1.

FADE IN:

1 INT. CADY'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING 1

There are boxes around the undecorated room. The clock says
6:29 am.
CADY HERON, 15, lies in bed asleep. She is naturally pretty.
Her long hair has never been dyed. Her eyebrows have never
been plucked. She has a fantastic tan.
The clock hits 6:30 and the alarm goes off. Cady opens her
eyes.
CADY
(groggy)
Okay, I'm up.
Cady closes her eyes for what seems like a second. When she
opens them again, the clock says 7:15.
Cady screams and jumps out of bed.

2 INT. HALLWAY - A FEW MINUTES LATER 2

Cady rushes out. Now she's wearing khaki pants, a faded isod,
and a khaki buckets hat. Her mom rushes by her.
BETSY
You're gonna be late. Come here.
I'll braid your hair.

3 INT. CADY'S KITCHEN - A FEW MINUTES LATER 3

The kitchen is full of boxes. Cady (hair french-braided)
pours, two bowls of cat food. Two cats come running. They
hiss at each other.
CADY
Cleo, be nice! Pamela! Stop it!
While the cats are fighting, a big droopy dog strolls in
behind them.
CHIP (O.S.)
Come out front, Cady. I wanna get a
photo.
Cady is still wrestling with the cats.
 2.

CADY
Stop fighting. There's enough for
everybody.
Cady puts the cats by their bowls, but the dog has eaten all
their food.
CADY
Why don't you fight with him?
The dog's slobbering face.
CUT TO:
EXT. FRONT OF CADY'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Cady's father CHIP, 43, a lanky professorial type, takes a
picture of Cady and her mother BETSY, 43. (Betsy is
attractive but not concerned with style. The kind of woman
who would still wear a fanny pack.)
CHIP
That's good. Stay close.
Betsy bursts into tears.
BETSY
My baby's going to school.
Cady comforts her mother.
CADY (V.O.)
I guess it's natural for parents to
cry on their kid's first day of
school. But this usually happens
when the kid is five.

Betsy has pulled Cady close and is hugging her.

CADY (V.O.)
I'm 15, and until today, I was home-
schooled. That means my mom was my
only teacher and my Dad was the only
sub. I know what you're thinking.
Home-schooled kids are freaks.
CUT TO:

4 INT. THE SCRIPPS HOWARD SPELLING BEE 4

A spazzy-looking girl with thick glasses at the mic.

SPAZZY GIRL
 3.

X! Y! !I O! C! A! R! P! Xylocarp!

CADY (V.O.)
Or that we're weirdly religious or
something.

CUT TO:

5 EXT. A YARD 5

A family of six in-bred looking albino kids staring straight

into camera.
8 YEAR OLD TOW HEAD KID
And on the third day God created the
Remington bolt action rifle so that
man could fight the dinosaurs. And
the homosexuals.

OTHER TOW HEADS

Amen.

CADY (V.O.)
But it's not like that with us.
CUT TO:

SMILING FAMILY PHOTO OF CADY, HER PARENTS, THE CATS AND DOG.
CADY (V.O.)
My family's totally normal. Except
for the fact that both my parents
are Research Zoologists and we've
spent the last four years in a hut
in Namibia.
Pull pack on the photo to reveal they are completely
surrounded by lions, cheetahs, monkeys, snakes, birds, etc.

CUT TO:

6 EXT. AFRICA - DAY ONE - YEAR AGO 6

Gorgeous sweeping footage. "Out of Africa" type music.

Cady sits next to her rather who is observing nearby
cheetahs.
CADY (V.O.)
In my life so far, we'd lived in 9
countries on 3 continents. But it's
not like I didn't have structure
 4.

growing up. I'd spend all day in the

field with my parents.

CHIP
(into tape recorder)
Two large females and three cubs.
The females appear to be searching
out their late morning prey. They're
focused on something 10 to 20 meters
in this direction. Aaaand -- it's
us.

Cady and Chip run for their jeep.

CUT TO:

7 INI. AFRICAN HOUSE - EVENING 7

As Betsy tests Cady on her Spanish, Cady feeds a bottle to a

baby monkey.

CADY (V.O.)
And then at night I'd do schoolwork
with my mom.
Hablo, hablas, habla, hablamos.

The monkey burps.

DISS TO:

8 INT. AFRICAN HOUSE - ANOTHER EVENING 8

Chip is cooking dinner. Cady hands him her math paper.

CADY (V.O.)
My favorite subject was always math.
CHIP
You're done with this chapter
already? Okay, let's start on those,
um, inverse functions. Jeez.
CADY (V.O.)
Cause with math you're either right
or wrong. There's no in between.
Which is comforting when you live in
a crazy place.

An ostrich walks through the room.

9 EXT. AFRICAN PLAINS - DAY 9

 5.

Cady and Chip sit high in a tree.

CADY (V.O". )
-- It had always just been the three
of us. And I never thought we'd live
any other way. Then, it happened.

BETSY
I got it! I got it!

CADY
You really got it?

BETSY
We're going home.

Chip climbs down to give Betsy a hug and a kiss.

CADY (V.O.)
My mom's articles about the familial
patterns of large cats had earned
her a full professorship at
Northwestern University.

Cady is alone in the tree.

CADY (V.O.)
So it was goodbye, Africa.

CUT BACK TO:

10 EXT. CADY'S FRONT YARD - FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL 10

Cady and Betsy getting their photo taken.

CADY (V.O.)
Hello, Evanston, Illinois.

Photo flash.

DISS TO:

11 EXT. STREETS OF EVANSTON 11

Cady’s parents drive her to school in their mud-covered

Africa jeep.

CADY (V.O.)
Evanston was a lot like Africa.
Except in every single way.

They pull up across the street from Evanston High School.

 6.

CHIP
I know you'll make us very proud.

BETSY
Are you nervous? It's okay to be
nervous. I"m nervous for you. But
nervousness is perfectly nervous.
Nervous. Nervous. Nervous. Nervous.

CADY
Okay. I’11 see you at home.

Cady starts across the street. She is almost hit by a big

yellow school bus. She jumps back as her mother yelps.
BETSY
Aaah!
CADY
I'm okay. Sorry. I'll be careful.

Cady crosses the street. Hip hop blares from a car radio.
Cady passes the different groups outside the school. A group
of black students sitting on the grass.
CADY
Hi.

They just stare at her. Cady keeps walking.

A bunch of jocks fake fighting. Some people getting high
behind a tree. An overweight girl eating Egg McMuffins in
secret in her car. Cady has nowhere to land.

CUT TO:

12 INT. HOMEROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER 12

Students are filing in. Cady approaches the teacher to

introduce herself.

CADY
Hi, I don't know if anyone told you
about me. I'm a new student. My name
is Cady Heron.

The woman is actually just a MATURE GIRL, who gives her a

weird look.

MATURE GIRL
Who cares?
 7.

The girl walks away. Cady is embarrassed. She hears 2 people

laughing at her. They are --

JANIS IAN, a fleshy girl with punk hair and clothes, and her
friend DAMIAN. Damian is possibly fat and definitely gay.
Cady goes to take a seat.

JANIS
You don't want to sit there.

Cady looks at her.

JANIS
Kristin Hadley'll sit there to be
next to her boyfriend.

KRISTIN HADLEY a big thick athletic girl about six feet tall
sits down. She immediately leans over and starts making out
with the boy next to her who is very tiny and looks like
Oliver Twist. They go at it hard.

Cady watches in horror for a second, then moves to a front

row seat.
JANIS
Don't sit there.

Cady looks at her.

JANIS
Do you want to carry attendance
sheets to the office every day?
Cady moves to a third chair.
JANIS
No.
Cady stops. Janis points to the guy in front of Cady?
JANIS
He farts a lot.

Cady looks at the guy. He looks like a guy who would fart a
lot. She gets up and sits next to Janis.
CADY
Thanks.
DAMIAN
Did you go to St. Ann's last year?

CADY
 8.

No.
DAMIAN
Cause you look like the girl who
played Sandy in their production of
Grease.
CADY
Wasn't me.

DAMIAN
Thank God. She had pitch problems.
JANIS
This is Damian. He's almost too gay
to function.
Damian smacks Janis across the back of the head.
CADY
Nice to meet you.
A OBNOXIOUS GUY passes.
OBNOXIOUS GUY
(to JANIS)
Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?
JANIS
(immediately)
Your mom's pubic hair.

MR. DUVALL, the African American 10th grade dean enters. He

looks around for the homeroom teacher.
MR. DUVALL
Where's your teacher?
Their homeroom teacher, MS. SHARON NORBURY, enters. She is
hip looking, 32. Bright but maybe not the most organized
teacher.

MRS. NORBURY
Okay , I'm late so I brought donuts.
(sees Mr. Duvall)
Oh, hi, good morning.

MR. DUVALL
(to class)
All right. I just want to let
everyone know that we have a new
sophomore with us. She just moved
here from Africa --
 9.

Some students turn to look at a very tall dark skinned girl

with a short fro. It must be her.

TALL BLACK GIRL

Don't look at me. I'm from Michigan.
MR. DUVALL
-- so let's help her adjust to
academic life here at Evanston. Her
name is --
(reads from note card)
Caddy Heron. Where are you, Caddy?
CADY
Oh, that's me. It's pronounced like
Katie.
They all look at her, disinterested.

MR. DUVALL
My apologies. I have a nephew named
Anfernee and I know how mad he gets
when I call him Anthony. Almost as
mad as I get when I think about the
fact that his name is Anfernee.
MS. NORBURY
Well, welcome Cady and thank you,
Mr. Duvall.

MR. DUVALL
You gotta be on time this year,
Sharon.
Mr. Duvall exits.

JANIS
Where are you going first period?
Cady refers to her computer printed roster.

CADY
10th Grade Health. Room B14.
JANIS
(to DAMIAN)
I think that's in the back building.
DAMIAN
Yeah, that's in the back building.

JANIS
We'll take you.
 10.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - BEFORE FIRST PERIOD

DAMIAN and JANIS lead Cady through the crowded hall.
DAMIAN
Watch out, please. New meat coming
through.

13 EXT. BEHIND SCHOOL - DAY 13

They walk her out of the building, across the football field,
Damian lights a cigarette.
CADY
That's really bad for you.

DAMIAN
It keeps me thin.
JANIS and DAMIAN plop down on the grass.

CADY
Where's the back building?
JANIS
It burned down in 1987.
The late bell rings.
CADY
Won't we get in some sort of trouble
for this?
JANIS
If you show up late, yes.

DAMIAN
But if you just don't show up at
all, they'll never even notice.
CADY (V.O.)
I guess I'll never know what I
missed on that first day of 10th
Grade Health.
CUT TO:

14 INT. HEALTH CLASSROOM 14

 11.

A thick-set gym teacher with a thick blond moustache, Coach

Farr, is in front of a class.
COACH FARR
Don't have sex. Cause you will get
pregnant and die. Don't have sex in
the "missionary position." Don't
have sex standin' up. Don't have sex
where the female is on top
controlling the pace and the
friction. Just don't do it, promise?
(beat)
Alright, everybody take some
rubbers.
Coach Farr holds out a basket of Trojans.

CUT TO:

15 EXT. FIELD BEHIND SCHOOL. A LITTLE LATER. 15

Janis is drawing something in a notebook.

DAMIAN
So you took all these tests and then
what?

CADY
They placed me in all 10th grade
classes, except for senior Calculus.

DAMIAN
(commiserating)
I'm repeating Freshman gym.
JANIS
How do you spell your name, Caddy?

CADY
It's Cady. C, a, d, y.
DAMIAN
I am so going to mentor you. What
else is important that I can tell
you about? The cafeteria is
terrible. You're going to want to
buy your lunch at the school store.
I recommend the white cheddar
cheezits. What else? Oh! Spring
Fling.
JANIS
Spring Fling is not important.
 12.

DAMIAN
It is to me. At the end of every
year, the graduating seniors throw a
dance called Spring Fling for the
underclassmen. Whomsoever is elected
Spring Fling King and Queen
automatically become head of the
Student Activity Committee and since
I am an active member of the Student
Activity Committee, I would say,
yeah, it's pretty important to me.
JANIS
Damian, you've out-gayed yourself.

Damian sees a gym class trudging out onto the field.

DAMIAN
In the name of all that is holy.
Look at Karen Smith's gym clothes.

We see Karen Smith, 15, a tall stunning blonde with a vacant

expression. Her gym clothes consist of the tiniest shorts
ever forged by man, and a bandanna for a shirt.
CADY
Is that a shirt or a bandage?
JANIS (O.C.)
I don't know, Caddy. But I do know
that Karen Smith is one of the
dumbest girls you will ever meet.
Damian sat next to her in English
last year.
DAMIAN (O.C.)
She asked me how to spell orange.

Next we see GRETCHEN, a puny little brunette. She is not

"hot" but has expensive clothes.
JANIS (O.C.)
And see that little one next to her?
That's Gretchen Wieners. She's rich
as shit cause her Dad invented
Toaster Strudel.

C.U. of Gretchen's sniveling whiny face.

DAMIAN (O.C.)
She is a little Gucci Hootchie.

CADY
What's a Gucci Hootchie?
 13.

DAMIAN
A girl with $1,000 of designer
clothes on a $2 body.

Janis, Damian and Cady start walking back toward the school.
CADY
Why do you hate them?

JANIS
What do you mean?
CADY
You seem to really hate them.

JANIS
Yes. What's your question?
CADY
Did they do something to offend you?
JANIS
They're plastic. There's nothing
they do that doesn't offend me.

Janis tears a page out of her notebook.

JANIS
Here. This is for you.

Cady looks at the paper. At the top it says, "Cady's Map to

Evanston H.S." It is a detailed map of the school saying who
belongs where. Preps. Asian nerds. Etc. In one corner it says
"Beware of the Plastics !!!"
Janis notices the P.E. teacher has left her bullhorn by the
side of the field.

JANIS
Damian, on your left.
Damian snags the bullhorn as they pass. Right as they get to
the door he turns it on.
DAMIAN
(through bullhorn)
Toaster Strudel causes cancer!

Gretchen looks around. Damian and Janis run into the

building. Cady runs, too.
CUT TO:
 14.

16 INT. CALCULUS CLASS - A LITTLE LATER 16

Ms. Norbury is the teacher. Cady looks alert and interested.
The guy to-her left, BARRY, is completely asleep.

CADY (V.O.)
It was so weird to be in a real
classroom, looking at a real teacher
who wasn't my mom. Finally, I could
focus fully on math excellence.
The guy in front of Cady turns to her.
AARON
Do you have a pencil I could borrow?

This is AARON, he is adorable.

CADY (V.O.)
Holy shit.
ROMANTIC MUSIC swells.
She hands Aaron her pencil. He smiles and turns back around.
CADY (V.O.)
I've only had two other crushes in
my life. One on my Dad's godson who
lives in Australia.
CUT TO:

17 EXT. BEACH 17
A hot tan Australian guy on a beach in surf gear.

GODSON
Do ya like surfin'?
CADY (V.O.)
And one on Dr. Sanjay Gupta from CNN
CUT TO:
Sanjay Gupta reporting from the field. He looks right to
camera.

SANJAY GUPTA
What's up?
He winks.
CADY (V.O.)
 15.

Give me a break. I lived in Namibia.

I didn't get out much.
BACK TO:

18 INT. CALCULUS CLASS 18

CADY (V.O.)
But this one hit me like a big
yellow school bus.
MS. NORBURY
Cady, what do you have?

People, including AARON, turn around to look at her.

CADY
Oh, um, an equals "n" plus 1 over 4.
MS. NORBURY
That's right. Good. Very good.
Aaron smiles at Cady. Cady looks down at her paper. When she
looks up, Aaron is still Looking at her.

CUT TO:

19 INT. CAFETERIA - THIRD PERIOD LUNCH 19

Cady is wandering around nervously. She takes a tray and gets
in line. JASON MANDORINO, 15, a cheesy little guy, and his
friend approach Cady in line.
JASON MANDARINO
Hi, we're doing a survey of new
students. Can you answer a few
questions?
CADY
Um, okay.
JASON MANDARINO
Is your cherry popped?

Cady smiles politely. She has no idea what this means.

CADY
What?
JASON MANDARINO
Would you like us to assign someone
to help you pop your cherry?
 16.

CADY
My what?

A girl intervenes. This is REGINA GEORGE, 15. Perfect

looking, fast on her feet, intimidating. The queen of The
Plastics. She is flanked by Karen and Gretchen (who is
pissed, Jason is "hers").
REGINA
Is he bothering you?
(to Jason)
Jason, why are you such a skeez?

JASON MANDARINO
I'm being friendly to a new student.
(to Gretchen)
What? I can't talk to a new student?
GRETCHEN
You were supposed to call me last
night.
REGINA
Jason. You do not come to a party at
my house with Gretchen and then scam
on some innocent girl in front of us
two days later. She's not
interested.
(to Cady)
Do you want to have sex with him?
CADY
No, thank you.

REGINA
Great. It's settled. Bye, Jason.
JASON MANDARINO
Shut up.
REGINA
Good comeback. You should do stand-
up.
Jason leaves defeated. Gretchen mouths the words, "Call me."

CADY
Thank you.
REGINA
You're welc --
Music plays over the P.A. Whitney Houston's "I'm Every
Woman."
 17.

