The Hows of Happiness
The Hows of Happiness
The Hows of Happiness
Foreword
The world, as you know it, is full of many factors that can hamper your
happiness, and in one way or another, there are a lot of improvements that
you can make if you want to be happy. These days, everyone is drowning
in so much information and rapid change, and it has become necessary to
seek new strategies to help you stay happy.
This summary spurs you to step back and consider your assumptions
about how to become a happier person and whether it is possible for you. It
will help you understand that becoming happy is possible, and it is in your
power to do it yourself.
Over the years, many people have tried to answer questions that pertain to
happiness: What are the meanings and mysteries of happiness, is it
possible to acquire more of it, and can new happiness endure? These
foundational questions are necessary if you want to understand what
happiness means.
Every day, we are saddled with a lot of tasks — family, work, personal
goals, and we try to do as much as we can with the hope that we will be
happy. It gets to the point where we become so absorbed in these activities
that we forget how to live and intentionally seek happiness.
Few people realize that by applying some practical strategies, you can
enhance your brain and increase your chances of being happy. Happiness
offers a myriad of rewards, not just for the person but for the people around
you.
“If you make a decision to be happier in life, and you understand that
this is a weighty decision that will take effort, commitment, and a
certain amount of discipline, know that you can make it happen.” ~
Sonja Lyubomirsky
People tend to look for happiness in the wrong places. They often look for
the things that they believe would make a massive difference in their lives.
According to scientific research, these things make only a little difference.
So, while you think a relationship, more flexibility at work, and weight loss
will make you happy, you’re overlooking the real sources of personal
happiness and well-being.
Happiness is an important goal, one that you have every right to pursue.
Lyubomirsky, Ken Sheldon, and David Schkade, in January 2001, sought
to prove that lasting happiness was possible and identified the most critical
factors that determine happiness:
● Set point (50%): Some people are born with a particular happiness
set point that has its origin in genes. This governs how happy a
person will be throughout their life.
If you desire greater happiness, you need to devote time and commitment
to search for it. Doing this involves making permanent changes that require
effort and dedication every day of your life.
Compared with less happy people, happier people are more friendly,
energetic, charitable, and cooperative. They have better relationships and
perform better at their jobs. They also have stronger immune systems and
are physically healthier than unhappy people.
3. Nobody is born with lasting happiness; it is your responsibility to
keep creating it for yourself every day
But over time, depression has become more prevalent for many reasons.
The first reason is that people’s expectations about what life should be are
higher than ever, and they become disappointed when reality does not
come close to perfection
Other factors, such as job insecurity and less social support from the
family, also contribute to the prevalence of depression. Depression requires
you to see a mental health professional for help as soon as possible.
There are three major myths about happiness that also contribute to
making you feel unsatisfied with yourself:
As significant as major life events are to each person, studies suggest that
they determine only a tiny percentage of your happiness. So, whether you
are young or old, or live in the most expensive house or a shared
apartment, your chances of being happy and becoming happier are the
same.
Just like material possessions, beauty does not make a person happier.
The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reports that more
people are remaking their appearances every year. Most people report
being satisfied with their post-surgery physical appearances but only for a
short time. Beauty is not associated with happiness, and becoming
objectively more beautiful will not make you happier, but coming to believe
that you are beautiful without any external assistance is another thing
entirely. Research suggests that this may be one of many happiness
boosters.
Stressful life experiences like being evicted from your apartment or losing a
pregnancy can trigger depression in some people but not in others. This is
so because depression is associated with a particular gene, called the
5-HTTLPR. It comes in two forms, the long and the short. The short allele is
undesirable to have because it rids the brain of a substance needed to fend
off depressive symptoms.
Research also shows that individuals who have the short allele of the
5-HTTLPR gene but avoid stressful situations, have a supportive family,
and engage psychotherapists may never experience depression. For genes
to express or not express themselves, they need a particular environment.
So, no matter your genetic predisposition, whether or not it is expressed is
within your control.
5. You are unique in many ways; understand yourself and determine
what methods are best for you
By establishing which happiness strategies suit you best, you have won
half the battle and are on your way to greater happiness.
But choosing the right activity can be a difficult task if you don’t use these
methods:
● Fit with your strengths: Identify your strengths, talents, or goals that
help you identify the different ways that you can derive happiness.
For instance, an achievement-oriented person may do well at
pursuing set goals or competitive sports as a way to boost happiness.
In contrast, a creative person may choose to express gratitude
through painting or writing.
