//-----------------------------

// Story: Hands
// Chapter: Five
// Author: Andrew Joshua Talon
//-----------------------------

Hands

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship

is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust.
No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.

- - - - - -

I was staring at the ceiling in the dark now. I held the covers to my body tightly.

A hoof brushed over my chest and I felt something wet on my shoulder.

"... Twilight?"

"Om nay bus," she mumbled. I felt her chewing on my shoulder. I sighed.

Well, as long as she was just chewing on my shoulder, hugging me... Nothing else...
I could get to sleep.

To be entirely honest, it had been a long time since I'd had someone else in my
bed. Not for the obvious reasons, just for someone to hold as you sleep so you
don't feel so lonely.

I could live with this situation when put in those terms. Kind of like having a
stuffed animal.

"E raised to a is transcendental if a is algebraic and non-zero..." She muttered.

A stuffed animal who talked about advanced mathematics and drooled on my shoulder
in my sleep. I sighed and wrapped an arm around her... Mid section so she'd lay
more comfortably and tried to relax.

Before I knew it, I was falling through clouds of cotton candy, tumbling over and
over again. The ground rose up and I stopped, and I felt like I had been hit by
vertigo. Nothing was at the right angle, not the trees, not the houses, even the
bees were flying upside down.

"Well that's just silly," I said. I looked down at my hands-They were now hooves.
"That's sillier..."

I looked up at the sky and my eyes widened. It had turned red, and where the moon
usually was on Equestria... Was Earth.

An Earth coming apart, pulled asunder by invisible hands. It was then squished back
together like it was made of playdough, and began falling.

"That's not good," I decided, and I galloped for my life. Outrunning a planet on
foot (or rather hoof) is generally not possible, and I got a good look at the
continent of North America (or the pieces of it left squished together with Europe,
Asia and Taiwan) as it fell upon me.

Lake Tahoe, the Hoover Dam, the city of Denver's Coors Field, the Forbidden City of
China, and dozens of other mish mashed monuments and buildings rained down upon me.
I couldn't breathe.

"Mmph! Gnnngh!" I gasped for breath, and felt a weight on my stomach and sheets
wrapped around me. I tumbled and fell, and the weight yelped as we hit the floor.

"Bwah!" I gasped, pulling my head free of the sheets. Twilight Sparkle followed,
coughing. We looked at each other, both suffering the effects of bedhead. There was
the sound of a cleared throat, and I closed my eyes.

Just what I need...

"Uh... Good morning... I didn't see anything!" Spike yelled as he ran downstairs.

"Spike! It's not what it looks like! SPIKE!" Twilight called. She looked at me and
smiled nervously.

"Er... Eh heheheh... I guess I uh... Toss and turn a lot, huh?"

I held a hand over my face and groaned. "Yeah... Me too..."

"Well... Look on the bright side," Twilight said. "He's not going to spread it
around..."

"Good morning Twilight! I'm here for my book pick-WOAH!" Rainbow Dash gasped as she
flew in through the window. "Nevermind!" She jetted right out. I stood up, the
sheets becoming untangled. I was standing there in my white undershirt and red
boxers and I waved my hands frantically.

"It's not what you think! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!"

"It's cool! I'll give you two space!" She called back. I sighed and looked over at
Twilight. The purple unicorn's face was buried in her hooves.

"Ever notice how our lives seem like some kind of twisted joke?" She grumbled.

"From the moment I met you," I sighed.

- - - - - -

"My life is ruined!" Twilight moaned, her hooves covering her face. "Completely
ruined!"

"Can it be ruined after you eat your breakfast? It's getting cold," Spike huffed.

We were in the kitchen having breakfast. Well, I was having breakfast. Twilight was
moaning over her breakfast. Frankly though, the more I ate of Spike's wonderful
hashbrowns and scrambled eggs the less I had to think about what we had to do
today.

I just needed some peace and quiet...

"What if Princess Celestia finds out?" Twilight wailed. "What if she thinks I'm...
I'm... Easy?!"

At that, I spat out some eggs and gaped at her. "Easy?! Well what the hell does
that make me?"

"I... Well..." Twilight tapped her hooves together. "It makes you... Um..."

"A stud, of course," Spike said matter-of-factly. He scowled at me. "Not that
that's a good thing, you two timer."

