Gulf-The 9780573706196 Text
Gulf-The 9780573706196 Text
Gulf-The 9780573706196 Text
SAMPLE PERUSAL
This sample is an excerpt from a
Samuel French title.
www.samuelfrench.com
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PERUSALS
The Gulf
by Audrey Cefaly
SAMUELFRENCH.COM SAMUELFRENCH.CO.UK
Copyright © 2017 by Audrey Cefaly
All Rights Reserved
THE GULF is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United
States of America, the British Commonwealth, including Canada,
and all other countries of the Copyright Union. All rights, including
professional and amateur stage productions, recitation, lecturing, public
reading, motion picture, radio broadcasting, television and the rights of
translation into foreign languages are strictly reserved.
ISBN 978-0-573-70619-6
www.SamuelFrench.com
www.SamuelFrench.co.uk
THE GULF (short version) later debuted in New York, where it won
the 2015 Samuel French Off Off Broadway Short Play Festival. The
production was directed by Joseph Holmgren. The cast was as follows:
SETTING
A fishing boat. Late afternoon. Alabama Delta.
TIME
Present day.
AUTHOR’S NOTES
gulf (noun.)
a body of water; an abyss; a separation; a void; a distance
7
8 THE GULF
BETTY. BP.
KENDRA. That shit got in. Choked it.
BETTY. Kendra, that was six years ago.
KENDRA. I’m tellin’ you.
BETTY. You’re thinkin’ of Fowl River.
KENDRA. Fowl River, Dog River.
BETTY. It did not get up to Dog River.
KENDRA. Yes, it did.
BETTY. No, it didn’t.
KENDRA. Yes, it did.
BETTY. No, it didn’t.
(Beat.)
How do you know?
KENDRA. Because…I know.
BETTY. Oh my god, what is it about you coon asses, you just
wanna be right and facts don’t matter.
(Regarding Kendra’s boots.)
Why are you still wearing those hand-me-down
shrimpers, they don’t even fit you and they goddamn
stink.
(Beat.)
I bought you those new ones and you won’t wear ’em.
KENDRA. / Again with this.
BETTY. And why do they have to be white? Just because you
say so? Like everything else.
KENDRA. No, see, because this way when I get blood on
’em, I don’t have to wash the whole boot.
BETTY. Are you serious?
KENDRA. (One continuous thought.) Would you stop it would
you stop it would you stop it lemme see your shoe right
there lemme see it lemme see it oh my god that is –
10 THE GULF
KENDRA. BETTY.
(Throwing Betty’s shoe Kendra! Fine, fuck it, you
overboard.) – The cutest don’t wanna wear the
thing I have ever seen boots I got you, whatever,
will you stop it with the that’s my damn shoe!
boots can we stop it Jesus (Regarding the
Christ! boots.)
I just wanna know why
they have to be white.
KENDRA. You know what a black boot looks like out here
at night?
BETTY. What?
KENDRA. Do you?
(Beat.)
A gator mouth.
BETTY. Don’t do me like that!
(Throwing the other shoe at KENDRA.)
Here, take the whole pair!
KENDRA. I already did. Go fish.
BETTY. You are somethin’ else.
(Silence.)
Was I sleepin’?
KENDRA. Yep.
BETTY. Did I miss anything?
(KENDRA does not respond. She focuses on her
fishing, weary of BETTY’s constant hum.)
I’m gettin’ hungry, are you gettin’ hungry?
(BETTY reaches into her pocket for a treat. She
pulls out a piece of hard candy.)
When I go to my grave, I want you to put me in my
casket and then fill it with Abra Cabubble. Pop the lid
on.
(Beat.)
THE GULF 11
Want one?
(BETTY hands KENDRA an Abra Cabubble.)
It’s bad for you. High fructose corn syrup.
(Sucking on her candy.)
It’s very satisfying, though. With the bubble gum inside,
ya know. Like a tootsie roll pop.
(Beat.)
Just when you think you’re all done…nope. More to
love.
(KENDRA crunches into her Abra Cabubble.)
Stop it! That is not how you do it, Kendra! Really? You
can’t wait a damn minute?
(KENDRA now defiantly crunches on her candy.)
You don’t know anything! Pearls before swine right
there, that’s what that is. Lard on a lobster.
KENDRA. (Flatly.) Do you speak English?
BETTY. Do you? I just won’t share with you anymore, that’s
all. This is priceless penny candy, Kendra, you can’t get
these!
KENDRA. And yet you have them.
(Silence.)
BETTY. I bet not one of them fifteen cats is spayed or
neutered, what do you think?
(Beat.)
She’s on welfare, I found that out, she’s got the EBT.
Deanna told me she comes into Greers twice a week
and that’s all she buys is cat food. Tons and tons of
Meow Mix and Friskies.
