIND:
That guides you through the night
When the waves are crashing down
And you feel you’re lost and can’t be found
He’ll be there and He’ll be shining bright

To get you to the end
When the world is caving in
And you can’t find a way to win
He’s the one that you can call your friend

Leading you and me to victory
He takes my hand
Gonna be okay
AS SOON AS THE SONG ENDS:
DIAMOND: I want to go to that place. . .

at the back of the North Wind. But
I don’t know the way.
NORTH WIND PRODUCES A BIBLE.
NORTH WIND: There’s only one way. . .

Jesus said I am the way. . .the
truth. . .the life.
SHE HANDS THE BOOK TO DIAMOND, WHO LOOKS AT IT A

MOMENT.
DIAMOND: How do I accept Him?
NORTH WIND BEGINS TO LEAD HER OFF.

63
NORTH WIND: Come on. I’ll show you.
THEY EXIT.
ECLIPSE SILENTLY ENTERS AND MOVES AROUND, WATCHING,

LOOKING, WAITING.
THEN, BLAZE ENTERS DIAMOND’S HOUSE, GOING TO HER ATARI

CONSOLE AS USUAL AND GRABBING THE JOYSTICK.
ECLIPSE SPOTS HIM, AND WHEN DAYLIGHT ENTERS, THEN:
CUE MUSIC: “THE NEAR-FATAL ACCIDENT”
AS BEFORE, DAYLIGHT HAS A DRINK IN HER HAND AND IS

ONCE AGAIN DISTRACTED BY DIAMOND’S THINGS AND IS
HOLDING THE CUP VERY CLOSE TO THE ELECTRICS.
ECLIPSE SEES THE SAME OPPORTUNITY AS BEFORE, TO SIMPLY

PUSH THE CUP OUT OF HER HAND, BUT THIS TIME IT MIGHT
CAUSE SOMETHING FAR WORSE.
ECLIPSE HOLDS HIS GUN TOWARD THE CUP, MAKING IT TIP

FURTHER AND FURTHER WITHOUT DAYLIGHT REALIZING.
DIAMOND RETURNS HOME RIGHT AS THE MUSIC PEAKS, AND

SEES.
DIAMOND: Daylight!!
AS DIAMOND CHARGES FORWARD, PHOTON AND LUMINANCE RACE

IN, PUSHING ECLIPSE OUT OF THE WAY AND ALLOWING
DIAMOND TO GRAB HOLD OF DAYLIGHT AND PULL HER AWAY
FROM THE ELECTRICS BEFORE SHE DOES LOSE CONTROL OF THE
CUP. BUT IT SIMPLY CLATTERS TO THE FLOOR.
BLAZE NOW SEES WHAT JUST HAPPENED, AND DAYLIGHT,

CAUGHT OFF GUARD, IS FRIGHTENED BY WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
DAYLIGHT: I’m so sorry, Diamond!

I wasn’t even looking!
BLAZE: Neither was I! Daylight!

What are you trying to do? Kill
everybody?!
64
DIAMOND: Okay, okay, the important

thing is, nobody was hurt. No more
bringing drinks into my bedroom,
Daylight.
DAYLIGHT: (ALMOST CRYING) I’m sorry!

I don’t know why I’m so stupid like
that! I’m so sorry!
DIAMOND: Hey, Daylight, shhh, it’s

okay, calm down.
DAYLIGHT: But something terrible

could have happened!
DIAMOND: But it didn’t. . .
SOMETHING TERRIBLE COULD HAVE HAPPENED, BUT IT DIDN’T.

THIS IS A SATISFYING THOUGHT FOR DIAMOND, WORTH A
LITTLE BIT OF A SMILE.
DIAMOND: It didn’t.
BLAZE: Look, it’s really my fault.

I was watching the TV screen and
I didn’t-
DIAMOND: It’s nobody’s fault. It

was just one of those things. (TO
DAYLIGHT) Let’s get some towels
and clean all this up.
DIAMOND AND DAYLIGHT EXIT.
PHOTON, LUMINANCE, AND ECLIPSE HAVE BEEN STANDING BACK

OBSERVING, AND CATCHING THEIR BREATH.
ECLIPSE: Fair game, Photon! What’s the

big idea?
LUMINANCE: Diamond’s not, so take that!

