Rest

oremet
osani
ty

PROLOGUE

‘
Yeah
Seei
t’
sbeenhar
dformet
obemysel
f
Il
ooki
nthemi
rr
orandIcan’
tseemysel
f
Feell
ikeI
’
m scr
eami
ngandnoone’
shear
ingme
Tr
appedi
nmyi
nsecur
it
iesknowi
ngIcoul
dn’
tfr
ee
mysel
f

Myhear
tandmyt
imear
etwot
hings
Ist
oppedgi
ving
‘
Causemostofusar
ebr
eat
hingbutwear
enot
l
ivi
ng
Whathappenst
henwhenI
’
mtoonumbi
nsi
det
o
evenf
eel’

Iwassi tt
ingontheflooroft
hebedroom;upsetand
cryingast hesongkeptonplayi
ng.Iwashavi
ng
thispressureandpaininthecent
reofmyheart.
It
’sadi stur
binganddevast at
ingsituati
onwhenyou
havenocont roloveryourt houghtsandyourmi nd
betraysyouatanygi venchance.Mymi nd’sfil
led
withallthoughtst hatar enotgentlytot henor mal
mind.Somet i
mesIf eltli
keapar tofmysani tywi ll
neverr et
urnbackt omel i
kenothingcanever
rest
or emysani t
ybackt ome.Iunder estimatedt he
poweroft r
auma, theheavywei ghtithol dstoone’ s
mind.That ’sthebaseofmyemot ionalpai n,
one
fi
ghtIcan’ tseem towi n.

ThedooropenedandmyhusbandCal
ebwal
kedi
n.
Cal
eb:Andwhyar
eyousi
tt
ingont
hef
loor
?Att
his
t
imeoft
heni
ght
,di
dn’
tyouseet
het
imePandor
a?
Me:Youfi
nal
lydeci
dedtocomebackhome?I
t
houghtyouweresl
eepi
ngoutagai
n.
Caleb:Iapol
ogi
zedaboutyest
erday,didn’
tI?I
thoughtweweredoneandoverwi t
hi t
Me:Youwer
e,notme…
Hetookof
fhi
sjacketandwal
kedt
othecl
osett
o
hangit
.
Cal
eb:Getupandgotobed.Tomor
rowyouwi
llbe
cr
yingandsayi
ngyouaresi
ck
Me:Wher
ewer
eyou?
Caleb:Iwasoutwithf
riends,Ial
readyt
oldyou.I
sentyouatexttel
li
ngyouwher eIwasandwi thwho.
Didn’tyour
ecei
vemyt exts?
Me:Wi
thf
ri
ends?
Ishookmyheadandchuckl
edl
ight
ly.
Cal
eb:Idon’tknowwhatyouar ethinki
ngandIam
def
ini
telynotgoingtoat
tendtoit.Isai
dgetup
Pandora.Youwillcat
chacold,can’tyouf
eelhow
col
diti
s…
Hepi
ckedmeupandputmeont
hebed.
Caleb:Let
’ssl
eep,i
t’
slate.What
everyouwantt
o
tal
kabout,wewillt
alkabouti
ttomorrow
Me:Doyoustil
lwantt
hismar
ri
aget
owor
k?Doyou
st
il
lloveme?
Hel
ookedatmeandscof
fed.
Cal
eb:Whatki
ndofquest
ionisthat?OfcourseI
l
oveyou,whi
chiswhyIam herewithyou.IfIdi
dn’
t
l
oveyouIwouldn’
tbeher
eorwant edanythingt
odo
wit
hthi
smarri
agePandora.
Me:Youaresl
owlybutsurel
ybecomingi
ncapabl
e
ofl
ovingme…isitbecauseofmycondi
ti
on?HowI
l
osetouchwit
hreali
tysometi
mes?Huh,i
sit…
Heopenedhismout
htotal
kbutIr
aisedmyhandat
hi
m andshookmyhead.
Me:Idon’
tthi
nkIwannaheari t
.Youar
eonl
ygoing
t
odefendyoursel
f,sodon’
t!Sparemet
hehurt
.
Cal
eb:Pandora,
willyoustop!Il
oveyouandal
ot.I
car
elessaboutyourstat
eofmi nd.I
fIwant
edt
o
l
eaveIwouldhaveleftwhent heydiagnosedyou
wit
hclini
caldepr
essi
onbutIst ayed.Iam herewi
th
you.Yeswedof i
ghtbutallcouplesfi
ght,i
t’
snormal
Heputhi
shandonmycheekast
ear
skepton
st
reami
ngdown

Att heageof10myl i
fechangedf rom whati tused
tobe, itwentf rom mebei ngaf reespi rit
edsoult oa
sadsoul .Iwitnessedsomet hi
ngachi ldmyage
shoul dneversee, at r
aumat icexper ienceitwas.My
par entswer einterracialcouple;myf ather
originat i
ngf rom Italyandmymot herSout hAfrica.
Accor dingt owhatmymot herhadt oldme, my
fatherwasi nSAf orat ourandhehappenedt ostay
i
nt hehot elwheremymot herwaswor ki
ngat .
Insteadofgoi ngbackt oItaly,myf athertookal eap
off ait
handr emai nedbehi nd,theyt henpur seda
relati
onshi p.Wi thinayearofdat ingt heygot
mar r
ied.Theywer ebl essedwi ththreechi l
drenme
beingt hef ir
stbor n,foll
owedbymybr otherCalvin
andmyyoungestsi sterGabr i
ell
a.
Whatmymot herdi
dn’tknowwast hatherhusband
wasahar d-cor
ecri
mi nalandhissinswilldi
gher
grave.El
evenyearsofper f
ectmarriagecamet oan
endwhenhi ssinstai
ledhimt oourdoorstep.

Thatoneni ght,fi
vemaskedmenambushedour
homeandbr utalmur derbot hmypar ent si ncol d
blood.InthatmomentIhadt obest r
ongandbr ave
formysi blings;Ihidt hem inthebasementand
sneakback.Il i
stenedt omymot herbeggi ngand
pleadingforherl if
ebutt heynevershowedher
mer cy.Til
ldat ethei
rl i
felessbodi esst il
lhauntme.I
rememberi tvivi
dly,Iam hel dcapt i
vebyt he
memor yoft hosemenf iringatmypar ents.Af ter
thatnightitwasmeandmysi bli
ngsandwi t
hina
mont hofthator dealwel ostever yt
hing, our
properti
esandmoney, li
teral
lyever ything.Wewer e
takeninbymyauntf rom mymot her’
ssi deaf tert he
fami l
yspokewi thherandshedi dn’tpr otest.Two
yearslateranot hertragedybef al
lenme, Gabr iella
wasadopt ed;anotherpar tofmysani tywast aken
awayf rom me.Iwasnevert oldwhoadopt edheror
wheret heytookher.Ayearl ater
,Cal vinover dosed
onpillsandyetagai nGodchosemet obet heone
whof indhim.Hisdeat hwasunexpect ed;allalongI
thoughthewasdoi ngfinebuthewasn’ t,
hewas
dyinginsidewithpain.Hel eftbehindasui cidenote
formet hattil
ldateIhaven’ tread,Ican’ tbring
mysel ftoreadit
.BeforeIr eached18Iwasal r
eady
brokenanddeadi nsi
de, Iwasawal ki ngghost .I
wasl abell
edanor phanwi thnosi blings.AndGod,
Henevershowedup!

Inevergotpr ofessi
onalhel p,nooneevert hought
aboutget tingmeat herapist.Iburi
edmyf eeli
ngs
withinandl earnttoembr acet hem.Il ear
nedt olive
witht hetrauma, everynightIf oughttoswi t
chmy
mi ndof ft
hi ngs.Ideal twit
hever yt
hingonmyown.
Livingwi t
hmyauntwasn’ tbadorgood, itwas
bear abl
e.Shet r
iedtoshowmel oveandcar ebutat
theendoft hedayIwasn’ therdaught er,
shehas
herownchi ldren.Iwasonl ygr atef
ultohavear oof
overmyhead.Mymi ndwassetononet hing,for
hert ohelpmef ini
shschoolandshedi d.
Mysuf f
eringdi dn’tstopthere,
thatwasj ustthe
beginni
ngofi t.Inmyf i
nalyearofuniversit
yImet
Calebwedat edf ort woyearsbef or
ewet iedthe
knot.We’dbeent ogetherforsevenyears.Caleb
knewf r
om thest ar taboutmypai nandwhatI ’
d
beenthrough, hevowedt owalkt hr
ought hi
sl i
fe
wit
hmeandf oronceIwashappyt ofinall
yfind
peace.Questionwas, forhowl ong?
WhenIwasf ourmont hspr egnantIwasi nvolvedi n
ahor r
ifi
ccaracci dent.Iwaspr egnantandIl ostt he
baby.Wi thinayearIbecamepr egnantagain,andI
gavebi rt
ht oabeaut i
fulbabygi rl
.Threeyearsl aterI
l
ostmydaught ertoundet ectedpneumoni a,she
l
iter
all
ydi edinmyar ms.Iwasat ot
almess,
breaki
ngdownt hewal lofgriefwasn’ teasyand
wheni tfinall
ybrokeIwasn’ tthesameanymor e.I
hadlosti nter
estinlif
e, myhusbandoranyone
aroundme.I tint
erfer
edwi t
hmyj obandIwasf ir
ed.
Yetagai n,Iwasi nthedar khol e,anotherpartofmy
sanit
yt aken.
I’
dlostcountastohowmanyt i
mesI ’
vetri
edto
commi tsuici
de.ThreeyearsagoIwasdi agnosed
withcl
inicaldepr
essionandanxi et
y;i
tdidn’
tcome
asasur pri
se.Pri
ortothat,
Iwasdi agnosedwith
Post-
traumat i
cstr
essdisorder(PTSD).

Yourmindcanbeyourwor stenemysomet
imes,
andmineismybiggestenemy.

Mynamei sPandoraKamande,
andt
hisi
smy
unpl
easantst
ory.
01

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasexhaust edbothphysicall
yandemotional
ly.
Theyusuallysayantidepressant
saresupposedto
hel
pyour eactmor ereali
sti
call
yandwhatnotbutt o
me,itf
eltl
iket heywerenotdoinganyt
hingatall.
Somedayswer ebet
terthanother
sandsomewer e
har
dert
hanot
her
s.

ItwasaSaturdaymor ning.WhenIwokeupCal eb
wasn’tbymysi deoranywhereinourbedroom.Isat
upstrai
ghtanddar t
edmyeyest otheclock,i
twas
09h45.Iover
slept.Igotoutoft
hebedandputon
myr obe.
Iwalkedoutoft
heroom,andmademywayt othe
l
oungebutthearomafrom t
heeati
ngroom lur
ed
me.Calebwashummi ngsoft
lywhi
lstset
ti
ngthe
tabl
e.

Itrul
ylovedCal eb;Il
ovedhim wi t
hal lmyhear t
.My
husbandhel pedmet hr
oughmydar kestjour
ney
andsuppor t
edme.Iappl audedhi mf orwhathehad
donef orme.Bef orehim,Ihadt wor elati
onshipsbut
theydidn’
tlast.Themi nutetheylear ntaboutmy
darkestandunpl easantstor
yt heylef tme,didn’
t
wantabur denandIunder st
oodt hem.ButCal eb
didn’
t.Somet i
mesi tbecamehar df orhi mto
witnessmypai norcomehomet omyunconsci ous
body.I
t’
sreal
lyhar
d.
Me:Goodmor
ning.
Il
eanedf
orwar
dandki
ssedhi
m.
Cal
eb:Mor
ning.Imadebr
eakf
astf
oryou.
Me:I
tsmel
lsni
ce,
thankyouGoof
y.
Ipul
ledt
hechai
routandsatdown.
Cal
eb:Haveyougotanypl
ansf
ort
oday?
Me:NoIam notdoi
nganyt
hingatal
landyou?
Ipouredmysel
fcupofteaandseti
tdown.It
ook
theknif
eandspreadbut
teronmytoast
.
Cal
eb:Wi
fey?
Me:Mh?
Cal
eb:Lookatme…
Idr
oppedt
hekni
feont
hepl
ateandf
ixedmyeyes
onhim.
Me:What
?Whyar
eyoul
ooki
ngatmel
iket
hat
?
Cal
eb:Caret
oexpl
aint
hecut
sonyourwr
ist
s.You
ar
ecutti
ngyour
sel
fagai
n?
Iclear
edmyt hroatandranmyeyesar
oundt
he
room avoi
dingeyecontact.
Caleb:Unbel
ievable.Whati
st hi
s?Whendidyou
rel
apsebecauset helastt
imeIaskedyoulooked
str
aighti
ntomyeyesandt oldme,youweredone
wit
hcut t
ingyourself?Youl
iedtome,agai
n!
Me:Ididn’
tli
e;Ichosenott
otel
lyou.Ther
e’sa
di
ff
erencethere…
Hesli
ght
lyhi
tthet
abl
eandIj
umpedal
it
tl
e.Hewas
f
uri
ous.
Me:Cal
m down.I
twasoneoft
hosedays…
Caleb:Don’tt
ellmet ocalm down,don’
t!Wetal
ked
aboutthisandyoupr omisedmeordi dyouforget
?
Youpr omisedtotalkwithmeorDrLeRoux.Ar e
youhavingsuicidalthought
sagain?Huh?Isthatit
?
Ikeptqui
etandst
rokedt
hecut
sonmywr
ist
.
Caleb:Ohyoudon’ twantt
otal
know?Fine,since
youar eref
usingtotal
kwithme,youwil
ltal
kwi t
hDr
LeRouxbecauseIam goi ngtol
etherknowandi t’
s
notupf ornegoti
ati
on.I
tseemsli
kenoonei sable
t
oknocksomesensei
ntoyourheadnotevenDrLe
Roux.What
’swr
ongwi
thyou?
DrLeRouxwasmypsychot
her
api
standhadbeen
oneforal
mostt
woyear
s.
Me:That
’supt
omet
odeci
deCal
eb…
Cal
eb:Wewi
llseeaboutt
hat
.
Het
hrewdownt
henapki
nont
het
abl
eandst
oodup.
Me:Wear
est
il
ltal
king.Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?Cal
eb!
Cal
eb!
Cal
eb:Il
ostmyappet
it
e.Enj
oyt
hebr
eakf
ast
.

JEWELMUDAU

Mynamei sJewelMudau, andIam mar ri

edtoLeon
Mudau.Leonwaswor ki
ngasaConsul t
ant
pharmaci statPKHeal thCarePharmacia.We’ve
beent ogetherforsevenyear s.Iwasrai
sedbymy
grandmot herwhenmymot herwasbusywi t
hher
l
ife.Inevermetmyf ather.Ihadlit
tl
einformati
on
abouthim;mom sai dhelef
taft
erlear
ningaboutmy
exi
stence.Thatfacthurt
sme.Mymot hernever
wantedtotalkabouthim,shefor
biddenmet oask
questi
onsabouthi m andIr
espect
edherdeci si
on.I
wonderedifIwouldevergettoknowhi m.

Att heageof22Il earnedIwascal ledt obea

prophetnotonl ythat ,
Ialsohaveagi f
tofheal ing.I
didn’thaveunder standingofpr ophet i
corwhatwas
expectedofmebutsi nceIwasbor ni nar el
igi
ous
fami l
yIdidn’tstr
uggl etowr apmyf ingerar oundi t
.
Thatt othi
sday, I’
m st i
lldi
scover i
ngal otaboutt he
giftandstrengtheningmyr elat
ionshi pwi thGod.
Truthisitwasn’teasy, discoveringt hingsabout
mysel fandmygi ftwasandst i
llisst r
essf ul
.Itisnot
agl amoroust hi
ng, iti
shar d.Myf aithwast estedin
mor ethanoneoccasi onbutIf oughtt oremai n
i
nt acttowhatGodt rustedmewi th.Andt hat’
smy
gift.

Iwor
emyr
eadi
nggl
assesandl
eanedbackont
he
chai
r.Inoddedsl
owlyasIfl
ippedt
hrought
he
pagesofthefi
let
hatwasinmyhandsandletouta
si
gh.
Iwasr eviewi ngasensi t
ivecaseofayounggi r
lwho
wasmol estedbyheruncl e.Nowt hiswasthepar t
ofmyj obIdi dn’tloveorenj oydoi ng.Casesli
kethis
alwayssentchi llsdownmyspi ne.Iam asocial
workerbypr ofessi on;myexper iencei nsoci
alwork
hast aughtmet oassistaper sont omakeposi ti
ve
changesi nt heirlives.Andhel pthosepeopl ein
copingwi thpr oblemsi nt heirdai l
yl i
ves.Soci
al
worki ssomet hingIwasdr awnt o, Ial
wayswant ed
tohelppeopl eespeci al
lychi l
dr en.Becauseofour
demandi ngcar eersLeonandIdi dn’thaveany
chil
dr en.
ThedoorswungopenandLeonent
ered.
Leon:CanIhavet
womi
nut
esofyourt
ime?
Iputt
hef
il
eont
hedeskandl
ookedathi
m.
Me:What
’sup?
Leon:Iwasont
hephonewi
tht
hel
awyer
.Hehas
beentryi
ngt
ocallyou…
Me:Ohf
li
p,myphonei
sonsi
lent
.Isever
ythi
ngOK?
Leon:No.Banel
ewasgr
ant
edpar
ole.Hei
sout
…
Me:Heisout
?Soj
ust
icebet
rayedandf
ail
edme
agai
n.
Henodded…
Fift
eenyear sagomymot hermetherdeat hinthe
handsofaman, amanshet rustedwi t
hherlif
e.
Banel ewasmymot her’
sboyfriend;l
ikeanyother
rel
ationshipsther
ewer espli
t-
upsand
reconcil
iati
onsbutnoonehadi maginedonedayhe
wouldki l
lher.Hesaidmymot hercheatedand
contractedHIVandi nf
ectedhim.Andt hatwasthe
endoft hestory.
Leon:Honey,
areyouf
ine?
Me:HowcanIbef i
ne?Themanwhoki ll
edmy
mot herwi l
lsoonber oamingar oundthestreet
s
fr
eel y.Andhowi sitpossible?Thatmanhasbeeni n
prisonf orhowmanyyear s?Tenyearsandal ready
hei sout ?I
tdoesn’tmakesense!Butagai n,why
doesi tmat ter
?Mymot heri
sdead, whetherhe
staysi nprisonornot.Shewi l
lnotcomeback, he
ki
ll
edher
.Mymot
heri
snomor
e.
Ir
oset
omyf
eet
.
Leon:Butyouhavenot hingtowor r
yaboutasheis
notall
owedt ohaveanycont actwiththef
amilyof
hisvi
cti
m.I tcoul
dresultinendinghispar
ole,
the
parol
ewillberevoked.
Me:WhatcanIsay?Justi
cef
ail
edusagai
n.Ican’
t
doanyt
hingabouti
tLeon.
Hepul
ledmei
ntoahug.
Leon:Tr
ytonott
hinkt
oomuchabouti
t,pl
ease.
Me:Iwil
ltr
y.Idon’
tknowhowIam goingtodoi
t
butIgi
veyoumywor d.Don’
tst
ressyour
self
.
Heki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
Leon:Letmeleaveyoutowhatyouwer
edoi
ng.
Whattimeareyougoingtochur
ch?
Me:Ar
ound14h45.Ij
ustneedtofi
nishr
evi
ewi
ng
t
hesedocument
sandIwillbeoff
.
Leon:Okay,got
ochurchandpr
ayabouti
t.Godwi
ll
giveyoustr
engt
h.Il
oveyou.
CALEBKAMANDE

Mynamei sCal ebKamande;bor nandbredin

Kenya.Att heageof16mypar ent
sgotajobin
Sout hAfr
icaandwer elocated.Fewyearslat
ermy
parentsdivorced,myf atherwentbacktoKenya.My
mot herst
ayedbehi ndwi thmeandmysi bl
ings,
RiverandWade.Iam aCEOatPhoeni xAdAgency,
i
t’
samar keti
ngagency.

Pandoraandme, metthroughamut ualfri

end.She
wasn’tl
ookingf oranythingser i
ousatt hatti
mebutI
knewwhatIwant edthemi nuteIsetmyeyesonher .
Il
aterunderstoodwhatherr easonswer ebehind
notwantingar elati
onship.Byt heti
meshel etmei n
herpastli
feIhadal r
eadyf al
lendeepi nlovewi t
h
her,
nothingmat teredbuther .Shelatergaveher sel
f
achancei nloveandi twast hebestdeci sionshe
hadevermadei nherl i
fe.Wewer eblessedtohave
eachother.
Bei ngPandor a’
shusbandwasn’ teasybutIt ri
edby
allmeanst omakei teasybyunder standingthe
situati
on.Pandor awentt hroughhel lafterhell
.In
ouryear sofmar riageI ’
dwi tnessedt hedamageof
hert r
aumaandIaccommodat edi tbybei ng
suppor t
ive.Inallhonest y,we’dbeent hroughal ot
together.Inmostpoi ntsofourl ives, I’
dseenheron
aconst antedgeofi nsanityandmul ti
-personali
ties.
Inmanyoccasi onsshehadunl eashedherdemons
i
nmostpai nf
ulway, breakdownaf terbr eakdown.
Pandor a’ssanit
ycoul dleaveherf oranhourt oa
coupl eofdays.Itleftherunabl etot alktopeopl eor
respondt oanything.
“
Goofy.
”Pandoracal
ledoutbehi
ndme.Iwassit
ti
ng
i
nthegardenst
ari
ngintospacedri
nki
ngbeer
.
Pandor
a:Don’
tshutmeoutplease.Youar
ehur
ti
ng
meandyoursel
finthepr
ocess.
Shesatbesi
demeandhel
dmyhand.
Me:Whatdoyouwantmet
osayt
hatIhaven’
tsai
d
t
oyou?
Pandor
a:Iam sor
ry.
Il
ookedatherandmyhear
tached.
Me:Whyareyouhurti
ngmeliket
his?Tel
lmeso
t
hatIcanunder
standbet
ter
.
Pandor a:It
’snoteasyCaleb,i
thasneverbeeneasy.
SomedaysIj ustwantt
oendt hepai
n,Ican’t
alwaysr untoyou.Notevenmymedi cat
ioncan
help,Iam damagedandIdon’ tseemysel f
recovering.Iam sorr
y,Iknowit’
snotfai
ronyoubut
there’
snot hingIcando.Iam ti
red…
Me:Therehast
obesomethi
ngwecando.Maybe
getyouanot
hert
her
api
st,
Idon’
tknow…
Pandora:Whatcoul
dpossibl
ychangenow?Thi
sis
mylif
e,Iam sor
ryforhur
ti
ngyouGoofy.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Myf i
ancéBeyonhel
dmyhandast heDrdar
tedher
eyesbetweenusandthemoni
tor
.
AnhouragoIst art
edf eeli
ngunwellandIrushedto
thehospitali
mmedi ately.Iwastwelveweeks
pregnant.Ont hewaymymi ndwasoccupi edby
thoughts,Ididn’
tknowwhatt oexpect.Apartofme
wasposi ti
vebutanotherpar tofmewasf i
ghti
ng
againstit
.It’
sneit
hermyf ir
stti
mel yi
ngont hi
sbed
northelasttime.Itwasbecomi ngat radi
ti
on.Iwas
start
ingtothinkmywombwascur sed!Whatelse
coulditbe?
Me:Dr,i
severyt
hingokaywi
thourbaby?Please,
saysomethi
ngDoct or
.Iam dyi
ngofnotknowing.
Saysomethi
ng.
Beyon:Rel
axMuf
unwawanga(
Myl
ove)Doct
or,
is
thebabyfi
ne?
TheDr’
sfacechangedasIhel
dtightt
oBeyon’
s
hand.Myhear
twasbeatingoutofmychest
.
DrMpil
o:Iam sor
ryMsMel
ani
ebutt
her
e’s…t
her
e’s
nohear
tbeat
.
Me:Notagai
n.Notagai
n!OhGod,
please!(
Cryi
ng)
Pl
ease,
notagai
n!No!
Il
ookedatBeyoncr
ying.Idi
dn’
twantt
oacceptt
he
news.If
eltempt
y,dest
royedandweak.

Tobecont
inued…
02

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasinthegar
denwat eri
ngmyfl
owers.Cal
eb
cameandstoodbehindme;hewrappedhisarms
aroundmywaistandkissedmeontheneck.
Me:Ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
oseducemeMrKamande?
Cal
eb:MaybeIam Mr
sK,
isi
twor
king?
Me:WellIwi
shi
twasn’
tbutunf
ort
unat
elyi
tis
worki
ng.
Heranhi
sfi
nger
sonmyneckandr
est
edhi
shead
onmyshoul
der.
Cal
eb:Iam goi
ngout
.Iwi
llseeyoul
ater
.
Ikeptqui
et.
Cal
eb:Don’
tbel
iket
hat
.
Me:Li
kewhat
?
Calebwasact i
ngdistantallofasudden.Ididn’t
knowi fi
t’
smymi ndplayingtri
cksorsomething
wasr eal
lygoingon.I fhewasnotwor ki
ngtil
llate,
hewashangi ngoutwi thhisfri
endsuntilmi
dnight.
Hehadbeengi vingmer easonstodoubthim.Agai n,
Imightber eadingtoomuchi ntoitbutwher
et here’
s
smoke, t
here’sfir
e.
Me:I’
vebeent
hinki
ng.It
hinkit
’st
imeIl
ookf
ora
j
ob.Iam r
eadytoworkagain.
It
urnedt
ofacehi
m.
Cal
eb:Lookf
oraj
ob?Wet
alkedaboutt
his.
Me:IknowwedidbutIam t
ir
edofstayi
nghome.
Ever
ydayIwakeupanddonot hi
ng,
Iwanttogo
backtowor
k.
Cal
eb:Haveyout
alkedwi
thLor
atoaboutt
his?
Me:NotyetbutIam goi
ngt
o.
Caleb:Thenthi
sconversat
ionisover
.Befor
eyou
tal
kwi t
hLoratother
e’snot
hingIam goi
ngto
di
scusswi
thyou.Youar
enotr
eadyt
ogobackt
o
work…
Me:Iwi
llneverbeready!Letmedothis,pl
ease.I
am onmedicati
onnow, nothi
ngwi
llhappen.
Caleb:Pandor
a,youar
estubbor
nandnoonecan
reasonwithyouwhenyouareacti
ngt
hisway.
Me:Howam Iact
ing?
Cal
eb:Li
ket
his.Act
ingpsychot
icand…
Hehalfcl
osedhi
seyesandopenedthem qui
ckl
y.
Heatt
emptedtotouchmebutIpushedhi
m.
Cal
eb:Idi
dn’
tmeantosayt
hat.Isweart
oyou,
I
di
dn’
tmeanto.Imeantt
osay…
Me:Iwil
lseeyoul
ater
.Ifyouwon’tbehomefor
di
nner,
doletmeknowsot hatIdon’
tcook.
Cal
eb:Pandor
a?
Iki
ssedhi
m ont
hecheekandwal
kedaway.

MELANI
EMASUTHA
Beyondrovepastt
hef
enceandpar
kedr
ighti
nfr
ont
ofthegate.
Beyon:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
obef
ine?
Inodded…
Beyon:Honey,
lookatme.LookatmeMel
ani
e.
Isni
ff
edandt
henf
ixedmyeyesonhi
m.
Beyon:I
t’
sgoi
ngt
obef
ine,
okay?
Me:I twi l
lneverbefi
ne, andIam t ir
edofhearing
thesamet hingoverandover .Ithur
tssomuch!Am
Ievergoi ngtogiveyouachi l
d?From whereIam
standi ngIdon’tt
hinkIwi lleverandIdon’tknowfor
howl ongyouar egoingtost ickaroundandbe
patientwi t
hme.Iam i ncapabl eofgivi
ngyouachi l
d,
that’senoughf oryoutol eaveme.
Beyon:No.Noneofthi
sisyourf
aul
t.Wewi
llf
ind
anotherway,
ther
e’sal
waysaway.
Hisphonebeeped…Hegl
ancedati
tandl
ooked
backatme.
Beyon:Igot
tago.Iwi
llcomet
othehospi
tall
ateron.
Me:Okay.
Heleanedfor
wardandputhishandonmycheek
bef
orepressi
nghisl
ipsagai
nstmine.
Beyon:Best
rong.Thi
st ooshal
lpass.Tr
ustme
whenIsaywewi l
lgetthrought
his.
Me:CanIaskyousomet
hingbef
oreyougo?
Helookedathi
swr
istwat
chandgavemeasl
ight
nod.
Me:Doyousti
llwantustocont
inuewi
ththe
weddi
ng?Af
tereveryt
hingt
hathashappened…
Beyon:Whatki ndofquestioni
sthat?OfcourseIdo,
halfofLobolahasbeenpai dalr
eady.Soonwewi l
l
bef i
nishingupandIwillgi
veyout heweddi
ngof
yourdr eam.There’
snot ur
ningback,youar
estuck
wit
hme.
BeyonandIhadbeentogetherf
orf
iveyearsandwe
al
soengaged.Imethim whenIwasworkingasan
i
nternathi
sbrot
her’
scompany.Ourrel
ati
onship
wassolidt
heonlyt
hingsetti
ngusbackwasmy
i
nabili
tytohavechi l
dren.Ithadbeengoi ngonfor
yearsnow;Iwasevenscar edtofallpregnant .
What ’
sthereuseoff all
ingpregnantifIwoul dnot
evenmakei ttothesecondt ri
mester?Forhowl ong
wasBeyongoi ngtobepat ientwit
hme, atsome
pointhewoul dwantt ostartafamilyandgi vi
nghim
onewasoutoft hequest i
on.Woul dIeverbeabl et
o
givehim whathewant s?OrIwasgoi ngt o
experi
encet hesamef ateast hosewomenwhoar e
tr
eatedillbythei
rin-
laws?Whoexper iencedabuse
underthehandoft heirin-l
awsbecauset heyare
unabletobearchildren?

JEWELMUDAU

Laterthataf
ter
noonIwentt ochurch.Iam ayout h
pastorandourSat urdaysermonsst ar
tedf r
om
14h30t o16h00.Buildingasermonf orthisgroup
i
s/waschal l
enging,onehadt ofi
ndsomet hi
ngt hat
appealedthi
sgener ati
onintoconcentrati
on.
Passingthegospel toyouthisajobandahal fas
thei
rat
tenti
onisdi
videdamongstmanythings.But
whenyou’vebeenassignedt
odot hewor
kofGod,
youhavenochoicebuttofol
lowthevoi
ceandl eti
t
l
eadyou.

Ir
aisedmyhandindi
cat
ingt
hatt
heycanst
op
si
ngingandsi
tdown.
Me:Nonopleaser
eadHebr
ews11:
1andRomans
10:
9forus.
Shestoodupandcl
ear
edhert
hroatbef
orer
eadi
ng
outl
oud.
Nono:Hebrews11:1,
“Nowfait
hist
heassuranceof
t
hingshopedfor
,theconvi
cti
onoft
hingsnotseen.
”
Romans10:9,“
Ifyoudecl
arewithyourmout h,
“Jesusi
sLord,
”andbeli
eveinyourheartthatGod
rai
sedhimfr
om thedead,youwillbesaved.”
Me:Hal
lel
ujahyout
h.
“
Amen!
”theysai
dinuni
son.
Me:Ididsaylastweekthattodaywewil
lbe
t
ouchingatopicabout,
fait
h.Weallhear
dHebr
ews;
i
tsaysfait
histheassur anceofthingsyouhopef or
.
Fait
h,apowerfulweaponweal lneed.Letmet ell
youtodaythatnothingi
si mpossibletoyouifyou
havefai
th.Youcancommandanyi l
lnesst
ol eave
yourbodyanditwi l
l.Pr
ayerandf ait
hgohandi n
hand.Youdon’tsayIhavef ai
thbutneverpr ay.You
needtopray!Andt henhavefait
hi nyourprayer.
Theycl
appedhands…
Me:GodaskedAbr aham t
osacr i
fi
cehisson.Why
di
dHedot hat
?Hewast esti
nghisfai
th.Wecanal l
agr
eet hatAbr
aham’sthefat
heroffait
h,that
’swhat
weknow.Hewasmader i
ghteousbecausehe
bel
ievedinGod.What’sst
oppingyou?Whyi sitso
har
dt obeli
eveinGod?
I
twentqui
etf
orawhi
le.
Me:Howmanyofyoui nherecanproudlyst
andup
andsay, i
fGodwer etoaskmeaquest i
onofthat
natureIwil
ldoitinaheartbeat
?ImagineGod
askingyoutosacrif
iceyourmother,
youronly
mot her
.Whatwillyoudo?Ar eyougoingtofol
low
Abraham’sfoot
stepsoryouar egoi
ngt odef
yHi m?
Imeansacr
ifi
cingyourownmot
herbecauseHe
askedyout
o?
Il
ookedatt
hem andshookmyhead.
Me:Godonl yneedsyourf ait
h.Letmet el
lyou, when
youpr ayandhavef ait
hyouar earmed.Youcan
neverpleaseGodwi t
houtf ai
th.Never!You
remembert hatjobyoupr ayedhar dfor?Thatvar si
ty
appli
cationyoudi dn’tsendbecauseyourmar ks
werelow?Exact ly!Faithwasneededt herebutyou
debatedwi t
hyourf ai
th,stop!Youonlyappl iedf or
thatpromotionbecauseyouwer et
oldt o,and
prayi
ng?Pr ayingwasj ustaformalit
y.“Ever yone
praysowhycan’ tI?”No, everyonepraybut
questi
oni s,areyoupr ayingforthesakeofpr aying
oryouar epr ayi
ngbecauseyouhavef ai t
hinyour
prayer?
Igr
abbedt
hebot
tl
eofwat
erandt
ookasi
p.

Me:Whenyougot oHim, bel

ieveHeisreal
.Stop
questi
oningGod.Don’tdoubtHim orwhatHeis
capableofdoi
ng.Abraham didn’t
,heknewIsaac
washi sonl ysonwhom hel ovewhol ehear t
edly.He
knewt hepai nhewasgoi ngt ocausehi swi febuthe
trustedGod.HeknewGodwi l
lnevert akehi sson
wi t
houthavi ngsomet hingf orhimi nr etur n.Itdidn’t
stopwi t
hAbr aham i twentt oHannah.Hannah
car ri
edherl egst ot het empl e,andcr iedt ot hegood
Lor d.Weal lknowherst or y,shewasabar r
en.I
can’ tbegi nt oi magi nehowhar di twasf orhert onot
haveachi l
dofherown.Hersi sterwi fePeni nnah
wasbear ingchi l
dr ent ot heirhusbandasshe
remai nedchi ldl
ess.Whenshewentt ot het empl e
shehadf ai
t hinherpr ayerr equestwhenEl iwas
thinkingshewasdr unkf rom wi ne, sheknewwhat
shewasdoi ngt her e.Hannahconcei vedason;she
washear dbyGodnotonl yt hat,shehadf ait
hinGod
bef oreHeanswer edher .Youneedt ost opdebat i
ng
wi t
hyourf aith.Havef ait
hi nHi m.Don’ tbel i
ke
Moseswhohaddoubt sevenwhenGodt alkedwi th
him.Godchosehi mt odoacer taint askbuthi slack
off aithbr oughtsomanyquest i
onsf or t
h.“ Whati f
theydon’ tbel ieveorl i
stent ome? ”Godknewt hey
woul dlistent ohi m butMosesdi dn’tinst eadhe
askedhi sbr otherAar onf orassi stance.Chi ld,you
cangetthatpromoti
oni fyoutel
lyoursel
f,thejobis
mine!Decl
arewithyourmout h,decl
arechi l
d.Stop
sul
kingandgetdownonyourknees.Ther e’
slotyou
wanttoaskfrom Godbutyoudon’ tfeell
ikeasking
becauseyoudon’tseetheneed.Inyourmi nd,God
wil
lneverhearyourprayers.Hewill
,andyouneed
tobeli
eveHewi l
l.
Isetmyeyest
othewor
shi
pteam andr
equest
eda
worshi
psong.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwassi t
ti
ngont hecouchwat chi
ngTV.MySi ster
-in
-l
awRi verwassi tt
ingbesideme;Ri verisCal
eb’s
eldestsi
ster.Wegotal ongverywel l
,weal mostli
ke
bestfri
ends.Riverwaski nd,r
espect f
uland
compassi onat
e;she’sthebestsister-i
n-l
awanyone
couldeveraskf or.
River
:Somet hi
ngisbother
ingyou,
anddon’teven
thi
nkaboutlyingt
ome.Youar ebadathi
dingyour
emotions.Outwit
hitnow…
Me:Thist
imeyouarewrong.Iam absol
utel
yfi
ne…
t
here’
snothi
ngtot
alkaboutRiver
.
Shemut
edt
heTVandf
ixedhereyesonme.
Me:Andthen?Whydi
dyoudot
hat
?Theshowi
s
aboutt
oend.
River
:Sot hatyoucant
alk.I
t’
sobvi
oussomethi
ng
i
sbot her
ingyouandwear egoingt
otal
kabouti
t.
Let’
sheari tMrsK.
Il
etoutasof
tsi
gh.
Me:Todayyourbr
othercal
ledmeapsycho.We
wer
etalki
nganditsl
ippedt
hroughhi
sli
ps.
Ri
ver
:Hedi
dnot
.
Me:Ohhedid.I
tfel
tweir
dcomi
ngf
rom hi
m,i
tfel
t
r
eal.Maybehewasright
.
River
:Nowthat’
sbei
ngcrazy.Youarenotapsycho
andCalebknowsbet
tert
hant ocal
lyouone.Iwil
l
haveawordwithhi
m.
Me:Pleasedon’t
.That’
swhyIdidn’
twantt
otel
lyou,
Iknewyouwer egoingtoactt
hisway.
River
:Heshoul
dn’
thavesai
dthatt
oyou.Nomat
ter
howangryhewas,i
twaswrongofhim.
Ir
oset
omyf
eetandwal
kedovert
othewi
ndow.
Me:Idon’ tt
hinkyourbr ot
her’sheartisstil
lint
his
mar r
iage.Heisfalli
ngoutofl ovewit hme.Icansee
i
tinhi seyes,heisslowlychangingandhecan’ t
evenhi deit
.Ican’thel
pbutf eelthere’ssomeone
el
seandhei sgivi
ngal lhi
sat t
entionandener gyto
her.Henol ongerenjoysbeinghomeandhecan’ t
evenhi deit
.
River:Mybr ot
herl
ovesyou,andeveryoneknows
that.Thetwoofyouhavebeent hr
oughal ot
together,
hehasshownyousomanyt imeshow
muchhel oveandcareforyou.Hewi l
lneverdo
anythingtobreakyourheart
.Hewoul dn’
thurtyou
l
iket hat
.Stopstr
essingtheissueoryoursel
f.
Me:Iwon’tstophimifhewant sto.Iam of
ten
di
ff
icul
ttolove;Igothroughperi
odsofdeepgr i
ef
andsadness.Icarr
ythisweightonmyshoul der
s
andIam brokenRiver.
MELANI
EMASUTHA

Mynamei sMel anieMasut haandIam 25year sol d.

Iam t heyoungesti nmyf ami l
y.Ihavet wobr others,
Hul i
saniwhoi sf i
veyear sol derandMusawhoi s
threeyearsolder .Growi ngup, Ihadaver yhappy
childhood;Iwassur roundedbymypar entsand
sibli
ngs.Thingsbecameal itt
lecompl i
cat edwhen
mypar ent
sment ioneddi vorce.Wet houghtt hey
woul dsolvethingsbutt heydi dn’t.Theysepar ateda
yearago, mybr otherMusar elocat edwi t
hmyf ather.
Itwashar daccept i
ngt henewr eal i
ty,
Iwasusedt o
havebot hmypar ent
sandsi blingsbutIgotusedt o
i
t.Ilivedwithmymot herandbr other,
butsoonI
woul dbemovi ngout .Iwasget tingmar riedinnine
mont hs.

Irecent
lyst
artedworki
ngasanaccount
antat
Emer al
dWatershotel
.Icompl
etedmydegr
ee
earl
iert
hisyearandbyGod’sgr
aceIgotaj
obright
away.Likeanyotherwomen,mywishwasto
becomeamot her
.ButIdidn’tseethathappeni
ng.I
musthavedonesomethingreallybadinmy
previ
ousl
if
etodeservethiskindofpunishment.
Ibargedi
ntomymot her
’sbedroom.Ifoundher
fol
dinghercl
othes.Shelookedatme, notabl
eto
holdbackmytears;Icri
edoutandr anintoherar
ms.
Me:I
thappened,
agai
n!
Sher
anherhandonmyback.
Mom:Ohmybaby,
Iam sor
ry.OhLor
d!
Me:Mybodyhasl etmedownagai
n.Forhowl
ong
am Igonnabest
rong?
Mom:St
opcr
yingyouar
ehur
ti
ngmeEl
ani
e.
Get t
ingpregnantwasnopr obl
em tomebut
car r
yingachildfullterm was.Ihadnevercarri
ed
pastt hefi
rsttri
mest erunti
lnow.I’
vehadsi x
mi scarr
iagesincludingthisone.Ihadoft
en
quest i
onedifIwoul dbeabl etohavechil
drenand
ti
lldateIdidn’thavet heanswer.Iwastestedbut
thedoct orscouldn’tfi
ndwhat ’
swr ongwit
hme.
Me:Si
xmom,
six!Whyi
sGodnotdoi
nganyt
hing
aboutmysit
uat
ion?Ever
yni
ghtIpraytoHi
m buti
s
Helist
eni
ng?No!DoesHeevenexi
st,Mama?
Mom:Hei
s.Andhedoesexi
st,
Pumpki
n.
Me:Idoubt.Idon’tknowifIwi l
leverbecomea
motherornot.Iam alwaystoldt ocry,healand
moveon.Af t
erthatIgost r
aightbackt othejourney
ofheal
ing.Iam exhausted.Inol ongerhavethe
st
rengthtostandthispain.I
t’stoomuchf orme.
Shesatont
hebedandIl
aidmyheadonherl
ap.
Mom:Wewi l
lgett
hrought
hist
oget
her
.Hushbaby,
hush.St
opcr
yingnow.
Ever
ythi
ngf
eltsoconf
li
cti
ngt
omeatt
hatt
ime.
Mom:Di
dtheyr
emovet
hef
oet
us?
Me:Notyet.IaskedtheDrtocomebackhomef i
rst
;
I’
l
lbegoingbacksoon.Ijustwant
edtocomeback
homeandcr yonyourshoulder
.Pl
easedon’
tletme
go,notnowatleast.Hugme.
Iputmyhandsar
oundherwai
standhel
dti
ght
.
Thedoctordeci
dedtoi
nducel
abourtodel
ivert
he
foet
us;Icoul
dn’
tevenbri
ngmysel
ftosaymybaby.
Al
loft
hiswasdi
str
essi
ngandpai
nful
.

Tobecont
inued…
03

CALEBKAMANDE

Latert
hataft
ernoonImetupwi
thmyf
ri
endCar
los
fordri
nksatthebar.
Carl
os:Youl
ookli
keyouwerehi
tbyabus.What
’s
wrong?Marr
iagepr
oblems?
Me:Ver
yfunny.Iam t
ir
ed.I
t’
sbeenal
ongweek.
Carl
os:Noonecanmi sst
hat.Idi
dwell
byi
nvi
ti
ng
youhere.Youneededadr
inkforsur
e.
Thebar
mai
dbr
oughtourdr
inks.
Me:Thankyou.Youwi
llgetyourt
ipl
ateron…
Shesmi
ledatmeandwal
kedaway.
Me:Yousur
eyoudon’
twantt
ojoi
nmet
his
weekend?I
twi
llbef
unt
rustme.
Carl
os:Nothingi
sfuninyourwor
ldandbesi
desmy
wif
ewi l
lneveragr
ee.Youknowhowsheis.
Me:I
twon’
tbeworkal
lweekend.Youmeant
osay
Gr
aci
e,weart
hepant
s?ComeonCar los.
Isi
ppedonmybeer
.
Car
los:Youaresoeagert
ogowi
thmeandIknow
whatthatmeans.
Me:Ohcomeon.Idon’
twantPandor
atostress
t
hat’
sal
l.Shet
rust
syouandthat
’swhatIneed.
Carl
os:Iwi
llf
ir
stt
alkwi
thMr
sandt
henIwi
lll
etyou
know.
Me:Tel
lhernotask.
Car
los:Fuckyou.Gr
aci
eisonewomanyoudon’
t
wanttomesswi t
h.
Wel
aughed.
Me:Ineedt
oescapefr
om real
it
yandhavepeace
j
ustforf
ewdays.Ir
eal
lyneedthi
sgat
eway.
Car
los:Letmenotcommentont
hat
,webot
hknow
whatyoumeanbyt hat.Justbecaref
ul,t
hat’
sallI
am goingtosaytoyou.Youdon’ twantPandorato
fi
ndoutbecausei fshedoes,sheisgoingtoleave
yourbehindwit
houtt hi
nkingtwi
ce.Shedoesn’t
tol
erat
ebullshi
t.
Me:Iam al
wayscar ef
ul.Thel
astthi
ngIwantisfor
mywi f
etolearnaboutit
,shewil
lnottakei
twel
l.
Sheisver
yf r
agil
e.
Carl
os:Whatyouar edoingi
sbecomingstr
essf
ul.
Pandoradoesn’tdeser
vethi
s.Maybeit
’st
imeyou
l
etherknowt hantokeepherint
hedark.
Ishookmyheadnoandt
ookanot
hersi
pofmybeer
.
Carl
os:Youareself
ishCaleb.Iwon’
tli
etoyouj
ust
becauseIam yourf
riend.
Me:Idon’
texpectyout
ounder
stand.

JEWELMUDAU

Ipour
edhotcoff
eeint
oamugandwentt
ojoi
n
Leoni
nthedini
ngroom.
Leon:Ital
kedwit
hAuntCather
ine,
Mel
ani
eisi
n
hospit
al.Shel
ostherbaby.
Me:OhLord!Agai
n,whati
sthi
s?Thi
sist
oomuch.
No,God.
Heshr
ugged.
Leon:Af
terdi
nnerIam goi
ngt
oseeher
.
Me:Wewi llgotogether.Melanie’ssit
uationscares
theshi
toutofme.Thet houghtofget ti
ngpr egnant
andlaterl
osethebabyi sterri
fying.Inmycasei t
doesn’
tmakei teasy,Isawitwi thmyauntLor ato.
Shewasbr okenanddevast atedwhenshel osther
baby.AndnowIkeeponwi t
nessi ngMel anie’
spain,
Idon’
twantt oli
e.Iam scaredoff al
li
ngpr egnant.
Leon:Youarethinki
ngtoomuchabouti tandi fyou
conti
nueli
kethis,wewillneverhavechi
ldren.Is
thatwhatyouwant ?Forustonothaveki ds?
Me:Nobutit’
snoteasytonotthinkaboutit.Beinga
womani shar
d.Wheneveryoul oseyourbaby, a
pi
eceofyoursanit
yistakenawaynowi magi nesi
x
miscar
ri
ages.That
’sl
ikehalfofyoursanit
y, gone.
Leon:I
t’
sreal
lyt
oomuch.
Isetmymugont
het
abl
e.
Me:Ithur
tmet oknowIcan’tdoanyt
hingt
ohelp.
WhyisGodnotshowingmewhat ’
swrong?Am Inot
supposedtohel
pHischil
dren?
Leon:Idon’tknowbabe.Maybei
t’
snott
imef
orHi
m
torevealal
ltoyou.

CALEBKAMANDE

Ir
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om mymot
her
.
Ma:Ukonyumbani
?(Ar
eyouhome?
)
Me:No.
Ma:I’
vebeentryingtogetholdofPandor
abutmy
cal
lsarenotgoingthrough.
Me:Shei
sprobabl
ysl
eepi
ngorr
eadi
nghernovel
s.
Whatdoyouwant?
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:What
?Youhavesomet
hingt
osay,
Iknowyou.
Ma:Iser
iousl
ywantt
otal
kwi
thyou.
Me:WhathaveIdonenow?
Ma:Youdon’taskmequestions.Comet
othehouse
t
omorrownightfordi
nnerandbr i
ngmydaught
er-
in-
l
awwithyou.
Me:Mama…
Ma:Iwasn’ taski
ngyou.I
fthetwoofyouhadplans,
Isuggestyoucancelthem.Iwantyouinmyhouse
tomorr
owni ght
.Tumamapenzi yangukwaPandor
a.
(Sendmyl ovetoPan.)
Shehungupbef
oreIcoul
dsayanyt
hing.
Judgi
ngfr
om hert
one,
shi
twasgoi
ngt
ohi
tthef
an
tomor
rownight
.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwaslyi
ngonmybackwi
thmyar
msupnearmy
head.
Ihadgonei nt
olabourtwohour sago.Ther emoval
ofadeadf oet
uswaspai nful,thesilenceatthe
deliver
ypiercedtomyhear tlikeaswor d.Ihad
stupidhope;IhopedGodwi llperform ami r
acl
e.
CrazyIknowbutyoucan’ treallyblameme.The
shameofdel i
veri
ngadeadbabywasmor epainf
ul
thananyshameI ’
deverencount eredinmyyear sof
l
iving.Wordscoul dn’
tbegintodescr i
bethephysical
andemot ionaldepthoftheexper ience.Inever
want edtoexperi
encet hi
sagai n,neveragain.

Ihear
dsomeoneopeni
ngthedoor
;itwasmy
cousi
nLeonandhi
swifeJewel
.
Leon:Ki
ddo.
Me:Bi
gbear
.
Leon:Forgi
veusbutwedeci
dedt
oambushyou.
Howi sthat
?
Thet
hreeofusl
aughed.
Me:Cansee.TheMudau’
sar
eher
e.If
eell
ikea
Queen!
Isatupst
rai
ght
.
Jewel
:Wetookachance;wet
houghtyou’
dbe
asl
eep.Gl
adyouar
enot.
Me:Beyonwasj
usther
e.Hel
eftf
ewmi
nut
esago.
Leonlookedatmef
orawhi
le.Wor
dswer
efai
li
ng
him.
Leon:Iam sor
ryKi
ddo.Ar
eyouf
ine?
Inodded.
Leon:Ireal
lydon’
tknowwhatt
osayt
oyou.I
thur
t
met oseeyouinthisst
ate.
Me:Itot
all
yunder
stand.Imeanwe’vebeenhere
bef
oreandIam sureyou’ver
unoutofthi
ngstosay
andit
’sokay.
Jewel
:Don’
ttal
kli
ket
hat
.Pl
easedonot
.
Me:Iam ser
iousMi
nibear
.
Jewel:Babe,canyoupleasegetmecof
fee?Ther
e’s
acafénearby,theyhaven’
tcl
osed.
Leon:Okay.
Hewal
kedout
.Jewelsatbesi
deme.
Jewel:Idon’
tli
keseeingyouli
kethis.Itbreaksmy
hear
tt oknowyouar einpai
nandt here’snothi
ngI
candot osootheyourheart
.Iwishtherewas
somethingwecouldhavedoneorst il
lcandot o
avoi
dt hi
spain.
If
oughtbackt
het
ear
s.
Me:Youcanneverbepr
eparedf
orsomet
hingl
ike
t
hisMinibear
.Youcannever
.
Jewel
:Itwi
llgetbet
ter
.
Me:When?
Jewel
:Idon’
thaveananswerbutt
rustme,
itwi
ll
.
Nothi
nglast
sfor
ever
.
Shehel
dmyhand.
Peoplewoul dbetel
li
ngmeabout,“
Godhasa
purpose.”
,“Ever
ythi
nghappensf
orareason.
”Wel
l
myr easonsseemedt obemoret
hanone.Imean
whatelsecoulditbe?
Jewel
:Bel
ievei
nHi
mfort
hingst
hatseem
i
mpossibl
e.
Me:I
nal
lhonest
y,myhopei
slost
.Iti
slost
.
Jewel
:OhKi
ddo.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwascurledupont
hecoucht
alki
ngwi
thRi
veron
thephone.
Me:Hei
snotback.
Ri
ver
:Doyouwantmet
ocal
lhi
m?
Me:No,
don’
t.Idon’
twanthi
mtosayIam keepi
ng
t
absonhim.
River
:Di
dyouseetheti
me?Thel easthecoul
dhave
donewastocal
landinf
orm you.
Iyawned.
River
:Gotobed,t
here’
snoneedi
nwai
ti
ngf
orhi
m.
Calebisnotachi
ld.
Ir
osetomyf
eetandt
urnedof
ftheheat
er.I
twas
dr
izzl
i
ng.
Bef
oremakingmywayt othebedr
oom If
ir
stwent
tot
heki
tchen.Igr
abbedbott
leofwat
erandmade
mywaytothebedroom.
Me:Letmenotkeepyou.Goodni
ght
.
Ri
ver
:Goodni
ght
.Il
oveyou.
Me:Il
oveyout
oo.Ki
sses.
Ihungup.

Ilookedatmypi l
lsandsi
ghed.Icoulddecidetonot
takethem butIwoul donl
ybehur t
ingmysel fi
nthe
process.Ioftenaskedmyselfquesti
ons,arethey
reall
yhelpingmeormaki ngthisworse?Iswal l
owed
twopi l
lsanddr ankwater
;It
ookanot hert
hreeand
drankthem.
Minuteslat
ert
hedooropened, i
twashim.Ichecked
theti
me;itwasfiveminutestoel
even.Hewasn’t
smell
ingbrewerybutfrom howhiseyesl
ooked,you
cantellhewasdrinki
ng.
Cal
eb:Mr
sK?
Me:Cal
eb,
Iam noti
nthemoodt
oar
guewi
thyou.
Cal
eb:Iam sor
ry.
Me:I
t’
sfi
ne.Canwenotdot
hisnow?
Hesatatt
hefootoft
hebedandr
est
edhi
sel
bows
onhi
sknees.
Ipul
ledthetopovermyheadandunbut tonedmy
j
eanspulli
ngt hem downmylegs.Ist
eppedintothe
showerandt urnedoncol
dwater,ascol
dasi twas.
Iwantedcoldwat er
.Iwal
kedbackintot
hebedr oom.
Me:Yourf
oodisinthefr
idge.That
’sift
heydi
dn’
t
f
eedyouwhereveryouarecomingfrom.
Cal
eb:Pando…

Isteppedbackintot
heshower.Igr
abbedthebot
tl
e
ofshampooandsmear editonmybody.Ishutmy
eyesasIf el
tcol
dwaterr
unningdownmybody.My
tearsbrokeandrandownmycheeks.Mybody
slowlysli
ddownwardunti
lIwasont hef
loor
.I
broughtmykneesclosetomyheart.

Tobecont
inued…
04

CALEBKAMANDE

Thefol
lowi
ngmor ni
ngIwokeupbefor
ePandora
andwenttothegym.WhenIgotbackIfoundher
si
tt
ingbythefi
repl
ace.

Whathappenedyest erdaywast hat,Carl

osandI
hadtoomucht odr ink.Onourwaybackhomewe
bumpedi ntoanol df ri
endandhei nvit
edust ohis
pl
acewher et herewasbr aai.BythetimeIr ealised
whattimeitis,itwasal r
eadyl at
e.Pandoradi dn’t
gi
vemeachancet oexpl ai
nmysel f;sheli
terally
madeherownt heoryaboutt hesit
uati
on.That
wasn’tall
,thewayIspokewi thherbefor
eIl eftalso
heat
edt heconver sat i
on.Honest l
yspeaking, Ididn’
t
meant ocallhercr azy, i
tsl
ipped.Isawhowi thurt
heranditdidn’tfeelr i
ght.Ihonestlywantedt o
apol
ogize.
Me:Goodmor
ning.
Pandor
a:Mor
ning.
Isatbesi
deher
.
Me:Aboutl
astni
ght
,canwet
alk?
Pandora:What ’
stheret otal
kabout?Ialreadytold
youlastnightthatthere’
snothingforust odiscuss.
Youar egrownCal ebandIam notgoi ngt obeone
ofthosewi veswhokeept absontheirhusbandsor
questi
ont heirmovement s.Youshould,yourself
,
feelt
hatwhatIam doi ngiswrongbutifyoudon’ t
thenthere’
snot hi
ngf orustotalkabout.
Me:Ilostt
rackoftimeandmycellphonewasdead.
Iwasoutwi t
hCarlos;youcancal
landaskhi
m.He
wil
lsupportwhatIam tel
li
ngyou.
Pandor
a:Didn’tyouhearwhatIj
ustsai
d?Iam not
goi
ngtocallyourfri
endandaskshit
.WhyshouldI
?
Howisitgoingtobenefi
tme?
Il
etoutasof
tsi
gh.
Pandor
a:Idon’
tfeel
li
kemaki
ngbr
eakf
ast
.Mi
ndi
f
weeatout?
Me:Idon’
tmi
ndatal
l.Wher
e?
Pandor
a:Oceanbasket
.
Me:Okay.
Pandor
a:Letmegoandgetr
eady.
Iputmyhandonhert
highandsqueezedi
t.
Me:Il
oveyou,
okay?
Pandor
a:Il
oveyout
oo.Now,
canIgetup?Iwantt
o
getr
eady.
Me:Yes,
youcan.Sor
ry.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Soonerorl
ater
,Iwassupposedtocloseinmypain,
hel
dmyheadhi ghandmoveon.Findawayt o
soot
hethepainandlear
ntoli
vewithit,
allover
agai
n.Nooneeversaiditi
seasytoheal.

Mymot
her
-i
n-l
aw,
Nandi
,camet
ovi
sitme.
Nandi
:Youar
elooki
ngbet
ter
.
Me:If
eelbet
ter
.
Shehel
pedmegetof
fthebed.
Me:Thankyou.
Nandi
:SoMel
ani
e,t
ellme.
If
ixedmyeyesonher
.
Nandi
:It
houghtyourmothertookyoutosee
someoneaf
teryourl
astmiscarri
age.Am Iwr
ong?
Me:No.shedi
d…
Nandi:Thenhowdoyouexpl ai
nthis?Wethought
youwi l
lnolongermi scarr
y.Thist
hingisstar
tingto
messwi thBeyon’smi nd.Ireal
lyl
oveyouMel anie
butmysoncomef i
rst,andheishur tbyal
lofthi
s.
Don’tgetmewr ong,Iam notsayingyouar enot
hurt
,no…
Istoodbyt
hewi ndow,
crossedmyar
msovermy
chestasIl
ist
enedtoher.
Nandi:Thetwoofyouar
eaboutt ot
iet
heknotand
st
il
lyoursit
uati
onhasn’
tchanged.Whati
sgoi
ngto
happeninfewyear st
ocome?Whati f,i
sstil
lhar
d
foryoutocarrythebabyful
lter
m?Imeannodoct or
i
sabl etohelpyouorgiveusahinttoyourprobl
em.
Willyouevergiveusagrandchi
ld?Huh,tel
lme.
Me:Whatdoyouwantmet osay?Youar estandi
ng
therequestioni
ngmeandpr obablythi
nki
ngallof
thi
si sexcit
ingonmyside,t
ruthis,i
tisnot
.Iam
shatter
ed.Iam theonecarr
yingthesebabiesonl
y
toloset hem.Ial
sowishtogivebirt
hbutit
’snot
possible…doyouseemer ejoici
ng?
Idi
dn’tunder
standwhyNandit houghti
twaswise
tobr
ingthist
opicrightnow,whatwasshehopi
ng
toar
chive?Myni ghtmareseemedtobecomingtr
ue.
Iwasscaredofthis.
Me:Ift
her
e’snot
hingel
se,
canyoupl
easego?I
needti
metomyself.
Nandi:Okay,Iwil
lleavebutMelani
e,gi
vewhatI
sai
dat hought.I
t’
sr eal
lyimpor
tantf
oryout
ogiveit
athoughtbeforeyougetmar ri
edtomyson.Idon’
t
wantproblemsinthef utur
e.
Shegr
abbedherpur
seandwal
kedout
.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Calebwastr
yingsohar dtomakeupf orl
astnight
anditwasstart
ingtoir
ri
tateme.Imeanalready
sai
dIam fi
ne,whywashepest er
ingthei
ssue?
There’
snot
hingt ot
alkabout,heknewwhathewas
doi
ng.Ihadalotonmypl at
e;Iwasnotgoingto
ent
ertai
nhi
m.

Ir
est
edmyar
msont
het
abl
eandcl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Me:Yester
dayIlookeduponint
ernet
,endedon
appl
yingatsever
alcompani
es…
Heslowl
yremovedt
hef
orkf
rom hi
smout
hand
l
ookedatme.
Me:Justt
houghtyoushoul
dknow.
Cal
eb:Soyouwentaheadandappl
ied?
Me:Idi
dandItoldyou,
Riverhel
pedme.I
fyouwer
e
homeyest
erdayyouwouldhaveknown.
Cal
eb:Di
dyousayRi
verhel
pedyou?
Inodded.
Caleb:Youhavecl ear
lymadeupyourmindand
nothingIsayisgoingtochangethat
.Iam cr
ossi
ng
fi
nger sf
orthi
ssituati
ontonotescal
atet
o
somet hi
ngdreadful.
Me:Itwon’
t.Nowit’
sdif
fer
entfr
om then,
Itryt
o
cont
rolmyemot i
onsandmind.I’
vebeenprepar
ing
myselff
ort
his.Letmedothis.
Cal
eb:Thenal
lthebest
.
Me:Thankyou.Wasi
thardtosuppor
tmeoryou
l
ovemakingthi
ngsdi
ff
icul
tforme?
Caleb:I
twasn’tandIdon’t
.Ionl
ycar
eaboutyour
well-
bei
ngandIdon’twantyoutogothr
oughwhat
youwentthroughthelastti
me.I
twasn’
tthebest
ti
meofourlives.

Istudi
edLaw.Iworkedasal awyerf
oral
mostfour
yearsunt
iloneday;Ihadapsychoti
cepi
sodeand
att
ackedmycl i
ent
.Priort
othat,
Iwasnolonger
performingtomybestlevel.Il
ostfewcasesgi ven
tome.Thef irm hadnootherchoicebutt ofir
eme.I
didn’thavestr
engthtof
ightformyr ights;aft
erallI
waspar tlyt
oblame.Mypsychot herapistalso
advisedmenott o,
andthat’
showIst opped
practici
ng.
Caleb:Whatiftheydon’
thi
reyou?Ar
eyour
eadyf
or
thatdisappoi
ntment?
Me:Iam r eadyf oranythi
ng.Iknowwhati satst
ake;
theymi ghtnothi r
emewhent heylearnaboutwhat
youknowwhat .Myr ef
erencesar etherefora
reason,iftheydon’thir
emet henIwi l
llookfor
somet hingelse.Iam readytot akeanyj ob.Ij
ust
wanttogetoutoft hehouseandl iveli
keanyper son.
That’
sal lIwant .
Cal
eb:Iknowhowmuchyoul
ovedbei
ngal
awyer
…
Me:YeahandIwi
shyoucant
ellt
hatt
omymi
nd.
Isi
ppedonmyj
uice.
Caleb:NextweekIam goi
ngt
oat
tendwor
kshop.
From Fri
daytoSunday.
Me:Thatt
imeoft
hemont
h.
Cal
eb:Yes,
wear
eleavi
ngFr
idaynoon.
Me:Iam sur
eyoucan’
twai
tforFr
idayt
ocome…
Caleb:Real
lynow?YouknowIhat
eleavi
ngyou
behind.
Me:Ohpl
ease.
Hehel
dmyhandandki
ssedi
t.
Everyaft
ertwoort hr
eemont hsCalebat t
ended
workshopoutsidethecit
y.Whenhel eft,Ri
verspent
theweekendwi thmeorIwentt omymot her-i
n-
l
aw’shouse.Heneverl ef
tmeal one.“Youar ea
dangertoyourself
,Iwon’tleaveyoual one.”His
words,asifIdi
dn’tknowt hat.

JEWELMUDAU

Ist
eppedi
nsi
det
hecarandr
oll
eddownt
hewi
ndow.
Me:Iwi
llpassbyPandor
a’saf
terchur
ch.
Leon:Don’tcomebacklate.Wehavedinnerwi
thmy
si
stertoni
ght,Ihopeyoudidn’
tfor
get
.
Me:Idi
dn’
t.
Mysi st
er-
in-
law,Goodness, hadbeenl
ivi
ngabr
oad
fort
hepastt hr
eeyear s.Aft
erthedeat
hofher
husbandsher el
ocated.So,todayshewascoming
back.Sheinvit
edusf ordinner.
Me:Whatshoul
dIget
?
Leon:Nothi
ng.YouknowNess,
shehasever
ythi
ng
undercontr
ol.
Me:Pr
esi
dentt
hatone.
Hel
eanedf
orwar
dandki
ssedme.
Leon:Il
oveyou.
Me:Il
oveyout
oo.
Ibl
ewaki
sst
ohi
m asIdr
oveof
f.
Myphoner
ang,
itwasMel
ani
e.
Me:El
ani
e.
I
nst
eadoft
alki
ngshel
etoutal
oudcr
y.Ipul
ledover
andwaitedf
orhert
ocal
m downt
henshepour
ed
outherhear
t.
Me:Beyon’smothersaidalloft
hattoyou?How
dareshe?Shedidn’thaveanyri
ghttotal
ksuch
nonsensetoyou.Thiswomani stest
ingme,andI
don’tdowellwi
ththat.
Melanie:Ir
eall
ydon’tknowJewel
.Thiswomani s
notgoingtogivemepeace,shehasalreadyshown
me.Whatwi llbecomeofme?Am Igoingt ospend
eachdayt r
yingtoprovemysel
ftoherandt he
famil
y?
Me:Youhavenothi
ngt oworryaboutKiddo.Shei
s
bei
ngunnecessar
y.Ijustdi
dn’texpecti
tfr
om her
;
sheknowswhatyou’vebeenthrough.
Melani
e:Thi
sispr
ooft
hatyoucanneverconf
ir
ma
per
son.
Isi
ghedl
oudl
y.
Me:CanIaskyousomet
hing?
Mel
ani
e:Goahead.
Me:Doyoust
il
lwantt
ogoaheadwi
tht
heweddi
ng?
Af
tereveryt
hingt
hathashappened,
doyoust
il
l
wantthi
s?Andbehonestwithme.
Melani
e:Onet hingIknowisthat
,BeyonisthemanI
l
oveandhehasshownmesuppor tsi
ncedayone.
Hismothersaidt hi
ngsincl
udi
ngBeyon’sfeel
ingsi
n
al
lofthisandnowIdon’ tknowhowt ofeel
.My
hearti
sstil
linthisrel
ati
onshi
p…
Me:Beyon’
stoo?
Mel
ani
e:I
’
dli
ket
obel
ieveso.
Me:It
hinki
t’
sti
met
het
woofyouseesomeone.
Melani
e:Beyonal
sosuggest
edi
t.Iwasscept
ical
abouti
t.
Me:No, hewasr i
ght
.Thet woofyoumustsee
someonebef oreyougetmar ri
ed.Whatyouar e
goi
ngt hroughisnochi l
d’splayifyouarenot
careful
,thetwoofyouwi llbr
eakup.Al readyhis
mot heri
sinvolvedinthi
smat t
er,whoknowswhat
shewi l
lwhisperinhisears.Youknowhowmot her
-
i
n-l
awscanget .Idon’
twantyout oexperiencet
hat
,
notevenbypassi ng.
Tobecont
inued…
05

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Mydayst artedwi t
hutternonsense.Itri
edsohar d
tonotletanythingthatNandisaidgett omebuti t
wasn’teasy.Therewast ruthi
nwhatshesai d, at
somepoi ntBeyonwoul dwantust ost artaf
ami ly
andifhe’sstil
lwithme, t
hatmightbei mpossible.I
didn’
tknowi fIshouldcanceltheweedi ngorstick
aroundandseewhatt hefutureholdforus.

Mymot
hersatbesi
det
hebed.
Mom:Yourbr
othersendshi
sregar
ds.
Me:It
houghthewascomi
ngwi
thyou.
Mom:Thatwast
hepl
anbeforeher
ecei
vedacal
l.
Heur
gentl
ywentt
oSeshego.
Me:Seshego?Todowhatt
her
e?
Mom:Havenoidea,
youwi
llaskhi
m whenhecome
t
oseeyoulat
eron.
Inodded.
Mom:Whenar
etheydi
schar
gingyou?
Me:Tomorrowmor ni
ng.Ican’
twai
ttogohome,
thi
s
pl
aceisdepressi
ng.AndImissyourf
ood.
Mom:Iknewi
t.Thewayyoulovef
ood,
Iof
tenask
mysel
fhowyouarest
il
lthi
n.
Me:Genes,
genes.Lookatyoursel
f,youaretur
ning
60soonbuther
eyouar el
ookingli
keat een.
Shel
aughedandt
il
tedherhead.
Mom:Shutup.Youar
emaki
ngmebl
ush.
Me:Daddycal
led…
Mom:Hedi
d?
Me:Yes.
Ireal
lydidn’
tknowwhathappenedbet
weenmy
parentsbutonethi
ngwasclear
,mymot herst
il
l
l
ovedmyf at
her.Wheneverhi
sment i
onedherface
l
ight
enedashereyesglowed.Ioncethoughtone
daytheywoul
dr eki
ndl
ethei
rlovebutthatwasthat
,
athought
.
Mom:I
shecomi
ngt
oseeyou?
Me:No.Hei
snoti
nthepr
ovi
nce.
Mom:Oh…
Me:Ar
eyoudi
sappoi
nted?Huh?
Mom:What
?Noyouar
ecr
azy.
Me:Mom,
tel
lme,
whydi
dyouanddadsepar
ate?
Mom:Melani
e,Ir
eal
lydon’
tli
ket
alki
ngaboutt
his.
Canyoupl
easedon’
t…?
Me:Youalwayssayt hatMa.Iknowyousti
lll
ove
dadandIdon’tunderstandwhyyouhaven’
ttri
edt
o
set
tl
ewhateverissuesthatl
edtoyourdi
vorce.
Mom:It’
snoteasy.Alothashappenedbetweenthe
twoofusandIdon’tthi
nkwecaneverbet oget
her.I
meanwearenotget t
inganyyounger,
lookatme.I
am sur
eyourfat
herhassomeoneel seinhi
slif
e.
Me:Didhecheatonyou?I
sthatt
her
easonyout
wo
di
vorced?
Sheshothereyesatme.
Me:Iam sor
rybutIt
hought
…
Mom:Thisconver
sat
ioni
soveranddon’
teverbr
ing
i
tup.Youhearme?Donot!
Me:For
giveme,
Idi
dn’
tmeant
oupsetyou.
Sweet
heart
?
Shegotupandl
eftt
her
oom.
Me:Whatj
usthappened?Meandmybi
gmout
h..
.

JEWELMUDAU

Af
terchur
chIwentt
oseemybestf
ri
end,
Pandor
a.
We’vebeenf ri
endsforal
mostt hreeyears.Wemet
atmywor kplace,shewashandl i
ngacase.Wehad
conversat
ionshereandt her
e,hungoutever ynow
andthen.Slowlybutsurelywestartedhangingout
everyday,anddecidedtobebestf ri
ends.Ihada
bestfri
endbeforebutshediedi nacaraccident.I
t
wasn’teasyformet omoveonf rom herdeat
h,I
didn’
twantletanyoneinmyhear tunti
lPandora
showedup.She’sof t
endiff
iculttolovebutI
understoodwhereshe’scomingf rom.Allshe
neededwaspat i
entandunder standing.

Me:NextweekIam comingt
ofetchyou.Wear
e
goi
ngtochurchandit
’snon-
negoti
abl
e.
Shel
aughedandt
hrewher
sel
fbesi
deme.
Pandor
a:Shutup!Iwi
llcomebymysel
f.
Me:When?You’
vebeensi
ngi
ngt
hatsongsi
nce.
Pandor
a:Mr
sMudau,
please.Gi
vemeabr
eak.
Me:Whatever
.Wher
eisCal
eb?Ihaven’
tseenhi
m
si
nceIgothere.
Pandor
a:Idon’
tknow.Hel
eftanhourago,
didn’
t
dar
etoaskwhereheisgoi
ng.
Isetmyeyesonher
.
Me:I
sever
ythi
ngokaybet
weent
het
woofyou?
Pandor
a:Yes.
Me:Li
ar.
Pandor
a:Idon’
tknowiftheyare.Cal
ebisabal
lof
emoti
ons.Icannevert
ellwhatheisthi
nki
ng.
Me:Iam sur
eit
’snot
hingt
het
woofyoucan’
tfi
x.
Pandor a:Notthi
stime.Hei ssl
ippingaway, andto
behonestwi thyou…Ihavenost rengt
ht ofi
ght.I
’ve
beenthr oughalotJewel andCalebisawar eofthat
.
Myment alstat
edoesn’tall
owmet ofight,
what’s
l
eftofmysani t
yismor eimportant.I
fIkeepon
enter
tainingeveryt
hingthatpassesby, Iwil
lendup
i
nasyl um again.
Me:Seemsl i
keeveryonear
oundmei
shavi
ng
r
elat
ionshi
pproblems.
Pandor
a:Tel
lmeabouti
t.
Sheputt
hecushi
ononmylapandlai
dherheadon
i
tasherl
egshungovert
hecouch’
sar
mrest.
Me:Ont
heot
herhand,
Banel
ewasr
eleased.
Pandor
a:Released?Sot
heygr
ant
edhi
m par
ole?I
don’
tbel
ievethi
s.
Me:Theydi
d.That
’snotal
l,
mygr
andmot
hercal
l
ed.
Hewenttoseeher
.
Pandor
a:Thener
ve!Whatdi
dhewant
?
Me:Whatdoyouthi
nk?Hewenttoapologi
ze.Asi
f
apol
ogi
zingwi
llmakeever
ythi
ngokay.
Pandora:Idon’tknowwhatIwi l
ldoifmypar ent’
s
kil
ler
swer etostandbeforemeandaskf or
forgi
veness.Godwi l
lfor
givemebutIwi llki
llallof
them.Nothingcompar estothepai
nt heyhave
causedme.Iam whatandwhoIam t odaybecause
ofthem.
Me:Iunderst
andwhatyouar
esayi
ng.Li
fei
sone
r
oll
ercoast
er.
Idi
dn’tknowi fIwouldeverforgiveBanele.Idi
dn’t
haveiti
nmet oforgi
vet hepersonwhohur tmet he
most.Iknewt heBibletalkaboutfor
givenessbutI
wasnotr eadytoforgivehim.Maybei nthefutur
e…

CALEBKAMANDE
Ri
vergavemegl
assofj
uicebef
oresi
tt
ingdown.
Me:Thankyou.Wher
eisWade?
River:Hedi
dn’tsl
eephome.Ther
ewasahouse
partyathi
sfri
end’sl
astni
ght
.
Me:Okay.Icamet
otal
kwi
thyou.
Ri
ver
:Isn’ttodaymyl
uckyday.TowhatdoIowe
t
hepleasure?
Me:Iheardyouhel
pedPandor
awi
thherj
ob
appl
icat
ions.
Ri
ver
:Hai
kuwasi
ri
.(I
twasn’
tasecr
et.
)
Me:River
,wetal
kedaboutt
hisandIaskedyout
o
t
alkheroutofi
tbutyouwentandhel
pedher.
River:Andyout houghtIwasgoingt oli
stentoyou
andyourcr ap?Whyar eyouagai nstPandora
working?Ar eyoustil
lhangingonthepast ?We
won’tbeabl etochangethepastbutwecanatl east
tryandliveinthemoment .Iunderstandher;i
t’
snot
nicestayinghome-alldaydoingnothing.Pandorais
readytogetbackonherf eetandletherbe,canyou?
Me:Iam herhusbandandIam t
heonewhosuf
fer
s
whensheissuf
feri
ng.Whatpar
tofthatdon’
tyou
get
?Allofyout
hinkIam bei
ngsel
fi
shbutthat’
snot
i
t!
River
:Don’tyoudarerai
seyourvoiceatme;Iam
youreldestsi
ster
.Youarenotthatol
dforasmack.
LetPandoradowhatshewant s.Stopstandi
ngi
n
herway.
Il
etoutasi
gh.
Me:Iam standi
nginherway?Wow,
youal
lthi
nkI
am st
andinginherway?
River
:Youwantmet or
epeatmyself?Pandorais
goingtoworkwhet
heryouli
keitornot.Getusetoi
t
becauseiti
snowyourreal
it
y.
Myphoner
ang;Igl
ancedati
tandr
eject
edt
hecal
l.
River
:Noneedtor
ejectyourcal
ls.Iwi
llgi
veyou
somepri
vacy.
Shegotup.
Ri
ver
:Ihopeyouknowwhatyouar
edoi
ng.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Wewer
enowsi
tt
ingi
nthegar
den.
Jewel:Howisitgoi
ngwi
tht
hesear
chofyoursi
ster
?
Areyouwinning?
Me:Notevenclose.Iwenttot
headopt
ingagency
thedaybefor
eyesterdayandIwast
oldtocome
backnextweekFriday.
Jewel
:Can’tyourauntyhelpyou?Imeanshewas
oneofpeoplewhosawt hefamil
ythatadopted
Gabri
ell
a.Shecan’tbethatstupi
dtoforgett
hem.
Me:I’
vetr
iedJewelandyouknowIhavet
riedbut
,it
i
sli
keshedoesn’twanttohel
pme.Idon’
tknow
whatherprobl
em i
s.Li
kereal
ly.
Jewel
:Maybesheknowswher
eGabr
iel
lai
sand
don’
twantyout
ofindher
.
Me:Whydosomet hi
ngliket
hat
?Sheismysister
andI
’vebeenlooki
ngf orher
.Iwantt
oknowifshe
i
ssti
llal
iveornot,
doessheaskaboutmewher ever
shei
s?Itistor
ment i
ngmenotknowing,
Ireal
ly
needtofi
ndher
.Iam notgoi
ngt
orestbef
oreI
reuni
tewi
thher
.
Jewel
:Wewi l
lgotoget
herthi
scomi ngFridayand
wearenotgoingt
oleavebefor
et heygiveus
somethi
nguseful
.Theyhaverecords,Goddammi t
!
Me:Iam hopi
ngf
orami
racl
e.Ir
eal
lyneedt
ofi
nd
Gabby.
Jewel:Yout
hinkyouwi
llbeabl
etor
ecogni
seher
aft
ersomanyyears?
Ishookmyheadno.
Me:Ilastsawherwhenshewassi xyearsold.I
can’
timaginehowshelooksnow.Imeanl ookatme
I’
vechangedalot,
Ilooknothi
ngl
ikeIdidasaki d.
Maybeshehaschangedt oo.
Jewel:I
tdoesn’
tmatt
er.Wear
egoi
ngt
ofi
ndher
,
okay?Wewi l
lfi
ndher
.
Ihadtofindher.Iof
tendreamtaboutmymot her
,
she’
seithercr
yingorbeggingmetofindher
.She
won’tr
estinpeacebeforeIfi
ndher.
Me:Iwi
llt
akeachanceandaskAunt
yKr
isagai
n.
Maybet
hist
imeshewi
llgi
vemesomet
hing.
Jewel
:Thatonei
shi
dingsomet
hing.Iam t
ell
ing
you.
Me:Yout
hink?
Jewel:Yes.Shesawthepeoplewhoadoptedher
.If
shedidn’t
,sheknowstheirnames.Tr
ustmeonthis
one.Krisknowssomething.
Jewelwasr ight
,auntyknewthepeoplewho
adoptedGabby.WheneverIaskedAunt yKr
is,
she
ei
therchangedt hetopi
corengagedlessi
nthe
conversat
ion.

Tobecont
inued…
06

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwasf
eel
ingali
tt
lebet
ter
.There’
snot
hingIwant
ed
moret
hangoi
nghomeandsl eepinmyownbed.I
neverl
ikedhospi
tal
sandIwasn’
tgoi
ngt
ost
artnow.

Beyonwassi
tt
ingbesi
deme,
playi
ngwi
thmy
fi
nger
s.
Beyon:Iam reall
ysor
ryaboutmymother’
s
behaviour.I
fIknewshewasgoingtosaysuch
thi
ngst oyouIwouldhavesaidnot
ohercoming
here…
Itol
dBeyonwhathappenedear
li
er.Iwashurtand
upsetatt
hesamet i
me.MrsNandididn’
thavethe
ri
ghttosayal
lthosethi
ngst
ome.
Beyon:Iwi
llhaveawor
dwi
thher
.Leavehert
ome.
Me:Rathernot
.I’
vehadtoomuchdrama,it
’s
enough.Let
’st
alkaboutsomet
hingel
se.
Beyon:Whatdoyouhavei
nmi
nd?
Me:It
hinkIwi
llt
akeupyourof
fer
…
Beyon:Whatof
feri
sitagai
n?
Me:Iwantthetwoofustoseesomeoneasina
t
herapi
st.Iknowyoual
waystal
kedabouti
tbutI
alwaysdi
smissedyou.ButIt
hinkwer
eal
lyneedt
o
seesomeone.Theweightonmyshoul
deris
becomingtoomuch.
Beyon:Iam gladyouchangedyourmi nd.Because
onaser i
ousnote,weneedthisther
apybef or
ewe
getmarri
ed.Ifeell
iket
here’
slotofthi
ngswest il
l
needtoiron.
Me:Whydoesitsoundli
keyouarepreparing
your
sel
ftohur
tme?I sn’
tthi
saboutourloss?
Beyon:Al
ltoget
her
.
Me:OhGod,
Ipr
ayIdon’
tregr
ett
his.
Beyon:Youwi
llnot
.
Heki
ssedt
hebackofmyhand.
Beyon:Iwantyoubackonbot
hf eetsot
hatyoucan
organi
seourwedding.Not
imeleft.
Me:Iknow.Iam soexci
ted,
Ifeell
ikewear
etaki
ng
l
ong.
Beyon:Becar
efulwhatyouwi
shf
orMr
sBeyon.
Me:Ohr
eal
ly?(
Laughs)
PANDORAKAMANDE

Laterthateveningwewentt omymot her

-i
n-l
aw’s
house, shehadi nvi
tedustohavedinnerwithher
.
It
’salwaysni ceandj ol
lyt
oshareamealwi thher
.
Besidest hat
,Ineededt ogetoutoft
hehouseso
badly.

Iwasintheki
tchenwithmother
-i
n-l
aw.Iwasdr
ying
thedi
sheswhilstshepeel
edpot
atoes.
MrsK:Iam veryhappyt
oseeyou.I’vebeen
beggi
ngCalebtocomefordinnerbutyouknow
yourhusband.Al
waysmakingexcusesnotto
come…
Me:Youdon’
thavet
osayi
t,Iper
fect
lyknowhi
m.
It
ookt
hedi
shcl
othanddr
iedmyhands.
Mr
sK:Howhaveyoubeendoi
ng?
Me:Notbad.Andi
fitgoeswel
lIwi
llbepr
act
ici
ng
soon.
MrsK:Ri
vert
oldme.Iwasr eal
lyhappywhenshe
t
oldme.I
t’
sti
meyouclaim yourli
feback.
Inodded.
MrsK:Andhowdidher
eact
?Iknowhecanbe
dr
amati
csometi
me.
Me:Heisnotreall
yhappyaboutitbutIdi
dn’
tgi
ve
hi
m achance.Itol
dhim asi
tis.
MrsK:Youdidwell
.Calebi
sexact
lyl
ikehi
sfat
her,
whenyougivehi
m spacetodi
ctat
eyou.Hedoes
exact
lyt
hat
.
Me:Whati
fhei
sri
ghtt
hist
ime?Mom,
it’
sbeen
l
ongsi
nceIwor
ked.
MrsK:Thatmaybebutworki
ngit
’si
nyourblood
Pando.Whenl
astdi
dyouhaveanepisode?Youare
doi
ngverywel
landIam ver
yhappy.
Ikeptqui
et,
shel
ookedatme.
Mr
sK:Pando?
Me:I
t’
snot
hingser
ious.
Mr
sK:Idon’
tbel
ieveyou.
Me:Icutmysel
fbutt
hat
’si
t.Igi
veyoumywor
d.
Shel
etoutasi
gh.
Mr
sK:Ohchi
ld.Ar
eyouhavi
ngsui
cidalt
hought
s?
Me:No…(Sighs)yesbutwhenCal
ebconfr
ontedme,
Isai
dno.Ididn’
twanthimtoknoworst
resshim.
MrsK:What’
str
igger
ingt
hem?Thought
sori
twas
somet
hingel
se?
Me:Iwasexper
iencingpregnancysympt
oms.Fora
momentIwasexcited,It
houghtIwaspregnant
.I
t
ookatestandi
tcamebacknegat i
ve.We’
vebeen
t
ryi
ngto…
Shenoddedr
epeat
edl
y.
Me:Idi
dn’
ttel
lCal
eb.Ikepti
ttomysel
f.
Mr
sK:Iam sor
ry.
Me:Iwasdeeplyhur
t.Andthenextthi
ngIwason
theedge.Ij
ustwant
edtoendital
l.Iwasunabl
eto
contr
olit
.
Idi
dn’
thavet
oexpl
aini
ttoher
;sheknewexact
ly
whatIwast
alki
ngabout
.
MrsK:Youdon’thavetogothroughthi
saloneand
youknowthat.Youcouldhavecall
edmeorRi ver.
Wearealwayshereforyou.And,maybeitwasn’t
ti
meforyoutwot ohaveababy.Wedon’tquestion
God,mychil
d.
Me:Iknowbutthatwasgoi
ngtobemyassurance
thati
ndeedGodlovedmeandHenevert
urnedhis
backonme.It’
shurt.
Ipul
ledachai
randsatdown.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasi
nthegar
dent
alki
ngont
hephone.
Me:I’
vesentyoumoney.Ithi
nkiti
sgoingtobe
enoughtogetever
ythi
ngthatyouneed.I
fit
’snot
,
youwil
lletmeknow.
“
Irecei
vedi
tandthankyou.Shoul
dIbuysomet
hing
f
oryou?”It
houghtforawhil
e.
Me:No.Goandspoi
lyour
sel
f.Thi
sweeki
sforyou,
wearecel
ebr
ati
ngyourbi
rt
hday.
“
Ofcour
seIwi
ll
.Ican’
twai
t…”
“
Cal
eb…”It
urnedar
ound.I
twasmybr
other
,Wade.
Me:Letmecal
lyouback.
“
Okay.
”Ihungup.
Me:Br
other
?
Wade:Ni
li
kuwani
kikut
afut
a.(
Iwasl
ooki
ngf
oryou.
)
Me:Iwasonthephonewi
thCarl
os,
youknowhim
andcal
lsar
eli
ketoot
handnai
l.Howareyou,
bro?
Wemethal
fwayandbumpedf
ist
s.
Wade:Thewhi
sper
ingsai
danot
hert
hing.
Me:St
opwi
thyournonsense.Whatdoyouwant
?
Wade:Ohyeah,dadreall
ywantt
otal
kwit
hyou.He
sai
dyouarenotret
urninghi
scal
lsort
ext
s.
Myfat
herandIdidn’
thaveahealt
hyrelat
ionshi
p.
Myparent
’ssepar
ati
onaffect
edourrel
ati
onship,
myfat
herdidn’
tchooseus.Hechosetoleavehis
famil
yanddidn’
tcar
eaboutt
heconsequencesof
hisdeci
sion.
Me:Whatdoeshewant
?Idon’
thavet
imef
orhi
m.
Wade:That’
sbetweenyouandhi
m;Idi
dmypar
tof
t
ell
ingyou.Foryoufi
ndout
,cal
lhi
m.
Me:Iwil
lbutIdon’
tknowwhen.Idon’
thaveener
gy
t
ofightwit
hhim.
Wade:Br
other
…
Me:NoWade.Don’
t.Iwi
llcal
ldadi
nmyownt
ime.
Wade:Okay,
fine.Noneedt
obi
tof
fmyhead.
Me:Weshoul
dgobackinthehouse.Pandor
ais
pr
obabl
ywonder
ingwheream I
.
Wade:Brot
her,
wait.Ther
e’ssomet
hingI
’
dli
keust
o
t
alkaboutsomethi
ng.
Me:Shoot
.
Hescr
atchedhi
schi
nandl
ookedatme.
Wade:Ar
eyoucheat
ingonsi
ster
-i
n-l
aw?
Me:What
?
Wade:Youhear
dme.Ihear
dmom andRi
vert
alki
ng.
Me:Nowt
heyar
edi
scussi
ngme?What
’st
hatal
l
about
?
Wade:It
’snotaboutthem di
scussi
ngyoubutthe
tr
uthi
nwhatt heywerediscussi
ng.AndIwi
llask
agai
n,areyouseeing…
Me:No!Howcanyouevenaskmesomet
hingl
ike
t
hat?Il
oveyoursi
ster
-i
n-l
aw.
Wade:WellIdon’
tbeli
eveyouCal
eb.Icanseer
ight
nowthatyouarelyi
ng.
Me:Beli
evewhat
everyouwantt
obel
ieve.Thi
s
conver
sati
oni
sover.
It
ookonel
ookathi
m andwal
kedbackt
othehouse.

JEWELMUDAU

Wemadei ttodinner
.Itwassupposedtobethef
ive
ofusbutmyot hersi
ster
-i
n-l
awZoellaandher
husbandcouldn’
tmakeit.Oneofherkidswas
admi
tt
edt
ohospi
tal
,foodpoi
son.

Iwascleari
ngthetabl
ewit
hNess.Leonwas
playi
ngwithhisni
eceandnephewinthel
ounge.I
keptonsteal
inggl
ancesatt
hem.
Ness:Maybei
t’
sti
met
het
wot
ohavel
it
tl
eJewel
.
Don’
tyouthi
nk?
Me:What?No!Iam onl
yadmi
ri
nghi
m,hei
sso
nat
ural
.Lookathi
m.
Ness:Youar
etel
li
ngmeyoudon’
thavebabyf
ever
?
ComeonJewel.
Me:Ican’tsayIdon’t,it
’sj
ustthatwear enotr
eady
tohavechildr
en.Wel lIam notready,Leoni
s.You
thi
nkIam beingf ai
r?Imean, Iam theoneagainst
ushavingachi l
d.
Ness:Idon’
twanttotakesi
desbecauseIdon’
t
knowyourreasons.Al
lIknowisthatchi
ldr
enar
ea
gif
tandblessi
ngfrom t
heLord.
Goodnessneverhadchi
ldr
enofherown.Befor
eher
husbanddi
edtheyhadadopted.Theyadopt
edtwo
beaut
if
ulchi
ldr
en.You’
dsweart
heyar
eher
s.
Me:Isometi
mesf eeli
t’
sself
ishofmet ost
ophi
m
fr
om havi
nghisownchi l
d.Hehasbeensupport
ive
buti
t’
sbeenyearssincewegotmar r
ied.
Ness:What
’sst
oppi
ngyouf
rom havi
ngchi
ldr
en?
Me:Fear
.
Ness:Fear
?Idon’
tunder
stand.
Bef
oreIcoul
dopenmymoutht ospeak,Anaya
madeherwaytous.She’
sNess’sdaughter
.
Ness:Andwhyar
eyoucr
ying?
Shepi
ckedherupandputheront
het
abl
e.
Ness:NoAnaya,youarebreaki
ngmyback,
youar
e
t
oooldforpi
ck-ups.Whatdoyouwant
?
Il
ookedatt
hem astheytalkedandl
aughed.I
twas
abeaut
if
ult
hingtowitness.

CALEBKAMANDE
JustwhenIt houghttheint
err
ogationwasovermy
mot herstar
tedital
loveragai
n.Ididn’tl
ikebei
ng
corneredandwhatt heywerealldoingshouted
exactlythat
.Itwasgoingtogetmei nt r
oublewit
h
mywi f
e,andIdidn’
twantthat.
Ma:Wear edonet
alkingaboutthi
s.I
fIheardyou
arecheat
ingonPandora,Iam goi
ngtobetheone
totel
lPandor
atoleaveyou.Iam goi
ngtoforget
youaremyson;Iwillnott
oler
ateyournonsense
Caleb.
Wi
tht
hatsai
dshegotupandwal
kedaway.

Tobecont
inued…
07

JEWELMUDAU

Thefoll
owingmor ni
ngIdeci
dedtopassbymy
grandmother’
shousebefor
eIwenttowork.I
wantedtofindoutmoreaboutBanel
e’
svisi
tand
whatisthathewanted.WheneverIthoughtabout
Banele,
astrangeandterr
if
yingfeel
ingcameover
me,li
keIwasn’thavi
ngagoodf eeli
ngabouthis
rel
ease.

Iwantedmyauntanduncl et
obepresentwhenI
tal
kedwithmygrandmotherbutunf
ort
unatel
ymy
unclecoul
dn’
tmakeitonlymyauntLorat
owasable
tocome.
Lorat
ost eppedoutofhercarwi
thherdaught
er
Orati
le.
Me:Myf
avour
it
ecousi
nOr
ati
le.
Shemadeaf
rownf
ace.
Or
ati
le:Gi
annanotOr
a…Or
atel
e.
Me:Youcan’tevenpr onounceyournamepr operl
y
bighead.Andf oryourowninfor
mat i
on,Idon’
t
recognizeGi
anna.Youar eOrati
le,
onlyyourparent
s
willcal
lyouGianna.
Or
ati
lel
aughedandswayedherhead.
Lor
ato:Thet
woofyouar
eati
tagai
n.Ladi
esand
gent
s,i
tisabat
tl
eofnames.Gat
herar
ound.
Me:Sheisfiveandcan’tspeakSot
ho.Doyout
each
t
hischi
ldSot ho?Sheissupposedt
oknowyour
l
anguage,shehalfisSotho.
Lorat
o:I
ncaseyouf or
got,herf
ather
’sl
anguagei
s
Engli
shandAfr
ikaans.Tr
yingisusel
ess.
Me:Leahl
anyakaof
ela.(
Youar
eal
lcr
azy.
)
Or
ati
le:Mammie,
wathetsygese?(
Mommy,
what
di
dshesay?)
Il
ookedatLor
atoandwebot
hlaughed.
Lor
ato:Yourcousi
niscr
azy,
letherbebaby.

Wemadeourwayinsi
dethehousewherewef ound
mygrandmot
herwi
thhersi
sterMadi
buseng.They
wer
ehavingt
eaint
hedini
ngroom.
Lor
ato:Mom andAunt
y.
Grams:Whatabl
essedMonday.Mygi
rl
sar
eher
e
t
oseeme.
Me:Gr
anny.
IwentandhuggedherthenAunt
yMadi
buseng.We
exchangedgr
eeti
ngs.
Granny:Mygrand-
daught
erGi
a.Comegi
vegr
anny
somel ove.
Or
ati
le:Yousee,
lear
nfr
om mygr
andmot
her
.
Me:What
ever
!
Or
ati
le:Gr
anny,
canIhavesomei
ce-
cream?Pl
ease.
Granny:Wit
hpleasur
e.Youknowwher
etof
indi
t.
Don’tf
ini
shital
l.
Shej
umpedof
fherandr
ant
otheki
tchen.
Gr
anny:Whatbr
ingsyouher
esoear
lyi
nthe
morni
ng?
Me:Iwantust
otal
kaboutBanel
eandhi
svi
sit
.
Gr
anny:Lor
ato,
didn’
tIt
ellyout
otal
kwi
thher
?
Lorat
o:Idi
dbutyouknowyourgrand-daught
er
Mama.Al r
eadysheknowshecameher eandasked
youifhecanseeher.Youcanneverhi
deanythi
ng
fr
om Jewel.
Gr
anny:AndIt
oldhi
mthatwi
llneverhappen,
didn’
t
I?Heisnotgoi
ngt
oseemygranddaughter
,he
apol
ogizedt
omeandthat
’si
t.St
oppr essi
ngt
he
i
ssue!
Madi
buseng:Si
ster
,cal
m down.
Granny:Iam t
ryi
ngbutshei
snotgi
vingmeanyof
t
hat.NoJewel.
Me:Whati fheoutforrevenge?Alreadyheisasking
toseeme.Whyi sthat
?Imeanever yonefoughtt
o
havehim arr
ested.Hewasn’ tevenremorsefulat
thatt
ime;hekeptonsayi ngmymot herwast o
blame.Hesaidlotofthings,what’
schanged?
Lorat
o:Revenge?Whatr evenge?Whenhewast he
onewhoki ll
edmysi st
er?Banelecomi ngher
ewas
thefi
rstandlastt
hing.Wedon’tneedhi s
for
givenessandMama;youneedt ostop
enter
taini
nghisnonsense.Jewel,there’
snot
hing
youaregoingtosayt ohim.Isthatclear
?
Madibuseng:Thatboywi l
lneversethi
sfooti
nthi
s
house.I
t’
sbadenought hatheisoutbutcomi
ng
herei
sdisrespectf
ul.Andwhatmakeshi mthi
nk
Jewelwanttotalkwithhim?
Granny:Thatmur derershoul dhaveneverl eft
pri
son.Whathedi dwascr uel;het ookmydaught er
fr
om me.Andwhatdi dtheydo?Theyr eleasedhi m
withoutevent hinki
ngofus, herfami ly.Wher eis
j
ust i
ce?Whydi dthel awf ailusliket his?( Crying)
Whydi dn’thel
eavei nsteadofki l
lingmydaught er
?
Heki l
ledherandnowhei sr oami ngi nt hest r
eets.
Hei sfreewhi l
emyowndaught eri sint he
graveyar d.OhMor enawaka!Thi si stoomuch.
Me:Yousee;t
hisi
swhatIdidn’
twant.Hi
sdeci
sion
tocomeandseeGrannywithhi
scheapapol
ogy
onl
yopenedoldwounds.I
ttookust
imetoheal
.
Goddammit!
Lorat
o:Ithinkal
lofusneedtocalm down.Jewel,
youdon’thavetoseeBaneleifyoudon’
twantt o.
AndBanel eknowsthatt
o,hecangobackt oprison
i
fhecont i
nuestoaskforyou.Heisinatightspot,
onewr ongmovehisparolei
sevoked.Stop
str
essingaboutthi
s.Okay?
Madibuseng:Iknowit’
snoteasytoignorethatheis
outbuttr
yandputt hatbehi
ndyourmi nd.Yousaid
i
tyoursel
f,i
ttookuslongtofinal
lyheal.Wearenot
goingt
oall
owhimt otakeusbacki nt
othathol
e.He
alr
eadyst
oleourdaughterfr
om us;wearenot
goingt
oall
owhimt ostealoursani
tyaswell.I
ref
use!
Il
ookedatmygrandmotherwhowasst i
llcr
ying
andtookadeepbreat
h.Godint
ervene,
please.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Ist
artedmyweekof fonagoodnot e.Irecei
veda
cal
lfrom mypr eviousfi
rm,theowneraskedt osee
me.Iassumedi thadsomet hi
ngt odowi t
hmy
appli
cati
on.WhenIappl i
edIwast aki
ngal eapof
fai
thbuttrut
hi sIenjoyedwor ki
ngthereandIreal
ly
wantedthem togi vemeanot herchance.Iwanted
topract
iceagainandwhenMr sRambauNoaasked
toseeIfeltl
ikeIwasget ti
ngbackont rack.

Wewer
einherof
fi
ce.
Noa:
Ther
e’sacaset
hatIwantyout
otake.
Me:Acase?Ithoughtt
hiswasaboutmy
appl
icat
ion.Whatki
ndofcasei
sit
?
Noa:Areyouhavi
ngsecondt
hought
s?It
hought
youwerereadyt
ocomeback.Thati
swhyyousent
usyourCV.
Me:Iam,
Iwasj
ustaski
ngbutf
orgetIsai
danyt
hing.
Sheshookherheadandl
eanedbackont
hechai
r.
Noa:Backtot hematter,
wear er
epresenti
ngthetr
io,
AydenTshivhaseandt heKhumalobrotherswho
werearr
estedf ort
hemur deroft
wooft hei
r
associ
ates.Iam sureyouareawareoftheircase…
Me:Yes,Iam awar
eandi t
’smassi
ve.Dani
ell
ais
r
epresent
ingthem,r
ight
?
Noa:Sheisbutt
heynolongerwanther.That
’s
whereyoucomein.Fort
hem tocont
inuerecei
ving
ourservi
ce,
youhavetotaket
hecaseandr epr
esent
them.Theywantyou.
Me:Idon’
tunder
stand.
Noa:
Theyneverwant
edDani
ell
a.MrKhumaloSnr
i
safri
endofmineandhehashear
dalotaboutyou,
ImeaneveryoneknowswhoPandoraKamandeis.
Sothetri
owantyoutohandl
ethei
rcase;t
hei
rtr
ial
i
sstart
ingnextmonth.
Me:Nextmont
h?That
’si
nsane.Nextmont
h?No,
Noa.
Noa:
IknowandItol
dthem youar
enol
onger
pr
act
ici
ngandi
t’
sbeenyears…
Me:Ofcour
seyoudi
d.
Noa: Iwillpr
etendli
keIdidn’thearthat.Inevergave
them reasonsast owhyyoust opped.Heaskedme
i
fyoucan’ tt
akethiscaseandIdi dsayIwi llt
ryand
talkwithyou.Iwasgoi ngt otakemychances.
WhenIr ecei
vedyourappl i
cati
onIknewIhadt o
takeyouback, theUniversehasspoken.Theyhave
becomeourbi ggestcl
ientsovertheyear sandthey
i
nsi stonwant i
ngyouort heyar efi
ndinganother
fir
m.Idon’ twanttolosethem asourcl ient
s.
Me:IhearyouMr sRbutt hi
scasei sbig,t
hetal
kof
thetown.Ihaven’
tbeenpracti
cinginyears.WhenI
decidedt
or et
urni
nt opr
acti
ceIdidn’texpectt
his,
I
thoughtI
’dbestar
tingwithsmallcases.Notthi
s
ki
nd,
it’
stoosoon.
Noa: Iknowthisi
sbigbutItrustyou.Youaregoing
towi nthi
scase.Youneverl
ostacaseexpectf or
thoseonesbutyouwer eatyourl owestandIwil
l
notholdthatagai
nstyou.Youl osthowmany, f
our
cases?That’snothi
ngwhenyou’ vewonmor et
han
fi
fteencases.YouaretheG.O.A.T,thei
rwordsnot
mine.
Iqui
etl
ylookedather
.
Noa:PleasePandor
a.Nowit’
sti
metofightforyour
reput
ati
on,whatdoyousay?Am Iwel
comi ngyou
backornot?
Me:Iwi
llt
aket
hecase.
Noa:Youwil
l?Tr
ustme,
youwillnotr
egr
eti
t.
WelcomebackMrsKamande.
Me:Gl
adt
obeback.
Noa:PassbyHR,everyt
hingi
ssor
ted.Onl
yyour
si
gnatur
eisrequi
red.
Me:Seemsl
ikeyouhadever
ythi
ngpl
anned.
Noa:
Youcan’
tbl
ameme.
IwasgoingtodowhatIlovedthemost,
andthat
wasbeingalawyer.Idi
dn’
tknowwhatwasahead
ofmebutIknewIwasgoi ngtomakethebestout
oft
hissecondchance.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwasf i
nall
ygoinghome.Mybr ot
hercamet ofetch
me.Iwast ell
inghim whathappenedbetweenmy
motherandmeyest erday.I
twasfunnyhowour
conversat
ionturnedintosomethi
ngbigandmy
motherdidn’twanttotellmewhyshegotupset .I
wasonl yt
ryingtounder st
andwhatreal
lyhappened
betweenheranddad.

