It Smells of Rain and Hope

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/46984207.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Relationship: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Characters: Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Theodore
Nott, Ginny Weasley
Additional Tags: Self-Hatred, self-obliviate, Self-Esteem Issues, Depression, Draco
Malfoy Redemption, Eventual HEA, Angst and Fluff, Hurt and comfort,
lots of hurt before comfort, no beta we die like men, Post-War
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-05-06 Updated: 2024-03-26 Words: 3,079 Chapters: 4/?
 It Smells of Rain and Hope
by princessmalfoy

Summary

He can never forgive himself.

But he can forget.

Draco Malfoy ultimately decides to start over. Literally. Driven to the depths of despair by his
irredeemable past and an impossible love, he chooses to forget it all and begin again. But
love is a powerful force. Far more powerful than a memory charm.

Notes

Haven't been loving much of my writing recently. I have no idea how long this story will end
up being or how often I'll be able to update it - but I can promise that someday it will be
complete. I don't abandon stories. Hope you enjoy this one, I promise there's an HEA!

See the end of the work for more notes

 Chapter 1

If this should find you

Draco paused. What next, ‘I’m sorry’? He scoffed inwardly. Too trivial.
But what else was there to say?

I love you?

That was worse.

If this should find you, I’m sorry

For what?

If this should find you, I’m sorry for everything I’ve said and done to you.

Draco let out a deep breath. It hurt to write. It took all of his willpower, his self-discipline, to
put these words down on paper. He couldn’t bear to address it yet.

You deserved so much more than that. I wish more than anything that I could undo it all. I’d
give anything to live a life with you beside me rather than on the opposite end of the
battlefield. You’re the smartest witch I’ve ever known, and a goddamn beautiful one at that.

Fuck, it hurt. He wished writing this could be easier. But Draco knew this hardship was
exactly what he deserved.

I could not erase my being in good conscience without formally apologizing for the harm I’ve
caused you and attempting to ease it. Enclosed you will find a potion – apply it to your left
forearm and your scar will be gone.

You have always had my heart. The path I chose will always be my greatest regret.

The lines on the page blurred in front of his eyes. Perhaps it was a mistake. To burden her
with this knowledge was cruel – but selfishly, Draco wanted her to know. Needed her to
know. He could not bring himself to do it without her knowing.

Yours always,
D. M.

He turned his attention back to the top of the yet to be addressed letter.

Dear Granger,

He wrote with shaking hands. Draco silently stared at it for a moment before rolling the
parchment carefully and tying it with a green silk ribbon.
He stroked Noctura’s head, awakening her with a sleepy hoot. She stretched out one leg, and
Draco carefully tied the letter and the small vial of potion to it.

“Oh, Noctura, you’ve been the sweetest companion,” Draco whispered. “Take this to
Granger, will you sweetheart?” He gently smiled at the bird when she nuzzled his hand
affectionately.

Draco watched his beloved owl disappear into the night sky before turning and walking into
the bathroom. He studied himself in the mirror one last time. Silver eyes rimmed in red from
multiple sleepless nights. Pale blond hair, once luscious and well-cared for, flopped dully on
his forehead. His lean frame turned more bony and frail.

This would be for the best.

Draco raised his wand, hand shaking, and pointed it in the mirror. He regarded his reflection
with a cool, collected calmness for the last time.

“Obliviate.”
 Chapter Two
Chapter Notes

Okay so I know it's been awhile (I'm sorry!!) but here you go... chapter 2! I've gotten
back into the swing of things and expect to hopefully be updating at least a little more
often now. Thank you guys for your patience with me and with this, it's been really nice
to not feel the pressure of an update schedule and just write when I enjoy it. Good on the
mental health, lol. Anyways, enjoy!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Hermione sighed as she finally flopped down on her bed. It had been a very long day.

She loved her friends, she really did. And after everything they’d been through, she was more
than happy to celebrate every once in a while. But in the months since the war had ended, it
seemed all of her weekends were occupied with celebrations.

Why didn’t anyone else just want to rest?

The tap, tap, tap at her window made her groan. Of bloody course. Just as she had gotten
comfortable.

She grumbled all the way to the window, but her annoyance faded into wary curiosity as she
threw back the drapes to the familiar eagle owl. If she wasn’t mistaken, wasn’t that… ?

*****

Hermione stared at the parchment, hands trembling holding the vial as she processed what
was written in that perfect, elegant script. From Malfoy.

He was going to die.

Or something equally horrible.