“When you choose wisely, you will feel motivated to try a particular
happiness activity, persist at it, and experience its rewards.” ~ Sonja
Lyubomirsky
6. The more you focus on the positive aspect of a situation, the more
solutions are visible to you
You can practice optimism by keeping a diary where you write out your
idea of your best possible self. This puts your optimism to practice. You can
also identify your long-range goals and break them up into subgoals.
Looking back at these goals can motivate you to work harder when
pessimistic thoughts come.
Many people believe that when they feel down, they should try to focus
inwardly and evaluate their feelings and situation to attain self-insight and
find solutions that might ultimately relieve unhappiness. But numerous
studies over the past two decades have shown that, on the contrary,
overthinking ushers in a host of adverse consequences: it sustains
sadness, fosters negatively biased thinking, saps motivation, and interferes
with concentration and Initiative.
In our lives, we can’t help noticing when other people are doing better than
us. And these comparisons can be useful because they inspire you to strive
for ambitious goals or to improve weaknesses. At other times social
comparisons can make us feel better about our plight.
Being kind and generous leads you to perceive others positively and
fosters a heightened sense of interdependence and cooperation in your
social community.
Kind acts can also relieve guilt, distress, or discomfort over others’
difficulties, and encourages a sense of awareness and appreciation for
your good fortune.
Your kindness leads other people to like and appreciate you. They will also
reciprocate in your times of need and can help you satisfy a basic human
need for connecting with others.
Both coping styles are valuable, depending on the situation and the person.
An excellent way to cope with painful experiences, especially the ones that
happened in the past is to forgive.
Forgiveness is a habit that will help you live a happier life. It takes time, but
it is worth it.
9. There is no time like the present — live in it and make exciting
memories
A happy life is characterized by flow, and the key to creating this flow is to
establish a balance between skills and challenges. If the challenges of a
situation overwhelm your level of skill, you will feel anxious, and on the
other hand, if the activity is not challenging enough, you will become bored.
“What you notice and what you pay attention to is your experience; it
is your life.” ~ Sonja Lyubomirsky
You can increase your flow experiences by controlling your attention and
focusing on whatever task you are doing at any moment. Also, be open to
new experiences by transforming routine tasks into something more
stimulating. But be careful not to get too engrossed in an activity to the
point that you miss out on other vital aspects of your life.
10. Your priority should always be to discern which goals make you
happy in the long run and not just accept what society imposes on
you
● Intrinsic goals: These are goals that are personally involving and
rewarding to you. Numerous studies show that people whose primary
life goals are intrinsically rewarding are more satisfied with their lives.
● Flexible goals: These are goals that allow you to express your
changes in opinion or values. The older we get, the more changes we
are prone to making.
You must always review your goals to ensure that they are authentic and
right for you. Once you are satisfied, be committed to achieving them by
breaking them down into smaller subgoals and going after them one after
the other.
11. Take the time to look inwards and care for your soul
People who attend religious services regularly have more extensive social
networks and receive tangible help from their religious groups.
Apart from meditation, you can also take care of your body by participating
in physical activities. Physical activity reduces stress and anxiety, reduces
the risk of many diseases, builds bones, muscles, and joints, increases the
quality of life, sleep, and helps control weight.
Sometimes, even when you engage in all the happiness activities, you may
not experience happiness until you pretend to be happy. Pretending that
you’re happy can earn you some of the benefits of happiness and make
you happier. Studies show that simply taking on the facial expressions and
postures of happiness can go a long way to make you experience joy.
A continuous and perfect state of bliss is not only impossible to achieve but
also maladaptive.
In the past, you may have been trapped in the tunnel of your unhappy
inheritance, pessimistic thoughts, or maladaptive habits; the five steps
mentioned above will help you make the change that you direly need for a
happy life.
Conclusion
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” ~ George Elliot
With time and determination, you can develop the same habits for yourself.
You will find that following the 12 happiness activities and the 5 steps to
making these activities work for you, will open your mind to the freedom
that comes with happiness.
Everyone deserves to be happy, and even if you’re depressed, you can get
better once you seek help and intentionally begin the journey to finding
happiness. This happiness program is not meant to replace established
treatments such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and antidepressant
medication. It can only act as a strong complement, which can help you
feel better sooner.
So, even when you try to practice these activities, understand that it is not a
one-size-fits-all strategy. You need to take the time to find out which ones
work for you. It is never too late to begin to be happier, never too late to try.
Practice: Write down three to five things that you are grateful for and
notice how much positivity you experience. Also, make a list of your goals
with actionable small steps and begin to work on them.