(Beat.)
Oh, and the National Enquirer. She gets that on Mondays.
(Beat.)
I think I must have been havin’ a cat dream and woke
up to talkin’ about cats or somethin’.
12 THE GULF
(Beat.)
BETTY. I just don’t know how you feed all those cats if
you’re on welfare.
(Aghast.)
Wait. You don’t think she eats cat food, do you?
(Off KENDRA’s look.)
What?
KENDRA. (Incredulous.) Why would she eat cat food when
she can just eat Chef Boyardee?
(Beat.)
BETTY. (Fascinated.) You mean like the mini-bites? / Ravioli?
KENDRA. How do I get sucked into this shit…
BETTY. What?
KENDRA. / Whatever you’re on about, fill in the blank, I
swear to god!
BETTY. Can we just talk like normal people?
KENDRA. Yeah, cuz we’re normal people.
(Silence.)
BETTY. Well now I wanna check the price of cat food.
Why am I talkin’ about this? Oh, yeah. I remember.
Everybody at the bar is takin’ turns feedin’ the cats
for Miss Dolores while she’s up in Foley at her mama’s
funeral. I told ’em I didn’t want to go over there by
myself. It’s too creepy.
(Beat.)
She left the TV on for ’em. Court TV. I thought about
changin’ the channel, mix it up a little, ya know, maybe.
(Beat.)
Home Shoppin’, or…whatever.
(Beat.)
There’s this one cat, Indigo. Yesterday mornin’, she
climbed through the kitchen window with a dead
mouse and laid it right there at my feet like a present.
THE GULF 13
And then when I went back last night she had eaten all
but the organs and the little bones, and laid ’em all out
all pretty under the table for somebody to find. Like
sushi.
(Pause.)
Do you hear me when I say things?
(KENDRA unexpectedly gets a bite and nearly loses
her rod.)
KENDRA. Oh, shit!
(To the fish.)
You sonnnnn-of-a-bitch! Tried to steal it, motherfucker!
(She regains control of the rod and begins reeling
in the line.)
Got him in the mud, what’d I tell ya?
BETTY. I don’t know, what’d you tell me?
KENDRA. (More to herself than to Betty.) Want drum, find the
mud.
BETTY. (Lifeless.) Oh. Yeah.
(KENDRA reels the fish close to the boat.)
KENDRA. Lil thing, what you reckon?
BETTY. Lemme see – awww…
KENDRA. Aww, he ain’t but a little fella. Lil rat red.
(BETTY hands her the net.)
He’s cute though, looka there.
(KENDRA nets the fish and hands the net to
BETTY to hold. She unhooks the fish, while BETTY
squirms.)
(To the fish:)
Gon’ be somebody!
BETTY. He’s so cute!
(KENDRA examines the lure.)
14 THE GULF
Hello to nobody…
(KENDRA, not hearing, hands BETTY her half-
empty beer can.)
Man, you got some boobies.
(Off KENDRA’s look.) You do.
KENDRA. Wanna fight about it?
BETTY. I wanna get you home, is what I want.
KENDRA. Ever-ready.
BETTY. That’s right.
KENDRA. Still suckin’ that candy?
(BETTY sticks out her tongue, which is now red
from the Abra Cabubble.)
BETTY. It’s cherry…you want it?
(Beat.)
Kendra…
(KENDRA leans over BETTY and grabs her hair.
She pulls her head back, hard, kisses her on the
lips, and then shoves her back down into the boat.)
FUCK. YOU!
KENDRA. Mnn hmn.
BETTY. Tease!
KENDRA. Boo hoo…
BETTY. I hate you.
KENDRA. (Sweetly.) Awww…I hate you too.
BETTY. No, I mean, like I actually hate you.
(KENDRA places her hand on her heart as if moved
beyond words.)
Whatever.
(Beat.)
You know…you got the whole Gulf of Mexico to fish in,
we always end up here.
(Beat.)
16 THE GULF
BETTY. Well maybe she’s crazy about cats the way you are
about fish.
KENDRA. Are you –
(Beat.)
BETTY. What?
KENDRA. You make no sense.
BETTY. It makes perfect sense.
KENDRA. No it doesn’t.
BETTY. Yes it does.
KENDRA. How?
BETTY. She collects cats, you collect fish.
(Beat.)
KENDRA. Uh…okay…okay…
BETTY. What’d I tell you?
KENDRA. I do not collect fish, Betty. I catch them. Which
is kinda like collecting, it is, it is…uh, except for one
thing.
BETTY. What?
KENDRA. Can you guess what it is?
BETTY. You let the little ones / go?
KENDRA. I eat them.
BETTY. Duh.