"Who's two timing?! I haven't had sex since I got here! Not unless you count
getting screwed over by God, the Universe, and everything in general as sex!" I
growled.

"Oh come on! You're telling me Fluttershy is possessed! I bet you just made her
mad!" Spike huffed.

"Spike! That's not helping!" Twilight insisted. "And we didn't do anything! We're
not doing anything!"

"Yes, she's just freaking out because she's an uptight control freak," I said
sagely. Twilight nodded.

"Yes exact-HEY!"

"Oh," Spike said with a nod. "That makes sense."

Twilight scowled at me across the table. "Uptight control freak?!"

"Er... It can be taken as a compliment on my homeworld?" I offered.

Twilight huffed, and crossed her fore hooves together as she glared at me.

"And I guess 'indecisive cowardly jerk' is one too?"

"Indecisive?!" I gasped.

"Why is that the one that makes him angry...?" Spike muttered in the background as
he enjoyed his own breakfast of crunchy gems in milk. I leaned over the table and
glared death at the purple unicorn.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just what I mean!" Twilight accused, pointing a hoof in my face. "You are so
scared of opening up about yourself because you have issues with intimacy!"

"I have issues with intimacy outside my own species!" I replied.

"Oh! So you're a bigot then?" Twilight asked waspishly.

"I am NOT a bigot! I'm just-This is new for me, all right?" I said angrily. "You
can't go from 'my species is the only sapient one around' to 'oh dear God! Even the
cows have political opinions on this world!'"

Twilight stared at me in shock. Hell, even Spike dropped his spoon. I tapped my
fingers on the table, very tempted to just look away but I had to stand my ground.

Hey, I have a hard enough time on my own world as a white male. I wasn't about to
be called racist on two worlds too, thanks.

"Yours is... The only one?" She asked, in a mix of disbelief and wonder. I nodded.
"Yeah... We haven't met any other sapient species. At least, not according to
general knowledge. I mean, there were other, competing hominids on our planet
thousands of years ago, but most of them were absorbed into ours or just died out,"
I explained. I sighed. "So, unless aliens make contact while I'm gone..."

"You're alone," Twilight said, frowning deeply.

"Kind of, yeah," I said.

We sat in silence for a while. Spike frowned.

"Well... That's actually kind of a relief," the dragon said. I blinked and looked
over at him.

"Huh?"

"Well, that you just don't have any! I mean, I thought you guys might have just
killed anything that wasn't you," Spike said. I gaped.

"What?!"

"Well you talked a lot about all your wars and super destructive weapons and
violent nature and how you nailed your own god to a tree to die-"

"Context!" I shouted. Spike huffed, hopped off his chair and took his bowl to the
sink.

"Fine, geez! Yell at me some more, why don't you?" The dragon snorted. He headed
for the door and glared at us both.

"Also, you're both being totally stupid, and I haven't even been on a date," he
snorted as he walked out.

"What did he mean by that?" Twilight asked, blushing. I looked up at the ceiling
and sighed.

"Not a clue," I lied.

- - - - - -

We went first to Rainbow Dash's home, in the hopes of setting the record straight.
Graciously, the blue pegasus let us in, and thanks to the aid of a magic spell I
was able to walk on the clouds alongside Twilight.

... It astonishes me how easily I was able to write that. Walking on the clouds. It
was hard not to keep staring in wonder at my feet as we entered the home of Rainbow
Dash.

"So! You guys wanted to talk?" Rainbow asked, giving us both a dark look. "Maybe
you should talk to Fluttershy first, hm?"

"What?" Twilight asked flatly. "Why Fluttershy?"

"Because she's possessed, remember?" I reminded her sarcastically.

"We haven't agreed that's the case yet!" Twilight said sharply.

"Fluttershy's possessed?" Dash asked, blinking rapidly. She pointed at me. "I
thought you were cheating on her with Twilight!"
"You're cheating on me?!" Twilight gasped.

"I'm not cheating on anyone, I'm single, we're not dating!" I shouted in
exasperation.

"No, he's living with Fluttershy! So he's not cheating on you, you're cheating on
her with her!" Rainbow Dash insisted, pointing to Twilight Sparkle.

"No I'm not!" I shouted, exasperated. "We're not in relationships like that!"

"So you're just friends?" Dash asked.

I glanced over at Twilight, staring in disbelief. I looked back at Dash.

