Thewi

feIam
I
nser
t1
December ,mont hofmyweddi ng.I'
m an18
yearol dgi rlf
rom Kznawai tinghermat ric
resultsbutIwasmor ener vousaboutmy
weddi ng.Iwi llbeget tingmar r
iedt othelov eof
myl ife, we'v
ebeendat ingsi nceIwasi ngr ade
10.Hei s25y earsol daqual i
fi
edchar tered
account antandwor ksf orhi sf ather'
sfirm
Nkosi Co.Hei smycomf orter,myadv i
sor, t
ut or
,fri
endandnowhewi llbemyhusband.Af ter
mymot her
'spassi nghebecamet heonet hing
thatbr oughtl i
fetome.Myf atherisv erymuch
acti
v ei nmyl ifebutmymot her'sfamilymakei t
diff
icul tforhim sincehenev erpaiddamages
formet husI'
m st i
llundert heircare.Mymot her
wasnotsuppor t
iveofmedat i
ngatay oungage
butNkosi wentoutofhi swayt opr ovehehas
goodi ntenti
onsaboutme, aboutus.Myf ather
didn'tcar eabouthi sintentionshej ustdidn't
wanthi sdaught ernearanyman.Myuncl es
didn'tcarejustasl ongast heygotmoneyf or
beert heywer ef inewi thNkosi comingtosee
me.Nkosi alway ssai dhewi ll
mar r
yme, heis
ti
redofhav ingt oseemet wiceinamont hhe
want stoseemeev ery
day .HesaidIwi l
lmov e
withhi mtoJohannesbur gandr egardl
essof
whatmyr esul tsarehewi l
lenrol
lmef orgraphic
andi nter
iordesi gncour sesandofcour se
cooki ngclasseshedoesn' tseehimselfeat ing
uphut huev eryday ,
hi sasnobandhasal so
turnedmet oone.
InJunehesenthi selderstospeakt omyf ami l
y,
thanmymot herwasr eal
lysi
ck,hesai dhis
doingthisnowsosheknowsi llbet akengood
careoff.Hisfamil
ycameandhepai dwhat ever
pri
cetheywant ed,buttheweddingdat ewas
setforDecemberatl eastI'
l
lbef i
nishedwi th
schoolandIcanmov e.Thanmymot herdied
myuncl esstart
edfighti
ngforthemoneyt hatis
supposedt ocoverthecostofthet raditi
onal
ceremony.Nkosi cameandi t
oldhi m
everyt
hi nghesai dit
sf i
nehe'llcovert hecostof
thethi
ngsandmymat r
icdancebutwhenwe
gottot hest oreIchoseaweddi ngdr ess,simil
ar
tooneIsawi nGJCf ashionshow.Hesai dIwill
gettheor iginal,
thedresscostR120000, Isai
d
i
t'sexpensi vebuthesai dforhiswi feonlyt he
bestandi t'sgoodIhav eex pensivetaste, i
t
giveshimj oyt hathi
swomanwi ll
bespendi ng
hismoney .Het akesmet oallthef ancyev ents
soIgetusedt othehighsocietyli
fest yl
ebut
keepsneut r
al soevenwhenIgot oschool Isti
ll
l
ook, l
ikeaschool chil
d.
Wehav en'
thadsexashesay shi
swai t
ingfor
ourweddi ngnightt
hanwewi l
lmakelov eand
hewi l
lshowmewhathi smadeof fbuthi sbeen
struggl
ingtoholdhimsel fsi
ncehepai dlobola.I
nowgot ovisi
thismother '
shouseit'
sint he
nexttownf r
om mypl aceandwewi llsl
eep
togethernaked.Weki ssandmakeoutbuthe
doesn'tgoinside.Heshowedmesexposi ti
ons
withoutevenenteri
ngliker i
dehim backand
front
,hesaysthesel
essonsaregoodf orever
y
mar r
iage,
amanmustnev erl
eavehiswife
becauseshelacksski
ll
sinthebedroom and
sincehewill
bemyf i
rstandlasti
t'
sbesthe
teachesme
MynameisNomzamoXul uandheis
Nkosi
nat
hiNkosi
,Ical
lhi
m Nkosi
Nkosi
.
20A
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Ourt
ragedy
,hi
slov
e
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t2
Nkosi istheonl ychil
dbet weenhi smot herand
father.Hisf atherpaidlobol aforhismot herbut
whenshef ellpregnanthewashav i
nganaf fai
r
andt hemi st r
essal sogotpr egnant,hismot her
fel
tbet rayedandl efthisfather.Themi stress
becamehi sst epmot her.Inallt
otali
tytheyar e
fourkids,Masi bonge, f
irstchil
dofhisst ep
mot her,him, thanBukhosi whowasbor nt wo
monthsaf terhi
m andthei
rsist
erZaki
thi
.His
fat
herisfinancial
l
ysupport
inghismotherwho
neverremar r
iedorbr
oughtamant otheirhouse
.Hewasr aisedbyhi
smot herbutmovedi n
wit
hhisf atherandsi
bli
ngswhenhewentt o
uni
versit
y
Itwast woweeksbef oremyweddi ng,Nkosi said
hiscomi ngtoseeme, hedoesn' tcar ethatthe
elderssaidwemustkeepourdi stanceunt ilthe
nighthisfami l
ycomesf orme.Hecal ledt osay
heisinMont rose.Imustcomeupwi than
excuset omeetupwi thhim, saidImustt ellmy
unclesI'm goingt oseemyf atherbef oreIget
mar r
ied.Ihav enev erhadt ol ietoseeNkosi and
nowt hatI'
m goi ngt obehi swi f
eImustl ie.I'
v e
beenwai ti
ngf orhiscal lsoIcangooutt ohi m,
knowi nghisnearmademewantt oseehi m
now.Ist ayedal lni
ghtwai ti
ngf orhi m, Icall
ed
hisnumberbutnoanswert hanIr emember ed
heoncedi dt histome, hewast estingifIreally
domi sshim may bet hi
si si
t .Thenextmor ning
hisfathercametomyhousewi thhisbrother
s,
Bukhosi wassuperdrunk.I
'vealwaysheard
howmucht r
oubl
ehei sbutnevermet
him,NkosisaidBukhosithi
nksthewor l
dowes
him andev ery
oneisbeneathhim buthereheis
todayinmyhouse.
Myuncl ecamet ocal
lmet ot heli
vingroom,I
putonal ongdressandcov eredmyheadand
sleevesIhavetoberespectfultomyi nlaws.I
greetedandsatdownmyf atherinlawlookedat
meandaskedi fIknewNkosi wascomi ng,I
responded.Heclosedhiseyesf orawhi let
han
saidhewasi nv
olvedinacaracci dent.Ibli
nked
rapidl
ywaiti
ngtohearmor e.Hest oodupand
shookhishead
"Nomzamo, hewasal
readydeadwhenhel
p
arr
ived,
I'
m sorr
y"
Ihadnothi
ngtosay,i
t'
smyf aulthi
sdead,we
shoul
dhaveli
stenedtotheeldersandnotf
orce
thi
ngs.Ibowedmyheadt omykneesandcr ied
sil
ent
ly,
afterallt
hebadandinjust
iceI'
vebeen
thr
ough,nowt hatthi
ngsgetbett
er,godtakes
themanIlov e,mysourceofstr
ength,WHY.
Iwascar ri
edt omybedr oom Ir anoutof
tears,
scr eamsandcr ies.Twoweeksbef or emy
weddi ngmyf iancedi es, howcr uelcanlifebe, I
waswi dowedbef or eIwed.Ther ewer e
meet i
ngshel datmyhousesi ncethan, alotof
fi
ght i
ngandcur sing, Idi dn'tcar eIjustwant ed
todieandmeetNkosi inpar adi
se.Ihav ebeen
starvi
ngmy self,Ididn' tcar eaboutwhatwas
goingonar oundme, Ionl yat ethenightIhear d
thatthef uneral wil
l beathi smot her'shouse.I
i
ronedmycl othes, andpr epar edmy sel
ff ormy
fi
ancef uner al,t
hanIr emember edthebl acksi l
k
dresswi thlacesl eev eshel ovedbutInev ergot
towearast heev entwewer esupposedt ogot o
wasonaschool ni
ght .It ooki toutst eamedi t
andhungi tont hedoor ,myauntcamei nf ound
met alkingtomy sel fpr epar ingaspeechf orthe
funeral.Iwentmadwhent heyt ol
dmeIwon' t
begoi ngt othef uner al,itwasagr eedamongst
thef amili
esandi t
'sbestt hatway .Iwokeup
muchear li
ert hannor mal ,Iwasgoi ngt oat tend
thef uneral,
hei smyf i
ancenott heirs,theycan' t
tel
lmeany t
hing.Theywat chedmegett hat
bathandpourwat er, Ibat hedandchangedand
thanwheni twast imef ormet ol eavemyuncl e
l
ockedmei nmybedr oom .Icr i
edmy sel
fin
theret hanIfoundapackett ablets, Iwasgoi ng
tokillmyl et,butIcoul dn'tswal l
owt hem, Ithink
Ionlydr ank4or5.TheNkosi f
ami l
ycamet he
foll
owi ngdaysay i
ngNkosi hasal way stold
them shoul dany thinghappent ohi m, Imustbe
takencar eof fandt hati swhatt heywi l
ldo.
Theyt houghti t'
sbestIdontat tendt hef uner al
,
whenIaskedi fIcanv i
sithisgr av etheysai dI
willbutnotnow.Iam onl y18butal r
eadya
widow, t
heexpensi vedr essl i
esi nmywar drobe
nevert obewor n,Iv owedt omy sel fthatifhi s
mot hernev erhadamanaf terbreaki ngupwi th
hisfather,Itoowi llnothav eaman, Iam hi s
wi
fe,
deat
hwi
l
lnotdouspar
t
2
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t3
MrNkosi camet omeandt oldmemyuncl es
saidt heweddi ngmustgoon, t
othem Iam
mar ried,Iam t heirbride.Il
ookedatmyuncl es
andt heybot hsai d,Ihavenopl acei nthehouse
thenkosi paidformeIhav etogowi ththem
eveni fit
'sforay earhowev erifIwantt ocome
back, IcomebackasMr sNkosi .Myaunt
packedmybagsandIl eftwiththenkosi .We
arriv
edathi smot her'shouseandt earsfellf
rom
myf ace.Ev eryonelookedatmewi t
hpityin
theirey es.Theyofl oadedonebagf rom thecar.
Weent eredt hemai nhouseandt heyshowed
memybedr oom whi chisadjacentt onkosi
outsider oom.Il ookedoutt hewi ndowst ar
ring
straightt ohi sdoorhopi nghewi l
lopenand
standatt hedoorwi thouthisshi r
tonshowi ng
offtheVi ctori
asectiondi gginginsi
dehi spant
s
butnot hi
ng.Thebedr oom dooropened, hi
s
mot herent er
edwear i
ngmour ni
ngr obewitha
mat chingdoek.Shehuggedmeandt hiswas
whatseal edi tforme, nkosiisreall
ygone.They
tookmet ohi sgravet hesandst il
lsoftand
standingl i
keasmal l hil
l,
theheadst oneshiny,I
stoodatadi stance,Ididn'twanttogonear
"
Nomzamo,thi
sisyourchancet
ofi
ndclosur
e
y
ouwil
lnotbeall
owedtocomehereagain"
Hi
sfami
l
yst
oodbackandl
eftmeal
one.
Isatnextt othegr aveandsaidnot hi
ngI
refusedt obel i
evet hathi
sgone, someoneel se
i
sbur iedt herenothi m.Acoldbr eezesweptmy
faceandIt ookadeepbr eaththattears
escapedmyey es.Ileti
tal
louttill
hismot her
camet omesay i
ng, i
t'
senough,hisgone.We
wentbackt othehouseandIwasl ef
talonein
mybedr oom agai n,Ifel
lasl
eepandonl ywoke
upwhenIwasof f
eredfood.IsaidIwasf inebut
Bukhosi mothershout edsay i
ngImustst op
actingl i
keachi ldanwomanup, whenIagreed
tomar ryNkosi didIonl yt
hinkitwil
lbe
cupcakesandRoses, nosisiasmuchas
mar riageismar ket edasabeaut if
ulthi
ngiti
s
alsoadar kli
fe.Itookt heplateateandwentto
placei tinthekitchen, NkosimothersaidI
shoul dber esti
ng, Imustgobackt othe
bedr oom, shewi lltakecareofthedishesand
allImustr est.
Nor mal l
yIwoul dhearthechi ckencockbut
not hing,i
twascompl et
esi l
encet hanBukhosi
mot hercamei nwi t
htheaunt s,theyundressed
met oldmet osi ti
nthebat ht
ub.I twasst i
lldark
,thet imeIpresumedwas4am, acoldsplashof
wat erwaspour edonmyback, Iscreamed,t he
wat erhadast ingingeffectonmyski n,Idon't
knowwhatwasputi nitbutal oewasoneoft he
thingst her
e.Nkosi mothercamer ushi
nginand
wasshockedt oseewhatwasbei ngdonet ome.
Bukhosi mothersaidsheuscl eansingme, Ihas
badbl ood, shewon'tloosehersonbecauseof
me.MrNkosi andMasi bongef ol
lowedbehi nd
butturnedbackwhent heysawmynakedbody ,
Nkosi mot hertookmet oherbedroom andr an
awar m showerf orme, sheeVapol ogisedfor
whatwasdonet omet hanl ai
dmeonherbed
tosleep.Iwokeupt osomeonecr y i
nganda
malev oicesay ing,maybet hisi
sn'tabadi dea
plusherf ami l
yaretheonespushi ngt hemat ter
.
Iwascal
l
edout
sidet
hef
ami
l
ywassi
tt
ingout
.
Achairwasseti
nthecent
erandIwast
oldt
o
si
tthere.
"
NomzamoIapologi
seforwhatwasdoneto
y
outhi
smor ni
ng,i
twaswr ongofy
ourmother
i
nlawbutsomebeli
eveshemeantgood."
Il
ookedathim andsaidnothi
ng,hecalled
Bukhosiwholookedl
ikehehasn'tsleptin
weeks.Hepull
edachai randsatl
ikehewasi n
ashebeen,
hisfat
hertol
dhi mtositupst r
aight
.
"
Nomzamoy
ourf
ami
l
ywasher
ewhi
l
eyouwer
e
sleeping, buthavegonebackandhav et
aken
theirgift
swi th.Wewi llkeeptoourson'swish
thatwel ookaf teryou,usemncanet obea
widowandy ourfamilyhasgi v
enust he
permi ssiontomar ryyout oanotheroneofour
son.Itwi llnotbeahugecer emonylikepl
anned
byy ouandNkosi nathibutithastobedone,do
youhav eanyobj ect
ions"
Iwasquiet
sthanMrNkosi cametomyf ace
tol
dmet otel
lhim howIfeelasthisistheonly
chanceIhave.Iwhisper
edi nhi
seart hatIdon'
t
thi
nkthi
siswhatNkosi meantbyt hem looki
ng
aft
erme.Hisfatherapol
ogisedthantold
Bukhosit
ocomesi tnexttome
"Bukhosit
hisisyourwif
e,Nomzamot hisi
syour
husband, r
especteachother
,Iknowitwil
lbe
dif
fi
cultbutwehav etot
rytomaket hi
swork."
Theymademewearadr ess,doekandscarf
,
pl
acedagrassmat,blanketandpil
l
owandt old
metositdown.Bukhosiref
usedhisgif
tssai
d
thoseweremeantforNkosihecan'
ttakethem,
hisfat
hersai
dit
'sf
inethanexchangeditwit
h
his.
Therewasl i
ttl
etononeul ul
ating,Icriedand
couldn'tst op,howcanmyf ami l
yagr eet othi
s,
howcant heydot hist ome, fi
rstIloosemy
mot her, t
hanmyf iance, thant heygivemeaway
l
ikeI '
m not hing.Iwast eenbackt ot he
bedroom andl ef
talone.Ihear dBukhosi
shout i
ngt hathedi dn' taskf orthi
s, he
under standsi t
'scust omar ybuthedi dn'
tt hi
nk
theywi llwantust obehusbandandwi f
e.Hi s
fathertoldhi mt hi
si sn'tabouthi m butt he
whol ef ami l
y.Iwokeupi nt heev eningand
Nkosi motherwasst ari
ngatme
"
I'
m sor
ryNomzamo,
Idon'
tknowwhatt
osay"
"Butwhydi
dy ouagr
eet ot
hisma,Iknowthisi
s
aboutthel
obolat
hatwaspaid,butyouar
enot
marri
edandMrnkosi pai
dlobol
aforyoutoo"
"
Nomzamo,
thi
sisdi
ff
erent,
Ihadnosayi
n
t
his"
Ibr
okedownandcr
iedagai
n
"NomzamoIknowthisislit
tl
eornocomf ort
,
butt
hemar r
iagewi
ll
bef orayear,
ifi
tdoesn't
workthanweasthefamilyagreet
odissolv
eit.
"
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t4
Thej oburger swer enowpacki ngtogobackt o
theirli
ves, Icouldn'twaitmay bewheni t'
sjust
meandNkosi mot herthingswon' tbeasbad
.I'
vebeenwear i
ngmynor mal clot
hesjust
chooset owearbl ackasI '
m mour ningNkosi,I
don'tcar eaboutt hemar r
iaget obukhosi,i
fthey
forcethingsIwi l
lrunaway ,t
heymustaskKi ng
Mswat ihowi tfeelstohav ear unawaybr ide,
I
willshowt hem t hingstheyonl yseeonTV, Iwil
l
bri
nggeti ttothem l i
veinHD, 3Dandbl ueray
Ahyundaih1par
kedout
side,
theyal
lwenti
n,Mr
Nkosicameoutt
osaygoodbye,Ist
oodnextt
o
Nkosi mother,theyshakedhandst hanMrNkosi
toldmet ogetint hecar ,I'
m goi ngwi t
ht hem, I
l
ookedatNkosi ma, shenodded, andwhi spered
i
nmyeart hatJohannesbur gwasal way sgoing
tobemyhome, Nkosi saidI'
llmov ewi thhim
notst ayinthev ill
age., plusIwi llconti
nuewi th
school ,t
hereisnot hingf ormet odoi nt he
vil
lage.Ir eall
ydi dn'twantt ogobutshewas
actuallypushingmei n.Zaki thilookedatme
thanr oll
edherey esatme, t
hesepeopl ear e
goingt oillt
reatme.Bukhosi mov edfrom wer e
hewassi tti
ngandwentt ot heback, Itookt he
near estseattot hedoorbutMrNkosi toldme
toswi tchseatswi t
hZaki thi,guesshesawt hat
Iwasgoi ngtojumpof foncet hecarst oppedat
ther obots.Thecarl eftthey ardat eart r
acked
downmycheek, Zaki thiheldmyhandand
whi speredit'
sgoi ngt obeokay .Wedr ov ef or
aboutanhourt hanZaki thiaskedherf atherif
wecoul dpassatsomepl ace,hel ookedather
from ther earviewmi r
ror.Het ookadeep
br
eat
handZaki
thi
sai
d"i
t'
sonl
yfai
rbaba"
Hemadeashar pt urnanddr ov eforanot her15
mi nutes,andst oppedatt heint ersection,there
wasgl assspl atteredandsandt hrownont he
tarredr oad,youcoul dtel litwast ocov erblood.
Weal lgotof fthecarandwal kedacr oss, a
nicelycar vedwoodencr ossst oodont he
groundwi thabedofr osespl ant edar oundi t
.
Thisisi t,
thisist heplacet heacci denthappened,
thisiswher eNkosi died, ev er
y onewal ked
forwar dbutIwaswal kingback, Masi bongehel d
myhandt ightpul l
ingmet ot hef ront.Icl osed
myey esandf acedup.Theysai dal itt
lepr ayer
andt heyal ltouchedt hecr ossandwal kedback
tot hecar .Zakhi ti
pulledmeback, Irealisedthat
Bukhosi didn'tcomeoutwi thus.Thedr i
vewas
sil
ent.Myl egst artedj i
ttering, shehel di tdown
andsai d,
"Joburgain'
tbad,y
ougonnal
oveit
,ther
e'sno
goldthoughit'
scal
ledt
heci
tyofgol
d"
"IknowZakhiti
,I
'v
ebeenther
ebefore"
cometo
thinkofit,
i
t'
sthefir
stt
imeI'
vesai
danythi
ngt
o
any one
"
Soy
ou'
vebeenher
e,wi
thf
ami
l
y"
"Nope,
Nkosif
lewmehereformybi
rt
hday,
slept
atMonteCasi
nothanwenttoSunCi
ty"
Zakhi
til
ookedatmewi
thanawkwar
dsmi
l
e,I
askedwhat
"Younotcry
ing,y
oumusthav emadegood
memor i
es,yougazi
ngoutthewi ndowsasi
fyou
seehim,y
ouandhi m wer
etightneh"
Ilookedatandnodded, Ifel
lasleepaswedr ove
furt
herandf urt
herawayf rom thepl aceIcal l
home.West oppedjusttof r
eshenupandget
somet hi
ngtoeat ,Iwasn'tcomf ort
ablebutwas
bloodyhungr y
,Masibongesatwi thmef orthe
restofthejourneywhichwasshor t,Islept
againandwaswokenbyMasi bongeshaki ng
me,idrowledonhi sshoulderasIwassl eeping.
Thehousei sbeaut i
ful
,doublest oreynot hi
ng
gl
amor
ousoroutoft
heor
dinar
y.
Wewenti n, andtheinsidewasmar v
ell
ous,I
wasn'texpecti
ngt oseet hisespecial
lysi
ncethe
out
sideisblend.Ev er
yoneknewwhatt odoand
wheretogoIj ustsatdownasIwast heonl
y
per
sont hatdoesn'tbelongher e.Bukhosi
wal
kedpassdr essedst y
lish,
"
Bukhosi
wher
edoy
out
hinky
ougoi
ng"
"
Myhouse,
Ican'
tsi
ther
eanddonot
hing"
"
Int
hatcase,
youcant
akey
ourwi
fe,
"
Thewayhet ur
nedandlookedtohisf
ather
you'
dswearhewasswor nat.Hismothert
ri
ed
tal
ki
ngbutMrNkosujustraisedhi
shandand
shestoppedri
ghtt
her
e
"
Packtwooutfi
tsandsl
eepwearf
orNomzamo,
t
herestofhert
hingswi
l
lgotomorrow"
Bukhosiwal
kedbacki
nandr anupbyhestai
rs.
Helefthi
sphonechar
ging,
itmusthav
erang10
ti
mes, MrNkosi
tol
dmet oansweri
t,
Il
ookedat
hi
m andshookmyhead
"Yourhi
swife,
ther
ear
enosecr
etsi
nmar
ri
age,
answerthephone"
"Idon'
tmeantobedisrespect
fulbutImust
respecthi
spr
ivacyandhisthi
ngs,Ican'
ttake
hisphone"
Bukhosi
wal
keddownwi
thashopr
it
epl
ast
ic
bag,t
aki
nghi
sphone
"Atl
eastwewon'thav
epr
obl
ems,
your
espect
peopl
e'st
hings"
Heopenedt
hedoorandhi
sfat
hershout
ed
"
Bukhosi
Iam notgoi
ngt
orepeatmy
sel
f"
Bukhosil
ookedatmeandt
oldmet
ogetupwe
l
eaving
"
Whatabouthercl
othesBukhosi
"
Heshowedt hem t
heplast
icbag,thi
sguytalks
aboutmerespectinhi
sthingsyethecan't
respectmi
ne,whogavehim per
missiontogo
t
hroughmyst
uff
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t5
Wegott othegarageandhet oldmet oquickl
y
getinwetakingMasibongecar, Iwal
kedinand
sawNkosi cari
nt her
e.Iqui
cklygotintheback
seatofthecarthatheopenedt hedoorfor
.He
droveawaythanmadeacal ltoMasi bonge
"Masibonge,Itookyourcar,
itdi
dn'
tfeelri
ght
taki
nghi scarespeci
all
ywithher
.I'
ll
br i
ngit
back,Ijustwanttosortoutthei
nsuranceand
may begetacour t
esycar"
Masibongej ustt
oldhimt odr
ivecareful
ly,he
wil
lmakeapl an.Wegott oBukhosi house,i
t'
s
i
nanest ateinHy dePark.Heunlockedand
swit
chedof fthealar
m, heshowedmear ound
andtoldmeIcangoi ntoanyroom excepthis
bedroom.Hesai dhisgoingtofreshen
up,
there'
ssomewher ehehast ogo.Theguy
j
ustshower edathisparentshouseandt hat'
s
10mi nut esfr
om here,Ngisazobonaumhl ol
o.I
satint heloungeareaandwat chedTV, t
he
programmewasbor i
ngbutsi nceI '
mr especting
histhingsIwon'tevent ouchther emot e.Iwent
tothebedr oom hesaidI '
l
lbeusi ngandf ound
yell
owbag, atl
easthetookbl ackclothes
thoughi t'
snotthesameshadeofbl ack.My
phoner ang
"Hi
,Nomzamo,i
t'
sMasi
bonge,
Ijustcal
l
edt
o
checki
fyouokay,
"
"
I'
mfi
net
hanky
ouBhutMasi
bonge"
'
No,
pleasecal
lbeMasi
bonge,
ormassi
."
"Okay,BhutMassi
,i
sZakhi
tit
her
e,Iwantt
oask
herforafavour
"
"Nope,
buty
oucanaskmesi
nceI
'
mtheonet
hat
cal
led"
"
Itwon'
tbeappr
opr
iat
ebhut
i"
"
Thatmeansy
ounotser
iousaboutwhaty
ou
want"
"Bukhosidi
dn'
tpackmytoi
letr
iesand
underwearandIwasabouttobath"
"
Thatnotapr
obl
em,
I'
ll
bri
ngt
hem ,
wil
lbet
her
e
i
n2mi nut
es"
Iwonderwhat '
supwi t
hpeopleinthi
sfami
ly,
fi
rstMrrespectotherpeopl
e'
sthingswent
throughmythingsnowMasi bongewantst
o
bri
ngmyt hongstome"
Bukhosi
cameoutandwasonhisphone,t
he
smil
eheworeonhisf
acesaidhi
stal
kingt
oa
woman.Hehungupandaskedwhoimt al
ki
ng
too.
Massi
knockedandpushedt
hedooropen
"
It
'snoteven30minssi
nceweleftand
masibongeyou'
vecometospy"
"No,I
'
m nother
et ospy
,Nomzamoaskedmet
o
bri
ngheret
oil
etr
ies"
Bukhosi
lookedatmewi
thhi
sbr
owsr
aised
"
Coul
dn'
tyout
ell
met
hatIf
orgoty
ourst
uff
,I
wasgonnat hem,andi
fyouwereinahur r
yt o
bat
h,Icouldhaveborr
owedy oumyf acecloth,
Nomzamo, pleaseman,wedon'tneedmy
par
entsplayi
ngpuppetmasterswithourli
ves."
"
Bukhosi
I'
mt heonethatcal
l
ed,
Idoubtshe
woul
dini
ti
ateacall
toanyofus,
ther
e'snoneed
t
oshout"
Bukhosi
tooktheplasti
cfr
om Massiand
openedi
t,hepul
ledupmyt hongsshookhi
s
headandthrewitonthecouch
"LookI'
m sorr
yNomzamo, Iknowthi
sisn'
twhat
youimagined,andIalsodidn'
tsi
gnupforthi
s
butcanyouf r
om nowgoi ngfort
htal
kme
befor
eany oneelse"
Inoddedthanhestart
edtal
kingtohi
sbrother
l
ikeIwasn'ti
ntheroom.Iexcusedmysel
fand
wenttotakeabath.If
ini
shedandwentbackto
thel
ivi
ngroom,butBukhosiwasnotther
e
"Hewentout,
sai
dhewi l
lbeback,
heneedst
o
sortouthi
sst
uffsoIcangetmycarback"
"IsawNkosicarpar
kedi
nthegar
age
bhutMassi
"
"Theyexchangedcar sandBukhosi feelsthat
i
t'shisfaultNkosi
diedandt hatitshould'
ve
beenhi m .NomzamoIknowy outakingthis
badly,butBukhosii
sani ceguy ,
beneathal lt
he
rudenessandegoi sashycar ingperson."
Ismil
edbutdi
dn'tshowmyteet
h,Idi
dn'
t
under
standwhatMassiwassayi
ng,washe
tal
ki
ngforhi
sbrother.