REGINA
Uh oh. That's me.
Two big athletic guys (SHANE OMAN and another dude) sweep in
and pick Regina up onto their shoulders. Regina waves at
people as they carry her toward a make-shift stage in the
corner of the cafeteria.
MR. DUVALL
Everybody, please give a round of
applause for last year's Spring
Fling Queen. She kicks off her reign
today as head of the Student
Activities Committee. Miss Regina
George!
Applause. Regina, now wearing a tiara, takes center stage and
the mic. She's very comfortable. Cady is in awe.
REGINA
Thank you, Mr. Duvall. I just want
to say that under my rule, the
S.A.C. will do more than just sell
candy canes and sponsor queer stuff
like recycling.
A "crunchy" boy in an Earth Day shirt looks offended.
REGINA
I have plans for some sick parties.
My mom knows the people that run the
Lake Michigan Dinner Cruises, so --
yeah.
(turns serious)
But also it's gonna be about
building bridges. And being kind to
the less fortunate. Where's that
little girl I just met?
Regina spots Cady in the crowd.
REGINA
Come here.

Cady reluctantly goes to the foot of the stage. Regina nuts a

hand on her shoulder. Damian and Janis watch from the other
side of the cafeteria, stunned and horrified.
REGINA
This girl is a new student and I'm
going to make it my personal
responsibility that by the end of
the year, she thinks Evanston High
School is totally rad.
 18.

Regina holds the mic up to Cady.

CADY
Thanks, Regina.
REGINA
You're welcome -- girl.
CUT TO:

20 INT. CAFETERIA - A FEW MINUTES LATER 20

Cady is sitting with Regina and her best friends Karen Smith
and Gretchen Wieners. These are The Plastics.
CADY
(withering)
And we only moved here two weeks ago
--

Regina grabs Cady's arm to look at Cady's bracelet. It's a

wide brown leather band with decorative holes punched in it.
REGINA
Where did you get that bracelet? I
love it.
CADY
Africa.
GRETCHEN
It's so fetch.
REGINA
(disdainful)
What is "fetch?"
GRETCHEN
(withering)
It's, like, slang -- from England --

Regina rolls her eyes.

REGINA
So. if you're from Africa, why are
you white?
GRETCHEN
Oh my God, Karen. You can't just ask
people why they're white.
REGINA
 19.

Cady, could you give us some privacy

for, like, one second?
CADY
Sure.
Cady makes eye contact with Janis and Damian as the Plastics
confer.
REGINA
(breaking huddle)
Okay, let me oust say that we don't
do this a lot, so you should know
that this is, like, a huge deal.
GRETCHEN
We want to invite you to have lunch
with us every day for the rest of
the week.

CADY
Oh, okay--
GRETCHEN
Great. So we'll see you tomorrow.
KAREN
On Tuesdays we wear pink.
CUT TO:

21 INT. GIRLS' BATHROOM - LATER 21

Janis screams with laughter.
JANIS
You have to do it and tell me all
the horrible things they say.
CADY
I think Regina seems nice.
JANIS
(almost screaming)
Regina George is not nice! She is
the most plastic of all The
Plastics.
A flush. Damian comes out of a stall.
DAMIAN
She is fabulous, but she is evil.
 20.

A SHORT DARK-HAIRED GIRL at the sink sees DAMIAN.

CADY
Hey! Get out of here!
DAMIAN
(shrieking)
Oh my God! Danny DeVito, I love your
work.
Short girl storms out.
CADY
What would we even talk about?
JANIS
Josh Hartnett.
DAMIAN
The rising cost of abortion.
JANIS
Just do it, please!
CADY
Okay. Okay. Do you have anything
pink?
JANIS
No.
DAMIAN
Yes.
CUT TO:

22 EXT. PORCH OF CADY'S HOUSE 22

Cady enters carrying a ton of books. Her mom and dad are on
the porch reading the paper.
CHIP
How was your first day?
CAPY
Fine.
BETSY
Were the people, nice?

CADY
No.
 21.

CHIP
Did you make any friends?
CADY
Yeah.
Cady goes in the house leaving Betsy and Chip confused.

CUT TO:

23 INT. CADY'S ROOM - EVENING 23

Cady is looking through her new textbooks. She finds her
personalized map and lays on the bed to look it over.
We follow her gaze. around the map. Janis' drawings are good.

A clump of trees is marked "preps."

By the bus-stop "Asian nerds."
The front steps "Cool Asians."
By the auditorium. "Band Geeks Hone of Confidence."
The back field. A cartoon version of JANIS and DAMIAN holding
a sign that says "You Are Here."

The cafeteria. A cartoon of three girls. "Beware of the

Plastics."
CUT TO:

24 INT. LUNCHROOM - DAY 24

Cady, wearing Damian's pink Celine Dion tour shirt, sits with
Gretchen and Karen.

CADY (V.O.)
Having lunch with the Plastics was
like leaving the actual world and
entering "Girl World." And Girl
World had a lot of rules.
GRETCHEN
We only wear jeans or track pants on
Friday. You can't wear a tank top
two days in a row. You can only wear
your hair in a ponytail once a week.
So, I guess, you picked today. And f
you break any of these rules you
can't sit with us at lunch. I mean,
 22.

not just you, any of us. Like, if I

was wearing jeans today, I would be
sitting over there with the art
freaks.
Gretchen points to Janis and Damian's table. They are having
a contest to see who can stick more popsicles in their mouth.
It looks fun.
GRETCHEN
We always vote before we ask someone
to eat lunch with us, because you
have to be considerate of the rest
of the group. I mean, you wouldn't
buy a skirt without asking your
friends first if it looks good on
you.
CADY
I wouldn't?
GRETCHEN
Right. It's the same with guys. You
may think you like someone, but you
could be wrong.
KAREN
Have you seen anyone that you think
is cute yet?
CADY
Actually, there's a guy in my
Calculus class. Never mind, it’s
stupid --
Gretchen and Karen pounce on this information.
KAREN
Who is it?
GRETCHEN
It’s a senior?
CADY
His name is Aaron Samuels --
GRETCHEN
No!

KAREN
No, no no.
GRETCHEN
 23.

No. You can’t like Aaron Samuels.

He's Regina’s ex-boyfriend.
KAREN
They went out for a year.

GRETCHEN
And then he broke up with her for no
reason.
KAREN
Because she cheated on him.
GRETCHEN
Regardless. Ex-boyfriends are off
limits to friends. Don’t worry. I
will never tell Regina what you
said. It’ll be our secret.
Regina enters with her food. (Cheese fries and two diet
cokes)
REGINA
Ugh. There's gonna be a fire drill
in, like, two seconds.

Eire alarm goes off. All the students around them go outside.
REGINA
I told Coach Farr we had to skip it
cause Karen might be pregnant.
Regina waves at Coach Farr who is manning the door. He waves
back.
KAREN
(laughs, then)
I'm not though, right?
CADY (V.O.)
I could see why it was good to have
Regina as a friend.
Cady and the Plastics have the huge cafeteria all to
themselves.
CUT TO:

25 INT. CALCULUS CLASS 25

Cady stares at Aaron. His eyes, his lips, his hands. Aaron
looks over and smiles. He makes a face as if to say, "This
quiz is hard." Cady nods in agreement.
 24.

CADY (V.O.)
But even if I wasn't allowed to like
Aaron, I could still look at him.

The bell rings. The guy next to Cadv, BARRY, 17, a tall,
skinny, good-natured guy drops something as he passes Cady.
As Cady picks it up, KEVIN GNOR, a completely American "Asian
Math Nerd" comes up to her.
KEVIN GNOR
Hey. you're the Homeschool girl,
right?
CADY
Yeah.
KEVIN GNOR
I'm captain of the Evanston
Mathletes. We participate in math
challenges against other high
schools around the state. And we can
get twice as much funding from the
school if we have a girl. You should
think about joining.

MS. NORBURY
You'd be perfect for it.
CADY
Yeah, definitely.
KEVIN GNOR
Great. Let me give you my number.
Kevin pulls out a pre-printed business card that reads "Kevin
Gnor - Math Enthusiast/Badass MC."
KEVIN GNOR
Think it over. Cause we'd like to
get jackets.
Cady hands the bag she found to Ms. Norbury.
CADY
Ms. Norbury, Barry dropped his
medicine. I have a question --

MS. NORBURY
Hold on --
Mrs. Norbury looks at the pills in the baggy. She chases
Barry down.
CUT TO:
 25.

26 INT. EMPTY STAIRWELL - A FEW MINUTES LATER 26

Ms. Norbury is having a private conversation with Barry. Cady

is listening from the flight above.
MS. NORBURY
Barry, you cannot function at school
on ecstasy.
Barry is licking the binding of his textbook.
BARRY
I didn't take it. I found it at a
club.
MS. NORBURY
Barry, I used to work the night
shift at a diner. I'm really good at
telling when people are high. If you
come to my class high again, I will
know.
Barry reaches out to touch Ms. Norbury.

BARRY
Shhh-- don't be scared.
MS. NORBURY
Barry, Ew. Stop touching my hair.
BARRY
Are you gonna turn me into the dean?
MS. NORBURY
Barry. I don't want you to get
kicked out of school. I want you to
graduate.
CADY (V.O.)
Ms. Norbury and Barry made a deal
that if he didn't come to school
high anymore, she wouldn't tell the
dean.

Ms. Norbury leaves the stairwell. Cady watches unnoticed as

Ms. Norbury goes to throw the baggy in the trash, then
realizing someone will find it, she goes into her class,
throws it in her desk drawer and locks it.
CADY (V.O.)
But she did call Barry's parents.
CUT TO:
 26.

27 INT. THE KITCHEN OF BARRY'S HOUSE 27

Barry's defensive mom on the other end of the phone.

BARRY'S MOM
Excuse me. I think I'd know if my
child was on drugs!
Reveal Barry on the other side of the kitchen in a neon half-
shirt, sucking on a baby bottle dancing wildly to music on
his headphones.

CUT TO:

28 EXT. EVANSTON H.S. PARKING LOT - FRIDAY AFTER SCHOOL 28

Cady and the Plastics (in jeans) walk up to Regina's lime

green PT Cruiser.
CADY (V.O.)
I guess the Plastics liked having me
as a pet, cause by Friday I was
invited to Regina's house after
school.
CUT TO:

29 INT/EXT. REGINA'S PT CRUISER CONVERTIBLE - ON THE STREETS OF 29

EVANSTON
The girls are driving home singing to the radio.
KAREN
So how was your first week?
CADY
Good. I’m joining the Mathletes.
REGINA
No, nof no. You cannot do that. That
is social suicide. Damn, you are so
lucky you have us to guide you.
GRETCHEN
Oh my God, there's Jason!
We see Jason Mandarino walking down the street with another
girl.
GRETCHEN
He's with Taylor Wedell.
 27.

REGINA
(outraged)
Wait. Jason is not going out with
Taylor Wedell. No. He cannot blow
you off like that. He's such a
little skeez.
Regina rolls up her window.
REGINA
Gimme your phone.
GRETCHEN
Don't call him!
REGINA
Give me a f------ break.
A passing car horn naturally bleeps out the "f-word." Regina
dials information.
REGINA
Wedell on South Boulevard.
GRETCHEN
Caller I.D.

Pushes a button on the phone.

REGINA
Not when you connect from
information.
(into phone in a mature
voice)
Hi, may I speak to Taylor Wedell
please?

30 INT. TAYLOR'S HOUSE - INT. REGINA'S CAR 30

Split screen with Taylor's mom on the phone.
TAYLOR'S MOM
She's not home yet. Who's calling?
REGINA
This is Susan at Planned Parenthood.
I have her test results, if you
could have her give me a call.
Today, if she can. It's urgent.
Thanks.
Regina hangs up. The mother faints. Full screen restores.
 28.

The girls laugh in horror. Cady is wide-eyed.

REGINA
(laughing)
She's not going out tonight.

31 EXT. REGINA'S GORGEOUS LAKEFRONT VICTORIAN HOUSE - A LITTLE 31

LATER
The girls pull up and get out.
CADY
Regina, your house is really nice.

REGINA
I know, right?
As Regina walks ahead, Gretchen whispers to Cady.
GRETCHEN
Make sure you check out her mom's
boob job.
CUT TO:
ЮТ. REGINA'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
The girls enter. In the living room, Regina's 7 year old
sister KYLIE is watching MTV and giving a large teddy bear a
lap dance.
REGINA
(calling into the kitchen)
I'm home.

As the girls head upstairs, MRS. GEORGE, an energetic blonde,

bursts out of the kitchen.
MRS. GEORGE
Hey Hey! T.G. It's Friday! You made
it through the week!
GRETCHEN
This is Cady.
MRS. GEORGE
Hi, sweetheart.
Cady looks at Mrs. George's chest. Through her t-shirt we see
two big grapefruit boobs with very long rock hard nipples.
MRS. GEORGE (CONT'D)
Welcome to our home.
 29.

MRS. George grabs Cady and hugs her.

CADY
(quietly)
Ow.
MRS. GEORGE
You want anything, don't be shy,
honey. There's no rules here. I'm
not like a regular mom, I'm a cool
mom, right, Regina?
REGINA
(exiting)
Please stop talking.
MRS. GEORGE
I'm gonna make you guys a Friday
treat.
Cady runs upstairs and joins the other girls in a cramped,
plain bedroom. Regina is looking through a dresser drawer for
something.

CADY
I like your room.
The girls laugh.
REGINA
This is my parents' room, Ass-kiss.
Regina pulls a bottle of rum out of her mother's underwear
drawer and heads to the hall. The girls follow.
REGINA
This is my room.
Regina opens the door to her huge bedroom. It looks like
something out of Cribs. Four poster bed. Moroccan throw
pillows, etc.
Cady looks at a bulletin board full of snapshots. They all
feature Regina. One is a large picture of Regina and Aaron as
last year's Spring Fling King and Queen.

Regina takes a swig of rum and passes the bottle to Karen who
drinks and passes it to Gretchen who drinks and passes it to
Cady who drinks.
CADY (V.O.)
Hmm, not bad.
 30.

It starts to burn, Cady coughs. Regina opens an armoire to

reveal a kickass stereo. She puts on girly pop music.
GRETCHEN
I never should have bought these
capri pants.
REGINA
How many times do I have to tell
you? The Gap is for old people.
GRETCHEN
I hate my calves.
KAREN
God, my hips are so huge.
REGINA
At least you can wear skirts. I'm so
long-waisted.
CADY (V.O.)
Before I met the Plastics, I thought
there was just fat and skinny.
Apparently there's an infinite
number of things on your body that
can go wrong.
GRETCHEN
My hairline's weird.
REGINA
My pores are huge.

KAREN
My nail beds suck.
The three girls look at Cady. It is her turn.
CADY
I have really bad breath when I wake
up in the morning.
Regina studies Cady for a beat.
REGINA
You know what, Cady? You're, like,
actually really pretty.
CADY
Thank you.
REGINA
So you agree?
 31.

CADY
What?
REGINA
You think you're really pretty.
CADY
I didn't say that.
GRETCHEN
The wav I think about it, there's
ugly, there's pretty, and there's
average. You and me are average.
CADY (V.O.)
What just happened?
Mrs. George enters with a tray of frozen daiquiris. Little
umbrellas and all.
MRS. GEORGE
Four to six is happy hour!
The girls each take a drink.
GRETCHEN
Thanks, Mrs. George.
KAREN
Thanks, Mrs. J.
Regina cracks up.
REGINA
Mrs. J? Mrs. G. Oh my God, you are
so dyslexic.
Karen is embarrassed.
CADY
Is there alcohol in this?

Mrs. George picks up the family dachshund and holds it.

MRS. GEORGE
No, honey! What kind of a mother do
you think I am?
(then conspiratorially)
Why? Do you want a little? If you're
gonna drink, I'd rather you drink
here.
CADY
No, I'm fine, thanks.
 32.

MRS. GEORGE
Well don't be shy. Right, girls?
The dog chews on one of Mrs. George's nipples. She can't feel
it.
REGINA
Mom, go fix your hair.
MRS. GEORGE
(exiting)
You girls keep me young. I love ya
so much.
Gretchen pulls a scrapbook out of the drawer.
KAREN
Oh my God. I can't believe you still
have this.
CADY
What is it?
GRETCHEN
It’s our Burnbook. We cut girls
pictures out of the yearbook and
wrote comments.
REGINA
It's just a joke.

KAREN
(reading)
"Veronica Ryu is a grotsky little
byotch."
REGINA
Still true.
GRETCHEN
"Madison Reilly is a fat virgin."
REGINA
Still half true.
Cady takes the book and flips through it. She sees:
A school photo of the HEAVY SET GIRL from the beginning.
"Emma Lynn Gerber - The future Mrs. Egg McMuffin."
A "HEAVY METAL" LOOKING GIRL. "Amber D'Alessio masturbates
with a frozen hot dog."

School photo of Janis. "Janis Ian-dyke."

 33.

CADY
This is so mean.
GRETCHEN
You should write something in it!
REGINA
Yeah, do one. We gotta find a
picture of somebody.
CADY
No.
GRETCHEN
Nobody will ever see it.
CADY
I don't want to.

REGINA
Oh, why, cause you're so nice and
we're evil?
CADY
No.
Reluctantly, Cady looks at the book. She sees Ms. Norbury in
the corner of a group photo. She writes a quote bubble over
her that says, "I keep ecstasy in my desk!" Regina laughs.
REGINA
"I keep ecstasy in my desk!" That's
hilarious. Is that true?
Cady nods sheepishly. Should she have done that?
CUT TO:

32 EXT. OLD ORCHARD MALL - SATURDAY NIGHT 32

Damian and Cady walk up to the mall.

DAMIAN
Did you even have a mall in Africa?
CADY
Sometimes a guy in a truck would
come by selling guns and computer
parts. Does that count?
Damian laughs.
CUT TO:
 34.

33 INT. OLD ORCHARD MALL - CONTINUOUS 33

The mall in all its American Splendor.
CADY
Wow.

