B08N6Z838C

The ABC
Dark Psychology 2.0

2nd Edition – 10 Books in 1
Learn the World of Manipulation and Mind Control. The
Psychological Skills you Need to Analyze People. Use Body
Language, CBT, and NLP.
Benedict GOLEMAN & Daniel ROBINSON

Book 1
Introducing Human Psychology
Book 2
Dark Psychology Secrets
Book 3
Manipulation
Book 4
How to Analyze People
Book 5
Body Language
Book 6
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and Empathy
Book 7
Mind Control
Book 8
Emotional Intelligence
Book 9
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy ( CBT )
Book 10
Neuro-Linguistic Programming ( NLP )
© Copyright 2020 by Benedict GOLEMAN & Daniel ROBINSON
- All rights reserved -
This content is provided with the sole purpose of providing relevant information on a specific topic for
which every reasonable effort has been made to ensure that it is both accurate and reasonable.
Nevertheless, by purchasing this content, you consent to the fact that the author, as well as the
publisher, are in no way experts on the topics contained herein, regardless of any claims as such that
may be made within. As such, any suggestions or recommendations that are made within are done so
purely for entertainment value. It is recommended that you always consult a professional prior to
undertaking any of the advice or techniques discussed within.
This is a legally binding declaration that is considered both valid and fair by both the Committee of
Publishers Association and the American Bar Association and should be considered as legally binding
within the United States.
The reproduction, transmission, and duplication of any of the content found herein, including any
specific or extended information, will be done as an illegal act regardless of the end form the
information ultimately takes. This includes copied versions of the work, both physical, digital, and
audio, unless express consent of the Publisher is provided beforehand. Any additional rights reserved.
Furthermore, the information that can be found within the pages described forthwith shall be considered
both accurate and truthful when it comes to the recounting of facts. As such, any use, correct or
incorrect, of the provided information will render the Publisher free of responsibility as to the actions
taken outside of their direct purview. Regardless, there are zero scenarios where the original author or
the Publisher can be deemed liable in any fashion for any damages or hardships that may result from
any of the information discussed herein.
Additionally, the information in the following pages is intended only for informational purposes and
should thus be thought of as universal. As befitting its nature, it is presented without assurance
regarding its prolonged validity or interim quality. Trademarks that are mentioned are done without
written consent and can in no way be considered an endorsement from the trademark holder.
Table of Contents
Book 1 Introducing Human Psychology
Introduction
Chapter 1: A Brief History of Psychology
Ancient Psychological Thought
The Philosophy of the Mind
From Philosophical to Scientific
The Spread of Psychology
The Rise of Psychoanalysis
Chapter 2: What is Psychology?
The Study of the Mind
The Biological Perspective
The Psychodynamic Perspective
The Behavioral Perspective
The Cognitive Perspective
The Humanistic Perspective
Chapter 3: The Presence of Psychology in Our Behaviors
Chapter 4: When Psychology Turns Dark
Chapter 5: Principles of Psychology and Your Relationships
The Psychology of Relationships
Healthy Relationships
Reciprocity and Relationships
Commitments and Relationships
Expectations and Relationships
Chapter 6: Using Psychology to Fight Procrastination
The Problem with Procrastination
Why People Procrastinate
Defeating Procrastination with Psychology
Visualize Your Future
Accountability
Bribes
Conclusion
Book 2 Dark Psychology Secrets
Introduction
Chapter 1: Dark Psychology
Defining Dark Psychology
The History of Dark Psychology
Chapter 2: The Dark Side of Personality
A Note on Empathy
Machiavellianism
Narcissism
Psychopathy
Sadism
Dark Personalities and Abuse
Chapter 3: Manipulation
Defining Manipulation
Using Manipulation
Recognizing the Manipulator
Defending Against Manipulation
Chapter 4: Emotional Manipulation
Chapter 5: Manipulation Techniques to Control Minds
Mind Control with Implanted Ideas
Using Mind Control
Chapter 6: The Power of Persuasion
What is Persuasion?
Principles of Persuasion
Rhetoric
Chapter 7: Brainwashing
What is Brainwashing?
Why Brainwash?
Steps to Brainwashing
Chapter 8: Deception
Defining Deception
Types of Deception
Detecting Deception
Chapter 9: NLP Mind Control
What is Neuro-Linguistic Processing?
NLP to Control Minds
NLP and Mirroring
NLP to Create Anchors
NLP and Pace and Lead
Chapter 10: Hypnosis
How Hypnosis Works
Why Use Hypnosis?
Chapter 11: The Benefits of Dark Psychology
Is Dark Psychology Evil?
Reasons to Use Dark Psychology
The Insight of Dark Psychology
Conclusion
Book 3 Manipulation and Dark Psychology
Introduction
Chapter 1: What is Manipulation?
Manipulation
The Process of Manipulation
Manipulation Tactics
Manipulation Techniques
Chapter 2: When and Why to use Manipulation
Who Manipulates?
Why Manipulate?
When Manipulation Occurs
Chapter 3: Victims and Vulnerabilities
Traits of the Best Manipulation Victims
Vulnerabilities to Exploit
What is Persuasion?
Persuasion vs. Manipulation
Using Persuasion
Persuasion in the World
Chapter 5: Mind Control Techniques with Persuasion
Rhetoric
Chapter 6: Influencing Others with the Science of Persuasive Psychology
Persuasive Psychology and Influence
Create an Appeal to Needs
Loaded Words
Anchor Biases
Ask First What You Can Do for the Other Person
Chapter 7: What is NLP?
Neuro-Linguistic Programming
The Keys to NLP
The History of NLP
Chapter 8: NLP Basic Principles to Improve Life
Know your outcome
Take action
Sensory acuity
Behavioral Flexibility
Physiology of excellence
Chapter 9: Mind Control with NLP
Mirroring
Anchoring
Pacing and Leading
Learning to Read Body Language
Chapter 10: Improving Communication Skills
Making Eye Contact
Listening Effectively
Confident Body Language
Chapter 11: NLP for a Successful Life
Dissociation
Content Reframing
Anchoring Yourself
Conclusion
Book 4 How to Analyze People
Introduction
Chapter 1: Analyzing People
Why Analyze People?
When to Analyze People
Chapter 2: Personality Types
What is Personality?
Why Personality Matters
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Identifying Personality Types
Chapter 3: Understanding Toxic Personalities to Avoid
Chapter 4: Verbal vs. Nonverbal Communication
Communication
Verbal Communication
Nonverbal Communication
Chapter 5: Reading Body Language
Kinesics
Oculesics
Haptics
Proxemics
Chapter 6: Identifying Insecure Behaviors
Insecure Facial Cues
Insecure Upper Body Cues
Insecure Lower Body Cues
Chapter 7: Falsifying Body Language
The Power of Body Language
Why Falsify?
How to Control Your Body Language
Identifying Others Falsifying Their Body Language
Chapter 8: Detecting Lying
Deception
Types of Deception
Signs of Deception
Identifying Deception
Why Deception is Used
What is Dark Psychology?
The Dark Triad
Why Use Dark Psychology?
Chapter 10: Dark Psychology and the Mind
How Dark Psychology Works
Example 1: Mind Control with Dark Psychology
Example 2: Sales with Dark Persuasion
Example 3: Emotional Manipulation with Dark Psychology
Chapter 11: Analyzing Body Language with Dark Psychology
Analysis with Dark Psychology
Mirroring
Understanding and Analyzing Body Language for Influence
Chapter 12: Dark Psychology’s Effects
Ethical Dark Psychology
Signs of Manipulation
Malicious Dark Psychology
Benevolent Dark Psychology
Conclusion
Book 5 Body Language
Introduction
Chapter 1: The 7-38-55 Rule for Effective Negotiation and Types of
Communication
1.1 What's the 7-38-55 Rule?
1.2 Kinds of Messages
Chapter 2: Body Language and Its Benefits
2.1 Visual communications
2.2 Languages
2.3 What's Positive Body Language?
2.4 Importance of Positive Visual Communication
2.5 Assertive Behavior
2.6 Non-Verbal Communication
2.7 Geographical Point Success
2.8 Relationships
2.9 Speaking
2.10 Sensible Standing Postures
2.11 The Proper Handshake
2.12 Correct Hand Movements
2.13 Crossed Legs Etiquettes
2.14 Pleasant Facial Expressions
2.15 Positive Communication - Walk Smart
2.16 Positive Communication - Correct Eye Contact
2.17 Positive Communication – Mirroring
2.18 Knowing Regarding Non-Verbal Communication and Visual
Communication
2.19 Why Hassle Regarding Body Language?
Chapter 3: How to Impact and Influence People and Groups with Body
Language
Chapter 4: Visual Communication and Its Essential Elements
4.1 Study the Eyes
4.2 Facial Expressions
4.3 Open Posture
4.4 Closed Posture
Chapter 5: Importance and Utility of Non-Verbal Communication in
Critical Aspects of Life
5.1 It Supports Oral Communication
5.2 It Is Used as An Alternate for Oral Communication
5.3 It Is Used to Improve Verbal Communication
5.4 It Can Be Used Intensify the Impact of Verbal Communication
5.5 It Is Used to Control Verbal Communication
5.6 It Can Be Used to Communicate the Unspoken
5.7 It Is Used to Misguide and Deceive Others
5.8 It Can Be Used Effectively to Manifest Emotions
5.9 It Unravels Relational Standing
5.10 It Is Employed to Display Cultural Values
5.11 It Can Be Used to Gauge Romantic Interest
5.12 Gender Specific Cues – Women
5.13 Gender Specific Cues – Men
Chapter 6: A Way to Read and Interpret Different Body Movements and
Gestures
6.1 Reading Visual Communication
6.2 What's Your Body Saying?
6.3 Samples of Visual Communication
6.4 Samples of Positive Visual Communication
6.5 Samples of Negative Visual Communication
Conclusion
Book 6 Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and Empathy
Introduction
Chapter 1: Abuse in Relationships
What is Abuse?
Who is Abused?
Reasons for Abuse
Types of Abuse
Effects of Abuse
The Cycle of Abuse
The Challenges of Escaping Abuse
Chapter 2: Recognizing Emotional Abuse
Signs of Emotional Abuse within the Relationship
Identifying Emotional Abuse Toward Yourself
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotional Abuse Tactics
Chapter 3: Gaslighting: The Most Devious and Devastating
Psychological Abuse of a Manipulator.
Chapter 4: Fighting Emotional Abuse
Identifying and Acknowledging
Preparing to Leave
Avoid Triggering Abuse
Stress Management
Self-Care
Refusing to Engage
Avoiding Personalization
Chapter 5: Recovering from Emotional Abuse
Take Time to Grieve
Reclaim Your Life
Create Your Boundaries—and Enforce Them
Forgive Yourself
Reclaim Your Narrative
Seek Professional Help
Chapter 6: The Narcissistic Abuser
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Narcissist
The Narcissist’s Target
Identifying Narcissistic Abusers
Chapter 7: Narcissistic Abuse
Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
Mirroring and the Narcissist
Love Bombing and the Narcissist
Gaslighting and the Narcissist
Projection and the Narcissist
DARVO and the Narcissist
Chapter 8: The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
Echoism
Losing Self-Confidence
Becoming Codependent
Mental Health Issues
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Chapter 9: Disarming the Narcissist
Cut Off Contact Completely
Become the Grey Rock
Take Advantage of Time
Create and Enforce Boundaries
Create Some Distance
Chapter 10: Leaving the Abusive Relationship
Get Your Ducks in a Row
Create a Safety Plan
Create an Escape Plan
The Aftermath
Chapter 11: Staying Free
Find Support
Write Down Your Reasons for Leaving
Find a Hobby
Chapter 12: What is Empathy one?
Chapter 13: Building Empathy
The Habits of Highly Empathetic People
Cultivating Your Own Empathy
Chapter 14: The Importance of Empathy
What is Empathy two?
Types of Empathy
Empathy to Fight Narcissism
Empathy to Increase Self-Awareness
Empathy to Build Self-Esteem
Chapter 15: Protecting Yourself Against Future Abuse
Building Confidence
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Emotional Intelligence
Affirmations
Conclusion
Book 7 Mind Control
Introduction
Chapter 1: Introduction to Mind Control
1.1 What Is Mind Control?
1.3 Models of Mind Control
1.4 Brief History of Mind Control
1.5 What Are the Related Fields of Mind Control?
1.6 The Techniques of Mind Control and How to Influence the Thoughts
and Actions of Others Without Them Knowing or Caring
Chapter 2: Benefits of Mind Control
2.1 Using Thoughts to Control Your Biology
2.2. Power of Mind Control
Chapter 3: NLP A Mind-Controlling Technique
3.1. NLP
3.2 How Leaders Use NLP Mind Control
Chapter 4: APHORISMS, METAPHORS, AND MOTIVATING
PHRASES OF GREAT MINDS.