"Yes!" I cried. Screw it, that was the situation. Officially. Emotionally I could
work that out later.

Assuming I didn't just jump off the cloud house from the look Twilight was giving
me.

"Yeah... Friends, that's our... Our current status," Twilight said softly. I
grimaced and looked aside.

She's a fricking pony! Get over yourself! Be a man! I admonished myself.

"Well that's not interesting at all!" Dash said. She giggled. "It is kind of funny
though..."

"It is not!" Twilight said harshly.

"Not to you maybe," Dash chortled. "So! What's this about Fluttershy being
possessed?"

"She threw me out of her house last night for being disturbed about how she was...
Being evil and mean, essentially," I said. Dash gaped.

"Fluttershy? Mean?"

"You can go check on the New Fluttershy for yourself if you don't believe me," I
said flatly. Dash smirked.

"Fine! I will!" She shot off like a bullet, her rainbow form a blur that receded
into the distance. We watched her go... And then looked at each other.

We then looked away.

"So... Friends huh?" Twilight asked dully.

"That... That is the general term for beings who are close but not... Ahem...
Romantically involved," I said, clearing my throat.

"I see," Twilight sighed.

"... Not that... I mean... It's..." I puffed out my cheeks.

"What?" Twilight asked curiously. I slowly turned and looked at her.

"It's... I mean... Relationships can..."

Look. This wasn't easy for me. One, I'm a guy. Women don't like guys who are
completely direct with them... Except when they do. And two, she's... She's a
pony! My brain and heart and other parts are kind of conflicted about everything.

"Can what?" Twilight asked. "Change?"

"I... It..." I was about to nod. I swear I was going to nod, maybe deal with
this... Tension in a way that adults would.

... Not like that!

Unfortunately, as I had said before, the only screwing I was getting was from God
and the Universe, because Rainbow Dash slammed into me and sent me sprawling on the
floor of the cloud house.

"GAH!"

"Dash! Dash, what is it?" Twilight asked earnestly. The blue pegasus got up,
shakily, and stared at Twilight.

"She... She... She said I was a... A..."

"What, what?" Twilight asked. Dash trembled and sniffled.

"A... A no good, slow, pitiful waste of a pegasus who was so eager to suck up to
the Wonderbolts she'd never get her chance!" She sobbed. "And I'm fat, too! And...
And... Uwahhhh!"

"Oh Rainbow Dash!" Twilight gasped, hugging her friend... As she continued to stand
on me.

"Now... Do you believe me?" I asked flatly.

Twilight looked down at me, and slowly nodded. "You're right. You're absolutely
right. We need to fix this." She smiled broadly. "And I know just who to talk to!"

"Good, good... Can we go before Dash crushes my ribs?" I complained.

"S-Sorry," Dash sniffled. "I guess I'm just too FAT! BWAAAAHHHH!"

Twilight sighed, as did I.

- - - - - -

We'd done what we could for Rainbow Dash, but Twilight's mention of ice cream had
set the poor blue pegasus off crying again.

"I can't believe you said that," Twilight said as we walked down the path to the
Everfree Forest.

... Okay, it was me who suggested ice cream.

"It seems to work on women on my planet!" I said.

"What, suggesting they eat more when they have body problems?" Twilight snarked. I
scowled at the back of her head, as she knew where we were going and I did not.

"She can go supersonic, I don't think her weight is the issue!"

"It's not the issue, it's how Fluttershy affected her! You should be cognizant of
this!" Twilight responded.

I groaned and rubbed my head. "Seriously! I misspoke! I'm under stress!"

"So am I!" Twilight growled.

We came to a rise within the forest, and in front of us there stood a hut at the
base of a large, ominous tree. I didn't pay it much attention.

"So why are you... Oh. Right." I groaned and smacked my forehead.

"What?" Asked Twilight.

"The friends thing," I said with a sigh. "I'm sorry-"

"I'm not bothered by it," Twilight said flatly. She continued on towards the hut. I
followed, knowing this was not the time but really. She couldn't just go passive
aggressive on me like this.

"Well I think you are, and I am," I said flatly. Twilight groaned, closing her eyes
tightly.

"Yeah, yeah, maybe I am but you haven't made things any clearer have you?" She
growled.

"Maybe if you gave me a chance to do so, I could," I said angrily.

"How hard is it to say..." She trailed off. I smirked at her. She glared back.

