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    22.4.25 - Corrected Version

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    Bilbo Baggins

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    22.4.25 - Corrected Version

    Uploaded by

    Bilbo Baggins
    15 views2 pages

    Copyright

    © © All Rights Reserved

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    DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd

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    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    15 views2 pages

    22.4.25 - Corrected Version

    Uploaded by

    Bilbo Baggins

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    of 2

    ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

    Write about the following topic: When


    choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however,
    prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. In your opinion what are
    the most important aspects of a job?

    Payment from a job is essential needs to people , yet many other factors
    should be considered in a job . Despite the arguments have been discussed ,
    i personally believe that interesting and environmental are more important
    aspects in a job .

    Admittedly , earning an income from a company which people work in is


    significant for most of people, however , some people choose a job just base
    in their interesting rather than perfect income . For instance, Even though i
    fetched a higher salary and good welfare of occupation that i was working in a
    international company in South Africa, i was determined to leave for my
    favourite thing that i could run a business by myself. That not only make me
    passionate to focus on business , but it is also able to let me learn more skills
    that how to interact with people and service in different folks . In addition ,
    interesting of working could fuel people to create and concentrate in .

    Furthermore, the work environment also is vital impact on choosing a job


    whether people tend to work or not . If people work in a place where is
    seriously noisy and dirty , it is undoubtedly a terrible setting to be less likely to
    work from for the majority of people. Moreover, people would rather work in a
    comfortable and unwinding surroundings , instead of working in a horrible and
    oppressive workplace where hostile workmates , lousy bosses , miserable
    promotion chances and rough environment.

    In conclusion , payment of job is vital to people , nonetheless, interesting and


    environment of job play more important role in my personal view.

    Yellow – change, remove and add words


    (1) The salary, (2) for all working adults, (3) added in, (4) Despite salary
    being the most important factor in choosing a job, I personally believe
    other factors are just as important, (5) added an, (6) added a, (7) where
    people work is the most significant factor for the majority of people, (8)
    based on their personal interests rather than a high income, (9)
    received, (10) and good support from the company, (11) added was,
    (12) to pursue my lifetime dream of running my own business, (13) I
    am very passionate about being successful in running my own
    business but it also helps me improve my social skills and my ability in
    interacting with people who are different from myself, (14) Additionally,
    when people are interested and excited about their work they tend to
    work harder, (15) added the, (16) added is, (17) vitally important, (18)
    delete tend people to work or not, (19) which is, (20) added a, (21)
    comfortable, (22) added for the, (23) calming, (24) added of, (25)
    added a, (26) added chances, (27) receiving a good salary from a, (28)
    the working environment and personal interest.

    Overall you made some good points and I can see what you were trying to
    tell me in this essay. As you can see your only problem is sentence
    construction – how to write sentences correctly. If you solve this problem
    you can get Band 7. This essay is Band 5 at the moment – well done !

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