Screenplay

by
WILLARD HUYCK and GLORIA KATZ

SHOOTING SCRIPT
August 21, 1985
FADE IN:

INT. AN APARTMENT - SUNSET 1

The last light of day dimly illuminates a small living room. We

hear a door open and close.

Somebody has entered the apartment and we hear him walking about
offscreen. A hall '.ight is turned on and reveals a bit more of
the shabby living ~~om:
An '- oi a-·e- as y Ch a i r. and 1 amp , a s l i pc OVe r e d s O f a , a t e 1 e V is i On ,
f aded-1ai'io:scape--r-eproductions on the wal 1. ..

Offscreen in the kitchen, we hear a refrigerator open and a

bottle clink as it's pulled out. The refrigerator slams shut. A
drawer opens. The bottle hisses when its cap is flipped off.

Footsteps a ain -- now a silhouette walks over to the easy chair

and sets a bottle of beer: ✓ on the end table -- IT LOOKS SOMETHING
LIKE A DUC. ut the figure moves out of frame again before we
can be positive.

After a moment, the figure returns, moves to the easy chair and
sits down. It turns on the lamp.
LT IS A DUCK!
- ·----
The camera moves in _sJ,._9-.wly as. HOWARD THE DUCK opens a bag of
pretzels. _!_?_ward isc_tw~n-ti:!_I9.!!._t. _y_e.ar_s .old and. thre: fe_et tal 1. ·-
He wears ~t rumpled sports Jacket over a faded shirt with a badly~
•1<n9-~t'¥tie.) He s1·Ers·-·nrs·-oee"r and picks up a remote control --

The television pops on: two ducks play championship tennis --

Howard changes the channel --

CLICK! A war movie: a duck aviator BLASTS a ~achine gun. CLICK!

On a game show an ecstatic duck winner is presented with a fur
coat. CLICK! A black Intern duck lowers her surgical mask and
talks intensely with a white Chief Surgeon duck --

INTERN ( tv)
Fred, I love you so much it hurts!
Why can't society see past the
color of our feathers?

CHIEF (tv)
Don't let their gossip get to you.
You're a great surgeon. Darling,
 2.

CHIEF (tv) (cont'd)

I want you to shut your bill, get
back in there and stop your patient's
hemorrhaging.
Bored, Howard pulls a magazine off the end table. He opens the
PLAYDUCK and checks the centerfold: "Miss May" is a sexy little
mallard in high-heels, stockings and a smil~.

Howard's chair vibrates and he looks up. It stops and he shrugs

and goes back to the magazine. His chair vibrates again and he
looks down puzzled at the floor.
The vibration continues and Howard sees framed snapshots of ducks
rattling on a shelf ... his prized bronze-trophy of a duck bowling
topples over ...
Then his chair really starts shaking -- and shaking harder
bouncing on its legs, rocking and rolling side to side.
Howard puts his beer down awkwardly and tries to stand up --
abruptly the chair tips back and traps him!
Then all hell breaks loose: the easy chair explodes to life and
BLASTS OFF BACKWARDS 1 ike a rocket-sled! Howard YELLS and
clutches the arms of the chair as it zooms backwards down the
hall!

The-·chair; hurtles down the ha 11 toward the bath room. Smashing

~Ehe door ~pen, the chair flies across the bathroom and CRASHES
through the wall!

INT. HIS NEIGHBORS' APARTMENT 2

Two elderly ducks reading in bed look startled as Howard rockets

across their bedroom in his arm chair. Howard YELLS as the chair
CRASHES through the far wall.
INT. FIFTH FLOOR HALLWAY 3

The berserk 1~ , b l a s t s down the main hall past apartment

doorS:---·Emetg1ng f-rom ad elevator, a startled young duck couple
jumps back as Howard and his easy chair scream by.
Feathers blowing, body shaking, Howard sits glued in terror --
the hal_!_seems to stretch elastically as he rides the flying
chair towara the far end.

Finally, there's an explosion of plaster-debris and splintered-

wood as the chair smashes through the wall and crashes out of the
building!
 3.

EXT. A CITY STREET - SUNSET 4

A Police duck and several surprised duck pedestrians look up at

the building when Howard and his aasy chair blast out ~f the
apartment _into the evening sky.

EXT. THE SKY - EVENING 5

From high above the city, we see the lights twinkling -- and
Howard's easy chair rocketing up toward us.
We glimpse Howard holding onto the chair for dear life as he
hurtles past us -- trapped on a missile heading for some ·unknown
destination.
EXT. THE ATMOSPHERE - EVENING 6

Two moons hover above the curved horizon o~ Duck World -- in the
distance, the sma 11 out 1 ine of Howard's easy cfiaTr -·can be seen
rocketing up through the atmosphere.

Suddenly Howard's chair flames out and falls away from him like
the burned-out shell of a two-stage rocket.

The 1 ast we see of Howard he's (liurtling-};_y_him.$e_lf_, tumb 1 ing

heavenward into the darkness of space -- screaming his head
off ...

CUT TO:
EXT. THE COSMOS 7

The black immensity of space strewn with seas of stars... swirl-

ing nebulae... carmine and sea-green planets ...

NARRATOR
The cosmos ... countless worlds upon
worlds ... worlds without end ...
In the distance a speck of light appears and grows larger as it
moves toward us ...

NARRATOR (cont'd)
In these galaxies, every possible
reality exists .. .

A form tumbles through space ... as the music swells we recognize

a small fowl-like creature ...

NARRATOR (cont'd)
And what is reality on any one
world ... is mere fantasy on all
 NARRATOR (cont'd)
others ...
Increasing speed as it approaches, the feathered creature's cry
of terror grows louder ...
NAR~TOR (cont'd)
Here all is real, and all is
illusion ...
We recognize Howard rocketing through space: panicked, desolate,
utterly lost ...
NARRATOR (cont'd)
What is, what was and what will
be, start here with the words ...

The music reaches a crescendo and the screaming duck hurtles

directly into camera ...
NARRATOR (cont'd)
"IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS ... "

The main title hits the screen:

BOWARD THE DUCK

EXT. THE SOLAR SYSTEM 8

Another view across the sea of stars, past a silvery planet with
hazy rings -- and Howard, still yelling, plummets away from
camera ...
Our tumbling, feathered space traveller plunges toward a blue
planet we recognize as Earth.
EXT. EARTH 9

Howard continues to yelp as he s~eeds into the Earth's atmos-

phere ...
Following Howard, we rocket earthward, recognizing the North and
South American continents falling under the shadow of night ...
EXT. CLOUDS - NIGHT 10
Somersaulting through layers of moonlit clouds, Howard is sucked
down by gravity toward the continental United States ...
From the air, we see the twinkling lights of an American city --
now we see Howard spinning down toward it we hear a high-
 5.

pitched whine like that of .:i wounded fighter plane in a tailspin.

EXT. THE NIGHT SKY 11

Looking heavenward, we see ~ t r i k e -- and a<,ward the
Duck crashes out of the clou~HOLLERING his head off... .

EXT. A ROOFTOP - NIGHT 12

High above the city an aging electric signboard reads(CLEVELAND
VAN & STORAGE ... suddenly Howard hurtles from the sky and CRASHES
through the decrepit sign!
Wood splinters, light bulbs explode, sparks and feathers fly --
Howard hollers again as he bounces off a water storage tank and
flies off the edge of the building.

EXT. AN ALLEY 13
Looking up at the night sky, we see Howard plummeting the last
two hundred feet of his outer-space-to-earth voyage.
His little duck body smashes through a wooden overhang, bounces
with a huge BONG off a trash dumpster --

He CRASH-LANDS finally into a broken-down overstuffed chair wait-

ing for the tr ash co 11 ec tors. (Un 1 i ke his own (.e-asy· chair~ this
one is (li.uman-size~and Howard is dwarfed by it). ------------- •

Howard sits breathing heavily, eyes staring in shock. And after

his spectacular, mind-boggling interstellar journey he can bare-
ly mutter --
HOWARD
Oy ...
He looks up quickly -- four towering figures loom toward him. He
tries to run but can't. His webbed-foot is stuck in the springs
of the chair.

A quartet of weird PUNK ROCKERS comes into the light: they look
like extraterrestrials themselves as they stare fascinated at the
fallen fowl. Howard stares back at the horrifying creatures.

HOWARD (cont'd)
I'm a dead duck ...
Grinning drug-happily, the punk starts to pick up Howard.
PUNK
Wow -- I'm so totally ripped I see
a little man from Turkestan!
 6.

EXT. A ROCK CLUB - NIGHT 14

ROCK MUSIC bombards a crowd of freaks pushing toward the back

entrance of a small raunchy rock club --
PUNK (Cont'd) (o. S)
Hey, Bender
An ugly guy named BENDER turns and sees the four punks e !bowing
through the crowd -- suddenly they shove Howard into Bender's
arms and push him in to the c 1 ub --
FREAK (cont'd)
Go on in, Frankenweenie, we finally
found ya a date!

INT. THE CLUB ENTRANCE 15

Bender staggers into the packed club carrying Howard. Inside

they stare in shock at each other nose to beak --
BENDER
Oh no! What -- what is this?!
Howard forces a worried-sick smile for this terrifying creature.
HOWARD
Hi. You come here often?

In the background "CHERRY BOMB" performs on stage. The four girl

rock band is lead by BEVERLY SWITZLER, a sexy, s 1 inky nineteen-
year-old.

Suddenly the CLUB BOUNCER grabs Howard out of Bender's arms.

BOUNCER
Hey, the costume don't fool me --
no kids allowed!
EXT. THE CLUB - NIGHT 16
Howard is flung out the door of the club, flies through the air
and bounces off the top of a car --

He crash-lands in a rusty shopping cart which skids into a BAG

LADY rummaging through trash cans. She sees Howard and SCREAMS.

HOWARD
I've got a much better idea --
let's talk!
 7.

BAG LADY
Help! Mugger! Get away you creep,
you little degenerate!
She starts beating at him with her old purse. Howard stands up
in the cart and tries to defend himself.
INT. THE CLUB 17
On stage "CHERRY BOMB" is cooking: Beverly Switzler struts and
wiggles through a fast and sultry solo passage. The sleazy crowd
hoots and hollers.
EXT. ANOTHER ALLEY - NIGHT 18
Escaping the hollering bag lady, Howard runs down the alley
directly into the path of a gargantuan diesel TRASH TRUCK! As
the monster truck roars past, Howard squawks and jumps aside!
Howard falls into a doorway. He tries to catch his breath and
then hesitates -- his hand feels something behind him.
We see Howard's 1 it t le hand moving up -- a shapely f ema re leg·_-
Suddenly a woman's SCREAM pierces the night. Howard whirls to
see a couple of shocked LOVERS staring wide-eyed down at him!
LOVER GIRL
Oh Christ, it touched me!

LOVER BOY
What the hell--!
HOWARD
I wasn't trying anything! Give me
a break, I'm new here!
LOVER GIRL
This city's goin' down the toilet!
Roaches and rats -- now it's filthy
alley ducks! Step on it, Billy,
squash it!
Billy swings a piece of wood -- Howard ducks and the board
SMASHES into the wall. Howard backs away and starts running.
INT. THE CLUB 19
On the stage, flaming guitars duel, Beverly wails and the nasty
crowd roars its approval.
 8.

EXT. AN ALLEY - NIGHT 20

Howard pants and staggers as he runs evermore slowly down the
dark mean streets -- then he hears something and turns --
Headlights flare over him -- he sees a legion of motorcycles
rumbling down the alley toward himl The noise is deafening --

Howard uses his last strength to run again. The roaring motor-
cyclists bear down relentlessly. Just as Howard is about to
become another stain on the cement he sees something and jumps!
Howard grabs onto a chain-pulley hanging out from a loading dock
and the motorcyles roar beneath him. Howard LAUGHS victoriously
as he swings safely just above their heads -- until --
Howard looks up and sees the the chain pulley ratchet giving way
-- the chain starts slipping!

Howard closes his eyes and falls! He drops and lands -- opening
his eyes he finds himself on the handl~acs of the last motor-
cycle staring into the bloodshot eyes of one of SATAN'S SLAVES!
The burly biker and his ~leached Mama stare in shock at the duck
that's become a fender ornament.
HOWARD
You ready for an incredible story?
MAMA
Waste it, Bear, waste it!!

Bear growls and swings his arm -- his studded wrist bracelet
smashes Howard in the bill and sends him flying

Howard lands with a BANG(in a garbage can~

INT. THE CLUB 21
Beverly and "CHERRY BOMB" finish their blazing finale. The club
freaks howl and cheer and Beverly bows perfunctorily.
EXT. THE ALLEY - NIGHT 22
Two glazed eyes peek up above the trash can. Howard looks around
and groans. He finally reaches out, picks up the lid and pulls
it onto the top of the trash can.
INT. THE TRASH CAN 23
Inside the covered trash can,. Howard gasps for breath ...
 9.

HOWARD
Talk about a rotten day ...

And he finally passes out.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE ROCK CLUB - LATER - NIGHT 24

The girls of "Cherry Bomb" run after their disreputable manager,

GINGER MOSS,as he leaves the club --
BEVERLY
Ginger, you promised to get us out
of this dump!
GINGER
Girls, we gotta find the perfect
spot before we make our move. I'm
like molding a career for you!
I'm not some funky job-droid, you
know, I'm an artist.
Ginger's gold earring flashes as they cross the street.

RONETTE
You're our manager! You were sup-
posed to get us some money tonight!

GINGER
Listen, I tried, but ~he guy just
bought the club and he's got a big
overhead. Money's tight, things
are tough for everybody ...
Ginger's driver, RITCHIE, opens the back door of his customized
Coupe de Ville. Ginger slides into the white leather interior.
The car door slams and he smiles out the window at Beverly.
GINGER (cont'd)
Anyway, he promised me you'd see
cash next week.

BEVERLY
Ginger, if we don't, were walking!

GINGER
(threateningly)
You may be walking but you won't
be singing. Not without me. We
got a contract. 1 -2!!! ~ honev.
 10.

Ginger puts his hand on top of Beverly's and she pulls it away
disgustedly. Ginger rolls up the window and the Caddy zooms off.
The angry girls look at each other and start walking forlornly
down the now-deserted alley.
BEVERLY
Guys, I'm giving it two more months,
then it's adios rock 'n roll and --

K.C.
And what? Hello computer pro-
grammer? You want a ride, Bev?
BEVERLY
No. I'm gonna see if I can walk
off some of my anxiety. Night all.
Her partners say goodnight and turn down a side street. Beverly
wanders along morosely; she dance/kicks a tin can out of the way.

Beverly rounds a corner and yelps when she sees two weird GUYS
who've appeared out of nowhere to block her path.

PIMPLES
Righteous lady, love your music.
BEVERLY
Great. Thanks -- bye now.
SKIN HEAD
Could I like have your autograph?
On my shirt?

Beverly tries to walk around them but they follow her like a pair
of begging lepers, plucking at her sleeve.

PIMPLES
Me too -- on my shorts.

BEVERLY
Just go away, okay?

SKIN HEAD
Hey, we're talking to you,big
rock star!

Skin Head grabs Beverly and shoves her against some trash cans!
INT. A TRASH CAN 25
Hidden inside the trash can Howard is BANGED AWAKE. He looks up
 11.

as the lid falls off with a clang.

BEVERLY
Let go me, creep!

Howard gets a brief view up through the open trash can of Beverly
and her assailants' heads.

PIMPLES
Don't you go snot-nose on us, we're
your biggest fans!
BEVERLY
Get away!
Beverly knees Pimples who sinks groaning out of Howard's view.
But Skin Head grabs her arm and twists it -- then Howard can't
see anymore as they shove Beverly to the ground.
BEVERLY ( o. s.)
Let me go! No! Help! Somebody!
HELP!

Hearing Beverly screaming, Howard grows more and more infuriated

-- until finally he stares directly into camera
HOWARD
o~al/', that's i t - - ~ • ·
(Nice Duck~) EeeaaAAHHHT! -
Howard emits a strange bloodcurdling BATTLE CRY!

EXT. THE ALLEY 26

The two drug-damaged fans grapple with Beverly on the ground

when they hear the weird HOWLING coming from the trash can they
stop and look --

Suddenly HOWARD THE DUCK pops out of the trash can and lands on
top of another one -- striking a defiant and aggressive pose, he
glares at the sleazoids.

HOWARD
Let the female creature go!
Pimples and Skin Head hold Beverly -- they all stare at the
strange feathered apparition.

HOWARD (cont'd)
I've been pounded, trashed, stomped
on and kicked! Every duck has his
limit -- and you scum hav·e pushed
 12.

HOWARD (cont'd)
me over the line!
PIMPLES
Uh, Jimmy, do you like see -- a talk-
ing duck?

SKIN HEAD
Yeah. . . I guess I been .tak in' too
much toot ...