DAMIAN
I know. It’s no Northbrook Court but
it’11 do.
Cady and Damian approach the mall's central fountain where
tons of kids are hanging out.
Groups of girls are flirting with groups of boys. Other boys
are goofing around, threatening to throw each other in the
fountain. Girls drinking giant frappacinos. Reapplying make-
up.
CADY (V.O. )
Something about that mall made me
feel like I was back in Africa, by
the watering hole --
Sfx: Jungle sounds.
All of a sudden, the boys start strutting around like
peacocks.

A couple girls drink out of the fountain like cats.

CADY (V.O.}
-- in the spring, when all the
animals were in heat.
A lanky, giraffe-like boy starts to "mate" with a tall lanky
girl humping her from behind and she looks detached, chewing
potato chips. Even her chewing looks like a giraffe.
Cady rubs her eyes, everything goes back to normal.
CUT TO:

34 INT. BATH AND BODY WORKS - A FEW MINUTES LATER 34

Janis is behind the counter, working. Her hair and make-up
choices do not look appropriate with her hunter green B&BW
apron.

CADY
And they have this book, this
"Bumbook" where they write mean
things about the girls in our grade.
 35.

JANIS
What does it say about me?
CADY
(lying)
You're not in it.
JANIS
Those bitches.
Damian brings over some skincare product.
DAMIAN
Will this make my skin better?
JANIS
No.
(to Cady)
Caddy, you've got to steal that
book.
CADY
No way!
JANIS
We could publish it and then
everyone would see what an ax-wound
she really is.
CADY
I don't steal.
Damian approaches with a bottle of Rosemary-Mint Foot Spray.
DAMIAN
Rosemary Mint Foot Spray?
JANIS
It makes your feet smell like a
salad.
(to Cady)
There's two kinds of evil people,
Caddy.
CADY
It's Cady.
JANIS
People who do evil stuff. And people
who see evil stuff being done and
don't do anything to stop it. If you
can get that close to Regina George,
Sou have a responsibility to mess
with her.
 36.

CADY
Unh-unh. I'll observe, that's it.
JANIS
Fine. Call me when you grow some
balls.
CADY
Fine. I will.
Damian comes back again.
DAMIAN
Does this cellulite creme work?
JANIS
No.
DAMIAN
I'll take it, anyway.
Damian gives Janis a ten dollar bill. She gives him ten
singles as change. (This is all unacknowledged.)
CADY
Hey, isn't that Miss Norbury?

Ms. Norbury is browsing on the other side of the store. She

is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She is with a handsome man.
DAMIAN
And she appears to have a lover.
JANIS
God, I love seeing teachers outside
of school. It's like seeing dogs
walk on their hind legs.
Ms. Norbury sees them and comes over.
MS. NORBURY
Hi, do you have any massage oil
that's edible?
JANIS
Um, I could check --

MS. NORBURY
Janis, I'm messing with you.
They all laugh.
MS. NORBURY
This is my friend Pete.
 37.

They say hi to her date.

MS. NORBURY
Cady, I hope you join the Mathletes.
We start in October and I would love
to have a girl in there. Just, you
know, even so it would smell better.
CADY
I think I'm going to do it.
MS. NORBURY
Good. Okay, well. This has been
sufficiently awkward. I'll see you
guys Monday.
Ms. Norbury and her date exit.
DAMIAN
You can't join Mathletes.
JANIS
It's social suicide.
CUT TO:

35 INT. CADY'S KITCHEN - EVENING 35

The phone rings. Cady answers it.
CADY
Hello?
CUT TO:

36 INT. REGINA'S BEDROOM - CADY'S KITCHEN 36

Split screen. Regina is on the phone from her bedroom.
REGINA
I hear you like Aaron Samuels.
Cady is terrified.
CADY
What are you talking about?
REGINA
Gretchen told me that you like
Aaron. I mean, I don't care. Do
whatever you want. But let me tell
you something about Aaron Samuels.
 38.

All he cares about is school and his

mom and his friends.

CADY (V.O.)
Is that bad?
REGINA
But if you like him, that's fine. I
could, like, talk to him for you if
you want.
CADY
Really? You would do that? I mean,
nothing embarrassing, right?
REGINA
Trust me, I know exactly how to play
it. But wait. Aren't you so mad that
Gretchen told me about this?
CADY
No.

REGINA
You can tell me if you are. It was a
bitchy thing to do.
CADY
Yeah, it was pretty bitchy. But I'm
not mad. She's just immature.
REGINA
See, Gretchen? I told you she wasn't
mad at you.
Gretchen, on the phone in her room, slides into frame. The
screen is now split in thirds.
GRETCHEN
I can't believe you think I'm
immature!
REGINA
(sweetly)
Okay, luv ya! See you tomorrow!
They all hang up. Cady slumps against the wall.
CADY (V.O.)
I had survived my first 3-way
calling attack.
CUT TO:
 39.

37 INT. SENIOR CALCULUS CLASS - THE SPAN OF A FEW WEEKS 37

CADY (V.O.)
Aaron Samuels and I started talking
more and more. On October 3rd he
asked me what day it was.
CADY
It's October 3rd.
Aaron smiles and turns back around.

CADY (V.O.)
Two weeks later we spoke again.
AARON
It's raining.
CADY
Yeah.
CADY (V.O.)
But I wanted things to move faster,
so I followed my instincts.
Two weeks after that, Cady leans forward and whispers to
Aaron.
CADY
I'm totally lost. Can you understand
any of this?
CADY (V.O.)
But I wasn't lost. I knew exactly
what Ms. Norbury was talking about.
AARON
It's a factorial so you multiply
each one by n.
CADY (V.O.)
Wrong.
CADY
Is that the "summation"?
AARON
Yeah, they're the same thing --
CADY (V.O.)
Wrong. He was so wrong.
Cady smiles.
 40.

CADY
Thanks. I get it now.
AARON
Any time.
CADY (V.O.)
It worked! He talked to me and he
smiled at me and up close he smelled
like fabric softener and shaving
cream.
Aaron leans over and whispers to Cady.
AARON
We're having a Halloween party at my
friend Chris's tonight. You should
stop by. It's a costume party.
People get pretty into it.
Cady is elated.

CADY
Grool.
(winces)
I meant to say cool, then I started
to say great.
AARON
Right, well, grool. See you tonight.
CUT TO:

38 INT. MATH ROOM - AFTER SCHOOL 38

Ms. Norbury and Kevin Gnor hosts the Mathletes meeting. It's
all nerdy boys. Cady peeks in the window. Thinks about going
in, then skips it.
CADY (V.O.)
I was so excited, I blew off the
first athletes meeting, to go home
and work on my costume.
DISS TO:

39 INT. CADY'S ROOM - EVENING 39

Cady frantically trying to put together a Halloween costume.
CADY (V.O.)
 41.

In the regular world, Halloween is a

holiday when children dress up in
costumes and beer for candy. In Girl
World, Halloween is the one night a
year when a girl can dress like a
total slut and other girls can't say
anything about it.
CUT TO:

40 INT. REGINA'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME 40

Regina costume is a fuzzy bikini and bunny‘ears. Regina's
smiling mom takes a picture while her father, a big red-faced
Irish guy, looks on horrified.
CADY (V.O.)
The hard-core girls just wear
lingerie and some form of animal
ears.

41 INT. GRETCHEN'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME 41

Gretchen is wearing a low-cut catsuit, heels, and cat ears.

42 EXT. KAREN'S HOUSE - NIGHT 42

Regina and Gretchen pull up to pick up Karen. Karen is

wearing a bikini top, a micromini, thigh high boots, tons of
make-up, and mouse ears.
GRETCHEN
What are you?
KAREN
(points to her ears)
I'm a mouse.

43 EXT/INT. CHRIS'S HOUSE - FRIDAY NIGHT 43

Loud music.
CADY (V.O.)
Unfortunately, being new to Girl
World, I did not know this.
The door opens on Cady who is wearing her mom's over-sized
wedding dress, monster teeth and bloody zombie make-up.
 42.

The place is packed. Cady passes. The group of black students

from before.
CADY
Hi.
They stare at her.
A crowd of guys watching in amazement as two sloppy drunk
girls (in animal ears) make out on the stairs.
Cady sees Aaron in the kitchen talking to Regina.
CADY (V.O. )
This was it. Regina was hooking me
up. How could Janis hate Regina? She
was such a good --

Regina gives Aaron a long kiss on the mouth. Cady freezes in

shock.
CADY (V.O.)
Slut!!!!
The room spins.
CADY (V.O.)
My heart started racing. My stomach
felt like it was going to fall out
my butt.
Aaron sees Cady.
AARON
Hey, Cady!
CADY
Hey --
Regina flashes Cady an infuriatingly fake apologetic look.

REGINA
Hi.
AARON
(referring to her costume)
So what are you?
CADY
I'm an ex-wife.
Aaron laughs.
AARON
 43.

That's funny.
CADY
(still fake smiling)
Yeah. Bye.
Cady heads for the door. She looks back and sees Regina kiss
Aaron again. After Cady exits, we hear Aaron say to Regina --
AARON
What are you doing?
REGINA
I just felt like kissing you. I've
been thinking about you a lot
lately.
AARON
Really? Does Shane know?
REGINA
Shut up. How's your mom?
Aaron softens. Regina is successfully spinning her web.
CUT TO:

44 EXT. CHRIS'S PARENT'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS 44

Cady walks out of the house with a crazed look on her face.
JOCK GUY
(looking at Cady)
Bro, that is a scary mask.
CADY (V.O.)
I had food-poisoning once in Costa
Rica. I got so sick I thought I was
going to die. The thought of Regina
and Aaron back together, was
churning in my guts like emotional
food poisoning.
CUT TO:

45 INT. JANIS' BASEMENT - A LITTLE LATER 45

Janis and Damian are watching Sleepaway Camp on the VCR. Cady
bursts in the basement door. Damian screams, frightened by
her costume.
DAMIAN
 44.

Aaaagh! Aaaagh! Aaaagh!

CADY
I grew some balls.
DAMIAN
Aaaagh! Aaaagh! Aaaagh!
CADY
(falling apart)
She took him back. Regina took Aaron
back.
JANIS
We can fix this, Caddy. Follow me.

DISS TO:

46 INT. "TOY CORNER" OF THE BASEMENT - A FEW MINUTES LATER 46

Janis writes in colored chalk on a little kid's chalkboard.
Damian is wearing a toy army helmet he's found.
JANIS
Regina George is an evil dictator.
How do you overthrow a dictator? You
cut off her resources. Regina George
would be nothing without her
technically "hot body," older
boyfriend, provocative clothing and
ignorant band of loyal followers.
Janis points to these words on the board.
1) "hot" body

2) older boyfriend
3) skanked-out clothes
4) army of whores
JANIS
Caddy, you're gonna have to keep
hanging out with them as if
nothing's wrong.
CADY
(wallowing)
I can't!
DAMIAN
 45.

(into toy walkie talkie)

You're gonna have to. Roger and out.
CUT TO:

47 INT. CAFETERIA - LUNCHTIME 47

Regina is hanging all over Aaron to make Cady jealous.
CADY (V.O.)
I felt like Regina was dangling
Aaron in front of me on purpose. I
knew how this would be settled in
the wild.
Cady leaps over the table Like a cheetah, knocking Regina
onto her back. As Cady and Regina wrestle and growl at each
other, Aaron runs daintily in a circle like a gaselle.
CADY (V.O.)
But in Girl World, all the fighting
had to be invisible.
Snap back to reality. None of this has actually happened.

CUT TO:

48 INT. EMPTY SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATER 48

Cady and Gretchen have a heartfelt talk.
GRETCHEN
-- and Regina wanted me to tell you
that she was trying to hook you up
with Aaron, but he was just
interested in getting her back, and
that's not Regina's fault.
CADY
No, I know.
GRETCHEN
So, you're not mad?
CADY
Oh my God, no.
GRETCHEN
Good. Regina wanted me to give you
this.
Gretchen hugs Cady. Cady makes a face like "Gross!"
 46.

CUT TO:

49 INT. SENIOR CALCULUS CLASS 49

Cady leans over to Aaron for help. Aaron leans close to show
her.
CADY
I just don't get it.
Ms. Norbury hands Cady and Aaron their quizzes.
MS. NORBURY
Very nice, Cady.
Cady's paper says "98" in big print. Aaron's says "77." Aaron
looks surprised.
AARON
It kinda seems like you get it.
CADY (V.O.)
If I was going to keep this going, I
was gonna have to really commit to
it.
DISSOLVE TO:
A WEEK LATER.
Ms. Norbury hands them papers.
MS. NORBURY
Cady, you're killing me.

Aaron's says "81." Cady's says "68." Kevin Gnor looks over
her shoulder.
KEVIN GNOR
Damn, Homeschool. What happened?
CUT TO:

50 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY 50

Janis gets something out of her overstuffed locker.
JANIS
You're telling me you're messing up
your grade on purpose.
CADY
 47.

What do I care what my grade is? As

long as I pass. I mean, learning
isn't about grades, it's about
knowledge. I have all the
information right here.
(points to her head)
So what does it matter at I pretend
not to know it on some test?
JANIS
Right. Right.
(beat)
That's retarded.

51 INT. CADY'S HOUSE - THE NEXT DAY 51

Cady mopes around the house (which is now a little more
decorated in an eclectic nerdy way.) Betsy is going over her
lecture notes. Cady comes in.
CADY
Hey, mom.

BETSY
Mmm-hmm.
CADY
Why do boys like girls who wear a
lot of make-up and show their boobs
better than real girls?
BETSY
I don't know, why?
CADY
What?
BETSY
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were
telling a joke.
CADY
I was. Never mind.

CUT TO:

52 INT. CADY‘S KITCHEN - LATE AT NIGHT 52

CADY (V.O.)
We had our first breakthrough in our
plan late one Sunday night.
 48.

Janis is drawing on a plate with mustard. Damian is rummaging

for food. Betsy enters in her pajamas, annoyed that these two
won't leave.
BETSY
Okay, it's a school night, so--
Damian and Janis don't get the hint. They stay put.
DAMIAN
Goodnight.

JANIS
Yeah.
Betsy shakes her head and leaves. Damian finds something to
eat in the cupboard.
DAMIAN
What are Kalteen bars?
CADY
They're these weird Swedish
nutrition bars that help you gain
weight. My mom used to give them to
the African kids.
Damian shrugs and keeps eating it. Janis and Cady look at
each other.
CUT TO:

53 INT. CAFETERIA - DAY 53

The cafeteria is decorated for Thanksgiving.
CADY
They're these weird Swedish
nutrition bars my mom uses to lose
weight.
REGINA
Gimme it.
Regina takes a bite, looks at the wrapper.
REGINA
It's all in Swedish.
CADY
Yeah. They're high protein.

REGINA
 49.

So, it's Atkins?

CADY
No, you have carbs for breakfast,
the protein for --
REGINA
-- So it's the Zone.
CADY
Except these have some weird
ingredient in them that's not legal
yet in the U.S. It's kind of like --
REGINA
-- Ephedrine?
CADY
No.
REGINA
Phentermine?
CADY
Yeah.
REGINA
I wanna lose three pounds.
The girls realize too late what they're supposed to say.
GRETCHEN/KAREN/CADY
Oh my God? What are you talking
about? You're so skinny -- Etc.
Regina is insulted and bites into the bar again.
PAN TO:

54 EXT. OTHER SIDE OF CAFETERIA 54

Damian and Janis watch from their table. Janis shakes her
head.
JANIS
Regina's gonna figure this out. She
probably weighs herself every five
minutes.
DAMIAN
Wait. There's this trick I learned
at fat camp. You pop the top off the
 50.

scale, and you take some dental

floss --
CUT TO:

55 INT. REGINA'S HOUSE - FRIDAY 55

The Plastics head into Regina's room. Cady ducks into --

56 INT. REGINA'S BATHROOM - HALLWAY OUTSIDE 56

Cady shuts and locks the door. She takes a screwdriver out of
her bookbag and pops open the back of Regina's scale. She
pokes a hole in the cardboard dial with a safety pin. She
takes some dental floss out of her bag.
Regina knocks on the door. (We cut back and forth between the
bathroom and the hall.)
REGINA
Cady!
CADY
One second.
Cady threads the dental floss through the hole. She ties it
off so that the floss is taught when the scale reads 112.

REGINA
When you come out I'm gonna pluck
your eyebrows, okay? And Gretchen
wants to give you bangs.
GRETCHEN
It's gonna look so "fetch."
Regina rolls her eyes.
REGINA
And Karen brought some make-up for
you.
CADY
Okay.
Cady pops the top back on the scale. She steps on it, it
stops at 112. She puts her backpack on. It still reads 112.
She picks up a large potted plant and holds it while on the
scale with her backpack on. It still reads 112.
REGINA (O.C.)
 51.

Hurry up!
Flustered, Cady opens the door and tries to look nonchalant.
CADY
Let's do it.
CUT TO:

57 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY 57

The Plastics, including Cady with new bangs, etc, walk the
halls in slow motion, looking like a "Sex and the City"
commercial.
CADY (V.O.)
When you were with the Plastics, it
was like being famous. People looked
at you all the time. And Everybody
just knew stuff about you.
Montage of students speaking straight to camera about the
Plastics.
PRETTY BLACK GIRL
Karen is the tall one. She doesn't
have a boyfriend right now--
WHITE GIRL W/ GLASSES
But she hooked up with my cousin.
Twice.
COACH FARR
Last year her hair was a bob, but
this year she's growing it out into
long layers.
EGG MCMUFFIN GIRL
Gretchen's favorite movie is Varsity
Blues.
KESHAWN, A HUGE BLACK GUY
Her cat's name is Peanut.
TWO GIGGLY GIRLS
That new girl moved here from
Africa.
KESHAWN
Her cat's names are Cleo and Pamela.
CHUBBY HISPANIC BOY
Regina is 5'4 1/2.'' She's a Leo.
 52.

