PD103: Professional Skill Development

LESSON 2: BUILDING RAPPORT AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS

BSMA Fourth Year, Second Semester

Rapport- The Oxford English Dictionary (OED, 1999), defines rapport in similar terms as ‘a close and
harmonious relationship in which there is a common understanding’.

THE NATURE OF RAPPORT

-As an emotional ‘state’ created from a flow of interactions with other people. It’s important to understand that
rapport is in a constant state of flux.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality preference principles to try and guestimate. - it is developed
by Katherine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myer, and first published for practical application by CPP Inc. in
1975. It is the world’s most widely used personality assessment tool.

JUNG’S FOUR DICHOTOMIES:

1. Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I)- people with the (E) preference get their energy from interacting
with others and are often recognized as ‘good talkers’. While, the people with the (I) preference like to
spend time thinking and reflecting and are often recognized as ‘good listeners’.
2. Sensing (S) or Intuiting (N)- people with an (S) preference like working with hard data and are often
considered to be practical and common-sense types. While the people with (N) preference respond
best to more abstract or theoretical information and are often seen as creative types.
3. Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)- people with a (T) preference reach their decisions by using their logic and
their ‘head’. While the people with (F) preference prefer to rely on their feelings and ‘heart’.
4. Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)- people with (J) preference like to plan, structure and organize their
lives. While those people with (P) preference prefer spontaneity, freedom and variety.

THE THEORY STATE THAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE SAME PREFERENCES AS THEIRS.
Why rapport is so important in working relationships?
-As a professional you will already know that the workplace is not just a network of systems, processes, and
tasks, it’s a human network too. To enjoy success, you have to be able to work successfully with a wide variety
of people from different backgrounds, with various life experiences and viewpoints, who may have little
appreciation of your world.

THE BUSINESS CONTEXT FOR RAPPORT

1. Face to Face- job interview, negotiation, formal presentations or pitches.
2. Over the phone- In today’s workplace, the first contact you have with someone new and influential
(and perhaps remotely located) is very likely to be via email.
3. Via E-Mail- acceptance on the job.

The Psychology of Rapport Model of the World- derived from cognitive psychology, the term refers to the
internal thought processes that define a person’s understanding (perception) of how the real world works.

How are models of the world created?

- We discover the world through our senses ; what we see, hear, feel smell and taste. However, we are
bombarded with a vast, ever increasing, quantity of external information all the time. Without proper
controls in place, our brains would fry attempting to process all this sensory data. So, to ensure we can
cope up with this onslaught, our conscious mind applies what are termed “information filters’; namely
our values, beliefs, memories and decisions, which delete, distort and generalized the data we receive
so we can respond to it effectively. Our models of the world are in fact, survival mechanism and there
are as many variations as there are people; a fact that presents those of us seeking to build rapport
with a tiny bit of a challenge, especially as these models are not usually visible to others. However,
there are clues if you know what to look for.

Meta Programs- are those that operate at a subconscious level and have most influence on our behaviors.
They help us not only to understand why different people behave differently, but they allow us to predict how
someone will react in a specific situation.
TECHNIQUES FOR CREATING AND SUSTAINING RAPPORT FACE TO FACE

FIRST IMPRESSION COUNTS

Like it or not, people will make a judgement on your credibility as a professional based on your appearance,
demeanor, body language and your first interaction with them.

THREE MOST COMMON UNPOPULAR HANDSHAKE

1. The ‘wet fish’ – limp and flaccid. May imply that the person lacks substance.
2. The ‘boss’ – palm downwards, on top of yours, taking the ‘upper hand’. May imply a dominant power
player.
3. The ‘little me’ – soft and gentle, lacking grip pressure. May imply submissiveness.
Note:
Firm handshake – stand straight, make eye contact, reach out and greet.
Double Hander – represent as the corporate favorite. Also known as politician’s handshake.

Rapport as two-way process based on verbal ‘give and take’: you speak, I listen vice versa. It will therefore
help the conversation flow if you prepare questions to ask a person you are meeting for the first time. Or, take
a few minutes to learn something about the person before you get together.

PROFESSOR ALBERT MEHRABIAN’S 7-38-55 PER CENT RULE (also known as the Three V’s in human
face-to-face communications)
1. Verbal (words – 7%)
2. Vocal (tone of voice – 38%)
3. Visual (body language – 55%)

NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING (NLP)

- approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy created in the 1970s by Richard
Bandler and John Grinder.
- “Neuro” as a connection between our brain’s neurological process of sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch
and feeling.
- “Linguistic” as the use of language to order our thoughts and communicate.
- “Programming” as our behavioral choices that have been learned through our life experiences.