She’s written in the Book now, man,
deal with it!
PHOTON: Diamond’s out of your hands

now, Eclipse. Sorry. She belongs to
us now.
65
ECLIPSE STAGGERS OFF, AND PHOTON AND LUMINANCE EXIT.
BLAZE HAS BEEN SITTING AND THINKING, SHAKEN BY THE

WHOLE EVENT.
JASPER ENTERS, BRINGING BACK THE EXTENSION CORD HE

BORROWED.
JASPER: Hey, Blaze. This is Diamond’s,

I’m just returning it. What’s the
matter?
BLAZE: Nothing, I’m just kind of

spooked. We almost had an accident.
JASPER: (CONCERNED) With Diamond?
BLAZE: No, with. . . .What do you

mean?
JASPER: I was just thinking, with

Diamond in her condition. . .
BLAZE: What condition?
JASPER: (AFTER A MOMENT) Look, I

know she didn’t want anyone to know.
I only know because I had the
same cancer three years ago.
BLAZE: You mean. . .Diamond. . .

She’s going to be okay, right? I
mean, you’re okay. If they cured
you, they’ll cure Diamond!
JASPER: She’s got it worse than me.

. . .I just don’t know. . .Guess we’ve
got to just have faith.
BLAZE: Faith in what?
JASPER: Oh, I forgot. You don’t go

to church. Well, for me, faith
that God knows what He’s doing,
in the good or the bad.
66
JASPER EXITS.
BLAZE: (AS JASPER GOES) Well, I

mean, we went to church on Christmas. . .
BLAZE THINKS ABOUT ALL THIS FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN

EXITS AS WELL.
DIAMOND AND DAYLIGHT ENTER WITH TOWELS, AND BEGIN TO

SCRUB UP THE FLOOR FROM THE (INVISIBLE) SPILL.
NORTH WIND AND DESTINY ENTER. THEY ARE NOT SEEN BY THE
GIRLS.
DESTINY: (SIGHS, LIGHTLY) Daylight,

you’re going to give me a heart
attack when you start learning
how to drive.
NORTH WIND: It’s a good thing

Diamond came home when she did.
DESTINY: Good thing? Windy, we

planned that out right down to the
very second. . .Diamond saved her
life. And Blaze as well.
NORTH WIND: You mean. . .they would

have been electrocuted?
DESTINY: Both of them. . . .Trust in

the Master’s plans, Windy. They don’t
always seem to make sense. . .But they’re
always good.
DESTINY EXITS. DAYLIGHT EXITS, AND DIAMOND REMAINS,

THOUGH SHE IS STILL UNAWARE OF NORTH WIND.
EVIL ENTERS, GLANCING AT DIAMOND BEFORE LOOKING AT

NORTH WIND.
EVIL: Well, bravo, Windy. Looks like

you won over your little friend.
She’s in the Lamb’s Book of Life,
all is well, as far as her salvation
is concerned. She’ll be at the back of
the North Wind, safely, securely, in
67
the presence of your unexplainable

God for all eternity. . .Now, I did
want to talk to you about that little
business of electrocution. That was
really uncalled for, for whatever my
opinion is worth to you. I mean, was it
really necessary for your little agents
of light to be there, and for Diamond to
arrive right at that moment. Five seconds
later, and the little girl would have been
gone. Maybe the young man, too. I don’t
know. I was hoping for a little bit of fair
play here. We’re immortal concepts playing
out in this world until the end of the age,
wheat and tares growing up together, we’ve
got to have some back and forth here.
NORTH WIND HASN’T LOOKED AT HIM YET, AND NOW SHE DOES.
NORTH WIND: “The north wind doth blow”. . .

I blow a breeze or I blow a storm,
it’s what I do. You’re Evil, it’s what
you do. . . .Humans have a choice.
Diamond had a choice. And she made the
right one.
NORTH WIND BECOMES IMPASSIONED, TEARFUL AND HAPPY AT

ONCE.
NORTH WIND: And there’s nothing you can

do! Go and spread wickedness anywhere
you want! But there’s nothing more
you can do to Diamond!
EVIL: Well, there is still the issue

of her declining health.
NORTH WIND: You can’t even kill her! The

power of Christ takes away the power of
death! There is no death for Diamond!
Only life eternal! That’s a promise!
EVIL REALLY, REALLY DOES NOT CARE, AND THIS

INDIFFERENCE INFURIATES NORTH WIND. SHE LUNGES AT HIM,
WITH EVIL FENDING OFF HER FLAILING HANDS.
NORTH WIND: You bogus little creep!

68
You have no heart! No feelings!
EVIL: (OVERLAPPING) Hey, hey, settle

down, Windy, settle down. . .(BACKS AWAY)
You’re right. Evil has no heart, no
feelings. The fruits of the Spirit are
all on your side of the fence, I’m
afraid.
NORTH WIND: I won this round! We won

this round!
A PAUSE.
EVIL: Fair enough. . .Plenty more

rounds to go, Windy.
INDIFFERENT TO IT ALL, EVIL EXITS.
CAT AND DOG ENTER, HURRYING OVER TO DIAMOND. NORTH

WIND REMAINS IN THE BACKGROUND.
CAT: Diamond! Is everything all right?

