Chapter Two

Your Emotions and You

The term ‘emotion’ is notoriously difficult to define. As Fehr and Russell

put it: ‘everyone knows what emotion is until asked to give a definition’
(Oatley & Jenkins, 1996: 96). Yet we all use this term and seem to
easily understand to what, in our experience, it relates. Psychologists
often employ the notion of affect1 as an umbrella term for various posi-
tive and negative emotions, feelings and moods we frequently experi-
ence and easily recognize. In this chapter, I consider two ‘affective’
topics popular within positive psychology – positive emotions and
emotional intelligence.

The value of positive emotions

For years, psychology turned its attention to the study of negative
emotions or negative affect, including depression, sadness, anger, stress
and anxiety. Not surprisingly, psychologists found them interesting
because they may often lead to, or signal the presence of, psychological
disorders. However, positive emotions are no less fascinating, if only
because of many common-sense misconceptions that exist about posi-
tive affect. We tend to think, for example, that positive affect typically,
by its very nature, distorts or disrupts orderly, effective thinking, that
positive emotions are somehow ‘simple’ or that, because these emotions
are short-lived, they cannot have a long-term impact. Research has
shown the above not to be the case, but it took it a while to get there
(Isen, 2002). It is only relatively recently that psychologists realized that
9
10 Positive Psychology in a Nutshell

positive emotions can be seen as valuable in their own right and started
studying them.
The person behind that realization was Barbara Fredrickson, who
devoted most of her academic career to trying to understand the benefits
of the positive emotions. The functions of negative emotions have been
clear for some time. Negative emotions, such as anxiety or anger, are asso-
ciated with tendencies to act in specific ways, which are adaptive in evolu-
tionary terms (e.g. the fight and flight response). Thus, fear contributes to
a tendency to escape and anger to a tendency to attack. If our ancestors
were not equipped with such effective emotional tools, our own existence
might have been in doubt. Moreover, negative emotions seem to narrow
our action repertoires (or actual behaviours) – when running from danger,
we are unlikely to appreciate a beautiful sunset. This function of negative
emotions can help minimize distractions in an acute situation. Positive
emotions, on the other hand, are not associated with specific actions. So
what good are they, apart from the fact that they merely feel good? What
is the point in feeling happy or joyful, affectionate or ecstatic?
The ‘broaden-and-build’ theory of positive emotions, developed by
Barbara Fredrickson, shows that positive affective experiences contribute
to and have a long-lasting effect on our personal growth and develop-
ment (Fredrickson, 2001). And this is how they do it:

(a) Positive emotions broaden our thought–action repertoires

First, positive emotions broaden our attention and thinking, which
means that we have more positive thoughts and a greater variety
of them. When we are experiencing positive emotions, such as joy or
interest, we are more likely to be creative, to see more opportunities, to
be open to relationships with others, to play, to be more flexible and
open-minded.

(b) Positive emotions undo negative emotions

It’s hard to experience both positive and negative emotions simultane-
ously; thus a deliberate experience of positive emotions at times when
 Your Emotions and You 11

negative emotions are dominant can serve to undo their lingering effects.
Mild joy and contentment can eliminate the stress experienced at a
physiological level.

(c) Positive emotions enhance resilience

Enjoyment, happy playfulness, contentment, satisfaction, warm friend-
ship, love and affection, all enhance resilience and the ability to cope,
while negative emotions, in contrast, decrease them. Positive emotions
can enhance problem-focused coping and reappraisal, or infuse negative
events with positive meaning, all of which facilitate fast bouncing back
after an unpleasant event.

(d) Positive emotions build psychological repertoire

Far from having only a momentary effect, positive emotions help to
build important physical, intellectual, social and psychological resources

The resilience hypothesis

12 Positive Psychology in a Nutshell

that are enduring, even though the emotions themselves are temporary.
For example, the positive emotions associated with play can build
physical abilities; self-mastery and enjoyable times with friends increase
social skills.

(e) Positive emotions can trigger an upward developmental spiral

More than that, just as negative emotions can lead one into downward
spirals of depression, positive emotions can trigger upward develop-
mental spirals towards improved emotional well-being and transform
people into better versions of themselves.