PIMPLES
Shoo! Fly away!
He and Skin Head laugh uproariously and go back to pawing Bev-
erly. Howard growls angrily --
HOWARD
~ oRe ~ghs at a Master of
:,__ Quack Fu~ HIIYAAHH ! !
Howard jumps off the trash can, bounces off on an old car seat
and SOMERSAULTS through the air. He crashes into Pimples and
sends him sprawling. Skin Head whirls, looks surprised and
counterattacks.
Beverly sees Howard grab an iron rod -- as Skin Head lunges at
him, Howard swings the rod and smashes his knees. Yelping horri-
bly, Skin Head topples to the ground.

Pimples staggers to his feet and lurches toward Howard -- Beverly

sticks out her leg and trips him! He skids face-forward toward
Howard and starts to get up groggily.
Howard grabs the trash can lid and smashes it down on Pimples
head -- it sounds like CfMBALS Ci,ANGING and Pimples groans and
falls limp.

Howard then runs and jump kicks -- his feet land in a Quack Fu
SLAM! against Skin.Head's chest. Skin Head falls next to Pimples
and rolls over moaning.

Howard jumps on Skin Head's back, twists his arm behind him, and
bends his fingers back painfully

SKIN HEAD
No, jeez, you're breaking my
fingers!

HOWARD
Now you and Mr Zits are gonna beat
it, right baldy! Before I get
 13.

HOWARD (cont'dJ
really mad!
Howard releases Skin Head's arm and climbs off his back. Skin
Head scrambles over to Pimples and starts to drag him away.
Beverly stands up slowly. Howard sees that she's shaking from
the attack. They stare at each other as if staring across the
universe.

HOWARD (cont'd)
This is obviously no place for an
intelligent, sensitive duck.

BEVERLY
This is unreal ... it can't be ... I
mean you're not really.~. a duck? ...
Are you ... ?

HOWARD
You know, this is beginning to seri-
ously undermine my self-esteem!

BEVERLY
I'm sorry -- uh -- I mean, -I gnes,.g.
I ::&&!m-1:d thank you for chasing
those guys off ... Are you okay?
Howard looks around.

HOWARD
Yeah -- terrific. I just have one
giant -- question -- where am I?

BEVERLY
Oh, uh -- well, the lights up there
are Ninth Street. Bus stops at the
corner of Powell.

HOWARD
No, I mean what is this place?

BEVERLY
Uh ... Cleveland?
HOWARD
~-C~l_e_v_e___L_a_~-. That's a perfect,
weird name--ror this planet.
BEVERLY
Planet? No, that's the city -- the
planet's -- you don't know the planet?
 14.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
(seeing Howard .
shake his head)
Oh, well, the planet's Earth ... I
think ... and I'm obviously ... in
some terrible nightmare ...
HOWARD
Yeah? Your nightmare or mine?

BEVERLY
(backing away)
So, I guess I really better get
going now. Anyway, than~s again,
and ... bye.
She starts off down the street. She looks around and sees Howard
standing alone in the alley. THUNDER rolls ominously and Howard
raises his collar as the first raindrops fall.
BEVERLY (cont'd)
You got someplace to go?
HOWARD
Hey, if I had someplace to go
I certainly wouldn't be in Cleve -
Land!
CUT TO:

EXT. CLEVELAND - NIGHT 27

Squalls of rain fall over the city.

A tall and a short figure walk down the wet sidewalk and climb
the steps of an industrial building.
INT. BUILDING HALLWAY - NIGHT 28
Beverly comes in dripping, with Howard waddling behind her. She
closes the door and Howard walks·with her down the slummy hall.
INT. BEVERLY'S LOFT 29

The door opens, a tall and a short silhouette enter. Beverly

turns on the lights. Howard looks around while she straightens
up the chaotic loft and rambles on nervously.

BEVERLY
Sort of a disaster area -- we're
working up some new songs. I got
this group called CHERRY BOMB and
 15.

BEVERLY {cont'd)
we've been playing in these grungy
mung-holes waiting for our big
break -- uh -- you don't have any
idea what I'm talking about do you,
Mr ... Duck?
HOWARD
It's Howard.

BEVERLY
Right, Howard. Hi. I'm Beverly.
Uh -- listen, you want something
to eat? ... Drink? ... Milk?
I can put it -- in a bowl ...

HOWARD
(irritably)
Doll, I don't drink out of bowls.
You g o t ~
BEVERLY
Beer? Beer ... Right -- sure.
She steps into the kitchen area and opens the refrigerator.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
I'm sorry I'm so nervous. I've
just never been around a -- I mean
I never really even had any pets
or anything.
Beverly comes back and hands him the beer cautiously.
BEVERLY (cont' d)
Always seemed like such a hassle
feeding them, cleaning up their
little poo-poos ...
Howard is slowly burning

HOWARD
I'll try to be careful.

BEVERLY
Hey, nothing personal, I didn't
mean that you'd -- hell, the rugs
are old anyway. Uh -- why don't
you just sit down and make yourself
at home ...
Howard takes the beer, steps on a pile of books and climbs into a
 16.

ratty easy chair littered with rock magazines and music scores.

HOWARD
(bitterly)
Make myself at home ... I wish!
He sips the beer -- suddenly the chair starts vibrating.
HOWARD (cont'd)
OH NO!
He jumps up in the chair which topples over backwards and sends
him rolling into a corner!
Beverly's scared and backs against a bookcase!
The camera dollies into a close-up of Howard's face as he slips
into a pyschotic flash-back.

FLASHBACK TO:

INT. HOWARD'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 30

{BLACK AND WHITE) (SILENT) Back on Duck World, Howard screams
silently as the chair crashes backwards and through the wall of
the apartment!
BND FLASHBACK

INT. BEVERLY'S LOFT - NIGHT 31

Howard huddles teriified in the corner.

BEVERLY
Howard? It's okay. You're all
right.

HOWARD
The chair started shaking ... !
BEVERLY
It was just a big truck going by.
Howard wipes the sweat from his face, pulls himself together and
moves out of the corner.

HOWARD
Oh ... listen, you have to under-
stand ... one minute I'm just sit-
ting relaxing in my living room --
the next minute I'm tossed across
the universe!
 17.

Howard walks over to the window. Through the rain-spattered

glass he sees the blurry lights of Cleveland.
HOWARD (cont'd)
My whole world ... gone ... What in
the hell am I doing here?! I mean
talk about an identity crisis ...
Despite being in the weirdest situation she's ever been in,
Beverly's doing her best to try to remain rational.

BEVERLY
Yeah, what an awful thing to happen.
So, anyway -- what do you do back
home? You got a job? Go to school?
HOWARD
I went to med school for a while.

BEVERLY
You ... went to med school ... ?
HOWARD
Yeah, my parents wanted me to be a
doctor -- a plas~surgeon making
big bucks doing Cbeak\-jobs and ·:·tail~
tucks. ~ "-----

BEVERLY
What happened? .

HOWARD
I dropped out. I decided to educate
myself in the real world, on the
C~t__;-e~~s) So, I wrote poetry at
night ·and did construction work
by day.

BEVERLY
Wow. That sounds great.

HOWARD
Yeah, but it was pipe dream. I got
so tired of everybody saying "Grow
u-p, Howard" -- I guess I finally
did. Last month I got what they
call a promising job.
BEVERLY
Doing what?
 18.

HOWARD
Advertising copy writer. "Only
two things touch .!!!Y feathers --
Oil of Night Fowl ... and him."
I wrote that.
BEVERLY
{after a moment)
Gee, Howard, it sort of sounds like
you sold out.
HOWARD
Maybe. But sometimes I still get this
feeling that there's some kind of
special destiny waiting for me.

BEVERLY
Howard maybe that's why you're
here!

He looks at her.
..
BEVERLY {cont'd)
I mean they say there're no acci-
dents in the universe. Maybe you're
here for some greater purpose, some
cosmic cause!
HOWARD
Are y o u ~ ? got no intention
of bein stranded here! I've got
to get back.

He looks up at the stars skeptically.

BEVERLY
Right. But what'll we do? We've
got to get some kind of help ...
someplace ...
Beverly notices that Howard's e·yes are closing. His feathered
head tips forward gently against the rain-streaked window ...
Beverly approaches him cautiously. He is asleep. She heaves a
sigh of relief, but doesn't know what to do next.
She watches Howard sleeping on her window seat. He's slumped in
an uncomfortable position and she slowly moves toward him.

Her fingers touch him and retreat her fingers touch him again
very gently -- she feels feathers soft feathers ...
Beverly slips her hand under his little back and carefully lifts
him up. Holding _him against her like a child she walks over to
the sofa. With her foot she kicks some junk off the sofa.
Then she lays Howard down gently, moves a pillow under his head
and covers him with a blanket. Howard rolls over and starts to
snore softly.
His wallet falls onto the floor and Beverly reaches down and
picks it up. She opens the miniature wallet --
CLOSE-UP: She pulls out a tiny credit carg._ 'a driver•slicen~\
with Howard's picture on it, and a small (dollar 1. 1 that--i-ooK"s··
very familiar ... except for the engraving o a presidential duck
in a white 18th century wig ...
CLOSE-UP: She finds a picture of Howard with two elderly ducks
who must be his parents ... and another picture -- Howard at the
beach with two sexy little duck bimbos wearing bikinis ...
Beverly closes the little wallet and slips it carefully back into
Howard's pocket. She pulls the blanket up a little bit and
smiles affectionately. Then she moves away quietly.
KITCHEN AREA 32
Beverly walks into the kitchen area. She looks back at Howard
sleeping and thinks a moment ...
She slides a phone book across the counter and opens it to the
yellow pages.

BEVERLY
( to herself)
Jeez, what do you look under ... ?
The pound? Immigration?
{flipping pages)
Pet Hotels -- Pet Finders? Wait --
Vets! That's it. Who told me they
had a great vet ... ?
Suddenly the PHONE RINGS and Beverly jumps a mile. She picks it
up quickly, not wanting it to wake her visitor.

BEVERLY (cont' d)
Hello?

INTERCUT - BEVERLY'S LOFT/ RONETTE'S APARTMENT 33

K.C. and Caldonia are with Ronette in her apartment:
 20.

RONETTE
(on the phone)
Hi. Listen, we decided what we
need is a big lawyer. Somebody
who can get us out of that damn
contract with Ginger.

BEVERLY
(quietly)
Yeah, and how we going t o ~ this
lawyer? Anyway, listen, Ronette
something really intense has
happened and I --
RONETTE
(interrupting)
Why're you talking so low -- you got
somebody over there? Another one
of your pitiful dates?

BEVERLY
Don't ask ... wait a second, speak-
ing of pitiful dates, remember that
guy you went out with last summer?
The big brain? What was his name?
RONETTE
You mean young Dr. Jeckyl? His name
was Phil Blumburtt. A date that
will go down in infamy.
BEVERLY
Wasn't he a scientist? Didn't he
work with animals?
(listening to Ronette)
Paleontology ... that's right ...
dead animals .. .
(looking over at
Howard sleeping)
Well, maybe he'll see Howard as a
challenge ...
Howard sleeps. As if he's imagining humans in a nightmare, we
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. A CLEVELAND STREET - MORNING 34
Humans ... hundreds of them ... crowds of anonymous faces moving
along the sidewalks to work.
 21.

INT. A CAB 35

The cab swerves through commuter traffic. In the back seat,

Beverly sits next·to a large trash bag with little holes poked in
it. A muffled voice is heard --
HOWARD (o. s.)
This is humiliating!
BEVERLY
I just don't want people freaking
out all over the place.
HOWARD ( o. s . )
What about me? I'm going to have
to see a psychiatrist every day
for the rest of my life!

BEVERLY
Relax, we're almost there. This
guy Phil's a scientist. He should
be able to help us.

EXT. MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY - DAY 36

The cab stops in front of the Beaux Arts-style museum. Beverly
gets out and hauls out the duck-loaded trash bag.
CUT TO:

INT. RESEARCH HALLWAY - DAY 37

Beverly drags the trash bag down the hall and knocks on a door.
PHIL BLUMBURTT opens it. He's twenty-four, a budding scientific
genius, in his own estimation. He eyes the bag quizzically as
Beverly drags it through the door.
The camera moves in toward the closing door. After a moment, the
door bursts open and Phil rushes out looking stunned.
INT. MUSEUM WORKROOM 38

A dozen PALEONTOLOGISTS assembling a skeleton look up as Phil

bursts into the room like the classic scientist announcing a
DISCOVERY! •

PHIL
My God, listen, everybody! This
is it! I've just seen it! It's in
there -- it's a -- IT'S A --
(realizing something)
It's nothing -- nevermind ...
 22.

He backs out and closes the door gently. The puzzled scientists
resume their work.
INT. RESEARCH HALLWAY 39
Across the hall, Phil hangs a sign on the door: CLOSED POR TEST-
ING. He slams the door.
INT. TESTING LABORATORY 40

Phil walks away from the door cogitating.

PHIL
Why should I tell them? Why let
the museum take credit for it?!
After all, it's .!!!Y discovery!
Phil returns to Howard, who stands on an examinat1.on table next
to Beverly and the empty trash bag.
PHIL (cont'd)
This is amazing -- man's oldest
fantasy! Across the sea of stars
!oo7<;up--tn--th·e· sky, it's a bird ...
it's a duck.
-
BEVERLY
Phil, calm down a second. You've
got to help us. What do we do?
Smiling strangely, Phil approaches Howard.

PHIL
Nice ducky -- me Phil -- you Howard.
We -- be -- friends.
HOWARD
(to Beverly)
Undoubtedly one of Earth's greatest
minds here ...

BEVERLY
Phil, don't talk to him like that.
He's just as smart as you are.
HOWARD
Now, I'm really depressed.

PHIL
Right, highly intelligent perhaps
even -- wait -- that's it our
first test!
 23.

?hil grabs some things and returns to the table.

PHIL (cont'd)
We are about to see if Howard has
any abilities we don't have here
on earth -- any, shall we say,
super powers?
Phil looks-meaningfully at Beverly -- this could be an incredi-
bly dramatic moment. Phil drops a heavy iron rod on the table.
PHIL (cont'd)
Howard, can you bend that?
Howard looks at the iron rod. He looks at Phil.
HOWARD
What're you, crazy?
Phil holds up a piece of wood.
PHIL
Can you see through this, Howard?
HOWARD
Yes, I can, Phil. I see -- your
head behind it.
BEVERLY
Howard ... cooperate.
PHIL
(raising the wood again)
Can you burn a hole in this with
any kind of x-ray vision?
HOWARD
Can I bite your nose off with my
Super-bill?
PHIL
(ignoring that)
Can you concentrate and read my
mind?
Howard holds his own forehead like a clairvoyant
HOWARD
Yes, you are thinking, "They know
I'm a phoney, they know I'm a yo-
yo ... " Tell me if I'm warm on any
of these, l:>hil.
 24.

PHIL
Howard, can you see into the future?
HOWARD
Yes, I see myself walking out that
door!
INT. PALEONTOLOGY WING - DAY 41

Giant dinosaur skeletons loom overhead as Phil skips after

Beverly and Howard, praying that they won't run into museum
guards or tourists.
PHIL
No, no wait, you can't leave!
HOWARD
Oh yeah, why not?
PHIL
Because you're my ticket into the
Science Hall of Fame! Look out
Darwin, look out Einstein. Hello
Nobe 1 Pr i z e ...
BEVERLY
We're not here to make you famous!
PHIL
Beverly, I nev.er bad-mouth others
in the_scient!:~f:aternity but --
you bring an ·alien)in a bag to most
guys and whammo,-Ehey're talking
cat-scan, biopsy, dissection,
post-mortem --
HOWARD
I want to know what I'm doing here
and how I'm gonna get.back!
PHIL
Piece of cake! I'm just the guy to
help. First we'll uh -- hey, I
mean I've already got a theory!
HOWARD
What theory?!
Phil quickly pushes Beverly and Howard into an exhibit area past
a barrier reading "CLOSED".
 25.

INT. PREHISTORIC HABITATS 42

They follow Phil into a darkened and deserted gallery displaying
panoramas of stuffed animals in prehistoric landscapes.

Phil stops and points up at a mural painting showing the various

stages of the ,Ascent of Man" from tiny monkey through ape and
prehistoric man to modern Homo sapiens.
PHIL
That is, of course, the evolutionary
ladder showing how man progressed
from monkey to -- me -- for instance.
HOWARD
You consider that prog~ess?
(looking up at
the mural again)
Jeez, you descended from monkeys?!
You're all hairless apes! That's
really disgusting ...

PHIL
Now I want you both to imagine what
will soon be called "Blumburtt's
Theory of the Ascent of Duck"!

They look back at the mural painting and, as the camera moves in,
we DISSOLVE to a different mural: this one shows the evolution-
ary line starting with a small duck walking out of a lake.

PHIL (v.o.) (cont'd)

Somewhere in the universe is Howard's
world -- a world almost exactly like
ours -- except that the progenitor
of the dominant species was not a
monkey but a duck!

HOWARD
(looking at the mural)
That's more like it ...
PHIL
And as Duck climbed up the evolu-
tionary ladder, he dropped his
wings, developed arms, grew taller
The mural shows early duck growing larger, standing upright, wings
receding --

HOWARD
Some theory, every school duck knows
 26.