Conclusion
Book 8 Emotional Intelligence
Introduction
Chapter 1: Emotional Intelligence
Chapter 2: The Purpose of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence in Real Life
The Practicality of Emotional Intelligence
Traits of Emotional Intelligence
Chapter 3: Building Emotional Intelligence
Observe Others
Watch Your Stress Reactions
Develop Accountability
Work on Communication
Learn to Respond instead of Reacting
Develop Empathy
Self-Evaluation
Chapter 4: The Pillars of Emotional Intelligence
Self-awareness: what does it mean?
Self-awareness is the key to human evolution
Living the moods
Awareness exercises
Exercises to improve emotional intelligence
Self-awareness: what it is and how to achieve it
Self-Management
Social Awareness
Relationship Management
Emotional Intelligence and Empathy
Emotional Intelligence and Psychology
Emotions and Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence and Empathy
Forms of Empathy
The Purpose of Empathy
Emotional Intelligence and Communication
Chapter 5: Emotions and Psychological State
Communication
Motivators
The Cause of Emotions
Evolutionary Theory
Cognitive Appraisal Theory
The Facial-Feedback Theory
James-Lange Theory
The Cannon-Bard Theory
Schachter-Singer Theory
The Universal Emotions
Anger
Contempt
Disgust
Fear
Joy
Sadness
Surprise
Chapter 6: Managing Thoughts and Regulating Emotions
When Thoughts Require Management
Negative thoughts
Cognitive Distortions
Managing Thoughts
Managing thoughts with CBT
Managing thoughts with emotional intelligence
Emotional Regulation
Managing your Thoughts and Feelings
Affirmations
Cognitive Restructuring
Emotional Regulation
Grounding Method
Deep Breathing
Chapter 7: The Psychology of Success
Making Your Own Definition of Success
Building Emotional Intelligence
Find Assertion
Learn active listening
Developing your own motivation
Gratefulness Challenge
Conclusion
Book 9 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Introduction
Chapter 1: Intro to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
What is CBT?
How CBT Works
Why CBT is Used
Negative Thinking and CBT
Chapter 2: The Problem with Negative Thinking
Chapter 3: Cognitive Therapy and Behavioral Therapy
Understanding Cognitive Therapy
Understanding Behavioral Therapy
Chapter 4: Anxiety
What is Anxiety?
CBT and Anxiety
Chapter 5: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques to Eliminate
Anxiety
Affirmations
Graded Exposure
What-If Roleplays
Chapter 6: Depression
What is Depression?
Types of Depression
Depression and CBT
Depression
Successive Approximation
Goal Setting
Activity Scheduling
Chapter 8: Insomnia
What is Insomnia?
Insomnia and CBT
Insomnia
Stimulus Control
Sleep Restriction
Relaxation Training
Chapter 10: Anger
What is Anger?
Anger and Motivation
When Anger Becomes Problematic
Anger Issues
Anger Disruption
Cognitive Change
Acceptance and Forgiveness
Chapter 12: Social Skills
Mirroring
Empathizing
Making Good Eye Contact
Active Listening
Understanding Body Language
Conclusion
Book 10 Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
Introduction
Chapter 1: An Introduction to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
1.1 Brief History of NLP
1.2 Drawing from Great Minds
1.3. Roots in Modeling, Divergence into New Paths
1.4. The Heart of NLP
1.5 Research on NLP
Chapter 2: Benefits of NLP
2.1. NLP and Business
2.2. NLP and Education
2.3. NLP and Positive Parenting
Chapter 3: Interaction of NLP Mind Control with Body-Language,
Emotions and Health
3.1 Body Language and NLP
3.2 Emotional Intelligence
3.3 NLP in Practice – Emotions in Relationships
3.4. Other NLP Skills in Relationships (EXERCISE)
3.5. Never Be Afraid Again: Overcome Phobias With NLP
3.6. NLP Improving Your Health and Overall Wellbeing
Conclusion
Conclusion Bundle “The ABC… Dark Psychology 2.0 “
Book 1
Introducing Human Psychology

Introduction
Congratulations on purchasing Introducing Human Psychology, and thank
you for doing so.
Have you ever wondered why people do what they do? Or what makes you
think or act the way you do? Usually, people pride themselves as being
particularly unique. We assume that we are entirely autonomous, able to
make decisions on what we want, and need with ease. We assume that there
is no way that someone else can control our actions or feelings simply
because we are superior beings and entirely rational.
However, people tend to forget that, at the root, they are not as powerful as
they try to make themselves out to be. Our methods of thinking are not
unique in any sense—in fact, the thinking of other people can be regularly
and readily predicted by those who study it. In particular, everything that you
do reduces down to a certain triggering of neural impulses via brain
chemistry. That feeling of falling in love is nothing but hormones and
electrical impulses, as is the anger that you feel when someone wrongs you,
and the joy that you feel when you are finally able to hold your newborn
child for the first time. Effectively, everything is able to be reduced down to
simple numbers. Just as the computer processes all of its functions in
impulses, so too does the brain.
Psychology seeks to understand the why and how of what happens in the
mind. In particular, it is the scientific study of the mind. Of course, there are
different interpretations of what that could mean. It could be the
understanding of what the mind does and seeing exactly how, on a biological
level, it works. It could be watching to understand the behaviors themselves.
Ultimately, what is important in psychology is figuring out exactly what is
going on within the human mind in order to understand how it functions and
how to predict behaviors.
Understanding psychology can help you better understand people themselves.
When you know the reasons why people get attached, how these attachments
occur, and how to facilitate that sort of attachment, you can very effectively
understand how to work around them. If you know that certain things will get
certain reactions, you can ensure that you always get the best reactions from
those that you interact with.
Within this book, you will be introduced to entry-level psychology. You will
get an idea of the history of psychology and how it has changed over time
with advancements in technology and what people can do. You will see how
there are several perspectives through which you can address behaviors and
actions as well. You will see how psychology impacts every aspect of your
life, looking in-depth at emotional intelligence and psychology, the emotional
state of someone else and psychology, and more. You will gain a solid
understanding of what emotions are, how they are believed to occur, and why
we have them. You will learn about the seven universal emotions and what
they are meant to convey. You will learn about managing those very
emotions, as well as any thoughts that may underlie them in an art known as
cognitive behavioral therapy, which is used in order to combat mental health
issues such as anxiety or anger. You will then be guided through three
distinct concepts: How psychology impacts your relationship, your chances at
success, and how it can ward off procrastination. When you understand these
concepts, you can then begin to take action, taking advantage of your
newfound knowledge of how the mind works in order to ensure that you are
able to do always put your best foot forward. You can use your knowledge of
how your mind works to benefit your relationships, help yourself move
toward success, and to fight procrastination.
There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for
choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much
useful information as possible; please enjoy!
Chapter 1: A Brief History of Psychology
For as long as people have been able to record history, they have been
interested in understanding the mind. People have been interested in the study
of behavior and how the mind works even in ancient Greece. This is
significant—people have been trying to figure out how people work and why
they work the way that they do for as long as they have been recording.
Of course, in the ancient days, the explanations were often filled with spells
and exorcisms that were designed to drive away the demons that were
assumed to be the root cause. What is significant about this is the fact that it
began the look at the human mind, creating a clearly defined point between
what is considered normal behaviors versus what would be considered to be a
problematic sort of behavior that people reject. It was known that certain
patterns of behaviors were problematic and not within the realm of normalcy
—the people seeking to understand how to treat these abnormal behavioral
patterns were engaging in a sort of primitive psychology.
The history of psychology has come a long way from believing that people
with abnormal behavior are possessed and require some sort of exorcising in
order to treat them. Nowadays, people’s proverbial demons are able to be
addressed and treated through other means, such as with medication and
therapeutic processes, to ensure that people get what they need in order to
thrive.
Within this chapter, we will see a comparison of then and now, as well as
looking at key moments in between. Understanding the evolution of how this
information was discovered and why it has worked the way that it does is
critical to better understanding people in general. We will see how what was
once the philosophy of the mind and thought eventually shifted over into
modern psychology that is actionable.
Keep in mind that, as you read this, you are getting a condensed timeline of
some of the most notable moment in psychology. There is more to it than just
what is presented to you, but in order to avoid writing a book of its own, you
will be provided just the gist of what happened within each of the steps from
ancient psychology all the way to modern cognitivism.
Ancient Psychological Thought
Even in ancient history, there was a need to understand the mind, the brain,
and the workings of humankind. In fact, some of the first medical recordings
in history will relate to the brain and behavior. People sought to understand
how not only the body worked, but how to heal it as well. Around the world,
it is possible to find all sorts of documentation on how psychology has
developed, from Egypt to China, and from Greece to India.
The Edwin Smith Papyrus
Perhaps the most ancient known acknowledgment of the brain and how it
worked is found in the Edwin Smith Papyrus. Named for the individual that
bought it in the 1800s, this scroll is believed to date back to around 1600
BCE. In particular, this scroll described details on actively treating several
different medical conditions and injuries that are important to understand.
These not only include injuries and attempts to treat ailments such as a
gaping wound, but also information about the brain, the nerves, and how the
injuries of certain types can create certain unintended side effects.
In particular, it was discussed that brain injuries would impair both motor and
sensory functions. This is relevant—it identifies the fact that the brain is
responsible for controlling the body. Not only were the injuries noted, but
also noted the first explanations that were ever recorded of the structures of
the brain, as well as how to treat injuries and when to know not to. ‘
While this particular document did not explain much about behaviorism, it
does create a foundation for the idea of psychology and the brain becoming a
legitimate medical and, therefore, scientific field. The knowledge involved in
this scroll was found to far exceed even Hippocrates, believed to be the
founder of modern medicine, who lived 1000 years after the penning of these
scrolls.
The First Psychology Experiment
Perhaps the beginning of psychological study, however, came with the
experimentation of Lin Xie in the 6th century AD. This experiment sought to
understand how vulnerable people were to being distracted, and in particular,
they involved the active testing of several people to determine what they were
capable of doing when distracted.
In particular, Lin Xie had people drawing a square with one hand while
actively drawing a circle with the other in order to determine if they could
control both sides of their body in different manners at the same time. While
this does not provide much insight to us today, it is commonly believed to be
the birth of the study of the mind and what humanity can do as an
experimental science. Just as with the Edwin Smith Papyrus, then, this is
important to recognize not for the contribution itself, but because it began to
set the stage to understand psychology as a science instead of as an aspect of
philosophy.
The Vedanta
Moving forward in history, the next major acknowledgment of psychology
could be seen in India’s Vedanta. This was a series of Buddhist philosophical
writing that acknowledged the sense of self. In particular, it addressed several
concepts that anyone with even a little bit of psychology knowledge would
recognize as common psychological keywords. In particular, the Vedanta
addressed feelings of the mind in several ways. These were recognizing
aggregates, emptiness, the non-self, and mindfulness.
In particular, aggregates encompassed the understanding of five distinct
concepts. These were form, sensation, perception, mental formations, and
consciousness. Form acknowledged the physical or material existence of
anything, in particular in relation to the four elements of earth, water, fire, or
wind. Sensation referred to any sort of sensory interaction with objects in
ways that are either positive, negative, or neutral. Perception referred to the
understanding of a sensory and mental process. Effectively, it allows for the
recognition and labeling of something, such as the acknowledgment that the
furry little quadrupedal animal in front of you is a cat, or that the plant next to
you is the color green. Mental formations refer to the ability to create an
understanding of activities. It is the idea of conditioning a feeling or action
based upon the exposure to an object. Finally, consciousness refers to an
awareness of something around or in front of you, as well as an ability to
understand its components.
Abu Zayd Ahmed ibn al-Balkhi and the Psyche
As we move on from India into the Middle-East, we meet a Persian scholar
who was particularly interested in science and psychology. He was the first to
introduce mental health and mental hygiene, treating them as a method to
treat the soul. In particular, he penned Sustenance for Body and Soul, calling
it a form of spiritual health. In his work, he described that physical and
mental health are directly connected to each other, recognizing that spiritual
and psychological health are intricately intertwined and that doctors of the
day would emphasize too much on the body without ever treating the mind as
well.
In particular, he asserted that because of the fact that people are both their
soul (or mind) and body, it is important that they must both be healthy. In
addition, he was certain that if the body gets sick, then the psyche loses its
ability to function, referring to the fact that when you are sick physically, you
usually feel exhausted, foggy, and unable to really properly function. If the
psyche gets sick, then, of course, the body would also struggle, leading to
physical responses to mental illnesses.