"Ther
e'sapieceofpaper
,hewrot
ethe
passwordfortheal
arm,sai
dtoswit
chitoni
f
youwanttosleep"
Hesai dgoodby eandl eft
,mystomach
grumbled, Iwentt othekit
chenandtherewas
onlybottl
edwat erandbeerinthefri
dge,the
fr
eezerhadf r
ozenAmer i
canfri
esandaboxof
beefpat t
ies,seemst hisj
oburgli
feisgoingto
beast ruggle,Iwould'vebeenbett
erinthe
vi
llageeatingisikhokhosepapaandbl acktea,
t
her
eisn'
tev
enasugarbowl
inhi
scupboar
ds
25
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t6
Iwat chedTVt il
lIfellasleepont hecouch,
Bukhosi wokemeupt oeat ,hebr ought
McDonal d's,it'
sbet t
ert hant hehomemade
bur gerIwassupposedt omake.Hesai dhis
goingoutagai n.Hecamebacki nt heweehour s
oft hemor ning.Thiswast her outi
nef orthe
whol eweek, hebuy sbr eakfast ,
lunchand
suppert houghhewon' teat ,thandi sappear st he
whol enightt ocomebacki ntheam dr unk.He
toldmet ogi vemydi rtyclotheshewi l
ltake
them t othel aundry ,butIt oldhimi t'
sf ineI'
l
l
washt hem, het ookhi sandi hav entseenhi m
sincet han.Thedooropenedandi twasal most
mi dnight,andnomat t
erhowdr unkBukhosi i
s
hedoesn' tmakenoi seandknockt hingsov er.I
wokeupasIhear dtwov oicesandt houghtnot
togooutmay beweget t
ingrobbed.Theydi dn'
t
switchont hel i
ghtsandt heonekeptaski ng
what '
sthisandt hatandt heothersaidt hey
must n'
twor ryaboutthatt heydidn'
tcomeher e
forthat.Iheardthem wal ktowar dsthe
bedroom soIt ur
nedt hekeysilentl
y,thedoor
handlewentdownandIcl osedmyey esand
prayed.Theysai dthedoori slockedbutt hat
i
sn'tapr oblem.Igotmyphoneandcal l
ed
Masi bongewhoqui cklytookmycal l
"Hell
obhuti
,pl
easehel
p,I'
m al
oneinthehouse
andther
e'speopl
einsi
de.Thealar
m didn'
tgo
offandIdon'
tknowwhattodo"
Het oldmet ostayintheroom ,hewillgethelp.I
satquietlyonthefl
oor,unti
lIheardshout i
ng,
Masi bonge,andmyf atheri
nlawwer ei nthe
housewi t
hsomesecur it
yoffi
cer.Myf atherin
l
awkeptshout i
ngwhatt hefuckisthis,Iquickl
y
gotup, openedthedoorandwal kedout ,t
he
robberswer enotactuall
yrobbersbutBukhosi
fri
endcamewi thagirl
fri
endandt heywer e
hav i
ngsexont hecouch.Theyqui ckl
ygot
dressed,Bukhosiwasalreadyonhi swayasthe
compl excustodi
ancall
edhi mt el
li
nghi
mt her
e
i
sar obber
yathishouse.Bukhosi goti
nand
wasshockedt oseehi
sfat heralr
eadyther
e.Hi
s
fathertol
dhisfri
endstoleav e
"Bukhosi,what'
swrongwithy
ou,youleav
eher
aloneinthehousebarel
yaweekaf t
ershe
came, yousleepoutandyougiv
eyourfri
ends
keysandcodesf ortheal
arm"
"Bukhosi,
hersafet
ymustnev
erbe
compr omised,
Bukhosit
ri
edapologi
singbuthisfathertol
dhim
hedoesn'
twanttoheari t
,whati
fitwasar eal
robber
yandsomet hi
ngbadhappenedt ome.
Heapologi
sedthathisfamilyl
eft
"NomzamoIt
houghtweagr eed,wewon't
i
nvolv
emyparentsinourl
i
ves, coul
dn'
tyou
havecal
l
edmef i
rst"
Il
ookedathi
m andt
oldhi
m Idon'
thav
ehi
scel
l
phonenumbersthanIlef
thimther
estanding.I
l
ockedthebedroom door
,Idon'
twanthis
apol
ogyortant
rum.
Iwokeupandhewasnoti nthehouse, Istar
ted
clear
ingthemesshi sfr
iendsmadeandcl eaned
thehouseexcepthisbedroom.Thehouse
spell
edfreshandclean,youcant ellt
hereisa
womannow.Hecamei nwi t
haf riend,Iqui
ckly
wentt ot
hebathroom beforetheycouldseeme
Fri
end:Mmmm Bubu, yourhouseisclean
hee,
youmustr eferyourmaidtome, Imight
needherser
vicesf ormyhouse, andatleast
wit
hmeshewi ll
wor kthefivedays,andnottwo
"
Idon'
thav
eamai
d,It
hinkNomzamodi
dthi
s
"Nomzamo,l
ovel
yname,I
'dl
i
ketomeether
,i
f
shecancl
eanyourmessandst
ayfort
heshit
y
guyyouar
e,i
tmeansI'
ll
beagroomsmansoon"
Istay
edinthebat
hroom f
orsometi
met hi
nki
ng
theywil
ll
eave,
buttheydi
dn'
t.Iwal
kedout
greet
edandwenttomybedroom tochange.
Thesmel l
offreshbr
eakfastcrossai
ntf
rom
four
nosbakery,mademyst omachr oar
,but
thanbukhosihascompanyandIdoubthewant
hisfr
iendtomeetme.Aknockt hanthedoor
waspushedopened,Ipretendedtobeputti
ng
onmyshoes.
"
Nomzamocomeeat
,andwehav
eaguest"
Igotupfol
lowedbehi
ndhi
smaj
est
yand
greet
edhisfr
iend
"
Nomzamothi
sisXolaniandXthi
sis
Nomzamo,
Nkosi
nathi'
swife"
Xolani
lookedatmegav easmi
le,andhis
condol
ences,Iaskedt
obeexcused,I
'l
leati
n
thebedroom
"
So,
umf
azi
wongeno"
"
Nope,
shei
sst
ayi
ngwi
thmef
oray
ear
,"
Theyt
alkedandbukhosi
knockedagai
nand
sai
dhi
sf ri
endsi
sgone
"
NomzamoI
'
m shout
edaty
oul
astni
ght
,you
di
dwellbycal
li
ngandnotputt
ingyour
sel
fin
danger
,pl
easegiv
emey ourphone"
Hel ookedati t,t
hewal l
paperwasmeandnkosi
nakedi nbed, heputhedi alledhisnumbergav e
thephonebackandsai dhi snumbermustbeon
speeddi al atal
lti
mes.Hi sf amilycamei naswe
wer etalkingZakithiululat
ing, Iwasf amousf or
ami nute, Imadei ti
nt hepaper ,t
hemat ri
c
result
swer eout.Ipassedal lmysubj ectswitha
disti
nctioni nEngli
sh, howIwi shNkosi was
heretoseet hefruit
sofhi sseed, itwas
becauseofhi smot ivati
onandt ut ori
ngthisisall
possible.Thef ami l
ysai dthismustbe
celebratedev enifit
'sasmal l
braai .Thefather
wentoutandcamewi thanenv elopecalled,me
Bukhosi hiswif
eandMassi
"
Nomzamowhatar
eyourpl
anssi
ncey
ouhav
e
y
ourr
esul
ts"
Idi
dn'
thav
ear esponse,
Nkosi
wast
heonewho
pl
anedmylif
e.
"Nkosisai
dy ouwi l
lbeahousewi fewi t
hski
ll
s,
hepaid50%ofy ourfeesatt hecull
inery
cookingschool,i
t'
si ndowntownj ozi,Nomzamo
youhav eonl
ysixmont hstot hi
nkaboutwhat
youwantt odowi thy ourl
i
feandnotwhatNkosi
wanted,heisnol ongerhere.Bukhosiyouwill
paythediff
erencef orthefees"
"Whoa,Idi
dn'
tpl
anf
ort
his,
howi
sitmy
probl
em now"
Me-i
t'
sfi
ne,
I'
l
lpayf
ort
hedi
ff
erence,
Ihav
e
somemoneysav
edup
Zaki
thicamei nwithsal
adsandmeat ,t
heboys
wentouttomaket hefi
re,
butyoucoul
dtel
l
Bukhosiwasn'tokay.Hi
sphoner angandhel
eft
butcamebackwi thi
n30mi ns.WeateIcl
ear
ed
andeveryonewentt hei
rway.Bukhosicamei
n
mybedr oom atnight
"NomzamoIknowy ourf
amil
iesbackground,
ther
eisnowayyoucouldhav
esav edthe
amountofmoneytopayfort
hatschool "
"I
t'
smoneyNkosi usedtogiveme,
Iwouldnever
useitbecausehewouldsti
ll
dothethi
ngsthat
I
'm supposedtodowiththemoney"
Henodded,gotupandsai
dgoodnight
.Today
wasthefi
rstni
ghtI
'v
eseenhim sober
,di
dn'
t
smel
lofweedorwomanper f
ume.
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t7
Peoplest artedgoi ngtowor kandIwoul djust
sitathomewai ti
ngf orFebr uar y,that'
swhen
classesst artforme.Bukhosi nowbr i
ngs
womant ot hehouseandt heywi llhavesex,
thanwhenmor ni
ngcomest heywi l
lfi
ght
becausehedi dn'
tcuddl eheraf tertheyhadsex
orsomet hi nglikethat.Iev enchangedwher e
thebedwasf acingbecauseIwoul dhearthe
headboar dknocki ngont hewal landt hegirl
s
screamingt hattheycomi ng.Hi sdadbought
groceri
esashedoesn' tbel i
ev einuseat i
ng
takeouts.I'vemetaf ewofhi sfriendsthat
comebyt hehousebutIstayinmyr oom as
al
way sespecial
lysincetheint
roductioni
sthe
worst
, It
hinkImustchangemyI d,because
ever
yt i
mehei ntroducesmehesay s,Nomzamo,
Nkosinathiwif
e,thanIwill
getthesadf aces
I'
mjustannoy edbyi t.Can'thejustsay
Nomzamo, andthatI '
m ar elat
iveorcousi n.I'
ve
star
tedcookingbuthedoesn' teatmyf ood,
don'
tknowi fhet hi
nksIwi ll
bewi t
chhi m or
what ,
thatonsomeni ghtsIdon' tcook.But
whenhehashi sfri
endov erhewi l
l askmet odo
l
unch, snackforthem andhewi l
lpraisemef or
thestyleIhavewheni tcomest ohost i
ng
people.Andbyhost i
ngi dot heshitthangot o
mybedr oom, Idon'tl
ikehi sfri
endsexceptofX,
histheonlyonehedot r
yf unnythingsonme.
Schoolstar
ted,andMassiwast heonet aki
ng
met oschool,If
elti
t'
swrongasI 'm nothis
responsi
bil
i
tyandheal sohastowor k,heworks
atParkLaneHospi t
alsoZakit
hi hadt oteach
met hecbd,andthetwomaj ortaxiranksi l
lbe
using, BreeandNoor d.Thebreer anki sfarfrom
theschool butIl ikegoi ngthereasIgett osee
howbeaut i
ful thet owni sthat
'si fy oumi nusall
theny aopeboy s,hobosandpr ostitutesthatare
notf arf r
om myschool .Theoneendi s
Maboneng, ev eryoner avesaboutt hepl aceand
howwhenwegr aduat etheywi llwantt oopena
restaur antther e.Ifit'
sraini
ngIt aket helocal
taxitobr eet hanf rom br eeItakeHy dePar k,
but
ont heot herday sIj ustwalkthatdi stance,
passi ngt hroughsmal lstr
eetlooki ngatt heup
andcomi ngf ongKongcout urebutt hatisnone
ofmybusi nessasIst i
llwearbl ackcl othes,i
t's
myschool wor ksui t
ethatisn'
tbl ack.
Iwasget t
ingusedtotheli
feIli
ve,i
tain'twhatI
i
magi nedbutit
'sgood,
Bukhosidoesn' ttr
ouble
meandIkeepoutofhi swayalso.Heasked
met odohi sl
aundrywhenIdidmi neandIdi di
t,
onlybecauseheaskednicely
.Massi saidhis
taki
ngmet ot
heGoldreefci
ty,
saidyouhav en'
t
beent oJozii
fyouhaven'
tgonet here,hemust
reallyt hinkI'
m av il
l
agegi rl
,I
'm notint
ot heme
par ks, I
'mi ntohot els,spaandboatcr uises,
didn' tNkosi tellthem .Ilaughedatmy selffor
thinki ngt hat
,IrememberBukhosi t
ell
i
ngXI '
ma
vil
lagesnob.SoIpr eparedmy sel
fforthet r
ip,
Massi camet of etchmeandwewentonour
way .Gol dreefwasni cei fIcansaysomy self
,
forgetaboutt heboatcr uise,Ihadfun,Iwasa
child, Ilaughed, Icried,goodt ear
s.Thanwehad
l
unchandMassi askedaboutmeandBukhosi ,I
toldhi m nothingi sgoingon,
"Wel
lhedi
dn'
tseem happythatI
'mt
aki
ngy
ou
out,
ori
sitt
hatyoudidn'
ttel
lhi
m"
"Whatisitt
ohim,hebringshiswomanhome
andnoonel ooksathim uglyorcomplai
n,and
i
t'
snotl i
kehiseventakenmet othezoothati
s
10mi nut
esaway .Sowhyi sgoingoutwi
thhis
brot
heraproblem "
"Okay,
butt
henex
tti
mewegoout,
yout
ell
him
befor
e,"
WewenthomeandBukhosi wasn'tthereandhe
didntleavethekeyf orme,I'
dhadt ogowi t
h
massi totheirparentshouse.Wechi ll
edabi t
thanIdecidedt ocook, somethingIlearntat
school,Imustatl eastshowt hem thatthe
moneyNkosi pai
disn'tthr
owndownt hedr ai
n.
Thet ablewassetsoIcal l
edBukhosi justtolet
him knowwher eIwas, hesaidIshouldhav e
call
edwhenwecamebackhewasn' tfarfr
om
thehouse.
Hecamet ohisparent
shouseandIsetupf
or
hi
mtoo, t
heyallr
avedaboutt
hegoodfood,
he
wasjustqui
et
2
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t8
Fir
stval
enti
nesdaywi t
houtNkosi,
itwasbad
butbecausewenev erreal
lycel
ebr
ated,
it
seemedlikeanyotherday.Wewereathis
parent
shouse, Iwassitt
ingwit
hMassionthe
st
air
,
"
Nomzamodoy outhi
nkyouandIwer
egoi
ngt
o
wor
kifIwasmatchedwi
thyou"
Idi
dn'
thaveananswerf
ort
hat
,wasMassi
bei
ngnicet
omebecausehehasfeel
i
ngsf
or
me
"
Nomzamoanswerme"
"Idon'
tknowbhutMassi
,I
'v
enev
ert
hought
aboutthi
sli
kethat"
Therewasawkwar
dsil
ence,
Ideci
dedt
ogetup
buthepul
ledmedown,
"Ihopeyoudon' tl
ookatmedi ffer
entl
yaft
erI
tell
youthis,
theonlyreasonyouwher enot
mar ri
edtomei snotthatI'
m notoftheNkosi
blood,butit
'sbecauseI'
m bisexual
"
"
Youdon'
thav
etol
i
eandsayy
oubi
sexual
"
Hetookouthisphonewentthr
oughhisphotos
andshowedmehi m wi
thhisgi
rl
fri
endand
boyf
ri
end.Iscr
eamedhugginghim,thesmil
ehe
hadwasbeaut i
ful,i
t'sli
kehewant edt otellme
allalongbutcoul dn't.Mymot herinl awsai dI'
m
maki ngnoi se,Bukhosi l
ookedatust hanshook
hishead.Adel i
verycamei nf rom Netf loristfor
Mr sNkosi ,
mymot herinlawsi gnedf orit,24
redr oses, t
eddybear ,choclateandabot t
leof
wine, shewasov erthemoon.MrNkosi wal ked
i
naski ngwhatt henoi seisf or,shethankedher
husbandbuthel ookedl ost,Funnyt hingwi t
h
todayi sBukhosi hasbeenwi t
hussi nce
mor ninghenor mal lytakesmet ohispar ent s
houseaf terIdot hehousechor esonweekends,
Ioncei nvi
tedZaki thiandIl earntshei sn't
welcomedatBukhosi house, sowhenev erI
wantcompanyImustgot oherbutnotgo
any wher ewithher
"
Nomzamo,thegi
ft
sar
efory
ounoty
our
mot
heri
nlaw"
"
Thedel
i
ver
ymansai
dMr
sNkosi
baba,
"
"
Incasey
ouf
orgoty
ouar
eMr
sN.Nkosi
,that
'
s
whatthecardsay
sandthei
nvoicedated
November,soNkosi
hadthi
splanned
Hehandedt
hecar
dtome
"Toourfi
rstval
ent i
nesashusbandandwife,
we
normall
ydon'tcelebrat
eitasever
ydaymustbe
val
enti
nes,butIthoughtthisy
earmustbe
dif
fer
ent
Lov
eNkosi
Nkosi
"
Iheldt
ightontothecar
d,Bukhosi
hadhishead
down,mymot herinl
awrushedintoputt
he
rosesi
nav ase
"
Nomzamoy
ouseehowr
omant
icmyhusband
i
s"
MrNkosi tookthecardfrom myhandsand
handedittoher.Sheapologisedf ort
aki
ngthe
gi
ftsbutItoldhershedeservest hem morethan
me,Ican'
ttakethem .Themoodwasnowsour
i
nt hehouse,MrsNkosi cal
ledmet oher
bedroom andgav emeal it
tl
er i
ngbox
"
Thi
sisy
ourweddi
ngr
ing,
youshoul
dhav
eit
."
"
It
'sbeaut
if
ul,
butIdon'
tthi
nkIcant
akei
t"
Sheputitinmyr i
ngfi
ngerandi
twasaperfect
fi
t,It
ookitoffandwentouttot
hegar
denjust
tothi
nk,Ineededtobeonmyown.Bukhosi
camet omeandst oodsil
ent
.
"I
fyouwantust
ogowecanl
eav
e"
Inodded, hetol
dmet ogot othecar,Idon'
t
havetosaygoodby e.Wegott ohishouseandI
wentstraighttothebedr oom,Iwantedtosleep
andcryal one.Hecamewi thXagainandt hey
seem tobewhi speringalltheti
me.Bukhosi
openedt hedoorandt ol
dmet ocomeeat ,I
mustn'
tst arvemy self
"
Whati
si tt
oyouBukhosii
fIdi
e,
thi
swi
l
ljust
maket
hingseasi
erf
oryou,"
Helookedatmeandwalkedout.HeaskedXt
o
gohomehewi l
lcal
lhi
m heneedstosor
tme
outfi
rst
"
NomzamoIknowy ouhurtandprobablymiss
Nkosi
,butthereisnoreasontotakeitouton
me,Ineveraskedforanyofthi
sImt r
y i
ngto
l
eadanor malli
fe,marr
iedornot"
"BukhosiI
'mt i
redofy out el l
ingmey ounev er
askedforthis,what ,
di dyout hinkIaskedf or
i
t..
Doy outhinkIenj oyst ay ingher ewashi ng
yourdir
tylaundry,li
st eningt oyouregoi sti
cself,
howIhav et obet r
eat edl ikehi redhel pwhen
yourfri
endscomeandl etmenotst artabout
yourhoest hatfakeanor gasm, tel
lthatbitch
Naomi tostopcal l
ingmet hreateningt omoer
me,youarenott appi ngmyassandy ounev er
will
"
Hekeptquietwhil
eIvented,Xwasbangi ngon
thedoor
,Bukhosiwenttoopenf orhi
m, Xcame
tomeaskingifI'
m okay,i
fBukhosihurtme.I
saidI
'mfi
ne,Bukhositookhiswall
et,l
aptopand
someclothessai
dhei sgivi
ngmesomespace,
seemsIneeditthanheleftwit
hX.
Ididn'
tknowwher ehewasandwasaf r
aid
somet hi
ngbadhappenedt ohim,hi
slastseen
onWhat sAppwaswhenhel ef
tandit'salr
eady
nightti
me.Icoul dn'
tcallMassi,hewasgoi ngto
tell
hisparentsandZaki t
hi i
sanogoar ea,she
probablyi
sdr unkrightnow.IsentBukhosi an
Smsapol ogisingforshoutingathim,Ihadno
ri
ghttodot hat.Hedi dn'
trespondsoIwentt o
bed.
Hecar
ri
edmef r
om thecoucht
ot hebedr
oom,I
t
ri
edgett
ingof
fbutheheldmetightandt
ucked
mein
"I
'm sorr
yNomzamo, Ishouldn'
thavedone
thosethingstoyou.IpromiseIwon'tdot hat
again,andifIdostepoutofl i
nepleasetellme
ri
ghtthere,don'
tbott
lethingsuptoy our
self"
Hetookmyphoneandwentt hr
oughal
lthe
messageshisgi
rl
fr
iendssendme,
Ij
ustwonder
wheretheygotmynumbers.
"
Whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
met
heybot
her
ingy
ou"
"Whowereyougoi
ngtobel
i
eve,
thewomany ou
sl
eepnextt
ooorthewomanyousl
eepnext
doort
oo"
Hecall
edoneofthem anddumpedthem ont
he
phonefort
roubl
i
ngme, sai
dtheyshoul
dknow
thei
rpl
ace.
"I
ftheytr
oubl
eyouagai
ntell
me,
il
lsor
tthem
out.Iwon'
tbr
ingt
hem her
eagai
nneh,"
Inodded
"Anotherthing,Idon'twanty ouusingNkosi
moneyf orthingsint hishouse, whetheri t
's
moneyy ougotbef orethedeat horafter.Tell
mehowmuchi sleftfory ourschoolfeesandi ll
coverit.
Nomz amoIdon' thav emoneyl ike
Nkosi butIcant r
yt ogivey out hethi
ngsy ou
want,ifIcan'twewi llmakeapl an.Pleasedon' t
usethel anguagey oudi d,itdoesn'
tsui tyou"
Hesaidgoodni
ghtandl
eftmei
nther
oom
st
unned
Hewokemeupwit
hbreakf
asti
nbed,
last
ni
ght
sfood,
tol
dmetoeatandbat
hweneedt
o
getgrocer
ies.Iat
ethantookaqui
ckshowerhe
gotintheroom andIhadonlyt
hetowel
wrapped
"I
fyoumustwearany
thi
ngbl
ack,
leti
tbey
our
under
wearonl
y"
Isatdownt othi
nk,hi
sbeingreall
yniceand
considerate,l
etmemeethi m hal
fwaybutt he
problem isIcan'
tmakeupmymi ndaboutwhat
towear .Hecamei nagainanddidn'tknock
tel
li
ngmet obequick.Itookoutawhi te
boobt ubdressandsandalsandt henwedding
ri
ngandcameout .Hegotupandwewentt ot he
car.Iopenedt hebackseatdoorandhecl osedit
"
I'
m noty
ourchauf
feur
,si
tinf
ront"
Wewentt orosebankthoughwest ayri
ghti
n
frontofHydePar kmall,
wegotev ery
thi
ngwe
needed,hewentt oeveryaisl
ewithmet he
funnypartwaswhenIt ooksani
tarytowel
sand
het ookcondoms, t
heol dl
adynexttous,sai
d
wel ookgoodt oget
her.Thecashierwasfl
ir
ti
ng
withhi m buthelookedannoy ed.Hecal l
edme
Moh( LikeMohammed) andaskedt ogethim
chocol ate,thewayhesaidmynamewasni ce,
hewoul dsayZah, Zamoh,orMoh, i
twasni ce
becausei twasn'
taccompaniedbyNkosi nathi
'
s
wife.Wewentt otheZooLakej usttotal
k,he
askedaboutschool andwet alkedabouthi s
wor k.ThanXcamewi t
hhisfami ly
,twoboy s
andhi swi fe.
"
Thi
sisnice,
it'
sbet
tert
hanwhatIsaw
y
est
erday"
Intr
oducti
onswer emadeandIplay
edwithhis
kidswhil
et al
ki
ngt ohi
swif
e.Heinvi
tedt
hem
forsuppermeaningwehavet ogonowsinceI
havetocook.WegothomeandheaskedI
makechi ckenAlf
redoorpr
awncurry.
sai
ditwas
goodthel astt
imeImadeit.
Istart
edcooki
ngAl
fredo,itwastheeasi
estand
neededlessti
meprepari
ng.Hehelpedhereand
there,
hetoldmeImustn'tgett
oclosetothe
wife,i
fXcoul ddivorceherandgetcust odyof
thekidshewoul dhav edonet hatalongtime
ago.Iaskedi fIcaninv i
teZaki
thiandast rai
ght
faceNocameout .Shest ol
emoneyandhi s
furni
turetosuppor therdrughabit,
hef orgave
herbutdoesn' tt
rusther .Wehadsupperwhi ch
wasr eall
yniceexceptf orthewif
ef i
shing,tryi
ng
toknowwhat '
supwi t
hmeandBukhosi ,
butshe
gotthesameanswer ,Iam Nkosiwifeandt he
ri
ngshowsi t.
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t9
Thingshav ebeengood, Bukhosi kepttohispart
ofthedeal ,
hi
sgirl
snol ongercomet ot he
house.Heeat smyf oodeverydayandasksf or
secondsandpr epar esomel unchforhi m.He
evengai nedweighthisfat
heri sforeverprai
sing
him,saidhisworkhashasal soimpr oved.
Fri
day swenor mall
yknockofear l
yatschool
andIgohomet oclean,watchcar t
oonsand
waitforBukhosi howev ernormallydoesn'
t
comehomeonFr i
dayandSat urday.SoI
decidedt ogot obr aam neighbourgoodswi t
h
mycl assmat es.Idr ankgrapeti
serwhilethey
swam i nalcohol.Wemov edinli
ke5di ff
erent
places,itwasni cebutpar tofitwasnotmeant
forme.Ibumpedi nt oZakit
hiwhot ookmet o
someot herplace.Shewaspost ingpicson
Facebook.Myphoner ang
"
I'
m home,
wher
ear
eyou"
"
I'
minbr
aamf
ont
ein"
"
Doi
ngwhatthereNomzamo,ar
eyououtof
y
ourmi
nd,kusebusukuandy
ousit
ti
ngi
napub
"
"
Icamewi
thpeopl
efr
om school
,thanZaki
thi
..
."
Hedidn'
twaitf
ormet ofi
nish,
hestarted
sweari
ngtel
l
ingmedi dn'
thewarnmeabout
Zaki
thi
,ImuststaywhereIam.Zaki
thiwant
ed
ustogotoanotherpl
acebutItoldherI'
m
stayingher eBukhosi i
scomi ngf orme.He
enteredandIj umpupf rom mychai rwalki
ng
towar dshim, hel ookedangr yandIdi dn'
twant
himt oembar rassme.Het urnedandwal ked
outandIr ushedbegi nhi m.heopenedt heback
seatdoorIj umpedi nandhedr oveoffangry.
Thecopsst oppedusandhet oldmei ftheygive
him at i
cketI '
m pay ingf ori
t.Theydi dn'
tf i
nd
anythingwr ongsowewenthome.Heopened
upandunt iedhi sbel tItri
edr unningtothe
bedroom butt her oomswer elocked,Istart
ed
beggi nghim nott ohi tme.Hehel dbothmy
wr i
stIstartedcr ying, heopenedt hekit
chen
drawert ookoutsomewhi t
et ubeandt oldmet o
blow.Ibl ewandhet ooki tfrom me, l
ookedatit
andl etgoofmyhands
"Youbettert
hankyourancestorsyoudidn'
t
drinkal
cohol,
otherwiseyouweregoingtogetit
from me,di
dInottell
y ounott
or ol
lwit
hZakit
hi
"
Ij
ustst
oodatt
hecor
ner
,wi
thhi
m shout
ingt
hat
nowIcan' ttalk.Hethr
ewt hekeysfort
he
bedr oom andIwentin.Isleptwithmyclot
hes
on.Hi sgir
lfr
iendcametot hehousebutherhe
willseehertomor r
ow,shest art
edscreaming
thatsincethebitchcamehedoesn' thavetime
forher .Hehelduphisbeltandshest ar
ted
runningout.
Hewokemeupat6am pul
l
ingmybl
anket
s
"Mohwakeup"Ipr
etendednottohearhi
m but
whenhesai
dNomzamowi tht
hatmuch
aut
hor
it
y,Ij
umpedupf ast
"Di
dInotwarny ouaboutZaki
thi
,sheisfamil
y
butsheisdangerous,l
etmenotrepeatmyself
andletmenotfindy oui
naplaceli
kethatever"
Inodded
"I
fyouwanttogoouttel
lme,i
fIcan'
tmakei
t
cal
lyourgaybr
otheri
nlaw,
uyangi
zwa."
"
Can'
tyouj
ustsaymasi
bonge,
andnotment
ion
t
hegaypar
t"
"Don'tbesmartwit
hme, heal socal
lsmethe
blacksheepofthefamily.Nomzamoweal l
haveageneticelementthatiswrong,Massi
beinggay,metheproblem andZakithi
the
druggie,
don'
tmessupy ourli
feandreput
ati
on"
Hegotupfrom t
hebedandt
oldmet
osl
eepf
or
anot
herhour
"
Bukhosi
wer
eyour
eal
l
ygoi
ngt
ohi
tme"
"
Idon'
thi
twomanNomzamo,buti
fyoupush
meIwil
l,
thatbel
twi
l
lber
eadyt
obeatupthose
l
egs.
2
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t10
I'
velear
ntmylessonandmadesur eIdon'
tdo
anythi
ngthatwil
lupsetBukhosi,hehasal
so
takenmet oMaboneng,andot herpl
acesi
n
soweto,nowIknowwher ehei sifhi
snothome.