SHORT GIRL
She just got back together with
Aaron Samuels.
DISS BACK TO:

58 INT. HALLWAY 58
Girls walking in slo-mo. Aaron comes into frame and puts his
arm around Regina.
COACH FARR (V.O.)
Yep, she's back with Aaron Samuels.
EGG MCMUFFIN GIRL (V.O.)
It's so great that she's back with
Aaron Samuels.
Cady trips on her high heels and takes an embarrassing slo-mo
fall.
CUT TO:

59 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DECEMBER 59

Christmas Music plays. The student center is decorated for
the holidays. Janis, Damian, and Cady (now dressed more
fashionably) are in line. They discuss their plan in hushed
tones without looking at each other.
JANIS
We have to crack Gretchen. She's the
keeper of all secrets. If this gets
Gretchen to crack, we'll have
cracked the lock on Regina's
secrets.
DAMIAN
Say crack again.
JANIS
Crack. Let's reconvene tonight.
CADY
I can't. I have to go to Regina's to
practice for the Talent Show. We're
doing a dance to--
JANIS
Jingle Bell Rock. I know. They do it
every year.
 53.

DAMIAN
Sweet mother of God, you're doing
Jingle Bell Rock?
Regina approaches.
CADY
Uh oh. Go.
Janis and Damian scatter.
REGINA
Why were you talking to Janis Ian?
CADY
She's so weird. She just came up and
started talking to me about crack.
REGINA
She's so pathetic. Let me tell you
something about Janis Ian.
(as if this is shocking)
I was best friends with her in
middle school. I know, right? It's
so embarrassing, I don't even--
whatever. Then, in eighth grade, I
started going out with my first
boyfriend, Kyle, who was totally
gorgeous but he moved to Indiana,
and Janis was, like, weirdly jealous
of him. Like, if I blew her off to
hang out with Kyle she would be
like, "Why didn't you call me
back!?" And I would be, like, "Why
are you so obsessed with me?" So
then my birthday was an all-girls
pool party and I was like, I can't
invite you, Janis, because I think
you're a lesbian. I mean, I couldn't
have a lesbian there. Girls were
going to be in their bathing suits.
I mean, right? Then her mom called
my mom and was, like, veiling at
her. It was so retarded and then in
the fall when we started high school
all her hair was cut off ana she was
totally weird and now I think she
does heroin.
A girl, LEA EDWARDS walks by wearing a plaid kilt.
REGINA
Oh my God, I love your skirt. Where
did‘you get it?
 54.

LEA EDWARDS
It was my mom's in the 80's.
REGINA
Vintage! It's so cute.
LEA EDWARDS
Thanks.
Kilt Girl smiles and leaves.
REGINA
That is the ugliest f---ing skirt
I've ever seen.
(The late bell perfectly bleeps Regina's swearing.)
Cady touches her wide leather bracelet and realizes that
Regina was making fun of her that first day.
CADY
Are you sending any candy canes?
REGINA
I don't send them. I just get them.
(leaving)
You better send me one, byоtch.
Cady is now in the front of the line.
CADY (V.O.)
Oh I was sending her one, all right.
I was gonna use 3 candy canes to
crack Gretchen Wieners.
CADY
Three, please.
She starts to fill out a candy cane order slip.
CUT TO:

60 INT. ENGLISH CLASS - LATER 60

ENGLISH TEACHER
Okay, your homework is to take a
passage from Julius Caesar and
translate it into modern day
English. Starting with line 142.
"Why, man, doth he bestride the
narrow world like a Colossus--"
Damian enters wearing a Santa Hat and carrying a sac.
 55.

DAMIAN
Ho, ho, ho! Candy Cane Grams!
ENGLISH TEACHER
Okay, hurry, up.
Damian starts passing out candy canes to some people.
DAMIAN
Taylor Zimmerman? Two for you. David
Westervelt? One for you. You only
need one to find love. Caddy Heron?
Is there a Caddy Heron?
CADY
It's Cady.
DAMIAN
One for you. And none for Gretchen
Wieners. Bye.
Damian leaves. Cady unfolds the paper attached to her Candy
Cane.
GRETCHEN
Who's it from?
CADY
"Thanks for being a great friend.
Love, Regina." That's so sweet.
Gretchen spirals. She has never gotten one of these.
CUT TO:

61 INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - NIGHT 61

The place is packed for the Winter Talent Show. Mr. Duvall
emcees.
MR. DUVALL
Welcome to the Evanston High School
Winter Talent Show. Y'all ready for
this?

CUT TO:

62 INT. AUDITORIUM - BACKSTAGE 62

Cady, Gretchen, and Karen are putting on make-up. They are in
red and white outfits and Santa Hats for their "act."
 56.

GRETCHEN
What do you mean you got one, too?
KAREN
It's just a candy cane. Maybe yours
got lost.
GRETCHEN
Is she mad at me? Has she said
anything to you about me?
KAREN
Nothing unusual.
GRETCHEN
What do you mean? What's the "usual"
stuff she says?
KAREN
I don't know. Just that you talk a
lot--
Gretchen is reeling with panic.

63 INT. AUDITORIUM - ONSTAGE 63

Damian sings to poorly played piano.
DAMIAN
I AM BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY
SAY.
A sneaker hits Damian in the neck. He doesn't flinch.
DAMIAN
WORDS CAN'T BRING ME DOWN.
CUT TO:

64 INT. AUDITORIUM GIRL'S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS 64

Regina is putting on her red and white outfit.
REGINA
You didn't really have to send me a
candy cane, I was just kidding.
CADY
Well, you've been so nice to me.
Regina's shorts don't fit.
 57.

REGINA
What the hell?
CADY
They don't fit?
REGINA
They should fit. I weigh 112.
Cady holds up a pair of red pants.
CADY
You want these? They're my mom's.
They're too big for me.
Rage flashes through Regina's eyes. Cady smiles innocently.
CUT TO:

65 INT. AUDITORIUM - ON STAGE 65

Kevin Gnor is freestyle rapping. The other Mathletes are his

"sidemen."
KEVIN GNOR
All you sucka emcees got nothing on
me. From my grades to my lines, you
can't touch Kevin G. I'm the Asian
persuasion, so truly amazing. I drop
the bomb rhymes on any occasion. It
ain't no trick, I am this slick, all
the ninth grade ladies tryin' to
suck my—WHAT? Chill, Mr. Duvall, I
didn't swear after all. I'm a
Mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but
forget what you heard, I'm like
James Bone the Third, shaken not
stirred. I'm Kevin Gnor. The G is
silent when I sneak in your door.
Make love to your woman on the
bathroom floor. I don't play it like
Shaggy. You'll know it was me. Cause
the next time you sex her she'll be,
like
(imitates a woman having
an orgasm)
"Uuunnh, Kevin G!"
(spoken)
Happy Holidays, everybody!
Violently mixed reaction from the crowd.
 58.

66 INT. BACKSTAGE 66
Cady and Gretchen watch from the wings. Gretchen is still
obsessing.
GRETCHEN
(to Cady)
It just seems weird to me. I mean,
no offense--

CADY (V.O.)
Oh yeah. Something else I've
learned, when a girl starts a
sentence with "no offense," she's
about to offend you.
GRETCHEN
I mean, no offense, but why would
she send you a candy cane? She
doesn't even like you than much.
Cady does a "See what I mean?" take to the camera.

67 INT. ON STAGE 67
Janis takes the stage in a long, home-made, white robe. She
is banging on tupperware with a wooden spoon. She chants
rhythmically and does an interpretive dance.
JANIS
I feel mis-er-a-ble! Mis-er-a-ble!
Mis-er-a-ble! I feel mis-er-a-ble!
Mis-er-a-ble! Mis-er-a-ble!
The crowd boos. Janis whips out a camera and takes photos of
the booing crowd. Mr. Duvall emcees.
MR. DUVALL
Thank you, Janis. Next, give it up
for Santa's Helpers doing "Jingle
Bell Rock."
Cady and the Plastics enter and take their positions. Cady
puts the boombox downstage and hits play. The girls start,a
simple, cheesy dance routine to "Jingle Bell Rock." It is the
same routine they have done every year since sixth grade, but
this year they have deigned to let Cady join them.
Janis and Damian watch from the wings.
DAMIAN
Does it bother you that they still
do your original choreography?
 59.

Janis punches him.

On stage, the girls continue. As they do a turn, Cady
accidentally kicks the boombox and the CD starts to skip.
The Plastics try to keep dancing as Cady rushes over to the
boombox to fix it. in rushing over, she accidentally kicks it
off the edge of the stage. It falls into the orchestra pit
and smashes.
Time seems to stand still as Cady looks back at Regina and
Gretchen, who are furious, at Damian and Janis laughing in
the wings, then out at the vicious audience who are ready to
eat her alive.
Not knowing what to do, Cady resumes the dance, singing a
Capella.
CADY
WHAT A BRIGHT TIME, IT'S THE RIGHT
TIME--
The Plastics look at her like she is crazy. Aaron joins in
from the audience.
AARON
TO ROCK THE NIGHT AWAY.
A girl near Aaron joins in.
GIRL
JINGLE BELL TIME IS A SWELL TIME--
More people in the audience sing along. The Plastics resume
their dance.
AUDIENCE
TO GO RIDING IN A ONE-HORSE SLEIGH.
GIDDYAP JINGLE-HORSE PICK UP YOUR
FEET. JINGLE AROUND THE CLOCK.
Everyone's into it now. The girls do their big finish.
AUDIENCE
MIX AND MINGLE WITH A JINGLING BEAT.
THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL, THAT'S THE
JINGLE BELL, THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL
ROCK.
The audience cheer for themselves.
BACK TO:
 60.

68 INT. BACKSTAGE 68
The girls run off stage, elated. Aaron comes in a side door.
KAREN
That's the best it ever went.

AARON
That was outstanding.
Regina kisses Aaron. Aaron puts one arm around Regina and one
playfully around Cady. Kevin Gnor passes by.
KEVIN GNOR
Hey, good job, Homeschool.
CADY
Thanks.
GRETCHEN
Cady's blushing. Oh my God. You
totally have a crush on that guy!
Everyone, especially Aaron, looks at Cady.
CADY
Shut up!

They all laugh and assume that's a "yes."

GRETCHEN
That's why you wanted to join the
Mathletes.
AARON
Mathletes? You hate math.
KAREN
Look how red she is.
GRETCHEN
You love him! And he totally
complimented you! That is so
"fetch."
REGINA
Gretchen, stop trying to make
"fetch" happen. It's not going to
happen.
Gretchen's face twists up in a frighteningly hateful
expression.
CUT TO:
 61.

69 INT. ENGLISH CLASS - MONDAY 69

With the same hateful expression on her face, Gretchen reads
her Julius Caesar assignment to the class.
GRETCHEN
Why should Caesar get to stomp
around like a giant while the rest
of us try not to get smushed under
his big feet? What's so great about
Caesar? Brutus is just as cute a
name as Caesar. Brutus is just as
smart as Caesar. And when did it
become okay for one person to be the
boss of everybody? That's not what
Rome is about. We should totally
stab Caesar!
CADY (V.O.)
Gretchen Wieners had cracked.
CUT TO:

70 INT. GIRLS' BATHROOM - AFTER CLASS 70

Cady is listening to a teary-eyed Gretchen go off.
GRETCHEN
I mean, if you even knew how mean
she really is. You know I'm not
allowed to wear hoop earrings,
right? She told me two years ago
that hoop earrings were "her thing"
and I wasn't allowed to wear them
anymore. And then my parents got me
a pair of really expensive white
gold hoops for Hanukkah and I had to
act like I didn't like them. It was
so sad. And you know she still
cheats on Aaron. Every Thursday she
hooks up with Shane Oman in the
alcove behind the auditorium. And I
never told anybody that cause I'm
such a good friend!
Cady tries to mask her outrage.
CUT TO:

71 INT. ALCOVE BEHIND THE AUDITORIUM - THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY 71

 62.

Regina and Shane Oman are making out in a forgotten vestibule

where ola marching band flags and theater flats are kept.
Regina pulls Shane's t-shirt off. He is buff. She is in jeans
and her bra.
Damian bursts in wearing a mask and starts snapping pictures.
DAMIAN
Yearbook candids!
Regina screams and grabs for her shirt. Shane lunges at
Damian.
SHANE
Get out of here, you ass.
Damian takes off running.
DAMIAN
I know you are, but what am I?
Shane tries to chase him but trips over Regina.
CUT TO:

72 INT. SCHOOL DARKROOM - A LITTLE LATER 72

Janis is developing Damian's photos. Janis' hair and lipstick
glow in the dark.
DAMIAN
Oh my God, I'm still shaking.
The first photo comes out. It's just the very tops of Regina
and Shane's heads.
JANIS
(referring to photo)
No.
DAMIAN
You should have seen their faces.
The second one develops, it's just their knees.
JANIS
Ugh! This is the last one.
Damian watches over her shoulder. The third one develops.
Shane's body is turned in a very flattering position and his
face has that open-mouthed startled look that models have.
DAMIAN
 63.

Oh my God that is awesome.

JANIS
Damian!
DAMIAN
What?
JANIS
She's not in the picture.
All we see is Regina's arm in the comer of the frame.
DAMIAN
Aw, farts.
JANIS
You suck.
Janis storms out. Damian takes the picture.
DAMIAN
(whispers to photo)
You're coming home to my house to
live under my bed with the
Abercrombie Catalog.
CUT TO:

73 INT. CADY'S HOUSE - A SATURDAY NIGHT 73

CADY (V.O.)
By Spring break something had
changed.

The Plastics are picking Cady up to go out. They're dressed

to kill. Betsy seems a little intimidated.
CADY (V.O.)
I could see my parents clearly for
the first time. And it was kind of
making me sad.
BETSY
Where are you going?
CADY
To a party.
BETSY
Oooh! You want me to braid your hair
for you?
 64.

CADY
No!
(then feels guilty)
Thank you.
REGINA
We'll have her back by eleven, Mrs.
Heron. I love your earrings, by the
way.
Betsy clutches her dangly African earrings, flattered.
(Regina has charmed her.) Cady winces. She knows what Regina
really means.
CUT TO:

74 INT. CAFETERIA 74
Regina is eating a Kalteen bar while everyone else eats
normal food. She has a zit.
REGINA
I don't think these things work.
CADY
What are you talking about?
REGINA
I've been eating them for months and
I still weigh 112.
CADY
That's because the protein builds
muscle--
GRETCHEN
And muscle weighs more than fat.
REGINA
It's making me break out.
KAREN
It's probably your toxicness coming
out.
CADY
Yeah, your toxins. I have this
really good skin stuff I'll bring
you.
CUT TO:
 65.

75 INT. BATH & BODY WORKS 75

Cady watched as Janis empties a bottle of "Facial Cleansing
Gel" and refills it with "Intensive Moisturizing Foot Creme."
She hands the bottle to Cady.
CUT TO:

76 INT. ART ROOM - AFTER SCHOOL 76

Janis has taken the photograph of the audience booing her at
the talent show and is turning it into a large painting. Cady
is checking herself out in a wall mirror. She has started
wearing more make-up.
CADY (V.O.)
If all I could think about was
Aaron, all I could talk about was
Regina.
CADY
She's not even that good looking if
you really look at her. Especially
now that she's getting fat.
Janis takes this in. "Fat" Regina is still much smaller than
Janis.
JANIS
I don't know. Her tits are getting
bigger.

CADY (V.O.)
I could hear people getting bored
with me. But I couldn't stop talking
about Regina. It just kept coming up
like word vomit.
CUT TO:

77 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 77

Janis and Cady head home.
CADY
I have this theory that if you cut
off all her hair, she would look
like a British man.
JANIS
I know. You've told me that before.
What is that smell?
 66.

CADY
Regina gave me some perfume.
JANIS
You smell like a baby prostitute.
A group of CUTE SENIOR GUYS says hi to Cady as they pass.
CUTE SENIOR GUY
Hey, Cady, what's up?
CADY
Hi.
JANIS
Who was that?
CADY
(laughs)
I don't know.

Janis hands Cady a flier.

JANIS
The 28th is my art show. Take a
night off from your double life. I
want you to see it.
CUT TO:

78 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY - A FEW WEEKS LATER - AN HOUR AFTER 78

SCHOOL
At the student center there is now a banner that reads,
"Coming Soon--Spring Fling! Nominate Your King and Queen!"
Damian counts ballots for "Spring Fling King and Queen"
nominations.
CADY (V.O.)
To get nominated for Spring Fling
King and Queen you either had to be
very good-looking, very popular, or
have enemies in high places. Like
the Student Activities Committee.
CUT TO:

79 INT. CADY'S HOMEROOM - THE NEXT MORNING 79

Damian, Janis, and Cady are anxiously listening to morning
announcements. Ms. Norbury enters late.
 67.

MS. NORBURY
Damian, did you take attendance?
Damian hands Ms. Norbury the attendance sheets.
DAMIAN
Two absent and Janis was late.
Janis kicks Damian. Ms. Norbury kisses Damian on the head.
MS. NORBURY
I love you. You're my favorite.
Ms. Norbury goes to her desk.
JOAN THE SECRETARY (V.O.)
--and finally the nominees for
Spring Fling King and Queen are as
follows. Regina George--
CUT TO:

80 INT. REGINA'S HOMEROOM - SAME TIME 80

People in her homeroom applaud. Regina acts like she doesn't
care.
JOAN THE SECRETARY (V.O.)
Gretchen Wieners--
Regina is startled. She quickly regains her composure.
CUT TO:

81 INT. GRETCHEN'S HOMEROOM - SAME TIME 81

Gretchen is completely surprised.
CUT TO:

82 INT. CADY'S HOMEROOM - SAME TIME 82

Janis, Damian and Cady are trying not to laugh. Ms. Norbury
is watching them.
JOAN THE SECRETARY (V.O.)
Janis Ian--

Janis stops laughing. She punches Damian in the arm.

