The helping relationship is the foundation on which the psychotherapy and counseling is based

on. There cannot be any application of a specific theory or approach unless there is a well-
established helping relationship of trust, insight, and behavioral change. It is a relationship that
typically is structured by the counselor at first but is open to re-structuring based on the client’s
needs. The client’s needs are always given priority over the needs of the counselor in the
relationship; however, it is essential for the helping relationship for both parties to perceive
that there is trust, caring, concern, and commitment in which they must act accordingly.
Moreover, the helping relationship promotes personal growth and potential for all parties
involved ad provides a safe environment for self-exploration and disclosure for all persons.
No matter the counselor’s level of expertise, or the specific theory or approach, the client must
always be provided with a safe and non-judgmental environment in order to safely open up and
self-explore what they are feeling and saying in order to further move towards self-acceptance
and the desired behavioral change or adaptation.
The stages of the helping rlt:
1- the first stage is the relationship development: this stage includes the initial meeting
between the therapist/counselor and the client, it works on building rapport, information
gathering, goal determination, and informing the client about the conditions under which the
counseling will take place in.
2- the second stage is the extended exploration: this stage is based on the foundation of the
previous stage. Through selected techniques and approaches the counselor determines the
parameters of the problems, understands on a deeper level the cognitive and emotional
dynamic of the client, previously tried solutions and decision making capabilities, and also a
reevaluation of goals and goal attainments
3- third stage is the problem resolution: this stage is heavily based on information gained from
the two previous stages. It involves activities and tasks that both the counselor and the client
must do for successful therapeutic progress. For the counselor, they must facilitate,
demonstrate, instruct and provide a safe environment for developmental change. The client
must also try out the new agreed upon behaviors, discard any behaviors that are hindering the
change, and they must focus on revaluating their cognitive and emotional dynamics.
4- fourth stage is the termination and follow up stage: this stage is the closing of the helping
relationship and it is only terminated once all parties involved agree on when and how. It
usually starts gradually and the methods are agreed upon before the last meeting.
The helping relationship core conditions:
The core conditions for the helping relationship:
1- the characteristics of the counselor
2- concreteness: often times in exploring the problem, clients attempt to describe their
thoughts/feelings/situations by providing an incomplete picture using their own words. The
counselor must be capable of understanding the picture as it is and be able to assist them in
completing the picture using new and accurate images and figures to avoid the distorted views
of the problem and look at their situation in a more realistic fashion.
To be able to be concrete a counselor must:
1- Be capable of abstract thinking and reading between the lines
2- Be able to take the risk of being incorrect when attempting to fill in the empty spaces that
the client left
2- Be able to believe in one’s competence of analyzing and sorting through truths and partial
truths
3- the ability to be objective when working with clients in arriving at the reality of the clinets’
situation
3- Immediacy: it is the ability of the counselor to be aware of the here and now factors that
operate within the helping rlt and might impact the helping relationship. They are typically over
and covert interactions b/w the client and the counselor. For instance, the client projecting
anger on the counselor, the counselor further being offended or angry and the client, and the
feelings of both the client and the counselor towards each other. These factors should be
addressed
Foundational skills:
1- listening: listening helps builds trust, convinces the clients that they are being heard
encourages the client to safely open up and self-explore, ensures that we are on track with our
understanding of the client, and is a very useful tool to gather important information while
avoiding the potential negative side of asking questions
To be a great listener one must:
- talk minimally
- concentrate on what is being said
- does not give advice,
- does not interrupt
- Accurately hears what the client is saying
- accurately hears the feelings of the client
- makes sure that the client knows that they are being heard
- asks clarifying questions
There are potential hindraces to listening:
1- having a pre conceived notion about the client
2- anticipating what the client is gonna say and therefore blocking what they actually said
3- thinking bout what we are gonna say
3- having personal issues that are interfering with focusing on listening to the client
4- being distracted by temperature, noises, hunger pains..
5- having a strong emotional reaction towards what the client said and blocking what they are
saying
2-attending and encouraging they are strategies used by the counselor to allow the client to
understand that they are being heard and that we want them to continue sharing information.
These include eye contact, body movement, facial expressions, words, and gestures.
For example: smiling, please tell me what brought you here today. Nodding, this is very
beneficial please tell me more.
3- restating and paraphrasing: these are startegies that the counselor uses to serve as a sound
board for the client by feeding back the thoughts and feelings that the client verbalizes.
Restating is simply repeating what the client disclosed using the exact same words.
Paraphrasing is when we repeat the thoughts and feelings of the client while using our own
words.
4- deep understanding: being able to reach level 4-5 in which we accurately reflect the content
and feelings of the client and sometimes being able to suggest a new thought or feeling that the
client missed or did not outwardly state.
5- clarifying and perception checking: are strategies that the counselor or therapist use to first
ask the client to elaborate or define their thoughts and feelings (clarifying). Or asking the client
for confirmation or correction of our own perceptions of what the clients said.
For example of clarifying: you say you are angry with your dad, what does anger mean to you?
Example of perception checking: let me see if I got this correct, you are angry with your father
for not spending enough time with you and barely giving you any attention.. am I correct?
6- summarizing: this is a very beneficial skill in which it allows the counselor to first review the
various types of information shared by the client in the session. Second to highlight information
discussed that the counselor views as significant, third provide the client with the opportunity
to reflect on the various issues presented. This is very useful to help both the client and the
counselor to sort through the information and to establish priorities
7- questioning: serves multiple purposes: first it identifies historical patterns. Second it finds
underlying issues. Third, it challenges clients to change their behavior. Fourth it encourages
clients to deepen their self-exploration and fifth helps the client move towards preferred goals
There are different types of questions:
1- the open ended and closed questions: the open allows the client to answer in myriad ways
and allows for optimal information gathering. Closed questions usually focus on a particular
topic or POV and forces the client to choose between the given options.
For instances “ you told me that you are angry with your father, would you please tell me what
you think your father should do more for you to stop being angry with him?
2- preferred goals questions: they are questions that are generally asked at the beginning of the
counseling process to identify the goals and hopes of what the counseling process could be
“how will you know that coming to counseling has been beneficial for you?
3- coping questions: they are questions focused on past behaviors used to cope with problems
4- evaluative questions: that help the client sort through different behaviors that have led to
the attainment of goals and those who haven’t.
5- solution focused questions: the questions that are future oriented, they provide the client
with the opportunity to adopt new positive ways of reaching their goals. “what kinds of things
you think you should do to help you reach this goal ?
8- self-disclosure: it is a strategy that has implications on both the client and the counselor. Its
when the therapist selectively chooses certain experiences, thoughts, and feelings that they
passed through relative to that of the situation the client presented. Self-disclosure can have
both negative and positive impacts on the helping relationship that’s why one should measure
its impact with care. Now generally therapist must disclose infrequently and should avoid
disclosing intimate matters and those that blur the boundaries and interferes with the flow of
the therapy. Rather they should be matters that are relevant to the disclosure of what the client
said in order to validate the reality, normalize the situation and build the relationship. Some
clients respond better to disclosure than others, this is why its important to observe the client’s
reaction and to back off of disclosure when necessary.
9- responding to nonverbal cues: this is a strategy that enables the counselor or the therapist
to identify certain body movements that appear when the client is expressing their thoughts or
feelings. When these patterns appear, the counselor should notice them and share them with
the client, then it is the responsibility of the client to either confirm or deny the existence of
such nonverbal language. One should be careful not to overgeneralize very subtle movement.