Assertive Communication
Assertive Communication
Assertive Communication
Effective Use
Assertive Communication - 6 Tips For Effective Use
It's application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations.
There's also no guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles
appropriately.
Here's some useful guidelines to ensure your successful use of an assertive communication
style.
Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in
an open, honest and direct way.
It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming
other people.
And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where
conflict exists.
All of us use assertive behaviour at times... quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of
ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour.
Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this
sort of behaviour. It enables us to swap old behaviour patterns for a more positive approach
to life. I've found that changing my response to others (be they work colleagues, clients or
even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.
Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you
express. Also, having a healthy regard for another person's rights means that you won't
always get what YOU want. You may also find out that you were wrong about a viewpoint
that you held. But most importantly, as mentioned earlier, it involves the risk that others may
not understand and therefore not accept this style of communication.
Assertiveness in communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle! It's NOT a guarantee that you
will get what you want. It's definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with
everyone, but at least it's NOT being aggressive.
There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can
employ. These types are:
Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings.
You can accomplish this by using "I" statements. These indicate ownership, do not attribute
blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direct and honest, and
contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.
Behaviour
Feeling
Tangible effect (consequence to you)
Example:
"I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings. I don't like having to repeat information."
There are six assertiveness techniques - let's look at each of them in turn.
1. Behaviour Rehearsal: which is literally practising how you want to look and sound. It is a
very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any
emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behaviour
you wish to confront.
2. Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record'): this assertiveness technique allows you to feel
comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant
logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this assertiveness technique use
calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue. You'll find that there is
no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others.
Example:
3. Fogging: this technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting
anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism. To do this you need to
acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain
the judge of your choice of action. An example of this could be, "I agree that there are
probably times when I don't give you answers to your questions.
4. Negative enquiry: this assertiveness technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close
relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve
communication. To use if effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your
understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the
information if it is manipulative. An example of this assertiveness technique would be, "So
you think/believe that I am not interested?"
5. Negative assertion: this assertiveness technique lets you look more comfortably at
negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also
reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise.
Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative
qualities. An example would be, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely to what you
have to say."
6. Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a
workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals
unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal
involves a matter of your self-worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE.
An example of this assertiveness technique would be, "I understand that you have a need to
talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting in half an hour?"
Conclusion
Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application is contextual and it's not
appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may
be perceived as an act of aggression by others.
There's also no guarantee of success, even when you use assertive communication styles
appropriately.
"Nothing on earth can stop the individual with the right mental attitude from achieving their
goal; nothing on earth can help the individual with the wrong mental attitude" W.W. Ziege
When you match consumer psychology with effective communication styles you get a
powerful combination. Lee Hopkins can show you how to communicate better for better
business results.
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