CUT TO:
 68.

83 INT. REGINA'S HOMEROOM - SAME TIME 83

REGINA
What?
JOAN THE SECRETARY (V.O.)
And Cady Heron.
Regina is confused and annoyed.
CUT TO:

84 INT. CADY'S HOMEROOM - SAME TIME 84

CADY
Damian! You shouldn't have put my
name in there. It's gonna mess
everything up.

DAMIAN
I didn't.
CADY
I'm really nominated?
Damian nods. Cady is flattered. Damian and Janis imitate
Cady's flattered expression behind her back.
CUT TO:

85 INT. CALCULUS CLASS 85

Cady is taking a quiz. Barry sits next to her. He seems like
a different person. Stone cold sober and incredibly grouchy
about it.
MS. NORBURY
Time's up.

CADY (V.O.)
Meanwhile, even playing dumb in
Calculus required some math skills.
I had to figure out how many
questions I could blow without
actually failing.
Cady passes her paper up.
MS. NORBURY
How you doing over there, Barry?
Barry grunts. Ms. Norbury laughs.
 69.

MS. NORBURY
Good. That's how I like to see you,
Barry.
AARON
How did you do?
CADY
About a "71." I'm gonna have to get
a tutor.
AARON
I'll help you, if you ever want to
get together after school or
something.
CADY
Do you think Regina would mind?
AARON
No, you guys are friends.
He thinks about this for a second.
AARON
Well maybe we just won't tell her.
CUT TO:

86 INT. CLASSROOM - AFTER SCHOOL 86

The Student Activities Committee (which includes Aaron,
Regina and Damian) are meeting with their advisor, Mr.
Duvall.
DAMIAN
The caterers say they can prepare
the food right there in the gym--
REGINA
That's so boring! Why can't we have
Spring Fling on a boat?
AARON
Regina, a lot of people can't afford
a $150 dinner cruise.
REGINA
Ugh, Aaron, I'll buy our tickets.
Aaron is offended. A jocky guy, SHANE OMAN, chimes in.
SHANE OMAN
 70.

I think a dinner cruise sounds balls

out.
REGINA
(flirtatious)
Thank you, Shane.
CUT TO:

87 EXT. SOCCER FIELD - LATER 87

Aaron is playing soccer with some friends. Cady waves. Aaron
waves back, picks up his backpack and heads over.
CADY (V.O.)
Sometimes when I was around Aaron,
it was like I didn't even know who I
was. I couldn't remember how I
normally walk--
Cady walks swinging her arms with her legs instead of
opposite them. She catches herself.
CADY (V.O.)
I started talking in this weird high
voice.
CADY
(in a "girly" voice)
Thank you so much for tutoring me.
Cady looks embarrassed and clears her throat.
CUT TO:

88 INT. AARON'S HOUSE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER 88

Aaron and Cady enter. Aaron's house is much more modest than
Regina's. Aaron throws his stuff on the couch.
AARON
I just have to do one thing before
we start.
Aaron opens the cellar door and goes down to the laundry
room. Cady follows him tentatively.
AARON
It's just me and my mom so-- I try
to help out.
 71.

Cady sits on the basement stairs and watches as Aaron loads

the washing machine. The basement is a mess.
AARON
So do you miss living in Africa?
CADY (V.O.)
He was holding his mother's
underwear.
CADY
Sometimes but, I think I didn't
realise how lonely it was.
AARON
I would love to see Africa.
CADY
I'll take you sometime.
Cady cringes. That was queer. Aaron smiles and starts the
washer.
DISSOLVE TO:
LATER.
Aaron and Cady work at the dining room table.
CADY
What did you get for this one?
AARON
Well, the first time I did it, I got
zero--
CADY (V.O.)
(lovingly)
No, that's wrong.
AARON
But when I checked it I got 1.
CADY (V.O.)
There you go.
CADY
You have two different colored eyes.
AARON
Yeah. Most people don't notice.
She moves her face close to his.
 72.

CADY
Yeah, because that one is brown but
this one is kind of hazel.
They kiss for a second. Then Aaron breaks away.
AARON
Man. I can't do this. It's not fair
to Regina. I'll take you home.
CADY
Why do you like her?
AARON
Listen, I know Regina can be really
mean but--
CADY
Then why do you like her?
AARON
Why do you?
CADY
But--
AARON
She's just insecure. I mean, there's
good and bad in everybody. Regina's
just more up front about it--
CADY
But--
CADY (V.O.)
(nauseous)
Oh no. It was coming up. The word
vomit. I didn't mean to say it--
CADY
(blurts, it out)
She's cheating on you.
AARON
What?
DISSOLVE TO:

89 INT. DAMIAN'S BASEMENT 89

C.U. of Janis' hand at the chalkboard crossing off the phrase
"older boyfriend."
 73.

CUT TO:

90 INT. REGINA'S BEDROOM 90

Regina is laying on her bed sobbing with the other three
consoling her.
KAREN
Did he say why?
REGINA
Somebody told him about Shane Oman.
GRETCHEN
Who?
REGINA
He said some guy on the baseball
team.
Gretchen and Cady share a look of relief. Regina sobs.

REGINA
I gave him everything. I was half a
virgin when I met him.
KAREN
You wanna do something fun? You
wanna go to Taco Bell?
REGINA
(screams)
I can't go to Taco Bell I'm on a
carb-protein diet! God, you're so
stupid, Karen.
Regina storms out of the room. Gretchen runs after her.
GRETCHEN
Reginar wait. Talk to me.
CADY
You're not stupid, Karen.
KAREN
No, I am, actually. I'm failing
almost everything.
CADY
There must be something you're good
at.
KAREN
 74.

Blow jobs?
CADY
Okay. Anything else?
KAREN
I was in Orchestra in seventh grade.
I played the drums.
CADY
Why did you stop?
Karen picks up two pencils off the nightstand and starts
drumming with them.
KAREN
There was this closet where we kept
the instruments, and me and this
trumpet player used to go in there
after practice and take our pants
off?
CADY
Uh-huh.
KAREN
So eventually I just started
skipping practice and going straight
to the closet. God, I never should
have quit that.
CADY
You should get back into it.
KAREN
Yeah-- It's just so hard to find a
big enough closet.
Karen does her own "rin shot" on a nearby lampshade.
CUT TO:

91 INT. CALCULUS CLASS 91

Aaron slumps into class and sits down. He looks very
depressed and doesn't even say "hi."
CADY (V.O.)
I have to admit, I was mildly
horrified when Aaron didn't
immediately ask me to be his
girlfriend. Sure. Break-ups are
 75.

painful, but how much time did he

need? Regina had moved on.
FLASH TO:

92 INT. REGINA'S BEDROOM - AFTER SCHOOL 92

Regina making out with Shane Oman. Mrs. George enters. They
don't even look up.
MRS-GEORGE
You guys need anything? Some snacks?
A condom? Lemme know. God love ya.
Mrs. George takes their picture.
CUT TO:

93 INT. OLD ORCHARD MALL - DAY 93

Karen, Gretchen and Cady are in a dress store, waiting for

Regina to come out of the dressing room.
CADY (V.O.)
In January, Regina had put a Spring
Fling dress on hold at a store
called "1,3,5." But being Plastic,
she needed our advice before she
could actually buy it.
Regina comes out in a strapless dress that is way too small.
REGINA
Can you zip this for me?
Karen tries to zip the dress, but there's no way. Karen
dreads what she has to say--
KAREN
I think you need a bigger one.

REGINA
What?
KAREN
Ma'am, do you have this in the next
size up?
SALESGIRL
Sorry. We only carry sizes 1,3, and
5. You could try Sears.
 76.

Regina is horrified.
CUT TO:

94 INT. JANIS'S BASEMENT 94

C.U. Of Janis' hand at the chalkboard crossing off the phrase
"skanked out clothes."

CUT TO:

95 INT. SHOE STORE - DAY 95

Cady and Betsy shop for her Spring Fling outfit.
CADY (V.O.)
My mom insisted on going with me to
pick out my Spring Fling outfit. But
somehow we couldn't say two words to
each other without it being weird
and tense.
CADY
(holds up sexy heels)
These are on sale.
Subtitle: "I want these."
BETSY
(holds up ballerina flats)
These are well made.
Subtitle: "You must stay a baby forever."
CADY
Those are hideous.
Subtitle: "If I wear those, everyone will know that I am a
virgin and a loser."
BETSY
Well, I don't think those are
appropriate.
Subtitle: "Those are "hooker" shoes. Those shoes will get you
pregnant!"
CADY
Mom, why are you being so mean?I
want these.
BETSY
 77.

No.
CADY
Aaagh!
Cady throws the shoes across the store and storms off.
CADY (V.O.)
Spring Fling was blossoming into
Full Trit Drama.
CUT TO:

96 INT. CADY AND REGINA'S HOUSES 96

Split screen. Cady and Regina are on the phone from their
respective homes. Regina's skin is looking pretty bad.

CADY
Gretchen thinks you're mad at her
because she's running for Spring
Fling Queen.
REGINA
Oh my God, I'm not mad at her, I'm
worried about her. I think somebody
nominated her as a joke or something
and when nobody votes for her she's
gonna have a total meltdown. And
who's gonna have to take care of
her? Me.
CADY
You don't think anyone will vote for
her?
REGINA
Cady, she's not pretty. I mean, that
sounds bad, but, whatever, the
Spring Fling Queen is always pretty.
The crazy thing is, it should be
Karen, but people forget about her
cause she's such a slut. I gotta go.
I'm going to bed.
Regina hangs up and disappears.
CADY
Well, she's not mad at you.
The screen splits again from the other side to reveal that
with 3-way calling, Gretchen was on the line the whole time.
Her eyes are full of tears.
 78.

CADY
Are you okay--
Gretchen hangs up on her. Cady looks surprised as she slides
off screen. Gretchen sobs for a second as she dials the
phone.

Split screen as Karen answers.

KAREN
Hello?
GRETCHEN
If someone said something bad about
you, you'd want me to tell you,
right?
KAREN
No.
GRETCHEN
What if it was someone you thought
was your friend?
KAREN
What are you--? Hold on, that's my
other line.

Karen clicks over. The screen splits in thirds. It's Regina.

We still see Gretchen holding on the other line.
KAREN
Hello?
REGINA
Let's go out.
KAREN
Okay. Hold on. I'm on the other line
with Gretchen.
REGINA
Don't invite her. Those other two
are driving me nuts.
KAREN
Hold on.
REGINA
Hurry up.
Karen clicks back over to Gretchen. While she waits, Regina
eats a loaf of french bread.
 79.

KAREN
It's Regina. She wants to hang out
with me tonight but she told me not
to tell you.
GRETCHEN
Do not hang out with her!
KAREN
Why?
GRETCHEN
You don't want me to tell you.
KAREN
Okay. You can tell me. Hold on.
Karen tries to click over to Regina but it doesn't work.
KAREN
Oh my God, she is so annoying.
GRETCHEN
Who is?
KAREN
Who is this?
GRETCHEN
Gretchen.
KAREN
Right. Okay. Hold on.
Karen clicks over again. This time she gets Regina. While
Gretchen waits, she studies her face in the mirror.

REGINA
Hello?
KAREN
Oh my God, she is so annoying.
REGINA
I know, right? Just get rid of her.
Karen clicks over to Gretchen.
KAREN
Okay, what is it?
GRETCHEN
Regina says everyone hates you
because you're such a slut.
 80.

KAREN
She said that?
GRETCHEN
You didn't hear it from me.
Karen clicks over.
KAREN
I can't go out. I'm sick.
REGINA
(joking)
Boo! You whore.
CUT TO:

97 INT. DAMIAN'S BASEMENT 97

CU. of Janis's hand at the chalkboard crossing out the phrase
"Army of whores."
CUT TO:

98 INT. CAFETERIA - LUNCHTIME - DAY 98

Cady watches Regina eat two baked potatoes, some bacon, and a
Kalteen bar. Regina looks fat, zittv, and bad. Karen and
Gretchen approach with their trays.
GRETCHEN
Regina, we have to talk to you.
REGINA
Is butter a protein?
CADY
Sure.
GRETCHEN
Gina, you're wearing sweatpants.
It's Monday.
REGINA
So?
KAREN
So that's against the rules. You
can't sit with us.
REGINA
Whatever. Those rules aren't real.
 81.

KAREN
They were real that day I wore a
vest.
REGINA
Because that vest looked disgusting.
GRETCHEN
You can't sit with us.
REGINA
(quietly)
These sweatpants are all that fits
me right now.
Karen says nothing. Regina grabs her tray to leave.
REGINA
Fine. You can walk home, bitches.
As Regina walks away, she collides with the heavyset Egg
McMuffin Girl. Food spills all over the both of them.
EGG MCMUFFIN GIRL
Watch where you're going, fatass.
Regina is stunned speechless. Everyone around her laughs.
CUT TO:

99 INT. DAMIAN'S BASEMENT 99

CU. of Janis's hand at the chalkboard crossing out the phrase
"hot body."
CUT TO:

100 EXT. EVANSTON HIGH SCHOOL - AFTER SCHOOL 100

Gretchen and Karen treat Cady like she's the new Queenbee.
KAREN
So. What are we doing this weekend?
GRETCHEN
Yeah. What are we doing?
CADY (V.O.)
They were asking me?
CADY
 82.

Well, I'm supposed to go to Madison

overnight with my parents.

They stare at her.

CADY
We have tickets for this thing--
They stare at her.
CADY
But maybe I could get out of it--
CUT TO:

101 INT. CADY'S HOUSE - DINNERTIME 101

Cady and her parents at the dinner table.
CADY
--cause I have so much homework.
BETSY
But you love Brazilian jazz.
Cady whips ups some tears.
CADY
I'm just so overwhelmed with all
these assignments!
CHIP
Oh, honey.
Betsy looks suspicious.
CUT TO:

102 INT. CALCULUS CLASS 102

The bell rings. Cady stops Aaron as he leaves.
CADY
Hey. I'm having a "small get
together" at my house tomorrow
night.
AARON
Is Regina going?
CADY
 83.

No. Aaron, why don't you just come

over and hang out with me?
AARON
(blankly)
Okay.
He leaves.
CADY (V.O.)
What had just happened? I had asked
Aaron Samuels out and he said yes.
This was the greatest moment of my
life.
MS. NORBURY
Cady?
Ms. Norbury hands Cady her quiz. Cady's pacer says "71" with
a letter grade of "D"
CADY
Wait a minute! A "71" is a "C."
MS. NORBURY
These are graded on a curve.
CADY
On a what?
CADY (V.O.)
Being homeschooled really came back
to bite me in the butt on this one.
Ms. Norbury explains it rapidfire on the board.
MS. NORBURY
So many people got the extra credit
right that the highest grade was
105-- The average grade was 89--
therefore a "C" would range from 78-
88. 71 is a "D."
Cady is paralyzed.
CADY
Aren't curves supposed to help
people?
MS. NORBURY
Not in A.P. classes. But you know
what's weird about your quizzes,
Cady? All the work is right. Just
 84.

the answers are wrong. I hope he's

worth it.
CADY
Huh?
MS. NORBURY
I'll need your parents to sign that
so they know you're failing.
CADY
Is there anything I can do for extra
credit?
Kevin Gnor looms in the background.
CUT TO:

103 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER 103

Cady comes out of class and runs into Janis.

JANIS
Do you need a ride to my art show
tomorrow night?
Cady freezes for a moment, then chooses to lie.
CADY
I can't go. I have to go to Madison
with my parents. I'm so sorry.
CUT TO:

104 EXT. CADY'S HOUSE - SATURDAY AFTERNOON 104

Cady's parents kiss her goodbye and drive off.
CADY (V.O.)
My parents left for Madison at 4 PM.
By 4:12, Gretchen and Karen were
getting things ready.
CUT TO:

105 INT. CADY'S HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER 105

Gretchen is setting bowls of Doritos around the living room.
CADY (V.O.)
 85.

Aaron Samuels was going to be in my

house. Everything had to be perfect.
Karen is in the kitchen pouring Everclear into jello.
CADY (V.O.)
This time, when Aaron saw me, I
wouldn't be in some ridiculous
Halloween costume.
Cady comes down the stairs. She has on too much make-up. Too
sexy clothes. Her hair is huge. It does look like a
ridiculous costume.
KAREN AND GRETCHEN
You look awesome!
CADY
I got enough cheese and crackers for
eight people. Do you think that's
enough?
Gretchen and Karen look at each other.
GRETCHEN AND KAREN
Yeah.
The doorbell rings. They light up with excitement.
DISSOLVE TO:

106 INT. CADY'S LIVING ROOM - AN HOUR LATER 106

The place is packed.
CADY (V.O.)
It was not enough. Somehow the word
had gotten out about my "small get
together."
Gretchen and Karen in the hall.
GRETCHEN
(freaking out)
Jason is here with Taylor Wedell!
KAREN
He's just using her to make you mad.
Cady answers the door, it's four huge guys with brown paper
bags.
CADY
 86.

Do I know you?
The guys recognize someone across the room.
HUGE GUYS
Deek! What up, dog? Etc.
They enter. Cady heads back toward the kitchen. She can't
walk so well in the heels. She passes--
A group of people going through her parents' CD collection.
GUY
Dude, put on "The Ramayalan Monkey
Chant."
Crazy jungle music with monkey sounds over it plays.