"You're not innocent in this!"

"No, but neither are you!" I said flatly.

"Fine then!" Twilight huffed. "Next chance we get, let's be entirely honest!" She
held out a piece of parchment with her schedule written on it. "Let's... Make it in
two hours. Does that work for you?"

I blinked. Several times. "I... What?"

"Does that work for you?" Twilight asked flatly, glaring at me over the parchment.
I nodded, quickly.

"Yes! Yes it does!"

"And we'll both be honest?" She pressed.

"Yes," I said. "I'll even shake on it."

We did so. Twilight nodded.

"Good!"

"Good!"

We turned to face the hut again... Only to see the amused face of a zebra with a
mohawk and golden earrings.
"Twilight! At last you submit to the motion, to make use of my fine love potions!"

"... Not exactly," Twilight said.

"Do... You do that all the time?" I asked.

"Of course. Zecora is the name I call mine, magic mistress of rhyme," she said with
a smile.

"And you're... The town DJ?" I asked.

"No my dear hominid, not quite, though I do enjoy the night," she said.

"Ah..."

What had I stumbled into, exactly?

- - - - - -

Zecora's hut reminded me of the African art section of the art museum back home.
Decorated with big ceremonial masks, gourds, and idols all over. It smelled
interesting too, exotic spices floating in the air from the gourds and the great
big pot boiling in the center.

I took in the scenery while Twilight explained the situation. Zecora nodded
thoughtfully every so often, while stirring her great big pot.

"To prove Fluttershy is possessed, my answer may make you depressed," the zebra
said. Twilight shook her head.

"Well, frankly there wasn't much on it at the library. I mean, there are several
books but without more specific data they're not much help," Twilight explained.
She looked over at me with a flat expression.

"Besides, I'm not entirely convinced she is."

"What, because I said she was?" I asked with a scowl.

"Of course not, but Dash is prone to exaggeration at times," Twilight countered.
"I've had time to think on it! Isn't it possible you're all just overreacting?"

"Dash was crying, I think that's pretty compelling evidence," I growled. "That and
she tossed me out when I wouldn't finish a massage-"

"Oh, so you were massaging her," Twilight said, her eyes narrowed. I held up my
hands.

"It was platonic!"

"We're not supposed to discuss our relationship for another hour and a half!"
Twilight said angrily, holding up her schedule. I growled back.

"You're the one who brought it up!"

"Oh my. Given this new explosion," Zecora interjected, looking amused, "are you
sure you don't need a love potion?"

"Very!" We both insisted. The zebra chuckled.

"Very well, my little pony and human. Trust then my demonic acumen." She trotted
over to a shelf, and retrieved a flower with bright green and pink petals.

"If the petals turn red, then a demon resides in Fluttershy's head," she spoke. "If
the petals turn blue, then this is just some hullabaloo."

"Thanks," I said, taking the flower and opening my backpack's main compartment.

"Wait, what's that?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, it's a hand cannon," I said. "The Cutie Mark Crusaders made it for me."

"Well don't put the flower in there, you might crush it," she said flatly.

"Fine," I said, tucking it into a smaller, outside pocket instead. I closed back up
my pack and turned back to Zecora. Twilight nodded and managed a grateful smile.

"Thank you Zecora, we really appreciate this."

"Yeah," I said. "... By the way, what happens if it turns orange?"

Zecora stared at me with an amused expression. "Goodbye you two, I wish you well on
your quest. And your discussion of the rest." She gained a little smirk.

"And if problems you two have with size, transformation potions to purchase would
be wise."

"Oookay, thank you very much!" I said quickly, ushering Twilight out the door. She
reflexively dug her hooves in and looked over her shoulder at Zecora.

"Really? How much are-"

"ONE HOUR THIRTY MINUTES!" I shouted.

"What makes you think I'm thinking of that," demanded Twilight as I pushed her out
of the hut. I looked back at Zecora with a tight smile.

"Thanks a bunch," I gritted out, before shutting the door behind us. I last saw
Zecora's smirk, all the while Twilight squawked at me.

- - - - - -

Back through the Everfree Forest we went, me striding along as quickly as I could
and Twilight cantering rather than trotting. We'd fallen into silence, though
Twilight kept checking her watch. If I had one myself, I'd be doing the same thing.

I repressed a sigh. I felt like I was in a Bioware RPG sometimes...