Hermione’s mind was reeling. What was she even supposed to do? Was it already too late?
Could she even bring herself to go back - she couldn’t not go, not now - but how could she?
The scar on her arm twinged at the very thought.

Would she even be able to help? Wouldn't someone closer to him...

But he'd sent her that goddamn letter. If it was all true... she could help. She had to help.

She couldn’t do it alone. The walls seemed to close in on her as Hermione stood up, legs
jelly, dizzy from the thousands of thoughts swirling in her mind. She had no time. She could
wonder about it all later - the apology, the you have always had my heart, the pearly potion in
that vial - she had no time, damnit, she had to go now.

She could ruminate later on the reasons, the thoughts that drove him to this. But right now -
now there was a chance of saving him. She couldn’t go to the Manor alone, but -

*****

“Theo.”

The skinny brunette peered up at her in surprise as she dusted ash off her robes.

“Hermione? This is quite the surprise. And why am I just Theo now, don’t I even get a
hello?” He stared at her in reproach.

Hermione didn’t even roll her eyes. “Theo, it’s urgent. It’s about Malfoy. He’s going to - I’m
scared he’s -

Her breath caught in her throat as she swayed on her feet, the gravity of the situation finally
hitting her.

Theo’s eyes had darkened the second she’d uttered his name. They didn’t talk about Malfoy,
as a general rule. It was understood that he was one of Theo’s best mates and one of
Hermione’s worst enemies. They were good enough friends at this point to understand and
accept the other’s relationship with the man. So the fact that Hermione brought him up…
Theo was on his feet in seconds.

“Hermione, breathe. What about Malfoy? What do you -

It was at this point Theo noticed the letter she still clutched in her hands. Hermione let him
grab it, panic setting in as she felt herself overwhelmed with innumerable conflicting
emotions.

“He sent you this tonight?” Theo’s voice was low, urgent. He muttered a curse to himself as
she nodded silently.

“We need to go. Help him,” It was all she could manage. The Manor… to return so soon was
terrifying. But he’d sent her that - and now that she knew, there was no stopping her
Gryffindor heart from going to his rescue. As unthinkable as the idea was - her, trying to save
Draco Malfoy - she had to. She had to try.

“I need to go. You can’t go back there.”

“I’m going.” The quiet resolution in her voice, more sure this time, must have been enough.
Or the situation was just that urgent.

Theo nodded stiffly. He threw the Floo powder into the fireplace as she watched through
what felt like an endlessly long tunnel. A sense of dread was starting to creep through her
now. If they were too late... She distantly heard him shout Malfoy Manor into the flames
before taking her hand gently and whisking them both away.
Chapter End Notes

I love hearing your thoughts! Thank you for all the support from my Dramione friends,
you guys are what's inspiring me to keep going with my writing!
 Chapter Three
Chapter Notes

Okay, so I got excited and wrote really fast. So here is your next chapter! Again, no
schedule, just updating whenever I genuinely enjoy writing this. Which I am doing right
now. So I hope you enjoy reading it!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Thud.

Their arrival echoed eerily around the Manor. Hermione practically wilted in relief at the
sight of an unfamiliar room. If they’d landed in the drawing room…

“Come on.” Theo’s voice was worried. “We’ve still got a ways to go - can you run,
Hermione? We don’t have much time, we might already be -” His voice cracked as he looked
away, blinking furiously as they hurried toward the hall.

Hermione reached out and squeezed his shoulder firmly. “I’m fine. Where do you think he’d
be?”

They broke into a jog as Theo led them down the dark hallway past whispering portraits and
shadowy rooms. Hermione avoided looking into any of them. She didn’t want to see that
room. But she could see, as they ran through the Manor, why being confined within its walls
might have driven Malfoy to the edge.

Theo skidded to a halt as they reached the front room and two sets of grandiose spiral stairs,
and Hermione nearly ran into him with a gasp.

“Homenum Revelio,” Theo muttered. “He’s either in the library or his room, and if he’s in his
room, he’s… fuck.” Theo’s face turned, if possible, paler. “He’s in his room. Come on, we’ve
got to hurry!”

She didn’t know what it meant. All she knew was that she’d never seen Theo so panicked.
Her legs burned as she sprinted after him, desperately trying not to lose sight of her friend. A
sing-song voice began to play in her mind as she ran - too late, too late, too late - it sang
gleefully. Hermione’s stomach twisted. Sick images of Theo sobbing over a bloodied corpse,
Hermione standing, numb in the background - fuck, she couldn’t think about that.