Additionally, he was the first to recognize that there is a difference between
neurosis and psychosis, asserting that neurosis is distressing, but still allows
for functioning, whereas psychosis involves a disconnect between reality and
fantasy. He identified four distinct emotional disorders, which you may
recognize as being quite similar to several of the more commonly known
disorders of today. These were fear and anxiety, anger and aggression,
sadness and depression, and obsession. When discussing depression, three
types were considered: normal depression, endogenous depression that is a
response to something physical, and clinical depression, which is more
reactive.
Al-Balkhi also was able to identify treatment for these sicknesses, such as
talking through a loss, advising, and counseling, and also internal manners,
such as learning to develop other methods of thinking in order to help cope
with them. Effectively, this was the first real step toward the psychology that
you know today.
The Philosophy of the Mind
Up until relatively recently, psychology was not seen as a science the way
that it is today. Rather, it was considered a branch of philosophy until well
into the 1800s. If you are familiar with philosophy at all, you may recognize
some of the bigger names that are discussed here. Influential philosophers,
such as Immanuel Kant, Rene Descartes, David Hume, and John Locke all
busied themselves with ways to tackle the mystery of the human mind. Ever
the deep thinkers, these philosophers sought to address why we behave the
way that we do, coming up with ideas that would become the forefront of
modern-day psychology.
Rene Descartes
Even if you are not particularly savvy with philosophers, you are likely
familiar with Descartes. Considered the father of modern philosophy, he was
responsible for spreading far more than just philosophical ideas or thoughts—
he also contributed greatly toward calculus, and more importantly to this
book, the idea of dualism: a concept within psychology that recognizes that
there is an inherent difference between the mind and the body. Effectively,
dualism declares that the mind is one thing that is not physical, compared to
the brain, which is physical and recognizes the split between the two.
With his monumental words, “Cogito, ergo sum” (I think; therefore, I am),
Descartes tackled the concept of dualism head-on. He recognized that the
mind and body had to interact somewhere, believing that the pineal gland was
the area through which the mind can interact with the body.
In his work, The Passions of the Soul, written in 1646, he declared that there
were animal spirits that influenced the human soul—these spirits were known
as passions, and there were six that he identified. These were wonder, love,
hatred, desire, joy, and sadness. As you can identify, these are quite similar to
the universal emotions, missing only a few of them. Effectively, the thought
was that the pineal gland served as the connection between the soul (or mind)
and body, but the animal spirits could sort of hijack that connection, causing
the body to react in ways that are not necessarily intended.
John Locke
Continuing along with the theme of philosophers and psychology, we must
now look at John Locke. In particular, he was interested in the cognitive
abilities of people. In his Essay Concerning Human Understanding, Locke
attempted to address the foundation of human knowledge. He determined that
the mind was effectively a blank slate at birth, with nothing stored within it.
Think of the newborn mind, then, as a brand new hard-drive that has not yet
been hooked up to your computer .He then described that, through time, the
mind was filled with information and learning via experience. He was
determined to reject the commonly accepted idea of innate ideas, such as the
idea that all people are born with the ability to do or believe something.
Locke, however, rejected that concept and stated that the idea of innate ideas,
such as recognizing something as sweet, comes not because humans innately
understand sweetness, but rather because the exposure to sweetness occurs
incredibly early on before children are able to begin communicating what
they know. Effectively, Locke addressed the idea of learning and knowledge.
David Hume
In the mid-1700s, the continuous pursuit for understanding of the human
mind continued with David Hume’s A Treatise of Human Nature, designed to
be a sort of combination between empiricism, skepticism, and naturalism.
Effectively,
He discussed the idea of ethics in relation to the mind—he described that
people were enslaved to their passions, marking a difference between
morality versus reason. Effectively, he wanted to address how and why
people make the decisions that they do.
Hume also addressed his own theory of mind and the passions—he
determined that what we would refer to as emotions and desires (Hume’s
“passions”) are impressions instead of being ideas. The passions felt, fear,
grief, joy, hope, aversion, and desire, come directly in response from pain or
pleasure. Further, his indirect passions, such as pride, shame, love, and hate,
are a bit more complex and indirect—unlike the passions listed previously,
indirect passions do not drive behavior but rather influence thinking.
This can be summarized as attempting to identify how our feelings toward
situations determine behaviors. While there is far more to Hume than just
learning about emotions, this is the most relevant portion to the furthering of
psychology.
Immanuel Kant
German philosopher Immanuel Kant helped propel psychology even closer to
becoming its own proper discipline through his own writing. Kant felt that
psychology of his own day was far too out of touch with true human
experience, focusing too much on internal processes. Instead, he sought to
look into how the mind worked. He wanted to answer questions about how
knowledge is attained, how much we can know about an object, or how we
could even learn to begin with.
In the psychology of his time, knowledge was nothing but a replication of the
external world within the mind. However, Kant acknowledged that the mind
is far too complex to simply be a reflection for sensory input, and instead said
that we gain knowledge through cognitive faculties. Effectively, we learn
from our environment, but what we learn is not exactly what we see in front
of us—it must be interpreted. The mind does not just learn—it receives input,
understands that input, processes that input, and then learns from it, all of
which are united by the sense of self. Effectively, the mind is a conglomerate
of all of the mental faculties coming together.
From Philosophical to Scientific
Eventually, the bridge from philosophy to its own discipline arose. Up until
the mid-1800s, it was seen as little more than theory, left to the philosophers
to debate and understand amidst their politics and metaphysics. However,
over time, it became clear that psychology varied greatly from true
philosophy. While both were endlessly fascinated with understanding why
something happened or how it worked, psychology was not dependent upon
logic. Philosophy itself is an incredibly logic-driven field—everything must
fit within certain boundaries, and if they do not fit within those boundaries,
then they are likely to be rejected from philosophical discussion.
However, as psychology grew more and more complex, with questions to
consider, such as why some people tended to behave one way in response to
one thing, but another person would respond entirely different, it became
clear that psychology would require more than just logic and observation. It
required experimentation.
It was the growing understanding of physiology as well as the need for
scientific studies that began to really propel psychology into its own
discipline, entirely separate from philosophy. It became clear that the
continued study of the mind would require that level of scientific structure
toward it, as seen through the work of the mid-1800s German physiologist,
Wilhelm Wundt.
Wilhelm Wundt and the Principles of Physiological Psychology
In 1874, Wundt published a book known as Principles of Physiological
Psychology. This was largely considered to be one of the first links between
physiology and the study of human cognition and behavior. His opening of
the world’s first psychology lab in 1879 became known as the beginning of
psychology of its own, and he began to push for empirical studies.
Wundt focused on psychology as the study of consciousness, using
experiments in order to study mental processes. The only way that this was
possible at the time was through the use of introspection. Introspection was
the act of informal reflection, as well as what Wundt defined as the process of
experimental self-observation. Effectively, he would take several people and
then train them to become their own psychologists; he taught them how to
carefully analyze their own thoughts as free from judgment or bias as
possible.
Of course, most people see Wundt’s methods of gathering data to be about as
far from unbiased as they could be—after all, there is no way to truly monitor
the inner workings of someone else’s mind in order to test for veracity, and
because of that, his methods today would likely be rejected as unscientific,
but there is no doubt that this research was monumental in propelling
psychology into its own discipline.
Wundt’s lab educated an estimated 17,000 students, spreading the idea of
psychology as its own concept far and wide. It is undeniable that, while many
of his ideas were disconfirmed and made less influential over time, his own
actions did act as the catalyst in the shift toward scientific psychology.
The Spread of Psychology

With Wundt’s spread of psychology through his educational lab, several
other branches began to pop up as well. In particular, two became notable in
the progress of psychology: Structuralism and functionalism. These were the
first two schools in a chain of many that psychology would grow to see. They
provided paradigms through which to look at the impact of psychology, using
several common rules and thoughts that would guide the process.
Edward Titchener and Structuralism
Structuralism became the first school of thought of psychology. Within this
school of thought, it was believed that the consciousness could be divided
into smaller components, and through understanding those components, you
would be able to begin to understand the mind. Like Wundt, Titchener made
use of introspection as the primary mode of collecting data. Titchener made it
a point to use several aspects of Wundt’s psychology, though it all had his
own spin.
Unfortunately, structuralism never really took hold in the field, and as
Titchener eventually died, so too did structuralism.
William James and Functionalism
With the rise of one school of psychology, several others began to pop up as
well, all vying for the domination of the field. In almost a direct response and
challenge to Titchener’s structuralism came functionalism. One of the first
major American psychologists, William James, wrote a book known as The
Principles of Psychology. With this book, he managed to dominate the
American psychology field, and his book very quickly became the new
standard that was used. The information within this book was not directly
titled to be functionalism, but it did serve as the basis for the school of
thought.
As functionalism came onto the scene, it brought about an understanding of
how behaviors function. IN particular, it cared about learning how behaviors
benefit anyone at all. They sought to see how certain behaviors were
conducive to the situation while others were far less so. Effectively, while
both structuralism and functionalism emphasized the study of the
unconscious mind, functionalism prioritized looking at consciousness as a
continuous process through which everything was processed.
Functionalism, too, died off after a while, though the theories left behind
were still quite influential.
The Rise of Psychoanalysis
In the late 1800s, another familiar name to most people entered the limelight:
Sigmund Freud. An Austrian neurologist, he became the founder of
psychoanalysis. What set psychoanalysis apart from its counterparts was
primarily the ability to begin therapeutically treating issues that have arisen.
Effectively, the idea of psychoanalysis pushes forth the idea of the
unconscious mind that drives everything, and in taking information from the
unconscious to the conscious part of the mind, you can achieve catharsis—
the ability to cope with the issue at hand.
Effectively, Freud founded what would become one of the most influential
aspects of modern psychology: The art of therapy. The principles of
psychoanalysis very closely align with what you would see in modern
techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy, in which it is believed that
unconscious thoughts influence your feelings, which drive certain behaviors,
and that you can begin to restructure those thoughts into something more
functional if you were to bring them to the conscious mind to address them.
Psychoanalysis brought with it the psychodynamic approach to psychology,
stepping away from the ideas of the past and instead focusing on the fact that
the mind has several aspects to it that must be considered.
Today, many of Freud’s own aspects are considered quite outdated, such as
believing that everything is motivated by sex and sexual aggression.
However, the principles he used in treating other people remain incredibly
influential in today’s psychology.
And with that, we have arrived at the first of the modern perspectives of
psychology. That was an overview of thousands of years of development,
taking psychology from theoretical philosophy to a hard science that is driven
by evidence, numbers, and the scientific method.
Chapter 2: What is Psychology?
With the history of psychology behind us, it is time to begin to delve into the
understanding of psychology as a field. Psychology itself is incredibly
influential—it is necessary to be able to understand the mind in order to truly
treat the mind. As we learn more and more about the mind, it becomes
imperative that our ability to study it grows as well. Whereas before, it was
assumed that some sort of emotional upset was a direct result of a demon or
spirit, it is now known to be caused by other causes, such as personality
disorders or mental illnesses. Sometimes, it is biological in nature, such as
having a physical structure of the brain that is different, while other times, it
involves learned responses to a situation or to stimuli.
Nevertheless, psychology itself, as a study of the mind, is critical to learn. As
it is learned and developed, we gain so much more insight into what is going
on with other people. We learn to acknowledge what holds other people back
and what drives them forward. We see what drives people to behave
altruistically or to take care of their family, and what drives them to harm
others. To understand psychology is to understand being human and to
understand being human is to be able to understand how to treat others with
kindness and empathy.
The Study of the Mind
By definition, psychology is the scientific study of the mind and behavior,
and it has done that. However, there is so much to the mind and behavior;
think of all of the fields within psychology that exist. There are fields
dedicated to understanding normal human development, seeing how children
grow and learn. Other fields look at abnormal psychology and take a look at
how it matters and how to treat it. Some people study how to learn, while
others look at how drugs and other substances may impact the body and
mind. At the end of the day, psychology covers anything to do with the mind,
both mentally and physically.
Psychology achieves this by having four main goals: To describe, explain,

predict, and change the way that people think and act. We will go over each
of these goals in a moment, but what is critical to understand here is that
these goals drive psychology forward. They make it clear that we act in
certain manners for certain reasons and see, to figure it out in order to make
any changes if necessary.
Describe
The first goal is to describe behaviors and thought processes. This is critical
if you want to be able to understand general rules that are typically exhibited
in behavior. For example, if you want to be able to tell how someone is going
to behave, you would look at several instances that show exactly how they
are going to behave. We observe infants playing to figure out that at some
point, something changes and they no longer think that something ceases to
exist when it is out of sight. We watch how children interact with each other
without guidance to identify when altruistic behavior starts to develop.
Describing and observing create a critical first step precisely because they are
responsible for developing a base understanding of standard behavior. In
being able to analyze, you must figure out a base norm in order to figure out
where the deviations from the norm are.