Well I guess that's what life feels like.

Twilight then abruptly stopped. I went a few more steps before stopping. I turned
to look back at her.

"What?"

She was listening very carefully, her eyes narrowed. "Don't you smell it?" She
asked.

I shook my head. "Small nose, remember..." I trailed off as I felt a prickling at

the base of my skull, and something rumble through my bones. "Oh."

"Yeah," Twilight said. "Run!"

She took off and I followed as best I could, just before something gigantic burst
out of the trees behind us with a roar. I chanced a glance back over my shoulder-It
was big, it was hairy, it had wings and a lion's mane and above all else, it had
teeth.

"Run run run run run!" Twilight shouted, and I did my best to comply as the huge
beast raced after us. I panted for breath as I matched her speed, and managed to
get out a question.

"Isn't, haa, there a, haa, spell you, haa, can use?"

"I'd prefer, haa, to outrun it, haa!" She panted back as we fairly flew down the
trail. The monster's roar carried with it the heat of it's breath, and another
quick glance back revealed it was almost right on top of us.

"Not an option!" I shouted.

"Then-!" Twilight cried, and a moment later the entire world turned to light...
Before returning to normal. I lost my equilibrium and fell onto my backside, and I
smelt burnt hair. I reached up and winced as I felt some of my hair smoldering.

"Ow!" I looked to my right. Twilight was there, taking a few deep breaths.

"Haa... Nice trick," I said. I heard the roar of the monster again. Not as close as
before, but definitely approaching us again. "Great... I think it's the same
bastard who tried to eat me when I got here."

"Guess he takes it as a matter of pride," Twilight panted. She shook her head and
smiled. "Don't worry. I know a spell that will take care of him and-"

"No, wait," I said. I took off my backpack, pulled out the handcannon, and smirked.
"Let me."

Twilight stared at me. "Wait, what?"

"Look, I have a score to settle," I explained, as I loaded the cannon. "You already
saved me twice from this guy, let me handle him this time."

"What, are you crazy? I can handle this simply and neatly!" Twilight said angrily.
I shut the chamber of the gun and stood up, as the trees rustled nearby.

"Yes... But think of this as me paying you back," I said.

"But-"

"Just put up a shield, this could get messy," I said as the monster came into view.
Twilight scowled.

"You don't have to do this!"

"No, I don't..." I locked eyes with the monster, and it glared back. Oh yeah, it
was the same jerk all right. He recognized me. He stalked for us, claws out, drool
running from his fangs. It took me a second to put a name to it-The thing was a
manticore, a monster from ancient Greek mythology.
Twilight huffed. "You're just going to get hurt! Or hurt it!"

"That's the idea," I said, taking aim. "Come on, you walking flea bag...!"

"This is stupid and ridiculous!" Twilight insisted. I nodded and shrugged.

"Pretty much, yeah."

The manticore roared and charged me. I smirked and took aim.

Now yes... It was stupid. It was ridiculous. It was probably because of my anger
with Twilight Sparkle that I wanted to do it. I don't deny it.

But a man can be very, very stupid when he's arguing with a girl he's attracted to,
and staring down a hand cannon at a charging manticore.

"Say cheese, you son of a-" I quipped, just before pulling the trigger. The gun
roared, and nearly threw me off my feet as it jerked in my hand. The manticore
yelped and ducked, the shell flying right over his head. It then ricocheted off an
outcropping of rocks, bounced off a tree, and flew right for Twilight Sparkle.
Whose eyes widened as her horn glowed.

BOOM!

I had covered my face just in time, and I lowered my arm, heart pounding in my ears
as the explosion rang in them.

"Twilight!"

She was laying on her side, horn producing sparks. I ran over and checked her over.
She groaned, which I took as a good sign. She had had her shield up, so she'd only
suffered the shockwave.

"Stupid..." She muttered. "Stupid..."

The manticore, seeing I'd missed and had essentially disabled my own teammate,
growled menacingly as he advanced on us. I looked up and grimaced.

"Oh yeah... Stupid."

- - - - - -

Okay... I was now holding an empty gun after stunning my powerful unicorn friend
with a manticore bearing down on us.

Yeah. Totally according to plan. Including the fact I was pretty sure I had lost
bladder control, and I was having to focus most of my energy on just standing
still.

"Woah," I said, holding the gun up. The manticore paused in it's advanced, and
growled at me.