HOWARD (cont'd)
this stuff ...
PHIL
His mental capacity increased, he
began to form tribes and now --

Phil turns them toward a large glass case- showing a prehistoric

African savannah -- Beverly and Howard peer at it
PHIL (cont'd)
We can now imagine -- Cro Magnon
Duck -- early cave duck -- able to
fashion crude tools and weapons --
(SPECIAL EFFECT) A group of prehistoric cave ducks dissolve onto
the empty landscape. They wear furs, carry clubs and chant as
they dance around a campfire --

One of the cave-ducks picks up a bone and tosses it into the air
(as in the famous "2001" bone toss) --
PHIL (v.o.) (cont'd)
The thinking, reasoning fowl who
ultimately evolved into Anatidae
Sapiens -- today's Modern Duck!
The slow-motion bone spins heavenward and dissolves not into a
rocket ship but into Howard the Duck screaming as he plummets
through space.

DR. CHAPIN {o.s.)

Hey, Blumburtt, what in the hell
are you doing?

(END SPECIAL EFFECT)

Phil shoves Beverly and Howard behind a caveman exhibit.

PHIL
Don't move, don't breathe --
Phil peers down the hall at DR. CHAPIN, a shadowy figure in the
distance.

DR. CHAPIN (cont'd)

Did you finish cleaning the speci-
men lab?

PHIL
Uh -- almost finished!
 27.

DR. CHAPIN
Well get down to the Marine Life
exhibit with a mop -- some kid up-
chucked all over the fern fossils!

PHIL.
Right, good as done, Dr. Chapin.

Beverly and Howard glare at Phil.

HOWARD
So, Philsy, you're a scientist or
~ janitor?!

PHIL
Uh -- lab assistant.

BEVERLY
Terrific!
PHIL
It's only a· temporary job until I
finish school and get my own museum.

HOWARD
Thanks for nothing!
Howard and Beverly walk away angrily. Dr. Chapin shouts again.

DR. CHAPIN (o.s.)

Blumburtt, damn it, I said get a
mop down here!

PHIL
( shouting back)
On my way, Dr. Chapin! Just one
millisecond!
(hurrying after them)
Wait, Howard! Don't waddle off in
a huff! Beverly, listen, I've got
some important matters to clean up
here, but I'll call you tonight.
I'll figure out how to help Howard.
Just don't show him to anybody else!
Take him to a movie -- hide him!
INT. THE ELEVATOR 43
The elevator doors open onto the main floor -- a woman SCREAMS
when she sees Howard exiting with Beverly.
 28.

HOWARD
Typical, typical!
Howard stalks out of the elevator and Beverly follows him.

BEVERLY
Howard!

INT. MUSEUM MAIN LOBBY 44

Beverly follows Howard they both ignore the interrupted con-

versations, the astonished stares, the pointed fingers

BEVERLY (cont'd)
I didn't know who else to go to for
help! Why are you so pissed-off?

Howard hops onto a bench (scattering seated tourists), jumps up

onto the ledge of a spraying Italian fountain and faces Beverly
on a more equal level --

HOWARD
Listen, if you got blasted millions
of miles through space, ended up on
another planet and were given an
I.Q. test by a janitor, you'd be a
\ little pissed-off, too!

BEVERLY
You're not going to make me feel
guilty! I got problems too, you
know! I mean my whole career's
falling apart!

HOWARD
Your career? What about my life!
I'm stranded here, shipwrecked!

A TEACHER guides a group of school children up to Howard --

TEACHER
Look at this wonderful exhibit!
HOWARD
See? I'm a freak, an outcast!

TEACHER
It's so life-like and realistic!

HOWARD
Bug off!
 29.

TEACHER
Excuse me ... ?
HOWARD
I said beat it!
The offended teacher backs away with her kids. Howard turns on
Beverly.
HOWARD (cont'd)
You too, leave me alone!

BEVERLY
What? I've only been tr1ing to
help --
HOWARD
( interrupting)
I don't need anymore of your sympathy
or charity!
BEVERLY
(hurt)
Okay .. -. okay, fine! I mean -- well,
you must've been hatched from a very
hard-boiled egg, Howard! But if
I this is the way you want it! So
long, duckie!

She wipes an angry tear away and starts off.

HOWARD
Don't shed any tears over me, sweet-
heart!
BEVERLY
Don't worry. You can wallow in your
own self-pity!
Howard watches her walk away and then yells after her.
HOWARD
Right, who needs you?! I don't need
anybody! ... Which is lucky, since I
don't have anybody ...
Howard looks around at some people staring at him. He raises his
hands like a monster and growls --
HOWARD (cont'd)
AARRGGGHHH!
 30.

They run away in terror. Howard kicks the water in the fountain.
HOWARD (cont'd)
Damn it I can't sit around on my
tail-feathers feeling sorry for my-
self. I've got to think of practical
matters -- food, shelter, a job ...

He sees three fearful tourists shrinking back against a wall.

HOWARD (cont'd)
Hey, what does a duck do to make
a buck around here?
The tourists edge away and run off.
CUT TO:

EXT. UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY 45

People drift in and out of the downtown office. A sign indicates

"EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES".

INT. UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE 46

The jobless sit leafing through CLASSIFIED ads while the wheels
of bureaucracy slowly grind them down.
THE "A thru H" WINDOW 47
From the clerk's P.O.V. we can't see the first person in line
behind the counter {he's too short) but we can see the shocked
looks of disbelief from the people in line behind him.

CLERK
(without looking up)
You fill out forms 1028 and 29?

A small hand comes up into view and passes the clerk the forms.
CLERK (cont'd)
When did you last work?
We don't see Howard but we hear him reply:

HOWARD ( o. s .)
Does that include on my own planet?
There's a pause. Then the clerk leans over to a SECOND CLERK
seated next to him.
 31.

CLERK
(quietly)
I win this week. I ask "When did
you last work?" Guy answers: "Does
that include on my own planet?"
2ND CLERK
Better send him to Coramae ...
CUT TO:

INT. ANOTHER OFFICE - LATER 48

CORAMAE, an immense black woman, glares down at Howard:

CORAMAE
Now, you do know why you've been
sent to me?

Howard sits on a chair in front of her desk. He's wearing a used

sports jacket over a ratty t-shirt and wrinkled slacks.
HOWARD
My continuing streak of bad luck?
CORAMAE
You been sent to me 'cause I am
famous for finding jobs for little
slackers like you! That's right,
they send me all the pyscho cases,
all the misfits --

She approaches his chair and starts poking Howard in the chest
with her big finger.

CORAMAE (cont'd)
-- all the phoneys and fakers who
think that by traipsing in here
lookin' outlandish they're not
gonna to be able to find work!
HOWARD
It's my fault I have to shop in the
Little Tykes' section of Good Will?
CORAMAE
I'm not talking about your clothes!
I'm talking about your face! You
think that by lookin' controversial
you're never gonna find a job and
just go on collectin' unemployment
and livin' happy on the public dole!
 32.

CORAMAE (cont'd)
Well, you gotta another think a
comin', cause Coramae always places
her interviewee!
She pushes her face toward him and smiles evilly. Howard starts
GROWLING, showing his teeth ...

CORAMAE (cont' d)
You don't scare me!! I'm gonna find
you a job that'll wipe that snarl
right off your face, little whatever-
you-is!
She straightens up thoughtfully.
CORAMAE (cont'd)
In fact, I think I got just the
position for you.
She turns and leans over her desk, placing her large posterior
near his face. Howard smiles and opens his bill, getting ready
to bite her butt --
Howard lunges -- she turns suddenly and he bites down hard on a
slip of paper that she hands him.
CORAMAE (cont'd)
I got a feeling you gonna take to
this job like a duck to water!

Howard sits with the slip of paper dangling from his bill.
CUT TO:

INT. A "HEALTH" SPA - AFTERNOON 49

Following Howard down a steamy hallway, we read the words *BOT
TUB FEVER* on the back of his terry-cloth bathrobe ...
Howard waddles past cubicles, tossing in towels to amorous coup-
les making-out in the bubbling hot-tubs ... couples so lust-crazed
and preoccupied they don't notice Howard.

As Howard passes the desk, the fat OWNER squints down at him
through large steam-fogged glasses that obscure his vision --

OWNER
( to himself)
Creepy little dude ...
(yelling)
Hey, shorty!
Howard turns slowly, looking sullen.
HOWARD
It's Howard, thank you.

The owner approaches him grinning humorlessly.

OWNER
Pardon me, Your Lowness, but we
got a plugged-up air-jet in number
eleven.
HOWARD
And?

OWNER
AND??

He grabs Howard and lifts him into the air.

OWNER (cont'd)
And since you are supposed to be
the water expert I asked for, you
are gonna fix it!

INT. CUBICLE ELEVEN 50

The owner appears in the steamy doorway and flings Howard through
the air --
OWNER
(sarcastically)
Coops! Guess I slipped ...

No! Wait! ~ T SWIMiJ)

T h e ; ~ K and a large SPLASH as Howard lands in an occu-

pie~
*UNDERWATER SHOT* 51
Howard sinks past four entwined human legs to the bottom. He
reaches desperately for the air valve. When he pulls out a wash-
rag the air-jet suddenly erupts, shooting bubbles into his star-
tled face.
THE SURFACE 52
Howard breaks the surface of the water, choking, gasping for air
half-drowned, he glances over at the two oblivious humans
kissing and sucking each other's tongues.
 34.

HOWARD
Don't mind me ...
They don't and continue to make passionate love.
HOWARD (cont'd)
At least where I come from we're
smart enough to get out of the water
to do it ...
CUT TO:

INT. "LAVA OF LOVE" MUD BATH - LATER 53

The fat owner peers down at the bubbling mud bath and fishes out
an old mud-caked bra.
Howard appears ominously out of the swirling steam. He smiles
evilly.
Howard runs -- then he skids -- his duck feet making perfect
little skate boards on the slippery wet tiles.
Howard skids like an Olympic skidder, lifts a webbed-foot and
kicks the owner into the mud bath!
HOWARD
Sorry, guess I slipped. Just came
by to tell you I quit!
CUT TO:

EXT. A STREET - NIGHT 54

Distant sirens, laughter, city noises. Silhouetted against a
second story window, a man plays a sorrowful saxophone.
Looking forlorn, carrying a small, beat-up overnight bag, Howard
walks alone down the dark street. A bus passes and shocked
night-commuters stare down at him.
Howard walks past a discount store. A couple of BUMS stare at
the dozen televisions playing in the window.
TV REPORTER (o.s.)
Bob, it's good news for Ohio hunters
and, well, bad news for local ducks.
Hearing the newscast, Howard stops. He watches stunned with the
bums as the television REPORTER interviews a HUNTER holding a
double-barrel shotgun.
 35.

TV REPORTER (cont'd)
This season the Wildlife Commission
has actually doubled the limit on
ducks that can be legally shot. Re-
action of local hunters was quick
and enthusiastic --

As Howard watches in terror one of the bums elbows the other and
~hey stare astonished at Howard.

'. LOCAL HUNTER (TV)

1
Truth is, Jack, that Ohio is in big
l danger of being overrun by ducks.
But, if every hunter can blast fif-
teen of these feathered invaders
out of our skies --
Howard suddenly hears A GUNSHOT! He whirls in a panic and
flattens against the store window!

It's only a hot-rod that BACKFIRES a second time as it cruises

past.

Howard edges away fearfully and starts running.

EXT. AN ALLEY - NIGHT 55
Howard runs into an alley and slows down. He looks around fear-
fu~ly. Nobody is following him. He's alone. In a big way.
He notices something else: this is the same alley his nightmare
started in. He starts walking and sees the old chair he crash-
landed on.
Then he hears music -- and singing Beverly's sweet voice
echoes around him.

INT. THE ROCK CLUB - NIGHT 56

CHERRY BOMB plays and Beverly sings a scorching ballad. The
crowd claps along indifferently, drunks hoot.

INT. SIDE ENTRANCE 57

Howard enters and sees Beverly. He watches her wistfully as she

sings. Looking melancholy he walks along the bar. He hears
boozy laughter --
He looks up at the backs of Ginger Moss (the girls' manager) and
Ritchie (his driver) sitting at the bar with the club OWNER.
 36.

OWNER
Here's the money for the girls.

Howard sees Ginger's dangling gold earring flash as he slips the

cash into his pocket.
GINGER
Sure, I'll see they get it.

OWNER
Yeah, I'll bet, when?
The three men laugh, still unaware that Howard is standing behind
and below them, listening angrily.
GINGER
When beaudacious Beverly stops
holding out on me. I invited
her up to my place tonight for a
little career manipulation.

The three men laugh lasciviously. Then Ginger feels somebody

tapping him on the shoulder. He turns and sees -- Howard stand-
ing ~ the stool next ~ him.
HOWARD
I don't like the way you're talk-
ing about Beverly. And I want the
girls' money.
Ginger stares at Howard and then turns slowly to Ritchie.

GINGER
What -- is that?

RITCHIE
Ginger, I warned you when you got
into rock management -- "You gonna
be dealin with entertainment types ...
diff·erent strokes and all that'·:-----·
GINGER
Ritchie, different life-sttles is
one thing, different life- orms is
another!!

Howard taps Ginger hard on the arm, spilling Ginger's whiskey all
over his silk pants-.--

HOWARD
I'm not in real good mood tonight,
Ginger. I want the girls' money.
 37.

HOWARD (cont'd}
Now is this going to be easy, or
is this going to be trouble?
GINGER
(furious}
Ritchie, tell it to go away! I'm
not up on all my barnyard languages!

Ritchie gets up, walks around Ginger and suddenly grabs Howard.

RITCHIE
Okay, out! Fly away! You're his-
tory, wise-quacker!
Ritchie slings Howard down the bar. Howard slides along the
wooden bar, spilling drinks, falls off the end and disappears.

On stage, Beverly and the girls see the commotion at the bar
they keep singing as if it's a boring, common occurence.
Back at the bar, Ginger, Ritchie and the owner laugh. They don't
see Howard pulling himself back up onto the bar. Howard starts
walking along the bar looking like Gary Cooper _at h~~!l. __~<?_<?_n.
As he approaches the three men, Howard rips a wet bar-towel off
the bartender's shoulder and slashes it across Ritchie's face.
He follows it with a Quack Fu KICK to Ritchie's head.
Howard then grabs a bottle and smashes it over the owner's skull.
The owner sinks to the floor
Women scream -- people shout and back away
Ginger grabs Howard by his jacket and yanks him down hard onto
the bar. Howard sees Ginger reaching for something --
Ginger's hand grabs an ice pick!
Ginger swings! Howard rolls and the ice pick barely misses his
head and JABS VICIOUSLY into the bar. Howard grabs- the ice pick.

He shoves Ginger away and lunges. Ginger fall_s with his back on
the bar. Howard swings the ice pick and we hear a THUD!
Bystanders look horrified as Ginger SCREAMS!

Ginger's face freezes in contorted agony. He rolls his head --

We see that the ice pick has pierced the center of Ginger's
DANGLING GOLD EARRING and sticks into the wooden bar top --
inflicting no damage, but hooking Ginger to the bar.
 38.

From the stage, all Beverly can see is the crowd of spectators
around the bar. She doesn't know Howa1=d's involved.
Kneeli~g atop the bar, Howard reaches over and casually lifts a
second ice pick. Pinned to the bar, Ginger looks up at him --
HOWARD
No earring in your other ear?
I'll just make the hole myself

Ginger eyes the ice pick's sharp point

GINGER
No, no, please!
HOWARD
The money
GINGER
Sure, sure, take the money!

HOWARD
And -- you are no longer their man-
ager. You're going to let the girls
out of that contract, Ginger.
GINGER
Forget the contract! Listen, every-
body, you're witnesses, I'm letting
the girls out of the contract!
As he fishes the money out of Ginger's pocket, Howard sees Ginger
wave surrepticiously for help and his friends moving in --
HOWARD
Tell your pals to stay back! I'm
warning you! I bite your face,
you're a dead man~ Ginger!

GINGER
Whataya talkin' about?!
HOWARD
Space rabies.
Ginger yelps as he pulls away -- his earring still pinned by the
ice pick.

GINGER
Space rabies? Stay back everybody!
(looking at Ritchie)
Jeez, is that a real disease?
 39.

RITCHIE
I don't know. I remember some-
thing on the news ...
Howard jumps off the bar with the cash.
HOWARD
• That's right, Space rabies one
bite and it's agonizing death in
fifteen minutes!
As Howard walks away from the bar, the anxious crowd scoots back
out of his path.
CUT TO:

INT. DRESSING ROOM HALLWAY 58

There's a knock on the door. Caldonia opens it and looks out
into the hallway -- nobody. Then she looks down --
HOWARD
Beverly here?
CALDONIA
(shocked)
Jeez -- you must be --
INT. THE DRESSING ROOM 59

K.C.jumps back in fear as Howard enters carrying his bag.