Ahead of her, Theo skidded to a halt again, this time outside a closed, mahogany door.
Hermione stared at it. So unassuming. But behind it could be… any of the nightmare
scenarios she was currently trying to block from her head.
“Draco! Draco, come the fuck out of this room right now! I fucking mean it, I -” Theo took a
shuddering breath. He banged on the door. “DRACO MALFOY!”

The Manor remained serenely quiet.

Hermione drew her wand. “Step back,” she warned. Theo nodded wordlessly, moving aside.
“Bombarda!”

The door exploded into splinters. Hermione felt a twinge of guilt, but she’d figured Malfoy
would be able to outsmart Alohomora, and her Bombarda had been the stuff of legend at
Hogwarts.

Theo brushed past her into the room. “Draco, where -” His voice choked in a gasp as he
darted out of sight from Hermione, still frozen in the hall.

Go in. Hermione’s body wouldn’t listen. Go in, damnit, Theo needs you, Malfoy might be…

Her head felt light as she entered the room, eyes wandering from the rich, emerald green,
rumpled bedspread to the heavy mahogany furniture. The room was massive, but felt cold
despite the warm wooden tones. The only indication someone lived there beyond the
crumpled covers were the candles burning low in the wall sconces.

Theo’s desperate gasp drew her back to the present. “No, no, nonononono…”

Bracing herself, Hermione dragged her gaze to her right. Attached to the bedroom was a
bathroom. And on the bathroom floor, surrounded by glittering fragments of mirror, was
Malfoy.

No.

Is he…?

Hermione forced herself to take a step forward. Then another. And another, until she reached
the entry to the bathroom.

Theo had sunk to the ground at Malfoy’s side, cradling the motionless blond. His breathing
was ragged as his shaking hands desperately traversed Malfoy’s neck, searching for a pulse.

“Hermione… I don’t know… I can’t - I can’t find -” Theo’s voice broke off again as he hung
his head further, burying it in his friend’s chest.

Hermione knelt down, ignoring the mirror shards crunching under her legs, examining
Malfoy’s countenance with sharp eyes. He looks peaceful. As if he’d forgotten all the horrors
he’d seen. She reached out, gently skimming her fingers along his exposed throat until she
found the place where his pulse would have been. She held her breath. For milliseconds that
felt like hours, his soft skin remained quiet, motionless. Merlin, please…

A flutter.
 Hermione let out a gasp of relief as his heartbeat thrummed slowly, steadily under her
fingertips. She let them linger, savoring the aliveness - he was alive. “He’s alive,” she
whispered to Theo.

Theo let out a sob. Hearing it wrenched at her heart, and Hermione felt a stab of anger toward
the limp boy in front of them for inflicting this pain on her friend. Now she knew he wasn’t
dead, she was furious. Theo had been his best friend since birth, had never stopped loving
him as a brother even when Malfoy had sworn fealty to the Death Eaters and Theo had
escaped to Andromeda Tonks and the Order. He’d visited Malfoy every fucking day of his
house arrest, doing all he could to help him through the hellish aftermath of the war, his
parents’ funerals, and his increasing, apparent self-hatred. All of which Hermione had heard
about, because despite their difference in opinion of the blond, Theo sometimes talked about
him during their quiet nights in the Nott library. He’d get a fond light in his eye and stare in
the distance as he proudly relived the small milestones of moving on that Malfoy had
managed. Hermione never had the heart to stop him.

That Malfoy had thrown Theo’s feelings aside and caused him this much pain made
Hermione want to punch his stupid face. But the logical part of her brain told her that one:
that would likely hurt Theo more, and two: Malfoy hadn’t purposely hurt her friend. He’d
simply felt this was his only way out of a hell he’d been trapped in his whole life.

He was alive, though, she thought suddenly. He’d said he was going to erase his being...
What the hell had he done?

Hermione’s brows furrowed as she studied him closer. He’d cast some sort of spell, that
much was obvious - hence the wand still in his left hand. It had been strong enough to shatter
the mirror - so he’d cast something strong upon himself. Upon his reflection. Hermione knew,
with a sense of foreboding, that what awaited when Malfoy awoke would likely shatter Theo
more than if Malfoy had died.

Right now, she just let him rest his head on her shoulder as he cried in the knowledge that his
best friend was alive.

Chapter End Notes

I love hearing your thoughts, and big thanks to my writing sprint buddy!
 Chapter 4
Chapter Notes

Enjoy, and thanks for being wonderfully kind and patient! No promises, but half of the
next chapter is written, so probably soon!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Theo, they’ll tell you when he’s awake. You need to rest, it’s almost dawn.”