CUT TO:

107 INT. REGINA'S CAR - SAME TIME 107

Regina and Shane are heading over to crash Cady's party.
REGINA
She thinks she's gonna have a party
and not invite me? Who does she
think she is?
SHANE OMAN
You're right, hon.
REGINA
I, like, invented her. You know what
I mean?
CUT BACK TO:

108 INT. CADY'S HOUSE 108

Aaron enters, looking for Cady.
in the kitchen, someone has brought a "pony keg." Cady gets
herself a cup of beer.
As Aaron makes his way to the kitchen, Cady circles around to
Karen in the hall. They watch Gretchen confront Jason.
GRETCHEN
(very drunk)
I have to talk to you!
 87.

Cady passes a group of senior girls. They purposely speak so

Cady will hear them.
SENIOR GIRL
This place is crawling with
sophomores.
SENIOR GIRL 2
Yeah, I hope I don't have to kick
anybody's ass.
Cady quickly leaves the room. Someone hands her a shot. She
downs it.
CADY (V.O.)
Was Aaron blowing me off?
Aaron enters the hall, Looking for Cady as Cady enters the
dining room. Some guy has picked up a piece of her mom's
African pottery and is goofing around with it.
CADY
Put that down!
As Aaron heads for the dining room, Cady enters the kitchen
carrying several vases. She hides them under the sink.

Cady heads into the hall and comes face to face with Kevin
Gnor.
KEVIN GNOR
What's up? Your friend came to talk
to me.
CADY (V.O.)
Oh no.
KEVIN GNOR
I don't want to hurt your feelings,
but, I only date women of color.
CADY
I have to pee.
Cady is now visibly drunk. She pushes her way through the
crowd and heads up the stairs. She grabs one more jello shot
and downs it.

Aaron enters the kitchen. He looks for Cady on the back

porch.
Cady, now upstairs, opens the bathroom door and finds
Gretchen kneeling in front of Jason. (Fully clothed. Nothing
graphic.) Gretchen and Cady shriek.
 88.

CADY AND GRETCHEN

Aaagh!
Cady slams the door. She walks into her parents' bedroom and
goes in their bathroom to pee.
Regina and Shane enter the party. Regina is looking for Cady.
Aaron sees Regina and goes upstairs to avoid her. He goes to
a door that looks like a bedroom. He opens it and finds Karen
and Shawn, the huge black guy, in the closet with their pants
off.
KAREN
Hey!
Karen pulls the door closed.
Aaron goes into the master bedroom and sits on the bed. From
the bathroom, there is a loud flush. Then hand-washing. Then
a pause. Then a loud commotion like she has knocked a shelf
over.
CADY (O.S.)
Ow.
Cady comes out of the bathroom. She gasps with embarrassment.
AARON
Hey, I've been looking for you for
an hour.
CADY
Me, too.
AARON
You look, um-- are those new
clothes?
CADY
Thank you.
AARON
You wanna go downstairs?
CADY
No. Let's stay in here.
Cady sits on the bed.
CADY (V.O.)
I knew I was looking smooth and
sexy.
 89.

Cady smiles at Aaron. She looks drunk and askew.

AARON
Thanks for getting me to come out
tonight.
Cady puts her leg on Aaron's lap.
CADY
Yeah, no problem.
AARON
I know I've been acting weird, but
it's just embarrassing when you
think you know someone and you find
out they've been lying to you the
whole time. She cheated on me
before, I don't know what I was
thinking.
CADY
I would never lie to you.
AARON
No, I know.

CADY
Although, okay, listen, okay, I did
lie to you a little bit, but only
for cute reasons.
AARON
What do you mean?
CADY
I pretended to be bad at math so you
would help me. But I'm not bad at
math. I'm really good at math.
You're kind of bad at math, but,
anyway, now I'm failing. Isn't that
funny?
She leans into kiss him.
CADY
I love it that you wash your mom's
underwear.
AARON
Wait. You're failing on purpose?
That's stupid.
CADY
 90.

No, not on purpose. I couldn't talk

to you cause you were with Regina.
And Regina's so scary-- she's so
bossy--that I had to--
CADY (V.O.)
Uh-oh. It was coming up again. Word
vomit. Nope. Wait a minute.
Regina bursts into the room.
REGINA
What is this?!

CADY (V.O.)
Actual vomit.
Cady vomits all over Aaron.
CUT TO:

109 EXT. CADY'S STREET - MOMENTS LATER 109

Cady runs out the door. Aaron strides out in the other
direction.
As Cady walks down the quiet street, a car pulls up alongside
her. Janis is sitting in the sun-roof. She is pissed. Damian
drives.
CADY
Oh no. I'm sorry.
JANIS
You shitty little liar.
CADY
I can explain.
JANIS
Explain how you forgot to invite us
to your party?
CADY
You know I couldn't invite you. I
have to pretend to be plastic.
JANIS
You're not pretending anymore!
You're plastic! Solid, durable,
molded plastic!
Damian is freaking out about his curfew.
 91.

DAMIAN
(to Janis)
I have a curfew.
JANIS
You're the worst. At least Regina
George knows she's mean. You act
like you're so innocent.
(imitating Cady)
"I used to live in Africa. With the
birds and the monkeys"
CADY
Shut up, Janis.
DAMIAN
Curfew. 1 a.m. It's 1:10.
JANIS
Did you have an awesome time? Did
you drink awesome jello shots and
listen to awesome music and soak up
each other's awesomeness?
CADY
Shut up! It's not ray fault you're,
like, in love with me or something.
JANIS
Wwwwwwwwhat?!!!!
That car stops short.
DAMIAN
Oh no she did not.
JANIS
In love with you? I don't even like
you. And you. know who else isn't in
love with you? Aaron Samuels. He
broke up with Regina, and guess
what? He still doesn't want you. So
why are you still messing with
Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why,
cause you're a bitch.
Janis takes out a small canvas and hurls it at Cady.
JANIS
You can have this. It won a prize.
Janis gets in the car and Damian drives away.
 92.

Cady looks at the canvas it is a very cool painting of her

and Damian and Janis from the first day of school.

110 INT. CADY'S KITCHEN - SAME TIME 110

Shane is having a beer. Regina is angrily chomping on a
Kalteen bar.
REGINA
--it's like I can't trust anybody
anymore!
SHANE OMAN
(laughs_)
Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?
REGINA
I'm starving.
SHANE OMAN
I hate those things. Coach Farr
makes us eat those when we wanna go
up a weight class!
REGINA
(steely calm)
What?
SHANE OMAN
They make you gain weight like
crazy.
Regina figures out she's been tricked.
REGINA
Motherf--
CUT TO:

111 INT. REGINA'S HOUSE - THE SAME TIME 111

Regina runs in and up the stairs. In the living room, Mrs.
George is asleep on the couch. Kylie is watching a Girls Gone
Wild Infomercial, lifting up her pajama shirt and dancing.
CUT TO:

112 INT. REGINA'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS 112

Regina is in a rage. Her face is red from crying. She takes a
photo of her and Cady off her bulletin board and cuts the
 93.

photo in hair.
Regina pulls out the "Burnbook." She flips through and finds
section of blank space in the middle.
Regina takes a pink pen with a heart on top and writes the
following in the book. We focus in on the underlined words.
"This girl is the nastiest whore bitch I ever met. Do not
trust her! She is a fugly slut!"
She wipes her tears away. Takes half the picture. Applies
glue stick to the back and presses it in place. It is her own
picture.
Under it Regina writes "Regina George."
CUT TO:

113 INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MONDAY MORNING 113

Regina is fake crying to MR. DUVALL. He is reading the
"Burnbook."
REGINA
I found it in the girls' bathroom.
It's so mean, Mr. DuVall.
MR. DUVALL
Good Lord.
(next item is illegible)
What does that say? Kaitlyn Caussin
has--
REGINA
Vadge odor.
(fake sobs)
It's so mean.
MR. DUVALL
Okay. Calm down, Miss George.
REGINA
Why would somebody write that? It's
so mean.
MR. DUVALL
Okay, take a breath. We'll find out
who did it.
REGINA
(suddenly ice cold)
 94.

There's only three girls in the

whole grade who aren't in it.
CUT TO:

114 INT. HOMEROOM - MOMENTS LATER 114

A student enters and presents a note to Ms. Norbury.

MS. NORBURY
Cady, they want you in Dean Duvall's
office.
The other students murmur. Oooh, etc. Janis looks at Cady
coldly.
CUT TO:

115 INT. OUTSIDE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 115

As Cady enters, Mr. DuVall walks Regina out of his office.
MR. DUVALL
In here, Miss Heron.
Regina and a mystified Cady lock eyes as Mr. Duvall ushers
Cady into his office.
CUT TO:

116 INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 116

Gretchen and Karen are already seated. They look nervous.
CADY
What's going on?
MR. DUVALL
You ever seen this before?
CADY
No. I mean, yes, I've seen it
before, but, it's not mine.
MR. DUVALL
You better get your story straight,
Miss Heron, cause I'm not messing
around here.
GRETCHEN
 95.

It's not ours, it's Regina's. She's

trying to make it look like we wrote
it, but she wrote it.
MR. DUVALL
Miss Wieners why would Regina call
herself a--
(refers to book)
"Fugly whore bitch."
Karen laughs.
MR. DUVALL
Ms. Smith, this is no time to be
laughing.
CUT TO:

117 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - SAME TIME 117

Regina takes xeroxed pages out of her bag and drops them in
the hall. She slides them under classroom doors. They are
copies of the Burnbook pages. She hands them to anyone she
passes. She throws them like confetti.

118 INT. DEAN DUVALL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 118

GRETCHEN
Maybe we're not in that book because
everybody likes us. I don't wanna
get punished for being well-liked.
And I don't think my father, the
inventor of Toaster Strudel, would
be too pleased to hear about this.

119 INT. HALLWAY - SAME TIME 119

Students are reading the Burnbook pages and girls are
freaking out.
A group of boys read as two girls pass.
BOY
"Liza Cowell made out with Coach
Farr!"
LIZA COWELL
(hitting her best friend)
I told you not to tell anybody!
A girl at her locker reads about herself.
 96.

BRITTANY LANCE
"Brittany Lance has a huge nose?!"
Who would write that?!
She turns sideways and we see that she does have a huge nose.
A group of black students sitting on the grass. LEA EDWARDS
hangs on her boyfriend. Another boy reads.
BOY #2
"Lea Edwards had sex with Derrick
Thomas to piss off Shawn Brooks."
DERRICK AND ANOTHER GUY
(angry)
Who is Shawn Brooks?
Lea smiles sheepishly.
AMBER D'ALESSIO reads about herself.
AMBER D'ALESSIO
"Masturbates with a frozen hot
dog?!" Oh my God, that was one time!
CUT TO:

120 INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 120

GRETCHEN
I can't answer any more questions
until I have a parent or a lawyer
present.
MR. DUVALL
Ms. Smith?
KAREN
I didn't think anybody would ever
see it.
MR. DUVALL
You better hope nobody else ever
does see it.

121 INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 121

Complete chaos has ensued. Girls are crumpled on the floor in

tears.
One girl throws another girl onto a card table that says
"Spring Fling Tickets" and smashes it.
 97.

A SCRAWNY BOY (Kristin Hadley's boyfriend) on a cell phone.

SCRAWNY BOY
Mom, can you come pick me up? I'm
scared.
Janis and Damian read the page that says, "Janis Ian-dyke."
Janis groans.
DAMIAN
it might be your shoes.
Pan down to Janis' Frankenfurter boots.
Teachers are wandering the halls trying to stop the fights.

MS. NORBURY
Hey. Hey. Calm down.
Ms. Norbury gets hit in the head with a large purse.
MS. NORBURY
Ow!
Doubled over from pain, she sees a Burnbook page with her
picture and "I keep ecstasy in my desk!"
MS. NORBURY
Oh no.
She makes a dash for her classroom. When she gets there, Joan
the Secretary is confiscating the drawer from Ms. Norbury's
desk with the ecstasy in it.
MS. NORBURY
No, Joan. Those aren't mine--

Joan brushes by her with cold efficiency and heads back into
the hall. Everywhere you look, there are shouting matches.
GIRL 1
That was a secret!
GIRL 1A
We are so not friends anymore!
GIRL 2
Did you write this?!
GIRL 2A
No! I swear!
GIRL 3
Then you told somebody.
 98.

GIRL ЗА
She told.
GIRL 4
You little bitch.
GIRL 4A
You're a bitch.
4 and 4A start punching each other. A group of boys cheer
them on.
JASON MANDARINO
Yeah! Take your top off!
CUT TO:

122 INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 122

JOAN the SECRETARY runs in flustered, carrying the drawer.
JOAN
Mr. Duvall. Come quick. They've gone
wild. The girls have gone wild.
Joan runs back to her phones which are ringing like crazy. We
hear a parent's voice yelling through the phone.
PARENT (O.C.)
I mean, what the hell is going on
down there?
Mr. Duvall runs out and sees the chaos. Coach Farr has two
angry girls pinned to a wall.
COACH FARR
I pulled these two off each other.
MR. DUVALL
Coach Farr, get away from them!
Around the corner a girl is hanging from a door jam trying to
kick another girl in the head. Mr. Duvall tries to pull her
down.

KICKING GIRL
Get off me.
MR. DUVALL
Aw, hell no. I did not leave the
south side for this.
 99.

Mr. Duvall smashes a fire alarm box and the sprinklers kick
in. The girls are momentarily stunned.
RANDOM GIRL
Oh, crap, my hair.
Mr. Duvall crosses to the P.A. system and announces:
MR. DUVALL
All sophomores please report to the
auditorium immediately. Immediately.
CUT TO:

123 INT. MR. DUVALL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 123

A soaking wet Mr. Duvall holds up the baggy of pills to Ms.
Norbury.
MR. DUVALL
What are these?
MS. NORBURY
Ecstasy pills.
Mr. Duvall holds up a page of trippy looking stickers.
MR. DUVALL
And what the hell are these?
MS. NORBURY
Those are stickers I put on tests.

Mr. Duvall is embarrassed. He thought they were L.S.D.

MR. DUVALL
Good. That's what I thought. Where’d
you get this stuff?
MS. NORBURY
I confiscated it from a student.
Don't ask me to tell you who, Mike.
I can't.
MR. DUVALL
Sharon, you're giving me no other
choice here.
CUT TO:

124 INT. THE AUDITORIUM - A FEW MINUTES LATER 124

 100.

The students are all soaking wet and the teachers are
circling them mistrustfully like prison guards.
Mr. Duvall, now wearing just his undershirt and slacks,
addresses them.
MR. DUVALL
Never in my 14 years as an educator
have I seen such behavior. And from
young ladies! I mean, I got parents
on the phone asking did somebody get
shot. I ought to cancel your Spring
Fling.
Mixed cries of "No!" And "Who cares?" Damian gasps!
MR. DUVALL
Now I'm not gonna do that cause we
have already paid the caterer. But
don't think I'm not taking this book
very seriously. One of your
teachers, Ms. Norbury, has already
lost her job over it.
Cady is shocked.
MR. DUVALL
And Coach Farr has fled school
property. This is serious stuff,
folks. The young women in this grade
need an attitude makeover. And
they're going to get it. From me. I
got the Latin Kings out of Marshall
High School, I can handle a bunch of
little suburban girls. There will be
a full day workshop for every tenth
grade girl this Saturday. And
anybody who doesn't show up, won't
be allowed to go to Spring Fling.
Again someone yells "Who cares?"
MR. DUVALL
Janis Ian, I know your voice. And I
will see you on Saturday. 10am. In
the gymnasium.
CUT TO:

125 INT. CADY'S HOUSE - THAT EVENING 125

Cady and her parents are eating a tense silent dinner.
 101.

BETSY
Everybody done?
CADY
No--
Betsy takes the plate anyway and dumps it in the sink.
CADY
Mom, I didn't do it!
BETSY
I don't know what to believe
anymore.
CADY
Believe me. I'm your daughter.
Betsy opens the cupboard to get dish soap.
BETSY
Why are my vases under the sink?
CADY
Huh?
BETSY
My pottery vases. Why are they under
the sink?
CADY
I don't know.
BETSY
Did you have people here when we
were gone?
CADY
(sarcastic)
Yeah, I had a huge party and I hid
your vases cause I didn't want
anyone to see how ugly they were.
BETSY
Who are you?!
Betsy storms out in frustration. Cady puts her head on the
table.
CADY
She's so happy. She wanted me to
hate school to prove what a great
teacher she is.
 102.

CHIP
You're really stretching with that
one, Cady.
CADY
Dad, I think it be would best, um--
maybe I should go back to being
homeschooled.

CHIP
Well, I don't think so, honey. We
homeschooled you so you could see
the world. Not so you could hide
from it.
CADY
I can't go back there.

CHIP
Look. You know. If lions can live
together as family units, I'm sure
you can figure out how to get along
with these girls at school.

CADY
Lions also tear warthogs apart with
their teeth.

CHIP
Yeah, well, you're not a warthog.
You're a lion.

CADY
Dad. Can you sign my Calculus test?
I'm failing.

Chip is even more disappointed.

CUT TO:

126 EXT. EVANSTON HIGH SCHOOL - SATURDAY - 10AM 126

The parking lot is full of girls being dropped off.

127 INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 127

Cady passes her homeroom. She sees Ms. Norbury inside packing
up her personal effects.

128 INT. GYMNASIUM - CONTINUOUS 128

 103.

Girls are milling in, sitting on the floor.

CADY (V.O.)
Have you ever walked up to people
and realized they were just talking
about you?
They all glare and whisper about Cady as she passes.