CALDONIA (cont'd)
K.C. -- meet -- Howard ...
K.C.
(cautiously)
Hi -- Howie ... we've heard so much
about you ... of course we didn't
believe it .. .
Ronette steps in from the adjoining dressing room and stares

RONETTE
(stunned)
Yo, How - weird.
Beverly's putting away equipment in the back. She comes out now
and looks surprised to see Howard. She smiles tenderly --

BEVERLY
Hi, ducky.
 40.

HOWARD
Hi doll.
Phil Blumburtt suddenly shoves past Ronette and enters from the
other room.
PHIT,
Howard, thank god you're back! I
was afraid we'd lost you forever!
I've been investigating how you
might have gotten here and I found
out that
Ronette shoves Phil back into the other room.
RONETTE
Give 'em some privacy, Philsy.
Howard walks up to Beverly. She sits down on an amplifier and
smoothes his ruffled head feathers.
BEVERLY
How's the world been treating you?
HOWARD
Guess ...
BEVERLY
(sweetly)
I was worried, Howard -- I missed
you ..
HOWARD
(smiling)
Sex appeal ... some guys got it,
some guys aon't.
(seriously)
Listen, I'm sorry I walked out on
you, Bev. You're the only friend
I got here.

BEVERLY
You need a place to stay tonight?
Phil barges in again from the other room.
PHIL
Howard, I've been working on the
mystery of your arrival! I talked
to some Astrolo-Phys1c1sts -- you
know theones·who discovered that
the Aztecs came from Mars --
 41.

Howard looks at Beverly --

HOWARD
What's he doing here?

BEVERLY
He and Ronnie have sort of gotten
back together.
RONETTE
{to Beverly)
I don't know who's more desperate
for dates, you or me.
PHIL (cont'd)
Anyway, these guys concluded that
you didn't land on earth -- you
were already here!

HOWARD
Whataya mean already here?

PHIL
You arrived in a space craft millions
of years ago and remained a mununy
frozen in ice until the river pollu-
tion must have thawed you out and --
HOWARD
Go away! Leave me alone!

PHIL
Hey, I didn't buy the theory either.
So, I did more research and discov-
ered an ancient race of large ducks
who were worshipped by the primitive
Samoans --
Howard throws a pillow at him and Phil dodges it --

PHIL (cont'd)
Right -- I was barking up the wrong
tree. But Howard -- today I got a
real lead! And tonight I'm supposed
to,be given concrete evidence about
how you got here! Wait a minute
what time --
(looking at his watch)
I'll be right back, got to make a
call!

CUT TO:
 42.

INT. STAIRWAY - NIGHT 59-A

Howard and the girls come down the steps from the dressing room.

K.C.
Hey, by the way, are we gonna get
paid tonight? Where's that slime
Ginger?

CALOONIA
I think he was part of that com-
.motion at the bar.

BEVERLY
What was all that?

HOWARD
Oh yeah, I forgot. That was me.
I had a little talk with Ginger.
BEVERLY
You? Talked to Ginger?.. What for?
HOWARD
I got your money from him.
They arrive at the bottom of the stairs. Howard reaches into his
pocket and hands the money to Beverly. The girls are speechless.

BEVERLY
Ducky, I can't believe this!

HOWARD
I also got him to agree.that it
was time for him to step aside as
manager.

RONETTE
What? You got rid of Ginger?!
Howard shrugs modestly.

K.C.
Mr Duck, I don't where you're from
but you' re wonderf_u.LL
• - -- - ---- - - ------~----------

She kisses the top of Howard's head. Ronette tries to kiss him,
too, but Howard waves her away irritably and they all laugh.
Then they hear Phil hurrying down the steps behind them.
PHIL
This is it, Howard! I'm leaving now!
 43.

HOWARD
Good --
PHIL
I'm going to meet secretly with my
colleague. And he's bringing the
feather!

HOWARD
What feather?! What're you
PHIL
(advancing on Howard)
Howard -- if it matches it'll be
the answer to all your
HOWARD
Matches?!
(seeing Phil creeping
toward him)
No you don't! Stay away from me!
Phil lunges at Howard and plucks a feather from his tail section.
Howard yelps and starts to attack, but the girls restrain him --

HOWARD (cont'd)
Come back here, ya hairless ape!
Phil opens the door onto the alley and stops --
PHIL
I'm about to unravel the mystery
of your arrival! You'll have time
to thank me later ...
Phil ducks a coke bottle that smashes against the wall and he
runs off into the night.
CUT TO:

EXT. THE APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT 60

Stars twinkle above the seedier section of town. We hear a piano
playing and the camera moves in toward the lighted window of
Beverly's loft.
INT. BEVERLY'S LOFT - NIGHT . 61
Howard sits in his pajamas ~ids' __paJ'anias"with little ducks on
them) playing the piano -- he calls to Beverly --
 44.

HOWARD
You know, I really hate these
pajamas ...
BEVERLY
In your size there's not a lot
of choice.
Beverly comes out of the bathroom wearing only at-shirt that
says "Foxy Lady" on it. She watches amazed as Howard attacks the
piano, playing a hot and brilliant passage.
BEVERLY (cont'd)
Where'd you learn to play like that?
WARD
I had in high school.
"Howa e Heartbreakers."

BEVERLY
( joking)
Heavy, Howard. Very heavy. May-
be you should be our manager.
(thinking)
Seriously ... you might be just the
kind of off-the-wall influence we
need.
HOWARD
Off-the-wall! I'm more off than
that! I'm totally off! My whole
life's off! I've gotproblems of
my own,sweetheart, so don't make any
plans for me --
Beverly walks over to turn down the bed.
BEVERLY _____
I think you'd be a great/manager>
I'm gonna suggest it to 'etre--~fr-rrs.
HOWARD
Forget it! No more jobs here. It's
no use trying to ass·imiiife--i I've
got to get•back·to--my own kind:
How is another ____question.;.

He sees Beverly bending over to pull the spread down. Admiring

her fanny, Howard WOLF-WHISTLES.

BEVERLY
You really are the worst ... Come
 45.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
on, duckie, we'll watch David
Letterman.
Howard sees her pat the bed invitingly. He smiles faintly,
fluffs his head feathers and winks at himself in a mirror.
Beverly climbs in to bed and Howard comes over and walks around
the other side.
BEVERLY
You know my life's really changed
since you fell into it, duckie.
HOWARD
Yeah, well, I'm glad somebody's
happy ...
BEVERLY
And if I can get my career back on
course, I'll only have the old
standard worry left
Howard climbs into bed next to her.
HOWARD
What's that?
BEVERLY
I can't seem to find the right man.
Howard rises up on his arm and smiles at her.
HOWARD
Maybe it's not a man you should
be looking for. - -
Howard gives her a sexy look. Beverly plays along and smiles
back coyly.
BEVERLY
You ~ i g h t find happiness
in(the animal kingdom~ duckie?
"'------· - - -____ ./

HOWARD
Like they say, doll, love's strange.
We could give it a try ...
Beverly decides to put him on and answers huskily --
BEVERLY
Okay ... let's go for it, Mr Macho.
 46.

HOWARD
(getting nervous)
What do you mean "okay" ... Go
for what?
She moves her pillow next to his and snuggles up closer. Howard
didn't expect this ...
HOWARD (cont'd)
Listen, I'm pretty tired ...
She walks her fingers up his stomach. He forces a yawn. She's
enjoying putting him on -- Howard's getting worried.
BEVE RI, Y __,,.,--
You' re· just so incredibly soft and
cuddly... '--'
HOWARD
Bev, let's be realistic. I mean
my apartment's zillions of miles
from here -- you're three feet
taller than I am -- and --
Beverly unbuttons the top button of his pajamas and continues in
a sexy voice --
BEVERLY
I just can't resist your intense
animal magnetism.
She pets his chest -- suddenly his head feathers stick~ and he
pats them down embarrassedly----

HOWARD
But where'll it lead? Marriage?
Kids? A house in the suburbs?
She unbuttons more .buttons and he buttons them up again
BEVERLY
Let's face it -- it's fate.
HOWARD
No, it's not. I should've told you
before -- there's this cute little
~llar<;)back home -- her name's
Wendie -- and we're sort of engaged ...

She moves over unti 1 ~~§ almost on tpp of him. Howard pu 11 s

the blankets up around his neck protectively.
 47.

HOWARD (cont'd)
I can't -- I've got a headache!
BEVERLY
And I got the aspirin ...
She moves to kiss him and it looks like the big moment -- Beverly
suddenly bursts into laughter.
·BEVERLY
I got you, Howard! You thought I
was serious!
HOWARD
(relieved)
Me? I knew you were kidding all
along ...
BEVERLY
You were scared to death.
HOWARD
Well, a little worried ...
Laughing, she reaches over and turns off the light.

BEVERLY
Anyway, goodnight sweet duckie.

She leans over and kisses him --

Suddenly the lights come on -- Phil enters around a screen sepa-
rating the sleeping area from the rest of the loft. With him is
a young scientist named CARTER.
They both stare wide-eyed at Beverly who breaks off her goodnight
kiss with Howard as he sits up quickly --
CARTER
My God, this relationship defies
all the laws of nature!

HOWARD
NO IT DOESN'T! THIS IS NOT WHAT
YOU THINK -- WE'RE JUST VERY GOOD
FRIENDS!
PHIL
Ah, listen, I'm sorry, but the front
door was open and --
 48.

HOWARD
Who the hell is he?!
PHIL
This is Carter -- he works in Spec-
troscopic Emission Control.

HOWARD
Aw, jeez! Another nut! Get him
out of here!

PHIL
Howard, please, I'm serious this
time!
(to Carter)
Show him!
Beverly and Howard both watch as Carter comes forward slowly and
opens a small plastic case. Out of it he removes -- a single
l feather 0
--
Phil steps forward and holds up the other feather he plucked out
of Howard earlier in the evening.
CARTER
I tested them! They're both from
the same fowl! You, Howard.
Fuming, Howard starts walking up the bed toward them, Beverly
restrains him by holding the back of his pajamas --
HOWARD
On my planet we never say die,
we say kill ...
CARTER
Please you've got to listen to-
me. I know how you got here.
Howard looks at him seriously.
CUT TO:
INT. BEVERLY'S APARTMENT - LATER - NIGHT 62
The snowy television screen throws eerie snadows. Beverly hud-
dles on the couch with a blanket around her. Phil sits nervously
in a chair. Howard leans against the couch looking skeptical.
Carter slips a videotape into the portable machine he brought.
 49.

PHIL
When I first told Carter about you
he assumed I was on drugs.

Phil laughs at the notion Howard and Beverly don't.

CARTER
But the dates were too coinciden-
tal. I thought: what if this
alien fowl arrived on earth because
of our experiments?

HOWARD
What experiments?

CARTER
I work at Aerodyne. It's an astro-
physics laboratory. We do research,
defense work, super-secret stuff.
Anyway, on the night of Septeffioer 8

BEVERLY
Isn't that the night Howard landed?
CARTER
Yes. And that night we were working
late at the lab with Dr. Jenning
our research supervisor -- using
the(faser~ectroscope --
Carter pushes the PLAY button and the videotape starts.

CARTER (cont'd)
This was shot during the experi-
ment ...
On the videotape, they see a high-tech lab and the mammoth tele-
scopic LASER SPECTROSCOPE jutting through a hole in the ceiling
like a giant ray gun pointed at the starry universe.
CARTER (cont'd)
It was a routine procedure -- Dr.
Jenning was attempting to measure
the density of the gases that cover
the star Alpha Centauri --
On the tape, bizarre lights flash over the dozen scientists
wearing goggles. DR. WALTER JENNING, an intense and imposing man
in his late thirties, stands at the control panel.

CARTER (v.o.) (cont'd)

Part way through the experiment,
 so.

CARTER (cont'd)
Dr. Jenning lost control of the
Laser Spectroscope --
A RED WARNING LIGHT flashes and the scientists dash to various
pieces of equipment.
Howard walks up to the television slowly --
HOWARD
Whataya mean, lost control?

CARTER
The machine began to move -- to
re-aim itself. And Dr. Jenning
couldn't stop it.
On the tv, the giant machine swivels at the base -- panning up to
its tip, we see it moving against the starry sky.
CARTER (v .o.)
It wasn't a malfunction -- some un-
known force was redirecting the
laser beam from its original target
so that tt hit your planet instead.
HOWARD
Hit my planet, how about hit my
living room! Talk about an in-
vasion of privacy!
Howard stares at the screen. The towering Laser Spectroscope
starts vibrating, the whole lab seems to shake -- the scientists
look up fearfully.
CARTER ( v. o. )
When the beam hit, you must have
been caught up in'a massive energy
inversion --
The Laser Spectroscope looks as if it's struck by LIGHTNING
the mammoth piece of machinery starts glowing -- and the lab
FLARES INTO A BLINDING WHITE-OUT!
Howard moves back from the television as it flares

CARTER (v.o.) (cont'd)

-- which literally dragged you
through space back down here to
the power source on Earth.
On the tape, the scientists lower their goggles in amazement as
 51.

they see ONE FEATHER slowly float down from the ceiling ...

CARTER (cont'd)
In the lab that night we only saw
a single feather fall --

On the screen, Howard !=;ees Dr. Jenning bend over and pick up the
feather. He studies it.
Carter steps over and ·shuts off the tape. The screen returns to
a blank snow storm.
CARTER (cont'd)
We weren't aware that the rest of
you, Howard, had landed in that
alley two miles away.

There's a moment of silence -- then Howard walks over and grabs

his coat. He starts putting it on.

BEVERLY
Where you going?
HOWARD
To that lab to have a little talk
with good old Dr. Jenning
CARTER
Okay -- I'll have to call ahead

Carter goes to the phone and punches a number.

HOWARD
And after oui talk, I'll just get
back on board this laser thing and
all we have to do is hit the reverse
lever, right?

CARTER
Hit what?

HOWARD
The reverse lever, the rewind but-
ton -- I'm talking about my round-
trip tick et --
(his temper flaring)
the thing that's gonna send me back
home!

CARTER
(thinking a moment)
We hadn't considered reversing the
 52.

CARTER (cont'd)
process
PHIL
Wait ... what if you could generate
a strong enough gauss-wave ... ?

CARTER
You're right -- the reflex mode
might provoke a total reversal.
(into the phone)
Oh, sorry, Dr Jenning? It's Carter.
I've just met -- something amazing ...
CUT TO:

EXT. CLEVELAND PARKWAY - NIGHT 63

The museum van roars along the nearly deserted highway.

INT. THE VAN - NIGHT 64

Phil drives and talks excitedly with Carter.

PHIL
What did Jenning say when you
mentioned using the laser spectro-
scope for space travel?
CARTER
He sounded intrigued.

PHIL
Well, if we could send Howard back
we'd be able to establish a contin-
uingL_link between our two planets---
----
CARTER
The bilateral flow of information
would be amazing --
In the back of the van, seated on the floor among boxes of tools
and other junk, Beverly watches sadly as Howard checks his little
overnight bag --

HOWARD
You packed my Hot Tub Fever bath-
robe?
She nods as he flips through some snapshots of her.
 53.

HOWARD (cont'd)
And thanks for the pictures -- the
guys at home are never going to
believe this.
BEVERLY
I hope they let you take a carry-on
bag ...
Her voice breaks and Howard realizes how upset she is.
HOWARD
Bev ... I don't belong here ... if
they can send me back, I've got
to go.
She nods sadly and forces a smile as the street lights flash over
their faces.
BEVERLY
I was • st remembering when you
first waddled into my life I said
some_rea y dumb stuff about pets.
HOWARD
Forget it, doll ...
BEVERLY
Jeez, and now I'm remembering all
the other stuff I said -- and
didn't say.
HOWARD
Bev --
BEVERLY
(wiping a tear away)
Well, you certainly didn't turn out
to be a pet. And you're a lot more
than just a friend ...
Howard looks away a moment --
HOWARD
Bev, I'm not a real sentimental guy --
BEVERLY
{affectionately)
Tell me about it ...
Howard reaches out and gently takes her five fingers in his four.
 54.

HOWARD
But I have to admit that you're the
only thing that's giving me second
·thoughts about leaving ...
CUT TO:

EXT. AERODYNE LABORATORY - NIGHT 65

The aeronautics and space research facility rises on a hill above

the city. The van approaches the main gate.

INT. THE VAN 66

Phil slows toward the guard house.

PHIL
You got your pass?
Carter gets his entry pass out but when they stop there's nobody
in the guard house to check it.
PHIL
(over his shoulder)
Uh, you two can quit hiding. There's
no guard for some reason ...
Phil accelerates. Among the junk in the rear of the van, we see
two shapes under a tarp -- we hear Beverly giggling before her
head pokes out from the tarp.

BEVERLY
Cut it out, your feathers tickle.
Howard's head comes out and he grins.
EXT. THE PLANT - NIGHT 67
The van pulls up at the front of the plant. Carter and Phil get
out and open the side doors for Beverly and Howard.
INT. THE LOBBY - NIGHT 68
They a 11 enter the lobby. A WARNING BUZZER keeps sounding on and
off. Carter looks puzzled as he leads them through a door be-
neath a FLASHING RED LIGHT.