Hermione clasped his hand firmly as she tried to get him to meet her eyes. Theo shook his
head, empty eyes staring down the bright and sterile hallway of St Mungos.

“I want to be there. I have to be there, Hermione, you don’t understand. He was there for me
when - every time…” he trailed off and sighed. “I have to be there.”

Her heart twisted. She knew full well what he was referring to - after the war, despite Theo’s
invaluable role in the Order, he’d endured countless instances of abuse from the public due to
the notoriety of his father and the many families he’d ripped apart. Theo had borne it with a
smile and many a joke amongst the rest of their friends, but when it was just the two of them,
he’d confessed to the fact he’d practically drowned himself in firewhisky after any
particularly bad day of heckling - which, for awhile, had been almost every day. Theo had
never outright told her, but she had an inkling that Malfoy had played a major part in his
recovery.

“I understand,” Hermione said softly. “Do you want me to wait here?”

Theo shook his head. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, hesitating.

“Would you wait with me?”

She might have refused if it weren’t for the slight crack in his whispered plea. After all, she
very much doubted she’d be someone Malfoy would want to see right after awaking from -
whatever it was he’d done.

Then again, maybe she was. The things he’d said…

She pushed those thoughts firmly out of her head. She could deal with that later. Right now,
Theo needed her.

“Of course I will.”

Shoes squeaking along the shiny laminate tile announced the return of the Healer. “Mr.
Nott?”

Theo raised his head. “Can we go in?”

The Healer nodded, glancing down at the diagnostic sheet she held. “Everything appears
normal physically speaking. We couldn’t find any recent traces of dark magic in his system,
or any injuries beyond cuts from the mirror he fell on. That being said, we performed Priori
incantatem on his wand,” the Healer paused, meeting Theo’s eyes. “Draco Malfoy has
apparently performed a memory charm on his reflection, and it rebounded and hit him
directly in the forehead. We have no way of knowing how strong it was, or what the effects of
casting it on oneself intentionally could be. I’d urge you both to prepare for the worst when
he awakes, which should be within the next few hours. You’re free to go in and wait for him,
and rest assured that as soon as he is awake we’ll do more tests and proceed with a suitable
treatment plan. We’ll know more soon.”

The Healer offered one more sympathetic smile to them before turning and heading back
down to the hallway.

Theo had gone stock still as soon as the Healer had said memory charm. Hermione could feel
his body trembling as she clutched his hand.

The choice Malfoy made was worse and worse the more she thought about it. Imagining the
snarky and clever Slytherin reduced to the same state as Gilderoy Lockhart stabbed at her in a
way she’d never thought it could. Despite his cruelty during his school years, she could never
wish that fate on him. And oh, to do that to Theo…

“Theo, do you still want to go in?” She asked gently.

Theo simply nodded, face ashen. Hermione looped one arm behind her friend as he rose, and
together they made their way down the hospital hallway.

***

His face was smooth, with no worry lines etched between his brows. Simply peacefully
sleeping. Hermione felt a surge of anger toward him for it. How could he? How could he
peacefully sleep, ignorant to everything, while his best friend watched him not knowing
whether the man he considered a brother would even remember him upon waking?

What had he endured, to drive him to this?

“He’s not in pain,” Theo said softly. His eyes were swimming with a tangled swarm of
emotion as he approached Malfoy. “Even if he doesn’t remember -“ But he stopped,
swallowing hard.

Hermione stepped closer to her friend. “He’s alive. The rest will come with time. I’m sure
whatever he did can be reversed somehow. Remember, I was able to restore my parents’
memories?” And they’d never forgiven her for it. She knew her words were empty -
 Lockhart’s very presence in the Janus Thickey ward after all this time proved it. But if Theo
knew she wasn’t confident, he didn’t show it.

“I just wish he’d told me.”

To that, Hermione didn’t know what to say.

“I never knew he was even… I thought he was getting better. He never told me, Hermione.
Not even a goodbye.” Theo’s voice was pained. The unspoken words lay heavy between
them: Malfoy told her.

***

They sat there for hours, silently watching the sun rise through the square little window at the
far end of the room and listening to the even breathing of the man on the hospital bed.

“Who are you?”

Hermione stopped breathing.

Chapter End Notes

Oh, the places we’re going to go… I hope you’ve got a lot of patience left because this
is a slowwww burn! love you guys!!
End Notes

Please let me know what you think! I love to hear y'all's thoughts!

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