"Yeah, you know what this thing can do, huh buddy?" I asked, trying to make my
false bravado sound real. "Except at this range I can't miss."

Twilight groaned behind me. I ignored this.

The manticore snarled, putting another foot forward. I cocked the gun menacingly,
and it stopped again.
"Now listen," I said. "I'm happy to just let bygones be bygones..."

The monster growled, his teeth glistening. He glared death at me. Clearly, he was
not willing to do the same.

"Because frankly, I'd prefer to not blow your head off," I said, tapping the gun
for emphasis. The manticore growled again, cocking it's head. It flexed it's claws
and licked it's lips.

"Right, right... Except, do you know I taste terrible?" I asked. The manticore
snorted, flaring it's nostrils. "Seriously, I'm absolutely horrible. You'd really
regret it."

The manticore made several complicated motions it's it's claws, pointing to it's
stomach, waving, and making a motion I took to indicate meant it was full.

"Oh... So you're not chasing us because you want to eat us," I said. I glared.
"Then what the hell are you chasing us for?"

It pointed to me specifically.

"Chasing me?" I asked in disbelief. "You chased me when I got here, the hell's your
problem? I'm the one who should be offended!"

The beast made some kind of dancing motion, holding it's claws over it's head. It
clapped them together, then made a motion like something falling.

I hadn't the faintest idea what he was trying to get across.

"I... Okay... I'm sorry?" I tried. "Really sorry, for... Whatever I did."

The manticore snorted. I scowled back.

"I'm not blowing your head off right now, am I?" I held the gun up higher. "But I
can change that. You've got one chance to get out of here. I suggest you take it."

The manticore seemed to consider that. It rumbled, grinding it's great teeth. It's
tail swung a few times. It finally looked up and me and snarled, it's mouth closed.
It then began to back away, still glaring at me threateningly.

"... Sure..." I said, never taking my eyes off it. It retreated into the shadows,
and I waited until the feeling of terror left me before I even considered lowering
the weapon. I reloaded it just in case with shaking hands, before turning to
Twilight.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Ungh... My head hurts..." She groaned. "Otherwise... I think I'm all right." She
looked up at me. "Not... Not too bad..."

"Funny thing is, I suck at poker," I said as I helped her up to her hooves. She
rubbed her head and nodded, chuckling a bit.

"Would have... Fooled me..." She grimaced, and then pulled out her schedule again.
"Oh... Well, it's time now."

"What? Really?" I asked, looking at the schedule. "It's been that long?"

"I accidentally put it for one hour from now, not two," Twilight said.

"We could reschedule-" My attempt to delay resulted in a deadly glare from

Twilight. I held up my hands. "I'm just saying, you're injured and in a bad mood-"

"Stop avoiding this!" Twilight growled. I sighed, sat down, and held a hand to my
head.

"All right... Fine," I said. Twilight nodded, and got herself comfortable on the
ground.

"So... You said before that relationships could... What?" She asked. I groaned and
rubbed my cheeks.

This is absolutely ridiculous...

"Well?" She insisted.

"I was going say our relationship could... Change," I got out.

"As in, a romantic sense?" She asked. I sighed and nodded.

"Yes, sure." I looked to the side. "Anything's possible," I mumbled.

"So... You're being straight with me... In as non straight a way as you can be."
She let out a frustrated groan. "You're so confusing!"

"Me? You kept saying it was all for science," I growled at her.

"That's because I didn't know you were fine with anything other than science!" She
shot back angrily. "I was trying to spare your feelings! Why do you have to act
like you have to dance around or run away?"

I growled angrily and shot her a furious look.

"Why?! Because human romance sucks!"

I got up, and before she could ask I really let my anger out.

"You have to pose as some kind of alpha jerk to a woman just to get her to pay you
any attention! You have to deflect and deceive and flirt and everything else! You
can't just be straight with a woman, you have to navigate a minefield of
awkwardness! You have to take her feelings into account, be polite, but if you're
kind she'll think you're boring or just let you hang on to make her feel
better about herself because she can't just tell you she's not interested in you
but she wants to use you! You have to want to bang her and make that your goal and
use her psychology to that end otherwise you're not a man!"

I took deep breaths, several, and paced around trying to direct my anger away from
Twilight. She was very quiet, and I risked a glance at her. She looked shocked.