INT. AERODYNE HALLWAYS 69

They come through the door into a hallway hazy with smoke.
 CARTER
(worri~d)
Something's happened ...
Beverly coughs and looks scared as they continue on.
ANOTHER HALL 70
The smoke is heavier and they hear more ALARMS ringing. They pass
vacant offices with wall murals showing solar sytems and nebulae.
At the end of the ha 11, CARTER opens a box _and punches in a code.
An electric door opens -- down a short hall there's another door
marked SECURITY AREA - PASSES REQUIRED.
They start down the short hall -- suddenly the door bursts open
Beverly SCREAMS as a young TECHNICIAN staggers out groaning
horribly and clutching his face!
TECHNICIAN
Aaaaahhh! My eyes, my eyes!

The man lurches and falls onto the floor! He raises·up, grabs
Howard and pushes his smoke-blackened face in-to Howard's bill --

TECHNICIAN {cont'd)
My God, it was terrible! We have
no right to tamper with the universe!
HOWARD
- My feelings exactly ...
The young man collapses. Howard looks apprehensive.

HOWARD (cont'd)
This does not bode well.
INT. THE MAIN LAB 71
Carter pushes open a large door and Howard, Beverly and Phil
enter the main lab where they witness a chaotic scene:
Security guards try to revive scientists overcome by smoke and
others apparently in shock; two technicians spray a small fire
with extinguishers; a secretary screams hysterically on the phone
to the pol ice --

Other scientists wander dazedly through the broken glass and

_sw-ir-1-ing -smoke which vents slowly through a mysterious, GIANT
JAGGED HOLE in the back wa 11 of the 1 ab.

A choking scientist hurries over to Carter --

 56.

CARTER
What happened?!

LARRY
Dr. Jenning was activating the La-
ser Spectroscope -- we lost control
again and all of a sudden there was
an explosion. Jenning caught the
full force of the blast.

PHIL
Where is he?
LARRY
Somebody thought they saw him stag-
ger out through that hole the explo-
s i , made -- but he's disappeared.

HOWARD
I've got a terrible feeling this
is going to delay my take-off ...
Larry finally notices Howard looking through the giant hole in
the wall --
LARRY
Is that it? My God, you were
right, Carter! _,h creature from an-
other world ... It's unbelievable!
---------
CARTER
Yeah, we brought Howard down the
first time -- God knows what we
brought down this time ...
They hear SIRENS in the distance ...
CUT TO:

EXT. AERODYNE - NIGHT 72

Police cars and fire trucks swarm outside. Flashing lights
illuminate the paramedics wheeling out dazed scientists.
INT . AERODYNE HALLS 73
LT. WEBER, an overworked, .dyspetic detective in his fifties,
walks with an uniformed rookie named HANSON.

HANSON
getting. all the scientists
rounded up for you in the lab, sir.
 57.

HANSON (cont'd)
But you better see this other
other thing first.
WEBER
"Thing", Hanson? That the kind of
precise description techniques
they're teaching rookies nowadays?
They turn a corner. Beverly steps away from two other COPS and
blocks Weber's path --
BEVERLY
I want to know why they're harassing
Howard?
WEBER
Who's Howard?
BEVERLY
He didn't have anything to do with
this! Howard's just an innocent --
uh --
WEBER
(finishing for her)
"Thing"?

BEVERLY
No ... duck.
Weber looks at Hanson.
WEBER
And they wonder why I'm asking
for early retirement ...
INT. A DRAFTING ROOM 74
As Lt. Weber enters a pudgy uniformed cop· jumps up from the
swivel chair he's been lounging in --

WEBER
Kirby, you got a "thing" in here?
Kirby nods slowly. Howard steps out from behind a desk and
glares at Weber.
HOWARD
I want to see a lawyer! I've got
rights, you know! I'm suing!
 =

Weber stares in disbelief

INT. THE HALLWAY 75

Outside Beverly jumps when she hears Weber explode

WEBER ( o. s . )
Goddamnit to hell, Hanson, get the
friggin' duck suit off this nut!

BEVERLY
Oh oh ...
INT. THE DRAFTING ROOM 76
Back in the room, Weber confers with another dete~tive while off-
screen we hear the uniformed cops and Howard shouting
COPS/HOWARD (o.s.)
Hold onto him! ... Let me go, I'm
a Master of Quack ... Get his clothes
off! On my planet we never say die,
• we say NOT MY SHORTS ! !
Tossed clothes land near Lt. Weber --
COPS/HOWARD (o.s.) (cont'd)
Find the damn zipper! ... Let me go,
perverts! ... Try pulling the head
off first ... Wait ... stop ... Uh,
Lieutenant?
Weber looks over as the cops move aside: Howard stands in his
underwear. His feathered chest shows above his shorts, his
spindly legs show below.

COP
Lieutenant, there is no zipper!

HANSON
(astonished)
No buttons~cro! I think the
suspect's(ouckness) is like --
inborn! r-EfiTrik-- he's for real!
Weber looks stunned as Howard starts getting dressed
HOWARD
If your goons are finished, I want
a word with those so-called scien-
tists out there!
 59.

WEBER
Oh yeah? What about?

HOWARD
When they can rev up that machine
again to send me home!
WEBER
Listen, I'm gonna go talk to the
scientists -- you're gonna go play

-------
sitting-duck in a jail cell!

Uh, Lieutenant.
HANSON
What charge?

WEBER
------u.hi.nk_i ng a moment)
• I !legal alien!
- - - - - - - - - - - -· .. - .. •.

CUT TO:

INT. A HALLWAY - LATER - NIGHT 77

Two burly COPS tramp along a hallway panning down we see their
ruthless captive walking between them: Howard the Duck, hand-
cuffed and heading for j a i 1...
INT . THE MAIN LAB 78

Lt. Weber interrogates the scientists in the background. Beverly

stands by a glass door -- she looks upset and worried as she
watches Howard being escorted out. Then Beverly slips away ...
INT. FRONT OFFICES 79
The prisoner escort stops outside the main lobby.

2ND COP
I'll bring the car up.
The 2nd Cop goes off. The 1st Cop finds a small pack of cigars
and helps himself to one -- just as a side door opens and Beverly
enters.

COP
Hey, you can't come in here.

But the cop's distracted when Howard jumps onto a chair and hops
onto the counter beside him.

HOWARD
I think I could use one of those
 HOWARD (cont'd)
cigars myself._
COP
Oh, you think so?

The amazed cop gives Howard a cigar.

COP (cont'd)
Ducks think? No kidding? What do
you think about?

The cop lights the cigar and Howard puffs on it.

HOWARD
Oh, you know -- love, death, exist-
ence ... the Super Bowl. All the
really heavy stuff.
The cop remembers Beverly and pushes her toward the door

COP
Didn't I say to beat it?
Howard uses the opportunity to toss his cigar into a trash barrel
full of computer trimmings --
HOWARD
Aw nuts! I dropped my cigar ...
The cop lets g.o of Beverly and turns quickly --
COP
Jeez, that's all I need!
The cop runs back, bends quickly and pokes around the trash
barrel trying to find the cigar. Above him, Howard snarls and
shows his teeth --
HOWARD
So long, copper! Eeeeayyyahh!
He leaps onto the cop's back! The cop spills forward head-first
into the wastebasket! Beverly reaches down and nervously pulls
the revolver from the cop's holster --
- HOWARD (cont'd) _ _
Desperate ducks commit desperate
acts. Give her the key to the
cuffs, flat-foot!
INT. THE MAIN LAB - LATER
A cop rushes in and interrupts Lt. Weber's interroga,

1ST COP
Lieutenant, the duck got away!
Weber looks furious -- Phil looks puzzled and pleased.
EXT. AERODYNE LAB - NIGHT 81
Headlights and flashlights flare. Cops rush around in the dark-
ness searching for the fugitives.
EXT. REAR OF PLANT 82
Shooting from a low angle we see cops' legs run up and stop -- as
the cops confer, the camera moves in toward some bushes --
We see Howard and Beverly hiding in the shrubs listening
SERGEANT ( o ~s.._)_ ______ ___
Suspect's about('two-feet ten inches~-
Howard rises on his toes to make himself taller
SERGEANT (o.s.)
Armed --
Howard tosses the police revolver onto the ground

SERGEANT (o. s.)

And dangerous!

Howard smiles like an innocent angel -- who me?

SERGEANT (o. s.)
Shoot to kill!

Howard's smile fades, he GULPS and Beverly pulls him back into
the bushes. The cops run off in different directions.
EXT. EQUIPMENT DOCK 83

Howard and Beverly back into the shadowy loading area -- until
they hear something and whirl around!

Backlighted by floodlights, a figure stalks toward them --

HOWARD/BEVERLY
No -- don't shoot -- we give up!
Time out! We surrender!
 62.

The figure shoves Howard and Beverly behind some shipping crates.
More cops go past without stopping . .
The man slips down into a sitting position and Howard and Beverly
see that it's Dr. Jenning: his face is stained with smoke, his
clothes to'rnfrom the explosion.
BEVERLY
Who -- wait a minute, you're Dr.
Jenning.

JENNING
Yes --
(looking at Howard)
My god, you must be -- the result
of the first experiment ...

Jenning clutches his head and GROANS

HOWARD
Yeah, I seem to affect a lot of
people that way ...
JENNING
No, it's not that -- it's just that
I'm burning up -- it feels like my
head's going to burst!

BEVERLY
What happened?
JENNING
(fighting the pain)
We were initiating functions on the
Laser Spectroscope -- it went out
of control again! There was an ex-
plosion -- I staggered out here and
must have passed out.
Flashlights sweep over the area and Howard and Beverly flatten
themselves against the wall. When the cops move on, Jenning
tries to think through the pain --

JENNING (con.t'd)
Are they after you?

HOWARD
Does "Shoot to kill" sound serious?
JENNING
I'm finished, too -- these experi-
ments were unauthorized. The police
 63.

JENNING (cont'd)
are going to blame me for -- aaahh,
this pain!

BEVERLY
You need help. Maybe we all ought
to get out of here.

HOWARD
You got a car, doc?
EXT. PARKING AREA - NIGHT 84
Howard, Beverly and Jenning run down a row of parked cars. Jen-
ning opens the door to his car and Beverly and Howard climb in.
INT. THE CAR 85
Jenning gets in and closes the door -- then he hesitates he
leans his head on the steering wheel and grimaces --
JENNING
Wait -- I'm beginning to -- remember
now -- just before the explosion
I saw something coming down!

BEVERLY
What was it?
JENNING
It was grotesque some horrible
monstrous shape!
Jenning groans and closes his eyes.

HOWARD
Doc, I think you suffered a con-
cussion or something.
JENNING
No, I saw it! The laser brought
you down the first time -- this
time -- I'm afraid it's brought
down some kind of monstrous evil!
HOWARD
So, suddenly I'm looking good.
BEVERLY
Can we speculate about this later?
Can we start t h e ~ ~ ? !
 64.

JENNING ,--- --\

But where will we go? That evi!'s
here now and we've got no p~a~e
to hide!
HOWARD
Whataya say we give it a shot?!
START THE CAR.JENNING!
EXT. DRIVEWAY - NIGHT 86
We hear an engine start. With its lights off, Jenning's car
pulls out of the lot and cruises away slowly.
INT. JENNING'S CAR 87
Jenning looks feverish as he drives away from the lab toward the
transport area behind the assembly plant. Howard stands on the
seat between Jenning and Beverly.

JENNING
The pain's spreading -- I don't know
what's wrong with me! There's the
back gate.
BEVERLY
Good. There's no cops ...
JENNING
I don't have a gate key.

HOWARD
You got a foot don't you? Step
on it!
EXT. THE BACK GATE - NIGHT 88
Jenning's car picks up speed, roars down the hill -- and CRASHES
THROUGH THE CHAIN-LINK GATES sending them flying through the air!
EXT. AERODYNE LAB - NIGHT 89
Police cars roar off. A cop runs up to where Lt. Weber confers
with his squad sergeants.

COP
A car crashed out the back gate
heading toward highway five!

LT. WEBER
Get out an all points bulletin!
How in the hell do I explain a
 LT. WEBER {cont'd)
manhunt for a duck ... ?
-------- CUT TO:

EXT. A ROAD - NIGHT 90

Jenning's car races down a transition road and swings erratically

onto the highway.
INT. THE CAR 91

Passing headlights flare over Jenning as he drives haphazardly

JENNING
You've got to listen -- I'm tell-
ing your saw it!
HOWARD
Doc, you're in shock from the ex-
plosion and you're imagining things.
JENNING
No, an evil has landed and the
world is in great danger!
HOWARD
It certainly is when you're out on
the high~ay~
BEVERLY
Look out!
A car honks as Jenning swerves into the wrong lane! Howard
reaches over, grabs the wheel and pulls hard on it.
EXT. THE HIGHWAY 92
Jenning's car swerves, barely missing a head-on collision with a
giant truck and trailer rig.
INT. JENNING'S CAR 93
Howard stands on the seat doing most of the steering as Jenning
groans and holds his stomach --
BEVERLY
You're gonna get us killed!
JENNING
It feels like something -- inside
me -- gnawing at my guts! What's
 66.

JENNING (cont'd}
wrong with me? 1
BEVERLY
What'd you have for lunch?
Jenning gasps in pain and closes his eyes
HOWARD
Come on, give us a break, don't
close your eyes!!
JENNING
I can't hold on much longer -- the
pain -- it's like I'm transforming
inside! I'm afraid I'm about to --
become something else!
HOWARD
You mean like a sex change or
something?
JENNING
Something's growing inside me --
it's replicated and superseded all
my internal organs!
BEVERLY
We'll stop at a bathroom!
JENNING
That monstrous shape I saw my
God! Howard, that evil is in me!
It's inside my body now!
HOWARD
You're delirious -- you're not
making any sense!
JENNING
It•· s too late· -- the end of the
world is coming -- and 1 will cause
it!
(groaning horribly)
My head -- I can't -- aaaagggghhh!
Jenning passes out! He slumps foward onto the wheel and the car
swerves -- heading across the white line into uncoming traffic!
Howard SQUAWKS, steps around him and grabs the wheel --

HOWARD
Jenning, wake up!
 67.

BEVERLY
Get his foot off the gas! Step
on the brake! Look out, Howard!
Howard yanks the wheel again
EXT. THE HIGHWAY - NIGHT 94
Jenning's car hurtles toward a pick-up truck crossing at an
intersection, swerves behind it, hits a soft shoulder and flies
airborne!

INT. THE CAR 95

Howard SQUAWKS louder as the car crashes down the embankment,
bounces over a side road and heads toward a road-side cafe.
Howard tries to steer. Jenning sits unconscious in the middle
and Beverly sticks her foot out and tries to push on the brake.
HOWARD
The brake -- push, Beverly! Push!
EXT. THE CAFE - NIGHT 96
The car slams into a fishtailing skid, spins around and throws up
a cloud of dust as it skids forward --
INT. THE CAR 97
Howard steers during the skid, while Beverly scrunches down and
pushes even harder on the brake
EXT. THE CAFE - NIGHT 98
The car slows to a stop -- rolling over a sidewalk and up onto a
planter. Its tires rotate one final turn and the front bumper
taps a large plate-glass window -- the car stops.
INT. THE CAR 99
Howard and Beverly stare dazed as the plate-glass window vibrates
-- but it doesn't break. Beverly slumps back onto the seat.
Howard looks over at Jenning -- who is smiling weirdly!
JENNING
I'm dead.
HOWARD
You think that's funny, Jenning?!
Jenning speaks now in a strange mechanical voice.
 68.

JENNING
I am not Jenning anymore. The
transformation is complete. I am
someone else now.
HOWARD
Yeah, tell that to your insurance
company ...
BEVERLY
Come on, he needs some coffee.

INT. "JOE ROMA'S CAJUN SUSHI" - NIGHT 100

Howard and Beverly enter with Jenning. A cranky hostess appears
and looks down at Howard then up at Jenning --
HOSTESS
I'm sorry we don't allow pets on
the premises.
Jenning just stares at her .intensely -- ·Howard takes his hand.

HOWARD
~
As Howard leads Jenning away, the hostess looks at Beverly.
BEVERLY
He's helpless without him ...
touching, isn't it?
Jenning sits down in a booth. Beverly joins Howard sitting
across from Jenning.
HOWARD
Gotta find a waitress ...
As Howard looks around, Beverly watches Jenning stare intensely
at~ glass of ice water.
BEVERLY
You never seen water before?
Jenning opens his hand slowly -- the glass actually slides across
the table into his hand!

BEVERLY (cont'd)
How'd you do that?!

Beverly's more amazed as the water in the glass starts to bubble

and boil!
-- ---
 69.