The broaden-and-build theory urges us to consider positive emotions

not as an end in themselves but as a means of leading a better life.
Positive emotions are distinguished from temporary pleasant sensations
such as eating chocolate ice cream, drinking beer, doing drugs or getting
a massage. These sensations are not the same as positive emotions, since
they do not lead to the accumulation of durable personal resources.

Tips & Tools

How can we increase positive emotions?
The emotion of contentment can be enhanced by engaging in relaxation
practices, such as progressive muscle relaxation, yoga and imagery
exercises. Meditation exercises help achieve a state of mindfulness,
which brings many other benefits (Fredrickson, 2001).

A lot of interesting research highlights the benefits of positive emotions.

In one study with people who had lost their partners, researchers found
that laughter and Duchenne smiling predicts the duration of grief. A
Duchenne smile is a genuine smile characterized by the corners of the
mouth turning up and crinkling of the skin around the corners of the
eyes. People who laughed and smiled genuinely were more likely to be
 Your Emotions and You 13

engaged in life and dating again two and a half years later, compared
with those who felt angry (Keltner & Bonanno, 1997).
A famous yearbook study traced the lives of women who were
attending an all-women’s college in 1965. The faces of the women in
their college photographs were coded for smiling behaviour and results
showed that Duchenne smiles related to less negativity, greater compe-
tence, more positive ratings from others and greater well-being in their
later lives (Harker & Keltner, 2001). Although a follow-up study that
adopted a slightly different coding procedure did not manage to repli-
cate all of the findings (Freese et al., 2006), more recent research has
demonstrated that the absence of smiling in childhood photographs
almost certainly predicts divorce (Hertenstein et al. 2009). Another
study found that physicians experiencing positive emotions seem to
make more accurate diagnoses (Isen et al., 1991).

Tips & Tools

Finding positive meaning
We can’t simply will ourselves to feel a particular emotion, nor can
anyone instil it in us. Even engaging in pleasant activities does not
guarantee positive emotions, because they depend on our
interpretations. What we can do is make an effort to find positive
meaning in our daily activities by reframing them in positive terms or
discovering a positive value in these activities (Fredrickson, 2002).

Let us not throw the baby out with the bath

water – the positive impact of negative emotions
So how much positivity do we need to have for a truly thriving existence?
It appears that the ratio of 3:1 or above of positivity to negativity results in
the experience of flourishing, and anything below this ratio (e.g. 2:1) in
14 Positive Psychology in a Nutshell

the experience of languishing (Fredrickson, 2004). So make sure that for

every one negative emotion, you have at least three positive ones. But
beware: too much of even the best thing can be simply dangerous.
Experiencing positivity at above 8:1 can have counterproductive effects.
Positive emotions can certainly help us on the rocky path to well-
being but that does not make the negative emotions irrelevant or unim-
portant. They may not feel quite as good, but they can bring about very
positive effects nevertheless. In defence of negative emotions, I propose
the following:

• Negative emotions can help initiate fundamental personality

changes. A leading expert on emotions, Richard Lazarus, writes:
‘For the stable adult, major personality change may require a
trauma, a personal crisis, or a religious conversion’ (2003a: 105).
• Negative emotions can bring us to our depth and put us in touch
with our deeper selves.
• They can facilitate learning, understanding of ourselves and knowl-
edge of the world. Wisdom is often gained from experiencing suffering
and loss that are the necessary parts of life (Young-Eisendrath, 2003).
• Finally, experiencing and coping with negative affect can have
positive social consequences, such as modesty, moral considera-
tions, care and empathy.

Some scholars think that putting all the emotions into two loose bags of
positive and negative is hardly a wise move. Hope, for example, is best
conceived as a combination of a wish that a desired outcome will occur
with anxiety that it might not. What is it then – a positive or a negative
emotion? Pride is generally regarded as a positive emotion in the West
but seen to be a sin in more collectivistic societies. Love, one of the first
emotions to spring to mind when mentioning the positive, is hardly such
when unrequited. Can smiling and laughing be considered positive
emotions when directed at someone (Campos, 2003)? What we shouldn’t
underestimate while trying to understand emotions is that what often
 Your Emotions and You 15

makes them negative or positive is the context within which they occur
(Lazarus, 2003a).

