Inspired by A True Story About Living and Leaving With Dignity

Inspired by a true story about living and leaving with dignity.
It’s true what they say, grandchildren

get 99% of their awesomeness from
their grandmothers.
And my Ah Ma was pretty awesome.

Her name was Sye Kee, quite
appropriately named, as her psyche
was the strongest of us all.
When the doctor broke the news

about her colon cancer, the first thing
my Ah Ma said was, “now I can eat
whatever I want, whenever I want.”
And that was that.

My grandmother raised me. She toughened me up
when I was down. When I broke my mother’s favourite
flower pot, she would protect and conspire with me to
tell Mom that my neighbour’s cat did it. She was my
best friend.
So, when she told me that she wanted to live her

remaining days with dignity, I knew I had to help her
live them to the fullest. But being the youngest and
the most spoilt grandchild in the family, I had no idea
what being a caregiver entailed. I had no idea where
to begin, or who to ask for help.
Ah Ma’s oncologist referred us to a home hospice care
service and a few days later, the hospice care team
visited us at our home.
That was the beginning of my friendship with Dr Dawn.

She taught me everything I needed to know. She taught
me how to dress Ah Ma’s wound, properly transfer her
out of bed, and keep her spirits high when things got
tough. I am deeply grateful to her and the hospice care
team for preparing us in every way possible to help
Ah Ma live out the rest of her life with dignity.
When I got home after a caregiver training session,
Ah Ma was curious to find out what I learnt. After I told
her, she exclaimed, “that means you have to clean my
poo-poo, Melisa!!” and broke into fits of laughter.
She was silly, but that was my Ah Ma.

The next few months weren’t easy. The hospice care
team came once a week to check up on Ah Ma and
they grew very fond of her. I think the feeling was
mutual because Ah Ma always looked forward to
Dr Dawn’s visits too.
Dr Dawn and the hospice care team helped me a lot,

emotionally and physically, especially when things
got hard. I don’t know what I would have done
without them.
I remember this one afternoon very vividly when Ah Ma was
moaning in tremendous discomfort. It was heart-breaking to see a
woman as strong as Ah Ma, defeated by her pain. I could tell it was
unbearable because she never liked to show her vulnerable side.
I was desperate and frazzled. In that state of helplessness, I decided

to call Dr Dawn for help. She calmed me down and guided me to
the right dosage of medication to make the pain go away.
The next day, Dr Dawn and the hospice care team came by to
update Ah Ma’s medication and made sure that she was feeling
better. They were so sincere.
I would drop Ah Ma at the hospice’s day care
centre on days when I had to go to work. She
loved going there, because it was where she
had an audience.
She was a star and the life of the day care centre.
She would tell everyone stories, give the younger
staff love advice, and create a buzz until it was
time to go home. It was a place she could be
herself, and the nurses and volunteers always
went out of their way to make sure that she was
comfortable and happy at all times.
She really didn’t seem like a cancer patient,

she was everybody’s rockstar.
Even when times got tough, she never let her illness define her.
Whenever I broke down, she would ask me to get it together
and stop being such a downer.
She would then tell Dr Dawn and the hospice care team about
my breakdown while laughing about it. She was ruthless but
I wouldn’t have wanted her any other way.
Her memory started fading towards the end,
she would forget the stories she’d told us a
thousand times before. There was a song that
she loved from her childhood, but she could
only remember parts of it and not the title.
It would bug her for days. She would even tell

Dr Dawn about it repeatedly and bring it up in
every conversation.
She may have sounded like a broken record

but Dr Dawn and the hospice care team would
always humour her. They told me that they
had a surprise for her the next time they were
coming to visit.
The next visit was their last visit. Dr Dawn and
the hospice care team came to my home with a
ukulele. I was so confused. They asked Ah Ma to
close her eyes. She was very weak by then and
couldn’t sit up properly to enjoy their gig.
They set up their equipment close to Ah Ma and

started playing a song. Her eyes opened and
beamed with joy. She whispered, “that’s the
song, that’s the song!” and started to sing along.
Dr Dawn and the hospice care team had searched

high and low until they found the song from her
childhood. They had made her last wish come
true. I couldn’t stop crying like a baby because
I hadn’t seen my Ah Ma so happy and oblivious
of her pain in such a long time.
Ah Ma passed away a few days later with a
big smile on her face. Though it was so hard
to say goodbye, it felt bittersweet. Because I
knew that she lived her final days full of life,
happiness, and dignity.
Why palliative care? Here are 3 steps to getting started:
Palliative care is provided by a multidisciplinary team
Talk Plan Act
consisting of doctors, nurses, social workers, counsellors,
and trained volunteers. They bring comfort and support Start talking about Find out what palliative care Tell people closest to
to patients and their family members by caring for them end-of-life care with options and planning tools are you about your choices
physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially and your loved ones. available and suitable for you at and make plans today.
spiritually — just like what Dr Dawn and her team did for www.singaporehospice.org.sg.
Melisa and her grandmother.
Patients choose palliative care to focus on their quality of

life in the time that they still have. It is not to give up living.
Palliative care services are available as home care,
day care, inpatient care and consultative services.
If we want to spend our final days with dignity and the

least possible pain, we must plan ahead and make our
decisions known early, when we are able to with sound
body and mind.
For more information:

Singapore Hospice Council
1 Lor 2 Toa Payoh, #07-00 Braddell House
Singapore 319637
Tel: 6538 2231
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.singaporehospice.org.sg
Copyright © 2019 Singapore Hospice Council.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Reprinted Jun 2019, Sep 2019, Mar 2020
ISBN (Softcover): 9789811412806
ISBN (E-book): 9789811412813
Created by BLKJ. Illustrated by Diigii Daguna.
Special thanks to the contributors and volunteers who have helped us make this book possible.

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Inspired by a true story about living and leaving with dignity.

It’s true what they say, grandchildren

And my Ah Ma was pretty awesome.

When the doctor broke the news

And that was that.

So, when she told me that she wanted to live her

That was the beginning of my friendship with Dr Dawn.

She was silly, but that was my Ah Ma.

Dr Dawn and the hospice care team helped me a lot,

I was desperate and frazzled. In that state of helplessness, I decided

She really didn’t seem like a cancer patient,

It would bug her for days. She would even tell

She may have sounded like a broken record

They set up their equipment close to Ah Ma and

Dr Dawn and the hospice care team had searched

Patients choose palliative care to focus on their quality of

If we want to spend our final days with dignity and the

For more information:

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