"Do... Do you think that's what I want?" She asked.

"... No," I said quietly.

"Well then, let me be clear," she said. "I'm interested in you. I like you. I'd
like you to be an... An extra special somepony to me." Twilight blushed. "I mean,
just to go out and have fun and be close to."
"... Really?" I asked. Twilight let out a huff.

"Yes! There isn't an expectation of sexual activity here! You don't have anything
to prove!" She blushed and looked aside.

"I mean... We can't even get pregnant aside from a few times a year," she said.
"That doesn't come up a lot."

"Oh," I said. Twilight blinked.

"So... Wait... You thought I...?"

"Well... Um..." I looked aside. Well, this was embarrassing.

Twilight laughed softly. "Well... Um... I wouldn't mind, you know," she said. "But
uh... It's not like I get... Like that... All the time."

"Right, right," I said. I summoned what dignity I could, and looked her in the
eyes. "Well then... I'd like that. Dating. You and me." I pointed back and forth
between us.

"Me too," Twilight said cheerfully. "And if it doesn't work out..."

"We're still friends," I said. Twilight smiled and nodded.

"Good..." She shook her head. "Now, let's go see Fluttershy."

"Right," I said.

"You're carrying me," Twilight said, eyes narrowed. I sighed, picked her up, and
put her on my back. She wrapped her hooves around my shoulders.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good," she said cheerfully. "This isn't so bad, right?"

"It's about what I've come to expect from dating, so far," I said wryly.

She lightly bit my neck, but it didn't hurt that much.

- - - - - -

We made it to the path that led to Fluttershy's cottage. On the way, we passed a
minotaur being carried off by a pair of goats.

"No means no... That sounds good, really good," he muttered. We stopped and watched
him go, before looking at each other.

"That was Iron Will," Twilight said, "the motivational speaker."

"Who started making her act weird!" I ran in front of him. "Hang on pal!"

"Hm?" The minotaur scowled down at me, and stepped off his goat minions. That
didn't diminish his height, as he easily had a head over me. He snorted in my face.
"What are you doing blocking my way, little man?"

"What the hell did you do to Fluttershy?" I demanded. "You drove her crazy! She
kicked me out of my house!"
"Uh, Andrew, maybe we should tone it down a little?" Twilight whispered. Iron Will
snorted angrily.

"You should talk to her yourself! She was..." He frowned. "Unsatisfied with my
workshop!"

"What?" I asked, blinking.

"Yes!" He looked over his shoulder. "You can ask her yourself!" He hopped back onto
his goats, who were looking rather tired. "Go!" He resumed his journey, as a
familiar pegasus approached.

"Andrew! Andrew, Twilight!" Fluttershy cried.

"Fluttershy!" Twilight said. She came down and landed on the road in front of us.
Pinkie and Rarity galloped up as well.

"I... I went overboard. I'm very sorry for what I said," Fluttershy said. I smiled
back.

"It's all right. You're forgiven. I'm just happy you're not... Well..."

"Possessed?" Pinkie Pie suggested. Fluttershy blushed, as did I.

"Yeah," I said with a cough. "In fairness though..."

"Yes, I... I wasn't acting like myself," Fluttershy said softly. She looked down at
the ground, but then back up. She smiled.

"But um... I-I'm glad to be back," she said.

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

"Better than ever," Rarity said. She raised an elegant eyebrow at us. "And what
have you two been up to?"

"Oooh!" Pinkie covered her cheeks with her hooves. "I get it!" She pointed her hoof
in my face. "You were cheating on Fluttershy!"

"Wh-Wh-What?" Fluttershy asked with a blush.

"This again?" Twilight asked flatly. "No he wasn't!"

"I wasn't!" I said.

"Then you were cheating on Twilight with Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie cried.

"Or, are you all together in a single relationship?" Rarity asked. "That was Spiky-
wikey's suggestion..."

"Ooh! Dramatic!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "I've never thrown a party for a threesome
before! Well, maybe once before..."

I sighed and held a hand to my forehead as a familiar headache came on. Yep,
everything was back to normal.

Twilight squeezed my neck slightly, and rested her head on my shoulder. I blushed.

Well... Mostly.
- - - - - -

Well, that’s it for this little story arc. Hope you enjoyed! If there’s enough
interest I might write more, or just allow others to use Andrew for their own
stories.

Hey, free fandom.