Explain
After being able to describe the processes of other people, explaining is the
second goal. Upon being able to describe what occurs, such as watching the
infants seem to come to the realization that, even when mom and dad are out
of sight, they still exist, the law can start to be assembled. They can start to
figure out why this happens. This is what happens during the second goal of
psychology—explaining.
Usually, this goal involves understanding what happened—it looks at the
description of what has happened in the describe stage and then begins to
come up with several theories that may or may not support it. These theories
are meant to come up with whatever the explanation is for that particular
behavior.
Effectively, the psychologists will try to figure out the most reasonable
explanation for why someone does something and then tries to test it.
Predict
As the empirical research yields potential explanations for the behavior being
studied, psychology then moves toward prediction as the primary goal.
During this stage, the explanations created in the previous step are taken and
tested. If they fail to meet expectations, they are removed from the list, and
they will try to come up with something else.
For example, assume that you have been watching your child seem utterly
baffled when you disappear and reappear playing peekaboo. You can then
assume that your child thinks that you are gone when you disappear. You
then predict that your child will react with the same sense of bafflement when
you take that ball that he was playing with and cover it up with a blanket
because the child will be looking for his ball. You test this out, and sure
enough, your explanation was correct.
Change
Finally, once you have been able to describe, explain, and predict the
behaviors, you can then begin to understand how to influence change in other
people. You may look to help control a negative behavior, such as someone
who suffers from anxiety learning to cope with those feelings. You may make
it a point to look at someone who has obsessive-compulsive disorder, figure
out their triggers, and then figure out how best to help them change that
behavior.
Effectively, change allows for behaviors to be modified in order for people to
develop healthy coping mechanisms, even when they are faced with difficult
situations, disorders, or struggles that make otherwise normal functioning
difficult. You can learn how to overcome phobias once you can understand
and predict the cause, or you can learn to fix issues with emotional
regulation. You can challenge depression. You can correct negative thoughts.
You can effectively begin treating the other person’s mind when you know
how the mind is implicated.
The study of psychology can largely be broken down into five distinct
perspectives—each wishes to focus on an entirely different part of the mind.
These different perspectives are the biological perspective, the
psychodynamic perspective, the behavioral perspective, the cognitive
perspective, and the humanistic perspective. Effectively, someone who looks
at an issue such as depression from the biological perspective is going to be
focused on the biology behind the depression being studied—it will look at
neurotransmitters and areas of the brain that are responsible for the feelings.
However, someone in the behavioral perspective may be looking for the way
that the external world is directly responsible for influencing those feelings of
depression.
We will take a look at all five of these perspectives to get a solid working
idea of all aspects of what is happening within the mind. While having one
specific focus can be incredibly useful, it takes all five to put together a
proper, complete view of what is happening.
The Biological Perspective

As you may have assumed, the biological approach is all about how your
body impacts your mind. In particular, it is an attempt to understand the link
between the mental states and body of someone else. If you are feeling
happy, what is going on in the body? There is a physiological change in
response to your feelings, and the biological perspective is incredibly
interested in looking into it. Effectively, then, you will be looking into how
the brain works.
Within the biological perspective, effectively, you and your consciousness
are all the collective sum of your body. Your brain all comes together to work
through electrical impulses and chemicals, and those tiny impulses are what
create you. In the great debate of nature vs. nurture, this is the nature part. It
believes that the biology of the brain and body are what are important in
determining the behaviors and thoughts of the other person.
Just like the other perspectives, the biological perspective is entirely
interested in understanding people and their behaviors. However, they want
to look at other aspects. Genetics come into play, as do physical changes to
the brain. They may take a special interest in how genetics influence all sorts
of aspects of personality, like depression or anxiety, or how brain damage can
lead to several issues in ability or behavior. In particular, biological
psychologists will look into identical twins, learning as much as they can
about the tendencies of people versus what they actually do.
When you are using the biological perspective, you are likely going to use
tools to observe the brain as directly as possible. Scans such as a PET or MRI
can allow psychologists to view the brain’s physical structure in order to
begin to make inferences on the behavioral aspects of the person.
In particular, the biological perspective is a powerful one to take—when you
use the biological perspective, you are effectively ensuring that you
understand the physiology, and sometimes, that is enough. If you know that
someone has suffered from a massive stroke and can see exactly where the
damage is, for example, you can begin to predict exactly what parts of their
behavior are likely to be impacted. It also means that certain behavioral
changes may be approached as a sign of a physical medical issue, such as a
brain injury or a tumor.
This is also the perspective that would be responsible for ensuring that
medication is effective. When the physiological cause is understood, it
becomes far easier to begin identifying how best to medicate the issue. If
there are certain parts of the brain that are struggling to create enough of a
certain neurotransmitter, for example, then that can be medicated for in order
to help the body to then help the mind.
The Psychodynamic Perspective
The psychodynamic approach began with Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis,
but it did grow over time to encompass several other theories as well, such as
the theories of Karl Jung, Erik Erikson, and Alfred Adler. Within the
psychodynamic theory, it is believed that early childhood events influence
almost everything. Effectively, during the early childhood period, you are
particularly susceptible to being damaged and therefore internalizing issues
within your unconscious mind. These lead to behavioral problems that are the
results of the unconscious mind.
In particular, you will see within the psychodynamic perspective; the
emphasis is placed on the unconscious mind. Think of the mind like an
iceberg—only the tip is visible. You can see the conscious part of the mind or
the tip of the iceberg, but the vast majority of it is hidden beneath the surface
of the water. Effectively, the unconscious mind houses almost everything. All
of your motivational impulses are housed in the unconscious. Your feelings
will come from it, your motives will be rooted in it, and your decisions will
be based upon it.
The unconscious mind, while incredibly powerful, is also incredibly
impressionable. This, then, pushes the focus of human behavior from nature
to nurture.
Further, within the psychodynamic perspective, you see three parts of
personality that arise: The id, the ego, and the super-ego.
Your id refers to the instincts—it is inherited and holds all of your natural
personality and behavioral tendencies. Your ego is the part of the mind that is
meant to sort of mitigate the demands and desires of the id, which is
primarily quite unrealistic, and the world around you. This is the part that
makes decisions. Finally, the superego is the series of values and morals that
are learned from both society and parents.
The id and super-ego are considered the unconscious mind—they both fight
to win the favor of the mind (ego). Effectively, your instinctive tendencies
toward sex and aggressive behavior will constantly be trying to get you to act
impulsively, while the learned portion is trying to keep you in line in order to
guarantee that you will not do something that you should not be.
The conflict leads to anxiety, which the ego must cope with somehow. These
coping mechanisms become the method through which you behave.
Effectively, then, the conscious mind is the slave for the unconscious mind,
with the unconscious mind making the decisions and controlling. However,
the unconscious mind is also influenced regularly by external features and
instances. A trauma can, for example, lead to a change in the unconscious
mind, which is then noticeable in the behavior.
The Behavioral Perspective
The behavioral perspective places emphasis on the environment on your
behaviors. It asserts that you can effectively be trained to do just about
anything if someone is willing to put in the effort to do so. When you believe
in the behavioral perspective, you reject the idea of free will—you effectively
declare that all behavior is learned through either reinforcements or
punishment.
Reinforcements refer to consequences that occur after a behavior that is either
positive or negative. Positive refers to the fact that something was put in
place, whereas negative refers to the act of something being removed. In this
case, positive reinforcement is a pleasant situation that is added to encourage
the behavior to continue. A negative reinforcement, then, is a situation being
removed, usually an unpleasant one, in response to a behavior in order to
encourage it to continue happening in the future.
On the other hand, punishment is the act of something happening to
discourage a behavior. It is the opposite of reinforcement in the sense that it
is designed to be discouraging while reinforcement is enforcing. Like
reinforcement, punishment can be both positive and negative. For example,
positive punishment could entail adding extra chores in retaliation for not
listening or lying about a situation. On the other hand, negative reinforcement
is the act of removing something pleasing in order to deter the behavior in the
future. For example, imagine that your teen daughter has not turned in several
assignments, and she has her cell phone taken away until she gets them all in.
You took away something pleasant, in this case, her cell phone, in order to
discourage the behavior of continuing to miss assignments.
Behaviorists believe that the above processes are what cause behavior to
continue or discontinue. When you enjoy a situation or get something
pleasant in response, you want to encourage doing something. When you
realize that you have the same bad response every time you try to do
something, you are going to learn not to do that behavior any more out of
wanting to avoid the negative stimulus. Effectively, in behaviorism, thoughts
do not matter—behaviors do. It does not matter how angry someone is about
the consequences or how unfair your child believes losing her cell phone was
—all that matters is the end result.
The Cognitive Perspective
Cognitive psychologists, on the other hand, assert that behavior is determined
due to expectations. You have a certain thought about a situation and expect
it to behave that way. Effectively, then, you make expectations that are
informed based upon what you already know and try to make the proper
inferences in your behavior. In this instance, you are solving problems and
interacting with the world based on the memory of what has happened in the
past. You assume that what has happened in the past will happen again in the
future, or you make assumptions based on similar events.
This takes humanity away from the idea of being completely devoid of free
will and instead as something that is capable of thoughts and feelings again.
Of course, this also brings with it far more complication than was present
otherwise.
Imagine that you have plans to go out with friends for the night. You assume
that the night will be full of fun—you and your friends would leave the kids
at home, go to a movie, and then have dinner and a few drinks at your
favorite restaurant. You get yourself all dressed up and ready, but when you
arrive at the meeting place, you realize that two of your three friends have
brought their children with them, which means that movie that you have
wanted to see is no longer on the table, nor is having a few drinks with
dinner, as there are little eyes there.
In this instance, you are probably quite disappointed. You had certain
expectations, only to have them completely overthrown, and that can be
incredibly difficult for some people to cope with. However, according to
cognitivists, you are not disappointed because of the fact that your friends
brought their children along to what was supposed to be a kid-free event—
you are annoyed because your own expectations were completely and utterly
thrown out the window. The fact that the instance did not line up with your
own expectations is why you are annoyed and disappointed. It is that thought
process and the disconnect that is the root of the disappointment, not the fact
that the other parties did something unexpected.
This is where the idea of other people not being responsible for your own
feelings comes from—only your own thoughts can influence your behavior,
and no one else is responsible for them. Even if someone else does not live
up to your own expectations, it is your own job to figure out how to manage
that disappointment.
The Humanistic Perspective
Finally, the humanistic approach to psychology emphasizes that humans are
motivated by their own inherent goodness. Effectively, people need to be
empowered in order to become the best person that they are able to be. They
want to offer support without the guidance, to empower individuals to make
their own decisions.
Humanistic psychology approaches the situation in a way that directly rejects
those behaviorist and psychodynamic approaches that are believed to be too
limiting. Instead, people are believed to be entirely free to make their own
decisions, and inherently, they will always strive to be better. Those who use
the humanistic approach emphasize the idea that people will actively work
toward improvement, seeking to overcome difficult situations in order to
attain what is known as self-actualization—satisfaction in life.
Effectively, the driving force behind behaviors is not the brain or the
environment, but rather the inherent drive people have to better themselves
and their situation. Of course, this comes with its own implications as well—
humanistic studies inherently reject scientific methodology. They instead
focus on qualitative research, like discussing situations. These are effectively
useful for individual studies to understand an individual person without
trying to figure out the entirety of humankind’s behavior.
Chapter 3: The Presence of Psychology in Our
Behaviors
We love to think of ourselves as free thinkers—as people with complete and
utter control over ourselves and what we do. We like to think that we have
complete free will, and while we always have a choice to do something a
certain way or another, one thing is certain: The choice to act in specific
manners is primarily created through certain common thought patterns that
control us and are not nearly as unique as you may think. Psychology is
present in just about every aspect of what we do. It is there when we choose
to integrate with other people. It is there as a guiding principle to everything
that we do without exception. When you consider the fact that people tend to
behave in patterns, no matter who they are, you realize that you can run into
all sorts of problems. It is easy to think that you are unique—that you are not
predictable. It is easy to think that you are someone that is not going to fall
for the same patterns over and over, but the truth is, the presence of
psychology is incredibly strong. Your actions that you take are easily
explained—by psychology.
That’s right—psychology is there at every turn, explaining everything. You
can not only understand your own behaviors, but you can also begin to
predict them or the behaviors of other people as well. This is because of the
fact that you are a product of nature and biology, just like everyone else. You
are the product of nature, and nature is something that can be explained if you
know what you are looking at and understand how to begin to decode it.
After all, we know that dogs put their tails down and growl when they are
feeling threatened or if they are going to behave aggressively. We know this
by understanding dogs in general. However, you can apply that information
in other ways as well. You can apply that information to begin to see that
other dogs when they put their tails down and growl, are also feeling
threatened. Human psychology allows us to create the same sorts of
inferences about human behavior so we can begin to recognize what it is that
people do and why it happens in those patterns.