Isatont
heedgeoft
hebedandcr
ossedmyar
ms
overmychest
.
Me:Andj ustli
kethatyourmot
herstor
medout .I
thoughtshewoul dcomebackandexplainbutdi
d
yourmot herpr
etendasifnot
hinghappen?
Hul
isani:Youmusthavesai
dsomet
hingannoyi
ng.
YouforgetIknowyou.
Me:Youtoo?IswearIdi
dn’
t,
Ionl
yaskedwhat
happenedbet
weenthem.
Huli
sani:Cometothinkofit
,mot
herneverl
iked
t
alki
ngaboutwhathappened.Ialwaysasked
myselfwhatreal
lyhappenedbet
weenthem.
Me:Doyout
hinkmom cheat
edondad?
Hul
isani
:Youdi
dn’
tjustaskmet
hat
.
Me:WellIdi
d.Butt
hinkabouti
t,that
’st
heonly
t
hingt
hatcanmakemom al ldef
ensivewhenever
wetal
kaboutthei
rsepar
ati
on.Likereal
ly.
Hul
isani
:I’
dliketobeli
evethatwasnott hecase.I
meanshei salwayspreachingaboutcheatingand
howbaditis.Remembert hatti
mewhenKel l
y
cal
ledandcriedtohersayingIam cheating?She
wasfuri
ous;shespentdayswi thoutt
alkingtome.
Shedespisescheati
ngwi t
hallherheart.
Me:Becauset
her
ewasonceKel
ly.Yeahbrother
youknowhowtopickt
hem.I
fKell
ywasn’tenough,
youhadtogoandpickNomzamo.Yourhandi
n
picki
ngwomenisbad,r
eal
lybad.
Nomzamo’ smybr other’
sgi r
lf
ri
end.Ourmot her
didn’tli
keorwanther .Somet hi
ngt hathadt odo
withherf amil
ybutHul i
saniwasst ubborntoli
sten
toher .Mom toldhim str
aightupt hatifeverhegets
mar ri
edt oher,shewouldneveracceptt hei
r
mar ri
age.Itseemedl i
kethere’sbadbl oodbetween
mymot herandNomzamo’ saunt.Thel adywho
raisedZamo.
Huli
sani:Don’
tst
artwi
tht
hatone.Lastni
ghtwe
hadafight…
Me:Whataboutt
hist
ime?
Hul
isani
:Shewant sustogetmarr
ied,canyou
i
magine?I’vebeentr
yingt
otel
lherIam notready
f
ormar r
iagebutsheisadamantaboutusgetti
ng
mar
r i
ed.
Me:Whyam Igett
ingafeeli
ngthatyoudon’twant
t
omar r
ythi
sgirl
?You’
vebeent ogetherf
oryears,
what
’shol
dingyoubackfrom proposi
ng?
Hul
isani
:Ican’
tgetmar
ri
edt
oherbef
oremom
accept
sher
.
Me:Idon’tseethathappeni
nganyt
imesoon.Mom
wil
lneveracceptthatgi
rl
.Sowhatareyougoi
ngt
o
do?
Huli
sani:Honestlyspeaki
ng,
Idon’tknow.Il
ove
Nomzamoal otbutatthesamet i
meIdon’twantt
o
getmarriedwithoutmom’sblessi
ng.Iam st
uck
betweenar ockandahar dpl
ace.
Me:Tryandtalkwithmom,makeherunder
stand
andseethatyouloveZamoandsheisthewoman
youwanttobewi t
h.
Hul
isani
:Inevert
houghadayasthiswoul
dcome
whereIwouldbefor
cedtochoosebet
weenmy
motherandthewomanIlove.
Me:IknowandIam sor
ry.
Hul
isani
:Enoughaboutt
hat
.Getyourbehi
ndup,
let
usgetyouhome.
Me:Ican’
twai
ttogetoutoft
hisr
oom…
Myphonebeeped,i
twasat extf
rom Nandisayi
ngI
am i
nvi
tedt
odinnerl
ateron.
Il
aughedandgaveHul
isanit
hephone.
Me:Canyoubel
ievei
t?Di
nner
?
Hul
isani
:Mot
her
-i
n-l
awpr
obabl
ywant
stoapol
ogi
ze.
Me:Ortohumil
iat
emei
nherownhouse.Thi
slady
i
sunpredi
ctabl
e.
Huli
sani
:Idon’tt
hinkshewoul
ddot hat
;shewi
ll
neverdothati
nBeyon’spr
esence.
Me:Iwi
llt
hinkabouti
t.
Igotupandgr
abbedmybag.
Me:Iam sur
eitwasBeyon’
sidea.Thi
nkabouti
t.
Hul
isani
:Ithast
obe.
Wel
aughedmakingourwayt
other
ecept
iont
osi
gn
mydi
schar
gingpaper
s.

PANDORAKAMANDE

OnmywayhomeIdecidedt
odrivet
omyaunt.I
want
edt
oaskheroncemoreaboutmysi
ster
.I
refusedt obel
ieveshewasi nthedarkl
ikeme,
somet hinghadt ogive.WhenIgottoherhouseI
didn’tf
indher,Ifoundherdaughter
,Moon, i
nst
ead.
Moon:Howar
eyousi
ster
?
Me:Iam f
ine,
andyou?
Moon:Iam good.Mom shoul
dbebacksoon,
takea
seat
.
Me:Thankyou.
Wesatdown.
Me:Ididn’
texpectt
ofi
ndyouhome.Ai
n’tyou
supposedtobeatwork?
Moon:Yohsist
er,
donotmenti
onthat.Iwasf
ir
ed
l
astweek.AswespeakIam unemployed.
Me:Idi
dn’
tknow.Iam sor
ryt
oheart
hat
.
Moon:ThewayIam stressed,it
’snotevenfunny.
Wheream Igoi
ngtogetanot herjob,
alr
eadyitis
har
dtofindsomethi
ng.Idon’tseemysel fst
ayi
ngat
homedoingnothi
ng,Iwil
lgocr azy.
Me:Youdon’
thavet
osayt
hatagai
n,Iknowexact
ly
whatyouaresayi
ng.Sout
hAf
ri
cai
sreal
lyf
ail
ingi
n
cr
eati
ngjobs.
Moon:Idon’
tevenknowwher
etost
art
.
Me:IheardCalebt al
kinglastweeksayi
ngtheyare
l
ookingforint
ernsathi sworkpl
ace.I
tmightnotbe
yourfi
eldbutatleastyouwoul dbeworki
ng.Call
andask;youmi ghtbel ucky.
Moon:Thankyou,Iwil
ltr
y.Whoknows?Imightfi
nd
somethi
ng.Anditdoesn’
tmatt
eri
fit
’snotmyfiel
d
si
ster
,aslongasIam worki
ngandearni
ng.That’
s
al
l.
Me:Yeah.Don’
twor
ryaboutaccommodation;Iam
sur
ewecanhostyouforamont hunt
ilyougetpaid
andfi
ndyourpl
acetost
ay.
Moon:Iwoul
dreal
lyappr
eci
atet
hat
.Thankyou
agai
n.
Me:I
t’
sokay.Justgetyourt
hingsi
nor
der
.
Shenoddedrepeatedl
y.Wecont
inuedt
ochatabout
thi
sandthatunti
lmyauntcameback.
Tobecont
inued…
08

PANDORAKAMANDE

Tosayt heconversati
onwasgoi ngmywaywoul d
beal i
e.Iwasn’tgett
inganyt
hingusefulinaunt
’s
wordsandi twasfrustr
ati
ng.AllIwantedwasto
knowt henamesoft hepeoplewhoadopt edmy
sist
erandthat’
sall.What’
ssohar dabouttel
li
ngme
thei
rnames?

Me:Aunty,sor
ryt
osaythi
sbutIfeell
ikeyouar
e
l
ying.Ther
e’snowayyoudon’
tknowthepeople
whoadoptedGabby.Youandyourhusbandwere
handson.
AuntyKri
s:Yeswewer ebutIwastoldthecouple
didn’
twanttobeknown;theywantedtheadoption
tobeaclosedadopti
on.Isweartoyou, Iwil
lnever
l
ietoyouandI’vebeensayingt
hesamet hi
ngsince.
Ir
eall
ydon’tknowwhyyoudon’tbel
ieveme
Pandora.HaveIeverl
iedt
oyou?
Me:Tellmesomet
hingt
hatIdon’
tknow.Andno,
youhaven’
t.
Shel
etoutasi
ghandl
eanedbackont
hecouch.
Me:Butaunty,di
dn’tyout hinkonedayIwoul dwant
toknowwher emysi steris?Didn’ti
toccurt
oyou
thatGabbywouldwantmet ofindher?Areyouthat
self
ish?Oryoujustdidn’tcare?
Iwasst ar
ti
ngtogetangry.Evenaf oolcouldsee
shetherewasmor etoherwor ds;sheclear
lydidn’t
wantmet oknowwher emysi sterwasbutwhy?Di d
shesellher?Di
dsheknowsomet hi
ngIdidn’tknow?
Somethingwasdefini
tel
ygoingonandIdi dn’tl
ikeit
onebit.
Me:YoucanseeIam st
art
ingt
ogetangr
yandyou
knowwhathappenswhenIam angr
y.
AuntyKris:AndIdon’ tunder
standwhyyouare
gett
ingangry.IfIknewwher esheis,
don’tyout
hink
Iwouldhavel ongtoldyou?Shei smysist
er’
s
daughterforPete’
ssakeandIal sowishtoseeher
again.Iam nottel
li
ngyout
ales,
iti
sthet
rut
h.I
twas
aclosedadoption!
Me:Youwon’tt
ellmebecausesomehowyouar
e
connect
edt
oheradopti
on.Pleaseaunt
y.
Shegotupf
rom hercouchandsatbesi
deme.
AuntyKris:Iwillneverl
ietoyou.IonlyknowwhatI
wast ol
d.Gabbywasadopt edbyamar r
iedcouple,
theyaskedt onottobei denti
fi
ed.OnlyGabbycan
accessther ecordsifshewant st
ofindherreal
famil
y.
Me:Shei st heonlyfami l
ythatIhavel eftwi
thint
his
world.Shei soutthere,alone.Idon’tevenknowif
sheisst i
llali
ve.There’snodayt hatpasswi t
hout
met hinki
ngabouther .EverynightIli
eawakeand
askquest ionsIhavenoanswert o.I t
’shardaunt
y.
It
’sveryhar d.
AuntyKr
is:Iknowbabybutwear
eher
e,youdon’
t
havetof
eelalone.Okay?
Il
aidmyheadonherchest
.
Aunt
yKr
is:Ihaveaf
ri
endwhowor
ksatt
hesame
agencythathandledtheadopti
on.Iwil
ltal
kwit
hher
;
shemi ghtbeabletohelpus.Icannowseehow
badyouwantt oreunitewit
hyoursist
erandI
promisetohelp.Mysisterwouldwantyoutwotobe
reuni
ted.Iknowshewoul d.
Me:Iwoul
dreal
lyappr
eci
atei
tifyoudot
hat
.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Whenwegothomewewer ewelcomedby
Nomzamo’slaughteri
nthesit
ti
ngroom.We
wonderedwhoshewasl aughi
ngwi t
hbecausemy
motherwoul
dneversitdownandshar et
hatki
ndof
l
aughterwi
thher.Shewouldnever.

Me:Di
dyouknowshewascomi
ng?
Hul
isani
:No,
shedi
dn’
ttel
lme.Nomzamoi
sti
ri
ng.
Me:Iam j
usthappyt
here’
slaught
eri
nst
eadofcr
ies.
Iwonderwheremom i
s.
Hul
isani
:Ther
e’sonl
yonewayt
ofi
ndt
hatout
.
Wewal kedi
n.Shewaslyi
ngonthecoucht
alki
ngon
thephone.Mymotherwasnowher
einthesi
ght.
Thatwasweird.
Me:Yourgi
rl
fr
iendi
nvi
tedher
sel
finorwhat
…
Hul
isani
:Mom musthave.
Zamof
eltourpr
esenceandgotupf
rom t
hecouch.
Zamo:Fr
iend,
let
’st
alkl
ater
.Igot
tago.
Shehungup,
andwavedatus.
Zamo:Si
ster
-i
n-l
awandbabe.
Me:HeyZamo.
Huli
sani
:Whol
etyoui
n?Andwhydi
dn’
tyout
ellme
youwerecomi
ng?
Zamo:Yourmotherletmei
n,andIt
ri
edcal
li
ngbut
yourphonewasoff.
Hul
isani
:Mymom l
etyoui
n?
Zamo:Shedi
d.
Me:Letmel
oveandl
eavet
het
woofyou.I
twas
ni
ceseei
ngyouZamo.
Zamo:Met
oo.
Ilef
tthem i
nt hesit
ti
ngroom andwenttomyr oom.
IchangedwhatIwaswear i
ngintosomethi
ng
comf or
tabl
e,Ialsochangedthepad.Thebl
eeding
wasget t
inglessheavybyminute.Iwasmaki nga
recover
y.WhenIwasdoneIwentt omymot her’s
room.Ifoundhersitti
ngbythewindowreadinga
novel.
Me:Momma.
Shesmi
ledatmewhi
lecl
osi
nghernovel
.
Ma:Comei
n.
Icl
osedt
hedoorbehi
ndmeandwentt
osi
tbesi
de
her
.
Me:Idi
dn’
tknowt
hehear
twassof
teni
ng.That
’s
cut
e.
Ma:Ifyouaretal
kingaboutthatgi
rlsi
tt
ingi
nthe
si
tt
ingroom t
heansweri sno.
Il
aughed.
Me:Thenwhyissheinyoursit
ti
ngr
oom,
comfor
tabl
y?Idon’
tunder
stand.
Ma:WhatwasIsupposedt odo?Sher ockedupat
mydoor st
epandaskedforyourbrot
her.Iletheri
n.
Ididn’
twanttogeti
ntoafi
ghtwithyourbrother.We
arealwaysfi
ght
ingabouther
.
Me:Whydon’
tyoul
i
ket
hisgi
rl
?Sheseem ni
cet
o
me.
Ma:Ofcourseshewil
l“seem ni
cetoyou”
.Iknow
herauntandtr
ustmewhenIsayt hatl
adyistr
oubl
e.
Thedevili
nhumanform.
Me:Shei
sthatbad?
Ma:Youdon’
twantt
oknow.Heraunti
s…(
Chuckl
es)
yeah.
Me:Howdoyouknowsomuchaboutheraunt
?
Ma:Sheusedtobemyf r
iend.Andt
hat
’sal
lIam
goi
ngtosay,not
hingmore.
Iknewbet
terthantocont
inuequest
ioni
ngher
.
Mom’sunpredict
abl
e.
Ma:Andshe,
bet
ternotbepl
anni
ngonhavi
ng
di
nnerwi
thusbecauseIam noti
nthemoodt
ohost
her
.
Me:Tal
kingaboutdi
nner
…
Ma:Mh?
Me:Iam nothavingdinnerwit
hyouguyst
oni
ght
.I
am goi
ngtomot her-
in-
law’shouse.
Ma:Oh…ar
eyoustrongenoughtobegoi
ngt
o
di
nner
s?It
hinkyoushoul
drestEl
ani
e.
Me:Iam f
eel
ingbet
ter
.
Ma:Ihaven’
taskedyouhowyouar
edoi
ng.Ar
eyou
r
eall
yfeel
ingbett
er?
Me:Iam doingfineMama.Yougetusetoit
;it’
snot
myf i
rstt
imeexper i
enci
ngthi
s.Ij
ustwantt
oheal
physi
call
ysot hatIcangetbackt
owork.Si
tt
ing
homewon’ tdo.
Ma:It
hinkyoushoul
dseeather
api
standlayyour
emoti
onsdown.Whatyouar
egoingthr
oughistoo
muchtohandleal
one.
Me:Iknowandthat
’swhyIdeci
dedtoseea
t
herapi
st.Wel
lmeandBeyon,wedecidedt
omakei
t
acouple’
sthi
ng.Wear
est
art
ingwi
thoursessi
ons
soon.
Ma:That
’sgood.Your
eal
lyneedt
oseeat
her
api
st.
Inodded.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasbusyprepari
ngapresent
ati
oni
nmyoffi
ce
whenmyassistantcameandtoldmemywi
fe’
s
her
e.Iwashappyt oseeher
.
Me:Pl
easemaketwocappucci
nosf
orus,
andher
f
avour
it
ebiscui
ts.
Ass:Okaysi
r.
Hewal
kedoutasIf
ixedmyeyesonPandor
a.
Me:Thi
sisal
ovel
ysur
pri
se.Whydi
dn’
tyousayyou
wer
ecoming?
Pandor
a:Andr
uint
hesur
pri
se?No.
Me:Yeah,
yeah.Howar
eyou?
Pandor
a:Overt
hemoon.
Me:Icant
ell
.Di
dyouwi
nlot
ter
y?
Sheshookherhead.
Pandor
a:Bet
tert
hant
hat
.Igott
hej
ob.
Shegott
hej
ob?Thatwasf
ast
.
Me:Youdi
d?
Pandor
a:Atl
eastpr
etendt
obehappyf
orme.
Me:Pr
etend?Iam happy,
whatar
eyousayi
ng?
Ir
osef
rom mychai
randwentt
ohugher
.
Me:Congr
atul
ati
onsGoof
y.Iam happyf
oryou.
Pandora:Iam t
hehappyone.Ist
il
ldon’
tbel
ievei
t.I
am f
inall
ygoingbacktowork.
Me:Whi
chf
ir
m cal
ledyou?
Pandor
a:Myol
dfi
rm.Noacall
ed,
Iwentt
oseeher
andshehi
redmeonthespot
.
Me:That
’samazi
ng.
Pandor
a:I
tisbutt
hat
’snotal
l.
Me:What
?
Pandora:Youknowt
hecasethat
’st
rendingoft
he
tr
io?Theoneswhokil
ledt
hei
rassoci
ates?
Inoddedr
epeat
edl
y.
Pandor
a:Wel
l,
iti
snowmycase.
Il
ookedatherandshookmyhead.
Thecaseshewast al
kingaboutwasn’
tasmallcase,
i
twasabi gcase.Theseguyswerearr
est
edfor
ki
ll
ingsomeinfl
uenti
almentheyworkedwit
h.
Winningt
hiscasewasgoingtobeimpossi
ble.
Me:NoPandor
a.No,
no.
Pandor
a:No?Whatdoyoumeanno?Wet al
ked
aboutt
his;youagr
eedt
oletmegobacktowork.
What’
sthisnow?Whyareyouact
ingl
ikeyouhave
amnesi
a?
Me:IknowIdidbutIneverthoughtyourf
ir
stcase
woul
dbet hi
s.Andstopinsult
ingme.
Pandor
a:Iam al
awyerCal
ebnotat
eacher
.Iwor
k
wit
hcaseli
kethi
s.
Me:Haveyout
alkedwi
thDrLeRoux?Di
dsheagr
ee?
Pandora:Ididandunli
keyou,shethi
nksi
t’
sabout
ti
meIr eclai
m mylif
eback.Sheissuppor
ti
ngme,
whycan’ tyou?Youaremyhusband,andIneed
yoursuppor t
.
Me:Youar eexci
tedaboutthi
snow,whatifyou
suddenl
yloseint
erestandwantnothingt
odowi th
work?Oryouwakeuphavi ngabaddayandt hat
dayyouaresupposedt obeincourt
?Whatt hen,
tel
l
me?Yout hinkNoawillbehappy?Aft
ergi
vingyoua
secondchance?
Pandora:Iknowwhat
’satst
akeandt
hat
’swhyI
taket
hedamnMEDI CATION!
Shegotupandgr
abbedherhandbag.
Pandor
a:Iwi
llseeyouathome.IfIst
ayher
e,we
wil
lendupfi
ghti
ngandIdidn’
tcomeheretofi
ght
wit
hyou.
Me:Wear
est
il
ltal
king.
Pandora:Iam donetal
king.Icameher
ehappy,
tel
li
ngyouIgott hej
obinsteadofbei
nghappywit
h
meyouar et hinki
ngaboutmydepressi
onand
anxi
eties,
andwhatIwi lldoi
nfutur
e.Idon’
tneed
thi
s,especiall
ynotfr
om you.Bye.
Shewal
kedoutand,
Ihi
tthet
abl
e.

JEWELMUDAU

MyMondayaf ternoonwasn’ tt hatbusy.From my

grandmot her’
sIdr ovet owor k,hadfew
appointment stoat t
endt o.WhenIwasdonewi t
h
wor kIdecidedt ogot otheadopt i
onagencyt hat
handledGabr iell
a’sadopt i
on, shewasadopt edviaa
governmentagency.ReasonIwasdoi ngt hi
swas
formyf ri
endt of i
ndpeace, Pandor ahadnof amil
y
andhersi sterwasheronl yconnect i
ont oher
bloodli
ne,Pandor a’slastpieceofsani ty.

WhenIgotthereIwaswelcomedbyMi ssJames,
thel
ocalsoci
alworker
.Iwashappytofindoutt
hat
shewastheladywhohandledtheadoption
ei
ghteenyearsago.Shef i
rsthesi
tat
edtohelpme
becauseIwasnotr el
atedtoGabriel
labutI
expl
ainedeveryt
hingandsheagr eedtohel
pme.
MsJ:Thi sadopti
ontookplaceadecadeagobut
fort
unatel
ytherecor
dsar ekeptf
oraperi
odof70
years.Wecanaccesst headopti
onrecor
dsand
star
tthesearch.
Tothi
nktheygavePandor
aahardt
ime.MissJwas
pr
obablyscar
edofmebecauseofmyti
tl
e.
Me:Doyout
hinkitwi
llbehar
dtol
ocat
eherwi
thal
l
t
heinf
ormat
ionyouhave?
MsJ:Idon’
tthinkso.We’
veheridenti
tyi
nour
r
ecor
ds;wear egoingt
ousethattolocat
eher
…
Me:But
?
MsJ:Theymi
ghthavechangedhernamesandi
f
t
heydi
disgoi
ngtobehardtofi
ndher.
Me:Cantheydot hat?Butevenift
heydid,ont
he
r
ecordsthei
rnamesar ethere.Wecansearchusi
ng
t
headoptiveparent’
snames.Imeant heyaret
her
e
i
ntherecords.
MsJ:Theycanbutit
’snotcommonforadopt
ive
par
ent
stochangetheadoptee’
snames.
Il
etoutasi
gh.
MsJ:IfImayask,wast
headopt
ionanopenor
cl
osedadopt
ion?
Ithoughtf
orawhil
e.Pandor
aoncement
ionedt
his
tomebutIf or
got
.
Me:Idon’
tremember.Onlyt
hesi
stercangi
veyou
ananswertoyourquest
ion.
MsJ:Okay, justsoyouknowi fitwasacl osed
adopt i
onal lthei nf ormationaboutt headoptive
parentsisseal ed.Meani ngi tiskeptasasecr et
.
Andi fit
’sanopenadopt ion, t
hei nf
or mati
onwi l
l
onlybegi veni ft headopt ivepar entsortheadopt ee
havegi vent heirwr it
tenconsent .Butsinceshewas
young, I’
dliket obel i
evet headopt i
veparentshada
sayint hat.Iftheysai dnoonei ncludingherfami l
y
shouldbegi vent hei nformat i
onbef oreGabr i
ell
a
herselfdecidet ol ookf orthem t henIam sor r
y
becauseIwi llnotgi veoutanyr ecor ds.Wewi l
lhave
torelayther equestt oGabr iel
laoncesher equests
t
her
ecor
ds.Ar
ewecl
ear
?
Me:Tel
lmeyouar
eki
ddi
ng.
MsJ:Iwi
shIwasbutIam not
.
Me:SoifGabbydoesn’taccesstherecor
ds,noone
wil
lbeabletofi
ndher?That’si
ftheadopti
ve
par
entsrequest
edfortheinfor
mationtobewithhel
d?
Shenoddedi
nagr
eement
,
Itwasbecomi
ngachal
lenget
ofi
ndGabby,
abi
g
chall
enge.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Insteadofdri
vingbackhomeIdrovet
otheonly
placethathadaneffectonr
elaxi
ngmymi nd
wheneverIwasf eel
ingdownandabout.
Thenaturescener
ywaswhatIwant ed,
sopeaceful
.
Ihadawayofconnect i
ngwi t
hnatureandits
beaut
y.Itwashowt heairwasfr
iendlytomyskin.
Theplacewassurroundedbybri
dgeoff lower
sand
t
rees.Iwassi
tt
ingontheedgeoft
hestone
t
hrowingsmal
lstonesint
othewat
er.
“
Pandora,
”thevoiceechoedbehindme.“Don’
tdo
whatyouarethi
nking,sunshi
ne.Donot
.”
Isuddenlyfel
tchi
ll
s.It
urnedaroundslowl
y.Itwas
mymot her;shewasstandingnotfarf
rom me.Ifel
t
tear
sstreamingdownmycheeks.
Me:Howdidyouknow?Imean…Iam j
ust
…Ionl
y
want
edto.
..
“Amotheralwaysknows.Weareoneevenaf
ter
deat
h.”Icl
osedmyeyesbr i
efl
y.
Me:Iam t
ir
edmommy.
“Areyoust il
ltaki
ngyourmedicati
on?”Inoddedi
n
agreement .“Conti
nuetodoso.That’
syoursanit
y.
Withoutityouwon’ tmakeitbaby.I
t’
snotyouryet
ti
met ojoinmeont heothersi
de.”
Me:Iknowmommy,
Iknow.Bu…
Ibl
inkedandwhenIl ookedwher
eshewasst
andi
ng,
shewasnol ongert
here.
Me:Mommy!Pl
easecomeback.Mommy!
Tobecont
inued…
09

JEWELMUDAU

Iwasverydisappoi
ntedbyt
heout
comesofmyvi
sit
totheagency.I
ttur
nedoutt
headopt
ionwasa
closedadopt
ion.
TosayIwashur twoul dbeali
e,Iwasshat
tered.
WhatIwant edwast ogivemyfri
endgoodnews
i
nsteadIwasgoi ngtogiveherbadnews.I
fthat’
s
notbadluck,Idi
dn’tknowwhatitwas.

WhenIgothomeIfoundLeonmakingdi
nner.I
t’
s
l
ikeheknewIwouldbedeadti
redwhenIgotback.I
putmyhandbagandlapt
opbagonthecoff
eetable
andwenttohi
m.
Leon:Sweet
hear
t.
Iki
ssedhi
m ont
hecheek.
Me:Whowoul
dIbewi
thoutyou?Thankyouf
or
cooki
ng.
Leon:Youdon’
thavet
othankmebutyouwel
come.
Het
urnedandl
ookedatme.
Leon:Youl
ookt
ir
ed.
Me:Iam.WhatIneednowi
sabat
handamassage.
Leon:Letmef
ini
shher
ethenIwi
llpr
epar
ethatbat
h
foryou.
Me:Nosweethear
tletmetakecar
eoft
hat
.
Cont
inuewi
thyourpots.
Leon:Yousur
e?
Me:Iam.Il
oveyou.
Leon:Il
oveyout
oo.
Me:Thankyouagai
n.
Thefi
rstt
hingIdidwhenIwal kedinsi
det he
bedr
oom wast otakeoffmyclothesthenmademy
waytothebathroom whil
stt
yingmybr aids.Isaton
t
heedgeofthebat
htubandopenedt
hewat
ert
ap.I
t
wasalongdayandIwasti
red.
Iwantedtocal
lPandor
aandt el
lherwhatIfound
butIdidn’
twantt
otel
lheroverthephone.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Mypl anwastodrivest rai

ghthomebutthatdidn’t
comet opass,Ir
eceivedacal lfr
om my
psychother
api
st,Lorato.Sheinvit
edmet oher
house,foradri
nk.Iknewi twasanexcuset osee
howIwasdoi ng.Ileftheramessageear l
ieron,not
apleasingmessage.I tgotherworri
ed.
Me:Andyouj
ustcoul
dn’
twai
ttoseemet
omor
row.
Webr
oket
hehug.
Lor
ato:Doyoubl
ameme?Imi
ssedyou.
Iat
tendedmyt
her
apysessionst
wiceweekl
y,
someti
mes3xi
fit
’sapr
oblem weekforme.
Me:Youar
elyi
ng,
Lor
ato.
Lor
ato:Iam not
.Ourdr
inkswi
llgethot
,comenow.
Me:OhGod!
Herhusband,Lor
enzodescendedthestai
rswi
th
t
heirdaught
er.Theymadetheirwaytousaswe
t
ookourseatsinthel
ounge.
Lor
enzo:Mr
sKamande.
Me:Howmanyt i
meshaveItoldyout
onotcal
lme
t
hat?Pandor
aisjustf
ine,
Lor
enzo.
Hel
aughed.
Lor
enzo:Ican’
thel
pmysel
f.
Me:Igi
veup.Gi
anna,
howar
eyou?
Gi
a:Goodandyouaunt
y?
Me:Iam goodbaby.
Lor
enzo:Mamaci
ta,
wearesteppi
ngoutt
oseemy
si
ster
.Wewil
lbebacksoon.
Lor
ato:OkayPapi
.Dr
ivesaf
ely.
Gi
a:Byemommy.
Lor
ato:Byebaby.
Lor
enzo:Mr
sKamande,
itwasni
ceseei
ngyou.
Me:Ni
ceseei
ngyout
oo,
Lor
enzo.
Lor
enzoki
ssedhi
swi
febef
orehewal
kedoutwi
th
hi
sdaught
er.
Lor
ato:Backt
oyou,
outwi
thi
t.
Me:I
fit
’saboutthemessage,
Iam sor
ry.Idi
dn’
t
meantoscareyou.
Lor
ato:Whathappened?Whatt
ri
ggeredyour
hal
luci
nat
ions?Tal
ktome,Pandora.
Me:Urg,
Iact
edint
hemoment .Ishoul
dhavenot
scar
edyouli
ket
hat
.It
’snot
hing.
Shelookedatme,
expecti
ngmet oexpl
ainf
urt
her
notbel
ievi
ngawordIjustsai
d.
Me:Isawmymot her
.Iknowwhatyouaregoingto
saybutIsawher
.Shewasther
erighti
nfrontofme.
Lor
ato:Pandor
a…
Me:Shecameattheri
ghtmomentasIwast
hinki
ng
of
…facti
s;shewasthere.
Lor
ato:We’
vebeenher
ebef
oreandwet
alkedabout
i
tPandora.Yourmindisplayi
ngt
ri
ckswi
thyou
agai
n.Andwheni tdoes…
Me:ButIsawher
.
Lor
ato:Whatwer
eyoudoi
ngatt
hewat
erf
all
s?
Me:Iwentt
her
etocl
earmyhead.
Lorato:Idon’thavetotel
lyouwhathappenswhen
youst ar
ttoexper i
encethingsl
ikethi
s.I
t’
samat t
er
ofti
mebef oreyourimaginaryf
riendsur
faceandwe
don’twantt hat
.
Me:No,
nother
.
Lorato:Yes.Webot hdon’twantwhathappenslast
ti
met or epeati
tsel
f.Youspentsi
xmont hsin
asylum andnowmor ethaneveryoudon’twantthat
.
Idr
ewai
routoft
hel
ungs.
Lorat
o:Youareslowlybutsur
elyget
ti
ngyourli
fe
backint
otrack;doyouwanttoloseal
loft
hat?Do
you?
Me:Ofcour
seIdon’
twantt
o.
Lor
ato:It
houghtasmuch.
Inodded.
Lor
ato:Enoughwi
thdr
inki
ng.Youar
edr
ivi
ng.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Truthis, Ididn’
twanttohonourthei nvi
tefrom my
mot her-i
n-law,agai
nIhadnochoi cebuttogo.I
didn’twantt oaddfueltothefi
re.IfIdidn’
tgoshe
waspr obablygoingtouseitagainstme.Ial so
didn’tknowhowi twasgoingtotur nout;benefi
tof
thedoubtpl ayedahugerole.

IandBeyonwal kedsidebysideint
ot helounge.
Nandiwassitt
ingtherewit
hBeyon’ ssist
er,
Musidzanaandt hecousi
n,Murunwa.Themi nut
e
theysawustheyr oom wentquiet
.
Me:Goodeveni
ng.
Thegi
rl
slookedatmeandt
henwavedsmi
li
ng.
Nandi
:Makot
i,wel
come.Pl
easet
akeaseat
.
Me:Thankyou.
Nandi
:Pl
easef
eelathome.Si
dzidr
inkspl
ease.
IsatbesideBeyonasMusi
dzanast
oodupheadi
ng
tothekit
chen.
Nandi
:Imustconf
ess,
Idi
dn’
tthi
nkyou’
dcome.
Beyon:Mom,
real
lynow?
Me:Babe,
iti
sokay.Idi
dn’
tthi
nkI
’
dcomet
obut
her
eam I.
Shef
aint
lysmi
ledandgaveasl
ightnod.
Nandi
:Howar
eyouf
eel
ing?
Me:Iam f
eel
ingbet
ter
,thankyou.
Murunwa:Socousin,whenisthewedding?Andam
Isti
lli
nvi
tedbecauseIhaven’
trecei
vedmyinvi
teor
ther
e’snowedding?
Beyon:Whywoul
dtheybenoweddi
ng?Youwi
llget
youri
nvit
ewhent
hetimeisr
ight
.
Mur
unwa:Youmustbeexci
tedMel
ani
e.
Beyonl
ookedatmeandsmi
led.
Me:Ver
y.Ican’
twai
ttomar
ryt
hisman.
Murunwa:Iknowexact
lyhowyouf eel.Iwas
unt
ouchablewhenIwasplanningmyweddi ng.Iam
sur
ethefeeli
ngist
hesame, r
ightMelanie?
Me:Youcansayt
hat
.
Nandi
:Andyouhadjustf
oundoutyouwere
pr
egnantatt
hatt
ime.Doubl
ebl
essingsIt
ellyou.
Murunwa:Godi
samazing.Myhusbandwast
he
happi
estgr
oom onear
th.
Nandi:Achi
ldi
sabl
essi
ng,
woul
dn’
tyouagr
ee
Melanie?
Nandil
ookedatme.
Me:Canyoupl
easeexcuseme?Ineedt
omakea
phonecal
l?
Beyon:Ar
eyouokay?
Me:Whywoul
dn’
tIbe?
Iwal
kedaway.
CALEBKAMANDE

Il
ookedatmyphoneagai
nandl
etoutasi
gh.
Ihadbeent r
yingt ocallPandorabutherphonewas
off.Shewassupposedt obehomeal readybutshe
wasnowher einsi ght
,Iwasst ar
ti
ngt ogetwor r
ied.I
didn’tl
ikehowourconver sati
onendedear li
eron.I
wasnott ryi
ngt obehar donher.WhatIwast r
ying
todowast opr epareherforwhatmi ghthappen.
Pandor a’
sfragileandwhenshe’ shur tit
’shar
df or
hertoheal .

Idi
all
edmysist
er’
snumber
.Iknewbet
ternott
ocal
l
mymot her
.
Me:Ri
ver
.
Ri
ver
:Hel
lo.
Me:I
sPandor
ather
ewi
thyou?
Ri
ver
:No,
didshesayshei
scomi
ngher
e?
Me:No.I
sjustt
hat
,shei
snotanswer
ingherphone
andIam get
ti
ngwor
ri
ed…
Ri
ver
:Andyout houghtshewaswi
thme?Wel
lshe
i
snotdearbr
other.
Me:Okay,
thanks.
Ri
ver
:Isever
ythi
ngokay?
Me:Yes.Don’
tst
ressabouti
t.Thankyou.
Ihungup.
Me:Wher
ear
eyouGoof
y?
Il
eanedbackont
hecouchandcl
osedmyeyes.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Wewer esett
ledatthetable.Thetensionwasso
thi
ck.Nandikeptonsteali
nggl ancesbetween
MusidzanaandMur unwa.I twasgetti
ng
uncomfort
able,Iwantedtogetupandl eave.
Nandi
:SoMel
ani
e…
Isetdownmygl
assofj
uicebef
oreset
ti
ngmyeyes
onher
.
Nandi
:I’
vebeent
hinki
ngaboutyourl
it
tl
epr
obl
em.
Me:Pr
obl
em?
Nandi
:Yes,
youri
ssuewi
thpr
egnanci
es.
Beyon:Mom,canwepl easenotdothisnow?I
meanwear eeat
ing.Can’ti
twaitunt
ilweare
fi
nishedwi
thoursupper?
Me:No,
lethercont
inue.Shealwayshassomet
hing
t
osayandIthinkwecanal lagr
eetothat
.
Murunwacl
ear
edhert
hroatbef
orecr
ackingasof
t
l
aughter
.Nomakei
tannoyi
nglaught
er.
Nandi:BacktowhatIwassayi
ng.Iknowt hi
sother
l
adywhohappenst obeaverygoodf r
iendofmine.
SheisaSangoma.Iment i
onedyourprobl
em toher
andsheof f
eredt
ohelpyou.
Me:Youmentionedourpri
vat
emat
tert
oher
wi
thoutdi
scussingi
twit
hmeorBeyon?
Shedr
oppedherf
orkonherpl
ate.Thenoi
sei
t
madewasabitl
oud.
Nandi:YouseeBeyon?Iam tryingtohel
pbutshei s
shutti
ngmeout .I
nfewmont hst het
woofyouar e
getti
ngmarri
edandwest i
lldon’tknowifsheis
goingtobearyouachil
dornot .Iam onl
ytryi
ngto
hel
p.Itisf
oryourowngood.St opbeingungratef
ul
andacceptmyhel p.
Beyon:Mom, t
hat’sbet
weenmeandMel ani
e.
There’
snoneedf oryoutoambushherl
iket
his,i
n
fr
ontofMusidzanaandMur unwa.Nomom, Iwon’
t
al
lowthat
.
Nandi:Ir
eal
lydon’
tknowwhyyouaretakingt
his
l
ight
ly.Thi
sisseri
ous.YouhearmeBeyon?
Musi
dzana:Iam st
art
ingt
othi
nkshei
scur
sed.She
i
sdefcursed!
Me:Cursed?Howdareyousayt
hatt
omeMusi
dzi
?
Huh,howdareyou?
Musi
dzana:Iam j
ustsayi
ngnoneedt
ocat
chf
eel
s.
Me:Don’ttel
lmecrap.I’vebeentolerati
ngyousi nce
IgotherebutIam gett
ingfedupnow.What ’sthi
s?
Isthi
showi t
’sgoi
ngtobel ike?Youwi llkeepon
remindi
ngmet hatIcan’tcarr
yfullterm orforceme
t
oseeSangomas?Huhbabe?
Nandi
:Whenweaccept edyouwedi dn’tknowyour
wombwouldrejectmyson’schildr
enandwi ththat
sai
d,weneedtodosomet hingaboutit
.Forallwe
knowsheisabort
ing.Justcancelt
hisweddingand
moveonwithyourli
ves.
Murunwa:Maybeit’
sasignf r
om theancest
ors.
Theydon’
tapproveofher.Iam j
ustsayi
ng.
It
hrewdownt
henapki
nandgotup.
Beyon:Babe,
wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
Me:Idon’
tneedt
his,
notf
rom youoryourf
ami
ly.I
am goi
nghome.
Nandi:Ther
egoesyourbri
de.NotevenMusi
dzana
hadtalkedwit
hmeinthattone.
Musi
dzana:Shei
syourdaught
er-
in-
law.Spoi
lt
br
at…
Iwasn’tgoingtositt
hereandli
stentothem t
alkill
aboutme.I twasn’
ttheti
meort heplacetoaddress
theissue.Nandicouldhaveaskedtotalkt
omei n
pri
vatebutno,shedidn’t
.
JEWELMUDAU

Iputapi
ll
owbet
weenLeon’
sthi
ghsandl
aidmy
headoni
t.
Leon:Howdi
dPandor
ataket
henews?
Me:Haven’
ttol
dher
.Idi
dn’
twantt
otel
lherovert
he
phone,
youknow.
Leon:Under
standabl
e.
Me:Idon’
tknowhowIam goi
ngtofaceherand
br
eakthenews.Shewashopef
ulbutnowthathope
i
scrushed.
Myphoner
ang.
Me:Pl
easepassi
ttome.
Hegavei
ttome.I
twasGr
annyMadi
buseng.
Me:Gr
an.
Madibuseng:Jewel
,yourgr
andmot
heri
satt
he
hospi
tal
.
Me:What
?Whathappened?
Madibuseng:Idon’
tknowyet
,thedoct
ori
sst
il
l
busywithher.
Me:OhmyGod.Iam onmyway.
Ihungup.
Leon:What
’swr
ong?
Me:ThatwasGranMadi
buseng;mygr
andmot
heri
s
att
hehospit
al.
Isai
djumpi
ngof
fthebed.
Leon:Hospi
tal
?
Me:Yes.Mygrandmotheri
sol
dLeon,
andshe
hasn’
tbeenwell
.Whatif
…
Hehuggedmef
rom behi
nd.
Leon:Stoprightther
e.Wedon’tknowwhatledto
herbeadmi ttedandIsuggestwedon’
tmake
assumpt i
ons.Wearsomet hi
ngwarm whi
lstIst
art
thecar.
Het
urnedmear
oundt
ofacehi
m.
Leon:Shei
sgoi
ngt
obef
ine.Okay?
Inoddedr
epeat
edl
y.

Tobecont
inued…
10

CALEBKAMANDE

Thenextmor ni
ngIwokeupwi thoutPandorabymy
side.Shegothomeverylat
elastnight
.Sheasked
tosleepint
heguestroom,toavoidunnecessar
y
fi
ghtsandpeace-Il
etherbe.

Igotoutofthebedandputonashirt
.Iwalkedout
andheadedt othenextr
oom,t
heguestroom.I
soft
lyknockedonthedoorbef
oreopeni
ng.Shewas
l
yingonherst omach,l
osti
nhert
houghts.
Me:Mor
ning.
Pandor
a:Goodmor
ning.
Me:CanIcomei
n?
Shegavemeasl i
ghtnod.Ist
eppedinsi
deand
closedt
hedoorbehi
ndme.Andt henwenttosi
ton
theedgeoft
hebed.
Me:Iam sor
ry.
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:Goofy?Iknowlat
elyI
’
vebeensoundingli
kea
br
okenrecord.I
t’
soneapologyaf
tert
heother
.
Pandora:Yetyoudot
het
hingsyoudo.Don’
tyou
gett
ir
ed?
Me:Whenyoucamet otheofficeyest
erdayyou
wereexpecti
nganythi
ngbutt hereact
ionIgaveyou.
Ishouldn’
thavesai
dallthat
.Iwaswr ongandf or
thatIapol
ogize,
Pandora:I
sitsohardtosuppor
tme,t
oputme
befor
eyourconcerns?Wearemarr
iedforPet
e’s
sake!
Me:Iknow,IknowandIam stupi
dtorepeatt
he
samethingoverandover
.Ipr
omisetodobetter
f
rom nowon.
Pandor
a:Iam t
ir
edoffi
ghti
ng.Everydaywef
inda
newthi
ngtofi
ghtabout
.Iti
sti
ring.
Me:Letusst
opf
ight
ingt
hen.
Shesatupst
rai
ght
.
Pandora:Iwil
lreachapointwhereIwi
llnottol
erat
e
yourshitandwhent hatt
imecomebestbelieveI
wil
lleaveandnotlookbackbecausetomei s
seemsl i
kethi
smar ri
ageisbecomingt
oomucht o
you.
Me:ComeonGoof
y,Il
oveyou.
Pandor
a:Iknow.
Me:NoIsai
dIl
oveyou.
Pandor
a:AndIhat
eyou.
Me:Br
eakf
ast
?
Sheshookherheadno.
Me:Youwi
llbet
ell
ingmemor
eaboutt
hej
ob,
pret
ty
pl
ease.
Pandor
a:Fi
ne!Nowst
opbeggi
ng,
itdoesn’
tsui
tyou.
Igotupandpi
ckedherup.
Pandor
a:CalebKamande,putmedown.Ineedt
o
brushmyteeth.(
Giggl
es)Cal
eb!
Me:No!Br
eakf
astf
ir
st.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Istar
edatmyphoner i
ngingandsi ghed.Islidit
undert hepi l
lowandt henl aidmypi l
lowdown.I t
wasBeyoncal l
ing.Ifelti
twast ooear lytoli
stento
hisstories.Whathappenedl astnightbr okemet o
thecor e;neverinthemi l
li
onyear sdi dIt hi
nkNandi
couldbet hatheartl
ess.Itwasevi dentt heysat
downandpl annedhowt heywant edt heeveningto
goabout .Iwasaf ooltot hinkshehadpur e
i
ntentions.

Hul
isaniwal
kedi
ntomybedr
oom wi
thoutknocki
ng.
Me:Whathappenedt
oknocki
ng?
Hul
isani
:Beyoni
sout
side.
Me:Whatdi
dyousay?
Hul
isani
:Beyoni
s…
Me:Ihear
dyou.
Hul
isani
:Thenwhydi
dyouaskme?
Me:Idon’
twantt
oseehi
m.
Ipul
ledt
heduvetovermyhead,
Me:Tel
lhi
m Iam notar
ound.
Hul
isani
:Whathappenedl
astni
ght
?
Me:Not
hinghappened.
Hul
isani
:Convi
nceme.
Me:Hul
isani
,not
hinghappenedokay!
Hul
isani
:Don’
tyoudar
erai
seyourvoi
ceatme.
Me:Iam sor
ry.Pl
easet
ellhi
m Iam notar
ound,
Iam
beggi
ngyou.
Hul
isani
:Mel
ani
e…
Me:Lotofthi
ngshappenedlastni
ghtandIdon’
t
wanttoseehim.Wellnotnowmaybelater
.
Hul
isani
:Okay.Iwi
l
lgoandt
ellhi
m.
Me:Thankyou.
Huli
sani
:Icanfeelsomet
hingbadhappenedatt
hat
st
upiddi
nnerthat’
swhyIam doingt
his.
Me:Iknow.
Heopenedt
hedoorandwal
kedout
.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Ihadhopedgoi
ngtotheagencywouldhelpme
l
ocateGabbybutIwaswrong.Iwasli
steni
ngto
Jewelt
ell
ingmehowitwentattheagencyandI
coul
dn’
thelpmysel
fbutj
ustcry.

Il
ayi
nbedandst ar
edatthecei
li
ng.I
twasqui
etf
or
awhi
le.Jewelwassit
ti
ngonthecouchbyt
he
wi
ndow.
*
**FLASHBACK*
**
Gabby:Luna,
Cal
vin,
pleasedon’
tlett
hem t
akeme.
Me:Aunt,
pleaseIam beggi
ngyou.Tal
kwi
tht
hem.
Ther
e’snoneedtotakeGabbyaway.
AuntKris:I
t’
sf orthebest.Sheisgoingtofinda
familyt
hatisgoi ngtoloveher.Idon’
thavemoney
totakecareofyout hreeandmychi l
dren.Nowstop
cryi
ngandsul king.
Cal
vin:Luna!Don’
tlett
hem t
akeGabby.
Ipull
edcryi
ngCal vi
nintomyar ms.Hehel dt
ightto
meandcont inuedtobegmet odosomething.What
couldIhavedone?AuntKr iswashell
-benton
taki
ngGabbyaway.“ It
’sforthebest
.Youwi l
lthank
meoneday. ”Thosewor dsescapedherlipsl
ikeit
wasnothingpainful
.
Wewi t
nessedauntytaki
ngGabbyaway.Theminut
e
theygoti
nsidethecarIknewshewasgoneand
goneforgood.Thecardroveoffl
eavi
ngonl
ydust&
memor i
eswehadwi thourli
tt
lesi
ster
.
Cal
vin:Shei
sgone,
theyt
ookher
.
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
sandl
ookedi
ntoCal
vin’
seyes.
Cal
vin:Whydoesi
thur
tsomuch?
Me:Sheisoursister,
ourbl
ood,andtheytookher
away.Theyseparatedthet
hreeofus.Theytookour
angelf
rom us.
*
***
**
Jewel
:Iam r
eall
ysorr
ymonkey.Iwassur
eI’
dfi
nd
somet
hingtohelpuswit
hthesear
ch.
Jewel
’
svoi
cebr
oughtmebackt
oreal
it
y.
Me:Iti
sokay.Ij
ustcan’tbel
ievewehavenot
hingi
n
ourhands.Whatam Igoingtodo?
Jewel
:Wemovet
opl
anB.
Me:Andt
hati
s?
Jewel
:Hi
ri
ngapr
ivat
einvest
igat
or.
Me:I
’
vet
houghtaboutt
hataswel
l
.
Jewel
:Iwi
llt
alkwi
thLor
enzo,
don’
twor
ryabouti
t.
Icurl
eduponmysi
de,
wit
hmyar
m cur
ledont
opof
thepi
llow.
Me:Enoughaboutme.Howi
sgr
andma?
Jewel
:Sheisnotoutofthewoodsyet.Thedoct
or
l
it
eral
lyt
oldustobereadyforanyt
hing.
Me:I
sthatbad?
Jewel
:Iti
s.Shewasdi
agnosedwi
thhear
tfai
lur
e
andit
’sworseni
ng.
Me:Iam sor
rymonkey.Iwi
sht
her
ewassomet
hing
Icandoforyou.
Jewel
:Yoursuppor
tmeansal
ott
ome.
Me:Iwil
lpassbyt
hehospi
tall
ateron.Iam goi
ngt
o
seeNoa.
Jewel
:It
houghtyouwer
est
art
ingt
omor
row.
Me:Iam.Iam onl
ygoi
ngt
oover
seef
ewt
hings.
Jewel
:Isee.Letmecal
lthePI
.
Idi
dn’twantt
ogetexcitedagai
n,Idi
donceandI
wasdisappoi
nted.Fr
om whereIwasstanding
not
hingseemedt oconnectmetoGabby,nothi
ngat
al
l.
MELANI
EMASUTHA

Aft
erwhatseemedlikeali
fet
imeIfi
nal
lygotoutof
myr oom.Theminut
eIwalkedint
othesit
ti
ngroom
mymooddr oppedto0.Therewasmymot herwit
h
Beyondri
nkingt
ea.
It
houghtmom wasn’
tar
oundandwher
e’sHul
isani
?
Di
dn’
tIaskhi
mt osendhi
m away?
Mom:Ohnana,
youar
eawake?Yourbr
othersai
d
youwer
esl
eepi
ng.
Iwal
kedupt
othem.
Me:Iwas.Whendi
dyougetback?
Mom:Fewmi nutesago.Andl
ookwhoIf
ound
par
kingout
side.
Me:Iam sur
pri
sedhewasst
il
lher
e.Wher
eismy
br
other
?
Mom:I
nhisroom.I
sever
ythi
ngokaybet
weent
he
t
woofyou?
Inodded.
Beyon:Babe,
canwet
alk?
Me:Act
ual
lyIcan’
t…
Beyon:Mel
ani
e?
Mom:Letmegi
veyouspace.Son-
in-
law,
itwasni
ce
t
oseei
ngyou.
Beyon:I
twasni
ceseei
ngyout
oo.
Mymot
herwal
kedaway.
Beyon:Sonowyouar
esendingyourbr
othert
oli
e
tome?Howdidwegethere?
Isatacr
osshi
m.
Beyon:Wecan’
tpr
etendl
ikel
astni
ghtdi
dn’
t
happen.
Me:What
’st
her
etot
alkabout
?
Beyon:Whyareyoumakingmethebadpersonher
e?
Idi
dn’tknowmymot herwasgoi
ngt
oactthatway.
Nandiisunpr
edi
ctabl
e.
Me:Ohyoudi
dn’
t?
Beyon:Ofcour
seIdi
dn’
t.Li
stenMel
ani
e,Ican’
t
st
opmymot
herf
rom voi
cingheropi
nions.
Me:Butyoucanpr
otectme.Shet
alkedabout
cancel
li
ngt
heweddingandyousai
dnothing.
Heshr
ugged.
Beyon:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
oletmet
alkornot
?
Me:Sor
ry.
Beyon:IloveyouandIam i nar elat
ionshipwit
hyou
notmymot her.Mymot herhadnor ighttotal
kwi t
h
youlikethat,
infactsheshouldn’thave.Igenuinel
y
thoughtshehadpur eintent
ionswhenshei nvi
ted
youfordinner.Shesaidithersel
f.
Me:Andyoubel
ievedher
?
Beyon:Shedi
dn’
tgi
vemer
easonsnott
o.
Me:Trul
yspeaki
ngBeyon,
youseem unbot
her
edby
oursi
tuat
ion.
Beyon:That
’swhatyouthi
nkbutt
rustmewhenI
sayiti
snotthetrut
h.Iam ver
ymuchtouchedabout
thi
swholething.
Me:I
tdoesn’
tseem so.Thi
sist
hei
ntr
oduct
ionof
whatIwi llbef acingbutIwasr eadytoendur et he
painbecauseIl oveyou.Idi dn’
twakeupand
chooset his.Ididn’tchooset oloseeachandever y
pregnancy.Ther e’
snothingIwantt hant obea
mot herinsteadofbei ngamot hertor ainbowbabi es.
Itispainfulandsomehowyourf ami l
yisf i
nding
pleasureint hatsamepai n.Yoursisterwasbr ave
enought osayIam cur sed.Cur sed?We’ veseen
specialt
ydoct ors, wenttoseepr ophet sbutnoone
hasbeenabl et ohelpusandst il
lyoursi st
er
decidedt osayIam cur sed.Yourmot herinsi
nuated
thatmaybeIam abor ti
ng.Thener ve!
Beyon:Youar
eupsetr
ightnowandIunder
stand…
Me:Youunderst
and?Youal
waysdot
hisBeyon;
youneverl
etussol
veanyt
hing.
Beyon:Youknowthat
’snott
rue.Youbecome
i
mpossiblewhenyouareupset.
Me:Maybeyourmot
heri
sri
ght
,weshoul
dcancel
t
hewedding.
Beyon:Tal
kwi
thyoul
ater
.Youar
enott
hinki
ng
st
raight
.
Hegotupandki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Isteppedoutofthecarandwalkedacrosst
hecars
attheparki
nglotofthefi
rm.Mymeet i
ngwithNoa
wasi nfewminutes.AsIwasabouttowalkinsi
de
thebuil
dingmyphoner ang,
itwasMoon.
Me:Si
ster
s.
Moon:Guesswhat
?Iam i
nthet
own.
Me:Andyoudi
dn’
tsayanyt
hing.Wher
ear
eyou
now?
Moon:Onmywayt odr
optheCV.It
ookyouradvi
ce
andwit
hGraceofGodIwi
llgett
hej
ob.
Me:Ofcour
seyouwi l
l.Wher
e’syourl
uggage?Don’
t
t
ellmeyouarewal
kingaroundwithit
.
Moon:No.Myl
uggagei
satmyf
ri
end’
srent
alhouse.
Me:Youar
emorethanwel
cometocomeandst
ay
wi
thus…wetal
kedaboutt
his…
Idart
edmyeyestoNoa’
sdirect
ion,
shewal
kingout
ofherof
fi
ceal
ongsi
deWill
iams.
Me:Letmecal
lyouback,
okay?
Moon:Nopr
obl
em si
ster
s.
Ihungup.

JEWELMUDAU

Isetdowntheglassofwat
erandl
ookedatmy
coll
eague,
Elel
wani.
Me:Whendi
dthi
shappen?
El
elwani:Accor
dingt
ohermother,shegavebir
th
l
astweek.Whensher et
urnedhomesheaskedher
wherethechil
dwas,seei
ngthatsheisnolonger
pr
egnant …
Me:Andt
hat
’swhenshet
oldher
,shehaddumped
t
hebaby?
Shenodded.
Me:Wetalkedwi
tht
hisyounggi
rl,hermot
hertoo.
Wecounsell
edandgaveheropt
ions,andwhatdid
shedo?Shegavebi
rthandGodknowswher eshe’d
l
eftt
hebaby.
Elelwani
:Weneedtocont
actt
hepol
ice.Shehast
o
tel
lwhereshel
eftt
hebabyorwhosheleftt
hebaby
with.
Me:Pleaset
ryandtal
kwit
hherbeforethepol
ice
ar
ri
ve.Wedon’twanthert
ofeelcor
nered.
Teenagepregnancyhadal waysbeent hebiggest
i
ssueinSouthAf rica.I
fsomeoneasol dasmest i
ll
fr
eakedoutafterlearni
ngtheyarepr egnantthen
whatcouldweexpectf r
om ateen?Tendanir efused
tohaveanabor t
ionwhenhermot hertalkedwithher.
Shetoldusshewant ednot
hingtodowi ththebaby
whenit’
sbornbutsheneverment ionedt hi
s.Iwas
veryhurt
.
Elel
wani:Tendanii
sturni
ngeight
eensoonand
ther
e’sapossibi
li
tyforhert
obear r
est
ed.Ha!
Me:Ele!Anddonotpressur
eher .Wedon’
tknow
whatshemi ghtdoi
fsheispressured.
Shegotup.
El
elwani:Outofallt
hej
obsinSA,IchoseSoci
al
worker
.Whatf orGod?Becausewow!
Me:Don’
tyoudar
eEl
elwani
.
El
elwani
:Bye,
seeyoul
ater
.
Shewal
kedout
.

Tobecont
inued…
11

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasst andi
ngbythewindowst
ari
ngoutsidewhen
aknocksoundedont hedoor
.It
houghtItoldmy
assist
antIdidn’
twantt
oseeanyoneunti
lnoon,I
shrugged.
Me:Comei
n.
It
urnedar
oundast
hedooropened.
“
Brot
her
-i
n-l
aw.
”Igl
aredather
.
Me:Moon,
whatal
ovel
ysur
pri
se.Pl
easecomei
n.
Moon:Andpleasedon’
tfi
reyourassist
ant
,shetol
d
meyoudon’twanttoseeanyoneunlessan
appoi
ntmentwasmade.Iplayedthefamil
ycardon
hi
m.
Shesai
dpul
li
ngt
hechai
rtosi
tdown.
Me:Youhadt
odot
hatnowdi
dn’
tyou?
Moon:Gui
lt
y.
Me:Whatbr
ingsyouher
e?
Moon:Icamet
osubmi
tmyCV.
Me:Ohyeah,
Pandoramenti
onedthatyouare
l
ooki
ngforajob.How’
sjobhunt
inggoing?
Moon:Notasmoothjour
ney.Ial
readygotr
eject
ed
onfewpost
sso,yeah.
Me:Withther
ateofunempl
oymenti
nSouthAfrica
one’
sfait
hcanneverbest
rongwhenappl
ying.
Gett
ingajobi
t’
sbecomingastr
uggl
e.
Moon:Tel
lmeabouti
tbr
other
-i
n-l
aw.
Me:You’
vebeent
othehouseal
ready?Pandor
a
sai
dyouwil
lbest
ayi
ngwithusforawhil
e.
Shesnappedherf
inger
s.
Moon:Thatwast
heplanbutIdeci
dedagai
nsti
t,I
don’
twanttobeabur
dentoyouguys.Afri
endgot
mecovered…
Me:Nonsense.AndPandorawi
llbever
yhappyt
o
havesomeoneinthehouse.
Moon:Iknowbut
…
Me:Nobut
s.Getupnowandheadt
othehouse.
Thet
elephoner
ang,
itwasHR.
Me:Sor
ry,
Ihavet
otaket
his.
Moon:I
t’
sfi
ne.
Me:Tayl
or?
Tay:Kamande,
Dor
isj
ustsubmi
tt
edherr
esi
gnat
ion
l
etter
.
Me:What
?Ineverr
ecei
vedhernot
ice,
didyou?
Tay:No.Andt
hat
’snotal
l;shei
sst
art
ingt
omor
row
athernewj
ob.Weur
gent
lyneedat
emp.
Me:Dori
scan’
tjustdumpusli
kethi
s,wit
hout
l
ett
ingusknow.(Si
ghs)Letmegetbacktoyou.
Il
ookedatMoonandhungup.
Me:You,
youngl
adygotyour
sel
faj
ob.
Sheshookherheadsl
ight
ly.
Moon:Youki
ddi
ngmer
ight
?
Me:No,ourr
ecept
ionistjustr
esigned,
weneed
someonetoholdi
nforherunt i
lweadvert
iset
he
post
.Nowgot oHR,tellherIsentyou.
Moon:Idon’
tknowwhatt
osay.
Me:Getyourbehi
ndupandgot
oHR.St
opt
alki
ng
t
oomuch.
Shel
aughedandgotup.
Moon:Thankyoubr
other
-i
n-l
aw,
thankyousomuch.
Il
aughedatherasshewal
kedout
.

MELANI
EMASUTHA
Iwassi
tt
ingi
nthegar
denwi
thJewel
.
Shewasverydownwhenshecameher esomethi
ng
todowithherwork.Iwasf
eel
ingbadbecause
i
nsteadofcheer
ingherup,
Iwastell
inghermysob
andsadstori
es.
Me:Iam notsurei
fIwantt
ocont
inuewi
tht
he
weddi
ngornot .
Jewel
:Idi
dn’
thearyou.Whatdi
dyousay?
Me:Iam notsosur
e.Eachdaypassinggiveme
reasonst
ostopandendeveryt
hing.Idon’
tknow
whattodo.Thi
ngsarespi
ral
l
ingoutofcontrol
Jewel.
Discussingmylovelifewit
hJeweldidn’tbotherme.
She’smycousin’swife,butshewasmor eofa
si
sterthanthat
.Talkingwithherf
eltl
iketalki
ngwith
mymot her,
sheli
stenedtomewi t
houtjudgement .
Me:Iam gr
owi
ngtir
edofthisbackandf or
th.
Mother
-i
n-l
awi
samonst erandIdon’tseeher
gi
vingmeachance.Idon’
tevenknowwhatt odo…
Jewel
:Whati
sBeyon’
stakei
nal
loft
his?
Me:I
fIsayIknowIwi
llbel
yingbutwhatIknowi
s
t
hathelovesme.
Jewel
:Andyoul
ovehi
mtoo.I
sn’
twhatmat
ter
s?
Me:Ofcour seIdolovehim buti
fNandiissti
lli
n
ourli
ves,BeyonandIwillneverbehappywithout
hergett
inginvol
ved.Wewi l
lkeeponfight
ingand
makingup.
Jewel
:ThenIthinkyouwil
lagreewi
thmewhenI
sayi
t’
sti
met otellt
heel
ders.Bothf
amil
iesneedt
o
meetanddiscussthi
s…
Me:Fami
lymeet
ing?
Jewel:Yes.Doyout hinkyourf
atherwi
llbehappyto
hearwhatisgoi ngonbetweenyouandyouri n-
laws?
Idon’
twantt oment i
onyourbrother
s,Huli
saniwil
l
breat
hf i
rethemi nut
ehehearaboutthis.Youneed
them Melanie.
Me:Andt
hat
’swhatIdon’
twant
…
Jewel
:Maybei
t’
swhatyouwanti norderf
oryout
o
enj
oythi
smarr
iage.I
fNandiknowsthatyourf
amil
y
i
sbehindyou,shewi
llt
hinkt
wicebef
oreshei
nsul
ts
orbul
lyyou.
Me:That
’st
heonl
yopt
ionIhave?
Jewel
:Thatorbr
eakthi
ngsof
fwi
thBeyon.The
choi
ceisyour
sKiddo.
Tell
ingmybr ot
hersandf atherwassomet hi
ngI
didn’
twantbutagainIthoughti twoul
dn’tbeabad
i
deat olett
hem inonmypai n.Nandihadtobe
repri
mandedbef or
ethi
ngsescal at
edint
o
somet hi
nghugeandpai nful.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Icrossedmyar
msovermychestasIwal
ked
besideNoa.
Me:Wher
eisDani
ell
a?
Noa:
Wit
hacl
ientbutsheknowyouar
eher
e.
Igaveherasl
ightnodaswecontinuedt
owal
k.Noa
stoppedi
nhertracksandl
ookedatme.
Noa:
Justt
obesur
e,ar
eyour
eady?
Me:Readyf
orwhat
?
Noa:Emot
ionalr
eady?Thepr
essur
ethatwi
llcome
wit
hthi
str
ial
…
It
il
tedmyheadl
aughi
ng.
Me:Iwouldn’
tbeher
eifIwasn’
t.Ar
ewehavi
ng
secondt
houghts?
Noa: What?No.Ionl
ywant edt
obesur e.If
eell
ikeI
wast oohardonyoutheotherday.Li
keIwas
self
ish,youknow?Thinki
ngaboutmycompanyand
profi
ts…
Me:That
’snott
rue.Iam readyandIwi
llt
rybyal
l
meansnottodi
sappointyou.
Noa:
Don’
ttr
ytot
oomuch.
Dani
ell
awal
kedupt
ous.
Me:Wheremycli
ent
sandbossareconcer
ned,I
havenochoi
cebutt
o.Youdon’
thavetoworr
y
aboutme.
Dani
ell
a:Si
sterBoss,
Senor
aPi
t-
bul
l.
Me:Thatname?It
houghti
tdi
edwhenIl
eft
.
Dani
ell
a:I
twi
llnever
.
Noa:
Iwi
llbei
nmyof
fi
cei
fyouneedanyt
hing.
Me:Okay.
Dani
ell
a:Thi
swaySenor
a.
Il
edt
heway.
Me:Doyouhaveever
ythi
ngwi
thyou?St
atement
s
yout
ook?
Dani
ell
a:Yes.Her
e.
It
ookt
hef
il
esf
rom her
.
Me:Accusedandwi
tnessesst
atement
s?
Dani
ell
a:Bothofthem.Andallt
hei
nfor
mat
ionI
’
ve
gat
heredisonthegreenfi
le.
Me:Wear
egoi
ngt
oneedast
rongcof
fee.
Isai
dtaki
ngaseat
.
Iwasexcit
edbutscaredatt
hesamet i
me.There
wasalottodo,andthat“
lot
”requi
redpat
ienceand
dedi
cat
ion.
JEWELMUDAU

Itookalookatt hisyounggir
lwhowascur l
edupon
thebed,kneespr essedtoherchest.Herfacewas
wor nout.Thedressshewaswear i
ngwast ornand
bloody.Herweakcr iesandhiccupsweregoing
strai
ghttomyhear t
.Icoul
dn’thandlewhatIwas
seeing;i
twast oomuchf orme.AsawomanIf el
t
sickandhur t
.
Ashhel
dmyar
m.Icamewi
thher
,she’
sthenur
se.
Ash:Mr
sMudau,
areyouokay?
Me:Yes.No,
Ican’
t…Pl
easegi
vemeami
nort
wo.
Icar
ri
edmylegsoutofthehouse.Isatont
hef
ir
st
chai
rmyeyeslandedon.
WhatIsawi nsidether
ewashear tbreaking.I
couldn’
tstandther
eandl ookatthatyounggi r
l.Ai
n’t
parentssupposedtoprotectt
hei
rchi l
dren?Ifher
parentwast heoneabusingher,
who’ ssupposedto
shi
eldher?Who’ ssupposedtostandbyherand
pr
otectherdi
gni
ty?Noman.

Wewer ecalledbyLi hl
e’sneighbouri
nfor mingusof
whathadbeengoi ngoni nthehousenextdoor .The
younggirl
’smot herpassedonf ewmont hsago,
l
eavingLihleandherl i
ttl
esisteratt
heirfather ’
s
mercy.Itwassai dthefatherwasabusi ngLi hle,
sexual
lyandphysi call
y.Whenwear r
ivedatt he
housewedi dn’tfi
ndhim, Lihl
esaidhel eftadayago.
Didn’
tsaywher ehewasgoi ng,notsomet hingnew
ther
e.
“
”Mr sMudau.
”ItwasAsh.Iwi
pedmyt
ear
sand
r
aisedmyheadt of
aceher.
Ash:Iwasont
hephonewi
tht
heFCS.Theywi
llbe
her
esoon.
Me:ThankyouAshandsor
ryaboutwhat
…
Ash:Noneedt
oapol
ogi
ze.Iunder
stand.
Igaveheranodandgotup.
Me:Wher
eisheryoungersi
s?
Ash:Li
hlesai
dshei
snextdoorpl
ayi
ng.
Me:Okay.Letmegoandhaveawor
dwi
thLi
hle.
Iwal
kedbackinsi
de.If
oundherl
yingont hebed.I
st
oodther
eforawhilet
henwenttositbesideher.
Me:Li
hle,
Iam JewelMudau.TheSoci
alWor
ker
…
Li
hle:Iknowwhoyouar
e.
Me:Youdo?
Li
hle:Yes.
Me:Canyoupl
easesi
tupst
rai
ght
?Iwantust
otal
k.
Ami nutepassedbef or
eshesatupst rai
ght.When
shef acedme, Icoul
dcl ear
lyseeherface.Itwasn’
t
pleasing,herl
eftcheekwasbr uised.Herchinhada
cutbutt hecutwasn’tthatvisi
ble.
Me:Howol
dar
eyou?
Li
hle:13.
Me:Forhowl
onghast
hisbeengoi
ngon?
Li
hle:Si
nceIwas10.I tst
art
edwhenmymot her
wasstil
lal
ive;hebecamewor sewhenmom passed
on.Hejustbecamet hi
smonst er
.
Me:Yourmot
herknewwhatwasgoi
ngon?
Li
hle:Yes.
Me:Shenevert
ri
edt
opr
otectyouf
rom yourf
ather
?
Lihle:Shewasadr unkar d;i
tonlymatter
edwhenI
toldher.Themi nut
eshegr abbedthebott
leofbeer
,
i
twasol dnews-li
kesheneverhear danythingof
thatnature.It
ir
edr unningawaybutheal ways
foundmeoraskshi sfr
iendstolookforme.
Iwast
ryi
ngtofi
ghtbackt
het
ear
s.Iwast
orn,
she
wasbr
eakingmywall
s.
Me:Baby,
hasheevert
ri
edsomet
hingwi
thyour
si
ster
?
Lihl
e:Iwoul
dn’tknow.Therear
eti
meswher
eIdon’
t
seeher.I
nfacthef or
bidsmetoseeher
.
Il
etoutal
oudsi
gh.Ther
ewasapossi
bil
it
y,abi
g
one.
Me:Youaregoi
ngtobesafe;Iwil
ldoanythi
ngto
makesur
eyourfat
hernevertouchyou.Igi
veyou
myword.
Shel
aidherheadonmychestandcr
iedqui
etl
y.
Me:Don’
tcr
y.I
t’
sgoi
ngt
obeokay.
I
twasevi dent
;shewai tedforsolongtoheart
hose
words.Whenshef i
nall
yheardthem shefel
tsafe.
Youcouldseef rom hereyesthatshefear
edher
fat
her.I
nsteadofgoi ngtoschoolshewasstayi
ng
i
n,feedi
ngherf ather
’sdesir
es.

CALEBKAMANDE

Il
oosenedmyt
ieandgotup.Iwasi
nCar
los’
sof
fi
ce.
Carloshadaconst ructi
oncompany, i
twasn’
ta
multi-
mill
ionair
ecompanybuti twascashingi
n.He
alsodealtwithtenders.Werecent
lybidandgott
he
tendertobuildhousesf oror
phans.Ihad5%shares
i
nhi scompany.
Me:IneedmoneyandIneedi
tassoonaspossi
ble.
Car
los:What
’st
heur
gency?
Me:I
tisbet
teryoudon’
task.
Car
los:Ok.Wear
esupposedt
ogett
hemoneyl
ater
t
odayort
omor
row.Youwi
llgetyourshar
e.
Hesof
tl
ylaughed.
Carl
os:Outofallt
hetender
swe’
vegot,thi
soneis
thebest
.Wear ewalki
ngawaywith50%ofthe
budgetwedrew.Ourpocketswi
llbeheavywi
th
moneyinthenextdays.
Me:It
’st
hankst omeforgett
ingt
heguyswhowi l
l
beprovi
dinguswithmater
ial
s.Wegotcheapest
bui
ldi
ngmat er
ial
,
Poorqual
ity?Idi
dn’tr
eal
lycar
e.Whatmat
ter
ed
wasbuil
dingthehouses.

JEWELMUDAU

Thecaseagai nstLihle’
sfatherwasopened,
problem nooneknewwher ehewas.Li hl
ewasat
thehospital,
whilstwewer etherearel
ati
vecame
through.Lihl
e’saunt.Shesaidshewascal ledby
someonet elli
ngheraboutt hepoli
cecars,shewas
thentoldwhathappened.Shesai dLi
hle’
sfather
keptherawayf
rom t
hem andwant
edtot
aket
hem
i
n.Myj obwasdoneandIwashappy.

Iwasatthehospitalwheremygrandmotherwas
admitt
ed,Ifoundmyuncl eKBt
here.My
grandmotherwasn’tdoi
ngwell
atall,
shewas
gett
ingworse.
Gran:Whyareyousad?YouthoughtIwi
lll
iveunt
il
for
ever?I
fit
’smyti
mel etmego.
KB:Mama,
it’
snoteasy.
Me:Whosaidyouar
edyi
ng?St
opt
alki
ngl
iket
hat
.
Justst
op.
Shecoveredhermout
handcoughed.Shewasi
n
pai
n.Icouldt
ell
.
Me:Onecanneverber
eadyf
orsomet
hingl
iket
his
andIr
efuset
oaccepti
t.
KB:Stopupset
ti
ngyourself
,andMama,st
opsaying
youaredyi
ng.Thedoct
or sareher
etohel
pyou.You
aregoingt
ogetbet
ter
.
Gr
an:Iam ol
dandt
ir
ed.(
Coughs)i
fIpasson,
KB
takecar
eofyourni
eceandsi
ster
.Theywi
llhaveno
onebutyou.Pr
omisemeson.
KB:Ipr
omi
seyouMama.

Tobecont
inued…
12

PANDORAKAMANDE

Latert
hatdayIwenttoseeAydenandhisfr
iends.
Theywer ekepti
ncust
odyunti
lthei
rtr
ial
appearancewhichwasinf
ewweeks.

Pant
her
:Wear
ebei
ngf
ramed.Wedi
dn’
tki
llanyone.
Me:Ihearyou.Andj
ustt
obecl
earwi
thyoual
l…
Ir
est
edmyel
bowsont
het
abl
e.
Me:Thethreeofyouhadafightwi
thMrDiazand
MrHernandez,i
naclubthr
eedaysbefor
etheywere
br
utal
lyki
ll
ed?
Theynoddedr
epeat
edl
y.
Me:Thedayt heywer ekill
ed,t
hef iveofyouwer e
seenatthegol fclub,pl
ayingtoget her.Threehours
l
ater,t
heywer egunneddownatDi az’
sapar t
ment.
CCTVshowedVi perintheneighbour hoodf ew
minutesaftertheattack.Thefirearmt hatkill
edboth
menwasf oundi nyourwar ehousedownt own.
Forensi
cf oundPant herandAyden’ sfingerpri
ntson
i
t,andViper’sDNAwasf oundatt hecr imescene.
Makingthet hreeofyou, keysuspect sint hecase.
Am Icorrect,gentl
emen?
Ayden:Youar
ecor
rect
.
Panther
:Theper
sonwhodi dthi
ssomehow
managedtogetourfi
nger
print
sonthatfir
earm.We
workwithl
otofpeopl
eandnotallofthem ar
e
si
ncere.We’
vemademor eenemiesthanfri
ends.
Vi
per
:TheDNAi
sdef
ini
tel
ypl
ant
ed.

Me:Andt
hoset
ext
s?
Viper
:Theyweredoctored.Yes, t
hingswer enotso
goodbetweenusandt hegentlemenbutt hat’
s
nothi
ngnewi nourl
ineofwor k.Wedi sagreeon
thi
ngsbutwealwaysf i
ndawayt oovershadow
them.Thatiswhywewer eatt hegolfclubtheday
theywereki
ll
ed.Wewer eironingthingsbet ween
thefi
veofus.
Il
etoutal
oudsi
gh.
Me:Listen,Iam yourl awyerandformet ohel
pyou,
Iexpectyout otellmet hetr
uth.Idon’
tli
ke
surpri
sesandl iars.There’
sincr
iminat
ingevi
dence
againstthethreeofyou.Gr udgeornogrudge.So
nowgent lement ellme,didyouordidyounotkil
lMr
DiazandHer nandez?Huh?
Ayden:Wedi
dn’
t.Weswearonourchi
ldr
en’
sli
ves.
Me:Okay.Iwi
lldowhat
everi
ttakest
opr
oofyour
i
nnocence.

Tomebei ngacri
mi naldefencelawyerwas
somethi
ngIenjoyed.Ialwayslikedachall
engeand
thatwasonethi
ngmycar eerhadbroughttome.I
gotusedt
oworkunderpr
essur
eandst
il
lbeabl
eto
thi
nkonmyfeet
.
Me:Dani
ell
atol
dmeshehadaskedyout
opl
ead
gui
lt
y.
Vi
per
:Shedidbutt
hat
’st
hel
astt
hingwewant
.We
ar
enotgui
lt
y.
Me:Iam notgoi
ngtoadviseyoutopl
eadguil
ty.I
wi
lll
eavenostoneuntur
ned,youri
nnocencewillbe
pr
oven.Doyoutrustme?
Pant
her
:Wedo.
Me:That
’sal
lIneed.
Pant
her
:Let’
ssaywel
ose,
howmanyyear
sar
ewe
l
ooki
ngat?
Ikeptqui
etandl
ookedatt
hem.
Ayden:Wecan’thelpbutwonder.MrsKamande,we
ar
enotsai nt
sandwe’ vedonet
hingsthatai
n’t
pl
easing.Oldfi
lesar
egoingtobeopened.
Me:Justknowyouwon’tgetl
if
e.Ifthecourtf
inds
youguil
ty,
Iwil
lnegot
iat
eforalessersent
ence.
Okay?
Pant
her
:Wesee.
Me:I’
l
lstudyt
heevidencei
nhand, i
nter
viewall
wit
nessesandgetbacktoyou.Fornow,stayoutof
t
roubl
e.
Theyl
ookedateachot
herandl
aughedasIgotup.
Me:Iam notj
oki
ng.
Vi
per
:Wewi
ll
.
Me:Iwi
llseeyou.Byef
ornow.
Theguardwentt
othedoorandopenedi
t.Bef
oreI
walkedout
,Pant
hercal
ledout
.
Pant
her
:ThankyouMr
sK.Weappr
eci
atei
t.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iputtheglassofwat
eront
hecount
erandt
urnedt
o
faceCordeli
a.
Me:Peanut
,lookatt
het
ime.Ihavet
ogo.
Shewal
kedupt
ome.
Del
ia:Doyoureal
lyhavet
ogonow?Yourwi
feis
pr
obablybusywit
hacaseortoot
ir
edtopl
easeyou.
Pl
easestayforf
ewmi nut
es.
Me:Iam goi
ng…
Deli
a:TellmeCal eb,whenareyoul eavingher?
Becauseal lIhearisexcusesafterexcuses.Howdo
youthinkIf eelaboutyoubeingwi t
hherever ynight
,
shari
ngabedwi thher?Youonlyseemewheni t’
s
convenientf oryou.Iam notget
tinganyyounger
andIam damnt ir
edofbeingasecr etlove.Youain’
t
l
eavingher ,areyouCal eb?
Me:Canwenotdot hi
snow?Let’
stal
kaboutt
his
af
terourweekendgat
eway.Canwe?
Deli
a:Anot
herlef
toff.Iam st
art
ingt
othi
nkyouar
e
notseri
ousaboutus.Damnyou!
Me:Howcanyousayt
hat
?Iam.Andst
opyel
li
ngat
me.
Deli
a:Fortwoyear
syou’vebeen“ serious”
.Iam t
he
foolher
e,yesIam.Ifyoureall
ywant edtobewith
meyouwoul dhavelongleftPandora.Youare
getti
ngtoocomfor
tableatthi
shidingandbl i
ndi
ng
Pandor
a,hur
ti
ngmei
nthepr
ocess.
Me:Ij
ustcan’
tleaveher
.Andyouknowwhy…

Shet
hrewherhandsi
ntheai
randmovedaway
fr
om me.
Me:Ioncetri
edtotel
lherbutshesuddenl
yfel
lsick.
Shewaslateradmit
tedtoapsychi
atri
chospit
al,
I
coul
dn’
thavediscusseddivor
cewhenshewasat
herl
owest.Icoul
dn’t
.
Del
ia:Webothknowshewi l
lneverbewell,sheis
si
ckinthehead.Per
iod!Cal
eb,thesooneryouleave
her
,thesoonerwegonnabet oget
her.Don’
tyou
wantthat
?
Me:Canyoujustst
op?Iam her
ewi
thyou.Ort
hat
doesn’
tcount
?
Del
ia:Youar
egoi
ngbackt
oher
.Youar
e…
It
ookasteptowardsher
.Myar
msf
oundr
est
ar
oundherneck.
Me:Justst
opstressing.Iwi
llneverpl
aygames
wi
thyou,youknowt hat.YouknowmePeanut .
Shekeptqui
et,
Ilookedi
ntohereyes.
Me:Iam goingtol
eaveher
.Don’tyout
rustme?
Af
terever
ythingwe’
vebeenthr
ough?
Shepr
essedherl
ipst
oget
herandsl
owl
ynodded.
Del
ia:Ido.It
’sj
ustthat
,sometimesIdon’
tknow
whereIstandwithyou.It
’sbeentwoyear
s.
Me:Al
lIneedi
sti
me.Iwi
llsor
tthi
sout
.Igi
veyou
myword.
Del
ia:Okay.

Istart
edtickl
ingher
;shet
hrewherheadbackand
start
edlaughing.
Me:Whoknewjumpi ngintothatheatedargument
wit
hyouatthegrocerystor
ewoul drewindmewi t
h
t
heloveofmyli
fe?
Del
ia:Yousuchani
diot
.
Me:Butyoul
ovemel
iket
hat
.
Del
ia:LeaveherorIam l
eavi
ngyou.
Witht
hatsai
d,shebr
okeoutofmyembr
aceand
gavemeherback.
Del
ia:Leavemykeys.Youwon’
tneedi
ngt
hem f
ora
whi
le.
Me:ComeonPeanut
.
Ihal
fyel
led.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Mymot herwalkedi
nwhilstIwasmoppi
ngthe
ki
tchenfl
oor.Shestoodatthedoor
,wat
chi
ngme.I
gaveherside-
eyeandshookmyhead.
Me:Youcancomeandhel
pme,
youknowt
hatr
ight
?
Mama:What’
stheuseofhavi
ngki
dsi
fIwi
llendup
moppi
ngthefl
oors?
Me:Wow,
perksofhavi
ngchi
ldr
enar
etoomany.
Enj
oyt
hem Mama.
Icont
inuedt
omop.
Mama:Ihear
dyourconver
sat
ionwi
thJewel
…
Me:Oh?Youdi
d?
Mama:Yeah.Iwasn’
teavesdr
oppi
ng.
Me:Iknowyouwer
en’
t.
Mama:Whydi
dn’
tyout
ellme?
Me:Ijust-
Ijustdi
dn’
tknowhowtotel
lyou.You
al
wayst ol
dmet ost
andmygroundandIfeltl
ike
comingtoyoucr yi
ngwouldmakemelookweak.I
don’
tknow.
Mama:Ther e’snothi
ngweakaboutthepainthey
areinfl
ict
ingyou.Nandimessedwiththewrong
mot her
;sheisgoingtohearitf
rom me.Iam not
goingtoletthi
ssli
de,never
!
Ist
oppedmoppi
ngandl
ookedather
.
Me:That
’swhyIdi
dn’
twantsayanyt
hing.Mama,
I
don’
twantyout
ofi
ghtwi
thher.
Mama:Ifdef
endingmychi
ldmeansfi
ght
ingt
hen
sobei
t.Iam notgoi
ngt
ospareher
.
Me:Ma…
Mama:NoMel ani
e,Ir
efuse.Whoi
sgoi
ngt
odef
end
youi
fIdon’
t?
Me:Iam t
ir
edofconst
antbi
cker
ingandi
nsul
ts.
Mama:That’
swhywear egoingtoputanendt
oit
.
Jesus,
whodoesshethinksheis?I
nsult
ingmy
daught
erasi
fsheisGod?NotevenGodcan
condemnyouli
ket
his.Yeses!
Mymot herwasangr
y.Iknewt
hent
hatt
hingswer
e
notgoi
ngt oendwel
l.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwashel pi
ngMoonwithherluggage.Pandor
a
askedmet ogoandfetchheratherfri
end’
srent
al
house.Whilewewerebusygetti
ngherluggageout
ofthebonnetcar
,herphonerang.Itwashermother
cal
ling.
Moon:Yes,
canyoubeli
evemyl uck?Godis
amazi
ngMom…Iwi l
lthankthem onyourbehal
f…
ComeonMom, Iwon’
tbotherthem.Iwon’
tmess
t
hisup.Ipr
omi
se.
Shestar
tedci
rcli
ngherf
ootonthepavement
ki
cki
ngsmallstonest
hatweret
here.
Moon:Mont hendIam movi
ngout.Myincomeaft
er
deducti
onsissomewhereR4200.
00.Iam sur
eIcan
fi
ndar oom t
orent
…Okay,Iwil
lcal
lyoubefor
eIgo
tobed.ByeMom.
Shehungupandt
urnedt
ome.
Me:Youknowyoudon’
thavetomoveout,r
ight
?
Thehousei
sbi
genoughforthet
hreeofus.
Moon:IknowbutIam notonet
oover
staymy
wel
come.
Me:Nonsense.Thi
sisyourhouset
oo.

Wecontinuedt
otal
kbef
orewewal
kedi
nsi
det
he
house.
Moon:Idon’
tknowhowt othankyou.WhenIcame
her
eIhadnoi deaIwi
llgetajob,
sofast
.
Me:I
fyoucommi
tyour
sel
f,Tayl
ormi
ghthi
reyou.
Andyoufor
getaboutt
hesal
esconsul
tantposi
ti
on.
I
t’
sexhaust
ingi
fyouaskme.
Moon:Don’
tment
ioni
t.
Shet
hrewher
sel
fdownont
hecouch.
Me:Areyounothungr
y?Icanmakeyousomet
hing
t
oeat.Pandor
ashouldbehomesoon.
Moon:ThankyoubutIam f
ull
.Ihadj
usteat
en
bef
oreyoucametopickmeup.
Me:Okay.Letmegoandf
reshenup.Makeyour
sel
f
athome.
Moon:Thankyoubr
other
-i
n-l
aw.
Igaveherasl
ightnodanddi
sappear
edt
omyr
oom.

JEWELMUDAU

Iswal
lowedt
hepi
llandgul
peddownagl
assof
water
.
“
Takeeasyont
hosepi
ll
s.Youar
ebecomi
ng
addi
cti
ve,andit
’snotgood.
”Leonsai
d,l
eani
ng
agai
nstthedoorfr
ame.
Me:Ijustwantt
orestmyhead.Al
oti
sgoi
ngon.I
gott
hisheadachebabe.
Leon:Iknowwi
fey,
butpi
ll
s?No.Wenotdoi
ngt
hat
.
Dri
nkwat er
.
Heclosedt
hedoorandwentt
osi
tont
hef
ootoft
he
bed.
Me:Iwi
lldr
inkwat
er.Youwor
ryt
oomuch.

Ihadalotofthingsgoingoninmymi nd,andther
e
wasnowayoff reeingmymind.Fir
st,
itwasmy
grandmotherandt hen,
thegi
rl
s.Ifi
twasupt ome,I
wouldhaveshutmyeyesandwi shnottowakeup.
Me:Todayyoucamebackl
ate.
Icl
imbedonthebedandl
eanedbackont
he
headboar
d.
Leon:Iam comi
ngf
rom t
hehospi
tal
.Iwentt
osee
Gran.
Me:Oh,
Iwast
her
eear
li
er.
Leon:Shet
oldme.
Me:Howwasshe?Di
dshel
ook,
bet
ter
?
Leon:Yes.
Me:Idon’ tknowhowt oacceptt hi
s.Canyou
believehowcal m sheisaboutthiswhol
ethi
ng?
Like,howcanshebecal m whensheknowsanyt i
me
shecandi e?Huh,Idon’tgeti
t.Am Ibei
ngsel
fi
sh?I
feellikeIam.
Leon:Youar enot.Iunderstandwher eyouar e
comi ngfrom.Yourgr andmotheriseveryt
hingto
you, anditcan’tbeeasyl i
steningtohertal
king
aboutdying.Shehasbeent hegr eat
estpartofyour
l
ife.Deepdownyouar ehopeful.Youarehopingshe
willgetbetterandlive.
Me:Becauseshewil
l,
shehast o.I
t’
snotyether
t
ime.Godcan’tt
akeher.Notnow.ThatIr
efuse.
Ishookmyhead.TherewasnowayIwasgoi ngt
o
acceptwhatwasbeingsai
d.Iwasnotonet
ogive
upeasil
y;Ibel
ievedGodwasgoingt
ohealmy
gr
andmot
her
.HegaveusHi
swor
daf
teral
l.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwalkedi ntheli
vingroom;acupofcof feewas
resti
ngbet weenmyhands.Ij oi
nedMoonont he
couch,wewer ewatchingaser i
es-13reasonswhy.I
l
ovedt heser i
es;i
twascl osetomyhear t.Ir
elat
ed
toiti
nsomanyangl es.Calebcouldn’
tjoinusashe
wasbusypr epari
ngapr esentat
ion,hi
sj obwas
demandi ng.Therewasawor kshopcomi ngsohe
waspr eparing.

Isippedonmycof
fee,
andt
henmovedmyeyest
o
theTVscreen.
Moon:Noof f
ensesist
erbutthisseri
esistoodark.
Howar eyouabletowatchsomet hi
ngli
kethisand
notgetdepr
essed?Whatisthis?Couldn’
twewat ch
thebi
gbangt heor
y?
Me:Iam al
readydepr
essed.Andi
t’
smyf
avser
ies.
Moon:Mor
ereasonst
onotwat
chi
t.Ican’
tst
omach
i
t.
Me:It
’salovel
yser
ies.I
t’
sver
yeducat
ive.Gi
ve
your
selft
ime,youwil
lenj
oyit
.
Moon:Iam neverlet
ti
ngyouchooseamovieor
ser
ies.Noman, t
hisistoodar
k.HayPandor
a,
Il
aughed.
Me:Ar
eyouexci
tedaboutt
hej
ob?
Moon:Ver
y.I
t’
snotexact
lymycupoft
eabut
beggar
scan’
tbechooser
s.
Me:Youar
eri
ghtt
her
eandpl
ease,
donotmessi
t
up.
Moon:Ifyoutal
kingaboutof
fi
cedat i
ngbestbel
ieve
i
twon’thappened.Il
earntmylesson.
Me:Keepi
tthatway.
Moon:Iwi
ll
,(Yawning)Idon’
tknowi
fIwi
llf
ini
sh
t
hisepi
sode.Iam slumberi
ng.
Isuf
feredfr
om i
nsomni
a,soIwasdefi
nit
elygoi
ng
towatchfewepi
sodesi
fnotthewhol
eS3.
Tobecont
inued…
13

PANDORAKAMANDE

ThedayIhadbeenwai t
ingforfinall
yarri
ved.Iwas
anxiousandexcit
edatthesamet ime,wantedmy
fi
rstdaytobeperfect
.Truthis;IneverthoughtI’d
fi
ndmysel fworki
ngagain.Thedr eam ofworking
wasoutoft hequesti
onbutthereIwas.Ret urning
towor k,
Godright
?
Myhusbandwasn’ tt
hathappyabouti
tbuthehad
nochoice.Iwasadamantandnoonewasgoi ngt
o
changemymi nd.Hellno!

Istoodbef
oreCal
ebwi
thmybaghangi
ngof
fmy
ri
ghtarm.
Me:Iam of
f.
Cal
eb:Youar
enothavi
ngbr
eakf
ast
?
Me:No.Iwi
lleatsomet
hingatwor
k.
Heki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
Caleb:St
opstr
essi
ng.Yougott
his.Youar
eeven
shakingGoof
y.
Me:Iam bei
ngst
upi
d,r
ight
?
Cal
eb:Notr
eal
ly.I
t’
sunder
standabl
e.
Inodded.
Me:Seeyoulat
er.Tel
lMoonIam sorr
yforl
eavi
ng
wi
thoutsayi
ngmor ni
ng.Iwi
llr
ingher
.
Cal
eb:Okay.Il
oveyouMr
sKamande.
Me:Il
oveyout
ooMrKamande.

Iwavedathim asIwalkedout
.Ikeptonassur
ing
myself
,Igotever
ythi
ngundercontr
ol.
Me:Yougott
hisbabygi
rl
.Yougott
his.
Inthi
rt
ymi nut
esIwasi ntheoffi
ce.Uponmyar
ri
val
Iaskedtherecept
ioni
sttoordercoff
eeand
sandwi
chf
orme.
Me:Br
ingi
tovert
oNoa’
sof
fi
ce.Iam headi
ngt
her
e.
Recept
ioni
st:Nopr
obl
em Senor
a.
Ipr
essedthebutton,
steppedi
nsidet
heel
evator.I
n
l
essthanami ntheelevat
ordi
ngedandopened.I
wal
kedinsideNoa’soffi
ce.
Noa:
MrsKamande.
Shesai
d,f
ocusi
nghereyesont
hel
apt
opscr
een.
Me:Si
sterBoss.
Noa:
Pleaset
akeaseat
.
Isatont
hecouch,andmademyselfcomf
ort
abl
e.
Shemovedhereyesfrom t
hescr
eentome.
Noa:
Wel
comeback,
agai
n.
Me:Thankyou.
Noa:
Ever
ythi
ngi
sundercont
rol
?
Me:Yes.Iam tr
yingt
oadapt
,tofewchangesbut
not
hingIwon’tbeabl
etohandle.Iam goodand
set
tl
ed.Thankyou.
Noa:Gl
adt
oheart
hat.Givemefewmi
ntosend
t
heseemai
lsandI
’
llat
tendtoyou.
Me:Takeyourt
ime.
Il
eanedbackonthecouchandkeptmyselfbusy.I
sentJewelat
ext
.Iwantedt
oknowi fshehadtalked
wit
hthePIornot
.

FindingGabbywasmyt oppri
ori
ty.Withtherat
eof
womenabduct edandt r
affi
ckedaroundourcountr
y,
Ididn’tknowwhatt othi
nk.Iwasscar ed.Lotof
thingswer epl
ayinginmyhead, goodandbad.For
allIknowmysi sterwassold.There’
snof amily
wher emoneyi sconcern.
IfIwasingoodt ermswi thmyf ather’
sf amil
y,I
wouldhavecont actedt hem andaskedf orhelp.The
onlypersonIhadacl oser el
ati
onshipwi thpassed
on,mygr andmot her.Shepassedonl astsummer ,
herdeathcameunexpect ed.Myuncl eswer elike
myf at
her,theyli
vedbyt hegun.Iwant ednot hingto
dowi t
hthem.I twast hesamel i
festyl
et hatl
eftme
asanor phan,andabonusofment alil
lness.
JEWELMUDAU

Myal ar
m wentof
fagain,forthefourt
htime.Iran
myhandont hebedtryi
ngt ofi
ndit
.WhenIdi dI
openedmyeyesanddi smi ssedit
.Itwasten
minutesbef
oreei
ght.Irubbedmyeyesandsatup
st
raight
.

Ibarel
ysleptl
astni
ght.Mybodyr efusedtogi
vein
tosl
eep.Itooksl
eepingpil
lsbuttheydidn’
twork.
Thoughtsoccupi
edmymi ndti
lldawn.Mypoor
husbandwasf or
cedtostayupwi thme.
Me:Babe.
Ihear
dtheshowerr
unni
ng.
Leon:Youar
efi
nal
lyawake.
Me:Whydi
dn’
tyouwakemeup?
Igotoutofthebedandwalkedt
othebat
hroom.I
stoodatthedoorandsmi
led.
Me:Mi
ndi
fIj
oinyou?
Leon:Butofcour
se.
Iroll
edmyeyesandshookmyhead.It ookoffmy
robeandwentin.Itwashardtaki
ngashower
withoutbei
ngallovereachot
her.Butbecauseof
ti
me, wehadnoot herchoi
cebuttoplayhardtoget
toourbodies.
Iwrappedmysel
fwit
hat
owelandst
eppedout
.
Leonfoll
owedme.
Me:Canyoupl
easeappl
ylot
iononmyback?
Leon:Sur
e.
Ihandedhi
mthel
oti
on.Hegent
lymovedhi
slot
ion
pal
m onmyback.
Me:Iam sorryIkeptyouupal
lni
ght
.Youar
e
pr
obabl
yst i
llsl
eepy.
Leon:Forbet
terf
orwor
sehoney.
Il
aughed.
Me:Yout
aki
ngyourvowsser
ious.
Af
teranhourIwasdoneandr
eadyt
ogo.Leonhad
al
readyl
eftf
orwork.
Iwasonacal
lwi
thEl
elwani
.
El
e:Tendaniwasarr
estedfordumpi
nghernew
bor
nbaby,thepol
icetookher.Shei
sincust
odyas
wespeak.
Me:Whatdoyoumean,
shei
sar
rest
edEl
e?
El
e:Exactl
ythat.I
thappenedanhourago.Her
mothercal
ledtoletusknow.
Me:Havet
heyl
aunchedasear
chf
ort
hebaby?
El
e:No.Shehasn’
tsai
dwher
eshehaddumpedher
.
Me:Ifeell
ikeI
’
vef
ail
edt
hisyounggi
rl
.If
ail
edher
;I
shoul
dhavedonesomet
hing…
Ele:No,youdidn’
t.Shemadeherchoi
ce,
noone
forcedherto.Rememberwetalkedwi
thher
?
Me:Thankyoufori
nfor
mingme.Iwi
llseeyoul
ate
af
ter
noon.Bye.
Ispental
otoft
imeawayf
rom t
heoff
ice;our
off
iceswer
esit
uat
ednotf
arf
rom t
helocalcl
ini
c.I
wasassi
gnedt
oschoolsandhospital
s.Icl
osely
wor
kedwithEl
elwani
,she’
sacharactert
hisone.
El
e:Seeyout
hen.
Ihungup.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwaseati
ngbr eakfastwithmybrother
,Hul
isaniat
thecaf
é.AfterbreakfastIwassett
ogot omy
workpl
ace.Iwant edtocancelmyleaveASAP.I
wantedtogobackt owork.Lazi
ngaroundwas
nevermyfavouritethingtodo,

Hul
isani
:Ican’
tbel
ieveyoukeptsomet
hingl
iket
his
asasecret
.Whydidyoudoi t
?
Me:IknowandIam sor
ry.Youknowmebr
other
,I
don’
tli
kefi
ght
s.
Hul
isani
:If
eell
ikepunchi
ngBeyoninthefacefor
l
ett
inghi
sfamil
yplayontopofyourhead.Stupi
d
boy!Hedoesn’
tevenknowwhathewant
s.
Me:Haveyout
oldDaddy?
Huli
sani
:No.It
oldMusaandhewasn’
thappy.You
knowhim.
Ikeptqui
et.
Hul
isani
:Hewi
llt
ellDad.Hemusthaveal
ready.
Me:Ok.
Huli
sani:Wecanexpectt
hem Fri
day.Dadiscoming
backThursday.Mom sai
dshewillcal
lNandiand
i
nform heraboutt
hemeeting.
Me:Ifshedi
dn’
thatemebef
ore,
shewi
llcer
tai
nly
hat
emenow.If or
eseedr
ama.
Hul
isani:Idon’
tgi
vezer
ofucksaboutt
hatol
d
wri
nkledwoman.
Icouldn’
thelpmysel
fbutlaugh.Mybrotherswere
knownf orbei
ngstr
aight
-t
alker
s.Theywer ever
y
respectf
ulbutt
heydidn’
ttakeinpr
isoners.
Me:I
ntheot
hernews,
Ital
kedwi
thZamoyest
erday.
Hul
isani
:Whatdi
dthatcr
azyl
adyt
ellyounow?I
knowhowt
ochooset
hem,
damn.
Me:Not
hing,
shewasgr
eet
inghersi
ster
-i
n-l
aw.I
s
t
hatacr
ime?
Hul
isani
:Youar
elyi
ng.Whatdi
dshewant
?
Me:Wel
l,
shewantedt
oknowwhatourpl
ansar
efor
mom’sbi
rt
hday.
Hul
isani
:What
?
Inodded.
Me:Shewant
stopl
ansomet
hingspeci
alf
orher
.
Hul
isani
:Anot
herdr
ama.Mom wi
llf
li
p.Andshe
sai
dnoparti
es.
Me:Zamoi
str
ying.Mom mustchi
llandgett
oknow
her
.
Hequiet
lyl
ookedatmeandt
hensi
ppedonhi
s
cof
fee.
Me:What?Iam bei
ngseri
ous.Shemustnottur
nto
bel
ikeNandi.Zamoisherdaught
er-
in-
law.
Hul
isani
:St
ayoutofi
tEl
ani
e.
JEWELMUDAU

IdroveinsideLorat
o’syar
dandparkedmycar
besidehers.Herhusband,Lor
enzowasmowingt
he
l
awn.Ist eppedoutofthecarandwalkedupt
o
Lorenzo,standi
ngbehindhim.
Me:Uncl
eRenzo.
Lor
enzo:Pr
incess,
howar
eyou?
Me:Fi
ne,
andyou?
Lor
enzo:Good.
Het
urnedof
fal
awnmowerandf
ixedhi
seyeson
me.
Me:Yourpr
incessneedsaf
avour
.
Lor
enzo:Shoot
.
Me:Iwantyout
ofi
ndmeabestPIyouknow.
Lor
enzo:Ok…ay.Ar
eyoui
ntr
oubl
eoryouwant
ing
someonestal
ked?
Me:What?No.It
’sf
orPandor
a.Rememberher
si
ster
,Gabby?Theadopt
edone?
Henodded.
Me:Yeah,wetr
iedfi
ndi
nghert
hroughadopt
ion
agencybuti
tdi
dn’twor
k.Wewanttotr
yPI.
Lor
enzo:Okay.Iwi
llhookyouupwi
thone.
Me:Outofal
lthewor
ds,
“hookup”
?Real
lyLor
enzo?
Webot
hlaughed.
Me:Iwi
llhearf
rom you.Letmegoi
nsi
det
oseemy
aunt
.

Iopenedthedoorandst
eppedinsi
de.Thesmel
lof
baconandeggshitmynose;Lorat
owas
responsi
blef
orthear
oma.
Me:I
tsmel
lsni
ce.
Shetur
nedtomeandsmi
ledatme.Myauntwas
ver
ybeaut
if
ul.
Lor
ato:Ihopei
t’
stast
ytoo.
Me:Icanbetwi
thmyl i
fe,i
tis.Bet
weenyouandme,
youaret
hebestcook.Grantaughtyouwel
l.
Lor
ato:I
t’
seggsJewel
,eggs!
Iplacedmycarkeysandphoneont
hecounter
,and
thenrest
edmyelbowsonthecount
er.Shef
edme
bacon.
Me:Scr
umptious.ThewayIl
ovef
ood,
Idon’
tknow
whyIam st
il
lthi
n.
Iwi
pedt
hecor
nerofmymout
h.
Lor
ato:Howar
eyouf
eel
ing?
Me:Idon’
tevenknowhowIam f
eel
ing,
sadand
angr
y?
Asshewasabouttoanswer
,myphoner
ang.I
twas
unsavednumber
.

Me:JewelMudau.
Theper
sonkeptqui
et.
Me:Hel
lo,
canyouhearme?
“Pl
ease,don’thangup.Ireal
l
yneedt otalkwi
th
you,”myhandst ar
tedtr
embling;Il
ookedatRato
andt ear
sthreat
enedtocomeout .Banelehadthe
nervetocallanddemandedt oseeme.
Me:Whogaveyoumynumber
s?Andwhatdoyou
wantf
rom me?
“
Whoi si
t?”Ratomout
hed.Shecoul
dseeIwasno
l
ongermyself
.
Banel
e:Iwanttoseeyou,t
here’
ssomet
hingIneed
tot
ell
you.Itconcer
nsyourfat
her.
Me:Whatbusi
nessdoyouhavewi
tht
hatman?Tel
l
me!
Banele:I
sbet
terf
orthet
woofustotal
kfaceto
faceabouthi
m.Yourmothert
oldmesometh…
Me:Youandmy“ fat
her”werenothingbutacurseto
mymot her
.Takeyoursel
fandhimt ohell
,that
’s
whereyoubel
ong,anddon’tevercallmeortryto
r
eachout.Iwil
lgostr
aightt
omyl awyerandyou
wil
lbespendi
nganightinsi
dethecel l
.
Ihungupandmassagedmyf
orehead.Myaunt
wai
tedf
ormet
otel
lherwhat
’sgoi
ngon.
Me:ThatwasBanel
e.
Lor
ato:Notagai
n.Whatdi
dhewant
?
Me:Hekeptonblabbingaboutmyfat
her
.Whatthe
hel
l?NowIhavetodealwithtwomen,whobr
oke
mymot hertot
hecore,asi
fBanel
ewasnotenough
todealwit
h,
Ichuckl
edl
ight
ly.
Lor
ato:Idon’
tunder
stand,
Banel
eknowyourf
ather
?
Me:I
tseemsl
ikehedoes.
Lorat
o:Iam real
lyconfused;Idi
dn’tknowGeor
ge
knewBanele.Maybet heyarefri
ends.
Geor
gewast
henameofmyf
ather
,Lor
atoknew
hi
m.
Me:Idon’
tcarewhatt
heyar
e.Geor
gedidn’
twant
me,sowhysendBanelet
opleadhi
scase.God,
I
am bei
ngtest
edhere.
Iwasli
vid.Iwasgr
owi
ngangr
yofBanel
eandhi
s
demands.
Me:Canyoupl
easemakemet
eawi
thl
emon?
Lor
ato:Yes.
Shewenttoplugtheket
tl
eandcamebacktome.
Shequi
etl
ylookedatmeandthenhuggedme.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwasi
nHR’
soff
icef
il
li
ngthefor
m.I
’
dbecomi
ng
backt
owor
konWednesday.
HR:Yousureaboutyourdeci
sion?Imeani
t’
stoo
ear
lyandyousti
llhavedaysl
eft…
Me:Iam.Iwil
lgocr
azyi
fIst
ayi
nthathouse.Iam
usedtowor
king.
HR:Youar
eawor
kahol
ic.

Myphonerang,
itwasBeyon.Iaskedt
obeexcused,
Iwal
kedoutandanswer
ed.
Me:Babe.
Beyon:Whati
sthi
sIam hear
ingaboutyourf
ami
ly
request
ingameet
ingwi
thmine?
Me:Whatdoyouwantmetosay?I
t’
sexact
lyt
hat
.
I
t’
sameetingbet
weeni
n-l
aws.
Beyon:Babe,It
houghtwetal
kedaboutt
his.Now
mymot herisangr
y.Shei
snottaki
ngthi
swel l
.
Me:Wellshebetterwarm upt
oi t
.‘Causethere’
sno
r
unningfrom i
t.I
’
vet ol
dmypar entseveryt
hingand
l
ikeyourmother,theyar
eangrytoo.Thisisoutof
myhandsbabe.