Wehadaf i
ghtwhenhet houghtiboughta
pastacut t
erusingnkosi money ,
thebeltwas
alr
eadyr eady,butitwasMassi whoboughti t.
ThereIsawt hatBukhosi hasalwaysbeen
compar edtonkosi that'
swhyhedoesn' twant
meusi ngany t
hingt hatcomesi nthenameof
Nkosi.Het ookmet othecolourrun,I'
m nota
fanofrunningbuti fitmeantget t
ingoutoft he
house,I'
m upf orit
.Xwast herealsoandhe
keptshakinghi sheadev eryti
meBukhosi used
measashi eldforthecoloureddust .
Thef amilycompanywasr ai
singfundswitha
dinnerparty.Bukhosiinvit
edmebutIdecl i
ned,
we'venev erbeentopl aceswher epeopleknow
us,exceptXandal otoft hepeopletherewill
be
hisfather'
sassociates,Idon'twanthim
i
nt r
oducingmeashi sdeadbr ot
her'
swi f
e.He
broughtoneofhi smanygi rl
fri
endsbutcamet o
mej usttoaski fl
ooksokaybecausehedi dn'
t
feelgood.It ol
dhim hisfinebuthedi dn'
tbuyit,
heaskedmet oir
onhi sshirt
"
Yourgi
rl
fr
iendi
sher
eandy
ouaski
ngme,
don'
t
pat
roni
seme"
"Shei
ronedt
heoneI
'
m wear
ingmoh,
ibhekei
t'
s
notri
ght"
Itookthest upi
dshir
tandi r
oned,heworeitand
saidthi
sf eelsr
ight
,itneededmyper f
ectt
ouch.
Theydr oppedmeathi sparentshouseas
Zakithi
wi l
lbebabysi t
ti
ngmebutt herul
eisi
don'tgooutwi t
hher.
"YouknowMzamo, i
fIwer
eyouIwasgoingto
att
endthat,Bukhosi
tol
dmydadthatyousai
d
youdon'twanttocomesohewil
lbri
ngadate"
"
Bukhosi
andIar
efi
net
hewaywear
e,"
"Youf
inewit
hhi
m br
ingi
ngwomanbuty
ou
don'
thaveaman"
"Zaki
thi
,I
'mt
heonet
hat
'smar
ri
edher
e,not
Bukhosi"
Wetal
kedaboutot
herthi
ngsandIdon'
tknow
howweendedupagainatmegoingtothe
di
nner
.Weweredri
vingbacktoHydeParkto
getclothestowear.Shetookoutt
heshor t
est
dressIhav ebutIwasuncomfort
ablewithit,
my
l
egsal mostgotabeat i
ngandshewant sto
showi toff
.Itookoutalongmaxidresswith
sli
tsinthefront
,andshowsoffalit
tl
ebitof
cleav
age.Shedi dmymakeupandi sgoodatit
.Shedr ovemet oGall
agorEst
ateandtoldme
tousemynameatt hedoor"
NomzamoNkosi
Ical
l
edMassiatl
easthewon'
tmi
ndf
etchi
ng
mefrom t
hedoor.
Massiwasexci tedtoseeme, hesaiditsgood
formet ogoout .Hetookmet othetablet
he
famil
ywassi tti
ng,Igreetedandsatdownnext
tomyf atheri
nl aw.Hei ntr
oducedmet ohis
busi
nesspar tnerSteven,helookedatmesai d
Nkosiwasagoodman, it
'sunfort
unatehedied.
Mymoodwasal r
eadyspoi l
t,wil
lIevergo
anywherewi t
houtbeingl abeledawidow
Iresethowmypl at
eandspoonswerepl
aced,I
thi
nkcookingschoolwasn'
tabadi
dea.Bukhosi
l
ookedatmeandsmi led,wi t
hhisey es, henever
smi l
eswi t
hthemout h.Stevekeptt alkingabout
Nkosi .
Bukhosiexcusedhi msel fandhi sdate
from thetabl
e, t
hanmyf atherinlawchanged
thesubjectandt heyspokeaboutwor kand
Bukhosi ,
Stevehadgoodt hingst osay .Bukhosi
wasnowher etobeseen.Bukhosi cameback
alone,wehadourdi ner,hechosewhatIwas
eating.Theconv er
sat i
onst art
edt obeabor eI
wentoutt othegar dent ogetf r
eshai r.Isat
thanBukhosi fol
lowed
"Youlookni
ce,
youmustdr
essl
i
ket
hismor
e
often.
Her
estedhi
sheadonmyt
highsandsl
epton
t
hebench
"Idon'
tthi
nky
ourdat
ewi
l
lappr
oveoft
his
Bukhosi"
"It
ookherhome,sheknewthatshe'
sonl
ymy
datebecausey
ouwer enotcoming,
nowthsat
youhere,
shemustgo
29Augustat11:
20·Publ
i
c
1k
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t11
Wesatont hebenchwi t
houtacar ewhowas
watching,myhandmassagi nghi schi
skop,I
stoppedandhet oldmet ocontinue,i
t'
snice,we
spokeaboutgener al
stuff,
todayIsawwho
Bukhosiis,
hemayber ude,
stuckupandhav ean
ego,buthisanicepersonundert hatthi
ckskin.
"I
twasnicetohearot
herpeopl
etal
kgood
abouty
ou" hel
ookedatme
"Stev
espokeabouttheworkyoudoandthe
resul
tsaregreat
,hespokehowmuchyouador
e
hisdaughter
."
"Il
ovedherMomo,shewasever
ythi
ng
wrong,
butri
ghtwi
thme,Iwasgoi
ngtomar
ry
her
Het
ookadeepbr
eat
handsi
ghed
"
Whatstar
tedasanexper
imentendedupbei
ng
t
hecauseofdeat
h"
"
I'
m sor
ry,
Idi
dn'
tknowshedi
ed"
"SheandZakithitookdrugsandsheov erdosed
anddied.IknowZaki t
hiistry
ingtochangeher
way sandweneedt osupporther,buti
t'shard
becauseIlostsomebodyIl ovebecauseshe
doesn'tl
i
sten,that'
swhyIdon' twantyouout
withher,
"
"
Iunder
stand"
"I
fit
'sanyconsolat
ionMoh, Iwasalsonot
all
owedtoattendthefuneral,
butatleastIsaw
herduri
ngherlasthour,wasn'tagoodsight,but
Isawshewasnotcomi ngbackf r
om this.
Ikeptmassaginghi sheadbutfelt
uncomfortabl
ewhenhet urnedhisheadont
o
myst omach,Ijustsawhislipsri
ghtonmycake.
Ifel
tcoldshiv
er sandhewant edtogivemehis
j
acketbutItoldhimI '
mf i
ne,j
ustneedtogo
home.
"
DidZaki
thi
dri
vey
ouher
e"
"
Wet
ookt
hecari
nthegar
age"
Nkosi
car
"
Doy
ouknowhowt
odr
ive"
"
Notr
eal
l
y"
"
Whati
sthatsupposedt
omean"
"
IknowtheABC,12345R,
mirr
ors,
key
.youknow
t
hethi
ngsthatmakethecargo"
"Forsomebodywhopassedwit
hadi
sti
nct
ioni
n
Engli
shyousoundreal
l
ystupi
d
Ilaughedhesmil
ed,t
ri
edshowinghist
eet
hbut
youcant el
lhewasnotcomfor
tabl
e,
"I
'
llt
eachyouhowt odri
ve,y
oucan' tal
way srel
y
onmeandot herpeopl
etogety outoplaces,
butri
ghtknowy ougaveZakithiyourcar,
Idon't
knowwhaty ouwi l
lbedri
vi
ng, sheprobabl
y
pawnedit"
"
Thanksf
ort
heof
fer"
"
Youdon'
tsoundexci
ted"
"Iam,i
t'
sjustthatyouandBhut'Masi
bonge
alwayssaynegat i
vethi
ngsaboutherandshe
hasgoodt hingstosayaboutyou.
iknowit
'snon
ofmybusi nessormypl acebutZaki
thi
isreal
l
y
tryi
ng,andyoumaynotseei tbecauseyou
bli
ndedbyy ourgri
ef.
"
Sowhatar
eyousay
ingImustdo"
"
Stopbei
ngnegat
ivet
oeachot
her
,"
HisresponsewasMmmmm, t
hant oldmet o
getmycl utchbag.Hewashol dingmyhandbut
l
etgowhenwewenti ntothehall.
igott hebag
bidfarewellandleft
.Hewasst andingnearhi s
carsmoki ng.Wedr ovehomeandwewoul d
bothmi met hesongpl ayi
ng.ButwhenToni
braxton-thatsomebodywasy oupl ayed,hewas
i
nt hezonewhent hesaxophonepl ay edkade
esemoy eni.ThanIndiaArie,Heartoft heMat t
er
,heturneddownt hevolumendsai dt hesong
bri
ngscl osureforhim,hisaskingSt eve
daughtert ofor
givehimf ornotbeingt here.
"I
t'
snotZakit
hifaul
tshedied,I'
mt obeblamed,
Iwasfundingheraddi
cti
on,whenev ershe
wantedmoneyIgav eherwithoutaskingwhat
i
t'
sfor,hadIpai
dattent
ionshewoul dbealiv
e"
"Youcan'
tbl
amey ourselff
orthis,
isthatwhy
youhaveall
thewomanbecausey ouafrai
dof
commi t
ment.Youcan'tgri
eveforforever,
you
needtomov eonandletgooft hehur t"
"
Hav
eyoumov
edonf
rom Nkosi
nat
hi"
Iwasqui et,Ihadnocomebackf orthat
.Wegot
home, iwascol dandhewashungr y.Wemade
sandwicheswhi chheatealone.Heaskedi fthe
gir
lsarest i
llbotheri
ngme, whenIsaidno, he
saidcool andt oldmehisnolongerdatingt hem,
andhisnotaf rai
dofcommi tment,i
t'sj
usthe
hasn'
tfoundt heone,andifhefindsher,she
mustnotf i
ndhi m whil
ehi
samess, heneedst o
fi
xhimsel f.
"
Bukhosi
"
"
Bhut
'Bukhosi
,j
ustbecausey
ouwer
ebeddi
ng
anel
derdoesn'tmeany oumustaddressmeby
myname,nithandaizint
onomzamo,Nkosnathi
was7/8yearsolderthanyouandyouagreedto
behi
sgir
lfr
iendandnowwi f
ebonamanj e"
Ikeptquietguesswe'
vegonebackt other
ude
Bukhosimode.Heapol ogi
sedt hansai
dIcan
saywhatIwant edtosay.Ijustshookmyhead
hejustspli
tthefunoutofi
t.Het i
ckl
edmeand
beggingIspeak
"I
st herear
easonwhyyouonlydat
ewhit
eand
colouredgi
rl
s,I
'v
eneverseenyouwit
hablack
gi
rl "
Helookedatmel
i
kehewast
hinki
nghar
dthan
sai
d
"
Problem withblackgi
rlsi
swhenaguysay shi,
t
heyalreadythinkhisaski
ngmar ri
age,the
l
obola,
gift
sandot herthi
ngsareexpensive,and
t
hegi r
lsthatdontwantmar ri
ageareafter
money.Sowhi techi
ckenlobolanonothing
Tr
ustBukhosi
tosayt
hat
,whydi
dIev
enask
"I
si twrongt owantmar riageBukhosi ,y ou
compl ainingaboutbl ackmar ri
agesbei ng
expensi ve,letmeeducat ey ouy esy oudon' tpay
forlobolaf orot herraces, youonl ybuyt he
weddi ngr i
ngi fshei swhi teandherf atherpay s
forthegl amor ousweddi ng, hewal kshi s
daught erdownt heaisleandhandshert o
you,that'
sasi gnt osayshei sy ourr esponsi bil
it
y
now, shecannotgobackt oaskt hem f or
assistance.Forbl ackpeopl eyoupayt hel obol a
tobui l
dar elati
onshi pthati spastt het wo
peopl einlov e,youbuygi ft sforheri mmedi at e
fami l
ynotbecausei t
'sfancybutbecause
shoul dtheday sbedar ky ougobackt ot hose
peopl eandseekadv i
se,shoul dy oudi et he
peopl ewhower et herewi thy oui ngoodt i
mes
mustnowsuppor ttheonesl ef
tbehi ndandl ook
afteryourf ami ly.Doy out hinky ouwi l
laskf or
mai zemeal f r
om y ourwhi teinlawswheny ou
don'thav eaty ourhouse.Yourwomanar eonl y
i
ni tfortheex perience
Helookedatmeandsmil
ed,soareyousayi
ng
youmarri
edNkosnat
hif
orlovenotmoney
"Idi
dn'
tknowhehadmoneywhenwemet ,
he
wasasimpl eboy,whohaddreamsandmade
surehebroughtthem t
oli
fe.
"
Soi
fhepai
dlobol
athanwentbankr
upt"
"Thanwewi ll
li
veofwhatwecan,ifwedon'
t
evenhavesalt,icangobackhomet oaskfori
t,
theywil
lneversaynobecausetheybuil
ta
rel
ati
onshiptheydidn'
tgi
vemeawayl i
kehow
whitepeopledo
"Nomzamonomat terhowtruewhatyousai
d
mightbe,I
'l
lsti
cktomypr ef
erence,
shedoesn'
t
eatpap,sother
ewon' tbeaneedtoaskfor
maizemeal .Goodnight.
3
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t12
Myl
i
fei
nJohannesbur
gisnotbad,
though
Nkosi isnotar ound, Iwi shhewasher e,I'
m
startingt ogetusedt obei ngNomzamo, andnot
thewi dowedchi l
d.Bukhosi isBukhosi ,
somet imesIt hinkhehasbi polarplusHDAD.He
canbeonhi slowestbutbev ery
high,somet i
mesIdon' tevenunder standt he
thingst hatcomeoutofhi smout h.Henol onger
all
owshi sf ri
endst ocomeandgoast hey
pleaseatt hehouse, het oldt hem t heyneedt o
respectmyspace, shouldt heywantt ohangout
asboy st heyneedt omakear r
angement swi t
h
mei nt i
meandi t'snotf orf ree,I'
llsuppl ythem
with, foodandbev erages, that'showI 'm maki ng
mymoneynow, r
unni ngcat er i
ngcompanyat
hishouseandr i
ghtofadmi ssioni sr eservedas
Idon' tliket heot herguy ssomet hingabout
them i snoton.Hi sal sot oldhismot hert ot one
downandnotbel ooki ngf orf i
ghtswher et here
aren'tany .Henowspendsmostofhi stimewi th
thef ami lyandi stryingt ogett oZaki thi.
Webot
hgott
hef
lubuthi
swaswor
se,
andI
'
ve
alway shear dthatmanar ebabi eswhent hey
sick,butnotwi t
hbukhosi , hedidhi spartofthe
housechor es,
gotbot hofusmedi cati
onthan
wechi ll
edwat chingl ongser iesandmov i
es.I
decidedt ocooksoup, atl eastitwi l
lkeepus
war m andf ull
.Hisf riendscamet oseehim
say i
ngt heywantt ot urnupandpai ntthecit
y
red,buthedecl i
nedt heirof f
er,theywer e
shocked, Xsai dheal sowon' tgoi fBukhosiis
comi ngal ong, hest ay edbehi ndt ohav eour
soup.Wepl ayedmonopol y,beginner schess
andscr ambl e.Xl eftar ound10, Iwentt owash
thedishes, Bukhosi helpedwi pi
ngandwe
talkedjustaboutt heest atesgossi pandpolit
ics.
Whowast hrownout, whoi scheat i
ngwi t
hwho.
Hecamecl osertomyl ipsandki ssedthem,I
frozebutdi dn'tstophi m, hecont inuedandI
broket heki ssof f.
"
I'
m sor
ryIshoul
dn'
thav
e"
"
It
'sokay,
Ihaven'
tki
ssedi
nalongti
me,that
I
'
veforgot
tenhowtokissaman"idon'
tknow
whyi
sai
dwhatIsai
d.
Heki ssedhungr i
lyandIr espondedt ohi skiss,I
fel
thi shandundermyt opsizingitselfonmy
breast.Hepul l
edmeupwi t
ht heothert ryi
ngt o
straddlemyl egsonhi swai st,butIwant edmy
feetont hegr ound.Hewasl eadingt hewayI
waswal ki
ngbackwar ds, thekisseswer e
beaut i
ful,
hisl i
pssof t
,smoot handj ui
cyhemust
hav ethem onsomemi racletreatment .Het ook
myt opandunhookedmybr a,hismout honmy
breast,hiswar m br eathandf acialhairtickl
eme.
Wewer eont hebednaked, him ont opofme.He
l
ikedev erypar tofmybody ,hi
st ongueknows
thesal t
ytast eofmysweat .Hesepar atedmy
l
egs, mymi ndwast ell
inghi mt ostopbutmy
mout honl ywhi speredhi snameandi nhi s
response, hewoul donl ysaymmmm.Fi rstIfel
t
hisfingerinsidemet hani twasf oll
owedbyhi s
penis.Hepushedhi msel finreall
yhar dbutsl ow.
Hehel dmyl egsapar tandpushedi nfur t
her,my
bodyf rozeandmyey esopenedwi de.He
stoppedabi tlikehewasn' tsur ei fhecont inue
buthi sbodybet rayedhi m,i
twant edt ogoon
andi tdid.Mykneeswer etouchi ngmy
shoul ders, mybut twasi nt
heai rashepushed
i
nandoutandwenti ntocircularmot ion,Icould
nol ongerf eel any thi
ngdownt her ebei tpainor
pleasur eIwaswai ti
ngf orhimt of i
nish.At ear
escapedmyey e,Ialway sthoughtmyf ir
sttime
wasgoi ngt ober omant i
c,flowerpat elsont he
bed, withchocol ate, str
awber ri
es, cr
eam and
wine, butt her eisnof east,
Iam t hef east.I
consol edmy selfthatIam mar riedt oBukhosi ,
soei therway ,Iam def l
ower edbymyhusband,
j
ustnott heoneIl ove.Hef inishedwhathewas
doingont opofmeandr ol
ledof f.Ifacedt he
otherdi rectionIdi dn' twanthimt oseemecr y
,
hecamecl osert omeandspoonedbybodybut
nosex.Fewmi nuteshewassnor i
ng.
Iwokeupandhewasn' ti
nbed,mystomach,
thi
ghsandpunanihadapainIcan'
t
expl
ain,
bloodwasdry
inguponmypubichair
s
andt hesheet swer estained.i gotupchanged
thesheet sandt hrewt heot her sinthewashi ng
machi ne.Itookal ongbat htor elaxmysor e
areas.Igotdr essedandasIwentt ohangmy
thi
ngsout side,themachi newasdonebutsome
ofthest ai
nswer enotf ull
yout ,Idecidedto
handscr ubt hestainmayt heywi l
lcomeout .
Bukhosi camei nwi thbr eakfast ,
Icouldn'
tlook
athim whenhegr eet
ed.Iwal kedoutf rom the
kit
chenr oom giv ehim space, hehel dmyhand
sayingweneedt otalk
"Whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
mey
ouwer
eav
irgi
n".Ikept
qui
et
NomzamoIfyout
oldmeIwasgoi
ngt
ost
op,
whydi
dn'
tyou
Ij
ustkeptqui
etwhi
l
ehespoket
ohi
msel
f
"
YouandNkosnat
hidi
dn'
thav
esex.
daaa
"
Whatwer eyouandNkosidoi
ngfort
hepast
t
hreeyear
sifyouwerenothavi
ngsex,I
'vebeen
t
hroughyourphone,
ther
e'sal
otofpict
uresof
y
ouandhi
m nakedi
nbed"
sil
ence
"
FuckNomzamosaysomet
hing"heshout
ed
"
Nkosi
sai
dhewi
l
lwai
tforourweddi
ngni
ght
."
Heclosedhi sey esandwal kedoutl eavi
nghis
foodunt ouched.Iat emi neasIwashungr y.
Zakit
hi camet of etchmest i
l
l nosi gnof
Bukhosi ,butshewaswayt ooqui etl i
keshe
knowssomet hingbadi saboutt ohappeni fi
t
alr
eadyhasn' t
.Thehousewasqui et,Bukhosi
sit
ti
ngwi thhisf atherandMassi ,Igr eet
edand
theyresponded, hehadhi sheadbowed, guess
hetoldt hem aboutl astnight.Hismot herasked
werear et hesheet sadayIt oldthem Iwashed
them, Ididn'tt
hinkt heyarethet ypet hatdothat.
Bukhosidi
sappear edf ortherestoftheday
camebackatmi dnightdrunk, Iwassleepingin
Nkosibedroom, i
t'
st hef i
rstti
meIsl eptther
e.
Zaki
thisai
dit'snotsaf eformet obewi t
h
Bukhosiri
ghtnow, hisgoi ngtogor ogueagain.
Hecamet ot hebedr oom r anhisicecoldhands
onmyf
ace,
hisey
esbl
oodr
ed.
"Momo, I'
m sorr
y,I'
m notthatty
pperguyy ou
need,I'
m amess, Ican'
tmessupy ourlif
et oo.I
cannotdot hi
s,pl
easemov eonwi t
hy ourli
fe,I
won'tstandinyourway .Canwef orgetthatlast
nighteverhappened.I'
m sorr
yMoh"
Iwokeupandwr
oteal
ett
eraddr
essedt
o
mysel
f
DearDi
ary
Iwaswi
dowedbef
oreIwed
NowIam dumpedbef
oredat
ed
Xoxo
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t13
I
t'dbeenthreeweekssinceivebeenstay
ingat
thenkosiresi
dent
s,everyoneistel
l
ingmenot
togonearBukhosi,hi
snoti ntheri
ghtmind.
Theyallsaymysafetymustnotbe
compr omi sedandi t'snott hef i
rstti
met hey'
ve
saidit,
butwhatscar esmemor eishowt heysay
i
t.Massi hasbeendr oppi ngmeof fatschool
andZaki thiisonpi ckupdut y.Ohy esIal most
forgotmassi organisedmor ningaf t
erpillsfor
me, saidababywi lljustcompl i
catethings
muchmor e,Idontneedt hestress.Zaki thi
call
edt osayshei sr unninglatesoImustt ake
thetaxi.SoIdi dasmyr outinewas, wal ktobr ee
taxirankgetat axithatgoesonJanSmut s,I
wassupposedt ogetof fafteritpassedt hezoo
butlitt
lemi ssydecidedt ogot oHy dePar k.The
doorwaswi deopen
"
Soy
our
emember
edwher
eyoust
ay"
"
SawubonaBukhosi
"hel
ooksl
i
kehel
l
Istart
edcleaningthehousewhi cht ookmostof
theday,helockedhi mselfi
nhisr oom,the
cupboardswer eempt y,
andIwassuper
hungry,
Ishouldveeatensomet hingatschool
.I
decidedtowalkt otheDunkeld,l
ittl
ecomplex
notfarfr
om theestatehopefull
yt heyarestil
l
open.Igott
hebasict hingsandt oil
etr
ieswent
backhomeandpr epar edsupper.Idishedupf or
hi
m buthesai dhi
snothungr ythanhel ef
t.Iate
myf oodwashedthedi shesthanwentt obed.
Hecamei nlateri
ntheni ghtwithsomegi rland
hadsexont hecouch, I
'venevercaredabout
hi
m havingsexbutt odayIfel
thur t
Istayedinthathouset hought her ewasno
reasonformet ost ay,Bukhosi wasnev erhome
andifhewasi tsbecausehepi ckedsomegi rlor
prosti
tutefr
om acl ubt ohav esexwi ththan
l
eav einthemor ning,Idon'tevenknowi fhe
goest oworkbecauseIl eavehi m athome
whenIgot oschool andIst i
llf
indhi mt here
whenIcomeback.I '
venev eraskedt heNkosi
aboutanyinheritancebecauseIdi dn'twantto
soundl i
keI'
m af t
ermoney ,butifthereissome
sortofmoney ,i
twoul dcomei nr eall
yhandy
especial
lynow, Icanmov eoutofBukhosi pl
ace
andnotmov einwi t
ht hem becausei t'sclear
t
heywi
l
lal
way
sfi
ghtaboutme.
Myf ludidn'tseem t obegoi ngaway ,Massi
gavemeani njectionthatknockedmeoutmy
wholeSat ur dayIspenti nbed.Iwokeupgot
somet hingf rom t hekitchenj ustsoIcant ake
fl
umeds, Ibecamenauseous, Iranoutf r
om
Nkosi room t ot hebat hroom andev er
ythi
ng
cameoutasi s.Masebonger antomeand
waitedt i
llIfinishv omit.Ifeltli
kemybodywas
shaking, mysi ghtblurry.i
feltcoldthoughi was
fanningmy sel f.Icouldn'tgetuponmy
own,massi hel dmeup.Hecheckedmy
pressuret hansugarl ev el
,theywer ebothlow.
"Nomzamo,
forhowl
onghav
eyouhadt
hef
lu
now"
"
It
'sonandof
fmassi
,Idon'
tknow"
Hekeptqui
ett
hanl
ookedser
iousl
ydeepi
nto
myeyes
"
Nomzamodon'tt
akeof
fencebut,
didy
ousee
y
ourper
iods"
Inodded,
butwasn'
tsur
e
"NomzamoI'
m ser
ious,
didy
ougoony
our
peri
odst
hismonth"
Igotuppushedmywayf rom thedoor
,Ican'
tbe
pregnantthat'
sallIcoul
dt hi
nk,t
her
ehastobe
anexplanationforthi
s
"Masibongey
ougav emet
hatt
abl
etaf
tert
hat
nightwit
hBukhosi
"Ther
e'sahi
ghchanceitdi
dn'
twor
k,youhav
e
beenonanti
biot
icsandfl
umedsbeforet
aki
ng
i
t"
Hest
oppedmeasIwast
owal
kdownt
hest
air
s
"
Nomzamoi fwhatI'
m say
ingi
str
ue,
don'
t
wor
ryaboutBukhosi"
"
Masi
bongeIcannotbepr
egnant
,"
"
Ify
ouar
e"
"Iam notokay,
hav
enev erbeenandnev
erwi
l
l
be,especi
all
ynotforBukhosi"
"
Nomzamo,
don'
twor
ryaboutBukhosi
I'
m her
e
f
ory
ou
"I
sthatsoMasi
bonge,
I'
veal
way
sthoughty
ou
hadmyback,"
Bukhosiwasatt hedoor,
Iwonderhowmuchof
theconversati
onheheard,I
'
mt er
minat
ingt
he
pregnancyifIam atal
lpr
egnant.
"
Soy oupretendyougay,
soyoucangetcl
oset
o
mywi f
e,t
hany outel
lhernott
oworr
yaboutme
youarehere"
Masibongejustl
ookedatBukhosiashewal
ked
upthestai
rs,hedidn'
trespondt
ohim
"Nomzamoi smywife,mine,
sogety ourf
il
thy
gayhandsoffofher,sot
hisi
swhaty ouhave
beenplayi
ngatal
lalong,
pretendi
ngtobethe
carr
yingbr
otheri
nlawwheny ouknowyouwant
tobeunderherpants"
BukhosipouncedatMasi
bongewit
hafist,he
hi
thim onthenoseandhestar
tedbl
eeding,he
kepti nsul
tingMasibongecalli
nghim names
andswear ingathim.Ihadtost opthem bef or e
i
tgoesmor eoutofhand.IpulledBukhosi back
andhet urnedatmepushi ngmeback, Icouldn't
balancemy sel
f,Icoul
dn'thol
dont ot her ai
l,I
rol
leddownt hestair
case.Bukhosiwast hefirst
toreachmeatt heend, hewasapol ogi si
ngt hat
hedi dn'tmeant opushmei twasami stake.I
couldnol ongermakesenseofwhathewas
saying.
Het ri
edgett
ingupfrom thegroundbutmassi
tol
dhi mt ol
etmelayflathemustjustmake
sureIdon'tl
ooseconsciousnesshemustkeep
tal
kingtome.Bukhosi screamedasking
Masi bonget
ogivemeadr enal
i
neatleastt
hat
wil
lkeepmeupunt i
ltheygetmet oahospit
al
"
Ican'
tadmi
nist
erthatonher,
Bukhosi
Ithi
nk
Nomzamoispregnant
,
Bukhosil
ookedatmassiandhisey
esbecame
gl
ossy,helookedatmecaressi
ngmyface
"
Sheisaf
rai
dyoumightnotwantthebaby
,
t
hat
'swhyIsai
dshemustn'twor
ryaboutyou"
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t14
Theyt ookmet oJobur gGener al Hospi t
al,Iwas
admi ttedandt heywer enotal lowedi nt hewar d
Iwasi n.Bukhosi wasqui etallt
hewayheonl y
spokewhent hedoct oraskedwhot hespouse
ornextofki nis.Theysai dfornowt heycannot
confirmi fthebabyi sokayornotandsi nceI '
m
notbl eedi ngt hingsdon' tseent hatbadexcept
formyswol l
enf aceandsor eback, t
heywi ll
keepmei nfort heweekend.Bukhosi call
ed
Zakithi tobr i
ngmewar m clothes, pjanda
blanket .Hi sfathercamewi ththet hi
ngs.The
nursesdi dn'tallowt hem i nthanMasi bonge
spoket ot hedoct orinthewar dandheal lowed
them j ustf or5mi nutes,y oushoul dhav eseen
myf at heri nlawsf aceashewal kedint hewar d.