MIRROR-MATCH-PACE
- a meta program from NPL.
- you build rapport through a skill called pacing achieved though mirroring or matching the
communication channels.

The Business Context for Rapport

Face to face- “It is important as a professional you are sincere in your use of these skills and that you use
them with integrity”
1. Posture - refers to the position or stance of the body, particularly when standing or sitting. It can also
refer to the attitude or approach one adopts towards a particular situation or topic.
2. Body Movements- refer to the gestures, motions, or actions made by a person's body, such as hand
gestures, facial expressions, or shifts in posture. These movements often convey nonverbal messages
and can communicate emotions, intentions, or attitudes.
3. Gestures - Gestures can include hand signals, nods, shrugs, or facial expressions, and they often
accompany speech to emphasize or clarify meaning.
4. Facial Expression - These expressions include smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, and squinted eyes,
among others, and they play a significant role in nonverbal communication.
5. Breathing - refers to the rhythm and pace of speech, including pauses for clarity and emphasis.
6. Shoulder - Notice position and any tension

When matching their voice, you can try varying your own
 ● Rhythm - flow of their speech.
● Speed - Try to speak at a similar pace to theirs.
● Volume - Adjust your volume to be in line with theirs.
● Pitch - Aim to match the tone and pitch of their voice.

FIVE INTERNAL SENSES

1. Visual - refers to anything related to sight or the sense of vision.
2. Auditory - the sense of hearing or the perception of sound.
3. Kinaesthetic - refers to the sense of movement or physical sensation
4. Olfactory - relates to the sense of smell.
5. Gustatory - refers to the sense of taste.

TECHNIQUES FOR CREATING AND SUSTAINING RAPPORT OVER THE PHONE

1. Sit up straight: Maintain good posture to project confidence and attentiveness.
2. Open the call with a smile: Smiling while speaking can be heard in your voice and helps to establish a
positive tone.
3. Start the conversation with small talk: Engage in casual conversation to build a connection before
delving into the main topic.
4. Listen well: Pay close attention to the speaker, show interest, and respond appropriately.
5. Match words: Mirror the language and tone used by the other person to establish rapport and create a
sense of understanding.
6. Show empathy: Demonstrate understanding and compassion for the other person's perspective or
situation.
7. Be friendly, even in difficult conversations: Maintain a warm and respectful demeanor, even when
discussing challenging topics.
8. Know when to close the conversation: Recognize cues indicating the end of the discussion and
conclude the call politely and professionally.

TECHNIQUES FOR CREATING RAPPORT VIA EMAIL

● Let’s consider the opening greeting of the an email. It’s so important to create a great first
impression, but there are no hard and fast rules. Avoid opening an email with “DEAR” or even just their
fist name at all cost.
● Almost everyone loves reading messages that are positive and affirming. Write in a friendly and
approachable tone, as if you were having a conversation in person.
● Emotive and sensory words (remember VAKOG) Use polite language and respectful phrases to
show consideration for the recipient. Show real interest in what the other person has to say to build
a connection. It’s makes it more interesting for a start, which will reflect how they see you as a person.
● Show empathy with the person in the email where you can, particularly when closing the email.
Show gratitude for the recipient's time, input, or assistance to strengthen the relationship and
encourage continued interaction.
● Check the quality of your email before press Send. Use the spelling and grammar checker. Read
the email out loud.

HOW TO DESTROY RAPPORT

1. Don't disagree vehemently: While disagreements are natural, expressing them too strongly can
damage rapport. It's important to express differing opinions respectfully and constructively.
2. Don't talk too much: Effective communication involves listening as much as speaking. Hogging the
conversation can make others feel unheard and diminish rapport. Allow for balanced dialogue where
everyone has a chance to contribute.
3. Don't deliver an uninvited sales pitch: Pushing products or services without consent can come
across as intrusive and self-serving. Instead, focus on building trust and understanding before
discussing potential offerings.
4. Don't be negative, critical, or defensive: Negative attitudes, excessive criticism, or defensiveness
can create tension and erode rapport. Maintain a positive and open-minded approach to foster
constructive communication.
5. Don't try to score points: Engaging in debates solely to win or prove oneself right can lead to
adversarial relationships. Prioritize collaboration and mutual understanding over competition.
6. Don't fake interest: Insincerity is easily detected and undermines trust. Be genuinely interested in
others' perspectives and experiences to build authentic connections.
7. Don't be dishonest: Honesty and integrity are essential for building and maintaining rapport.
Misleading or deceiving others can quickly destroy trust and credibility in relationships.