Tobecont
inued…
14

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasinameeti
ngwit
htheproducti
onteam.I
dar
tedmyeyestot
heproduct
ionleader
.
Me:Andt
hemodel
,Mor
ri
s?
Mor
ri
s:St
il
lst
ruggl
ingwi
tht
hat
?
Me:Whatdoyoumeanbyt hat
?What’ssohar
d
aboutfi
ndi
ngamodel?Whathappenedtoour
models?Huh,
tal
k.Iam l
ist
eni
ng.
Morr
is:Theydon’
tfi
tthecl
ient
’sr
equi
rement
s.
That
’swhy.
Josh:Weneedaplussi
zemodel
,ear
lyt
hir
ti
es.Our
modelsar
epeti
te.
Me:Wemightaswellki
ssgoodbyethiscont
racti
f
wedon’
tfi
ndthemodel.DawnLingeri
eisan
i
mport
antcli
entandwehavetodeli
ver.
“
Weknow.
”Theysai
dinuni
son.
Me:Givemeadaytof
indamodel
.Butt
hisbet
terbe
t
helastti
me,
isnotmyjobt
ofi
ndmodel
s.It
’syour
j
ob.
Igotup.
Me:Eve,
pleaseEmai
lmet
oday’
smi
nut
es.
Eve:Not
edsi
r.
Iwal
kedout
.Iwentt
omyof
fi
cet
oputmyt
hings
t
henmademywayout
.Inami
nut
eIwasatt
he
r
ecept
ion.

Me:Iam goi
ngoutf
orl
unch.Wantsomet
hing?
Isai
dtoMoon.Shewaspr
int
ingoutpaper
s.
Moon:No,
Iam sor
ted.Pandor
aal
readysentme
l
unch.
Me:Mywi
fei
sthought
ful
.
Moon:Shei
s.
Me:Iwi
llseeyou.
ShenoddedasIwalkedaway.Myphonevi
brat
edin
mypocket.Isl
i
ditout,t
hecor
nerofmymouthrose
toasmil
e.ItwasCordel
ia.
Me:Peanut
.
Del
ia:Bubu…
Me:AndIt
houghtyouwereangr
yatme.Lastni
ght
youdi
dn’
tpi
ckmycallsnorr
etur
nmytexts.
Del
ia:YouknowIcanneverst
ayangr
yatyouf
or
t
ool
ong.
Me:Whatar
eyouupt
o?
Del
ia:Steppingi
ntot
heshower
.Ibadl
ywantyou
her
e, washingmyback.Doi
ngGodknowswhat.
Don’tyouwannacome?
Me:Youfor
gott
hatyouchasedmeoutofyour
house?
Iopenedmycardoorandgoti
nsi
de.
Del
ia:Iwasangryandf
orthatIam sor
ry.Youmake
mesoangr ysometi
mesandIcan’tcontr
olmysel
f.
For
giveme.
Isi
ghedl
oudl
y.
Deli
a:Il
oveyouCal ebandIreal
lywanttobewith
you.Idon’tseemyselfwi
thsomeoneelsebutyou.
AndIbelieveI’
veprovedt
hattoyousomanyt i
mes.
Me:Iknow.Iam goingt
opr ovemyl ovef
oryouthi
s
comingweekend.Youwillneverdoubtmyloveor
thi
nkaboutPandora.
Del
ia:AndIcan’
twai
t.
Me:Ineedaf
avour
.
Del
ia:Anyt
hingf
oryou.
Me:RememberDawnLi
nger
ie’
scomi
ngshoot
?
Del
ia:Yes,
youdi
dment
ioni
t.Whatabouti
t?
Me:Well,
wearestruggli
ngt
of i
ndamodel .They
needaladyofyourkind,
acurvylady.Canyou
pl
easebeourmodel ?
Del
ia:Mydaysofmodel
li
ngar
eover
…
Me:It
’saonceof
fthi
ng,pl
ease.Iwoul
dn’tbe
aski
ngyouifi
twasn’
timport
antandurgent.
Del
ia:Fine,Iwil
ldoi
t.Comeovert
oni
ght
,andwe
wil
ldiscussit.
Me:Nomzamowon’
tbehome?
Del
ia:No.Shehasadat
ewi
thherboyf
ri
end.
Me:Okay.Il
oveyou.
Del
ia:Il
oveyout
oo.
Ihungupandst
art
edt
heengi
ne.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Itwas14:30pm,al
mostmyti
metot akemedi
cat
ion.
Isatther
eonmychairandqui
etl
ylookedatmy
anti
depressant
s.

Debat
ingwit
hmysel
fonwhethert
otaket
hem or
not
.Ididt
hatal
mostever
yday.
“Youarenegoti
ati
ngwi t
hthem pi
ll
s?”Imovedmy
eyesfrom t
hepil
lboxtothedoor.Riverwas
standi
ngatthedoor.Ismil
edather.
Me:Ishoul
dlear
ntol
ockmyof
fi
cedoor
.Whati
s
t
his?
Ri
ver
:Whatf
or?
Me:I
diot
.Comeoni
n.
Shecl
osedthedoorbehi
ndhert
henwentt
osi
t
down,
sti
lll
ooki
ngatme.
River
:Donott
ellmeyouf
orgotaboutourl
unch
date?
Me:Idi
dn’
t.Iwasact
ual
lywai
ti
ngf
oryou.
Sheconti
nuedtol
ookatmenotsayinganythi
ng,
mysist
er-
in-
lawbei
ngmysist
er-
in-
law.Ishookmy
headwhil
stget
ti
ngup.
Me:What
?Ist
her
esomet
hingi
nmyf
ace?
River
:No.Youar
estr
ongyouknowt hat
?You’ve
beenthr
oughhel
landbackbuther
eyouare,sti
ll
fi
ghti
ng.
Me:Iam notasst
rongasyout
hink.Ihavemy
days…
Ri
ver
:Youar
e.Iadmi
reyoual
ot.
Me:Iam pr
otect
ingthelit
tl
esani t
ythat’
sleft
.IfI
l
oseevenatinypiece,
Iam goi ngstr
aighttoasyl
um.
Idon’
twanttogobackt here.Oncewasenough.
Ri
ver
:Youwi
llnevergoback.
Igavehermybackandsi
ghed.
River
:Whateverhappens,
don’
tgobackint
othat
darkhol
e.Youwor kedsohar
dtobehere.
MELANI
EMASUTHA

Aftert
hatcallwit
hBeyon, wedecidedtolett
hings
offunti
lourfamil
iescomet oget
her.Iwasone
personwhodi dn’
tlovearguments.Iexcusedmyself
wheneverIfoundmysel finthemiddle.

Beyonmademef eelbutt
erfl
iesinmyt ummy, he
mademykneesweak.Hewasn’ tt heperfectfi
ancé
buthewaswhatIneededi naman.Ionl yhated
howweakhewas, i
nhi smot her
’spr esencehe
becamethisweakmanIdi dn’tl
ike.Hismot her
oft
enbul
liedhi
m.

Iwasgoingthroughthestat
usest hatMurunwawas
uploadi
ng;i
tdidn’
tneedasmar tpersontoseewho
shewasr ef
err
ingthem t
o.Imut edherwit
hout
thi
nkingtwi
ce.Ididn’
twanttotort
uremyselfany
fur
ther.
Myweddi
ngpl
anner
’scal
lcamet
hrough.
Me:Phi
ndi
.
Phi
ndi
:Mel
,your
ecei
vedmyt
ext
?
Me:Yes,
Iwasgoi
ngt
ocal
lyou.
Phi
ndi
:Okay.Canyoucomenow?
Me:No,Iam busy.Canyout
aket
hecont
ractwi
th
you?Iwil
lcomeandsignitt
omor
row.
Phi
ndi
:Nopr
obl
em.
Me:Didyoumanagetof
indouti
ftheareot
her
event
sgoingonatt
hevenueontheday?
Phi
ndi
:Yes.Ther
e’sone.I
t’
sa21stpar
ty.
Me:Okay.Let
’st
alkt
omor
row.Youwi
llt
ellmeal
l
abouti
t.
Wechoseahotelf
orourweddi
ngcer
emony.We
wer
ehavinganint
imat
ewedding.
Me:Bye.
Idi
sconnect
edt hephonecal
l.Igotupandheaded
i
ntotheki
tchen.Igrabbedagl
assandfil
ledi
twith
water
.Iheardthefr
ontopeni
ng,itwasmymot her
.
Me:Youar
eback.
Mama:Yes.
Me:Howwaschur
ch?
Mama:I
twasf
ine.
Me:Jeweli
nvi
tedusf
ordi
nnert
oni
ght
.
Mama:Ohi
sit
?Letmegoandt
akeanap.Iam t
ir
ed.
Me:Nopr
obl
em.
Shewal
kedaway.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasonacal
lwi
thPandor
a.
Pandor
a:Whatt
imewi
llyoubehome?
Me:Iwi
llhavef
ini
shedher
ebyei
ght
,soshoul
dbe
homebyhalfei
ght.
Pandor
a:Wear
egoi
ngt
ohavedi
nnert
oget
heror
…
Me:Wewi
ll
.Nodr
inkswi
thf
ri
endst
oni
ght
.
Il
ookedatCor
del
ia.Shewasdi
shi
ngf
oodonmy
pl
ate.
Me:Letmef
ini
shwor
ksot
hatIcomebackhome
ear
ly.
Pandor
a:Okay.
Ir
emovedt
hephonef
rom myearandseti
tdown.
Del
ia:Youar
ebecomi
ngapat
hol
ogi
call
iar
.
Me:Doi
ngi
tforyou.Sopl
ease.
Deli
a:Iam notcompl
aini
ng.Youar
ewi
thmeand
notwithher.
Me:Let
’smakei
twor
thwhi
le.
Shepul
ledachai
randsatdown.
Del
ia:Iwast
hinki
ng…
Me:About
?
Del
ia:Abouthavi
ngchi
ldr
en.
Il
ookedather
.
Del
ia:Iam r
eady.I
fyoust
il
lwantofcour
se.
Me:St
oppl
ayi
ngwi
thme,
areyouf
orr
eal
?
Shenoddedr
epeat
edl
y.Mydr
eam ofbei
ngaf
ather
wascomingt
rue.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Lat
ert
hateveningIst
oodbythest
ovecooki
ng,
Moonwalkedintot
hekit
chen.
Moon:Iam done.WhatcanIhel
pwi
th?
Me:Peelt
hecar
rot
s.
Moon:Saynomor
e.
Icl
osedt
hepotandr
eachedf
ort
hedi
shcl
oth.
Moon:Wher
eisbr
other
-i
n-l
aw?
Me:St
il
latt
heof
fi
ce.Hei
swor
kingl
ate.
Moon:Worki
nglate?Oh.It
houghtitwastomorrow
ni
ght,
IguessIdidn’
theart
hem ri
ght.Pleasepass
methebowl.

Tobecont
inued…
15

CALEBKAMANDE

Asahusband, yourfi
rstpr i
ori
tyistoprotectand
l
oveyourwi feofwhichI ’
dbeendoi ngallthese
years.Buti
tcamet othepoi ntwhereIfelt
overwhelmedbyhersi tuati
onandwant edmor e
thanwhatshewasgi vingme.I t
’snoli
e,loving
Pandor awasdiff
icul
t.Shewashar dtolove,and
shesomet i
mesmadei thardf ormetoenj oyour
marriage.I
nspiteofallthat
,IlovedPandor abutnot
moret hanCordeli
a.

Cor del
iawasmyadvent urous.Ideepl yfellinlove
withher .Ikeptondelayi
ngt hemat terofleavi ng
Pandor abecauseIdi dn’
twanthert ogethur t.I
madesur etonotgetcaughtandIpl annedt okeepit
thatway.Iknewf i
ndingoutaboutmyaf fairwould
damageher .ThatIwassur eof,that’swhyIcoul dn’
t
bringmysel ftotel
lheraboutthedi vorce.Idi dn’
t
knowhowt odoit
.Iwasherli
fe,andherl
asthope
toli
fe.Shedi
dn’
thaveanyonebesideme.

IchosetocheatbecauseIwantedto,
butifIhadt
o
choosebetweenCordeli
aandPandora.Iwould
defi
nit
elychooseCordel
ia.Il
ovedCor
deli
athat
much.

Myphonebeeped,
itwasabanknot
if
icat
ion.Car
los
hadt
ransf
err
edmoney.Ir
anghimri
ghtaway.
Car
los:It
akei
tyougott
hemoney.
Me:Idi
d.Iam j
ustsur
pri
sedi
t’
sinal
ready.
Carlos:Wel li
tis.Meetmetomorrow,wegott
astar
t
working.Italkedwithconst
ruct
ionworkerst
heyar
e
readytost artworki
ng.Munici
palcounci
ll
ori
s
alr
eadybr eathingdownmyneck.
Me:Thatonemustcal
m hi
sti
tsdown.
Hel
aughed.
Car
los:Youar
epi
eceofshi
t.Seeyout
omor
row.
Ihungupandgotoutoft hecar.Idi
dn’
tfi
nish
dinnerwit
hCor deli
a,Idecidedtogohome.
Pandora’
svoicer evealedemotionofworryand
sadness.Icouldn’thelpmyselfbutworr
yabout
Pandora.It
’ssafet osayIwasaconf usedman,
caughtbetweent wol oves.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Calebputbot
hhi
scarkeysandphoneont
he
counter
.
Me:Hey.
Hewal
kedupt
ome.
Cal
eb:Mr
sKamande.
Me:Youbackear
ly.It
houghtyousai
dhal
fei
ght
.
Cal
eb:IknowbutIdecidedot
her
wise.Tomor
rowi
s
st
il
lanotherday.Imi
ssmywife.
Me:Butwer
eyouabl
etof
ini
shwhat
everwor
kyou
had?
Cal
eb:No.Iwi
llf
ini
shi
ttomor
row.
Me:Okay.
Heki
ssedmeont
heneck.
Cal
eb:Letmegoandf
reshenupt
henwehave
di
nner.
Igavehi
m asl
ightnod.
Me:Don’
ttakel
ong.
Ashewalkedout
,myphoner
ang.Jewel
wast
he
onecal
li
ng.
Me:Mymonkey…
Jewel
:Ij
ustgotof
fthephonewit
hLor
enzo.Wear
e
meeti
ngthepri
vat
einvest
igat
ort
omor
row.
Me:Wegott
hePIal
ready?OhthankGod.My
pr
obl
emswil
lsoonbesolved.
Jewel
:YouknowIgotyou.Iwi
llt
extyout
he
l
ocati
ontomorr
owmorning.
Me:Goodni
ght
.
Jewel
:Il
oveyou,
anddon’
tfor
gett
opr
ay.
Me:Themanupstai
rsdoesn’
tloveme,
butIwi
ll
pr
ay.Il
oveyout
oo.
Jewel
:Justpr
ay!

CALEBKAMANDE

AsIwal ki
ngoutPandor
ar ecei
vedacall
,i
nsteadof
headingtothebedr
oom Ieavesdr
opped.Shewas
tal
kingwithJewel
.She’
stheonlymonkeyIknewi n
herlif
e.
Theyweretalki
ngaboutsomeprivat
einvesti
gator,
andthatgotmesweat i
ng.Idi
dn’
tunderst
andwhat
i
twasabout .Wassheontomebutagai n,Iwasn’t
gi
vingherenoughreasonstothi
nkIwashavi ng
aff
air
.
“Youareback.
”Iquickl
yturnedtothesoundofthe
voicebehi
ndme.Itsli
ppedmymi ndthati
twasn’
t
Pandoraandmeonl yinthehouse.Wehadaguest .
Me:YesIam back.
Moon:Pandor
asai
dyouwer
ewor
king…
Me:OhyeahIwas.Iwant
edtotouchupher
eand
t
herebef
oret
omorrow.Youknow,wit
hthet
eam.
Moon’
sdar
keyessear
chedmyf
acesuspi
ciousl
y.
Moon:Isee.Thenwhyar
eyoust
andi
ngt
her
eli
kea
spy?
Il
aughedner
vousl
y.
Me:Iam act
uall
yheadi
ngtot
hebedr
oom.Wanna
f
reshenupbeforeweeat.
Moon:Okay.Gor
ightahead.
Shewentandsatdownonthecouch.Il
ookedat
herbef
oreIt
ookmywalk.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwasbusyi
ntheki
tchencl
eani
ngupwhen
Nomzamocamefrom behi
ndandputherar
ms
ar
oundme.
Nomzamowasmysi ster
’sdaught
er;mysist
erwent
mi ssi
ngwhenshewasat eenager
.Zamousedt o
staywithmymotherunti
lshegotajobthi
sside,
thatwastwoyear
sago.Shecameandl ivedwith
me.
Me:Youar
eback?
Zamo:Yes.Howwasdi
nnerwi
thyourman?
Me:I
twasf
ine.
Zamo:Fi
ne?Okay…
Shehal
tedt
hehug.
Me:Sameol
d,sameol
d.Hehadt
oleaveear
ly.
Zamo:Letmeguess,
hiswi
fecal
led.
Me:Yes.
Zamo:Idon’
tunderst
andwhyyouaresti
llwit
hhi
m
i
fheisnotshowingsignsofl
eavi
nghi
swi f
e.
Me:Hewi
lll
eaveher
,don’
twor
ry.
Zamo:Fort
woyear
syou’
vebeensayi
ngt
hat
.
It
urnedt
ofaceher
,
Me:Thenyoudon’
tknowyourauntatal
l.
Zamo:Mh?
Inodded.
Me:Cal
ebwi
llbemi
neandmi
neonl
y.Justwai
tand
see.

ImetCal ebatthegr ocerystoret hreeyearsago.I t

wasoneoft hosecrazydays, webumpedi ntoeach
other .IdroppedwhatIwashol ding,andan
argumentbr okebetweent het woofus.Af terthatI
l
ef t
,onl yforustomeett wodaysl ater
.We
exchangednumber s,start
edtal king.Weekst urned
tomont hsandbef orewer eali
sei twehadgr own
closert oeachot her.WhenheaskedmeoutIwas
scept icalbecauseIknewhewasmar ri
edbutwhen
het oldmewhatwasgoi ngoni nhi smar r
iageIj ust
startedl i
kinghim unti
lIfelli
nlove.
Me:Hul
isanidi
dn’
tdr
opyouof
f?
Zamo:Hedi
d.
Me:What
’swr
ong?Forsomeonewhowaswi
thher
boyf
ri
end(
Shookhead)youdon’
tlookexci
ted.
Zamo:Iam happy.
Me:Letmeguess,
yourmot
her
-i
n-l
awCat
her
ine.
Zamo:Whoel
se?Idon’
tknowwhat’
sherissuei
s
wit
hme.Inf
actIknow,
theprobl
em her
eisyou.
Me:Don’
tgetmei
nvolved.Whathappenedwasi
n
t
hepast,
shemustgetoverit
.
Zamo:Whathappenedbet
weent
het
woofyou?
Me:Noneyourbusiness.Focusonyourpartnerand
l
etthatol
dladybe.Whent hetwoofyougetmar r
ied,
youaregoingtomoveout .Youwi
llbewithHulisani
andnotherinyourhouse.Sowhyar eyoustressing
aboutherorwhatshethinks.
Zamo:Youarer
ight
.Iwi
llendupmaki
ngHul
isani
choosebet
weenmeandher .
Me:Cat
heri
neisstubbor
n.Sheshoul
dfocusonher
bar
rendaught
er.
Shewi
denedhereyes.
Zamo:Aunt
y!
Me:What
?Iam bei
nghonest
.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasl yingonthebedlookingatmysibl
ing’
s
pict
ures, weweresohappy.Thethreeofuswere
eachot her’
ssuppor
tafterourpar
entspassedon.I
t
wasusagai nstt
heworld.
Me:MyGabby,am Ievergoi
ngt
oseeyou?Wil
lI
everpul
lyoui
ntomyar msandt
ellyouhowmuchI
l
oveyou?
Tearscont
inuedtost
ream downmycheeks.My
phonevibr
ated,i
twasAuntyKri
s.
Me:Aunt
y?
Aunt
yK:Pan,
howar
eyou?
Me:Iam goodAunt
y,andyou?
Aunt
yK:Iam good.Canyoucomeandseeme
t
omorrow?
Iputt
hepi
ctur
esawayandsatupst
rai
ght
.
Me:Icanbuti
sever
ythi
ngokay?
AuntyK:Yes.Ijustwant
edt
otal
kwi
thyou,
it’
s
aboutGabri
ell
a.
Me:Whatabouther
?Di
dyouf
indsomet
hingaunt
y?
Saysomet
hing.
Aunt
yK:Idid.Pl
easecomeandseeme.Wecan’
t
t
alkovert
hephone.
Me:Tel
lmenow.Whatdi
dyouf
ind…?
Aunt
yK:I
t’
sbet
terIt
ellyout
hisf
acet
oface.
Me:Youar
eeit
hertel
li
ngmenoworIam dr
ivi
ng
t
herenow…chooseone.
Aunt
yK:I
t’
slat
e;Iwi
llnotal
lowyout
odr
iveher
e.
Me:Thent
ellme!Saysomet
hing.
Shel
etoutasi
gh.
AuntyK:Ididhaveatalkwi
ththesocialworkerand
Iwasablegetthenameoft hefamil
ythatadopted
her
…Iwant edtosurpr
iseyouwi t
hgoodnewssoI
cal
ledthem andI…
Me:I
ssheal
ive?Wher
eisshe?
Aunt
yK:NoPandor
a,Gabbyi
s…
Me:Shei
swhat
?Justsayi
tal
ready!
AuntyK:Iam sor
rybutGabbypassedon.They
sai
d…
Islowlyl
etgoofthephone.Idar
tedmyeyest
othe
pictur
esasmylipstr
embled.
Me:No!No!I
tcan’
tbe.NotGabbyt
oo.

Tobecont
inued…
16

PANDORAKAMANDE

Itwassoqui eti
nther
oom;Icoul
dhearmyown
breat
hingloudinmyears.Iwassi
tti
ngonthefl
oor
,
huggingmyknees.Ihadbeenli
kethi
ssincel
ast
night
,star
ingint
ospace.
Whenaunt ysaidGabbywasnomor e,mymi nd
swit
chedof f
.Everythingstar
tedtomovesl owl y.
Secondbysecond, mymi ndstar
tederasingt he
memor i
eswehad.If eltnumb,weakanddef eat ed.I
wantedtodie-deathwast heonlythi
nginmymi nd.
Nothi
ngelsemat tered.Gabbywasmyl astfami ly
member .

ThedooropenedandJewelst
eppedi
ntot
heroom.I
star
edatherandnotr
eact
,nomovementatal
l.She
kneel
edinfr
ontofme.
Jewel
:Pandor
a?
Hervoi
cecameoutasawhi
sper
,ful
lofsadness.
Jewel
:Just
…pl
easesaysomet
hing.Donotshutme
out
.
Idi
dn’tknowwhatt
odo,asmuchasIwant
edt
o.I
di
dn’twanttodot
hist
oher.
Jewel:Iknowthisishardf
oryou;itist
omet oobut
Pandorayoucan’thaveabreakdown.Notnow.Iam
her
e;wewi llf
igurethi
souttoget
her.Don’
tdothi
sto
your
sel
f,Iam beggi
ngyou.
Shewi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Mywal lswerebroken.WhatwasIli
vingfor
?Itwas
obviousGoddidn’tl
oveme;ifHedidthenHe
wouldn’thaveal
lowedGabbytodie.Notbefor
ewe
reunit
e.

JEWELMUDAU

Pandorawasnotr espondingtoanything,shewas
j
ustsit
ti
ngont hecol dfloor-
cryi
ng.Cur t
ainswere
drawntogether;nosunlightwasgettinginsidet
he
room.Icoul
dt ellPandorawasi npainandt here
wasnothingIcoul ddo.Shehadcl osedof fhermind.

Istoodatt
hedoorandl ookeddownatherbefor
eI
walkedout
.WhenIt urnedIsawCal ebleani
nghi
s
backonthewallpressinghisphone.Iclear
edmy
thr
oatandheraisedhishead.
Cal
eb:Howi
sshe?Di
dshet
alkwi
thyou?
Ishookmyheadno.
Caleb:OhGod!Whatnow?Whatdowedo?It
ri
ed
everyt
hingJewel
…
Me:Wehavet
ocal
lhert
her
api
st.
Caleb:Whynow?Whynowwhenshei
str
yingt
oget
herli
feinor
der
?
Iwasaski
ngmysel
fthesamequest
ion.
Cal
eb:Isomehowfeelr
esponsi
ble.Idi
dn’
tdomuch
i
nfindi
ngGabby.I
fIhad,maybeIwouldhavef
ound
her
.
Me:Idot
oo.Ifeell
ikeIdi
dn’
ttr
yhar
d.Il
etmybest
f
ri
enddown,thatIdid.
Cal
eb:Thi
sisamess.
Me:Tel
lmesomet
hingIdon’
tknow.
Pandora’
sauntwasonherway, whenshewast ol
d
whathappenedshef el
tresponsibl
e.Iwantedto
haveawor dwithher
;Iwant edtoknowhowshe
managedt ogetthei
nformationsinceIwasdenied
accesstoit
.Andalso,Iwant edt
ot al
kwit
ht he
“par
ents”whoadoptedGabby.
Cal
eb:Letmecal
lLor
ato…
Me:Pl
easedo.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwasgoingbackt oworkandIwasexci t
ed.Iloved
myj ob,
itwasthatexci
ti
ng.ButIal
sowokeup
feel
ingunwell
;Iwasfeeli
ngundertheweat her
.I
didn’
tunder
standwhyIsuddenlyfeltl
ikethat.
Idrankt
her
estofmycof
feebef
oreIsetdownt
he
cup.
Me:Iam f
eel
ingt
ir
edf
ornor
eason.
Mama:That
’swei
rd.
Me:Iknow.
Mama:Thenwhyar
eyougoi
ngt
owor
k?
Me:Don’
ttr
yandchangemymi
nd,
Iam goi
ngt
o
work.
Mama:Okay,
fine.Nohar
mint
ryi
ng.
Ipushedt
hepl
atefor
war
dandt
ookacl
othnapki
n
towipemymouth.
Me:Iwant
edt
otal
kwi
thyouaboutsomet
hing.
Mama:Whati
sit
?
Me:Yourhat
redt
owar
dsNomzamo…
Mama:Mh?
Me:Idon’tknowifyoucanseebutyouareacti
ng
exact
lyli
keNandi.Hati
ngyourdaught
er-
in-
lawand
tomet hat
’shypocr
isy.
Mama:Youar
ecompar
ingt
wodi
ff
erentsi
tuat
ions.
Me:Iam notandhowaret
heydi ff
erent?Whatyou
aredoi
ngwillr
esul
ttoHul
isanichoosingbet
ween
youandher.Doyouwantthattohappen?
Mama:Ofcour
seIdon’
t.
Me:Thenst
opwhatyouaredoing.Youar
enotl
ike
t
his;mymotheri
snotl
iket
his.
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:Idon’tknowwhathappenedbetweenyouand
herauntbutwhat
everi
tis,Iam sur
eit
’snotwor
th
l
osi
ngHul
isani
.
Mama:Youarer i
ght.Nomzamoi sagoodgi
rl
unl
esssheishidinghertr
uecol
ours;t
heysaythe
appl
edoesn’
tfallfarf
rom t
hetr
ee…
Me:Ma?
Mama:Butthat’
snotthepoi
ntr
ightnow.Iwi
llgi
ve
herachance.Ipr
omiseyou.
Igotup.
Me:Thankyou.Atleastt
ry,ifshepr
ovesyour
ightI
wi
llknowyoutri
ed.Iam leaving.
Mama:Bye.Haveagoodday.Il
oveyou.
Me:Il
oveyout
oo.

CALEBKAMANDE

Whatwasgoingonwasmyf ear
.Ihatedseeing
Pandorai
nthestateofzoni
ngout.Everyt
hingwas
hurt
ingmeemot i
onall
y.I
twasascar ythi
ngto
wit
ness.Wejusthadtowait
,waitforhert
ocome
backt
ous.

Iwasonacal
lwi
thCor
del
ia.
Del
ia:Tel
lmeyouar
eki
ddi
ngCal
eb.
Me:Iam not
.
Deli
a:Soyouarecancel
li
ngourplansbecauseyour
wif
edecidedtozoneout?Unbel
ievabl
e!Youalways
putherf
irst
.Whataboutme?
Il
ookedar
ound.
Me:Sheisstil
lmywi fe,andIcareabouther.What
doyouthinkpeoplewi l
lsayifIl
eaveheralonein
ti
melikethi
s?Shej ustfoundouthersi
sterdiedfor
Pete’
ssake.Ihavetobeher e.
Deli
a:IknowandIam sor
ry.Iam j
ustsad;Iwas
real
lyl
ookingf
orwar
dtothisweekend.
Me:AndIwast
oo.Iwi
llmakei
tupt
oyou.
Del
ia:Youbet
ter
.
Me:Iwi
ll
.Ihavet
ogo,
Iwi
llcal
lyoul
ater
.
Del
ia:Bye.
Ihungup.

Tobecont
inued…

For
givet
hismi
niski
rt
.Hect
icday.
17

JEWELMUDAU

Iwaswal kingmyaunttohercar .Shecameand

tr
iedtotalkwi t
hPandora,hopi
ngshewoul dl
ether
i
nbuti tdi
dn’twork.Notevenhertherapi
stwasabl
e
togethertot al
k.I
twasbecomi nghardbyminute.
Me:If
orgott
ocallt
hePI
;hemustbet
hinki
ngwe
ar
enotseri
ous.
Lorat
o:Iwi
llaskLor
enzot
ocal
lhi
m;butdoyoust
il
l
needhim?
Me:Yes,nowmor
ethanever
.Askhi
mtocome
t
onight
.
Lor
ato:Youar
enotconvi
nced,
right
?
Me:Yes.Idon’
tbel
i
eveKr
is,
shei
slyi
ng.Andshei
s
hi
dingsomethi
ng.
Lorat
o:AttheexpenseofPandor
a’sheal
th?That
’s
heart
lessJewel
.
Sheopenedhercardoorandputhert
hingsi
nsi
de.
Me:Notsomeonewhoist
ryi
ngtohi
desomething.
Sheknowssomethi
nganddon’
twantPandor
ato
fi
ndout.
Lor
ato:MhJewel
,that
’ssomeser
iousaccusat
ions.
Me:Iam l
edbymyspi
ritandgui
desatt
hisaunt
y.I
am notwr
ong,
somet
hingisfi
shyher
e.
Lor
ato:Okay,
whereyourgui
desar
einvol
vednoone
canchangeyourmind.Wher
eisCal
eb?
Me:Aht
hatone,
hewentt
owor
k.

CALEBKAMANDE
Iwasmeet ingupwithCordeli
aatar estaurant.I
wasal r
eadyattherest
aurantwait
ingf orher.When
Ilef
thomePandor awasst i
llt
hesame, shewasnot
react
ingtoanythi
ng.Lorat
owasal sot ryi
ngt oget
hertotalkbutnot
hingwashappeni ng.

Af
tersomeminutesofwai
ti
ng,
Cordel
iaf
inal
ly
ar
ri
ved.Shepul
ledachai
randsatdown.
Del
ia:Hey.
Me:Peanut
.
Del
ia:Haveyouor
der
edyet
?
Me:No,
Itol
dthem t
owai
t.Let
’st
alkf
ir
st.
It
ookherhandi
nmi
ne.
Me:Youknowthi
swasoutofmycont
rolr
ight
?I
di
dn’
tplani
t.
Del
ia:Iknow.
Me:I’
vebeent
hinki
ngal
otaboutt
hisandI
’
vemade
adecisi
on…
Del
ia:Youar
escar
ingme.Whati
sit
?
Me:Idon’
tknowhowtosaythi
sbutIthi
nkwe
shoul
dstopseei
ngeachot
herforawhil
e.
Del
ia:What
?
Sheyankedherhandf
ree.
Del
ia:Youcal
ledmeher
etot
ell
met
hisnonsense?
Whatisthi
sCaleb?
Me:Loweryourvoi
ce.Youar
eat
tr
act
ing
unnecessar
yatt
ent
iontous.
Shel
aughedsof
tl
y.
Deli
a:Youarecr
azy,Icanseet hat.Icanf
inal
lysee
i
t.Youwastedmyt i
me, youplayedme.Mademe
beli
eveyouwantedthi
s, want
edus.Ican’tbel
ieveI
al
lowedmyselft
obepl ayedli
ket his.
Me:Canyouj
ustl
ist
ent
ome?
Ipl
acedt
heenvel
opeont
het
abl
e.
Me:Divor
cepapers.Iwasgoingt
ohandt
hem t
o
Pandorabutt
hishappened.
Del
ia:Di
vor
cepaper
s?
Me:YesbutIwon’ tbeabl
etogivethem t ohernow.
Shehastobei nri
ghtstat
eofmi ndformet ogive
them t
oher.Iam seri
ousaboutleavingPandora.
Mymar ri
ageisoverbutCordel
ia,Ican’tki
ckthe
downwheni t’
sal
readydown.Iowehert hatmuch.
Del
ia:What
’st
hepl
annow?
Me:Towaitandletherheal.Whenshei sf
inal
lyfi
ne
Iam goi
ngtoserveherwi t
hpapers.Ial
sodon’t
wantmyaffai
rtocostmewhatI ’
veworkedfor,
rememberwegotmar r
iedincommuni t
yofproper
ty.
Istandt
olosealot.Icheated.
Shepi
ckedt
heenvel
opeandl
ookedati
t.
Me:I
t’
sfi
nal
lyover
,nol
ooki
ngback.

JEWELMUDAU

IquietlylookedatKri
sasshesippedonhertea.I
wast ryingbyallmeanstoreadherbutnot
hingwas
comi ngf or
th,shewassocalm andhadthi
ssad
faceon.
Me:Youknowever ychil
ddeser
vestoknowthei
r
bi
ologicalf
ami
ly,
right
?Likeal
lther
ight
sint
he
world.
Kr
is:Iknow.
Me:Thenmakemeunder standwhyyouar eplayi
ng
gamesl iket
his?Whyareyoul yingaboutsomething
asseriousast hi
s?Doyouseewhatyourl i
eshave
done?Pandor aisnotwell
,sheistakingthi
sbad.
Wear etalki
ngabouthersister
,notsomer andom
person.Herownsi st
erbutyouar eacti
ngliket
hisis
someki ndofgame.
Kri
s:Jewel
,Idon’
tli
kehowyouar
etal
kingwi
thme.
Idemandsomer espect
.
Me:Respectisearnedaunt
y.Tellmewhyyouar
e
l
ying.Idon’
tbuythisst
oryofyours.
Kr
is:Whywoul
dIl
ie?WhatdoIgai
nfr
om t
hat
?
Me:Yout
ellme.
Sheshookherhead.
Me:Pandorabeggedyousomanyt i
mes,she
beggedyoutotel
lhersomet
hingaboutt
hefami
ly
thatadopt
edherbutyoupl ai
nlyref
used.You
defendedyourselfsaying,“Idon’
tknowanyt hing.
”
ofwhichIunderst ood.FewdaysagoIwentt othe
adopti
onagencyandguesswhatt heysaid.Noone
canaccessthei nformation,i
twasacl osed
adopti
on.Nowt ellmeaunt y,howdidyoumanage
togettheinf
ormat ion?
Kri
s:Youar einsulti
ngmeandIam notgoi ngt o
all
owi t
.Pandor aismyni ece,mysister’sdaught er
andIwi l
lneverdoanyt hi
ngt ohurther.YesIdi dsay
Iknownot hingaboutt headopt i
vepar ent sandyes
theadoptionwasacl osedonebutIt al kedwi t
hthe
socialworker.She’saf ri
endofmi neandIt old
Pandorathesamet hing,ifthisget
soutshecanbe
arr
estedbecauseshegavemei nformat iont hat
wasn’tsupposedt obeshar ed.Idi
ditf orPandor a.
Me:Ohr
eal
ly?Youdon’
tsay.
Kr
is:Yesr
eal
ly.Ar
eyoumocki
ngme?
Shet
ookherphoneandunl
ockedi
tthengavei
tto
me.
Kr
is:Ther
e,youseet
hatname-
Ser
eteMol
oko.
That’
st hewomanwhoadopt edGabby,Ital
kedwit
h
her.Ifyoudon’tbeli
evemecal lherandaskher
yourself.Orevenbettertakeyourcarkeysandlet
met akeyout oher.Shewi lltel
lyoueveryt
hingt
hat
youneedt oknowevenshowyouwhat everyou
wantt osee.Whatisgoi ngt obe?
Me:Iwi
llgl
adl
ygowithyout
oseet
hiswoman.
Tomorr
owmor ni
ngyouaret
aki
ngmether
e.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Beyonhel
dmyhandandsqueezedi
t.
Wewer ei
nthet her
apistoffi
ceforourfi
r stsessi
on.
Wewer egoi
ngt oseehim onceaweek, Iwas
anxious.Idi
dn’tknowwhatt oexpectfrom t he
session.I
nsidethere,wewer efor
cedtospeak
nothingbutthetrut
h.Toexpr essourfeelings,
feel
ingsthatcaneitherbreakorbuil
dus.

Thet
her
api
stl
ookedatusf
orawhi
le.Ihadj
ustt
old
hi
m abouthavi
ngsecondt
hought
s.
DrNiel
:MsMasut ha,mi
ndt el
li
ngyourhusbandwhy
youwereent
ertainingsecondthought
saboutyour
upcomingwedding?
Ishr
ugged,
Beyon’
seyespi
ercedonmyski
n.
Me:Ihadnor easontoconti
nuewitht
hewedding.
Myf i
ancéwasunbot her
edaboutthedramathat
’s
playi
nginourli
ves.Iwasn’
tsayi
nghemustf i
ght
withhismother,
no.Ionlywant
edhimt ost
andup
forme.Tohaveabackbone…
Beyon:I
not
herwor
dsIdon’
thaveabackbone?
Me:Youhavenoopi ni
onwheni
tcomest oyour
mot her;youl etherdoasshepl
eases.Atfi
rsti
t
didn’tbothermemuchbutnowIcanseei t’
sgoing
tobeapr oblem.
Thet
her
api
stnoddedandj
ott
edsomet
hingdown.
Beyon:Ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osayIam weak?
Ikeptqui
et.
Beyon:Iam aski
ngyouaquest
ionMel
.
Me:Yes.Ther
eIsai
dit.I
t’
sli
keyoucan’
tthi
nkf
or
your
sel
f.Youneedyourmothert
othi
nk.
DrNiel
:IfImayask,
whendidyoustartt
onoti
ceall
ofthi
s?Wasital
waysthereorsomethi
nghappened
thenyoubecameaware?
Beyon:I
’
dli
ket
oknowt
oo.Pl
easeenl
ight
enus.
Me:WhenIhadmysecondmi scar
ri
age,everyt
hing
unfol
dedonitsown.Hesaidonethi
ngwhenhewas
wit
hmeandt heotherwhenhewasi nthepresence
ofhismother
.Youcan’
tstandupforme.Ididn’t
choosethi
s.
DrNiel
:It
’sobvi
ousyourmi scarr
iagescont
ri
buteda
l
otinwhatisgoingonrightnow,Icanimaginehow
pai
nfuli
tmustbet okeeponl osi
ngbabieswit
hno
val
idcause.
Beyon:ButI’
vealwayssupportedMel
anie,
Iwast he
onetosuggesttherapy.Isawhowitwasaffect
ing
her.It
ryeveryt
hingtogivehermysupport
,
DrNiel
:Thatyoudobuthowdoyour eall
yfeel
abouti
t?Doyout hinktwoyear
sdownyour
marri
ageyouwillregretmar
ryi
ngher
?Ifbythenshe
st
il
lhasn’
tgi
venyouachi
ld?
Isi
deeyedhi
m.
Beyon:Iwil
lneverregr
etitbecauseIl
oveMel.I
’ve
tol
dhersomanyt i
mest hatIdon’
tcar
eabout
chi
ldr
en;therearesomanywayst ohavechi
ldr
en.
DrNi el:Thepr obl
em hereisnotyourwor dtoher
butthesuddenl ossofrespectforyou.She
ment ionedhowweakyoubecomei nt hement i
onof
yourmot her.Youareunabletothinkf oryoursel
f.
Whatgi veherassurancethatyouwi llli
stentoyour
heartinf utureandnotyourmot her?Whati fone
dayyourmot herwakeupanddeci det ogetyou
anothergi rl
?Iam talki
ngaboutagi rlwhoi sgoing
togiveyouanhei r.Whatthen?
Beyonkeptqui
et.
DrNi el
:That’swher
eyourpr oblem l
ies,youdon’ t
evenknow.Accor dingt
ome, youaret erri
fiedof
yourmot her.Youwanttopleaseyourf i
ancéebutat
thesamet imeyouwantt odowhatyourmot heri
s
saying.Youcan’thavei
tbothwaysmi ster;it
’s
eit
heryourfiancéeormother .
JEWELMUDAU

Iwasinthekit
chencooki
ngforPandor
awhenI
heardMooncalli
ngmyname.Iwalkedoutoft
he
ki
tchenandlookedf
orher.
Me:What
’swr
ong?
Moon:Wher
eisPandor
a?
Me:I
nherr
oom.
Moon:Noshei
snot
.
Wehear
dthedooropeni
ng,
itwasCal
eb.Hewal
ked
upt
ous.
Moon:Iwentt
ocheckonherbutshewasn’
tint
he
r
oom.
Me:I
tcan’
tbeMoon.Shewassl
eepi
ngwhenIwent
t
ocheckher.
Cal
eb:Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?
Me:Wear
elooki
ngf
oryourwi
fe.Oryouf
orgott
hat
youhaveawi
fe?Jesus!
Weallwenttot
her oom wher
eshewasandshe
wasreal
lynott
here.Thi
ngswerest
il
lhowthey
wer
einthemorning.
Me:Wher
ecoul
dshehavegone?
Cal
eb:Howt hehel
ldidshegetoutoft
hehouse
wit
houtanyonenoti
cing?
Me:Ar
eyouki
ddi
ngme?

Tobecont
inued…
18

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Beyondr
ovemehome.Hepar
kedi
nfr
ontoft
he
gate.
Ithoughtaft
ert
hatsessiont
hingsweregoingtobe
tensebetweenusbuttheyweren’
t.Ineededt
otell
offmyf eel
ingsandIwasfeeli
ngpr oudbecauseI
did.BeyonknewhowIwasf eel
ing;itwasuptohi
m
tochangethesituat
ion.

Beyon:Howar
eyouf
eel
ing?
Me:Fi
ne.
Beyon:Iam sor ryIdidn’
tpayattenti
ononhowyou
weref eel
ing.Allthi
stimeIthoughtIwasbei ngthe
perfectfi
ancéwher easIwast heopposite.From
hereonIpr omi setolendyoumyearbutmost
i
mpor t
ant,Ipromisetoprotectyoufrom myf amil
y…
theywi l
lneverhavet hei
rwaywi thyou.Ishould
haveneverl etthem.
Me:That’
sal
lIwant
.Ifyougi
veme,
Iandyouwi
ll
behappy.
Beyon:Iwi
llt
alkwi
thmymot
hert
oni
ght
.
Thetwof
amil
ieswer
emeet i
ngonSaturday.We
werewai
ti
ngf
ormybr ot
herandf
ather.
Beyon:Iwast
hinkingaf
tert
hemeeting,myfamil
y
cancomeandf i
nishpayi
ngoffLobola.Whatdoyou
t
hink?
Me:Per
fect
.
Beyon:Andmaybewecangetmarr
iedi
ntwo
months…youcanhaveyouraut
umnweddi
ng.
Il
ookedathi
m conf
used.Whatchanged?
Beyon:Iknowyousuggest
edi
tbef
ore…
Me:Andyousai
dno.Whyt
hesuddenchange?
Beyon:Everythi
ngthat
’shappening.Ij
ustwantthe
twoofust ostartourl
ives,f
arawayfrom ever
yone.
Don’tyouthinkwedeser vet
hat?
Me:Wedo.Iwi
llt
alkwi
thPhi
ndi
.
Hel
eanedf
orwar
dandki
ssedme.
Beyon:Ican’
twai
ttogi
veyoumyname,
MrsBeyon
Shabangu.
Me:Ican’
twai
ttoaccepti
t.
Wecont
inuedt
otal
kforawhi
le.
Me:Ishoul
dgetgoi
ng.
Beyon:Wi
llt
alkl
ater
.
Igotoffandwavedathi
m ashedr
oveoutofsi
ght
.
Myphoner angasIwasaboutt
owalki
nsidet
he
house.Itwasmyfat
her.
Me:Daddy.
Isai
dsoundi ngsohappy.Wedidn’
ttal
kasmuchas
Iwanted.SowheneverIgotthechanceImadesur
e
i
t’
smemor ableandexci
ti
ng.
Dad:Babygi
rl
,howar
eyou?
Me:Goodandyou?
Dad:Fi
ne.Iwascal
l
ingt
oletyouknowt
hatwear
e
comingtomor
row.
Me:Youarebackalr
eady?It
houghtyouwer
e
comingbackThur
sday.
Dad:Icancel
ledthetr
ip.Thisi
simport
ant.Tel
lyour
motherbecauseItri
edcall
ingherphonebutit
wasn’tgoi
ngthrough.
Me:Iwi
lll
etherknow.
Dad:Okaybaby,
Iloveyou.Takecar
e.
Me:Il
oveyout
oodaddy.
Ihungup.

JEWELMUDAU

Wel ookedever
ywheref orPandorabutwecoul dn’t
fi
ndher .Shedi
dn’tt
akehercar ,meaningshe
walkedoutofthehouset oGodknowswher e.We
wereforcedtogoandr eporthermissingandas
expected,t
heyweregivingushar dtime.Tal
king
aboutthe24hrsnonsense, i
t’
snotl ogi
ctowai tf
or
thosehours.Alotcanhappeni nthatperi
od.
Off
icer
:It
’sbeenonlyfi
vehour
s.Shewi
llcomeback,
goandwai tf
orherathome.
Me:Sir
,Idon’tt
hinkyouunderst
andwhatwear e
sayi
ngtoyou.Theper sonwearetal
kingabouti
s
noti
ntherightstat
eofmi nd.
Of
fi
cer
:Soshei
scr
azy?
Theot
herof
fi
cerl
ookedathi
m andbur
sti
nto
l
aught
er.
Moon:Iam gl
adyouar
efi
ndi
nganyoft
hisamusi
ng.
Me:Doyouwantust orepor
tyouguystoyour
super
ior
s?What ’
sthi
s?Ourlawkeeponfai
li
ngus;
youneverf
ailt
odoso.
Offi
cer2:Wehavebiggercasesthatneedour
att
enti
on.Shemightbehomeaswespeak.Whatdo
youwantustodo?Youhavet owait
…
Moon:Don’ttel
lusaboutthe24hrsrul
e.Bythena
per
sonaper sonisalr
eadydead.Doyouenjoy
i
nvest
igat
ingmur dercasesthanmissi
ngcases?
Offi
cer1:Ladi
es,t
here’
snothingwecando.This
personyouaretal
kingaboutisprobabl
ydr
inki
ng
hersorr
owsaway.Shej ustneedstimeawayfr
om
theworld.
Icl
ickedmyt
onguegi
vingt
hem myback.
Moon:Whatdowedonow?Thesef
ool
sar
enot
goi
ngtohel
pus,
Me:Wedr
ivear
ound,
maybesomeonesawher
.
Moon:Let
’sgo.
Wewalkedoutoft
hestat
ion,
Iwasdef
eat
ed.The
peopl
ewhoweresupposedtohel
puswer
enot
wi
ll
ingt
ohel
pus.

CALEBKAMANDE

Ihadcal
ledCar
lost
ocomeandhel
pmewi
tht
he
sear
ch.
Somet hingofthisnat
urehadneverhappened
before.Pandorahadneverdonesomet hi
ngli
ket
his.
Wedi dn’tknowwher etost
artl
ooking.Weli
vedi
n
thesubur bs;ournei
ghbour
smi ndedthei
rown
business.Noonehadseenher .

Car
los:Andyoust
il
lwantt
odi
vor
ceher
.Youar
e
sel
fi
shbuddy.
Me:Canwenotdot
hisnow?
Hest
oppedandgr
abbedmyar
m.
Carlos:ButIam bei
nghonest
.Whatdoyout hi
nkis
goingtohappenedwhenPandor afi
ndoutabout
yourinfi
deli
ty?Sheisgoi
ngtolosei
t,agai
noreven
wor
se,
shemayhar
m her
sel
f.
Me:Ifshefi
ndout.Iplant
odi
vor
ceherwi
thout
knowingtherealr
eason.
Carl
os:Andyout
hinkshei
sst
upi
dtonotputone
andonetoget
her
?
Me:Yout
hinkIdon’
tknowt
hat
?
Hel
etgoofmyar
m andcont
inuedt
owal
k.
Carl
os:Idon’
tgetwhyyouaredoingthistoPandor
a.
Thatladyl
ovesyou;shedoesn’
tdeserveanyofthi
s.
Me:Car
los?
Carlos:Andi fyouthinkherli
fewoul
dstopwhen
youl eavehert henmyf r
iendyouarewrong.Shewil
l
healf rom theheart
breakandGodismywi tness,
shewi llf
indaguywhodeser veandappreci
ateher.
IreallyhopeCor del
iaisworthit
.
Me:Let’
sjustf
ocusonf
indi
ngher
.Iwi
lldealwi
th
t
hatlat
er.
Weconti
nuedlooki
ngar
ound,aski
ngpeopl
eift
hey
hadseenher
.Itwasget
ti
nglat
eandnoonehad
seenher
.Wherewasshe?
JEWELMUDAU

Leonki
ssedmeont
hef
oreheadbef
orehehugged
me.
Leon:St
il
lnot
hing?
Me:Yes.Wel
ookedever
ywher
e,i
t’
sli
keshehas
di
sappear
edi
ntothi
nair
.
Leon:Don’
tcr
y.Wear
egoi
ngt
ofi
ndher
.
Me:Someonemusthaveseenher
,shej
ustcan’
t
di
sappear
.Wher
edidshego?
Leon:Ibel
ieveshei
ssaf
ewher
evershei
s.Godwi
ll
prot
ecther.
Inoddedandbr
okef
reef
rom hi
sar
ms.
Me:Ibl
ameKr
is.I
t’
sherf
aul
t.
Icaughthersi
ght
;shewaswal
kingupt
ouswi
th
Moon.
Me:Ar
eyouhappy?Tel
lme!
Isai
dwalki
ngtothem.Theyst
oppedandlookedat
me.Kri
slookedatmeasifIwascrazy.
Me:Areyouhappy?Di
dyougetwhatyouwant
ed?
Congr
atul
ati
ons.
Icl
appedmyhands.
Kr
is:WhywouldIbehappy?Myni
ecehasgone
mi
ssing.Am Imi
ssi
ngsomethi
ng?
Leon:Babe,
cal
m down.
Me:No, it
’sherdamnf aultthatPandor ai
smi ssi
ng.
Isbecauseofher !Herstorydoesn’tsitwellwit
hme
anduntilIgettothebottom ofit,
Iwillkeepon
comingatyou.Jesus, youhavecol dhear twoman.
Youaresoevi l
.
Kr
is:Iam notgoi
ngt
oli
stent
othi
s.
Me:Youwi l
lli
stentome.Pandoracan’
tfunct
ion
wit
houtherpil
lsandsheleftt
hem.Shemayhur t
her
selfandthat’
sifshehasn’
t.Youdon’
thavecare
i
nthewor l
d?
Kr
is:Ido…
Me:Yourdi
shonest
yisdoi
ngmor
ehar
mthangood.
Il
ookedupatt
hesky.Thecloudsweretur
ningdar
k.
Ial
sofel
twi
ndblowi
ng,it
’sgoingt
orain.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwassit
ti
nginsi
demycartal
kingwit
hmymot her
onthephone.Iwashopi
ngPandorawentt
her
e.
Mom:Di
dyour
epor
thermi
ssi
ng?
Me:Jewelwentt
her
ebutyouknowhowtheyar
e.
Theytol
dustocomebackaft
er24hr
s.
Ri
ver
:Wai
tforwhat
?Thi
siscr
azy.
Mom:Wher
ewer
eyouCal
eb?
Me:Mom?
Mom:Iaskedwher
eyouwer
ewhenyourwi
fewent
mi
ssi
ng.
Me:Iwasatt
heof
fi
ce…
Mom:Youwenttoworkknowingexact
lywhatwas
goi
ngon?Youhaven’
tlear
ntanyt
hingf
rom what
hashappenedi
nthepast
?
Me:I
t’
snotl
iket
hat
.
Mom:Howi sitl
ike?Youkeepondi sappoint
ingme
son;Iam evenashamedt ocallyoumyson.Your
wif
ewentmi ssi
ngwhenyouwer eGodknows
where.Youleftherwithstr
angers.Youwer e
supposedtobet here,
withher.Nowl ookwhat
happened.Youar etur
ningtobel i
keyourfather
.
Me:Mom,youar
enotgoi
ngt
ocompar
emewi
th
t
hatman!
Mom:Don’tyoudar
erai
seyourvoiceatme.Iam
yourmot
herandyouwil
lrespectme.
Ikeptqui
et.
Mom:Getyourassupandber eady.Wearecoming
ther
e;Iam justwait
ingforyourbrot
hert
ocome
back.Wear egoingtoconti
nuewiththesear
ch.No
oneissleepingt
onight.
Il
ookedatmyr i
ngandst
art
edpl
ayi
ngwi
thi
t,
sl
idi
ngitoutandin.
Mom:Andbestbel
ieveIwi
ll
slapt
heshi
toutofyou
i
fyoudaregi
vemeat t
itudewhenIgett here.Iwill
notspar
eyouandIwillnotall
owyout oembar r
ass
me.Youpromi
sedtoloveandcar eforthatgirland
nowit’
sti
metoprovei
t .Honouryourvows.
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,shehungup.

Tobecont
inued…
19

[
FOURDAYSLATER]

JEWELMUDAU

DayspassedandPandor awasst i
llnotfound.She
wasr eport
edmissing.Ihadalsoshar edher
pictur
esonFacebookandTwi tt
er.Thatinvi
ted
chancers;werecei
vedcal l
sdail
yf r
om peoplewho
claimedtohaveseenher .Notadaypassedwi t
hout
thinki
ngofPandora.Ifoundcomf ortinLeonand
God.

IwentandseeSer eteMol oko;Kr istookmet oher

houset hedaybef oreyest erday.Thel adycame
from awel l
-offfami ly;herhusbandwaswor kingas
asol di
er .Seretet oldmeever yt
hingIwant edt o
know, sheal soanswer edquest i
onsIhadf orherbut
thatdidn’ tcl
earmydoubt s.Itonlyr aisedquest ions.
SereteshowedmeGabby’ spi ctures, t
heroom she
wassl eepi nginandshet ookmet ohergr ave.She
l
iterall
ygavemeever ything, provingGabby’ sdeat h.
Shel etitslipthatKr isknewt hatGabbywasdead.
Af t
erGabby’ sdeat hshel ookedf orKr isandshet old
her.Kriswenti ntodef ensi vemode;shesai dshe
didn’tforPandor a.Shedi dn’ twantt ohur ther ,soit
wasbet tertolie.Inherownwor ds, “Iwas
protectingPandor at hat ’
swhyIkeptqui et.
”She
madeherl i
vewi tht hehopet hatwasdead.

Iwasatt
hecaf
éwi
tht
hePI
.Ihadr
equest
eda
meeti
ngwit
hhi
m.
Me:Thankyou.
Isai
dtot
hewai
tr
ess,
shenoddedandwal
kedaway.
Me:Howf
astcanyougetmei
nfor
mat
iont
hatI
want
?
Zee:
Givemeaweek.
Me:Aweek?Yousur
ebyt
hen…
Josh:Igi
veyoumyword.InaweekIwil
lbegi
ving
youalli
nfor
mati
onyouhaverequest
ed.
Me:Thankyou.
Henoddedandgotup.
Me:Whataboutyourdr
ink?
Zee:
ThankyouMrsMudaubutIgot
tagett
owor
k.
Haveagoodday.
Me:Yout
oo.
Hewal
kedaway.

CALEBKAMANDE
Igl
anceddownatourweddi ngpict
ure.I
twasa
beauti
fuldaytothebothofus.Notknowingwhere
shewas- wasreal
lygett
ingtome.Icouldn’
teven
sl
eeporeat .Mybiggestfearwasfi
ndingherdead.
Wecheckedonhospi tal
sandmor t
uari
eseverynow
andthen.Therewasnot r
aceofher,t
hesearchof
herconti
nued.

Icall
edtheoff
icerwhowasi
nchar
geoft
hemi
ssi
ng
personcase.
Me:Goodmor
ningDet
ect
iveRae.
Rae:MrKamande…
Me:Anynews?
Rae:No,Iam sor
rybutwear
edoi
ngeveryt
hingi
n
ourpower.Wearegoingt
ofi
ndyourwi
fe.
Me:Yeah,
thankyou.
Iputofft
hephone.Iwentt
otheki
tchent
opour
myselfgl
assofwater
.
Moon:Youneedsomet
hingt
oeat
?
Me:No,
wat
er.
Moon:Youneedt
oeatsomet
hing?
Me:Iam nothungr
y.Wher
eisyourmot
her
?
Moon:Shehasgoneout
.
Me:TellmeMoon,whatdoyouknowaboutyour
si
ster
’sdeat
h?Di
dyourmothertel
lyousomethi
ng?
Moon:No.Shenevershar
esanyt
hingwi
thmeor
oursi
bli
ngs.
Me:Andyourf
ather
?
Moon:Myf
atherhasdement
ia.
Me:OhyeahIf
orgot
.Thankyou.
It
ookt
hegl
assandpour
edwat
er.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwasdr
ivi
ngt
oport
rai
tst
udi
oformyshoot
.
Nomzamowaswit
hme.
Zamo:Iam st
art
ingt
othi
nkCal
ebl
ovehi
swi
fe
mor
ethanyou.Imeant
hinkabouti
t.
Me:No,
Idon’
tthi
nkso.
Shet
il
tedherhead.
Zamo:Ijustdon’
twantyoutodot
hingsthatar
eout
ofyourcharact
eri
nordert
okeepCaleb.
Me:What?No.Iwil
lneverpr
act
icewi
tchcraf
t.How
canyoueventhi
nkaboutsomethi
ngl
ikethat?No
Zamo.Imaycomeoutl i
keanevil
womanbutIwi l
l
neverpr
act
icewit
chcraf
t.
Zamo:Youcan’tbl
ameme;youar
esosureof
yoursel
f.Youar
esuret
hatCal
ebwi
lll
eavehi
swi
fe
foryou.
Ipul
ledover
.
Me:Look,Iwouldhavel eftifCalebdidn’
tloveme.
Twoyearsisal ongt i
mef ormet ostaywithaman
whoisnotserious.Iful l
yunder standwhatisgoing
on.Ij
usthavet owaitf orhim becauseIknowt he
twoofuswillbet ogether.Icanbeasecondwi feif
i
tcomest oit
.
Zamo:Oht
hat
’senoughf
ort
heday.(
Sighs)I
nthe
ot
hernews,
Iam pr
egnant
.
Me:Youar
epr
egnant
?
Zamo:Yes,
Itookat
estandi
tcamebackposi
ti
ve.
Me:Congrat
ulat
ions.Iam sur
eHuli
sanii
shappy.
Thi
swillgi
vehim anotherr
easont
omar r
yyou.
Zamo:Hedoesn’
tknowandIam notpl
anni
ngt
otel
l
hi
m.
Me:NoZamo.Ar
eyout
hinki
ngofabor
ti
ng?
Zamo:Yes.Iam notreadytobeamot her
.Inever
want
edt obeamot herbefor
eawife.Isti
llneedto
fi
gur
emyselfoutbeforeIthi
nkofbri
ngingachi l
d
i
ntothi
sworld.
Me:Younglady,wedon’
talwaysgetwhatwewant.
Thi
sisli
fenotsomefair
ytalest
ory.Wetakewhat
wearegiven,
andwer unwithi
t.
Zamo:IknowbutIam notchangi
ngmymi
nd.
Me:Asyouraunt
,Iam sayingkeepi
t.Donotdo
somet
hingyouwil
lregr
etlater
.
Ist
art
edt
hecaranddr
oveof
f.
Me:Thinkabouti
tandt
hinkveryhar
dNomzamo.
Ther
ewon’ tbet
urni
ngbackaft
eryoumaket
he
deci
sion.

JEWELMUDAU

Thatsamemorni
ngIwenttocheckonCal
eband
Moon.Wewereallaf
fect
edbythi
s.
Moon:CanIgetyousomet
hingt
odr
ink?
Me:Jui
cei
sokay.
Shegotupandwentt
otheki
tchen.Il
ookedat
Cal
eb.
Me:Haveyout
alkedwi
tht
heDet
ect
ive?
Cal
eb:Yesand…
Adoor
bel
lrang.
Me:Iwi
llgogeti
t.
Igotupandwentt
othedoor
.WhenIopenedthe
doorIf
oundagentl
emanandal
adystandi
ng.They
l
ookeddecent
.
Me:Hel
lo.
Gent
leman:Hel
lo,
ist
hisCal
ebKamande’
shouse?
Me:Yesi
tis.
Gent
leman:CanIpl
easeseeMrKamandeorMr
s
Mudau?
Me:Iam Mr
sMudau,
andyouar
e?
Gentl
eman:OhIam Nour-Zai
nandsheismysi
ster
,
Zanothando.Wehavei
nformati
onaboutMr
s
Kamande.
Me:Pl
easecomei
n.
Theybot
hfol
lowedmet
othel
ounge.Iaskedt
hem
tosi
tdown.
Me:Cal
eb,t
heset
woknowsomet
hingabout
Pandor
a.
Hi
sfacel
ight
enedup.
Cal
eb:Real
ly?
NZ:Yes.
Me:Whatdoyouknow?
Zanot
hando:Shei
satourhouse.
Moon:Yourhouse?
Zanothando:Yes.Shehasbeeni nourhousesince
Wednesdayni ght.Wedidn’
tknowhowt ocontact
herfamilysi
nceshedi dn’
thaveanyt
hingonher .
Ourmot herwast heonewhocamebackwi t
hher ,
whenshegotof fthebusshefoundhersi
tti
ngalone
atthebusstation.

Shemusthavef
eltal
oneandscar
ed.
NZ:Shecamebackwi thheraf
tershet r
iedt
otal
kto
wit
hherbutshewasnon- r
esponsive.Shedi
dn’t
l
ookgood, shewasamess.Wedi dn’tknowwhatto
do,wethoughtabouti
nfor
mingthepol i
cebutwe
deci
dedagai nsti
t.
Zanot
hando:Wecoul
dseeshewashurtandbroken.
Wedidn’
twannaaddtowhat
evershewassuff
ering
fr
om.Shekeptonmumbli
ngsomeone’sname,so
wewereafrai
dshewasi
ndanger.Wewantedherto
bef
inef
ir
st.For
giveusi
fwemadeami
stake.
ZN:Nowor dwasexchangedbet weenusandher
untillastnightbuteventhenshedidn’
ttel
luswher
e
shest aysorwhoshewas.Mysi st
ersawaposton
Facebookt hat’
showwegott oknowwher eshe
staysandwhoshewas.Weal sobecameawareof
thef actthatshe’samissingper
son.
Zanot
hando:Becauseofusyouweworri
edsick,
we
shoul
dt akehert
othepol
icest
ati
onandfort
hatwe
apol
ogize.
Me:It’
sokay.Maybeshewantedt
hat
,changeof
sceneryandnewfaces.Yout
ookcar
eofher.
Cal
eb:IfImayask,
didshehur
ther
sel
f?Youdi
dn’
t
not
iceanycuts?
Zanot
hando:No.Mymotherwouldhavesai
d
somethi
ng,shebat
hehert
hefol
lowingday.
Thet
hreeofusheavedasi
ghofr
eli
ef.
Me:Wher
eisshenow?
NZ:Atourhouse.I
fwehadacarwewouldhave
comewithher.Wealsocoul
dn’
twal
kwi
thherhere,
i
t’
sadi
stance.
Whatwasshedoi
ngatt
hebusst
ati
on?Ohmy
Pandor
a.
Cal
eb:It
’sokay.Yourpr
esenceher
eiswhat
’s
i
mportant.
Me:Hei
sri
ght
.Thankyouver
ymuch.
Zanot
hando:Wedi
dwi
thl
ove.
Me:Canwego?Pl
ease.
Ibeggedthem.Iwantedt
oseeherandbesureshe
wasokaybutIhadnodoubts.Nour-
Zainand
Zanothandodi
dn’
tgivemebadvibes.Theywer
e
goodpeople.
NZ:Yes.Wecan.

Tobecont
inued…
20

CALEBKAMANDE
Whenwear ri
vedattheLanga'shousewef ound
Pandor
ahelpingNZ’smot heri
nthekit
chen,they
weresi
ngingwhi l
stcooki
ng.Pandorahadavoi ceof
anangel
,shelikedtosingalotandsheenjoyedit.

NZ’smotherfel
tourpresence,shenudgedPandor
a.
Pandor
ar ai
sedherface,hereyesmetours.She
sl
owlyputthepotonthet abl
eandr antome.
Pandor
a:Iam sor
ry.Pl
easef
orgi
veme.
Ihuggedher
.
Me:I
t’
sokay.Iam her
enow.Youar
esaf
eGoof
y.
Isai
dhonest
ly.
Pandor
a:Iam sor
rybabe.
Shebrokef
reeandl
ookedi
ntomyeyes.Iwi
pedher
tear
s.
Me:I
t’
sal
ri
ght
.Wear
eher
etot
akeyouhome.
Shenoddedandt
hendar
tedhereyest
oJewel
.
Jewel
:Monkey.
Pandor
a:Idi
dn’
tmeant
oscar
eyou.
Jewel
:Don’
teverdot
hist
ous.Comeher
e.
Theyshar
edahug.
Jewel
:Ar
eyouf
ine?Di
dtheyt
reatyouwel
l?
Pandora:Theydi
d.Theyar
egoodpeopl
eandIam
grat
efulfort
hem.
Me:Mama,
thankyouf
orl
ooki
ngaf
terher
.
Itol
dMaLanga, NZ’
smother.Shewasnowsi
tt
ing
onthechai
r;hersonanddaughterwer
e
surr
oundi
ngher.
MaLanga:Youar
ewel
comeson.
Pandorawentandkneel
edinfr
ontofher
.Shet
ook
herhandint
ohersandkissedt
hebackofit
.
Pandora:MaLanga,Iwil
lneverf
orgetyouorwhat
youhavedonef orme.Youtookmei nt
oyourhouse
andcaredforme.Yougaveupyourr oom soIcoul
d
sl
eepin,youdidn’
teventhi
nktwi
ce.Thankyouso
much.Godbl essyouMa.
MaLanga:Idi ditwit
hl ovePandor
aandIwilldoit
againi
fIhavet o.Takecareofyoursel
fanddon’t
for
gettopray.Hel i
stens.
Pandor
a:Iwil
lnotifIdo,
youhavemyaddr
ess.
Thankyouagain.
MaLangablessedPandor abefor
eshegotup.She
openedherar
msf orZanothandothenNour-
Zai
n.
Thehuglast
edforlong,shewasal r
eadyf
ondof
them.
Zanot
hando:Don’
tbeast
ranger
.
Pandor
a:Iwon’
t.Thankyouagai
n.
MaLangawal kedusout.IlookedatPandoraasshe
wavedhergoodbye,shelookedsad.Likeshedi
dn’t
wanttoleavebutsheknewshehadal ifeandshe
hadtoleave.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Josh:Cordel
ia,
thebossdi
dn’
tcometoday.Hewas
supposedtobeherebuthecoul
dn’
tduetopersonal
r
easons.
Me:Isee.
Josh:Aft
erthi
sshootIwantyoutogoandgi
vehi
m
today’
spict
ures,
heisexpect
ingt
hem.
Me:DoIr
eal
lyhavet
o?
Josh:Yes.Heaskedmet obri
ngthem butIwon’
tbe
abl
eto.Ihaveotherengagement
s.
Me:WhataboutRose?Iam sur
eshe’
dli
ket
ogot
o
t
heboss'
shouse…
Josh:Doyouhaveaprobl
em mi
ssy?Iam your
bossandIam aski
ngyoutodosomethi
ng.
Me:Yes…No.(
Sighs)Iwi
llgo…
Josh:Good.Nowgoandchange.Don’
ttakel
ong…
Igavehim asl
ightnodandwal kedaway.Imademy
waytothedressingroom.Ichangedintot
he
l
inger
ie;Il
ookedatmyselfbeforeIputonmyrobe
andthenwalkedback.

PANDORAKAMANDE
Whenwear rivedhomeIaskedtobeexcused,I
wantedt
ot akeashowerandr el
ax.If
eltsomuch
bett
eraf
terthatcoldshower
.Iwasnowl yi
ngonthe
bed.

Thepai nwasst il
lthere,anditwasn’ tgoing
anywher e.Gabbywasnomor e,shehadl ef
tmethat
wasthef act.Shewasgone, gonef orgood.There
wasn’tmuchIcando.Overt hepastt hreedaysI
cri
edmysel ftosleep, Istar
vedmysel f.Ihad
dif
fer
entt houghts,Iwant edtoki l
lmysel fbutt
her
e
wasthi svoi cethatkeptonr inginginmyear .
Shoutingandbeggi ngmenott odoi t.HowI
survi
vedt hosethreedayswi thoutmedi cati
onwasa
mystery.

Cal
ebst
oodatt
hedoorandwavedhi
shandi
nthe
ai
r.
Cal
eb:Hey,
canIcomei
n?
Ismi
ledandnodded.Hecl
osedthedoorbehi
ndhi
m
andcametositbesi
deme.Heheldmyhand.
Cal
eb:Iwaswor
ri
edaboutyou.Your
eal
lyscar
ed
me.
Me:Iam awar
eoft
hat
…
Cal
eb:Whatwer
eyout
hinki
ng?
Me:Idon’ tknow.Al otweregoingthr
oughmymi nd.
Onemi nuteIwassitti
ngont hefl
oorandt henext
minuteIwasj ustoutofit.Iwastryi
ngt oprocess
whathappenedandhowIwasgoi ngtolivewi th
thatfact.Iwantedtogetawayandgof ar,farfrom
everyone.Iwalkedoutandkeptonwal king,not
surewher eIwasgoi ng.Ikeptonwalkingunt ilIgot
ti
redandsatatt hebusstati
on.Nothi
ngmat teredat
thatti
me.
Cal
eb:ThankGodyouaresafe.Iwi
llhavetodo
somethi
ngfort
hatfamil
y,youknowtothankthem.
Whattheydi
dforyoushowedhumani t
y,somethi
ng
welackint
hiscount
ry.
Me:Youar
eabsol
utel
yri
ght
.
Athoughtcrossedmymind,
myboss,
Noa!Ihad
di
sappoint
edheragai
n.
Me:Di
dyoutal
kwi t
hNoa?Idon’
tknowhowIam
goi
ngtof
aceher.Igavehermywordandl
ookwhat
Idi
d.
Caleb:Shewasn’
thappybutsheunder
stood.She
decidedtokeept
henewstohersel
fandnottellt
he
cl
ients.
Me:Itdi
dn’teventakemeamont htomessitup.
Youwer er
ight,Iam suchadi
sappoi
ntment
.Noa
wil
lnevert
rustme.
Cal
eb:Butt
hiswasoutofyourcont
rol
.
Me:Wher
eismyphone?Ihavet
ocal
lher
…
Cal
eb:Waitami nMr sKamande,
youneedtorest
.
Youwil
lcallherl
aterandbesi
destodayi
sSunday.
Sheispr
obablyatchurch.
Me:Fi
ne.
Hetookof
fhi
sshoesandcli
mbedonthebed.He
l
aidmyheadonhi
schestandst
rokedmyhair.
Cal
eb:Iam happyyouar
eback.Imi
ssedyou.
Me:Imi
ssedyout
oo.
Heki
ssedmeont
hehead.
Caleb:If
orgott
ocallDetect
iveRae.Iwil
lhavet
o
dri
vedownt othest
ationbutnowIwannacuddl e
youtosleepandli
stentoyoursnoring.
Me:Idon'
tsnor
e.
Webot
hlaughed.
Cal
eb:Keeponf
ool
ingyour
sel
f.

JEWELMUDAU

Iwasatt hehospi
tal
,mygrandmotherwasbei
ng
dischar
ged.Shewasn’t100%okaybutshewas
recover
ing.Iwashappywithherpr
ogress.

Me:Andwear
edone.
Isai
dzi
ppi
ngherbagpl
aci
ngi
tont
hebed.
Gr
an:Canwegonow?Imi
ssmyhouse.
Il
aughedather
.
Gran:Yoursi
ster
-i
n-l
awt
oldmewhathappenedt
o
Pandora.Howisshe?
Me:Shei
sbackhomesaf
e.
Gran:Thi
syoungladyneedst ot
alkwithher
ancestor
s.Somethingi
swr ongwit
hherandshe
mustgethelpsoon.Ihearyouguystalki
ngabout
thesewester
nil
lnessbutIthi
nkther
e’smoretothi
s.
Me:Granyouareforgett
ingherf
atherwaswhi
te.
Theydon’
tbel
ieveinthesethi
ngs.
Gr
an:Hermot
herwasAf
ri
can,
wasn’
tshe?
Me:Shewas…
Gr
an:So?Getherhel
psoon.
Myphoner
ang.
Me:Ihavet
otaket
his,
Lor
atoi
scal
li
ng.
ShenoddedandIanswer
edt
hecal
l.
Me:Aunt
y.
Lor
ato:Youst
il
latt
hehospi
tal
?
Me:Yesbutwear
eaboutt
oleave.
Lor
ato:It
houghtIwoul
dcomebutIam r
unni
ngl
ate.
Iam onmywayt oseePandor
a.
Me:Youwi
llcomeatt
hehouse.
Lor
ato:Yeah.Gi
veMamat
hephone,
Iwannasayhi
.
Me:Hol
don…
Iwentt
ogi
veGr
ant
hephone.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iopenedt
hedoorandl
ookedatt
hel
adyi
nfr
ontof
me.
Me:Hi
,canIhel
pyou?
Lady:Yes,Iam l
ooki
ngforCal
eb.Iam Cor
deli
a,I
broughtthi
stohim.IwassentbyJosh.Heis
expecti
ngme.
Sheshowedmet
hebr
ownenvel
ope.
Del
ia:Iam oneoft
henewmodels.Wehadashoot
t
odaysoIwasaskedtobri
ngthesephot
ostohi
m.
Me:Pl
easecomei
n.
Il
etheri
n;wewal
kedt
othesi
tt
ingr
oom.
Del
ia:Youhaveabeaut
if
ulhomeMr
sKamande.
Me:Pl
easecal
lmePandor
a.Andt
hankyou.
Shesmi
ledandnodded.Wesatdown.
Deli
a:Iam sor
ryifIam beingforwardbutIam
happytoseeyousaf eandsound.Sawpost son
soci
alsaboutyourdisappearance…
Me:It
’sokay.MostpeoplesawitandIam happyt
o
behomewi thmyfamily.CanIgetyousomethi
ngto
dr
ink?
Del
ia:Cof
feepl
ease.
Me:LetmegoandcallCal
ebf
oryouandt
henyou
wi
llgett
hatcof
fee.
Del
ia:Thankyou,
youar
esosweet
.
It
urnedandwal
kedaway,
leavi
nghert
her
e.
Tobecont
inued…
21

PANDORAKAMADE

WhenIwentt otel
lCalebaboutCordel
iaIfoundhim
talki
ngont hephone.Thecallsoundedimportantso
Ilethim beandwalkedbackt oCordel
ia.

Wewer esit
ti
ngintheli
vingroom dr
inki
ngcof f
ee.I
foundherveryi
nter
esti
ngandf unnytoo.Shewas
tel
li
ngmeabouthercar eer,
andallt
hechallenges
shehadfacedasapl ussizemodel.
Me:AndIt
houghtmodel
li
ngwaseasy.
Del
ia:What
?No.
Shehadabeauti
fulbody,shewaswhatwecal l
eda
cur
vywomanbutnotover weight
.Herfl
oraldress
wit
hsleevesr
eachedbelowherknees.Inoti
cedshe
hadhai
rylegstoo.WhywasInot
ici
ngever
ythi
ng
aboutt
hislady?
Deli
a:Peopl
ewillnevert
ellyout
hestr
ugglesof
t
heirprof
essi
on.Theymakeyouenj oyandadmirei
t
fr
om dist
ance.
Me:Exact
ly.I
t’
seasyt
oadmir
esomeone’
sjob
whenyoudon’tknowwhat
’si
nthei
nsi
de.
Del
ia:Yousee?
Icoul
dn’
thel
pbutwonderedhowoldshewas.
Curi
osi
tyki
ll
edt
hecat,
itwasabouttoki
llPan.
Me:MayIaskhowol
dyouar
e?

Shesi
ppedonhercof
feeandl
ookedatme.
Me:Theysay,
neveraskal
adyheragebuther
eam
Iaski
ng…
Del
ia:Il
ovehowbol
dyouar
e.It
urned30yest
erday.
Me:Ohi
sit
?Happybel
ateddar
li
ng.
Del
ia:Thankyou.
Me:Andthere’
snor
ingonyourf
inger
.Wai
ti
ngf
or
MrPerf
ect?
Shel
aughedandt
il
tedherhead.
Deli
a:Iam notsol
uckywheni
tcomest
o
rel
ati
onshi
ps.
Me:Iseebutdonotlosehope.Youwillfi
nd
someoneandyouwi l
lbeveryhappy.Aslongas
youdon’tt
akesomeone’sman.Youwi l
lneverbe
happywhenanotherwomani slosi
ngsleepover
yourdeeds.Al
wayskeepthatinmind.
Del
ia:Fr
om yourl
ipst
oGod’
sear
s.
Me:Amensi
ster
.
Ihear
dCal
eb’
sfoot
stepsappr
oachi
ng.
Cal
eb:Goof
y,Iwast
hinki
ng…
Hest
oppedwhenher
eal
isedIwasn’
tal
one.
Me:Shei
sher
eforyou.Comeandsi
ther
e.
Ipat
tedt
hecouch.Hecameandsatbesi
deme.
Del
ia:MrKamande,
Iam Cor
deli
a.Oneofthe
modelswhowerehi
redonFri
day,Joshsentme.
Caleb:Iwasn’
tint heoff
icethi
sweekbutIwastol
d
aboutthemodel s.Thankyouforbr
ingi
ngthe
pi
cturesfrom t
heshoot ,Joshwassupposedt
o
bri
ngt hem.
Del
ia:Het
oldme.
Cal
ebnodded.
Del
ia:Ihavet
ogo.Mr
sKamande,
itwasni
ce
meetingyou.
Shegotup.
Me:I
twasni
cemeet
ingyout
oo.
Del
ia:I
’
llbeonmyway.

Iwal
kedherout
.
Del
ia:Bye.
Iclosedt
hedoorandwalkedback.If
oundCal
eb
l
yingonhisbackonthecouch.
Me:Andt
hen?
Cal
eb:Iam f
eel
ingt
ir
ed.
Me:Cor
del
iaseemsl
ikeani
cel
ady.
Caleb:Youbet
ternotbet
hinki
ngofbef
ri
endi
ngher
,
Iknowyou.
Ihi
thi
m wi
thcushi
on.
Me:That
’sameanthi
ngtosay,
andno!Iam not
t
hinki
ngofbef
ri
endi
ngher.Myhear
tonl
yhasspace
f
orJewel.
Cal
eb:That
’sgood.Thesegi
rl
scan’
tbet
rust
ed.
Me:Ohmysweethubby.Iador
eyou.
Isai
dtohi
m.
Cal
eb:Ki
ssesbaby!
Itookt
hecupsandwal
kedt
otheki
tchent
owash
them.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Ihonestl
ythoughtIwasgoi
ngtoexpl
ode.Inever
thoughtI
’dfi
ndmyselfi
nthesamespacewith
Pandora.Toactual
lysi
tdownandpr etendli
keI
didn’
tknowherwassomet hi
ngInevert houghtI
’d
do.OntheotherhandIwasscar edofCaleb’
s
react
ionwhenheseesme.Idi dn’tt
ellhi
m Iwas
coming.Butt
hatsonofSatandidn’tevenfli
nch.He
actednormal
.

BeinginPandor a’spresencewast err

ifyi
ng;Iswear
IhonestlythoughtIwasgoi ngtopassoutr ight
there,i
nfrontofher .KnowingIwassl eepingwi t
h
herhusbanddi dn’tmakei teasy.Iquesti
onedt he
typeofawomanIwas.Butwhocoul dblameme?I
wasawomani nl ove.Il
ovedherhusbandandI
want edtobewi thhim asmuchasshewant edto
withhim.Di dthatmakemeabadper son?Maybei t
didbutthehear talwayswant swhatitwant s.I
didn’twanttothinkaboutt hehurtshewasgoi ngto
feelthedayshef indsoutwhoIwas.Thef inalnai
l
tohercof f
in.

Iputmyhandonmychestandt
ookdeepbr
eat
hs.I
gotinsi
demycarandsatther
eforawhilebef
oreI
tookmyphoneandr angNomzamo.Herphoner ang
unanswered.Nomzamowasanotherpandemic.I
droveoff
.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

ThatSundayaf
ternoonIpreparedmysel
ffort
he
meeti
ng.Wewer esupposedtohavemetyesterday
butMrShabanguhadanemer gency.

Mymi ndwasal
lovertheplace.Theairwassothi
ck,
i
fIhadaknifeI
’
dcutit.Il
ookedatNandiwhowas
si
tt
ingnextt
oherhusband.Onherl ef
tsidewas
Beyon,whowassi
tti
ngnextt ohisUncle.

Nexttomewasmybr otherMusa,mypar
ent
swere
si
tt
ingontheot
hersofaacrosst
heonewewere
si
tt
ingon.
Dad:I
thascomet
oourat
tent
iont
hatMr
s
Shabangui sabusingourdaughter
.Westil
ltr
yingt
o
getthehangofi tbecauseasaparentIdon’
t
understandhowMr sShabangucanmockandbul l
y
ourdaughter.Sheisamot her,
amot hert
oa
daughter.
Nandi
:Abuse?That
’sast
rongwor
d…
MrShabangu:Keepqui
et.
Nandi
:But
-
MrShabangu:Isai
dqui
et!Cont
inueMrMasut
ha.
Dad:Thankyou.I nsomanyoccasi onsyourwife
hastreatedmydaught eri
ll
.Shehassadt hi
ngsshe
weren’tsupposedtosay,shebeli
tt
ledourdaughter
andmadeherf eell
essofawoman.Wedi dn’tknow
whenyoucamet oourhousetoaskforherhandi n
marri
ageyouwi l
lendupabusingMel .Wetrusted
youwi thourdaughterandthi
sishowyour epayus?
Byhur t
ingourdaughter?Byhumili
atingher
?
MrShabangul
etoutasi
gh.
Musa:Ifweknewt hi
swouldhappen,
wewould
haveneveraccept
edyourcows.Youpromi
sedto
takegoodcar
eofher .Beyon,youtol
dmestrai
ght
upthatyouwil
lfal
landgetupwi thMelbutnowI
am heari
ngadif
ferenttune.
MrShabangu:Iam ashamedr i
ghtnow.Idon’teven
knowwhatt osayt obet
tert
hesi t
uat
ion.I
tseems
l
ikethedamagei shuge.Butthatwil
lnotstopmet o
apologi
ze.Ididn’
tknowmywi fewasbehavi ngin
thi
smanner .Iwouldhavedonesomet hi
nghadI
known.
Dad:Yourwifemustunder standhowpower fuland
pai
nfulsomeone’swor dsare, orwhattheycando
toaperson.Yoursonismar ryi ngourdaughterand
weneedaheal thyandgoodr elati
onshi
p.Not
bet
weent hem onlybutbetweenusaswel l.
Beyon’sUncl
e:Beyon,di
dn’
tItel
lyoutoal
ways
standupforyourwif
e,topr
otecther
?WhatdidI
teachyouboy?
Beyon:Yout
aughtmeal
lthat
.
Beyon’
sUncle:Thenwhatisthi
s?Ifyoucanall
ow
yourmothert
owal koverherwhatdoyouthi
nkis
goingt
ohappenedwhenot herpeopl
estartt
odo
thesamet hi
ng?Can’tyouseeyouar eopeninga
doorofdi str
ustbet
weenyouandourMakot i?And
youNandi ,youhavenor ighttoabusethi
sgirl
.
WhetherBeyonwannamar ryherwithorwit
houta
chil
di snoneofyourbusi ness.Mindyourown
aff
airs,andletBeyonmi ndhis.Whereisyour
shame?
Nandi
:CanIsaysomet
hing?
MrShabangu:Youar
enotsayi
nganythi
ngNandi
.
You’
vesai
denough,youwi
llt
alkwhenweaskyou
tot
alk.
Sheshr
ugged.
MrShabangu:Wewoul dliketooffertheMasut ha
famil
yagoatandasheepaspeaceof feri
ng.Weas
Shabangufamilyaredeeplysor
ry.Ast heheadof
thi
shouse,IassureyouMr sShabanguwi llbeart
he
consequencesofheracti
ons.Somet hingli
kethis
wouldneverhappenagain.
Dad:Ihopeandpr
ayi
tdoesn’
t.
MrShabangu:Nandi
,apol
ogi
zet
othechi
ld.
Nandicl
ear
edhert
hroatandr
anhereyesar
ound.
Nandi:Mel
,Iam sorr
y.Ishoul
dn’
thaveplayGod
andjudgeyou.Iwaslooki
ngoutformychildbutI
admitIwentthewrongwayaboutit.It
houghtwhat
Iwasdoingwasr i
ght…
Wasshebeingsincer
e?Idi
dn’
tknow,
thatwas
Nandiaf
teral
l.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Jewelletmeinonwhathappenedinmyabsence.I
wastryingt
ounder
standmyAunt ’
sintent
ions.
Whatwasheragenda?Whatwasshehi di
ngfrom
me?Jewelsaidonethi
ngandshesai dtheother
.

Me:Aunt
y,l
ookatme.
Shet
urnedt
ofaceme.
Me:Ar
eyoureadyt
otel
lmet het
rut
h?AndImean
t
hewholet
rut
hbecauseri
ghtnowIfeell
ike
someoneislyi
ng.AndIam tr
yingbyal
lmeanst
o
nott
hinkyouaretheonel
ying.
AuntK:Iam notl
ying.Whatwi
llIgai
nfr
om lying?I
real
lydon’
tknowwhyJewelisthinki
ngIam lying.
Me:Okay, t
hent el
lme.I fGabbyisdead,whydid
youmakemebel i
eveshewasal i
ve?YouknewI
waslookingforher .Icri
edinyourarms,Icameto
yourhousesever alti
mes.Yousawmebr eaki
ng
downbutIdon’ trecallyoutel
li
ngme, Gabbyisdead.
Whyisthat?
AuntK:Ididn’
tknowhowt otel
lyou.Ithoughtyou’
d
l
etitgoeventual
ly.Idi
dn’twanttobet heonewho
t
ellyoubutwhenIr eal
iseyouwer en’tl
ett
ingt
he
i
ssuerest.Ihadtoletyouknow.Tr ustmePan…
Me:Inolongertrustyou;youbrokethattr
ustwhen
youli
edtome.Ican’ tevenlookatyourightnow
andnotfeelhate.Youdeceivedme,mymot her
’s
si
ster
!Youhur tmeaunt y.

Iqui
etl
ylookedather
.
Me:Pl
easegetoutofmyhouse.
Ibetwit
hmyl if
eshewasn’texpect
ingt
hat.Shock
waswr i
tt
enalloverherf
acebutIwasn’
tjoki
ng.I
wantedheroutofmyhouse.
AuntK:Youar
eki
cki
ngmeout
?
Me:Iam t
ell
ingyout
oleavetol
eave.Pl
easeaunt
,
l
eavemyhouse.Ihavenothi
ngtosaytoyou.

JEWELMUDAU

AfterIdroppedmyGr anIdecidedtopassby
Stoney’sEater
y.Ibumpedintoanol dfr
iendofmi
ne
whistIwast her
e.Wewer estandingnexttomycar
catchingup.

Me:Ist
il
lcan’
tbel
ieveyouwentaheadandmar r
y
Si
phoknowinghehasawi f
e.Awhol esecondwif
e,
Mpume?
Shel
aughed.
Mpume:Idon’
tbel
ievei
ttoo.
Me:Irememberhowyouusedt
ot al
kabout
pol
ygamyandhowmuchyouhat edit
.
Mpume:Buther
eam It
oday,
Mpumet
hesecond.
“Jewel,
”someonesai dbehi
ndus.Irecognizedt
he
voice,
ohIdi d.Isai
dalit
tl
eprayer
;Iprayeditwasn’
t
whoIt houghtitwas.

Isl
owl
ytur
nedaround.Myfacecamefacet
oface
wit
hBanel
e’
s.If
eltmyinsi
desmoving.
Mpume:Gi
rl
,ar
eyouokay?
Inoddedrepeat
edl
y.Peoplear
oundhereknew
Baneleandwhathedid.Imeanthenewswasall
overt
henews.
Banel
e:CanIpl
easet
alkwi
thyou?
Mpume:Si
r,pl
easetakeahi
ke.Shedoesn’
twantt
o
t
alkwi
thyou.Can’
tyousee?
Banel
e:Ij
ustwantt
womi
nut
esofhert
ime.
Il
ookedatMpume.
Me:I
t’
sokay,
wear
einpubl
icspace.Hewi
llnothur
t
me.
Mpume:Yousur
e?
Me:Yes.
ShegaveBanel
eadeadl
ookbef
oreshewal
ked
away.

Me:Whatthehel
ldoyouwantf
rom me?Icl
ear
ly
t
oldyouIwantnothi
ngt
odowithyou.
Banel
e:WhatIhavet
osayi
sveryi
mportant
.You
deser
vetoknowthet
rut
handtoheart
hisfr
om me.
Me:Youdon’tgett
ir
edofapol ogi
zing,doyou?What
i
syourapologygoi
ngt odo?Wi l
litbri
ngmymot her
back?Theoneyoukill
edwithoutcareintheworl
d,
youdiditi
naheart
beat.Ineededmymot her,
and
youtookherfr
om me.Youpl ayedGod…
Iwasbecomi
ngemot
ional
.Banel
ehadnoideaof
whathewasdoi
ngt
ome.Hewasbr eaki
ngmy
wal
lsdown.
Me:Justst
ayawayf
rom me.Idon’
toweyou
anyt
hing.Youhearme?
Isai
dthatgi
vinghi
m myback.
Banel
e:Iam yourf
ather
.
Myl
egsf
roze.
Banel
e:Iam yourf
atherJewel
.
Hest
art
edwal
king;
hest
oodi
nfr
ontofme.
Banel
e:Ial
sodidn’
tknowunt
ilIr
eadal
ett
erwr
it
ten
byyourmother
.
Me:Donot…donotspewnonsense.Youarenotmy
f
ather,
andyouwi
llneverbemyfather
.Iknowmy
f
atherandhei
snotyou.
Hesli
dhishandi
nsidehi
spocket;i
tcameback
wit
hawallet
.Heopenedthewal
letandsear
ched
t
hrough.
Banele:Here’
sthel ett
er.Readityoursel
f,youwil
l
seeIam notlyingt oyou.Jewel,IknowIt ookyour
mother ’
sli
feandf orthatIam sorr
y.Ilovedyour
motherandIshoul dn’
thaveletmyemot i
onsgetthe
bestofme.Iwi llneverli
etoyouaboutsomet hi
ng
l
ikethis.
Sti
llst
andi
ngont hesamespotIeyedt heletterhe
washandingt
ome.Myf at
herwasGeor ge,yeshe
deniedmebuthewasmyf at
her.Banel
ewoul d
neverbemyfather,Ir
efusedthatfact
.Itdi
dn’t
makesense.

Aft
erdebati
ngwithmyselfIf
inall
ytookthelet
ter.I
wantedtoconfi
rm hewaslyi
ng,mymot herdi
dn’t
wri
tethatdamnlett
erbutshedid.Thehandwr i
ti
ng
confi
rmedit,
mymot herwrot
ethel et
ter
.Whydi d
sheli
etome?

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasinmystudyof
fi
cewor
kingwhenIr
ecei
veda
cal
lfr
om MaLanga.
MaLanga:Wemi ssyoual
ready.Zanocan’
tst
op
tal
kingaboutyou.Wegotusedtoyouinjustf
our
days.
Igotusedtothem t
oo.Theywerelovel
ypeople,
and
theyshowedmenot hingbuthumanit
yandlove.
Beingint
heirhousetaughtmetoappreci
atesmall
thi
ngs.Theydidn’
thavemuchbuttheyhadeach
other
.
Me:OhMa,Imissyout
oo.Iwi
llcomeandseeyou
dur
ingt
heweek.
MaLanga:Youdon’
thavet
o.Iwasn’
tsayi
ngyou
mustcome…
Me:Iinsi
st.Youar
est
uckwi
thme;youwi
llnever
getr
idofme.
MaLanga:Godblessedmewi
thanot
herdaught
er.
Am Inotl
ucky?
Anot
hercal
lcamet
hrough,
itwasJewel
.
Me:Ma,t
her
e’sanot
hercal
lcomi
ng.CanIcal
lyou
back?
MaLanga:Nopr
obl
em but
ter
fl
y.
Iendedhercal
landanswer
edJewel
’
s.
Me:Monkey?
Jewel:Hei
smyf
ather
.Thatmur
der
eri
smyf
ather
Pando!
Ri
ghtaf
tersayi
ngt
hat
,shecr
ied.
Me:Whoi
syourf
ather
?Jewel
?
Jewel
:Whyhi
m?Heismyf
ather
,mybl
ood.Hi
s
bl
oodisi
nmyvei
ns!

Thatwasnotgood.Jewel wasn’tonetobreakdown;
shewasthepil
lar
,theroots.Forhertobreakdown
l
ikethi
smeantsomet hi
ngwasgoi ng.Di
d
somethi
nghappent oher?
Me:Youarenotmaki
nganysense.Whoi
she?
Scr
atcht
hat,wher
eareyounow?Sendmethe
l
ocati
onnowJewel.
Jewel
:Okay.
Me:Hangon,
Iam comi
ngt
her
e.Il
oveyou.
Ihungup.Igr
abbedt
hesweat
erandputi
ton.
Me:Babe?Cal
eb?
Iwal
kedoutoft
her
oom.
Tobecont
inued…
22

PANDORAKAMANDE

Jewelsentmethelocati
on.Itseemedshewassti
ll
atherol
dneighbourhood.I
ttookmet hi
rt
yminut
es
todri
vether
e.Idroveli
keamani c.

Hercarwaspar ki
ngout si
detheEat
ery;Ipar
ked
mi nenextt
ohers.Isteppedoutofmycarandwent
toknockonherwi ndow.Whenshesawi tmeshe
steppedoutofhercar.

Me:Monkey…
Shel
ookedatmet
ear
fulasIhuggedher
,shehel
d
mefi
rmly.
Me:Hey,
hey,
cal
m down.Jewel
,cal
m downand
t
alkt
ome.
Insteadofsayingsomethingshecri
ed.Icl
ear
edthe
braidsthathadfal
lenonherfacetothebackofher
ear.Shelookedhorri
ble;t
hetear
smessedupher
braids.
Me:Tal
ktomeJewel
.Iam dyi
ngofnotknowi
ng.
Ihel
dherhands,
theywer
esl
ight
lyt
rembl
ing.
Me:Jewel
?
Jewel
:Banel
e…hei
s,hei
smyf
ather
.Thatbast
ard
i
smyf at
her.
Shesai
dwhi
lecr
ying.
Me:Idon’
tunder
stand.Howi
sheyourf
ather
?
Jewel:Heismyfat
her
!Checkt
hel
ett
eri
nmycar
,
ever
ythingi
sdet
ail
edther
e.
Iwenttotaket
helet
ter
.Isi
lentl
yreadi
t.WhenIwas
donereadingi
tIl
ookedatJewel.I
twaslott
otakei
t;
Ii
maginedhowshewasf eeli
ng.
Jewel
:Idon’
tunder
standwhymymot
herwentback
t
ohi
m knowi
ngver
ywel
lhei
sabusi
ve.

Jewel’
smot herdat edBanel ebefor eJewel was
conceivedbutbecauseoft heabuseshewas
enduri
ngf r
om Banel e, shebr okeupwi thhim.She
l
atermetGeor ge,dat edhi m notknowi ngshewas
pregnantalr
eady.Soonaf terJewel wasbor n
Georgebecamesuspi ciousaboutJewel ’spaternit
y.
Thatexplai
nedhi shat redandr esent mentt owards
Jewel.YearslaterBanel egotbackt ogetherwi th
Jewel’
smot herbutshedi dn’tt
ellBanel eabout
Jewel.Inherownwor ds,“Iwaspr otectingmy
daughter.
”Shet henwr oteal ett
er,addr essedi tto
George.Inthelettershewasapol ogi zi
ngand
confi
rminghisintuiti
ons.
Me:Whendi
dBanel
erecei
vet
hisl
ett
er?
Jewel:Hesai
dayearafterhisconvicti
on.George
wenttoseehim,hegavehimt helett
er.Hefelt
Baneledeser
vedtoknowthet r
uth.Banelethen
askedGeorgetonotsayanythingtoanyone,
i
ncludingme.Hesaidhewilldealwithitandkept
hi
swor
d.
Me:Het
houghti
twaswi
set
otel
lyounowbutwhy
now?
Jewel
:Becausehei
sdyi
ng!Hehascancer
.
Shet
hrewherhandsont
heai
r.
Me:Howthought
fulofhi
m.Hei
susi
nghi
sil
lness
t
owinyou.
Shenoddedr
epeat
edl
y.
Jewel:Andthat’
swhyi
thurtt
hemost.HowdoI
dealwitht
his?ThemanIhatetur
ntobemyfat
her
.
Myf at
herkil
ledmymother
.
Shechuckl
edl
ight
ly.
Jewel
:Iam cur
sed.
Me:Youar
enot
.
Jewel:Idon’
tlovehi
m andIwi
llneverl
ovehi
m.
HowcanIl oveorfeelpi
tyf
ort
hemanwhohas
causedmesomuchpai n?
Me:Nooneisexpect
ingyout
o,okay?Taket
his
cancerashi
skar
ma.
Isai
dhonest
ly.
Me:Nowstopcr
ying,
peopl
ewil
lsoonnot
icewhat
’s
goi
ngon.Doyouwantmetocal
lLeon?
Shegavemeanod.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Ithr
ewmysel fonthebedandl
etoutaloudsigh.
Myl egswerekil
li
ngme;Iwant
edtotakealong
bathandthensleep.

Asoftknocksoundedont
hedoorandt
hedoorwas
opened.
Me:Zamo,
Iam t
ir
ed,
letmesl
eep.
Zamo:Imadegr
eensal
ad,
yourf
avour
it
e.Wanna
comeandeatwi
thme?
Me:Iam nothungr
y.
Zamo:I
t’
sgr
eensal
ad,
hel
lo!
Me:Ij
ustwantt
otakeabat
handsl
eep.Iam nota
goodcompany.
Shecl
osedt
hedoorandl
eanedoni
t.
Zamo:Letmeguess,
Cal
ebKamande.
Me:Howdi
dyouknow?
Zamo:Aunt ,
it’
sobvi
ous.Ever
ythi
ngrevolves
aroundCaleb.Ther
e’sanot
herworl
doutt here,
you
knowthat?Thewor l
dthatCal
ebdoesn’texisti
n…
Me:Meani
ng?
Zamo:Iam sayi
ngli
veyourl
if
eaunt.Wetal
kabout
Calebqui
teoft
en,Imi
ssyou.Ihavemyown
probl
emsandIneedyouasmyaunt .Doyouget
whatIam sayi
ng?
Isatupst
rai
ght
.
Me:Idi
dn’
treal
ise.
Zamo:AndIam notsurpri
sed.Atthi
smomentt he
onlyi
mportantper
soninyourlif
eisCaleb.Therest
ofuscomesecond.Howdi dwegether e?Doesi t
evercr
ossyourmindthatIfeell
onely?Itakeyouas
mymot herbutsi
nceCalebcamei nt
oourl i
ves
thi
ngshavechanged.It’
sCalebthis,Calebthat
.You
don’tseeitnowbutyouareslowlylosingyoursel
f
andbyt hetimeyoureal
isei
t,i
t’
dbel ate.
Me:OhZamo,
Iam sor
ry.I
t’
sjust
…
Zamo:I fyouwanttodefendyoursel
frat
hersaveit
.
ThinkaboutwhatIsaid.Ifyouf
eelli
keIam
crowdingyourspacepleasetel
lme.Iwillmoveout.
Idon’twanttost
andinyourway.
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,sheopenedt
hedoorandwal
kedout
.

JEWELMUDAU

MyGrandmot
hersqueezedmycheekandt
henhel
d
myhand.
Gr an:Ist
il
lrememberwhenyourmot hersatme
downandt oldmeshewaspr egnantwi t
hyou.Oh
God, Iwassol i
vid.Iimmediat
elythr
ewheroutof
thehouse, yourunclebeggedmenott obuttheway
Iwasangr y.Ididn’tevenl
ist
entohim.Butaf terI
kickedheroutoft hehouse,Ifel
tguil
t.IthoughtI
’d
beatpeaceaft
erdoi
ngso.Thatni
ghtIdi
dn’
tsl
eep,
Il
ookedforheral
lni
ght
.
Il
aughed.
Gran:Andwhenyouwerebornever
ythi
ngchanged.
Il
ovedyouatfir
stsi
ght
.Iremembertel
li
ngt
he
nurses,
“Thi
sismyJewel.
”
Me:AndyounamedmeJewel
.
Gran:Yes.Jewel,
Iknewyoumor ethanyourown
mother.Yessomet i
mesIam hardonyoubutIdo
t
hatoutoff ear
,Idon’twantyout
oturnoutl
ikeyour
mother.
Me:Whyar
eyout
ell
ingmeal
loft
his?Youar
e
maki
ngmeemoti
onal.
Gran:Iwantyout oalwaysknowIl oveyou,myf ir
st
grand-daught
er.Nomat t
erwhathappensinl i
fe,
don’teverfor
getwhereyoucomef rom orwhoyou
are.Butthemosti mportantt
hing,
donotf or
getGod.
Prayevenwheni thur
t,evenwhenyouf eell
ikenot
praying.Godisthewor d,t
heanswerandt heway.
Me:Yout
aughtmet
opr
ay,
howcanIf
orget
?
Gran:OhmyJewel.Iwil
lal
waysbebyyoursi
de.My
l
ovef oryoui
sbeyonddeat
h.Bebl
essed.

Ihear
dsomeonecal
li
ngmyname.
“
Jewel
,wakeup.
”
Me:Gr
an?
Thatwast hef
ir
stthi
ngIsai
dwhenIopenedmy
eyes.Leonwastheonecall
ingmyname;If
ell
asleeponthecouch.
Leon:Youwer
ecr
yingandcal
li
ngyourGr
ani
nyour
sl
eep.
Me:Wher
e’smyphone?
Leon:Babe…
Me:Leon,
wher
eismydamnphone?
Inar
rowedmyeyes.
Me:Ohher
e.
It
ookitandrangmyGr
andmot
her
.Sheanswer
ed
af
terasecondri
ng.
Gr
an:Jewel
,i
sthatyou?
Me:Yes,
it’
smeGr
an.Ar
eyouf
ine?
Gr
an:Iam f
ine.Whywouldn’
tIbe?Iam sl
eepi
ngi
n
mybed.Di
dsomet hi
nghappen?
Me:No,
no.Not
hinghappened.Iwil
lcomeandsee
yout
omorr
ow.There’
ssomethingIneedt
otel
lyou.
Gr
an:Iwi
llbewai
ti
ngf
oryou.
Me:Il
oveyousomuchGr
an.
Leoncameandsatbesi
deme.
Me:Bye,
seeyout
omor
row.
Ihungup.
Leon:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
otel
lmewhat
’swr
ong?
Me:Pl
easehol
dme,
please…
Heopenedhisarmsforme.Somet
hingdi
dn’
tfeel
r
ight
.Iwasfeel
inguneasy.

MELANI
EMASUTHA
Myfatherusual
lysati
nt hegardenmostoft
heti
me
andti
lldat
eithadnotchanged.Iswungopenthe
backdoorandsawhi srefl
ect
iononthewall
.

Imademywaytohim;hewast
alki
ngwi
th
someoneont
hephone.
Dad:Thankyoufori
nfor
mingme.Iam l
ooki
ng
for
wardtoseeyou.Goodnight
,bye.
Heendedt
hecal
l.
Me:Daddy.
Dad:Yousneaki
nguponme?
Me:Me?No.
Dad:ThatwasMrShabangu.Hewast el
li
ngmethat
t
heyarecomingnextweektofi
nisht
heLobola.
Isatont
hebenchacr
osshi
m.
Me:I
sit
?
Dad:Yes.I
t’
saboutt
ime.Ar
eyouexci
ted?
Me:Yes.
Ianswer
edi
mmedi
atel
y.
Me:Youdon’thavet
owor
ryaboutmedaddy.Your
pri
ncesshasgrown,
shei
sabouttobui
ldherown
castl
e.
Dad:Good,becauseIwantyout
obehappywith
yourchoi
ces.Donotmakesamemistakesyour
motherandIdid.
Me:Mi
stakes?
Dad:I
t’
snoti
mpor
tantr
ightnow.Thi
sisaboutyou.
Me:Ar
eyouevergoi
ngt
otel
luswhathappened
bet
weenyouandmom?
Dad:Ther
e’snot
hingt
otel
lpr
incess.