With psychology, you can explain how people learn—how people choose to
behave. Imagine this situation: A child is bitten by a dog, and the child grows
up to be terrified by dogs. This is explained by psychology. You can look at
how emotions are created, and in this case, fear is created due to the thoughts
of dogs being threats. Fear is created by those negative associations. By
understanding how fear is created, we can also start understanding how fear
can be overcome as well. This means that with our understanding of people
and the working of the human mind, we can recognize everything that we do.
Every single behavior that you have can be explained by psychology in one
way or another, whether it is explaining how you act or how you chose to
react. These are different—actions are behavioral choices that you create
while reactions are those that are responses to what you are doing. When you
start to recognize the importance of psychology and why it matters so much
to follow along with understanding it, you realize that learning to understand
the reasons that you behave the way that you do is integral to living life to its
fullest. If you know that you are likely to get defensive reactions when you,
for example, tell someone something in certain ways, you can learn to work
around it.
Learning to see that really, the behaviors that we naturally gravitate toward
are little more than predictable tendencies becomes imperative. It provides
you with the understanding that nothing that you do is without reason—there
is a purpose behind every single action that see someone else do. It also
opens the door for all sorts of other understanding as well. It is the case that
you can use psychology to not only understand yourself and work with
yourself, a skill known as emotional intelligence but also to understand
others. You can learn to read your own tendencies to alter them into
behaviors that are going to be more productive than they otherwise would be.
You will see that you can begin to understand how to alter your way of
thinking so you can be in control of any situation at hand.
Understanding psychology becomes a key concept for just about any aspect
of human behavior. Whether being able to manipulate other people, read
people’s body language, or control yourself, you need to have a background
in psychology to make it work. Now, that doesn’t mean that you need to go
out and spend an exorbitant amount of money to get a degree on the subject
—but what you can do is read. You can do your due diligence just by
learning through books and reading all about the information that exists. You
can also learn by actively utilizing the information yourself as well—
discovering through trial and efror what appens and howit works.
This book is just the beginning of a series on psychology. This book is the
foundation of knowledge that you will need to know when it comes time to
address everything else that you will see on the topics provided. As you read
through the entire series, you will get all sorts of crucial information. We will
begin by discussing human psychology and some crucial tenets that you must
understand when looking further into the books in this series.
Dark psychology, the ability to draw from the psychology of dark individuals
and apply it to others, regardless of the intention that you may have, is a skill
that will teach you how to firmly plant people in the palm of your hand.
Understanding the field of dark psychology allows you to not only avoid
falling for the tactics that are used against you but also to begin to utilize
those skills as well to influence people your own way. This is being capable
of taking control and taking charge of powers that people such as sociopaths
and narcissists regularly utilize to influence and control other people. It will
allow you to use these tenets to begin to control what other people think—
without them ever realizing that they are doing so. It is incredibly powerful
and a skill that will take you far in life.
Psychology also becomes a key to understanding how to manipulate other
people without them seeing it. You will be able to adjust the thinking of those
around you just by virtue of understanding what you must do to navigate the
world. We may know what we are going to do, and we may have complete
control over ourselves, but we cannot maintain that control over other people
as well. That control over others is much more fickle—for example, we can
influence others, but there is no way for us to maintain complete control over
them if we try to. It is impossible for us to be able to control someone the
way we can control, for example, a video game character perfectly. However,
we can still highly influence the behaviors that other people do. We can make
it a point to change up how other people behave so we can begin to take
control. There are so many ways that you can do so, and they are highly
powerful. If you want to be able to do so, you can.
It also plays a significant role in explaining body language and how to
analyze it in other people as well. Being able to read body language means
that you are capable of understanding the true intentions of those around you,
as well as granting you the power of being able to control people as well.
Body language and being able to analyze others actually become key in being
capable of controlling others. It allows you to influence other people without
having to really think about it and without them realizing what you are doing
either.
The understanding of psychology can also provide you with crucial
information to begin to work on yourself as well. Through focusing on
yourself and what you do over time, you can begin to understand precisely
how you can work with yourself. You can see how you can start to improve
upon your weaknesses or to recover from abuse, or you can see how you are
likely to fall into similar traps of actions over and over again if you aren’t
careful. Being able to understand this information is crucial if you want to
better yourself. Do you want to become more emotionally intelligent so you
can thrive at work? You can do that through understanding the psychology
that goes into it all. This information and this understanding will become
your lifeline—it will become the way in which you can do everything. It will
help you to improve yourself better. It will help you to become far more
capable of successfully navigating your relationships.
Everything that you can learn about psychology becomes relevant to your
day-to-day life if you know what to look for and how to connect the dots. It
will help you to better control yourself and influence how you behave. It will
help you to take control of others and understand and navigate the actions
that you have far better than you thought possible. And it all begins with
applying psychology to your behaviors so you can better interpret them.
Remember, your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all linked together and,
left to their own devices, will influence your entire life. You will be
controlled by them if you do not take control of yourself. Learning to
recognize and accept this fact becomes a key tenet to your own success in
navigating your own relationships in the future.
Psychology becomes one of the most important fields for you to study for this
reason alone—when you learn to apply it, it can help you in just about every
single situation that you will find yourself in. That is powerful—and it is
imperative for you to learn. Learning to understand people so well will help
you to make sure that you are perfectly capable of getting through just about
any situation that you may find yourself within. You should be able to
convince people to do exactly what you want if you know how to tap into
their skills. Now, not everyone will be comfortable with this—not everyone
will feel like controlling other people without feeling like they’ve done
something wrong. Not everyone has the ruthlessness necessary to take control
of other people and the important part is learning to recognize your own
limits and what you are willing and unwilling to do.
Chapter 4: When Psychology Turns Dark
Dark psychology is a subset of psychology that you can utilize that draws
from the understanding of how people who belong to the dark triad think.
This is a triad of traits that are commonly applied to certain ways of thinking.
They are people who rarely actually care about how people behave—they
have little to no interest in being able to show others how they behave. They
do not care about how people will be impacted by their behaviors—they just
want to take control to get what benefits them above all else.
The dark triad refers to people with three key personality traits—narcissistic,
Machiavellian, and sociopathic. Each of these alters the way that the
individual will behave with other people. Those who are narcissistic typically
lack the ability to influence how they interact with others. They may, for
example, care more about themselves and getting what they want than
making sure that they are fair to the other person. Typically, narcissists have
very little care about other people—to them, they are the most important
people in the world, and they will do whatever it takes to look out for
Number One in their life.
Machiavellian people are those who believe that the ends will always justify
the means. To them, people are disposable—they do not see a reason not to
use other people if they can get away with it. They do not care just due to the
fact that it doesn’t matter to them. How other people feel is irrelevant just due
to the fact that feelings are not going to help them. Machiavellian people
swear by making sure that at the end of the day, they are taken care of.
Everyone else becomes irrelevant in this case. They will usually utilize
manipulation of other people with no qualms about what it would do to other
people because, to them, it is irrelevant. After all, so long as they get to their
destination, what happens to everyone else is unimportant.
Sociopaths are people that we commonly recognize as not having much of a
moral compass, but there is more to it than that. Sociopaths know that
something is wrong, and they may feel an inkling of guilt over it, but they do
not care enough to stop what they are doing. They lack empathy, an
incredibly dangerous trait to be lacking when it comes to interacting with
people, and because of that, they are often found to be quite destructive.
People, in lacking empathy, tend to use other people like tools because they
see no reason not to. They see no reason that they would not be capable of
influencing or controlling other people. As long as they make it happen,
that’s good enough for them.
When you take a look at dark psychology, you will be drawing from the
psychology of these three people. They are all three known as master
manipulators—they are incredibly skilled at being able to control others.
They are incredibly powerful and able to do whatever it is that they need
without qualms just due to the fact that they lack that empathy. Empathy is
usually that ability that keeps us from hurting other people—it helps us to
understand that other people have feelings too ad that we ought to respect
them. It is that ability that we have to understand that we can tell how our
actions will impact others and that we can use that power to help. However,
when people lack that empathy, such as those who would fall into the Dark
Triad, they lose that moral compass that would help them. They lose that
ability that allows for proper socialization and proper interaction.
The manipulation that they use is highly potent and usually undetected by the
victims. It is something that many want to tap into—it allows for an
understanding of what can be done to control others. After all, manipulation
is not negative in all forms—some forms can often be justified depending on
the context solely due to the fact that nothing in the world is black and white.
Some people want to understand the skills that go into manipulating other
people as thoroughly as the dark triad are able to do so. There are skills that
go into it. There are ways that you can start to see how to influence others.
You can see how other people act. You can see the strings that you can pull
to control others, and you can use it to influence them. Others want to
understand this topic because they want to be able to prevent themselves
from being harmed instead. Either way, however, you start to see that being
in control is highly important. Understanding how others work is something
that can help you, no matter what it is that you are going to do with the
knowledge. Remember, knowledge is power, and if you have that, you have
everything that you will need.
Even though this may be a less than pleasant truth, and even though dark
psychology is something that many people would rather avoid, it is important
to see as something that exists. It is imperative that you see the way that you
can navigate through all sorts of relationships that you have so you can and
will be able to properly influence others and understand how they can
potentially influence you as well. Influence matters and happens constantly,
whether you want to admit it or not—it’s all a matter of understanding
whether it is happening to you or not. It is important to recognize the ways
that you can begin to influence others and how you can use those powers for
good. You can choose to acknowledge the existence of dark psychology, or
you can choose to avoid it and be victimized by it—but either way, it is
prevalent.
If you choose to read through this entire series on human psychology, you
will see that there is an entire book dedicated to understanding dark
psychology. We would go through the various methods that can be used so
they can be understood and even utilized yourself if you chose to do so. You
can choose to utilize dark psychology, but you must also understand that at
the heart of it all is an understanding of psychology in a more general,
broader sense that will grant you that power. If you want that power, then
keep reading. Pay attention to the ways that the human mind works so you
can begin to apply it as well. The more that you do this, the more in control
of any situation that you will become. If you want to ace a job interview, you
can do it! You just have to understand how the mind of your interviewer
works. Do you want to be seen as highly attractive? You can do that as well!
All you have to do is tap into how people tend to navigate these situations.
This control becomes highly influential to you and grants you that power to
be the best person that you can be.
Chapter 5: Principles of Psychology and Your
Relationships
Relationships are often considered critical to humankind. Though many
people tell you that you should live life without allowing someone else to
define it, nearly everyone is going to naturally crave a relationship of some
sort. As a social species, you are commonly going to be exposed to people
and commonly desire to fit in with them as well—this is only natural. When
you feel these urges, it can be easy to remind yourself that you do not need to
be worrying about a relationship or that you have no interest in a relationship.
However, the vast majority of the time, this is not true.
You naturally want to have other people to spend your time with. You
naturally want to ensure that you can relate to others, engaging with them,
and living your life as happily as you possibly can. For this reason, it
becomes important to understand the psychology behind the relationships that
you will have. When you understand how they work psychologically, you
will begin to figure out where any past relationships failed. If you have
commonly run into relationships that fail, you may feel entirely discouraged
from continuing to try to engage with them. However, if you were to engage
in your relationships with a different mindset and attempt to approach them
in the first place, you would find that you are actually far better off. You will
find that your relationships will be happier and more successful, and this
means that you, yourself, will be happier as well.
The Psychology of Relationships
You may be wondering why these relationships are so important to you in the
first place—there is one particular reason for this: It is a basic human need. If
you were to look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you would see love and
belongingness right on the list, and this is because it is a proposed
psychological need. No matter how much you may attempt to convince
yourself otherwise, you feel a biological need to fit in and find love. You will
keep searching for this as much as possible as well.
Romantic love, then, becomes one of the most important relationships that
you have in life—in fact, you may find that your entire life is based upon
finding such a relationship. This may seem absurd, but think about it—you
spent time going to school so you could get a good job. You spent time
working that job so you could save money for a house. You bought that
house, so you had the time and space to have a family.
Effectively, when the biological imperative in life is to reproduce, you are
going to be seeking out a mate. After all, you cannot reproduce on your own
—you need a partner to do so. This means that your entire life is going to be
a build-up to your romantic relationships.
Unfortunately, relationships have a tendency to fail. In failing, they also
cause a great deal of sadness or frustration as a direct consequence. This
makes sense—if your entire purpose in life is to reproduce, if you feel like
you cannot have children because you cannot find a relationship, you are
going to feel like you are failing, and that sense of failure can be debilitating.
For this reason, learning to ensure that you have the skills to manage your
relationships is critical. You need to know that you can manage your
relationships as successfully as possible if you hope to ever actually keep and
maintain a relationship.