BEVERLY (cont' J)
Jeez, you must have a major fever!
Howard, look, did you see
HOWARD
(interrupting)
Here she comes.
Howard didn't see the mysterious water glass. A young WAITRESS
comes up now.
WAITRESS
Oh, wow, your kid's costume is really
radical. He must be crazy about it.
HOWARD
Yeah, I'm very attached to it.
She notices Jenning is perspiring heavily and staring at her
bizarrely.
WAITRESS (cont'd)
Your dad's sort of into his own
space. What do you think he'd
like to eat?
JENNING
I no longer need human food.
WAITRESS
I know it's a drag but you're going
to have to order some dinner if you
want to sit here.
(getting no response
from Jenning)
How about the special? Sir??
JENNING
You are about to witness the end
of the old world and the birth of
the new!
WAITRESS
What is he, a TV evangelist or some-
thing?
HOWARD
Or something ...
BEVERLY
We'll have three ·specials.
 70.

She goes off and Howard looks at Jenning.

HOWARD
Listen, if you can tune back into
reality for a second -- I don't
understand anything you're talking
about. All I know is that I need
that laser machine to get me home!
Is it still working, Jenning?
JENNING
I told you, I am not Jenning any-
more. I am now one of the Dark
Overlords of the Universe.
--------------
Howard looks at Beverly --
BEVERLY
One of the Dark Overlords of the
Universe ... ?
HOWARD
(sarcastically)
That must be quite a responsibility ...
JENNING
(fervidly)
Tonight the laser beam hit the
Nexus of Sominus!
BEVERLY
The Nexus of whatsis?
HOWARD
Is that a planet?
JENNING
It lies beyond the planets -- it is
a. region of demons.
-----------
BEVERLY
A region of demons ... ?
JENNING
Another dimensional plane to which
we Dark Overlords were exiled eons
ago after losing the First Cosmic
War.
HOWARD
( to Beverly)
I hope you're getting all this.
 71.

BEVERLY
Howard, what I'm getting is that
this man is very, very sick.
JENNING
Just as y were brought down
11
accidenta y -- tonight the laser
beam released me from the region
of demons and pulled me down into
that lab.
HOWARD
Small universe.
JENNING
During the explosion I entered
Jenning's body.
(leaning forward
confidentially)
So, I have disguised my true form
which would be considered hideous
and revolting here.
BEVERLY
Lucky for the people eating ...
HOWARD
Eeeeaaayaahh!
The waitress sets down plates and Howard recoils into~ corner of
the booth, looking aghast at the meal!
WAITRESS
You ordered three specials. What's
wrong?
JENNING
( to the waitress)
This will mean the extinction of
all existing life forms!
WAITRESS
Gee, you haven't even tasted it yet.
Howard looks down horrified at the Huevos Rancheros
HOWARD
Whataya think, I'm into cannibal-
ism or something?
WAITRESS
Hey, are we like all in the same
 72.

WAITRESS {cont'd)
discussion here?
.HOWARD
I'll give you a hint -- what's white,
ovoid and always reminds me of my
birthday?
~ (after a beat)
The(:_ggs! Get 'em out of here!

The waitress picks u p ~ eggs and goes off muttering.

HOWARD
(watching her go)
I can't believe this planet!
Fried eggs! Yuucck!
Beverly sees Jenning glare at the ketchup bottle and mustard jar.
She looks astonished as she sees A RAY OF LIGHT RADIATE from
Jenning's eyes --
BEVERLY
Uh Howard ... ?
Beverly nudges Howard. They both see the LIGHT RAY hit ting the
mustard jar and ketchup bottle which start to shake violently --
suddenly there's two SMALL EXPLOSIONS! Mustard and ketchup
splash across the table top!

BEVERLY (cont'd)
Jeez, what happened?!

HOWARD
How in the hell did you do that?!
BEVERLY
Look out, he's got something in
his pocket!

Beverly cringes and Howard's eyes go wide with fear as Jenning

reaches into his jacket pocket -- and pulls out --
A plastic CODE/KEY circuit-card which he places on the table.
HOWARD
What's that?

JENNING
It is the code/key. It activates
the Laser Spectroscope ... I will
use it when I aim the laser beam
up into the Nexus of Sominus again
 73.

JENNING {cont'd)
to bring down the other Dark Over-
lords!

BEVERLY
The others?
HOWARD
Now, he's got a whole gang ... well,
screw 'em, I got dibs on the laser
firs~! Give me that ~ode/ke~ ttl~_t/JL
my ticket home! '-------
Howard snatches the code/key out of Jenning's hand -- then Howard
yelps -- SMALL RAYS~ sparking from Jenning's fingers!
HOWARD {cont'd)
Whoa! Look at his hand!

BEVERLY
That's nothing. Look at his face!

Jenning's face is ealer -- his eyes darker -- he speaks in a

raspy, non-human voice.
JENNING
Soon the Dark Overlords will engulf
the world! Nothing human will
remain here!
HOWARD
Yeah, well nothing duck's remain-
ing here either! Come on Beverly,
move, we're going!

BEVERLY
{ to Jenning)
You'll get the check?
HOWARD
Hate to eat and run ...
They s 1 ide out of the booth unti 1 their way is blocked --

lST TRUCKER
Hey, lookit the talking duck!
Howard looks up at three grinning TRUCKERS in oily baseball caps.
HOWARD
Get out of my way. Bug off!
 74.

Two truckers laugh while the other stares in awe.

2ND TRUCKER
Lord, what is it?
3RD TRUCKER
You jackass -- it's a ventrilo-
quist. This guy's doin~ the talkin'
and this here is the dununy! Go on,
say something, dummy
HOWARD
You might not wanna hear what I
say, bozo!
The 3rd trucker loses his smile, looks over at Jenning and grabs
him by the front of his jacket --
3RD TRUCKER
Did you make him say that, jerk-off?
BEVERLY
Leave him alone! He was just in
an industrial accident.
1ST TRUCKER
Yeah, and who's your other friend,
some kind of Farm School mutation!
They're always trying to develop
bigger chickens.
HOWARD
Get out of the way! Take a hike,
cowboy!
The 2nd trucker grabs Howard and picks him up. He sees the
code/key and grabs it out of Howard's hand.
2ND TRUCKER
What's this, the key to your Duck-
mobile?
HOWARD
Give me that or you're gonna be
sorry!
BEVERLY
You better watch out, he's a Master
of Quack Fu!
The trucker slips the code/key into his shirt pocket and cocks
his arm back to punch Howard out
 75.

2ND TRUCKER
Yeah, well I'm about to Quack Fu
you!
But Howard beats him to the punch, poking the trucker in the eyes
with two fingers! The trucker hollers and Ho~ard bites his nose.
The trucker grabs his face, dropping Howard .
. HOWARD
Come on, Bev! Run!
But the 3rd trucker shoves Beverly back into the booth as the
truckers start for Howard who backs away
1ST TRUCKER
I think we better squash this thing
before it matures!
Howard squawks, skips up onto a stool and onto the counter. As
the truckers chase him, Howard runs down the counter stepping in
irate customers' dinners along the way --
Beverly gets out of the booth and tries to run toward Howard but
there's too many people blocking her path --
BEVERLY
Howard!

Back on the counter, Howard grabs a pie and flings it in the

trucker's face! Howard starts throwing more food, accidentally
hitting customers who angrily join in trying to catch him.
Beverly runs back to the booth, where the waitress is clearing
the table.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
Please -- call the police! They're
going to hurt him!

Jenning still sits motionless -- he looks ealer his eyes

darker -- he speaks in a raesy voice --
JENNING
An evil unlike any you can imagine
is about to engulf the world!

WAITRESS
Naw, we have fights in here all
the time.

By the kitchen, Howard is spinning around on the order-slip wheel

above the cooks' grill. Howard kicks a waiter in the face and
 76.

then flies airborne!

Beverly sees Howard shoot past on a busboy's cart. As he rolls
by Jenning's table he shouts to him --
HOWARD
Jenning, I could use some help here,
buddy!
Howard disappears and we hear a CRASH OF DISHES! But Jenning
doe~ t react to Howard's plight. A raised 4-wheel drive pick-up
has pulled up outside the window.
The pick-up's headlights flare into Jenning's face, bothering
him. He turns his head -- JENNING'S EYES GLOW! Suddenly the
pick-up's headlights EXPLODE!
Meanwhile, a trucker yanks Howard off the floor. He's assisted
by a dozen irate customers who lift Howard above their heads like
a lynch mqb on the move --
lST TRUCKER
We're gonna cook your goose!
EVERYBODY
Pluck him! Stuff him! Roast him!
Duck soup!
Howard sees a CHINESE CHEF approaching with a giant meat cleaver!
HOWARD (cont'd)
Oh Great Duck in Heaven is this the
end ofv Howard?
~-,'.l-,

Howard's carried by the crowd into the kitchen -- he grabs onto

the doorway with his little hands --

HOWARD (cont'd)
JENNING! DON'T JUST SIT THERE!
THIS IS SERIOUS! THEY'RE GONNA
COOK ME!

OTHERS
Truss him, baste pim! Rev up the
microwave!

Beverly rushes back to the booth where Jenning sits motionless,

an awful low GROWLING noise growing inside him~

BEVERLY
Listen -- please help Howard. If you
want to destroy the world, fine
 77.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
but Howard's not part of it! You've
got to help him!
In the kitchen, they shove H0ward onto the chopping island and
tie his legs together. The cook sharpens the meat cleaver!
HOWARD
JENNING, YOU'RE MISSING THIS!
THEY' RE SEASONING ME! WAIT!
YOU BETTER PUT ME DOWN, YOU DON'T
WANT TO GET MY FRIEND ANGRY!

TRUCKER
Oh yeah, why?

HOWARD
Because he's one of the Dark Over-
lords of the Universe -- and he
can destroy you! And this cafe!
And Earth! Everything!
..
There's a pause before they all start laughing.
HOWARD (cont'd)
Yeah, well I didn't buy it at first
either ...
Howard struggles as the chef lowers the cleaver to his neck,
takes aim and then raises it to behead him --

HOWARD (cont'd}
JENNING! JEN --
(looking around)
Oh - oh -- look! He's getting up!
I warned you -- HERE HE COMES !

His assailants laugh when they see Jenning standing up slowly.

TRUCKER ..
What happen his quaaludes wear off?

By the booth, Beverly backs away looking stunned --

BEVERLY
Oh my god
The camera moves in as Jenning turns slowly and reveals himself
-- Jenning has indeed become something else:
A luminescent aura ignites around his body and hums electrically.
His hair glows in an evil mockery of a halo. Jenning's eyes
 78.

flare revealing the volcanic fire inside his possessed body!

An eerie silence descends over the roadside cafe. The cook
freezes with the cleaver held aloft -- the group holding Howard
in the kitchen looks over at the horrific sight --
TRUCKER
Jeez, it's like somethin' out of a
nightmare!
WAITER
He musta eaten the chili!
Howard sees Jenning and does a double-take!
HOWARD
Jeez, he IS one of the Dark Over-
lords of the Universe!

Jenning speaks like a mechanical Moses booming from Mt. Sinai

JENNING
RELEASE THE SMALL WATER-FOWL!
BRING ME THE CODE/KEY, HOWARD!

HOWARD
Right, the code/key! You heard
him, cut me loose!
• But the 2nd trucker grabs the meat cleaver from the Chinese chef
and starts toward Jenning
2ND TRUCKER
I never heard such bull-pucky!
In response, Jenning raises his hand and points at the trucker --
The meat cleaver ZINGS out of the trucker's hand and starts
spinning in the air, flying in a deadly trajectory toward the
heads of Howard's attackers! They duck, cower, hit the floor.

Finally the cleaver slams into the chopping block with a THUD,
cutting the cord around Howard's feet! He throws it off --
HOWARD
Sorry, but the menu's changed guys --
Beverly moves away from Jenning. She hears him growl -- suddenly
the gas fires in the grills shoot up ten feet toward the ceiling.
People scream and run for cover.
Jenning moves his arm and a cyclone of dishes, napkins, glasses,
 79.

and food erupts along the cafe counter!

In the kitchen, Howard skips through the chaos of fleeing legs,
the shower of kitchen utensils, and runs over to the 2nd trucker
who's sitting on the floor in a daze --
Howard grabs the code/key out of the trucker's shirt pocket.
HOWARD {cont'd)
I told you not to make him angry!
Outside the kitchen, the BARTENDER comes around the bar with a
baseball bat and starts toward Jenning --
BARTENDER
Come on, let's get him!

Several customers join him -- suddenly the soda hoses rise like
cobras and start SPRAYING them. Then the high TV starts flipping
channels, SPARKS AND EXPLODES!
Jenning's eyes flare -- glasses SHATTER! Booze ~ottles.•re
launched and smash into the bartender and customers, flooring
them in a tornado of g 1 ass and liquor!
Lying on the floor under a table, a terrified mother tries to
shelter her son. But the kid is wide-eyed with excitement as he
watches Jenning wreak havoc
KID
Oh wow! Masters of the Universe!
We've got to stop him Voltron!
Zap! Pow!
The kid lifts a tiny Voltron GO-BOT and pretends to zap Jenning.
Nearby, one of the truckers rips the chain off the hostess'
barricade and starts swinging it viciously as he charges Jenning.
~enning's eyes flare -- the trucker is hit by a gale wind that
sends him staggering backwards -- he CRASHES against a wall!
Howard runs out of the kitchen and over to Beverly.
HOWARD
I got the code/key!
BEVERLY
Let's get out of here!
The 3rd trucker charges with a chair raised above his head --
Jenning points at him -- the trucker's blown backwards through
 80.

a window and disappears into the night!

Howard and Beverly are running toward the front doors -- they
suddenly SLAM SHUT! A half-dozen chairs and three planters slide
mysteriously in front of the doors blocking them!
JENNING ( o. s . )
YOU WILL NOT LEAVE!

HOWARD
Hey, no! Beverly --
Beverly sees Howard skidding backwards across the floor toward
Jenning. Now Howard actually RISES INTO THE AIR! Beverly runs
after him.
Beverly stops and looks up: Howard is floating six feet off the
ground!
BEVERLY
Howard get down!
HOWARD
Like.I'm doing this on purpose!
Beverly sees Jenning moving toward them through the now silent,
destroyed cafe. Glowing, eyes flaring red, Jenning stops and
points at Howard. Howard gulps --
JENNING
GIVE ME THE CODE/KEY!

HOWARD
Oh yeah? And what if I don't?!
( smiling weakly)
Little joke ...

Jenning g !ares -- Beverly SCREAMS -- and Howard suddenly LEVI-

TATES, shooting straight up and crashing against the ceiling, his
head hitting it with a painful THUD!

HOWARD (cont'd)
Ouch! Can't you take a joke, jeez,
you broke my head! Eeaaahh!
BEVERLY
No, don't hurt him!
Still airborne, Howard's spun upside down -- the code/key falls
onto the table. Jenning opens his fist -- magically the code/key
flies _l::E off the ground into his glowing hand.
 81.

JENNING
I WILL NOW BRING DOWN THE OTHER
DARK OVERLORDS ...

HOWARD
Hey, what about me? I got better
things to do than hang around this
place!
Jenning's EYES FLARE and Howard starts shaking violently, spins
in the air and suddenly CRASHES down onto a table, breaking it.
Howard lands on the floor in a heap and Beverly rushes over to
see if he's alive.
Eyes flaring fiery red, Jenning moves toward them. Beverly sees
him coming, scrambles backwards and hits a wall.

His glowing- hand reaches for her. Beverly kicks at him and
struggles -- until he grabs her arm and she SCREAMS!
His fingers BURN INTO HE~ FLESH and her arm smokes. Jenning drags
her past Howard who moves on the floor and manages to look up
his eyes try and focus --
SPECIAL EFFECT - OUT OF FOCUS 101
Howard sees a blurry image of Beverly being shoved out the door.

HOWARD
No! Beverly!
Howard staggers to his feet and stumbles through the wrecked cafe
toward the door.

EXT. THE CAFE - NIGHT 102

Outside the devastated cafe, the door slams shut on the detached
TRACTOR/CAB of a mammoth diesel truck. The neadlights flash on.
INT. THE CAFE 103
As he rushes through the front door, Howard hears the truck cab's
engine roaring to 1 ife.
HOWARD
Beverly!
INT. THE TRUCK-CAB 104
Jenning slams the big engine into gear and accelerates. In the
beam of the head 1 igh ts, Beverly sees Howard running out of the
 82.

cafe and she screams.

BEVERLY
No, look out!
Jenning grins evilly and swerves the steering wheel.
EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT 105
The mammoth truck-cab careens toward Howard. He squawks and
suddenly dives forward -- the huge truck cab roars right over
him, wheels spewing gravel, and he covers his head.
After it's gone, Howard raises his head and strains to stand up.
HOWARD
Nevermind ...
His head falls and he passes out again.

INT. THE TRUCK-CAB 106

Beverly looks around and screams. Shaking with rage and fear,
she shouts at Jenning.
BEVERLY
You killed him!

Jenning's fiery eyes fix on her. He opens bis mouth, emits a

terrifying other-worldly GASEOUS GROWL -- and speaks:
JENNING
I NEED YOUR BODY.

BEVERLY
You creep, I've heard that one
before!

JENNING
THE DARK OVERLORDS CANNOT EXIST
ON THIS PLANET -- UNLESS THEY GROW
INSIDE A HUMAN BODY ...