Hewasl
ying.Not
hingconvi
ncedmeot
her
wise.
Dad:Mel ,nomatterwhathappensi nyourmar riage
neverandImeanneverf indcomf or
tint hear
msof
anotherman.Cheat i
ngisunforgivabl
eand
unforgett
ableandoncethatwal lisbrokenthere’s
nogoi ngback.SameappliestoBeyon, oncehe
star
ttocheat ,
knowandr ememberyourwor t
h,
princess.Iknowt heywilltellyoutobestrongand
staywi thyourhusbandbutt hatwouldonlymake
mat tersworse.Takewhat ’
syour sandleave.The
peopl ewil
ltal
k,letthem talk.That’
swhatt heydo
butneverputyoursani t
yatst akebecauseyouar e
afraidtheywilll
aughatyou.Anddonotactcr azy
ont heladywhoi sseeingyourhusband.Youdeal
withyourhusbandorl etyourl awyerdealwithhim.
DoyouhearwhatIam sayi ng?
Myf
ather
’ssoundnessal
waysamusedme.
Me:Loudandcl
ear
.
Dad:Cheat
ingi
sunf
orgi
vabl
eandunf
orget
tabl
e.
Her
emi
ndedme.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Me:Wher
eisshe?
IaskedLeon.
Leon:I
nthel
ivi
ngr
oom.
Me:Letmegoandseeher
.
Leon:Woul
dyoul
adi
esl
ikesomet
ea?
Me:Yes,
thankyou.

Itt
ookmel essthan25secondstoreachwhere
Jewelwas.Ifoundherstar
ingatthebi
gportr
aiton
thewall
.Shedidn’thearmecomingsoIstoodther
e
andstar
eather .

Me:Ibr
oughtyoupancakes.
Shej
umpedal
it
tl
e.Icaughtherof
fguar
d.
Jewel
:Myhear
t,youst
art
ledme.
Me:IknowandIdi
ditonpur
pose.
Isati
nthecouchacr
ossher
s.
Jewel
:Youdr
oveal
lthewayt
obr
ingt
his?I
t’
slat
e.
I
twas20h15pm.
Me:YesIdi
d.
Jewel
:Youwantt
oseehowIam hol
dingup,
you
coul
dhavecal
ledme.
Me:Ohyoudon’twantmypancakes?Fi
ne,
Iwi
lleat
t
hem al
one.Leonismaki
ngteaforus.
Jewel
:AndIwi
lll
etyou?
Shet
ookoneandst
art
edt
oeati
t.Ishookmyhead.
Myphoner
ang,
itwasLor
ato.Ianswer
ed.
Me:Hi
.
Lor
ato:Pando,
isJewelwi
thyou?
Me:Yes.
Lorat
o:I
’vebeentryi
ngtocal
lherandLeonbutt
hei
r
phonesarenotreachabl
e.
Me:Icangi
vehert
hephone.
Jewelst
oppedeat
ingandl
ookedatme.
Lor
ato:No,
don’
t.
Me:I
sever
ythi
ngokay?
Lorat
o:No,
somet
hinghappened.Mh,
mymot
her
passedon.
Me:What
?
Lor
ato:Yes.Shediedinhersl
eep.Idon’
tknowhow
tot
ellJewel,
shelovedherGrandmother
.
Me:Iknowt
hat
…
Jewel
:Pando,
what
’swr
ong?
Ihungup.
Me:Mht
hingi
s…ohGodhowdoIsayt
his?
Jewel
:SaywhatPando?

Tobecont
inued…
23

JEWELMUDAU

Twoni ghtsagoIreceivednewsthatchangedmy
whol elif
e.WhenIhear dt
henews, i
nsteadofcr
ying
Iexper i
encedanxiety.Iwentnumbf orfewminutes
afterthatIcoll
ectedmyt houghtsandheldmyhead
high.Eveni fIhadcriedorscreamedmyl ungsout,
shewasnotcomingback.Whensomeonepassed
on,wel
ett
hem rest
.

BeforePandorarecei
vedthatcallaboutmy
grandmother’
sdeathIhadaf eeli
ngsomet hingbad
hadhappened.Ihadbeenf eeli
nguneasysi nceI
wokeupf rom t
hatdream.Ididn’tknowwhatwas
goingonbutIcouldfeelsomethingwashappeni ng.
Yes,Iknewonedaymygr annywoul ddiebutIstill
wishedthatdaydidn’
tcome.Whenshewas
di
schargedIthoughtshehadpassedt hewor st
,
l
it
tledidIknow.Butshepeaceful l
ydiedinherown
bed.

Sheal wayssaid,“WhenIdie,don’twast
eyourtime
mour ningovermydeat h.Don’tl
etmydepartur
e
stopyouf r
om l i
ving.Cr
ybutremembert ocont
inue
withyourlives.Il
ivedmine;don’
tletmerobyou
thatchance.”

Iwasl
yingonmybackf
aci
ngt
hecei
li
ng,
Leonwas
al
readyup.Aft
erfewminutesIgotoutoft
hebed
andjumpedinthebatht
ub.Isati
nthebatht
uband
heavedadeepsigh.
Me:Mayyoursoulr
esti
npeaceGr
an.
Iheardmyphoner ingi
nginthebedroom.Igotout
ofthebat ht
ub.Itookthetowelanddr i
edmybody
thenwr appedmybodywhi l
ststeppi
ngoutoft he
bathroom.Byt henmyphonehadal readystopped
ri
nging.Myuncl ewast heonecalli
ng,Iranghim
back.
Me:Uncl
e
KB:Jewel
,youst
il
latt
hehouse?
Me:Yes.What
’sup?
KB:Changeofplans,
wethi
nki
ngofgoi
ngtochoose
t
hecasketfi
rstt
hentothemor
gue.I
sitf
inebyyou?
Me:I
t’
sfi
newi
thme.Wecandot
hat
.
KB:Okay.Seeyoul
ater
.
Hehungup.
Igotdressedi
nal ongblackdress,putonwhi
te
sandalsthenwrappedthedoekar oundmyhead.I
walkedouttojoi
nLeoni nthekit
chen.
Leon:It
houghtyouwer
enevergoi
ngt
owakeup.
Me:No.Iwasont
hephonewi
thmyuncl
e.
Iopenedt
hef
ri
dget
aki
ngoutanappl
e.
Me:Minddr oppi
ngmeoffatmyGr
an’
s?Ir
eal
ly
don’
tfeell
ikedri
ving.
Leon:Sur
ebutwehavet
oleavenow.Ihavea
meetingi
nexact
lyt
wohours.
Me:Ineedt
ocl
ean.Idon’
tknowwhatt
imeI
’
dbe
back.
Isai
dtaki
ngabi
teonmyappl
e.
Leon:Letmehel
pyou.
Iwal
kedupt
ohi
m.
Me:Thankyouf
orever
ythi
ng.Il
oveyouLeon
Mudau.
Leon:It
’smyjob.Thi
stooshall
passandwheni
t
does,Iwil
lbebyyoursi
deMr sMudau.
Heki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
Leon:Let
’scl
eant
hehouseorwear
ebot
hlat
e.
Westart
edcl
eani
ngt
hehouse,
itdi
dn’
ttakeust
ime
t
ofi
nish.

45mi nut
eslaterLeonwaspar kingoutsi
demy
grandmother’
s.Ikissedhim goodbyeandst
epped
outofthecar.Iwalkedinsi
det heyard.
“
Jewel
.”t
henei
ghbourcal
ledoutmyname.
Me:MaSadi
ki,
goodmor
ning.
MaSadi
ki:Mor
ningmydaught
er.
Shecl
osedhergat
eandwal
kedt
oouryar
d.
MaSadi
ki:Howar
eyouhol
dingup?
Me:Iam f
ine.
MaSadiki:Pl
easeacceptmycondol ences.Andi
f
youwannacr y,
cryi
tout.Noonewi llbl
ameyou,if
needbescream.Justdon’tkeepi
tinside;i
t’
snot
goodforyou.
SinceIheardthenews,Ihadnotcri
ed.Cr
yingwas
advisedbutIcoul
dn’tbr
ingmyselft
ocry.
Me:ThankyouMa.
MaSadi
ki:Shel
ivedherl
if
eandwewer
efor
tunat
e
t
owit
nessit.
Mygrandmot
herwasal
ovel
ywoman,
shewas
l
ovedbymany.
Me:Youar
eri
ght
.

Ther estofthemor ningwentbyeasi l

y.Wecover ed
almostever yt
hing;Ineverthoughtfuneral
arrangement scanbet hatdraini
ng.Inthepastt wo
daysIhadnotr estbutatleastwemanagedt oget
everythi
ngdone.Choosi ngt hecasketwast hemost
painfulthi
ngIhadeverdonei nmyyear sofl i
ving.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Thenextmor
ningbef
oreIdr
ovet
owor
k,Iwentt
o
Jewel’shousebei nghergrandmother’
s.Thepai nof
l
osingsomeonecl osetoyourheartisstrong.Jewel
wast ryi
ngbyal lmeanst obestr
ongi nfrontof
everyonebutIknewher .Shewasinlotofpai nbut
atthesamet i
meshewast ryi
ngtobet herefor
everyone.Soot hingthei
rpainbutleavingherson
thedoorstep,Iwasaf r
aidofwhatwoul dhappen
aft
erthef uneral.

Iwasbusyinmyof
fi
cewhenasof
tknocksounded
onthedoor
.
Me:Comei
n.
ThedoorwasopenedandNomzamoent
ered.
Zamo:Hi
.
Me:Ohhi
,whatal
ovel
ysur
pri
se.Pl
easet
akeaseat
.
Zamo:Iam sor
ryIdi
dn’
tcal
lbutIr
eal
lywant
edt
o
seeyou.I
t’
sveryi
mport
ant.
Me:I
t’
sokay.
Iputasi
det
hepaper
sIwasbusywi
thandf
ixedmy
eyesonher
.
Me:WhatcanIhel
pyouwi
th?
Zamo:Ei
shMel,
Imessedupbi
gti
me…Idon’
tknow
howtosol
vet
hismess.
Me:Messedup?Whatdi
dyoudo?
Zamo:Thi
ngi
s,If
oundoutIwaspr
egnantf
ewdays
agoand…
Iwi
denedmyeyes.
Zamo:Hul isaniandInevert
alkedabouthavi
ng
chil
dren,l
ikenever.SowhenIf oundoutIpani
cked,
i
nt hemomentofpani cki
ngItookadecisi
on…and
thatdeci
sionmi ghtl
eadtomybr eakupwit
hyour
brother
.
Me:Whatdi
dyoudo?
Zamo:Ihadanabor
ti
onMel
.AndIdi
dthatwi
thout
tel
li
ngHuli
sani
.
Me:Youabor
ted?
Shenoddedr
epeat
edl
y.
Zamo:Hul
isaninowknow.Hesawaconversati
on
bet
weenmeandmyaunt .Hewasn’
tsupposedto
fi
ndthatout.Idi
dn’
twannat
ellhi
m becauseIdidn’
t
wanttohurthim.Andnowheisangryatme, heis
neit
herpi
ckingmycall
snorr
eplyi
ngmyt exts.
Me:Nowyouwantmet otal
ktomybr ot
heraf
ter
whatyoudid?Whatdi dyouthi
nkZamo?Iknowi t’
s
yourbodybuttheleastyoucoul
dhavedonewast o
talkwi
thhi
m, l
ethim know.Totakesuchdeci
sion,
alone…nowthat’
ssomet hi
ngelse.
Zamo:Mel,Iam beggi
ngyou.Pl ease,youaret
he
onl
yonewhocangett hroughtoHulisani.Hel
ist
ens
toyou.Makehim understandwhyIdi dit
…
Me:DoIevenknowwhyyoudi
dit
?DoI
?Answer
me!
Knowi nghowmuchIwant edchil
dr enandsomeone
wasgi venthatopportuni
tybutdeci dedt odoaway
withittrul
yhurtme.Ididn’tknowt her easonbehi
nd
Zamo’ sdecisi
onandIdi dn’twanttoj udgeherbutI
wishedshehadnot .Asformybr other ,hel
lwas
goingt ofr
eezebeforehelistenstohert hat’
swhy
Nomzamocamet ome.Sheknewhi m.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasst
andingatt
her
ecept
ionwhenmyCol
league,
Lewi
swalkeduptome.
Me:MrLewi
s.
Lewi
s:Mr
sKamande,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Me:Waswalkingoutacl
ient
.Youbackf
rom your
meet
ingal
ready?
Lewis:Yes.Ar
eyour
eadyf
ort
het
ri
al,
it’
sinf
ew
days.
West
art
edwal
king.
Me:Iam butanxi
ous.
Lewi
s:Yougott
his.
Me:Iknow.Tal ki
ngaboutt hecase,t
her
e’s
somet hingIwantyout oseebef or
eImakea
decisi
on.Ihaveaf eel
ingthatsomeoneisplayi
ng
Godi nthiscaseorsomeonei sonapayrollt
omake
thi
scaseal ive.Theevidenceinhandhastoomany
potholes.
Lewi
s:Yout
hinkyourcl
ient
sar
ebei
ngf
ramed?
Ist
oopedandl
ookedathi
m.
Me:Idon’tt
hink.Iknowforaf
actandi
fIam sur
e,I
am gonnahavet oprovei
t.
Lewi
s:Bydoi
ngwhat
?
Me:Imi ghtknowwhoisf r
ami ngmyclientsandifI
am sureabouthim,Iam gonnahavet ogo
undercoverandfi
ndthatevidence.Heistheonly
part
nerleftandhehasamot i
ve,astr
ongone.Ihad
hi
m checkedout .

Lewis:Youarenotgoi
ngunder
cover
;youknowhow
dangeroust
hatisPandor
a.Youcan’
tgodownthat
rout
e.Iwon’tl
etyou…
Me:IknowbutifIam ri
ghtofwhi
chIam t
hent
his
t
ri
alwon’thappened.
Lewi
s:Idon’
tli
ket
hisonebi
t.
Me:Justl
ist
ent
omeLewi
s.Okay?
Iopenedt
hedoort
omyof
fi
ce,
Lewi
swal
kedi
naf
ter
Iwal
kedi
n.
Me:Ever yt
hinghappenedatMrDi az’sapartment
andIdidcheckt hatplaceLewis,i
thasCCTVs.
SameCCTVt hatcaughtVi per
…whatdoyout hink
happenedhour sbeforetheyweregunneddownor
whowentt othatapar t
ment ?Andt hat’snotall
,
therewasaneyewi t
nessandt hatwi tness
disappearedrightaftergi
vingthest atement,not
eventhepol i
ceknowwher esheis.
Lewi
s:Thenei
ghbour
?
Me:Yes, theneighbour.Shegavethem the
statementandboom, shemovedoutofher
apar t
mentthenextday.Andl i
stentothis,
the
forensicpathol
ogyismar ri
edtomy“ suspect
’s”
sister
.DoIneedt osaymor e?
Lewis:Ihearwhatyouaresayingbuti
tis
dangerous.Thepeoplewhoaredoingthi
smightbe
watchingyouandiftheyseeyouaregett
ingcl
ose,
theymi ghtt
ryt
osilenceyou.
Isatont
heedgeoft
het
abl
e.
Me:It
houghtaboutt
hataswel
l.That
’swhyIhave
t
obeext
racar
eful
.
Lewi
s:Letmeseewhatyouhavet
henwewi
llsee
whatt
odo.Nochances?
Igavehi
m asl
ightnod.
Lewi
s:Pandor
a?

Therewasnoguar anteei
nwhatIwasgoi ngt
odo;
chancesoflivi
nganddyi ngwer e50/50.Lewiswas
ri
ght;t
hepeopl eIwast al
kingaboutwer e
dangerous.Theywer edefi
nitel
ynotgoi ngtositand
l
etmeexposet hem letal
onegetti
ngt hem arr
ested
butIwasacr i
minallawyerandIhaddeal twit
hmen
l
ikethem before.Iwasstil
lgoingtodoi t.

MOONSI
NGO

Iwassit
ti
ngatt hecaf
eter
iahavi
ngmyl unch
l
ookingatCalebwitht
hisnewmodel.Theywer e
ver
ycosyandseemedt oknoweachotherona
per
sonallevel
.Shekeptontouchi
nghim ever
ynow
andt
hen.

Myphoner
angasIwasaboutt
ogetup,
itwasmy
mot
her.
Me:Mama?
Ma:Ohsoyouknowyouhaveamot
her
.
Me:WhatdoyouwantMama?Iam atwor
k…
Ma:I
sthathowyout
alkwi
thyourmot
herMoon?
Iwasn’
thappywithhowmymot herbehavedher
sel
f
whenPandorawentmi ssi
ng.Iknewherwellt
o
knowshewashidingsomet hi
ng.Sheknewhow
muchIhatedhypocri
tes.
Ma:Ineedmoneynana.
Me:Isentyoumoneyyest
erday.Whatdi
dyoudo
wi
thit?
Ma:It
’snotformebutf
oryourfat
her.Heissi
ck
nana;Idon’
tknowwhattodo.Iam scar
ed.
Me:Di
dyout
alkhi
mtot
hehospi
tal
?
Ma:Notyet
,that
’swhyIneed…
Theladywhowaswi t
hCalebstar
tedlaughi
ng;she
waslaughi
ngherheadoutsomucht hateveryone
att
hecafet
eri
ashif
tedthei
reyestothem.
Me:Iwi
llsendyoumoneyMa.
Ma:Real
ly?
Me:Yes,anyt
hingf
ordad.CanIcal
lyoul
ater
?My
l
unchbreakisover
.
Ma:Okaynana.Haveani
ceday.
Me:Yout
oo.
Ihungupandgotup.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwaswal
kingt
omycarwhenIr
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om
Jewel
.
Me:Mymonkey,
howar
eyou?
Jewel
:Fi
ne.Pl
easehol
don.
Igoti
nsi
det
hecar
.
“
Mel
ani
eisout
side.
”Someonesai
dtoJewel
.
Jewel
:Tel
lherIam comi
ng.Monkey?
Me:Am Ievergoi ngtomeett hi
sMel ani
e?Ionl
y
knowherf r
om t
hepicturesandchancesofher
steal
ingmybestf ri
endar et
oohi gh.Imustmeet
thisgir
l,shebet
ternottakemybestf ri
end.
Shel
aughed.
Jewel
:Jealousy!Youdon’ twannameether.How
manyti
meshaveIi nvi
tedyouwhenIwasgoi ngout
wit
hherandwhatwasyourexcuse?“ Idon’
tfeell
ike
goi
ngout.Orwhati fIdon’tli
keherorshedoesn’t
l
ikeme..
.OhbutJewel , youknowIdon’tdowel l
wit
hpeople.”Sogirl
,stopit.
Shesai
dandIl
aughed.
Me:What
ever
.What
’sup?
Jewel:It
alkedwi
thZeeandhehassomet
hingf
or
you.Hewannameet .
..
Me:AhJewel,It
houghtweagreedt
ol ett
hismatter
sl
eep.Idon’
twantt
obedepressedalloveragai
n.
Whati
fIgetdi
sappoi
ntedagai
n?
Jewel
:Soyouar
egi
vingup?Justl
iket
hatPandor
a?
Me:No…
Jewel
:Nowhat
?Doyouwantt
omeetZeeornot
?
Me:Formyownsani
ty,
no.
Jewel
:Fi
ne,
bye.
Shehungup.

Tobecont
inued…

Thankyouf
oryourpat
ience.Iam backnow.
24

PANDORAKAMANDE

Dur
ingl
unchIwenttoseemymother-
in-
law,
Maya.
Wehadnotseeneachotheri
nawhil
e.
Shesetdownapotoft
eaandbi
scui
tsont
het
abl
e.
Maya:Imi
ssedyou.
Shesai
dsqueezi
ngmycheeks.Il
aughedasshesat
down.
Me:Mypoorcheeks.
Maya:IwassohurtwhenIhear
dyouwentmi
ssi
ng.
Youhadmewor r
ied.
Me:Idi
dn’
tmeant
o.
Maya:Iknow.Howar
ethi
ngsbet
weenyouand
Cal
eb?
Me:Wegood.
Maya:Yousur
e?
SometimesIfeltl
ikeMayacaredformemor ethan
shecaredforherson.Maybeitwasbecauseofall
thet
hingsIhadbeent hr
ough,Idi
dn’tknowbutI
knewshelovedmeal ot
.Iwaslucky.
Me:Iam sure.Iknowl astt
imeIsaidthi
ngsbutI
thinkIwasoverthinki
ng.Henolongerworksl
ateor
staysoutunti
llate.
Maya:MhIsee.Hedoesl
oveyou.
..
Me:But
?
Maya:IknowyouPandor aandIknowwhenyouar e
l
ying.Ri
ghtnowyouar elyi
ngt omebutIjusthope
youarenotl
yingtoyourselfaswell
.Youare
somehowconvincingyourself
.Ther
e’ssomethi
ng
youarenottel
li
ngme…

Onet hi
ngIlovedaboutherwasherhonest
y.She
di
dn’tcarewhoyouar eorwhatyouaretoher
.
She’dgiveyouherpeaceofmindwhereis
necessary.
Maya:Wher ethere’
ssmoket here’
sf i
re.Hei smy
sonbutIwillneverdefendhi sactionsnomat ter
what.WhatIam sayi ngis,don’teverdoubtyour
i
nstinct
s.I
ftheyar etell
ingyousomet hing,looki
nto
i
t.Iam notsayinghei scheatingonyoubutmyson
i
sassameashi sfat
her.Hei sgoodathi dingthi
ngs,
anditwouldreallyhurtmet oseeyoucr ushed
becauseofhislies.Ortoseeyouadmi t
t edin
asyl
um.
Me:Youar
eri
ght
.Icanneverhi
deanyt
hingf
rom
you.
Maya:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
otel
lmewhati
tisnow.
Bef
oreIcoul
dsayanyt
hingWadeappear
ed.He
madehiswaytous.
Wade:Si
ster
-i
n-l
aw.
Heki
ssedt
hebackofhand.
Wade:Youl
ooki
ngbeaut
if
ul.
Me:Sochar
ming.Thankyou.
Maya:Wher
ear
eyouof
fto?
Wade:Justar
oundt
hecor
ner
.
Hel
ookedatme.
Wade:Si
ster
-i
n-l
aw,
itwasni
ceseei
ngyou.
Me:Met
oo.
Hewal
kedaway.Mayagotupf
rom hercouchand
camet
ositbesi
deme.
Maya:Iam l
ist
eni
ng.Tal
ktome.
CALEBKAMANDE

Ibumpedint
oMoononmywayt othepar
kingl
ot.I
smil
edatherbutshedi
dn’
tret
urnt
hesmile.
Me:Hey.
Moon:Yes?
Thatwascol
d.
Me:What
’sup?Di
dIsaysomet
hing?
Moon:CanIaskyousomet
hing?
Me:Sur
e…
Moon:Doyoul
ovemysi
ster
?
Iwasn’
texpect
ingt
hatki
ndofquest
ion.Whywas
sheaski
ngmet hat
?
Me:Sor
ry?
Moon:Youhear
dmeCal
eb.
Me:Ohokay.Idon’
tknowwhyyouf el
ttheneedto
askmethatbuttoansweryourquesti
on.Yes,Ido
l
ovePandora.
Moon:Iam goi
ngtotel
lyoust
rai
ghtup.Isawyou
ear
li
erwit
hthatgi
rl
.
Me:Wi
thMoni
ca?
Moon:What
everhernamei
s.Idi
dn’
tli
kehowcl
ose
youwerewi
thher.
Me:Excuseme?Ar
eyoul
ooki
ngatever
ymoveIam
maki
ng?
Moon:Ij
ustdidn’
tli
kehowcosyyouwer
ewi
thher
andIdon’
tthi
nkPandorawould.
Me:ListenMoon,Monicai
sLarissa’swife,
our
marketi
ngmanager.Sheisalesbian.Ifyoudon’t
bel
ieveme, l
et’
sgonowandaskher .Ican’
tbel
ieve
youjustaccusedmeoffli
rt
ingwithMo.Real l
y
Moon?
Moon:Iam notgoi
ngtoapologi
zei
fthat
’swhatyou
ar
ethi
nking.Canyoupleasemoveasi
de?
Me:Sur
e.
Moon:AndCal
eb…
Shet
urnedandl
ookedatme.
Moon:Iam notheretocausepr oblemsi nyour
marriagebutt
hatdoesn’tmeanIwi llt
urnabl i
nd
eyewhenIseeyoudoi ngsomethingwr ong.Iwil
lgo
str
aighttoPandoraandt el
lher
.Anddon’ teven
thi
nkyouwi l
ltal
kyourwayoutofi tbecauseIdon’ t
makeaccusationsonly.Ibri
ngforthreceipt
s.See
youathome.

JEWELMUDAU

Myphonewentof
finmypurse.It
ooki
toutqui
ckl
y
andswi
pedonthescr
een.
Me:Zee?
Zee:Ican’
tseeyou,
wher
ear
eyou?
Me:Iam par
kingbehi
ndt
her
edcar
.
Zee:Ohokay,
Isawi
t.Iam comi
ng.
Icutt
hephone.Af
terf
ewsecondsIsawhi m
walki
ngt
owardsmycar .Igotof
fthecarandwai
ted
forhi
mtoreachme.Hehadanenvel opewit
hhim.
Me:Zee.
Zee:Mr
sMudau.
Me:Sor
rywehadt
omeetl
iket
his.I
’
vebeenbusy
t
hewholeday.
Zee:I
t’
sokay.Thi
sisf
oryou.
It
ookt
heenvel
opef
rom hi
m.
Zee:Everyt
hingyouneedtoknowisinsideher
e.
Well,i
t’
swhatyoualreadyknowbutwithsomenew
i
nteresti
nginfor
mati
on.
Me:Idon’
tunder
stand.
Zee:Thei nf
ormationIgotiswhatKr ishadt ol
dyou.
Butt hetruthbehinditisterri
fying.Gabbywasnever
adopt ed,wellnotthroughthatagency.Kr i
sused
thatagencybecauseshehasaf ri
endwhowor ks
there.That ’
swhyt heycameupwi thclosed
adopt i
onnonsense;t heydidn’twantpeopl etoask
quest i
ons.Inactualf actt
herear enor ecordsof
Gabbyi nthatagency.Andt hisSer et
ewoman, she
i
sar elati
veofKris’shusband.Sheadopt edher
daught erthesameyearGabbywasadopt edbutshe
passedon.Theyusedt
hatt
ofoolever
yone.
Me:SoKr
isi
sincahoot
swi
thSer
ete?
Henodded.
Me:Wher
edowest
artt
olookf
orhernow?
Zee:I
t’
sadeadend.Mysi xthsenseistel
li
ngme
thatt
heychangedherident
it
y,Gabri
ell
aGar ci
a
doesn’
texi
stanymore.OnlyKri
sandherhusband
knowwheresheis.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Imademywayi nsi
dethecaféandranmyeyes
around,looki
ngf
orNandi.Shehadi
nvit
edmefor
coffee.Shehadbeent
ryi
ngt or
eachoutsi
ncet
he
meet i
ng.

Iwal
kedt
othet
abl
e.
Nandi
:Thoughtyouwer
enevercomi
ng.
Ipul
ledt
hechai
randsatdown.
Me:No,
Ifi
rstwentt
oseeaf
ri
end.
Nandi
:It
’sokay,
youar
eher
enow.
Shewavedatt
hewai
tr
ess.Shecameandt
ookour
order
.
Nandi:Thankyouf
orcomi
ng.Ir
eal
lydi
dn’
tthi
nk
you’
dcome.
Di
dshebl
ameme?
Nandi:Li
stenMel,Iknowwordswi l
lneverbe
enough.Isaidt
hings,awholelotofthi
ngs.Il
et
MurunwaandMusi dzanadi
srespectyou.I
fyouask
me,Iactedli
keachi l
d.
Yousur
edi
dwoman.Whatf
or?
Nandi:Letmej ustsayIwasscar edofl
osingmy
son.Ifearedyou’dtakehim away.Iwasjustt
ryi
ng
tofi
ndwayst obr eakyouandpushyouawaywhi lst
ati
tbutyoushowedever yonethatyoulovemyson
andhel ovesyout o.Ther
e’snoexcuseformy
behaviour.
Isi
lent
lyl
ookedatherasshecont
inuedt
otal
k.
Nandi:YouandBeyonar eget
ti
ngmar r
iedsoon.I
wantthetwoofust ohaveahealthyr
elati
onship;I
don’
twantyout ocomeintoourfamil
ywi thfear
.I
am t
rulysor
ry.Itol
dMur unwaandMusi dzanathe
samet hi
ng.
Me:Iam notgoingtosaymuch.Iwi
lll
etyour
act
ionsspeakforyou.
Nandi
:AndIdon’
tbl
ameyou.Youhaveever
yri
ght
t
ofeelt
hatway.
Thewai
tr
essbr
oughtourcof
feeandpancakes.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Calebwal
keduptomewi
thasmi
leyf
ace.We
sharedal
onghug.
Me:Hey.
Cal
eb:Mr
sKamande.
Il
ookedf
orMoonbutshewasn’
tnowher
einsi
ght
.
Me:Wher
eisMoon?
Cal
eb:Shetookacab.Iam notr
eal
lyherf
avour
it
e
per
soninthemoment.
Me:Whyi
sthat
?
Cal
eb:RememberMoni
ca?
Me:Lar
issa’
swi
fe?
Henodded.
Caleb:Shei
sourmodel .Youknowhowweget
wheneverwear etoget
her.Weweretal
kingandas
usualshewast ouchyandstuf
f.Moonsawusand
notknowingthenatureofourr
elat
ionshethoughtI
wasf l
ir
ti
ngwithher.
Me:Di
dn’
tyout
ellherwhoMowas?
Il
ett
hatout
.
Cal
eb:Idi
d.
Me:Thenwhatgaveherthoset
hought
s?Unless
youaregi
vingherr
easonsbesi
deswhatshesaw
today.
Caleb:Ofcour
senot
.Iam notcapabl
eofhurt
ing
you.Iknowsometi
mesIbecomedi st
antandstuf
f
butIwi
llnevercheatonyou.Iwil
lneverdoanyt
hing
tohumi
liat
eorhur tyou.IoweyouthatmuchGoofy.
Heputhi
shandsonmyshoul
der
sandl
ookedi
nto
myeyes.
Cal
eb:Youar
emywi
fe,
til
ldeat
hdousapar
t.

Tobecont
inued…
25

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwal
kedupt
oMoonwhowassi
tt
ingont
hef
ront
por
ch.
Me:Si
s.
Shemovedhereyesf
rom t
hephonet
ome.
Moon:Pan.
Isatnextt
oher
.
Me:Ihear
dwhathappenedt
oday.
Moon:Iam sorrysi
sbutIfl
ipped.Ishoul
dn’
thave
doubt
edyourhusbandbutIf oundthewholescene
suspi
cions.Pl
easefor
giveme.
Me:Ther
e’snot
hingt
ofor
giveMoon.Youwer
e
l
ooki
ngoutformeandIappreci
atet
hat
.
Moon:AndIwi
llkeeponl
ooki
ngoutf
oryou.
Shet
ookmyhandi
ntoher
s.
Moon:Pandor a,
ifIeverf
indoutt hatCalebistwo
ti
mi ngyou;Iam goi
ngtotellyou.Iwillnotkeep
quiet.
Me:Iknowyouwon’
t.
Moon:AndIwi
llwhi
pthegi
rl
’sassunt
ili
tbecomes
r
ed.
Il
ookedatherandshel
aughed.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Ij
ustcamebackf
rom mycoffeedatewit
hNandi.I
t
wentwel
l,
atsomepoi
ntIthoughtshe’
sstar
twit
h
hersl
ycommentsbutshedi
dn’t
.Othert
hant
hatmy
phonehadbeenr
ingi
ngnon-
stop,Nomzamo!

Aft
erIchangedintosomet
hingcomfort
abl
eImade
mywayt oHulisani
’sr
oom.Istoodatt
hedoorand
snappedmyf i
ngers.
Me:CanIcomei
n?
Hul
isani
:Si
ncewhendoyouaskf
orper
missi
on?
Icl
osedt
hedoorbehi
ndmeandwentt
osi
tont
he
chai
r.
Me:Ihadaver
yint
erest
ingvi
sit
ort
oday.
Hul
isani
:Isi
t?
Me:Zamo.
Heshothi
seyesatme.Notapl
easi
ngl
ook.
Hul
isani
:Iam noti
nthemoodofanyi
shshehas
t
oldyou.
Me:Br
other
…
Hegotupf
rom t
hebed.
Huli
sani
:Howam Isupposedtomoveonfrom what
shehasdone?Di
dn’tshetr
ustmeenoughtocome
andtel
lme?Tothi
nkshewant edmetomarryher.
DoIevenknowthekindofwomansheis?
Me:Don’
tbet
ooqui
ckt
ojudgeher
.
Hul
isani:Youar
enotser
iousEl
ani
e.Sheabor
ted
mychild!
Me:Evenifshehadtol
dyou,youwerenotgoingto
doanythi
ng.Shehadalr
eadymadeadecision.
Whatcouldyouhavedone?Forcehert
okeepi t
?
Hechuckl
edandshookhi
shead.
Huli
sani:BecauseitwasZamowhot ookthe
deci
sion,Imustjustaccepti
tandmoveon?You
thi
nkitwouldhavebeenmadesensei fIwasthe
onewhoaskedhert oabort
?Huh?
Me:Justt
alkwi
thher
.Li
stent
oherr
easons.
Hul
isani
:Not
hingwi
llj
ust
if
yheract
ions,
not
hingat
al
l.
Heputonhi
ssweat
erandgr
abbedhi
scarkeysand
phone.
Hul
isani
:Iam goi
ngout
.
Helef
tmesit
ti
ngt
her
e.Musawal
kedi
nfew
minut
esl
ater
.
Musa:Whyar
eyousi
tt
ingher
eal
one?Wher
eis
Hul
isani
?
Me:Youj
ustmi
ssedhi
m,hewentout
.
Ir
oset
omyf
eet
.
Musa:Di
nneri
sready.Comel
et’
sgo.
Het
ookmyhandaswewal
kedout
.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Thesexualchemi
str
ybetweenCal
ebandIwas
st
rong,It
houghti
twouldendasyearswentbybut
i
tdidn’
t.Weweresti
llat
tr
act
edtoeachother
.

Hewaslai
donhi sbackandIwasontopofhi
m.My
t
it
swerepoint
ingathim;hebi
thi
slowerl
ipand
winkedatme.Heputhi shandonmybut tand
squeezeditasIputmyhandsonhi schestand
l
eanedf orakiss.Ienj
oyedt
hisposi
ti
onmor e.He
movedhi sotherhandtomybreastandgentl
yfol
ds
i
t.

Myhandf oundhi scrot

chanddi recteditinsi
deof
me,thewall
sofmycoochi eburieddeephi scrotch,
Ist
artedgoi
ngupanddown, bothhishandswer e
onmywai st.Ipumpedon, goingupanddown
sl
owlythenf ast
er.Hetri
edcontrolli
nghi sscreams
butnotfort
ool ong.Iusedmyhandt openetratemy
cl
it
.
Cal
eb:Ohi
sh,
Pandor
a,yesbaby.Aaaah!
!!
!!
Hemoanedbet weenthosewor ds.Ishookmyass
asIi
ncreasedmyspeed.Wi theacht hr
usthe
moanedwi t
hpleasur
e.Ibroughtmygazeathi m
andsl
owlykissedhim,Il
eftwentkissedonhisneck
asheputhishandsonmybut t
.
Me:Aaaah!
!!Oooh!
!!
Ir
anmyhandsonhi
schestandt
hrusti
nandout
.
Witheveryst
rokeImade,Idi
dn’
twanttostop,I
conti
nuedtopumpinginandout.Icont
inueddoi
ng
sountilhebr
oughtmetohischestandhuggedme
ti
ghtl
y.
Me:Weneedt
ogetr
eady.
Cal
eb:Ij
ustneedt
ohol
dyou.Twomi
nut
esonl
y.

JEWELMUDAU

Iwasl yi
ngonmygr andmother’
sbedl ooki
ngather
pict
ures.Thefuneralwastomor r
ow.Itwasstart
ing
tobecomecl earshewasnomor e.Peoplewhowere
goingupanddownout si
de,theladieswhowere
cookingupast orm,myhear tpoundedatthesi
ght
ofthat.

Inlessthantwohoursshewouldbebroughthome
forthel
asttime.Shewastobebroughthomeat
23:00PM.Thevigilwasinpr
ogr
ess.Icoul
dhearthe
Pastorpreachi
ngfrom t
hebedr
oom.
Isadl
ylookedatt
hepi
ctur
esandheavedadeep
si
gh.
Me:Youl i
vedyourl
ifeGr an.Iam t
hewomanIam
todaybecauseofyou.Iwi l
lneverfor
getyour
teachi
ngs;youwil
lforeverbeinmyhear t.Mylove
foryouisbeyonddeath.Heavencoul dn’
twai
tfor
you,gohomenow.
Itookmyphoneandr angPandora,
itr
ang
unanswered.Ihungupandputthephoneont
he
pedest
al.Iburi
edmyfaceonthepil
low.
“Ohyouareher
e.”Lorat
osai
dstandi
ngatt
hedoor
.
Iremovedmyfacefrom t
hepi
ll
ow.
Me:Idi
dn’
thearyoucomi
ng.
Lorat
o:Ir
eali
sed.Shel
ookedver
yhappyher
e…l
ook
athersmil
e.
Shesai
dpointi
ngatthepi
ctur
e;i
twast
akenont
he
dayofherwedding.
Me:Iam goi
ngt
omi
ssher
.
Lor
ato:Iknow;
allofusar
egoi
ngt
omi
ssher
.
Pai
nknowsnol imi
t,itki
ckedin.Ifelttheurgetocr
y,
It
ri
edholi
ngbackt hetearsbutIfelttearsburni
ng
myeyes.Iletoutaloudcry.
Lor
ato:Hey,
hey.Comeher
e…
Shecamecl
osert
omeandt ookmei ntoherar
ms.
Shel
etmecry,
Iwascr
yinghyster
ical
ly.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasonacal
lwi
thCor
del
ia.
Me:Ineedt
oseeyou.Eveni
fist
hir
tymi
nut
es.
Del
ia:Iam t
ir
edCal
eb.Ir
eal
lydon’
t…
Me:Iam comi
ng.
Ihungupthenwal
kedoutoft
hebedr
oom joining
PandoraandMoon.Weweregoi
ngtothevigilat
Jewel’
shouse.

Me:Canwegonow?
Pan:Yes.Moon,
your
eady?
Moon:Yes.Ohf
li
p,If
orgotmyphone.Iam
comi
ng…
Sherantoherroom.It
urnedt
oPandor
aandki
ssed
onthefor
ehead.
Pan:Cal
eb,
Mooncanwal
kinonus.
Me:Idi
dn’
tgetenoughofyou.
Shepl
ayf
ull
yhi
tmeont
heshoul
der
.
Pan:Cont
rolyour
sel
f.
Me:HowdoIdothatwhenIhaveyouasmywi
fe,
mybeaut
if
ulwi
fe?
Iranmyfi
ngeronherl
owerl
ip.Mooncl
ear
edher
throat
.
Moon:Wecangonow.
Pan:Sur
e.
IgavePandor
aherphone.
Pan:Fl
ip,
Jewelcal
l
edme.Imi
ssedhercal
l.
Ihel
dherhand.
Me:Bef orewegoI ’
dliketoapologi
zetoMoon.
Whathappenedt odayshoul dhaveneverhappened.
Idon’tblameyouf orblunt
lyaccusi
ngmeoff li
rt
ing
wit
hMo.Iknowandunder standthatyouwere
l
ookingoutf orPandoraandi tpl
easesmetoknow
someonehasherback.
Moon:I
t’
sol
dnews.Canwegonow?
Me:Yes,
wecan.
Wewal
kedoutoft
hehouse.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwastel
li
ngmymotherwhatNomzamodi
d.She
st
art
edoffbyl
aughi
ng.
Ma:Iknewi
t.Thatgi
rli
snodi
ff
erentf
rom Cor
del
ia
man.
Me:Youj
usthat
eher
.
Ma:HowcanInothateherwhenshei
sther
eason
f
ormyfai
ledmarr
iage?Satan!
Shebl
urtout
.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iknockedonthedoorandwaitedforsomeonet
o
open.Deli
aopenedthedoorandlookedatme.
Me:Youar
enotgoi
ngt
oletmei
n?
Del
ia:Comei
n.
Me:Idon’
tknowwhyyout
ookmykeys.Icoul
d
haveusedmykeys.
Del
ia:Shoul
dn’
tyoubeatt
hevi
gil
?Whatar
eyou…?
Igrabbedherbythewai
standki
ssedher
.Ipi
cked
herupandwal kedt
othebedr
oom.
Del
ia:Iwantyousobad.Makel
ovet
ome.

Tobecont
inued…
26
[
FOURMONTHSLATER]

PANDORAKAMANDE

IneverthoughtIwouldeverbeatpeacel i
kehowI
was.Thatwasf or
eigntome, i
tfel
tunreal
.Iwas
usedtor el
apsingeverynowandt hen.Int
hepast
monthsImanagedt orecol
lectthepi
ecesofmyl i
fe
Ihadlost,t
riedeveryt
hingi
nmypowert ostaysane.

MaLangaputtheteacupont
het
abl
e.Shesetdown
abowloff
rui
tsnexttoit
.
MaLanga:Yourt
eaMadam.
Me:ThankyouMa.AndItol
dyout
ost
opcal
li
ngme
Madam,Iam Pandor
atoyou.
Shesmi
ledatmyst
atement
.
Ihi
redMaLangaasmyhel per
.WhenIheardshe
wasret
renchedIf
eltt
heneedtohel
pher.
Me:Bef
oreIf
orget
,don’
tcookanyt
hingt
oday.We
ar
egoi
ngoutf
ordi
nner
…
Idi
dn’
tgett
ofini
shwhatIwant
edtosay,Icovered
mymouthwithmyhand.Iwasfeel
ingnauseous.
MaLanga:Ar
eyouf
ine?
Me:Iam f
eel
-
Igotupandr antothebathroom.Il
if
tedt
het
oil
et
seatandthrewup.Ifor
gothowmuchofawor k
morningsicknessandalldaynauseawer
e.
MaLanga:Forhowl
ongar
eyougoi
ngt
okeept
his
asasecr
et?
Idrankwaterf
rom t
hesi
nkandr
insedmymout
h
thenwashedmyhands.

TwoweeksagoIst artedfeeli
ngunwel lbutIdidn’t
paytoomuchat t
entiontoit.Tomei twasj usta
stomachbugunt ilIstar
tedexperiencingmi l
d
cramps.Iwentt otheDr;hei nsi
stedIgaveaur i
ne
sample.Afterfewmi nut
eshecamet omeandsai d,
“Congrat
ulati
ons,youar epregnant.
”Att hement i
on
ofthosewor dsIthoughtmyhear twasgoi ngt ofall
out .Hehadtorepeati
tmor ethanoncef ormet o
believewhathejustsaid.Icoul
dn’tbeli
eveitor
didn’twantt
obelieveit
.Ihadmi xedemot i
ons,sti
ll
do.Mysympt omswer etoogeneralthatIdi
dn’t
thinktheywerepregnancysympt oms.
Me:Iam goi
ngt
otel
lCal
ebMa…
MaLanga:When?You’vebeensingingthatsong
si
ncel
astweek.Soonyouwi l
lbestart
ingtoshow.
Youwanttowaitunt
ilt
hen?
Me:Ofcour
senot
.Ihaven’
tfoundt
her
ightt
imet
o
t
ellhi
m.
Isai
dwal
kingoutoft
hebat
hroom,
shef
oll
owedme.
MaLanga:Whatar
eyouaf
rai
dof
?
Me:Ifeelit
’st
oosoon.Iam af
rai
dofsomet
hingbad
happeningtothebaby.
MaLanga:Youshoul dn’
tbeenter
tai
ningthose
thoughtst
ostar
twith.Youaregoingtohavethi
s
baby,andyouaregoingtomakeagr eatmom.
Me:Youthi
nk?WhatifIhur
tthebaby?Ma,
Iam
l
it
eral
lyadangert
othi
sbaby.Idon’
tevent
rust
mysel
fwi
thmysel
f.
Iheavedadeepsi
gh.
Me:Someeventst
riggerevent
softhepast
.Whatif
i
thappenswhenit
’sonlythetwoofus?Iwil
lnever
f
orgi
vemyselfi
fIcausehar mtomychil
d.
Shehel
dbot
hmyhandsandencl
osedt
hem.
MaLanga:Godwi l
lneveral
lowt hatt
ohappen.You
wil
lneverhur
twhat’
syours.It
’snotpossi
bleand
youhaveCalebwit
hyou.Hewi llmakesureyouand
thebabyaresaf
e.
Me:Iwi
llt
ellhi
mtoni
ght
.
Shenodded.
MaLanga:Nowgoandt
akeabat
horyouwi
llbe
l
ate.
Ihuggedher
.MaLangawasl
iket
hemot
herInever
had.

JEWELMUDAU
Isatont
het
oil
etseatandsi
deeyedt
hepr
egnancy
sti
ck.
Leon:Babe,
comeon.Iam dyi
ngofnotknowi
ng
here.
Me:Justwai
tokay!
Iyel
ledout
.Iwasf
eel
inganxi
ousasi
twas.
Leon:Babe?
Ifi
nal
lyletmyguar ddown.LeonandIst ar
tedtr
ying
forababy,Ifel
titwastime.Iwasn’
tdesperat
efora
babybeforehandbutthedeathofmygr andmother
wokeme, wewer eli
vingonborrowedti
me.Ididn’t
wanttowast eanytime.

Ihadmovedpassedt heBanelesaga,afterwe
buri
edmygr andmotherIwentandseehi m.Formy
ownsani t
y,Iforgavehi
m.Butthatdidn’tmeanI
wasacknowl edginghim asmyfather.Iwasdoing
wellwit
houtoneandIwant edi
ttokeepi tli
ket
hat
.
LastmonthIhear dhewasadmi tt
edint othe
hospit
al.
Me:Comeonbabe.
Hedi
dasIaskedi
naspl
itofsecond.Washet
hat
i
mpati
ent
?
Me:Idon’
tlookati
t,her
e.
Igavehi
mt hest
ick,
helookedati
t.Hi
ssilencesai
d
i
tall
.Isi
ghedandgotup;hegentl
ygrabbedmyar m.
Leon:Lookatme…hey?
Il
ookedathi
m.
Leon:Wecanst
il
ltr
y.Don’
tfeelbad.
Me:Iknow.
Leon:Gi
vei
tti
me.Youcameof
fthepi
llamont
h
ago.
Me:ThisiswhatIdi
dn’
twant
.Thepainoft
esti
ng
andtest
ing…Idon’
tthi
nkIwi
llbeabl
etohandl
eit
.
Hehuggedme.
Leon:I
twon’
tgett
othat
.Ipr
omi
seyou.

CALEBKAMANDE
Iwaspreparingbreakf
astwhenPandor
awalkedi
n
theki
tchen.Iwhistl
edandshookmyhead.
Shelookedverybeauti
ful
,neatandel
egant.The
darkfl
oralbl
ouseshewaswear ingwasful
lytucked
i
ntoahi ghwaistpenci
lski
rt
.Shehadblacksli
ng
backheelsinherhands.
Pan:I’
vebeenmeani
ngt
oask,
howf
arar
eyouwi
th
thehousi
ngproj
ect
?
Shebentandputonherheel
s.
Me:Pr
ett
ycl
oset
ofi
nish…
Itooktheknif
eandst
art
edcutti
ngcucumberi
nto
sl
ices.Shetookapi
eceofbaconandthr
ewiti
nside
hermout h.
Me:Maybei
naweekort
wo.
Pan:Iam gladyouandCar losarenotimpl
icat
edin
thecorr
upt i
oncase.WhatWar d4and5i sdoing,i
s
heartbreaki
ng.Theyareli
teral
lyaddi
ngmor epai
n
tothesepeople’
spain.Idon’tunder
standwhythey
stealmoney…
IfsheknewIwasoneoft
hosepeopl
eshe’
dbever
y
disappoi
nted.
Me:Youar
eri
ght
.
Pan:Iwast
hinki
ngofof
fer
ingmyser
vices,
Pro
bono.
Me:Whatfor
?Theyalr
eadyhaverepr
esent
ati
ves
andbesi
desyouworkforapr
ivat
efir
m.
Shef oldedherarmsandkepthergazeonme.I
couldn’ttel
lwhatshewasthi
nking;herf
acewas
hardt oread.
Pan:Iknowf orafactt
hatIworkforaprivatef
irm
butifIcantalkwi
thNoa,shemi ghtal
lowme.Iwant
what’sbestfort
hosetwoWar ds.Whybidf ora
tenderifyouknowyouwillnotdeli
ver
?
Me:Youknownot
hingaboutt
ender
sGoof
y.
Pan:Nohubby, Ido.Whenl
astdidyougot othe
shel
ter?There’
snospacether
eandt hesepeople
appl
iedforhousesandtheywerepromisedthose
houses.Itbr
eaksmyhearttoseewhat’sgoingon.
Me:Icanseet
hat
.
Pan:Iwi
llt
alkwi
thNoat
oday.
Me:Dot
hat
.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

NurseKi
mberl
ytookmyhandandpushedbackmy
gownandtookmybloodpr
essur
e.
Nur
seRl
y:Mhnotyetst
abl
e.
Me:ButIam f
eel
ingf
ine.
Nur
seRl
y:Letmehel
pyouout
.
Sheplai
nlyi
gnoredmystat
ement
.Ir
oll
edmyeyes
andbentali
tt
le.Shef
ixedt
hepi
ll
owbehindme.I
l
eanedback.
Nur
seRl
y:Wast
hathar
doryouj
ustwant
edt
o
makemyj
obhar
d?
Me:Thi
sisst
upi
d.CanIgonow?
Nur
seRl
y:Noyoucan’
t.
Me:Youkeptmeover
night
.Iam r
eal
lyokay.
Nur
seRl
y:Notbef
orewegetyourbl
oodsugarup.
Isi
ghed.
NurseRly:YouarepregnantMsNxumalo,
your
heal
thcomef i
rst
.BeforetheDrcomeandseeyou,
youarenotgoinganywhere.
Me:Fi
ne.
NurseRl
y:Youcangoaheadandt
akeabat
h.Iwi
ll
br
ingyourbr
eakf
astaf
tert
hat
.
Me:Okay.
Shewal
kedout
.

Iputmyhandonmyt
ummyandsmi
led.
Me:Twomonthsinmyt ummyandIal r
eadylove
youmoret
hanli
feit
self
.Ican’
twaitt
ohol dyoui
n
myarms.OhGod,Ican’
tbeli
eveIam goingtobea
mother
.
Befor
eIlearnedIwaspr egnantIhadsymptomsbut
theywereshortli
vedtogivemeacl ue.Cal
ebandI
werealr
eadyt r
yingforababybutitnevergaveme
reasonst
otest.LastSatItookt
hehomepr egnancy
testandi
twasaposi ti
ve.Iwentt
ot heDrandhe
confir
medit
,Iwast womont hspregnant
,whenhe
saidIwaspregnantIfel
tsomuchhappi ness.

AsIwasabouttogetoffthebed,t
hedoorswung
open.Mybestf
ri
end,Loran,wal
kedin.
Lor
an:Mor
ning.
Me:Youf
inal
lyher
e.
Sheputherpur
seont
hechai
randwal
kedt
omy
bed.
Lor
an:Howar
eyou?
Me:Al
ive.
Lor
an:Howdi
dyouendher
e?
Me:Ohgi r
l,Ihadaminorcaraccidentl
astni
ght.My
bloodsugardroppedsolowwhiledrivi
ng.Il
ost
consci
ousness…
Lor
an:Ar
eyouhur
t?
Me:No,
ther
ear
enoser
iousi
njur
ies…
Lor
an:ThankGod.Youneedt
ost
opdr
ivi
ngl
atei
n
ni
ght.
Me:Ihadal
ateni
ghtshoot
.
Lor
an:Iam j
usthappyyouar
efi
ne.
Myphonebeeped,
itwasat
extf
rom Cal
eb.Ir
ang
hi
m.
Cal
eb:Ar
eyoust
il
latt
hehospi
tal
?
Me:Yes.Youcancomet
hrough.
Cal
eb:Okay.Seeyou.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasi nf
orasurpri
sewhenIgottotheof f
ice.I
couldn’
tbel
ievemyeyes,myco-
wor kersandNoa
thr
ewasur pri
separt
yforme-
forwinningthecase.

Tearsfl
ewasIwalkeduptot
hem.Itl
ookedso
beauti
ful
.AsIwal
kedfor
wardIsawmycl i
ent
s,
AydenandPant herwit
htheirwives.TwodaysagoI
hadmyGLORY!Thet ri
ower eexonerated.Iwent
aheadwithmypl ananditpaidoff.I
twasonehel lof
acasebutitmadeanamef ormeonceagai n.Iwas
backinthegame, andIcamebackpower ful
.The
pastf
ourmont hstaughtmeal otofthi
ngs, t
his
caseinpart
icul
ar.Mynamemadet hefrontpage;i
t
wasineverynewspaper,headli
nesandt alkofthe
town.
Me:Ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
orui
nmymake-
up?
Noa:
Thatwast
hepl
an.
Me:Iam speechl
ess.Idon’
tknowwhatt
osay.
Ayden:Youdon’
thavet
osayanyt
hing.
Hesai
dwal
kingt
omydi
rect
ion.
Ayden:Wear eher
ebecauseofyouMrsKamande.
Youriskedyourl
if
etocl
earournames.
Me:I
’
dli
ket
otakeal
lthecr
edi
tbutLewi
shel
pedme.
Lewiswhowasstandi
ngnextt
oNoar
aisedhi
s
glassandbowedali
tt
le.
Ayden:Wet
hankt
hebot
hofyou.Wedi
dn’
tmakea
mi
stakewhenweaskedNoat
ogi
veyouourcase.
Wehadtrusti
nyou.
Me:Iwasonl
ydoi
ngmyj
ob.
Noa:
Let’
sraiseourgl
assesandt
oastt
oPandor
a.
Themosttal
kedlawyeri
ntown.
Itookmygl
assofchampagneandj
oinedt
hem i
n
toast
.
Me:Thankyouever
yone.Thi
sisl
ove…
It
urnedtoPant
herwhowast al
kingwit
hhiswife,
Buhl
e.Buhl
eextendedherhandforahandshake.
Buhle:ThankyouMr
sKamande.Myhusbandi
s
backhomet omeandourchi
ldr
en.Weoweitt
oyou,
thankyousomuch.
Yara:Sheist
ell
ingt
het
rut
h.Whatyoudi
dis
remarkabl
e.
Ayden’
swi
feadded.
Me:Youar
egoi
ngt
omakemecr
y.
Theyl
aughedandIj
oinedt
hem.
Pant
her
:Vi
persenthi
sregar
ds.Hewentawaywi
th
hi
sfami
ly.
Me:Thankyou.
Themusi
cstart
edpl
ayi
ng.Ismi
ledandsi
ppedon
mychampagne.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasl
eaningagai
nstthewal
llosti
nthought
s.I
evenf
orgotIwaswit
hsomeonei ntheroom.
“
Cal
eb,di
dyouhearwhatIsai
d?”Myl
awyer
’svoi
ce
r
angi
nmyears.
Iwasaboutt omakeal i
fechangingdecisi
on,
a
decisi
onthatwasgoingtobr eakPandora’
shear
t.I
wasn’tproudofmyselfbutIwasdoi ngwhatwas
bestforme.Myheartwasnol ongerint
hemarri
age.
Cordeli
aandIwereexpecting,whatIwasdoingwas
pl
ayingwi t
hbothwomenandIneededt omakea
decisi
on.
Joey:Youdon’
thavet
odothi
s,youknowri
ght?You
canstil
lwor
konyourmar
ri
agewi t
hyourwi
fe.You
don’
thavetotellheranyt
hing.Youguyscangof
or
counsel
li
ng.Iknowyoul ovePan.
Me:Lovei
snotenoughsometi
mesJoey.Myhear
t
i
snolongeri
nthi
smarri
age,i
tlongl
eft
.
Joey:Ihearyouverywell
.Ihopeandpr
ayt
hatyou
don’
tregrett
hisdecisi
on.
Me:Met
oo,
met
oo.
Joey:Anot
herthi
ng,makesur
ePandoradoesn’
t
knowtherealr
easonbehindt
hedi
vorceoryouare
goingtol
oseeveryt
hing.
Me:Pandorai
snotst
upi
d;shei
sgoi
ngt
oaddone
andonetoget
her
.
Joey:Makesur
eshedoesn’
t,
Cal
eb.Makesur
eof
that
.

PandoraandIgotmar r
iedincommuni t
yofproper
ty.
Butwehadacl ause,i
tclearlystat
edthatint
he
eventofadivorce,i
fitt
ur nsoutonepar t
yhas
cheatedthatspouseiswal kingoutofthemarri
age
withnothi
ng,absolut
elynot hing.
Joey:Youar esostupi
d;youmadet hingseasyfor
Pandora.Cordel
ia’
spregnancyisgoingtocostyou
everyt
hing.Youshouldhavetakenmyadvi ceand
l
eavePandor abeforeCordel
i
af al
lpregnant
.
Me:Iwantedtobesure.Iwasconf
usedandscared
ofleavi
ngPan.It
houghtI’
dchangemymi ndand
focusonourmarri
agebutitdi
dn’
thappen.
Joey:Fort
woyear
s,t
wowhol
eyear
s?HaCal
eb!
Me:Iam goi
ngtofi
ghti
tandyouaregoingt
ohelp
me.Iwi
llnotl
etPandor
atakeever
ythi
ngIworked
har
dfor.
Iwasn’
tgoi
ngt
oal
lowi
t.Ihadachi
ldont
heway.

MOONSI
NGO

Dur i
ngmyst ayatPandora’
shouseInoti
cedCal eb’
s
behaviourwasofacheat i
nghusband.I
tdidn’
ttake
mel onetopi ckt
hatup,
howPandor adi
dn’tnoti
ce
sti
llbaffl
eme.Maybeshedi dbutagai
nPandor a’s
ment alstat
esometimesplayedt
ri
ckswithher.She
doubt
edhert
hought
sever
ynowandt
hen.

Mysuspi ciouswer econf ir

medt hattimewhenI
accusedCal eboff lir
tingwi thMo.Ist artedwat ching
him closel ybutforamont handaweekt herewasn’t
anythingt of i
ndunt illastmont h.Ibefriendedt his
bubblymodel ,Cor delia.Weusual l
ytalkedwhenshe
wasatt heagencyf orhershoot s.Shet alkedabout
herboyf riendmostoft hetimebutshedi dn’twant
toment i
onhi snameunt ilthi
sot herday.She
accident all
yblurtedoutCal eb’snamet hatwas
enoughf ormet oknowhewast hemyst erious
boyfriend.Iwant edtobeatt heishoutherbutI
thoughtoft heconsequencesandIneeded
evidencesoi nsteadofbeat i
ngherIgothett otal
k
mor eaboutCal eb.Ir ecordedourconver sat i
ons,
tookf ewsnapsoft hem int hepar ki
ngl ot.Truthbe
tol
d, t
heywer ever ydi screetbutast heysay,
nothingst ayint hedar kforever.

Iwasangr
yanddi
sappoi
ntedi
nhi
m,It
houghthe
l
ovedPandora.Helit
eral
lyworshi
ppedtheground
shewalkedon.Iwonderedwhatpossessedhimto
cheatonPandoraknowingexactl
ytheaft
ermathof
i
t.
IwasinJewel’
sof
fi
ce,
she’
sPandor
a’sbest
ie.Ihad
tol
etherknow.
Me:Iknowwhattheysayaboutmeddli
nginthe
af
fai
rsoftwopeoplebutIpr
omisedPandorathatI
wi
llt
ellher
.
Jewel:Thi
sisgoi
ngt
ohur
ther
.Shei
snotgoi
ngt
o
sur
vivethi
s.
Me:ThatIknowbutwehavet otel
lherJewel.I
camet oyoubecauseyouknowhermor ethanme,
shei syourboyfri
end.Orwhat ,youwantCalebto
keeponl yi
ngtoher?Pandor ahasdonesomuchf or
me, shegavemeashel ter
.Iam notjustgoingtosit
andl etthatcheat
erhurther.No!Iwil
lnotplaynice
withCal eb,notwi
ththi
skindoft hi
ng.
Shetookof
fhergl
assesandsett
hem downont
he
tabl
e.
Jewel
:Besi
deme,
shet
rust
shert
her
api
st.Shei
s
abl
etocal
m herdown…
Me:Thenwhatarewewai t
ingf
or?Let’
scallher
,we
cantel
lPaninhert
herapi
st’
spresenceorl
etthe
ther
api
sttel
lher
.Idon’
tknow.
Jewel
:Shehasasessi
onwi
thhert
oday.
Shecheckedt
imeonherwr
istwat
ch.
Jewel
:Sheiswithhernow.Let
’swai
tunt
ili
t’
sover
.
Wewillcal
lLor
ato.
Shel
ookedatt
hepi
ctur
esandcl
ickedhert
ongue.
Jewel
:Di
sgust
ingpi
g!

Tobecont
inued…
27

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasleani
ngmybackonthecouchr est
ingmyl
egs
onthesmallt
abl
e,t
hepacketofpeanuti
nmyhand.
Lor
atosi
lent
lyl
ookedatme.Ihat
edi
tandsheknew
i
t.
Me:Youar
enotgoi
ngt
osayanyt
hing?
Lorat
ocamet oknowaboutmypr egnancyi
nour
previ
oussession.Keepi
ngt
hingsfr
om herwasn’
t
easyandIfail
edatit.
Lor
ato:Whatmakeyousoscar
ed?
Me:Iam at icki
ngbomb.Ican’ thelpmyselfbut
thi
nkt hatt
hischi l
dwoul dbeindanger.WhatifIget
anxi
etywheni t
’sonlyt het
woofus?OrIgetal l
depressedandst ar
thavingsuici
dalt
houghts?I
l
oset ouchwi t
hr eali
ty;doyougetwhatIam saying?
Lor
ato:Butyouar
etaki
ngmeds.
Me:Meds?
Il
aughed.
Me:Sometimestheydri
vemetot
henear
est
i
nsani
ty.Iam af
rai
d,Lor
ato.
Lor
ato:I
t’
sokayt
obeaf
rai
d.
Me:Yourememberwhathappenedl
astti
meatthe
mall
?Ashootoutbr
okeout,
inaspli
tofsecondI
r
eli
vedthatni
ght
.
Il
ookedupt
ryi
ngt
ohol
dbackt
ear
s.
Me:Idon’
twantt
ohur
tmychi
ld.
Lorat
o:St
optell
ingyour
sel
fthat,bel
ievethat
nothi
ngwil
lhappenedtoyourbaby.Youar ethis
baby’
smother;youarei
ncapableofhurti
ngher .I
f
youwereabletocarr
yyourfi
rstbornwithoutfear
thenwhystar
tnow?
Ihadneverexperi
encedwhatIwasfeel
ing,
noteven
wit
hmyf ir
stpregnancydi
dIfel
tthatway.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwal
kedt
omymot
herf
oldi
ngcl
othesf
orpacki
ng.
Ma:I
fit
’snott
heShabangu’
sbr
ide…
Me:Yougoi
ngt
omi
ssme.
Ma:Ofcour
seIam goi
ngt
o.
Asmil
etookovermyl
ips.Iwasgoi
ngt
omi
ssher
t
oo.
Ma:Inevert
houghtI
’dsaygoodbyet
oyou.Sendi
ng
youofft
oanotherf
amily…
Mymot herf
ail
edbei
ngseparatedf
rom me.Even
whenIwasyoung,sherat
herletMusaandHulisani
gowherevert
heywanted,
aslongastheydidn’
ttake
mewith.
Ma:Youaremylastbor
n,mypr
incessandnowI
am f
orcedt
osendyouaway.
Ihuggedherf
rom behi
nd.
Ma:ButIwi
llbef
ine.IknowIwi
ll
.

Iwascounti
nghourslef
t.Icouldn’
twaitt
obecome
MrsShabangu,i
tfel
tunrealbutitwashappeni
ng.
Thedayfi
nall
yarri
ved.

Thingsbet
weenNandiandmet ookunexpected
tur
n,li
keawholediff
erentt
urn.Shewasn’tanything
l
ikemymot herbutshewasamot herIwaslooking
f
orwar
dtol
ivewi
th.
Me:Ar
eyoudone?Wear
eleavi
ngaf
ter16:
00.
Ma:Ishoul
dbedonei
nlessthanthi
rt
ymi nut
esbut
i
fyouhelpme,i
twoul
dbelessthanthat
.
Wewer esl eepi
ngatthehotel
.Mybri
desmaidsand
Jewelplannedsomet hi
ngformebutbesidest
hat
thehot
elwasout si
detown.Wedidn’
twanttodri
ve
i
nt hemor ning,
traf
fi
cwasani ght
maresometi
mes.
Ma:Col
dfeet
?
Me:No.
ThingsbetweenBeyonandIweregood,
att
endi
ng
therapyhel
pedus.Wewerebothhappy.
Ma:Ican’ tbeli
eveyouar eabouttobecome
someone’ swi f
ebutIknowyouar egoingtomakea
greatwife.Godbl essyouandyourmar ri
age.Iwant
yout ogot hereandbet hebestdaughter-i
n-l
aw,
don’tembar rassus.Chall
engesar epartofa
mar r
iage;youar egoingtofaceplentyofthem.
There’sonlyoneweapont oriseabovethem, by
praying.Butiftheybecomet oomuchal waysknow
mydoori swideopen.Neverletanyonest
ealyour
sani
ty.Iwil
lneversendyouawayi fyouar
ebei ng
hurt
.Alwaysprotectyourpeaceandhappiness.
Inodded.
Ma:Iknowyouar
epr
obabl
ythi
nki
ngabout
chi
ldr
en…
Me:What’
sgoingt ohappeni
fyearsl
aterIam st
il
l
fai
li
ngtobearchi
ldren?WhenisGodgoingto
answermyprayersorhearmycries?
Ma:Wedon’tquest i
onGod’
stime.Didn’tyouhear
whatJewelsaid?Shesaidamiracl
ewi l
lhappened
soon,
youwi l
lalightandwhenyoudoj ustknow
youareansweredandyourwombi sheal ed.

Wewentt oseeat radit

ionalhealerawhi l
ebackand
theladysaid, she’
snotseeinganyt hingbecausemy
ancestorsarehi di
ngitfrom her.Rightaftert
hat
somet hi
nghappened.Fort hefi
r stt
imeJewel was
abletospirit
uallyhel
pme.Shewasshownandt ol
d
toinform met hatnoonewoul dbeabl etohelpme
becauset here’sareasonbehindmymi scarr
iages.
Itwassai
dthereasonwouldber eveal
edsoon.I
wasyettofi
ndout.Iwasn’
treal
lysettl
edabouti
t,
notknowi
ngmyf atewasterr
if
ying.

JEWELMUDAU

Whi lstIwasbusywi thwor kIhadavi sion.Inmy

visionIsawal adygivi
ngBeyonachi l
d.Sheonl y
gavemeherback, Icouldn’
tseei ft
heladywasMel
ornot ,orfel
ttheconnect i
onbet weenthem.Ionl y
feltBeyon’sandoft hatchild,t
heyshar edastrong
bond.I twassecondt i
mehavi ngavisionofBeyon
witht hatbaby.WasMel pregnant?Ididn’t
under standwhatwasexpect edofme.

If
eltal
it
tl
etear
y.Whatwashappeni
ng?
“
Jewel
,ar
eyouher
eornot
?”
El
esnappedherf
ingerbef
oremyeyes.
Me:Whatdi
dyousay?
El
e:Whower
eyoucommuni
cat
ionwi
th?Angel
Gabr
iel
?
Shet
easedme.
Me:Ver
yfunny.
El
e:I
tmustbenicet
obeyou.Iam sur
eyou’
vehad
anencount
erwi
thanangelbef
ore.
Me:WhatdoyouwantEl
e?Todayi
t’
sFr
iday,
some
ofushavepl
acest
ogo.
El
e:Younevert
alkaboutyourpr
ophet
icgi
ft
…
Me:El
e!
Ele:Sorr
y, Iwi
llkeepquiet
.Wer ecei
vedan
anonymouscal l
.Apparent
lythere’
sal adyabusi
ng
herdisabledson.Shedoesn’twanthimt ogetoutof
thehouseorl ethim pl
aywithotherkids.
Me:I
sshef
rom her
e?
El
e:No.Bl
ockB,
Shongozwi
.
Me:WEcan’
twai
tunt
ilMonday.Let
’sheadt
her
e
now.
Ishutmyl
apt
opandgotupf
rom t
hechai
r.
BEYONSHABANGU

Iwassi t
ti
ngaloneint helivi
ngroom,wait
ingformy
fri
endst oarr
ive.Wewer eheadingtomybachel or
party.Itwashappeni ngatMoonNi ghtClubin
exactlyonehour .Iwasf ewhour st
ogetmar r
ied.I
guessIwashappyt omar r
yMelani
e,alothad
happenedi nourl i
vesi nthepastmonthsbutthe
i
mpor t
antthi
ngwaspeaceandl ovewehadi nour
rel
ationship.

Afteraboutthi
rt
yminut
esofwai
ti
ng,
thedoor
bel
l
rang.Iroseonmyfeet.

Theyf i
nallydecidedtocome,mypeopleandt i
me.I
crossedt heli
vingroom andwenttothedoor.What
awaitedmeatt hedoorweakenedmyknees.My
hearttauntedwi t
hfear,
Icouldnotmove.Ithought
ofshuttingthedooronherf acebutshewasn’t
goi
ngt
oletme.

Myeyeswentt
oherbi
gtummy;Istoodther
enot
knowi
ngwhatt
odo.WasIseei
ngthings?
“
Areyounotgoi
ngt
oletmei
n?”Shef
inal
lysai
d.
Me:What
…whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e,Munaka?
Iwasn’
tsur
eifIwant
edt
ohearherr
esponse.
Munaka:Youcan’
texpectust
otal
kher
e.Letmei
n
Beyon…
Theguyswoul
dbeheresoonandshewant
edt
o
comeinsi
de?OhGod!
Me:Iam act
ual
lyonmywayout
…
Shedidn’
tletmefi
nishwhatIwant
edt
osay,she
pushedherwayin.Forsomeonewhowasheavi
ly
pregnant
,shewasenerget
ic.
Munaka:Ar
eyout
hatsur
pri
sedt
oseeme?
Shesai
dwalkingt
othel
ivingroom;Ifor
cedmyl
egs
tomove.If
oll
owedherl
ikealostpuppy.
Me:Youaregoi
ngt
otel
lmewhyyouar
eher
e,a
ni
ghtbef
oremyweddi
ng?
Munaka:Idon’
tthinkIwouldhavedr
oveallt
heway
her
efornothi
ng.Iam herebecauseIhave
somethi
ngimportanttot
ellyou.
OhmyGod!Negat
ivevi
bessur
roundedme.
Munaka:Iam pr
egnantBeyonandyouar
ethe
f
ather
.
Me:What?Buthow,weonl
yhadsext
wiceandt
he
ot
heronewasjustaqui
cki
e.Andweused
pr
otect
ion.
Munaka:Youar
est
upi
dtot
hinkl
iket
hat
.

Munakawasmyex, myf i
rstlove,
wedatedinHigh
School.Icheat
edonher ,
whenshecamet oknow
aboutitsheendedtherel
ationshi
p.I
ttookmeyears
tomoveonandf i
ndsomeone.ImetMel anieyear
s
l
ater,Ihadmanagedtobur yMunakaandmy
feel
ingstoherorsoIthought.Wemetni nemonths
agoaf t
erfewyearsofnotseeingeachother
.When
wemetagai nitbecamecl ear,
Ineverst opped
l
ovingher.Wehookedupt hesameni ghtandt he
fol
lowi
ngday.Ist oppedt alki
ngwi thheraf t
er
Melani
elostourbaby, Ifeltguilt
y.DeepdownI
knewIwasgoi ngt ohurtMel anieifIcont i
nuedto
hangwithher;Munakawasal readytalkingabout
for
givi
ngme.
Me:SoIshoul
djustt
akeyourwordfori
t?Iam not
st
upid,
youmightberevengi
ngyour
self
.
Munaka:Iam notpet
tyBeyon.Iam notpl
ayi
ngyou.
Dothemath.
Iwascar
eless.AndIwasaboutt
opayf
ori
t.
Munaka:Iam wil
li
ngtodoaDNAt est
.Ist
hatwhat
youwant?Ifi
tis,
restassur
edwi
lldoit
.

Tobecont
inued…
28

PANDORAKAMANDE
From workIdecidedtopassbymymot her-
in-
law’
s.
WhenIgott her
eIf oundRiver,
Iwasactuall
yhappy
thatshewashome.Iwentt her
eforareason.

Wewer esit
ti
ngbyt hepool.MayaandIwerebusy
tal
king;Ikeptontakingasi ponmyjui
ceever
ynow
andt hem.ButIkeptf eel
ingeyesonme.Ri
verwas
theonel ooki
ngatme.
Me:Whyyoul
ooki
ngatmel
iket
hat
?Ist
her
e
somet
hingwr
ong?
Ri
ver
:No,
notatal
l.AndIam notl
ooki
ngatyou.
Me:Yesyouar
e.
SheshookherheadandIt
urnedt
oMaya.
Me:Ma,
ther
e’ssomet
hingt
hatIwantt
otel
lyou.
Maya:Iam l
ist
eni
ng.
Me:Mh,
wel
l…Iam expect
ing.
Ri
ver
:Iknewi
t!
Ri
versai
d.Shegotupandcamet
ohugme.She
ki
ssedmeonthecheek.
Ri
ver
:Itol
dyouandwhatdi
dyousay?Youar
e
i
magini
ngthi
ngs…Payup.
Maya:Nowyouwantt
otel
lPandor
awemadeabet
?
Whatachi
ldyouar
e.
Mayasmi
ledatme.
Maya:Congr
atul
ati
onsmydaught
er.Iwait
edtoo
l
ongtohearnewsli
kethi
sagai
n.Iam happyIli
ved
l
ongtohearthem.
River
:OhIcan’twaittomeethim/ her
.
Congratul
ati
onsPan.Ifthere’
ssomeonewho
deservesthi
sthenthatperson-i
syou.Thi
schi
ld
mightjustbeyoursanit
y
Maya:Shei
sri
ght
.Godcamet
hroughf
oryou.
Me:IguessHedi
d,i
naway.

JEWELMUDAU
Me:That
’sl
it
eral
lyever
ythi
ng.
Lor
atowasst andi
ngint
hemi ddl
eofherlivi
ngr
oom.
Shedidn’
trespondtowhatIhadjustsai
d.
Me:Thi
sisj
ustanInt
ro,
ifLor
atoi
sli
kethist
hen
onecanonl
yimagi
nehowPandoraisgoingt
obe.
Isai
dtoMoon.Iwasn’tagainstt
heideaoftel
li
ng
Pandorawhatweknew, Iwasafr
aidofthe
aft
ermathaf
tert
ell
ingher.Nooneknewwhatt o
expect
.
Lor
ato:Thi
sis…
Sheheavedasof
tsi
gh.
Lorato:Wow!Whatki ndofanani malishe?If
there’sanyonewhoknowsaboutt hedepthof
Pandor a’
spainiti
sCal eb.Youdon’ thavetotel
lhi
m
becauseheknows.Thi sisselfi
shofhi m.Why
didn’theleavewhenhef el
tthelovewasnol onger
enough?Ir eall
ydespisemenl ikehim.
Moon:That
’swhyweneedyou.YouknowPandor a
i
nanotherl
evelt
hatwedon’t.Sheisyourpat
ient;I
canonl
yactashersist
er.Jewelasherbestf
riend
butyou,
youar
etr
ainedi
npsychol
ogy.
Lor
ato:Letmegoandgr
abmysweat
er.
Me:Sur
e.

Shethrewherhandsi
ntheairasshedi
sappeared
from t
heroom.Moonwenttositont
hearmrestof
thecouch.
Me:Thankyou…
Shel
ookedatme.
Me:Fordoingt
his.Iknowyoumeanwel
landone
dayi
fnottodayPandoraisgoi
ngt
oseei
t.
Moon:Il ovePandor a;shehasbeent houghal ot
.
Shealsodeser vesabr eakandshewi llnothaveit
befor
eshel eavet hatbastar
d.Shehasbeen
thr
oughal otandshedeser vest
obewi thsomeone
whoisf ait
hf ulnotamanl i
keCaleb.Shewi l
lbounce
backfrom t his.Iknow.
Me:Inevert
houghtI
’
dfi
ndmysel
finasi
tuat
ionl
ike
t
his.
Moon:Asituati
onisbet
ter ;Inevert
houghtI’dfi
nd
myselfwanti
ngtokil
lCalebsobadl y.Iprayand
hopeheisnotatthehousebecauseIam goi ngto
sl
eepbehindbars.Hi
sfatherSat anbetterhel
phim
becausenotevenGodwi llbeabletostopme.Hel l
notevenangels.
Moodwasanonsensegi
rl
.
Myphonebeeped, i
twasat extf
rom Melasking
whereIwas.Iwassupposedt obeatherhouse
al
ready.Icompl
etel
yforgotabouti
t.Handli
ng
PandoraandMelanie’
sweddingwasput t
inga
st
rainonmyneck.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iheatedthepast
ainthemicrowaveandwentback
tothedini
ngroom whereIj
oinedCordel
iaatt
he
tabl
e.
Iputbot
hpl
atesont
het
abl
eandt
ookmyseat
.
Del
ia:Youar
eGodsend.
Igaveheranod.
Del
ia:Andnow?What
’sgoi
ngonwi
thyou?
Me:Iam j
ustwor
ri
edaboutmyf
utur
e…
Shepushedherpl
atefor
war
dandr
estedher
el
bowsont het
abl
e,andhel
dmyhands.
Me:Myl i
feisnevergoingt obethesameaf t
er
tonight
.Possibil
it
iesoflosingever
ythi
ngaret oo
high.Idon’tseemyselfwinningthiscase.
Tomor rowImi ghtbewaki ngupwithnothi
ngt omy
name.
Del
ia:Doyour
egr
etus?

Iki
ssedt
hebackofherhandandl
ookedather
.
Me:Ofcoursenot.Ihavenoregr
ets;i
fIdi
dI
wouldn’
tbedivor
cingmywi f
e.I’
dbehomet r
yingt
o
workonmymar r
iage.
Deli
a:That
’senoughformet
ohel
pyout
hissmal
l
si
tuati
onyouarefaci
ng…
Samewhat
?She’
scr
azyt
othi
nkl
iket
hat
.
Delia:Iam notdoingthisonlyforyoubutforme
andourbaby.Iknowwhent hiscomesout ,Iam
goingt obelabell
edasahomewr eckerandIam
readyf oranythi
ng.Il
oveyouandIwi llst
opat
nothingt osecureourfutur
e.
Me:Okay…butthere’
snothi
ngyouormecando.
Fi
ghti
ngthi
sdivorcewil
lonl
ycostme.
Del
ia:Ihaveapl
an.Not
hingdr
ast
ic…
Me:Idon’
tseemysel
fwi
nningt
hisandIdon’
tthi
nk
Iwanttohur
tPandor
amore.
Deli
a:It’
seitherPandoraormeandourbaby.Iam
tal
kingaboutourf utur
eher eCaleb,
stopslumberi
ng
andsmel lthecoffee.Pandoraisalawyer,
whatshe
makesi ntwodaysi shalfifnotyourwholesal
ary.
Shei sgoingtoenjoybreakingyou.
Me:Whateveryouhaveinmi
ndbett
ernotbeki
ll
ing
heroranyt
hingrel
atedt
owit
chcr
aft
.
Del
ia:Youser
iousl
ythi
nkIcanpracti
cewi
tchcr
aft
onPandoraoranyonefort
hatmatter
.
Me:Yout
ookherhusbandsowhatcanIexpect
f
rom aper
sonl
iket
hat
?
Deli
a:I
’
llpret
endlikeIdi
dn’
theart
hat.Andno, Iam
notgoi
ngt ohavePandoraki
ll
ed.I
t’
ssomet hi
ng
el
sebutforthistoworkwegonnahavetot hi
nklike
Pandor
at helawyer.Weneedtobr
ingourlawyer
ski
ll
stothetable.
Me:Dot
ell
.
Del
ia:Let
’seatf
ir
st.

BEYONSHABANGU

Lat
erthateveni
ngIsoftl
yknockedonmymot
her
’s
door
.Ienteredaf
terknocki
ng.
Ma:Ahyouaresti
llher
e?It
houghtyouwer
egoi
ng
outwi
thyourf
ri
ends.
Me:Thatwast
hepl
an.
Ma:Whathappened?
Me:EishMa,Imessedup.Imadeahugemessand
Idon’
tevenknowwhatIam goi
ngtodo.Iam t
orn
bet
weent
wowomen.
Ma:Iam notf
oll
owi
ng.
Shegotoffthebed.Ididn’tknowwhatt
oexpect
fr
om her.Shewaspr obablygoingt
oshoutatme
andtol
dmewhatIal readyknow.Mystupi
dit
y!
Me:Your
ememberMunaka?
Shenoddedr
epeat
edl
y.
Me:Wemetfewmont hsago,westart
edhangi
ng
out
.Wetal
kedaboutthi
sandthat;bef
oreweknew
i
t…wehadoverst
eppedtheli
ne.
Shet
ookast
ept
ome.
Ma:Expl
ain…andt
hist
ime,
getst
rai
ghtt
othepoi
nt.
Me:Wehadse…sex.IthappenedtwicebutIswear
weusedprot
ecti
on.Butshewasjusthere,shei
s
pr
egnantMa.Sheispregnantwi
thmychi l
d…

Iwasn’texpect
ingwhathappenednext;she
backhandedmeont hecheek.Iputmyhandonmy
sorecheekandl ookedather.
Ma:Youwer
en’
texpect
ingt
hat
,wer
eyou?
Sheputherhandsonherwai
standpr
essedherl
ips
toget
her
.
Ma:Youdeci dedt oembar r
assmel ikethis?You
deci
dedt oembar rassMel ,
todisplayher etot he
world.Aday…adaybef or
eyourweddi ng…Mel ’
s
familyfinedusf ormi st
reati
ngher ;theycameher e
andoutmei ntomypl ace.Theydef endedt heir
daught er,whatdoyout hinkisgoingt ohappened
whent heyl earnaboutthis?Yout hinkMusaand
Huli
saniar egoi ngtosmi l
eandpatyouont heback?
BeyonShabangu, youmademel oveMel anie.You
hearme?Youmademeacceptandl oveherasmy
owndaught er.Inthepastmont hswef ormeda
bondt hat’sstrongandyouj ustwantt obreaki t
becauseyoucoul dn’tkeepitinyourpant s?
Me:Ma…
Ma:Shutup,
justshutup!
Shescof
fed.
Ma:ButIbl
amemysel
fIspoil
edyouBeyon.And
t
odayIam payi
ngt
hepri
ce.Howam Igoingtof
ace
Melaf
tert
his?Huh,
how?
Iscr
atchedmychi
nandsi
ghed.
Ma:Getoutofmysi
ght
.
It
ri
edt
otal
kbutshedi
smi
ssedme.
Ma:Isai
dOUT!Cal
lyourf
atherf
orme.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Isatont
hewoodenbenchesandlookedatJewel
,
MoonandLor
ato.Wewereinthegarden.

Ieyedthem wit
hsuspi ci
on,there’
snowayt hey
decidedtocometomyhousel ateatni
ght,Melhad
apar t
ytoatt
end,andIwaswi thRato.WellMoon
stayedwithmebutt hat’
snotthepoi nt
.Somet hi
ng
waswr ongorLoratotoldthem Iwaspr egnant?But
shewouldn’t
.
Jewel
:Isi
tthathotf
oryout
oweart
hatout
side?
Me:Yes.Whatyouguysdoi
ngher
e?
Lor
ato:WEhavesomet
hingi
mpor
tantt
odi
scuss
wit
hyou.
Me:Ohyout
oldt
hem,
didn’
tyou?
Jewel
:Tel
luswhat
?
Me:Truthi
s;Iwasgoingt
otel
lyou.Iwant
edi
ttobe
speci
albutseemsl
ikeyoual
readyknow.
Lor
ato:Pan,
it’
snott
hat
…
Jewel
:Knowwhat
?
Me:Qui
tpl
ayi
ng,
thatyouar
egoi
ngt
obeanaunt
.
Moon:What
?Wai
t…
“
Youar
epr
egnant
?”
MoonandJewelaskedatt
hesamet
ime.Oht
hey
di
dn’
tknow.
Jewel
:Aunt
,youknew?
Lor
atonodded.
Me:Jesus,
whatamess!
Me:I ssomeonegoingtotel
lmewhat’sgoingon.
It’
sprett
yobviousyoudidn’
tknowIwaspregnant
meani ngther
e’sanot
herwhyyoucameher e.Now
thequestioni
swhyar eyouhere?Whatareyou
hidingfr
om me?
Moon:Iam goi
ngt
otel
lyoul
ikehowi
tis…Pan,
l
ist
en…
Shet
ookherphoneandhel
ddi
tinherhand.
Moon:Ther
e’ssomet
hingyouneedtoknowand
tr
ustmewhenIsaythere’
snonicewaytosayi
tsoI
am j
ustgoi
ngtosayi
t.
Lor
atocamet
omysi
de.
Lorato:Ij
ustwantyout oremembert hatwear e
hereforyouandwear enevergoi ngtol eaveyour
si
de.Youdon’ thavet ogot hrought hisalone.We
arenotdoingthistohur tyou.Andwear enotsureif
i
t’
swi setodoi tnowbutnott el
li
ngyouwoul dmean
wear eenjoyi
ngwhat everi tt
hatshewannashow
you.Thewei ghtofthisinformationist oomucht o
handlebutrestassured, youwi l
lhealf r
om thisas
well.You’
vebeent hroughandseent hewor st.
Iwasget
ti
ngscared;i
tmustbesomethi
ngbi
gfor
myther
apistt
ocomeal ongJewel
andMoon.
Sheputherhandonmyt
ummy.
Lor
ato:What
evershei
sgoi
ngt
otel
lorshowyou,
pl
easethi
nkabouthi
m/her
.
Me:I
ssomet
hinggoi
ngt
otel
lmewhat
’sgoi
ng?
Pl
ease!
Igotupandtookt
hephonef rom Moon’shand.
Suddenl
yIfel
tchi
ll
s,weremyeyesdecei vi
ngme?I
shutmyeyesandopenedthem again.Itwasall
ther
e,maybeIwasdreaming.Hellno,
Iwasn’t.
Moon:Sor
ryPanbutCalebishavi
nganaf f
air
.He
hasbeenhavi
ngoneforyearsnow.That
’s…
Me:Cor
del
ia…
Jewel
:Youknowher
?
Shecameintomyhouseandl aughedwithme.She
knewwhoIwas.Calebreall
ybr oughthi
ssidethi
ng
tomyhouse;shesatandhadcof feewithme.I
pausedmythought
sandt urnedaround.Jeweltr
ied
totouchmebutIpushedher.Iwal kedt
othehouse.
Jewel
:Pandor
a?

Ipushedt
hedoorwalki
ngtot helounge,
thegir
ls
fol
lowedme.Icoul
dheartheirvoi
cescall
ingoutmy
namebutIdidn’
tst
opwalking.
Lor
ato:Pan,
wai
t.Don’
tdoanyt
hingst
upi
d.
Istoodatt
hefarendoftheloungeandstarted
l
aughingbutmylaught
erendedwi t
htears.Ilet
tearscomeout
,maybecr yi
ngwouldhelp.

Iwaswear i
ngCaleb’
st-
shir
t.Il
ookedatitandfel
t
disgusted.Iranmyeyesaroundtheroom;allt
he
memor ieswehadmadeher estart
edplayi
ng.Our
pictur
eswer einever
ycornerofthehouse,
everywhere.
Me:Hei
scheat
ingonme.
Ikepton,andonandonsayi
ngt
hat
.SomehowI
wanteditnott
obetrue,
Me:Foryear
sheliedtome.Whatsi
nhaveI
committ
edtodeservethi
spuni
shmentf
rom God?
GodtellmesoIcanapol ogize,Iwillapol
ogizejust
stophurt
ingme.Iam brokenal ready.Ihavenot hi
ng,
Ihavenothi
ng.Iam nodifferentfrom ali
vingghost.
God!Areyoudeaftohearmypr ayersorcri
es?Even
themanyougavemei snot hingbutacheat ing,
l
yingbastar
d.Wheni si
tgoi ngtoend?WhatmustI
dotostopthehurt
?TellmeIwi lldoit.
Ist
agger
edbackandt
ookofft
heshi
rt
;Iwasl
eft
wit
habraandaunder
wear.
Me:Iam t
ir
ed.

Tobecont
inued…
29

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwassit
ti
nginmyst
udywai
ti
ngforCal
eb.He
text
edsayi
nghe’
donhi
swaybackhome.
Cal ebwasagreathusbandorsoIthought.Ohboy,
Ilovedhim.Ihadtol
dmyselfwewoul dgrowold
together
.Hehadshowedmemor ethanoncethat
hewant edthesamethingIwanted.WheredidIgo
wr ong?DidIdosomethingt
hatpushedhim away?

Ili
stenedtotherecordi
ngMoonhadr ecorded.
Cordeli
asaidthingsIdidn’
tevenknowCalebli
keor
everwantedt odo.If
eltli
keshewastalki
ngabout
someoneel se,t
hatwasnotCal eb.

Mycheatinghusbandwal kedinthestudy.He
l
ookedsoi nnocent;onewoul dneverthi
nkhewas
capabl
eofcheat i
ng.Hehadbr okenmyhear t
.He
ri
ppedahol eri
ghtin.Itookadeepbr eathandgot
upfrom mychair.

Cal
eb:Pan.
Me:Yout
ookyourt
ime.
Cal
eb:Iam sor
ry.
Inodded.
Ihadl otofquest
ionsrunni
nginmymi nd.Di
dhe
thinkaboutherwhi l
stmakinglovetome?DidI
tasteherli
psonhi s?Smellherscenti
nsteadofhi
s?
Oh, Iwasgoingcrazy.
Me:SoIhearyoucheat
edorr
athercheat
ingonme
wi
thCordel
ia.
Ididn’
thavet
imet
oaskhi
m quest
ions,
Ist
ated
facts.
Cal
eb:Pandor
a,I
…
Me:Don’
tevent
hinkaboutdenyi
ngi
t.Ihavepr
oof
Cal
eb.Ar
eyoucomi ngf
rom her?
Hedidn’
tdar
etol
ooki
ntomyeyes.Hewaswi
thher
,
nodoubt.
Me:Ionl
yhaveonequest
ion,
why?
Cal
eb:Inevermetf
oranyoft hi
stohappen.Idi
dn’
t
meantohurtyoubutIf
elloutoflove.
Me:Youf
elloutof
…(Laughs)outofl
ove?
Iwasdefdr
eami
ng.
Me:Whendiditst
art
?Howdi
ditst
art
?Iwanna
knowever
ythi
ng.Tel
lme!
Hedidn’tpr
otest;t
hat’showli
tt
leImeanttohim.He
detai
ledwhathecoul d.Il
ookedathi
m ashet al
ked
aboutCordeli
a.Helovedher!Calebwasinlovewit
h
Cordeli
a.Hecouldn’tevenhi
deit.Hi
seyesspoke
forhi
m.Whathappenedt ous?Wast hatmyendor
mybegi nni
ng?
Cal
eb:Ineverwant
edyoutof
indoutl
iket
his.Iwas
goi
ngtotellyou…Moondi
dn’
thaveanyri
ghttotel
l
youthi
s.
Ihadaquest
iont
oask,
asdi
ff
icul
tasi
twas.Ihad
toaskhi
m.
Me:Wer
eyougoingt
odi
vor
ceme?I
sthathowyou
wer
egoi
ngtotel
lme?
Cal
eb:Yes.Thedi
vor
cepaper
sar
eready,
what
’sl
eft
i
soursignatur
es.
Me:Youhadf i
guredallthi
sout,
didn’
tyou?Youlet
meplayloveydoveywi t
hyouwhenyouknewwhat
youwereplanni
ng.Youmadeaf ooloutofme.You
all
owedthatwomant ocomei nt
omyhouse.You
satthereandpret
endedl
ikeyoudi
dn’tknoweach
other.Youtookal
lwehadbuil
tandbrokeit
.You
saidtil
ldeat
hdousapart
!Youpromisedme…
Cal
eb:For
givemePandor
a.

Iwal
kedoutoft
hest
udy,
hef
oll
owedme.
Wit
houtthi
nki
ngtwi
ce,
Ipickedthevasethatwas
onthet
ableandai
meditathim butheducked.
Cal
eb:Nowyouwantt
oki
llme?
Me:OhIhateyouCal eb.Ifuckenhateyou, Icur
se
thedayIsetmyeyesonyou.I fyoudidn’tl
oveme
anymorewhydidn’tyouleave?Whydi dyoust ri
ng
mealong?Fortwoyear s,youf*ckedthatb*tchand
camebackt ome.Youcoul dhavei nf
ectedme;you
putmyhealthatr
isk.
Caleb:Idi
dn’twantt ohurtyou.Tr
ustmewhenIsay
Itr
iedt of
ightmyf eeli
ngsbutwhateverIdid,
it
di
dn’twork.IfanythingIkeptongoingbacktoher.I
don’tregr
etgetti
nginvolvedwithCordel
ia,
she
makesmef eelali
ve.Idon’thavet
ot hi
nkabouther
allthedamnt i
me;Igett othinkaboutmysel f
.
Somet hingIdon’ tgetwhenwi t
hyou.WhenIam
wi t
hyouIf eellimited,Ifeelsmal l.I
t’
salwaysyou,
andyourdamnpast .Whatdi dyouexpectmet odo
whenyoui solatedyour self?Whennot hi
ngbutyour
thoughtsmat tered?WhenIt riedt oreachoutbut
youpushedmeaway?Forsevenyear s,sevenl ong
damnyear s!Iputyouf i
rst.If orgotwhoCal ebis
andf ocusedonyou.Igott iredandf oundsomeone,
someonewhoputmef i
rst.Whocar edforme, not
theotherwayar ound.Imast eredhowt oli
e,sneak
andnotoncedi dyounot ice.Andyouknowwhy?
Becauseyouwer eal laboutyour sel
f,youdidn’t
evenseeIwashur t
inganddi stancingordet aching
from you.Youdi dn’t
!Iam nol ongergoi ngtolieto
you;youdeser vetoknowwhyIcheat ed.

Thetruthspi
ll
edout .Hi
swor dswerecutt
ing,
it’
sli
ke
helongwantedt obreat
hethatout.Idi
dn’
thavea
comebackIlettearsspeakforme.Hewashur ting
me,rippi
ngmyhear tout.
Me:Andyoucoul
dn’
ttel
lmehowyouwer
efeel
ing?
Your
esor
tedt
ocheat
ing?
Cal
eb:WhatwasIsupposedt
odo?Tal
kwi
thyou?
Me:Yes,
tal
k!I
nst
eadoff
indi
ngcomf
orti
nthat
b*
tch’
sarms!
Cal
eb:Don’
tyoudar
ecal
lthemot
herofmychi
lda
b*t
ch…
Hecussedwhenher
eal
isedwhathehadj
ustsai
d.
Me:Shei
spregnant
?Iaskedyouadamnquest
ion
Cal
ebKamande…
Caleb:Yes!Shei spregnant,t
womont hspregnant .
Shei sgivingmesomet hingyouwillnevergi
veme.
Iwant edchildr
enandyouknowi t
,I’
vetoldyoubut
youneverwant edustotry.Youwerestil
lholdingto
whathashappened.I t
’sbeenyearssincewel ost
ourchi l
dren,what’
ssohar daboutmovingpasti t.I
t
can’talwaysbet hetwoofus, Iwanted…
Idi
dn’
tlethi
mfi
nishhi
ssent
ence;Il
etoutal
oud
l
aught
er.
Me:Yougott
hebothofpr
egnant
,att
hesameti
me?
Youhadunpr
otect
edsexatt
hesametimeyouwer
e
havi
ngsexwi
thme?
Cal
eb:What
,youar
epr
egnant
?
Me:Doesi
tmat
ter
?
Cal
eb:Forhowl
onghaveyouknown?Andwhy
di
dn’
tyoukeepi
tfr
om me,Pandor
a?
Me:Youdon’
tgett
oaskmet
hat
.Youl
ostt
hat
r
ight
…
Heheavedal
oudsi
gh.
Caleb:Youar
epregnant
?Ohmywor
d!Youdi
dn’
t
tel
lmebecause?
Me:Ifyouhadpaidat
tent
ionyouwoul
dhave
not
icedfewchanges…
Caleb:Thi
siswhatIwastal
kingabout.Youonl
y
thi
nkaboutyour
self
,youareself
ishPan.
Me:Wow.
Caleb:Iam havi
nganot
herchi
ld,
wear
ehavi
nga
baby.
Me:Youandwho?Huh?
Iwal
kedt
owar
dhi
m.
Me:Idon’twantthisbaby.Idon’ twanthi m/her!I
wil
lneverlovehim/her;thi
schi l
di smyi nsani
ty,t
he
reminderofyourdeception.Iwillseethischil
dand
thi
nkofyou.Thischildwi l
lshareabi r
thdaywi th
youotherchil
d.Iwantnot hingthatconnect sme
withyou.Iam cutt
ingtieswi t
hyou, i
ncludingthis
chil
d.
Het
ri
edt
otouchmebutIpushedhi
m.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Ir
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om Jewel
.
Me:It
’saboutt
ime.Wher
ear
eyou?Wet
hought
you’
dbeherebynow.
Jewel
:Ei
shMel,Iam sor
rybutIwi
llcomemi
dni
ght
.
Leonwil
ldr
ivemethere.
Me:Reall
yJewel?Tonighti
t’
smyni
ght,
you
organi
sedthi
spartyf
ormebutyouarenoteven
heretocel
ebrat
eitwi
thme.
Jewel:IknowandIam sorr
ybutIhadothermatt
er
toat
tendt o.Iwi
llmakei
tuptoyou.Ipr
omiseyou.
Me:Justgether
e,okay?
Jewel
:Iwi
ll
.Howar
eyouf
eel
ing?
Me:Happyandscared.ImeanIam get
ti
ngmar
ri
ed,
Iam supposedt
ofeell
iket
hisr
ight
?
Jewel
:Thatandmuchmor
e.
Me:Ican’
twai
t.
Jewel
:Ar
eyoudr
unk?
Me:No,
Ihadadr
inkort
wo.Inol
ongerr
emember
.
Jewel :GodMel,youbett
ernotdoactofcharact
er
there.I’
veheardenoughstor
iesaboutbr
idesanight
beforetheirweddi
ng.
Me:Iwi
llnever
…
Jewel
:Iam notpl
ayi
ngwi
thyouMel
.
Il
aughed.
Jewel:Iam cal
li
ngRae,youareheadi
ngt
oyour
room ri
ghtnow.Ihaveafeel
ingthi
swon’
tendwel
l
.
Anddonotdef
yher
.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Myeyesopenedupduet othebright nessofthe

l
ight
.Myeyeswenttothewi ndow;t hecurtai
ns
werenotdr
awntoget
her.Icouldseet hestarson
t
hesky.Ist
ret
chedmyar msandl etoutabr eath.

Ididn’
tr ememberwhattimeIf ellasl
eep, butthe
sleeplastedfornotmorethant wohour s.Other
thanmyhear taching,myeyeswer ehurtingfrom
thecrying.AsIwasaboutt ogetof ft
hebed, the
dooropened.Isl i
ppedmyf ootont heslippers.
Me:Whatar
eyoust
il
ldoi
ngher
e?It
houghtIt
old
yout
ogo.
Cal
eb:Canweatl
eastt
alkorl
etmet
alk?
Me:Soyouthinkyouhaven’
tsaidenough?Goto
yourl
overCal
eb,Idon’
thaveti
met oatt
endtoyou
oranyofyourbl
abberi
ng.
Caleb:Youarepregnantwi
thmychi
ld;weneedt
o
tal
kaboutthat.Don’
tyouthi
nk?
Me:Mindwait
ingal
itt
lebi
tmor
e?Iam lef
twith
sevenmont
hs;youcancomeandtakehim/her
.
Cal
eb:Youwantt
oabandonourchi
ldnow?
Me:Ourchi l
d?Youshoul dbeworryingaboutthe
divorce…andthischi
ld;t
hischi
ldshoul dbethe
l
eastofyourwor ri
es.Iam goi
ngtot akeaway
everythi
ngthathasyournameoni t.Youareonly
getti
ngthischi
ldfrom t
hismarri
age, howyoufeed
him.Idon’tcar
e!Youwi l
lmakeapl an.
Cal
eb:Youwoul
dn’
tdar
e!
Isweptever
ythi
ngt hatwasonthedr
essingt
abl
e.I
smashedthemirrorwithachai
randtur
nedtohi
m.
Me:Doyouknowhowmuchhat r
edIhaveforyou?I
havehatetoever
ythi
ngthathasyouinmemor y.I
can’
tlookatyouandnotfeeldi
sgust
ed.Il
oatheyou.

BEYONSHABANGU
Iendedcancelli
ngmypl answiththeguys;Ihada
l
otofthingsr
unni ngthr
oughmymi nd.Iwasstari
ng
atthephone,want i
ngtocal
l Melbutdidn’
tknow
whatIwasgoi ngtosay.Ididn’
tevenknowwhatI
wasgoingtodo.

Itwasourweddi
nginl
essthan24hrsandIwas
alr
eadykeepi
ngasecr
et.I
nsteadofcal
li
ngMel,I
call
edMunaka.Shepi
ckedaftert
hesecondr
ing.
Naka:Hey.
Me:Ar
eyousl
eepi
ng?
Naka:Justgotoutoft
heshower
.What
’sup?
Isi
ghed.
Me:Whydi
dyouchooset
odayoutofal
ldays?Iam
get
ti
ngmar
riedt
omorr
owNaka.
Naka:IknowthatandIam sor
ryfordoi
ngt
hist
o
you.Youalwaystal
kedaboutus…
Me:Ther
e’snous.
Naka:Iknowbutt
her
e’sourbaby.Yourf
ir
stbor
n,
i
sn’
tthatenoughf
ormet
ocomeani
ghtbef
oreyour
weddi
ng?
Me:No!
Naka:Beyon,Iam notfor
cingyout obewithmeor
i
ntodoinganythi
ngyoudon’ tl
ike.Iam nother
eto
breakyourmarri
age.Ionlywantedt ol
etyouknow
andsorryithadt
obet oday.
Ikeptqui
et.
Naka:Whatdoyouwant
?Li
kewhatdoyour
eal
ly
want?
Idi
dn’
trespondandshechuckl
edl
ight
ly.
Naka:Seeyoutomorrowatt
heweddi
ngasyour
guest
,notasyourbabymama.Aft
eral
lIwas
i
nvit
ed…
Me:Thatwast
hen,
bef
oreyou…
Naka:Beforeyougotmepregnant
?Yeah,
right
.Go
andsleep,youneedsl
eep.Tomorr
owisyourbig
day.
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,shehungup.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Calebrefusedtoleave;hekeptonbl abbingabout
hi
schi l
dIdi dn’
twantt obei nthesamer oom wi t
h
hi
m.It houghtofdr i
vingtot hewater
fallbutitwas
l
ate,soIdr ovetothenear estChapel
.Itwas
guarded24hr s,
anytimeaper soncouldgot here.I
di
dn’thaveagr eatrelati
onshipwithGodbutI
wantedHi mt ohearmeout .Ihadsomuchanger
wit
hin,Hehadt heanswer s.

Iwasonmykneesl
ooki
ngatt
hecr
oss.
Me:Whatgoesar oundcomesar ound,r
ight
?Does
thatmeanyouar egoingtopunishthem?Oryouar e
goingtolett hem walkaway?Thegoodonesal ways
gethurt,r
ight ?Whyar eyousocr uel?Whydoyou
givemehar dshipsonly?Don’tIdeservetobehappy
l
ikeyourot herchildren?I’
vealwaysaskedforone
thingfr
om you, onet hingandthat’
shappiness.
Can’tyouatl eastgivemet hat?Youkeepmeon
gi
vingmethi
ngst
hatar
egonnaendme, whynot
putmebackonmyfeet
?Areyoucol
lect
ive?Answer
me!
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Me:Ifwhatyouhavegi venmeisnotenough, you
deci
dedt ogi vemear eminder
.Yougavemet his
babytot or
t ureme?Theysayyouar eGod, youonly
dowel lbutwhatI’vebeenexperi
encingisnothing
butbadt hi
ngs.Whydoyoul etmegethur t
?Don’ t
youthinkI’vehadenough?Whatdoyougai nfr
om
that
?Youonl ychoosewhot oblessandwhot oshi f
t
miseryto.Whatmor edoyouwantmet odo?Ipr ay,
begandcr y.
Whatelseam Isupposedt
odo?TellmeandIwil
l
doit.Doyouenjoyseei
ngtheper
sonI'
vebecome,
thepersonyou'
vecreat
ed?Doyou?
Icl
osedmyeyes.
Me:Justst
ophurti
ngme.Ihavenofi
ghtl
efti
nme.I
mightaswelldi
e.Thatwoul
dbetheonl
ygoodthi
ng
you’
veeverdoneforme.
Tobecont
inued…
30

PANDORAKAMANDE

Lastnight’
seventshi
tmeataf ul
lspeedthemi nute
Iopenedmyeyes.Iwasr el
ievi
ngyesterday’
s
ni
ghtmar e.WhowouldhavethoughtI’
dbet hi
s
miserableaft
erconvi
nci
ngmyselfthatIam getti
ng
bett
er?Myownhusbandbet r
ayedmei nthewor st
possibl
eway.

