CHAPTER 2- ASSIGNMENT 1

I. Your task. Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the
audience and the “you” view.

1. To help us process your order with our new database software, we need you to go to our Web site and
fill out the customer information required.
 To have your order processed more quickly and efficiently, please fill out your customer
information at this Web site.
2. Under a new policy, reimbursement of travel expenses will be restricted to those related to work only.
 According to the new policy, the compensation of the travel expenses will be restricted to the
relatives of out employees.
3. To avoid suffering the kinds of monetary losses experienced in the past, our credit union now
prohibits the cashing of double-endorsed checks presented by our customers.
 In order to protect you from suffering monetary losses, our credit union prohibits the cashing of
third party checks presented by our members.
 To prevent you from losing money in double- endorsed check transactions, our bank only accepts
single endorsed checks
4. We are pleased to announce an arrangement with HP that allows us to offer discounted computers in
the student bookstore.
 You will be able to get discounted computers in the student bookstore due to a new arrangement
with HP.
 You could save money by pủchasing HP computers at a dícount pricwe in the student bookstore
5. We are pleased to announce that you have been approved to enroll in our management trainee
program.
 We are really happy to inform you that you have been approved to enroll in our management
trainee program.
 Welcome you to our mângement trainee program
 We are very happy to have you in our trainee program
 Congratulations! You have been selected to join our trainee program
6. Our warranty goes into effect only when we have received the product’s registration card from the
purchaser.
 Your warranty goes into effect as soon as you fill out product’s registration card and return it.
  The product you buy shall be under warranty as soon as you send the product’s registration card
7. Unfortunately, the computer and telephone systems will be down Thursday afternoon for upgrades to
improve both systems.
 You will not be able to access the computer and telephone systems Thursday afternoon due to
changes that will improve their functionality for you in the future.
 For a better performance of the computer and telephone system, upgrades will be run on Thursday
afternoon
8. As part of our company effort to be friendly to the environment, we are asking all employees to
reduce paper consumption by communicating by e-mail and avoiding printing.
 You can be more environmentally friendly and help achieve company paper reduction by
communicating via email and avoiding printing.
 You contribute to the improvement of the environment, when you communicate by email and
avoid priting

II. Revise the following to make the tone conversational yet professional.

1. Pertaining to your request, the above-referenced items (printer toner and supplies) are being sent to
your central office, as per your telephone conversation of April 1
 As you requested in the phone call on April 1, we have sent printer toner and supplies to your
central office
 As you requested we are sending the items you ordered printer toner and supplies to your central
office

2. Kindly inform the undersigned whether or not your representative will be making a visitation in the
near future.
 Please tell me whether or not your representative will be visiting us.

3. It's totally awesome that we still got the contract, like, after the customer amped up his demands, but
our manager pushed back.
 It is great that we got/won the contract after the customer raised his demand but our manager
bargained down/beated down.
4. BtW, dude, we've had some slippage in the schedule but don't have to dump everything and start from
ground zero.
 We have fallen behind the schedule, but we still don’t need to start from the beginning.
5. To facilitate ratification of this agreement, your negotiators urge that the membership respond in the
affirmative.
 To approve/ pass this agreement, you should vote yes
6. R head honcho wz like totally raggety bkuz i wz sick n stuff n mist the team meet. Geez!
 Your team leader was upset/unhappy because I was sick and miss the meeting.

III. Revise the following statements to make them more positive.

1. Customers are ineligible for the 10 percent discount unless they show their membership cards.
 Customers could get 10 percent discount once they show their membership cards.
2. Titan insurance company will not process any claim not accompanied by documented proof from a
physician showing that the injuries were treated.
 Titan insurance company will process claim accompanied by documented proof from a physician
showing that the injuries were treated.
3. If you fail to comply with each requirement, you will not receive your $50 rebate.
 To receive your $50 rebate please comply with all the requirements.
4. We must withhold remuneration until you complete the job satisfactorily.
 We will give remuneration as soon as you complete the job satisfactorily.
5. Although you apparently failed to consult the mounting instructions for your Miracle Wheatgrass
extractor, we are enclosing a set of clamps to fasten the device to a table. A new set of instructions is
enclosed.

6. Your application cannot be processed because you neglected to insert your telephone number.
 Your application will be processed once you insert your telephone number.

IV. Revise the following sentences to eliminate terms that are considered sexist or that
suggest stereotypes.

1. Any applicant for the position of fireman must submit a medical report signed by his physician.

=> Any applicant for the position of fire fighters must submit a medical report signed by a physician. 

2. Every employee is entitled to see his personnel file.

3. All waiters and waitresses are covered under our new benefits package.

=> All servers are covered under our new benefits package.

4. A salesman would have to use all his skills to sell those condos.

=> A salesperson/ sales representative would have to use all his skills to sell those condos.

5. Executives and their wives are invited to the banquet.

=> Executives and their spouses are invited to the banquet.