CADY (V.O.)
Have you ever had it happen 60 times
in a row? I have.

Cady approaches a very small nerdy looking girl.

CADY
Can I sit here?
TINY NERD
(in a tiny voice)
Eat me.
Cady keeps looking. She catches Janis' eye and waves
sheepishly.

Janis smiles excitedly and waves, then gives her the finger
and looks away. Janis whispers something to the girl next to
her who's wearing a sweatshirt with the hood up. The "girl"
peeks over her sunglasses at Cady. It's Damian. He shakes his
head and looks away.

Mr. Duvall addresses the girls. He is dressed for golf.

MR. DUVALL
Alright, ladies, settle down. I
don't want to be here on a Saturday
any more than you do. So the faster
we can get through these exercises
and fix your self-esteems, the
sooner we golf. I read part of this
book last night.
Mr. Duvall holds up a book and talks.

CADY (V.O. )
Mr. Duvall had gone out and bought
himself a book called "Mean Girls"
all about how if girls didn't learn
how to get along with each other,
they'd all end up getting date-
raped. Or something like that. Hе
didn't explain it very well.
Mr. Duvall writes the word "Clique" written on a chalkboard.
 104.

MR. DUVALL
Let's talk about cliques. What is a
clique?

A group of skater girls. They all look exactly like Avril

Lavigne.
SKATER GIRL
It's a bunch of people who all
conform. They all dress alike and
act alike.

FOUR OTHER SKATER GIRLS

(in perfect unison)
It's pathetic.

Ms. Norbury is carrying a box of her stuff. She stops in the

open gymnasium door and watches.

MR. DUVALL
That's right. Cliques are bad. Wait.
(checks book quickly)
Yes, cliques are bad. We have to get
rid of cliques.
(breaks down the word on
the chalkboard)
I say, if you "c" a "clique," you
gotta "lique" it.
Girls stare at him. Over by the door, Ms. Norbury laughs to
herself.

CADY (V.O.)
I got so caught up in the Plastics
that I thought they were the whole
school. But there were tons of
cliques I had completely forgotten,
about.

A group of butch jock girls argue.

JOCK GIRL 1
You've been acting really stuck up
ever since you switched to short
fielder. And Dawn agrees with me.

JOCK GIRL 2
Dawn?
JOCK GIRL DAWN
Don't drag me into this. I'm
pitching tomorrow!
 105.

A clique of 4 beautiful Vietnamese girls argue heatedly in

Vietnamese.
VIETNAMESE GIRL 1 (SUBTITLE)
Why are you always cockblocking me?
VIETNAMESE GIRL 2 (SUBTITLE)
You're just jealous because guys
like me better.
VIETNAMESE GIRL 1 (SUBTITLE)
Nigga, please.
A clique made up of a girl who uses a wheelchair, (JESSICA
LOPEZ, 15) a girl with crutches, and a little person.

LITTLE GIRL
I know you and Caitlyn and Bethany
talk about me behind my back.

JESSICA LOPEZ
Ugh! You're such a drama queen!

DISSOLVE TO:

129 INT. HALLWAY - A FEW MINUTES LATER 129

Mr. Duvall is leading a trust exercise. A girl stands on the
edge of a table. The other girls crowd around.

MR. DUVALL
You fall back and trust that we will
catch you.

The Girl takes a deep breath and falls backwards. The girls
catch her. They all giggle with relief.

The next girl climbs onto the table and falls backwards. The
girls catch her.
MR. DUVALL
Good. Next.
Gretchen is next. She climbs onto the table and nervously
looks down at the "catchers." Over by the door, Ms. Norbury
is worried.
MS. NORBURY
Uh-oh.
MR. DUVALL
See what you can do when you work
together?
 106.

The girls look at Gretchen coldly. They know she is one of

the people behind the Burnbook. Gretchen falls backwards and
the girls let her fall with a loud thump. Ms. Norbury runs in
to help.
GRETCHEN'S P.O.V. AS SHE "COMES TO."

Regina, Mr. Duvall, Ms. Norbury, girls looking down at her.

MR. DUVALL
Stay here. I'll get some ice.

Mr. Duvall exits. Ms. Norbury helps Gretchen up.

MS. NORBURY
Walk it off.
(to the other girls)
See that, you guys. Your actions
have consequences.
GRETCHEN
Yeah. If someone falls, and you
don't catch them, they get hurt!
MS. NORBURY
(to Gretchen)
Yeah, and if you piss people off,
they won't catch you.
(to other girls)
Everybody take out a piece of paper.

CADY (V.O.)
Ms. Norbury had us write out
apologies to people we had hurt in
our lives.

130 INT. HALLWAY - A FEW MINUTES LATER 130

The girls read written "apologies" out loud.

PIE-FACED GIRL
Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a
gap-toothed bitch. It's not your
fault you're so gap-toothed.

BRACES GIRL
Laura, I don't hate you because
you're fat. You're fat because I
hate you.
CRYING GIRL
I just wish we could all get along
like we used to in Middle School. I
 107.

wish I could bake a cake made out of

rainbows and smiles and we'd all eat
it and be happy--

Damian calls out from the audience.

DAMIAN
She doesn't even go here.
MS. NORBURY
Do you go to this school?
CRYING GIRL
No. I just have a lot of feelings.

MS. NORBURY
Okay, go home.

REGINA
Ms. Norbury, I'm sorry you lost your
job. I wouldn't have given Mr.
Duvall that book if I knew you
really had a drug problem.
MS. NORBURY
Regina George. Every girl here is
afraid of you. I'm afraid of you
half the time. But I've met girls
like you before and I can tell you,
if you don't change your life you're
about ten years away from being a
divorced Real Estate agent with
chipped nail tips.

REGINA
Excuse me?

MS. NORBURY
And don't think Regina is the
meanest girl in this school. I have
never met anybody as mean as Jessica
Lopez.
Wheelchair Girl (Jessica Lopez) raises her hand and laughs.

JESSICA LOPEZ
Busted.

MS. NORBURY
I've seen Jessica Lopez make a girl
cry just by looking at her. Do it,
Jessica.

Jessica shoots an unbelievably dirty look. People recoil.

 108.

MS. NORBURY
You guys wear your tiny little t-
shirts that say "Princess" and
"Diva" and you act like you've got
it all under control but I know
you're freaking out inside. You feel
like everybody else has some kind of
secret guidebook on how to be
perfect and cute and you're just a
goon. That's cause you're still
changing. Not everybody looks their
best at 15.
(to an awkward girl.)
Annika. You're gonna hit your peak
in five years.
(to another awkward girl.)
Emily, it's all gonna happen for you
in your thirties. You're gonna be,
like--
(sexy voice)
"I teach yoga in Los Angeles."

Emily smiles. Ms. Norbury points to Karen.

MS. NORBURY
Karen, you are at your peak right
now. Take a lot of pictures. Wear
your bathing suit whenever possible.
This is it for you.

KAREN
(happily)
Thank you.

To Cady.

MS. NORBURY
Cady, do you have anything you want
to apologize for?

CADY
No.
MS. NORBURY
Really? You haven't done anything
bad?
CADY
No.
MS. NORBURY
You really disappointed me this
year, Cady. When I met you, you were
unique. You were talented. Now it's
 109.

like you went from being a

sunflower, to being a picture of a
sunflower on a box of Kleenex.
To Gretchen.

MS. NORBURY
And Gretchen Wieners. You are so
desperate for someone to tell you
you’re pretty. Tell yourself. Say
one positive thing about the way you
look. Right now.

GRETCHEN
You are not officially leading this
workshop--

MS. NORBURY
Do it!
GRETCHEN
I have a nice smile.
MS. NORBURY
Was that so hard?
(to the group)
Stand up. Every one of you is gonna
say one positive thing about the way
you look.
Mr. Duvall re-enters, but he hangs back and watches.

MS. NORBURY
And don't say "I have nice eyes"
cause that's the oldest trick in the
book.

Quick shots of girls struggling to do this.

LEA EDWARDS
I have-- I don't know. I have strong
legs?

RED HAIRED GIRL

I have pretty hair.
The heavyset "Egg McMuffin Girl" from the beginning.

EGG MCMUFFIN GIRL

I have good penmanship.

MS. NORBURY
Something about your body.
 110.

EGG MCMUFFIN GIRL

I'm nice to animals.
MS. NORBURY
Doesn't count.

EGG MCMUFFIN GIRL

I love Christmas!

MS. NORBURY
Your body.

EGG MCMUFFIN GIRL

I have big juicy lips!
MS. NORBURY
Thank you!
LONG NECKED GIRL
I have a long neck like a-ballerina.

LITTLE HISPANIC GIRL

(makes a muscle)
My arms are really strong.

JANIS
I have’a gorgeous bunghole.

MS. NORBURY
Something true, Janis.

JANIS
Are you saying that's not true?!
MS. NORBURY
Janis, I know you care about the way
you look. You cut your hair every
three days. Pick one thing.

JANIS
My ear wax is delicious.
MS. NORBURY
Don't make me do it for you.
JANIS
I have nice skin.

MS. NORBURY
Yes, you do.

REGINA
(under her breath)
Uh-oh. Lesbian crush.
 111.

People laugh. This pisses Janis off.

JANIS
Ms. Norbury, I have an apology.

MS. NORBURY
Go.

JANIS
Okay, I have this friend who's a new
student this year--

Janis stands to the right of Cady. Regina on the left.

JANIS
--and I convinced her that it would
be fun to mess up Regina's life. So
I had her pretend to be Regina's
friend and then she would come over
my house and we would just laugh
about all the dumb stuff Regina
said. And we tricked Regina into
eating these candy bars that would
make her gain weight--
Gretchen and Karen are shocked and excited.

JANIS
--and we turned her best friends
against her--

Other girls look impressed.

JANIS
-- And Cady, you know my friend
Cady, she made out with Regina's
boyfriend--
Cady can't watch this anymore. She dives in with a genuine
apology.
CADY
Wait! Fine. I'll tell the truth.
Regina-- I kissed Aaron while he was
still your boyfriend. And I'm the
one that told him you were cheating
on him. And I gave you foot creme
instead of face wash. And I rigged
your scale so it would always say
112. And I'm so sorry, Regina. I
wish I could take it all back, cause
it makes me feel sick inside.
JANIS
 112.

(still sarcastic)
Yeah. Sorry Regina. I guess we were
just jealous of you.

Everyone applauds. Regina storms out of the gym. Cady

follows.

CUT TO:

131 EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS 131

Cady stops Regina in the street. (In the background, the

other girls and Ms. Norbury and Mr. Duvall have run out to
watch.)

CADY
Regina. Wait. I didn't mean for that
to happen.

REGINA
For me to find out that everyone
hates me? I don't care. You wanna
know what everyone says about you?
They say you're a home-schooled
jungle freak who's a less hot
version of me. Yeah. So you can take
your fake apology and stick it up
your hairy--

Regina is hit by a big yellow school bus and thrown through

the air. (It's the same spot where Cady was almost hit on her
first day.)

FADE TO BLACK.
CADY (V.O.)
And that's how Regina George died.
(beat)
No, I'm totally kidding. But she did
get hurt. Some girls say they saw
her head go all the way around, but
that's just a rumor. I made a
promise right then and there that I
would undo all the bad stuff I had
done.

CUT TO:

132 EXT. BACK FIELD - MONDAY 132

CADY (V.O.)
 113.

I would be an honest person. I would

do the right thing. And I would
never talk bad about anyone again.

Cady looks at her map. She sees "You Are Here" and the
drawing of Janis and Damian.

Cady walks up to Janis and Damian.

CADY
Are we still in a fight?

JANIS
Are you still an asshole?

CADY
No, I don't think so.

JANIS
Then I guess we're all right.
DAMIAN
(sings to then)
Everywhere you look. Everywhere you
look, There's a heart, There's a
hand to hold on to--

JANIS
Are you singing the theme from Full
House?

DAMIAN
No it's that Janet Jackson song.

JANIS
No that's-- Everywhere I go. Every
smile I see--

DAMIAN
--There's a heart, There's a hand to
hold onto. Oh my God, they're the
same song!!
CUT TO:

133 INT. HOSPITAL - A FEW DAYS LATER 133

Cady walks up to Regina's door holding flowers. The room is
packed with well-wishers and floral arrangements. She can't
even get in.
CADY (V.O.)
 114.

It seems like the more people fear

you, the more flowers you get.

Regina is sitting up in bed. She looks like her old self

except she is wearing one of those "spinal halos." Mrs.
George is curled up on the foot of the bed, revelling in
drama.
MRS. GEORGE
You know, there was a couple hours
there where I didn't think she was
gonna make it.
Regina rolls her eyes behind her mom's back.

MRS. GEORGE
She lost so much weight on the I.V.
The doctor gave us these--
(reads label)
Kalteen bars to get her healthy
again.

REGINA
Mom! I want to watch tv!
Mrs. George starts ushering people out.

MRS. GEORGE
Oh boy. Somebody's crabby. Thanks so
much for coming.
Cady gets ushered out before she even gets in. She bumps into
Mr. Duvall who was also visiting. They walk toward the
elevator.
CADY
Mr. Duvall, I have to talk to you.
You gotta give Ms. Norbury her job
back.
MR. DUVALL
Miss Heron, there's nothing I can do
if she won't tell me where those
pills came from.

The elevator doors close on him. Cady is left behind.

CUT TO:

134 EXT. BARRY'S HOUSE 134

Loud music is coming from inside.

 115.

CADY (V.O.)
There was only one person who could
help us save Ms. Norbury.
CUT TO:

135 INT. BARRY'S BEDROOM - AFTERNOON 135

Barry is playing loud "house" music. He has a strobe light
going. He is doing his homework.
The door flies open and Cady and Damian are there. She pulls
the plug on the strobe and the stereo.

CADY
Barry, we have to talk.

CADY (V.O.)
I thought, "How would Regina handle
this?" She would "attack" and
"confuse."
Damian and Cady enter and flank Barry.

CADY
(Regina like)
Barry, I thought you like Ms.
Norbury.

BARRY
I do, I love Ms. Norbury.

CADY
Then why did you get her fired?

BARRY
I didn't. Did I-- wait, what?
CADY
Okay, let me explain to you what
you're going to do.
CADY (V.O.)
Thank you, Regina.
CUT TO:

136 INT. CALCULUS CLASS - DAY 136

AARON
Hey, who are you going to Spring
Fling with?
 116.

CADY
I'm not. I'm going to state finals
with the Mathletes. Why? Who are you
going with?

Aaron gets up to leave. He smiles slyly.

AARON
I don't know. Nobody cool is
available.
He leaves.

CADY (V.O.)
Oh my God, was he going to ask me to
go to Spring Fling with him? And I
blew it again? Being the new
"honest" me who "did the right
thing" sucked. It sucked out loud.
Cady plonks her head down on her desk.

CUT TO:

137 INT. SCHOOL DISTRICT OFFICES 137

The school board meeting is underway. Ms. Norbury sits off to
the side with Mr. Duvall waiting to discuss her case.
CUT TO:

138 EXT. SCHOOL DISTRICT OFFICES - SAME TIME 138

Cady and Damian nervously Wait outside for Barry to show up.

DAMIAN
You told him 5:30, right?

CADY
Yes, and it's ten after six.
DAMIAN
Ugh, why do drugs make people so
stupid?
(taken with his own idea)
Oh my God, that would be such a good
commercial. You could get, Brooke
Shields to be like, "Drugs make you
stupid."

Mr. Duvall opens the door and calls to Cady.

 117.

MR. DUVALL
You're up.
Cady heads inside. She turns to Damian.

CADY
Bring Barry in as soon as he gets
here.

CUT TO:

139 INT. SCHOOL BOARD MEETING - A FEW MINUTES LATER 139

A stern-looking school board lady announces the next item on
the agenda.

SCHOOL BOARD LADY

Next up we have a student, Cady
Heron, who would like to speak on
Ms. Norbury's behalf. Cady?
Cady sits at the table and talks into a microphone.

CADY
Hi, how's it going?
The school board are stone faced.

CADY
Um, first off I want to say that Ms.
Norbury is an excellent teacher and
our school would suffer without her.
SCHOOL BOARD LADY
That may be true, Ms. Heron, but
being in possession of illegal
substances is an offense we simply
cannot overlook.

CADY
Well, okay. Well those pills are not
hers and I know that because I'm the
person that started the rumor that
they were hers.
Ms. Norbury is surprised to hear this.

CADY
It was really stupid of me and I'm
sorry. But the person they belong to
is on his way here to tell the
truth--
 118.

Cady looks at the door.

CADY (CONT'D)
And I’m sure he'll be here any
second.
CUT TO:

140 EXT. SCHOOL DISTRICT OFFICES 140

Damian still waiting. A cab pulls up. Not Barry. Damian looks
at a young mother and kids sitting near him at a bus stop.
The little girl has on a bright pink backpack. The baby sucks
on a pacifier. The mother wears a fly hat. He looks them over
and approaches.

DAMIAN
Hi--

CUT TO:

141 INT. SCHOOL BOARD MEETING 141

Cady is stalling.

SCHOOL BOARD LADY

We can't wait indefinitely, Ms.
Heron.

DAMIAN
I'm here, y'all!
Damian bursts into the room wearing the hat, the backpack and
sucking on the pacifier. He looks kind of like Barry.
Damian takes the water pitcher off the conference table and
starts drinking out of it.

DAMIAN
Whoo!

Cady, Ms. Norbury and Mr. Duvall react to the embarrassment

of this. Damian speaks into the mic.

DAMIAN
My name is Damian Holbrook and I'm a
former ecstasy addict. That's the
part where you're supposed to say,
"Hi, Damian."
SCHOOL BOARD LADY
(eye rolling)
 119.