Iwassi tt
ingont hecouchi nmybedr oom.I ’
dbeen
sitt
ingthereforsolong.Ihadnotevengot tenany
sleep.Sleepi
ngpi l
lswouldn’thelp.It
houghtofa
drinkbutthelitt
lehumani nsidemest oppedt he
thought.Thet houghtofsleepinginthebedCal eb
andIshar edforyearsdidn’tsett
lewellwithmysoul.

Thebedr
oom wasamess,
lastni
ghtIl
ostmycool
andt urneditupsidedown.Myeyesdar tedtot he
dressingtable,anenvelopecaughtmyat t
ention.I
knew- Iknewwhati twas.Itt
ookmeamomentt o
standonmyf eetandwal kedtot
hedressi
ngt able.I
tooktheenvel opeinbot hhandsandgaveitat iny
tear.Myeyesgl ancedoverthedi
vorcepapers.
Me:WowCal
eb,
wow!

Ihadnoi deawhereIwassupposedt ostart

,getting
backonmyf eetwasgoingt obediff
icul
t.It
riedt o
notbedependentonCal ebbutsomehowIgavehi m
mysoulandhear tatonce, unwi
lli
ngl
y.He
support
edmewhenIneededhi m;heshowedme
l
ovewhennoot hermanwaswi lli
ngto.Butafterthe
thi
ngshehadsai dtomel astni
ghtIknewI ’
dnever
fi
ndanothermanandl ovehi mt hewayhedeser ve.I
wassureaboutmymar riagewithCaleb;hewent
thr
oughhel landbackwithme.HeknewwhatIhad
gonethroughandhepr omi sedtowalkthisli
fewi th
me.Andj ustli
kethat
,hewasgone.
Iopenedt hedrawerandsearchedforthebandage.
Itookoutoneandwentt ositonthefootofthebed.
Ienclosedcutsonmywr istandlaybackont hebed.
Iputthehandonmyt ummyandf el
treal
lysad,
extr
emel ysad.
Me:Iam sor r
ybutIcan’tbr
ingmysel ftoloveyou.I
knowyouar eagiftfr
om Godandyouar einnocent
from al
lofthi
sbuthowdoIbegi ntoloveyou?Iwi l
l
neverlookatyouandnotber emi ndedofwhatyour
fatherhaddonetome.Youwer en’tconceivedinthe
ri
ghtmoment .Iam sorr
yyoucaughti nthi
swhol e
drama, maybeyourfat
herwi l
lloveyoumor ethan
me.
Iletmyhandr
estont
het
ummyandcl
osedmy
eyestosl
eep.

BEYONSHABANGU

Wewer eonourwayt othehotelbei

ngthewedding
venue.Iwasri
dingwithmysister,
Musidzanaand
mypar ent
s.Myf at
herwastheonedr i
ving.
Itseemedmymot hert
oldhim aboutMunakaand
hewasn’tpl
eased,i
fanythi
nghewasdi sappoi
nted
i
nme.Hecoul dn’
tevenlookintomyeyes.
Musidzana:IknowIhadissueswit
hMelbutri
ght
nowIdon’ twi
shtobeinhershoes.Shei
snever
goi
ngt oforgi
veyou.
Mom:Doyoubl
ameher
?
Me:Mom,
please…
Mom:Don’ tmom pleaseme.Ir eal
lydon’
tknow
howMeli sgoingtoreactwhenshecomet olear
n
thatIknewaboutMunaka.Shei snotgoi
ngto
forgi
vemef orthi
s.Youlit
eral
lywentandruinedthe
rel
ati
onshipIhadwithher.
Iwasn’texpecti
ngmymot hertoactthatway.I
thoughtshe’
dbehappyherdr eam ofbecominga
mot herwascomi ngtr
ue.Iguessshewasget t
ing
fondofMelt hanIthought
.
Dad:Aft
ert
heweddi
ngweneedt
odor
ightbyher
fami
ly.
Myf
atherf
inal
lyspoke.
Dad:Youreal
lydisappoi ntedBeyon.Doyoueven
wanttoconti
nuewi ththisweddi ngbeforetel
li
ng
Mel?Becausemar ryingMel wi
thouttel
li
ngher
wouldonlycr
eatepr oblemsf oryou.Youcan’tstart
amar r
iagewit
hsecr ets.Itdoesn’tworkl
ikethat.
Me:IfIt
ellMelshemi
ghtst
opt
heweddi
ngandI
don’
tthi
nkIwantthat
.
Mymot
herl
aughedandcl
appedherhands.
Mom:Youthink?Beyon,todayit
’syourweddi
ngand
younotsur
eifyouwanttocont inuewit
hthe
weddi
ngornot?Youf ul
lofjokes.
Dad:Yoursononl
ywant
stoembar
rassus,
not
hing
more.
Musidzana:Isayt
ellMel
beforeyousayIdo.Let
herdeci
dedbutifyouaskme, shei
sgoingtoleave
yourass.ImeanIwould,i
magineaccepti
ng
someone’sbabywhenIperfectl
yknowIwillnever
givemyhusbandone.Hanever !
Il
ookedout
sidet
hewi
ndow.Ihadt
wochoi
ces;one
wastotel
lMelbef
oretheweddingandt
wo,t
ellMel
af
terwegotmarri
ed.Fi
li
ngadivorceamont
hafter
aweddi
ngwon’tbeeasy.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwaschill
edont hesofawatchingTV,abowlof
cerealwasrestingonmyl ap.Ididn’
twannaeatbut
IthoughtofCaleb’sbaby.Ididn’
twantstar
ve
her/hi
m.Thel it
tlebeingdi
dn’tdeser
vetobe
punishedforthef at
her’
ssin.

Moonwalkedupt
ome.Shepi
ckedt
her
emot
eand
mutedt
heTV.
Me:Di
dyour
eal
lyhavet
odot
hat
?
Moon:Yes.Iam goi
ngt
otheMal
landyouar
e
comi
ngwi t
hme.
Me:No.
Moon:Yes.Lookatyour
sel
fPan,
youst
il
lonyour
ni
ghtgown.Ar
eyougoi
ngt
ospendt
hewhol
eday
her
e?
Me:Whynot ?JustgototheMal
landl
eavemeat
peace.Ihavel
otgoingoninmymindandIneed
tot
alsil
ence.
Shenoddedherhead.
Moon:Di
dyout
akeyourmeds?
Me:Idi
d.
Moon:Idon’
tbel
ieveyou…
Me:Thenthat
’syourownprobl
em.Iam gi
vingyou
myword,whatmor edoyouwant?
Moon:Pan,
Iam nott
heenemyher
e.Iam onl
y
t
ryi
ngtohel
pyou.
Me:Idon’
tneedanyone’
shel
p,whycan’
tyousee
t
hat?Ineedtobealone!
Moon:Whatyouaredoi
ngisnotf
air
,notonyouor
anyofus.Wecar
eaboutyou…
Me:Iknowt
hatandIam t
hankf
ul.Butpl
easeMoon,
gi
vemespace.Oryouwantmetoleavethehouse?
Icangot
oMaLanga’
shouse.
Moon:Youdon’thavetodothat.Thi
sisyourhouse,
i
fther
e’sanyonewhoshouldleavethenthatper
son
i
sme.It hi
nkI’
doverst
ayedmyvi si
t.
Me:No,Ididn’
tmeani tli
kethat
.Youdon’thaveto
goanyone.Pleasedon’tl
eavemealone,please
Moon.
Moon:Thelastthi
ngIwantistostepontoyourt
oes
Pan.Youareclear
lyangryatever
yoneandIdon’t
blame,youar
egoingthroughhell
.Iwi
llst
artl
ooki
ng
forapl
ace.
Igotup.
Me:Moon,
pleasedon’
t.
Moon:I
t’
sokay,
don’
twor
ryabouti
tsi
ster
.
Wi
tht
hatsai
d,shewal
kedt
otheki
tchen.

JEWELMUDAU

Iwaswal
kingt
oMel
ani
e’
sroom whenIr
ecei
veda
cal
lfr
om Moon.
Moon:Idon’
tthi
nkshei
scopi
ngandIf
eell
ikei
t’
s
myfault
.
Me:It’
snoone’sfaul
t.Wedi
dwhatwehadt
odo.
Justdon’
tleavehersi
ght
…
Moon:Iam movi
ngout
.
Ist
oppedwal
king.
Me:Movi
ngout
?Whyi
sthat
?
Moon:If
eell
ikei
t’
sti
mef
ormet
omoveout
.
Me:Youar enotmovi ngout.Youwillnotl
eaveher
al
one;toleavePanal oneisadangerasshei sa
dangertoherself
.Ifsheisaloneshetendstoget
depressed,wit
hmedi cati
onornot.Sheneeds
someonewhowi llkeepaneyeonherj ustunt
ilshe
acceptsthelat
estreali
ty.
Moon:Youarer
ight
.Idi
dn’
tthi
nkitl
ikethat;I
t
houghtIwascr
owdingher
.Sheindi
r ect
lysai
dit
.
Me:Panisgoingtosaylotofthingsthatshe
doesn’
tmean.Ourjobistostandbyherunt i
lshe
fi
ndshersel
fagai
nandgett hroughthisdivorce.We
needasanePandor
atowi
nthi
sdi
vor
ce,
notacr
azy
Pandor
a.

PANDORAKAMANDE

“WhenIam wi t
hyouIf eelli
mited, If
eelsmall
.It
’s
alwaysyou, andyourdamnpast .Whatdidyou
expectmet odowhenyoui solatedyoursel
f?When
nothingbutyourthoughtsmat tered?WhenItri
edto
reachoutbutyoupushedmeaway?Forseven
years,sevenlongdamnyear s!Iputyouf i
rst
.I
forgotwhoCal ebi
sandf ocusedonyou.Igott ir
ed
andf oundsomeone, someonewhoputmef ir
st.
Whocar edforme,nottheot herwayar ound.I
mast eredhowt ol
ie,
sneakandnotoncedi dyou
notice.
”

Thosewor dswerestuckinmymind.Al
lthoseyears
Ithoughtthi
ngsbet
weenuswer egoodbutt hey
weren’t
,notevencl
ose.Hedidn’
tevenfeelt
heneed
toseekhelp;hewast ooqui
cktol
etanotherperson
i
nourmar
ri
age.

Iwaslyi
ngonmybackonthecouch, myf
oot
rest
ingont
hear
mrestofi
t.Ear
pieceswer
epl
ugged
i
nmyear s.

Ifel
tsomeone’
shandonmyf eet
;Iignoredi
tatf
ir
st
butendedonopeningmyeyes.Theper soncl
ear
ly
wantedmyattent
ion.Wade’smouthcurledt
oa
smirk.Hewavedhishandintheair
.Iremovedboth
earpi
ecesandsatupstrai
ght.

Wade:Thedoorwasunl
ocked.Youneverl
eavet
he
doorunl
ocked.
Hecameandsatbesi
deme.
Me:Ther
e’sal
waysaf
ir
stt
imet
oever
ythi
ng.
Iputt
hecushi
onmyl
apandr
est
edmyhandsoni
t.
Wade:Haveyoubeencr
ying?
Ilookedaway.Ihadnottoldmymot her
-i
n-l
awwhat
hadhappenedlastnightyet.Iwaspl
anningon
tell
inghi
sfamil
yafterImeetwi t
hmylawyer.
Me:Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Wade:Mayat ol
dmet hegoodnews,Iam her
eto
congr
atul
ateyouandbr ot
herbutt
hatwi
llwaitf
or
now.Pandora,t
alkt
ome.Iaskedyouaquest i
on.
Me:Myf
atebet
rayedme.
Wade:Youar
enotmaki
ngsense.
Me:Yourbr
otherhasbeenhavi
nganaf fai
r,al
lthese
t
imehewaspr et
endingtobealovinghusband
whi
lsthewasseeingsomeoneelse.
Wade:Whendi
dyouf
indout
?
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:Wai
t,youknew?
Wade:No,
Isuspect
edhi
m.
Me:Soeveryonedi
dexpectf
orme?Iseri
ously
thoughtmymindwastri
cki
ngme.Iam suchafool
.
Isharedabedwit
hthatmanandnotoncedidI
not
ice.Maybehe’
sri
ght
;I’
veonl
ybeenf
ocusedon
myself.

Wade:Don’tl
etCalebf oolyou.Rightnowhewi ll
sayanyt
hingtoshifttheblameonyou.I fyouask
me,I’
dsayyoudon’ tdeservemybr ot
her.Iknow
ri
ghtnowitseemshar df oryoubutt r
ustme;you
wil
lbeabletopickupt hepiecesandmoveon.
Soonasthedivorceisf i
nali
sed,youwi l
lseewhatI
am t
alki
ngabout .
Me:I’
veli
vedmyl i
fewi
ththatmanf
ort
ool
ong.
HowdoIl i
vemylifewi
thouthi
m?Wher
edoIst
art
?
Ihonest
lydon’
tknow.
Wade:Maybethatbabycanbereasonforyout
o
cont
inuel
ivi
ngwithouthi
m,don’
tyouthink?
Idi
dn’
trespond.Ir
oseonmyf
eet
.
Wade:Howf
aral
ongar
eyou?
Me:Iam t
wo,
andshei
stwot
oo.
Wade:She?YoumeanCal
eb’
slover
?
Me:Yes,
Ifoundoutl
astni
ghtt
hatshei
spr
egnant
.
Canyoui magi
nehowIf elt
?Itdi
dn’tt
akeCal
eblong
tochoosethatladyoverus.AndIam leftwi
tht
his
baby,andeveryonewillbeexpect
ingmet ol
ove
him/her.Howisthatfair
?
Wade:Youdon’
twantt
hebaby?
Itur
nedandl
ookedathi
m.Hewaswai
ti
ngf
orme
toanswer
.
Wade:Iknowthatl
ook;youdon’
twanthi
m/her
.I
under
stand.
Me:Youdo?
Wade:Idobutt hatdoesn’
tmeananyt hing.That
chil
disgr owi
nginsideyouandyouar ehi smother
,
theonlymoneyhe’ deverknow.Doyour eal
lywant
himt ogrowupr esent
ingyoubecauseyoucoul dn’
t
l
ovehi m?Her emindsyouofhisfather?Yout hi
nk
i
t’sfair
.
Me:It
’snotfai
rbuti
fIsweartoGod,Iwil
lki
llt
his
babyifIgett
ostaywit
hhim/her.Thi
sli
tt
let
hing
wil
lbepartofme,andIwil
lnotbeablet
obeari t
.
Hest
oodupandwal
kedupt
ome.Heputhi
shand
onmytummy.
Wade:Soonyouwi llbefeeli
ngher/hi
shear tbeat,
thekickseverynowandt hen.Iam t
ell
ingyouyour
heartisgoingtomelt
.Whenyouheart hehear t
beat
fort
hef i
rstti
meyou’dwishs/ hewasher ealready.
Youar egoingtopr
otectthischi
ldwit
hever ythingin
you…
It
ri
edt
otal
kbuthest
oppedme.
Wade:Nowi tseemsi
mpossiblebutast i
megoes
youwil
lseewhatIam tal
kingabout.Thef eel
ing
youarehavi
ngnowwoul donedaybeer ased.Don’t
l
ettheangeryouhaveforCalebt
ocl oudyourl ove
tot
hisbaby.
Heremovedhi
shandonmyt
ummyandbr
oughtme
cl
oser
,wehugged.
IsaiditonceandI’
drepeati
tagai
n;Wadewasa
dif
ferentver
sionofCal
eb.

CALEBKAMANDE
Iwaslayi
ngmybackbedwhenCor
del
iacameand
gotontopofme.
Del
ia:Yout
hinkshewi
llsi
gnt
hepaper
s?
Me:Sheis.Pandor
adoesn’
tthi
nktwiceabout
somethi
ng.Thethi
ngsIsai
dlastni
ghtreal
lyhur
t
her
.Isai
dt hi
ngsIshoul
dn’
thave.
Ihadnott
oldCor
del
iat
hatPan’
spr
egnant
.Idi
dn’
t
knowhowtotel
lher
.
Deli
a:Isee.Yousurenothi
ngelsehappenedatt
he
house?Ifeell
ikeyouarenott
elli
ngmesomet hi
ng.
Me:Maybet
her
eissomet
hingIam keepi
ngf
rom
you.
Del
ia:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
otel
lmeornot
?
Me:Thi
ngi
s…Pani
spr
egnant
.
Del
ia:Pr
egnantyousay.
Me:Yes,
Ifoundoutl
astni
ght
.
Del
ia:OhIsee.
Me:Not
hingi
schangi
ngbet
weenus;Iam st
il
l
goi
ngaheadwit
hourpl
ans.
Del
ia:Iknowhowmuchyouwant
edachi
ldwi
thher
andnowi t
’shappeni
ng.
Me:Aft
erthewayIspokewi
thherl
astni
ghtIdon’
t
t
hinkshe’
deverl
etme.Ther
e’snot
urni
ngback.
Del
ia:Achi
ldhol
dsast
rongbond.
Me:Pandoesn’
twantt
hebaby.
Del
ia:What
’sgoi
ngt
ohappent
oit
?
Me:FornowIdon’tknowbuti
fherf
eel
ingsar
esti
ll
thesameaf
tersevenmonthst
henIwil
ltaket
he
chil
d.
Shegotof
fmeandl
ookedatme.
Deli
a:Yousaidyouwerenolongerhavingsexwit
h
Panandi fmycalcul
ati
onsar
er i
ght,yougotus
pregnantatt
hesamet i
me.Caleb,whatel
seareyou
l
yingabout?
Me:Not
hing.
Deli
a:Don’
ttakemeforafool
.Iknowt hesaying,
onceacheateral
waysacheater
.You’vebecomea
prof
essi
onalinli
esandyouaregett
ingcomf ort
abl
e.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Wadedeci dedwedosomet hi
ngjusttogetmymi nd
offt
hings.ItwasSatur
day,wasn’tatwork.Jewel
wasatt hewedding,
Ididn’
thaveanyr easonto
rej
ecttheoffer
.Wewer ecl
eaningthegar age.

Wadewalkedint
othegaragecar
ryi
ngthebucketof
wat
er.Hestoppedwal
kingandsethiseyesonme.
Wade:I
fyouaret
ir
edl
etmeknow.Iam nother
eto
over
workyou.
Me:Iam f
ine,
thankyou.
Igavehi
m mybackandwal kedtothecornert
opick
uptheti
les.AsIwasaboutt
ot ur
nal oudbang
echoedi
nmyear s.Il
etgoofthetil
esandcovered
myearswi t
hmyhands.
Me:No,
no!Don’
tki
llmepl
ease.
Iwentdownonmykneesst
il
lcover
ingmyear
swi
th
myhands.
Me:Pleasedon’t.You’
vealr
eadyki
ll
edmommyand
daddy,Iam beggingyou.Don’
thur
tmysibl
ings.
Wade:Pandor
a,hey.Hey,
lookatme.
Wadecr
oucheddown.Helevel
ledhisfacewit
h
mi
ne;hewastr
yingt
ofindtheolderPandor
a.
Wade:I twasme;Iacci
dentl
ybangedt hewooden
bench.Hey,lookatme.Pandora,
comeon.Don' tl
et
thel
itt
lerPandoraover
powertheolderPandor
a.
Heremovedmyhandsfr
om myear
sandhel
dthem.
Ishookmyheadr
epeat
edly.
Wade:Iam sorrybutnooneisheret
okil
lyou.Don’
t
bescared.Youarerel
ivi
ngthatdr
eadf
ulni
ghtbut
youarehere,saf
eandsound.
Me:Theyar
enother
e?
Wade:No.Theyar
enot
.
Tobecont
inued…
31

PANDORAKAMANDE

WadeandIwer eseatedinthefrontst
oep.I
acci
dental
lyhur
tmysel f
,itr
esult
edtohim seei
ng
thecut
sonmywr i
stbuthedi dn’
tanswerquesti
ons.
Heonlyaskedforanotherbandagesohecancover
i
t.

Me:Ouch…
Wade:Si
tst
il
l.
Heputabandageovert
hecut
.
Wade:AndIam done.
Me:Thankyou.Ar
eyounotgoi
ngt
oaskwhat
happened?
Wade:WhyaskwhenIal
readyknowt
heanswer
?
Heputasi
det
hef
ir
st-
aidki
t.
Wade:Iam notheret ol
ectur
eyouPandora
becausethere’
snothingIcansaytoyouthatcan
changeyourmi nd,notwhenyou’
vesetyourmind
onit.Ther
e’sonlyonethi
ngthatIcanoff
erand
that
’ssupport.
Me:Youar
enot
hingl
ikeyourbr
other
.
Wade:Ihavemyf
aul
ts…
Me:Butt
heyar
enot
hingcompar
edt
ohi
s.
Wade:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
osi
gnt
hedi
vor
cepaper
s?
Me:Yes.What ’
stheuseoffight
ing?Iwil
lnevert
ake
him back,andhe’
stheonewhowantust osepar
ate.
Iam onlygoingtofi
ghtf
orwhati smine,
that’
s
somet hi
ngIwon’tst
opdoing.
Wade:Amessydi
vor
ceneverendswel
l
.
Me:Iknow.IneverthoughtI
’df
indmysel
fgoi
ngin
andoutofcourt
,fi
ghtingwit
hsomeoneIusedto
l
ove.
Wade:Iam r
eal
lysor
ry.
Me:It
’sli
fe.IwonderwhenIwi
llcat
chabr
eak,
ori
fI
wi
llevercatchabreak.
Wade:God’
sti
mei
sthebest
.
Me:Sot
heysay.

CALEBKAMANDE

Cor
deli
awal
kedi
nthebedr
oom whi
lstIwasget
ti
ng
dr
essed.
Del
ia:Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
Me:ToseePandor
a.
Del
ia:Whatf
or?
Ibut
tonedmyshi
rtandwal
kedt
othecl
osedt
otake
outajacket
.
Me:Idon’
twantt
ofi
ghtwi
thyou.
Del
ia:ButIam notfi
ghti
ng.Iam onl
yaski
ng;why
youarebeingdefensi
ve,Idon’
tknow.
Me:Iam not
.Iam meet
ingmyl
awyert
henPandor
a.
For
gotther
e’sadi
vor
cet
hat
’ssupposedt
otake
pl
ace?
Deli
a:Iwishyoucangetdivor
cedalr
eady.I
tfeel
s
l
ikeIam sti
llshar
ingyouwit
hher.

Cordel
iahadbeenactingalli
nsecuresinceIt old
herPandora’
spregnant.Idi
dn’texpecthertobe
happybutIalsodidn’
texpecthertoactlikethis.
Me:Ar
ewegoi
ngt
ohaveapr
obl
em?
Del
ia:No.
Me:Listentome,Pandora’
spregnancyi
snotgoing
tochangeandIcertai
nlydidn’
tpl
anforhert
oget
pregnant.Idi
dn’
teventhi
nkshe’dgetpr
egnant
.
Shesatont
hef
ootoft
hebed.
Me:Herbabyisalsogoi
ngtoform par
tofour
f
amilywhetheryouli
kei
tornot.
Del
ia:Ar
eyousayi
ngwhatIam t
hinki
ng?
Me:Idon’
tknowwhatyouaret
hinki
ngbutIam
pr
ayingyouaret
hinki
ngi
t.
Iwal
kedt
oherandki
ssedheront
hef
orehead.
Me:Il
oveyou.
Iwal
kedout
.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

LastnightIhadt hebestnightofmyl if
e,thegir
ls
madesur eIdid.Af t
ertal
kingwi t
hJewel Iwas
stoppedfrom drinki
ngbutt hatdidn’
tstopmef rom
enjoyi
ngmysel f.Imadeapr omisetomysel ft
o
enjoymyl astdayasMel anieMasut haandIkept
thatpromise.

Wewer eanhourf rom thewedding.I

t’sthehappi
est
dayofmyl i
fe.Icouldn’twai
ttogooutt hereand
say,
“Ido.”Iwasmar r
yingmybestf r
iend,themanI
wantedtospendt herestofmylifewith.

Iwasi
nthesui
tewi
thmymot
her
.Iwaswai
ti
ngf
or
mymake-
upar
ti
st.
Me:Mom,
cal
lhi
m agai
n.Hei
slat
e.
Ma:Cal
m down.Abr
idei
sal
lowedt
obel
ate.
Me:Idon’
tknowwhyIam f
eel
ingi
mpat
ient
.
Istoodupandwal kedtothewi ndow, asIwas
standi
ngthereIcaughtagl i
mpseofBeyon.Hewas
tal
kingwit
hsomel ady;itwasmyf i
rstti
meseeing
her.Shewasverybeautifulandshel ooked
pregnant
,heavi
lypregnant.Probabl
ysomeonef rom
hisfamil
y.
Ma:Comeandeatsomet
hing.Wedon’
twantyout
o
f
aint
.
Me:Idon’
tthi
nkIwi
llbeabl
etost
omachf
ood.
Ma:Youhavet
oeatsomet
hing.
Myeyeswer esti
llatBeyonandt hatl
ady,
few
secondsl at
erBeyon’ssist
erwalkeduptothem.She
didn’
tsayhit ot
hem, shejustgr
abbedBeyon’shand
andwal kedawaywi thhim.Theladywasleftt
here
alone.
Ma:What
’ssoi
nter
est
ingt
her
e?
Idi
dn’
trespond.
Ma:El
ani
e?
Me:Ma?
Ma:Whatar
eyoul
ooki
ngf
or?
Shewalkedtomeandlookedout
side,
hopi
ngt
osee
whatIwaslooki
ngat
.
Me:Not
hing.Whatwer
eyousayi
ng?
Ma:Comeandeatsomet
hing.Jessi
ewi
llbeher
e
soon.
Inodded.
Ma:Yousur
eyouar
efi
ne?
Me:Iam f
ine,
posi
ti
ve.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Wade:Let
’smakel
ambst
ew.
Wewereintheki
tchen;Wadewasf
orci
ngmet
oeat
somet
hing.
Me:Ihadcer
eal
.Iam f
ull
…
Wade:Thatwasn’
taquest
ion.
Ishr
ugged.
Wade:Youarenoteat
ingf
oryour
sel
fonl
y,di
dyou
f
orgett
hat?
Me:Idon’
tcar
e.
Wade:Yes,
youdo.
Ipour
edwat
eront
hegl
assandgul
pedi
tdown.
Wade:Whenar
eyoupl
anni
ngt
otel
lMaya?
Me:Iwaswaiti
ngfort
hedi
vor
cepr
ocesst
ost
art
t
henIwil
ltel
lher.
Wade:YouknowIwi
llnotbeabl
etokeept
his,
right
?
Het
ookt
hepotandputi
tont
heki
tchencount
er.
Wade:Youhavetotellher
,nott
hati
sgoi
ngt
o
changeanyt
hingbutyouhaveto.
Me:Iwi
ll
…
Wade:Andsoon.
Me:Yes,
sir
.Whenar
eyoul
eavi
ngagai
n?I
t’
s
Satur
day,andIam sur
eBl
uewantt
obewi
thher
boyfr
iend.
Hel
aughed.
Wade:Ti
redofmeal
ready?
Me:Yes!
Wade:It
oldBl
uet
hatIam her
e,sot
rysomet
hing
el
se.
Weheardthefr
ontdooropening.I
nfewseconds,
Cal
ebwalkedi
nt heki
tchen.Welookedateach
ot
herandnotsayanything.
Cal
eb:Mh,
it’
sni
cei
nher
e.Mi
ndi
fIj
oin?
Me:WhatdoyouwantCaleb?It
houghtIsai
dI
neverwannaseeyouagai
n.
Caleb:Ohdi
dIi
nter
ruptsomet
hing?Iseehei
s
cooking…
Me:Sowhati
fhei
scooki
ng?Howi
sthatyour
busi
ness?
Helookedathi
sbr
otherandWadesai
dnot
hing.
That’
showWadewas.Hewasn’tthet
ypet
oengage
i
nthi
ngsthatar
euselessandwhatCal
ebwasdoi
ng
wasWade’sdef
ini
ti
onofuseless.
Me:Cal
eb,
whatdoyouwant
?
Hewalkedtohisbr
other
.Wadewasstil
lmi
ndi
ng
hi
sbusiness,
hewasnowgr at
ingcar
rot
s.
Cal
eb:Wade.
Wade:Br
other
.
Cal
eb:Soyouar
enowt
heheadoft
hishouse?
Wade:Lastt
imeIcheckyouare,
orthatchanged?
Ohitdi
d,youhaveanot
herfamil
ynow.Oram I
wrong?
Cal
ebl
ookedatme.
Cal
eb:Ar
eyoutr
yingtousemybr ot
hert
ohur
tme?
Youaret
ryi
ngt
odot hatPandor
a?

JEWELMUDAU

Iwokeupf
eel
ingoutofpl
ace.Iwasnotconnect
ing
wit
hanythi
ngoranyone;Iwasunabl
etowrapmy
headar
oundit
.Thefeeli
ngIwashavingwasver
y
str
ongbuti
twasunclear.

Iwenttooneoft her oomssot hatIcanpr ayand

askmygui dest or evealwhatwasgoi ngon.The
minuteIsaidAmenIf eltapresence, whenIopened
myeyesIsawar ayofl i
ght.Ifel
tthesame
presence,i
twast hepr esenceofmygui deof
messagebutsomehowIcoul dn’tconnectwit
hit,
I
wasf i
ndingitveryhar dt oconnectwi thit
.Thatwas
veryweird.
Me:God,whatam Isupposedt
odowi t
hthi
s
i
ntensef
eel
ing?Showmesomet hi
ng.

Istar
tedfeel
ingpressuredinthecent
reofmychest
,
makingithardtobreathe.Ibal
ancedmybackon
thewallandclosedmyeyes.It ookdeepbr
eat
hs.
Mychestwascl osinginandout .
Me:Aaaah!God!
Wi
thmyhandst
il
lonmychestIf
ellonmysi
de.

Tobecont
inued…

Anot
heronecomi
ng!
!!
32

MELANI
EMASUTHA

WegotashockwhenPhi ndisai
dJewelwas
nowhereinsight,shewaslastseencomplai
ning
aboutchestpains.WhenLeonwentt olookf
orher,
hefoundherinoneoft her
oomswehadbooked.
Shedidn’
tlookgood, shewashor r
ibl
e.

Shewassi
tt
ingont
hebed.Igaveheragl
assof
water
.
Me:Youar
escar
ingme,
yousur
eyouar
efi
ne?
Jewel:Iam.SorryIgaveyouascar
edi
dn’
tmeant
o
especial
lyonyourweddingday.
Me:Iunder
stand.
Notonl
ydidshelookhor
ri
blebutst
ressedoutt
oo.
Shemusthavehadalotonhermind.
Me:Youl
ookwor
nout
.
Jewel
:Iwi
llbef
ine.Ar
eyour
eady?
Me:Youareaski
ngi
fIam r
eadywhenIam wor
ri
ed
aboutyou.
Shej
umpedoffthebedandwal
kedtome.Shehel
d
mychinupandcuppedmycheeks.
Jewel:Canwenotst
ressoverme?Todayi
t’
syour
day.
Inodded.
Jewel
:Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
Me:If
eelbeaut
if
ul.
Jewel
:Ihavesomet
hingf
oryou.
Shet
ookherpur
sef
rom t
hebedandt
ookoutapai
r
ofear
ri
ngs.Theywer
ebr
iol
ett
edi
amondear
ri
ngs.
Jewel:Iwantyout
oweart
his…somet
hing
borr
owed.
Me:Theyar
esobeaut
if
ul.
Jewel
:Mygrandmothergavethem t
omeonmy
weddi
ngday.She’
dbever yhappyi
fyoucanwear
them.
Me:Ofcour
se.Taket
heseof
f.
Shedi
dasIhadaskedandhel
pedmeweart
hem.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Calebdeci
dedt
ostar
tahugefi
ghtf
ornoreason.I
real
lyt
houghti
twasdumb;hedi
dn’
thaveareason
todothat.

Me:Whogaveyoutheri
ghtt
ocomei
nmyhouse
andaskst
upi
dquesti
ons?
Caleb:Byst
upi
dquest
ionsyoumeanyouandmy
brother
?
Me:Notever
yoneisli
keyouCal
eb.Unl
ikeyousome
ofushaveconsci
ence…
Cal
eb:Ohr
eal
ly?
Hel
aughed.
Caleb:Ar
eyousurethebabyyouarecar
ryi
ngi
s
mine?Seeingt
hatyouarebusywit
hmen.
Wade:Whatt
hehel
lisyourpr
obl
em?
Het
urnedandlookedatWadewhowassi
tt
ingon
t
hearmrestoft
hecouch.
Cal
eb:Iwasn’
ttal
kingwi
thyou.
Wade:ButIwas.Di
dyoucomeheretoinsul
t
Pandora?Whatdi
dyouthi
nkwouldhappenwhen
youlef
t?She’
dbeondepressmodeandwailover
you?
Caleb:Idon’
tanswert
oyouandt
hisi
sst
il
lmy
house…
Me:Youl
ostt
hatr
ightt
hedayyoui
nvi
tedt
hat
f
loozyi
ntoourl
ives.
Cal
eb:Keeponfool
ingyour
sel
f.Andasf
oryou,
I
wantyououtofmyhouse.
Wade:Never.Iwi
llkeeponvi
sit
ingPandor
a
wheneverIl
ikeandyouarenotgoingtost
opme.
Cal
eb:Wade,
youdon’
twantt
obemyenemy.
Wade:Ithascometot
hat?Whathappenedt oyou
brother
?WhoareyoubecauseIdon’
trecognizet
he
personIam l
ooki
ngat
?
Cal
eb:MaybeI
’
veal
waysbeenl
iket
his.
Wade:Nol
iesdet
ect
ed,
li
kef
atherl
ikeson…
Wadedi dn’
tgett
ofi
nishhi
ssentence,
Cal
eb
chargedathim.Wadefel
lof
fthecouchandt
hen
gotup!
Me:Cal
eb!Leavebef
oreIcal
lthecops.
Cal
eb:Don’
tevencompar
emewi
thyourf
ather
.
Wade:Becauset
het
ruthhurt
s?Youar esostupid
Cal
eb,howcanyoubreakyourmarr
iagefor
someoneyoumetnow?Yourwifeneedsyou, sheis
expecti
ngyourbabybutyouar
eoutt
her
e
enter
tai
ningot
herwoman.
CalebpushedWadeagai nstt
hewallandpinned
hi
m.Iwasst ar
tingtogetscared.HegaveWadeone
punch,Wadedidn’tbackdown,heret
urnedthe
punch.Iwasstandingther
enotsureofwhattodo.

Wade:Youar eacoward, aspinel

essman!Andi f
youthinkhi
tti
ngmewi llchangethatfactthenyou
arewrong.Pandoraisgoingtof i
ndsomeonewho
wil
lgiveherlove,
andyouwi llbesorr
yf orther
est
ofyourli
feforwhatyouar edoingtoher.
Thatanger
edCalebbecausehest ar
tedt
ohi tWade
ver
yhard,IknewifIdon’
tint
erveneoneofthem
wasgoingtogethurtbadl
y.Icaredmoreabout
WadethanCaleb.
Me:Cal
eb,
youwi
llki
llhi
m.Letgo!
Cal
eb:Youar
edef
endi
nghi
m now?
Cal
ebwasact i
ngvi
olent
;Idi
dn’
tknowt
hatsi
deof
hi
m exi
sted.
Me:St
opwhatyouar
edoi
ng.
Wademanagedt ofreehimselffrom Cal
eb.The
str
ugglebet
weenthem cont i
nuedasIcontinuedto
askthem t
ostop.Calebtur
nedar oundandpushed
mebackwi thbot
hhandsonmyshoul der
s.Ifel
l
downandhi tmyheadr eal
lyhard.
Cal
eb:Pandor
a!

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwasonacal
lwi
thmybestf
ri
end,
Lor
an.
Lor
an:Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
odo?
Me:I
fIsayIknow,
I’
dbel
ying.
Loran:ButIdon’
tthinkCal
ebwilll
eaveyoubecause
ofthebabyPandor aiscar
ryi
ng.Imeanshe’dbea
fooltotakehi
m back.Shesoundlikeawomanwho
knowwhatsheneed
Me:Thati
str
uebutIam scar
ed.Iwai
tedf
ort
oo
l
ongtobewit
hCalebandIam notgoi
ngtoal
low
anyoneoranythinggetbet
weenus.Iwi
lldo
whateveri
ttakestokeepCaleb.
Lor
an:Iam scar
edt
oaskwhatyouar
epl
anni
ng.
Me:Idon’
tknowyetbutIdon’
tseemysel
f
sur
render
ing.
Lor
an:Don’
tdosomet
hingst
upi
dCor
del
ia.
Igotupf
rom t
hechai
r.
Me:Iwon’
t.Ineedaf
avour
…
Lor
an:Theansweri
sano.
Me:Youhaven’
thear
dwhatIwant
,pl
easebabe.
Lor
an:Iam l
ist
eni
ng.
Me:Iwantyout
ofi
ndoutwhohert
her
api
sti
s.
Lor
an:Cor
del
ia…
Me:Pl
ease,
Iam beggi
ngyou.

JEWELMUDAU
Iwasfeel
ingbet
ter;t
heint
ensefeel
ingwasst
il
l
ther
e.ButIwastr
yingnottothi
nktoomuchabouti
t.
Ilef
tever
ythi
ngi
nGod’ shands.

Wewer efewmi nutesawayf rom theweddi ngand

theguestswer ealreadyhere.Theweddi ngvenue
l
ookedbeaut if
ul,Phindil
eout doneher sel
f.The
weddingwashel datWat er
fallhoteljustoutsi
de
POLOKWANE.Thecer emonyandr ecepti
onwer e
taki
ngplaceatt hesamehot el.Theywer e
exchangi
ngvowsi nt hegarden, l
atertothe
ball
room forcocktail
sandr eception.

Melchoseaci rcle-
shapedaltarandi
nsteadof
chairs,theychosewoodenbenches, t
heywer e
placedonamphi theatr
esti
ered.Theaislewashi gh-
glosswhi t
ef looringwithwhiteandredpetalsalong
thesides.Theyaddedweddi ngsignswiththei
r
favouritequot es,ski
ppingeveryrow.Itwasvery
beaut i
ful;itremi ndedmeofmyweddi ngdayt hough
i
twasn’ tthisbeaut if
ul.
Theseat
ingwasamixedseat
ing,
thefrontr
ows
werecl
earedforf
ami
ly,
bothf
rom thebri
deand
groom’
sside.

Itwasn’tabi
gwedding,itwasaninti
mateaffair
.
Melwant edandl
ikedani nt
imateaf
fai
r.Thei
r
guestswere,50f
rom thebride’
sand50f r
om the
groom’s.

Iwasamai dofhonour .Mel choseherf r

iend,Rae
andcousin,Vhulendaasherbr idesmai ds.Wewer e
weari
ngkneel engthstrapl
essdr esses,dar kgreen
i
ncolourandnudesl i
ng-backheel s.Thet hreeofus
hadafros,westyledthem.Thegr oom waswear ing
agreysuitwit
hbl ackshoes;groomsmenwer e
weari
ngnavybl uesuitswithbrownshoes.

Melwasweari
nganudetul
leandlacelongsleeve
gown,
wit
hloverbl
ushsat
inankl
estrapheels.She
hadt
iedherweavei
ntoabun.

Leonwalkeduptome;Iwasstandi
ngatthedoor
l
ookingattheguest
s.Beyonwasal
readyatt
he
al
tarwit
hhisgroomsmen.
Leon:Thegr
oom i
sher
e;youcangoandcal
lMel
.
Me:Okay.Il
oveyou.
Iki
ssedhi
m bef
oreIwal
kedaway.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Wade:Doyour
eali
sewhatyou’
vedone?Di
dyou
comeheret
oki
llher
?
Cal
eb:Don’
tbl
ameme!Youpr
ovokedme.
Wade:Youar esostupi
d.Doyouknowt he
seri
ousnessofwhatyou’vedone?Thiscancause
tr
aumaticbrai
ninj
ury.Pandora,
areyoufine?
Wadesatonhi
skneesbesi
deme;Iwasst
il
llyi
ng
ont
hef
loor
.
Me:Iam i
npai
n.
Wade:Hel
pisont
heway.Hangon.
Me:I
thur
ts…
Wade:Iknow,
justhangon.
Cal
ebcr
ouchedbesi
dehi
m.
Cal
eb:Iam sor
ryPando,
Idi
dn’
tmeant
o.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Ifel
tli
keami l
li
ondoll
arswhenIputonmybeauti
ful
nudetull
eandlacedress.Myfacewascover
edby
thevei
l.Icoul
dn’twai
ttosayIdo.

Myf at
herwast heonewhowalkedmedownt he
ai
sle;Iwalkeddowntheaisl
etoPer
fectEdSheeran
song.Beyonlookedhandsome,soweretheguests.
Everyt
hingwasbeautif
ul.
Beyondidn’
tlookgood;i
nfacthewashor
ri
ble
probabl
ysweating.
Me:Ar
eyouf
ine?
Beyon:Yes…

Iwasn’
tconvi
nced.Iknewsomet
hingwaswr
ong.
Rev:Speaknoworf
oreverhol
dyourpeace.
TheRevsai d,andtheanswercamefr
om theperson
Ileastexpect
ed,Beyonutt
eredwor
dsI’dnever
forget.

Beyon:Mel
,Idon’
tthi
nkIcandot
his.
Il
aughedsof
tl
y.
Me:I
t’
snotf unny.Ourguest
sar
enother
etol
ist
en
t
oyourjokes.
Iremovedt
hevei
landl
ookedathi
m.Hewastear
y.
Themanwhowassupposedtobemyhusbandwas
tel
li
ngmehecan’ tmar r
yme.Ther ewassadnessi
n
hiseyes;Icouldn’
trecognisethemaninfr
ontofme.
Iwasbr oken,humil
iatedanddevastat
ed.Howdoes
awomangetovert hat?Ifeltsotor
n.
Beyon:Iam sor
ryMel butIcan’tdot
his.Iwi
llonl
y
befooli
ngmyself.Pl
easeforgiveme.
Me:Youcan’
tdot
his.NO!
Heshookhi
shead.
Me:Beyon.
Hedar tedhiseyestotheladyIsawhi m wit
hearl
ier
on,thepregnantlady.Shelookedathim andnot
saidanything.Beyonloosenhisti
eandwal ked
away.Who’ sshe?Di dshehaveahandi nBeyon’s
suddendeci si
on?Whatdi dIdowr ong?Iwanted
explanati
on

I
tdawnedonme;Iwasl
eftatt
heal
tar
.
Me:Ma?Daddy?
Idi
dn’
tknowwhattodo.Istoodther
eashamedto
l
ookatever
yone,
tear
swer eonthevergeofcomi
ng
out
.

Wi t
houtt hi
nking,Iranoutoft
heweddingvenue.I
didn’tknowwher eIwasgoingbutIwantedt
oget
thehel loutofthere.Ihear
dmyparentsand
brotherscalli
ngmynameasIr anout.

Tobecont
inued…
33

PANDORAKAMANDE

Theambul ancedi
dn’ttakelongtorespondtomy
emer gency,Iwastakent omydoct or
.Hedi dascan
ofmybr ai
nandIwasl ucky,t
herewasnodamage.
Itwasami ldbl
owt othehead.Theconcussi on
didn’tshowont hetestsItook,hesaidIcanstil
l
haveonebutami ldconcussion.Ishouldtake
noticeofthesympt oms.Iaskedt obedischarged.
Wadehel
pedmel
eanedbackont
hecouch.
Wade:Iam sor
ryforwhathappenedear
li
eron.I
shoul
dn’
thavelostmycoolli
kethat.
Me:Youwer eprovoked.Cal
ebisbecomi nga
monster,
andIam st ar
ti
ngtogetscared.Idon’t
evenknowwhathei sgoingtodonext .Am Ieven
safe?Thi
sistoomuchWade.
Wade:Don’
twor
ryaboutt
hatone.Hewi
llbesor
ted
out
.

Calebusedt obecalm andunderstandi

ng.Hewas
nothinglikethemanIsawear l
ier
.Hewasnott he
manImar r
ied.Whenhewashi t
ti
ngWadehi seyes
darkenednot i
ceabl
y,IwishedIknewwhathewas
thi
nking.WasIt hatbl
indtonotnoticehi
m?Washe
alwaysliket hi
s?

Me:Itmademeuncomf
ort
abl
etor
ecogni
zet
hat
Cal
ebhaschanged.
Wade:It
’snotyourf
aul
t.Mybrot
herhasal ways
beenli
kethi
s,hewasjustwai
ti
ngf ortheri
ght
momentt oshowyouhistr
uecolours.Don’
ttr
yto
repai
nthi
m.
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:Howar
eyouf
eel
ing?
Wade:Iwi
lll
ive.
Hegotupf
rom t
hecouch.
Wade:Ipr
essedchar
gesagai
nsthi
m.
Me:Youdi
d?
Wade:Yes.I
t’
stimesomeoneteachCalebalesson.
Hedidn’
thavetobehavel
ikeachil
d.Iwil
lnotal
low
Cal
ebtoplayontopofmyhead.
Me:Ar
eyousur
e?
Wade:Heismybrother
,andIknowwhatIam doi
ng.
Leaveever
ythi
ngt
ome.
Me:Ij
ustwanttofreemysel
ffrom hi
m andstar
tmy
l
if
eafr
esh.Idon’twantt
odelaythedivor
cethat
woul
dgiveCalebmor er
easonstobotherme.Iwant
t
ocutal
lti
eswi
thhi
m,wel
lexpectf
ort
hisone
i
nsi
deme.
Wade:Leavemyni
ece/
nephewoutoft
his.
Hegr
abbedhi
sjacketandputi
ton.
Wade:SeeyouPandor
a.
Me:Thankyouf orever
ythi
ng.Wewentt hr
ougha
l
otinjustoneday.Apartofmei sexcit
edit
happenedwhenyouwer ehere.Ishuddertothi
nk
whatcouldhavehappenedifIwasal one.
Wade:Anyti
me.You’
vebeenpar
tofourf
amil
yfor
t
oolong.Letmegobefor
ehecomesbackandkil
l
me.
Me:You’
drat
herhavehi
m ki
llme?
Wel
ookedateachot
herandl
aughed.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Ididn’tevenmakeitoutoft
hehotelbef
oremy
brothersstoppedme.Theytookmebacktothe
suit
eandgavemespacet ocryitout
.Mybodyhad
runofoutoftear
stocr y.IknewIwasgoi ngtobe
thetal
kofthefamil
y,butcouldIhavebl amedthem?
Beyonmadesur etogivethem somethingtotal
k
about.Asifmyinabi
li
tytobearchil
drenwasnot
enough,hewentandaddedanot herreason.

Bit
tersweetmemor ies,thatwasal lIwastakingwith
me.Thewhol esituationwashur t
ing,humil
iati
ng
andembar r
assing.Idi dn’tknowwhyBeyonhadl eft
meatt healtar.It
r i
edcal li
nghi sphonebutmycal l
s
werer i
ngingunanswer ed, notonl
ydidheleaveme
atthealtarbutheal sodi dn’thavethecouragetolet
meknowwhy.Whatki ndofaper sonwashe?

Iexhaust edmyt houghts;Ididn’

tknowwhatelset
o
think.Wewer ehappy, Ididn’
tplantheweddi
ng
alone.Hewashol dingmyhandt hr
oughout
.He
owedmeanexpl anation.Ineededtoknow,I
deser vedthatordidn’
tI?
Iwascurl
edupont
hef
loor
,mybr
otherMusawas
si
tt
ingnextt
ome.
Musa:IswearIam goi
ngt okil
lthatboy.Noone
haseverhumil
iat
eduslikehedid.Iam sorr
y
pri
ncess,
youdidn’
tdeservethi
s.
Ikeptqui
et.Hewi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Musa:Mel
?
Thedooropened,
mybr
otherHul
isaniwal
kedi
n.
Hul
isani
:Beyon’
smot
herwant
stot
alkwi
thher
.
Musa:Why?Ifshei
sher
etodef
endherson,
tel
lher
t
otakeahike.
Huli
sani:Andyout
hinkIdi
dn’ttel
lhert
hat
?Sheis
onestubbornwoman.Shesaidshewon’tl
eave
bef
oreshespeakswithMelanie.
Musa:Mel
,doyouwantust
oletheri
n?
Ineededanswer
sandi
fBeyonwasnotgoi
ngt
o
gi
vethem tome,hi
smot
herwasgoi
ngto.
Me:Yes.
Isai
dwi
thasmal
lvoi
ce.
Musa:Letheri
n.

JEWELMUDAU

Itwasahear tbr
eakingsi
tuat
ion.Wehadt olett
he
guestgo,noonewasi nthemoodt ostaybehind
andcelebrat
e.Therewasnothingtocelebr
ate.

Onmywayt otherecept
ionvenueIheard
Musidzanatal
kingonthephonewi t
hsomeone,
aft
erexchangi
ngf ewwordsIfigur
editwasBeyon.I
qui
etl
ystoodthereandeavesdropped.
Musidzana:Youar esost upi
d.Howcanyoul eave
yourfiancéforMunaka?Youar enotevensurei f
thebabyi syours?Howdoyout hinkMelisgoingt o
feelwhenshel earnsthetrut
h?Shewi l
lthi
nkyou
alwayshadapr oblem wi
thhersit
uati
on.You
humiliat
edthewhol ef
amily,
thankstoyouever yone
i
sgoi ngtolaughatMel .
Itbecamecl earrightt
hereandt hen;Ii mmedi ately
understoodthemeani ngofmyvi si
ons.Theywer e
neveraboutMel andBeyonbutBeyonandt hisgirl.I
neverthoughtBeyonwoul dbecapabl eofdoi ng
somet hi
nglikethis.Icouldn’
tunder standwhyhe
diditbuthisreasonshur tMel,deepl yhurther .She
wasn’tgoingtor ecoverfr
om thehumi li
ati
on
anytimesoon;chancesofdepr essionwer et oohi gh.

Musidzana:Andansweryourdamnphonewhen
dadcall
syou.Heisfuri
ousandyoudon’twantt
o
angerhim…
Shet
urnedar
oundandfoundmest andi
ngthere.
Sher
emovedthephonefr
om herearandlookedat
me.
Me:Beyoncheat
ed?
Shedi
dn’
tsayanyt
hing.It
ookast
epf
orwar
d,and
shet
ookonebackward.
Me:Ihear
dever
ythi
ngMusi
dzana.Yourf
ami
ly
knew?
Musidzana:Wewant
edt
otel
lMelbutwedi
dn’
t
knowhow.Beyonsai
dhewil
lhandl
eit
.
Me:Byhandl
ingi
themeantt
his,
right
?
Sheshookherheadno.
Me:No?Hel eftMelatthedamnal
tar
.Youmustbe
happy,youneverwantedMelandt
odayyour
brot
hergrant
edyourwi sh.
Musi
dzana:Youknowt
hat
’snott
rue.
Me:DoIr
eal
ly?
Ilookedatheronemor etimethentur
nedaround
andwal kedaway.Ididn’
tknowhowIwasgoi ngt
o
breakt henewst oMel;maybei twasbestnoone
tellherbeforeBeyon.Butagainhewasacowar d;
hel eftherattheal
tarforever
yonetolaugh.

BEYONSHABANGU

Isatonthef
ootoft
hebedandbur
iedmyf
ace
betweenmyhands.
Munaka:Youshoul
dn’
tbeher
e.
Ir
aisedmyf
aceandl
ookedather
.
Me:Icouldn’tgot
hroughwitht
hewedding.God
knowsItri
edbuttruthisIwasnotgoi
ngtobe
happy.It
riedbutmyhear ti
swit
hyou,i
talways
been.
Munaka:Andyouonl yreali
sedthatnow?Youmade
planswit
ht hi
slady,t
hetwoofyouwer esupposed
tobestart
inganewl if
etogether
.Youhumili
ated
herBeyon.Idon’tt
hinkIwannabewi tht
hatkindof
man.
Me:Youshoul
dn’thavecomeback.Ithoughtyou
camebackbecauseyouwanttogiveusachance…
IwantyouMunaka.
Munaka:Excuseme?Ididn’tt
ellyout
oleaveyour
f
iancéatthealt
ar.Don’
tyoudare.
Ist
oodupandwal
kedt
oher
.
Me:Il
oveyouNakaandIneverstopped.Ithought
I
’dbeablet
ofor
getaboutyoubutIwasonl yfool
ing
mysel
f.Youwer
etheonlypersonIwasthinking
aboutsincethatni
ghtwemet,It
ri
edtaki
ngyouout
ofmymi ndbutyoualwaysf
oundawayback.The
sparklongdiedbetweenMelandme.Icoul
dn’
tsee
i
tuntilyoucomeback.
Munaka:Iwouldhavenevert
oldyouaboutt
hisi
fI
knewyou’dactl
ikethi
s.
Iputmyhandonhert
ummy.
Me:Wecanbet hatf
amilywealwayst
alkedabout
.
Me,youandourbaby,don’
tyouwantt
hat?
Munaka:Notl
iket
his.Idi
dn’
tcomeher
efort
his.
Il
eanedf
orwar
dandki
ssedher
,shedi
dn’
tfi
ghtme.

CALEBKAMANDE

Deli
a:Ican’
tbel
ieveyouwentt
her
etof
ightwi
th
yourbrot
her.
Idi
dn’
trespond.
Del
ia:Cal
eb?
Me:Youar
emaki
nganoi
seCor
del
ia.
Deli
a:Whyareyoudoingthis?Ithoughtyouwanted
tofocusonourfamil
y.Nowi tseem l
ikePandorai
s
theonlyper
sonyouareobsessedwi th.I
fyoulove
herthatmuch,
whatareyoudoi nghere?Whyar e
younotatherhouse?Don’tpushmyhandCal eb…
Me:What
’st
hemeani
ngoft
hat
?
Deli
a:Iwi
llgett
ir
edofwait
ing.I
fyouthinkthi
sbaby
wil
lti
emet oyouthenyougotanothert
hing.I
’ve
beentoopati
entwit
hyou.
Shesatbefor
ethedressi
ngtabl
eandt
ookacomb.
Shestar
tedcombingherhai
r.
Deli
a:Iam wi
ll
ingtogothroughhel
lforyoubutyou
don’
tseem bot
hered,youareonl
ythinki
ngabout
Pandora.
Me:Youwantmetodivor
ceher?Iwillsi
gnthe
damnpapersandl
eaveher.Okay?Juststopt
alki
ng!
Iwantt
orest,
mybodyisaching.
Shegotupf
rom t
hechai
r.
Del
ia:Don’
tyoudar
erai
seyourvoi
ceatme.Iam
notgoi
ngt oforceyoutodivor
cePandora.Youneed
meCaleb, wi
thoutmeyouar egoingt
owal koutof
thatmarri
agewi t
hwhatyouar ewear
ing.Sodon’t
tryme,Iam beggingyou.
Me:I
t’
sli
ket
hatnow?Okay…
Iwal
kedoutandshef
oll
owedme.
Del
ia:What
’sr
eal
lyeat
ingyou?
Me:Ever
ythi
ng!Whatmor
edoyouwantmet
osay?
Shegr
abbedmyar
m andf
orcedmet
olookather
.
Del
ia:Ar
eyoujeal
ousofyourbr
other?Doesi
thur
t
t
oseePandorawithWade?Huh,tel
lme!
Il
aughed…
Me:Youar
ecrazy.Iwi
llneverbej
eal
ousofWade.
Whatki
ndofst
upidist
hat ?

Iknewt hetruthandthet r
uthwast
hat,
Iwasdying
i
nside.WhatIwi tnessedbetweenWadeand
Pandorawaspur elove,Pandor
awasather
happiest.Iknewmybr ot
hermoret
hananyone,
he
wasl
ovi
ngandcar
ing.

Pandor a’
snotbl ack,
she’swhit
e.Inhercul
turet
hey
didn’tr
eall
ycar eaboutgett
inginvol
vedwith
brothers.I
fshewant edtobewi thWade,shewas
goingtobewi thWade.ThoughWadehada
girl
fri
end,Isti
llhadmyf ear
s.Seeingmybr ot
her
togetherwithPandor awouldcutdeeper
.
Me:Idon’
tcar
ewhatt
hoset
wogetupt
oo…
Adoor
bellr
ang,savedbyt
hebell
.Iwentt
othedoor
;
t
wopoli
ceoffi
cerswerest
andi
ngatthedoor
.
Of
fi
cer
:MrKamande?
Me:Yes.
Off
icer
:Si
r,canyoupl
easecomet
othest
ati
onwi
th
us?
Del
ia:Why?
Of
fi
cer
:It
hinkMrKamandeknows,
soSi
r,canwe?
Me:Yeah.
MELANI
EMASUTHA

Isatther
eandl
ist
enedtoNanditel
li
ngmet
her
eal
reasonbehi
ndwhathappened.

Ididn’
twanttobel
ieveit
,“Beyonwoul
dn’
tdoi
t.
”I
keptontel
li
ngmysel ft
hat.
Nandi
:Iam sorr
yMel.Iwi
shedBeyonhadl
ist
ened
t
omeandt alkedwi
thyoufi
rst
.
Me:Whatdif
fer
encewasi
tgoingt omake?Shei
s
gi
vinghi
m somethi
ngIwi
llneverbeabl
eto.
Nandiputherhandonmyback,
Iwasf
aci
ngt
he
wall
.
Me:CanIpl
easebel
eftal
one?
Nandi
:Yousur
e?
Inodded.
Nandi
:Okay.Pl
easedon’
tdoanyt
hingcr
azy.
Me:Iwon’
t.
Shewalkedout
.If
eltmykneesweakeni
ng,Il
et
them t
ookmedown.Icoveredmyfacewit
hmy
handsandcri
edoutloud.
Me:Iwi
llneverfor
giveyouBeyon!Ihat
eyou.You
al
wayswant edchi
ldren,
didn’
tyou?
Ikeptonrepeat
ingthosewords,
hopingI’
dfeel
bett
erbutIwasonlyfeeli
ngworse.Isatt
hereon
thefl
oorunti
lIf
eltsomeone’
shandsonmyf ace.I
t
wasJewel.

Shedidn’
tsayanything;sheopenedherar msand
broughtmeclosertoherchest.Sheletmecr y.I
wantedtocryoutthepain,i
fitwaspossi ble.I
wantedtoforgett
odayhadhappened.Iwant ed
Beyonoutofmymi ndandhear tbutIcouldn’t,
I
LOVEDHI M!Butatt hesametimeIhat edhi m.

Ihat
edhimf ormaki
ngmeafool
,forhumi
li
ati
ngme!
Wasitenoughtofor
gethi
m?
Tobecont
inued…
34

PANDORAKAMANDE

Thefoll
owi
ngmor ningIwokeupt ot
hesoundof
pour
ingrai
n.Idi
dn’thavemucht odofort
heday.It
wasaSundaymor ning,andJewelwassti
llnotback
fr
om theweddi
ng.Ihadmi ssedhersomuch.Moon
wenthome;she’
dbebackTuesdaymor ni
ng.

Insteadofl
azi
ngaroundIwentt
oseeMaLanga,
want edt
hereal
it
yinsi
demyfourwall
s.Ifel
tbad
becauseshewantedtogotochurchbutshewas
forcednott
o.

Iputt
heglassofj
uiceonthetabl
eandcr
ossedmy
l
egs,l
eani
ngbackont hechai
r.
Me:Idi
dn’
tknowNZandZanokuhl
ear
enotyour
chi
ldr
en.
MaLanga:Theyarenot
;Ineverhadchi
ldr
enofmy
own.Ihadhyst
erect
omyinmyl at
e20s…
Shet
ookadeepbr
eat
he.
Me:I
t’
sokay.Youdon’
thavet
otal
kabouti
t.
MaLanga:Bef
oremyhusbandpassedonwe
adopt
edNZandZano.
Me:Ohsot
heyshar
epar
ent
s?
MaLanga:No.MyhusbandandIt alkedaboutthe
removal,webot hagr eedonadopt i
ng.Weadopt ed
NourZainwhenhewast woyear sold.Ayearlater
weadopt edZanobutwedon’ tknowmuchabout
Zanokuhle’sparents.Wef oundheratt hesome
orphanagei nPOLOKWANE.Nooneknowswhoher
parent
sar e,theorphanagel at
erclosed.Sowear e
unabletogetherr ecords.
Me:Butonecannevert
ellt
hatt
heyar
enotyour
s.
MaLanga:Il
ovet
hem asmyown.Iwasn’
t
f
ort
unat
eenoughtohavemyownchil
drenso…yeah.
Me:Thatwasmyever
ydaywi
shf
orGabbyf
orso
manyyear s;Iwishedandprayedforhersafet
yand
welf
are.Ioftenaskmyselfisshewast akencareof
ornot,i
fsheenjoyedhertimeinthisworld.
MaLanga:Iam sur
eshedi
d.

Isuddenl
yfeltl
ikecr
ying.Tal
kingaboutGabbyst
il
l
hadaneffectonme.
MaLanga:Don’
t,
don’
tPandor
a.I
t’
snotgoodf
ort
he
baby.
Inodded.
MaLanga:Allwillbewel
l.Youmightbehavi
ng
sometoughtimenowbutbestbel i
evei
twon’tbe
forl
ongorforever.Godi
snottur
ningabli
ndeye.
Me:Am Ievergoi
ngtocatchabr
eakMa?Not hi
ng
i
nmylif
eevergoesr i
ght
.It’
sasi
fIam notdest
ined
t
obehappyorf orl
ove.
MaLanga:Youar
enotdesti
nedt
obealonef or
ever
,
l
ookatGod.Hegaveyouthi
schi
ld,
isn’
tthata
bl
essi
ng?
Me:Cur
sedbl
essi
ng.Ma,
Iknowal
lofyout
hinkI
am bei
ngself
ishbutIam not.Thi
sistoomuchf
or
me;Idon’
tthi
nkI’
dbeablet ogivethi
schi
ldt
hel
ove
s/
hedeserves.

MaLanga:Don’ ttakeyourbl essingsforgranted.

Lookatme;doyout hinkIneverwant edtohave
childrenofmyown?Iwant edt obutGodhadot her
plansf orme.Butt hatdoesn’ tmeanIdon’ twant
them, Ienvi edmyf riendsget ti
ngpr egnant.Iwished
Iwast hem, Icri
edandt urnedmybackonGodbutI
foundmywaybackt oHi m.HegavemeNourand
Zano, theybecamemywor ld.Iforgotaboutmy
mi sfortuneandl earnedt oloveandseet hem asmy
ownf l
eshandbl ood.Begr atefulforwhatyouhave,
notever yoneisasgr at efulasyou.Youar ecar r
ying
yourchi l
d,yourblood.Doyouwanthi mtohat eyou?
Doyouwanthi mtoseeyouandseeamot herwho
didn’twanthi m?Yes, hei st her eminderyoudon’ t
need.Ri ghtnowyouar et hi
nkinghei syouri nsanit
y
butIgenui nelyt
hinkhei syourhopeandf aith.
Myeyesappear
edwat
ery.Thet
ear
sandwoul
dn’
t
st
op.
MaLanga:Don’tletCal
eb’
sacti
onscloudyourlove
tothi
schil
d.Youwer ever
yexcit
edwhenyoul earnt
youwerepregnant.Rememberhowexcitedyou
were?Whathappenedt ot
hatexcit
ement?Doyou
honestl
ywantthatCordel
iawomant or
aiseyour
chi
ld?Doyou?

MELANI
EMASUTHA

AnotherdaycameandIwasst il
lfeel
ingthesame
pai
nasIwasf eel
ingyesterday,i
fnotwor se.Beyon
wasstillunr
eachabl
e,it
’sli
kehedi sappearedinto
thi
nair.Hedidn’
tcare,t
hatwasobvi ous.Lotof
thi
ngswant edtogetit
selfoffmychest ,butfort
hat
tohappened-Beyonmustbepr esent.

Mymi ndwasstr
uggl
ingtounder
standwhathad
happened,
wasIevergoi
ngto?Iknewmyhear twas
str
ongbutatt
hisst
age,i
twassurrender
ingt
ot he
pain.
Isatmysel
fdownont hecouchbythewi ndow.Half
ofmewant edt
ogetofallt
hefeel
ingsandagai n,
halfofmewantedescapefr
om everyone.Iwanted
togetaway.

Mymot
hertookaseatbesi
demeandputherhand
onmyt
high.
Ma:Br
eakf
asti
sready.
Me:Iam nothungr
yMa.Idon’
tevenwantf
ood,
I
al
readyt
oldyou.Whydon’
tyouli
sten?
Isnappedather
.
Ma:Okay,
Iwi
llgi
veyouspace.For
giveme.
Ihel
dherhand.
Me:Iam sor
ry.Idi
dn’
tmeant
o.
Ma:Hehasn’
tcal
led?
Me:No,
andi
tseemsl
ikehei
snotpl
anni
ngt
ocal
l…
Ma:I
sther
eanyt
hingIcandof
oryou?
Me:Justst
aywi
thme.Idon’
twantt
obeal
one.
Ma:Iwi
llnotl
eaveyou.

Myphonebeeped, Ididn’
tbot
hertochecksi
nceI
alr
eadyknew.Myphonehasr ungmorethanten
ti
mesinthelasthour.Thosearoundmewantedto
knowwhathappened;t heywantedanswer
sIdidn’
t
have.
Me:Doyout
hinkIdeser
vedi
t?
Ma:Deser
vewhat
?
Me:Beinglef
tatthealtar
?Ma, Iwasnevergoingto
gi
veBeyonchi l
dren,wasI?ThatSangomadi dn’
t
wanttotel
lmest rai
ghtup,shemadethatstory.
Di
dn’tshe?
Ma:She…shedi
dn’
t.
Me:Ma?Tel
lmethet
rut
h.Theancest
orsshowed
hert
het
rut
hbutshedi
dn’
tknowhowt otel
lme?Ma?
Icoul
dn’
tbel
ievei
t.
CALEBKAMANDE

Ispentt
henighti
njai
l.Idi
dn’
tknowwhatt
oexpect
,
i
twasmyf i
rstti
meget t
ingonthewr
ongsi
deofthe
l
aw.Wadewasadamantaboutkeepingmehere,he
tol
dmeso.

Cor
del
iacamet
oseeme.
Del
ia:Di
dyoumanaget
otal
kwi
thyourbr
other
?
Me:Idi
dbuther
efusedt
odr
opt
hechar
ges.
Del
ia:Youseewher
eyourchi
ldi
shbehavi
ourhas
got
tenus?
Me:Nowisnott
heti
mebabe,
Ineedtogetoutof
her
e.Pl
ease,
youhavet
odosomethi
ng.
Del
ia:Iwi
llt
rysomethi
ngbutyouhavetopr
omi
se
methatyouwilll
eavePandor
aalone.
Me:Iwi
ll
,Ipr
omi
seyou.
Del
ia:Youar
esost
upi
d.Il
oveyou.
Me:Il
oveyout
oo.
Shegotupf
rom t
hechai
randgr
abbedherpur
se.

JEWELMUDAU

Iwasonacallwit
hmyaunt.Shewastel
li
ngme
aboutCor
del
ia,
appar
ent
lyshecal
ledher
.
Me:Di
dsheseri
ousl
yaskyout
oconvi
ncePandor
a
t
osignthedi
vor
cepaper
s?
Lor
ato:Shedi
d.Jewel
,Iam st
art
ingt
ogetscar
ed.
Thi
swomani snotgi
vingmegoodvibes.
Me:Yout
hinkPandor
ami
ghtbei
ndanger
?
Lor
ato:Idon’
tthi
nk,
Iknow.Sheknowst
hat
Pandoraispr
egnant
…
Me:Shef
eel
sthr
eat
ened?
Lorat
o:Shedoes.Idon’twanttot
ellPandor
a,she
seem tobedoi
ngwel l
.Ifshecomest oknowabout
thi
s…Idon’twanttothi
nkaboutit
.
Me:It
hinksheshouldgetapr
otect
ionor
der
.That
wayCalebandCordeli
awon’
tcomenearher
.
Lor
ato:Thatcanwor
kfornowbuti
ftheyr
eal
lywant
her
,theywil
lgett
oher.
Me:Letuswor
ryaboutt
hisf
ir
st.

IsawLeonmaki
nghi
swayt
ome.
Me:Aunt
y,l
etmecal
lyouagai
n.Igot
tago.
Lor
ato:Okay,
Iloveyou.
Me:Il
oveyout
oo.
Ihungup.Leonwr
appedhi
sar
msar
oundmyneck
andkissedme.
Leon:Youar
edone?
Me:Yes,
wecangonow.
Wewer
eonourwayt
oMel
’
shouse.

BEYONSHABANGU
Ispentt
henightatMunaka’shouse.Idi
dn’
thave
thecour
agetofacemyf amily.Myfat
herwas
beyondbei
ngangr y;hewasoutformyblood.Not
tomenti
onmymot her.

Iwal
kedint
othehouse.Ihear
dthevoicesf
rom t
he
door
,whentheysawmet heykeptqui
et.
Me:Goodmor
ning.
Nooneanswered.It
hrewmyjacketont
hecouch
andwentt
ositdownbutneverdi
d.Myfather
’s
voi
cest
oppedme.
Dad:Yourcl
othesar
epackedup,goandpickt
hem.
Younolongerhavearoom i
nthi
shouse.
Me:Dad…
Dad:Ihavenot
hingmoret
osayt oyou.Youare
mannowBeyon, sogoandliveinyourownhouse.
Thi
shousedoesn’tandwi
llneverhavetwobul
ls.
Me:Dad,
please.Youdon’
thavet
odot
his.
Dad:Yes,
Ido.Youhumil
iat
edmeBeyon;youtook
ournameandtarni
shedi
t.Yourmot
hercan’
tgoout
wi
thoutbei
ngl
aughedat
.
Il
ookedatmymother
,whowasunbot
her
edbywhat
dadwassayi
ng.
Dad:Weaskedyout otel
lMelthetr
uthbutwhatdid
youdo?Youwentandembar rassedthatgi
rl
,whati
f
shecommitssui
cide?Whatifyouracti
onssendher
toasyl
um?Didyout hi
nkaboutthatoryoudidn’
t
useyourbi
ghead?
Me:Iam sor
rydad…
Dad:Don’tyoudare,andi
fyouknowwhat ’sgood
foryou,
youwi l
lleavemysightr
ightatt
hismoment.
Hest
oodupandwal
kedaway.

Tobecont
inued…
35

PANDORAKAMANDE
WhenIwentbackhomeIfoundCordel
ia’
scar
par
kingout
sidemyyar
d.Thenerve!

Igotofft
hecarandwalkedtohers.Iknockedon
thewindowandsteppedback.Sheopenedt hedoor
andsteppedout
.
Me:Mi
ndt
ell
ingmewhatyouar
edoi
ngher
e?
Del
ia:Iam sur
eyouknowwhyIam her
e…
Me:I
fIdi
dIwoul
dn’
thaveasked.Nowt
alk.
Del
ia:Cal
ebi
sar
rest
edPandor
a…
Me:So,
how’sthatmybusi
ness?Whatdoyouwant
metodo?Throwapitypar
tyforyouandhi
m?Tel
l
me.
Del
ia:Iam aski
ngyoutotalkwi
thWade;hewill
l
ist
entoyoui fyouaskhimtodr
opthecharges.I
am beggi
ngyouPandor a.
Me:Youwantmet
ofi
ghtyourboyf
ri
end’
sbat
tl
es
because?
Ipoi
ntedather
.
Me:List
enhere,Idon’ tknowwhatCalebtoldyou
aboutmeandqui tef r
anklyIdon’
tcare.Cordel
ia,
I
wil
lbeatthef
*ckingi shoutofyou,don’ti
shonme.I
wil
lnot,
youhear, Iwillnotal
l
owyout ocomei nto
myhouseanddi sr espectme;youdiditoncebut
agai
n?No!NoCor delia.

Sheswal
lowedandl
ookedi
ntomyeyes.
Deli
a:Iam notheretofi
ghtwi
thyou.Iam onl
y
aski
ngf ort
hisfavour
.
Iwant
edt
obackhandhersobad.
Me:Youar
eclear
lyher
etopr
ovokeme,
ifnotyou
woul
dn’
tbehere.
Iwal
kedonaf
ewst
eps.
Me:Youdon’ twantprovokeme;Icanbecrazyi
fI
wantto.Idon’tcar
eifyouarepregnant
,Iwi
llgl
adl
y
dojai
lti
me.Youwi l
lnotbether
easonformy
i
nsanit
y;Iref
uset oletyou.
Del
ia:I
sthatsupposedt
oscar
eme?
Il
aughedsof
tl
y.
Me:Nowthatdi
dn’
ttakelong,
right
?Iwas
wonder
ingwhenyouwilll
oseyourcool
.
Deli
a:Iam her
easki
ngyoutohelpt
hefat
herof
yourchil
dbutIcanseeyouwantmetobegyou.I
am notgoingt
odothat.Whyar
eyousobitt
er?
Me:Iam bi
tt
er?
Delia:Youar e.Calebchoseme;hel ef
tyouf ora
reasonandhewi l
lneverl ookback.Wearegoi ngto
makesur ewet aket hatbabyyouar ecarr
ying.Iwas
sost upidtothinkyou’ dhelpme.Calebwasr i
ght;
youar epavingyourwayi ntoWade’sheart
.Shame
ofonyou, dati
ngbr others…youobviouslytoldhim
topr esschargesagai nstCal eb.
Iangr
il
yrespondedwi
thaslap,
shewant edt
osl
ap
mebackbutIheldherhandandsqueezedit
.
Me:Thisbetterbethelastt
imeyoucomet omy
houseandactl ikeaPresi
dent
’swif
e.Thisisnot
yourboyfr
iend’shousebutmine.Iwil
lgetyou
arr
ested,
don’ttestme.
Del
ia:Youwi
llpayf
ort
his.
Me:Youwantmet
ocal
lthepol
ice?Iwi
llhel
pyou
wi
thpleasur
e.
Shef r
eedherhandf
rom mygr
ipandcl
ickedher
tongue.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Aft
ermucht houghtandconsi der
ati
onIhaddeci
ded
togoandseeBeyon.Idi dn’tknowwhatawait
edme
butIwasreadyf oranyt
hing.Nothi
ngwasgoingto
hurtmeanymor e.

BeforeIdrovetoBeyon’sIwenttotheCompl ex
nearby,worstdeci
sionever
.Ikeptonget t
ingnasty
stares,
peoplewerenotevenafraidtotal
kandl augh
atme.Somemadesur eIhear
dt hem,itwasn’ta
pleasantexperi
ence.Iwasdefi
nitel
ythetalkofthe
town.
IfoundBeyonloadi
nghi st
hingsi
nthecar,hi
s
fatherki
ckedhi
m out.Ihat
edeveryt
hingt
hatwas
happeni
ng.Howdidwegether e?Wewerein
Beyon’
sroom,hecoll
ecti
ngsomeofhisthi
ngs.I
t
hurtt
oseehim doi
ngthat,i
tshowedhehadmoved
on.

Igavehi
m mybackandkeptmyeyesout
sidet
he
window.
Me:It
akenopl
easur
einwhatyoudi
d.
Icoul
dn’tunder
standhowIwasinthesamer
oom
ashim andnotwantingt
ost
rangl
ehim.
Me:Allthi
stimeIt houghtyouwereokaywiththe
factt
hatIcan’tcarryful
lter
m butyouwerebusy
chasi
ngaf t
erskirt
s,youwant edsomeonetocarr
y
yourseed.Youmadeaf ooloutofme.
Beyon:Ineverpl
annedf oranyoft
histohappen.
MunakaandIshoul dhavenevertakenitt
hatfar
.
Onethingledtoanotherandwe…
Me:Yousl
eptt
oget
her
!Sayi
t
Beyon:Noneoft
hisi
syourf
ault
,Iam t
obl
ame.I
coul
dn’tbet
hemanyouwanted.
Me:Di
dyouconsi
dermyf
eel
i
ngs?Di
dyouBeyon?
Heheavedadeepsi
gh.It
urnedt
ohi
m.
Me:Lookatme!Isai
dlookatme,andanswermy
damnquesti
on!Youareweakl
ing!
Beyon:Idi
dn’
tmeanforanyofthi
st ohappen.I
wantedtogoaheadwit
htheweddingbutIcouldn’
t
whenknowingIwaskeepingasecretfr
om you.
Me:Andyoucouldn’thavetoldmet heminut
et hat
gir
lcametoyourhouse?Andi t’
snotaboutthegi r
l,
i
t’
saboutyou.Youcheat edonme;youwentand
sl
eptwithMunaka.Youwer eplanningt
omar r
yme
knowingper
fect
lywellthatyousleptwi
thanother
woman.
Beyon:Iam sor
ry.
Isl
owl
yshookmyhead.
Me:Yourapol
ogyi snotevensincer
e.Youcheated
onme.Youdisrespectedme,putmyheal t
hatrisk.
Butt
hatwasn’tenoughforyou;youleftmeatthe
al
tar
.Infr
ontofmyf amilyandfri
ends!Youbroke
myheartGod-
damni t.Doyouknowt hedepthof
thatpai
n?Ifyouweren’
tsureaboutuswhydidn’
t
youbreakthi
ngsof f
?Whydi dyouwantunti
lour
weddingday?Ilovedyou.Igaveyoumyalland
whatdidyourepaymewi th?
Hedi
dn’
trespond.
Me:Iknowitwil
ltaketi
met omoveonbutIwill
moveon.Iwishyout hebestonyournewfamil
y.I
am happyMunakai sgi
vingyoutheti
tl
eofafat
her,
If
ail
edtogiveyou.

CALEBKAMANDE

WhenIhear
dmymot herwasheretoseemeIgot
scar
ed,
Mayadidn’
ttakenonsense.Sheal
ready
knewwhatwasgoi
ngon.

Shelookedatmeandcl
osedhereyest
henopened
them.
Ma:Why?
Ididn’tknowwherethat“
why”belonged,theywer
e
twost atement
sathand.Mysepar at
ionfr
om
Pandor aandmyfightwit
hmybr otherbutIhada
feeli
ngwher et
hatwhywasdirected.
Ma:Areyouevenmyson?Becausemysonwoul d
neverdot
hethingsyouar
edoi
ng.Whathappened
toyou?
Me:Mom,Iknowyouwil
lneverunder
standwhati
s
goi
ngonbutiti
swhati
tis.
Ma:Pandora?MyPandora,Cal
eb?Youareyour
fat
her
’sson.Idon’
tevenknowwhattosaytoyou,
youdi
sappoint
edmet hatmuch.
Me:Iknewyou’
dsi
dewi
thPan…
Ma:Isnotaboutt aki
ngsides.Whatdoesthisgirl
havethatPandoradon’thave?Isshethatspecialt
o
you?Youdest royedeveryt
hingyou’
dbuiltwit
h
Pandora,youlostagem andIam tell
ingyouson,
youwillneverbehappyforaslongPandor ais
cryi
ngatnightbecauseofyou.
Me:Mom,
areyoucur
singme?
Ma:Whatusewoul dbemycur seifyouar eal
ready
brai
nwashed?Idon’tknowwhatt hisgirldi
dtoyou
butwhateveri
tis,
tel
lherIsurrender.Sheisthe
best
;shemanagedt owi nyourheart.
Shegotupf
rom t
hechai
randr
est
edherhandson
thet
abl
e.
Ma:Don’teventhinkofbeggingmet oaskWadet o
dropthecharges,hewillnotchangehismindandI
thi
nkyouneedt imeoutf rom t
heworld.Beby
yoursel
fandself-
int
rospect.
Me:Ican’
tst
ayher
e,pl
easeMom.Iam beggi
ngyou.
Ma:Begal
lyouwant
.Consi
dert
hisyournewhome.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iunderesti
matedPandora,t
hePandoraImetwasn’ t
thePandor aIal
waysheardfrom Cal
eb.Ithought
shedidn’thaveabackbone,wasInotwrong.
Iknockedonthedoorandwaitedforsomeonet o
open.IwasatCaleb’
shouse,hismother’
s.Aft
er
fewsecondsthedoorwasopened.Al adywhoI
supposewasCaleb’ssi
sterst
oodthereandlooked
atme.
“
CanIhel
pyou?
”sheasked.Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Me:Iam Cor
del
ia…
“
Am Isupposedt
oknowyou?
”
Me:Iam Cal
eb’
sgi
rl
fr
iend.YoumustbeRi
ver
,ni
ce
t
omeetyou.
Iext
endedmyhandt
oher
,shel
ookedati
tandback
tomyface.
Ri
ver
:HowcanIhel
pyou?
Me:I
sWadehome?
Ri
ver
:No.
Me:Mh, canIcomein?I
’
dwai
tforhi
minsi
de.I
t’
s
aboutyourot
herbr
other
.
River:Ionl
yhaveonebr
otherandthat
’sWadesoI
don’tknowwhatyouaretal
kingabout
.
Me:I
t’
saboutCal
eb.
Ri
ver
:Whatabouthi
m?
Iwast
ongue-
twi
sted.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iswall
owedapi llthegul
peddownagl assofwater
.
Isetdownt heglassonthecounterandwal ked
backtothelivi
ngr oom.Iwasbusywi thacase.No
matterwhathappenedIdi dn’
tanythi
ngt oaff
ectmy
work.Iworkedsohar dtobewher eIwas.

Myphonevi
brat
edont
het
abl
e,t
hecal
lerwas
Lor
ato.
Me:Mr
sLeRoux.
Lor
ato:CanIcomeandseeyou?
Me:Yes.
Lor
ato:Okay.Iwi
llbet
her
esoon.
Shehungup.Ipi
ckedt
hedi
vorcepaper
sand
l
ookedatthem.I
twasti
metosignandcloset
he
chapt
erf
orgood.
Me:No,
no,
no!Wher
eisi
t?God,
no!

Iwaslookingfortheclause,theonlythingtot
hat
wasgoingt ohelpmewi nthedivorcecasewit
hout
fi
ght
ingCal eb,
withoutitIhadnol egtostandon.
Ourassetswer egoingtobedi vi
ded.Me:No, i
tcan’
t
be!
Idi
dn’twantt
ofightCal
eb,Iwant
edtosignthe
papersandgetr
idofhim butf
ort
hattohappened,
I
neededthedamnclause.
Me:Ihavet
ofi
ndi
t,Ihavet
o.

Tobecont
inued…
36

PANDORAKAMANDE
Iwaspaci
ngbackandf or
thinthelounge.The
cl
ausecoul
dn’thavej
ustdisappear
ed.Itdi
dn’
t
makesense.

Iwasont
hephonewi
thmyl
awyer
,El
izabet
h.
Me:Iwon’tcal
m down.Maybei fIwasn’tmarri
edi
n
communityofproper
tyIwouldn’tpani
cbutIam.I
standt
oloseeveryt
hingI
’vewor kedhardfor
.
El
izabet
h:Cal
ebhashi
s.
Ichuckl
edatt
hatst
atement
.
Me:Andyouthi
nkhewi
llhanditovert
ome, j
ust
l
iket
hat
?Whenheknowshest andstolose?Don’
t
hol
dyourbr
eath.
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:Idon’
tknowwhyIdidn’
tret
urnyourcopy,
nowI
havenot
hingtost
andon.
El
izabet
h:Letusj
ustt
ryandf
indout
.
Iheavedadeepsi
gh.El
izabet
hdi
dn’
tknowCal
eb,
butshewasaboutt
oknow.
Eli
zabeth:Iwi
llar
rangeameet
ingwi
thhi
slawyer
andletyouknow.
Me:DoIhaveachoi
ce?
El
izabet
h:Noyoudon’
t.
Ihungupt
hephone.

Icoul
dn’tthedivor
cewi thoutthatpieceofpaper .I
suggest
edi tf
orar eason.Ididn’twantt oloseal
l
myasset sineventofadi vor
ceandi tseemedl i
keI
wasgoingt oloseital
l.WasIt hatinlovetoeven
deci
dedonmar ri
ageincommuni t
yofpr opert
y?
Me:Youbur
iedyour
sel
fdeepPandor
a,youdi
d.
Ithrewmyphoneont
hecouchandcl
ickedmy
tongue.

MELANI
EMASUTHA
WhenIcamehome, t
hehousewasdeadquiet
.The
minuteIwal
kedtomyroom Ist
ri
ppedoffmy
cl
othesandputonadress,
andsli
pper
s.

WhenIt urnedtomyl ef
tInoti
cedmyclosetwas
sli
ghtl
yopened, Icaughtagl i
mpseofmyweddi ng
dress.Myl egsf
roze;Istaredati
tforafewmi nut
es
beforeIforcedmyl egstomove.Iangri
lytookout
thedressandwentt olookforasci
ssor
.

Isatmyselfdownont hef ootofthebed.Istart

ed
cutti
ngtheweddingdress.Iwentonunt i
lIcouldn’
t
tel
litwasaweddi ngdress.Doingt hatmademe
feelbet
ter
,Iwantedtofeel bett
er.Iwantedthepain
tostop,myheartwasbl eeding.
Me:Iwil
lneverf
orgi
veyouf
orhumi
li
ati
ngme,
Iwi
ll
never
!

Myphonebeeped,
itwasatextf
rom Jewel
sayi
ng
shewasonherwaytothehouse.Anumberof
st
atut
esfrom Beyongrabbedmyat t
enti
on.I
nofthe
st
atut
esitwasapi ct
ureofhisbabymama, he
wrot
eanicecaptionthanki
ngherforthegi
ftshe
wascarr
ying.Hewentont osay,“
Can’twai
ttomeet
myfir
st-
born.ThankyouMommyNaka. ”

Ir
eadthatcapti
onsomanyt i
mes,tryi
ngtoprocess
whatwaswr i
tt
en.Istar
tedtowonderi fheever
l
ovedmebecausei fhedidhewoul dn’
thavedone
whathedid.Hisl
ovewoul dn’
thavelethim.

Iblockedhisnumberf
rom WhatsApp.I
nor derto
healIneededspacefr
om Beyon,hewasshowi ng
thewholewor l
dhowhappyhewas, l
eavingmei n
thespotl
ightagai
n.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Cal
eb’
smothercamebackfewminutesaf
termy
ar
ri
val
,Ri
verhadletmei
n.Iwassit
ti
nginthe
gardenalone.Waderefusedtoseeme.Itwas
obvious,Cal
eb’
sfamilydidn’
tlovemeandthey
weren’tgoi
ngtoacceptme.Ihadt odealwi
tht
hat
fact
.

Iwasatl eastoff
eredjuice.It
ookasipbefor
eIset
downt heglassont hesmal lt
ablet
hatwasnearby.I
sawCal eb’smothermaki ngherwaytome.She
walkedlikeshewascal culati
ngherst
eps.Shesat
besidemewi t
houtsayingawor d.
Me:Goodaf
ter
noonMr
sKamande.
Shedi
dn’
tsayanyt
hing.Shequi
etl
ylookedatme.
Me:Icameher
ebecauseIwant
edt
otal
kwi
thWade.
Maya:Whatbusi
nessdoyouhavewi
thhi
m?
Me:Iwant
edt
o…t
hingi
sMa,
Cal
eb’
sfat
eli
esi
nhi
s
hands.
Maya:Idon’tknowi fyouarestupi
dornotbut
ever
ythi
ngt hatishappeni
ngrighti
sbecauseofyou.
Iam notexcusingmyson’ sbehavi
ourbutyou,
you
areal
soatf aul
t.
It
ri
edt
ospeakbutsher
aisedherhand,
Isatst
il
l.
Maya:Whatdoyoureal
lywant
?Iknowyourkind,
I
’vel
ivedl
ongtoknowagolddiggerwhenIseeone.
Me:Ireall
yloveyoursonMrsKamandeandIwi sh
peopl
ecanl etusbe.Yousai
dityoursel
f,Cal
ebis
al
soatf aul
t.Myonlymist
akewasf al
li
nginlove
wit
hamar r
iedman.
Maya:Youhavenoshame.Foryout obei nmy
housecl earl
yshowshowdi srespect
fulyouare.You
arenotyeti nt
roducedbutyouar ealsohere,don’
t
your espectyourself
?Iknowyouhavenobusi ness
i
nr espectingothersbutyourself
?
Me:I
t’
sobvi
ousyou’vej
udgedmebutIwi
llt
ryt
o
pr
oveitt
oyouthat
…
Maya:Holdthat,
Idon’ twantyout oproveanyt hi
ng
tome.Iam notgoi ngtosithereandt ellyoulies,I
wil
lneverdothat.Mydaught er
-in-l
awknowst hatI
cal
laspadeaspade.Idon’ tli
keyouandIwi llnever
l
ikeyou.Iwil
ltr
eatyout hewayyoudeser ve,
t he
onl
ythingI’
deverl ovethatiscomi ngf r
om you
wouldbethatchildyouar ecarrying.Sheismy
grandchi
ld;Ihaverel
ati
onwi t
hherandnotyou.Do
not…youhear ?Donotexpectmet otreatyoulike
thedaughter-
in-
lawofthi
sfami l
ywhet heryouand
yourboyfri
endgoandgetmar ri
ed.Goandbewi th
yourfamilyandseeifthewayyougothi m won’tbe
thesamewayyoul osehim ornot.

Shegotupandglancedatmefr
om cor
nerofher
eyebef
oresheopenedhermoutht
ospitvenom
agai
n.
Maya:If eelsor
ryf
orthechil
dyouarecarr
ying;
she’dwishyouwer eneverhermot
herthedayshe
l
ear nswhatkindofapersonshehas.Youarea
disgracetowomanhood.
Me:Ma…
Maya:Pl
easeleavemyhouse.Youhaveno
busi
nessher
e;yourboyf
ri
endisnother
e.Hei
sin
j
ail
.
Ist
oodupandf
ixedmysel
f.Sheshowedmet
he
way.
CALEBKAMANDE

Ileanedmybackagainstthewallandclosedmy
eyes.Mymot her
’swordskeptonplayi
ngr epl
ayi
ng
i
nmymi nd.Nomatterhowhardt ofor
getthem,I
couldn’
t.

Adeepvoiceer
upt
edacr
osst
hecel
l.I
ttookmef
ew
secondst
oopenmyeyes.
Of
fi
cer
:Kamande,
someonei
sher
etoseeyou.
Me:Who?
Offi
cer
:Hey,
thi
sisnotyourmot
her
’shouse.Get
yourassupandfol
lowme.
Me:Noneedt
ober
ude.

If
oll
owedhim.Heledmetot
heparl
oir
.Myeyes
l
andedonWade,hewasbadl
ybrui
sed.Itwasthen
whereIr
eal
isedt
hedamageofmyacti
ons.Ipull
ed
outt
hechai
randsatdown.
Me:Youher
etogl
oat
?
Wade:Youst
il
lhaven’
tlear
ntanyt
hing,
haveyou?
Me:Youcameallt
hewayher
etoknowi
fI’
vel
ear
nt
al
essonornot
?
Heshookhi
shead.
Wade:Can’tyouseeever
yonei st
ryi
ngt
ohelpyou?
What’
sgoingonwi t
hyou,brother
?Whyareyou
t
ryi
ngsohar dtobeli
kethis?
Il
aughedsof
tl
y.
Me:Youar
egoingtositt
her
eandactl
ikeasai
nt?
Thesai
ntWade,r
ight
?Imakeonemist
akeand
ever
yonei
sjudgi
ngme.
Wade:Youcallwhatyoudidonemi st
ake?I
njusta
weekyou’vedonemorebadt hangood.Youpushed
yourwif
e,ohmeanttosayyoursoont obeex-
wife.
Youracti
onswerereckl
ess,whatifyouhadhurtthe
baby?Yourbaby!Youcarethatl
it
tle?
Me:Icar
eaboutmybaby.Idi
dn’
tmeant
opush
her
…
Wade:Youdon’tmeananyt
hingt
hesedays.I
t’
sone
apol
ogyaft
ertheother
.
Me:Mh,
Cal
ebt
hebl
acksheepoft
hef
ami
ly.
Wade:Iam notgoi
ngtodropt
hechar ges;youwi
ll
getoutofher
ewhentheyhavepunishedyou
accordi
ngl
y.Youwil
lthi
nktwi
cenexttime.
Me:Youar
edecl
ari
ngwarwi
thme?
Wade:Ofcourseyouwillseeitasadecl
arat
ionofa
warbuti
t’
snot .I
t’
sti
meyoul earnt
hatacti
ons
comewithconsequences.
Me:Fai
renough.Butj
ustyouknow;t
hisi
snotover
.
I
t’
sfarf
rom bei
ngover.
Wade:Ohno, i
tisover
.Nooneisagai
nstyou,you
chosethi
spath.Ij
usthopeyoudon’
tregr
etit
brot
herbecausebytheti
meyoudo,it
’dbetoolat
e
tomakeamends.
‘
PANDORAKAMANDE
Whil
stIwassitt
ingwit
hLorato,
myheartstar
tedt
o
pal
pit
ate.Iwasfeel
i
ngnervousandst
ressed.I
hat
edfeeli
ngli
kethat,
mypalmssweated.
Lor
ato:Deepbr
eat
hs,
deepbr
eat
hs…
Icl
osedmyeyesandheavedasof
tbr
eat
he.
Lor
ato:Don’tl
eti
tcontr
olyou,
youar
einchar
ge
Pandora.You’
vel
earnthowtomanageanddeal
wit
hit.
Itri
edmybesttobeincontrolbutIwasfeel
ing.I
putmyhandonmychestandt riedt
omai nt
ainmy
breathi
ng.Iwasf
eel
ingpressureinthecent
reofit
.
Lor
ato:Namet
hreet
hingsyouar
eseei
ng.
Il
ookedar
oundmeandnamet
hem.
Lorat
o:Good,
nownamet
hreesoundsyouar
e
heari
ng.
Ieasedthefeel
ingsofwor
ryandpani
caf
terI
fol
lowedthe333r ulef
oranxi
ety.
Me:Ineedtosi
gnthepaper s,
Iwantt
obef r
eeof
Cal
ebbutIcan’
tifIdon’tgett
hecl
ause.I
fIdowe
ar
egoingtoshareeverythi
ng.
Lor
ato:Youneedt
omakeachoi
ce.
Me:Ican’
tal
lowCal
ebt
owal
kawaywi
thhal
fofmy
t
hings.
Lor
ato:IknowandIunderstandwhereyouare
comingfrom buti
t’
seit
herthatoryour
emain
marri
edtohim.What ’
sworse?
Me:No,no!Iwil
lneveral
lowCaleb.Myasset
sare
wort
hlotmorethanhis.Ihavei
nvestment
sand
savi
ngsaccounts,
Calebknowaboutthem.Mycars!
Il
ookedather
,
Me:Calebisbehi
ndt
hemissingoft
heclause.It
old
him Iwasgoi
ngtosi
gnt
hedi vor
cepapersASAP
andheknewwhatwascomi ngnext
.Hest ol
eit
,I
knowi t
.
Idi
dn’
tknowwhatt
odoorwhi
chdi
rect
iont
otake.

Tobecont
inued…
37
[
THREEWEEKSLATER]

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Itookthedayof fbecauseIwasn’tfeeli
ngwell.I
wasf eel
ingveryti
redandnoti nt
erestedinanythi
ng.
Infactnothingwasinterest
ingme.Iwasathome
bymysel f.

Mymot herwenttovisitourgrandmot
heri
nCape
Town, mybr other
sjoinedher.Dadwentbackt
o
wor k.Becauseofwor kIcouldn’
tgowit
hthem,Ihad
takenallmyl eavedays.

Jewelhadt
hewindowwideopen;shegl
ancedat
me.Iwassit
ti
ngonthecouch.
Jewel:Il
ovehowstrongyouare.Whatyouwent
thr
oughwashel l
.Iam happytoseeyouposit
ive
andlooki
ngforwardtothefut
ure.Thebesti
syetto
come.
Me:Ididn’
thaveanychoice.Beyonhasalr
eady
movedonwi thhi
sli
fe,sowhymustIpr ol
ongmy
happi
nessforhim?Hei snotcomingback.Iam
set
ti
ngmysi ghtonpositi
vefutur
e.
Jewel
:Youaregoi
ngtof i
ndamanwhowi lll
ove
andappr
eci
ateyou.Beyonwil
lregr
etl
eavi
ngyou.
Me:Idon’tcar
e,andIdon’
twi shhim bad.Maybewe
werenotmeantt obetost
artwith.Imeanhow
babiesdi
dIlose?Iwasstart
ingtothinkIam the
problem,
inactualf
actIam not.
Ishookmyhead.
Me:Ij
ustwi
shever
yonecanst
opt
orment
ingme.
I
t’
senough…

Nothinghurtthanpubl i
chumi liati
on;i
t’
sl onger-
l
astingandpai nf
ul.Ihadbeeni nsult
ed,myego
brui
sedandl aughedat .WhenIt houghtthei ssue
wasr esti
ng,Beyonr ebi
rthitalloveragain.Few
daysagoheannouncedhi sengagementt oMunaka.
Irel
ivedthedayofmy“ weddi ng”again,If el
t
shatter
edanddest royed.Itbrokemyhear tdeeply.
Jewel
:Theywi
ll
.Don’
tgi
vet
hem at
tent
ion.
Me:I
t’
seasi
ersai
dthandone.
Jewel:YouhavetotryMel
.Youdon’
twantt
hem
dri
vingyoutodepressi
ng.
Me:Iwi
llneversur
vivei
t.
Jewel
:Thendon’
tlett
hem.

PANDORAKAMANDE

FordaysIhadnotbei ngabletosleep.Iwasfail
ing
tokeepmymi ndatease.Iwasdependanton
sleepingpi
ll
s.Mymi ndwasi nvadedbynegative
thoughtsonceagain.Idi
dn’tknowwher eitwas
comi ngfr
om.

Ir
ecent
lychangedmymedi cat
ion;notsomet hingI
want
edbuthadt o.Iswitchedant i
depressants.I
wasputonanti
depr essantsthatweresaidt obe
saferforpregnantwoman.Icoul dn’tbeputof fthe
medication;Ineededittostaysaneandnothur t
myselforhar mthebaby.I twasn’taneasydeci sion
tomake;I ’
dbeenont hesamemedi cat
ionf oryears,
sotochangei tjustli
kethatscaredme.Butatt he
samet imeIhadt oconsiderbothourheal th,the
healt
hofmyunbor nbabyandmyheal th.Unt r
eated
depressionwasgoi ngtocausemor eharmt han
good.

Ididn’tknowhowt heyweregoingtot r
eatme.Iwas
tol
dt owai tforli
ke3-4weekstoseet heresul
ts.I
t
hadbeenaweeksi nceIstart
edtakingthem.I
wasn’tshowi nganysideeff
ectwhichwasgood;I
prayedi tstayedthatway.

Iwashavi
ngbr
unchwi
thRi
ver
.
Ri
ver:Youneedtomakeadecisi
on.Cal
ebhas
al
readysi
gnedthedi
vorcepaper
s.
Me:Webot
hknowwhyhedi
dit
.
River
:Igi
veCor del
iaahandforwhat
evershehas
donetoCaleb.Sheisgood…
Me:Bl
ami
ngheral
onewon’thel
p.Hewantedt
his;
Cal
ebi
sol
dtobecontr
oll
edbyCordel
ia.
It
ookasi
pofj
uice.
Me:Ri
ghtnowIwantpeace.Iam t
ryi
ngnottothi
nk
i
t’
stoogoodt
obetrue,
youknowhowi tgoeswit
h
me.
Ri
ver:Idon’
tseet
hathappeni
ng.Ihaven’
tseenyou
t
hisposit
ivei
nli
keages.
Me:Ihavet
o,i
fnotf
ormet
henf
orher
.
Iputmyhandonmyt
ummyandshesmi
led.
Ri
ver
:Yousur
eit
’sagi
rl
?
Me:Yes,
wear
ehavi
ngagi
rl
.
Ri
ver
:Iam r
oot
ingf
oraboy.
Me:Ir
eall
ydon’
tcareifi
t’
sagir
loraboy, asl
ongas
Igi
vebir
thtoaheal
thyandbeauti
fulbaby.
Ri
ver
:Andyouwi
ll
.
Shehel
dbot
hmyhandsandki
ssedt
hem.
River:Iloveyousomuch.Nomatterwhathappens,
youwi llalwaysbemysi
ster
.Not
hingandnoone
willchanget hat
.
Me:YouandMayahasshownandgi venme
enoughl
ove.Iwi
llneverdoubtyouri
ntent
ions.
Imout
hedIl
oveyout
oo.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

I
twasaround13:30intheaft
ernoon.Iwasdri
ving
t
oapsychiat
ri
chospital
.Aft
eranhourofdrivi
ngI
f
inal
lyr
eachedthehospit
al.

Befor
eIgotoffthecarIsawami ssedcallf
rom t
he
pri
son.Cal
ebwassent encedtosixmonthsfor
assaul
t.Waderefusedtodropthechar
ges,hewas
adamantaboutteachi
nghim alesson.
Igotoffandwalkedint
othehospi
tal.It
alkedtothe
recept
ioni
standmademywayt oMrWhi te’sof
fi
ce.
Hewassi tt
ingbehindt
hedeskpagingthroughthe
bookthatwasont hedesk.
Me:Goodaf
ter
noon.
MrWhi
te:Af
ter
noonCor
del
ia.
Idr
ewt
hechai
routandsatdown.
MrWhi
te:It
houghtyouwer
en’
tcomi
nganymor
e.
Me:Igotheldup.Sor
ryt
okeepyouwai
ti
ng.Howi
s
t
hepatient
?
MrWhit
e:Bett
erthanyest
erday.Thedoct
orwas
j
usther
e,hesaidever
ythi
ngisfine.
Me:Good.Andaboutwhatwet
alkedabout
…
MrWhi
te:Movi
ngt
hepat
ientt
oanot
herhospi
tal
?
Inodded.

Me:Iwanti tdonesoonaspossi
ble.Ican’tbe
cominghereeachandeverytime,it
’stoof arandI
am pregnant.Ial
sodon’
twantmyboyf r
iendto
suspectme.
MrWhit
e:Iwi
llgett
hepaper
sdoneandyouwi
llbe
f
reet
omovethepatient
.
Me:Ihavetokeepmypastunderr
agsatanycost
.I
can’
taff
orditt
ocomeout.
MrWhi t
e:Iwi
llt
ellyouwhatIalwaystel
lyou,
ever
ythi
nghasawayofcomi ngout.Thi
stoowil
l
.
Me:Atl
eastnott
odayort
hedayaf
ter
.
It
ookoutachequebook.
Me:Mylastpayment
.Thankyouver
ymuchMr
Whit
e.
MrWhi
te:I
t’
smyj
ob.
Me:CanIgoandsee…
MrWhi
te:Youcan.Comel
et’
sgo.

PANDORAKAMANDE

WhenIwasdr
ivi
ngt
othedoct
orIr
ecei
vedacal
l
fr
om Caleb.WheneverIr
ecei
vedhi
scal
lsI
exper
ienceanxi
ety.

Me:Stopbr
eat
hingdownmyneck,
youar
enow
soundi
ngli
keabrokenr
ecor
d.
Cal
eb:Pandor
aIr eal
lydon’twanttowanttofi
ght
wit
hyou.Iam askingforyoutosignthepaper
s.
Me:It
oldyouIwil
lnotsi
gnbefor
eIgett
heclause.
Doyoureal
lyt
hinkIwil
lgi
veyoumyassets?You
ar
ecrazy…
Caleb:Iam cr
azy?Youknewwhatwasgoi
ngt
o
happenwhenwedeci dedtogetmar
ri
edi
n
communi t
yofpropert
y.
Me:Li
keyouknewyouwer
egoi
ngt
ocheatand
l
eaveme?
Caleb:ComeonPandor a,Icheatedyes,butcanyou
stopsayingthatwheneverwet al
k?Signthepapers
andgivet hem t
oyourlawyer .WhenIgetoutofhere
Iwanttost ar
tmylif
eaf resh.
Me:Youar
ecr
azy.
Ihungup.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwaswatchi
ngTVwhenaknockedsoundedonthe
door
.Igotupandwentt
ocheckwhoitwas.Idi
dn’
t
knowtheguy.
Me:Hel
lo.
“MsMasut ha,I
’m Nour
-Zai
n.Iam her
efor
gardeni
ng,yourmothertol
dmet ocomeIwillf
ind
you.”hesaidsopoli
tel
y.Ij
ustst
oodthereand
l
ookedathi m.
NZ:Di
dyouhearwhatIsai
d?
Me:MhIdi
d.CanIcal
lmymot
herandconf
ir
m?
NZ:Yesyoucan.Iwi
llsi
tri
ghther
eandwai
tforyou.
Hepoi
ntedatt
hechai
rthatwasnear
by.