Did they get to you in time?
DIAMOND: What? Oh, yeah, hey, don’t

worry about it.
DOG: (QUITE PROUD OF HIMSELF) Well,

you see, if we hadn’t told Photon
in time. . . .
DIAMOND: Look, why don’t you guys just

stay legit? You’re actually really
good at it.
DOG: Well, it looks like we might

have to. We’re playing a little game,
see, where I’m pretending to be the
father and Cat’s pretending to be
the child. I mean, we don’t know nothing
about family, but. . .
DIAMOND: Sounds like it’s worth a try.

69
DOG: Now that’s the way I see it.

Still can’t believe it, though, a
respectable thief like me going legit.
DIAMOND: Well, you know. . .some things

in life just can’t be explained.
DOG: You’re right there. Well, come

on, Cat.
DOG EXITS, AND CAT TURNS BACK AND LOOKS AT DIAMOND.
CAT: Diamond. . . .Thank you. If

you hadn’t visited the moon, we’d
probably still be stuck there.
CAT EXITS.
DIAMOND TURNS TO HER ROOM, AND THEN STAGGERS SUDDENLY.
NORTH WIND HURRIES FORWARD TO HER SIDE.
NORTH WIND: Diamond?
DIAMOND: (FEELING DIZZY) I need. . .I

need to get to my mom. . .
NORTH WIND ASSISTS DIAMOND OFF.
CUE MUSIC: “COME THOU FOUNT”
A SOUND SIMILAR TO A HEART MONITOR IS HEARD, FOLLOWED

BY THE LONG “BEEP” THAT INDICATES THE HEART IS NO
LONGER BEATING.
AS THE MUSIC TO THE CLASSIC HYMN BEGINS, DIAMOND

ENTERS, BUT LOOKING. . .REFRESHED, PEACEFUL, CALM,
HOPEFUL.
DIAMOND:
Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry

Take my ransomed soul away
70
Send thine angels now to carry

Me to realms of endless day
NORTH WIND AND DESTINY ENTER. DIAMOND LOOKS AT

DESTINY.
DIAMOND: My mom and dad are still

with me in the hospital room. . . .
This isn’t my home anymore.
DESTINY: I know. It’s time to go to

your new home. . .at the back of the
North Wind.
DIAMOND THEN TURNS TO LOOK AT NORTH WIND. SHE RUNS UP

TO HER AND THEY HUG, IN SILENCE, FOR A LONG, TENDER
MOMENT.
DIAMOND: (AFTERWARDS) Look after

Blaze and Daylight for me.
CUE MUSIC: “GUIDING STAR REPRISE”
THE BREEZE ENTERS.
DESTINY:
In life or death, you have the victory
DESTINY EXTENDS HER HAND TO DIAMOND ON THIS.
DESTINY:
So take my hand
Gonna be okay
DIAMOND SMILES AT NORTH WIND, AND THEN FOLLOWS DESTINY

AND THE BREEZE AS THE MUSIC CARRIES HER SOUL TO
HEAVEN.
NORTH WIND REMAINS ON STAGE AFTER DIAMOND IS GONE AND

THE MUSIC IS OVER, THINKING.
71
BLAZE ENTERS, ALSO LOST IN THOUGHT, THINKING NOW ABOUT

DIAMOND’S DEATH.
AFTER A MOMENT, NORTH WIND NOTICES HIM. SHE DECIDES TO

MAKE THE ACQUAINTANCE.
NORTH WIND: Hi.
BLAZE LOOKS AT HER.
BLAZE: Who are you?
NORTH WIND: The North Wind. . .I

guess that’s kind of hard to believe,
huh?
BLAZE SIMPLY SHRUGS, AND THEN STARTS THINKING AGAIN.
NORTH WIND: Are you thinking about

Diamond?
BLAZE NODS.
NORTH WIND: I miss her, too. . .
A LONG PAUSE.
BLAZE: Why did Diamond have to die?
ANOTHER SILENCE.
BLAZE: Jasper had the same thing and

he didn’t die. So why Diamond?
THE NORTH WIND REMAINS SILENT A MOMENT.
NORTH WIND: I don’t know. . . .