Heki ssedmyf oreheadt hanl ookedar ound.You
couldtellhi
sj udgingthegov ernmenthospital
.
Bukhosi j
ustranhi sfi
ngersonmyar m not
sayi
ngany t
hing,theyaskedi fIcanwal kthem
out,Igotupf rom thebedandsai dIcanwal k
butIcouldf eelpain.Wegott othepassage
walkwayandmyf atherinlawst ar
tedshout i
ng
atBukhosi .Therewer epol i
cemanj ustoutsi
de
thewar d,MrNkosi wenttothem thancame
backwi thone
"Nangumuthateni,
hebatt
eredhi
swifeandnow
sheisinhospi
tal"
,myeyesopenwide,whati
s
thi
soldmandoi ng
"Babaplease,youblowi
ngthi
ngsoutof
propor
ti
on, Idi
dn'thi
tnomzamo"
Hisfathershout
edpushi ngtheoffi
cernear
Bukhosi,MrNkosi keptshouti
ngthatthe
reasonwenowsi t
tinginadirt
yhospit
alis
becausehecoul dn'
tevendoasi mplethingl
ike
putmeonmedi calaid,
hedoesn'tr
espectme, he
bri
ngswomant othehouseandnowhebr i
ngs
met ohospi tal,
Imi ghtev enl oosethebabyas
wespeak.Ihav enev eri nmyl if
ehadmy
businessbr oadcast edj ustliket hat
,li
veand
l
oud.Thepol icedidn' tev enwai ttohear
Bukhosi sideoft hest or yMtheyj ust
handcuf f
edandt ookhi m away, masibonge
tri
edt alkingbuthi sf athershuthi m upjustl
ike
thatgy mt hedoct ortoldmet ocomebackand
andt hef ami l
yt oleav e,theymustcome
tomor rowat2pm f orv isiti
ng, andiftheydon't
behav et hemsel vest heywi l
lbet hrownoutand
notletbackagai n.
Thef amil
ycamet oseemet hefoll
owi ngday
andtheysai dtheywil
lgetmeoutoft he
hospital
,butIwasokaywi t
hi t
,therei snot hi
ng
wrongwi thit.Thebabyisfinemyf acei s
gett
ingbet t
erbutmybacki sjustsor e, Ifeel
li
ke
someonecanj ustmassageme.Thedoct or
sai
dt heywillonlydi
schargemet omor row
(Monday) nowt hatmeansIwi llmissschool .
Mymot herinlawsatataf ardistancel i
keshe
wasf orcedtocomeher e.AftertheyleftIhadt o
thinkhar daboutt hebaby, t
ruthbet oldIdon' t
knowf orIwanti tornot.Itri
ghtnowt hese
peopl ear ehappyt her
eisababycomi ng.Ij ust
don'tknowhowbukhosi r
eallyfeelshei sj
ust
quiet.Myphonesbat t
erydiedasIpl ay ed
gamest hr
oughoutt hedayandni ght,
Ij ust
didn'thav eanythingtodo.
MondaycameandIwasdr essedr eadyt oleave,
hadmycheckupt hanhadt owaitont hef amil
y
tofet
chmej usthopemamazal adoesn' tcome
tofet
chme, onemomentshei sfineHanshe
j
usthatesme.Iwassur prisedwhenwhen
bukhosicamest il
lwear
ingSaturdaycl othes.
"SorryI
'm notpresent
abl
e,Ihadmybailhear
ing
today,It
houghtIshouldcomeherefi
rstsoyou
don'twaitlong"
Idi
dn'tknowwhatt osay
,themanjustspenta
weekendinjai
lforsomethinghedi
dn't
del
iberat
elydo
Myfatheri
nlawcameintookthebagfr
om t
he
bedandtol
dbukhosi
toleaveheisnotwant
ed
her
e
"
Babapl
easedon'
tdot
hisokay
"
"
Don'
tdowhatBukhosi,di
dwenotent
rusther
wi
thyou,
lookathernow"
Bukhosi bowedhi sheadhi sfathertookthebad
andt oldmet ogowi t
hhi m,Ihear dBukhosi
sayingmynamei nal owbeggi ngv oice.I
l
ookedathi m whileaf oll
owedbehi ndmyf at
her
i
nlaw.Wegott othehouseandBukhosi drove
behindus, Zakit
hi t
ookmybagt oNkosi r
oom
andmyf atherinlawt oldmet ogol iedown
whilehet alkstoBukhosi .Iwalkedupand
remember edhowIcamedownt helastti
me.I
wenti ntoNkosi r
oom andBukhosi ranup
shout i
ngwhymustIsl eepinNkosi r
oom, his
fat
herr epl i
edtell
inghi m Iam Nkosi wifeandI
shouldsl eepi nthatroom doeshehav eany
objections.Bukhosi openedhi sroom , i
twas
savannahdar kint here.Hepul leddownt he
curtainsopeningt hewi ndowsf orfreshai r
.He
ranoutt ohisparent sbedr oom camebackwi t
h
whitel i
nen,hechangedt hesheet sandcur tai
ns
whileIwat ched, hisfat hert ol
dhi m his
disturbingthepeaceofhi shouse, Bukhosi
didn'tlookathisdad, het oldmehi sr oom is
readyIcanshoul dusei t
,Icanuseany t
hingi n
thereandcanmakechanges.Hi sfathercame
tother oom andgav eBukhosi anenv el
ope, it
hadar estr
aini
ngor deragai nsthimf orme, heis
nott obeanynearmeori ncont actwi t
hmei f
disobey stheor derplushi soutonbai l,hecan
actuallygot ojail
.Her eadt heorderlookedat
mel ookeddown, nodded, t
hansai dgoodby e.
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t15
If
eltbadforwhatBukhosi i
sgoingthr
ough,it
's
al
lmyf aul
t,Idi
dn'
tspeakupf orhi
m.Isenthim
amessaget ell
i
nghimI'm sorr
ybutIdidn'
tgeta
responsef r
om hi m, hemustbeangr y ,
hehas
everyr ightt
obe, hespentaweekendi njailf
or
nothingormay behei sadheringtot he
restrainingorder .Idon'tknowi fthef eeli
ngI
hav ecomesnat urall
yornotbutI 'm get ti
ng
excitedaboutt hepr egnancy ,
Ijustwi sht here
wasn' tfight
sandpol i
ticsaroundi t
.I'
m backat
school andtheonl yproblem Ihav ewi t
ht he
pregnancyi st hatI '
m alwayseat i
ngbutImust
nothav ebreakf astthatjustcausesmor ning
sicknessandv omi ti
ng.
Igotanemai l f
rom Bukhosi,hesaidhisbeen
tr
yingtocal lmebackbutt hephonedoesn' t
evenring, Imustcheckwi ththenet work
provi
derifhi snumberhasn' tbeenbl ockedfrom
myphone.HeaskedhowIwasandt hathe
understandst hepressureI'm putunder ,
heisto
beblamedf orthethingsthathappent ohim.I
i
mmedi atelychangedmyphonesset ti
ngsand
call
edt henet workprovi
dert ounblockBukhosi
number .Icalledhim andheanswer ed,Idoubt
thephoner
angonce.Wespokeandhekept
aski
nghowIwas,buthedi
dn'taskaboutt
he
baby
HowIwi shthesunwoul dnev ersetandIdon' t
hav etogobackhome.Ihav en' tbeeninmy
mot heri nlawsgoodbooks, it'slikeeveryday
shef indssomet hingnewt ocompl ainabout ,
I'
m
j
ustt ired,Isomet imeswi shIhadl ostthebaby
thant her ewouldn'tbeany thingt y i
ngmeback
tothisf ami l
ybecauseev ersi nceIcameher e
therehav ealwaysbeenf ight s.Bukhosi now
callsint hemor ningandatni ghtbef orehe
sleeps, thesincerityinhisv oicewhenhet al
ks
andl aughsmakesy ouforgett hathei s
somet imesadouchbag.Iagr eedt omeetup
wi t
hbukhosi inprivate,hisf atherdoesn' tall
ow
himt ocomet othehouse.May besomegood
wi l
lcomeoutoft his.Wedeci dedt omeetat
cartoncent r
e,Iknowf orcer taint hatnoone
from hi sfamilywoul dbet her e.,hewasal r
eady
sitt
ingatwi mpyl i
kehewasl ostorwai ti
ngfor
someonetopayforhisorder
.Hegotupfr
om
hi
schairasIcameclosertohim.Wegr
eeted
andsatdown
Itl
ookedl
i
kehewant
edt
ohugmet
hant
hought
again
"
Whatwoul
dyoul
i
kezamoh"
Ishookmyhead,i
t'
snott
hatIwashungr
yor
thi
rst
ybutIdon'
tknowwhatIwant
ed.
Thewaitercameandbukhosi or
deredoj f
orhim
Iaskedforacoke, herai
sedhiseyebrowthan
tol
dthewaitertobr i
ngsomewat ertoo.Igul
ped
downmycokel i
keIwassupert hir
stywheni t
came,hejustlookedatme, openedthestil
l
waterandpouredhal fofi
tinmycoke
"
Youshoul
dn'
tbedr
inki
ngcokemoh"
"
Doyouwanti
tBukhosi
,thebaby
,doy
ouwant
i
t"
Hedidthatthi
ngwithhi
seyeswhenyoudon't
knowifhissmil
ingorfr
owni
ng.It
ookhisj
uice
hecandr
inkt
hecokel
i
tehej
ustmade
"I
t'
snotsomet hingIplannedfor
,myli
fehasn'
t
beenwhatIpl annedforthepastfewmonths
,butsincet hebabyisar eal
it
y,whycan'
tInot
wanti t,I
'm sorr
ymymot heri
smakingthi
ngs
dif
ficultforyouandquest i
onedthebaby'
s
paternity"
Iwaslostf
orwor
ds,
howdoesheknowabout
that
"
Masi
bonget
oldmeMoh,
Ijustlookeddown, hisfoodcame,thanhetold
thewai terheorderedtwo,hecutthefoodin
halfsayingwecanshar eunt
ilt
heothercomes,I
atelikeIhav en'
teatenthewholeday.Hegave
meal etter
,sayinghehasaddedmeonhi s
medi calaidIjustneedtofor
wardacopyofmy
Id.
"ZamoI'
mf i
xi
ngt hi
ngs,don'
tthi
nkmysilencei
s
ofamandoingnot hi
ng,it
'sj
ustfornowIhave
todoattheordersays.
MrNkosi cal
ledsayi
nghiscomi ngt ofet
chmei
tol
dhim Iwasalreadyatbree,hesaidi must
waitf
orhim heisn'
tfarfr
om there.Bukhosihad
topayanddr opmeof f,
tr
uthisIwant edtosit
somemor ewit
hBukhosi,hestil
ldidn'
tanswer
me.
Igotinthecarandwedr ov
ehomebutt he
traf
fi
cwasj uststandi
ngstilli
fIwasi nat axiI
wouldlongbehomenowwi t
ht heshor tcutsand
yell
owlanedr i
vi
ng.Ifell
asleepatt hebackand
onlywokeupwhenwegothome, theysaidI
mustgol iedownsomemor e,Isleptunt i
l10,
I
wonderwhynoonewokemeup, Iwentdownt o
thekit
chenandf oundmassi andbukhosi ,
an
i
mmedi atesmi l
ecamei nmyf aceIgr eeted
thanwentt ogetmyf ood,mommydear est
camedownscr eamingthatIt hi
nkt hisisahot el
,
theonlythingIknowi seatingandsl eeping,
bukhosicalledhismot hert
oor der,it
'sthefir
st
ti
meI '
vehear dhisv oi
ceincommandmode.
BukhosileftandIhadt oanswermassi
quest
ions
"
Nomzamowhydi
dyouaskbukhosi
ifhewant
s
t
hechi
l
d"
"Becausehehasn'
tsai
dany
thi
ngaboutt
he
pregnancy"
"
Ifhesai
dnowhatwe'
rey
ougoi
ngt
odo"
"
Sohedoesn'
twantt
hebaby"
myhear
tbr
oke
"Hewantsit
,j
ustthingsar
en'thappeni
ngli
kehe
wanted,
andheal sodoesn'twanttoseem
for
ward,hedoesn'twantyouthinki
nghenow
car
esonlybecausey oupregnant"
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t16
Isleptwithmyhandonmyst omach,bukhosi
want sthebabysoatl eastthat'
soneless
problem fr
om myback.Iwokeupmade
breakfastforev
er y
onet hanwenttoschool t
hey
willseewhowi l
l cl
eanup, t
heymarri
edme, not
hir
edme.Icoul dn'
tpartici
pateint
hecookof f,
wewer emakingsushi andsomeot herfi
shmy
babydidn'
tli
keit,
Ihadt otell
myl ectureabout
thepregnancymay behewi l
lunderstandandhe
did.Igotamessagef rom bukhosi ,
doesn'tsay
muchbuti t
'samessagef rom babydaddy .I
wishthebabyinherit
sbukhosi l
ooksespeciall
y
hisonedeepdimpl e,hiscoarsehair,If
ound
my sel
fsmili
nginthet hinair.
Mybabywasgr owingf astandbi gmyst omach
wasnowshowi ng, I
'm stil
lstay
ingatt heNkosi
resi
dentsatleastnowbukhosi isall
owedatt he
housef orsupper,buthi sfat
hergoesoutofhi s
wayt omakesur ebukhosi andIar enotint he
samer oom alone.Hesay shedoesn' twantme
getti
ngupsetbecauseofbukhosi st
upidit
y
causingcompl i
cationswi ththepregnancy ,if
onlyheknewhei st hereasonf ormyst ress
now.Bukhosi andIhav ekeptincont actwith
themor ningwishesandgoodni ghtmessage.
Hesai dhewant stof et
chmef rom school buti s
alwaysbusyhecan' t.IJusthappyi sistryi
ng.I
am nowfourmont
hspr
egnant
,gl
owi
ngand
happy.
Bukhosi camet of etchmef r
om myi nl aws
housesay ingmyf atherisathi shouse.Ial most
peedonmy self,whati smyf atherdoi ngi n
j
obur g, howdi dhegett othehouseormay be
thi
si sBukhosi t
rickhi slyi
ng.Hepackeda
smal lbagf ormeandwel efthi sfatherwasn' t
happyaboutmel eav i
ng,het oldBukhosi t
o
bri
ngmyf ather ,butBukhosi toldhi mi twouldn'
t
l
ookappr opr iateespeci all
ysi ncehesai dhis
goingt ogetnowt hanher etur nswi thoutmeor
dot heywantmyf at
hert oknowt hatwehav e
problems.Wegothomeandmydadwasr eal
ly
home, Iwashappyt oseehi m, hewasn' thappy
toseet hepr egnancy .Wehadpi zzat han
Bukhosi sai dhei sfinishi
ngsomewor khewi l
l
giveusourspace.
"It
houghtt
hemar r
iagewasforay
ear,you
bei
ngpregnanthasseal
editf
oret
erni
ty"
"
Itwasami
stakebaba"t
hewayhel
ookedat
me
"
Notami
stakebutsomet
hingwedi
dn'
tpl
an"
"
Areyouhappynomzamo,
aret
heyt
reat
ingy
ou
wel
l"
"
Likeeveryf
amil
y,theyhavetheyowndemons
t
of i
ghtandBukhosiandIaretry
ingt
ofi
xus"
Wespokef orsomet i
meandhet ol
dmet hathe
di
dn'twantmet ogetmar r
iedbutheal sodidn'
t
wanttostandinmyway .hesaidhewant st o
sl
eepnowandi thitmet hehousei sat wo
bedroom andwesl eepi ndifferentrooms.I
wenttoBukhosi may behewi ll
hav easol uti
on.
Hechangedhissheet ssay i
ngmydadwi l
luse
hi
sroom.Icalledmyf atherandBukhosi andI
wenttomyr oom ,het ookabl ankett hansaid
goodnight
,hewi l
lsleepont hecouch.
"Whatwil
lmyfat
hersay,
wewi
l
lsl
eepi
nmy
bedBukhosi
"
Hechangedt hangotin,i
twaswei rd,wekepta
spacebetweenus.Ifelthi
m comenear erand
hisarm ar
oundmyst omach, If
eltanadrenal
in
rushinmybl oodandIdon'tknowifthebabyis
mov i
ngoritsjustbut
terf
li
esinmyst omach.
Webot hwokeupl ate,wewer erushingtobat h
,buthewasi nterestedingiv i
ngmebr eakfast,
saidI'
m notsupposedt omi ssmeal s,hedidn't
understandthatIwi l
lbeatatschool because
ri
ghtnowI 'm goi
ngt ogetsi ck.Hedr ovemet o
schoolandsai dhewi ll
wor kf r
om home.My
daywasl ong, myfeetwer ekill
ingme, Ididn't
evenwal ktobree.Igothomeandmydadwas
gone.Icall
edhi m andhewasshout ingatme
fornottell
i
nghi m aboutthef allandhospital
andthatI'mleavingwi t
hmyi nlaws, whydi dI
l
ietohim bukhosi toldhim everythi
ng
"
Whydi
dyoudot
hatbukhosi
"
"Becauseheneedst
hetrut
h,y
ourfatheri
sn'
t
supporti
veoft
hemarri
agebuttogethist
rustI
hadt
obeupfrontwi
thhi
m.Hei
sangr
ynowbut
hewi
llbef
ine"
Iwentst rai
ghttobedIdon'tknowhowIf eel
aboutthis.Bukhosi camei
nt hebedhol
dingme
from behind,hekissedmebehi ndmyearand
apologised,hethoughthewasdoi ngt
her i
ght
thing.
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t17
Wewokeupt ohav esuppert akeawayagai n,
buthehi ntedit
'sthelasttimewehav ethat,i
fI
can'tcook, hewill
cookandImustnotcompl ain.
Iwentt osleepandhecamei nbedagai n,I
askedi fhei sn'
tgoingtosl eepinhi sroom,my
dadi sgone, helookeddi sappoint edthanhe
askedmei fIdon'
twantt osl eepwi thhim,I
didn'thav eananswer .Sat ur
day ,dayforlaundry
andcl eaning,andf orbukhosi it
'spartyday,let
mewai tandseei fhisgoi ngt ogoout .Massi
camej usttocheckonust hanbukhosi gi
rl
fri
end
camesay ingsheispr egnantthear rogantfool
bukhosiisjustt
oldhert ogol ookfort hebaby
daddyitain'
thim,hispenisain'tat oy
ayi
balangwa" madei nchina"heal way susesa
condom.Iwashur tandIf el
tbetrayed, Iwent
str
aighttomybedr oom t ocry.Hef oll
owed
behindsay i
ngit
'snothis,hetr i
edhol dingme
andkissi
ngmycheeksbutImov edaway
"Zamohyouangryfornot
hingl
i
keIsai
dInev
er
sleepwi
thoutusi
ngacondom "
"IwonderhowIgotpr egnantthan,atl
eastnow
Iknowwhyy ourmot herquesti
onedmybaby '
s
paternit
y,youal waysusecondom.Guesswhi l
e
Iwasaty ourparentshouseandy ouwere
sil
entlyfi
xingy oursel
f,youmeanty ouwere
i
mpr egnat i
ng/ notimpregnati
ngwoman
"
That
'swr
ongandunf
airNomzamo,
"
Iturnedfacingtheot
herside,
closedmyey es
andf el
lasleep.Hewokemeupsay i
ng
"akudli
wakul endl
ubecauseI'
m angry
".Igotup
tomakehi m hi sfood, whowasmaki ngf ood
whenIwasn' there, nowhi smaki ngor ders.He
toldmet ost op,hedoesn' twantmyf oodi fI'm
maki ngitwi thacol dhear thedoesn' twantt he
causeofdeat honhi scer ti
fi
cat etobef ood
poisoningorhechokedoni t.Istoppedand
walkedout .Iwentt othemal lbutdi dn'thav e
moneyonme, di
dsomewi ndowshoppi ngf or
babyt hingst hanmyf atherinl awcal l
edaski ng
whenI '
m comi ngback, hewentdeadsi l
ent
whenIsai dI '
m not ,
I'
m goi ngt ot r
ybei ng
bukhosi wi fe,weal readyhav eachi ldont he
way.Het r
iedt el
lingmeI '
m goi ngtobe
disappoi nt
edandhur tbybukhosi ,
heknowsno
onebuthi msel f,
It oldhi mi t
'smycal ltomake, I
willcomebackwhent hingsdon' twor koutbut
ri
ghtnowwebot ht r
ying.Idon' tknowwher eI
gott hest r
engt htodowhatIj ustdid, Ideci ded
togohomeandt ellbukhosi aboutmyphone
call
, oneofhi smilli
onf r
iendswasatt heest ate
gatemegav emeal ift,bukhosi wascal li
ngmeI
toldhi mI 'm out sidewi thhi sf ri
end, Icouldsee
him wal koutoft hehouse, hel ookedscar edbut
angr y.Hepul ledmeoutoft hecarasi tst opped
andt oldhi sfriend, nottot ryt hei
rshi twi thme,
hisf ri
endr espondedsay ingheknowsI 'm of f
l
imi ts,nott obet ouchedI 'm, nkosi woman, but
sinceheai n'
ther esomebodyneedst ol ook
afterme.Bukhosi pull
edmet othehouse
shout i
ngt hatImustnev erev eracceptr ides
from anyanyhi sfriends, theyar enott obe
trusted, theymi ghthur tmet ogett ohi m.He
l
ef tmest andingl ockedt hedoor sthanwentt o
hisbedr oom.Icookedsuppercal ledhi mt oeat
,het ookhi spl atetohi sr oom andhasbeen
coupedupi nther e.Iswi tchedof fthelight s
thanwentt obedst il
lnobukhosi ,Iwentt ohi s
room, stoodatt hedoorandasked" sohewi l
l
sleepi nhi sr oom becausehei sangr y"than
wal kedout.Guesst hi
si swhatmyf atheri nlaw
wast alkingabout .
If
elthi
sar
m onmyt
ummy
,ti
l
lthi
sdaywedon'
t
t
alkaboutt
hepr
egnancybutweknowi
t'
sher
e.
"
I'
m sor
ryIshout
edatyou,Ij
ustdon'
twantyou
i
nthewrongcrowds,
thoseguysaredanger
ous
"
"Ionl
yaccept
edtheli
ftbecausehi
syourf
ri
endI
didn'
tknowyouhaveissueswit
hthem"
"Theynotmyf r
iends,
justpeopl
eIshoul
dn'
t
havemi xedwit
h.Andt hatbabyi
snotmine,
yourtheonlywomeni vehadsexwit
h,wit
houta
condom."
Het ookav erydeepbr eaththansai d"Ihav en'
t
beenwi thawomansi nceIf oundouty ou
pregnant,andbef ort hatIonl ysleptwithone
gir
l aft
erIbr okeyourv i
ginity,
Iwoul dbr i
ngthem
homebutIj ustcoul dn'thav esexwi ththem, I
thoughty ouwoul dgetj ealousandl eavesomy
fami l
ycoul dblamey ouf orleavingandnotme.
WhenIsai d, mysilencedoesn' tmeanI '
m not
doingany thingImeantt hat,
NomzamoIhav ea
3y earjai
l suspension, I'
ml eftwithay earand
fewmonths, arestrai
ningorderagainstme
meansnot hing, butIhadtoadher etoit
knowingtheki ndofmoneyandi nf
luencemy
fat
herhas, Icoul deasi
lyendupi njail
,tr
ustme
rai
singachi l
dbehi ndbarsisnotagoodt hing,
I'
veseenwhati tdoestof amil
iesnomat t
erhow
str
ongwilledy ouar e."
"
Whatdi
dyoudot
obepr
osecut
ed"
"Iwasar ichkidl ookingf orapl aceofbel onging,
Ifoundaf amilyi nthewr ongpeopl e.Ihav ea
Bsci nmat hsandsci ence, I'
m goodwi t
h
number s,sequenci ngandpat t
er ns,Istudiedthe
patternsofcashi ntransitv ansandt he
companyst r
ategyandwoul dsuppl yt he
i
nfor mat i
ont ot hegang, theywoul dcarryout
thehei standIwoul dgetequal shar eswi t
h
them, wewer emaki ngmoney ,Iwaspopul ar
andf av oured,thanIwant edoutwhi chwas
diff
icult,Igavebackt hemoneyIhadbutt hi
ngs
werenotl ookingwel l forthem t heygotcaught
andt heoneguyt oldt hepol iceaboutev eryt
hing
i
ncludi
ngmyi nvol
vement.Ididn'
tgot oj
ail
becauseofwhomyf atherisbutthatdoesn'
t
meanmyf atherwon'
tsendmet ojai
l."
NowIunder standt heobedi encehehaswheni t
comest ohisf at
her ,i
t'
snotl oveorr espectbut
owner shi p.Hesai dhei sn'
tasai ntbuthei s
wor ki
ngonhi mselfandhei sn'tgoi ngtobe
perfectl i
kenkosi ,hei sn'tnkosi hei sbukhosi .
Het urnedmet ofacehi mt hant ol dmehi s
fathercal ledsayinghemustbr i
ngmebackhe
doesn' ttrustmewi thhi m, andt hatIsai dIam
will
ingt ogi vehim achance.Ij ustnodded.He
broughthi sfacecl osert omi net hanki ssedme,
hisey esandsof tlipsjustpl ayhy pnosisonme
.Ifoundmy selfkissinghi m, runningmyhands
alloverhi sbody .Wewer ebot hnaked, heleft
wetki ssesf rom mymout hneck, betweenmy
breast, onmyt ummyt handownt omyv j
ay.I
couldf eel him pullonmyl abi a,thesensat ionI
gotf r
om hi m downt her ewasi ntense, Icouldn'
t
keepst i
llhelockedmyhandsar oundmyopen
thi
ghsjustsohecouldcont
inueeat
ingme.He
cameupt omyf acewhichwaswetwithsweat
,
hekissedme,heldhi
spensinposit
ionli
kehi
s
goi
ngt oenter
.Helookedst
upid
"I
t'
sgonnahur
tsi
nceweonl
ydi
ditonceneh"I
nodded
Hekissedmet
hanpushedt
heheadoft
hepens
i
nthanout
"
Tel
lmet
ost
opi
fyouf
eel
discomf
ortorpai
n"
Iwatchedhi
mr ubhispenistryi
ngtogetin
i
nsideme,hewasdef i
nitel
yrightt
hough,i
tis
notmadeinChina,i
tlooksmor eli
keit
'sfr
om
NorthWestAfr
ica,
Nigeria,KenyaorTanzani
a
Hepushedi
nandIscr
eamed,
hepushedi
n
agai
nItwi
ched
"Moh,youneedtotel
lmetostop,Iwon'
tbe
ablet
ostopmy sel
fonceI'
minthere"Ij
ust
nodded,t
hisi
showi twassupposedtobefrom
thefi
rstt
ime
Hewenti nbackandf orth,Ijushel dat ightgr i
p
onmehewoul dki ssmeandhel dmybr eastso
fi
rm, playi
ngwi ththeni pple.Hewasdoi ng
thi
ngst omeI 'veonl yimagi nedandseenonTV.
Hecameandwasdr enchedi nsweat ,hehel d
met ohi schestandki ssedmyf orehead
caressingmybody.Wef ellasleepi neach
othersar ms, hewokemeupi nt hemor ningj ust
togof oranot herr ound.Hewenti nfrom behi nd,
i
twasuncomf ortable, Icouldf eel allofhi m
i
nsidemehi t
tingmyst omach.Hepul ledout
thaninagai nbutdi dn'tputal lofhi mi nsi deme.
Iheardhi m moan, itwasbeaut i
ful,hewas
pushinghi msel fdeeperwi thev ert hr
ust , Ialso
gotani tchinsidemyv agina, Ifeltmyt oescur l
andt heknuckl esbr eak.Iar chedmyassup
givi
nghi m mor eaccessandabeaut iful view, he
moanedsay i
ngy esbaby ,Iwasmov i
ngback
andf orthasIf eltthei tchi nsidemewantt obe
scratched.Hemov edi nthesamemot i
onasme
andmyor gasm camei wasshaki nghe
poundedf
ast
erandheal
socame.