PANDORAKAMANDE
Ami racl
ewashappeni
ng;Iwasslowlybutsur el
y
startingtof
eelsomet
hingformybaby.WheneverI
feltlonel
yI’
dsitandt
alkwithher
.Talkingwas
helpingandIwasbecomi ngaddi
cted.YesCal eb
hur tmebutwhatdidmybabydo?Not hing!Iwas
willi
ngt ogi
veusachance,achancet oform abond.

Iwasatt
heDoctorf
ormyappoint
ment
.Iwasl
ying
onmybackfaci
ngthecel
li
ng.
Doct
or:Todaysomeonei
shappy.Whatdi
dmommy
gi
veyou?
Thedoctorjoked.Ismi
ledasIl
ist
enedt
othe
hear
tbeat.
Doct
or:That
’sonest
ronghear
tbeat
.
Me:Iknowr
ight
?
Doct
or:Yousur
eyoudon’
twantt
oknowt
hegender
?
Me:No,
Iwi
lli
ttobeasur
pri
sebutIam sur
eit
’sa
gi
rl
.
Shel
aughed.
Doct
or:HaPandor
a?Youhavedr
amaf
ordays.
Shewi
pedof
fthegel
.
Doct
or:Andwear
edone.Getup.

Tobecont
inued…
38

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Me:Woul
dyoul
ikesomet
hingt
odr
ink?
IaskedNour-
Zainwhowaspr
epar
ingsoi
lfor
plant
ingf
lowers.
NZ:No,
thankyou.
Inodded.
Me:Ican’
tgetenoughoft
hisf
lower
.
NZ:Mar
igol
ds?Youshoul
dseet
hegol
dones.
Me:Youseem t
oknowal
otaboutf
lower
s…
NZ:Andyouaresurpr
isedbecause?Imeani
t’
s
whatIdoforal
ivi
ng.
Me:Iknow.Iam sor
rymh…Idon’
tknowwhatI
wantedtosay.
NZ:Noneedt
oapol
ogi
ze.
Me:Ar
eyoual
waysl
iket
his?
NZ:Li
kehowMs?
Me:Thi
sser
iousandunsmi
li
ng?
Heletgooft
hespadeandl
ookedatme.Acor
nerof
hi
smout ht
urnedupi
nasmallsmil
e.
NZ:Youdon’tknowmeyetyouar esayi
ngIhar
dly
smil
e.Am Imissingsomet
hing?
Me:No,Imean,I’
venevermetapersonwhoi
s
ser
iousasyou.Youareint
imi
dat
ing.
NZ:MaybeIj
ustwantt
owor
kandgof
rom her
e.
Me:Ouch.
It
urnedmygazeonhi
m,notr
eveal
ingmyemot
ions.
It
ri
edt
aki
ngof
fenset
oit
,buti
twashar
d.
NZ:See?Thi
siswhatIwasavoi
ding.
Me:MaybeIshoul
dleaveyouwi
thyourf
lower
s.
NZ:Maybeyoushoul
dsitdownandtel
lmemore
aboutt
hepeopl
einyourl
if
e,thef
unnypeopl
e.What
doyousay?
Ishookmyheadl
aughi
ng.
Me:Iwil
lonlybeadi
str
act
ion.Letmegoandcook,
youwil
ltel
lmewhenyouaredone.
Hepi
ckedt
hewater
ingcanandgavemehi
sback.
Hest
art
edwet
ti
ngthesoil
.
Me:Don’
tki
llmyf
lower
swi
thwat
er.
NZ:I
fIwer
eyouI
’
dwor
ryaboutmypot
s.
It
urnedandwalkedslowlyaway.Iwast emptedt
o
l
ookbackathim butIfoughtt
het hought
.Ihadmet
i
nter
esti
ngpeoplebeforebutInevermetoneofhis
ki
nd.Therewassomet hi
ngentici
ngabouthim,and
i
twasdeep.
CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwassi
tti
nginbedwhenIcal
ledNomzamo.She
gotat
ransfert
womonthsago.
Me:Whenar
eyouvi
sit
ing?
Zamo:Idon’
tknowaunt
.
Me:Areyoust
illhurt
ingoverHul
isani
?It
’sbeen
monthssi
ncethet woofyoubrokeup.
Zamo:I
tdoesn’
tmakei
tri
ghtorbet
ter
.Il
ovedhi
m,
st
il
ldo.
Me:Maybeyoucant
ryandmakepeacewi
thhi
m.
Tr
ytoreasonwi
thhi
m.
Zamo:I’
vetri
edt
hat
,andIf
ail
ed.idon’
tknowwhat
todonext.
Me:Lethi
m go.Youwi
llf
indsomeone.
Zamo:What
ever
.Li
sten,
I’
vebeenmeani
ngt
ocal
l
you.
Me:Mh?
Zamo:Iwant
edt
otal
kwi t
hyoubef
oreIt
alkwit
h
Gammy.Imadeadeci
siontol
ookf
ormymot her.
Me:What
?
Zamo:Yesaunt
.If
eel
li
keever
yonehasf
orgot
ten
abouther
.
Me:Baby,
it’
sbeenyear
ssincewel
astsawyour
mother
.Noonehasseenorheardf
rom her
.Even
t
hecasewasclosed,t
herewasnol
ead.
Zamo:That’
swhyIhavet
ofi
ndher .Ihavet
his
rest
lessf
eel
ingt
hatshei
sst
il
lal
ive.
Me:Idon’tknowbaby,lookingforherwillonl
y
reopenoldwounds.Gammywi l
lbehurtallover
again.I
ttookheryear
st oforgetaboutherlost
daughter.
Zamo:IloveGammybutwear et
alki
ngaboutmy
motherhere.AndIam goi
ngt
oneedyoursuppor
tif
Iam doi
ngt hi
s.
Il
etoutasof
tsi
gh.
Zamo:Pl
easeaunt
.Youaretel
li
ngmeyoudon’t
wisht
omeetyoursi
steronceagai
n?BecauseIdo
wantt
oseemymot
her
…
Me:Iwi
llhel
pyou.
Zamo:Thankyou,
Ireal
lyappr
eci
atei
t.
Me:Iwi
llt
alkwi
thGammy.Iwi
llmakehersee
r
eason.
Zamo:That
’sal
lIwant
.Thankyou.
Thedi sappearanceofmysi sterdri
ft
edt hefamil
y
apart.Whenshewentmi ssi
ngmymot herhada
hardt i
medeal i
ngwi thherdisappearance,myfather
commi t
tedhisselftoalcohol.Mysibli
ngsandI
tri
edtokeept hef amil
ygoingbutsomehowwe
fai
led.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Moonhungherhandbagonthechai
randwalkedup
t
ome.Iwassitt
ingonthecouchj
ott
ingdownideas
f
orthenur
ser
y.
Iwasget
ti
ngexci
tedbymi
nut
e.
Moon:Il
ovet
his.
Me:Ifel
linl
ovewi
thi
ttoo.Idon’
twantt
her
oom t
o
becrowded.
Moon:Iagr
eet
oo.
Iputt
hebookont
het
abl
e.
Me:Iwantt
osi
gnt
hepaper
s.
Shesatbesi
deme.
Moon:Yousur
e?
Me:Nobuti fIdon’
tIwil
lonl
ybedel
ayi
ngmysel
f
heal
ing.Cal
ebwi l
lkeeponbeingat
hor
n.Letme
j
ustsignthepapersandmoveon.
Moon:Pandora,Iwantyoutobesureofyour
deci
sion.Therewon’
tanyturni
ngbackaft
eryouput
yoursignat
ureonthatpaper
.
Me:Moon, whatmor ecanIdo?Mycl ausewent
missing,
theonlythi
ngt hatwasgoingt omakeme
winthisdi
vorcecase.Calebwon’tgivemehis
becauseitdoesn’
tfavourhim.Letmej ustsi
gnand
geti
tdonewi
th.
Moon:Iwi
llsuppor
tyoui
never
ythi
ngyoudo.
Me:OhGod!Ipr
ayIdon’
tregr
ett
his.Iam t
ir
edof
deal
ingwi
thr
egret
.
Moon:Wear
eint
hist
oget
her
.
ThesupportIwasgetti
ngf rom Moonwas
unmatched.Wegr ewcloseroverthepastmont
hs.I
l
ovedtherelat
ionshi
pthet woofushave.

JEWELMUDAU

Ient
eredtherest
aurantandsawBeyonsitt
ingwit
h
Munaka.Iwalkedpassedtheirt
abl
ewhenIheard
Beyoncal
lingmyname.Ist oppedandt
urnedto
l
ookathim.

Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
.
Beyon:Howar
eyou?
Me:HowcanIhel
pyouBeyon?Idon’
thaveal
lni
ght
.
Hest
oodupandcamet
ome.
Beyon:I
’
vebeentr
yingt
ocal
lMelbutshei
snot
pi
ckingmycall
s…
Me:Andyoubl
ameher
?
Beyon:Ofcour
seIdon’
t.ButIr
eal
lyneedt
otal
k
wit
hher.
Me:Iam notyourmessengerBeyonsoi
fyoucan
excuseme…
Beyon:Pl
easeJewel
,j
ustl
ist
ent
ome.
Me:Tal
k.
Beyon:I’
vebeentr
yingtoaccessourj
ointaccount
butIam notwinni
ng.Itseemsli
keMelchangedt he
passcode.
Icouldn’
tresi
stmylaughtersoIleti
tout.Imight
havelaughedtooloudbecausemyl aughter
att
ractedeyesint
herestaurant
.
Me:Youkiddingme?Youhonestl
ythoughtMelwil
l
notchangethepasscode,
aft
erwhatyoudid?You
ar
ereal
lycr
azyShabangu.
Beyon:Thi
sisnotajokeJewel
.Thatmoney
bel
ongstothebothofus,andshei
sawareofi
t.
Me:Bel
ieveme;shei
sawar
e,ver
ymuchawar
e.
Beyon:Ineedt
hatmoney,
Ihaveexpenses…
Me:NotMel’sproblem.Doyour
sel
faf avourand
f
orgetaboutthatmoney.Anddon’
tevent hi
nkabout
r
eporti
ngher.Trustme,youwon’
twint hecase.
Il
ookedathi
sfi
ancée.
Me:Maybeyoucansel
lthatr
ing,i
tlooksexpensi
ve
andIhear
dbabi
esareexpensivet
oo.Itwasgreat
seei
ngyou.
Iwavedathi
sfi
ancéebef
oreIwal
kedaway.

PANDORAKAMANDE

I
’dj
uststeppedoutoft
heshowerwhenMayacal
led
me.Iwenttositont
hechai
rbefor
eItookt
hecal
l.
Me:Hel
lo,
Iwasaboutt
ocal
lyou.
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:What
’swr
ong?
Maya:Somet
hingbadhashappened…
Me:Youar
escar
ingmeMom.Whathappened?
Maya:Ri
verandWadewer
einvol
vedi
nhor
ri
fi
ccar
acci
dent
.
Me:Whatar
eyousayi
ng?Whathappened,
Mom?
Maya:Ani
ncomingcarslammedintoRiver
’scar
…
NoPandor
a,Iam notget
tingi
ntodet
ail
s.
Me:Di
dtheysur
vive?
Maya:Yesbutnooneistel
li
ngmeanythi
ng.I’
ve
beenheref
oralmostanhour;t
heyar
ejustgoi
ngin
andoutofI
CU.
Asshekeptont al
kingItr
iedtoswitchoffmymi nd
asitwasdati
ngbackt othatdreadf
uldaywher eI
l
ostmybaby.Ispentt hr
eemont hsinhospi t
al,
it
wasthathorri
fi
c.Iwastryingt
onott hi
nkt hewor st
outofthesi
tuati
on.Iwantedtobeli
eveRi verand
Wadewi
llmakei
t.
Me:Iam comi
ngt
her
e.
Maya:NoPandor
a,Idon’
twantyoudr
ivi
ngi
nthi
s
st
ate.
Me:Moonwil
ldr
iveme.Iam comi
ng;youcan’
tbe
al
oneatt
hist
ime.
Maya:Becar
efulPandor
a.
Me:Iwi
ll
.Seeyousoon.
Ihungupandgotup.

Itfeltli
keajoke.Aj
okeIdidn’twanttobel
ieve.AsI
wasbusywear ingmyclothesIkeptontel
li
ng
mysel fthatMayawaslyingtome.Therewasno
truthinwhatshehadtoldme.Ri verandWadewer e
fine,theyhadtobefi
ne.Iwasn’treadytol
oseei t
her
oneoft hem.

Tobecont
inued…
39
PANDORAKAMANDE

Iarr
ivedatthehospital18:45pm &Wadehaddi ed
at18:30pm.Helosthi sli
feontheoper ati
ngt able.
Mayawasn’ tt
akingthenewswel l
,Ididn’tblameher .
Shewasgoi ngthroughever ymother’
swor stfear.I
wast r
yingt
obest rongf orherbutthetragedywas
toomucht obear.

Itwassaidthedr iveroft
hecarthathitRiver’
swas
dri
vingoverthespeedl imit
;sheslippedbecause
theroadwaswet .Hercarwentst r
aightt
oRi ver
’s;
Wadewasej ect
edf r
om t
hecar.Thedr i
verdiedon
i
mpact ,hercarcaughtonf i
re.RiverandWadewer e
badlyinj
ured,chancesofsur vi
vingwereslim.

Aft
erwhatseemedlikef
orevert
heSurgeonent
ered
t
hewai t
ingroom.MayaandIgotupinhissi
ght,
we
walkeduptohim.
Maya:Doct
or,
howi
smybaby?I
ssheokay?
Hel
ookedupandut
ter
edt
hewor
ds…
Doct
or:Unf
ort
unat
ely,
wel
osther
.
Maya:No!
Mayayel
led.
Me:Doct
or?
Maya:Therehast
obeami st
ake,
notmybaby.No!
Wade!River
!Mychil
dren!
Doctor
:Iam sor
ryMr
sKamande.Myhear
tfel
t
condol
ences…
Mayafelltot
hefl
oorscr
eami
ng.Iwashol
dingback
t
hetearsthati
mpli
edIwassavi
ngthepai
nforl
ater
.
I
twasgoi ngtohi
tmethehar
dest.

Riverwasli
keasistertome, nodaypassedwi thout
feel
ingherl
oveandcar e.Shesupportedandst ood
byme.Ididn’twannament i
onWade, sincethe
i
ssueofCaleb’saff
airanddivorce,
hehadbeenwi th
me.Hebecameabr otherIneededandj ustl
ikethat
,
t
heywer
egone.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

JustwhenIwasabouttoburymyselfwi
thwor
k,a
vi
deocallcamet
hrough.Thecal
lerwasJewel
.
Me:Youhavebadt
imi
ng…
Imovedmyphonetothetabl
e,showi
ngherf
il
es
thatwer
escat
ter
edonthetabl
e.
Jewel:Youwi
lldi
eaft
erhear
ingt
henewsIhavef
or
you.Areyour
eady?
Me:Ithoughtbei
ngl
eftattheal
tarwast
hel
ast
deat
h.Whatcanbeatthat?
Webot
hlaughed.
I
tfeltgoodlaughi
ngabouti
t.I
twasagood
i
ndicati
on,Iwasonheali
ngjourney.
Me:What
’sup?
Jewel
:Isawyourex-
fi
ancé.Youar
eawant
ed
per
songi
rl
,forst
eal
ingmoney.
Me:Hewant
sthemoneyf
rom ourj
ointaccount
?
Nandi
’
ssonisi
nsane.
Jewel
:Mor
eli
kedemandi
ngi
t.
Me:Heiscrazyt
othi
nkIwillgi
vehimthemoney,
notaf
terwhathedi
d.Iknowhalfoft
hemoneyis
hi
sbuthellt
otheno.
Jewel
:That’
swhatItol
dhi
m.Butyouknowhe
won’
tlett
hisli
eri
ght
?
Me:IknowandIam notst upi
dJewel,Iopenedthe
accountundermyname.Hewasheadoverheel s,
hedidn’
tevencontest
.There’
snoproofthatthe
moneybelongtothetwoofus.
Sheopenedhermout
hinshockandl
aughed.
Jewel
:Idon’
tknowwhatt
osay.Thi
sis…
Me:Amazing.Beyonwi l
lneverhavehiswaywi t
h
me.Ifoursepar at
ionwasamut ualdecisi
on,yesI
wasgoingtogi vehim hi
ssharebuthedeci dedto
pl
ayGod.Ihaveexpensesandpeopl etopay.He
wi
llnevergetthemoney, hemustf or
getaboutit.I
f
hei
sbr
okehemustgo&t
akeal
oan.
Jewelwasstunnedassheshoul
d.Beyonwi
llt
hink
twi
cebefor
ehur t
inganot
herwoman.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Therestoft
henightwasbl
ur;Ij
ustsatbeside
Mayaandcr i
ed.Mayawasnotreceivi
ngthenew
wel
l;shehasabottl
eofVodkabesideher.I
twas
myfirstt
imeseei
ngherdri
nki
nglikethi
s.

Wordswerefai
li
ngme.Il
ookedatherwi
thwater
y
eyes.Shegr
abbedt
hebott
leanddownedhal
fofit.
Me:Mom?
Shesetthebot
tl
edownandt
appedherf
inger
son
thet
able.
Maya:Iam j
ustincompl
etewi
thoutnow.Theywer
e
myeveryt
hing,
Pandora.Whatam Isupposedt
odo
now?
Sheslowlyleanedbackont hecouch.Thepain
i
nvadedhereyes, i
tvi
sibl
yappeared.Iknewt hat
pain,
itwast hesamepainIhadwhenIl ostmy
famil
y.Itst
uckwi t
hyou.Itbecameapar tofyou.
Me:Iunder
standt
hedept
hofwhatyouar
efeel
ing.
Maya:Howdi
dyoudoi
t?Idon’
tthi
nkIam st
rong
enoughf
ort
his.
Me:Ilearnedt
oli
vewiththepai
n.Ibef
ri
ended
medicati
onbutIdon’
twantyoutogothrought
hat
Mom.Youhavet obestrong.
Maya:Idon’
tknowhow.
Me:Youhavet
otry.Tr
ustme;youdon’
twannal
ive
l
ikeme.I
t’
snotni
ce.It
’st
ort
ure.
Maya:Whatam Il i
vingfor
?Mychi l
drenarenomore.
Calebis…heturnedtobeuseless.IknowIshoul
dn’
t
besayingorthinki
ngliket
hisbutIwishitwashi
m
whodi edi
nsteadofmyWadeandRi ver
.They
shouldn’
thave,Godshouldn’
thavetakenthem.
Me:Don’
ttalkl
iket
hatbecauseIknowyoudon’
t
meanit
.Calebisnowyouronlysonandyouare
goi
ngt
oneedhi
m,nowmor
ethanever
.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Ir
eceivedacallf
rom NomzamoasIwasaboutt
o
sl
eep.Iposi
ti
onedthepil
lowbehi
ndme.
Zamo:Caleb’
ssi
bli
ngswer
einvol
vedinacar
acci
dent
.ButIdon’
tknowi
ftheysur
vivedornot
.
Me:Yougotj
okesZamo.
Zamo:Iam not.Isawavi
deoonWhat
sApp,
afr
iend
shar
edit.I
thappenedear
li
er…
Me:What?OhpoorCaleb.Heisgoi ngtobe
hear
tbr
oken,t
hingsbetweenhim andhi ssi
bli
ngs
werenott
hatgood.Ihopetheysurvived.
Zamo:Idon’
tthi
nkso.I
twasbadaunt
y.
Ididn’tknowwhatt osay,thenewswasshocki ng.I
hungupandl oginFacebook.Pi ct
uresofthe
accidentswerealloverthesocialmedia.Theywere
al
readyr epor
tingabouttheaccident.
AsIwasscr ol
li
ngdownIkeptont hi
nki
ngabout
Caleb.Thi
ngsweren’
tbli
ssbetweenhim andhi
s
familyandIwaspart
ialt
oblame.

JEWELMUDAU

Mybackmetwi
tht
hewal
lasIst
agger
ed
backwar
ds.
Me:Whatar
eyousayi
ngPandor
a?I
t’
snotf
unnyat
al
l.
Pandor
a:Theydi
dn’
tsur
vive.
Me:God,
Iam sosor
ry,
mydeepestcondol
ences.
Pandora:It
’sokay.I
’vespenthal
fofmyl i
felosi
ng
peopleIcareabout.Thi
sisnothingnew,it
’sa
repet
it
ion.Iam gett
ingusedtothepain.
Me:Ohmonkey…
Pandor
a:Letmecal
lyouback.Mayai
scal
li
ngme…
Me:Il
oveyou.
Pandor
a:Il
oveyout
ooMonkey.

Aft
erthatcal
lIgoti
nsi
det heshower.It
ookthe
l
ongestshowerofmyl i
fe.Il
etthecoldwat
erran
downmybody.Iwashur t
,hurtonbehal
fof
Pandora.I
twasnolie,
thedeat hofWadeandRiver
wasgoingtosendherbacki nt
othedarkhol
e.

Isteppedoutofthebathr
oom but
tnaked.Leon
camei nbehindme, hi
shandmovedovermybody
buther eal
isedIwasn’
tmyself
.Hetur
nedme
aroundandputhi shandundermychin.
Leon:Hey,
areyoucr
ying?Babe,
what
’swr
ong?
Me:WadeandRiverwasi
nat
err
ibl
ecaracci
dent
,it
cl
aimedt
hei
rli
ves.
Leon:No,
howi
sPandor
adoi
ng?Thi
scan’
tbeeasy
onher.
See?Idi
dsay.Pandorawasourmainwor
ry,
weput
herbef
oreanyt
hing.Hegavemeatowelt
ocover
mybody.
Me:Surpri
singl
yenough,shesai
dshei
sfinebutI
don’
tbeli
eveher.Sheishurt
ingi
nsi
debabe.
Leon:Whenevershet
riestopul
lupsomethi
ngpul
l
herback.I
t’
stoomuchf oroneper
sonbutshehas
thebestsuppor
tsyst
em.
Me:Ihavet hi
sfeeli
ng,i
ssostrongt oi
gnor
e.Sheis
goi
ngt obreakapart,pi
ecebypiece.Andwhenthat
happens,shewillbeadmitt
edtoasylum.
Leon:That
’ssomet
hingwedon’
twant
.Shecan’
t
rel
apse.
Me:Doyoublameher?Aloti
shappeni
ng,
the
di
vorceandnowthedeat
hs.
Hebr
oughtmecl
osert
ohi
schestandr
anhi
shand
onmyback.
Leon:Ever
ythi
ngi
sgoi
ngt
obef
ineMr
sMudau.
Trustme.

CALEBKAMANDE
Li
fei
njai
lwasn’
tfun,
itwascruel.Thefi
rstni
ght
wasver
yhorr
ibl
ebutIwasgladbecausenoone
hadt
ri
edtovi
olat
eorgetphysicalwit
hme.

Noonef rom myfamilyhadcomet ovisi

t,noteven
mymot her.Iwashurtbythatfact
,Ineverthought
I’
dlosetheonlypeopleIcal
ledmyf amil
y.Mysi st
er
wasr ef
usingtot
alkwithme;Ihatedhowt hings
werebetweenmeandt hem.WadeandIusedt obe
cl
osebutnowever ythi
ngwasamess.

Itookadeepbr eathbef
oreIpunchedmymot her’
s
phonenumber s.Theguardgavemehi sphone,in
factIbeggedforit
.Iwasn’
tsureifshe’
danswer.I
wast aki
ngachance;sheneverpickedanycallfr
om
me.I tr
angfi
vet i
meswhenIwasaboutt oendthe
callsheanswered.
Me:Mom?
Ibecameemot
ional
.Inevert
houghtshe’
danswer
butshedi
d.Iwant
edt
omakepeace.
“
Cal
eb?
”
Me:Pandor
a?Wher
eisMaya?
Pandor
a:Shei
ssl
eepi
ng.
Me:Whatar
eyoudoi
ngwi
thMaya’
sphone?
Pandor
a:Somet
hingt
err
ibl
ehashappened…
Me:Andt
hati
s?
Myhear
tst
art
edbeat
ingf
ast
.
Pandora:WadeandRi
verl
ostt
hei
rli
vesi
nacar
acci
dent…
Ididn’tl
etherfi
nish,
Ist
art
edt
olaugh.Shewas
pull
ingmyl eg;t
herewasnotr
uthi
nwhatshewas
saying.
Me:OhcomeonPandora.I
t’
snotf
unny.Gi
veMaya
t
hephoneorRi
veri
nst
ead.
Shedi
dn’
trespond.
Me:Pandor
a?
Pandor
a:Iam sor
rybutt
heyar
enomor
e.
Me:No!
Idr
aggedmyhanddownmyf
ace.

Tobecont
inued…
40

PANDORAKAMANDE

Isli
ghtl
yopenedt hewi ndowoft hebedroom and
stoodthere.IsleptoveratMaya’ shouselastnight
.
TherewasnowayIwasgoi ngtoletherbeby
hersel
f.Shest r
uggl edwithsleep;Iheardher
sobbinginthemi ddl eofthenight.I
twashear t
-
breaki
ngtol i
stent ohersobs.

Fewmi nut
eslat
erIputontheshoesandrobe,
and
wenttoherbedr
oom.Shewasl yi
ngonherback
st
ari
ngattheceil
ing.Theonl
ythi
ngthatmoved
washereyes.
Mayawasbroken;shecouldn’
taccepthernew
r
eal
it
y.Thephotoalbum waslai
donhert ummy,i
t
wascl
osed.
Me:Maya?
Isai
dfrom t
hedoor
.Shedidn’
trespond.Iwal
ked
overt
othebedandsatbesi
deher .
Me:Ineedtogosomewherebutfi
rstIwantyout
o
eatandtakeashower
.Ther
e’sl
ottodotoday.
Maya:Ij
ustneedf
ewmi
nut
es.Iwi
llgetup.
Me:Shoul
dIpr
epar
esomet
hingf
oryout
oeat
?
Maya:Iam nothungr
y…
Me:Youcan’
tst
artyourdaywi
thouteat
ing.
Maya:Notnow.
Therewasnousei nfi
ghti
ngher .I
ttookherawhil
e
togetup.Whenshef inal
lydidshebur i
edherface
betweenherhandsandcr ied.Thisti
meIcouldn’t
holdbacktears.Ipul
ledherintomyar ms;sheheld
ti
ghtandcriedmor e.
Me:I
t’
sokay,
leti
tout
.
Maya:I
thur
tPandor
a.Iwannadi
e,Iwannadi
e!
Me:IknowMom.
Mayawasstr
uggli
ngwit
hherpain,
IwishedCal
eb
wasar
oundbecausehergr
iefwasbecomingt
oo
muchforme.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

ThebarwhereIwasmeeti
ngOffi
cerRhulaniwas
qui
et.Il
ookedathi
m ashedownedhisbeer.
Me:Thankyouf
ormeet
ingwi
thme.
Hedidn’
ttr
ytosayanythi
ng;hewai
tedformet
o
expl
ainorr
athersaywhyhewasthere.
Me:Iwantyoutodestroyaf
il
ecasef
orme.AndI
don’
twantitt
racedbacktome,nomatt
erwhat
.I
needacl
eanjob.
Rhul
ani
:Icandot
hat
.Whendoyouwanti
tdone?
Me:Soonaspossi
ble,
todayi
fpossi
ble.
Rhul
ani
:Done.
Ilookedar oundbef
oreIputanenvel
opeont
he
table.Ipusheditt
ohim.
Me:50%nowand50%whent
hej
obi
sdone,
non-
negot
iabl
e.

IhadtohelpCaleb.Iwasn’tgoi
ngt osi
tandlethi
m
spendanotherf
ourmont hsi nj
ail
.Heactedoutof
charact
erandhewasl earningfr
om hismist
akes.I
hadnoone, weneededeachot her.Idi
dwhatwas
necessary.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasmeet i
ngwi thmyl awyer.If
inal
lymadea
deci
siontosignthedi vor
cepapers.Iwant
edtocut
ti
eswithCalebbef or
emychi ldwasborn.Idi
dn’
t
wantdramai nfactIwast i
redofdrama.
Caleb’stoxi
candwithhi ssi
bli
ngsdeat
h,hewas
aboutt obecomewor se.Hewasabombr eadyt
o
explode.Ididn’
twanthim anywher
eclosetomeor
mybaby.

Ilookedatt hepapersonceagai
n.Tr
uthbet
old,I
felthurt
.Ineverimaginedthi
smomentwoul
dcome
tomebuti twastimetopartwayswi
thmymar r
iage
andl oveforCaleb.
El
izabet
h:Ar
eyousur
e?
Me:Iam.Ther
e’snot
urni
ngback.
Ii
nkedmysi gnat
urewher
eitwasneeded.Itwas
over,mymarri
agewasover.Ihadr
egai
nedmy
surnameback.Pandor
aKamandeexistedonlyi
n
paperbutshewasdeadPandoraGarci
awasr ebor
n.

Ididn’tknowwhatawai
tedmebutIknewithad
nothingtodowithCal
ebandhi
stoxicsel
f.Iwas
restart
ingmyli
fe.
Me:Done.
Il
etgooft
hepen,
itcamei
ncont
actwi
tht
het
abl
e.
El
izabet
h:Iwi
llf
il
ethem andi
nfor
m Cal
eb’
slawyer
.
Me:Howl
ongi
sgoi
ngt
otakebef
orei
t’
sfi
nal
ised?
Eli
zabeth:Si
ncethere’
snocont esti
ng,Iwi l
lsay
ei
ghtweeks.Ther e’
sapr oceduret obef ol
lowed
beforeyouarelegal
lydivorced.Itmustf ir
stbe
approvedandsignedbyaj udge, acourtorder.Thi
s
courtordert
erminatest
hemar riage.Butduet o
back-l
oggedcourtsdocketsi tcantakeawhi l
e.
Inodded.
Eli
zabet
h:Yourasset
swillbefair
lydivi
dedasthe
courtt
hinki
spossibl
e.Yourseparateproper
tywil
l
notbedivi
ded.Youbothhavefreedom tonegot
iat
e
andagree.

Cal
ebandIownedt wopropert
iest
ogether
;wealso
hadinvest
mentsunderournames.Ihadtwocars,
Cal
ebhadone.Thehousewasunderournames.I
hadanotheri
nvest
mentbutImanagedt otr
ansf
er
al
lthemoneyi nt
oMoon’saccount
.It
swort
h
Mil
li
ons,Calebwasnotawareofit
.Iwaswi
ll
ingt
o
spl
itourasset
s,Iwi
llst
artagai
n.
Me:Andt
heset
tl
ementagr
eement
?
El
izabeth:Iwi
lldr
aftonewi
thhisl
awyeranddon’
t
beanxious;wewillhaveaf
airagr
eement.
Me:Isee.
Shet
ookt
hepaper
s.
El
izabet
h:Congr
atul
ati
onsMsGar
cia.
Me:Thankyou.
Icoul
dn’twai
ttochangemysur
name.God,
I
coul
dn’twai
ttogetri
dofCal
eb.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwaspacingbackandf
orthwi
thonehandinmy
pocket
.Cordel
i
awasseatedonthechai
rlooki
ngat
me.
Me:Ineedt
oseeMaya.Mymot
hermustbe
shat
ter
edtothecor
e.
Del
ia:Ii
magi
ned.
Me:Doyouhaveanyi
deawhathappenedt
othem?
Del
ia:Ionl
yknowwhatever
yoneknows.
Me:Anot
hercardr
ovei
ntoRi
ver
’s?
Shenodded.
Me:Yoh,thi
sfeel
sli
keKar
ma.Ever
ythi
ngt
hat
’s
happeni
ng…gosh!
Del
ia:St
opt
hinki
ngl
iket
hat
.
Me:HowcanInot ?Mybr
ot herdi
edbefor
ewe
r
esolvedourissues…Iwi
llneverfor
givemysel
f.I
r
eall
ydon’tknowwhatcameoverme.
Del
ia:Youdidn’
tknoworthi
nksomethi
ngli
kethi
s
wouldhappen.There’
snot
hingyoucandonow.
Me:Ishouldhavenotl
etangergetthebett
erofme.
Ihadnorightt
omeddleinPandora’sli
fewhenI
wastheonewhol ef
ther.Iam t
oblame.Wear e
botht
oblame.
Shel
ookedatme.
Del
ia:We?
Me:Yes,
we!
Del
ia:Don’
tyout
hinki
t’
slit
tl
etool
atefort
hat?
Ri
ghtnowweneedt ofocusogett
ingyououtoft
his
pl
ace.
Ishotmyeyesather
.
Del
ia:Iam maki
ngaplan.I
fitgoeswel
l
,youwi
llbe
abl
etoattendyoursi
bli
ng’
sfuneral
.
Me:Whatdi
dyoudo?
Del
ia:Ihel
pedyou.
Sheranhereyesaround.Theguar
dwasst
andi
ngat
thedoor
,notl
ookingatme.
Deli
a:Don’
twor
ryyour
sel
f.Youwi
llbeoutofher
e
soon.
Me:Cor
del
ia?
Deli
a:Iam doingthi
sforus.Iwantyoutosuppor
t
yourmother.Iknowshedoesn’tl
ikemeandI
underst
and.Iwantyoutobet her
eforher.
Isi
ghed.
Me:Whatdi
dyoudowi
tht
hecl
ause?
Del
ia:Ibur
nti
t.

IknowwhatIdi dwasself
ishandcruelbutIhadto
something.Icoul
dn’
twalkawayempt yhanded;I
workedashar dasPandora.Ideser
vedhalfofmy
sweat.Ihadtothi
nkaboutmyf utur
ebefore
Pandora.

ThenightafightbrokebetweenWadeandIwast he
ni
ghtItooktheclause.Thatclausewast heonly
ammuni t
ionPandor aneeded.Withouti
tshehad
not
hingtofightmewi th.Idi
dn’twanttohurtherbut
l
if
eitsel
fit’
scruel.

Tobecont
inued…
41
JEWELMUDAU

Lor
atowal
kedint
ot hel
ivi
ngr oom.Iwasont
hecall
wit
hPandor
a.Ifi
nishedtal
kingwit
hherandhung
up.

Iputmyphoneont
het
abl
eandgavemyauntal
l
theat
tent
ion.
Lor
ato:Di
dyougett
her
esul
ts?
Me:Yes.
LastweekIwentforacheck-up,Iwant
edtoknow
therealr
easonbehi
ndmyi nfert
il
it
yasitwas
star
tingt
omesswi t
hmymi nd.Iwasstar
ti
ngtoget
worri
edandIwasr i
ghtt
owor r
y.
Me:Thet
est
spi
ckedut
eri
nef
ibr
oids.
Lor
ato:OhJewel
.Sot
heyar
ecausi
ngi
nfer
ti
li
ty?
Inodded.
Me:Butt
heycanbet
reat
edsot
her
e’shope.Ihave
hope…
Lor
ato:Haveyout
oldLeonyet
?
Me:No.
Lor
ato:Youhavet
otel
lhi
m.
Me:AndIwi
ll
.Ther
e’sl
otgoi
ngon.
Lorat
o:Putyour
selffi
rstf
oronceJewel.Youalso
needyourhusband’ssuppor
t;youcan’
tbegoing
thr
oughthisal
one.
Shewasri
ght.Ineededt
otel
lLeonmaybeIwas
scar
edoft
ell
inghim.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

IsweartoGod,Beyon’
sSatanagent.Howdi
dIst
ay
wit
hthisguyandneverknowt heki
ndofamanhe
i
s?Hehadhi ddenhist
ruecoloursver
ywel
l.

Me:Don’
tmakemecal
lthepol
ice.Ihavenot
imet
o
pl
ay.
Hemaskedhi
sangerwi
thascof
f.
Me:Leavemyhouse.Wehavenot
hingt
otal
kabout
.
Beyon:Doyounowseewhyi twaseasyf
ormeto
l
eaveyou?Ididn’
teventhi
nktwi
ce,
Ididi
tinabl
i
nk
ofaneye.Youareself
ishMel
!
Me:Iam sel
fi
sh?IfIwassel
fi
shwhydidyou
cont
inuewit
hbeingme?Huh?Don’tbul
lshi
tme.
Hewasonami
ssi
ont
obr
eakmeapar
tandIwasn’
t
l
ett
inghi
m.
Me:Leavemeal one.Iwantt
oforgetyouexi
st.
Whateverthatconnect
edustoget
herhaslosti
ts
connect
ion.
Ipoi
ntedathi
m.
Me:Beyon,youareheart
lessandt othi
nkIactuall
y
l
ovedyou.ImaginehowIam f eel
ing.Youarepiece
ofshi
t.Don’
teversetyourfoothereorIwil
lbe
for
cedtocallt
hepoli
ce.
Iusedmyhandst
opushhi
m;hedi
dn’
ttr
yandf
ight
me.
Me:Leavemet
hehel
lal
one!
Ist
oodatt
hedoorandcl
ickedmyt
ongue.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwasont
hecal
lwi
thmymot
her
.

Iwastelli
ngheraboutCaleb.Myf ami
lydi
dn’
tknow
anyt
hingabouthi m ormypregnancyonl
yZamodi d.
Idi
dn’tknowwhatt oexpectfr
om mymot her
.She
washar dtopleaseandIknewwhatIwasaboutt o
saywasgoi ngtoangerherinnotworse.

Mama:Whenareyoucomingtovi
sit
?Wemi
ssed
youl
astmont
hattheunvei
li
ng…
Me:Iwaswor
kingMama.Ial
readyt
oldyou.
Mama:Youdi d.Howar
ethi
ngst
her
e?Yourni
ece
har
dlycal
ls…
Me:Shei
sbusy.
Mama:Excusesonl
y.
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Me:Mama?
Mama:Huh?
Me:Ther
e’ssomet
hingIneedt
otel
lyou.
Mama:Iam l
ist
eni
ng…
Me:Mh-
Iam pr
egnant
.
Mama:What
?
Me:Iam expect
ing.Iam t
hreemont
hspr
egnant
.
Mama:Youar epr
egnantCor
del
ia?Howisit
possi
ble?Idi
dn’
tevenknowyouwereseei
ng
someone.
Shecoughed.
Mama:Whoi
she?
Me:Youdon’
tknowhi
s,hi
snamei
sCal
ebKamande.
Mama:Ar
eyouoverwhathappenedl
astt
ime?
Me:Iam.
Mama:Di
dyout
ellhi
m?
Idi
dn’
tsayanyt
hing.
Mama:Iaskedyouaquest
ion.
Me:Notyet
.
“
MaCor
del
ia.
”Someonecal
ledher
.
Mama:Iam comi
ng…Del
ia,
Ihavet
ogo.
Me:Iwi
llcal
lyoul
ater
.
Mama:Okay.
AsIwasaboutt
ohungupshespokeagai
n.
Mama:Ihopet
hisCal
ebguyi
syourr
edempt
ion.
ByeDel
ia.
Shehungup.

Icoul
dn’tbri
ngmyselft
otellherCalebwasmar r
ied.
Ihaddisappoint
edmymot hermoret hanonce.
She’
sdef i
nit
elygoi
ngtodi
sownaf terheari
nghowI
gotCal
eb.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwassit
tingonthefl
oorstari
ngint
ospace.Iwas
aski
ngmyselflotofquest
ionsandIdi
dn’thave
answertoanyofthem.Alotwashappeninginmy
l
ifeandatonce.

RiverandWade’
sdeathhadnotregi
ster
edi nmy
mind.Tomethingswerest
il
lasthedayt heywer
e
al
ive.Iwasr
efusi
ngmymi ndtoaccepttheywere
gone.

If
eltsomeone’
shandonmyshoul
der
.Il
ookedup,
it
wasMoon.
Moon:CanI
?
Inodded.
Shesati
nfr
ontofmeandhel
dbot
hmyhands.
Me:WhydoIkeeponl osi
ngpeopl
ethatIl
ove?Am I
cur
sedornotdest
inedtobel
oved?
Moon:No…
Me:Whoisnextinli
ne?You,t
hischi
ldorJewel?I
am l
osi
ngeveryonecloset
ome.Whatwi l
lbecome
ofme?
Moon:IknowIcan’tpromiseyout
omor
rowbutI
canpromiseyoutoday.Weareher
ewit
hyou,what
happenstomorr
owi sunknownandwecan’
tst
op
l
ivi
ngbecauseoffear.
Me:Isl
eepeverynightwit
hfearofwhat’
scomi ng
t
omorrow.Iwaswi t
hher,shelookedhappy.God
wasprobabl
ylaughingatme.Iam ti
redoffeel
ing
t
hesamepai noverandover.
Moon:I
fIcanI
’
dtakeawayt
hepai
nyouar
efeel
ing.
Me:Ican’
tkeeponl
osi
ngpeoplethatIl
ove.I
t’
snot
f
airt
ome.Ineedabreakf
rom death.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Lat
erthatdayNour-Zai
ncamebytofi
nishhi
swork.
Unl
iketheotherday,t
hetensi
onwasl
ight
.Iwas
si
tt
ingundert
heshadewat
chi
nghi
m ashedugt
he
soi
l.

NZ:I’
vehear
daboutmandisgr
aci
ngournamebutI
nevert
houghtI
’
dwitnessi
t.
WhenIwaschasi ngBeyonaway, NZwasent eri
ng
theyard.Beyonwasi nf uri
atedwhenNZwas
defendingme.Hel i
ter allyaccusedmeofspending
hismoneywi t
hanotherman.Hewentasf aras
tel
li
ngNZaboutmyi nf erti
li
tyandhowheiswast ing
histi
mewi t
hme.Idi dn’ texpectBeyont
oacti nthat
mat t
er.Iwasembar rassedbutNZhandl edthe
i
ssuewel l.HeletBeyonbe.
NZ:Iam sorr
yforwhatt
hethi
ngshehassai
dto
you.Youdidn’
tdeser
vehi
sinsul
ts.
Me:It
’sokay.Iknowit
’scr
azytosayt
hisbutIhave
warmedmyhear tt
ohi
sinsul
ts.
Henodded.
Me:Sowhat
’syourst
ory?
NZ:Myst
ory?
Me:Yes.Iam sur
eyouhaveone.Weal
lhavea
st
orytotel
l.
NZ:Iam justaguyt
ryingtobet
terhi
slif
e.I
t’
stough
outther
e,li
fei
sexpensiveandwegottadowhatwe
gott
ado.
Il
ookedathim ashedi
dhi
swor
k.Youcoul
dtel
lhe
wasenjoyi
ngit
.
Me:Forhowl
onghaveyoubeendoi
ngt
his?
NZ:It’
sbeenyear s.Iwasn’tfort
unat
eenought oget
ajobaftergraduatingsoinsteadofsi
t t
ingonmy
handsIt aughtmyselfthi
s.No, myfatheraroused
thefeel
ingofgar deningbeforehepassedaway.But
Ifel
lmor einlovewi t
hitwhenImetBel inda.She
l
ovedf l
ower s…
Hestr
uggledtosayt
hename.Hisvoi
cebecame
small
.Iwantedt
oaskwhoBeli
ndaisbutdi
dn’
t
wanttoi
nvadehispr
ivacy.
NZ:Ij
ustl
ovedoi
ngt
his…yeah…ohGod!
Me:Whoi
sBel
inda?
NZ:Mychi
ldhoodsweet
hear
t…canyoupl
easef
il
l
t
hebucketf
orme?
Hedidn’twantmet oaskmor equesti
onsabout
Bel
inda.AsmuchasIwant ed,Ichosenotto.Ther
e
wasn’tapleasantst
orybehindherandIdidn’twant
topressur
ehi m.Weweren’tthatcl
osetobeginwith.

Tobecont
inued…
42

PANDORAKAMANDE

MayaandIhadjustf
ini
shedsomearr
angements
fort
hef
uneral
,andnowwewer edr
ivi
ngbackto
home.

Thepolicewerealreadylooki
ngint
otheaccident
concerningthecauseofdeath.Theyal
sotookust o
i
nspectt hesceneofaccident
,Mayainsi
sted.I
wasn’tupf ori
tbutIdidn’
twanthertogothrough
thi
salone.Wedidn’thavethedatef
ortheburi
alas
ofyet,
wewer estil
lwait
ingfort
hecoronert
o
rel
easethei
rbodies.

Me:Wheni
sCal
eb’
sfat
herar
ri
ving?
Mayawasseat
edont
hebackseat
,losti
nherown
t
hought
s.
Maya:Toni
ght
.Oneper
sonIam notl
ooki
ngf
orwar
d
t
osee.
Me:Rememberwear
edoi
ngt
hisf
orRi
verand
Wade.
Shel
ookedoutoft
hewi
ndowandi
gnor
edme.
Me:Maya,IknowyouandCal eb’
sf at
herhave
i
ssuesbutthoseissuescan’
tbebiggerthanthe
cur
rentsi
tuat
ion.Tryandbethebi
ggerper son.
Maya:Iknow.
Me:Fewdaysonl
y,t
hat
’sal
lweneed.

JEWELMUDAU
Thef ollowingmor ni
ngIwokeupandpr epar
ed
breakf astforLeon.Iwantedtotellhi
mthenewsI
gotfrom t heDoctor.Idi
dn’tknowwhattoexpect
butonet hingIknewwast hat,Leon’s
under standable.

Iwasset t
ingthetabl
ewhenhewalkedi
ntheeati
ng
room andwr appedhi
sarmsaroundmywaist
,fr
om
thebehind.
Leon:Mr
sMudau.
Me:Husband,
Iwasst
art
ingt
othi
nkyouar
enot
hungr
y.
Leon:Iwasont
hephonewi
thmysi
ster
.
Het
urnedmear
ound.
Leon:What
’sgoi
ngonwi
thyou?
Me:Whatdoyoumean?
Leon:Youst
ruggl
edwi t
hsl
eeplastni
ght
.It
ri
ed
i
gnoringhowrest
lessyouwer
ebutitwashard.
Me:Aboutt
hat
…
Leon:What
?
Me:Canwesi
tdown?Ther
e’ssomet
hingIneedt
o
t
ellyou.
Leon:Okay,
soundser
ious.
Me:I
tis.
Itookhishandandl
edt
heway.Wewentt
osi
tin
theli
vingroom.

Themi nuteIl
ookedintohi seyeswordsleftmebut
Igatheredstr
engthandnar rat
edeverythi
ngtome.
Trut
hbet old,r
eadingLeon’sfacewasdi f
fi
cult
.My
husbandwasn’ tadif
fi
cultmanandIl ikedthat
abouthim butsometimef earclosedi
n.
Leon:Whendi
dyougot
oseet
heDoct
or?
Me:Somet
imel
astweek…
Leon:Whydi
dn’
tyout
ellme?
Me:Iwant
edt
odot
hisal
one.Idi
dn’
twantt
owor
ry
you.
Leon:Worryme?Babe,youarenotaloneinthi
s.
Andfrom whatI’
vepi
cked,yourdi
agnosisiscurabl
e.
Wewi l
ldowhateveri
ttakestogetyoutreat
edand
whenwedo, thi
shousewi l
lbefi
ll
edwithchil
dren.
Hesqueezedmycheeks.
Leon:Thisi
snothi
ng,we’vebeent
hroughal
otand
wewi l
lgett
hroughthi
stoo.
Me:Iwassowor
ri
ed,
thi
nki
ngyou’
dbeupset
…
Leon:Youarecrazy.Idowantchildr
enbuttheynot
asimport
antasyoubabe.Youar emyli
feandif
whatIwantisputti
ngyourli
feindangerthenwe
for
getaboutitunt
ilwefindasoluti
on.
Me:Il
oveyousomuch.
Ileanedf
orwar
dandkissedhi
m.Theki
sswenton
forawhil
eunti
lhebr
okeit.
Leon:Br
eakf
asti
sget
ti
ngcol
d.
Me:Let
’sgoandeat
.
West
oodupandwentt
othet
abl
etoeat
.
MELANI
EMASUTHA

IwasatworkwhenIwast ol
dNandiwasint
he
bui
ldi
ng.Iwasn’
texpect
ingt
oseehernotaf
tert
he
weddi
ngdrama.

Wewer ehavi
ngbreakf
astatt
hecaf
é,nextt
omy
wor
kplace.Thi
ngsweren’
tasawkwardasIhad
t
hought.
Nandi
:Trut
hbetol
d,youareanicel
adyMelani
e.I
wasveryst
upi
dtonotreal
iset
hatbefor
e.
Me:I
thappens.Peopl
ebecomej
udgement
alf
orno
r
eason.
Nandi:Iwi
sht
hingsdi
dn’tt
urnoutt
hewaytheydi
d.
WhatBeyondi
dwas…i twasembarrassi
ngand
st
upid.
Me:Hedidwhathef eltwasri
ght
.Ijustwi
shhe
di
dn’tdoitinfrontofpeopl
e.Iwoul
dhavecreat
eda
st
orytotellpeoplenotwhathedid.
Nandi
:Iam notsayi
ngwhathedi
dwasr
ightbuthe
savedyoufrom l
otoft
hings.Idon’
tseeyou
quarr
ell
ingwit
hMunaka.Thatoneisat oughcooki
e,
nooffence…
Il
aughed…
Nandi:Butyouar
ever ysof
tMel.Thatoneisgoi
ng
toteachBeyonalessonhe’dneverf
orgeti
nhisl
ife.
Justwaitandwatch.
Shet
ookasi
ponhercof
fee.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Moon:Whendoyouwantt
hemoney?
Sheaskedstandi
ngatthedoorofmybedr
oom,
I
wasfol
dingclot
hesforpacki
ng.
Me:Notnow,whent
hedi
vor
cei
sfi
nal
ised.Iam i
n
nohur
rytouseit
.
Moon:I
t’
sal
otofmoney.You’
vebeensavi
ngal
l
t
hist
ime?
Me:Imadet
hismoneyi
nthel
astt
hreemont
hs.I
t’
s
l
ikeIknewsomet
hingl
iket
hiswoul
dhappened.I
f
Calebcomest
oknowaboutit
…
Moon:Hewillnot
.Ir
eal
lydon’tknowhowI ’
dfeeli
fI
am f
orcedt
ospi l
tmyassets.I
’dprobabl
yburn
someone’
sbehindorki
llsomeone.
Wel
ookedateachot
herandl
aughed.
Me:Thi
sisalesson,nevergetmar r
iedi
n
communit
yofproperty.Satanresi
desther
e,l
ookat
menow.Iam star
ti
ngaf resh,i
fthi
shousewasin
mynameI’dnotbethinkingofmovingoutbuther
e
am I
.
Moon:Ther
e’snowayCal
ebcanl
etyoukeepi
t?
Me:Arewetal
kingaboutt
hesameCal
eb?Ahnever
,
t
hatonehaschanged.
Moon:Lethi
m enj
oybecausewhent
hehoneymoon
phasei
sover,hewil
lwi
shheneverl
eft
.
Me:Hebet
ternotcomebackher
e.
Izippedmybagandwalkedtot
hedressi
ngtabl
eto
pickthet
oil
etr
ybag.Iwast
emporar
il
ymovingin
withMaya.
Me:Noahasbeencal
li
ngmesi
ncemor
ning.
Moon:Shei
sfumi
ngwher
evershei
s.
Me:Shewi
llbest
rong.
Moon:Iam headingbackt
owor
k.Ionl
yaskedf
or
30minutesbreak.
Me:Iwi
llseeyoul
ater
.
Moon:Bye.
Shewal
kedaway.Icont
inuedwi
thwhatIwasdoi
ng.

CALEBKAMANDE

Ilookedatmyl
awyer
;Idi
dn’
tbel
ievewhathehad
toldme.
Me:Shesi
gned?
Henodded.
Me:Idi
dn’
tthi
nkshe’
dact
ual
lysi
gnt
hem.
Lawyer
:Wel
lshedi
d.Wear et
akingi
ttocour
tnow,
i
tlesst
hant
womont hsyouwil
lbeafreeandsi
ngl
e
man.
Itfeltunreal.Iwashappybutatt hesamet i
meI
wasscar edoft hefut
ure.Yes,Ihadbeenwith
Cor deli
af oryearsbutwewer enevertoget
herfull
ti
me.I twast i
mef orustoli
veunderthesamer oof;
therewasachi l
dinthemix.Iwasaboutt ostar
t
anot herjourney.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Me:Yousur
eit
’sdone?Idon’
twantmessups…
Rhul
ani
:Iti
sdone.There’
snofil
ecaseunderCal
eb
Kamande.Idest
royedever
ythi
ng…
Me:Youwi
llgetyourmoney.
Ihungup.Lor
anl
ookedatme.
Me:What
?
Lor
an:I
sitwor
thi
t?
Me:Yes.
Loran:Iam get
ti
ngscaredCor
del
ia,youar
e
becomingthatdanger
ousCordel
iaweallt
hought
hasdied.
Me:Shei
snevercomi
ngback.
Lor
an:Ohr
eal
ly?Whatdoyoucal
lthi
s?
Me:I
t’
slove.
Loran:What
everyoudo,pl
easethinkofyourchi
ld.
Itwil
lbeashamet ol
oseeveryt
hing…
Me:Lor
an!
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:Igott
hisokay?AndIam i
ncheckwi
thr
eal
it
y.
Lor
an:I
fyousayso.
Inodded.
Lor
an:Nombul
elocal
ledmeyest
erday.
Me:Whatdi
dshewant
?
Loran:Hermotheri
saski
ngtoseeyou.Shesaid
they’
vebeentr
yingtocal
lyoubutyourphonei
s
alwaysoff.
Me:It
oldyoutobl
ockt
hei
rnumber
.Iwantnot
hing
t
odowi t
hthem.
Lor
an:Theywi
llnotst
opunt
ilyout
alkwi
thme.
Me:I
fit
’snotyoui
t’
smymot
her
.St
oppani
cki
ng!
Loran:OhCordel
ia,
youareplayi
ngavery
dangerousgames.Yourpastisaboutt
ocat
chup
wit
hyou, andsobad.
Me:Justshutupi
fyouhavenot
hingt
osay.
Shelookedatmeonemor
eti
meandshookher
head.

Tobecont
inued…
43

PANDORAKAMANDE

Ilayi
nbedforoveranhourbutcoul
dn’tshutmy
eyestosl
eep.AsIclosedmyeyestr
yingtosleep
t
hedoorwassuddenlyopened.Cal
eb’
swalkedint
o
t
heroom;hi
scologneannouncedit
spresence.

Idi
dn’
tmoveaninch,
Iqui
etl
ylayst
il
l.Icouldn’t
under
standwhyhewasher
eandnoti njai
l.Itdi
dn’
t
makesenseatal
l.

Hesatont
hecouchbesi
demybedandcl
ear
edhi
s
t
hroat
.
Cal
eb:Pandor
a.
Me:Youout
?
Cal
eb:Yeah…
Me:Howi
spossi
ble?
Cal
eb:I
t’
sal
ongst
ory.
Me:Longst
ory?Whodi
dyoubr
ibeCal
ebKamande?
Isatupstr
aightandlookedst
rai
ghtint
ohiseyes.
Helookedatmef orafewsecondsbeforehelooked
away.Hewashi di
ngsomet hi
ngfrom me.
Cal
eb:Idi
dn’
tbr
ibeanyone…
Me:Youdi
d.Wai
t,i
twasherr
ight
?
Caleb:Let
’snotgett
here.Ihear
dyouweresoIonl
y
camet ogreetyouandseehowyoudoing.Youand
thebaby…
Me:Wear
egood;youdon’
thavet
owor
ryaboutus.
Cal
eb:Wow…
Me:Iam amazedt
oseehowmuchyou’
vechanged.
Cor
deli
adidawonder
fulj
ob.
Cal
eb:Shedi
dn’
tdoanyt
hing.
Hedef
endedher
.
Cal
eb:Howar
eyouPandor
a?
Me:Iam f
ine.
Caleb:Iknowt hi
ngsai n’
tgoodbetweenusbutwe
haveababyont heway.Iam t i
edtoyouwhether
youlikeitornot.Butthat’
ssomethingIdon’
twant
togetto.Iam wor ri
edaboutyou,Riverwasver
y
i
mpor tanttoyou.Youl ovedher
,andshedidtoo.
Herpassi ngcan’tbeeasyonyou.
Me:Don’
tyoudar
esitt
her
eandpret
endtoknow
howIam f
eeli
ngwhenyouknowyoudon’
t.
Caleb:Iam notf
ight
ingwi
thyou.Iam st
ati
ngt
he
fact…
Me:St
ati
ngt
hef
actmyf
oot
!

Itri
edtogetupbutimmediatel
yst
oppedwhenI
suddenlyf
eltasti
ngonmyl owerabdomen.I
fl
inchedandpressedbot
hmyhandsont hebed.
Cal
eb:Ar
eyouf
ine?
Me:Yes.Anddon’
ttouchme.
Caleb:St
opbei
ngst
ubbor
n.I
t’
snotaboutyouonl
y
butmybabyaswell
.
Me:Thencomeandtakeherout.ComeonMacho
man!Isai
dIam f
ine,
stopfussi
ng.
Igat
heredmyst
rengt
handgotofft
hebed,I
marchedtot
hecl
osettot
akeoutaj
acket
.
Cal
eb:Igott
hepaper
s,t
hankyouf
ornotf
ight
ing…
Idar
tedmyeyesbackt
ohi
m.It
ri
ednott
olaughat
hi
m,Cal
ebwascr
azy-
nol
iei
nthat
.
Me:Iam expectedtosaythankyounow?Don’
tbe
stupi
d.Idi
dn’tdothi
sforyou,Idi
ditf
orme.Not
you!
Af
tersayi
ngt
hat
,Ipoi
ntedt
othedoor
.
Me:Canyoupleasel
eave?Iwantsomepr
ivacy.
GetoutCal
eb.
Cal
eb:Fi
ne,
Iwi
lll
eave.
Her
osef
rom t
hecouchandwal
kedout
.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Il
eanedmybackagainstt
heheadboar
dwhilst
st
ari
ngatmyringi
ngphone.Af
terfewminut
esof
st
ari
ngati
tIanswered.
Me:Nombul
elo.
Lel
o:Youf
inall
ydecidedt
oanswermycal l
s.Iam
sur
eyourf
riendtol
dyouthatIcal
ledher
.
Me:Andyoushoul
dn’
thavecal
ledher
.
Lel
o:Iwoul
dn’
thavei
fyouwer
eanswer
ingmycal
ls.
Me:Whatdoyouwant
?
Lel
o:I
t’
sbeenoverayearsinceyoupr
omisedt
o
comebackbutyouhaven’
tcall
ednort
ext
edus.
Whyareyoudoingt
hisCordeli
a?
Me:Iam t
ryi
ngsohardtoputmypastbehi
ndbutal
l
ofyouar
et r
yingt
otakemeback.
Lelo:I
fIhadachoiceIwouldn’
tbecal l
ingyou.
There’snot
hingwecandotogett hemoneywi t
hout
yoursignat
ure.I
t’
sbeenthr
eeyear s,
threedamn
years.What’
ssohardaboutsigni
ngandweget
what ’
sduetous?Isthi
syourwayofpuni shingus?
Me:Maybe.Doesi
ttast
eni
ce?

Iwasmar riedbefore,
notsomethingIlikedtal
king
about.Calebwasnotawar eofit.Iwantedtotell
him butatthesamet imeIdi
dn’twantt o,i
t’
sthe
pastIdidn’tl
ikenorwantedt
othi nkof.Mymar riage
endedayearbef oreImetCalebandi tdidn’
tend
well
.There’
sfeudbetweenmyhusband’
sfami
ly
andme, wit
hvali
dreasons.
Lelo:Youforcedmybr ot
hertoputyouint
hewil
l
knowi ngver
ywellwhatyourgamewasabout.You
arelivi
ngyourbestli
fewhil
stwesuffer
.Weneed
thatmoney,it’
sours.
Me:Igotlotgoingoni nmyl i
featt
hismoment .I
havezeroint
erestinyouandyourf amil
y.Youdidn’
t
careaboutmewhenyourbr otherwassti
llal
ive;
you
l
ethim doashepl easeswi t
hme.Heabusedmei n
yourhouse,i
nthepr esenceofyourfamil
y.Didyou
dosomet hi
ngtost optheabuse?No!Sodon’tyou
darecal
landor dermear ound.
Shedi
dn’
trespond.
Me:Stopcall
ingmeandstopcall
ingmyfr
iends
becauseIwil
lnotcomeunlessIwantt
o.I
t’
stime
formetostandupformyself…
Lel
o:Hellwi
llf
reezebef
oreIl
etyou.Wear
etaki
ng
thi
stocourt
.
Me:Youar
e?Gor
ightaheadandseei
fIcar
eLel
o.
Idi
dn’
tletherr
espond,
Ihungup.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Idi
dn’tt
hinkI’
dli
kesomeoneaf terbei
nghur tby
Beyon.Ihadcommittedmyselfinthatr
elat
ionship
andIhadt ol
dmyselfthatBeyon’
sarmswer emy
home.IguessItol
dmysel fli
es.

Somethi
ngunusualwashappeni
ng,Idi
dn’tknow
howbutIwasslowlybutsur
elyt
aki
nginteresti
n
Nour
-Zai
n.

Isatonmychai
randr
anghi
snumber
.
Iwasn’tl
ookingforarel
ati
onshi pbutIwashopi ng
foroneastimewentby.Thi stimeIwant edtot
ake
thi
ngsslow,Ididn’
twanthistorytorepeatit
sel
f.I
wantednaturetotakeit
scour se.
Nour
-Zai
nanswer
edi
nsecondr
ing.
NZ:Bi
ghead.
Me:Ohi
sli
ket
hatnow?
Hel
aughed.
NZ:Howar
eyou?
Me:Goodandyou?
NZ:Iam f
ine.Ar
en’
tyousupposedt
obewor
king?
Me:Iam atwor
k.Ideci
dedt
oannoysomeoneI
know.
NZ:Ohwow…
Me:Igotyounow,
didn’
tI?Whatar
eyoudoi
ng
t
onight
?
NZ:Not
hingi
nter
est
ing,
justmeandmysi
ster
cat
chi
nguponournovels…
Me:Andher
eadt
oo.Youf
ullofsur
pri
ses.
NZ:Ther
e’smor
etoknowaboutme.
Me:Iwant
edt
oinvi
teyouoverf
ordi
nnerbutsi
nce…
NZ:Whatt
ime?
Me:No,Iwon’
tletyoucancelyourr
eadi
ngdat
ewi
th
yoursi
ster
.
NZ:Zamowi
llunder
stand.
Me:Noshewon’t
.Let
’sdot
his,i
nvit
eherovert
oo.
Thethr
eeofuscanhavedi
nnertoget
her
.
NZ:Yousur
e?
Me:Welli
t’
sbet
tert
hancancel
li
ngt
hedat
e,don’
t
yout
hink?
NZ:AndyouwonderwhyIcal
lyoubi
ghead?
Me:Whatever
!Letmegetbackt
owor
k,seeyou
t
onight
.
NZ:Ican’
twai
t.
Iendedt
hecal
lst
il
lsmi
li
ng.Whatwashappeni
ng
wit
hme?

PANDORAKAMANDE

Lor
ato’
seyesshi
ft
edbackandf
ort
hasshel
ooked
atme.Thesi
lencef
il
ledt
hespacebet
weenus.

Lor
ato:I
sther
esomet
hingyou’
dli
ket
otel
lme?
Me:No.
Lor
ato:Yousure,
becauseyoureyesar
esayi
ng
somethi
ngelse.
Ishr
ugged.
Me:LastnightI,mh…Ihadt houghts,Iwantedtocut
myself.Iwasinlotofpainandtheonl ythi
ngto
numbt hepainwast hroughcutt
ing.Onemi nut
eI
washappyandt henextminuteIwasupi nmyfeel
s.
Itt
ookmymi ndasecondt odatebackt omemor i
es
betweenme, RiverandWade.
Lor
ato:Whatst
oppedyou?
Me:Fort
hefi
rstt
imeIt
houghtaboutsomeoneel
se
bef
oremysel
f.
Lor
ato:Andwhoi
sthatper
son?
Me:Mybaby.WhenIhadt her
azorinmyhandI
want
edtocutmywristdeepandjustl
ieont
hef
loor
butIcoul
dn’
tdoit
.Iknewitwasn’
taboutme
anymore,
hurt
ingmyselfwasn’
tanopti
on.
Lorat
o:That’
sagoodt hi
ng,don’
tyouthi
nk?Thi
s
babyisal
readyyoursanit
y.Sheisnotbor
nyetbut
hereyouareput
tingherbefor
eanythi
ng.
Me:Cr
azyr i
ght
?ImeanIdidn’
twanther
.Ihadtol
d
mysel
f,she’
donlybeaconst
antr
emindernot
knowi
ng.
Lorato:Idon’tbl
ameyou;youtoldyourmi
ndt hat
.I
al
wayst el
lyouPandora,youar
ewhatyout hi
nkyou
are.Yourmi ndcanbeyourwor stenemyi
fyouwant
i
ttobe, andt hat
’sdanger
ous.
Sheclosedt
hebookthatwasinherhandandputi
t
onthesmallt
abl
ebesideherchai
r.
Lorat
o:YouaredoingwellandIam happyt osee
theprogr
essyou’
vemadei nt hepastmont hs.I
thi
nknowwecanseeeachot heronceaweek.St ay
onyourmedicat
ion,commi tyourselft
oanything,i
t
canbeahobbyoranyt hi
ngt hatwillnotdepress
you.
Me:Yousur
e?
Lorato:Iam.Youar edoi ngwellandIam i
mpr essed,
youar ef i
nall
ytakingchar geofyourmindand
thought s.Youaref i
ghtinganythingt
hati
s
threateningyourhappi ness.Eveninthemidstof
thi
s, youar efi
ghti
ngt obehappy.Youar eputtinga
smi l
eonyourf ace…
Me:Nowt
hatyoument
ionedi
t.
Lor
ato:IknowwhatIam t
aki
ngabout
,tr
ustme.
Me:I
tfeel
sgoodt
obef
ine.

Tobecont
inued…

IcouldhavenotpostwhenI'vewri
ttenani
nsertso
pleasetakeandrunwit
hwhatIam gi vi
ng.
Tomor r
owi sFr
idayt
wol onginser
tsasweclosethe
week.
44

CALEBKAMANDE
Iwatchedmymot herf
oralongtimeasIgat her
ed
myt houghts.Thi
swasoneconver sat
ionIwasn’t
readyfor.Hereyeswerefi
ll
edwithsomuch
disappoi
ntment.Youcouldtel
lshedidn’
trecognize
thepersonwhowassi tt
inginfr
ontofher.

Shecoveredhershoul
der
swi
thshawlandencl
osed
herhands.
Mom:Doyoust i
llt
hinkCor
deli
aistheri
ghtwoman
foryou?Imeant
hiswomandi dn’
tthi
nktwice
beforebr
eaki
ngthelaw.Whatki
ndofawomani s
she?Doyoureal
lyknowher?
Me:Awomanwhost andbyherpar
tner
.Youdon’
t
seeitbutshedi
dthi
sforme…andyes,Idoknow
her.
Mom:Foryou?Youar enotevenr emorseful
.You
hadafi
ghtwi t
hyourbr ot
her,youendedi njai
land
nowyouar eoutinst
eadofpayi ngforyourcri
me.
Youwil
lsithereandpretendtol oveyourbrot
her?
Pret
endtobehur toverhisdeathwhenyouar enot?
Me:Tr ustmeMom, Iam remorseful.IfIcould,
I
woul dgobacktothatni
ghtandmaket hingsri
ght
withmybr other
.Myheartishurt
ing;Il ostmy
sibl
ingsinthesameday.Ididn’
tevengetachance
tomaket hingsri
ght
.Iwil
lneverforgivemysel f
.

Mom:Li
tt
let
ool
atef
ort
hatdon’
tyout
hink?
Me:Youar
enevergoi
ngt
ofor
giveme,
areyou?
Mom:Youar emysonCal eb,
rightnowIam hur t
anddisappoi
ntedbyyouractionsbutt hatdoesn’
t
meanIdon’tloveyou.Itr
eall
yhur ttoseethe
hear
tl
essmonst erCordel
iahascr eated.
Me:Iknowyoul ovePandorabutsheisnolongeri
n
myl i
fe.Iam wit
hCordeli
aandyouneedt omake
peacewi t
hit
.Iam notleavi
ngher
,notforyounot
foranyoneelse.
Mom:AndIam notaskingyout oleaveher.I
al
readytoldyousonandIwil
lrepeatitagain,
Iwi
ll
neveracceptherasmydaughter-
in-
law.Sheisno
onetome.
Me:Youwon’
tevendoi
tforme?
Mom:Why?

Shel
ookedatme,
herbeaut
if
uleyesr
efl
ect
ingpai
n.
Mom:Iam t
hinki
ngofl
eavi
ngaf
tert
hebur
ial
.
Me:Leave?Wher
eto?
Mom:Kenya.Idon’tthinkIwil
leverst
ayhereand
behappy.Thispl
aceonl yhol
dsmemor ies,
memoriesthatwi
llonlybreakmyheart.
Me:Youar
eleavi
ngme?
Mom:Howoldar
eyou?Twoyear
sol
d?Youwi
ll
t
akecar
eofyour
sel
f.
Me:Don’
tdot
hisMom.
Mom:Iam l
eavi
ng.
Me:Butyouwi
llbeback?
Sheshookherhead.
Me:Mama?
Ii
mmedi at
elypai
ntedapict
urei
nmyhead, api
ctur
e
wit
houtmymot her.I
twasn’
tapleasantone.I
neededher.
Mom:That
’ssomet
hingIcan’
tpr
omi
seyou.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Itur
nedbacktolookatJewel
.Shelif
tedhergaze
andmetmyl ook.Iwasbusyprepar
ingfoodfor
di
nner.
Jewel
:Youar
ereal
lyexci
tedaboutt
hisdi
nner
…
Me:I
t’
sthatobvi
ous?
Jewel
:Gi
rl
,theener
gy…
Il
aughedandshej
oinedme.
Me:Iam f
eeli
ngsomet ypeofwayandIam star
ti
ng
t
onotlovethi
sfeel
ing.WhatifIam set
ti
ngmysel
f
f
oratrap?
Jewel:Nowt
hat’snonsense.Ithoughtyou’
dbe
cryi
ngandwait
ingforBeyont ocomebackbutyou
aresur
pri
singme.Youaresoposi
ti
veaboutt
he
fut
ureandthat
’samazi
ng.
Me:God!
Shesatonthechairatt
hecounteranddrewcl
oser
thebowlofi
cecream.Shestar
tedeatingit
.
Jewel
:Iam st
art
ingt
het
reat
mentnextweek.
Me:Ar
eyouscar
ed?
Jewel
:Notr
eal
ly.

Iputt
hel
idovert
hepan.
Me:Youwi
llgetpr
egnantman,
stopwor
ryi
ng.
Jewel:Iam j
ustfeel
ingguil
ty.I
fIhadl
ist
enedt
o
Leonwhenheaskedf orustostar
tafamil
ymaybeI
wouldhavetreat
edthislongtime.
Me:Nouseintal
kingl
iket
hat
.Ever
ythi
nghappens
f
orareason.
Jewel:Iknow;i
t’
sjustt
hatI’
vewitnessmenl eavi
ng
theirwi
vesbecauseofinf
ert
il
it
y.Idon’twanttogo
throughthat
.
Me:Leonisnott
hatki
ndofmen.Hewi
llneverdo
t
hattoyou.
Jewel
:Peopl
ewi
llsur
pri
seyoudar
li
ng.
Thatwascor
rect
.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

ThekitchendooropenedandCalebst
eppedi
n.He
st
eppedf art
heri
nsideandwrappedhi
sarms
aroundmywai st
.
Me:Imi
ssedyou.
Caleb:Youhavenoi
deahowmuchI’
vemissedyou.
Icouldn’
twaitt
ohol
dyouinmyar
msl i
kethi
s.
Webr
oket
hehug.
Me:Howi
sMaya?
Cal
eb:Shei
sfi
ne,
orsoshesays.
Me:I
tcan’
tbeeasy.
Cal
eb:I
t’
snot
.
Hel
eanedagai
nstt
hecount
err
ightbesi
demeand
wat
chedmeasIcook.
Cal
eb:Shei
sleavi
ng.
Me:Leavi
ng?
Cal
eb:Yes.Shemadeadeci
siont
oleaveSout
h
Afr
ica.
Me:That
’s…

Ididn’
tknowwhatt
osay.Icoul
dseehewashur
ti
ng
overthatf
act
.
Caleb:Itr
iedt
alkingheroutofi
tbutshe’
snot
changinghermi nd.I
thurtt
oseehowmuchmy
mot herl
ovedRiverandWade.Sheiswi l
li
ngt
oleave
mebehi nd…
Me:It
hinki
tispai
ntal
king,
Isaygivehert
ime,I
f
shewantst
oleavel
ett
henherleave.Donotcr
owd
her
.
Cal
eb:Iguessyouar
eri
ght
.
Heki
ssedmeont
hecheek.
Cal
eb:Howi
smybabydoi
ng?
Me:Wegood.Tomor
rowwear
egoi
ngt
othedoct
or.
Cal
eb:Whatt
ime?
Me:Lat
eaf
ter
noon.
Cal
eb:Canweknowt
hesexoft
hebaby?
Me:Wecan.Youwannaknownow?
Cal
eb:Don’
tyou?
Me:No,Iwannawait
.Iwanti
ttobeasur pr
isebut
youcanasktheDoct
or,hewi
llt
ellyou.
Caleb:Iam def
ini
tel
ygoi
ngtoaskbutIknow
al
ready.Wear ehavi
ngaboy.
Me:Aboy?Youwi
llbedi
sappoi
nted.
Cal
eb:I
tdoesn’
tmat
ter
.
Il
ookedathi
m andsmi
led.
Caleb:NowthatIam getti
ngdi
vor
cewecanf
inal
ly
focusonourrelat
ionshi
p.Whoknows,
wemight
takethi
ngst
ot henextlevel
.
Me:Nextl
evel
?
Cal
eb:Yes,
getmar
ri
ed.
Me:Mar
ri
ed…mar
ri
edal
ready?
Ist
utt
ered.
Cal
eb:Yes,
whydoyousoundsur
pri
sed.
Me:Iam not
.Ij
ustt
hought
…youknowwhatnever
mi
nd.
Ihadt
otel
lCal
ebaboutLl
oydandsoon.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Nour-Zai
ncamet wohour
searl
ier.Hecamealone;
hesaidhissi
sterwoul
dcomelater.Shewassti
llat
work.Weweresi t
ti
ngi
nthel
oungewat chi
ngTV.

Hewassi t
ti
ngont hesofaandIwassit
tingonthe
fl
ooreat
ingicecream.Hekeptonsteal
ingglances
atme;Icouldfeelhi
seyesonme.
Me:CanIaskyousomet
hing?
NZ:Youcan.
Me:Who’
sBel
inda?
Hekeptqui
et.
Me:Iam sorry.Ishoul
dn’
thaveasked,
itj
ustthatI
real
isedhowyourmoodchangedl astt
imewhen
youment i
onedhername.Ishouldn’
thaveasked…
NZ:I
t’
sokay.Bel
indawasmygi
rl
fr
iend.
Me:Was?
NZ:Yes.Shewaski
ll
edduri
ngr
obber
y,herandour
t
hreeyearsol
ddaught
er.
Me:Iam sor
ry…

Sor
rywastheonl
ywor
dthatcamet
omyl
ips.Why
di
dIask?
NZ:I
thappenedyear
sago…I
’
vel
ear
nedt
oli
vewi
th
i
t.
Me:Whendi
dithappen?
NZ:Whenwewer
est
il
linVar
sit
y.
Il
ookedathi
m.
NZ:Thatmi
ghthaveputapi
eceonyourpuzzl
e.
WhyIam host
il
e…
Me:Youhaven’
theal
ed?
NZ:Ihave.Iwasf or
cedtotal
ktosomeonebuttr
uth
i
s,therapydoesn’
thelp.I
tonl
ynumbsthepain.I
di
dn’tseethereasontoconti
nuewit
hitsoI
st
oppedgoi ng.
Me:I
tmusthavebeent
ough.
NZ:Itwas.Ist
il
lrememberthatdayl
ikei
twas
yest
erday,sor
awandgr uesome.
Me:Ican’
timagi
newhatyouwer
efeel
ing.
NZ:I
tisonefeel
ingIdon’
twisht
ofeelagai
n.My
fami
lysuppor
tedme, t
heygavemethesupportand
Imadepeacewiththei
rdeat
h.
Me:Haveyoubeenwi
thanywomanaf
terher
?
NZ:Yes,t
wobutitdidn’
twor
kout.WhenIt
oldt
hem
aboutBel
indat
heyjustl
osti
nter
est
,di
dn’
twantt
o
compet
ewi
tht
heghost
.
Me:Wer
eyoucompar
inghert
othem?
NZ:No,maybeIdi
dbuti
fIdi
d,i
twasn’
tmy
i
ntent
ion.
Me:AndIthoughtIwast
heonl
yonewi
thli
fe
pr
oblems.Peopl
earegoi
ngthr
oughal
otoutt
her
e.
NZ:That
’sthetruth.Wecan’tgoaroundt
ell
ing
peopl
eourst or
iesbutonethingf
orsure,
everyone
hassomethingtocr yover
.
Inoddedr
epeat
edl
y.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Istoodunderwarm wat
erint
heshowerandclosed
myeyes.Mymi ndwentbacktotheevent
sthat
oncebrokemyheart.I
twentbacktowhatI’
ve
prayedandbeggedtofor
get.

I
’
dsur
vivedwor
se,
I’
dbeeni
nsi
tuat
ionIdi
dn’
tthi
nk
I’
dcomeoutali
ve.Icouldn’
tsayCal
ebdidn’
tknow
me,heknewmeorr atherheknewCordel
iaIwant
ed
himtoknow.

Mymar r
iagewasawhol estor
yandahalf.I
twas
hel
l.Thi
ngshappened,
thingsthatmademewhoI
was.

Iwashedmybodywi
thasponge;myhandr
anona
hugemarkt
hatwasl
eftbyhi
m.Itwasonmylef
t
arm.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasonacal
lwi
thCar
los.
Me:Tel
lmeyouar
eki
ddi
ng…
Car
los:Iwi
shIwas.
Me:It
houghtshewasjoki
ngwhenshesai
dshe
wantt
otakethecase.
Carl
os:Wedon’tneedpeoplel
ikePandor
aint
hese
cases.Shei
sgoingtosnif
fandwhenshedoes,she
i
sgoi ngtof
indsomethi
ng.
Me:Butshei
snott
arget
ingourWar
d.
Carl
os:Now,yesbutsheisgoi
ngtogetl
otof
stor
ies.WeworkedwithsomemeninthoseWards.
Doyout hi
nktheywi
llkeepqui
etwheni
tstar
tst
o
gethot?
Me:Ofcour
senow.Car l
osIcan’
tgobackt
ojai
l
,
t
hist
imeIwillnotbel
ucky.
Car
los:Pr
ayman,
pray.
Me:Thi
sisamess.
Car
los:Tel
lmeabouti
t.
Isatmysel
font
hear
mrestoft
hecouch.
Car
los:Wheni
syourhear
ing?
Me:NextweekMonday.Idon’
tthi
nkIst
il
lhavea
j
ob,thebi
gbossesalr
eadyknowwhathappened.I
wil
lbesuspendedorf
ir
ed.
I
nst
eadofsayi
ngsomet
hinghel
aughed.
Me:What
’sf
unny?
Carl
os:Theywil
laskhowyougotoutqui
ckly.You
weresupposedtobeinj
ailf
orsi
xmonths,orithas
sl
ippedyourmind?
Hecont
inuedt
olaughasi
fitwasaj
oke.

Tobecont
inued…
45

PANDORAKAMANDE

Isetdownapotoft
eaandwentt
osi
tont
hecouch.
Jewelhadcome.
Jewel
:Whenar
etheyr
eleasi
ngt
hei
rbodi
es?
Me:Wedon’
tknow,
wear
ejustwai
ti
ngf
ort
he
cor
oner
.
Jewel
:It
’st
aki
ngl
ong.I
t’
sbeent
wodays.
Me:Iwast
ell
ingCal
ebt
hesamet
hing.
Jewel:Isti
llcan’
tbel
ievehei
sout
.Thismani
s
sneaky,howdi dhemanagetogetout
?
Me:Ihaveafeel
inghehir
edsomeonetodest
roy
t
hefil
ecase.Wit
houtitt
here’
snocase.
Jewel:Youar
eri
ght.WhydoIhaveaf
eel
ing
Cordeli
awasbehi
ndtheidea?
Me:Whoel se?ThatCordel
iawomani
scapabl
eof
anyt
hingevenmur der
.
Jewel
:Iam j
ustwor
ri
edaboutyou.
Me:Whataboutme?
Jewel
:Havi
ngt
oseehi
m ever
ydaycan’
tbeeasy.
Me:Iwoul
dli
keifIsayi
t’
snow.DidIt
ellyouhe
t
hankedmeforsigni
ngt
hedivor
cepapers?
Jewel
:Ifi
twasn’
tconf
ir
m bef
orenowi
tis;Cal
ebi
s
i
nsanemonkey.
Me:Isai
dthesamet
hingt
ohi
m.
Ipour
edmysel
facupoft
ea.
Me:Ij
ustcan’
twai
tfort
hej
udget
osi
gnandgeti
t
donewit
h.
Jewel
:Don’
twor
ry;youwi
llgetr
idofhi
m.
Me:Ican’
twai
t.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Lat
erthateveni
ngwesatatt hetableandhadour
di
nner.I
twasgoi ngwellandfuntoo.Iwasleftwit
h
Zanot
hando;Nour -
Zai
nhadgonet ot akeapiss.

Itookasi
ponmywi
nebef
oreIseti
tdownont
he
tabl
e.
Zano:Idon’tknowwhatyou’vedonetomybr other
butwhateveriti
sIsaythankyou.I’
veneverseen
hi
ml i
kethisinawhile.
Me:Yourbrot
heri
sver
yhar
dtopl
ease.I
t’
sli
kehi
s
madeofstone.
Zano:
Heisnothinglikethatbutsi
nceyoudon’
t
knowhim wel
l,
Iwillagreewithyou.
Me:Het
oldmeaboutBel
inda.
Shel ookedatme,shockwaswr i
tt
enalloverher
face.It’
sli
keshedidn’
texpectmetosaythat.
Zano:
Hedi
d?
Me:Yes,
whydoyoul
ooksur
pri
sed?
Zano:I
t’
sjustt
hathedoesn’
tli
ket
otal
kabouther
l
ikenever
.
Me:Iki
ndoff
orcedi
toutofhi
m.
Zano: St
il
l.Zai
nisoneper
sonwhostruggl
ewit
h
openingupt opeopl
esoforyout
oknowhi s
deepestsecret
smeansyoumeanal ottohi
m.
Me:Iwoul
dn’
tsayt
hat
.
NouZainretur
nedtot
hetabl
e.Hewassi
tt
ingonmy
l
eftsi
de,nextt
ohissi
ster
.

Wecont i
nuedeati
ngwhil
stl
aughi
ngandtel
li
ng
random st
ori
es.Theni
ghtwasgoi
ngniceandIwas
enjoyi
ngeverybi
tofi
t.

CALEBKAMANDE
Iwassitt
inginthegardensmoki ngwhenmyf at
her
camef r
om behind.Helandedlastnight
,hecame
wit
hhiswi f
ebutshewasn’ tstayi
nginMaya’ s
house.Sheonlycamet oofferhercondolences.

Myfatherhadanotherf
ami
ly;hehadtwochil
dren
wit
hhiswife,aboyandagi
rl.Fr
om thepi
ctur
es
t
heylookedhappy.
Dad:Yououther
e.
Hesai
dsi
tt
ingnextt
ome.
Me:Yes.
Dad:Iwast
alki
ngwi
thyourmot
her
…
Me:Okay?
Dad:ShewantsRi
verandWadet
obebur
iedbacki
n
home,Kenya.
Me:What
?Sheneversai
danyt
hingt
ome.
Dad:Shewasgoi ngtot
ellyou.Idon’
tknowhow
youfeelaboutheri
deabutIagreewithher
.Sout
h
Af
ri
cawasneverourhome.
Me:I
tbecameourhomedad.I
tisourhome.
Dad:Maybebutyoursi
bli
ngsmustbeburi
edat
home.Ther
earesomer i
tual
sthatmustbe
per
for
medandt heycanonlybeperf
ormedinKenya.
Me:I
tseem li
keyouandmom haveal
readymade
t
hedeci
sion.Nothi
ngIsaywi
llmakeadiff
erent
.
Ipuff
edonet
imeonmyci
gar
ett
ebef
oreIt
hrewi
t
onthegr
ound.
Me:Wewi
lldowhatmom want
sust
odo.
Henodded.
Me:Di
dshet
ellyouaboutherpl
ans?
Dad:Whatpl
ans?
Me:Shewant stogobackhome,It
hinkt
hat
’soneof
thereasonsshedeci
dedtohaveRi
verandWade
buri
edhome.Shei snotpl
anni
ngoncomingback.
Dad:Inevert
houghtMayawouldgobackhome.
Shealwayswantedtost
ayinSouthAf
rica.
Me:Shenol
ongerhasr
easonst
ost
ayher
e.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Irecei
vedacallf
rom AuntKri
sasIwasaboutto
takeashower.Wehadnott al
kedi
nmonths,andI
wanteditt
hatway.

Iwentt
ositonthefootoft
hebedandl
ist
enedt
o
herasshetal
ked.
Kri
s:Si
nceIhear
daboutwhathashappenedto
youri
n-l
awsI’
vebeenst
ruggl
ingwi
thwords,r
eason
whyIhadnotcal
led.
Me:I
t’
sokay,
andyoudi
dn’
thavet
o.
Kri
s:Pando,
forhowl
ongar
eyougoi
ngt
ost
ay
angryatme?
Me:Forasl
ongasi
t’
snecessar
y.
Kr
is:Ial
readyapol
ogi
zedf
orl
yingt
oyou.
Me:AndIsai
dIf
orgaveyou.
Kri
s:Youf or
gavemebutyoucouldn’
tevencal
land
say,auntIam get
ti
ngadi
vorce.I
thadtobeMoon
whot el
lsme.

Idi
dn’tbl
ameMoonf
ort
ell
ingher
,shewasher
mother.
Me:Adi
vor
cei
snotsomet
hingt
oannounce.
Kri
s:Itr
eal
lyhur
ttoseeyoudr
ift
ingawayfrom me.
Inevert
houghtmysist
er’
schi
ldwil
lactt
hisway
wit
hme.
Me:I
tisl
if
eaunt
,whatyouneedt
odoi
saccepti
t
andmoveon.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

NZ:Thankyouf
ordi
nner
,itwasni
ce.
Me:Thankyouf
orcomi
ng.
Wewer
eint
heki
tchenwashi
ngt
hedi
shes.
NZ:Wheni
syourmot
hercomi
ngback?
Me:Shei
snotsure;l
astti
mewet al
kedshewasn’
t
sur
e.Mygrandmotheri
snotwel
l;sheist
aki
ngcare
ofher
.
NZ:Youdon’
tgetscar
edi
nthi
shouse?
Ir
anmyeyesar
oundandshookmyheadno.
Me:Igr
ewupi nt
hishouse,
andournei
ghbour
hood
i
snotdanger
ous.
NZ:Wit
hacr
azyexl
ikeyour
sI’
dbeext
remel
y
scar
ed.
It
hrewadi
shcl
othathi
m.
Me:I
t’
snotf
unny.
NZ:Tr
ustmei
tis.

Wef i
nishedt
hedishesandt hencleanedtheki
tchen.
Zanothandowaspeaceful
lysleepingonthecouch.
Itwasgoingtobeami ssi
ont ogetherup,shewas
sil
entl
ysnori
ng.Wewer estandingatthedoorway
l
ookingather.
Me:Shecansl
eepoverIr
eal
l
ydon’
tmi
nd.
NZ:No,
wewi
llwakeherup.
Me:Ireal
lydon’
tmind.Cal
lyourmotherandlether
know.Iwil
ldri
veherhometomorrow,itwi
llbethe
fi
rstt
hingIdointhemorni
ng.
NZ:Okay,
letmecal
lher
.
Hetookouthisphoneoutoft
hepocketandr
ang
hi
smot her
.Theytal
kedforawhi
lebefor
ehehung
up.
NZ:Ishoul
dgetgoi
ng,
thankyouagai
nfordi
nner
.I
hadagreatni
ght
.
Me:Idi
dtoo.
NZ:Mhgoodni
ght
.
Wel eanedf orwardf orahug.Wehuggedf orawhil
e,
whenwebr okethehugwel ookedintoeachother
’s
eyes.Wi thoutanywar ni
ngwebot hleanedforwar
d
andki ssed.Theki sswasn’trushed,hishands
movedt omywai st.Hegentlysqueezedthem aswe
continuedt okiss.
PANDORAKAMANDE

IfoundCordeli
aoutsidewhenIwast akingoutthe
tr
ashbin.Shewasl eaningagainstCaleb’scar,i
t
seemedlikehewaswai t
ingforher.Shewas
wearingalongyel
lowdr esswithaj acket.Herbump
wasasvisibleasmine.

Shewasbusyonherphone;Ipassedherwithout
sayi
nganyt
hing.Idumpedt
hetrashandturned
backtot
hehouse.Ibumpedint
oCalebatthedoor.
Cal
eb:Sor
ryIdi
dn’
tseeyou.
Me:I
t’
sfi
ne.
Henoddedandwalkedaway.Ist
oodatthedoor
andlookedathi
m.Theyhuggedandki
ssedfora
whil
e.

Cal
ebwasbei ngdi
srespect
ful.Hi
smourning
motherwasinsi
dethehousewhi l
sthewas
smoochinghisl
over
.Maybei twasjeal
ousytal
king
butwhat
everi
twas,
wasr
eal
lyhur
ti
ng.

Icl
osedt
hedoorandwal
kedbacki
nsi
de.

Tobecont
inued…
46

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwasoutf orbr
eakfastwi
thNour-
Zai
n,l
astni
ghtwe
didn’
tgettotal
kabouttheki
ss.Wewereboth
caughtoffguardbutIwashopingwecoul
dtalk
aboutit
.

Icoul
dn’tst
opst
ari
ngathi
m,hel
ookedver
y
handsome.Hesmil
edatmeever
ynowandt hen.
NZ:Tel
lmeyouar
eatl
eastget
ti
ngpai
dfordoi
ng
t
hat?
Me:Sor
ry?
NZ:Youst
ari
ng.
Me:Iam?YesIam,
Iam t
ryi
ngt
ogetyourat
tent
ion.
I
sitworki
ng?
NZ:Maybeyoushoul
dtr
yhar
der
.
Me:Aboutl
astni
ght
…
NZ:Theki
ss?
Inodded.
NZ:Iam sor
ryi
fIcr
ossedboundar
ies,
Idi
dn’
tmean
t
o.
Me:I
t’
snotl
ikeyouf
orcedme.Iwant
edt
oki
ssyou.
NZ:AndIenj
oyedt
heki
ss,Idon’
tknowwhyi
ttook
melongtomakeamove…
Me:Isensebut
.
NZ:Wear ebothbr oken,i
ndifferentways.Mylove
wastakenawayf r
om me, yoursleftyou.Idon’
t
thi
nkyou’vecompl etel
yhealed.Idon’twanttobe
yourrebound.Iam notsayingI ’
veforgott
enabout
Beli
nda,Isti
llt
hinkaboutherf rom ti
met oti
me.She
i
sstil
lpartofmymi nd,andreasonIhaven’
tbeeni
n
aseri
ousr el
ati
onshipi
sbecauseIdon’twantmy
par
tnertobear ebound.Iwanttogi
vemynext
par
tnermybodyandsoul .
Me:ButIneversai
dIwanttomakeyouone.Iknow
Ihaven’
tfor
gott
enaboutBeyonbutIwantt
o,I
wannaforgethi
m.Iknowitwon’
tbeeasybutIam
wil
li
ngto.
NZ:Yousayi
ngyouwantmet
ohel
pyouf
orgethi
m?
Me:No.Iwanttogi
vemyhear tanotherchancein
l
ove.AndIwanttotaket hatchancewi thyou.What
i
fitwasfat
e?Iam notsayi ngyoudeser vedtolose
Beli
ndabutIal
wayst houghtBeyonwast heonef or
me.Maybehewasn’ ttostartwith.
NZ:Iam notgonnali
eandsayIdon’tl
ikeyou,Ido
MelbutIdon’tt
hinkyouar
ereadytobeina
r
elat
ionshi
p.IknowwhatIam tal
kingabout.
Me:Whatdoyouwantmetodo?Swi
tchof
fmy
f
eeli
ngsandwai
tunt
ilIam ol
d?
NZ:No.Iam sayi
nghealf
ir
st,
Iam notgoi
ng
anywher
e.Letmewalkthi
sjourneywi
thyoubef
ore
wecommi
tour
sel
vesi
ntoar
elat
ionshi
p.
Me:Iunder
stand.
NZ:Youokay?
Me:Iam.Youwer
ehonestwi
thmeandIappr
eci
ate
t
hatalot
.
NZ:Gi
vemeyourhand.
Idi
dasasked.Hecir
cledhist
humbont
hebackof
myback,
itwasveryti
ckli
sh.
Me:St
opi
t!
NZ:Yousuchababy.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Thenextmor
ningaft
erbreakfastMayaaskedto
haveawordwithmeinprivat
e.Wewer esi
tti
ng
outsi
dei
nthefr
ontstoep.

Me:Youl
ookbet
tert
hismor
ning.
Maya:Iwi
sht
ofeel
bet
terbuti
tiswhati
tis.
Me:I
twi
llgetbet
ter
.
Shet
ookmyhandi
ntoher
s.
Maya:Pandor a,Iloveyousomuch.Weshar edlove
andpainovert heyears.Ihaveal waysgivenyoumy
supportandl ove,becauseyouar emydaught er
.
WhenCal ebmar ri
edyou, Ivowedt obethebest
mother-in-l
awt oyouandIt hi
nkIdidanexcel l
ent
j
obi nbei ngyourmot her.ButrightnowIam a
gri
evingmot herwhoi shopeless.Iwantyout o
understandwher eIam comi ngfrom andforgi
veme
forwhatIam aboutt osay…
Me:Youar
escar
ingmeMom,
what
’sgoi
ngon?
Maya:Iam t
hinki
ngofl
eavi
ng,
inf
actIam l
eavi
ng.
Me:What
?Youar
eleavi
ngf
orgood?
Maya:Idon’
tseemysel fl
ivi
nghere,i
nt hi
shouse
wit
houtmychildr
en.Ineedt ogetaway, i
fIst
ay
her
e,Iwil
lgocrazy.Iknowleavingyoualoneisnot
agoodthingbutIam notokaymysel f
.Iam
wounded;Iwil
lnotbeabletotakecareofyou.
Shewi
pedhert
ear
s.
Maya:Pl
easef
orgi
veme.
Me:Iwantt ounderst
andbutIcan’
t.Ican’
tloseyou
too,
I’vel
ostmanypeopleandIdon’twannal ose
youaswel l
.Pleasedon’
tgo.Meandt hebabyneed
you,don’
tleaveus.
Maya:Ohbaby…
Shepul
ledmei
ntoherar
ms,
Ihel
dti
ghtt
oher
.
Me:Notyout
oo.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Theel
evat
ordooropenedandIwalkedt
ot her
oom.
Doct
orWhitewaswalki
ngbesi
deme;Ilaidmy
pur
seonthetabl
eandlookedathi
m.Hewascur l
ed
uponthebed.
Dr:Hehasbeenli
ket
hissi
ncemor
ning.Idon’
tthi
nk
heisrespondi
ngwel
ltot
henewmedicati
on.
Me:Whywashi
smedi
cat
ionchangedwi
thout
l
ett
ingmeknow?Iwasher
efewdaysagoDoct
or.
Dr
:Iwasgoi
ngt
oletyouknow,
Iam sor
ry.
Me:It
’sf
ine.Goandpr
epar
ethepaper
sforme.I
don’
thavemuchtime.
Henoddedandwalkedout
.Myfeetsl
owlycar
ri
ed
metohisbed.Icl
appedmyhands,gr
abbi
nghis
at
tent
ion.
Me:MrZul
u.
Hesatupst
raightandl
ookedatme.Icoul
dcl
ear
ly
seef
earonhisface.
Me:Todayisyourluckyday;Iam her
etogetyou
outoft
hisplace.I
’
vef oundyouanewhomebut
don’
tgetexcit
ed,i
t’
sexactlyi
fnotworsel
ikeher
e.

Whatdi
dthatsayaboutme?Evi
l?Maybe.
Me:Youal
waysthoughtyouwerethegreat
est
;now
l
ookwheret
hathasgottenyou.Youar
ehereMr
Zul
uandIam outt
herelivi
ngmylif
e.
Ll
oyd:Cor
del
ia?I
sitr
eal
lyyou?
Hef
orcedt
henameoutofhi
sli
ps.
Me:Don’
tst
rai
nyourmuscl
es.Youneedt
hatl
it
tl
e
ener
gy.
At
earl
efthi
seye.
Me:Don’ tyoudar ecry,
youherebecauseofyour
acti
ons.Youseet hi
swomanst andi
ngi nfr
ontof
you?Youmadeher ,
youandyouonl y!Iwasn’tli
ke
thi
s;Iwasal oyalwifet
oyou.Icommi t
tedmysel ft
o
youandourmar ri
agebutwhatdidyoudo?You
abusedme;yout ookmyloveforgranted.You
humili
atedme, eachdaywithyouwashel l
.Your
acti
onski l
ledourbaby, r
emembert hat?Ofcour se
youdo.ButImadeapr omise,youremembert hat
promiseImadewhenIwasbur yi
ngourl i
tt
leson?

Il
eanedf
orwar
dandst
aredi
ntohi
seyes.
Me:Ipr
omi sedtomakeyoupayandIam keeping
mypromise.Youwi l
lneverknowpeacef
oraslong
asIam al
ive.Iki
ll
edyouonceandnowyouar e
wai
ti
ngyourseconddeat h.
Ll
oyd:Cor
…sor
…ry.
Me:Shutup!Sorr
yforwhat?Huh?Forkill
ingour
sonorforcr
eati
ngthemonsterIam todayorforthe
abuse?Youpromisedtol
oveandpr ot
ectme;you
vowedtobethebesthusband.Iwil
lneverfor
give
you.Youdon’
tdeservemyforgi
veness.

Afteryearsofendur i
ngLloyd’sabuseIhadt odo
somet hi
ng.Itwasei thermeorhim;Ll oydwas
goingtokillme.Wi thahel pf
rom afriendIplanned
hisdeath,onet hatwasn’tquesti
onable.Butbef ore
thatIwasgi vinghim somemedi cati
ont hatwas
maki nghim halluci
nate.Myrevengest art
edther e
beforeItookmyr evengetoanotherlevel.Hi
sf amily
start
edtot hi
nkhewascr azysincehewasseei ng
andhear i
ngt hingsthatdidn’
texi
st.
Ll
oyd:Myf
ami
ly.Wher
ear
ethey?
Me:Youaredeadtothem.Peopl
ehavemovedon,
t
heyarehappy.Iact
uall
ydi
dthem afavour
.
Tothewor ld,Ll
oyd’
snomor e.Hedi edi naf i
re,he
wasbur ntbeyondrecogniti
onbuti nact ualfacthe
wasver ymuchal i
ve.I
twasaFr i
dayeveni ngwhen
fi
reengulfedourhouse,Ihadt oriskmyl i
fetomake
mypl ansuccessful
.Icoveredever ythingwel lso
mucht hatnoonesuspect edmeort hef actthewe
weren’tburyi
ngLloydbutsomeoneel se.I
’dbeen
keepi
nghi minpsychiatr
ichospitalforyear s.
Me:Iknowonedayal loft
hiswi l
lcometoli
ghtand
whenthatdaycomes, Iwi
llhavetopayformysins.
Iam r
eadyforit
,bel
ieveme.Iam wai t
ingf
ormy
kar
mabutbef or
eitcomes, Iwil
lmakeyourli
fea
l
ivi
nghell
.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Aft
erMayat oldmeshe’
sleavi
ngIneededtogetout
ofthehouse.Iwashurt
,Idi
dn’
twanthertoleave
butagain,Iwant
edhertoheal
.Iwasn’
ttr
yingtobe
sel
fish.Shewasall
owedtoheali
nherownwayand
i
fgoi ngtoKenyawasherwayofheali
ngthenI
wasn’
tgoi
ngt
ost
opher
.

Iwentt
oseeMaLanga.If oundherdoi
ngl
aundr
y
wit
hNour-Zai
n.Inevermetamanwho’ sasgent
le
asNour-
Zain.Hewasf orkeeps.
Me:Thecoronercal
ledust
hismorni
ng;thei
rbodi
es
wil
lber
eleasedtoday.Wear
eleavi
ngforKenyain
t
wodays.
NZ:Thebur
iali
staki
ngpl
acet
her
e?
Me:Yes.
MaLanga:Theymadether
ightdeci
sion;Imean
t
hei
rroot
sarenother
ebutKenya.
Me:Youar
eright
.Iwant
edtoaskifyoucangowi
th
me.Mayawil
lnotbecomingback…
MaLanga:Saywhat
?
Me:Shet
oldmet
hismor
ning,
shei
sleavi
ng.
NZ:Yoh!Shei
shur
t,neh?
Me:Shei
sshat
ter
ed.
MaLanga:Nomot
hermustbur
ythei
rchi
ld.I
t’
sver
y
pai
nful
.
Shel
ookedatNour
-Zai
n.
MaLanga:Iam keepi
ngheri
nmypr
ayer
s.Shewi
ll
f
indherst
rengt
hagain.
Me:Iwishshewasn’
tleavi
ngbuti
tiswhati
tis.So
Ma,wil
lyougowit
hme?
MaLanga:Ofcour
seIwi
ll
.
Il
ookedatZai
n.
Me:Yout
oo.I
’dreall
yappr
eciat
eyoursupport.
Don’
twor
ryaboutthecost
s,Iwil
lcoverever
ythi
ng.
NZ:YouknowIwi
lldoanyt
hingf
oryou.
Me:Thankyou.
Ileanedbackonthechai
randcl osedmyeyes.My
heartwasbreaki
ng.Iwaslosingeveryt
hingand
everyone.I
twasnevert
hepl an.Ever
yonewas
l
eavingme.Theysaidonet hinganddidonethi
ng.
JEWELMUDAU

Igotoutofmyof f
iceandmademywayto
Elel
wani’
soff
ice.Onmywayt her
eIr
ecei
vedacal
l
fr
om myboss.
“
MrsMudau.
”
Me:MsPeace.
MsP:IwantyouandEl
einGaut
engassoonas
possi
ble.
Me:Gaut
eng?
MsP:Yes, f
oramonthortwo.Iam sur
eyou’
ve
heardaboutMsBett
y’spassi
ng.Wetri
edget
ti
nga
repl
acementbutnooneismeeti
ngthe
requi
rements.
Me:I
notherwor
ds,
youwantmeandEl
etor
unt
he
or
phanage?
MsP:Yes,
forat
imebei
ng.
Me:Ihaveresponsi
bil
it
ies;Ican’
tjustupandl
eave.
Myfamily…
MsP:Tal
kwi
thyourhusbandJewel
.
Thi
swoman!

MsP:Wear etalki
ngaboutworkherenotsome
stupi
dvacat
ion.I’
veal
readybookedyourfl
ight
ti
cket
s.
Il
etoutasi
gh.
Me:Whendoyouwantus?
Iwal
kedi
nsi
deEl
elwani
’
sof
fi
ce.
MsP:Tomor
rowaf
ter
noon.
Me:Okay.Seeyout
hen.
Shehungup.
El
e:Letmeguess,
thatwasPeace?
Me:Yes.
El
e:Ourj
obi
stohel
pandwear
egoi
ngt
odot
hat
.
Me:Iknowbutshecouldhavet
oldusear
li
ernot
l
ikenow.If
eelambushed.
El
e:Compl
aini
ngwi
llnothel
p.
Me:Theti
mingisbad;mybestf ri
endisgoi
ng
t
hroughalotatthemoment .Sheneedsme;ifI
l
eaveshewillt
hinkIam abandoni
ngher.MsPeace,
God!

PANDORAKAMANDE

Irecei
vedacallfr
om Lewi
s.Hewasupdati
ngmeon
thelat
estdevel
opmentsaboutt
het
endercase.
Lewi
s:Canyoucomet
omyhousenow?
Me:No,Iam notf
eel
ingwel
l.Canwemeet
t
omorrow?
Lewi
s:Yeswecan.Ist
umbl
edonsomet
hingandI
wantyoutol
ooki
ntoit
.
Me:Somet
hingwecanuse?
Lewi
s:Yes.Iam l
ooki
ngatt
hef
il
easwespeak.
Me:Sendi
ttome.Iwi
lll
ookt
hroughi
t.
Lewi
s:Okay.Andgetwel
lsoon.
CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Me:Iwi
llcomet
hisweekendt
osi
gnt
hepaper
s.
Iwasont
hecal
lwi
thNombul
elo.
Lel
o:I
ttookyoul
ong.
Me:Cont
inuewi
tht
hatat
ti
tudeandseei
fIwi
ll
come.
Lelo:Soyouwantmetothankyou?Mybrot
herlef
t
thatmoneyforus;hemadeamistakebymarr
ying
you.
Me:Ar
eyoudonet
alki
ng?
Lel
o:Goodbye,
seeyou.