Emotional intelligence
‘Emotional intelligence’, or EQ, is a well-known term, popularized (though
not invented) by Daniel Goleman (1995) in his bestseller Emotional
Intelligence: Why it can Matter More than IQ. Little could the academics
John Mayer and Peter Salovey, who studied this subject well before
Goleman’s book was published (e.g. Mayer et al., 1990; Salovey & Mayer,
1990), know that by allowing Goleman to use their term, he, rather than
they, would be crowned with ‘discovering’ emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to recognize and
manage our own emotions and the emotions of others close to us. It
is often claimed to be more important than IQ for career success and
for achievement of one’s life goals.
With the explosion of the EQ phenomenon, much thinking
and research has been carried out around the concept and, as a
result, multiple models of EQ have been advocated. Here, I outline the
Mayer-Salovey-Caruso model as an example of the better-developed
ones. It proposes that there are four major branches or facets to the
emotional intelligence concept (Salovey et al., 2004).

The four branches of EQ

16 Positive Psychology in a Nutshell

1. Perceiving emotions
This is an ability to identify emotional messages in facial expressions,
tone of voice and even works of art. People who are skilled at perceiving
emotions in themselves and others have an advantage in social situa-
tions, as they are more likely to understand things from another person’s
perspective and are more empathic.

2. Using emotions to facilitate thinking

Emotions have the power to change the way we think. When we are
happy we may think that everything is possible, whereas when we
are sad we tend to have more negative thoughts. This branch is about
how emotions affect our thinking and how we can utilize our emotions
for more effective problem-solving, reasoning, decision-making and
creative endeavours.

3. Understanding emotions
It’s not enough to notice emotions – we need to figure out the message
they are carrying. Why do we have certain emotions? Where are they
coming from? What are they likely to lead us to? It’s important to
understand, for example, that irritation may lead to anger; or feeling
insecure, to unpredictable outbursts. Emotionally intelligent individuals
are capable of labelling emotions with words appropriately, and also of
understanding complex feelings and even contradictory emotional states.

Tips & Tools

Self-monitoring for emotional awareness
Keep a mood diary to monitor what causes changes in your mood. Note
the following:

• The Adversity that caused your mood to change

• The Beliefs that caused your mood to change
• The Consequent mood change on a scale of 1 to 10
 Your Emotions and You 17

This knowledge will help you understand your emotions and start
gaining control over them (Carr, 2004). You can take this exercise two
steps further to challenge the beliefs that brought your mood down:

• The Disputation – try to think of alternative beliefs to explain the

adversity and then notice . . .
• The Energy change on a scale of 1 to 10.

4. Managing emotions
Emotional management or regulation is not about eliminating troubling
emotions (life would be limited if this was the case), but about learning
how to gain control over them. Some of us, when upset, think there is
nothing that we can do about it; others believe that they can do some-
thing to make themselves feel better. Successful emotion-managers are
often capable of helping others to deal with their emotions too.

Tips & Tools

Emotional management – Emotional management –
what works well what is less effective

• Expenditure of energy (e.g. • Direct stress and tension

physical exercise) reduction (e.g. drugs and
• Cognitive effort (e.g. giving alcohol)
yourself a ‘pep-talk’) • Avoiding the person or thing
• Active mood management that caused a bad mood
(such as relaxation and music) • Passive mood management (e.g.
• Social interactions TV, coffee, food and sleep)
• Pleasant distractions (e.g. • Spending time alone (Salovey
hobbies, shopping, errands) et al., 2002)
18 Positive Psychology in a Nutshell

Separation of these EQ branches seems to make sense when we

apply these findings to real life. A person may be skilled at listening to
people, feeling for them and even understanding them, yet fail to make
good contact with others simply because he or she cannot ‘read’ non-
verbal cues. Thus, perceiving emotions may be precisely the area where
intervention is needed in this case (Salovey et al., 2004).
The concept of emotional intelligence, however, is not without its
problems. There is much debate about which branches should be in or
out, whether emotional intelligence is really about emotions rather than
our ability to rationally conceptualize them, and what the best way to
measure EQ is. Still, emotional intelligence seems to offer useful insights
into the convoluted and complex inner worlds of human beings.

Note
1 Some researchers make a distinction between emotions and affect, treating
affect as broader and longer-lasting, but in this book I will use these notions
interchangeably.

Further reading
Fredrickson, B. (2009). Positivity. New York: Crown.