"
Bukhosi
,younotgoi
ngt
osendmeback"
Henoddedr
unni
nghi
shandsi
nmybody
"Mohweneedtogett
est
edi
fwegoi
ngt
ocar
ry
onwit
houtcondoms"
"
I'
mfineIgett
est
edwhenIgot
othecl
i
nicf
or
mycheckup"
"Whycl
ini
cMoh,Igav
eyout
hemedi
cal
aidcar
d
soyoucanuse"
"Idon'
twanti ttobeexhaust
edbeforeIreall
y
needit,
li
ket hegynoand4dscansar el
imitedso
Iwill
needt hem lat
eri
nthepregnancy,
fornow
thecli
nicisf i
ne"
"Youshoul
dhavetol
dme, Icanchangethe
opti
on,ZamohIwantthebestforyou"
"
Idon'twantt
hebest,Iwantaver
age,
Iwant
t
hingsatourpaceandaffor
dabil
i
ty"
"
Younotusi
nghi
smoneyneh"
"
NoI'
m not,
andyouneedtost
opcompar
ing
y
our
selft
ohim ort
hethi
ngshi
smoneycando"
Hegotontopofme,
hedi
dthatt
hingwher
ehe
smi
leswit
hhisey
esandf
rownswithhi
smout
h
"Sohowwasit"heposit
ionedhi
m sel
fin,
I
coul
dfeelt
heslowentryanditwassmooth,
I
coul
dn'
tanswerhim,Ibl
uedandlookedaway
"Iaskedaquest
ionNomzamo,
andI
'
m
expecti
ngananswer"
Imovedmybodyt
ohi
sry
them.Hest
oppedand
pul
l
edout
"
Itwasni
ce"
"
NiceNomzamo!Youcr
eamedme"
"
Itdon'
tknowwhatt
osayI
twasbet
tert
hant
he
f
irstt
ime"
"Ofcoursei
t'
sbetter
,andi
t'
sgonnakeep
getti
ngbett
er,
I
'm sor
ryIwasajer
kwithyour
fi
rstti
me,"
Hemov edi nwit
hmybr easti
nhismout hand
hands,myl egsandthi
ghsweresorebutmyv j
a
washappy .Hefini
shedandaskedifIwas
hungrybecauseheneedst or
egainhisstr
ength
aft
eroursession
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t18
Bukhosi isasexaddi ct,i
t'
slikeev eryt i
mehe
seesmehemustbei nme.IfIwasn' tpregnant
than,Iwoul dbepr egnantnow.Hei stryi
ngt o
speakwi thoutusinghi spunchl i
nesanddr op
micr emar kswhichishar dbutIt hinkhehas
beenr udef oral
ongt i
mebecauset hatwasa
defencemechani sm forhim.Hev ideocal l
sme
duri
ngl unchsayinghedoesn' twantt hesowet o
boysf rom school t
ot r
ytheirluckwi t
hme.We
takewal ksintheev eningast hatmymodeof
exerciset hedoctorsai dIneedi t.Sat ur
dayis
dateni ghthenol ongergoescl ubbi ngandi fhe
want stogooutatni ghthetakesmewi t
h
,most lyisni ghtmarket
s.Hisfat herhas
stoppedi nt erf
eri
nginourli
vesandt ruthbet ol
d
i
mf all
ingf orBukhosi,r
udeornothi sagood
guy.west illarguebutit
'sconstructi
v enow.He
scoldatmef ornotregi
steri
ngatuj orwi t
sfor
nexty ear,hesai dhedoesn'twantahouse
wife,hewant saworkingqualif
iedwi fe.IfI'
m
unempl oyedi t
sbecausethemar ketisbadnot
becauseI 'm notskil
led.
I'
m onhisphonewal
lpaperandheputmeand
zaki
thi
onhisWhatsApppr of
il
epic.Het
ookmy
phoneandsaidweneedt osetgr
oundrul
es
number1-j ustbecauseI'
m onhisprofi
l
epic
doesn'tmeanImustputhi m onminebutImust
al
sor emov etheoneI'm nakedinbedwith
Nkosi,andmustnotputanyman, not
act
ors,nothi
ng
Number2-nopasswor
d
Inol
ongervisi
tthemai
nhousebecauseheno
l
ongerhangsoutwit
hhisf
ri
ends,I
'
m hisnew
fri
endexceptf orXwhowasal sobannedf rom
comi ngt othehouse.Iappl iedatuni saforan
LLB, lookingatwhenI '
m goi ngtogi vebirthI
doubtIcoul dbeaf ul
lti
mest udent.Icame
backf rom school l
ateandsmel lingshower
fresh, bukhosi walkedinmi nutesl atersayi
nghe
knockedof fabitearl
ybecausehewant edto
takemeout .Wecouldn'tev engooutashe
startedaski ngwher edidIpassbef orecomi ng
homeandwhydoIsmel l l
i
keIj ustbat h,It
old
him It ookashoweratschool ,wehada
Medi ter r
aneancui si
nedi shcookof f,Iwasn't
goingt ouset hetaxismel l
ingoff i
shandspi ces,
hel ookedatmeshookhi sheadt hant ol
dmeI
mustnotusecommuneshower s,it
'snot
heal t
hy ,plushedoesn'twantt hepeopl eseei ng
menaked.
"
Bukhosi
,pl
easebehonestwit
hme,whatwer
e
youi
mplyi
ngorreal
lyt
hinki
ngwheny
ouasked
mewheredidIpassfi
rst
"
Hekeptqui
ett
ri
edhi
ssmi
l
eandf
rownt
hing
"
I'
m sor
ryMoh,
jeal
ousygott
hebestofme"
Ilookedathim hurtthanchangedi npjandslept,
Ilostmyappet i
teforany thi
ngandev ery
thi
nghe
camei nlaterwit
hfood, Itoldhi.Iwasn'thungr
y
het ol
dmeI '
m pr
egnant, Imustal wayseatnot
whenI '
m onlyhungry.Iat ehisstupidfood
washeddi shesthanwentbackt obed.He
foll
owedbehi ndgotinbed
"
I'
m sor
ryZah,
Idi
dn'
tmeani
tinabadway,
"
"
It
'showyousaiditbukhosi
,sot
oy ouI
'
m some
l
oosegir
l,whowil
lsleepwit
hanyone"
Hehel
dmyf
aceandsai
d
"No,y
ouarenotsomel oosegir
l,y
ourmywi f
e
whowi l
lonlyknowmebet weenherlegsandI
thankyouforthat
.I'
m sor
ry,
Idon'tknowwhat
gottome, Idon'
tknowwhattosayNomzamo"
Ipul
l
edupmybl anketsplacedpi
ll
owbetween
usandslept
,hewon'tgetaexfrom meandif
hewantstocuddl
e,hecanuset hepi
ll
ow.
Iwokeupear
lyI
'
m sti
l
langr
yathi
m,hewait
ed
formetof
ini
shbat
hthansatont
hebedtotal
k
tome
"NomzamoI '
m sorr
y,Idon'tl
i
kei
twhenwef
ight
,
especi
all
yinyourcondit
ion,"
"Soi
t'
sbett
erwer
eser
vet
hef
ight
sforwhenI
'
m
notpr
egnant"
"No,I'
mj ustsayi
ngthi
sbecauseeveryt
hingy
ou
got hrough,thebabygoest
hrough,Idon'
twant
mabebezat othi
nkI'
m ajer
kbeforesheeven
reachest hi
swor l
d"
Hecal
l
sthebabymabebeza
"
Stopr
efer
ri
ngtothebabyl
ikei
t'
sagirlwhati
f
i
t'
saboywhatareyougoi
ngtocall
him
Wit
hav erypr
oudsmi
l
e"Mabobozal
i
kehi
s..
."
Hestopped
"
Mabobozal
i
kehi
sfat
herqhedel
elabukhosi
"
"Hay
i,Iwasn'
tgoi
ngt
osayt
hat,
butIwanti
tto
beagirl"
"Di
dyouhaveyoureyesclosedoropenwhen
youmadethebaby"thatshi
tdoesn'
twor kI
knowalotofguyswhohadt hei
reyesclosed
andst
il
lhadtheopposit
egenderforthebaby"
"Youneedt
ost
opswear
ingbef
oremboboze
comes"
Hesmi l
ed,ki
ssmycheekt hanwentt obat h.We
wenttohisparentsintheev eningandt hey
complai
nedtheydon' tseeusany more,his
motherref
err
ingtohi m.Hi sfatherandbr other
prai
si
nghimf ortheglowIhav eandt hatheal so
l
ookstakencareof f
.Hi sf
at heraskedhowi s
marri
ageli
feandbukhosi exactwor dswer e
"I
t'
sgood,aslongasheshutsupandwhenhe
doestalki
t'
sbecausehi
sapologi
sing,
heev
en
apol
ogisesforapol
ogi
sing
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t19
Bukhosi
hasmast
eredt
hear
tofbei
ngagood
husband, youkeepquietanddoasy ourwif
e
asksev enifshefir
stsaiddon'tdoit
.He
understandsmymoodswi ngsIknow
somet i
mesheget sir
ri
tatedbyitbuthecan
brushitoffeasil
y.Hesaidwemustonl yfi
nd
outaboutt hebaby'sgenderatbir
thhest i
l
lli
kes
mabhebezaasaname.
Hisbeenbr ingingwor khomel atelyifhedoesn' t
wor kunt i
ll
at eattheof f
ice,atfi
rstwhenhesai d
hewi l
l knockofl ateIt houghthewentbackt o
hisway s,
may bethere'ssomegi rlhei sseeing
buthewoul dcal leverytimeandhi sf atheralso
confir
medt hatt heyhav eal otofwor k.Heuses
hisoldbedr oom forhi swor kthancomest obed
between2and4am j ustt owakeupagai nat
6:30.Hehasashor ttemperandImakesur eI
don'tdoany thingstupidt hatwillcauset heice
tocrack.Ihear dpeopl etalkaboutbi ngeaddi cts
andIt houghtmay bethat '
saphasehi satnow.
Hecannol ongerkeepupwi ththismar ri
age
thathisusi ngwor kt osepar atehimsel ffrom
mebutwhenhedoescomet obedhewi ll
wake
mej ustt
otalkthanIfall
asleepagainonhis
chest,I
'mreal
lyconfused,maybeitsthe
pregnancyormay beI'
m afr
aidofloosinghim.
Iwasonmyownmoodhewasonhi s,hewoke
updi dhist hingsandonl yr ealisedt hatI'm sti
ll
i
nbed.It oldhimI '
mt i
redI '
m notgoi ngt o
school.Hedi dn'thaveapr oblem whi chwas
weirdbutt hanwant edt odr opmeathi spar ents
housesai dImustnotbeal one, Itoldhi m his
mot herwi llgiv
emechor esIwantt or elax,he
understoodt hanwentt owor k.Mycl othesno
l
ongerf itpr operlysomet imesi t'
sliket hey
suffocatingme.Iwantt oaskbukhosi for
moneybutIdon' tknowwhatt osay ,
hedoes
givememoneybuti t
'snotenoughf orcl ot
hes.
I'
venev erhadt oaskf ormoney ,pl
ushi sonhi s
peri
ods, Iwonderwhathewi llsayifIaskf orit.I
wentt oseet hedoct orthancamebackand
sl
eptt hewhol eday .Hecamebackear lyto
checkonmesai dhecoul dn'tconcent rate,he
wast hi
nki
ngaboutme.Hef oundmesl eepi
ng.
Wehadsupperandsai dmay beImustgot othe
doctormaybesomethingi
swr ong.Itol
dhimI
al
readywentther
e'snothi
ngwr ong.
"
Whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
meNomzamo"
"
BecauseIdi
dn'
twantt
ost
ressy
ou"
"
Str
essmeZamoh,
kanj
ani
"
"ThetaxiIwasinyest
erdayafterschool
coll
idedwithanot
hercar,noonegothur tbutI
j
ustwant edtomakesureev er
y t
hingisokay
withthebaby"
"
Nomzamowhydi
dyounotsayany
thi
ng,
"
"Bukhosi
youshout
ing,t
hat'
swhyIdidn'
ttel
l
you,y
ouhavebeenpreoccupiedwi
thworkandI
didn'
twantt
oaddmor ewor kandstr
essfor
you"
"Babyyourmypri
ori
ty,
youcomef
ir
stbef
ore
every
thi
ngelse"
Inoddedandst
raddl
edmy
sel
fonhi
m,Ij
ust
wanttolienearhim,hegivesmest ressbut
aboveitallhegivesmecomf or tandpeace.He
wokeupwentt ohisbedroom, Ithoughtmay be
toworksincehecamehomeear l
y,hecame
gavemeanA3page, heaskedhowdoesi tlook.
It
'sbeauti
ful,
it'
sahousepl an
"
Whoi
sitf
or"
"Youzamoh,Iwant
edtobuylandandbuilda
houseforourf
amil
y,Iwantourchil
drent
ogrow
upinahomeIbuilt
,thi
scomplexisn'
tgoi
ngto
sustai
nus"
Iwasshocked,bukhosi
istalki
ngaboutthe
futur
eandmorekids,heisreal
lysomething
else,
hehasgrown,
"
Soy
ouknowhowt
odr
awhousepl
ans"
Yep,
unf
ort
unat
elyt
hebankwon'
tgi
vemeal
oan,
Helookeddisappoi
nted,
butIdon'tcareabout
t
hebankloan,I'
mjusthappyheseesmei nhis
f
uture,It
hrewmy sel
fontohim andkissed
hi
m,heki
ssedbacksmi
l
ingt
hanpul
l
edaway
Hegaz edi
ntomyey es,andIjustsawhow
handsomeandfragil
ehei s.Igotmysel
funder
hi
sarm soIcoul
df eelhisskinonmine,t
here
wascompletesi
l
ence
"
Wat
hul
aZamohwhatar
eyout
hinki
ngabout"
"Not
hing,
it'
sjust,di
dy our
eall
ymeanwhatyou
sai
dbukhosi aboutthehouseandki
ds,
yousee
afut
urewithme"
Hedi
dthatt
hingwi
thhi
sfaceagai
n
"YouandIaregl
uedt
oeachot
hert
il
lfor
ever
andeverandever
"
Wewentoutf orbreakfastandhekeptl
ooki
ng
atmyexposedbr east,
Itookascarfand
cover
edmy self
.Heaskedi ft
hedr
essis
supposedt
obel ikethat,Isai
dyesbutwas
ki
ndaembar r
assed
"
Babywhat
'swr
ong"
Not
hingbukhosi
"
"
ZamohIknowy
ou,
tel
lme"
"Iwant
edt oaskyouformoneyforafewout
fit
s,
myclothesdon'tr
eal
lyfi
tme,andwhenyou
spokeaboutnothavi
ngmoneyandt hebank
l
oan,Ithoughtafewdressesmeannothi
ng,
you
havebi
ggerplansforus"
"Ididn'
tsayIdon'
thav
emoney ,
Isaidt
hebank
didn'tappr
ovethel
oanman,Idon'
tthi
nkaf ew
dresseswillbr
eakmyaccount
,fi
nisheat"
Wewentt oacoupl eofst oresl ooki
ngf or
clothesbutIcoul dn'tfi
ndany thingIlike.Iwent
toMrPr iceandhest oodout sidesai dhe
doesn'tgot othatshop.Iwenti nandl efthi
m at
thedoor ,Iknowwewer egoi ngt ofight ,
thisis
j
ustanot herbukhosi moment .Wi t
hinmi nutesI
gotwhatIwant ed, Ievenf oundhi mi nt hest ore,
wepai dandwentt ohi spar entshouse.The
sightIfoundi sforeverengr avedi nmymi nd, I
sowant edt ofitmynewcl othesbutIf ound
Zakithil
yingonbedwi thherheaddangl ingon
theedge, awhi tefoam bubbl i
ngf r
om her
mout handnose, Ir andownandout sidet he
housebukhosi f
oll
owedbehi ndmeaski ng
what '
swr ongIst artedv omitinghewast ryi
ngto
makeacal ltomydoct ororMassi butIt oldhim
I'
mf i
ne,Itol
dhi m whatIsawi nt hebedr oom he
gotmeachai rtoldmet ositandnotmov e.He
wentbacki nanddi sappearedf orsomet ime.
Mysensescamebackt ome, weneedt ocal lan
ambul ancef orher, oreventhepol ice.Iwent
backi nandbukhosi wasdoi ngsomet hingt o
herIst oodatt hedoorandheshout edt hatI
mustgoout , IwasmetbyMassi comi ngi n.He
alsoshout edatmesay i
ngImustnotbei nthe
house.Iwentoutt hananambul ancecame,
theywenti nandcamewi thher ,shehad
regainedherconsci ousness.Icoul dn'tlookat
her ,
theimageofherhal fdeadbodycamet o
mi nd,Ivomitedagai n.Bukhosi askedt heguyt o
checki fI'
m okay .
1
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t20
Zakhitii
sget ti
ngbet terinhospi t
altheywi ll
be
discharginghersoon, bukhosihasbannedmet o
goseeher ,
hemadei tclearhedoesnotwantt o
hearany onesay i
ngt heysawmeatt hehospi t
al.
Iaskedi ftheywillsendhert orehabandt he
answerwasnof rom ev eryone,theyallsaidshe
knowshowt ostop, sendinghert orehabi sa
wast eoft i
meandmoney .Theyhav ebeen
throught hi
smanyt imeswi t
hher ,may beshe
want stodi efr
om heraddi cti
onandmay bewe
areallstandingint hewayofherdeat h.
Wewentt oseeherathomeandshesai dshe
wasdisappointedthatIdidn'tcomeseeheri n
hospi
tal
.Ididn'tknowwhatt osaytoher,
Ist i
l
l
seeherashal fdead.Shecl i
ckedherfi
ngers
bri
ngi
ngmebackt oli
fe.Itol
dherbukhosi sai
dI
mustn'
tunti
l t
heysur eyouf i
ne.
"
Soy
ourl
etbukhosi
cont
rol
you,
tel
lyouwhatt
o
doandnott
odo
"Hai
bozakit
hi,
hemeantwel
l
,af
terwhatIsawI
haven'
tbeenokay"
I
t '
slikeIwast al ki
ngt omysel
f,shestart
ed
tell
ingmehowIdon' thaveabackbone,she
under standsI '
m submi ssi
vetobukhosibutt
his
i
sj ustst upidi
ty .Yesshemadeami stakebutno
onei sper fect.shesai dhowdoi st
andbyaman
whodoesn' tl
ov eme, amanwhoi sdeny i
ngthe
babyt ohi sf r
iendssay i
ngIhadarti
fi
cial
i
nsemi nation,thati preser
vedNkosisperm.I
hear dbukhosi tell
inghertostop
"St
opwhatbukhosi,youthinkyoucancontr
ol
met oo,
I
'm notnomzamo, Idon'
tpret
endtobe
happyandlivi
ngali
e.thi
smar r
iageyoui
nisali
e
bukhosi"
"Zakhit
i,
whatexact
lyi
syouprobl
em,yesItol
d
nomzamonott ocomeseeyou.Sowhat,what
doesmymar r
iagehavet
odowi t
hyou,
ifmy
mar r
iageisali
e,i
tismyli
etotel
lnotyour
s"
Idi
dn'
tknowwhatwasgoingonnow, one
minut
eitwasanargumentaboutv
isi
ti
ngnow
i
t'
saboutmarr
iage
"
Yourmarri
agemeansnot hi
ngtomebecause
t
hatmarri
ageisnonexi
stent
,youpretendto
l
ovenomzamowheny ouknowy oustil
lhi
tt
ingi
t
wit
hnaomi,don'
tbeasaintwithme,Iknowall
youdemons"
Bukhosi keptqui
etthanlookedatme, tears
formed.Iwashur tt
hatbukhosiwasseei nghi
s
woman, hesaidit'
snottrue.IgotoutofZakhit
i
bedroom andbukhosi fol
lowedbehind,his
fatherwasnowshout i
ngatZakhiti
.Isatatthe
backseatofhiscar ,
hemustknowIwantt o
l
eav e.MrNkosi satwit
hmewhi l
ebukhosi
stoodout si
de
"
Nomzamo, helovesyou,don'
tletZakhi
ticloud
yourjudgementandi smakingy ouquestion
yoursel
fory ourmarri
age.Shedoesn'tknow
what'sgoingonwi t
hherselfnowshewant sto
putdoubti
nev
ery
oneandbl
ameany
onef
orher
wrongs"
"Butwhatshesai
dint
her
eist
rue,
Isawi
tin
bukhosieyes"
"
Aboutthebaby,y
esnomzamo,
onl
ybecauseI
t
oldhi
mt osaythat.
Ilookedatt
hisol
dman,i
sheforr
eal
,hei
s
tell
i
nghissontodenymychi
l
dandsayadead
mani sthef
ather
"Nomzamo, bukhosi i
sonlydoi
ngthistoprot
ect
youandt hebaby,ifpeopl
eknowabouty ou
,theywil
lusey outogettohim,therearealot
ofpeoplewhoar est i
l
langrywi
thhim especi
all
y
thosethatwenttoj ai
landhedi
dn't
,I'
m not
sayingyourl
ivesareindangerbutfornow,l
et'
s
j
ustmakesur ey oursafe."
"
AndwhataboutNaomi
"
"
Hewillhav
etot el
lyou,Iknownothi
ngabout
t
hathoweverzakhi
tiiswrongtotel
lyou"
Bukhosi
goti
nthecarandhi
sfat
herl
eftus.We
drov
eofftot
hehouse
"
Nomzamowhatz
akhi
tisai
daboutNaomi
isn'
t
t
rue"
"
Whichpar
tisn'
ttr
ue,
youhav
ehernudeson
y
ourphone"
Hebecamesi l
ent.Iwentstrai
ghtt
othe
bedr oom.Andstartedpackingmyclot
hes,
throwingthem i
nmysui tcase.Hethr
ewhis
clothesintoo
"
Nami
ngi
yal
aphouy
akhona"
Ithrewhi sclothesout,hethi
nksI'
mj oking.I
calledaf amilyfri
end,t
heystayinDenv erHostel
i
t'st heonlyplaceIcangot ori
ghtnow.He
calledhisf at
hertell
i
nghimI '
mleaving,heput
thephoneonl oudspeakersoIcoul
dhearhi s
father.Ididn'
thearawor dhesaid.
"
Idi
dn'
tsl
eepwit
hher,Ial
mostdi
d,i
tdi
dn'
tget
t
hatf
ari
m sor
rynomzamo.Thenudesi
sjust
hertr
yingt
ogett
ome,
remi
ndi
ngmeofwhatI
l
eft"
Iwasbey ondhur t,
IknowI '
m not hingcompar ed
tothekindofwomanhehasdat edbutI
deserverespect,hisphoner angandi twas
Naomi .Ilookedati tandt oldhi mt here'shi s
chancetogof i
nishof fwher ehel eftoff .Iwas
neverhiswifehedoesn' towemeat hing.He
mustgot ohisgi rl
fr
iendandhav eat imeofhi s
l
ife.Hetri
edt alki
ngt ome, Ipushedhi m away
tell
i
nghimt ogot ohiswoman.Hedi dn' tfight
backordoany thi
ng, may bebecauset hel ast
ti
mehedi dIendedupi nhospi tal.Hisphone
rangagainandIanswer edt ell
ingNaomi ,hei s
onhi swaytoher .Hecoul dn'tbel i
ev eit.Het ook
hisphonewal letandj acketandwal kedout .I
wasshockedt hather eall
yl eftme.
Imusthav esleptandwokeupt entimesduri
ng
thenightbutnobukhosi.Iacceptedmyfate,I
pushedhim backintonaomi,buthimleav
ing
meanthewant edtogo.Iwokeupat ewatched
TVt hewhol edayt hanironedmycl othesf orthe
week.Bukhosi wi l
lhav etowearwhatheal ready
hasi ronedori tsbackt othel aundr ymat,but
thanIf eltbad, Iwasn' trai
sedl ikethisIironed
hisclot hesthanpr eparedmy selfforbed.The
dooropenedandhecamei n.Hehadanew
haircut, f
reshcl eanshav ebutst i
llwear i
ng
yesterdaycl ot
hes.Hegr eeted, wentt ohisol d
room andst artedpacki ng.Iwant edt ostarta
fi
ghtwi thhim sohecanst ay ,butmypr i
de
won' tletmef ightf oraman, ifhewant stogo
hemustgo.Hecamet omybedr oom kneel ed,
l
iftedmyt op,kissedmybel lythant oldhischi l
d
hehast ogoaway, butwillcomeev erynightto
checkuponher .mywhol eweekwast earsaf ter
tearsespeci al
lyoncebukhosi leavest o
wher ev erheisst ay i
ng.
Atleastit
sFri
day,halfdayatschoolt
hanwhen
everyonegoesparty
ingIcangohomeandr est.
Iwaswal ki
ngdownt hestepsatbreetaxi
rank
whenawav eofpeoplecamer unni
ngup
pushi ngeachot heroutofway ,gunshot swer e
hear d,there'sashoot i
ngi ntherank, Ial
so
turnedt ryingtogooutbutwaspushedsobad
thatIf ellonmyst omach, somepeopl ehelped
meupandwentacr osst heroadt ot he
Somal i
anshops, Ifeltav erybadpai n,Irubbed
mybabybuti tgotwor se.Anol dladynextt o
mesawt hatIwaspr egnantandi npai nand
calledanambul ance, Icouldn'
tthinkst r
aight,
theonl ythi ngonmymi ndwasi fthebabywas
fi
ne.Theambul ancecameandIwaschecked
andt akeni nwithanot herguywhowasbl eeding,
hewasshotonhi sarm.Wegott ot hehospital
andaf t
ert heygav emeadr ipIremember ed,no
oneknowswhat '
sgoi ngon.Ical l
edBukhosi
andhei mmedi atelyanswer edsay ing"baby"
Icri
edaf t
erheari
nghi sv
oice,
Ispokebetween
tear
stelli
nghimt hehospit
alI
'minandwhat
happened,het ol
dmehi scoming.Myairti
me
gotfi
nished,hecalledmeandwast al
ki
ngt o
mewhi ledri
vingtil
lhegottot
hehospit
al.He
foundmei nthewar dandl ookedscar ed,his
eyesallout.Hecoul dn'tkeepst i
llhehuggedme
andIstartedcr yingagai n.Theytookmet o
anotherdoct orjustt omakecer t
ai nthatthe
babyisfine.Thebabyhear t
beatwasf ine, t
han
thedoctort oldust hebabyi safr
ai doft helight
orisshybecausei thadi t
shandsonhi sf ace
coveri
nghi sey es.Thedoct orreferedt othe
babyashe.Bukhosi st
oppedhi m andt he
doctorpointedoutatt hebaby 'slitt
lewi nny.
Bukhosilookedatt hatscr eenhol dingmyhand.
Hekissedmyf oreheadandt oldmeI '
m no
l
ongerusi ngt axis,hecannotl ooseme.Il ooked
athim becauseIal readythoughtI 'dlosthi mt o
naomi.
Istayedi
nhospi tal
fort
woday sthanwent
home, hi
sparentshouse, t
heywereallshocked
andscaredbymyexper i
encethatt
heynow
drawingatimetableofwhomustdr i
v emet o
andf r
om school.Zakhi
ticoul
dn'
tbepar tofthe
decisi
onsbecauseshehasherpr oblemsandi s
somehowthecauseofmyproblemsnow.I
wentt
oli
edowni nhi
sroom andhefol
lowed
"
Nomzamo,Ireal
l
yam sorr
yaboutt
henaomi
t
hing,
Ican'
tl
ivel
iket
hisIwantt
ocomehome"
"Whatdoyoumeany
ouchoset
oleav
eus
Bukhosi
"
"Iwasonl
ygivi
ngy ouspace,I'
m af
rai
d
somethi
ngbadlikelastt
imewi l
lhappen,soI
l
eftandIhav
ebeenatmasi bongefl
atsince.
"
Iwashappyhedi dn'tgot onaomi ,Isti
llhave
him, Il
ethi
m ki ssme.Wesl epti
nhi sbedi t
wasni cetobei nhi sar msagai n,i
twasonl ya
weekbuti tfeelslikey ears.Hewokemei nt he
eveningtel
li
ngmewegoi nghome.Hi sfather
didn'tl
iket
hei deasi nceBukhosi i
sgoi ngto
wor ktomorrowwhowi lll
ookaf terme.Bukhosi
saidwecan' tsleepher e,wewantt ohav esex
andwecan' tdoi tatt heirhousepl usI'
ml oud.i
wasembar r
assed.Hi sf atheraskedkant i
we
wantt ohavesex ,Bukhosi saidhowdot hey
thi
nkIfellpr
egnanti fitwasn'tf
orsex.Wewent
homebutunf ort
unat elynosex,doctorsaidI
mustrelaxthatareaf ornow.Wesl eptnakedin
eachothersarmsf ort hefi
rstti
meIhear d
BukhosisayIlovey ou.
I'
m notgoi ngtoschool fort her estoftheweek
aswebusywi thexams, andi t'
sgoodnewsf or
thefami l
yast heyst i
ll
don' thav easchedul eof
whoi sgoi ngtof etchmef rom school because
getti
ngt hereiseasybutpi ckupdut yishardas
theyallstil
latwor k.Notget tingsexf orBukhosi
i
st hehar destespeci all
ysi ncewe' vehada
draughtf ortwoweeks, t
hef ightandnowt he
doctor'
sor der.Hehadj ustf inishedbat hand
wasgoi ngf oraj obi nt
erviewsai dheneedst o
comeoutofhi sf ather'swi ng.Isatatt heedge
ofthebedwhi leIistentohi mt alkandshower .
Hecameoutandt hehoei nmegotexci ted
l
ookingatmyman' scassav ar oot.Helookedat
meshookhi shead.GuessheknewwhatIwas
thi
nking.Hewal kedpassaf ewt i
mest hanI
hel
dhim onhiswaist
.Myonehandonhi
speni
s
andtheotherpl
ayi
ngwit
hhisbal
ls
"Youknowwhatthedoct
orsai
dZamo,
ngizokul
i
maza"
"
Justt
hisonet
imebukhosi
"
"ThanI
'm goi
ngtobel
ate"
yhot
hismani
s
somethi
ngelse
Irantheheadofhi spenisonmyl i
psl i
kel i
p
gloss,thanpressedmyt ongueont hatopeni ng,
hesighed.Isatpr operlybetweenhislegsand
engulfedallofhimi nmymout h.I
'm apr oat
this,
Imi ghthavebeenav ir
gindownt her e,but
I'
vehadpr acti
cewi ththemout h,l
ostofpr acti
ce.