MOONSI
NGO

Iwasonmywayt omybedr
oom whenIhear
d
Pandor
atal
kingi
nherr
oom,orr
athergoi
ngback
andfort
h.Inst
eadofheadingt
omybedr
oom I
tur
nedandwentt ocheckwhoshewast
alki
ngwi
th
becauseshesoundedveryupset
.

Herdoorwasslightlyopened;Ihel
dthedoor
knob
andstoodatthedoor .Pandorawaspaci
ngupand
down.Shewasn’ tonthephoneorwi t
hsomeone,
shewastalki
ngwi thhersel
f.
Pan:Ineedmedicat
ion,
Igot
tast
aysane!St
op,
just
st
opsayingthat
.
Shehal
fyel
led.
Pan:Youi
nmyhead,
younotr
ealDor
a!Icr
eat
ed
you…
Thenamerangabell
;I’
vehear
ditbef
orebut
coul
dn’
trememberwhere.
Pan:Iwil
lnotal
lowyout ohar
m mybaby;shedi
dn’
t
doanythi
ngtoyou.PleaseDora.
Ist
ressedmymi ndt
orememberwher
eI’
dhear
dthe
nameuntilIdi
d.
Me:Fl
ip!I
tcan’
tbe.
Irantomybedroom t
otakemyphone.Ical
led
Lorat
o;shedi
dn’tt
aketi
metoanswer.
Me:Somet
hingi
swr
ongwi
thPandor
a.
Lor
ato:Whatdoyoumeanbyt
hat
?
Me:Shei
sinherr
oom,
tal
kingwi
thDor
a.
Lor
ato:That’
simpossi
ble.Shel
ongst
oppedt
alki
ng
wit
hDor a.
Me:Butshei
sri
ghtnow.
Lor
ato:Di
dshement i
onsomet
hingt
oyou,
li
kedi
d
somethi
nghappened?
Me:NotthatIknowof.Sheisst
ayi
ngatheri
n-l
aw;I
wassurpri
sedtoseehertoday.
Lor
ato:Moon,
youneedtogot
oher
.Iam onmy
way.Goandstaywi
thher.
Me:I
sitser
ious?
Lorat
o:It’
sdeadl
y.DoraisonepersonPandor a
doesn’tneed,
notnownoteverandi fsheishere
thenitmeansPandoraisrel
apsing.Doracomest o
playonlywhenPandoraisfeel
inglonel
yandsad.
Thosearetheonlythi
ngst
hatinvi
teher.Dor
ais
Pandora’
scopingmechanism,shecomeasasor t
ofsupportsyst
em whensheisnotfeel
ing
emoti
onallywell
.
Me:Shei
staki
nghermeds…
Lor
ato:Maybeshehasst
oppedt
aki
ngt
hem.
Me:Itcan’
tbe.Shei
sfi
ne;shet
oldust
hatshei
s
f
ine.
Lorato:I
t’scl
earsheli
edtous.Sheisdef
ini
tel
ynot
coping.Nowst optal
kingandgotohernow,befor
e
shehar m her
selfort
hebabyMoon.Pleasejustgo,I
am comi ng.
Me:Okay,pl
easehur
ry.Iam scar
ed.I
’
veneverseen
herl
iket
his.
Lor
ato:Iam onmyway.Don’
tpani
c.
Shehungup.Iwal
kedbackt
oPandor
a’sr
oom.
Me:Pandor
a?
Shet
urned.
Pan:Gabby?
Me:No,
it’
sme,
Moon.
Pan:Moon,
whereisGabbyandCal
vin?Dor
asai
d
theyar
ewait
ingf
orme.Wherearet
hey?
Me:No,
Dor
ali
edt
oyou.
Pan:Dor
aisnotcapabl
eofl
yingt
ome,
right
?
Shel
ookedonherl
eftsi
de.
Pan:Tel
lher
!Youcanneverl
iet
ome.Youar
ethe
onl
ypersonwhoisloyalt
ome.
Me:Pandor
a,youneedtocal
m down.Dor
aisnot
r
eal,
yousaidityour
sel
f.
Shecover
edherear
swi
thherhandsandshookher
head.
Pan:St
opt
alki
ng!Justst
op,
stop,
stop!
Idi
dn’tknowwhattodo.ThisDorapersonhada
hugeimpactonPandora.Shewasl osi
nghermind;I
hadneverseenherli
kethi
s,notevenwhenItol
d
herCaleb’
scheat
ing.I
twasextra.

Tobecont
inued…
47

[
THREEMONTHSLATER]

LORATOLEROUX(
PSYCHOTHERAPI
ST)

Forthepastthr
eemonthsPandorahadbeen
breat
hingbutnotl
ivi
ng.Weneversawherrelapse
coming.Wethoughtshewasfi
ne,shelookedfinei
n
oureyesbutdeepdownshewashur t
ing.Herheart
wasbleedi
ng.

Therewasn’ tmuchtodot hanadmi therint

oment al
hospit
al.AsherDoct orIwasf or
cedtomaket hat
deci
sionbef oresomethinghappenedt oherorthe
baby.Shewassupposedt obeher eforfewweeks
butitwast aki
nglongerthanthat.Shewasr ef
using
medication,andthatwast aki
ngusback.
Iwastal
kingwithhermur se, MurseSai
nt.Hewas
theonel
ookingafterPandor a.Unli
keothernur
ses
andmurses,theyweregettingalongprettywel
l.
Me:Howi
sshedoi
ng?
Sai
nt:Shei
slookingbet
terthanyest
erdaybutshe
i
srefusi
ngtoeat.Shedoesn’twantt
oeat.
Me:ShehastoeatSai
nt,f
ort
hesakeofthebaby.
Pandorahasl
ostt
ouchwithr
eal
it
y;herbabyisthe
l
astthi
ngonhermind.I
t’
suptoustoprotectt
he
baby.
Sai
nt:Ihearyou.
Me:I
sshest
il
ltal
kingwi
thDor
a?

Beingdepressedhadef f
ectli
kethi
s,whereyou
makeupf riendandt hem beingwit
hyouwhenever
youneedt hem.I t
’sveryhardtodealwi
thasi t
uation
l
ikethi
s;thef r
iendhaspowerandcont roloverthe
pati
ent’
smi nd.It’
supt othepati
enttof
ightandget
ri
dofthef ri
endandt hatmeantgetti
ngridofthe
negati
vethought s.Medicat
ionwasneededf orthat.
Saint
:Yes.Mr sLeRoux, there’snot hi
ngwecando
tohelpPandorai fsheissti
lltalkingandl i
steni
ngto
Dora.Sheislit
erall
ytheonlyper sonwhoi skeeping
herali
ve,i
fshet ell
sPandor atocommi tsui
cide,
Pandorawillhavet odoit
.Shei st aki
ngoverher
mind.
Me:Iknowthatandt
hat
’swhatI
’
vebeent
ryi
ngt
o
avoi
dallt
hist
ime.
Sai
nt:Thenyouhavet othinkoutoft heboxbef
ore
i
t’
stoolate.Surel
ythere’
sonet hingorpersont
hat
canrest
orehersanity.Therehast obesomeone
whocanbr ingherbacktor eal
it
y.
Me:Who?Shehasnoonel eft…herparent
sand
sibl
ingsarenomor e,theonlysi
bli
ngshewas
l
ooki ngf
orwar dtomeetwasGabbybutsheal so
foundoutt hatshepassedon.AndCaleb,that
bastardl
efther.Hedoesn’tevencareaboutheror
what ’
sgoingonwi t
hPandor a.
Sai
nt:Thiswomani sgoingthroughalot,
herstory
i
shear tbr
eaki
ng.Iknewshewasst r
ongwhenyou
wentintodet
ailaboutherpastandpresent.Idon’
t
thi
nkIwouldhaveli
vedt hatl
ong,I
’dhave
commi t
tedsui
cidel
ongt imeago.Iknowt hef
eel
ing
oflosi
ngpeopl
eyoul ove,andshedidn’
tlosej
ust
oneperson.

PANDORAKAMANDE

“
Pandor
a.”
Iwassit
ti
ngont
hecol
dfl
oormovi
ngmysel
fback
andfor
th.
“
Iam her
etohel
pyouPandor
a.”
Me:Pl
easest
op,
stopt
ort
uri
ngme.I
t’
senough.
Dora:Ihatei
twhenyouignoreme.Pandor
aIam
notyourenemy,I’
vebeenwit
hyousinceyouwer
e
young,remember?Iwasther
eforyouwhennoone
wasgivingacareaboutyou.
Icover
edmyear
sandcl
osedmyeyes.
Dora:Theyal
ldon’tcar
eaboutyou.Imeaneven
youcanseethat.Yourpar
entsdidn’
tcar
eenough
tofight
;theyl eftyouinablinkofaneye.Calvin
kil
ledhimsel f;youthinki
fhel ovedyouhewoul d
havedonet hat?Hewoul dhavest ayedbutno,he
choset oleaveyou.Gabby, ohwel l,t
hatoneis
anotherstory.Youwantmet ocontinue?Cal
ebl ef
t
you;hel ostinterestandl
ookedf orloveinot
her
places.Iwast herewhenhei nsult
edyourlove;he
toldyouhowsel f
ishyouare.
Ishookmyhead.
Dora:Ri
verandWadeal solef
tyou;Mayadidn’
t
evencareaboutyou.Sheputhersel
ffi
rst
.And
Jewel?Whereisshenow?Youhavenoonebutme.
Makepeacewi t
hthatfact
.
Me:Youar
enotr
eal
.
Dora:Thenwhyareyoutal
kingwit
hmei fIam not
real
?Iam her
etohelpyou,r
ememberhowi tused
tobebackintheday?I
twasDor aandPandora
againstt
heworl
d.Youdidn’
tneedpil
ls…
Istoodupandr antothebat hr
oom.Ilookedatt
he
mirrorandsawmyr ef
lect
ion,shel
ookedhappy.Her
facesaidital
l.Shesmiledandwavedatme.
Dora:Yousee?Youar
enotcrazy,
Iam r
eal
;youar
e
notmakingmeup.Iam her
e.
Irepeat
edl
yshookmyhead;
tear
swer
est
reami
ng
downmycheeks.
Dor
a:Okay,
Iwi
llgi
veyouspace.
Ir
aisedmyheadandl ookedatt
hemi
rr
or,
Ionl
ysaw
myf ace.Shewasgone.

Ihadapsychot i
cepi sode.Trut
hisIdidn’tsawi t
comi ng.IwasconvincingmyselfIwasf i
ne,Ikept
ontelli
ngmyselfthatIam fine.ButwhenMayasai d
she’sleavi
ngIknewIhadnoone.Ever yonewas
l
eavingmewi t
houtcar eintheworld.Allt
hedeat hs
aroundme, myf ai
ledmar ri
age,i
tcamecr umbling
down.

I’
dbeenlockedupinherefort
hepastthr
eemont hs.
Iwantedtogetoutbuti
twasbecomingimpossible.
Dorawasmaki ngi
thardformetogetout.Tal
king
andscreamingatherwasgivi
ngthedoctor
’s
reasonst
okeepmeher e.EvenLorat
owasf ai
li
ngt
o
dosomething;shehaddeal
twithDorabef
ore.

Dor a’
smycopi ngmechanism;Icreatedherinmy
mi ndwhenIhadnoone.Shewasn’ tniceatall
ti
mes, t
heywer edayswhereshef orcedmet oend
thepai nandj oi
nmyl ovedonesthatI’dl
ost.
FightingDor awasdiffi
cul
tsinceshewas
mani pulat
ive;sheusedwhatIknewagai nstme.
Sheknewwhatt osay,whenandwher e.
Me:Baby,hanginther
e.Mommywi l
lneverl
et
anyt
hinghappenstoyou.Iwilldowhat
everittakes
togetoutofher
e.Idon’tknowhowbutIwi l
l.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

For
tunatelyforme,t
hingswerelooki
ngupforme
andCaleb.Iwasveryhappywi thhowthi
ngswere
bet
weent het woofus.BecauseofPandor
a’s
mentalstateofmindthedivor
cewasputonhold,
gi
vingmet
imet
oendmymar
ri
agewi
thLl
oyd.

Imanagedt omoveLloydtothement alinst

it
ution
thatwasinthetown.Iwasstil
lkeepi
ngt hesecr et
from Cal
eb.Ikeptmypromiseandwentt osignt he
papersthatIwassupposedto,Nombul eloandher
famil
ygotthemoneyt hatwasduet othem.

Iwasinmysecondt r
imesterandohitwasn’ta
pl
easantjourney.Iwasinandoutofhospi t
al;they
werecomplicati
onswithmypr egnancy.Ihadahi gh
ri
skpregnancyandIwasst ruggli
ngwiththef act.I
wasconfli
cted.

Cal
ebwasmassagi
ngmyf
eet
.
Me:Wheni
syouri
nter
view?
Cal
eb:Tomor
row.Iam notevenhol
dingmybr
eat
h.
Me:Don’
tlosehope,
Cal
ebwasf
ir
ed,
thecompanyr
efusedt
oassoci
ates
t
hemsel
veswi
thhi
m af
terhi
sar
rest
.
Me:Istil
lthi
nki
t’
snotabadi deatostar
tyourown
agency.YouhavelotofknowledgeandIbel
ieve
youwillcomeontop.
Caleb:I
t’
snoteasyCor deli
a.Iwil
lneedmoneyand
l
otofmoneyt ostartone.Ican’tevensel
lmycaror
sharesbecausethedivorceisnotyetfi
nal
ised.
Me:Ihavemoneybabe,
all
owmet
ohel
pyou.
Cal
eb:Idon’
tknowaboutt
hat
.
Me:Idon’
tunder
stand.Iam yourpar
tnerandIgot
cash.
Cal
eb:Letmet
hinkabouti
t.
Inodded.
Cal
eb:Mayacal
ledmeear
li
eron.
Me:Howi
sshe?
Cal
eb:Shei
sfi
ne.Theyar
edi
schar
ginghert
oday.
Mayasuff
eredastr
okefewdaysaft
ert
heburi
al,i
t
wasatouchandgobutlastweekwegotanupdat
e
t
hatshewasdoingwell
.
Me:Iam happy.
Cal
eb:Iwast
hinki
ngofvi
sit
ingPandor
a…
Me:What
?
Cal
eb:Iam worri
edaboutherCor
deli
a.I
t’
sbeen
monthssinceshehasbeenadmitt
ed.It
houghtby
nowshe’dbefinebutshei
snotgetti
nganybett
er.
Me:Andyouthinkvi
sit
ingherwi
llmakeany
di
ff
erence?ComeonCal eb.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Lat
erthataf
ter
noon,Sai
ntpassedbymyroom,
I
wasthensit
ti
ngonthechairbythewi
ndow.

Hehadat raywi
thhi
m;i
twasti
meformy
medicat
ion.Heputt
het
rayont
hesmallt
abl
eand
satbesi
deme.
Sai
nt:Lovel
yday…
Ikeptqui
et.
Saint
:Haveyout
houghtaboutt
henamef
oryour
baby?
Saintwasmynur se,ot
hernursescoul
dn’
thandl e
myt emperormoodsbuthewaspat i
entwithme.I
onceattackedhim andleftascaronhisface,buti
t
wasnott hatvi
sible.Hi
spatiencewasadmi r
able.
Sai
nt:Iseeyoudon’
tfeel
li
ket
alki
ng.Her
etakeyour
medicati
on…
Il
ookedati
tandl
ookedaway.
Saint
:Daysofmebeggingyouar
eoverPandor
a,
heretakeyourmedi
cat
ionorIwi
llf
orcei
tdown
yourthroat
.
Me:Youwoul
dn’
tdar
e.
Saint
:Andwho’
sgoi
ngt
ost
opme,
youorDor
a?
Take.
Hetookagl
assofwat
erandgavei
ttome,
fol
lowed
bypil
ls.
Sai
nt:Swal
low,
andt
odayyouwillnotf
oolme.I
wanttowat
chasyouswal
lowthem.
Me:Iam notachi
ld…
Sai
nt:Wel
l,
youar
eact
ingl
ikeone.Nowst
op
l
ooki
ngatmeanddri
nkup.

LORATOLEROUX

Iwasi nmyof f
icewhenmyassi st
antcameandt ol
d
met herewassomeonebyt henameofJai roGarci
a
l
ookingf orme.Ididn’tknowwhoi twas;theperson
didn’
tevensetupanappoi ntment
.Af terf
ew
seconds, t
hiswhiteandt al
lmanwal kedinsi
demy
offi
ce.Hel ookedscaryandhandsomeatt hesame
ti
me.Hewaswear inganavysuitwithawhi teshi
rt
;
i
twasn’ tbuttonedtothetop.Hehadat at
tooonhis
face,i
twasn’ thugebutitwasvisi
ble.
Jai
ro:GooddayMr
sLeRoux.
Me:Goodday,
pleaset
akeaseat
.
Hegrabbedachairandsatdown.Notevenmy
husbandwasthi
sinti
midati
ng.
Tobecont
inued…
48

LORATOLEROUX

Iwasshockedt olear
nt hatJairowasPandora’
s
uncle.Shehadonlyment ionedhergrandmotherin
oursessions;sheneverwant edtotal
kaboutother
familymember sduri
ngoursessi onswit
hvali
d
reasons.

Jai
ro:Howsever
eishercondi
ti
on?
Me:Bad,ver
ybad.WhenIt ookadecisiontoadmi t
herIt
houghtit
’dbeonlyf
orfewweeksbuti ttook
l
ongerthanexpect
ed.Somedaysar ebetterand
somearejusttoomuchforher.Sodischargingher
i
soutofthequesti
on.
Jair
o:Idon’
tthi
nkkeepingherther
eissuchagood
i
dea.Iti
sonlymakingthingsworse,shei
sfeel
ing
tr
apped.Sheiscaged,everydaysheseespeopleof
samecondi
ti
onashers,howdoyout
hinkt
hat
makesherf
eel?Shehastobear
oundposi
ti
ve
ener
gy.
Me:Idon’tmeananydi
srespectbutMrGarci
a;you
havenoideawhatPandorahasbeenthr
ough.
Admit
ti
ngheristhebestwecoulddoforher.
Jair
o:Iknowandfull
yunderstand,andIam not
heretochangehowthingsare.Iam onl
yasking
thatyoumovehertoanotherplace,apl
aceshe’s
comf or
tabl
ein.
Me:Shehast
obemoni
tor
ed…
Jai
ro:Youar
ehert
her
api
st,
aren’
tyou?

Inodded.
Jair
o:Thenit
’ssor ted.Getheranur se,someone
whowi l
lcar
eandl ookaf terherunt
ilsheisfi
ne.The
personwil
lhavet ol i
vewi thher,
don’tstr
essabout
thecost
s.Iwillpaywhat everamountneededas
l
ongasPandor aisbei ngtakencareof.
Me:DoIhaveachoi
cei
nthi
s?
Jai
ro:Ohyesyoudo.Tr
uthisyouareherDoct
or
andyouknowwhatIam sayingi
sthetr
uth.
Idi
dn’
tsayanyt
hing.
Jai
ro:CanIseeher
?
Me:Yesyoucan.

Heheavedadeepbr
eat
h.
Jairo:Ishouldhaveneverli
stenedtoKris.Thethree
ofthem wer esupposedtobewi t
husafterthei
r
parent’sdeath.Mybrothermustbet ur
ninginhis
grave,Idisappoint
edhim.Iam evenashamedt o
callmyselfheruncle.Wecont i
nuedtoli
veourl i
ves
asi fPandoradidn’
texist
.Ican’tbegi
ntoputmysel f
i
nhershoes.
Me:Shehasbeenthr
oughal
ot.Li
fehasn’
tbeen
easyonhersi
de…
Jai
ro:Wher
eisherhusbandi
nal
loft
his?
Me:Wel
l…he…hel
efther
.Theysepar
ated.
Jai
ro:Comeagai
n.
Me:Hecheat
ed.

CALEBKAMANDE

IlookedatwhowasPandor
acurl
eduponthebed.I
tooktimebeforeIsl
owl
ymovedmyfeet
;Iwentt
o
sitbesideher
.

Me:Pando?
Shepressedherl
ipst
oget
herbef
oreshecl
osedher
eyes.
Me:IknowwhatIam aboutt osaywi llnotmakeup
forthehurtI’
vecausedbutIam r eal
lysorry
Pandora.Iam somehowi nvolvedinyourcur r
ent
stat
eofmi nd.Everythi
ngIdi d,andallthepromises
thatI’
vebroken.Ifai
ledtobet hehusbandyou
needed.ForallthatIam sorry.
Sheremainedont
hesamespot
,di
dn’
tmovea
muscle.
Me:Ihopeonedayyouwi
llf
indi
tinyourhear
tto
f
orgi
veme.
Pan:Ar
eyouheret
omockme?Af terever
ythi
ng
you’
vedone,
youst
il
lthi
nkIcanf
orgiveyou?
Me:IlovedyouPan…I ’
vemessedupal otinmyl if
e,
Iam soashamed.Youwer estuckbyme, yougave
mel ovePandor
a.Iam sorr
yforeveryt
hingI’vedone.
Ifyoucanfindi
tinyourheart
,pleasef
orgiveme.
Maybesomeday…

Pan:Youdon’thur
tthepeopleyoul
ove,youpr
otect
them.Youmakesur enot
hingbadhappenstothem
butyoufai
ledindoi
ngthat.Youhumil
iat
edme…
Shesatupst
rai
ght
.Hereyeswer
epuf
fy.
Pan:Youst olet
heclause,youwer
eeagert
ost eal
everyt
hingI’veworkedhardfor
.Myhar
dearned
cash,youwer eaft
erthat
.Doyouknowthetrauma
toahealingheart,
thedamage?
Me:Pandor
a…
Pan:Don’
ttr
yandl
iet
omebecausewebot
hknow
whatyouweretheonewhostol
eit
.Ihopeyouare
happybecausenowyouandyourl
overwil
lenj
oy
myf r
uit
s.
Ilookedatherandnotknowwhatt
osay.Iwas
feeli
ngashamed.

LORATOLEROUX

Irecei
vedacallf
rom Jewel
.Shewassti
llnotback;
herstaywastaki
nglongert
hanexpect
ed.
Jewel
:Iam comi
ngbacknextweek.
Me:They’
vef
oundar
epl
acement
?
Jewel
:NobutEl el
waniagr
eedt
oremainbehind.My
hear
tbreakseveryti
meItal
kwi
thPandora.

Jewelwasoneoft
hepeoplePandorawast
alki
ng
wit
h;shewasabl
etobreakherwall
s.
Me:Shemissesyou,
nodaypasswi
thout
menti
oni
ngyourname.
Jewel
:Imisshertoo.Sai
nthasbeensendi
ngme
pi
ctur
esandvideos.
Me:Hement
ionedi
t.
Jewel
:Hei
sreal
lyf
ondofher
.
Me:Hei
s.
Jewel
:AndPandor
a?
Me:Sheist oo.Youshoul
dseethem t
oget
her;he
hasawayofbr i
ngingsmil
etoherf
aceevenonher
worstdays.Youwillfi
ndherl
aughi
ng.

Shel
aughedsof
tl
y.
Me:Andt
hat
?
Jewel:Sai
nti
sthel
ovePandor
aneed.Sai
ntand
thatbabyshei
scar
ryi
ng.
Me:Youmean,
Sai
ntandPandor
a…HaJewel
!
Jewel:I
t’
sfat
e.Ihadavi si
onaunty,bef
orethatI
hadastrongfeel
ingaboutSai
nt.Remembert hat
daywhenIandhet alkedandIstart
edfeeli
ngsome
typeofaway?
Me:Yes.Iwasr
eadyt
odi
sownyout
hatday.
Jewel:Thelookonyourfacesaiditall
.SoI
quest
ionedthatfeel
ingbecauseitwast oostr
ongto
i
gnore.Iprayedandaskedtobeshownmor eabout
i
t.Aunty,Sai
ntdidn’
thappentof i
ndthatjobthe
samedayPandor awasadmitted.Godmadei t
possi
ble.

Nomat t
erhowlongIstayedwit
hJewel
,Ist
il
lfound
herpr
opheciesandvi
sionsscar
y.
Jewel:Justgi
veitti
me.SoonyouwillknowwhatI
am tal
kingabout,
notevenSainti
sreadyfori
t.Heis
notawar eofi
tyetandwhenhef i
nal
lydoes,i
twil
l
betoolatetorunawayfrom i
t.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Mylif
ewasonst op.Nothi
ngwasmovi ngnor
changing;onl
yhourswer et
urni
ngint
odaysand
daysintoweeks.Ihadlostmyjobagai
n, t
hist
imeI
hadnohope.Noawasn’tgoi
ngtotakemeback,
I
wastedmysecondchance.WhatIwasgoi
ngtodo
nextwasunknownandamyst er
y.

Iwassi tti
nginthegar den.Myeyesr anaround,
searchingeverycor ner.Otherpati
entswerejust
wander ingaround,asot herweresitt
ingalonelost
deepint houghts.Ihadbeeni nthi
splacebefore,
thefir
stt i
meIwasher eIdi dn’
tstr
uggletoadapt.
Thistimear oundIwashavi ngahar dti
me
acceptingmyr eali
ty.

Thefi
rstweekIgother
eIwassuici
dal,
beenlocked
upinthatr
oom wasdri
vingmeovertheedge.
Havi
ngt odeal
withmymi nd,
Dor
a,wasmor e
st
rai
ning.
Dora:Youknowyoucanchangehowt
hingsar
e
ri
ghtnow,ri
ght
?
Me:St
opmaki
ngmecr
azybecauseIam notcr
azy!
Dor
a:Ineversai
dyouwer
e.Al
loft
hiscanend,
the
pai
nyouar
efeel
ing,
wecanendi
t.Icanhel
pyou.
Me:Idon’
tneedyourhel
p.
Dora:Youdo.Nowl
ookonyourr
ightsi
de,
nextt
o
yourfoot
.
Ilookeddown, myeyesmetwit
har azor.I
twasmy
fi
rstti
meseei ngi
t;t
heymadesuretohide
everythi
ngthatwecanusetoharm oursel
ves.Sot
o
seeittherewasshocki
ng.Maybesomeone
smuggl edit
.
Me:Iam notgoi
ngt
odoi
t.
Dor
a:Yesyouwi
ll
.
Me:No!
Dor
a:Pi
cki
tPandor
a.
Me:Isai
dno!
If
elthandsonmyshoul
der
,Ij
umped.I
twasSai
nt.

Sai
nt:Sor
ry,
Idi
dn’
tmeant
oscar
eyou.
Igotupandhuggedhi
m.
Me:Pl
easedon’
tlethergett
ome.Makeherst
op.
Dor
a:Cutt
hecr
ap!
Ihel
dti
ghtt
ohi
m.
Sai
nt:Shewi
llnotgett
oyou,
restassur
ed.Youar
e
saf
ewi t
hme.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwasi ntheki
tchenpr
epari
ngdinnerwhenIst
art
ed
feeli
ngcramps.Theywereint
enseandcoming
strong.

Ihel
dont
heki
tchencount
erandt
ookdeepbr
eat
hs.
Me:Baby,
pleasedon’
tdot
hist
omommy.
Igroanedi
npai
n.Thecrampswerenotsei
zing,
I
didn’
tknowwhatwashappeni
ngbutIknewitwas
fatal
.
Idi
dn’
twanttolosemybaby;Iexpect
edkar
mat
o
beanyt
hingbutlosi
ngmybaby.
Me:Oh!
Ir
eachedformyphone,i
twasonthecount
er.Ir
ang
Cal
ebfewtimesbuthedi
dn’
tanswer.Tr
usthi
mt o
di
sappeari
nthi
nairwhenneeded.
Me:Wher
ethehel
lar
eyou?
!
IrangLoran.Iwasgoi
ngtol
osemybabyi
fIdi
dn’
t
getmedicalatt
ent
ioni
nti
me.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasatt
hebarwi
thCar
los.
Carl
os:Man, wewer eluckytogetthatf
il
e.Imagine
i
fPandor ahadseeni tbefor
ewegott hathacker
.No,
Iam notriski
ngmyj ob.Isaywebui l
dthelast
housesbef or
ewet akethemoney.Igotf amil
y
Champ, mywi feandkidsstil
lneedme.
Inodded.
Me:Iknow,
sti
llnonewsaboutLewi
s?
Car
los:No.Mt
hembuonl
ysai
dhegoti
tcover
ed.
Me:Wewer ereall
ylucky.Idon’tknowwhatwoul
d
havehappenedifourinfor
manthadnotheard
Lewist
alki
ng.Wewoul dbei njailnow.
Car
los:ButIst
il
lthi
nkt
aki
ngLewi
swasn’
tagood
i
dea.
Me:Heshoul
dn’
thavemeddl
edt
ost
artwi
th.
Car
los:Yourwi
fegothiminvol
ved.Youshoul
dbe
l
uckyitwashim andnother
.
Me:Tal
kingaboutPandor
a,Iwentt
oseehert
oday.
Car
los:Andhowi
sshe?
Me:Notgood.Ican’
tbeli
eveIpl
ayedar
olei
n
what
’shappeni
ngr i
ghtnow.
Car
los:Regr
ett
ingal
ready?
Me:It
’snot.Isaidlotofthi
ngsCar
los,t
hingsI
wasn’tsupposedto.Pandorahasbeenthroughalot,
Imeanal lt
hetragediesandwhatdidIdo?Itopped
i
twithmynonsense.
Car
los:Ihat
etosayi
tbutIt
oldyouso.
Ipi
ckedt
hegl
assofwhi
skyandgul
pedi
tdown.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwassi t
ti
ngonthebed,l
eani
ngmybackont he
pi
ll
ows.Anovelwasr est
ingonmyl ap,Loratotol
d
met okeepmyselfbusywheneverIfel
tdownand
about.Ichoser
eadingasmyhobby, Saintgaveme
anovel.

Wewer esupposedtoreadi
ttogetherbutwe
changedplans.Hehadanemer gency.

Istoppedf
li
ppi
ngthepagewhenasof
tknock
soundedonthedoor
.
Me:Leavemeal
one!
Sai
ntt
oldoneoft
henursest
ocomeandcheckup
onmeeveryhour
.Ihadmymedicat
ionandf
oodso
Ididn’
twantanyonedi
stur
bingmypeace.Even
Dorawasonhol d;t
hemedicat
ionkeptmesaneand
focused.

Thedoorwasopenedaf
terIyel
ledoutt
hosewor
ds.
Idi
dn’
tdaret
olookwhoitwas.
Me:Isai
dleavemeal
one.
Thepersondi
dn’trespond;Iknewitwasn’
toneof
thenur
ses.Ir
aisedmyf aceandIwasn’treadyf
or
whatwasinfrontofme.WasIdr eaming?
Me:Uncl
e?
Tear
sfi
ll
edmyeyesasmyl
ipst
rembl
ed.
Jai
ro:Luna,
mypr
incess.
Me:Uncl
e…
Inevert
houghtI
’dbehappyt
oseemyuncl
eli
ke
howIwas.Ifel
tli
keIwasseei
ngmyf
ather
.

Iputthenovelont
hepedest
alandgotoffthebed.I
walkeduptohim,whenwecamef acet
of aceI
st
art
edhi
tt
inghi
m ont
hechest
.Icoul
dn'
tst
op
mysel
f
Me:Why?Whydi
dn’
tyoucomebackf
orus?You
l
eftus,
why?
Icont
inuedhi
tt
inghi
m whi
lstcr
ying.
Jai
ro:Iam sor
ryLuna.Pl
easef
orgi
veme,
Iam
beggi
ngyou.
Me:Weneededyou;youwer
esupposedt
olook
af
terus.
Hehel
dbot
hmyhandsandt
ookadeepbr
eat
he.
Jai
ro:Youwi
llhur
tyour
sel
fandt
hebaby.St
op.
Il
aidmyheadonhischestandcri
ed.Theminut
ehe
wrappedhi
sarmsaroundme,Ifel
tsafe.I
twas
weir
dbecauseIal
waysfel
tunsafearoundhi
m.

Lotofemot
ionswer
ecomingtopl
ay.Iwashome,
in
hi
sarms.Nothi
ngel
seexi
sted.

Tobecont
inued…
49

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwasadmi tt
edinhospi tall
astni
ght.Cal
ebdidn’t
comet otherescue,Lorandid.Iwasreall
yscared
whenIstartedbleeding,Iknewsomet hi
ngwas
wrong.Luckil
ythebl eedingwasn’
ttoomuch, but
thecrampswer eintense.

WhentheDoctorcamet oexamineme, shesai

d
whatIal
readyknew.Iwasunderl otofst
ressand
wi
thmycompl icat
edpregnancy;Ihadtokeepmy
st
ressundercheckandgetlotofrest.

IshookCal
ebwhowaslayi
nghi
sheadont
hebed.
Atouchofmyhandawokehim.
Me:Hey.
Het
ookhi
sti
met
orai
sehi
shead.Whenhef
inal
ly
di
d,heyawnedandr
ubbedhi
seyes.
Cal
eb:Babe,
areyouf
eel
ingf
ine?
Me:Yes.Youcangohomeandr
estabi
t.Iam f
ine.
Cal
eb:Iam notgoi
ngt
oleaveyoual
one.
Me:TheDoct
oral
readyexaminedmeCal
eb.He
sai
dIwil
lbefi
ne,
thebabytoo.
Cal
eb:Iam sor
ryIwasn’
tther
ewi
thyou.
Me:I
t’
sokay.Lor
ancameinti
me,Idon’
tknowwhat
woul
dhavehappenedi
fshehadnot.
Cal
eb:Don’
tremi
ndme.
Heencl
osedmyhandi
nhi
s.
Caleb:Youneedt ostopstressi
ng,t
heDoctor
al
readytoldyouDel i
a.Ifyoudon’twewi
lll
oseour
babyorIwi l
lloseyou.
Me:Iwi
ll
…
Caleb:Youkeepsayingthatbutl
ookwhereyouare
now?Del i
a,youandthisbabyareal
lIhaveandI
don’twanttolosenei
theryounorourbaby.Thi
sis
ser
ious.
Me:Iknow.

Idar
tedmyeyest
othet
abl
eandsawmyhandbag.
Me:Canyoupl
easepassmemyhandbag?Ineed
myphone.
Cal
eb:Phonef
orwhat
?
Me:SoIam notal
lowedt
omakecal
ls?Ineedt
olet
mymotherknow.
Hegotupwi
thoutsayi
nganyt
hing,
hegavemet
he
phone.
Me:Iam f
eel
inghungr
y…
Cal
eb:Iwi
llexcusemysel
f.
Heki
ssedmeandwal
kedout
.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwasexci
ted,
seeingmyunclewassomethingI
wasn’
texpect
ing.WhenIexcusedmysel
ffr
om my
fat
her’sf
amilyt
heyst
oppedt
ryi
ngtor
eachout.
SeeinghiminSout
hAfri
cawassur
pri
singand
exci
tingatt
hesameti
me.

Iwashavingbr
eakf
astwit
hhiminthecant
een.The
hospi
talwasaver
ynicehospi
tal
,i
twasaprivat
e
one.

Ipour
edmysel
fgl
assofcr
anber
ryj
uiceandt
ooka
si
p.
Jai
ro:Aft
eryourgr
andmotherpassedon,your
uncl
esandIdecidedtokeeptabsonyou.Youdidn’
t
wantanythi
ngtodowithusbutitdi
dn’
tmeanwe
di
dn’tcar
eaboutyou.
Me:Iwasbei
ngf
oll
owed?
Jair
o:Notr
eal
ly.Wehi
redaper
sont
ocheckonyou
fr
om ti
metoti
me.
Me:Inot
herwor
ds,
youknewwhatIwasgoi
ng
t
hrough?
Jai
ro:Yesbutl
ist
en,
wedi
dn’
tactbecauseyouwer
e
doi
ngf
ineaswel
l.I
twasn’
tasser
iousasnow.
Me:YouknewaboutCal
ebt
oo?
Heshookhi
sheadno.
Jair
o:Butyourt
her
api
stt
oldme.Haveyousi
gned
thepaper
s?
Me:Ihave,wewer eonl
ywaiti
ngforajudgeto
l
egall
yendit.Lorat
otol
dmet hatmylawyerhas
recei
vedthefi
naldocumentbutIcan’
tsignbecause
ofmyment alstat
e.
Jai
ro:Wasi
taf
airdi
vor
ce?

Inarr
atedt
hewholest
oryt
ohi
m,ever
ythi
nghe
neededtoknow.
Jai
ro:Yougotmarr
iedi
ncommuni
tyofpr
oper
ty?I
don’
tbeli
evethi
sLuna.
Me:Idi
dandithappened.Imadepeacewi t
hthat
f
act,moneyi
smoney.Hewi llmi
suseitIknow.
Jai
ro:Ineverl
ikedt
hisboy,andIt
oldyou.Ishoul
d
havestoppedtheweddingwhenIhadthechance.
Me:Il
ovedhim,andhedidt
oo.Ist
il
ldon’
tknow
whathappenedf
orhi
mt ogooutandcheat.
Jai
ro:Nothi
ngwi l
ljust
ifyhisacti
ons.Youdidn’t
havetoanythi
ng;hewasgoi ngtoleaveyou
whetheryoudidsomet hingornot.Menar el
ikethat
andheisnodifferentf
rom allofthem.
Il
ookedaway.
Jai
ro:Ij
ustwantyoutogetbet
terandfor
getabout
hi
m.Youdon’tneedthi
smoney, youhavelotof
money.
Me:Moneyofbl
ood…
Jairo:Thatmoneyr
aisedyouandthatbesi
dethe
point,i
fyougott
aspli
tthenspi
lt
.Cutti
eswith
everythi
ngthatr
emindsyouofhim wel
lexpectf
or
thatone,mynephew/niece.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Irecei
vedacallfr
om mymother
-i
n-l
aw;shehardl
y
call
edsorecei
vingacal
lfr
om herwasshocki
ng.
Shestar
tedcal
li
ngl
astni
ghtbutIwasi
nmyown
worl
dsoIignor
edhercal
ls.

MaZul
u:I
’
vebeent
ryi
ngt
ocal
lyousi
ncel
astni
ght
.
Me:Iwasgoi
ngt
ocal
lyouback.
MaZul
u:Webot
hknowyouwer
en’
t.
Andshewasr
ight
;Ihadnobusi
nesswi
thher
.
MaZul u:OhCordel
ia,ther
e’ssomethi
ngIneedt
o
t
ellyou.Somethi
ngt hatwil
lshockyou…
Me:Dot
ell
.Iam l
ist
eni
ng.
MaZul u:I’vebeenexperienci
ngdr eams,dreams
aboutBabaZul u.Someoft hem weredisturbingsoI
couldn’tsitandnotdoanyt hi
ng.Youknowwhat
theysayaboutdeadpeopl e,If
elthewast ryingto
communi catewithme.SoIwentt oseesomeone,
Inyagat obespeci f
icandGod, t
hatwomant oldme
somet hingshocking.
Me:What
…whatdi
dshet
ellyou?
MaZul
u:Yohshesai
dmyhusband’
ssouli
snot
resti
ng,hei
str
yingt
ohel
phi
sson,
yourhusband
Lloyd.
Me:How?Ll
oydi
sdead.
MaZul
u:Hei
snot
.
Me:Hei
snot
?Webur
iedhi
m.
MaZul u:Wedidn’t.Mysoni sali
veandsomeonei s
keepinghim,t
hatwomancoul dn’tseewhothe
personis.Somethingtodowi ththeperson’
s
ancestors,
Iam scaredbecauset hepersonwhoi s
keepingmyson, i
ssomeonewoundedandwr onged
byLloyd.Forthi
sper son’sancestor
stoprot
ect
him/hermeansit’sserious.
Me:Myhusbandi
saliveandsomeonei
skeepi
ng
hi
m?Idonotunder
standyouMa.
MaZulu:Yes.AshiswifeIt
houghtyoudeser
vet
o
know.IknowIneverl
ikedyoubutyoulovedmyson.
Me:AndIt
hankyoufort
hat
.Sowhatar
eyougoi
ng
t
odonow?Imeant hi
sisbi
g…
MaZulu:Isti
llneedtoconsultwit
hthatwomanbut
r
estassured,Iwil
lnotrestunti
lmysonisback
homeandwhenhei shomeIwi l
lmakesur
ethe
personbehi
ndthi
spay,eveni
ftheypaywi
tht
heir
l
ives.Butt
heywil
lpay.

LORATOLEROUX

Iwasattheoffi
cewhenPandora’
sauntannounced
herpr
esence.Shedi
dn’
tlookgood,i
nfactshe
l
ookedsick.

Shegr
abbedachai
randsatdown.
Kri
s:Thankyouf
orseei
ngme,
IknowIdi
dn’
tmake
anyappoint
ment
.
Me:It
’sokay.Youar
ePandor
a’saunt
.HowcanI
hel
pyou?
Kri
s:Ichosetocomehereinst
eadofgoingto
Pandora.Ihear
dsheisnotwellandIdi
dn’twantto
makethingsworse.Youar
ehert her
api
standItrust
youwiththisi
ssue.
Inodded.
Kr
is:Il
ied,
MrsLeRoux…
Me:Youl
ied?
Shenodded.
Kris:Il
iedabouteverythingandIam payi ngthe
pri
ce.Mysi st
erisnotr esting,sheishaunti
ngme.
Shewi l
lnotstopuntilItellthetrut
h.Ever
ythingI
touchturntodust,shei scomi ngformyl i
fe.Ineed
toconfessbeforeIdie.
Me:Andwhatt
rut
hisi
t?
Shesni
ff
ed.
Kri
s:Thi
ngisI
…meandmyhusband, wesol
d
Gabby.Shewasn’
tadopt
ed,
ohGod!
Sheputherf
inger
sonhermout
handqui
ckl
y
movedthem.
Kris:Weweregoingthr
oughsomef inancial
problems.MyhusbandandIknewt hiscouple;t
hey
wer est
ruggl
ingwit
hgetti
ngpregnant.Theyreal
ly
neededachildandweneededmoney, Idi
dn’twant
tobutthecir
cumstancesfor
cedmyhand.
Me:Whatdi
dyoudo?
Kri
s:Wef akedeverything,
theadopti
onprocessand
theworks.Weusedt hatasafront
,Gabbywas
servedtothatcouple.Theygaveusmoneyi n
exchangeofher.
Me:Wher
ear
etheynow?
Kri
s:Lastt
imeIheardfr
om t
hem waswhenGabby
was10yearsold.TheymovedtoMozambiqueaft
er
t
heytookherbuttheycamebacktwoyear
slater
.I
l
osttouchwit
hthem.
Me:Yousol
dyoursi
ster
’schi
ld?Whatki
ndofa
per
sonareyou?
Kri
s:Iam notpr oudofmyself.Idi
dl otoft
hingsto
keepthissecret,somuchthatIleftpothol
es.I
madel i
estopr otectmysel
fbuttheremor eIkeep
thi
ssecretthemor eIsi
nkdeep.
Me:Doyouhaveanyi
deahowwecanf
indt
he
coupl
e?
Sheshookherheadno.
Me:St
opl
ying.
Kris:Iam notlying.Themanwhoadoptedheri
sa
verypower fulandr i
chman,whentheyt
ookGabby
theysaidt heywi l
ldowhat
everi
ttakest
oprot
ect
her,from herfami l
y.
Me:Whatar
eyousayi
nglady?Pr
otectherf
rom her
f
amil
y?Areyoui
nsane?
Kri
s:Iwillhelpyoul ookforher
.Ijustwantmysi st
er
tostopbur ningme, myancestorstoo.Theyare
l
ookingfort heirdaughterandt
heywi l
lnotstop
unti
ltheyfindher .

PANDORAKAMANDE

Ihadbeenf eeli
ngbettersincemyuncl ecame, I
wasn’tlyi
ngtomysel f.Iwasf eel
ingbet
ter,
it’
sli
ke
myf atherwasbackt osaveme.Myf atherhadhis
faul
tsbuthel ovedhisfami l
y,sodidmyuncl es.
Theywer ecri
mi nal
sbutt heylovedandputtheir
famili
esfir
st.
Ibi
tmyl
owerl
ipandl
ookedupi
nthesky.
Me:Bot
hCal
vinandGabby’
sdeat
hwashar
donme.
Jair
o:Luna, youhavet ost opfeeli
ngsor ryf or
yoursel f.That’
sonlygoi ngtosetyouback.Iknow
yourpar entsdeathisther ootofthis,i
tallst ar
ted
ther
e.Butyouneedt otellyoursel
fthatithappened,
andnot hingwi l
leverchanget hatfact.Calvin
couldn’ tfi
ght,notthathewasweak, andnohe
wasn’ tweak.Wedon’ tknowwhathewasf eeli
ng.
Forgivehi m andputhi sdeat hbehindyou.Iknow
youar est il
lblamingyour self
,that
’swhyyou
haven’ treadthel et
terhel ef
tyou.
Me:Howdoyouknow?
Jai
ro:Ij
ustknow.Ifyouhadreadthelet
ter
,you
wouldhaveforgi
venyoursel
flongti
meago.
Me:Youhaver
eadt
hel
ett
er?
Henodded.
Me:Idon’
tthi
nkIam st
rongenought
oreadi
t…
Jai
ro:Youar
est
rongenoughLuna.I
t’
sti
met
o
cl
aim yoursanity,
nothal
fofitbutthewhol eofi
t.
Thisthingofgoingbackandforthwillnotwork,
you
areher etodayandyouareouttomor row.NoLuna.
Youar eabouttogivebi
rt
h,theyaregoi ngtot
ake
yourbabyi fyoukeepcominghere;thisisamental
hospi
t alnotavacati
onhospit
al.Doyouwantt o
l
osethi sbaby?
Me:No, IknowIdi
dn’twantherbef
orebutnowI
real
lydo.Iact
ual
lycan’twai
ttohol
dhiminmy
arms.
Jai
ro:Thenyouneedt ogetbett
er,i
fnotCal
ebwi l
l
getful
lcust
ody.Youaretakingmedicat
ionsothey
mightrul
einhi
sf avour
.AndIwi l
lnotsi
tandlethim.
Me:Uncl
eno…
Jair
o:Iam notsayingIwil
lki
llhi
m butIam al
sonot
sayi
ngIwillnotki
llhim.
Me:Uncl
eJai
ro,
don’
tdoanyt
hingst
upi
d.

Hegotupfrom t
hechai
randputhi
shandsi
nhi
s
pocket
s.Hesoft
lywhi
stl
ed.
Jair
o:Iam gett
ingyououtofhereandyouarenot
comingbackLuna.Youdr i
nkanti
depressant
sand
theysupposetomakeyoubet t
ernotworse.Areyou
evenfai
thfult
oyourmedicati
on?
Me:Iam.
Jai
ro:Good,don’
tst
op.Youat
tendt
her
apyt
oo,
you
wil
lwinthi
sfight
.
Me:Ihearvoi
cesi
nmyheadever
ynowandt
hen.
Jai
ro:
Me:Whenar
eyoul
eavi
ng?
Jai
ro:Notanyt
imesoon.Iam notl
eavi
ngyouagai
n,
notbefor
eyougetbet
ter.Iwi
llbeher
eforasl
ong
asyouwantme.
Hesmi
ledatme.
Me:Takemet
oIt
alywi
thyou.
Jairo:No.Youar enotr
unningaway,youaredeali
ng
witht hi
shere.Youarefaci
ngallyourdemons
straightup,
onebyoneyouwi l
lfaceanddefeat
them.
Inodded.
Jai
ro:Wannagof
orar
ide?
Me:Yourr
idesneverendwel
l.
Jair
o:Itaket
hatasayes.Letmet
alkwi
thyour
ther
apist…
Me:Si
ncewhendoyouaskf
orper
missi
on?
Jai
ro:Si
nceIcamet
oSout
hAf
ri
ca.
Il
aughed.
Me:Shei
smar
ri
eduncl
e.
Jai
ro:Andshel
aughed.
Hewal
kedupt
omeandki
ssedmeont
hef
orehead.
Jai
ro:Iknowallabouther
,sorel
ax.Nowgetupand
gogetready.Weareleavi
nginfew.

Tobecont
inued…
50
PANDORAKAMANDE

Foll
owi ngtheridewi
thmyuncle,
wewenttoa
GameReser ve.Myuncl
ewasonami ssi
onandhi
s
missionwast omakemehappy.Hewasdoi ng
everythingtotakemeoutoft
hedepr
essi
ngmodeI
wast rappedin.

Iwasfeel
inghappyandl ovedsomet hi
ngIal
ways
l
ongedfor.Deathhadstolenmanypeopl ef
rom me,
atsomepoi ntIt
houghtIneverbehappy.Li
ttl
edidI
know;Ionlywantedtobel oved.Lovewasmy
sal
vati
on,mysani t
y.

Iwasonavi deocal
lwithMaya.Wel asttal
kedthr
ee
monthsago.WhenIgotadmi tt
edanothert r
agedy
befel
lher
.Twodaysaf t
ertheburi
alshewas
admitt
edtohospit
al,
shesuffer
edast roke.Shehad
beeninhospit
alsi
ncethen.
Maya:Myspeechwasaf
fect
edbyst
roke.Ist
ayed
i
nbed, wasfedandbathe,
dayinanddayout.I
neverwanttogobackther
e;i
twastheworstthr
ee
monthsofmyl i
fe.Ther
ewasachanceIwouldn’t
haverecover
ed.
Me:Butyour
ecover
ed.
Maya:Howyouhol
dingupandhowi
smy
gr
andchi
ld?
Ismiledandmovedthephonetomyt ummy.She
shookherheadandlaughed,
shethenstar
ted
cryi
ngthroughherl
aught
er.
Me:Don’
tcr
y,Iwi
llcr
ytoo.
Maya:IwishIwast
her
ewi
thyou.Youl
ookso
beaut
if
ul.
Me:Iknowhowmuchyouwannabeherewit
hme
andIunder
stand,
Mom.Wear
ebothdeali
ngwit
h
ourdemons.
Maya:Iwasal
wayst
her
e,hel
pingyouf
ight
.
Me:Nowi
t’
sti
mef
ormet
ofi
ghtonmyown.
Maya:Ohmybaby, l
if
eissomet
hingel
se.Ihave
nevert
houghtonedayIwil
lbel
yingi
nthi
sbed,
bei
ngnur
sedbecauseIam unabl
etohel
pmysel
f.
Me:That
’sl
if
eforyou.
Maya:Iwantt
orecoverandcomebackbef
oreyou
gi
vebirt
h.
Me:Butyousai
d…
Maya:Isaidnothing.Pan, whetherImovet oFr ance
orGhana,ormovet oanotherplanet.Ri
verand
Wade’sdeathwi l
lneverleaveme.Iwasl yingi nthis
bedforthreemont hs,unabletotalkormove, doyou
knowwhatorwhoIwast hi
nkingabout?Iwas
thi
nki
ngaboutt hem.Ir eali
sedthatnomat terwhatI
do,Iwil
lnevererasethem inmymi ndorhear t.Ijust
needtolearnhowt olivewithoutthem.

Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Me:Imisst hem al
ot.FewdaysagoIwaslooki
ng
atourpict
ures,i
tal
lcamebackbutthepai
nwas
bearabl
e.Theyarehappywherevert
heyar
e.
Maya:Theyar
elooki
ngdownatusandt
heywi
ll
f
oreverbei
nourheart
s.
Inodded.
Maya:Il
oveyouPandora.Andt hankyoufor
f
ight
ingevenwhenitwasn’teasy.Mygrandchi
ldi
s
l
uckytohaveyouasamot her.
Ibl
ewaki
ssather
.
Me:Il
oveyout
oo.

SAI
NTZULU

TodayIknockedof
fearl
y,Pandora’
suncl
etol
dme
togohewilll
ookaf
terPandora.

Iwasaboutt
ojumpintheshowerwhenIhear
dmy
phoneri
ngi
ngint
heli
vingroom.Iwentt
ogeti
t,t
he
cal
lerwasmymother
.

Me:MaZul
u.
Mom:Sai
nt,
howar
eyou?
Me:Ngi
y’
phi
laMama,
howar
eyou?
Mom:Ngi
y’
phi
lason.Howi
swor
k?
Me:WorkisworkMa.Iwant
edt
oresi
gnbutanot
her
oppor
tuni
tycamethr
ough.
Mom:Okay?
Isatont
hear
mrestoft
hecouch.

Me:Iwasaskedtol
ookaft
eroneoft
hepat
ient
s,i
n
herownpl
ace.Shei
sgoingthr
oughsomehuge
i
ssues.
Mom:That
’sni
ce.
Me:Iti
sbutMayouknowwhyIdeci
dedtocome
her
e.Icameher
etolookf
ormybrot
her
…
Mom:Iknowbutyoualsoneededajobandnow
youhavei
t.Youcandoitbot
h,hel
pyourpat
ient
son.
Me:Thi
spat
ienti
sdemandi
ng,
shei
sgoi
ngt
otake
al
lmyti
me.
Mom:Doyourj
ob.Iwi
lldealwi
tht
hei
ssueofyour
br
othermysel
f.
Me:Your
eal
lybel
ievehei
sst
il
lal
ive?
Mom:Hei
s.It
rustt
hatwoman.
Me:Andshesai
dhei
sthi
ssi
de?
Mom:Yes.Iam goi
ngtouset hemoneyCordel
ia
gaveustomoveheavenandear t
h.Iwi
llf
indmy
sonandwhenIdo,Godwillhavetohel
ptheperson.
Iwil
lnotshowhi
m/heranymer cy.

Me:Yout
oldCor
del
iayet
?
Mom:Idi
dandshewasshockedl
ikeme.
Me:Iam sur
eshewas.
Mom:Saint,
Icansaywhat
everIwantbutshel
oved
yourbr
other
.
Me:Your eal
lyt hi
nkshedid?Br ot
herusedt oabuse
herMama, undert hesamer oofyouli
vedin.He
di
dn’tt
reatCor del
iali
keawi fe,
theyevenlosttheir
babyandwhosef aultwasit?Yourson’s!Nowt el
l
me,doyout hinkshei shappytoknowhei ssti
ll
al
ive?
Shel
etoutasof
tsi
gh.
Me:Thoughtasmuch.
Aknocksoundedont
hedoor
.
Me:Ther
e’ssomeoneatt
hedoor
,letmecal
lyou
back.
Mom:Okay.Sai
nt,
takecar
eofyour
sel
f.
Me:Iwi
ll
.Il
oveyouMama.
Mom:Il
oveyout
oo.

Ihungupandwentt
othedoor
.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Lor
anwaspaci
ngupanddown.Herpaci
ngwas
get
ti
ngt
ome.
Me:Hey,
comeon.Si
tdown.
Shet
urnedandl
ookedatme.
Loran:Areyoucrazy?Yourmot
her
-i
n-l
awi
sont
ous,
Idon’twannadieCordel
ia.
Me:Noonei
sgoi
ngt
odi
eher
e.
That
’swhatIwast
ell
ingmysel
fbutt
rut
hisIwas
scar
ed.
Me:Iknowhowt
ost
opher
.
Lor
an:Iam notki
ll
ingher
.
Me:Ineversai
dwear
eki
ll
ingher
.
Lor
an:Thenhowar
ewegonnast
opher
?
Me:Iwi
llt
ryandconvi
ncehert
hatt
hel
adyi
slyi
ng
andmyhusbandisdead.
Loran:Youhonest
lyt hi
nkshewi l
lli
stentoyou?
Don’tbestupi
dCor deli
a.Ther
e’snoget t
ingoutof
thi
swi t
houtdyi
ng.Shei scomingfort hetwoofus;I
don’tknowwhyIlistenedtoyou.

Icl
osedmymout
handswal
lowedspi
t.
Me:Tr
ustme;Iwi
llgetusoutoft
hismess.
Lor
an:Goodl
ucki
ndoi
ngso.
Shet
ookherpur
seandwal
kedout
.

SAI
NTZULU

Me:CanIof
feryousomet
hingt
odr
ink?
IaskedPandora’
suncle.I
nsteadofrespondinghe
grabbedachairandsatdown.Heputt hebrown
envelopeonthetabl
eandlookedaroundmy
apartmentt
henlookedbackatme.

Jai
ro:Not
hankyou.
Idr
ewbackt
hechai
randsatdown.
Jair
o:Pandoraisbei
ngdischar
gedt
omorr
ow.She
won’tbestayi
nginherownhousebutwi
thme,Iam
rent
ingoutsi
detown.
Inodded.
Jairo:IknowallaboutyouMrZulu,Ididmy
research.Iam amanwhodeal swithlotofpeopl
e,
whohavedi f
fer
entagendas.SoIneedt obeone
stepaheadoft hem toavoi
dunnecessaryoutcomes.
Me:Iunder
stand.
Jairo:Youarenotal l
owedtoshar
eanythi
ng
concer ni
ngPandora’sheal
th,
notwit
hyour
girl
fri
endormot her.Youar
egoingtosi
gnanon-
disclosurecont
ractandIhopeandprayyoust
ickt
o
i
t.
Me:Iwi
ll
.

Hepushedtheenvel
opet
owar
dsme.Il
ookedati
t
andnotdoanyt
hing.
Jai
ro:Youwi l
lreaditt
hroughbeforeyousi gn.You
wil
lfil
lal
lthenecessarydetai
lsandgiveitback.I
wil
lmakecopi es,youwil
lkeepyoursandIwi l
lkeep
mine.Youprotectitwi
thyourlif
eMrZul u.
Everyt
hingyouneedt oknowisdetail
edt here…
It
ookt
heenvel
ope.
Jai
ro:I
fyounotbusy,
joi
nmef
ordi
nner
.Ihat
e
eat
ingalone.
Me:Sur
e.Letmegr
abmyj
acket
.
Hegavemeasl
ightnod.
Jai
ro:Youwi
llf
indmei
nmycar
.
Hegotupandwal
kedout
.

Tobecont
inued…
51

PANDORAKAMANDE

WeekspassedandIwasget ti
ngbet t
er,
Iwast aki
ng
onedayatat imeanditwaswor ki
ngforme.Iwas
l
ivi
ngwi thmyuncleandSaint.IhadnoideaSaint
wasgoingtolivewit
hus,Igenuinel
ythoughthe’d
becomi ngeverydayandknockingoffl
ikeany
employeebutitwasn’
tthecase.
Iwasfaithf
ultomymedi cati
onandt herapy,Dora
wasnol ongeranobstacle.Iwasspendi ngmostof
mytimer eadi
ngandpai nting,Iwasclosingany
doorofsadnessandunhappi ness.Myuncl egave
meanempt ybigroom,het oldmet odowhat everI
wantwithitsoIdecidedt oturniti
ntoanur sery
room f
ormydaught er.Mydaught erwasaboutt o
bebornandi tseemedlikeI ’
dsti
llbeherewi t
hmy
uncl
e.

Myeyesopenedt otakei ntheli

ghtintheroom.Isat
upstrai
ghtandputmyhandovermyt ummy.I
breat
hedsoftt
hrought hekicks;t
hosewer ethebest
moment sofmylif
e.Feel i
ngherkicksalways
broughtasmil
eonmyf ace,i
tsoothedmyhear t
.My
bell
ywasgetti
ngsobi g.

Me:Goodmorning,
youareawake?Youmustbe
hungr
ybecausemommyi shungryt
oo.Whatwoul
d
youli
ket
oeatthismor
ning?
ThedooropenedandSai ntwalkedin.Hestoodat
thedoorandfol
dedhisar ms.Helookedso
handsomeinhisblackandwhi tesweatpant
sand
vest
.Hewasbar ef
ooted.
Sai
nt:Youar
eawake,
goodmor
ningPandor
a.
Me:Mor
ningSai
nt.
Sai
nt:I
sther
eanyt
hingIcangetyou?
Me:No.Iam f
ine.Youcangobacktowhatyou
wer
edoing;i
fIneedyouIwil
lcal
lyou.
Hekeptqui
etandl
ookedatme.Hewasst
il
l
st
andi
ngatthedoor
,li
kearobot
.

Igotoutoft
hebedandwalkedt
othewi
ndow.I
sl
ight
lyopenedt
hewindowsandst
oodt
here.
Me:Wher
eismyuncl
e?
Sai
nt:Hewentoutbuthedidn’tsaywherehewas
goi
ng.Heaskedmet opreparebreakf
astforyou.
Me:Youcanbr
ingi
ther
e.
Sai
nt:No.
It
urnedt
ohi
m.
Me:No?
Saint:Yes.Hesai
dyoushouldhaveyourbr
eakf
ast
outsi
de, t
hatwashisor
derandIam goingt
ofol
low
thatorder.
Ididn’
tmeantolaughbutIdid.Sai
ntwasvery
obedient
.Iagr
eemyuncl e’
sinti
midat
ingandstuf
f
butSaintwasoverdoingit
.AndIkeptontel
li
nghim
thatbutwasn’
tli
steni
ngtome.
Me:Iam yourpat
ientnotmyuncl
e.
Saint
:Youruncl
ehi r
edme.SopleaseMa’am,don’
t
makemyj obhard.Getr
eady;br
eakfastwil
lbe
readyin30minutes.

Saintchall
engedmei never
ythi
ngIdisagreedon;he
knewwhatt osayandwhent osayi
t.Li
kehowi t
wasi nthehospit
al,
Ididn’
tknowwhatt osayordo.I
fol
lowedhisorders.
Me:Iwi
llbedowni
n30mi
nut
es.Nowcanyou
pl
easeexcuseme?
Sai
nt:Wi
thpl
easur
e.
Het
ookt
wost
epsbackandcl
osedt
hedoor
.
Me:“
Wit
hpl
easur
e.”
Imimickedhi
svoi
ceandl
aughedwal
kingt
othe
bat
hroom.

CALEBKAMANDE

Aft
ermuchconsiderati
onandt houghtIdeci
dedto
acceptCor
del
ia’
shelp.Iletherinvesti
nmyagency
andIwasbusywi t
hit.I
twasr eadyt ost
artr
unni
ng.

Iwasn’tst
ar t
ingbigbecauseIdi
dn’tknowhowI ’
d
do.Iwast aki
ngahuger i
skandlotofcapit
alwas
i
nvested.Iwasor gani
singthel
auncht hatwas
happeningint woweeks.
Laterthatmorni
ngIhadaninter
esti
ngvisi
tor,Jai
ro
Garcia.Ihadhear
dhewasi nSouthAfri
cabutIhad
notseenhi m.HeandIweren’
tbestofbuddies.He
neverlikedmeforPandor
a,andhekeptthatasa
secret.

Hesatacr
ossmyt
abl
eandcr
ossedhi
slegs.
Me:MrGar
cia.
Jai
ro:Iam notgoi
ngt
otakemuchofyourti
me;I
wil
lgostr
aighttot
hepoi
ntandgett
hehelloutof
her
e.
Hewasst i
llt
hesamecoldbast
ard;It
houghthe
changedovertheyear
s.Al
eoparddoesn’
tchange
i
tsspots.
Jai
ro:IwantyougivePandor
awhat
’sduet
oher
.
Andthat’
snon-negot
iabl
e.
Me:Andt
hati
s?
Jai
ro:Youknowwhati
tis.Mynieceworkedherself
dayandnightt
ohavewhatshehaverightnowandI
wil
lnotal
lowyout
otakeallofi
tli
keyouwor kedfor
i
t.Thi
sisherempi
re,
herl
egacy.
Ikeptqui
et.
Jai
ro:Pandor aisgett
ingbett
erandherl awyeris
goi
ngt ohandheradi vorcedecr ee,thefinalpaper
ofyourdivorce.Iwantyoutot ellyourlawyerthat
youdon’twantt odivi
de;youwi llwalkawaywi t
h
what’
syour sandPandor awilltakeever ythi
ngthat
bel
ongst oher .
Me:Andi
fIr
efuse?
Jai
ro:Wel
l…
Heuncr ossedhislegsandburi
edhishandinsi
de
hispocket.Theycamebackwi t
htwobullet
s.Heput
thefi
rstoneont hetabl
eandlookedatme.
Jai
ro:I
thasyourgi
rl
fr
iend’
sname…Cor
del
ia,
right
?

Iswal
lowed.Heputanot
herone.
Jai
ro:Andt
hisonehasyourname.
Il
oosenedmyt
ieandr
ubbedmyf
ace.
Jai
ro:Thi
sisnotat
hreatbutawar
ning.Youbr
oke
myni ece’sheartandf ort
hatyouweresupposedt o
paybutPandor abei ngPandorashesavedyourl i
fe.
Ifi
twasn’ tofher,youandyourgirl
fr
iendwouldbe
sixfeetunder.Noonehur taGar
ciaandli
vet otel
l
thetale.Youwer eluckyoncebutIdon’tt
hinkthe
secondt i
meyouwi llbe.
Me:Iwil
lsign,
okay!Noneedfort
his.Leavemy
par
tneroutofthi
s,t
her
e’snoneedtokillher
.
Jai
ro:I
t’
ssocutetoseehowmuchyoul oveher
;
you’
dchooseyourowndeathoverhers.Iwonderi
f
she’
ddothesamet hi
ngtoo.Yout
hinkshewi l
l?
Huh?
Me:Whatki
ndofaquest
ioni
sthat
?
Helookedatt hebul
l
etsonthetabl
eandroset
ohis
feet
.Hef i
xedhimselfandbur
iedhi
shandsdeepi
n
hispockets.
Jai
ro:Notever
ythi
ngisatitseemsbutdon’
tletme
betheonewhospoi lt
hefun.HaveagooddayMr
Kamande.Itwasniceseei
ngyou.
Hewal
kedout
.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwashavi
ngbr
eakf
astwi
thSai
nti
nthegar
den.

Ifi
nishedmylastbi
teofsandwichanddownedi t
withasipofapplej
uice.Sai
nthardl
ytouchedhis
food;hewasjustci
rcli
nghisfor
kont heplat
e.
Me:Wepl
ayi
ngwi
thf
oodnow?
Her
aisedhi
sfaceandl
ookedatme.
Sai
nt:Sor
ry,
didyousaysomet
hing?
Me:Youar
enother
etoday,
what
’swr
ong?
Sai
nt:Iam okay.
Me:Younot
,tal
ktome.
Sai
nt:Famil
yissues,
Idon’
twannadepr
essyou
wit
hmyi ssues.

Me:Ihavedepr
essedyousomuchovert
hepast
mont
hs.Tr
yme.
Heletgooft
hef or
kandpushedf
orwar
dthepl
ate.
Youcouldt
ellhewasbur
dened.
Saint
:Wer ecentl
ylear
nedmybrotherwhoweall
thoughtwasdeadi snotr
eal
lydead.Heisst
il
lal
ive
butwedon’ tknowwhereheis.
Me:Howso?Andwhyar
eyousosur
ethathei
sst
il
l
al
ive?
Sai
nt:Doyoubel
ievei
nwi
tchcr
aft
?
Me:Ido.Mymot
herwasbl
ackSai
nt…
Sai
nt:Iknow,
sor
ry.
Me:I
t’
sfi
ne.Soyout
hinkyourbr
otheri
sbei
ngkept
asazombie?
Henodded.
Me:Yoht
hat
’sscar
y.Whowoul
ddosomet
hingl
ike
t
hat?
Sai
nt:Weal
lar
etr
yingt
ofi
gur
ethatout
.
Me:Iam sor
ryf
orwhatyouandyourfamil
yare
goi
ngthr
ough.I
tcan’
teasyt
oknowt hatyourf
ami
ly
i
sal
ivebutyoudon’
tknowwher
ehei
sorhowhei
s.
Sai
nt:Youhavenoi
dea.
Myal
arm wentof
f;i
twast
imet
otakemy
medi
cat
ion.
Sai
nt:Iwi
llgoandgeti
tforyou.
Me:Okay.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Il
ookedatLl
oydandl
ookedatt
heDoct
or.
Me:Geti
tdonewi
thi
t.Idon’
thavemucht
ime.
Doct
or:Yousur
e?Ther
e’snogoi
ngbackaf
tert
his.
Me:Iam sur
e.St
opwast
ingmyt
imeandi
njecthi
m.

Hewal
kedovertothebedandlookedatmeone
mor
eti
me.Lloydkeptonshaki
nghi shead.
Ll
oyd:Pleasedon’
tdot
his.Isweari
fyouletmego,
Iwil
lnotbreat
heaword.Iwil
lgoawayfrom her
e.I
wi
llnott
ellanyonewhathashappenedt
ome.
Me:Justdoi
t.
Thedoctornoddedandi
nject
edLl
oydwit
ht he
i
nject
ion.Hekickedf
ewti
mesbeforehel
aidhis
headont hepi
ll
ow.
Doct
or:Ineverdi
dsomet
hingl
iket
hisbef
ore.
Me:Butyoudi
dnow,
didyoudi
e?I
t’
spar
tofl
if
e,get
overi
t.
Doct
or:Whatdoyouwantmet
odowi
thhi
sbody?
Me:Cr
emat
eit
,andbr
ingt
heashest
ome.
Doct
or:Okay.

Ididn’
tknowwhattoexpectnextbutLloydwas
nevergoingbackhome.I
twast i
mef orhimtor
est
forgood.

IknewapowerfulSangomabackhomeandIwas
goingtoseehi
m.Mr sThandekaZul
uwasnotgoi
ng
tocatchme,Ir
efused.
JEWELMUDAU

LeonandIgotintoseet
heDoct
or.Wewerewai
ti
ng
forhiminhisof
fi
ceandhewastaki
ngl
ong.My
nerveswereshort
.

Leon:Hey,
stopi
t.Youar
escar
ingme.
Me:Iam scar
ed.
Leon:Igotagoodfeel
ingaboutthi
s.Wewi
llwal
k
outofthi
shospit
alhappy,Iknow.
Igotbackaweekago.Il
eftEl
einGauteng;shewas
theonemanagingtheor
phanage.Ihadmy
treat
mentinGaut
eng.Fi
broi
dsdidn’
texi
stinmy
vocabul
ary.

Aft
erf
ewmi nutesofwaiti
ng,thedoorwasopened
andDoctorDavesteppedinsi
de.Heclosedt
hedoor
andwalkedtohischair
.
Doct
orD:Sor
ryt
okeepyouwai
ti
ng.
Leon:Nopr
obl
em.
Doct
orD:Ihaveyourr
esul
tswi
thme…
Icoul
dn’
treadhi
sface.Ihel
dti
ghtt
oLeon’
shand.
Leon:And?
Doct
orD:Congr
atul
ati
ons,
youar
epr
egnantMr
s
Mudau.
Leon:Sheis?Yeey!Whatdi
dIsay?Itol
dyou.We
arepregnantbaby,
weare,God!Thankyou.
Me:Iam pregnant
?Yousur
eDoct
or?Imean…am I
r
eall
ypregnant?
Doct
orD:Iam 100%sur
e.Youar
eexpect
ing.
Me:OhGod,
Iam pr
egnant
.
Itf
eltunr
eal
.Iwaspr
egnant
,awhol
emecar
ryi
nga
baby.
Doct
orD:Foryourpi
eceofmi
nd,
wecanmakean
ul
tr
asound.
Me:Pl
ease.
IlookedatLeonwhowasalloverme,
his
excit
ementwasunmatched.Youcoul
dtel
lhewas
waiti
ngforthi
smoment.

Icoul
dn’twai
ttogoandtel
lPandor
a.Iknewshe
wasgoingtobehappy,moret
hanme.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Isetdownagl
assofwat
eri
nfr
ontofLor
atoand
satdown.
Lor
ato:Thankyou.
Me:TowhatdoIowet
hispl
easur
e?
Lor
ato:Ther
e’ssomet
hingIneedt
otel
lyou.
Me:I
tsoundsser
ious.
Lorat
o:I
tis.Li
sten;fewweeksagoyourauntcame
toseeme.Sheconf essedsomestuf
ftome;Ididn’
t
wannatel
lyourightaway.SoItal
kedwit
hJewel
andshetoldmet owait.
Me:Iam t
ir
edofherl
ies.
Lorat
o:Thist
imeshedi
dn’
tli
e,Pandor
a.Youneed
tohearthi
s.
Igavehermyat tent
ion.Shest art
edtell
ingme
everyt
hing;tosayIwasshockedwoul dbean
understat
ement .Itr
iedsomucht onotl
etitgett
o
me;Iwasn’ tgoingtoletKris’sli
estosetmeback.I
workedsohar dtogetbetter.Shewasnotgoi ngto
beanotherr easonformyr elapse.
Lor
ato:Yoursi
steri
ssti
llal
iveandKr
isof
fer
edt
o
hel
pusi nl
ocati
ngher.
Me:Nowshewannahel
p?Af
terever
ythi
ngshehas
done?Thener
ve!
Lorat
o:Yourmot herisnotgi
vingherpeace.Her
ancestor
sarepunishingherandi fshedoesn’
tbr
ing
Gabbyhome, nothingofherswillworkout
.Shecan
di
ePandor aorloseherfamily.
Me:Shecan?
Lor
ato:Yes.Thewrathofourancestor
sisst
rong
andyoucan’tsaveyour
selff
rom it
.Whatshedid
wasevi
landtheyar
egoingt
opunishherfort
hat
.
Thi
sisj
ustthebegi
nni
ngofhersuff
eri
ngs.

Tobecont
inued…
52

PANDORAKAMANDE

Laterthataft
ernoonJewel j
oinedmef orl
unch.We
hadnotspentmucht i
met ogethersi
nceshegot
back.Iwasf i
ndingmyf eetandshewasbusyon
herside,herjobwasdemandi ng.

Wewentintot
hekit
chen,Sai
nthadlunchpr
epar
ed.
Pl
ateswereni
cel
yplacedonthecounter
.
Jewel:I
sheyourmur
seorhusband?Ther
e’spl
ent
y
offood.
Me:Idon’
tknowhowmanytimesI’
veaskedSaint
t
onotgooverboar
dwhi
lstpr
epari
ngfood.Idon’
t
eatmuch.
Jewel
:Ido.Ineverr
efusef
oodsol
etmei
ndul
ge.I
am f
amished.
Me:Youal
waysf
ami
shed.
Jewel
:What
ever
!Come,
let
’seat
.

Wesatt
oget
heratt
hecount
erandst
art
eddi
shi
ng
up.
Jewel
:And?
Me:What
?
Jewel
:Sai
ntZul
u.
Me:Whatabouthi
m?
Jewel
:Howar
eyouf
indi
nghi
m?I
shei
nter
est
ing?
Me:Hei
sannoyi
ng.
Jewel
:Youli
e.Wheneveryoument
ionhi
sname
yourf
acebecomesli
ghter.
Me:I
tdoesn’
t.
Jewel
:Ohi
tdoes.
Me:Maybeal
it
tl
e.Whatam Ievensayi
ng?Jewel
!
Jewel
:Youl
ikehi
m,yesyoudo.
Me:Idon’
t.Heismurse;wecannevercr
osst
hat
l
ine.I
t’
sunprof
essi
onal.
Jewel
:Wecanal
waysgetanot
hernur
seormur
se.
Me:NoIwanthi
m andhi
m onl
y.Hei
smysoulmat
e
murse.
Shesmi
ledatmeandnodded.
Me:YouhavenoideahowhappyIam t
hatyouar
e
back.Imi
ssedyoumonkey.
Jewel
:Iam sor
ryf
orl
eavi
ngwhenyouneededme
themost.
Me:It
’sf
ine,Iunder
stand.Andl
ookatmenow,
Iam
get
ti
ngbetter.
Jewel
:Igotsomet
hingf
oryou.
Me:Il
ovesur
pri
ses…

Sher
eachedf
orherhandbag.Shet
ookoutasmal
l
box;i
twaswr
appedi
nnudger
ibbon.Shepushedi
t
towar
dsme.
Me:Mybi
rt
hdayi
sinamont
h…
Jewel
:Haveal
ookandst
opt
alki
ng.
Ir
emovedther
ibbonandl
ookedatJewel
whowas
smil
ing.
Me:OhgoshIam soner
vous.
Myeyeswi
denedwhenIhel
daboot
iei
nmyhand.
Me:Youar
epr
egnant
?
Jewel
:Yes.
Me:Ohmonkey,
youar
epr
egnant
?
Ifel
ttear
sburnmyeyes.Therewerenowordst
o
expl
ainwhatIwasfeeli
ng.Thef
eel
ingwas
unexplai
nabl
e.Iwasfeel
ingsomuchjoyi
nmy
heart
.

Isl
owlygotof
fthechai
randwentt
oher
.Weshar
ed
alonghug.
Me:Congr
atul
ati
onsmonkey.
Jewel
:Thankyoumonkey.Youmaki
ngmecr
y-my
make-
up.
Me:God,
yougoi
ngt
omakeagr
eatmot
her
.Thi
sis
amazi
ng.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Calebcall
edandaskedtobepi
ckedupfr
om t
he
off
ice.Hewasinasourmood,nothi
ngIwasdoi
ng
orsayingwasget
tingt
ohim.

Thedr
ivetohomeseemedtolastali
fet
ime.We
di
dn’
tspeaktheent
ir
eway.Il
ethim be.

Wef i
nall
yarr
ivedhome;Iparkedmycarbesi
dehis
andgotoutofthecar.Il
ookedathi
m aswewalked
i
nsidethehouse.Iwasn’
tenjoyi
ngt
hesil
ent
tr
eatment.
Me:Youokay?
Henodded.Igent
lygr
abbedhi
sar
m andt
urnedhi
m
ar
ound.
Me:Youl
yingt
ome.
Cal
eb:That
’sr
ichcomi
ngf
rom you.
Me:Excuseme?
Cal
eb:Youkeepi
ngt
hingsf
rom meCor
del
ia.
Me:Iam not
.
Cal
eb:Cor
del
ia,
looki
ntomyeyesandswear
.
Me:Whati
sthis?Isai
dIam not
,whatmoredoyou
wantmetosay?Andwhyam Ibeingquest
ioned?
Caleb:Doyoublameme?SometimesIfeelli
keI
don’tknowyou.Idon’
tknowwhoCordel
iais.
Me:Real
ly?

Il
etgoofhi
sar
m.
Caleb:Yes.Ionl
yknowonememberfr
om your
family,
Nomzamo.Youhardl
ytal
kaboutt
hem.How
manyti
meshaveIaskedt
omeetyourmot
herand
whatwasyourr
epl
y?
Me:Younotbei
ngf
air
.
Cal
eb:Youarenotonetotal
kaboutfai
rnessnot
whenI’
vesacri
fi
cedalottobewit
hyou.Ileftmy
wif
eforyou;If
oughtwit
hmyf amil
ytoprotectyou.
Me:AndIdidn’tsacr
if
ice?Youacti
nglikeachi
ld
r
ightnow,Calebyouarenotgoingtothrow“Il
eft
mywi f
eforyou”eachtimewefight.
Cal
eb:Whynot
?Tr
uthhur
tsr
ight
?
Ihadnocomeback,
Iwasdef
eat
ed.
Cal
eb:Savei
t.Iwi
llseeyoul
ater
.
Me:Babe?Cal
eb!
Hewal
kedout
.

SAI
NTZULU

Iwassi
tt
ingont
hebal
conydr
inki
ngbeer
.Ihad
knockedof
f.

Myphonewasi nmyhand, Ist

aredatt hescreenf
or
alongtimetemptedt
ocallCordel
ia.Eacht i
meI
thoughtofCor
deli
aIhadastrangef eel
ing.Idi
dn’
t
knoworunderstandwher
eitwascomi ngfrom.

AsIwasabouttocal
lher
,myphoner
ang.I
twasmy
fr
iend,
Hlamul
o.
Me:Whatal
ovel
ysur
pri
se.
Hl
amul
o:Don’
tst
art
.Howar
eyou?
Me:Goodandyou?
HlamuloandIwenttothesameUni
versi
ty,
we
becamegoodfri
ends.Hewasaworkingasa
psychi
atr
ist
.

Hlamulo:Good.Li
stenman, Idon’
tknowhowyou
aregoi
ngt otaket
hisnewsIam aboutsaybutI
gott
atellyou.I
twi
llbecruelofmenottosay
anyt
hing.
Me:Tal
k,Iam l
ist
eni
ng.
Hl
amul o:Ist
umbleduponaf i
leofyourbrot
herher
e
i
nthehospi t
alIam worki
ngat.It
houghtyour
br
otherwasnomor e.
Me:Yes,
hei
snomor
e.
Hl
amul o:Notaccor
dingtothi
si nf
ormati
on.Your
br
otherwaskeptinthishospi
talforaboutt
woyears.
Hewasr ecent
lymovedt oanotherhospi
tal
.
Me:Hl
amul
o,howsur
ear
eyouaboutt
his?
Hl
amul
o:Icanneverl
iet
oyou.Igothi
sfi
lewi
thme.
Me:CanIcomeandseeyout
omor
row?
Hl
amul
o:Youcan.Iwi
llsendyoumyl
ocat
ion.

PANDORAKAMANDE

If
elli
ntothechai
rfaci
ngmyuncl
e.Hewasbusyon
hi
slaptop;hegl
ancedatmeandwentbackt
owhat
hewasdoi
ngi
nhi
slapt
op.

Jai
ro:Iwentt
oseeCal
ebt
oday.
Ishotmyeyesathi
m.
Me:Youar
eonl
ytel
li
ngmenowbecause?
Jai
ro:If
eltl
ikei
t.
Me:Uncle,Iaskedyout
ostayawayfrom hi
m and
youpromisedme.Idon’
twantprobl
ems,Iam
fi
nal
lyatpeace.Letmeenj
oyit.
Jai
ro:AndIam notcreati
ngpr
obl
emsf
oryou,
if
anyt
hingIam sol
vingthem.
Me:Whydi
dyougot
ohi
m?

Hecl
osedhi
slapt
opandr
osef
rom hi
schai
r.
Jai
ro:Wet
alkedaboutt
hisandt
hat
.
Me:Uncl
e?
Jai
ro:Yourasset
swon’
tbespl
itbet
weent
het
woof
youanymore…
Me:Saywhat
?
Jai
ro:Calebchangedhi
smind.Hef
elti
twasn’tf
air
sohewi l
lgiveyouwhat
’syour
sandhewil
ltake
what’
shis.
Me:Yout
hreat
enedhi
m,di
dn’
tyou?
Jai
ro:Idi
dn’
t.
Me:Iknowyoudid.Cal
ebwil
lneverchangehi
s
mi
nd.Itdoesn’
tmakesense.
Jai
ro:Luna,Idon’thavet
imetogobackandforth
wit
hyou.Yourl awyerwil
lbeheref
ir
stt
hinginthe
morning.Youaref ewhoursawayf
rom bei
nglegall
y
di
vorced.
Iwaslooki
ngf
orwar
dtot
hat
.Itwasf
inal
ly
happeni
ng.

Me:Iwant
edt
otal
kwi
thyou…
Jai
ro:Iam l
ist
eni
ng.
Me:Theconf
essi
onmyauntmade,whatarewe
goi
ngtodoabouti
t?Imeanwecan’
tjustsi
tanddo
not
hing.Gabbyi
soutt
her
e.
Jai
ro:Don’
tworr
yaboutt
hat.Ial
readytal
kedwi
th
youruncl
e,Maur
ici
o.Hewil
ltakecareofi
t.
Me:Justt
akecar
eofi
t.
Jair
o:Iwil
l.Don’tst
ressyourselfabouti
t.Youneed
totakecar
eofyour selfandprepareyourbody,you
areabouttogivebir
th.
Iwas32weekspr egnant
.Thi
st r
imest
erwast
he
hardest,
Iwastryi
ngt oenj
oyitbuti
twastoomuch.
Myf eetweregett
ingswoll
enbyday.Icoul
dn’
twai
t
togivebirt
handgetitdonewith.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Icoul
dn’
tsl
eep,
notunt
ilCal
ebwashome.

Ireal
lydidn’
tknowwhatwasgoingonwithhim.He
wasactingsomehowandIhat edi
t.Whatcoul
dhe
havehear daboutme?It
houghtki
ll
ingLl
oydwould
fr
eeme, Iwouldfi
nall
yburyhi
m andmyotherl
if
e
butitwasn’
tthecase.Someonewasopeni
ng
Caleb’
seyes.

Ikeptoncheckingtheti
meandmyphone.Ther e
wasnot extormissedcallf
rom him.Icl
osedmy
eyesandputmyhandovermyst omach.Idi
dn’
t
wannast r
ess,f
orthesakeofmychi ld.

Thedoorwasopened,
Iqui
ckl
yopenedmyeyes.He
wasback.
Me:Babe?
Het
hrewhisj
acketont
hesof
abyt
hecl
osedand
t
ookoffhi
sshoes.
Me:Iwaswor
ri
edaboutyou.
Cal
eb:Iam f
ine,
youcangobackt
osl
eep.
Me:What’
sgoi
ngon?Whyyouact
ingl
iket
hisal
lof
asudden?
Cal
eb:BecauseIwantt
oknowt her
ealCor
del
ia
Nxumalo!I
sitt
oomucht oask?Tel
lme!
Me:Ineversai
ditwas.Ij
ustdon’
tunder
standwhy
youbehavi
ngliket
his.
Heshookhi
sheadandl
aughed.
Me:Youcoul
dhaveaskedme,
noneedf
ort
his
dr
ama.
Cal
eb:Iam t
ir
ed;Idon’
twannaf
ightwi
thyou.Got
o
sl
eep,wewil
ltal
ktomorrow.
Me:Notunt
ilwet
alk.
Cal
eb:Isai
dgobackt
osleep.Wewi
llt
alkt
omor
row.
Iam goi
ngtot
akeashower.
Me:IloveyouCal
ebandIwon’
tletanyt
hingor
anyonegetbet
weenthet
woofus.
Hel
ookedatme.
Me:Iwi
lldoeveryt
hingi
nmypowert
okeepmy
f
amilyt
ogether
.
Cal
eb:Iam goi
ngt
otakeashower
.
Hewal
kedaway.
Tobecont
inued…
53

SAI
NTZULU

Thenextmor ningIdidn’
tletanyminut
egot owaste.
Ihadt oseeHlamuloandsoon.Pandor adidn’
thave
problem wit
hmegoi ngawayf orf
ewhour s.If
anythingshewashappyt hatIwasgoingout ,
not
thatIblamedher.Iwastoomucht oher ,
orIjust
enjoyedannoyingher.

Iwasatthehospi
talwhereHlamul
owor
ked.We
wereinhi
soffi
ce.Iwaslooki
ngatmybrot
her
’sf
il
e.
Itdi
dn’
tmakesenseasmuchasIt ri
edt
omake
senseoutofi
t.

Whocoul
dbet
hathear
tl
esst
odecei
vemywhol
e
f
amil
yaboutLl
oyd’sdeathandwhatdi
dtheyst
and
t
ogai
n?There’
slottodigup.

Me:Yousur
ethi
sinf
ormat
ioni
snotf
abr
icat
ed?
Hlamulo:Iam sur
eit
’snot
.Iwoul
dhavenever
call
edyouifIwassure.Her
earehi
srecor
dsand
payments.Hewaskepthere.
Me:Ll
oydwasori
snotcr
azy.Hei
sment
alst
abl
e.
If
li
ppedt
hrought
hepages.
Me:Forthreeyears?Howi sitpossible?Weburi
ed
hi
m, yeswecoul dn’
trecogni
sehi m becauseoft
he
burnsbutDNAt estwasconduct edandi twashi
s
housethatburnttoashes.
Hlamulo:Iam sor
rytobetheonewhosayt hi
sbut
thepersonyouburiedwasn’tLl
oyd,
itwassomeone
else.Youmournedastranger…
Wesuredi
d.Itdi
dn’
tmakeanysense.Mymot
her
wasr
ight
,hersonwasali
ve.
Me:Wher
eishenow?
Hlamulo:That’
sanotherstor
y,hi
stransf
erpaper
s
arenothere.Il
ookedforthem butIcoul
dn’
tfi
nd
them.

Igl
ancedatt
henamest
hatwer
ewr
it
tenont
he
paper
.
Me:Lor
anMt
hembu?
Hl
amulo:Yes.Thewomanwhowaspayi ngyour
br
other
’shospi
talcost
s.Doyouknowher?
Me:Idon’
tknowanyper
sonbyt
hatname.
Hl
amul o:Yousur
e?Maybeshe’
saf
ri
endora
r
elat
ive.
Me:No,
It’
smyf
ir
stt
imecomi
nghear
ingt
hisname.
Hl
amul
orosef
rom hi
schai
randgavemehi
sback.
Hlamulo:There’
sonlypersonwhocanansweral
l
yourquestionsandthat
’sDoct
orWhit
e,t
heowner
andLloyd’sdoctor
.
Me:CanIseehi
m?
Hl
amul
o:Hei
soutbuthewi
llbebacksoon.You
canwai
tforhi
m.
Me:Iam confused,whati
sgoi
ngonhere?Wewere
l
iedt
o;i
tnevercr ossedourmi
ndst
hatLloydi
sal
ive.
Weburi
edhi m,we…God!
Iheavedadeepsi
gh.
Me:CanIqui
ckl
ymakeacal
l?
Hl
amul
otur
nedt
ome.
Hl
amul
o:Sur
e.Iwi
llgi
veyousomepr
ivacy.
Hewal
kedout
.It
ookmyphoneandr
angmy
mot
her
.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Myuncl
est
oodatt
hedoorandl
ookedatme.

Iwassitt
ingonthesof
abythewindow.Ispent
mostofmyt imeinmyroom,Ienjoyedmyown
space.Ionl
ywentoutwhenSaintwasaround,
or
r
atherf
orcedt
ogoout
.

Jai
ro:Iwast
hinki
ng…
Icl
osedt
hebookIwasr
eadi
ng.
Jai
ro:Howaboutyoupr
act
iceagai
n?
Me:Idon’tthi
nkso.I
t’
stoosoonandIdon’
tthi
nk
Noawillevertakemeback.
Jai
ro:WhatImeantwas,
woul
dyoul
iket
opr
act
ice
agai
n?
Me:Idon’
tknow.Itri
editonce;goi
ngatitagai
nwi
ll
notbeeasy.IdoubtNoawillbewelcomi
ngorkeen
totakemeback.AndIdon’tblameher.
Jai
ro:ButIwasn’
ttal
kingaboutyouwor
kingf
or
someoneelse.
Ir
aisedmyl
efteyebr
ow.

Me:Mh?
Jai
ro:St
artyourownf
ir
m.
Iatt
enti
velyl
ist
enedtohi m.Ihadnotgi veni
ta
thought
.Ialwaysenjoyedwor kingunderNoaandI
hadnopr obl
em wit
hi tbuthavingmyownf i
rm
soundedfineandexciti
ng.
Jai
ro:Iwil
ltakecar
eofever
ythi
ng.Ij
ustwantt
o
knowifyouwannadoitornot.
Me:I
’
dlovet
o.
Hewal
keduptome.Hecr
ouchedbef
oremeand
hel
dmyhands.
Jair
o:Iam nott ryi
ngtobuyyouLunaort osellyou
dreams.Ihavel ostsomanyyear sofyourli
feandI
beatmysel faboutiteveryday.Ishoul
dhavebeen
byyoursi de,Ionlycaredaboutmoney, i
nthe
processIf or
gotaboutyou.Thi sismywayof
getti
ngbackal lthoseyears,Iknowit’
snotpossibl
e
butIwi l
ldowhat everitt
akest otr
y.AndIwilldo
thatbygivingyouever yt
hingyouwant ,andImean
everythi
ng.
Me:Iam parti
all
ytoblame,Ipushedever
yoneaway.
Iwantednothi
ngt odowit
hyouorot herf
amil
y
member s.Youalwayswantedtobeapartofmyli
fe.
Jai
ro:Iknow…

Me:Justpr
omi
semesomet
hing.
Jai
ro:Anyt
hing.
Me:Youwi llprot
ectmeagai nsteveryoneand
ever yt
hi ng.Iknowwhatyoudoandi t’
sthesame
thingt hatkill
edmypar ents.Uncle,Idon’
tever
wannat helosepeopleIlove.I
’velosttoomany
peopl e;Idon’ twannaloseanyone, notwhenIam
tryingt ogetbackt omyol dself.
Jairo:Iwi
llneverletanyhar
m comeyourway.I
talkedwit
hyouruncl esandIaskedtobeexcused
from thebusinessforashortt
ime.Iwantt
ofocus
onyouandyourheal th.

Herant hebackofhi
shandonmyf
aceand
squeezedmycheek.
Jair
o:Youwi
llgetbackonyourf
eet
.Youwil
lagai
n
bemybubblynieceandIwil
lbeher
etowit
ness
thatmoment
.
Me:Iam sl
owl
yheadi
ngt
her
eandi
t’
sal
lthankst
o
you.
Jai
ro:Andher
.
Heputhi
shandonmyt
ummy.
Jai
ro:Uncl
elovesyou.
Hewhi
sper
ed.
Me:Il
oveyou.

Myuncl ewasbecomi ngani mport

antper soni
nmy
l
ife;hewasmaki ngsureIam happyatal lti
mes.I
neverthoughtI’
dfindmyselfsocomfortabletobe
i
nhi spresence.Bl
oodisthickert
hanblood.My
bl
oodwassl owlybutsur
elybecomingmysani t
y.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Cal
ebwassti
lli
nhisfeel
s.Nothi
ngIwassayingor
doi
ngwasgetti
ngtohim.Itwasbecomingtoo
much.Idi
dn’
tknowwhohewast al
kingwit
hbutI
knewforsuret
hathewastal
kingwit
hsomeone,
if
nothewouldn’
tbeaski
ngsil
lyquest
ions.

Ihadadarkpast
,apastt
hatwasadangert
omy
rel
ati
onshi
p.Cal
ebwasn’
tgoi
ngtof
orgi
vemethatI
knew.

Iwashavi
ngmybreakfasti
nthegar
den.Cal
ebl
eft
anhourago,
hewenttomeetCarl
os.Theyhada
meeti
ngofsomesort
.

Myphoner
angandIanswer
edi
mmedi
atel
y.
Me:Lor
an,
thankGodyoucal
led…
Lor
an:Didordidyounotusemynameswhen
admit
ti
ngLloyd?
Ihal
f-
closedmyeyesandpr
essedmyl
ipst
oget
her
.
Lor
an:Iaskedyouadamnquest
ionCor
del
ia!
Me:Mh…
Lor
an:Cor
del
ia,
donott
estmewoman!
Me:Idi
d.
Lor
an:Howcoul
dyoudot
hat
?
Me:Idi
dn’
twanti
ttr
acedbackt
ome.
Lor
an:Andyout
houghti
twaswi
set
ousemy
names?
Me:Ar
eyougoi
ngtotel
lmewher
eal
loft
hisi
s
comi
ngfr
om?Iam l
ost.
Lor
an:Geni
us,
DrHl
amul
oBr
owncal
ledme.He
wantst
oseeme.
Me:Hl
amul
oBr
own?Whoi
sthat
?
Loran:I
sthatallyoucareabout
?Yousai
dyougot
everyt
hingcovered,nosl
ipups.
Me:Thi
sisnotgood,
notgoodatal
l.
Loran:Andyouonl
yreal
isingt
hatnow?Weare
doomed.Iam goi
ngtojail
,ohGod!Whydi
dIeven
agreeonhelpi
ngyou?
Me:Pani
cki
ngi
snotgoi
ngt
ohel
pus.Doyout
rust
me?
Shel
aughedl
oudl
y.
Lor
an:Tr
ustyou?Youar
eki
ddi
ngmer
ight
?
Ir
oset
omyf
eetandcutt
hecal
l.
Idi
dn’
tknowwhatwasgoi
ngonbutIknewsome
deepi
shwasgoi
ngonandIdidn’
tli
kei
t,notonebi
t.
Me:Thi
nkCor
del
ia,
thi
nk!

CALEBKAMANDE

Carl
osstoodatthedoor
wayandwat chedmeasI
downedanothergl
assofwhiskey.Heli
ghtl
y
l
aughedandmovedt othet
able.Hetookthebot
tl
e
ofwhiskeyandputi
taway.

Me:What
’st
hisnow,
areyoumyf
ather
?
Car
los:Wedoi
ngt
hatnow?Don’
tbul
lshi
tme.
Ishr
ugged.
Car
los:What
’sgoingonwit
hyout oday?Youcal
led
metocomeher ebutyouact
ingl
ikeachild.
Il
ookedathi
m andlaughed.I
twasapai
nful
l
aughter
.Myheartwasbreaki
ng.
Me:Iam i
narel
ati
onshipwithsomeoneIdon’
t
know,t
hemotherofmychildiskeepi
ngsecr
ets
fr
om meCarl
os.Idon’
tthi
nkIknowwhoCor del
ia
Nxumaloi
s.
Carl
os:It
houghtyouwil
ltel
lmesomethi
ngnew.
What’
snewt her
e?Itol
dyoubefor
ethatCor
del
ia
can’
tbetrust
ed.
Me:Nowi
t’
snott
het
ime.
Car
los:Whathappened?

Ithr
ewapi ct
ureonthet
abl
e;het
ookt
hepi
ctur
e
andlookedatitf
orawhi
le.
Car
los:Myeyesar
edecei
vingme?Del
ia,
hasachi
ld?
Me:Soitseems.Idon’
tevenknowwhent
his
pi
ctur
ewast aken.
Car
los:Di
dyouaskherabouti
t?
Me:Notyet
.
Carl
os:Man, thi
sisbig.Shehasachil
dandshe
di
dn’ttel
lyou?Youguyshavebeent oget
herf
or
al
mostt hreeyears…Youshotyour
selfi
nthefoot
wit
ht hi
sone.
Me:Yes,andsheneverthoughti
twaswi
setot
ell
me.Whoi sshe?Am It
hatstupidt
obewit
h
someoneforthr
eeyearsandnotknowwhosheis?
Carl
os:Whoareyouaski
ng?Sheisyourgi
rl
fr
iend
notmine.Whogaveyouthi
spi
ctur
eanyway?
Me:Younotr
eadyf
ori
t.Myl
if
eisamovi
e.

Ireceivedadeliver
yf rom Jai
roGar ci
aear
li
erthi
s
mor ni
ng.Itwassentt omyof f
ice.TosayIwas
readyf orwhatwasi nsidetheenvelopewoul
dbea
l
ie.Yest er
dayhehint edsomethingaboutCordel
ia;i
t
wast henwher eIbeganwor r
ying.

Cor
del
iawasqui
ckt
odef
endher
sel
f,butofcour
se.
She’
shidi
ngsomethi
ngfr
om me, anditi
sserious.
DidIr
eall
yloseaj
ewelwhi
lstpi
ckingstones?

PANDORAKAMANDE

Myuncl
eandIwer
edr
ivi
ngt
otheEl
izabet
h’sof
fi
ce.

Latel
yIhadbeenthinki
ngaboutLewis.Il
asthear
d
fr
om himthenightIrel
apsed.Wetal
kedandthen
madeplans,whichweren’
tmet.Hement i
onedafil
e,
afil
eIneverl
ookedinto.

WhenIwast al
kingwithNoa,shesaidLewishad
resi
gnedandr elocat
ed.Shehadnotheardanythi
ng
from him overthepastmonths.Itwasunli
keLewis,
helovedhi sjob.Forhimtoupandl eavewas
alar
mi ng.

Me:Uncl
e,Ineedyourhel
pwi
thsomet
hing.
Henodded.
Me:Iwantyoutofi
ndaf r
iendofmi
ne.Hisnamei
s
Lewi
sOceana.Wewor kedtoget
her
…outofthebl
ue,
hedi
sappeared.Noonehasheardfr
om hi
mi n
months.
Jai
ro:Yout
hinksomet
hinghappenedt
ohi
m?
Me:Idon’
tknowbutit
’sunli
kehi
mtodi
sappear.Hi
s
phoneisunr
eachabl
e;Ihaveabadf
eel
ingabout
thi
s.
Jai
ro:Okay.Iwi
llseewhatIcando.Iknowf
ew
peopl
ewhoowemef ewfavour
s.
Me:Pl
easeUncl
e.
Hel
aughedandshookhi
shead.
Jai
ro:Yourl
if
eisf
ullofdr
ama.
Hehadnoi
dea.
Jair
o:Eugeni
o,canyoudr
ivef
ast
er?Wedon’
town
ti
me, t
imeownus.
Me:Uncl
e!
Jai
ro:What
?Hemustst
eponi
t.
Il
aughedandl
ookedout
sidet
hewi
ndow.

Isaidal i
tt
leprayerinmyhear t.Ireall
ywanted
uncleJairotofindLewis.Hecoul dn’thavej
ust
disappearedintothinai
r.Ihatedt othi
nkhewas
hurt,wewer einvesti
gati
ngsomedanger ousmen.
Politi
calpeopl
edi dn’
tli
kebeingi ntheopen.We
wer ewarned.

Tobecont
inued…
54

PANDORAKAMANDE

Fol
lowi
ngmyvisitt
oElizabeth’s,i
twentwell.Itwas
afi
nalmeeti
ngbetweenme, Calebandourlawyers.
WhenIheldadi
vorcedecreeIknewmymar riage
wasover,
Iwaslegal
lydivorced.Everyt
hingwas
det
ail
edandexpl
ained;Cal
ebdi
dn’
tfi
ghtnort
ri
edt
o.

Iwasyett
orever
tbackt
omyusi
ngmymai
den
name.

Itwastimeformet orebuildmyl i
fe.Ihadno
reasonstoholdback,there’
slif
ewi t
houtCal
eb.We
hadnotdiscussedthecust odyofourbaby,we
agreedontalki
ngabouti taft
erherbirt
h.

Iwasatthebabybout
iquewithMoon,wewer e
shoppi
ng.Iwasfewweeksawayf rom gi
vingbi
rt
h.I
hadboughtal
mosteveryt
hingforher
.
Moon:Icanhearthedoct
orsaying,
“
Congratul
ati
ons,
youareamot hertoababyboy.
”
Shesai
dpushi
ngt
hest
rol
ler
.
Me:Youst
il
ldon’
tbel
ieveIam havi
ngagi
rl
?Itwi
ll
beashameonyouandever yone.
Moon:Youdon’
tsay.
Webot
hlaughed.

Moon:I
’
vebeenmeani
ngt
otal
kwi
thyou.
Me:Mh?
Moon:Iam t
hinki
ngofmovi
ngout
.I’
veover
stayed
mywelcome.
Me:Nonsense,Ihavenopr
oblem wi
thyoul
ivi
ng
wi
thme.Ialreadytol
dyouthat
…
Moon:I
t’
sti
me.
Wecont
inuedwal
king.
Me:Myunclei
snotl
eavi
nganyt
imesoonandt
he
housei
smine…
Il
earnedtodaythatCalebhadboughtt
hehousefor
me;Ialwaysthoughtthebothofushadboughti
t.
Me:Iam notmovi
ngbacknow,
andIdon’
twant
anyonest
ayingt
here.
Moon:Youwantmet
ost
ayi
nyourhouseal
one?
Me:What
’swr
ongwi
tht
hat
?Isnotl
ikei
t’
snotsaf
e
andyou’vebeenl
ivi
ngt
her
eforsomet
imenow.
PleaseMoon.
Moon:Ir
eal
lydon’
twannacomeoutasabur
den.
Me:Youarenot.Iinsi
st,stayunti
lIcomebackandI
swearwhenIdo, Iwil
lpersonal
lygetyouan
apar
tment.Usethismoneyf orsomethingel
se,
maybehelpyourmot her.

Sheshr
ugged.
Myauntwasnotdoi ngwellatall
,thewhol e
si
tuati
onwastoomuchandhear t-br
eaking.Her
husbandwasnotget t
ingbet
ter;hewasget ti
ng
worsebyday.Idi
dn’tknowhowt ofeelaboutit
.
Despit
eever
ythi
ng,shewasst i
llmyaunt .