Healthy Relationships
When you seek to build a healthy relationship, you may find that you have
some serious soul-searching to do. Are you the one that is causing problems
in the relationships? Is there something wrong with your own approach? In
being willing and able to question the relationship from the perspective of
others, you may find that you are actually doing several things that may make
your relationship far more difficult to manage than you had intended.
Nevertheless, let’s take a look at what a healthy relationship will typically
look like. Understanding it can really help you gain insight into how best to
approach your future relationships.
First and foremost—you should always feel like you can communicate with
your partner. When you are able to communicate effectively with your
partner, you and your partner can work through almost any problem together.
Effectively, working together creates a situation in which you can actively
engage together, understanding both sides of the problems until you can both
come to some sort of consensus or solution.
Beyond that, both parties should be willing to spend time together. You
should trust that your partner wants to spend time with you, and even if that
time is difficult to find in the first place, it is critical for you to find it if you
hope to be effective in your relationships. You must also be willing to
accommodate when challenges arise. Perhaps your partner has to go away for
two weeks for work—will you be okay? Some weaker relationships may
struggle with this, but if you are able to cope with it, you may find that
distance makes the heart fonder.
Your relationship should also be quite fair—both parties should put in a
reasonable amount of work. Remember one critical aspect here—fair is not
always equal. If one party works an inordinate amount of time, then it is only
fair to assume that the other party is going to be doing more of the
housework. For example, say that you work a standard 40-hour workweek,
and your partner works regular 60 hour work weeks. Since you are home
50% more than your partner, it makes sense that you would take a larger
amount of the housework. This does not mean that your partner would be
exempt, but you would not have to do nearly as much.
All of the above leads to a relationship based upon gratefulness for each
other, and both partners are willing to show it. Further, you and your partner
are then both far more willing to provide that sense of camaraderie and love
that you have been seeking. When you are able to maintain that camaraderie
long-term, you will strengthen your relationship.
Reciprocity and Relationships
Reciprocity is critical in nearly every context in your personal and social life.
Because reciprocity is one of those things in which you do it, or you do not,
when you are always willing to include reciprocity with your relationships,
you are able to better the relationship in general. Reciprocity refers to how
likely you are to return the favor.
Within intimate relationships, reciprocity is critical. It is the epitome of
equality—both you and your partner feel like neither of you are willing to put
up with the idea that one of you would be dominant in the relationship. This
does not mean dominant in the sense that one member of the relationship
tends to care more than the other about trivial matters such as where you are
going out to eat or what you will do on date night—it refers to dominance in
the sense of utter control. While some relationships can make this work, for
the most part, a relationship in which one party is able to entirely dominate
and control the entire thing is not usually considered particularly relationship
friendly.
Reciprocity in a relationship implies that you and your partner are willing to
cooperate, as well as recognizing the idea that while you and your partner are
individual people with your own likes and dislikes, you are also people that
are highly interdependent. You rely upon each other and are committed to
nurturing those feelings toward each other.
With that in mind, you may begin to see why reciprocity is so important. This
is not referring simply to reciprocity in the sense that you must be returning a
gift at the next gift-giving season after one person has given a gift to the other
—rather, this sort of reciprocity occurs when the two of you have dedicated
yourselves to ensuring that the other is taken care of. It is the idea of being
willing to offer to scratch your partner’s back before your partner asks you to,
and then getting your own back scratched in return.
Please note, however, that the expectation of reciprocity can sometimes lead
to some serious disconnects. Remember that in your relationships, you should
not be expecting anything. Expecting that leads to your own entitlement,
which is the exact opposite of reciprocity.
Commitments and Relationships
Next, keep in mind that commitments are critical in relationships. If you are
making a commitment within your relationship, you are offering to do a
certain set of things for the other person, and this should not be taken lightly.
When you take this sort of behavior lightly, you may find that you actually
struggle to find people with whom you can create a meaningful relationship.
After all, commitments can be scary and difficult to make, especially early
on. However, people value commitment, and if you are afraid to commit, you
are essentially afraid to ever have a functioning relationship as being willing
and able to commit is perhaps one of the largest criteria for most people. If
someone is not willing to commit to monogamy, most people are likely to
struggle with the idea of the relationship in the first place. If you refuse to
acknowledge that you will no longer pursue other people, the person you are
actively dating is likely to dump you because you are effectively treating him
as a backup in case someone else that catches the other person’s fancy comes
in.
When you are willing to commit to a relationship, however, you may notice
that things are actually going to change for the better. If you are willing to
make commitments, other people will be more willing to commit to you
simply due to the idea that you should reciprocate when someone else does
something for you.
This means then that in your relationships, you are likely to find someone
somewhere that can, in fact, make things work the way that you want. When
you do find them, as soon as you can get a commitment from them, you are
likely to get whatever was committed.
Expectations and Relationships
Finally, one thing that is important to look at is what will happen when things
expectations are added to a relationship. Expectations are certain things that
you assume are going to happen simply because you believe it. In many
instances, it is accurate, but today, he is wrong. When you are in a
relationship with someone else, you may find that over time, it becomes
incredibly easy to develop an expectation for that person.
When you are in a relationship with someone who does not tend to recognize
reality for what it is, you may be working under a narcissist. In particular,
when you look at a relationship that you have had in the past, can you
identify any problematic behaviors that may have happened before. What was
the root cause? Can you identify any of the times during that last relationship
that you may have had some unrealistic expectations?
In particular, unrealistic expectations are amongst some of the worst that you
can expose your partner too. If you have an unrealistic expectation that your
partner should be a certain body type at all times, and you got with someone
with that body type that eventually changed, if you left that relationship
because it no longer met your expectation, you might have been unrealistic.
Being unrealistic is typically quite bad—while it is important to have an idea
of what you want, having several unrealistic standards can leave you
scrambling to find a relationship with little to no luck. You may desperately
try, and yet, at every turn, you find that people run away like their pants are
on fire. This is a huge red flag that something you are doing is inappropriate
or problematic.
With your relationships, perhaps the best thing that you can do is ensure that
your expectations are reasonable. Ask yourself if you are willing to follow
the expectations that you set out for yourself, for example. However, as you
do this, remember that just because you are willing to do something does not
mean that everyone is willing to do it, and you must keep that in mind. It is
incredibly important for you to figure out what you absolutely want and need,
while also juggling what is realistic and fair to expect out of the other party.
You do not want to have these unrealistic expectations that are impossible to
ever actually meet, as that is asking far too much out of the other party—that
is not fair to them and should never be forced.
Chapter 6: Using Psychology to Fight
Procrastination
And finally—you have arrived at the end of the book! Here, you will be
tasked with figuring out exactly what you need to do, how to do it, and why it
matters. Effectively, in this method, you will be figuring out exactly how you
should approach situations of procrastination, which can be some of the most
difficult to ever actually get out of simply due to the nature of the problem.
Everyone procrastinates now and then, however sometimes, it gets to a point
in which it is overwhelming—it is so problematic that you are actively
procrastinating that you fail to get things done by their deadlines much of the
time. Slowly, bit by bit, you find that your procrastination is taking over your
life and ruining it. You want to do your work, and you know that you have
work to do, and yet instead, you find that you are stuck.
Within this last chapter, we will be addressing procrastination in general. We
will look at what it is and what the problem with procrastination is. You will
see some of the most common reasons people around you tend to
procrastinate, and finally, you will be exposed to several of the methods
through which you can defeat procrastination once and for all. In doing so,
you may be surprised to find many of your issues relating to time
management will disappear altogether.
In making these issues disappear, you may find that your stress level also
declines dramatically, and with that decreased stress level, you may be better
suited toward continuing to get your work done. This is good—with less
procrastination comes more productivity, and that productivity is what you
are looking for if you wish to be successful.
The Problem with Procrastination
Procrastination is incredibly difficult to cope with—it becomes habitual after
a while, and it is only in demolishing that procrastination problem that you
are ever actually able to defeat it. In defeating it, you will begin to improve
your success, but until you get to that point, you are going to have to practice
extreme self-control if you wish to bring that procrastination problem to a
grinding halt.
First, let’s look at what procrastination is. At its core, procrastination is the
absence of doing what you should be at any given moment. You are actively
choosing to do something contrary to what you should be, even though you
know that you are making a bad choice. This means that it is nowhere near
the same as laziness, which involves apathy. In this case, it is a willingness to
do something entirely unrelated to what needs to get done.
Typically, people procrastinate because whatever it is that they have been
tasked to do is boring, uncomfortable, or generally unpleasant in nature, and
they decide that they are better off simply avoiding doing it altogether.
However, all this does is cause more problems in the end. It leads to you
instead trying to haphazardly rush through everything at the last minute
instead of taking your time to get everything done with meticulous attention
to detail as is usually expected of you.
Nevertheless, people everywhere continue to procrastinate. Even knowing

that procrastination is something harmful, it is done anyway willingly. Of
course, then, in response, work builds up instead of gets done. It becomes a
matter of having a backlog of poorly done work instead of having your work
done meticulously in advance, and that is problematic.
Why People Procrastinate
People tend to procrastinate for all sorts of reasons. Some do so because they
are bored and do not want to do what they are supposed to be doing. Others
do it because they would rather find something fun or enjoyable to do. Others
still do it out of compulsive habit. They become so habituated to
procrastination that it becomes this vicious cycle that is incredibly difficult to
escape.
Consider for a moment that you have been procrastinating on that big paper
for your politics class all week. You knew that it was coming up—it had been
in your calendar for months, and yet, you still had not touched it. Knowing
that it was due tomorrow, you looked it up this evening, only to find that you
have no idea what you are doing. You choose to instead spend some time
watching television instead of working on it.
A little bit later, you remind yourself that you have no choice but to get that
work done if you want to actually get through it. You go to sit down at the
paper, but you cannot help but feel stressed as you sit there. Soon, you are on
social media instead of working, and soon after that, you find yourself
constantly reading messages online.
Though you may not be aware of it, this is all because you have developed a
tendency to be afraid of tests in general. You know that you usually struggle
with tests, and because of that, you find that you stress out about them for a
few weeks before they arrive. Of course, because you spend all of that time
incredibly nervous and not studying effectively, you are nowhere near
prepared on the morning of. You submit your paper and hope for the best.
In the end, you really struggled. However, that failure could actually have
been a good thing. Had you been any quicker or they been any slower, you
would have been able to figure out exactly how to tackle the problem sooner.
However, instead, you failed and then took that failure to heart. That failure
taken to heart becomes the reason that you struggle to get work done.
Effectively, getting the work done becomes stressful. When you are at work,
you do not have any real leeway in your schedule. However, at home, that
leeway is there—and you use it all and then some. This problem leads you to
constantly be running late on everything.
However, if you were to stop and consider what was actually happening in
the moment, you would realize that it was actually a cycle of anxiety. You are
afraid of failure, so you struggle to begin. In struggling to begin, you run late.
In running late, you fail. You then effectively solidified that particular
negative thought—you did fail. Therefore, you must be a failure.
Remaining stuck in that mindset is incredibly unproductive, however, and it
is in your best interest to ensure that you are able to actively figure out how
best to combat that as soon as you can.
The problem, however, is that the mind is effectively hardwired to follow the
negative habit of procrastination. It is designed to avoid any sort of
negativity. When you are procrastinating, you are avoiding some sort of
negative stimulus, and at the end of the day, you are designed to do exactly
that. Effectively, you get hit with anxiety, and that anxiety sends you into
fight or flight mode. You then instinctively go into flight mode, allowing for
further procrastination despite the fact that it is so incredibly harmful to the
individual. You struggle to actually keep up, and your stress levels then
skyrocket in response and you are left disappointing those counting on you.
Defeating Procrastination with Psychology
Defeating procrastination is all about learning how to kick back those
feelings of negativity in order to bring back productivity. If you can get
yourself working in productivity instead of negativity, you will find that you
can begin to meet those deadlines once more. You can actively get yourself
working toward exactly what you needed to since you will be motivated,
rather than being avoidant.
While defeating your procrastination problem may seem incredibly
intimidating, it is quite doable. At the end of the day, all you need to do is
figure out how best to tap into your mind to visualize exactly what you want.
You need to force your mind to see that procrastinating is the enemy—
despite the fact that it seems to be exactly what you want in the moment, it is
actually hurting you far more than it is helping, and that can be incredibly
intimidating. When you feel like you cannot benefit from procrastination any
longer, you may be more willing to avoid it in the future, essentially
hijacking your mind to push toward motivation as the default state once
more.
As your mind accepts that motivated and achieving is the right state to be in,
you will find that you are actually far more likely than ever to succeed. Your
motivation is attractive to other people, and new opportunities will arise for
you in the end. You will start to see long-term benefits that arise if you can
just convince your mind that what you need to do more than anything else is
to figure out how best to be motivated once more.