Everytimemyheadbobbedoutbukhosi woul d
standonhi stoesandbr i
ngmyheadi n.Last
ti
meIcheckedhei sgoingtobel ate.Istarted
tasti
ngsal t
yseawat erandIknewhewasabout
tocome.Hepul l
edoutofmymout h,l
aidmeon
mybackwi ththelegsonhi sshoulders
"
I'
ll
justgoi
nkancane,
Imi
ssedy
ou"
Ismi l
ed, Ididn'tcareifhewentkancaneor
kakhul u, Ijustwanthi m, within5mi nuteshe
came, wi pedt hesweatonhi sfacethant hrew
thet owel onmesay i
ng.I fhedoesn' tgetthe
j
obbecausehi slat
e,it'
sgonnabebecauseof
me.Thankgodhewasn' tlatebutwas
dissapoi ntedtheysai dhewasov erexperienced
fort heposi t
ion,theyneededsomeonewi thno
exper ience.Hewentt ohispl aceofwor kand
calledt hr oughoutt hedaysay i
ngIsur pri
sedhi m
today .Hesai dhi sgoingtocomehomeabi t
l
at ersi ncehest art
edl at
eatwor kItoldhimI '
l
l
bewai tingnakedf orhim.Het oldmeImust n'
t
playl i
ket hat,hismbhobozewant stomakea
holeonhi spant snow.Iwasdeadasl eepwhen
hecamehome.Heat ehi sfoodwi thout
war mi ngi tandcamet obednaked.
"Zamoh,Ihadat al
ktodaywithmyfatherabout
thethi
ngsyou'v
ebeent hrought
hepastweeks
andsuggestedthatImakeacer emony,i
t'
sjust
tomanywr ongthingshappeni
ngatav er
y
sensi
ti
vet
imei
nthepr
egnancy"
Isai
dokay ,
Iknowhemeanswel landI
'vebeen
havi
ngsomebadl uckmay betheceremonywi l
l
dousgood.Hesai dhi
sf atheral
readytol
dhis
aunt
sinkznt ost
artbrewingumqcombot hi
,and
hewill
sendmoneyf orthet hi
ngsneeded.He
gotbetweenmylegsandIshookmyhead.He
ki
ssedmyt hangotoff
"
What
'sbuggi
ngy
ounomzamo"
"Igotal et
tert
odayfr
om at
rustthatNkosnathi
i
nsur ancespaidt
hemoneyinto.Iwasthi
nking
may bewecoul dusethemoneytobuytheland
andbui l
dourhome"
"
Nonomzamo,
Idon'
twantt
oyout
ousehi
s
money"
"
Butbukhosi
thatmoneyi
sgoi
ngt
ost
ayi
nthat
f
undanddonot hi
ng"
"Nomzamo,
Iinher
itedhi
swife,
rightnowIknow
hist
urni
ngi
nhisgrave,I
'
m notgoingtousehis
money.l
etmeworr
yabouthowtolookaf
ter
youandnott
heot
herwayaround"
"
Whywor
ryaboutmoneywhent
her
eismoney"
"Nomzamowoul dyouwearadr
essnaomi
deli
ber
atel
ylef
tinmyhouse"
"
Nonev
er"
"Sowhydoyouthi
nkI'
dli
vei
nahousebought
usi
ngyourexboyf
ri
endmoney
16Sept
emberat18:
56·Publ
i
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t21
Wedi dn'
ttakethedoctorsadvi
ce,westil
l
havi
ngsex, j
ustnotthewaywewoul dnormall
y
dobecausehedoesn' twanttohurtmeort he
baby.Zakhit
icall
edbukhositoapologi
seand
askedifshecancomeandapol ogi
seinperson,
hesaiditsfi
nebuthedoesn'twanther
apologi
esbecausewhatshedi dshedidsober
mindedsoi t'
ssomethingshealwayswantedto
do.Noonei
sper
fectbutshehadnor
ightt
odo
whatshedi
d.
Hecamebackear l
yfrom workasweprepar
ing
forthecer
emony.Hefoundthebedsst
anding
onthewalls,
hegotangrysayi
ngwhati
fthebed
fal
lsonme.
"BukhosiIdon'
twantpeopl
esay
ingwest
ayi
na
dir
tyhouse"
"Whowi l
lthosepeopl
ebe,
onl
ymassi
,Xand
zakhi
ticomeher e"
"Bukhosiyoudecidedonacer
emonyi
nshor
t
noti
ce,don'tt
hinkpeopl
ewon'
tcome"
"Ohy oumeantthat,nooneiscominghere,
do
youwantt hesewhitefol
kstohavemear r
ested
foranimalcruel
ty,
theceremonyisinKzn,we
driv
ingdownt omorrow,soifIwer
ey ouIwould
startpacki
ng"
Heplacedthebedsbackonthefloorandput
f
reshli
nen.Igotali
tt
ledi
zzythansatdown.My
stomachwast urning,Ical
ledbukhosiandhe
gavemeawett owel andplaceditonmyhead.
Hecalledmassi andtoldhim what'
sgoing
on,massisai
dI'
m okay ,thebabyistur
ning.
"
Nomzamo,
youseewhatov
erwor
kingy
our
sel
f
i
sdoi
ng"
Ihadnoener gyt ofighthim.Istay edinbed, he
fi
nishedcleani ngandcooki ng,wehadsupper
thanhehel pedmet akeashower .It'
sthef i
rst
ti
mewedi dt his.Her anhishandsal loverme
kissi
ngme.Idi dn'tevengetapr opershower
bukhosi wantedsex.Hedi dn'tdrymepr oper l
y
,wegoti nbedandhemademesl eeponmy
sidesohecoul dent erfr
om behi nd.Iwasn' tin
themoodf orsexbutIhav etof eedmyman.I
l
ethi m dowhathewant ed.Iwasst il
lnotf i
ne
thefoll
owingmor ni
ng,bukhosi hadourbags
readyandt oldmet obat hhisfami lywillcome
any t
imetopi ckusup.It ookalongbat ht han
wentt ochange, wor etheshor t
estdr essIhav e
,themat er
ial wasal soveryli
ght ,Ineededt o
wearsomet hinglooseasIwasbur ningup
gettinghotf lushesandbei ngnauseous.If ound
my sel finbedagai n.Hecamet ofet chme
tel
lingmeIhav etoeat .Xwassi tt
ing
comf ortabl
yint hekitchen, Igreetedandhehad
thewi destofsmi les.Bukhosi wentt ogethi s
phonehi sfatherwast ell
inghi mt hatwe
shoul dn'tbelate,bukhosi toldhim wewi llf
ir
st
stopatt hedoct or,I
'm not100per cent ,sohe
j
ustwant stomakesur ewedon' thav e
probl emsont heway .Ifi
nishedeatt hanwentt o
putmypl at
ei nthesi nkanddr i
nkmyt ablet
s,
thedr esswoul dpullupev er yt
imeIl ift
edmy
hands, bukhosi st
oodbehi ndmeandt oldmet o
changet hedr essorwearl eggings, hi s
manhoodwasal r
eadyup.Xl ookedatuswi t
h
amusement ,Igotscar edasnoonei ssupposed
toknowaboutt hebabyandmeandi fbukhosi
can'thandl ehi mselfI'm goi ngtobeaneasy
target .Iwentt ochangeandhef oll
owedbehi nd
me
"Bukhosiwhatyoudi
dintherewil
lgetusin
troubl
e,y
ourfri
endsarenotsupposedtoknow
aboutus."
Hetol
dmeXist
heonl
ytr
uef
ri
endhehas.He
cal
l
edXtot
hebedr
oom
"Xol
ani
,pl
easemeetmywi
feanmot
hert
omy
boy"
"
MaXul
uthi
sisXol
ani
,myf
ri
end.
Xolani
huggedmesay i
nghishappyforusand
thewordonthest
reetwil
lstayasi
s.
Wedr ovetothedoctorandt hebabywasabi t
stressedbutt heysai
dhisfine,hej
ustneedsto
turnabi tthanIwon'thavethenauseaand
dizzinessafter.Wegottohisparentshouse
andt heatmospher ebetweenhim andzakhi
ti
wast ense
Igreeted,heonl
ysai
dNt hombzakit
hi,she
greetedback,mymotherinlawlookedatmy
shortdressshookherheadthansmiled.Wegot
i
nt otheh1andbukhosi camewithpil
lowsand
blanketsl i
keweonar oadtri
p.hesaidIhav et
o
becomf ortableandt heydidcomei nhandy
alongt heway .West oppedforfr
eshai rand
foodt hant heguy swoul dhavetotaket ur
ns
drivi
ng, bukhosi didn'
twanttodriv
esai dhis
l
ooki ngaf terhissickwife.Wehadt omakean
emer gencyst opbecauseIwaspr essedand
couldn'thol dit,
wewer eanhourawayf r
om our
destination,t
hani thitmewegoi ngtonkosi
home
"
Bukhosi
,youdohav
eaf
ami
l
yhouset
hati
snot
Nkosi
home"
"Nomzamo, wearegoi
ngexact l
ywhereyou
thi
nkwegoi ng,
that
'st
heonlyhomewehav e.
Don'tworr
y,sheknowsyoupregnant,mydad
updatesherwit
hevery
thi
ngev eryni
ght"
Myonedr opofuri
netookforevertocome,
may beit
'sbecauseI'
m st
ressed, hetr
ied
assuri
ngmet hi
ngsaregoi
ngt obef i
nebutI
knowi t
'snot.Howwi l
lIl
ookherintheeye,A
l
itt
leoveray earsi
ncehersondiedandIwas
marriedofftoherstepsonI'
m pregnant
,not
oncedidIcal l
tocheckonherandnowt hat
ther
e'stroubl
einmyl i
feIcometoherhouset o
getitfi
xed.
Ifelli
ntodeepsl eept wobl ocksfr
om t hehouse,
Idon'tknowhowt hathappenedbecauseIwas
awaket hewholedr ive.Ther ewasul ulat
ing
whent hecardr ovei n,ev eryonegotof fhugging
whoev ercamenear, bukhosi wait
edf ormeand
helpedmedown, Isawagl impseofNkosi
mot her,shelookedatmyshor tdress, andbig
stomach, Isawhur tanddi sappoint menti nher
eyes.Bukhosi heldme, Ithinkhef eltIwas
uneasy .Whenbukhosi andIgr eet
edonl yaf ew
responded.Het ookmet othemai nhouse, got
i
nt hebedr oom Ionceused.Hi sauntcamei n
threwaf l
eeceblanket, saidImustcov ermy sel
f
andwearadoekandcomehel pthem .Idi das
toldbutchangedt hedr ess, t
her
ewasnoway
i
nNat alheatIwasgoi ngt owearabl anket.I
greetedev ery
oneelset hatwedi dn'tseeupon
arri
val,Iwantedtospeakt oNkosi 'smot her,
but
shedi sappeared.Iwentoutt oseewhatIcan
helpwi th,t
heonlythingt hatt heseaunt i
esgot
ri
ghtwasumngcombot hi andal cohol ,
nobaki ng,
theveget abl
eswer enotpeel edorcut. They
saidthey oungster'
sareher e,sot heol dladi
es
mustr est,buttheyhav en'tdoneany t
hing.
Imi xeddoughf orscones, I
'm notgoingtodo
anythingfancyf orthesepeopl e, what'
swor seis
moneywassentf ort
heset hi
ngst obebought
butwest illhavetosendsomeonet obuyt he
verysamet hing.Ifi
nishedbaket hanpeeled
ri
nsedandcutmyv egetables,mymot herinlaw
helpedbutsai dsheisn'tgoingt otouchoni ons.
Zakhi t
iwasmaki ngteaf oralltheguestthan
theircousincamebutnoneoft hem helped,
theywant edt oknowwher etheliquori
sand
wer easkingf ormoneyf orcigarett
es.My
mot herinlawcamewi that owel andsaidthe
el
der sar
esay i
ngImustcovermystomach.She
heldmyhandt ookaverydeepbreat
handtold
meImust n'
tworr
ywhatpeoplearedoi
ng,I
knowwhatIcameher eforandonceit'
sdone
I'
ml eavi
ng
"
Nomzamozi bhambeleint
ozakho,don'
tl
et
what
'sgoi
ngonshi f
tyourfocus,
Iknowyou,
youwil
lwanttopackandleave."
I
t'
sthefi
rstt
imeshehassai
dany
thi
ngt
o
moti
vat
eme,
"IknowyouthinkIhateyou,
butIdon'
t,
I'
mj ust
makingyoustrong,t
herearemorehurri
canes
tocome.AllIaskisthatyoust
andbybukhosi,I
knowhisgluedtoyou"
Wit
hthatsai
dngizi
bhambelei
zintozomsebenzi
wami,car
ryi
ngwaterf
rom t
hetapt othehouse,
washi
ngthebigpotst
oprepar
et hem for
t
omorrow.
Bukhosicamei
nf ol
l
owedbyhisbrotherand
fat
her,t
heywentouttobuyt
hegoat.Hecame
tomeandaskedi fhi
scousinwerehelpi
ng,hi
s
motherrespondedsayingheshouldn'
tworry
aboutt
hat,weal mostdone.Hetol
dmet ogoli
e
down,gott otheroom anditwasupsidedown,
myclothesthrowneverywhere,
myhandbag
andpursueempt i
ed.
Icr i
ed, i
t'
sli
keI 'vebeenhol di
ngupt hehur t
i
nsi deme, I
'
v enev ercriedformoney ,it
'sthe
l
ackofr espectt hathasbr oughtmet othis
poi nt.Iwaskneel ingbyt hebed, zakhiticamei n
,andi mmedi atel
yr anouttocal lbukhosi sayi
ng
I'
mi nlabour.Thewhol ehousecamei n, Massi
car ri
edmeandpl acedmeont hebed, t
heyt ol
d
ev eryonetoleav eandwhenbukhosi camei nhe
sawt hemessi nt heroom.Massi want edt o
checkont hebabybutIsai dhi sfine,Iam noti n
pai norany t
hi ngthatzakhitisaid,Ithinkshegot
scar edwhenshesawmeont hef loor.Bukhosi
l
ookedatmyswol lenlegsandcamet ome,
kissedmyf or eheadandaskedhi ssi bli
ngst o
excuseus
"
Whathappenedl
ove"
"
Idon'tknow,maybecomi ngherewasn'tagood
i
deaBukhosi ,
noonewant smehere,fi
rstNkosi
motherdisappear
sthannoonehelpsthannow
t
heygot hroughmystuffandsteal
mymoney"
Hedi dn'
tr espondhej ustheldmei nhisar ms
cradli
ngmel ikeababy .Hetoldmewewi ll
l
eav eSundaymor ninghecan' tstandt oseeme
hurt,wedoi ngt hecer emonyt hanwewi l
lleave,
hismot herbr oughtf oodt other oom andwoul d
comet ocheckonme, Bukhosi want edtosl eep
i
nt heroom butIt oldhi mitwoul dn'tbe
appropriate,heki ssedmesl owl ythanpul led
away ,wedi dn'treal iseNkosi mot herwasatt he
door.Shecamei nandIcoul dn'thol dmyhead
up,myauntcamei nsai dmyf atherwi llcome
tomor r
owatl eastsomef r
om mysi dei fthe
familycame.Myauntl eftandi twentdead
sil
entint heroom, Nkosi mot hertookout
rubbingoi ntmentf rom herapr on, appli
edi ton
myswol l
enankl esandsai dnot hing
"Ngiy
axoli
sama"shest oppedmeandremained
sil
ent.Myfeetenj
oyedthemassagethatIwas
nowf al
li
ngasleepshestoppedandIwokeup
"Thereisnothingtoapologisef orNomzamo,
youarehi swife,sofall
i
ngpr egnantforhi
mis
expected,Iknewaboutt hepr egnancybut
seeingy oupregnantreall
yshockedme.I '
m
happyt hatyouandbukhosi havefoundyour
feetandI '
m gladhisgrowinggetandsoar eyou.
"
"Mai fyouar
eokaywi
thuswhydi
dyou
disappearwhenwear
ri
ved"
"WhenIsawbukhosist
andbyyouwhenyougot
offt
hecarandknowinghowthi
sfami
lyi
s,I
knewthaty
ouwon'tbeneedi
ngme."
"
Idon'
tunder
standma"
"90%oft hepeopleher
ewerehopingthe
mar r
iagedoesn'
tsucceed,
si
nceyoubecamehis
responsibi
li
tyi
tmeanthehadt obestr
ict
fi
nancial
ly,t
hat'
swhyhisauntsaret
hewaythey
arewit
hyou,
theyt
hinky
oucont
rol
him andhi
s
fi
nances"
"
OhIdi
dn'
tknow,
thanwher
edi
dyougo"
"Ihadtospeaktomyson,ifal
lthebadl
uckt
hat
i
sf ol
lowi
ngy oui
sbecausehecan'tsl
eepi
nhis
grave,
someonehastotalktohim"
Shecamecl oseandtouchedmyt ummy ,
apar t
from massimbukhosi andthedoctornoone
real
lytouchesmyst omachwi t
houtaski
ng, t
o
haveherhandonmewasr eall
yuncomfortable.
Sher ef
eredtothebabyasNkos' nat
himakingi t
mor euncomf ort
abl
e.
"
Doy
ouandBukhosi
hav
eanamey
et"
Iwantedtosaymbhobozet hanr emember ed
I'
m nottalki
ngtomypeer ,Isaidnoandshesai d
weshoul dcomeupwi thanamev er
ysoon.My
dressandbr ast
artedt ostranglemet hatItook
them of
fandwor ej ustav est.Shecamecl oser
andrubbedmyback, tell
ingmeonceIgi vebirt
h
Ihavetocallher,
shewi ll
comeshowmehowt o
l
ookaf
terJr
.
17
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t22
Thecer emonywentokay ,bukhosialmostbeat
uphi scousin.Hehasbeenbymysi det he
wholet i
me, nkosimotherwoul dalsosi twithus.
Shehasagoodr el
ati
onshi pwithalloft hem.
TodayIr eal
isedthatbukhosi hasn'ttouched
alcoholinalongt i
me, Ikissedhischeekandhe
smi l
ed.Hetol dmeI '
m sleepinginhisr oom
today,Imust n'
tworrywhatnkosi mot herwil
l
say,shewi l
lbesleepingwi thherhusband.The
shockonmyf aceandt henaughtysmi l
ehehad
"
Shemighthav
ecall
edofftheirweddi
ng,but
t
hatdoesn'
tmeanshedoesn'tlov
ehim,norhi
m"
Thi
sIsdef
ini
tel
yonemessedupf
ami
l
y.
"
Doesy
ourmot
herknow"
"
daaa,
herboy
fri
endl
eav
esheroneweekendi
n
amont ht
ocomehere,
andwhenthef
ami
l
yis
her
e,hesl
eepswi
thNkosimot
her"
Witht hatsai
d,Ihadtothinkaboutmeand
bukhosi ,maybethi
siswer ewear eheaded,I'
m
goingt ohavetosharehim wit
hsomeonef rom
hispastorhewi llf
indsomeoneandwi l
lleave
mebehi ndtoseemeoneweekendi namont h.
Heki ssedmyneckt i
ckl
i
ngmyf acewithhis
facialhair
.
"
I'
m noti
ntot
hatl
i
fe.
I'
m aonewomanman"
Ikissedhi m andheki ssedbackpassionat el
y,
wehear dululating,itwasNkosi mother.Iwas
embar rassed, hewashappy .Nightti
mecame
andasIwentt ot hemai nhousehef oll
owed,
toldmet ogetmyni ghtdr
ess,hecan'tsleep
aloneagai nandhedoesn' twanthi sdrunk
cousint odisturbmeorhi m, soifwetogether
noonewi l
ldi
st urbus.Iwasr eall
ynotsur e
aboutt his,
Ialsomi sshim butIcan'
t,t
hisis
nkosi home.Het ookmyni ghtdressroll
edi t
i
ntoaball
.Itookhi
shandandwewal kedout
.
Theyst
art
edsingi
ngweddi ngsongs,t
hisf
amil
y
i
ssomethingel
se.Zakhi
tistar
tedherownsong
"
Makot
ibomny
akazi
samay
elel
e"
Thewhol efamil
yfol
lowedbehind,bukhosiwas
smi l
i
ng, bobbinghi
sheadt othetune.Wegott o
hi
sr oom Itookofmycl othesandhet oldme
wesl eepingnaked,t
henightdresswasj ustfor
show.Iknowhewant ssexbutthi
si snotthe
place.Nother e
"
Zamoh,
thi
sisourhomet
oo,
youneedt
oletgo
"
"BukhosiIdon'
tknow,
Idon'
tfeel
rightabout
doingithere"
Irol
l
edhiseyesshaki
nghishead,
weareabout
tohaveanargument,
tear
sformedinmyeyes.
"Whyam Iacrybaby"
"Zamoh,I
'm sor
ryi
fyoufeel
I'
mf or
cingyou,I'
m
not,butl
ookatthi
sfrom myvi
ew,ifshedidn'
t
wantushereshewouldn'thaveall
owedt hatthe
ceremonybedonehereandshewoul dn'thave
all
owedtheweddingtogoon.LikeIsaidt hi
sis
ourhomehome, wegoingtocomeher eev er
y
year,
all
ourtr
aditi
onal
ceremonieswillbedone
here,
sowewillbehavi
ngal otofsex.
"
"
Iknow,
i
t'
sjustIdon'
tknow"
"
Youknowbuty
oudon'
tknowai
,"
Wet riedsleepi
ngbutcouldn'
tbecausehewas
tossingandt urni
ng,hewokeuptodr i
nkwat
er,
I
pretendedt obesleepingwhi
l
eIwat chhi
m
contempl atetopersuademeornot.
"
Arey
ougoi
ngt
ost
andt
her
eal
lni
ghtBukhosi
"
"
Youwantmet
obear
rest
edf
orr
apezamoh,
l
ookathi
m"
poi
nti
ngathismanhood,
Mbhowasonheat
,
cementhar
d,imi
l
e.
"
Icangi
vey
ouabl
owj
ob,
"
"
Youj
ustspoi
l
tthef
un,
youj
ustgi
vei
tbabe'
s,
y
oudon'
tannounce
"
Ohhai
key
ekel
a"
Hequickl
ycamet owardst
hebedalready
hol
dinghi
sshaf t
,Ibecameembarr
assedand
shy
,Icouldn'
teventouchi
t,
nott
oment ionbr
ing
i
tnearmyf ace
"Uy
abonayyoudon'
tannounce,
youmustj
ust
doitl
i
kelast
."
Hegoti nbedandspoonedmef rom theback,
hi
shandscar essingmeandpl ayi
ngwi thmy
ni
pples.Hewasr eall
yt r
yingt ogetmewor ked
upandi twaswor king.Myl egwasl i
f t
edandhe
enteredfrom behi nd,andr ockedbackandf or
th
afewt imesthanmybodyl ostcont r
ol,itwant
ed
hi
mt ogodeeper .Hest oppedbutIcar ri
edon,I
wentont or i
dehi m, hewassuperhappy ,
my
hugeski m milkboobsmov edatasy nchroni
sed
mot i
onwi thmybody ,hesqueezedt hem anda
sharppain,het houghtIwasenj oyi
ngt hesex
butmybr eastwer ereallysore.Itoldhim andhe
sai
dhewi
l
lbecar
eful
.Wecont
inuedt
il
lhe
came
"
Weshoul
ddot
hingsr
ightNomzamo"
Il
ookedathim,
whati
sheonaboutnow,
Igav
e
hi
mt hecakehi
sbeenpest
eri
ngmeabout
"Iwasthinki
ngapr operweddi ng,t
radi
ti
onal and
white,
i
fy ouwantit.
ngif
unaukumbeswakahl e
notwhathappenedl astyear.Iwantgirl
sf r
om
yourareatoknowy ouarer i
ght f
ull
ymarried.I'
ll
buyallthat'
sneededjusttel
l mehowmany
people"
Di
dyout
ell
any
oneel
seaboutt
his'
'
No,ihadtocheckwi
thy
ouf
ir
sti
6fy
ouwanti
t
butIwantt
odoi t
"
Wel
l,
Iwantmybigweddingbuti
t'
sexpensi
ve,
r
ememberthat
'swhaty
ouoncesaid"
"
Thi
ngsar
edi
ff
erentnowZah"
"Yah,
butthebabyisal
soonthewayandmight
haveneedsthatr
equir
emoney,
let
'snotwor
ry
aboutt
heweddi
ngf
ornow,
plusmyUni
saf
ee'
s
"
Hekissedmyf oreheadsayingatleasthe
marri
edacl ev
erwi f
e,someonewhocant hink
andreason.Ididtwantt owakeupasIwas
l
azy,hetoldmet obat hheandImustst il
lgo
fi
ndabust ojoburgsinceIcan'ttaketheplane.
Thefamilycouldn'
tevenbelievebukhosii
s
consi
deri
ngpubl i
ctranspor
t, hehasreal
ly
changed.
Isatandchatwi t
hhi scousinwhi lewaiti
ngf or
him,theywer etal
kingaboutqui ckf i
xsummer
bodies,yourlemonwat er,detoxingt eas,syrups
thelistwentonandon.Bukhosi stoodatt he
doorwhent hecousi nsaidngifasei sisuafter
givi
ngbi r
th,Imusthav eadr opdeadgor geous
body .Thi
swasav er ystupidtopi cbutevent he
malecousi ngav etheirtwocent swor tht
hant he
oneaskedbukhosi aboutthet ypeofbodyhe
prefers,t
hatjustbroughtmysel festeem down,
herespondedsay i
ng
"Thebestsummerbodyi stheonehemadei
n
hisbedroom ,
andifum notcar
eful
,I
'l
lbe
pregnantagai
nthenextsummer"
19
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t23
Thebusr i
dewasnotal lbad,infactbukhosi
andIbonded, itwasj ustmeandhi m, nofami l
y,
nof ri
ends.Wehadt ogot ohisparentspl aceby
taxitogethiscarsowecangohome.Wedr ove
homeandbukhosi receivedacal l,
bukhosi
seemedi rri
tatedbutwewentoutXhousef i
rst.
Wewenti nsati ntheirloungear ea,Ihav enev er
beensobor edi nmyl if
ebyXwi fe,shei sf ake.
Theymadef i
ngerf oodsbutIwasn' thungr y,I
want edtogot omyhouse.Bukhosi andXwent
out,Iwatchedcar toonswi tht
hekidsandf el
l
asleepont hecouch.Xcamet owakemeup
sayingImustuseoneoft hebedroomsBukhosi
j
ustwentoutwi ll
bebacksoon, .Iwast oot i
red
t
oask,Ichoset
henearestbedroom,
whichwas
t
heki
ds,threwmysel
font hebedanddosedof
f.
Iwokeupt wohour slat
erstil
lnoBukhosi ,I
askedXt otakemet othehouse, hewasupand
downi nhi shousesay i
nghecan' tfi
ndhiscar
keys.
i wasget t
ingpissedbecauset hekey s
wereont hecoffeetabl
ewhenwecamei n.He
cal
ledBukhosi andhesai dhewasonhi sway .
Partofmef el
tliket
heywer ehidingsomet hing
fr
om me.Ij ustwishtheynot,wewor ki
ngon
ourmar ri
ageandweev endidtheceremony , i
f
heisdoingsomet hi
ngt hanallofthehurtIfelt
overtheweekendwasf ornothing.Idon'tknow
whatXt ol dBukhosibecausehel ookedshaken
andscar ed.
Wegoti nthecarandt her
ewascompl ete
sil
ence,t
hatwasal lt
heconfi
rmati
onIneeded
,thatsomethingisgoingon,Bukhosinever
closeshi
smout h.Thehousesmel l
edt oofr
esh
l
iketheywer ecov er
ingascentIl
ookedathim
andhecoul dn'tkeephiseyesonmehewas
real
lyhidingsomet hing.Iwentstraighttot he
bedroom, hefollowedbehi ndmehi sphone
rangandweal lknowwhoi twas.Guessshe
call
edt osaythesexwasgood.Her ej
ectedthe
callbuthisgir
lcalledagain.It'
sevidenthewon' t
answert hecallsol etmegi v
ehi m hisprivacy.I
walkedoutandr ol
ledmysui t
casewi t
h,Ican
usewhat everisint her
e.Hehel dmyhandasI
wasatt hedoor
"
Uyenzani
Nomzamo"
"
Leav
ingy
oubukhosi
,
"
Letmeexpl
ainZamoh"
"Expl
ainwhatbukhosi
,youli
edt
omewheny ou
saidyouraonewomanki ndaman,
may bey ou
didn'
tli
e,y
ouareaonewomanman, I'
mj ustnot
thatwoman"
"
Babyt
hishasgotnot
hingt
odowi
thnaomi
,"
"Whati
sit
,youdropmeof fatyourfr
iends
house,
anddisappearf
orhours,youcomeback
tobr
inginahousesmel l
ingper
fume,Iknow
howIlef
tthishouseanditwasn'
tli
kethi
syou
arej
ustcoveri
ngyourtr
acks"
"
Zamohpl
easeman,canourf
ight
snotbeabout
Naomi
andyoursel
fest
eem "
Thi
sguyistal
ki
ngaboutmysel fest
eem,
compar
ingmet ooneofhismanyhoes.I '
m
l
eavi
ng.Hepulledmet ohisbedroom andther
e
wasboxesofallourel
ect
ronics.