SAI
NTZULU

Iwait
edforMrWhi t
eli
keI’
dsaid.Hetooklonger
thanexpect
ed,hegotbackl
ateaft
ernoon.Iwas
thi
nki
ngofleavingwhenhegotback.
Iwasi
nhi
sof
fi
ceal
ongsi
deHl
amul
o.
Me:Whoi
sLor
anMt
hembu?
Dr
:Idon’
tknow,
Ial
readyt
oldyou.
Me:Wel
l,
Idon’
tbel
ieveyou.
Dr
:Idon’
tknowwhoshei
s.
Me:Idon’thaveti
metoplaygameswit
hyouDr
Whit
e.Mybr otherwasadmit
tedi
nthi
shospit
aland
t
hisLoranwomanwast heonewhoadmit
tedhim.
NowtellmewhyImustbel i
eveyou.
Dr
:Idon’
tknowbutIdoknowyourbr
other
.
Me:Youdo?
Dr
:Yes.Hewaskepthere,
andt
heper
sonwhokept
hi
m her
ewasn’
tLoran.
Hl
amul
o:Doct
or,
whoi
sshe?
TheDropenedhi
smouthtospeakbutwas
i
nter
rupt
edbyaringi
ngphone.
Dr
:Pl
easeexcuseme.
Inodded.Hemovedawayf
rom usandanswer
ed.
Hl
amul
o:Hel
ookedscar
ed.
Me:It
houghtIwast
heonl
yonewhosawi
t.
Hl
amul
o:I
t’
sget
ti
ngser
ious.
Me:I
tsur
eis.
Welookedathi
m ashetal
kedonthephone.The
cal
ldi
dn’tt
akel
ong;hehungupandwalkedbackto
us.
Dr
:Iam sor
ryaboutt
hat
,whatwer
eyousayi
ng?
Hlamulo:Youwer
eaboutt
ogi
veusthenameoft
he
personwhowaskeepi
ngMrZuluher
e.
Dr:Sorryt
owast eyourt
imebutIdon’
tknowwho
thepersonis.WhatIcandoisgi
veyoutheaddr
ess
ofthi
sLoranMt hembu,ther
esti
suptoyou.
Ichuckl
edl
ight
ly.
Me:Whoi
spayi
ngyou?
Dr
:Becar
efulMrZul
u.
Me:Youj
ustsi
gnedyourowndeat
h.Iam goi
ngt
o
makesureyoupayfort
his;youwil
lneverpr
act
ice
i
nthiscount
ryt
hatIcanassureyou.Hlamul
o,l
et’
s
go.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwasonacal
lwi
thmymot
her
.
Ma:Whosechi
ldareyou,
Cordel
ia?BecauseIdi
dn’
t
gi
vebi
rt
htoyou,youaresoevil
…
Ihadtol
dherever
ythingt
hatIhaddone;shewas
beyondthewor
dfurious.
Me:Iam sorr
yMamabutLl oydr
uinedme…I
exper
iencedabuseunderhi
shand.
Ma:Hey,andyoudi dn’
t?It
’snotli
keyouwere
fai
thf
ulCordel
ia.Yousleptwit
hNandi’shusband,
yourl
ectur
er.Whatkindofaper sonareyou?
Me:Iapol
ogi
sedf
ort
hat
.
Ma:Youal
waysapol
ogi
se,di
dyourapologymend
t
hatwoman’smar
ri
age?Herchi
ldr
enlostthei
r
f
atherbecauseofyou.Goddamni
t!
Me:Mama,
pleaseyouhavet
ohel
pme.
Ma:Hel
pyou?Whatdoyouwantmet
odo?
Me:Iwantyoutogetmesomeonewhowil
lpr
otect
mefrom Ll
oyd’
smother
.Shei
scomingf
ormyl i
fe…
Ma:Youarecr
azy,
Icancl
ear
lyseet
hat
.Youmake
t
hisbednowli
eonit.
Me:Mama?
Shehungup.
Me:Mama?
It
hrewt
hephoneont
hecouchandscr
eamed.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwassi
tti
ngi
nt hegardengoingthr
oughmyEmai l
s.
Iwastr
yingt
of i
ndtheEmailthatLewi
shadsent
mebutIwasn’tfi
ndi
ngit.I
t’
slikei
twasneversent
tome.
Me:Thi
sisst
range.
Myphoner
ang,
itwasNoa.
Me:Noa.
Noa:
Pandor
a,howar
eyou?
Me:Goodandyou?
Noa:
Notgoodatal
l.Somet
hingbadhappened.
Me:What
?
Noa:Ijustr
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om Lewi
s’
swi
fe.Hei
sin
hospi
tal.
Ir
oset
omyf
eet
.
Me:What
…whathappened?
Noa:
Nooneknows.
Me:God,
ishef
ine?
Noa:
No,
hiswi
fesai
dhe’
sbadl
ybeat
en.
Me:Okay,
okay.Textmet
henameoft
hehospi
tal
,I
am comi
ngthere.
Noa:
Okay.
Ihungupandrantothehouse.If
oundSaint
readi
ngabook;hewassit
ti
ngont hecouch.
Me:Hey,
minddr
ivi
ngmet
othehospi
tal
?Pl
ease.
Sai
nt:Sur
e.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwalkedt
otheeat
ingroom wher
eIf
oundCal
eb
si
tt
ingatthet
abl
e,eat
ing.
Me:Nat
e’sdad.
Hedr
oppedhi
sfor
kandl
ookedatme.
Me:Sor
ryt
odi
stur
byoubutcanwet
alk?
Cal
eb:Youal
readyher
e,sowhyyoust
il
laski
ngf
or
per
missi
on?
Me:Idon’
tknowwhyyouact i
ngl
iket
hisbutIam
notget
ti
ngfuckedup.Tal
k!
Cal
eb:Cor
del
ia,
Ihadal
ongdayandIam noti
nthe
moodf
oryourt
ant
rums.
Me:Cal
eb,
whatdi
dIdot
oyou?Huh,
beamanand
t
ell
!

Hegotupandl
ookedi
ntomyeyes.
Cal
eb:Youwannaknow?Thenl
etmet
ellyou.
Me:Yes!
Cal
eb:Iknowal
laboutyourpastl
if
e,Iknowthat
youhaveababy.Thi
s,al
lofthi
sisjustanact
.
Me:Whot
oldyout
hat
?
Caleb:Doesi
tmat
terwhodi
d?What
’si
mpor
tanti
s
thatIknow.
Me:Youhadnor
ightt
ogoandaskar
ound…
Caleb:Youcar
eaboutt
hat?Youliedtome,
you
nevertol
dmeaboutyourotherchil
d.
Me:Whatchi
ld?Hedi
ed!Youwant
edmet
otel
lyou
t
hathedi
ed?Whatthen?
Cal
eb:Youshoul
dhavet
oldme.Ideser
vedt
oknow.
It
hrewmyhandsi
ntheai
randl
aughedl
oudl
y.
Me:Idi
dn’
ttel
lyoubecausei
twasn’
timpor
tant
.
Cal
eb:Youpi
eceofi
sh.
Me:Youcall
edmewhat
?HeyCal
eb,
youdon’
t
wannadothat.
Cal
eb:Whatyougonnado?
Me:Iam war
ningyou.Icandest
royyoui
fIwantt
o.
Cal
eb:Her
ecomest
her
ealCor
del
ia.
Me:Youarestuckwithmef orli
fe.Youwillnever
l
eaveme, i
nfactIam notgoingtoallowyout o
l
eaveme.Wear ehavingababyt ogetherandwear e
goi
ngtoraisehi
mt ogether
.Sortoutyourissues
andgetbacktomewi thaclearmi nd.
Il
ookedathi
m andshookmyhead.
Cal
eb:Youar
ecr
azy.
Me:Thendon’tunl
easht
hebeasti
nme.Youwi
ll
l
ivet
oregreti
tCalebKamande.
Iwal
kedaway.

Tobecont
inued…
55

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Ididn’
tmeanorplannedtogetintoaf i
ghtwi th
Caleb,hepr
ovokedme.Iwasgoi ngt otellhi
m, not
surewhenbutIwasgoi ngto.Tofindoutt hathe
knewsetsomet hi
ngoffme.Iwasn’ tsafe,Il
iedto
him.Ihadnorighttodothat,
Ishouldhavet oldhim
butIchosenotto.

Threateni
nghim wasjustawaytoshuthim up.
TruthisIlovedCalebandhur
ti
nghim wasn’
tpartof
theplan.Ihadtofindawaytocal
m him down
beforeit
’stoolat
e.
ThenextmorningIdr
ovetothehospi
talwhereI
waskeepingLl
oyd.Mybrother
-i
n-l
aw,Saint
,was
aski
ngquesti
onsheshouldn’
tbeaski
ng.Ididn’
t
knowhowmuchheknewbutIknewt hatheknew
somethi
ng.

IsatinDrWhite’
soff
iceandwai t
edforhim.Aft
er
fewmi nut
esofwait
ingt hedoorwasopenedand
walkedin.Heputhi
sf i
lesinthecabi
netandsaton
theedgeofthetabl
e.
Dr
:What
’sr
eal
lygoi
ngonCor
del
ia?
Me:Iam sor
ryt
hatIgotyouint
hismess.Idi
dn’
t
t
hinkthi
ngswoul
dturnouttobeli
ket
his.
Dr
:Youpr
omi
sedme,
yougavemeyourwor
d.
Me:IknowIdidandIapol
ogi
zebutIdidn’
tthi
nk
Sai
ntwouldcome.Howdidhecomet oknow?
Dr:Oneofmyempl
oyeesf
oundLl
oyd’
sfi
le.He
showeditt
ohi
m.
Me:Ithoughtyougotr
idofi
t.Whywer
eyou
keepi
ngit?
Dr:Idon’
tknowwhathappenedbutIwassur
ethatI
gotri
doftheevi
dence.
Me:Aslongasheisconvi
ncedthatLoranist
heone
behi
ndhisbr
other
’sdi
sappear
ancet henIam saf
e…
Iwil
lfi
ndawaytoconcret
ethestory.
Lor
anwasmybestf r
iendbutIhadt
othi
nkof
mysel
fbef
oreanyone.
Dr:Heisnotconvi
nced,Ihaveafeel
inghewi
llst
art
l
ookingforLor
an.That’
sifhehasn’t
.
Me:Iwi
llt
alkwi
thLor
an.

Henodded.
Dr
:Wher
eisLl
oyd?
Me:Hei
snol
ongert
hepr
obl
em.
Dr
:Youki
ll
edhi
m,di
dn’
tyou?
Me:Howi
sthatyourbusi
ness?
Itur
nedwi
thoutwai
ti
ngf
orar
esponseandwal
ked
out.
PANDORAKAMANDE

IhuggedLewi
s’
swi
fe,
Jane,
fir
stt
henhi
sson.
Me:Howar
eyou?
Jane:Hangi
ngon.
Me:Ist
il
lcan’
tbel
ievesomeonet
ri
edt
oki
llhi
m.
Wesatdown.
Jane:Iam notsur
prised;Lewi
slineofworki
s
dangerous.Youdealwithcri
minalsandeachof
them hasmindoftheirown.
Me:ButIhear
dthet
woofyouhadr
elocat
ed.
Shel
ookedatmeconf
used.
Jane:Rel
ocat
ed?No.
Me:Idon’tunderst
and.Noarecei
vedLewis’
s
r
esignat
ionlett
er,i
tdet
ail
edeveryt
hingaboutyour
move.
Sheshookherheadno.
Jane:Lewi sleftforworkonemor ningandnever
ret
urned.Af teradayhecal ledandaskedmet o
l
eavewi t
ht heki dsforawhi le.WhenIaskedwhat
washappeni nghet oldmenott oaskt oomany
questi
ons.Hewaswor ki
ngonani mpor tantcase
andhewi llcont actmewhenheget stime.Ididn’t
fi
nditweirdbecausei twasnott hef ir
sttime
especi
all
yi fhe’shavi ngadifficultanddanger ous
casebutthi stimeIhadawei r
df eeling.Iignoredit
andcontinuedunt i
llastni
ght ,hewasdr oppedof fat
ourhouse.
Me:I
nthest
atehewasi
n?
Jane:Yes.
Shel
ookedathi
ssonandwi
pedhert
ear
s.
Jane:Theki
dsaretr
aumat i
sed;theysawtheir
fat
herinabadshape.Ineverthoughtsomethi
ng
l
ikethi
swouldhappen.
Me:Whoeverdi
dthi
shadi
tpl
anned.Theywer
eabl
e
t
ofoolNoaandyou.
Jane:Whatmesshashegothi
msel
fin?
Me:Iam notsurebutImighthaveani dea.Don’
t
worr
yIwillgett
othebottom ofi
t.Lewiswi l
lbef
ine,
t
heydidn’
twannakillhi
m andhewi llnotdie.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwassi
tt
ingonthef
loorl
ooki
ngatRi
verand
Wade’
spict
ures.

Iwasf eel
ingashamedofmyself
;ever
ythi
ngIdidt
o
Pandor awascatchi
ngupwithme.Notonlydi
dI
hurtPandorabutmysibl
ingsandmother.

Iletl
ovefoolme,IletwhatIwasf eeli
ngdestroy
whatIhad.Becauseofmyst upidi
tyIhadlostmy
famil
yandever yt
hingIhadwor kedhardfor.Idi
dn’
t
evenknowwhatf utureCordeli
aandIhadbutIwas
sureofonething,t
hingsweren’tgoingtobethe
sameanymor e.
Me:Iam sorr
y.IknowInevergott osayitt
othe
bothofyoubutIam tr
ulysorry.Iwasn’
tthebr
other
bothofyouneeded.Ibroughtpainandshameto
thi
sfamil
y.Ididn’
tmeant o.
Myphoner
ang,
thecal
lerwasmymot
her
.
Me:Mama.
Ma:Unaendel
eaj
e?(
Howar
eyou?
)
Me:Sal
amanawewe?(
Fineandyou?
)
Ma:Kuendel
eavi
zur
i.(
Get
ti
ngbet
ter
.)
Ikeptqui
et.

Ma:What
’sgoi
ngonCal
eb?
Me:For
givemeMama.Fi
ndi
tinyourhear
tto
f
orgi
veme.
Ma:For
giveyouf
orwhatnow?
Me:Iwasst
upi
d.Il
etanot
herwomancome
bet
weenmeandmyf amil
y.
Ma:Shehasshowedyouf
lamesar
ound?Iam not
sur
pri
sed.
Il
etoutasi
gh.
Ma:It
’sl
it
tl
etoolat
e.Not
hingyoudowil
lfi
xyour
mist
akes.Youhavetol
earnhowtol
ivewit
hthat
f
act.
Me:Idon’
tthi
nkIwi
llbeabl
etol
ivewi
thi
t.
Ma:I fyoucan’
tthenwhatareyouplanningtodo?
DisruptPandora’
slif
ebecauseofyourself
ish
reasons?ThinktwiceCal
eb,thi
nktwice.
Me:Iam notgoi
ngtodoit.Pandor
aisget
ti
ngbet
ter
andIwi
llneverdoanyt
hingtodisr
uptt
hat
.
Ma:Goodandl eti
tstaythatway.Staywithyour
gir
lfr
iendandf eelt
heheatofyouractions.Those
aretheconsequencesmyson, youhurtPandorain
themostpai nf
ulway.Youwentasf aras
i
mpr egnati
nganot herwomanwhi l
styoust i
llwi
th
her.Shewillneverforgi
veyourbetr
ayal.

PANDORAKAMANDE
Iwasattendingmyther
apysessi
ons.Iwasleani
ng
backont hecouch,
ahandonmyt ummyf aci
ng
upwards.

Lor
ato:Whenl
astdi
dDor
ainvadeyourmi
nd?
Me:Twodaysago.Iwasi nmyroom andallofa
suddenIfel
tsad,Idi
dn’tknowwherethesadness
wascomi ngfrom.Whil
stIwassti
llconcent
rat
ing
onthatshejustcame…
Lorat
o:Di
dyoulethercont
rolyouremot
ionsatt
hat
ti
meoryoustoodyourground?
Me:Idi dwhatyoutol
dmetodowheneverIf
eelher
presence.Icl
osedmyeyesandcount
edbackwards
whilstdoi
ngthatIl
etmymindfi
ndpeaceint
hat
counting.
Shenoddedslowl
yandcl
osedhernot
ebook.She
puti
tonthetabl
eandl
ookedatme.
Lorat
o:Youaredoingwell
.Mybi
ggestworr
ywas
Dora.Shehasthisst
ronghol
doveryouandIwas
afr
aidofhernextmove.
Me:Idon’twannagobacki nt
ot hatplace,I’
vehad
myshar eandi t’
senough.NooneandImeannot
evenDor awi l
ltakemeback.Icr eatedherandIwi ll
dest
royher .Dor anolongerhasspacei nmymi nd,
i
t’
stimeIt hinkformysel fandt eachmysel fsel f
-
l
ove.Ican’tkeeponl ookingbackorwai ti
ngf or
somethingt otakemei nt
ot hedarkhol e,i
fIdot hatI
wil
lneverbehappy.Al otofthi
ngshavehappened
i
nmyl if
e, t
hingst hatIwillneverforgetbutt heleast
Icandoi sletmyhear thealandmovef r
om t hem.
Lor
ato:Iwi
llsayt
hiswi
thoutf
ear
,mywor
kisdone.
Il
aughed.
Me:Don’tdothat
.Iam notr
eal
lybackonmyf
eetso
Ist
il
lneedyou.
Lorato:Yougotityourself
.Idon’tseeanything
breakingyou.Youar estr
ongPandor aandIwant
youtokeepont el
li
ngyour sel
fthat.Don’
tletyour
pastcontrolyourpresentandfuture.
Inodded.
Lor
ato:Yougott
hismommy.Iknowyoudo.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwassit
ti
ngi
nmycart al
kingont
hephonewit
han
ol
dfri
endofmine,
Jones,he’
saphar
macist
.
Me:Ineedpi
ll
sthatcauseparal
ysi
sfrom neck
down,memorylossandlossofspeech?
Jones:Whowr
ongedyou?
Me:St
opaski
ngquest
ions,
whencanIf
indt
hem?
Jones:Gi
vemeadayort
wo;Iwi
llgett
hem f
oryou.
Me:Can’
tyoumakei
taday?
Jones:Cor
del
ia…
Me:Pl
ease,
Iam desper
ate.
Jones:Youoweme.
Me:Iknowandt
hanks,
Iappr
eci
atei
t.
Hehungup.Ir
anmyhandonmyt
ummy.
Me:Iam sorr
yNat ebutyourfat
herwil
lbecome
soonbecomeapr oblem andmommydon’ tdowell
wit
hproblems,shesolvethem.Iam sor
rybutIhave
todothi
s,Ihaveto.

SAI
NTZULU

Il
eanedagai
nstt
hewal
landheavedadeepsi
gh.
Hl
amul
o:Iam sor
ryman.
Wear r
ivedatLor
an’
shousel i
tt
let
oolate.I
t’
ssai
d
herhusbandfoundhert
hishangedinthebathr
oom
thi
smor ni
ng,sheki
ll
edhersel
f.
Me:Shedi
edwit
hthesecr
et.Iam nevergoi
ngt
o
f
indhi
m,am I
?
Hl
amul
o:Wewi
llf
indi
t.
Me:Whatam Igoi
ngt
otel
lmymot
her
?Ipr
omi
sed
her
.
Hl
amulo:Wewi
llf
indanot
herl
eadt
ofi
ndyour
br
other
.
Idi
dn’
tthi
nkso;i
twasbecomi
nghar
dtof
indhi
m.

Tobecont
inued…
56

PANDORAKAMANDE

Igotofft
hephonewit
hmyuncl eandwentbackto
MaLanga.Iwenttoseeher;nowt hatIwasl
ivi
ng
wit
hmyuncleIwasf i
ndingithardtoseeher
.We
hardl
ysaweachother.

Shewassti
llwor
kingatmyhouse,butnotever
y
day.Moonwasli
vingal
onesother
ewasn’ tmuch
worktodo.

Me:Wher
eisNour
-Zai
n?
Iaskedsi
tt
ingdown.
MaLanga:Thatone?
Shel
aughedandcl
appedhands.
MaLanga:Heishardlyhomet
hesedays.Hei
s
al
wayswithhi
sgir
lf
r i
end.
Me:Nouri
sdat
ing?
MaLanga:Yes.It
alkedwi
tht
hegi
rll
astweek,
t
hingsbet
weenthem seemst
obeseri
ous.
Me:Iam happyforhi
m.Iam gl
adhesimovi
ngon
andleavi
ngBeli
ndabehi
nd.
MaLanga:AtsomepointIt
houghthewoul
dnever
.
Herdeat
hhithi
m har
d…
Zanomadeherwayt
ous.
Me:Ther
eshei
s,t
houghtI
’
dleavewi
thoutseei
ng
you.
Zano:
Never
.Howar
eyou?
Shesatbesi
deme.
Me:Fi
neandyou?
Zano:
Fine.
Herphonebeeped.Shecheckedthemessagebut
weweren’
treadyforwhathappenednext
.She
st
art
edscreaming.
MaLanga:God,
ZanoLanga!
Zano:
Mom,
younotgonnabel
ievet
his.
Shegaveherthephone.MaLangacover
edher
mouthastear
sf i
ll
edhereyes.
MaLanga:Yourbr
otheri
sgoi
ngt
obeaf
ather
?
Zanonodded.
Me:What
?Thegi
rl
fr
iendi
spr
egnantal
ready?
MaLanga:Yes.Lookher
e.
It
ookthephone;itwasthepict
ureoftheul
tr
asound.
Welookedateachotherandlaughed.Godhadhis
wayofdoingthi
ngs,hecert
ainl
ydid.

SAI
NTZULU

Mymot
herwasi
ntownf
orf
ewdays,
wewer
e
havi
ngl
unchatt
her
est
aur
ant
.
Me:Mama,therewasabsol
utel
ynor
easont
oinvi
te
deat
htoherli
fe.
Ma:Youwillunderst
andonedaywhenyoubecome
aparent
.Heractionski
ll
edherSai
nt.
Me:Ar
gui
ngwi t
hyouwil
lnothel
p.Youst
il
ldon’
t
knowt
heotherwoman?

DrWhitewasnott
alki
ng,Il
etgooftheissue.When
Ihear
dLoranhaddiedIl
osthope,shewasouronly
l
ead.Whethermybrot
herwasstil
lali
veornot,onl
y
Godknew.
Ma:No,butGogoNkositol
dmet owaitabi
t.Sheis
yett
operfor
m anot
herri
tualaf
tert
hisonewewill
gett
oknowwhot heotherwomani s.
Me:Andwhatar
eyougoi
ngt
odo?Ki
llheraswel
l
?
Ma:No,t
hisonefate’
siscompl
etel
ydi
ff
erentf
rom
Lor
an’
s.Shewillr
egretcagi
ngmysonli
keadog,
shewi
llwalkar
oundnakedandnoSangomawi ll
hel
pher,onl
yGodwi l
l.
Me:Mama?
Ma:Yes,
andshei
sal
readyf
eel
ingmywr
ath.
Me:God.
Ma:Ital
kedwithyoursist
er-
in-
lawyest
erday.We
hadlunch.Shecoul
dn’tst
opcrying,
sheishurtby
al
lofthis.
Me:Idon’
tknowwhyyoudon’
twantt
olooki
nto
Cor
deli
a.Sheist
heonl
yonewhocanhurtLl
oyd.
Ma:Youar er
ight
,andthat
’swhyIam her
e.
Cordel
ia’
shearti
sdarkandevi
l,
sheiscapabl
eof
anythi
ng.
Me:Whati
fit
’sher
?
Shet
ookasi
pofhercof
fee.
Ma:I
t’
sbet
teryoudon’
tknow.
Shesetdownt
hemugont
het
abl
eandl
ookedaway.

PANDORAKAMANDE
Iwasvi si
ti
ngLewisatt
hehospi
tal
.Hewas
recoveri
ngwellevent
hedoct
orwashappywi
thhi
s
progress.

Iwassi
tt
ingonthechai
r,notf
arf
rom hi
sbedand
hewassit
ti
ngleani
nghi
sbackont hepi
ll
ow.
Lewis:Ihavenodoubtt
hatCal
ebandhi
sfr
iends
werebehindmyabducti
on.
Me:Ican’
tbel
ieveCal
ebisoneofthepeopl
eusing
t
hegovernment’smoneyf
orthei
rownbenefi
t.
Lewi
s:Ial
waysknewyourex-
husbandwasnot
hing
butascam bag.
Me:AndIwast hebl
indone,God!Lookatyou,
you
pai
dtheprice.Iwastheonewhocameandt ol
dyou
aboutt
hiscase.Ishouldn’
t.
Lewi
s:Don’tblameyoursel
f,Iam alawyer
.Iknew
ther
isks.Iam st
il
lal
ive,
that
’sallt
hatmatter
s.
Me:Your
ight
.Youst
il
lhavet
hei
nfor
mat
ionwi
th
you?
Heshookhi
sheadno.
Lewis:Theyt
ookever
ythi
ng,
order
sfor
mthebi
g
boss.
Me:Andtheymanagedtohackmyemai
lsand
del
etedever
ythi
ng.I
shi
sfuckedup.
Lewi
s:Cal
ebi
scor
rupt
,hi
m andCar
los.

Il
aughed.
Me:IsweartoGod,Iwil
lmakesureIgethi
m behi
nd
bars.Ohyes,
Iwil
ltakeoutmyangeronhim,hewil
l
wishheneverst
oleacentfr
om Gov.
Lewis:NoPandora,
yousur
e?Lastt
hingwewanti
s
putt
ingpressur
eonyou.
Me:Notnow.Letmegivebi
rt
hfir
stthenIwi
llshow
hi
mf l
ames,ohIwil
landheisnotreadyf
orme.
Lewi
s:Pl
easedoandt
akei
teasy.
Me:Iam neverr
elapsi
ngLewis.Iam r
ecl
aimi
ngmy
l
if
ebackandIwi l
luseCalebasanexample.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO
Dayspassedbytooquickl
y,muchofitwasspent
beggingCal
ebt
of or
giveme.Hewasn’thavi
ngany
ofit,
hewasfur
iousandIcouldtel
lhewas
di
sgustedbyme.Iwasl ef
twit
honeoptionandI
hatedit
.

Jonescamet hr
oughwi ththepill
sbutIwas
contempl
ati
ng.IlovedCalebandt hatwast het
rut
h,
Inevert
houghtI’
dhur thim butIalsodidn’tdowell
wit
hpeoplewalkingoutofmyl i
fe.Cal
ebwasseton
l
eavingme;hewasl eavingmewi thachild.That
wassomethingIdidn’twantnori magined
happeni
ng.

TodaywasLor an’sfuneral.Thatwasanotherst or
yI
wasf i
ndinghardtoaccept .Loranneverstr
uckme
asaweakper son,wef oughtbutweal wayssol ved
ourish.Ther
ewasnodi fferencewit
ht hecurrent
si
tuati
on.Somet hi
ngaboutherdeat hwasof fandI
wassuspectingmymot her -
in-
law,
Iwasal sof eeli
ng
herwr
ath.

Iwasexperiencingweirddreams,nodaypassed
wit
houtdreami ngofLloyd.Hewasdi st
urbi
ngme
somuch.Myl eftt
highwasal sobur
ned;Iwokeup
wit
hahugebur n.Ididn’
tknowwhereIgotit.I
twas
ver
ypainf
ul.

Wewer est
il
latLor
an’
shouse,herf
amilywassai
d
tobebusywithsomet
hing,someri
tual
sofsome
sort
.Nomzamowasvisiti
ngsoIaskedhertogo
wit
hme.
Zamo:What
’sr
eal
lygoi
ngonbet
weenyouand
Cal
eb?
Me:Hei
sleavi
ngme…
Zamo:Leavingyou?Idon’
tunder
stand.Imeanhe
j
ustgotdivorced,t
het
woofyouaresupposedtobe
st
art
ingaf amily.
Me:That
’swhatIt
houghtbutf
atehadot
herpl
ans
f
orus.
Zamo:Aunt
,expl
ain.
Me:AlothashappenedZamo.Hef
oundsome
i
nfor
mat i
onaboutmypastandhei
snotwil
li
ngt
o
f
orgetaboutt
hem.
Zamo:Whatt
hings?
Me:ThatIhadachi
l
d.
Zamo:Younevert
oldhi
m?
Me:No.
Zamo:Tel
lmeheknowst
hatyouwer
emar
ri
edor
rat
herawidow.
Il
ookedather
.
Zamo:No,
no!Aunt
y!
Me:Iwasgoi
ngt
o…
Zamo:Idon’tblamehi
m.Youcan’ tkeepsomethi
ng
l
ikethi
sfrom yourpar
tnerandexpectthem t
o
for
giveandforget.
Me:Ineversai
dfor
giveandf
orget
.Ionl
ysai
d
f
orgi
ve.
Isi
ghed.
Me:Whatam IgonnadoZamo?Huh?
Zamo:Youaski
ngme?Tellthedudeever
ythi
ng,
let
hi
m deci
dedauntoryouwi
lllosehi
m.
Thatwasoutoft
hequest
ion.

SAI
NTZULU

Iwassit
ti
ngi nthegardenl
ookingatPandora
water
ingfl
ower s.Shewaslooki
ngbeauti
fulonher
yel
lowdress;itcompli
ment
edherskinsowel l
.

Ididn’
tknowwhatwashappeningbutl
atel
yIhad
beenpayingt
oomuchattent
iononher.Somuch
thatget
ti
ngheroutofmymindwashar d.

Awomansost rongandbeauti
ful.Shehadbeen
t
hroughhel
landbackbutshewasst i
llf
ight
ing.
What’
snott
olikether
e?Caleblostagem;hedi dn’
t
knowwhathehad.

Isetmyeyesonherasshepi
ckedt
hewat
eri
ngcan
andwater
edthef
lowers.
“
Shei
sonebeaut
if
ulwoman.
”
Avoicesoundedbehi
ndme.It
urnedmyhead
sl
ight
ly,
itwasJai
ro.
Me:Sor
ry?
Jai
ro:Luna,
shei
sbeaut
if
uloram Il
ying?
Me:Shei
s.
Icont
inuedt
olookather.Whatwashappeni
ngwi
th
me?WhywasIf eel
ingli
kethi
s?

Tobecont
inued…
57

SAI
NTZULU
Jai
rocameandsatbesi
deme.Pandor
awasst
il
l
ver
ymuchfocusedi
nwhatshewasdoing.

Jair
o:Iwil
lki
llf
orher.Ther
e’snot
hingIwoul
dn’
tdo
forherandIam sur
eyou’veseenthat.
Me:ThatIhave.
Jair
o:I’
vealsoseenhowyoul
ookatheranddon’
t
eventhinkofdenyi
ngit
.
Ismi
ledl
ooki
ngdown.
Jai
ro:Icanseet
hatyoul
ikeherbutwhatIdon’
t
underst
andiswhyyouhaven’
ttol
dher.
Me:I
t’
snoteasy.Whati
fshedoesn’
tfeelt
hesame
way?
Jai
ro:Butyouwi
llneverknowunl
essyouaskher
.
Me:Iam notsur
emyselfsoIcan’
tgoandt
ellher
.
Al
lofthi
sisconfusi
ng.
Jai
ro:What’
sconfusi
ngaboutl
ove?Youei
therl
ove
apersonoryoudon’t
.Nowwhatisit
?
Me:Idon’
tknowMrGar
cia.Shehasbeenhur
ta
coupleoftimes,forallweknowshenol onger
bel
ieveinlove,painleavebehindt
hedeepestscars.
Andt hatcanbreakaper son;shemightf
indithar
d
toloveagain.HowdoIbr eakthewall
sshehasbui l
t?
Jairo:Butwi t
ht hehelpoft herightpersonshecan
returntothepat hofgivingl oveanothershot.You
canbet hatpersonwhot akeherhear tgent
lyand
takegoodcar eofit.Youcansoot hethepainshe
carryfrom thehur tsheendur edinthepast.
HewasmakinglotofsensebutIwasn’
tsur
eifI
coul
ddoi
t,al
thoughIwantedtotr
y.

Jairo:Al
lowhert i
me;shewi l
lobvi
ouslyneedti
me
totakethingsslow.Don’tdenyherthat
,gi
veitt
o
her.Itwi
llbehardt ol
etherwallsdownbecauseof
themani pulat
ionandbetrayal
.
Me:Your
eal
lyt
hinki
t’
spossi
ble?
Jai
ro:Itis.Tr
yandcr eateaconnecti
onwithher.Let
heropenupaboutanysi tuat
ion,nomatt
erhow
harditistoli
sten,
lether.Letherbevul
nerabl
ewi t
h
you,t
hatwayyouwi llembraceit.
Hel
aughedsof
tl
y.
Jai
ro:It
hinkI
’
vesai
denough.I
t’
snowupt
oyou.
Pandor
awal
kedupt
ous.
Pandor
a:Whatar
eyouwhi
sper
ingabout
?
Jai
ro:Thi
sandt
hat
.
SheputherhandonJai
ro’
sshoul
der
.
Me:Youdone?
Pandor
a:NobutIam t
ir
ed,
wel
lwear
eti
red.
Me:Letmegoandpr
epar
elunchf
oryou.
Jai
ro:Don’
tworryabouti
t,Iwi
lldoi
t.Iwantt
otal
k
wit
hher.Let
’sgo.
Hegotupandt
ookherhand.Theywal
kedaway.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Wewal kedsi
debysidei
nsil
ence.Aft
erashor
twal
k
wewalkedinsi
dethehouse,
totheli
vingr
oom t
obe
speci
fi
c.
Hesatont
hecouch’
sar
mrestandf
oldedhi
sar
ms.
Jai
ro:Cal
ebwasbehi
ndLewi
s’
sat
tack.
Me:Yousur
e?
Jair
o:Yes.Whatthetwoofyouwer
edoi
ng
provokedthe.Youwerecl
oset
ounmaskthem.
Me:Cal
ebi
sreal
lyst
eal
ingf
rom t
heGover
nment
?
Il
aughedandshookmyhead.
Me:Lor
d!Wher
edi
dMayagowr
ongwi
tht
hisboy?
Jai
ro:Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
odonow?
Me:DowhatIdo,
puthi
m behi
ndbar
s.
Jai
ro:Yousur
e?
Me:Iam.Cal
ebhast
opay,
toget
herwi
thhi
sfr
iends.
Jai
ro:Iam her
eifyouneedanyt
hing.
Me:ProtectLewi
s.Hisl
if
eisst
il
lindanger
,
pol
it
ici
ansdon’tbackdowneasi
ly.
Jai
ro:Iwi
llmakesur
ehei
ssaf
e,don’
twor
ry.
Me:Thankyouuncl
e.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Mymother
-i
n-l
awi
nvi
tedmet olunch.Idi
dn’
twant
t
obutsayi
ngnowasgoingtorai
sequesti
ons.I
t
wasgoi
ngtobeal
onglunch.

Wesatatt
het
abl
eandor
der
edf
ood.
Me:Thankyou.
Thewai
tr
esssmi
ledatusandwal
kedaway.
MaZulu:Ist
il
lcan’
tbel
ieveyouar
epr
egnant
,look
atyou.
Me:I
twast
imeImoveon.
MaZulu:AndIunderst
and.Wedidn’texpectyout
o
beal
oneforever,
youmourned,
feltgri
efandloss.
Youdeservetobehappy.
Me:Iknow.
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Me:Aboutt
hatotheri
ssue,
isMaNkosist
il
l
convi
ncedt
hat…
MaZul u:Hei
salive?No.Ican’tbeli
eveIwastedmy
ti
meandmoneyonher .Ireal
lydon’ tknowwhat
possessedmet ogoandconsul t.Idon’tr
eal
ly
beli
eveinSangoma’s.

Il
ookedatherasshet
alked.Shewasl
yingt
ome.
MaZulu:Iam closi
ngthischapt
er.Ibur
iedmyson
andthat
’sit
.Ishouldhaveneverwenttothatl
ady
andbetoldli
es.Nonsense!
Me:Youwer
esur
eshewast
ell
ingt
het
rut
h.
MaZulu:Iwasbutevenachi l
dcanseeshewas
l
yingt
ome.Imeanhowdoyouexpl ainhert
heor
y?
HowcomeLl oydisali
veandnoonehasseenhim
andwhoisthispersonkeepi
nghim?
Iputmyhandonmyt
ummyandhal
f-
closedmy
eyes.
MaZul
u:Ar
eyouokay?
Ishookmyhead.
Me:Iam f
eel
ingpai
n.Oh…
Shegotupf
rom herchai
randcamet
ome.
MaZul
u:Youar
ehavi
ngcont
ract
ions?
Me:No!Iam l
eftwit
hthreeweeksbef
ore…Oh!God,
i
thurt
s.Takemet ohospit
al.
MaZul
u:Okay.Letmehel
pyou.
Shehel
pedmegetupf
rom t
hechai
r.
MaZul
u:Becar
eful
.

Iwasf
eeli
ngt
hebaby’
sheadpr
essi
nghi
ghupi
n
mybel
ly

CALEBKAMANDE

WhenIgothomeIf oundaguybythenameofSai
nt
par
kingout
sideouryard.Hesai
dhewaswait
ingf
or
Cor
deli
a.
Wewer
esi
tt
ingi
nthesi
tt
ingr
oom.
Me:HowdoyouknowCor
del
iaagai
n?
Sai
nt:Iam aver
yst
rai
ght
for
war
dper
sonsoIwi
l
l
sayi
tasitis.
Me:Idon’
tunder
stand.
Sai
nt:Sheismysist
er-
in-
law.Ther
e’ssomet
hingI
wanttodiscusswi
thher.
Me:Wai
t,wai
t,si
ster
-i
n-l
aw?
Henodded.
Sai
nt:Shei
sorwasmar
ri
edt
omybr
other
…
Iwi
denedmyeyes.
Sai
nt:Ohsor
ry,
youdi
dn’
tknow?
Me:Was?Pl
easet
akemet
hroughi
t.
Sai
nt:Howmuchdoyouhave?
Me:Justt
alk,
Iam l
ist
eni
ng.
JEWELMUDAU

Iwasont
hephonewi
thmyaunt
.
Lorat
o:Ij
ustgotofft
hephonewit
hYol
anda,your
fat
herisdead.Hepassedont
hismor
ning.
Me:Oh.
Lor
ato:I
sthatal
lyoucansay?
Me:Whatdoyouwantmetosay?Thatmanwasn’
t
myfat
herandhewil
lnotbemyfat
hertoday.
Lor
ato:Iunder
stand.Wel
lthat
’sal
l.Letmegetback
towork.
Me:Bye.
Ihungupandl
ookedatPandor
a.

Me:Banel
eisdead.
Pandor
a:Deadasi
ndead?
Me:Yousost
upi
dPandor
a,yesdead-
dead.
Pandor
a:Yoh,
howar
eyouf
eel
ing?
Me:Not
hing.Canwenott
alkabouthi
m?Pl
ease.
Pandor
a:Sur
e.
Me:Youl
ooki
ngbet
ter
.
Pandora:Iam.Ifeel
andlookgood.Aft
erever
ythi
ng
thathashappenedIfeel
li
keIdeservei
t.
Me:You’
vebeent
hroughal
ot.Youdeser
vei
t
monkey.
Shestoodupandwalkedtot
hewi
ndow.Shest
ood
ther
eandlookedout
side.
Pandora:I’
vebeenthi
nki
ngaboutwhat ’
sgonna
happenedwhenmybabyi sbor n.Shari
ngcust
ody
wit
hCal ebisgoi
ngtobehard;Idon’twantmy
daughteranywherecl
osetothatwoman.
Me:Iknowbutyouhavet
oco-
par
ent
.
Pandor
a:Howwi
llIdealwi
thCor
del
ia?
Me:Wewi
llcr
osst
hatbr
idgewhenwegett
her
e.
Pandor
a:Ireal
lydon’twanthercl
oset
omy
daught
er.Youcouldtellbyl
ooki
ngathert
hatshei
s
danger
ousandunst abl
e.
Me:Iwi
llhavet
oagr
eewi
thyouont
hatone.
Pandor
a:YouseewhyIam wor
ri
ed?Ir
eal
lydon’
t
knowwhattodo.
Me:Ther
e’snot
hingyoucandoPan,youar
ealso
goi
ngtomeetsomeone.Youthi
nkCalebwi
llbe
pl
eased?

Shet
urnedandl
ookedatme.
Pandor
a:Me?Meetsomeone?Wher
ear
eyou
get
ti
ngthatf
rom?
Me:Yousayi
ngyouar
edonewi
thdat
ing?
Pandora:Idon’
tseemysel
fdat
ing,Iam donewith
l
ove.Letmegi vemydaught
erallt
heloveIhave.I
am donewi t
hloveandmen.
Me:Youdon’
tsay…
Pandor
a:Stop!Wear
enott
ouchi
ngthatt
opic,let
’s
tal
kaboutyoumommy.How’smorni
ngsickness?
Me:Whydidn’
tyoutel
lme?Idon’
tthi
nkIwi
ll
sur
vivet
hisst
age.
Ipoi
ntedatherandsmi
led.
Pandor
a:Ther
e’smor
etocome.

Whenyout ryi
ngtobecomepr egnantthe
excit
ementistoomucht ocont ainbutwhenyou
fi
nall
ybecomepr egnant,t
heexci tementfades.You
begintoexper
iencerealst
rugglesofpr egnancy.
Youar et
akenabackbyt hought sofhowbei nga
parentwouldchangeyourlif
e.

Moodswi ngs,andmorningsicknessetc.Buteven
so,Iwasenjoyi
ngthef
irsttr
imester.I
tsupsand
downs!Iwashappytohaveahusbandl ikeLeon,he
wassupporti
ve.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Myobstet
rici
andi
daf et
alul
tr
asound.Myhearthad
beenbeat
ingoutofmychestsinceIgother
e.Ma
Zuluwaswaiti
ngout
side.
Mydoct
orl
ookedatme.
Me:I
smybabyf
ineDoct
or?
Dr
:Yourbabyi
sfi
neMsNxumal
obut
…
Thatbutsentchill
sdownmyspi ne.Ihadbeenin
hospit
almor ethanIshould.Eachvisi
twas
accompani edbyfearoflosi
ngmybaby.Iwascl ose
togivebirt
handIdi dn’
twantanythingtogowrong.
Iwaspr ayi
ngforthat.
Dr
:Yourbabyi
sinbr
eechposi
ti
on.
Me:Br
eech…br
eechposi
ti
onbuthow?
Dr:Ther
e’snoneedtopani
cwecant ur
nthebaby
butifwedon’
tsuccessi
ssti
llokay.
Me:HowcanIgi
vebi
rt
hift
hebabyi
sinbr
eech
posi
ti
on?
Dr:I
t’
sver
ymuchpossi
ble;I
’
vedeli
veredmany
babi
es…butt
hebi
rt
hprocessischal
lengi
ng.
Nothi
ngwasgoingr
ightwi
thmypregnancy.Iwas
havi
ngahighr
iskpr
egnancyandnowIwast oldmy
babywasi
nbr
eechposi
ti
on,
whatwasnext
?

CALEBKAMANDE

Ididn’
tknowhowtof
eel concer
ningCor
deli
a’spast
l
ife.I
twastoomuchtotakein.Icoul
dn’
t
underst
andwhyshenevertoldme.Shekeptitasa
secret
,whatmor
ewasshekeepi ng?

Me:Andyoust
rongl
ybel
ieveshei
skeepi
ngyour
br
other
?
Sai
nt:Ihavenodoubt
.
Me:Ibel
ieveyou.
Sai
nt:Sor
ry?
Me:Cordeliahasbeenthreat
eningmesinceI
l
earnedaboutyournephew;shehassai dthi
ngs
t
hattil
ltodayIam unabletogetoutofmyhead.
Sai
nt:Yourl
if
eisi
ndanger
;youar
enotsaf
ear
ound
her
.
Me:ButwhatcanIdo?Shei
sexpect
ing,
Ican’
tjust
upandleave.
Sai
nt:Tr
ustme,
youhavet
o.
Me:WhatdidIgetmyselfint
o?Iam i
ndeepi sh…I
l
ostever
ythingbecauseofherandIam st
il
lgoing
t
olosemor e.
Saint
:Nowit
’snott
het
imet
ocry,
dancet
oyour
tunel
ikeamanMrKamande.
Me:Yout
alkl
ikeyouknowme.
Sai
nt:No,
Idon’
t.
Hecheckedt
imeonhi
swr
istwat
ch.
Sai
nt:Ishoul
dgetgoi
ng.I
twasni
cemeet
ingyou.
Me:Iguessso,
andt
hankyou.
Hegotup.
Sai
nt:Becar
efular
oundher
.

Tobecont
inued…
58
[
ONEMONTHLATER]

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Myson,Nate,
arr
ivedlastweek,7dayslat
e.I
nthat
weekIcoul
dbarelyli
ftmyleg,i
twasthathar
d.Pri
or
t
oit,
Iwashospital
izedforf
ewdays.

Thedeli
verywasn’tater
ri
bleexperi
ence,alt
houghI
wantednatur
albir
thbutmywi shwasn’ tgr
anted.I
hadacaesareanbirt
h.Therewasat hreatt
omy
baby’sl
if
e;hewasnotget t
ingenoughoxygen.I
real
lydi
dn’tt
hinkhe’
dmakei t.

IputNatelowdowni nhi scotandwal kedout ,

makingmywayt othekitchen.IpassedCal ebwho
waswat chi
ngTV, unbotheredbymypr esence.
Foll
owingallt
hesecrets,wedeci dedtocallitqui
ts.
Thingswentfrom badtowor seaf t
erSaintreveal
ed
ever
ythi
ngaboutmypast
.

Cal
ebwasst i
lll
ivingwithmeonlyf
orthesakeof
Nat
ebuthewaspl anni
ngtomoveoutsoon.He
wantednot
hingt odowi thme,
andithur
t.

PANDORAKAMANDE

TwoweeksagoIwel comedahealthybabygir
l,
Adaora.Bestf
eel
ingintheworl
d.Thefeel
ingwas
outofthi
sworld,
nothingcoul
dmatchthejoyof
motherhood.

Iwasdoi ngwel
landsowasAdaora.Iwas
adj
usti
ngwel lt
omom li
fewit
htwoweeksoldbaby.
Holdi
ngmybabyi nmyar mswassomethi
ngIwas
notgett
inguseto,nomatt
erhowl
ongIheldheri
n
myarms.
Istoodatthedoorandwat chedSaintholdi
ngOr a.
Hewassof t
lysingi
ngt oher,itwasabeautif
ulsight
towitness.Saintwasgoodandgent lywi
thOr a,not
onlyhim buthertoo.Shewascal m andr
elaxedin
hispresence;shefelthi
spr esencethanherfather’
s.

Thingsbet weenSaintandmewer eabit

compl i
cated.Thedaybef oreIgavebir
thwefound
ourselvesinacompr omisingsit
uati
on.Wekissed
howi thappened?Godknows.Wenevert al
ked
abouti t
;webothlettheissuedie.

Me:I
ssheasl
eep?
Iwalkedtowar
dthem;Sai
ntsl
owl
ytur
nedand
shookhishead.
Sai
nt:No.
Hewhi sper
ed.Iwasnolongeradangertomyselfor
mybabybutmyuncl einsi
stedSai
ntstays.Hewas
st
il
ltakingcareofme,
itmadenosensebutt her
e
wasnousef i
ghti
ngmyuncle.
Me:Givehertome,goandgr
absomet
hingt
oeat
.I
wi
lll
ookafterher
.
There’snof or
mul atoenjoyingmot her
hood, you
takeonedayatat ime.Ther eweredayswer eIsat
andcr iedbecauseOr acouldn’tst
opcrying,the
scenewasf unnybutunpl easantaswell.Iwasn’ta
fir
sttimemot her,buteverychildcomeswi th
his/herownt radi
ti
on.

Icouldsayanyt hi
ngIli
kebutt ruthis,
Adaorawas
mysani t
y,fait
handhopei nli
fe.Iwasf ul
lof
happiness.Sinceherar
rivalmyl if
ehadt ook
anotherturn.Ihadmorer easonst ofi
ghtforl
if
e,my
daughterneededme.
Sai
nt:ButIam wai
ti
ngf
orhert
ofal
lasl
eep.
Me:Iknowbutyouhaven’
teat
enanyt
hing.Pl
ease
goandeat.
Sai
nt:Okay.
Heki
ssedOraonherforeheadt
hengavehertome.
Hi
sscenti
nOra’
sblankethitmynose.Icoul
dn’
t
hel
pbutsmel
lit
.
Me:Iwi
llmanage,
trustme.
Sai
ntl
ovedOr alikeshewashis.I
twassomethi
ngI
di
dn’
texpect.Isatonthecouchbythecl
osetand
l
ookedathim ashewal kedout
.
Me:Go.
Hel
aughedandcl
osedt
hedoor
.Il
ookedatOr
a.
Me:OhmyOr a,
GodknowhowmuchIloveyou.I
am r
eal
lyt
hankfult
oGodf
orbl
essi
ngmewi t
hyou.I
l
oveyoudaught
er.
Tearsdr
ippeddownmycheeksatt
hesi
ghtofher
faceandcutesmil
eonherf
ace.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Istoodinfrontoft
hemi r
rorandr
anmyhandonmy
faceupt omyhead.Myhai rwasfall
ingoutsobad.
IwenttoseeaDoct orbuthecouldn’
tmakear eal
diagnose.Iwasthi
nkingofshavi
ngit.
Ifel
tsomeone’
spr
esence;i
twasCal
ebst
andi
ngat
thedoor
.
Cal
eb:Bur
ningbody,
hear
ingvoi
cesandnow,your
hai
risf
all
ingout
.WhodidyouangerCor
del
ia?
Me:I
t’
snoneofyourbusi
ness.Whatdoyouwant
?
Caleb:Goandapol
ogi
zet
owhoeveri
sdoi
ngt
hist
o
you.
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:Ar
eyoudone?
Cal
eb:Iam goi
ngout
,Nat
eissl
eepi
ng.
Me:Sur
e.Bef
oreyougo,
whenar
eyoumovi
ngout
?
Cal
eb:Ar
eyouki
cki
ngmeout
?
Me:Lear
ntoanswerwhatyouar
easked.
Cal
eb:Iam notsur
ebuti
twil
lbesoon.IcanseeI
am nolongerwant
edher
e.

Iwal
kedupt
ohi
m.
Me:Youknowthat
’snott
rue,Ist
il
lloveyoubabe.
Wecanworkthi
ngsout,wereall
ycan.Iam sor
ryI
l
iedt
oyou…
Cal
eb:Notonl
ydidyouliebutyoualsothr
eat
ened
meinsomanyevents.Youwer ereadytopar
alyse
me,i
fIhadnotfoundthosepil
ls;Ir
eal
lydon’
tknow
whatwoul
dhavehappenedt ome.
Me:Iwasn’
tgoi
ngt
ouset
hem onyou.
Cal
eb:Youar elyi
ng,Del
ia,
youweregoingtodo
whateveri
ttakestokeepmeinyourl
ife.Youtol
d
meso, oryouforgot
?
WhenIwasf eel
ingunwel lever
ythi
ngofmi newas
al
loverthepl
acer esult
ingtoCalebfi
ndingthepi
ll
s.
Thatwasthelaststraw,heknewwhatIwas
capabl
eofandt hatscaredhimt othecore.
Caleb:Justmakepeacewitheverythi
ng,
weare
done.Wewi l
lco-
parent
,that
’sallIam wi
ll
ingt
ogi
ve
younow.Seeyoul at
er.
It
ri
edtotouchhi
m buther
aisedhi
shandsandt
ook
astepback.
Cal
eb:Don’
t…
Hewal
kedout
.

Me:Ihavel
ostyou,
andIam t
obl
ame.
Icl
osedmyeyesandopenedt
hem agai
n,
somethingwaswrongwi
thmyeyes.Myvi
sionwas
becomingblur
ry.

CALEBKAMANDE

Iwasatapointi
nlif
ewher eIdidn’tknowwhetherI
wascomingorgoing,everyt
hingthatIknewhad
l
ostsense.Iwasj
ustlivi
ngbecauseIhadt o.

Myhear tbr
eaksi nt
omi l
li
onpieceswhenIlook
back.Ihadlostsomuchi njustayear;t
heonly
goodthingthatcameoutofwhathadhappened
wasmychi ldren,NateandAdaora.Theyweremy
achi
evement s.Iwasdoingwellwithco-
par
enti
ng
wi
thPandor
a.

Shehadmovedonandshewashappy, our
daught
er’
spresencei
nherl
ifewasmaki ngahuge
i
mpact.Youcouldseefr
om hereyest
hatshe’
s
happy.

Isl
idoutmyphonef rom mybackpocketandrang
mymot her
,shereturnedf
rom Kenyaaweekafter
OraandNate’
sbirth.Shewasdoingwell
,evenher
speechwasclear.
Me:Iam onmywayt
oseeAdaor
a.
Maya:Di
dyoutal
kwi
thPandor
a?Yousupposet
o
seehert
omor
row.
Me:Iwannaseemydaught erMama.Pl
easet
alk
wi
thPandora.Iam beggi
ngyou.
Maya:Youarenowcompli
cat
ingt
hingsCal
eb,
you
agr
eedoncertai
ndayswit
hPandor
aandyou
wannachangeever
ythi
ng?
Me:Iknowwhatweagr
eedonbutIam not
emot
ional
lywel
l.Ij
ustwannaseemydaught
er.
Maya:Okay,
letmetal
kwit
hPandorabutdon’
t
makeitahabit
.Youst
ickt
owhatyouagreedon.
Me:Iwon’
t,
Igi
veyoumywor
d.
Iwal
kedt
omycar
.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Howmyl i
femovedwher eitwastowhereitwas
nowwasst il
lamyst er
ytome.IknewIwas
desti
nedforbeauti
fulthi
ngsbutatsomepointIhad
l
ostfait
handt houghtI’
dneverbehappy.WellIwas
onlyl
yingtomyself.

Nour -
ZainandIdeci dedt ogiveourheartsachance
i
nl ove.Itwasi mpossiblenott o,
aft
erourtal
kthat
dayint herestaurantitbecamehar dtoavoideach
other.Myhear tbetrayedme;Ideepl yfel
linl
ove
withNour -
Zain,andhef el
linlovewit
hme.
Iwasfi
nall
ywit
hsomeoneIl ovedanddest
inedf
or.
Nourwaseasytol
ove,easytounderst
andandeasy
tobewit
h.Abreat
heoffreshair.

Mymot herwal
kedi
nmyr
oom,
Iwasf
oldi
ngmy
cl
othes.
Ma:Youwon’
tguesswhatj
usthappened.
Me:Tel
lme.
Shel
aughedandputherhandsonherwai
st.
Ma:Yourfat
herjustcal
led,
theLanga’
ssenthi
ma
l
etter
.Theywannameetwi thus,
assoonas
possibl
e.
Il
etgooft
heshi
rtandl
ookedather
.
Me:Youl
ying…
Ma:Iam not
.
Iputmyhandonmymouthandf
eltt
ear
snear
ing.I
t
wastoogoodt
obetr
ue.
Ma:Don’tcry,
youdeservethisandawholel
otmor
e.
Andthisti
me, noonewilll
eaveyouatt
healt
ar
becauseyouar emarr
yingyoursoulmat
e.
Me:Am Idr
eami
ngornot
?
Ma:Youar
enotdr
eami
ng,
youar
eli
vingyour
dr
eam.
Me:Abeaut
if
uldr
eam Mama.
Shenodded.

Iwasfourmont hspr
egnantsoontobef i
ve,
Iwasn’
t
makingafussovermypr egnancybecauseIdi
dn’
t
knowwhatt oexpect
.Iwasusedt oloss,
sobef
oreI
hel
dmybabyi nmyarmsIhadt oldmyselft
onot
getatt
ached.Nour-
Zainontheotherhandwas
convi
ncedourbabywi l
lbeborn.

PANDORAKAMANDE

IputOr
a’sbot
tl
eincol
dwat
erandwal
kedoutoft
he
ki
tchen.Iwasont
hephonewi
thMaya.Isatont
he
sofa.

Me:Tel
lhi
mtocome.Oraishisdaught
erandi
fhe
want
stoseeher
,Iwi
llnotst
ophim.
Maya:Irepr
imandedhi
m.Fort
hisco-parent
ingt
o
wor
kt hetwoofyoumustr
espectcondit
ionsset
.
Me:ButwhatcanIdoifheissayi
nghei
snotf i
ne.I
knowexactl
yhowitf
eelstonotbeemot
ional
lywell
.
Idon’
twishCal
ebbad.
Maya:Ihearyou.Letmecal
lhi
m.
Me:OkayMom.Youar
est
il
lcomi
ng?
Maya:Yes.Iwast
hinki
ngofgoi
ngt
oseeNat
e.
Me:What
’sst
oppi
ngyou?
Maya:Cor
del
ia,
eish.
Me:Youdoingt
hisforNatenotCordel
ia.Heisyour
gr
andson,
youronlygrandson.Don’
tpunishhimfor
hi
smother’
sacti
ons.
Maya:Youar
eri
ght
.
Me:Goandseehi
m.
Maya:Iwi
llseeyoul
ater
.Il
oveyouandki
ssOr
afor
me.
Me:Iwi
ll
.Il
oveyout
oo.
Ihungupandgotupfr
om t
hesofa.AsIwas
walki
ngt
othekit
chen,
Sai
ntappeared.
Me:Goi
ngsomewher
e?
Sai
nt:Yesbutnotbef
oreIdot
his.
Me:Dowhat
?
Hewal
kedupt
ome.
Sai
nt:Thi
s…
Heslowl
yleanedfor
wardandpr
essedhi
slips
agai
nstmine.Theki
sswentonf
orfewseconds.
Sai
nt:Woul
dyouli
ket
ogooutondi
nnerdat
ewi
th
me,toni
ght
?Uncl
eJai
roagr
eedt
obabysi
t.
Me:Adat
e?
Saint:Yes,
pleasedon’
tsayno.I
ttookmel ongt
o
getthisoutofmychestandnowt hatIhave…
Me:I
’
dli
ket
ohavedi
nnerwi
thyou.
Sai
nt:Thankyou.Seeyout
oni
ght
.
Heki
ssedmeont
hecheekandwal
kedaway.

SAI
NTZULU

Pandor aandAdaor awerebecomingabi ggestpart

ofmyl ife.Overthemonthswe’dspenttogetherI
’d
tookmyt i
met oknowPandora,herli
kesand
disl
ikes.Iknewwhatt i
ckheroffandtickheron.I
wasr eadyt omakehermi ne,
hopeful
lyshe’dletme
i
nherl if
e.RaisingOrawithherwouldbeanhonour .

AsIwasabouttogeti
nsi
demycar
,af
ami
li
arvoi
ce
soundedbehi
ndme.
“Zul
u.”Islowl
yturnedaround.Ibl
inkedf
ewt
imes
andwi denedmyeyes.Itwashim,itwasmybrot
her
.
Helookedhealthyandfine.
Me:Br
other
?
Ll
oyd:I
t’
smeyoungbl
ood.
Me:Youar
eal
ive?Andyouar
est
andi
ngi
nfr
ontof
me.
Ll
oyd:Yes,
youar
enotdr
eami
ng.
Wesl owl
ywalkedtowardseachot
her,whenwe
fi
nall
ycamefacetoface,emoti
onstookover .I
pull
edhimint
omyar msandhel dhi
mt ight.The
soundofhisheart
beatechoedinmyear s.
Me:Youar
eal
ive,
youar
eal
ive.Uy’
phi
laZul
u.

Tobecont
inued…
59

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

LatelyIhadbeenhearingvoicesi nmyhead.I
twas
sl
owl ybutsurel
ydri
vingmet oi nsani
ty.I
twasno
brainer
,whatevermymot her-i
n-lawdi
dwascoming
tr
ue.Andi twascominghar donme.
Iwasf
eedingNat
ewhenvoi
cesst
art
edechoi
ngi
n
myhead.
“
Conf
essyoursi
ns.
”
Me:No!
“Wewil
lnotst
opbef
oreyouconf
essyoursi
ns;
conf
essyoursi
nst
otheworl
d!”
Nat
est
art
edcr
ying.
Me:Don’
tcrybaby,
mommyi
sher
e.Not
hingi
s
goi
ngtohappen.
MaybeIshoul
dgi veupwhil
eIhadachance.Iwas
suf
fer
inganditseemedli
kethebeggi
ng,
theworst
wasyettocome.

Natestoppedcryi
ng;Il
aidhim onthebedandgot
up.Ireachedformyphoneandcalledmymot her
.
Thingsbetweenuswerestil
lnotfi
nebutIhadno
onetot ur
nto.
Me:Mom,
pleasedon’
thungup.Ir
eal
lywannat
alk
wi
thyou.
Ma:Whati
sit
?
Me:Mypastcaughtupwi
thmeandt
her
e’sno
escapi
ngf
rom i
t.
Ma:What
’snewt
her
e?
Me:Ever
ythingi
sfal
li
ngapart
.Ifi
t’
snotmybody
bur
ning,
it’
smyeyes.Ithi
nkIam l
osingmysi
ght
.
Ma:OhCordeli
a,youmessedwi t
hthewr
ongf
ami
ly.
Whatam Isupposedt
odof oryounow?
Me:Idon’tknowbutIreal
lyneedyourhelp.Don’t
castmeoutwhenIneedyout hemost.Iam
beggingyouMama, i
fnotformethendoi tforyour
grandson.
Shel
etoutasof
tsi
gh.
Ma:Yout hi
nkyou’
dbeabletotr
avel?Ther
e’sthis
l
adythatIknow,shemightbeabl
etohelpyoubutI
am notguarant
eei
nganythi
ng.|
It
’swort
hat ry.
Me:That
’sal
lIneed.ThankyouMama.
Ma:Howi
sNat
e?
Me:Heisgett
ingaf
fect
edbythi
s.WheneverIst
art
hear
ingvoi
ceshecri
es,i
t’
sli
kehecanfeelt
hebad
ener
gyaroundus.
Ma:Your
eapwhatyousow.
Shecutt
hecal
l.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Myuncl ekepthiswor daboutmehavi ngmyown

fi
rm butIwasn’tstart
ingitf
rom scratch.Ilovedand
enjoyedworkingwithNoaandmycol leagues,so
myuncl eoptedtobuyi ngmeshar es.Iwasa
maj or
it
yshareholderinNoa’sf
irm.

Iwasn’ttaki
nganycasesasofyet .Iwantedto
recuperat
ebeforef
ocusingmainlyont hefi
rm.
Droppingmyclient
’swasn’tsomethingIenj
oyed
doing.
Lewi
stossedpaper
smydi
rect
ion.Wewer
esi
tt
ing
i
nmyst udy.
Lewis:Ever
ythi
ngyouneedonCal
eb,
Car
losand
thei
rassoci
ates.
Me:Ever
ythi
ng?
Hegavemeasl
ightnod.
Lewis:Withthatinf
ormati
on,t
heyaregoingaway
foraverylongt i
me.Nojudgewouldbelenientwi
th
them.Embezzl ementisaser
iouscr
imeandt hey
takeitser
ious.

Ihateddoi
ngthis,
especi
all
ytoOrabutCal
ebhadto
pay.Mydaughterwasgoingtogrowupwit
houther
fat
herasIwasabouttopullthet
rigger
.
Lewi
s:Ar
eyousurePandora?Wecandest
royt
his
i
nfor
mati
onandforgetabouti
t.
Me:Theystol
eandwebot
htheconsequencesof
doi
ngthat
.
Lewi
s:Hei
sthef
atherofyourdaught
er.
Me:Yout hinkIdon’tknowt hat?Iam goi
ngcrazy
overt
hatf actbutthere’
snot urni
ngback.Ineedto
domyj ob, andthat’
scorrecti
ngwr ong.
Lewi
s:Sowear
etaki
ngt
heevi
dencet
othepol
ice?
Me:Yesandassoonaspossi
ble.

SAI
NTZULU

Itf
eltunrealt
olookatmy“ deadbrot
her”
.Seeing
him al
ivewasami racleInevert
houghtI
’dsee.I
hadnott ol
dmymot heryet
.

Wewer ei
nmyapar
tment
.Idi
dn’
twantanyonet
o
di
stur
bus.
Ll
oyd:Sheplannedeveryt
hing,fr
om t
hef
ir
eupt
o
myadmi ssi
oninthathospi
tal…
Hesai
dwi t
hasadvoi
ce.What
evert
heydi
dtohi
m
r
eal
lybrokehi
m.
Ll
oyd:Iwasal
waysheavyonmedi
cat
ion,
atsome
poi
ntIr eall
ybelievedthatIwasn’twel
l i
nt hehead.
ThethingsIcoul dsayanddo.I tdidn’
tmat ter
whetherIwassayi ngIam fineornot,
Cor deli
a
madesur eIremaininmedi cati
on.Shepai dlotof
moneyt ogeti tdoneandDrWhi tewasinherpayr ol
l.
Cordel
iamadesur eIsuff
ered,f
oreveryt
hingI ’
ve
done.
Me:Shekeptonl
ivi
ngasifshewasasaint
.She
wi
tnessedmom’spainandnotmovedbyit
.
Lloyd:Sheisl
ikethat;i
t’
sunf
ortunat
eIpl
ayedabi
g
roleinunl
eashingthatdemoninher.

Igul
peddownadrinkandstoodup.Idi
dn’
twantt
o
l
ookatmybrot
her;Ididn’
twantt
okeeptheimage
ofhowhewaslookinginmyhead.

Hewassayingheisf i
neIcouldtel
lthathewas
l
ying.Hehadnotrecover
ed,thr
eeyear si
sn’
taj
oke.
Hi
spr i
deanddigni
tywasr i
ppedapar t
.
Me:Shemovedyouf
rom t
hathospi
talt
owhi
chone?
Ll
oyd:Fi
rstHeal
thAsyl
um…
Me:That
’si
ntown.
Henodded.
Lloyd:Shemadethatdeci
siontoavoi
dgetti
ng
caughtbutIthi
nkthi
ngssti
llwentwrong,
hencet
he
reasontogetmekill
ed.
Iwhi
stl
edsof
tl
y.
Lloyd:Thedoctorcoul
dn’
tdoi
t;het
ookmetohi
s
house.Hiswifenursedmebacktot
heper
sonIam
today.
Hecontinuedtotel
lmehowt heyf
akedeverythi
ng,
andgaveCor del
ianon-
humanash.Shedidn’teven
not
ice;shewashappyt ogetri
dofthepr
oblem.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Cal
ebwasal
readyi
nOr
a’snurser
yroom whenI
wal
kedi
nsi
de.Hewasj
ustlooki
ngathi
sdaughter
smi
li
ng.Hegotl
iket
hatwheneverhewaswi
thher
.

CalebandIhaddr if
tedapartoverthepastmont hs,
alothadhappenedbet weenthebothofus.Thi ngs
weresai danddonebutnoneofi twasst rong
enought oseparat
eus.I ’
dli
ketocuttieswi t
hhi m
buti twasimpossi
ble.Adaorawasgoi ngt oti
eus
untiltheendofti
me.Despi t
ewhathadt ranspired
betweenusunder standingandrespectwasbor n.

Caleb:Thankyouf
ort
hisbeaut
if
ulgi
ft
.Shei
s
adorable.
Iwal
kedupt
othem.
Me:Waitunt
ilshest
art
stocr
y.Yourbabyi
sthe
worst
.
Hel
aughed.

Cal
eblovedhischi
ldr
enandsomuch.Knowi ng
whatwasabouttohappendidn’
tsi
twel
lwithme.I
wasseparat
inghimfrom hi
schi
ldr
enbutIhad
madeapromiset
omakehim pay.Breaking
pr
omiseswasn’
tinmyvocabul
ary.Ikeptmy
pr
omises.
Cal
eb:Thankyouforal
lowi
ngmet
oseeher
.Iknow
wedidn’
tagreeonthi
sday…
Me:Itoldyoubef oreandIwi l
ltel
lyouagain,you
areherfat
herandshedeser vestobewi t
hher
fat
her.Weonl ygoti ntothatagreementtoavoid
unnecessaryfi
ght s.Iwillneverstopyoufrom
seei
ngher .Iam nott hatevil
.
Caleb:Thankyou.Idon’
tdeser
vet
hiski
ndof
tr
eatment,notf
rom you.
Me:Iam overt
hepast
.Youdi
dwhatyouhadt
o;i
t
wasalluptoyou.
Helookedaway.Shamewaswr
it
tenal
loverhi
s
f
ace.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

Iwasont
hephonewi
thNour
-Zai
n.
Me:Whydi
dn’
tyout
ellme?
NZ:Idi
dn’
tknowIneededyourat
tent
ionbambi
.
Me:Idon’
tmeani
tli
ket
hat
.Iwassur
pri
sed.
NZ:It
oldyouhowseri
ousIwasaboutusandI
don’
tneedyear
stoknowthatIwannamar
ryyou.
Ismi
ledt
omysel
f.
NZ:Whyyousmi
li
ngnow?
Me:Iam notsmi
li
ng.
NZ:Youar
e.
Me:Il
oveyoubambi
no.
NZ:Il
oveyoumor
eMr
sNour
-Zai
n.

Jewelwal
kedupt
ome.Shewaswi
thLeon.
Me:Iwi
llcal
lyoul
ater
.
Ihungup.
Leon:Ki
ddo.
Igotup,
weshar
edahug.
Me:Smal
lbear
.
Jewel
:Weheardthenews,
wecoul
dn’
twai
ttocome
andcongr
atul
ateyou.
Me:Mom coul
dn’
twai
ttot
ellt
hewhol
ewor
ld.
Leon:Doyoubl
ameher?She’
shappy,
whatam I
sayi
ng.Wearehappy!
Jewel
:Heisri
ght.EvenSatanisashamedof
hi
mself
.Hethoughtyou’dbealoneandmiser
abl
e,
l
ookatyounow.Pr egnantandget
ti
ngmarri
ed.
Me:Godisamazingandoh,di
dIt
ellyou.|
Myex-
si
sterwi
fecal
ledmelastni
ght
…
Leon:Shedi
d?
Me:Yes.Shewascr yi
ng.Apparent
lyBeyonis
showingherfl
ames.Heisnotsupporti
ng,he
doesn’tsl
eephome.Everyt
hingisj
ustoutofcont
rol
.
Jewel
:Idi
dn’
tseet
hisonecomi
ng.
Leon:Noonedi
d.Thatboyi
spossessed.
Wel
aughed.
Tobecont
inued…
60

SAI
NTZULU

Wespenthourstal
king,everyt
hingt
hathewas
tel
li
ngmewast oomuchbutabovei tallIwas
happythathewasstil
lali
ve.Itwast
imef orhi
mto
rest
arthi
sli
fe.

Maki
ngCordel
iapaywasinhishands.Ther
ewerea
l
otoft
hingst
oclearup,
andithadtobedonesoon.

Me:Mom wenttoseeaSangomaandfrom what

I’
vehear
d,Cor
deli
aisgoi
ngtopaydear
ly.Shewi
ll
notbespar
ed.
Ll
oyd:Idon’
tknowhowt
ofeelabouti
t.Iwanthert
o
paybutnotl
ikethi
s…
Me:Whatdoyouwant
?
Ll
oyd:Iam notasai
nt;Idi
dthi
ngsthatIam not
proudof.Ipl
ayedabi
gr ol
einCor
deli
a’schangeof
charact
er.
Me:Thatmaybet
hef
actbutshehadnorightto
pl
ayGod.Youwer
egoi
ngtobepunishedbutitwas
notuptoher
.

Myphoner
ang;i
twasmysi
ster
,Lel
o.
Me:I
t’
sLel
o.
Ll
oyd:Answer
.
Ianswer
edandputheronl
oudspeaker
.
Me:Si
ster
s.
Lel
o:Sai
nt,
canwet
alk?
Me:Yesbutbef
oret
hat
,ther
e’ssomet
hingIneedt
o
t
ellyou.
Lel
o:Shoot
.
Me:Letmevi
deocal
lyou.
Lel
owasoutyoungersi
ster
,Ll
oydbei
ngt
hef
ir
st
bor
n.
Lel
o:Okay.
Icutt
hecal
landl
ookedatLl
oyd.
Me:Yousur
e?Wecanwai tunt
ilyougohome;we
don’
thavet
otel
lhernow.
Ll
oyd:Iam.Ij
ustwannaseeherf
ace.
Inoddedandr
angher.Shedi
dn’
twast
eti
me.She
answeredi
mmediat
ely.
Me:Nomat
terwhatyoudo,
donotscr
eam notbe
af
rai
d.
Lel
o:What
’sgoi
ngon?Youar
escar
ingmet
hei
sh
outofme.
Me:Youseenow?Don’
tdot
hat
.

Ll
oydgotupandcamebehi ndme.Lel
ojumpedoff
herbed,shedidn’
tscr
eam.Shebli
nkedfewtimes
befor
eshet r
iedtoopenhermouthtot
alkbutwords
werefai
li
ngher .
Ll
oyd:Pumpki
n.
Lel
o:How?Youar
e…webur
ied…OhGod!
Ll
oyd:IknowandIwi
llexpl
ainever
ythi
ng.Al
lindue
ti
me,
Sheshookherheadcr
ying.
Me:Wher
eisMama?
Lel
o:Shei
s…shei
sout
.Doessheknow?
Me:No,wewilldr
ivehometomorrow.Ican’
ttel
lher
somet
hingl
ikethi
soverthephone.
Lel
o:Yoh,thi
sisshocki
ng.Thewor
ldi
sgoi
ngt
obe
shocked.Thi
sistoomuch.
Ll
oyd:St
il
ldr
amat
ic.
Shewi
pedt
ear
sof
fhercheeksandl
aughed.

Idart
edmyeyest otheclockont hewall
.Itwas15
minutesbefor
e7.Ihadadi nnerdatewit
hPandora.
Shehadalreadyt
extedfewt i
mes, meani
ngshewas
asexcit
edasIwas.
PANDORAKAMANDE

Icheckedmyphoneagai nt
oseeifSai
nthadrepli
ed
buthehadnot.Idi
dn’tknowifhewassti
llonorhe
hadchangedhismind.

Ear
li
erwhenhewentout,hedi
dn’
tsaymuch.He
onl
ysaidi
twasanemergency,wewillt
alkl
ater
.
Andfi
vehour
slat
erther
ewasnosi gnofhim.

Maya:Ar
eweexpect
ingani
mpor
tantcal
l?
Iletoutasof
tsi
ghandsetmyphonedownont
he
table.
Maya:Tal
ktome.
Icoul
dn’
thidet
hingsf
rom Maya,nomat
terhow
hardIt
ri
ed.Shewaseasytotal
kto.
Me:Iam goi
ngonadat
ewi
thSai
nt.
Maya;Sai
ntZul
u?
Inodded.
Maya:Idi
dn’
tknowt
het
woofyouwer
eseei
ngeach
ot
her.
Me:Wear enot
,wel
lther
eissomethi
ngbet
weenus
butIdon’
tknowwhatiti
s.Maybeaft
ert
oni
ghtwe
wil
lknowforsur
e.
Maya:I
ttookhi
mlongt
otakeact
ion.
Me:Youmeanyouknew?
Maya:Ididn’
tknowitwasasecretandi
fitwast
hen,
hewasn’tver
ydiscr
eetabouti
t.
Me:AndIwast heonlyonewhodidn’
tnot
ice.Even
Jewelwasn’
tsurpr
isedwhenItol
dher.
Maya:Iknewhel
oveyout
hever
yfi
rstt
imeIsaw
t
hetwoofyoutoget
her
.
Me:Youhavenoprobl
em wi
thmedat
ing?Dat
ing
hi
mt obespeci
fi
c?
Maya;No.Youcandat
eanyoneyouwant,noone
wi
llst
opyou.Andnooneisexpect
ingyoutost
ay
si
ngl
efor
ever
.
Me:Inevert
houghtI
’
dfi
ndsomeoneaf
terCal
eb.

“
Andwhyyout
houghtt
hatst
il
lbaf
fl
eme.
”
Myuncl
esaidmakinghi
swayt
ous.Wewer
esi
tt
ing
i
nthefr
ontpor
ch.Adaor
awasi
nhisar
ms.
Me:Uncl
e,i
t’
scol
dout
side.Shewi
llcat
chacol
d.
Maya:Li
stent
oher
.
Jai
ro:Letherbe.Goandgetyour
sel
fready,
Sai
nti
s
onhiswayback.
Me:Hedi
dn’
tcal
lme.
Jai
ro:Buthecal
ledme.Nowgoandgetr
eady.
Maya:Youhear
dhi
m.
Il
aughedandrosetomefeet
,Iwentt
ohi
m.Iki
ssed
Oraonherfor
eheadandl
eftt
hem.

CALEBKAMANDE
Iarri
vedhomeanhourago, whenIgotbackIf ound
Cordeli
alockedupinherr
oom.Nat ewasleftalone
i
nhi snurseryr
oom,hewascrying.Cordel
iakepton
blubberi
ngnonsense,
shewasn’tmakinganysense.

Iwasstandi
ngout si
dethedoortryi
ngtotal
ktoher
sothatshecouldopenthedoor.Shedidn’
twantt
o
openthedoor;atl
eastNatehadcalm down.
Me:Del
ia,
pleaseopenthedoor
.What
’sgoi
ngon
wi
thyou?Youar escar
ingmenow.
Iknockedont
hedoor
.
Me:Thi
sisnowst
upi
d,comeout
.Youneedt
ofeed
Nat
e.
Icl
ickedmyt
ongueandt
ookmyphone.Ir
angher
mother.

Me:Goodeveni
ng,
MaNxumal
o.
MaN:Cal
eb,
howcanIhel
pyou?
Me:Idon’
tknowwhat
’sgoi
ngonbutCor
del
iai
s
act
ingup.Sheisl
ockedupi
nther
oom,
shedon’
t
wanttoopen.
Sheheavedadeepsi
gh.
Me:Iam st
art
ingt
ogetscar
ed,
Ihadneverseenher
l
iket
his.
MaN:Letmecal
lher
.
Me:Thankyou.
Shecutt
hecall
.Iwalkedt
oNate’
sroom.Hewas
sl
eepi
ng.WhatCordeli
awasdoi
ng,wasn’
tri
ght
.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Iwassi
tt
ingont
hef
loorcover
ingmyear
s.
“
Conf
ess!Conf
essyoursi
ns!
”
Me:Iwi
llconf
ess,
justst
op.

Thi
ngsweregett
ingwor
sebymi
nut
e;mywhol
e
bodywasonfi
re.
Myphoner ang,
Iopenedmyeyesbuttherewasn’
t
anyli
ght.Ihadt
urnedont
helight
,soIcouldn’
t
under
standwhyitwasdark.
Me:What
’shappeni
ng?Cal
eb!Cal
eb!
Iyel
ledmyl
ungsout
.Icoul
dn’
tsee.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

MaLangainvi
tedmeoverfordi
nner.Iwasint
he
ki
tchenpr
epar
ingfood.Wewerecookingl
ambstew
andpap.

Zanosatonthechairandgr
abbedt
hebowlt
hat
wasinfr
ontofher.Shepour
edwateri
nsi
deandput
i
npeeledpot
atoes.
Zano:Wherei
syourman?I
t’
sbeent
wohour
sand
heisst
il
lnother
e.
Me:Hesentmeat
ext
,hi
sonhi
sway.
MaLanga:Whyyoubusyaski
ngherquest
ions?
Thi
schi
ld!
Zano:
Ican’
tgetusetot
hefactt
hatIhaveasi
ster
-
i
n-l
aw.Thefeel
ingi
soutoft
hisworl
d.
Me:Am Inotl
ucky?

Iwaswelcomedwi thwarm hands;MaLangawasa

l
ovelyl
ady.Therewasabsolutel
ynothi
ngIdidn’
t
l
ikeabouther.Iwasver
yluckytobewithaman
whosefamilylovedme.
Myphonevi
brat
edont
het
abl
e,IaskedZanot
o
passi
ttome.
Me:Thankyou.

Thecall
erwasBeyon,Iaskedtobeexcused.Ithad
beenlongsincehecal
ledme,soIwassurprisedto
recei
vehiscall
.
Me:Beyon,
whatdoyouwant
|?
Beyon:Whogaveyout
her
ightt
obadmout
hmet
o
Munaka?
Me:Excuseme?
Beyon:Don’tactli
keyoudon’
tknowwhatIam
tal
kingabout.Iknowshehasbeental
kingwi
thyou.
Me:DidIcallherorshecal
ledme?Beyon,
don’
tyou
dar
e.Please,donot.
Beyon:Thatgaveyout
her
ightt
otal
knonsense
aboutme?
Bef
oreIcouldanswersomeonet
ookmyphone,
it
wasNour-Zai
n.
NZ:IfIeverseeorhearthatyouaretal
kingwithmy
wif
eIbeatt hei
shoutofyou.Youhavenor i
ghtto
questi
onthemot herofmykids,yourwif
ecalledher
nottheotherwayaround,
Hesai
dthatandhungup.
NZ:Youar
efi
ne?
Me:Yes.Iam goi
ngt
obl
ockhi
m.
NZ:PleasedoorIwon’
tber
esponsi
blef
ormy
act
ions.
Hel
eanedf
orwar
dandki
ssedme.
NZ:Wher
e’sever
yone?
Me:I
ntheki
tchen.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iknewitwasmorni
ngbef
oreopeni
ngmyeyes,
thr
oughthesunshi
neont
hewindow.

Sainthadputhislegovermi ne.Mymi nd
i
mmedi atel
yswitchedbackt olastnight.Di
nner
wentwell;i
nfactitwast hebestni ghtofourlives.
Wehaddi nneront herooftop;west aredatthest ar
s
aft
erwards.Forthefir
sttimei nthelongesttimeI
washappyt obei nthepresenceofanot herman
who’snotCaleb.

Igather
edmyst r
engthandshookhim.Few
secondspassedbefor
eheresponded.
Me:Wakeup.Wegot
tago.
Wedi dn’
tdrivebackhome, wespentthenightatt
he
hotel
.Sainthadbookedar oom forus,wetalkedt
il
l
l
ate.Weki ssed,l
otofkisseswer esharedbutwe
di
dn’tdoanyt hi
ngmor ethant hat
.

Sai
nt:Fewmor
emi
nut
es,
please.
Me:No.
Her
emovedhi
slegandpul
ledmei
ntohi
sar
ms.
Sai
nt:Lastni
ghtwasamazi
ng.Thankyouf
or
makingitmemorabl
e.
Me:I
tturnedoutt
obecompl
etel
yfr
om howI
’
ve
i
maginedittobe.
Sai
nt:Howdi
dyouexpecti
ttobe?
Me:Idon’
tknowbutnotwhathappened.
Sai
nt:Wher
etof
rom her
e?
Me:Youaski
ngme?Ishoul
dbeaski
ngyout
hat
.
Wel
ookedateachot
herandl
aughed.
Sai
nt:Myi
ntent
ionsar
ecl
ear
,Iwantyou.Notyou
onl
ybutAdaor
atoo.Iwantust
obeaf
ami
ly.
Isi
ghedandbrokefreeofhi
shug.Ij
umpedof
fthe
bed;Iwasst
il
linyester
day’
sdr
ess.
Sai
nt:Iam notfor
cingyoui
ntodoi
ngsomethi
ng
youdon’tPan.Iwantustobeonthesamepage
whendoingthis.
Iglancedathi
m andlookedaway.Ifel
this
presencebehi
ndme;hewr appedhisarmsaround
mywai standputhi
sheadonmyshoul der
.
Me:Iam scar
edoffall
ingi
nlove.Inol
ongerwanna
exper
iencedi
sappoi
ntmentsandpain.

I’
dli
vedwi thSaintformonthssoIlearnedtobe
comfortabl
eandcal m aroundhim.Hehadseenme
atmylowest ,hehelpedmet hr
oughit.Notoncedi
d
hefeelpressured,yeshewasdoi nghisjobbut
ther
ewasmor eintoit.I
twasn’
thardtosee.

Sai
nt|
:LookPan,
Iam notgoi
ngtopr
omiseyouthe
worl
dwhenIknowwon’tbeablet
ogiveyou.Iwi
ll
gi
veyout
heloveyouneed;Iwi
llpr
otectyouand
Or
a.Doyouwantthat
?
It
urnedar
oundandf
acedhi
m.
Sai
nt :Doyou?SayyesandIwi
llst
ay,
saynoandI
wil
lleave.

Tobecont
inued…
61

FI
NALE

PANDORAKAMANDE

SaintandIspenthourstal
kingandwef i
nall
ycame
toanunderstandi
ng.Itwasn’teasyt
oopenmy
heartandagreetowhathewassayi ng.Ihad
doubts,f
earwast her
ebutIhadt oover
shadowit
wit
haposi t
ivemind.
Iwasgivingusachance,di
dn’tknowhowi twas
goingtoendbutIwasswitchi
ngmymi ndoff
negati
vethought
s.Foronceinmyl i
fe.

Sai
nt:Anot
herone.No,
youar
echeat
ing,
comeon
Pan.
Me:Trytal
kingwi
thher
,lookather
.Shei
snotco-
oper
ati
ng.
Hewastal
kingpict
uresofmeandOr
a;wewer
ein
Or
a’snur
seryroom.
Sai
nt:Justonemor
eandwear
edone.
Het
ookanot
herpi
c,Or
ast
art
edcr
ying.
Me:Ther
eshegoes.
Heputhi
sphoneonthet
abl
eandwal
kedupt
ous.
HetookOr
afrom me.
Me:Yout
hinkshei
shungr
y?
Sai
nt:No,
sheat
e.
Me:Onl
yifsheknewhowIgetwhenshei
scr
ying.
Makeherst
op,
Sai
nt:Hey,
hey,
lookatme.Cryi
ngi
snor
malf
ora
newborn,i
t’
sanormalcr
ying.
Me:Iknow,
maybeIshoul
dbr
east
feedher
.
Saint
:Maybeyoushoul
dgooutandgetsomef
resh
ai
r.Youarepani
cki
ngri
ghtnow.Goon.
Me:But
…
Sai
nt:Iwi
llbef
inewi
thher
.Doyout
rustme?
Me:Ofcour
seIdo.
Sai
nt:Thengoahead.

Il
eanedf
orwar
dandki
ssedhi
m.
Saint
:Youlookbeaut
if
ulbyt
heway;Il
ovehowt
he
dressishangi
ngonyourwai
st.
Me:Thoughtyou’
dneversay.
Ibl
ewhi
m aki
ssandwal
kedout
.
CALEBKAMANDE

Cordel
iawentbl
ind;hersuddenlossofsightwas
questi
onabl
e.Shewassi t
ti
ngupst rai
ghtinbed,
l
eaningherbackontheheadboar d.Tear
ssoaking
hercheeks,
shelookedhorri
ble.

Ihadcal
ledhermotheragai
nandt
oldherwhatwas
happeni
ng.Shesaidshewascomi
ng,whateveri
t
wasseemedserious.

Me:Ar
eyoureadyt
otel
lmewhat’sgoingon?You
wer
efi
nefewweeksbackbutnow,youareamess.
Cor
del
ia:Idi
dthi
ngsIam notpr
oudofCal
eb.
Me:Whatdi
dyoudo?Ther
e’snoneedt
ohi
de
t
hingsf
rom meanymor
e.
Cor
del
ia:Myhusbandisali
ve,hewasneverdead.I
madeeverythi
nguptogetmyr evengeonhim;i
t
wasmewi ththehel
pofLoran.Itwasallme.
Me:Whatdi
dyousay?
Cordeli
a:Yes.Iam obvi
ouslygoingtoendupl i
ke
Loran.Mymot her
-i
n-lawisbehindallofthi
s.She
tol
dmewhatshewasdoi ngbutIneverthought
she’dgoaheadwi t
hit.Idi
dn’tknowhowt ost
opher
eit
her.Shewenttoseeat radit
ionalheal
er…
Me:Youar
ebewi
tchedCor
del
ia?Theybewi
tched
you?
Il
aughedl
oudl
y.
Me:Idon’tbelievethi
s.Areyouthatevi
ltokeep
someoneal i
vewi thoutanyoneknowingyouare
behi
ndit?Whatki ndofaper sonareyou?Today
youareblind,yourskinispeel
ing.
Cor
del
ia:Idi
dwhatwasr
ightatt
hatt
ime.
Me:Whatdoyout hi
nkisgoi
ngtohappentoourson
now?Whoi sgoi
ngtotakecareofhi
m whenthi
ngs
arel
iket
his?
Cor
delia:Idi
dn’
tthi
nkthi
ngswoul
dtur
noutt
his
way.IswearIwouldhave…
Me:Youwoul
dhavewhat
?Not
hing!
Everyt
hingwasamess, Nat
edidn’tdeser
vet
his.My
sondeservedtohavehismother
,andIwastalki
ng
aboutahealt
hymot her
.
Me:Whatdoyouneedt
odot
omaket
hingsr
ight
?
Cor
del
ia:Conf
essmysi
nst
ohi
sfami
ly.
Me:Wher
eishenow?
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:Iaskedyouaquest
ion.
Cor
del
ia:Hei
sdead;Ipai
dthedoct
ort
oki
llhi
m.

JEWELMUDAU

Ididn’
tgotoworksoIdeci
dedtogoandseeMel
.I
foundherspr
ingcl
eani
ng,Iof
fer
edmyhelp.

Wewerenowcleaningouthercl
oset;aboxfel
l
f
rom t
hetopdr
awl andi
ngont hefl
oor.Whatwas
i
nsi
descat
ter
edont
hef
loor
.
Me:Onemor
ejob.
Mel
:Justsayyouar
eti
red.
Il
aughedandshookmyheadno.Onepict
ure
caughtmyat
tent
ion,
Ibentandpi
ckedi
t.
Me:Whoar
ethesepeopl
e?
Mel
:Oht
hat
’smysi
bli
ngsandme.
Me:Whatdoyoumeanbysibl
ings?Mama
Cat
her
inehasanot
herdaught
erbesi
deyou?
Mel
:What?No!Mybi
ologi
calsi
bli
ngs,
li
tt
lebear
.I
wasadopt
ed,
remember?
Me:Adopt
ed?Whatdoyoumeanbyadopt
ed?Iam
conf
usednow.
Mel
:Youdon’
tknowIwasadopt
ed?

Me:No.Ir
eal
lydi
dn’
tknow.Leonneverment
ioned
i
ttome.
Mel
:Igenui
nel
ythoughtyouknew.
Me:Itexpl
ainst
hosef eat
uresbutt
henIt
hought
youtookMaCat her
ine’sgenes,
Imeanshei
s
col
oured.
Mel
:Youar
enotal
one.
Sheunzippedthesui
tcaseandst
art
edt
aki
ngout
cl
othes,
putti
ngthem onthebed.
Me:Ihaveafeel
ingI
’
veseent
hispi
ctur
ebef
ore,
I
knowIhave.
Mel
:Maybeyousawi
tinmyt
hings.Whoknows?
Me:Iam posi
ti
veIhadseeni
tsomewher
eel
sebut
where?
Mel
:Youar
eget
ti
ngol
d.
Isatontheedgeoft
hebedandl
ookedatt
he
pict
ure.
Mel
:That
’smybr
otherandsi
ster
,Cal
vinandLuna.
Il
aughedandshookmyhead.I
twasi
mpossi
ble,
hi
ghlyi
mpossi
ble.
Me:Idon’
tknowtheguybutt
hegirl
,thegi
rli
s
Pandor
a.Shehasthesamepict
ure…
Mel
:Youknowmysi
ster
?
Me:Youmeant
otel
lmeLunaandPandor
aar
eone
per
son?
Mel:Yes,j
ustthatmysi st
erneverl
ikedt
hename
Pandora.Sheprefer
redLuna,onlymom anddad
usedtocallherPandora.Whatisgoingonwi
thyou?
Iwaseit
herdr
eamingorshewastel
li
ngt
het
rut
h.I
hadtoaskher
,itwast
henornever
.
Me:I
syournameGabr
iel
laGar
cia?
Mel:Yes,butdi
dn’
tyousayyoudi
dn’
tknowIwas
adopted?HowdidyouknowIam GabbyGar
cia?I
nevertol
dyouthat
.
Me:Mybestf
ri
endPandor
aisyoursi
sterLuna.
Mel
:Itcan’
tbe.

Ist
oodupandhel
dherhands.Byhowherface
l
ooked,
Icoul
dtel
lshewasconfusedl
ikeme.
Mel
:Mysi
steri
sdead.
Me:No,
shei
sver
ymuchal
ive.
Mel
:Iwast
oldshei
sdead.
Me:Shewast
oldyouar
edeadt
oo.
Mel
:Ist
hissomeki
ndofasi
ckgame?
Me:No.Yoursi
sterhasbeencl
oset
oyoual
lthese
year
sandnotoncedidyoumeetortal
k.

Tot hi
nkwespentyearsandyear sl
ookingfor
someonewhowascl osetome, wascrazytothink
about.Fat
estoppedMel andPant omeet;nomat ter
thecir
cumstancesthebothofthem nevercrossed
paths.

Chancesofthem meet i
ngwerehi ghbuttheynever
did,t
heyknewabouteachot herfrom af
ar.My
guidesdidn’
tint
ervene,
didn’
trevealt
omet hei
r
relat
ion.I
twasami racl
ePandor awaslookingfor.
Mel
:Yousur
ebywhatyouar
esayi
ng?
Me:Iam butl
etmebesur
e.
Pandoraoncetol
dmeaboutGabby’
sbir
thmark;i
t
wasonherr i
ghtt
high.I
fMel
hadonethenthecase
wasclosed.

PANDORAKAMANDE

Iwaslyi
ngont
hecouch,
Sai
ntwasmassagi
ngmy
foot
.

Hewast ellingmeabouthi sbrotherandCordeli

a.
Tohearwhatki ndofaper sonshewasbr okemy
heart,
IfeltsorryforCal
eb.Hedi dn’
tdeservei
t;he
hurtme,yes, butforhertoliet
ohiml i
kethatwas
mor epainful.Hewasn’tgoingtorecoverfr
om it
.

Natedidn’tdeser
veanyoft
his,
hispar
ent
swere
bothpayingforthei
rsi
nsandhewascaughti
nthe
middl
e.
Me:Ist
il
lcan’
tbel
ieveCor
del
iai
syoursi
ster
-i
n-l
aw.
Sai
nt:Unf
ort
unat
elyshei
s,anevi
lsi
ster
-i
n-l
aw.
Me:If
eelf
orCal
eb.
Saint
:Youshoul
dbebecausenot hi
nggoodwi
ll
evercomeoutofthatr
elat
ionshi
p,wel
lNat
edi
d.
Myphoner
ang;i
twasMoon’
sbr
other
,Kgaugel
o.
Me:KG.
KG:Pan,
Ihavenews.
Me:Whathappened?
KG:Eishsi
ster,
it’
salongstorybuttocutitshor
t.
Mom start
edaf i
relastni
ght,
Moonwasi nsidet
he
house.Shethoughtwehadgoneout ,butMoon
wentbackhome.Mom di dn’
tseehercomi ngback;
shedidwhatshewant edtodo.Unfort
unatelyMom
didn’
tmakeit.
Me:AndMoon?Howi
sshe?
KG:Sheisfine,shei
satt
hehospi
tal
.Butshei
sin
cr
it
icalcondit
ion.
Me:Okay,
thankyouf
ort
ell
ingme.Iwi
llcal
lyou
l
ater
.
KG:Nopr
obl
em si
s.Lat
er.

Ihungupandl
ookedatSai
nt.
Me:Thatwasmybr other
,myaunti
snomor
eand
Moonisatthehospit
al.
Mooncamei ntomyl i
fewhenIleastexpecti
t,she
madeahugei mpact.Toknowshewasf ight
ingfor
herli
fewasheartbreaki
ng.Sheshowedmel oveof
asist
er,shest
oodbymewhenIneededherandnot
oncedidshebetrayme.

Sai
nt:Mooni
sgoi
ngt
obef
ine.
Me:Shehastobef i
ne.BecauseIam notlosi
ngher
,
nother
,Ir
efuse.Daysoflosi
ngpeopl
eIl oveare
over
.
Sai
nt:Yes,
thosedaysar
eover
.
Ihadtotellmymi ndt
hatoverandover.Iwasn’
t
goingt
or elapse,
mymi ndwasgoingtolist
entome
anddowhatIwast
ell
ingi
ttodo.

CALEBKAMANDE

Mymotherwal
kedin,Iwasi
nt hekit
chenmaking
f
oodforCor
del
ia.Shewassti
llthesameifnot
wor
se.

Maya:Son,
doyoumi
nd?
Me:What
’sup?
Maya:Come.
Iletgooft
hekni f
eandfoll
owedmymom backt
o
theli
vingr
oom.Ihadcalledhert
ocomeandhel
p
mewi thNate.Idi
dn’
tknowwhattodowi
thhim.
Me:What
’sgoi
ngonMom?
Maya:Thesepeopl
ear
eher
eforyou.
Myeyescametoget
herwitht
hepoli
ce;i
twast
he
t
woofthem.Theywalkeduptous.
Me:Goodday,
howcanIhel
pyou?
Off
icer:MrKamande,
canyoupl
easecomet
othe
st
ationwit
hus?
Me:St
ati
on?Why?
Of
fi
cer
:Youwi
llknowmor
eatt
hest
ati
on.
Of
fi
cer2:Pl
easedoasaskedt
oavoi
dpr
obl
ems.
Maya:Justgowi
tht
hem son,
don’
tfi
ght
.
Me:Iam notf
ight
ing,
Ijustwannaknow.
Of
fi
cer
:Tr
iedbei
ngni
ce,
Sipheyir
eadhi
sri
ght
.

Theotherof
fi
cert
ookouthandcuf
fsandst
epped
cl
osertome.
Offi
cer2:MrKamande, youareunderarrest
ed.You
havether i
ghttoremainsil
entandrefusetoanswer
questions.Anyt
hingyousayordomaybeused
againstyouinthecourtoflaw…
Hecont i
nuedtoreadmyrights,Iknewrightther
e
thatIwasgone.Theyobviouslyknewaboutmy
acti
vit
ies,t
heymoneyIstolefrom thegovernment
orel
set
heywoul
dn’
tbeher
e.
Offi
cer
:Movei t
,yourf
ri
endisal
readywai
ti
ngfor
you.Youthinkyouwil
lcommitacri
meandget
awaywithit?Embezzl
ementisaseri
ouscr
imeand
youaregoingtopayforit
.

Il
ookedatmymot herwhowascryi
ng.Ihadr
eal
ly
di
sappoi
ntedher
,shelookedaway.
Me:Iam sor
ryMama.Pl
easef
orgi
veme.

Ihadruinedmyli
fe,
nooneelsedi
d.Iwas
responsi
blef
orwhatwashappeni
ng.

Mychil
drenwereleftwi
thoutafat
her,atl
eastOr
a
hadPandora.Nat
ehadnomot her
;hismotherwas
faci
ngherkarmatoo,whatwasgoingtobecomeof
myson?Whowasgoi ngtotakecareofhi
m?

Ihadf
ail
edhi
mli
kehowmyf
atherhadf
ail
edme,
Ri
verandWade.

MELANI
EMASUTHA

I
tfel
tunrealt
oknowmysist
erwasal
iveandshe
wasclosetomethanIhadi
magi
ned.

Iwasadopt edwhenIwas12year sol

dbyDave
Masut haandCat herineMasut ha.Beforethem Iwas
adoptedbyanot hercoupl ebutIdi dn’
tstaylong
withthem.Myadopt ivef atherpassedon, my
adoptivemotherdidn’ ttakehisdeat hwel l
.She
start
eddr i
nkingandst oppedt akingcareofme.
Socialworkerswer einf ormedandIwast akenaway.
Wi t
hinamont hofstayi ngattheor phanageDave
andCat heri
necameandadopt edme.

Theyadopt edmeandlovedmel i
keIwasthei
rown;
Huli
saniandMusaaccept edmeandt ookmeli
ke
thei
rsi
ster.Notoncedi
dIf eeladopt
edorli
kean
out
sider
.Theygavemenot
hingbutl
ove.

WhenIt urned18theysatmedownandgavemeal l
theinfor
mat i
onIwantedaboutmyf ami l
ybut
nothingaboutLuna.Isli
keshedidn’texi
st!Iwentto
seemyauntKr i
s,mypar entst
ookmet oher ,
they
hir
edapr ivat
einvest
igat
ort ol
ookforher.Thatwas
whenIf oundoutthatCalvinandLunahadpassed
on.

Iwashur tandbr oken;Ihadr eall

ythoughtI’dsee
them oneday.It al
kedwi t
hAuntKr iseverynowand
thenunt i
lIstartedfeeli
ngthedi stanceandj ust
stoppedt alki
ngwi thher.Shewasmyauntbutt her
e
wassomet hingabouther ,somet hingthatdidn’
tsit
wel lwit
hme.Weusedt omeeti nhot el
s;she’dmake
storieseverytime.Ilostinterestandcutt i
es.Ihad
af amilythatlovedmeandt hatwasenough.Luna
andCal vinwer enomor e.

Whenmypar
ent
sadopt
edmet
heydeci
dedt
o
changemyidenti
ty,Ididn’tknowwhytheychose
thati
deabutIwashappywi t
hmynewi dent
it
y.If
elt
l
ikeIbel
ongedafterthat,IwasnolongerGabby
Garci
abutMelani
eMasut ha.

Beingabiraci
alchil
ddi
dn’tbothermesi ncemy
adopti
vemot herwasacolouredlady;people
thoughtIt
ookaf t
erher
.Longbr unet
tehairalt
hough
Ialwayscutit.
Iwaspaci ngbackandforthi
nPandora’
slivi
ng
room orrathermyuncl
e’s.Iwasatt
heirhouse,
Jeweltookmet her
e.
Jewel
:Cal
m down,
youar
emaki
ngmedi
zzy.
Me:Wher
eisshe?Iam goi
ngcr
azy.
Jewel
:Shei
scomi
ng.Wai
tami
n.
Inodded.

Aft
erfewminut
esLunadescendedthestar
s.I
l
ookedatherasshet
ookstepstowardsus.She
di
dn’tl
ookl
ikemyLuna,
shehadchanged.Luna
wasachubbygi rlbutt
hewomanIwasl ooki
ngat
,
shewasapet it
elady.Shehatedlonghai rwi
th
passi
on,Ialwaysthoughtshekil
ledthathatr
edbutI
waswr ong.Herhairwascutint
oabob.

Iwantedtorunintoherarmsandcr yt
here.Idi
dn’
t
wanttolethergo.Ibecameemot i
onalbyjust
l
ookingather.Icoul
dn’tbel
ieveIwasseeingher
af
tersomanyyear s.

Pan:Monkey,
whatal
ovel
ysur
pri
se.
HerandJewelhugged.Ist
oodt
her
eandl
ookedat
t
hem.
Jewel
:Ishoul
dhavecal
led.
Pan:Nonsense.
Pant
urnedandl
ookedatme.
Pan:Andwhoi
sthi
s?
Jewelcl
earedhert
hroat
.Icoul
dn’
twaitf
orherto
sayanyt
hing,Ir
antoLuna.Shewasshockedbut
di
dn’tr
ejectme.Ihel
dti
ght
,didn’
twannal
etgo.
ThankGodmybumpwasn’ tthatbig.
Me:Inevert
houghtIwil
lseeyouagain.Al
lthese
year
sIthoughtyouhaddied,
Icri
edforyou.You
wereal
waysher e.
Jewel:Monkey,
theper
soncr
yingi
nyourar
msi
s
yoursist
er,
Gabby.
Shesl
owlyremovedmyar msar
oundher
.She
st
eppedbackandlookedatme.
Jewel
:Shei
sGabby;shei
sst
andi
ngr
ighti
nfr
ontof
you.
Pan:No…
Me:Yes,
it’
smeLuna.
Shehesi
tat
edtotouchmyfacebutsheevent
ual
ly
di
d.Herhandsweresli
ght
lyt
rembli
ng.
Me:“
Pal
lonci
nobl
usu,
su,
su
Nelci
elosenevasu,
su,
su
Ecant
icchi
andof
a”
Pan:“
Lal
ler
oler
ola
I
ncont
raunaf
arf
all
e
Ledi
cebuonaser
a”

Iusedtostruggl
ewi t
hsleepwhenIwasyoung;
Lunaalwayssungt helul
labyforme,whenevershe
sungIfel
lintodeepsleep.Heari
nghervoice
si
ngingthesamel ull
abywarmedmyhear t.

CORDELI
ANXUMALO

Nothi
ngwasgoingwellforme, not
hingatall
.When
It
houghtt
hingscoul
dn’tgetanywor seIheard
Cal
ebwasar r
est
edandi fthatwasnotenough,
Ll
oydcame.

ThesameLl oydIthoughtIhadki
ll
ed.Iwashappy
butscar
edatt hesamet i
me.Maybehiml i
vingwas
mysalvati
onbutevenso, Iwasgoingtobearrest
ed.
WhatIdi
dwasacr
imeandIhadt
opay.Hewas
goi
ngtomakemepay.

Ll
oyd:Youreall
ythoughtIwasdeadbutyouwere
wrong,andIthoughtyouwereasmartwoman.You
di
dn’tevenconfi
rmifIwasdeadornot.
Me:Ar
eyouher
etogl
oat
?
Ll
oyd:Iam notl
ikeyoubutIhavetosayIli
kewhatI
am seei
ng.ThemightCordel
iahasfal
len.
Me:Justf
ini
shmeal
ready.That
’swhatyouwant
r
ight
?Fini
shme!
Lloyd:Deat
hwoul dbeeasyf oryou.Iwantyout o
sufferandfeelthepai
nIwasf eeli
ng.Iwantyout o
knowyouhaveasonbutcan’ tseehim.Hewi llgrow
upt obeabet t
ermanwi thoutyou.Andbestbel ieve
hewi l
lbeagoodman, somethi ngyoudon’tknow.
If
eltt
ear
sonmycheeks.Ther
ewasnoescape,
I
wascagedandpr
isoned.

PANDORAKAMANDE
Ihadwai t
edforthi
smomental lmyli
fe,atsome
pointIt
houghtitwil
lnevercome.Iwaslookingat
mysi st
er,shewasrighther
ewithme.Webot hhad
grownandchanged, Iwouldhavenevertel
lshewas
mysi st
er.

Idi
dn’
tknowwhatt
osay,
Ilett
ear
sspeakf
orme.
Me:Lookatyou,
youar
esobeaut
if
ul.
Mel
:Youl
ooksobeaut
if
ult
oo.
Ir
anmyhandonherf
ace.
Me:I
sitr
eal
lyyou?Iam notdr
eami
ng?
Mel
:No,
it’
sreal
lyme.
Me:Icannowdiei
npeace.Godhasanswer
edme.
Myli
ttl
esi
steri
sher
ewithme.
Ihel
dheri nmyar ms.Ihadf
oundmysani ty;ther
e
wasnothingIwant edt
hanwhatIhad.Ihadl ove,
hope,f
ait
hbutt hemostimport
antthingwast he
l
ove.Lovet hatbecamemysalvat
ion!Rest
orationof
mysani
ty.

THEEND…