False Hydra PDF
False Hydra PDF
False Hydra PDF
goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2014/09/false-hydra.html
Common wisdom holds that false hydras come from the ground. They spontaneously
originate as undifferentiated masses of flesh. Potatoes that sprout from no seed.
Supposedly, they germinate in response to lies, and that each falsehood causes a false
hydra to swell larger.
Scholars agree, because they have no better idea. In fact, so much about these
abominations boggles the mind that scholars really don't know where to begin.
Paranoia dominates any discussion about it. Everyone wants to know: Is it here? Is it in
my town? Is that long, flaccid face watching me through the window even now?
1/12
Infiltration
But of course, none of this is noticed. While it sings, the hydra exists in our blind spot.
2/12
Growth
A man is walking along a deserted street. Suddenly he realizes that the silence is more
profound, as if a loud noise had just ceased. There is a rattle as a sewer grate slides over
rough stone. In that darkness, a fleshy face, leering with undisguised hunger. It lunges
forward on a thick neck that slides out of the darkness like a sheath, one foot, three feet,
six feet long. And then it bites him on the arm and drags him down that narrow gap,
yanking and twisting to fit the man's body through that too-small space. And when the
sounds of eating have ceased, the song resumes.
The man has family, friends who will notice his absence. But the song of the hydra
massages their mind, smoothing the wrinkles on their brain. The hydra has eaten the
man, who is now known to the hydra. The song erases the memories from their soft
heads. They will not notice his absence, nor remember him.
And in this way, the hydra grows. It's neck stretches long. . . longer. And with it, its
influence.
Dissonance
3/12
This creates pressure. In the early stages, this feels like paranoia, especially the sense that
someone is watching you (and the hydra is watching you, pressing its moony face up
against the window and fogging up the glass). More severe symptoms develop.
Reminiscing becomes a stressful and uneasy experience, and so is avoided. Distortions of
memory. The confabulations pile up, identities become muddled. Friend's faces seems
subtly deformed.
Human brains were not meant to bear this weight. Mundane insanities sprout like
mushrooms. Nervous disorders. Psychotic breaks.
4/12
distressed letter from their mother,
wanting to know why the last letter the
PC sent contained the sentence "it ate
him ate him in front of me but i did
not see it ate him" inserted in the
middle, great. If they decide that their
hand is possessed by demons and cut
it off, best of all.
"Why, I've never married. Why would you joke about this?"
And the next day, tell the players that their PCs have forgotten about the wife as well. You
can't get rid of the metagame knowledge in their heads, but allow them to act on their
metagame knowledge whenever they can roleplay an intense feeling of paranoia or
distress.
Their dreams are filled with dirges, spilling from the mouths of faceless people. And
somewhere, a pale face, whose eyes are nothing but wet, black holes.
5/12
which is impressive, given that he only had about three polygons when he scared the crap out
of all of us as kids
Proliferation
As the false hydra matures, it grows more heads. The process accelerates exponentially.
More blood on the cobblestones. More incongruities festering in heads like gangrenous
limbs.
The false hydra gets careless. With every meal, it becomes more powerful, more able to
smother mankind. It doesn't need to be careful anymore.
The heads stretch up higher. Their gracile necks sway above the rooftops. Their heads
have grown feral. The skull bulges with masses of bone. The lower jaw juts out, low-
slung, like a dagger in a fist. Soon, it will finish devouring this city.
But darling, my darling, there isn't enough blood in all the world to slake its thirst.
Attack
But how do we actually position the false three polygons that DO NOT FUCK AROUND
One option is to make the hydra visible in mirrors. They might come across this solution
relatively early in the investigation process. Arming the populace with hand mirrors is
a solution (but also how many hand mirrors does a medieval town have, really?), and will
probably stop the daytime predation. But the hydra will continue to eat people during the
night, when there is no light to make the mirrors useful.
Do cats see it? They probably freak out around it. Dogs have no idea, though.
A more interesting, but also more challenging option is to allow them to investigate
strange occurrences. If the lamp lighter was eaten halfway through his task, the last lit
6/12
lantern is a bit ominous. If a player slips on a blood spill, the PC will have to suffer
through the cognitive dissonance of having to rationalize a huge, obvious piece of
evidence, but the player is under no such compunction. They can investigate the nearby
alley.