"It
houghtIwoul dputthi
ngsli
ketheywer e
befor
eyouwokeup, somebodybr okeinthe
house,t
ookt hehomet heat
re,andotherthi
ngs
zamoh,Ididn'twantyoutobest r
essed,t
he
housewasamess, Ididn'
twanty outoknow"
Ilookedar oundt hehouseandt hingswere
reall
ymi ssing,Iapologisedforaccusi
nghim of
cheating.Hewasn' ti
nterest
ed.Iwentonto
fi
nishcleani ng,Itr
iedaskingwhetherthepol
ice
wer ecall
ed, hejustgaveonewor danswerbuti
t
wasl i
keIwasannoy inghim.Istopped
botheri
nghim, Iwaswr ongbutwhathi sdoing
nowi soverboard,ifhewasi nmyposi ti
onhe
wouldthinkthesame, Ilef
thimt ohimself,iwas
rai
sednott obegaman.Igav ehim hisspace,
cooked,dishedupf orhim,butdidn'
tgivehim
hisplat
e,Iplaceditont hecounterandcov ered
i
t.Hewentoutwi thouteat i
nghi sfoodortelli
ng
mewher ehewent .Ibat hedandwentt obed
andcr i
ed.Hecamei nthebedr oom changed
andgoti nbedt ouchingmyst omach.
"
I'
m sor
ryZah"
Idi
dn'tsayanythi
ngtohim,Iwantedt
osleept
o
behonestmay beI'
m aski
ngt oomuchfr
om
bukhosi,
may beImustlethim be"
Igotupputonmygownandwentt owat chTV,
Iwanttobeal one.Iendedupsl
eepingont he
couch.Iwokeupandhewasst i
llsl
eepingI
madebr eakfast,bathedandwentout.Ilef
thim
amessageont heboard.Hecall
edmet wo
hoursafterIleft,
takeithej
ustwokeup.Iwas
wonder i
ngatthemal l
,Isawacut ebabyout f
it
,I
boughtit,i
t'
sthefi
rstthi
ngI'
veboughtf orthe
baby.Hecamet othemallandfoll
owedme
behi
ndasIwentt oothershops.Ifi
nished
shoppingandwenthome, acarwaspar kedat
ourgatebutmov edwhenweappr oached.
"Nomzamoidon'
tthi
nkit
'ssaf
efory
out
obe
alone,
wej
usthadaburgl
ary"
Inodded,hi
sfathercall
edtocheckonus,Isai
d
wedoingf i
nethanbukhosiwentontospeakto
hi
m alone.Wespentt hewholeweekl
ikethi
s
,t
hehousewasqui et
,
"Nomzamoweneedtof
ixt
his,
wecan'
tl
iv
eli
ke
enemi
esorst
ranger
s"
Ilookedathi
m,hi
stheonewhohasn'
tbeen
talki
ngtome
"
ZahI'
m sorr
yIt
ookitoutonyou,
youhadev
ery
r
easontothi
nkwhatyoudid,
"
"
Ther
e'snot
hingt
oapol
ogi
sef
orBukhosi
"
Thef amilycameback, hi
sf athersaidImust
backt otheirhouseunt i
ltheycangett othe
bott
om oft hebreakin.Bukhosi tr
iedf i
ghti
ng
hi
sf atherbutIsaidit'
sf i
ne, Iwasgi vi
ng
Bukhosi hisfreedom andl i
feback, hetri
ed
bei
ngt hehusbandev eryonet houghthecoul dn'
t
buthecan' tbemyhusband, Naomi wil
lal
way s
beat horninourl i
ves.Idon' thavewhatshe
has.Hecoul dn'
tbeli
eveI'ml eavi
nghi m.
Istayedathispar entshouse, theyhav ebeen
havingmeet i
nguponmeet ingswi t
hpol i
ce
offi
cers.Bukhosi cameev eryni ghtthanwoul d
l
eav ebuthesl eepsov eronweekends.He
askedmet ocomebackhome, Iwant edtooI
missedtheser enityofjustmeandhi m, butI'm
ti
redoflyi
ngt omy sel
f,hedoesn' tl
ov emet he
wayhecanl ovemei sdoingi tforthebabyand
hisfamil
y.Het ookmeoutf ordi nnerand
i
nsteadofdr ivi
ngmebackt ohi spar ents,he
tookmet ohi splace,saidweneededt otalk,I
mustnotr unawaywhenwehav eproblems.We
talkedabouthi m keepingcont actwithhi
sexes
andmyconf idenceandsel festeem.Wet alked
aboutmysaf etyandhesai ditsnot
compr omi sed.Her eall
ywant edmehome, andI
alsowant edt ocomeback.Hecamet omy
faceandki ssedme, Imissedt his,
Iactedasi fI
didn'twanti torenjoyeditbutheki ssedagain
andIdi vedi n.Innot i
mewewer enakedinbed,
wedi dn'
thav esexbutwewer ei neachothers
arms.
Injustaweeksi ncemyr eturnBukhosi pl
anned
ababyshower ,i
twashi sfami l
yandX, noone
else,notthatIminded, Ili
kedt heintimacyofit,I
hadal lt
heat t
enti
on, babydaddyboughtmost
ofthegi f
tsthangr andpawant edt ooutshi
ne
him,grandmawasonanot herlevel,naming
brandsi v
enev erheardof f.XandMassi wanted
totakeBukhosi clubbingsay ingthiswillbehis
l
astni ghtupbychoi ceaf t
erthi sthebabywi l
l
keephi m upatnight.Bukhosi sai
dhei sn't
goingany where,I
'm aboutt opopandhehast o
benomor ethanametreawayfr
om me, t
he
teasedhim sayi
nghi
sbeenbewitched,
his
fatheral
sosaidit
'sf
ineforhi
mtogo
"
Baba,
xnaweMassi
,
doy
ouknowDenv
erhost
el
"
Theyshookhi sheadandhi sfathersai
dhe
knows, Bukhosiaskedifhi
sfatherknowsthe
i
nsandoutoft hehostel,
notjustwhereiti
s,t
he
responsewasno.
"WellIdon'
tknowwher eiti
sandIdot hinkplan
onknowi ngit,
youseet hesewallsNomzamo
doesn'tmindleavi
ngall oft
hisbehindtostayat
ahost el
,I
'm notpl
anningonv isi
ti
ngmywi f
e
andsoni nsomeoner oom di vi
dedbyacur tai
n
,babay oucangopar t
y i
ngwi t
htheseguy son
mybehal f"
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t25
Wegothomeandev
ery
onewant
edt
ohol
dthe
baby ,
butbukhosi ,heonl ytoucheshi m when
hisfeedingbecauset hanhewon' tcry.I'
m
happyt ohav etheset wol adi
eshel pwi t
ht he
babyt heybot hhav edi fferentconcept sof
raisi
ngt heboy ,Nkosi mot herthet radit
ional
practi
cewayandbukhosi mom want stodoi t
withthebook.Wegoi ngwi t
hthebookf ornow
soshedoesn' tthinkwedon' twantherhel pbut
someoft her emedi esdontwor k.Blackpeopl e
mustj ustr ai
set heirki dst heyknowbestand
mustl eav ewhi tepeopl et owr i
tebooksabout
raisi
ngki dsbutt heydon' tknowhow
too.Bukhosi hat esni ghtt imebecauset hat '
s
whent hebabywi l
lwakeupcr y
ingorwi l
l j
ust
stayupwi thhi sroundey eswant ingt osee
mov ement .Bukhosi endedupput ti
ngt heTVi n
thebedr oom sot hebabycanwat ch,hemay be
af ewday sol dbuthehaspr ovent obet roubli
ng
daddyal ready .
Hesai
dhewil
ltakepr
operl
eavethedaywe
movi
ngbackt
oourhousebecauseri
ghtnow
everyonei sav ai
labl etohelpbutoncei t'
st he
twoofusweneedt ogetourownschedul e.
Afterthebabyt ur ned10day sIv isi
tedbukhosi
athomeandt hat 'sonlytodol aundr yandcl ean
thehouset houghi twascl eanandal socookf or
him oncei nawhi l
e,heisst il
lmyhusband.The
familydrill
edittoourbr ainsnott ohav esexnot
thatIwasi nthemoodf orit.I'
m wor ki
ngon
getti
ngmybodybuti t'
sgoi ngt obeahar dj ob,
mybodyi sokaybutmyt ummyseemsnott obe
comi ngal r
ightandI '
m notcomf ort
ablewi th
bukhosi seeingme.Imakesur eI '
m alreadyi n
mymaxi nightdr esswhenheget sinbedand
whenhet r
ieshisway sIcal lhim off.Hecal ls
hisboyShakes, andt hebabycant ellt
he
diff
erence.Bukhosi saidhedoesn' twantme
breastfeedingbutt hereisnowayIwasn' tgoing
todot hat.Andt hankst oMaNkosi wef eedi ng
him softpor ri
dgeatni ght,atleastt hant hebaby
doesn'twakeuphungr y.
I
'
m dr
inki
ngt
het
abl
etsatni
ghtbecause
bukhosi r
emi ndsmet oo,apartf orthatI
woul dn'tbet aki
ngt hem,wegott hebabyhi s
bir
thcer ti
ficateandbukhosi saidhet hinkshe
madeami st akebynami nghi m Shaka, he
shoul dhav esaidThandoorSi hle, youknow
thoseuni sexnamesbecauset hechi l
dist oo
soft,ifbukhosi looksathim wi thoutsmi l
inghe
willcrybutj ustthesightofhi steethhewi l
l
showhi sgums.
Hefoundmei nthebedroom afterIj
ust
showered,Ithoughtbukhosiwasst i
ll
onhi s
waybuthecamehomeear l
y,Iwasaboutt oti
e
myt ummybutwasl azy,t
hatthinghurts.I
str
addledthanmadei tloose,bukhosicamei n
andpulledout
"Kuy
afaswasi
si,
Iwantt
ogot
othebeachor
poolpar
tywi
thyou"
"Bukhosii
thur
ts,l
ookatmybodyIal
readyof
skidmarksbecauseoft
his"
"
Ubuhl
ebuy
abekezel
wast
handwasami
,j
ustdo
i
tforaf
ewmor
eweekst
hany
oucangoona
di
et,
"
Il
ethi m pullandt i
et het hingonme, hesaidhe
i
salsoexer cisingi nthemor ni
ng, hej ogs,
seemsIwasn' ttheonl yonewhogai nedwei ght
becauseoft hepr egnancy .Weat et hangoti n
bed, bukhosi putt hebabyi nthecott hantold
mewesl eepi ngnaked, wehav en'tdonei tina
l
ongt i
me, hepul ledmyni ghtdressupandI
switchedof ft hesi delamp, Ir
eall
ydi dn'twant
himt oseeme, hegav ememyhi sv estt owear,
ki
ssedmycheekpul ledmeonbedandwr apped
hishandsonmyf i
gur e.
Thebabyt ur
nedamont hol
dandbukhosi
wantedusatt hehousehi sfathertri
ed
bargai
ningandr easoni ngwithhim butbukhosi
saidno,theywillhelpbabysitthebabybutI
mustcomehome, whichmar ri
edmanwant sto
staywithouthiswi fe.Hecamet ofet
chusand
hemadesupper , gardensaladandgr i
ll
edfi
sh,
weal r
eadygoi ngonadi et
,hei sseri
ous.
Bukhosikeptsi
ngi
ngUsher-
niceandsl
ow,
putt
ingemphasison
"
I'
ll
freaky
our
ightIwi
l
l"
"
I'
ll
freaky
our
ightIwi
l
l"
"
I'
ll
freakyoul
i
kenoonehasnev
erev
ermade
y
ouf eel
"
Unfort
unat
elyhecouldn'
tfr
eakmehi sbaby
keptusupallni
ght,
hewasn' tcr
yingbuthej
ust
wantedtostayawake
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
fei
sam
I
nser
t24
Bukhosi
wakeup"
"
NomzamoI'mti
red,
Ihadar
eal
l
ylongdaycan
wenotdot
his"
I'
vebeenwaki nghi
m upatdawnj ustsowecan
bond,buthehasal sobeensickandnotgoing
towork,
hisfatherwantedtohimtogoont hei
r
companyr oadshow,butitseemsbeingsi
ck
workedi
nhisfav
ourashedi
dn'
twantt
ogohi
s
f
ir
stexcusewashecan'
tl
eaveme.
"BukhosiI
'
m serious,youneedt
owakeup
somethingisn'
tright"
Hereal
l
ydidn'
twantt
owakeupbutj
umped
whenhefel
tthatt
hebedwaswet
.
"
Shi
tnomzamowhyi
sthebedwet
"
"Youneedt
ogetmet
oahospi
tal
,mywat
er
broke"
Hest artedr unningaround, Itoldhimtocalm
down, Iwast al
ki
ngt omy self
.Itookthebagf or
thebaby , changedt omyni ghtdressand
walkeddownt ot hegarage, i
fhet aughtmehow
todrivelikehepr omisedIwasgoi ngtodrive
my selftot hehospi t
al.Hef ollowedbehind
openedt hecardoorf orme.Hegoti nandwe
droveout ,hekeptstealinggl ancesatmet han
fi
nallyheaskedi fI'
m get ti
nganypai ns.Iwas
notget t
ingany .
Wegotathospi tal theycheckedmeand
admi ttedme, bukhosi call
edhi sfami l
yt ot el
l
them, hef i
rstcal lednkosi mot her, bukhosi said
i
fsomeonemusthel pwi t
ht hebabyi t'
sher .Hi s
nev erseenhi smot hersoot heachi ld,zakhi ti
wasal sol ookedaf terbynkosi mot her .His
fami lycameexpect ingtoseeababybut
not hingIhav en' tgi venbi rt
hy et.Istartedf eeling
painf ul spasm onmybackbutt heywer ejust
l
ight .Bukhosi wasf i
lli
nginasheett hathe
want st obei nt her oom whenIgi vebi rth.I '
ve
readt hatnotal lmancanst andi tbuther eally
want st obet her ewhenhi ssoncomes.Iwal ked
upanddownj ustt oeaset hepai n, i
tseemedt o
bewor kingbutt her ewi l
lbet hatonemoment
wer eIj ustcoul dn' thol dmy selfIscr eamed.
Bukhosi hadhi sr edey eswideopen, thedoct or
woul dcomet ocheckonmebutwoul dsayI 'm
noty etr eady.Heaskedt hedoct orift heycan' t
givemeapai nki llerori nj
ectiont hatwi l
lj
ust
"tsaaaa"t hepai n.
Thedoct orcamet ocheckmeagai nandsai d
fewmi nutesbutmybackwasbur ning,ifthey
don'tpul lhim outI '
m goi ngtodi e, anditwas
reall
yaf ewmi nut esbecausehecameback
knowwi thhi ssquad.Bukhosi wentoutt odri
nk
watersay ingit'shot ,butIknowhewasj ust
scar ed.Hisf at hercal l
edhi m att hepassage
sayingamanmustnotbei nar oom whenhi s
wifegi vesbi rth, t
heyf oughtabi tbutwhi lethey
werehav ingt hei rsquabbl eIwaspushi ng.Itfelt
l
ikeIwaspushi ngat ruckbecauseIcoul dntfeel
anythingmov e.Theykeptsay i
ngt heycansee
thehead, trustmeIdi dn'twantt oknow, al
lI
want edwast hebabyout ,andwi thmyl astpush
thebabypoppedout .Bukhosi camei nandhi s
sonwasscr eami ng, theyplacedt hebabyonmy
chestwhi l
et hef i
ni shdownt here.Thebabywas
nowqui etanddaddywasst andingata
distance.Thenur secal l
edhi m neart ohol dhis
boybutheshookhi shead.Hewasnearbut
didn'twantt ohol dt hebaby ,hesai dheist oo
ti
ny,hisafrai
dhewillhur
thim.Thenursetook
thebabyf r
om mychestandt hebabycri
edout
l
oud, notearsfor
medbuthi swhal
ei sj
ustloud.
Bukhosi t
oldhertoputhi
m backinmychest ,
shedi dandthebabystoppedcryi
ng.Theyhad
totakehim awaybutatleasthedidn'
tcry.
Iwast akent obat handt hef amilyhadl eft.I
wast akent oanot herroom andBukhosi was
sitt
ingl ookingatt hebaby ,hewasact ual ly
wat chinghi ssoncr y.Hesai dhi st oof ragilefor
himt ocar ry,
hedoesn' twantt ohur thim, than
Hegav emehi sawkwar dsmi l
e.Thenur se
camei nt ohelpmef eedt hebaby ,andBukhosi
ranhi shandonhi ssonf ace, i
t'
st hef i
rstt ime
het ouchedhi m andev endoi ngt hathewas
scar ed.Thebabysuckl ed.Bukhosi fi
ttedhi s
pinkyi nsidehissonshandandt hebabyhel don.
Iwasf inishedf eedi
ng,butBukhosi didn'twant
them t ot akethebaby, hesai dhisst i
llfeedi ng.
Hehadt ogohomebutsai dhewi llbebacki n
themor ningImust n'
tfeedt hebabywi thouthi m.
Hecamei nbutIhadalreadyf edt hebabyhe
wascr yi
ngt hewholeti
me.Thef amilycamet o
seet hebabybuthewassl eeping, hesti
ll
doesn'tknowt hedif
fer
encebet weendayand
nightbuthecr i
esift
helightist oobr i
ght.Nkosi
mot hercamesheaskedt otaket hebabyf rom
me, thanrecit
edtheNkosi clannames.The
babyhadt obenamedandBukhosi sai
dhewi ll
dot hat,
hedoesn'twanthispar ent stonamehi s
chil
d,
"
Zamoy
oumustgi
vehi
m,hi
smi
ddl
ename"
"
Idon'
tknowBukhosi
"
"Zamoy ouramot hernow,youneedtostar
t
knowingt hingsof
fhandbecauseoncethebaby
star
tstalkingandreasoni
ngyoucan'
tsayyou
don'
tknowy oumusttel
lhi
m,sohi
sname"
Il
ookedatmyboypout
ingt
hanl
ookedat
Bukhosi
,henodded
"
Magugu,
hisnamei
sMaguguNkosi
"
Bukhosismil
ed,Zakhit
isaidisn'tt
hatagir
ls
name,thewholefami l
yshookt hei
rheads,
Bukhosisai
ditsuit
shim, t
hanweaskedwhat '
s
hi
sfir
stname, hesmi l
edsayingmynamei s
best
,hecan'tbeatthat,
hisfathergavehi
mt he
eye
Hewasqui
ett
hansai
d"SHAKA"
Weall
lookedathi
m,hi
sfat
herev
enchokedon
hi
sspi
t
"
Hisnamei
sShakaMaguguNkosi
"
Weget tingdischar
gedt oday,mymot herinlaw
saidwest ayingattheirhouseshewi l
lhelpme
l
ookaf terthebaby,Nkosi mothersai dit'
sokay ,
shewi l
lgobackhome.Bukhosi conv i
ncedher
tostaybutshesai dshewi llst
ayathi shouse,
themai nresidenceistoosmal lf
ortwowi f
e's
andadaught erinl
aw.Heaskednkosi mot her
toholdt hebabywhi l
eIgof ormyl astcheckup.
Heaskedt hedoctorforpreventi
ont ablets,I
don'tknowwhybecausewewon' tbehav ing
sext
etany
timesoon
"Nomzamodon'tlookatmeli
kethat,weneed
thoset
abl
etsunlessyouwantt
of al
lpregnant
again"
"
Ican'
tbelei
veyousay
ingt
hatr
ighti
nfr
ontof
t
hedoctorbukhosi
"
"What,
thi
sist
headv
iceheshoul
dbegi
vi
ngal
l
hispat
ient
s,"
Hef i
xedhi schairfacedthedoct orandtol
dhim
toprescr i
besomet hingreal
lystrong,hedoesn'
t
wanthi ssperm bypassingitthanwef i
ndwe
havinganot herbaby.Thedoct orwrote
somet hingformeandl aughedsay i
ngIhavea
funnybutl ovi
nghusband.
"Bukhosiy
ouembarr
assedmeinther
e,howwi
l
l
Icomebackformynextappoi
ntment
,now
peoplethi
nkweper
vert
s
"
Nomzamo,youwil
lbeonthepil
lforknowjust
t
ogetusedt
oit,
youwil
lbeinthathouseforthe
fi
rstmonthaf
terthatyoucominghomeandI
will
wantsextr
ustme.Wehav ebeenhavi
ng
sexalmostev
erydaywi t
houtacondom,doyou
thi
nkIwil
lwearthatnow.
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t27
Weagr eedonnothi ri
ngt henannyf ornow
becauseal lthepeoplewewer erefer edt oo
wer eeithert ooold,si
ckl yordi dn'tspeakpr oper
zulu,Bukhosi sai
dhei sraisingaki ngar oy al,
howwi l
l her ul
eifhecan' tev enspeakhi sown
people'sl anguageandnott oment iont hey oung
gir
ls,theymustei thergobackt oschool ,get
otherjobsorgetmar ried, Idon'tplanonhav ing
someonedi ptheirhandsonmyr oy al crazyj ar.
Hehel pswi t
hshakesatni ghtbutIt ellhimt o
sl
eepbecausehest il
lhaswor kinthemor ning,
shakesandIcanst i
llsleepdur i
ngt heday .But
SaturdayIdon' tt
ouchat hi ng,wewakeuphav e
breakfast ,bathandhehast odropmeof fat
Uni saf ormyl ectures, therewedon' t
compr omi se.I'
m happyBukhosi isl ett
ingmebe
meandchooset hingsIwant ,evenMaNkosi
sai dt hismar ri
agei swor ki
ngwaymuchbet t
er
thant heIonei woul dhav ehadwi thherson,
yesIwoul dber i
ch, butIwasgoi ngt obea
trophy ,somet hingt olookgoodonhi sar m,
phoneandbed, butIwasn' tgoingt obe
me. Nkosi wasgoi ngt ocont rolev er
yt hingIdo,
ev ent akingabr eathe.It houghthar dabout
whatshesai dandmostofi tistrue, f
ort hepast
threey earsI '
vebeenwhatNkosi wasmoul di
ng
met obe, Iwascl ay,puttyinhi shands, it
seemedokaybackt hanbutnowt hatBukhosi i
s
l
et tingmef l
orishandbeme, hi
slet t
ingmef i
nd
my selfwi thoutev ent rying.Wemaynotber i
ch
butwer i
chathear t.Ilov ehim, allofhim andhe
l
ov esmet oo.
Hisbeenquietl
atel
ymeaningsomethi
ngis
bugginghi
m andunfor
tunatel
yhewon'
ttel
lme
unti
lhehasasoluti
ontotheprobl
em.He
normallywakesthebabyupwhenhecomes
backfrom worksay i
ngifhesleepsnow, he
wontsleepatnight,buttodayhej ustlethi
m be
.Iwaspr epar
ingsupperandhewaswat ching
TV.Ifoundhiml ooki
ngatmest range.Iwalked
tohim andhemadeusl ayont hecouch
toget
her ,
hewascar essi
ngmyf ace.Iasked
what'
swr ongbuthekeptsay i
ngnot hi
ng.
"You'
velostwei
ghtMoh,toomuchweight,
isi
t
school
, t
hebabyoram Inotbuy
ingenough
grocer
ies"
"I
'
velostsome,
butIli
kemybodyasiti
sri
ght
now,andyoudoingagreatj
ob,
ast
hehubby,
daddy,pr
ovi
der
,etcet
c
Hegav emehi
sfakesmi
leagai
n,thanhe
huggedme,nol
etmerephr
asethathe
squeezedme
"
Bukhosi
what
'swr
ong,
youscar
ingme"
"
Arey
ousay
ingI
'
m ugl
ythatIscar
eyou"
"YouknowwhatImean,youar
enev ert
his
dist
ant,
yourmi
ndisever
ywhere,
buthere
Heapol
ogisedandusedworkasanexcuse.We
di
dn'
thavesexbutwesharedthecouchand
sl
ept
.
Hewokemeupv eryear l
yanddr oppedt hebaby
athisparentshouse, toldZakhi t
i tocomewi th
us,hedidthatonet hingInev erexpect ed,he
droppedusatt hespa, i
fitwashi m hewas
goingtotakemet oal iquorhouse.Wehadour
tr
eatment,Ineededi t,mybodywasov erworked,
hewant edtotakemef oradat ebutIpassed
outthatmassagedi daj obonme.Somegi rl
camet ouswhenwegothomeandwast alki
ng
aboutNkosi andhowt heywer einl ove,
Iwas
bored.Weendedupsl eepingathi sparents
house.Zakhitil
ookedaf t
ershakes, sheiscr azy
abouthim, shewillt
ellev ery
onet hatnoone
mustmesswi thherboy ,sheistheonl yaunthe
hasandwi lleverhaveandsi nceIal sodon't
havesibli
ngs,shehast obeuAunt i
zaand
mamkhul
uatsamet
ime.
Hewokemeupi nthemi ddleoft heni ghtand
droveust oourhouse, wedef i
nit
elyabandoni ng
oursonf orsex.Bukhosi passedev er yr edrobot,
wej ustl
uckytherewer en'tanypol i
ceont he
road.Wegothomeandhedi dn'
tev enwai tto
l
ockt hehouseorswi tchont heli
ght s,ungi dli
l
e
uBukhosi,akashodindawo, t
hanky ouj esus,
i
nkonzoy asekhamer eniay i
fi
kangaekhamer eni.
"
ZamohInol
ongerseey
oudr
inki
ngt
hose
t
abl
ets"
"
Idr
inkt
hem dur
ingt
hedayBukhosi
,"
"Weneedtofet
chPhi
le,
bef
oreZakhi
ti
aphel
elwaut
hando"
"
Phi
l
e"
"Nkosi
ngiphil
e,ukuzengi
phil
e.YouknowI'm
notproudofthewayIgoty oubutIam pr
oudI
haveyou.IloveyouNomzamo, "
"
Ilov
eyout
ooBukhosi
,I
'm happywi
thour
l
i
fe,
ourf
ami
l
y"
"
I'
m sorrythatgi
rlr
ubbedheraf
fair
sNkosi
in
y
ourf ace,
theywereneverr
eall
yina
r
elat
ionship"
"
Idon'
tcar
e,I
'
mjustgl
adshei
sn'
tyourex"
Iwasshocked,
didIr
eall
ysayt
hat,t
hatIdon'
t
car
eaboutNkosi,
Icar
eaboutbukhosi
2
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t26
Shakesisdefi
nit
elynotl ett
ingdaddygethi s, he
cri
esorstaysupawake.Bukhosi endedup
sayi
ngthebabywi llhavet owat chifhewon' t
sl
eep,yenaukhatele.Thebabyt urnedtwo
monthsandBukhosi t
hrewhi m aparty
,than
shi
ppedhim offtohispar entstobaby si
t,he
wantshis,hi
sti
redofwat chingit,nott
ouchi ng,
noeati
ngandnof ucking.Iwasnotcomf or t
able
wit
hsendingthebabyawayt hatIdidn'
tev en
wantt okisshi m.Wedr ov et ohi spar ent shouse
togethi m.Bukhosi wasmoodydr i
v ingback, the
babywassl eepi ng.Iplacedhi mi nbedchanged
i
nt osl eepwear, bukhosi pul ledmet ohi m and
kissedmehungr i
l
y .Il
ookedi ntohi sey eshe
reallywant edme.Hepul ledmyni ghtdr essup
,heki ssedagai nhi shandwasal readyonmy
breast ,hisfi
ngerci rcl
ingmyni ppl e.Iwasal so
get t
ingt i
nglesi not herar eas.Hel iftedme
carriedmet oourbed, i straddl edmyl egsonhi s
wai st,hehadhi st humbpr essedonmycl it
whi l
ehi sotherar m bal anci ngme.Hi smout hon
mybr east,Iwashopi nghedoesn' tsqueezet oo
much, don'twantt hebabi esmi l
kt of lyout .He
threwmeont hebedandt ookofhi spant s,his
Mbhowast hel engt hofmyar m, hemustbe
drinkingmpesuorhashi st hingpl ant ed
somewher ebyav endat radi ti
onal heal er.He
enter edandIf elthim, Ineededt hismor et han
him.Her ockedhi sbodyi nandout , hepr essed
hist humbwhi let hrobbi ngi n.Icoul dn'tcont rol
my sel
f,hestart
edspeakingintonguesl
ooking
athisstem pushinginandout,i
twascoveredin
white.Hecameandmademesl eepont
opof
hischestwhileher anhi
shandsonmyback,
tel
li
ngmehemi ssedthi
s,j
ustus.