BEVERLY
Oh god no ...

Beverly whimpers and closes her eyes. She doesn't see Jenning's
head tip toward the steering wheel.
EXT. THE HIGHWAY - NIGHT 107
The truck-cab swerves off the road onto a dirt shoulder and
 83.

throws up a cloud of dirt.

INT. THE TRUCK CAB 108

Beverly sees that Jenning looks like he's passed out.

BEVERLY
Look out!
He forces himself upright and steers back onto the highway.
JENNING
TIRED -- NEED ENERGY
His fiery eyes scan the dashboard. He switches the radio on. A
rock song blares and he turns it off.
JENNING (cont'd)
(growling}
MORE ENERGY!

He opens the glove compartment. Then he sees the cigarette

lighter. He yanks it out and tosses it out the window.
Jenning opens his mouth -- watching horr ifed, ·Beverly SCREAMS!
A hideous eel-like tentacle/tongue slithers out of Jenning's
mouth! The slimey tentacle wriggles through the air toward the
cigarette lighter -- AND PLUNGES INTO IT!
BEVERLY
(hysterical}
Jeez, I'm gonna puke! That's the
grossest -- ! Please let me go!
I don't want to die!
Jenning drives with the horrible tentacle/tongue stretching from
his mouth to the cigarette lighter as his alien system fills up
on electrical power.
CUT TO:
EXT. A HIGHWAY - NIGHT 109
Police, fire and paramedics vehicles swerve around a corner with
their SIRENS SCREAMING and the screen is ablaze with flashing
lights.
EXT. THE CAFE - NIGHT 110
Fire crews pull wreckage away from the burning cafe. Lt. Weber
surveys the damage as survivors_give crazed accounts to the cops.
 84.

WAITRESS
I thought the little duck was his
kid, then I flashed on the truth!
Halloween was two months ago!
Walking along, Weber hears another shocked eyewitness
BANDAGED MAN
-- guy musta been eight feet tall!
He had ray-guns shooting out of
his eyes and he was blowin' the
place to smithereens!
HIS KID
Yeah, it was great!

EXT. PARKING LOT 111

A uniformed cop gets out of the back of a patrol car -- leaving

Phil Blumburtt alone in the back seat.
INT. THE POLICE CAR 112
Phil sees the cop check with another cop outside. Phil grimaces
and wiggles the handcuffs on his wrists. He looks out at the
chaos -- then does a double take.
EXT. THE PARKING LOT 113

Near the car is a Wishing Well for tourists. This one is a bit
strange as it has a duck's head rising up slowly from inside.
Howard peers out fearfully -- he notices Phil in the cop car.
Phil watches nervously as Howard climbs out of the wishing well.
The cop at the front of the car doesn't see Howard scurry from
the the wishing well to the back of the patrol car. Howard
creeps up to the side window and Phil talks to him quietly
PHIL
Howard --·they arrested me at the
plant! I'm going to have a crimi-
nal record!
HOWARD
Criminal record! All you hairless
apes are gonna be dead if we don't
stop Jenning!

PHIL
Dr. Jenning? What're you talking
about?!
 85.

HOWARD
He kidnapped Beverly!
. Howard reaches up and starts to open ·the back door.
CUT TO:

EXT. THE PARKING - LATER - NIGHT 114

Workers drag debris away from the cafe. Blending into the work,
Phil rolls a metal trash barrel toward a rear storage building.

Inside the trash barrel we see Howard doing dizzying somersaults.

EXT. STORAGE BUILDING 115

Phil rolls the barrel behind the building and upends it, exposing
Howard who stands wobbily, eyes spinning in his head.
HOWARD
Jenning's headed back to the plant
with Beverly --
PHIL
Why?

HOWARD
He's gonna bring down more of these
monsters. He's got big plans --
like taking over Earth! Philsy,
we've got to get out of here! Use
your brain!
Still handcuffed, Phil looks around desperately. He spots a long
tarp-covered trailer hitched to a pick-up. Sticking out from _the
back is a metal tailfin.
PHIL
I think I'm going to regret it,
but I've got an idea! Come on!

Phil runs out and dodges behind another car. Howard takes off
after him.

EXT. REAR PARKING AREA - NIGHT 116

Phil runs up to the long trailer. The handcuffs make it diffi-
cult, but he and Howard manage to pull back the tarp -- exposing
the aluminum struts of a tiny, ultralight airplane.
 86.

HOWARD
(looking wor.ried)
A plane? Wait a minute, we got a
saying on my planet -- if God had
intended us to fly, He wouldn't
have taken away our wings!
CUT TO:

EXT. THE HIGHWAY - DAWN 117

The eastern sky glows wi~h the first light of day. The big
truck-cab roars past in silhouette.
INT. THE TRUCK CAB 118
Beverly sleeps -- then jumps awake as the truck-cab goes into a
SCREECHING skid and stops! Jenning slams into reverse -- the
truck cab roars backwards and stops again.
Jenning peers out the window and GROWLS. Beverly leans forward
and looks -- they see a lighted sign reading: CUYAHOGA NUCLEAR
POWER PLANT.

JENNING
POWER!

BEVERLY
Oh no --
CUT TO:
,,----·-----
-----
EXT. CUYAHOGA ,-::-----....______
NUCLEAR PLANT \... •
DAWN 119
'-.. -
The nuclear power plant rises on a hill. At the front gate
guards check cars entering.
EXT. REACTOR AREA - DAWN 120

A security patrol car cruises along a perimeter fence and disap-

pears around the side of the plant.
Panning across the deserted landscape, we see headlights flare
over a ridge as the truck cab crests a hill and charges like an
attacking behemoth!
The truck cab belches smoke as it SMASHES through the perimeter
fence and skids to a stop across the wet grass.
CUT TO:
 87.

INT. THE NUCLEAR PLANT - DAY 121

A Congressional TOUR GROUP is escorted through the power pla~~ by

a P.R. huckster named GROSSBACH and two company TOUR GUIDE~.
GROS SBA CH
Congressmen, I'll be honest, this
Three Mile Island, China Syndrome
meltdown stuff -- it's all history.
The only meltdowns around here are
the cheese sandwiches in the
toaster-oven!

The company guides laugh loudly -- the congressmen glance around

nervously at the huge humming equipment.
The guides notice Jenning shuffling along at the back: his sweaty
pallid skin; his dark crazed eyes; his hair frizzing electri-
cally from his head.
GUIDE
Wow, these Washington guys take a
real beating on these junkets.
2ND GUIDE
Well, sightseeing all day, broads
and booze all night --
Jenning stops with the others at a viewing window where they peer
out at the mammoth REACTOR.

GROSS BACH
This is the heart of the system: our
nuclear reactor pumping out three
hundred thousand killiowatts of power!
EXT. THE REACTOR AREA - DAY 122
The camera moves in toward the parked truck cab. We hear Beverly
shouting for help.

INT. THE CAB 123

Locked in the sleeper compartment, Beverly struggles to get free
of the cords wrapped around her hands and feet.

INT. THE REACTOR - DAY 124

The tour goes off down the hall and Jenning emerges from behind a
wall. His EYES FLARE and the viewing windows are BLASTED TO
SMITHEREENS! He moves toward the giant reactor as ALARMS SOUND!
 88.

JENNING
POWER ...
A metal security fence falls in front of Jenning -- his eyes
flare and the fence EXPLODES in a shower of sparks!
Jenning BLASTS OPEN the steel door and a BLINDING LIGHT from the
core of the reactor flares around him as he walks inside!
INT. HALLWAY 125
Security Officers run down the hall pulling out revolvers. Com-
pany supervisors follow.
INT. THE REACTOR AREA 126
The men rush in and see flames and smoke billowing from the
exploded reactor! A mammoth hole ripped into the side of the
building shows where Jenning made his exit.

INT. THE TRUCK CAB - DAY 127

Having broken free of the cords, Beverly rips open the door of
the sleeper compartment, see something -- AND SCREAMS!
JENNING'S MONSTROUS FACE LOOMS INTO THE CAB! IRRADIATED BY
ATOMIC ENERGY, HIS SOLARIZED BODY AND FIENDISH FACE SMOKE!
CUT TO:
EXT. CAFE PAR~ING AREA - DAY 128
Howard puts on a crash helmet and lowers the goggles. Phil sits
behind him on the tiny skeletal ultralight plane.
PHIL
Sure, I know how it works --
theoretically ...
Phil reaches up -- both hands still handcuffed together -- and
yanks down hard on the D-handle of the starter cord. Nothing.
PHIL (cont'd)
Of course with these damn handcuffs
you're going to have to do the real
flying!

HOWARD
Me?!
Phil yanks down again and the ENGINE ROARS.
 89.

PHIL
Grab onto the joystick, Howard!
HOWARD
What's a joystick?!
Looking like a hang glider with a motor, the tiny Ultralight
taxis across the lot, its two-cycle chain-saw engine screaming.
PHIL
More throttle, Howard, throttle!

EXT. THE CAFE - DAY 129

Lt. Weber looks exhausted as he finishes with his sergeants and
walks back toward his car

LT. WEBER
-- don't know what the hell I'm
going to tell them! There's some-
thing insane going on here and --
They hear an engine whining and look amazed when they see the
tiny ultralight sputtering down a back street and rising AIR-
BORNE! For a moment, it's airborne. Then it bounces onto the
street again.
EXT. THE ULTRALIGHT 130
Howard pulls on the joy-stick as Phil yells instructions

PHIL
Steady the pedals! Pull back the
stick!
The little plane lifts airborne again. The wind ruffles Howard's
feathers and his eyes go wide in his goggles.
HOWARD
I don't like this! I don't like
this at all!
EX•r. THE CAFE 131
Police cars _roar out of the parking lot and squeal off in
pursuit of the little plane.
EXT. THE STREET 132
A normal suburban street goes haywire when people see the ultra-
light flying very low down the middle of the street.
 90.

EXT. THE ULTRALIGHT 133

Howard holds the joystick with both hands and looks petrified
HOWARD
We' re too low! .

PHIL
Too much weight, it'll take a while
to get altitude --
HOWARD
We don't have a while! Look out!
PHIL
The right pedal, the right pedal!
EXT. THE STREET 134
The plane skims directly toward a small mail truck. The mail man
dives for the sidewalk -- the ultralight banks and skims inches
above his truck.
Police cars race past, chasing the plane.
EXT. ANOTHER STREET 135
The plane wobbles above the street as Howard guides it out of
town. There's a burst of SIRENS and a LOUDSPEAKER sounds:
LOUDSPEAKER
Land the plane! Land the plane!
Howard and Phil see a cop car pacing them. Then Howard looks
forward again -- a n d ~ ~ freeway overpass looming in front of
them.
HOWARD
Up, up plane! Up!
.PHIL
We'll never make it over!
HOWARD
Down, down plane!
The ultralight swoops up, swoops down, and flies under the under-
pass, scattering THREE SCREAMING POLICE CARS coming in the oppo-
site direction.
 91.

EXT. THE ULTRALIGHT 136

The plane leaves the town behind and flies into the countryside.
Phil shouts to Howard.
PHIL
We can lose them if we get away
from the road.
Howard turns the joystick.
EXT. THE ROAD 137
The plane veers away from the road and flies across the fields.
The pursing police cars do likewise, bouncing over the uneven
terrain.
EXT. A FARM 138
A farmer on a tractor suddenly jumps off. The tractor continues
driverless -- the ultralight zooms over it.
The plane screams through the farmyard, scattering animals. A
pond full of ducks screech, scatter and flap a~rborne!
EXT. THE ULTRALIGHT 139
Howard looks back at the fleeing ducks.
HOWARD
Sorry guys!
EXT. FARM FIELDS 140
The little ultralight flies over the fields while four police
cars bounce along below -- and two more police cars race down a
parallel dirt road.
EXT. THE PLANE 141
Howard and Phil look down at the police cars -- suddenly gunfire
erupts and they both holler!
PHIL
That's right, it's duck season!
HOWARD
That's not funny!!
PHIL
Pull up, look out!
 92.

The plane's headed for· a row of trees -- Huward pulls back on the
joystick. The trees rush closer and closer.
EXT. THE TREES .:.. -l 2

The plane barely skims the treetops. Below, the police cars skid
to stops and throw up dust clouds as they reach the edge of an
irrigation canal.
The plane continues across the fields back toward the city. The
police cars are left on the other side of the canal.
CUT TO:

EXT. THE HIGHWAY - DAY 143

The truck cab roars past.
INT. THE TRUCK CAB 144
Beverly sees flashing lights and road signs reading **SLOW FOR
SMOG INSPECTION** Jenni_ng downshifts and growls horribl~ - -
EXT. SMOG INSPECTION ZONE 145
Cars are lined up and State Troopers talk to drivers. A Trooper
leans by a car window.
TROOPER
This is a smog device inspection.
I'd like to know the age of this
vehicle and --
The car creeps forward.
TROOPER (cont'd)
I said engine off, please. I'd like
to see your registration and --
The car moves forward again.

TROOPER
Shut the engine off!
DRIVER
It's off. Somebody's pushing!
The trooper steps away and sees the truck cab looming behind the
line of cars -- the diesel's exhaust smokes as it accelerates --
and shoves the line of cars forward!
 93.

INT. THE TRUCK CAB 146

Jenning floors it. Horns honk, people shout and Beverly sees
troopers running up
TROOPERS
What the hell you doing?! Get out
of that truck! Turn off the engine!
Jenning raises his hand -- a RAY shoots out -- one trooper is hit
and his body starts shaking uncontrollably!
I People
1
watch horrified as the trooper's body DISSOLVES INTO
SWIRLING ATOMS THEN EXPLODES!
State Troopers OPEN FIRE and the truck cab's window is smashed.
Beverly screams -- Jenning roars and his eyes FLARE.
EXT. THE HIGHWAY 147
The whole inspection area is abruptly ANNIHILATED in an ATOMIC
EXPLOSION which mushrooms and FLARES THE SCREEN WHITE, turning
the scene into an X-RAY NEGATIVE IMAGE!·
INT. THE TRUCK CAB 148
Beverly's screaming. She opens her eyes and looks out: flames
are dying down -- BUT NOTHING REMAINS! NO CARS, NO PEOPLE!
Jenning growls and smiles evilly
JENNING
SMOG INSPECTION ...
He steps on the gas.
EXT. THE HIGHWAY 149
The truck cab roars off, leaving behind a black ring of smoking
pavement and scorched wheat fields.
CUT TO:
EXT. CLEVELAND - DAY 150
The ultralight flies a thousand feet above the city.
EXT. THE PLANE 151
Howard looks down as Phil points to Aerodyne below them.

PHIL
There's the plant!
 94.

HOWARD
The truck's there!
PHIL
Get ready to land!
HOWARD
Land?! I don't know how to land!

Suddenly the engine sputters and coughs. Phil lifts a clear

plastic hose and sees the last of the gasoline running down it.

PHIL
You're about to learn. We're out
ot gas ...
EXT. AERODYNE PLANT 152
The ultralight appears over the plant and noses down radically.

EXT. THE PLANE 153

The speed increases as Howard tries to control the joystick.
HOWARD
This isn't gonna work! Think of
something else, Phil!
Phil looks around and spots a ring dangling from a compartment.
He lifts his handcuffed hands and pulls on the ring.

There's a small EXPLOSION as a ballistic charge opens the canopy.

EXT. THE AERODYNE PLANT 154
A parachute billows and the ultralight and its passengers bob and
weave as they float to the ground.
EXT. THE PARKING LOT 155
The plane CRASHES onto the parking lot and the wings fall off.
Howard and Phil crawl out of the wreckage.

PHIL
Howard, what in the hell makes you
think we can stop him?

HOWARD
Beverly said there are no accidents
in the universe. That maybe I was
sent here for some cosmic cause!
 95.

PHIL
What cosmic cause?!
Phil runs after Howard to the back of the plant where they take
cover. Howard looks serious --
HOWARD
We know that laser didn't malfunc-
tion when it brought me here. Well,
w h a t ~ a s being directed by
some~i~J>rotector who hit his
target -- me! .
PHIL
Hit you for what?
HOWARD
So I'd be here -- to save Beverly --
and this planet.
PHIL
Howard, you shouldn't be in Cleve-
land, you should try California.
They have cults devoted to nuts
like you.
HOWARD
Maybe I was sent here to keep all
you hairless apes from becoming
extinct like your dinosaurs.
Howard starts for the rear door and Phil follows him.
INT. AERODYNE PLANT - DAY 156
A door opens slowly and Phil peeks into the hallway.
PHIL
Quit pushing! This is crazy!
Howard shoves him and they start quietly down the deserted hall.

HOWARD
Phil, no duck is an island. And if
Fate senttiiehereto save Earth--
then Howard the Duck is ready to
fight!
PHIL
But what about me?
 96.

HOWARD
You're ready to fight, too. Phil,
you've got guts, you're smart --
(seeing Phil
smile proudly)
-- despite what I've said in the
past -- and I need you. Come on!