Other options
present themselves.
They could figure
out where the necks
stand in the sky by
triangulating with
an ally on a different
rooftop, by
discovering which
cloud patterns are
obscured from each
other (because the
false hydra's neck
occludes them).
just pretend that the hands are extra heads and you've pretty much got it
Bizarre ideas might
work, like shooting
arrows around randomly or constantly swinging a grappling hook around.
If the grappling hook bangs into the false hydra, the psychic suppression will probably
just force the PC to absentmindedly pick up the rope and resume swinging it, but a second
PC watching the first PC would notice this irregularity, because that's another degree of
separation from the hydra. The mind-song hides the hydra, not the irregular behavior of
a fellow adventurer who swore to shout an alarm if the grappling hook hit something
invisible.
Baiting the hydra would also work well, and is probably the easiest method. While the
hydra bites, it stops singing, making it visible again. (Or more accurately, allowing the
PCs to stop ignoring it.)
If it is wounded, it will probably retreat down to its subterranean lair. The PCs will have
to kill it now, before they fall under the sway of its song, which it has now resumed (and
the PCs can hear again, properly. It is a nightmarish howl.)
If the PCs tarry, they'll forget they ever saw the false hydra. The fictive paranoia (and
actual metagaming) will be rampant, but this is okay. Their left hand is just giving them
more useful messages today, as more as more of the PC's brain rebels.
The HD of the false hydra depends entirely on how large it has grown, which depends on
how fast the PCs have acted. The fight could be a cakewalk or a meatgrinder.
7/12
Metastasis
The PCs abandon the town to its fate. Or perhaps they
just fail utterly at investigating this weirdness. Either
way, the worst has come to pass.
The false hydra doesn't just eat everyone and then die.
That would be too easy. Things Get Worse.
Yes, give the PCs a saving throw. But even if they make
it, they're going to be in the middle of a town where god, that worm-neck
everyone is trying to kill them. The colossal apparatus
of the false hydra is now visible. Monstrous heads on
tree-trunk necks tower above the town, leaning over rooftops and peering into windows.
Its bellowing voices order its mindslaves to kill that man over there, or to capture the
fleeing child over there. (Of course it can talk. It always could. It just never had anything
to say.)
8/12
they tamp some wax in their ears and return for their loved ones hahahahahaha.) Unless
it raids other food stores, it will starve. It cannot farm or hunt sufficient food without
spreading its servants across an unacceptably broad area.
And the uncommon adulthood of false hydras is marked by desperate aggression. An
animal convulsing as it dies, crushing people and cities under its hungry bulk. It usually
heads for the largest cities (or whichever one the PCs have fled to) while seeking the
largest food source. Sometimes it succeeds long enough to grow larger and move on to
the next city. A tour of death.
The "traditional" tactic is to set fire to the granaries and evacuate the city. The false hydra
will starve to death in a few weeks, while everyone visits their relatives in the countryside.
The false hydra's movements are tracked by scouts on horseback, who watch the
abomination from the horizons and communicate by flags. Many of them choose to
mutilate their own ear canals, in order to deafen themselves.
These tactics failed spectacularly in the summer of 882 TFM, when there were multiple
false hydras colluding with each other. (The exact number is still disputed.)
And lastly, a military presence must ensure that no mercenary company, slavelord, or evil
wizard is allowed to open up lines of communication with the false hydra (using
messengers). Those avenues of exploitation have allowed some absolutely horrific
tragedies in the past. The cancer must be isolated until it is forced to eat itself.
If the game gets to this point and the PCs want to stay involved, I would turn the focus on
the latent possibilities in the last four paragraphs, instead of assaulting the god-monster
head-on. Because who wants to fight a false hydra at the height of it's power. (Lots of
players, probably.)
9/12
10/12
fun fact: dragon hydras are awesome
except himself
11/12
fun fact: I'm actually pretty good-natured and pleasant to be around
I don't know why I keep writing such horrible things
12/12