I have to trust in the Master’s plans
whether I understand them or not.
BLAZE: Why?
NORTH WIND: (AFTER A MOMENT) Just

because. . . .And that’s okay. . .
And you know what? Diamond didn’t give
up on God or faith or. . .or anything,
even in the most unexplainable situations.
72
BLAZE: I don’t know anything about

God. If He’s real, why does He
allow bad things to happen?
NORTH WIND PERKS UP. A NEW FRIEND?
NORTH WIND: Well, that’s a complicated

question, Blaze. . .Have you ever been
to the moon?
BLAZE: Uh, that’s impossible.
NORTH WIND: Of course it is! But me

and Diamond did it. Life is joy and
sorrow all mixed together. And when
you ride the wind, anything’s possible.
BLAZE IS GETTING INTERESTED.
BLAZE: You mean. . . .Diamond wasn’t

joking when she said all that about
the moon, and the dog, and the cat. . .?
NORTH WIND: Take a step. . .and see

for yourself.
SHE EXTENDS HER HAND.
BLAZE: Radical!
CUE MUSIC: “BLAZE’S ADVENTURE”
THE BREEZE ENTERS. BLAZE FOLLOWS NORTH WIND, AND THEY

EXIT, HEADING OFF ON A BRAND NEW ADVENTURE.
THE BREEZE FLUTTERS THROUGH ONE MORE TIME.
SOFTER MUSIC CONTINUES, AND ALL CAST COME OUT

SOMEWHERE ON STAGE OR AROUND, AS MATT WILL DELIVER
SOME FINAL WORDS TO THE AUDIENCE WHILE WE ARE STILL IN
THE MOOD, BEFORE BOWING; BOWS WILL COME AFTER A FINAL
PRAYER

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1

5YC Theatre: At the Back of the North Wind

Director – Catelyn Lawrence

Book, Music, Lyrics – Matt Kramer

North Wind. . . . .Ashley Tone

Diamond. . . . .Riley Unterbug

Evil. . . . .Matt Kramer

Destiny. . . . .Catelyn Lawrence

Blaze. . . . .Grant Malcolm

Daylight. . . . .Sasha Saynor

Jasper. . . . .Jonathan Rizzo

Photon. . . . .Noah Garcia

Luminance. . . . .Owen Garcia

Eclipse. . . . .Caiden Garcia

The Dog. . . . .Clint Doggett

The Cat. . . . .Elayne Doggett

The Breeze. . . . .Natalie Kramer

DIAMOND (RILEY UNTERBUG) – a curious, kind-hearted, average 80s

EVIL (MATT KRAMER) – similar to the 80s punk/heavy metal bands

wanders the earth administering evil; though truly wicked, he’s

DESTINY (CATELYN LAWRENCE) – a fantasy Jane Fonda 80s fitness

BLAZE (GRANT MALCOLM) – Diamond’s next-door neighbor and

DAYLIGHT (SASHA SAYNOR) – Diamond’s next-door neighbor and

JASPER (JONATHAN RIZZO) – Diamond’s other neighborhood friend, a

LUMINANCE (OWEN GARCIA) - like Tron, 80s laser tag, Knight

ECLIPSE (CAIDEN GARCIA) - like Tron, 80s laser tag, Knight

THE DOG (CLINT DOGGETT) – fashioned after every 80s animated

THE CAT (ELAYNE DOGGETT) - fashioned after every 80s animated

THE BREEZE (NATALIE KRAMER) – the ethereal servant of the North

“The North Wind Blows”. . . .Destiny (Catelyn Lawrence)

“Why”. . . .Diamond (Riley Unterbug)

“Ride the Wind”. . . .North Wind (Ashley Tone)

“The Cat and the Fiddle”. . . .Dog (Clint Doggett)

“Scrub the Stars”. . . .Destiny (Catelyn Lawrence)

“Supernaturally Natural”. . . .Blaze (Grant Malcolm)

“Guiding Star”. . . .North Wind (Ashley Tone)

“Come Thou Fount”. . . .Diamond (Riley Unterbug)

“Guiding Star Reprise”. . . .Destiny (Catelyn Lawrence)

“The North Wind Blows”

DESTINY, BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, JASPER, PHOTON, LUMINANCE,

BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, JASPER:

DESTINY, BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, JASPER, PHOTON, LUMINANCE,

The North Wind blows

DESTINY, BLAZE, DAYLIGHT, JASPER, PHOTON, LUMINANCE,

So you better hold on

Why why why

Why why why

“Ride the Wind”

Ride the wind

The wind blows where it wants to blow

Ride the wind

DIAMOND: We’re flying!

NORTH WIND: Of course we’re flying!

Ride the wind

“The Cat and the Fiddle”

I don’t get it, it doesn’t make sense

Why in the world are we willing to do

“Scrub the Stars”

DESTINY, NORTH WIND, DIAMOND, CAT, DOG:

When you scrub the stars