INT. THE LAB 157

Phil opens a door and they look into the lab. They hear a noise
and run behind some equipment. Howard peeks out and sees:
Beverly! She's strapped to a metal table beneath the Laser Spec-
troscope. She struggles but her arms are locked tight.

PHIL
Howard!

Howard moves to the other side of the power generator where Phil
points to the control console.
Jenning stands there, body glowing, his eyes fiery and zombie-
like. He manipulates dials, punches buttons automatically.
PHIL (cont'd)
He's running the activation
sequence!
• HOWARD
Jeez, he's going to bring down
another Dark Overlord! We've got
to get Beverly out of there.

Howard starts to run out -- Phil grabs him by the collar and
pulls him back.

PHIL
Take it easy, Conan! What're you
going to stop him with? We've got
to find --
(looking around)
Wait, Carter showed me something
once that might do it! If we can
find it!

CUT TO:
INT. A HALL - DAY 158
Phil and Howard run down a connecting hallway until Phil skids to
a stop by a door that reads DEFENSE RESEARCH. He opens the door
 97.

and Howard follows him inside.

INT. THE LAB 159
Back in the lab, the table to which Beverly is strapped starts
rotating and she stares at the frightening laser equipment
zeroing in on her body.
INT. DEFENSE RESEARCH SECTION 160
Phil beats on the metal door with a sledge hammer while Howard
pries the bottom open with a crow-bar.
INT. SUPPLY CAGE 161
The door finally bursts open and Phil and Howard rush in. Phil
rummages through dusty, outmoded equipment until he finally spots
something inside a fenced cage.
Howard follows Phil and helps him pull the tarp off of an impres-
sive, highly-sophisticated small field weapon.
HOWARD
What's that?
PHIL
The ~ ~u ti::_gO-Di.sint.e.gz.a.1:ot:_. It was
developed for the army until the
cost overruns became really
embarrassing.
HOWARD
Can it stop Jenning?
PHIL
Theoretically, yes. Unfortunate-
ly, it was never tested.
The disintegrator is a bazooka-like weapon with a huge backpack.
Howard tries to pick it up and can't
HOWARD
Give me a break --
PHIL
(looking around)
We'll have to modify it!
Phil runs over to a power supply cart and starts throwing off
boxes. He sees a large chain cutter and calls to Howard.
 98.

PHIL
Here -- help me cut these damn
handcuffs!

INT. THE LAB - DAY 162

Back in the lab, Jenning's glowing finger pushes a button. His
decaying face looks toward Beverly. Banning up from the table on
which she's strapped, we see the giant ceiling skylight opening.
INT. A HALL 163
Phil and Howard push the power cart out into the hall~ Phil
finishes tying the Neutron Disintegrator to the cart with ropes.
HOWARD
Is this like stick shift, or
automatic?

Howard examines the cart's drive levers.

PHIL
You have to get into firing range
without him seeing youl
HOWARD
Right. I'll sneak up on him and
then blast him to what's this
do -- eeeayyyahh!
Howard's hit the wrong lever and the cart suddenly takes off down
the hall. Panicked, Howard and Phil race after it.
INT. THE LAB 164
The code/key is slipped into the console. A humming noise
begins, moving up in tone as it grows in intensity.
Jenning looks over at Beverly. She hears the noise and lights on
the Laser Spectroscope start flashing around her
BEVERLY
Go ahead, change me into a Dark
Overlord, I'm still gonna spit in
your wormy face!

Hearing a noise, Jenning turns. He sees Phil and Howard chasing

the runaway power cart through the lab! He pulls out the
code/key and the Laser Spectroscope shuts down.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
Howard!
 99.

The power cart whizzes past camera and in a moment Howard and
Phil tollow. We hear a CRASH as the cart collides with a wall!
Bits and pieces fly into the air, the engine sparks and smokes!
Howard and Phil skid up to the cart and throw debris off it.
HOWARD
I think it's broken!
PHIL
Just get on! Quick, here he comes!
Phil looks around and quickly lifts Howard onto the cart~ Howard
pulls a lever and the cart whines like a cold Ford Pinto -- and
then stalls!
Phil sees Jenning stalking across the lab toward them. Jenning
raises his hand and suddenly there's an EXPLOSION and Phil is
thrown through the air.
HOWARD
Philsy ! •
Howard keeps pushing levers, but the cart seems stuck_. Phil
crawls behind some equipment --
PHIL
Jump Howard -- it's not working!
Get out of there!
Another EXPLOSION blows a h9le in the wall near Howard -- finally
he gets the cart started and into gear! It SCREAMS BACKWARDS and
fishtails around into position.
HOWARD
Whooeee! Here we go!
Howard floors the power cart and it takes off with a screech of
tires. Howard zooms along on the cart behind rows of equipment
and testing tables. As the cart circles the lab Howard pats the
Neutron Disintegrator
HOWARD (cont'd)
Okay, good boy, get ready now,
we're gonna blast him!
Meanwhile, Phil is running, trying to avoid Jenning. Suddenly
Jenning spots him and raises his hand -- Phil hollers and grabs a
giant polished reflector!
When Jenning launches another energy bolt, the RAY STRIKES THE
REFLECTOR, ricochets and knocks Phil on his butt!
 100.

The reflected bolt EXPLODES in front of Jenning and he staggers.

Then he sees Howard approaching on the speeding power cart.
JENNING
(growling)
LITTLE POND-HOPPER!

Jenning opens his mouth and GASEOUS SMOKE SPEWS OUT as he emits
his horrible other-worldy signature howl!
As the cart races across the floor, the wind whips Howard's
feathers and he aims the Neutron Disintegrator
HOWARD
So long Dark Overlord!
Howard flips a switch and the barrel of the disintegrator hums
and GLOWS A COLD FLORESCENT BLUE.
Jenning raises his hand and a piece of equipment near Howard is
BLASTED to bits in a FIERY SPARKING EXPLOSION! Howard swerves
the cart and continues charging forward. •
This is the final duel: Jenning raises his hand as Howard races
directly toward him on the power cart. A bolt of energy streaks
across the lab and hits the cart!
Howard is electrified and his body starts shaking.
Phil watches horrified --
Beverly raises her head and shouts!
BEVERLY
Howard!
Shaking, his body becoming transluscent, Howard loses control of
the swerving cart -- he struggles and raises his finger toward
the trigger of the Disintegrator!
·Howard lunges -- his finger ·hits the button! The Neutron Disin-
tegrator suddenly ERUPTS and a bolt of energy flashes across the
lab in the opposite direction!
Jenning is hit and there's a BLINDING FLASH OF LIGHT!
HOWARD COVERS HIS FACE WITH HIS ARMS as th.e cart skids out of
control.

Phil squints and then opens his eyes -- Jenning is gone!

Phil starts across the lab. He reaches the empty spot where
 101.

Jenning stood -- then hears something. Moaning.

Howard jumps off the cart and joins Phil to look down at
Jenning, lying on the floor. His body no longer glows, but it
smokes as if he's been electrocuted. Jenning opens his eyes,
PHIL
He's alive! To keep him from being
totally demolished, his power must
be incredible!
JENNING
No -- no power -- anymore ...
(looking at Howard}
It was no accident you were brought
to earth ...
Phil looks at Howard -- his intuition was right.
JENNING (cont'd}
We were just pawns, Howard -- you
and me -- in some kind of cosmic
game of good and evil ... I'm out
of the game now. I'm no longer a
Dark Overlord.
HOWARD
Jeez, I can't keep up with your
life changes.
Jenning motions Howard closer -- he grimaces as he talks.
JENNING
I've been released. Howard, it's
not ... not ...
HOWARD
Not what?
JENNING-·
Not inside me anymore! The explo-
sion released it -- it's loose!
The Dark Overlord's still here!
HOWARD
This is not good news. You don't
happen to know where it went, do
you?
Jenning shakes his head --
 102.

HOWARD (cont' dJ
(to Phil)
I suggest we get Beverly AND GET
THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Across the lab, Beverly lies strapped on the table. Howard and
Phil rush up and start unstrapping her.
BEVERLY
I've been so scared I feel like I
got tarantulas dancing in my
stomach.
HOWARD
We're on our way out, sweetheart.
Nothing's going to hurt you now.
BEVERLY
(shocked)
Ah -- Howard?
Howard is unstrapping her and doesn't see the GIANT SHADOW on the
wall indicating the Dark Overlord's presence!
HOWARD
What?
Howard looks around and squawks! They all stare in horror as the
gian-t.-.badow on the wall appears in reality -- A SEVEN FOOT TALL
MONSTER!'\ Loathsome, hideous, powerful --
HOWARD (cont'd)
Am I paranoid or does this thing
look like
BEVERLY
A duck!·
The monste.r.---has gre-y---reptiLian skin but it does resemble a
hideous\, EVIL VERSION OF A DUCK! Its oozing and squirming tenta-
cles wr'i:.'the 1.n-th-e--a1r. •• ·-
PHIL
It's starting to transform -- to
take Howard's shape!
HOWARD
Nobody's jumping inside these
feathers. Let's get out of here!
They run toward the Neutron Disintegrator. But the monster
SHRIEKS and shoots --.u t a TENTACLE! It f 1 ies through the air and
 103.

wraps like a squirming snake around Howard's leg.

As Beverly and Phil watch, Howard is reeled in like a fish by the
slithering tentacle --
Now another tentacle shoots out toward the L~ser Spectroscope
the tentacle picks up the code/key, shoves it into the console
and the Laser Spectroscope whines and starts flashing.
BEVERLY
Howard!
PHIL
It's started the Spectroscope!
Beverly and Phil run toward Howard but the monster shoots out TWO
RAYS which immobilize them -- they start to shake in the early
stages of dematerialization!
BEVERLY
Help -- Howard!
Meanwhile Howard slides backwards along the floor, pulled by the
tentacle around his leg. He grabs hold of a table and it starts
sliding, too.
Objects start falling off the table -- Howard spots a vicious-
looking wood-carving axe! He reaches out desperately -- and
snatches it.
Howard rolls over and swings the axe at the tentacle around his
leg. He slashes it in two! The monster screams and the tentacle
squirts greenish mung-fluid.
Howard jumps to his feet. As Beverly and Phil shake and begin
to dematerialize, Howard dashes to the cart and jumps on board.

Howard pushes a button -- the Neutron Disintegrator FLARES to

life. Howard skids the cart into position -- and fires!
The monster is hit and there's a blinding flash. Beverly and
Phil are knocked back against the Laser Spectroscope!
PHIL
There's more coming down!
In a BEAM OF LIGHT sliding down from the open ceiling port, THREE
MONSTROUS SHAPES are materializing.
PHIL (cont'd)
The machine, Howard, you've got to
destroy it!
 104.

BEVERLY
No, you'll never get home!

·Howard thinks a moment --

HOWARD
Goodbye Duck World!
He pulls a lever. The Neutron Disintegrator's muzzle aims at the
Laser Spectroscope. Howard fires!
The massive surging EXPLOSION is the largest yet. Everything is
obliterated in the light of a hundred suns. The Laser Spectro-
scope explodes into a zillion tumbling pieces and smoke mushrooms
over the laboratory.
Phil crawls out from under pieces of metal and smashed electron-
ics. He stumbles blindly through the smoke toward Beverly. He
throws debris off her and she looks at him anxiously.

BEVERLY
Where's Howard?
They both scramble. around looking for him. Finally they uncover
a feathered hand -- and then find his face in the rubble.
Howard lies covered with dust like the ash-covered, mummified-
dead of Pompeii. Beverly kneels by her little fallen warrior ...
BEVERLY (cont'd)
I don't know where you've gone now,
but I hope you're happier there.
This world treated you badly ...
and yet you saved it ...
His head moves ... and Beverly gasps.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
Howard?
His eyes open slowly -- he stares at them --

HOWARD
I'm ... not ... Howard ... anymore ...
He sits up slowly and a dusty shaft of light illuminates his pale
spectral face -- his eyes seem to glow! His mouth opens and he
suddenly emits the same HORRIBLE OTHER-WORLDLY HISSING!

Beverly and Phil jump away -- until Howard starts coughing

 105.

HOWARD (cont'd)
Jeez, all this dust -- murder on
my sinuses!
(laughing)
I fooled you guys, didn't I?
Across the lab, Lt. Weber enters with two cops. They wander
through the devastation. They find Beverly, Phil and Howard
helping Jenning sit upright.
LT. WEBER
This is where I came in last night.
I'm right back where I started ...

JENNING
Not exactly. In between time --
Howard saved Earth ...
LT. WEBER
Uh huh. Get a paramedic in here.
HANSON
(indicating Jenning)
For him?

LT. WEBER
No, for me.
Weber sits down slowly on a stool. Over this we hear APPLAUSE
AND CHEERING ...

CUT TO:
INT. CLUB 86 - NIGHT 165
A screaming, chanting, capacity crowd roars as CHERRY BOMB ap-
pears on stage. Beverly fingers her guitar and starts an instru-
mental intro:

BEVERLY
I'm Beverly and I'd like to intro-
duce -- Caldonia on drums.
Cal beats out a fast riff and the audience applauds.
BEVERLY (cont'd)
K.C. on bass guitar ... and my main
lady, Ronette ...
(more applause)
We're glad to be here tonight.
You didn't hear, but yesterday
Cleveland was almost destroyed!
 106.

The audience goes wild, shouting and cheering happily.

BEVERLY (cont'd)
I'd like to dedicate this song to
our new manager.
Beverly slashes out a riff on her guitar and "CHERRY BOMB" ex-
plodes into a hard, fast number called "HOWARD THE DUCK"
SONG
"Fallin' down to Earth he crashed
Yellin' loud, why was I hatched?!
Now how's he gonna make a buck?
HOWARD THE DUCK!"
Beverly turns and winks to somebody offstage.
OFFSTAGE 166
Howard paces while Phil operates a lighting control panel.
HOWARD
They're blowing it! They're slow
on the back beat!
PHIL
You're crazy, the audience loves
them.
HOWARD
Strobes on! Hit the smoke!
Phil steps over and flips switches on an effects board.
ONSTAGE 167
As the strobe lights flash, smoke starts billowing across the
stage. Beverly sings a solo passage:
SONG
"No job, no home, no hiding place
Let's get him back to Outer Space!
His goose is cooked!"
K.C. flails her sticks through a drum solo while Beverly and the
girls do some mock Motown moves.
SONG
"Now heads are really shakin'
And bets are being made,
Is Howard truly genuine?
Was he really laid?
 107.

SONG (cont'd)
He ain't no pet!!"

OFFSTAGE 108

Howard shakes his head angrily.

HOWARD
That's not right! I told 'em a
million times how to do itl

PHIL
Howard, you think it's so easy lets
see you do it.

Howard thinks a moment -- and then rips off his jacket.

HOWARD
Give me a mike!
Phil throws him one and starts to plug it in. The fuse box
sparks and smokes
HOWARD (cont'd)
Whataya doing? What's wrong?!
YEEEAOOWAWWWHHH 1
ONSTAGE 169

'The girls continue their driving song:

SONG
"You think we're pullin' your leg
About this hardboiled egg -- ?
Suddenly Beverly hears a WAIL and the girls turn to see Howard
c~tapulted into the air abo~~ the stage! His short-circuted
little arms and legs are splayed out and blue flames shoot from
his body as he's electrocuted!
BEVERLY (SIN GING)
(ad libbing)
"Well take a look!"

The audience goes nuts, thinking this a great effect. They cheer
and applaud. Phil watches from offstage looking horrified.

Howard hits the floor, somersaults, screams and spins as he fran-

tically tries to get rid of the electrified mike cord sticking to
h i s ~ like an octopus -- -- --
 108.

SONG
"Coming like a hurricane
My three-foot Soul Train
My lovin' little feather-brain
Tough talkin' ... short walkin' ...
Loud squawkin' .. .
Howard the Duck!"

Howard finally kicks off the cord and then freezes with stage
fright as he looks out at the cheering audience.
CROWD
HOWARD! HOWARD! HOWARD!

BEVERLY
Whataya going to do for an encore?
Howard thinks a moment -- and suddenly spins, points to the aud-
ience -- and YELLS LIKE JAMES BROWN!
The crowd CHEERS as Howard starts singing along with the girls.
Little Howard prances across the stage like Little Richard, then
slips naturally into Chuck Berry's famous duck-walk.
The audience goes nuts clapping and cheering. Phil watches off-
stage and smiles slowly.
The girls pour on the music and Howard rocks out! We see his
~ebbed-feet performing some Michael Jackson backwards-sliding
moon-walking ...

Born to sing, born to dance, this little feathered Mick Jagger

struts, twists, jumps and wiggles into the finale.

Howard turns and he and Beverly finish in a duet. The girls

laugh and hit the final chords ...

SONG
"You brought us luck -- Howard
the Duck!"

The crowd whistles, hoots and stomps as the music finishes.

Howard drops his head and bows modestly ...
He puts out his hand and Beverly takes it. Laughing, they bow
together and the screen FADES TO BLACK. The "Howard Theme" hi ts
again ·as the end credits roll ...