Visualize Your Future
Perhaps one of the most versatile tools that you have in your arsenal is your
ability to visualize. You can visualize nearly anything—you can fantasize
about something that you have always wanted, or you can fantasize about
success. Ultimately, what you will be doing here is fantasizing over whatever
it is that is incredibly important to you. If for you, what is important is
success, you would envision that success exactly as you think it looks.
Effectively, you want to show yourself exactly what it is that you want and
exactly how you hope to get it. If you do this, you are likely to ensure that
your mind gets a taste for what may be in store if you are able to actively
push for it.
For example, imagine that you know that you have a vacation coming up.
You know that you do not want to take your work on vacation, but you will
have to do so if you do not take care of everything that needs to be done.
Imagine for a moment how you would feel working away in your room while
also watching out the window as people enjoy the beach outside without
you. If you do not get that work done, that will be your future. You want to
stress to yourself that in failing to meet that deadline for yourself, you are
going to have no choice but to continue down that road. Remind yourself that
you have plenty of time to actually meet your goals if you spend the time to
get through all the work without actually procrastinating, and then encourage
yourself to do exactly that. You want to make sure that you are able to
actually get that work done so you can be free.
Now, imagine that same vacation if you were to spend the time to get your
work done ahead of time. Think of the beach—the sand underneath your feet
and the sound of the ocean lapping at the shore. Remind yourself that you
would absolutely love to spend your time there instead of at home or in the
hotel working. Remind yourself that the point of your vacation is to leave
your work behind and to take a quick break. Tell yourself that if you want
that break, you will need to work while committing that thought to memory.
Burn the image of your vacation destination into your mind and summon it
into your mind’s eye every time you feel yourself beginning to procrastinate
at all. In doing so, you will make sure that you deter yourself from
procrastination every time you start to feel tempted to do so.
If done correctly, your mind will be willing to go through finishing the work
as planned simply because it now feels like working on vacation is far worse
than working at work when you’d rather watch another cat video. Because
your mind is reminding itself that if you were to not work when it was work
time, you would work more during the vacation, you will find that you are
more likely to actively work and stay on schedule.
Accountability
People frequently find themselves workout buddies for the sole purpose of
accountability. All things considered, working out with someone else can be
quite distracting, but at the very least, it offers a level of accountability that
you otherwise will not have. At that point, if you are to procrastinate, you
will not only be letting yourself down—you will be letting down the other
person as well. You will be making them go to the gym on their own instead
of going with a friend that is going at the same time.
The idea of holding yourself accountable is incredibly powerful—humans
tend to feel like they must be held accountable simply because telling other
people that you have failed is generally not particularly enjoyable. If you
have told other people that you were going to be doing something, you will
feel the urge to ensure that you follow through simply due to the
accountability.
Because people want to be seen as consistent, they tend to follow through
when they voice that they are going to do something, and this is exactly why
you end up doing exactly as promised when you are telling others what you
are up to. Effectively, you are making sure that other people will follow up
and ask you about your work, or you are making sure that someone else will
be actively looking for you wherever you are supposed to be. If you are
supposed to be at the gym working out, you will have someone looking for
you and expecting you to spot them.
It is generally much harder for people to be willing to let down others than to
let down themselves, and this is why it is so important to set up that
accountability—people will follow along simply because they want to avoid
letting down others who may be following or paying attention to what they
are doing.
Bribes
Finally, one last way that you can keep yourself motivated is through the use
of bribes. In psychology, this method is known as positive reinforcement—
you actively reward good, positive behavior. Because of this, you can use
bribes to effectively get people to stay on track with their work. You will do
this if you want to ensure that everyone is doing what they said that they
would do and what they need to do.
Imagine that you have a 30-page file to get through at work. You may feel
like that is far too much and continue to push it off simply because you do
not want to work on it. As you do this, you find that it is getting pushed off
simply because you do not want to do it in the first place. With that in mind,
you instead make it a point to actively bribe yourself to get through the work.
You decide that, after every 5 files you get through, you are free to spend 30
minutes playing a video game that you have been dying to play. Once all of
the files are done, you tell yourself, you will buy yourself that new game that
you have been dying to get your hands on as well. Effectively, you layer on
so much positivity to what you need to get done that suddenly, getting
through everything is a breeze. You may find that those files are finished up
far quicker than they otherwise would have been, freeing you up and
allowing you to move on with your life without worrying about
procrastination continuing to eat away at your time and energy.
Eventually, you find that all files are done, and you feel quite accomplished
and proud. This alone is a positive reinforcement, but when you add in the
idea of actually getting a new game as well, you have doubly reinforced that
new action. You are beginning to see procrastinating as less of an attempt to
avoid work and more of an attempt to be lazy, and little by little, you find that
you get better about actively finishing up all of your work without complaint.
Eventually, you are even able to develop that internal motivation that comes
from yourself. So long as you learn how to tap into that motivation, you will
find that everything else comes naturally.
As with the vast majority of difficult tasks and difficult habits to break, the
hardest part is the beginning. As soon as you get started and get past that first
hurdle, it does get easier. It becomes easier and easier to find that intrinsic
motivation within yourself to help you, and you are far more likely to
succeed. All you need to do is get past that first push once and for all.
Remember, you can do it. You just need to set your mind to it.
Conclusion
Congratulations! You have arrived at the end of Introducing Human
Psychology! At this point, you should have a pretty solid idea on the
foundation of psychology, what it entails, and how you should approach it. It
is of the utmost hope that you have found this book to be at least as
informative as it was intended to be. The book was designed to teach about
psychology as much as possible within a short period of time, and while it is
not a complete textbook the way something for psychology 101 in college
may be, it is still jam-packed with some of the basic principles of psychology,
such as what emotions are, what causes them, why they exist, and more.
As you read this book, it is with hope that you begin to put some of the work
discussed into practice. Make it a point to remind yourself how happy you are
with your partner to help build your relationship. Spend time talking to
coworkers about your goals, so you work harder toward them simply because
you expect the subject to be brought up over and over again when your
coworkers get curious. Remind yourself that emotions are so incredibly
important to understand and why they matter.
From here, you have several choices in where to go. You could make it a
point to look into some of the most popular self-help fields of psychology.
These are most commonly cognitive behavioral therapy, dark psychology,
subliminal psychology, and emotional intelligence. Any one of these subjects
would provide plenty of information about the mind, as well as provide you
with more on it all.
Remember, this book is meant to cover plenty of different topics—if you
wish, you can go more in-depth for literally any of them. You can choose to
learn more about empathy or how to interact with other people. No matter
what you choose, however, you know that you are making a good choice
simply because you are actively learning. Active learning is critical if you
wish to be successful.
As this book draws to a close once and for all, remember that you are
capable. Whether to regulate your emotions, tackle your anger, or even to
help you become successful in relationships and with other people in general,
this book had help to offer you. This book wanted to provide you with all of
the basic information necessary to think about the topics included.
Finally, if you have enjoyed this book at all, please consider leaving a review
with your honest opinion. It is always greatly appreciated to have the opinion
of a reader written out, and it would be an honor to have yours as well. Thank
you so much for joining me on this journey through the mind from beginning
to end. Hopefully, you found it insightful, enjoyable, and overall, quite
pleasant. Good luck on your journey. If you set your mind to it, you will be
able to do just about anything. Remember, you hold the power of your mind
—all you need to do is learn how to tap into it once and for all. If you do so,
you will be able to actively engage with your mind in the most productive
manner possible.
Book 2
Dark Psychology Secrets

Introduction
Congratulations on purchasing Dark Psychology Secrets and thank you for
doing so.
Have you ever wondered why some of the most insidious people on the
planet are somehow able to charm everyone to fall for their every whim?
Think of serial killers like Ted Bundy—he was commonly believed to be a
handsome, charismatic young man that was able to quickly and easily win the
favor of others almost naturally, and yet behind the scenes, he was a serial
rapist and murderer of at least 30 homicides over a 4 year period of time.
How did he do it? How was he able to sneak past so many people undetected
for so long?
The answer is through dark psychology.
Many of the darkest personality types out there are quite capable of seeming
charming and affable, only to be hiding the monster underneath their masks.
This is a method they use to prey on other people, victimizing those who dare
to fall for their charm. Dark psychology delves into these personality types,
studying the underlying motivations for the behaviors at hand. This is not
only to understand what to look out for when you are in the real world—
when you learn to understand the minds of those with dark personalities, you
can begin to claim their own ways of thinking.
Dark psychology is a study of people with these dark personalities, but also a
study of the tactics that are used, why they work, and how they can be
adapted. You can use several of these tactics without becoming abusive or
using them in a harmful way. What if you were able to find ways to come
across as charming and persuasive to others, and you used those powers to
help yourself and others? Perhaps you, being charismatic and particularly
skilled in influence, were able to become a powerful leader within a company
—you could use the powers of dark psychology to keep morale up, keep
people motivated, and ensure that others are happy and willing to move
forward. You would be able to always find the perfect way to convince other
people to carry on. You would be able to ensure that everyone under your
charge was happy to help. You would find yourself running a particularly
successful business.
Now, what if you were in sales or politics and convincing people is what you
need to do best? Dark psychology can show you the ways that people are able
to slip undetected into the mind of another to plant ideas, convince others to
see things your way, and move forward. You could use these skills in
advertising or consulting. Despite the root in darkness and evil, dark
psychology techniques can be particularly useful, even under the most
innocent contexts, and this book seeks to show you exactly how they are able
to do that.
This book will guide you through an overview of dark psychology, allowing
you to get to know those dark personality types and how they work. You will
learn about manipulation and how to use it to control the minds of others.
You will learn to persuade with skill. You will understand the insidiousness
of brainwashing and how it can be used to completely indoctrinate a person
into a certain belief system. You will discover deception and neuro-linguistic
processing. You will learn to use hypnosis to coax people into a state of
suggestibility. Lastly, you will see the benefits of dark psychology, learning
how it can be used in daily relationships in order to help all involved.
useful information as possible, please enjoy!
Psychology at its root is something that is relatively simple to define—it is
the scientific study of the mind. It covers several different aspects, looking
into relationships, behaviors, thought processes, and more. When you are
looking into psychology, you are looking for the why and how of essentially
any human process form the mental side. You may be looking at
neurobiological processes, such as what happens within the brain when it is
actively controlling the body, or you may be looking at why that 5-year-old
child at the grocery store had a massive meltdown when told no to candy. It
studies all of that and more, but essentially, it is the study of who we are as a
species and as an individual. It studies what we do, what drives us, and what
causes us problems. It explains emotions and how they both function and aid
humans in acting. It explains why some people give in to pressure, but others
do not. It explains why empathy is so important.
Ultimately, psychology exists in several different classifications. Some
people are only interested in the physical aspect while others care about
development. Others still are interested in the divergences between typical
psychological development and the developments of people who may
become particularly hard to live with. It has several uses, both practical and
simply intellectual—if you understand human psychology, you are able to see
and predict how people will behave. Knowing those tendencies, you can
accurately figure out what will happen, and learn how to use those tendencies
to your own benefit.
Defining Dark Psychology
Dark psychology, in particular, will look specifically at the psychology of
people that have a very specific personality type. In particular, we are looking
at those who are Machiavellian, narcissistic, sadistic, and psychopathic.
These people tend to be among the most dangerous that you can encounter,
and they will have no qualms about using and abusing other people.
However, there is much to learn from this personality type—if you can come
to understand this personality type and the tactics that are commonly used,
you will be able to emulate them without the threat or harm that may
otherwise go along with them.
In particular, this book will be looking at the behaviors of those with dark
personality types. We will spend Chapter 2 looking specifically at the dark
side of psychology, studying what those particular personality traits are and
how they present themselves. From there, the duration of the book will be
spent studying the behavior of those specific personality types.
Dark psychology assumes that when people behave in abusive manners,
using techniques like manipulation and deception, it almost always has a
reason. We will look at those reasons and applications as well, learning what
it is that makes these tools so attractive to monsters in human clothing that
are willing to wield them. You will see exactly why people behave in ways
that are abusive or evil, how they come to the realization that they do that
justifies the abuse in their minds, and how they are able to overcome the
empathy and compassion that usually prevents people from behaving in such
abusive manners.
We will look at several of the most commonly used techniques of the abusive
personality types, and from there, we will spend time discussing how several
of them can be used in a wider context, allowing for their usages during day-
to-day interactions. Instead of manipulating someone to abuse them, you can
look into how to use the same skills to help persuade and guide people
toward whatever they need to do.
We will also look into how these particular tactics impact the person that is
being subjected to them. Some of these techniques work through instilling
feelings in other people, knowing that emotions are incredibly motivating.
Others work through accessing the unconscious mind, suggesting certain
behaviors. Others still work through acts of deception.