KENDRA. I don’t give ’em names. I don’t put ’em on a
shelf, or in a cage or in a tank, I take ’em home…and
I eat them.
(Beat.)
I mean, unless she’s fryin’ up cats…
BETTY. Forget it.
KENDRA. Is she fryin’ up cats? Cuz that I’d like to see.
BETTY. Killing cats is not the answer!
KENDRA. Cornmeal?
BETTY. Shut up.
KENDRA. Cracked pepper?
THE GULF 19
BETTY. Kendra!
KENDRA. I worry about you.
BETTY. Worry about yourself and your demented ways.
What’d a cat ever do to you?!
KENDRA. No, I wanna hear about cat-fryin’.
BETTY. Stop…just stop!
KENDRA. BETTY.
I’m all over it man, big All in your head. Jus’
ole cat fry! All you can make shit up and charm
eat! the shit outta yourself.
KENDRA. How many cats did ya say?
BETTY. I’m not tellin’ you.
KENDRA. Fifteen?
BETTY. Fifteen – they have names, Kendra! And personalities!
KENDRA. Does that make ’em more delicious?
BETTY. Really?
KENDRA. With a Cabernet…
BETTY. Fuck you, Kendra.
KENDRA. Riesling…
BETTY. You know nothing about wine pairings, Kendra,
you are just makin’ shit up!
(Beat.)
KENDRA. Old Milwaukee…
BETTY. I – you know what?!
KENDRA. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Tell me.
BETTY. No.
KENDRA. I’ll be good.
BETTY. You won’t ever be good.
KENDRA. Hey…
BETTY. Nope.
KENDRA. Betty.
BETTY. Nope.
KENDRA. I will.
BETTY. Liar.
20 THE GULF
KENDRA. Mm hmm.
BETTY. Somethin’ that looked like a kidney bean.
KENDRA. (Charmed.) Mighta been a kidney…
BETTY. Yeah. Indigo. She hangs around with little
Boudroux…Boudroux has a crack in his back makes
him walk like John Wayne.
KENDRA. That’s two…
BETTY. Right, two, okay…umn…Bandit, he doesn’t ever
really steal anything, he just has a patch on his eye, not
a real patch. And then, umn, Lilly and Tater, the calico
twins. Then there’s Boxtop, he’s one of them – what
do ya call ’em – Scottish somethin’. How many is that,
six. Umn…Reerod, I’ve never actually seen Reerod,
but he’s around, cuz I hear him bitchin’. Then there’s
Indigo. We talked about Indigo. There’s a white one
that stays in the shed, I think she’s pregnant, umn,
Freda. Then there’s two others, they’re always together,
and they’re mean as shit, like they might cut you for a
can of tuna. That’s all the ones I know.
KENDRA. Reerod?
BETTY. It’s like a pimp name.
KENDRA. (In agreement.) Yeah.
BETTY. Right?
KENDRA . Yeah!
BETTY. Pimp name.
KENDRA. Maybe he is.
BETTY. What?
KENDRA. Cat pimp.
BETTY. Oh…
KENDRA. You say you never seen him?
BETTY. Nope.
KENDRA. He’s back in the back. Waitin’ on the ladies…
(Beat.)
BETTY. Ha!!
KENDRA. Countin’ the money.
22 THE GULF
BETTY. Whatever.
KENDRA. Cuz I get tired, Betty, I really do.
BETTY. I’m waitin’ for your point.
KENDRA. (One continuous breath.) See that’s just it we already
know the point cuz there’s no new points only old ones
old old old as SHIT so old they’re on Medicare why
won’t they die we don’t know they / just fucking won’t!
BETTY. Kendra.
KENDRA. (Continuing.) Christ! You make me wanna shoot
me outta my own misery.
(Beat.)
I’m not the answer, baby. I’m not. / I’m just me.
BETTY. You are so far off the topic, I / can’t even talk to
you right now –
KENDRA. Look, you gotta figure this shit out, okay? It ain’t
gon’ come from me.
BETTY. Right.
KENDRA. I give you what I got.
BETTY. No you don’t. If that / was actually true –
KENDRA. Can we PLEASE stop? JUST FUCKIN’ STOP?!
(Silence.)
(They each retreat into their own world again.
BETTY moves to the other corner of the boat and
settles in with her book.)
Oh, good, let’s read a book. Let’s all read a book.
(Beat.)
Fishin’ boat. / Not a library.
BETTY. Okay, whatever, Kendra, how ’bout we just build
a wall, right here between us, would that satisfy you?!
Nobody builds a better wall than you, right, K?
KENDRA. Ha. Ha.
BETTY. No, you know what, I’ll do it. I’m gon’ build a big
ole wall between us right here and make you pay for it!
It’s gon’ be really GREAT ! Huge!
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