Hewokeupandmadet hebaby'sbottl
esaidI
needtorest ,
Imust n'
tmakehisbreakf ast
,he
wil
lmakei t.Heshower edandIwentt obat h,
thebabyisst i
ll
sleepi
ngandt r
ustmebat hi
ng
withhim awakei shardwork.Wefinishedbath
,bukhosiki
ssedmeagai nhewant edto
conti
nuewher ehel ef
toff
"Weneedt
ousecondomsfornowbukhosi
,I
'm
nott
oosur
eaboutt
hetabl
et"
Hej ustnodded,heopenedmyl egsfrom behind
andbentmyback, makingmehol dthebasin.
Heent ered,If
eltt
hatthebasi
nwasgoi ngt o
break, Ihel
dont othebathandhemoaned, he
penetrateddeep,Iscr
eamed, I
thurtabit
,he
apologisedthanwentinbutnot oodeep,the
babyst ar t
edcr yi
ng, Iwant edt ost opbut
bukhosi sai dwemustl ethim be, it
'sthef i
rst
ti
mehi slett hishappenwhenev erthebaby
start
scr y i
nghej umpsbutr i
ghtnowbecause
hisinsidemehel et'
shi m cr y.Hedi dn' twantt o
stopbutt hebabycr yingwasj ustirri
tat ing.We
hadt ost opandIgav ehim hi sbot tl
e. Thebaby
drankhi sbot t
leandbukhosi wasst i
l
l har dbutI
l
ostmyappet ite.Heshower edbuthi st hingwas
stil
lhard, hecoul dn'
tmakeuphi smi ndonwhat
towear. Ithinkhi smi ndst illwant stof inishoff,
ain'
tnot hinghur tsli
kehav ingsexbutnot
comi ng.Ical ledhi mt ome, wentonmyknees
andpl ayedwi thhi smanhood.Ist art
edsucki ng
hisballsoneatat i
me.Hehel dmyheadandput
hispeni sinmymout h,Ididn'tev enbl owhi m
thewayIknowhow, hej ustwenti nandout
himself,Igaggedaf ewt imesbuthewoul ddoit
i
nsuchIwayIcoul dst i
llcatchmybr eat h.He
woul dsayZamoh, moh, nooo, "Hest ar ted
goingf astt ell
ingmehi sgoi ngt ocum, Iwasnot
pray
inghedoesn'
tloadoffinmymout h,idon'
t
wanttotast
ehiscream cheese.Hepul
ledout
anddroppedhi
sloadonmybr east
.
Hegotdr essedki ssedmycheekandt oldme
he'l
lcal lmewhenheget satwor k,Iwas
shockedwhatj usthappenedhecumsonmy
breastt hanher unsof fli
kehewascaught
cheat i
ng, orheboughtapr osti
tute.Hecal l
ed
whenhegotatwor ksay ingweneedt ogeta
nanny ,wecan' tl i
velikethis,Ialsoneedt ostudy
,howwi llIdot hatwi thababyt hatcriesatnight
andIst i
llhav etol ookaf terhi m duri
ngt heday.
Nkosi mot herwentbackt okzn, shehasbeen
greathel p, Iwil
l becal li
nghermor ethani l
lcal
l
bukhosi mot her .Hecamehomeandaskedf or
somet imet owor k,hehasacl osedeadl i
neand
can'tfinishwor kingatwor kt oomany
dist
ract i
on.I ncasehedi dn'tknowy oucan' t
workathomewi t
hanewi nfant,
butlucki l
yfor
him, shakadi dn'tcr y
,thisbabyj usthav ean
i
ssuewi thusandsex.Hecamet obedatdawn
andj ustresthi sheadonmychest ,mybr east
aredef ini
tel
y ,ai
rwavepi l
lows, hedozedof f
withinmi nutes.Idefi
nitelyhav etwobabi es
,bukhosi mustnotseemenakedhebecomes
erectedandShakamustnev erseemyboobs,
hewi llopenhi seyessmi l
ingexpectingt obe
fed.Bukhosi wantsmet ostopbr eastfeeding,
saidt heboywi l
lbeasexaddi ctorper vert
becauseev erytimeIfinishfeedhi m, hispenis
willbeup, truthisthebabyi saboutt opeebut
becausebukhosi i
sbukhosi ,het hi
nkswhathe
thi
nksi sright
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t29
ItookashowerasIcoul dn'tsl
eep,
Ifoundmy
sexyseet hr
oughnightdress,i
t'
soneofmany
nkosiboughtme.Ifelli
ntodeepsleep,bukhosi
camei ntheroom t
owakemeup.
"
NomzamoI'mr
eall
ysorr
y,Iknowri
ghtnowI
'
m
t
hel
astper
sonyouwantclosetoy
oubutwe
r
eal
l
yneedt
otal
kaboutus."
"
Leav
emeal
onebukhosi
"
"Pl
easenomzamo,af
terourt
alkI
'l
ll
etyoube,
I
knowyouangrywi
thmebutpleasehearme
out,
"
Isatupandl
ookedathi
m
"
Noti
nher
enomzamo"
Hepul ledmyhandandIgotupf rom bed, I
pull
edawayf rom him andt oldhi m Icanwal k
my self
.Igotoutofbedandr i
ghtbef orewe
reachedt hedoorhet urnedandl ookedatme.
Hel ookedatme, seei
ngmybl ackni pplesand
l
ightlyshav edpunanithr ought hatli
nger ie
pull
edascr ewf r
om hishead, onesl apbr ought
myf acedownandanot herbri
ngi ngmer i
ghtup.
Mynosebl ed,hewast alki
ngint ongues,
mankosi camei nasshehear edt hescr eams.
Shet ol
dbukhosi t
oleav e,shesubmer gedmy
headi ncoldwat ertost opthebl eeding, shetold
met ochanget henightdr ess.
"NomzamoIknowBukhosi andhedoesn'
thi
t
woman, heiswrongforwhathedidbutany
manev engodhimselfwoul
ddowhatj ust
happenedifhefoundhiswi
f ei
nanothermans
bednaked,eveni
fthemanisdead."
Mor ningcameandhewasf eedinghi sson,how
couldIspendt hewhol eni ghtwi thoutmyson, I
madehi sformul a.Hegav ehimt omel ookedat
myf ace, hetri
edt ouchingi tbutIl ookedaway ,
heapol ogisedandwal kedout .Ibathedmyson
andwentt obat h.Bukhosi camebackal ldust y
,
hewentt oNkosi nathigr avepr obablytoseek
forgiv
eness. Heapol ogi sedf orhitti
ngmeand
forbeingt hereasonofal l
myhear tacheand
pain.Het oldmeheunder standsIdon' twant
any t
hingt odowi thhim butImustl ookedaf ter
hissont hewaywewoul dhav e.Imustnot
neglecthi m becausehi sbor nofbukhosi .The
mor eIlookatmysont hemor ehel ooksl i
ke
bukhosi .
It
houghthar
daboutwhatbukhosi
didandpar
t
ofmei sdi sappoi ntedthathel edhisbr otherto
hisdeath,hemi ghtofnotki ll
edhi m buthei s
somehowanaccompl ice.Thebi ggerpartofme
wantst oforgivehi m, t
hatwaywecanr ai
seour
sonandmov eonf rom this.I'
mj ustafr
aidof
howpeopl ewi lllookatmeoncet heyfi
ndout .I
marriedthemanwhoi st her easonofmyf iancé
death.Whatwi llmankosi say.Whathur tsthe
mosti ssincet hatdaybukhosi wentbackhome
hehasn'tcal l
edt ocheckonus.Wel lhedidcal l
butIdidn'ttakehi scalls.Ithinkhehasmov ed
onandf orgot t
enaboutus.May beit'
sfort he
best.Myf ami l
yhomei scomi ngupal ri
ghtand
guessNkosi moneyi scomi ngi nhandy ,may be
that
'swhyhedi dn'twantmeusi ngi t
.it
s
becauseit'sbloodmoneyhecaused.
Mankosicamet
othebedr
oom I'
vebeenusi
ng,I
wasbondingwi
thmyson,
that
'st
heonlyt
hing
yougett
odohere.
"Nomzamo,
don'
tl
ety
ouangert
urny
oui
nto
anot
herme"
Il
ookedather
,whati
ssheupt
oo
"NomzamoIl eftamanbecauseIfel
tbetr
ayed,
butl
ookatwher eIam,I'
m st
uckinhis
homelandwhilethesamewomanhecheat ed
onwit
hi sl
i
vingmyl i
fe.Iam nowthemist
ress
andshethewi f
e"
"
HowdoIsl
eepnextt
othemanwhoki
l
ledhi
m"
"Nomzamo,hedi
dn'
tki
llhi
m, hemi
ghthav
e
subst
it
utedhi
msel
f,
buthedidn'
tki
l
lhi
m"
"Idon'
tbel
ievewhatyousayi
ng,
howcany ou
easil
ytur
nabl i
ndeye,y
oursondiedbecauseof
him.Iwouldn'
tfor
giv
ehimifIwereyou"
"I
t'
sgoodt hingyouarenotmeNomzamo, Iget
tochooset oforgi
vebukhosi notyou,
andi fyou
arenotforgivi
nghim becausey ouworriedwhat
peoplewillsay,t
hanyoui nforalongride.No
onemustshapey ourli
febuty ou.Wemar ried
youtobukhosi butlovi
nghim wasy ourchoi ce,
hetooky ourvir
gini
tyandmadey oupregnant ,
butyoucoul dhaveterminat
edt hepregnancy .
AndNomzamo, y
ourthefi
rstpersonbukhosi
toldwhatheknew,i
fhehadt ol
dany oneofus
trustmeyouwerenevergoingtofindout"
Facebookasbeent heonlythingt hatupdates
meaboutBukhosi ,Naomi r
eallyknowhowt o
breakthebrokenandshat t
erit.Ididn'tsl
eepall
nightt
hinki
ngaboutwhatmankosi sai
d.Myson
keptsingi
ngandput t
inghistoei nhi smouth,he
i
ssoi nnocent,hei
stherightinall ofthi
swr ong.
[
12/
11,
16:
16]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
fei
sam
I
nser
t28
Whatev eritisthatwasbuggi ngbukhosi i
s
defi
nitelygone, hi
sbackt ohisnormal self
,
meani nghi scrazzzzzy.Ilovehimj usttheway
heis.Hehasbeensi ngingdancingi mitat
ing
andteachi nghi ssonhowt osayBaba,
unfortunatelytheonlythingthatchi l
dcandoi s
sayhey ,shakehi sheadandsmi le.Atbirt
h
everyonesai dhel ookslikeNkosinathibutthey
si
ngingadi ff
erenttune,helooksl i
kebukhosi
ev
ent
hecompl
exi
on
"
OhmyZamal
ek,
kunj
ani
standwasam"
Hemusthav edr ankt hatZamal ekhi scal l
ing
meby ,todayIdeci dednott ogof ormyl ectures
andl ethim gowat chf oot ball
wit hhi sfriends,
hewasn' tkeenonl eav i
ngusbutIf orcedhi m
too,wear emar ried, hei snotinjail orwi tness
protection.NowIr egr etletti
nghi m out ,hecan' t
evenwal k,Iwonderhowhegothome, hewas
tool oveydov eyf ormet ohandl e, Iranhi ma
wat ertobat handgett hatalcohol outofhi s
system.Hef ini
shbat hingt hanpassedouton
thebed.Ishoul dhav etakenav ideoofhi m
beingsi l
ly.
Het ookmeoutf orseveraldates,hei
sr eall
y
tr
yingtobethatsnobhusbandt hatpeopleseek
andsayhusbandandr el
ationshipgoals.Zakhi
ti
doesmostoft hebaby si
tti
ngwhenwegoout
butweal way
sf etchthebaby .
Bukhosi sai
dwe
want shi
sfamil
yt obewit hhim always.Today
hesai dweshouldn'
tgogett hebabyhi sal r
eady
spokent oZakhit
iandhi
spar entsandt hey
di
dn'thaveapr obl
em wit
ht hebabysl eeping
over.Hewashi snormalselfthroughoutt he
eveningbutwothav esi
l
entr eservedmoment s.
Wegothome, andwegoti nbedandher anhis
handsonme.
"
Babysayy
est
owhatI
'
m goi
ngt
oasky
ou"
"
I'
m notagr
eei
ngt
oany
thi
ngwi
thoutknowi
ng
i
t"
"
ComeonZah,
justsayy
es"
"
Okayf
ine"
Hewasqui ett
hansaidhewantsmetogov i
sit
Kzn.Idon'
thaveaprobl
em wi
ththatbuthowhe
sai
ditsaysther
eismoretohispl
ea
"
Forhowl
ongmustIgo"
"Idon'
tknow,f
ornowIneedf ory
ouandthe
babytostayatyoupl
ace,mypastissl
owly
catchi
ngupwithme,butIneedtomakesure
y
ouar
esaf
ebef
oreany
thi
nghappens"
"ButIwanttobeherewi
thy
oubukhosi
,
whateveriti
sthati
sgoi
ngt
ohappenIhav
eto
bebyy oursi
de"
"Zah,
pleaseyouhavetounder
stand,
Idon'
t
knowhowl ongatleasti
donothavetoworr
y
aboutyoursafet
y"
Il
ookedint
ohisey
es,hewasreal
l
yscar ed,
whatev
erisgoi
ngonscar
estheshitoutofyou.
"
Soy
out
ookmeoutt
osof
tenme"
"
No,
Ij
usttookmywi
feout
,buti
fdi
dsof
teny
ou
t
hant
hatsaplus
Wekissedandhegav emewhati sduet ome.It
wasslowandpassionat
e,eachstrokedeeper
andsweeterthant
heonebefore.Icamebut
di
dn'
twantt oo,
Iwant
edthenighttolastfor
ever
.
Iwokeupandhewasn'ti
nbed,Igotdressed
thanwentt
otheli
vi
ngroom.Hewasf eeding
hisson,
wonderwhenwewenttofetchhim.Our
bagswer
eal
readypacked
"Bukhosi
,IknowIagr
eedt
ogoi
ngawaybutnot
now."
"
Yourfl
i
ghti
sal
readybooked."
Hedi
dn'
twantt
o
l
ookatme
"BukhosiI
'mt
alki
ngt
oyou,
"Iwasscr
eami
ng
andcrying
"
Zamoh,
trustme,
it'
shar
donmebuty
ouhav
e
t
ogo"
Hetookust ohispar
entshousethanhisfat
her
drov
eust otheair
port
,heheldontightt
ohis
sonthankissedmycheek.
Ithinktakingthetaxiwouldhavebeenbetter
thant heplane,atl
eastthetaxidr
opsmeat
homeIdon' thavetotakeanothertaxi
home.
Myuncl ecamet ofetchmef r
om thetaxir
ank,
i
t'slikethi
swasar rangedbeforebukhosieven
spoket ome.Thef i
rstweekhomewasl i
kea
l
ittl
ehol i
day,Imissedeveryt
hingaboutthi
s
place,myf ami l
ymynei ghbour s, t
hel i
festy l
e.
Butaf terawhi l
et hisget sbor i
ng, I
'vegot ten
usedt ot heestat eli
fe, mybusi nessi smy
business, heremybusi nessi sev eryone's
business.Nowev eryonei ssay ingI'm ar eturn
soldier,mymar r
iagedi dn'
twor kout ,
I'vecheat ed,
orIdi dn'
tmeett henkosi requirement s.Idi dn'
t
carewhatt heysai datl eastIknownoneofi ti
s
tr
ue.Thr eemont hswentby ,mysoni sni ne
mont hsol dandev erydayIl ethiml ookat
Bukhosi pi
ctureandt eachhi mt osaybaba.We
maynotbewi t
hhi m, butwehav ehimi nour
hearts.ButI '
m slowl yloosi nghopei t'sli
ke
everydaywel oosecont actwi t
hBukhosi , our
conver sati
onar eshor tandhei sdi stant.We
havel ostourconnect ion.I'vest art
edusi ng
Nkosi nathimoney ,I
'
m doi ngaf ewr enov ations
atmymat ernalhome.
IgotaFacebookrequestfr
om Naomiwhich
wasweird,sheandIarenotfr
iendswhywould
shedothis.MaNkosiaskedmet ocomevisi
t
her,andsincet here'
sdustal lov ermypar ents
houseIt houghtmay begoi ngt her ewon' tbe
bad,plusIneedherv i
ewonmymar ri
age, thi
s
Naomi t
hingi sbot heringme.Iwentont oher
pageandal lIsawwasherandbukhosi hav i
ng
anicet i
me.Tr ustme, Iwasi ntimi dated, may be
sendingmeawaywashi swayofdoi ngtome
whathi sfatheri sdoingt ohi sst epmot her ,I
'
m
nowl i
teral
lyumakot iwasekhay a.Iwasbur ning
i
nside,Iwentt omankosi houseandshesai d
shewi l
lgivehi m acal l Imustnotj umpi nto
conclusion.Shecal ledhi m andhei mmedi atel
y
saidthosear eol dphot o,butIknowhewas
l
ying,Iboughthi mt het ophi swear i
ng.Hewas
al
readyi nthev i
ll
agewhenIwokeup, guesshi s
heretolieinmyf ace.Heaskedt ospeakt ome
al
one, andshowedmemessagesf rom the
gang,hesai dhei sint her elationshi pjustf or
show, sheunder standst hisl i
feandt heywon' t
hurtherast heyknowIdon' treallylov eher .I
beli
evedhi m,hismyhusband, butknowIhav e
reservat
ions,Ihavespacef ordisappoint
mentin
myhear t,
andt hatspaceisal ot.Hespentalot
oft i
mewi thhisson.Laterthatev eni
ngjust
afterservi
ngsupperbukhosi cameandhugged
me, hishugspokef orhim.Hecar ri
es
somet hi
ngi nsi
dethatwillbreakus.
"Zah,Il
oveyou,t
hatwi
l
lnev
erchange,
please
don'tst
oplovi
ngme"
"
Bukhosi
whati
sreal
l
ygoi
ngon,
"
Hegavemeakissthatwil
lbeacauseofdeath
ofsomeone.Hel
etmesi tdownwhil
ehescrub
offt
hepoli
shont
hefloorwithhi
sshoes.
"Nkosi
nat
hideat
hwasnotanacci dent
,Iknew
theganghadascoretosett
lewit
hme, sowhen
weexchangedcars,"
hestoppedandlooked
away
"I
t'
smyfaul
thisdead,i
twassupposedtobe
menothim.Theyfol
lowedthecarand
ambushedi
there,t
heythoughti
twas
me.ZamohifIcangobackandandnotlethi
m
t
akemycart
rustmeIwoul
dknowi
ngt
hepai
n
y
oufel
t."
Nkosinathimothercamei nfronowhereandher
handr anacrossbukhosiface.Tearsrandown
myf ace.Iwashurtbeyondmeasur e.Hejust
openedawoundI '
vesealedandpour edvodka
andsal ti
n.Myhear tcoul
dn'tcont
ainwhat
bukhosi j
ustsai
d.Iwalkedoutandf ound
myselfinNkosinathir
oom.
1
[
12/
11,
16:
17]Tat
eLy
nne:
Thewi
feIam
Nkosinathimother-
Nomzamol etnotwhatother
peoplethinkaboutyouworr
yyouf orf
orgi
ving
bukhosiandf i
xi
ngy ourmar
ri
ageisupt oyouno
oneshapesy ourli
fe
Bukhosi mother
-nomzamoi fyouwanttofi
x
yourmar ri
ageyoudoi herenotkzn,don'
tl
et
otherelementshinderyourdecisi
ononyour
mar r
iage
Myopi ni
on-Bukhosimotherhasal
way sbeen
l
abell
edt hesi
dedish,butshewasneveraside,
shedidn'
tpushanyoutoft hei
rmarr
iage,but
sheknowshowt owinoveraman,
Mankosi thoughtherhusbandwillalwaysfoll
ow
herwher eshegoesbuthegott ir
edandset t
led
forsomeonewhowon' tfi
ghthim butwi l
lhavea
soluti
on.Hel ovesherst
il
lbutcan'
tst andher
bicker
ing.Sheadv i
sesNomzamobasedonher
experi
encet hatdon'
tthi
nkthewor ldowesy ou
anythi
ng
What
'syouopi
nion,
Ili
kel
ongpar
agr
aphsf
or
comments
3Oct
oberat1
[
12/
11,
16:
17]Tat
eLy
nne:
Ourt
ragedy
,hi
slov
e
Thewi
feIam
I
nser
t30
Iwanttofi
xmymar r
iage,
it'
snotgoi
ngt obe
easybutwhati
feart
hemosti swhatifbukhosi
doesn'twantme.Wi l
lIbeabl et ostandt hehurt
.
Ipackedmyson' scl othesandmov edbackt o
mymat ernal house.Thebui ldingisf i
nishnow
,onlycleaningandput ti
ngi npr operf ur
nitur
e,
myauntsai dshewi llcleanImustnotwor ry
aboutit.Ithoughtaboutbukhosi andal lt
he
ti
meswehad, wewer egoodt oeachot her.I
l
ov ehim, IthinkI'm enoughf orhi m, hedoesn't
neednaomi toplaypr etendwi th.Wi t
hmyson
nicel
ytuckedonmyback, Itookhi sbot tl
eand
nappies.Foundmy selfcompl etingmynameon
thelongdi stancet axilisttoJohannesbur g,
and
thecont actper sonIputt herewasMrNkosi .
Thedr i
vewasn'tl
ongasIwasr ol epl ayi
ngwhat
i
sgoi ngtohappenwhenIgett her e,Ilookedat
i
tinsomanyangl es.Wegottot hecbdandI
tookav eryl
onganddeepbr eath,ev eryt
hingI
waspl ayi
nginmyheadnowdoesn' tmake
sense.ItookthetaxitoHydepar kandasI
walkedintotheestatesomeoft hepeopl e
l
ookedatmef unny,Iendeduplooki ngatmy
selfanddidn'
tseeany thi
ngwronghav ethey
neverseenapi nof ar.t
hatwalkuphillhasdonea
j
obonal lofmeespeci all
ywiththebabyonmy
back.Iopenedt hedoorandwal kedin, t
he
scentofcigarettesbei ngburntwast heleastof
mypr obl
ems, t
hehousewasf il
thy,howcan
bukhosili
veliket his.Heisverycleanori sit
becausehei sstr essedaboutev erythingthat
hislethi
mselfgo.
Iwasn'treadyforwhatIsaw, Naomi inskimpy
shortsshowingof fherbut tcheekswassi tt
ing
onthecouchr estingherheadonbukhosi
thi
ghs.Igreetedandwentt othebedr oom but
thedoorwasl ocked.Bukhosi camewi t
ht hekey
andopenedupi twasj ustasIl efti
t.iwalkedin
andhet ri
edcomi ngi nbutIpushedhi m out.I
l
ockedmy sel
finandcr i
ed, youarenev erreall
y
preparednomat terhowmuchy outhinky ouare.
MysonandIspentt hewhol enightinthere,at
l
eastIhadf oodi nhisbagf orhim butIwas
superhungrynott oment ionIhadt obreastfeed.
Wewokeupi nt hemor ningandwentt obat h.I
madesof tpor ridgef ormysonandf edhi m.The
housewascl eanandf reshnosi gnorbukhosi
andnaomi ,t
heymusthav ecleanedatni ght.I
packedcl othesf ormeandmyson, wecan' tliv
e
here,bukhosi hashi slif
eback.Bukhosi camei n
withbreakf ast, wimpyasusual .Wedi dn'ttalkto
eachot hert hanheaskedt otakethebaby .I
gavehi m, Shakaj ustfi
ttedhimsel finhi s
daddy '
schest.I t
'sli
kehewant edt osl eepbut
bukhosi want edt opl aywi thhim,hewascal li
ng
him champ.Il ookedatmysonbondi ngwi thhis
fat
her ,
thisi sthel if
eIwantf orhim.Naomi
camei nandpl ayedwi tht hebabyt hatj ust
mademyst omacht urn,theywi l
lnotpl ayhappy
familywithmysonant hinkIwi l
lwat ch.
Bukhosi handedmet hebabyback, gav eNaomi
aser i
ousl ook.I t'
slikehedi dn'twanthernear
him.IgotourbagsBukhosi wasshockedt hatI
wasl eaving.
"
Bukhosi
wecan'
tst
ayher
e,y
ouneedy
our
pr
ivacy
."
Helookedatmel ikeI'
m mad,hetol
dmewe
j
ustcamenowwel eavi
ng.I
fBukhosisaidhi
s
rel
ati
onshipwit
hNaomi wassopeopledon't
connectthedotsbetweenmeandhi mt hanI
toocanplaythatpart
"Bukhosi
,Ineedt
omakeal i
fef
ormy self
,Ican'
t
expectyoutotof
il
lNkosi
nat
hishoes,you'
ve
doneenough."
Iaskedhi mtodr opmeathi sparentshouseI
needtot alkt
ohi sfather.
Naomi want edtot ag
alongbuthet oldhert ogotoherhouse, t
hisis
somet hinghisf amilyhastodiscussamong
themsel ves.Shest ar
tedscreamingt hatnot
l
ongagohepr omisedt omarryher,
thatmeans
shemustbei ncluded.Thelookhehav eher,
can
kil
lanyonehet ookourbagsandwal kedout
l
ockinghi shouse.Thedr i
vewassi l
enthe
apologisedf orhitt
ingme.
Wesatqui
etl
ywai
ti
ngf
orhi
spar
ent
stoopen
t
hegat
e.At
earr
andownhi
sface,
hewi
pedi
t.
"
Congr
atul
ati
onst
ony
ouengagementt
oNaomi
"
"
Nomzamo,wenotengaged,
shej
ustt
wist
ed
mywords"
Ei
therwaybukhosiI
'
m happyforyou.I
'
llbe
headi
nghomeaf t
ermytalkwit
hy ourf
ather
.I'
m
bri
ngthebabyuponceinawhilebutsi
ncey our
l
ifei
sguardedbywhoeverisaf
teryou,
itwon't
bewisehestayswit
hyou"
"
Justl
ikethatNomzamoy
ou'
vedeci
dedwhati
s
r
ightf
orus"
"Bukhosi
I'
m goi
ngt
othepl
acey
ousentmenot
solongago"
Hisfatherwal
kedtothegat e,openedthesmall
gate.Bukhosigotoutofthecar ,hecouldn'
t
evenlookathi
sf at
her.Iwalkedoutoft hecar
withthebabyinmyar ms.Myf at
herinlawgot
ourbagsandwewenti n,hedidn'tl
etBukhosi
i
nsi
de,hetri
edtalki
ngbuthi
sfat
herpr
etended
hewasn'
tthere.
Bukhosi mothermadefingerfoodsandIatel i
ke
Ihaven'teat
en,Iwasreallyenjoy
ingfood
cookedbysomebodyel se.Thehousewas
superquiet,i
t'
sli
keeveryoneisafraidt
ostarta
conversati
on.Iwasexpect ingmymot heri
nl aw
tobehost i
letowardsmesi nceI'
ml eavi
ngher
favor
it
echi l
d.Shecall
edmet oherbedroom,
meaningwhat evershewant stosayis
i
mpor tant
"Nomzamo,
soy
ouhav
edeci
dedt
oleav
e
Bukhosi
"
"
Hisal
readymov
edonwi
thnaomi
"
"Andyouar
emaki
ngi
teasyf
orhert
ofi
l
lyour
shoes"
"
Whatam Isupposedt
odoma,
"
"I
'
m notgoi
ngtot
elly
ouwhattodo,Idon'
t
knowwhatyouweretol
daboutmebutletme
t
ell
youhowIendedwher
eIam
"Idi
dn' tknowmyhusbandwasmar riedwhen
wedat ed,heonl yt oldmehewasmar ri
edwhen
wef oundoutIwaspr egnant .TrustmeIwas
goingt oabor tt
hebabymi alreadyhad
Masebongewhowasbei ngl ookedaf termy
parent safterhisf atherdeni edpat ernity.He
wenthomewi thmeandt oldmypar entsabout
thepr egnancyandt hathewi lltakecar eoft he
baby.Ourf l
ing/ r
elationshipended, hewast he
secondmanwhodi sappointedmeaf termaki ng
mepr egnant .Hekepthi swor dandl ookedaf t er
usandpai ddamages.Wedi dn'tt alkwhenev er
hewant edhi ssonheknewhehadt ocont act
mypar entsandnotme, heandIdon' thav e
anythingbr ingingust ogether.Weonl yinggot
backt ogetherwhenbukhosi wasal most5
years, t
hangotmar r
iedaf t
ert woy ear s.Ifeel
badt hatIwaspar tl
yt hereasont heysepar ated
buttheyhadal otoft i
met of ixt heirmar r
iage.
You, l
ikeMankosi runawaywhent hingsgetr uff
andhardorwhenyouf i
ndthewrongin
ever
ythi
ngwhenyouf eelt
hreat
ened.Yesnaomi
i
sapestbutonlybecausey oul
ett
ingherwin"
"
Whatexact
lyar
eyousay
ing"
"I
fyouwanttofixyourmarriage,youdoi
there
notKZN,heknowsy ouhatewhathedi d,but
yousti
ll
lovehim.Usethatlovetogethim back
,i
fyouwanttof i
ghthimthat'sfi
nebutdon't
fi
ghtaboutnaomi,f
ightHIM