Hi, Damian.
Damian "performs" this speech as if he's in a Lifetime movie.

DAMIAN
That woman, Sharon Norbury, saved my
life. I was doing ecstasy 3, 4, 5
times a day. Do you know what
ecstasy does to your body? It makes
your spinal fluid come out. I was
getting high off my own spinal
fluid! My life was one big rave. I
would listen to house music for
hours!! Have you ever heard house
music? It sucks. But I didn't know
that. If Sharon Norbury hadn't taken
those pills away from me and talked
to me about the perils of drug use,
I would not be here today. I would
be dead. On the streets. I would be
a dead homeless person listening to
house music.

Barry enters. They all turn to look at him.

BARRY
Oh, hey, am I early?

Damian drops his act completely.

DAMIAN
Actually, it was this guy. Go 'head,
Barry.

Barry comes in and takes a seat. He starts talking.

CADY (V.O.)
Barry told the truth. The whole
truth, about how Ms. Norbury took
his pills and how she called his mom
and now he hadn't gotten high since
September, all because he didn't
want to let Ms. Norbury down.
The school board look genuinely interested and concerned.

CUT TO:

142 EXT. SCHOOL DISTRICT OFFICES - LATER 142

Everyone files out. Ms. Norbury hugs Barry.

CADY (V.O.)
 120.

And when it was over, I got two

weeks of detention. Barry got sent
to drug counseling. And Ms. Norbury
got her job back.
Cady and Ms. Norbury shake hands at first. Then Norbury hugs
her.

CUT TO:

143 INT. KAREN'S BEDROOM - EVENING OF SPRING FLING 143

Karen has put on her slinky prom dress and is almost ready to
go. She is putting self-stick body crystals on her cleavage.
She puts them in the shape of a "K" in the mirror, but in
real life they are backwards.
CUT TO:

144 INT. GRETCHEN'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME 144

Gretchen is dressing for the prom. She is waxing her

eyebrows. She pulls the cloth off and accidentally removes
one of her brows entirely.

CUT TO:

145 INT. REGINA'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME 145

Regina is in her dress. Mrs. George (dressed up to chaperone)
is decorating Regina's spinal halo with flowers.

CUT TO:

146 INT. DAMIAN'S ROOM - SAME TIME 146

Damian is wearing a black pageboy wig, a purple tux and a tie
and cummerbund with pictures of playing cards on them. Janis
enters wearing the exact same outfit.
CUT TO:

147 INT. CADY'S ROOM - SAME TIME 147

Cady's prom dress hangs untouched in the corner. She is

putting on khakis and a green izod shirt. The back says
MATHLETES in big letters.

CUT TO:
 121.

148 INT/EXT. KEVIN GNOR'S PARENTS - MINIVAN 148

The mathletes are crammed in. Cady sits next to Kevin Gnor,
who is driving.
KEVIN GNOR
We had our finals at "U of C" last
year and it's kind of a tough room.
MATHLETE 1
The crowd gets pretty rowdy.
KEVIN GNOR
But we got your back.

Kevin turns up the CD player.

KEVIN GNOR
Oh hell! This is my jam!
Kevin cranks up some hardcore rap. The van heads down L.S.D.

CUT TO:

149 INT. AUDITORIUM UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO 149

The Mathletes step onto the "Ei-Q" type set. The opposing
team is Marymount Prep, a group of private school students in
blazers.
KEVIN GNOR
(under his breath)
Marymount. You sons of bitches. You
no good sons of bitches.
Ms. Norbury greets them in the wings.

MS. NORBURY
It's all you. Make me look good out
there.

She grabs Cady by the shoulders like a boxing coach.

MS. NORBURY
You nervous?
CADY
Yes.

MS. NORBURY
Don't be. You can do this. There's
nothing to break your focus, cause
 122.

not one of those Marymount boys is

cute.

The competition has begun. The HOST, a middle-aged man speaks

in quiet golf tones.

HOST
Evanston, A 555-mile, 5-hour plane
trip was flown at two speeds. For
the first part of the trip, the
average speed was 105 m.p.h. The
remainder of the trip was flown at
115 m.p.h. For how long did the
plane fly at each speed?

The Mathletes start scribbling. Cady is way behind.

CADY
You make a box, right?
Kevin buzzes in.

KEVIN GNOR
Two hours at 105 and three hours at
115.

A "Correct" buzzer.
CADY (V.O.)
Yikes. I was really rusty.
CUT TO:

150 INT. PROM - SAME TIME 150

People are getting their pictures taken. Shane Oman is posing
with Regina. Mrs. George creeps into the shot.
Damian is taking tickets at the entrance.

DAMIAN
Don't forget to vote for Spring
Fling King and Queen. These а-holes
will represent you for a full
calendar year.
2 guys write on slips of paper and drop them into a box.

GUY
I'm voting for that girl who pushed
Regina George in front of a bus.

GUY'S BUDDY
 123.

Me, too.

CUT TO:

151 INT. "U OF C" 151

HOST
Twice the larger of two numbers is
three more than five times the 4
smaller and the sum of four times
the larger and three times the
smaller is 71. What are the numbers?

MARYMOUNT BOY
14 and 5.

Correct buzzer.
HOST
Evanston, a shoe store uses a 40%
markup on cost. Find the cost of a
pair or shoes that sells for $63.
The boys all look at Cady.

CADY
$45?

Correct buzzer. She is relieved.

CADY (V.O.)
I won't bore you with all the math
details. It was geometry, blah,
blah, blah, trigonometry, blah,
blah, blah--

HOST
If blah equals blah, then what is
the cosine of Blah?

Both teams buzz in.

KEVIN GNOR
Blah, blah, blah?
HOST
No. Marymount?
MARYMOUNT CAPTAIN
Blah, blah, blah?

HOST
 124.

No. I'm sorry. The correct answer

was blah, blah, blah, After 87
minutes of very competitive play, we
have a tie.

Audience applauds.
HOST
In the event of a tie, we move into
a sudden death round. The judges
have randomly selected one person
from each team. From Marymount we’ll
take Mister Rajiv Pashtangi--

An Pakistani boy in a blue blazer comes out from behind the

dais.

HOST
And from the Evanston team-- Miss
Caddy Heron.

CADY
It’s Cady. Oh my God, that’s me.

The other Mathletes look nervous. Cady stands and goes out to
one of two podiums at the front of the stage.
She looks out and sees her parents in the audience. They
smile encouragingly.
HOST
Mr. Pashtangi will go first. Mr.
Pashtangi, a driver has a license
plate that reads "tan 90." What kind
of car is she driving and why?

RAJIV
(chuckles)
She’s driving an infinity because
tan 90 goes to infinity.
KEVIN GNOR
That’s not math. That's a novelty
question! What the shit?
HOST
Miss Heron, the product of two
consecutive negative even integers
is 24. Find the numbers.
CADY
Negative 6 and negative 4.
HOST
 125.

Mr. Pashtangi, Find the limit of

this equation.
An equation written on a dry-erase board. Rajiv works.

RAJIV
The limit is negative one.

HOST
Incorrect.
The crowd gasps.

HOST
We're in sudden death. If Miss Heron
can complete the problem correctly,
we'll have our winner.
All eyes are on Cady. She faces the board.

CADY (V.O.)
Limits. Why couldn't I remember
anything about limits?

FLASH BACK TO:

152 INT. CALCULUS CLASS - EARLIER THAT YEAR 152

Aaron's smiling face seems to be bobbing in front of the
board like a big balloon.

CADY (V.O.)
Limits. That was the week Aaron got
his haircut. Oh God, he looked so
cute. Focus, Cady. What was on the
board behind Aaron's head?
Aaron's head melts away.

DISSOLVE TO:

153 INT. U OF C. 153

Cady works. Ms. Norbury watches nervously. Kevin sweats.

CADY (V.O.)
If the limit never approaches
anything--

CADY
--The limit does not exist.
 126.

HOST
Our new state champions are the
Evanston Mathletes!

The Mathletes rush forward as Cady shakes hands with Rajiv

Pashtangi. Kevin Gnor grabs the trophy and holds it up to the
crowd.

KEVIN GNOR
Yeah! How you like me now?!

Chip and Betsy cheer. Ms. Norbury jumps up and down.

CUT TO:

154 EXT. UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO PARKING LOT - NIGHT - A LITTLE 154

LATER

The mathletes head for their van. They rap Fifty Cent to
Cady.
MATHLETES
GO SHORTY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY WE
GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY
SIP BACARDI LIKE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY
AND WE DON'T GIVE A F--- IT'S NOT
YOUR BIRTHDAY--
The "chirp-chirp" of Kevin unlocking the van covers the "f"
word. Kevin takes a large box out of the back of the van.

KEVIN GNOR
I wanted to surprise you guys--

He pulls out "Evanston Mathletes" jackets and passes them

out.

MATHLETE 1
Awesome. You went with the leather
sleeves.

Kevin gives one to Cady.

CADY
Thanks.

KEVIN GNOR
Good job. We're gonna look so
kickass when we roll into Spring
Fling in these.
CADY
Oh, no, I'm not going.
 127.

KEVIN GNOR
What are you talking about?

CADY
I'm not dressed right.
KEVIN GNOR
Oh no. I'm not trying to hear that.
CUT TO:

155 INT. GYMNASIUM - A LITTLE LATER 155

Cady and the Mathletes enter the building. Cady ducks into
the bathroom to check her look. She walks in and is face to
face with Regina. They are alone. Regina is mellowed by her
pain medication.

CADY
You look really pretty.

REGINA
(deadpan)
I'm wearing a spinal halo.

CADY
I'm really sorry about the bus. I
feel like it's my fault.

REGINA
Why? Are you a superhero? Do you
control the buses? Stop trying to
make this about you. I'm the one
that got hit by a bus.
CADY
No, I know, but I'm sorry about all
the other stuff.
REGINA
Okay, I'm going to forgive you.
Because I'm a very Zen person-- and
also I'm on a lot of pain medication
right now.
(beat)
I'm sorry I took Aaron from you like
that. He really does like you, you
know. He was always talking about
how "unusual" you are. It pissed me
off so bad. It was, like, when I was
7, I had this really expensive doll
house from Germany, but I never
played with it anymore so my mom
 128.

wanted to give it to my cousin. And

even though I didn't want it
anymore--

CADY
--You begged your mom to let you
keep it?

REGINA
No. I threw it down the stairs.

Cady and Regina start laughing at this.

REGINA
I smashed it so no one could have
it. But that's just me--
Mrs. George sticks her head in the bathroom door and speaks
in an overly excited voice.
MRS. GEORGE
Regina, they're gonna announce the
queen!
Regina looks at Cady like, "Can you believe my effing mom is
here?" They head out to the auditorium.

CUT TO:

156 INT. AUDITORIUM - CONTINUOUS 156

Mr. Duvall is on the stage at the mic.

MR. DUVALL
Do we have all our King and Queen
nominees on stage? Well, I'd like to
start by saying that you're all
winners tonight and I could not be
happier that this school year is
ending. Here we go. Your Spring
Fling King-- is Shane Oman.
Applause. Shane Oman drops down and does "the worm."

MR. DUVALL
Congratulations, Shane. And your
Spring Fling Queen-- future co-chair
or the Student Activities Board and
winner of a $25 gift certificate to
Walker Brothers Pancake House is--
Cady Heron.
 129.

Applause. Mr. Duvall holds out a tiara. Cady is surprised and

embarrassed. Mr. Duvall puts the tiara on her.

CADY
Oh, wow, thanks. I've never been to
one of these things before, but,
When I think of how many people
wanted this crown and how many
people cried over it-- it seems kind
of ridiculous. I think everybody
here looks like royalty tonight.
Look at Jessica Lopes. That dress is
amazing.

Jessica Lopez (wheelchair girl) in a sexy dress. She looks

hot.
CADY
And Emma Gerber, that hairdo must
have taken hours.

The Egg McMuffin girl smiles. She has a very intricate hairdo
that involves chopsticks and baby's breath. Cady takes her
tiara off and looks at it.

CADY
So why is everybody stressing over
this thing? It's just a piece of
plastic. I could really just--

Cady snaps it in half with her hand. Gretchen and Damian

gasp.

CADY
--share it.
Cady breaks off pieces and starts handing them out.

CADY
I share this with Gretchen Wieners--

Cady tosses a piece of the tiara to Gretchen who looks

horrified.

CADY
--partial Spring Fling Queen, Janis
Ian--

She throws a piece tp Janis who clutches it like it's an

Oscar.
JANIS
(into the mic)
 130.

I'd like to thank God, my mother,

the incredible cast of Frasier--

CADY
And a piece for Regina George. She
got hit by a bus and she still looks
like a rock star.
She tosses a piece to Regina who waves to the crowd.

REGINA
Thank you!

People applaud. Damian talks to the girl next to him.

DAMIAN
I'd look that good, too, if I was on
an I.V. for ten days.
Cady sticks the last little piece of tiara in her hair and
turns to Mr. Duvall.

CADY
Can we dance now?

Mr. Duvall just shakes his head. Music starts. Damian pulls
Janis and Cady onto the dance floor. We see all the different
types of people dancing around them. All shapes, sizes,
levels of coolness.
CADY (V.O.)
I guess the biggest thing I learned
at Evanston was that tearing other
people down will not make your life
any better. Calling somebody else
fat will not make you any thinner.
Telling someone they're stupid does
not make you any smarter.
Aaron approaches Cady, Janis and Damian from across the
floor. He holds up the gift certificate.
AARON
On behalf of the senior class, I'd
like to present you with this $25
gift certificate to Walker Brothers
Pancake House.

Janis takes it.

JANIS
Thanks, sucker.
Janis and Damian dance away, leaving Cady and Aaron.
 131.

CADY (V.O.)
I didn't have, to take something
from Regina to make my life better.
AARON
Congratulations on winning state.
CADY
I was so nervous. They made us do
"Limits." I thought I was gonna
hurl.
AARON
How's your stomach now?
CADY
Fine.
AARON
You nauseous at all?

CADY
No.

AARON
Have you been drinking?
CADY
No.
AARON
Okay, grool.

He kisses her. As they embrace we can see the word "Mathlete"

on the back of Cady's jacket.

CADY (V.O.)
I mean, I was still gonna take her
old boyfriend. I'm not crazy.

It seems everyone is making out. Regina and Shane (through

her headgear.) Kevin Gnor and a Woman of Color. Mrs. George
xs coming on to Mr. Duvall.

Janis and Damian look at each other. They kiss for a second.
DAMIAN
Ew.
JANIS
No.

CUT TO:
 132.

157 INT/EXT. WALKER BROTHERS PANCAKE HOUSE - AFTER THE DANCE 157

Through the window we see Cady, Aaron, Janis, Damian, Karen,

and KeShawn are sitting inside eating pancakes and laughing.

CADY (V.O.)
So that's how I went from
Homeschooled Jungle Freak to Solid
Plastic, to Most Hated Person in the
World, to Partial Spring Fling
Queen, to Actual Human Being.

FADE TO BLACK.
FADE IN:

EXT. TRACK - THE FOLLOWING FALL

Regina looks like her old self. She is lined up at the
starting block with other runners.

CADY (V.O.)
Regina made a full recovery and took
up running as part of her physical
therapy. Something about the way her
spine healed made her crazy good at
track.

The start gun is fired and Regina immediately takes the lead.
SPFX: Regina moves super fast like a cartoon.

CADY (V.O.)
I don't know why, but she was a lot
nicer once she got into sports.

One of Regina's teammates tousles her hair, she almost gets

angry out of habit, then laughs it off.

INT. GYMNASIUM
Janis is decorating the place with skulls.

CADY (V.O.)
Janis used her status as 1/4 Spring
Fling Queen to join the Student
Activities Committee. She planned
our first ever "Day of the Dead"
mixer.

A punk looking guy comes into frame. He and Janis make-out.

CADY (V.O.)
And she went with her new boyfriend.
 133.

CUT TO:

158 EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - FALL 158

Karen playing drums in the Marching Band.

CADY (V.O.)
Karen joined Marching Band and
KeShawn showed up to every game.
Karen licks her drumstick to tease KeShawn. KeShawn mouths
the words, "I love you,"
CADY (V.O.)
Gretchen found herself a new clique
and a new Queenbee to serve.

159 INT. CAFETERIA - FALL 159

Gretchen is now with the Hot Vietnamese girl clique from
before. She has her hair flat-ironed to look like them. She
is talking to the Queenbee in Vietnamese.
GRETCHEN
(subtitles)
You should hear what Trang was
saying about you.

160 INT. REHEARSAL HALL 160

Damian is auditioning for American Idol 3.

DAMIAN
(singing)
Mocha choca latta ya ya--

CADY (V.O.J
And Damian made it all the way to
Hollywood on American Idol Three
before Simon told him he did not fit
the image.
Damian punches Simon Cowell in the face. It turns into a
magazine photo.
CADY (V.O.)
He got his picture in Us Weekly and
he hasn't shut up about it since.
CUT TO:
 134.

161 EXT. NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY CAMPUS - DAY 161

Aaron is walking across campus with a bunch of friends.

CADY (V.O.)
Aaron went on to Northwestern
University.

Cady runs into frame. They kiss.

CADY (V.O.)
And so did I, once a week, for
college level algebra.
CUT TO:

162 EXT. EVANSTON HIGH SCHOOL 162

Cady, Karen, Janis and Damian are sitting on the grass having
lunch.
CADY (V.O.)
My first year of "real" school was
like treading water in a shark tank,
but now, I just float.

Damian says something and Cady laughs so hard that soda comes
out her nose. FREEZE-FRAME.

CADY (V.O.)
Oh no, you're not gonna end on that
are you?

FADE OUT:
THE END