Understanding dark psychology will not only enable you to understand the
actions of personality types such as the narcissist, the Machiavellian, and the
psychopath but also be able to combat it. You will be able to avoid falling for
their tactics if you know what the tactics are. This means that learning to
think like the darkest personality types is imperative—when you can think
like them, you can identify them.
The History of Dark Psychology
Traditionally considered a field of applied psychology, dark psychology
begins with the study of the dark triad or the study of manipulation.
Considering that dark personality types have existed as long as history can
record, it comes as no surprise that those interested in understanding these
dark types have been scattered across history as well. In particular, it is
possible to find evidence of studies surrounding manipulation and abuse in
nearly every culture around the world. Humans have always victimized other
humans as long as they have been able to. You can read in history books
about how people used to take slaves, destroy other towns and villages, and
steal.
Ultimately, up until relatively recently in history, attempts to manipulate and
control other people were common, but not particularly controlled or
recorded. It happened on a regular basis, but without proper guidance and
logging that allows for it to be tracked. After all, even religious texts make
reference to manipulation, such as referencing Eve being deceived by the
snake.
In proper psychology, there have been studies to determine how stimulations
of any kind can change behaviors. These have studied aspects such as
whether fear can be conditioned and learned, or whether adding certain
situations or wording could convince people to act in certain ways.
Perhaps one of the earliest records of controlling the behaviors of others
comes in 1897 with Ivan Pavlov’s study of dogs and their behavior. He
learned that some of the behavior of dogs seems to be innate, such as
salivating in response to food. He also learned that innate behaviors can be
linked to other stimuli. Instead of the dog salivating at food, for example, he
conditioned the dogs to salivate to the sound of a bell through what was
eventually called classical conditioning.
In classical conditioning, you are able to take unconditioned responses and
cause them with unconditioned stimuli. The food is the unconditioned
stimulus, and in response to seeing it, the dog will salivate in response. That
unconditioned stimulus gets paired with a conditioned stimulus, and in
response over time, you will see that the unconditioned response occurs when
exposed to the conditioned stimulus.
The concept of classical conditioning was strongly supported by psychologist
John Watson, who declared that he believed that classical conditioning was
involved in all aspects of human development and psychology. He pushed the
point in 1920 in an experiment during which he conditioned a 9-month-old
infant to fear anything white and fuzzy.
In particular, during this experiment, a child referred to as Little Albert was
provided access to several white animals in a neutral setting. He was shown a
rat, a rabbit, a monkey, and several other items. At first, Little Albert was not
afraid of any of them. He was unafraid of what he saw in front of him.
Eventually, the white rat was presented, along with the sudden loud bang of a
hammer on a steel bar just behind his head. While the rat itself was not
disturbing to the child, the sound was, and he cried. From 11 months on, he
was exposed to the rat with the loud noise occurring once a week for seven
weeks. Of course, the child cried each time. After the seven weeks, all that
researchers had to do to trigger the meltdown was to show him the rat in
question. Upon seeing the rat, even without the noise, he would cry in fear
and attempt to flee.
That was not all—Little Albert became phobic of anything that was white and
fuzzy. Whether a white dog, a piece of cotton wool or even Santa Claus, the
sight of something white and fuzzy was enough to send him into a panic.
While this behavioral response faded somewhat over time without
reinforcement, it was still readily triggered by repeating the creation of the
loud sound that went along with the rat.
This becomes a foundation for many different forms of manipulation and
influence. You will see this concept arise repeatedly when you look at neuro-
linguistic programming, during which you will see what is called anchoring,
a technique to trigger a certain behavior with a specific emotional response. It
can also be relevant in emotional manipulation as well.
After the discovery and conceptualization of classical conditioning, the
concept of operant conditioning arose as well. Particularly in 1936, B.F
Skinner came up with the concept, drawing heavily from Thorndike’s 1898
Law of Effect, which posited that anything with a positive consequence is
likely to be repeated, while anything with a negative consequence is going to
be avoided. For example, if a child is given a piece of candy after cleaning up
his mess, the child is going to be more inclined to pick up the toys in the
future, thanks to the positive effect. Conversely, if the child yells at someone
and then gets a negative consequence, such as having to go to their room,
they are not as likely to repeat it.
This concept was reiterated within Skinner’s theory, and he added to it a new
concept—reinforcement. Skinner asserted that if a behavior is reinforced,
meaning that it is rewarded, it will be repeated or strengthened. The person is
likely to repeat those behaviors that are reinforced because they had a good
result. However, when reinforcement does not occur, that behavior is going
to be weakened or extinguished.
In 1948, Skinner reiterated these concepts with experiments. He created what
he called a “Skinner Box” which was a box in which an animal had access to
a lever, a speaker, and two signal lights. There was also an electrical grid on
the bottom that would generate a shock. The animals were shocked when
they pressed the lever with a specific light illuminated, but when they used
the lever with the other light illuminated, they were rewarded with a piece of
food.
Through this experiment, it was shown that there are three types of responses
that will follow a behavior: Neutral operands, during which the environment
neither encourages nor discourages the repetition of behavior, reinforcers,
which drive the individual to repeat the behavior and punishers, which
discourage the repetition.
You will see this concept when looking at techniques such as intermittent
reinforcement, during which a manipulator will give positive reinforcement
only sometimes. As you can see, much of behaviorism becomes incredibly
relevant to the study of dark psychology.
The 1960s came with Albert Bandura, another prominent behaviorist,
acknowledging and agreeing with classical and operant conditioning while
also adding two distinct and important ideas. He asserted that there are
processes between the stimuli exposed to and responses and that behavior is a
learned concept that develops via observational learning.
In particular, Bandura presented an experiment known as the Bobo doll
experiment in 1961. He argued that children, in particular, will pay attention
to the behaviors or their models—people that they are surrounded by—and
they will imitate the behaviors that they were exposed to. Think of how a
toddler may yell out something embarrassing in public, not realizing that it is
embarrassing because he has heard it from his parents: This is the perfect
example.
In Bandura’s experiment, he exposed children between the ages of 3 and 6 to
violent behaviors toward a doll. First, children were studied to see how
aggressive they were as a baseline. They were then sorted into groups of
similar temperaments, in which some were shown an aggressive role model,
some were shown a non-aggressive role model, and some were given no role
model. The aggressive role model was aggressive toward a Bobo doll—they
were given a hammer to beat the doll with and threw the doll around while
yelling, “Pow, boom!” The non-aggressive model saw a model ignoring the
doll and playing with another toy quietly.
The children were then offered access to several other toys, which a
researcher told them were the best toys of all. Their behaviors were then
recorded. Children who had been exposed to the aggressive behaviors tended
to behave aggressively toward the Bobo doll that they had access to. This
shows us that children learn behaviors through observation—social behavior
is learned and influenced heavily based upon model, becoming the basis for
the Social Learning Theory.
This is further supported in several of the tactics used in dark psychology as
well. People are more readily persuaded by people similar to them, much like
how the children are more likely to mimic people similar to them. People are
also more likely to mimic others in unfamiliar settings as well, which is
displayed in tactics such as persuasion.
As you continue to read through this book, you will find that much of the
concepts that are innately used by the manipulators that are being studied
involve many of the concepts of behaviorism. It becomes recurring, and in a
way, it makes sense: Behaviorism is a study of how people act and how the
environment influences behavior. Dark psychology seeks to control and
change the behaviors of other people. As you continue to read, keep these key
processes in mind as they will be quite relevant.
Chapter 2: The Dark Side of Personality
Imagine Anna for a moment: Young, finishing up her last year at college, and
single. She is out with friends at a bar, and her other two friends have both
already met people that they are animatedly chatting with. Anna, however, is
a bit more self-conscious. She does not feel like she belongs there, and she
sits between her friends, sipping at her drink. Then, she sees him.
The man is handsome and smiling at her. He approaches and offers to buy her
a drink. He says his name is Ethan and that he has just graduated from the
same university Anna goes to, just last year. He asks a few questions that are
not too prying—is she a student? What is she studying? What a coincidence
—he also majored in business! Is she from the area? No way—he grew up 30
minutes from her hometown. They seem like normal questions to Anna—he
is getting to know her, and it appears that they have several major things in
common. She chats with him, and soon, they are talking about her past
relationship and how it was incredibly messy, so she isn’t looking for
anything at the moment.
Instead of scaring him away, he nods sagely and acknowledges that he had
been in a relationship with a particularly abusive, narcissistic woman not too
long ago and he was just looking for someone to get to know as friends. They
spend the rest of the night in the bar chatting happily, and when Anna and her
friends are ready to go, he smiles, writes down his phone number for her, and
bids them good night.
Anna finds herself hooked—she cannot stop thinking about Ethan and how
much they had in common. Soon, she is texting him, and she finds out that
not only have their lives paralleled quite closely, they share very similar
hobbies. They both like to sit in and read with a nice cup of wine. They both
like to go on hikes in the nearby mountains. They both share a love for
playing video games—but the same type of obscure RPG, not the mainstream
titles that come out.
Soon, Ethan has slid into Anna’s life entirely. He is over at her apartment 5 or
6 days a week and stays the night at least half of them, usually falling asleep
halfway through a movie. He brings her flowers and lavishes her in positive
attention. He loves to listen for hours about everything that she has gone
through in the last few years and offer his own opinions as someone who had
been in a similar relationship before.
Anna tells herself that he is the one. He is different. He is kind and caring. He
knows how to listen. She soon finds herself head over heels in love with him.
They fall hard and fast for each other, and within three months, they are
engaged—after all, they are soul mates. Six months later, she is pregnant.
Nine months later, they are married. Shortly before the baby is born, it is like
a switch has flipped. He is mean and cold. He is constantly disappearing
overnight at the bar. He puts her down and when she cries, he calls her
hormonal. It was like the Ethan that she knew, loved, and married, was
nothing but a lie.
This is because he had lied. People with dark personalities have no qualms
about preying on other people. Just as the wolf does not think twice about the
feelings of deer, the dark personality type does not care about his victims.
Ethan had disguised himself precisely because he was hunting Anna: He was
intentionally trying to make himself attractive to her—he wanted to be able to
interest and attract her in order to gain control.
Oftentimes, people with dark personalities, with the propensity to manipulate,
hunt, and use other people, present themselves in four different ways: They
are Machiavellian, narcissistic, sadistic, or psychopathic. Some people will
have several of these traits, while others may have just one. Nevertheless,
these people are dangerous. They are not afraid of inflicting extreme mental,
and sometimes even physical, harm to other people in order to get what they
want or need. All that matters to them is that they get exactly what it is that
they needed.
People with these dark personality types are known as having dark cores—
they are more likely to engage in antisocial behaviors such as behaving
malevolently, stealing, cheating, or hurting other people. These are the people
engaging in dark psychology, and the more that you read through the book,
the more you will come to recognize the methods through which these
personality types choose to act.
Within this chapter, we will stop and take a look at four of the darkest
personality types—we will look at the Machiavellian, the narcissist, the
psychopath, and the sadist. We will go over the classical presentation of each
of these personality traits, as well as the motivators for each. While each of
them is their own distinct type, with very specific traits, they all share
similarities. In particular, each of these dark personality types lacks empathy.
A Note on Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and feel other people’s emotions. It is
primarily responsible for facilitating communication between people,
allowing others access to the emotional states of those around them. In
particular, it allows for people to act compassionately—you can put yourself
in someone else’s shoes, so to speak. If you can see that the person across
from you is stressed out, you can relate. You can feel that sort of stress
yourself if you are particularly empathetic. In knowing the emotions of
someone else, you can then feel moved to help—you can offer to do
something to alleviate that stress.
In other instances, empathy allows for the regulation of your own behaviors.
If you can empathize with someone else, you can make sure that you,
yourself, are not the cause of their distress. Consider for a moment that you
are talking to someone and say something that offends them. If you can
empathize with them, you can see and understand that you upset them—and
you actually care. In being able to acknowledge that you have upset them,
you can then make it a point to change your own behaviors. This is why
empathy is so critical, and why lacking it can be so dangerous. It is what
usually acts as a deterrent to hurting other people needlessly.
Machiavellianism
The first of the personality traits that will be discussed is Machiavellianism.
Machiavellians are people who are highly manipulative by nature—they are
able to cheat people out of things without you ever knowing that it has
happened. This particular trait is named for Niccolo Machiavelli—a diplomat
and philosopher responsible for writing The Prince—a book that discussed
that strong rulers must be harsh on their subjects in order to keep their rule. In
particular, it is believed that the earning of glory and survival will justify any
means. Effectively, then, this is the beginning of the flawed idea that the ends
will always justify the means.
The people with this personality type, then, encompass that form of thinking.
They feel that they can be manipulative with little repercussions, or that the
repercussions are meaningless so long as they get their way.
The Machiavellian is focused on his or her own ambition—all that matters is
success, no matter what the cost. They will always prioritize their own
success, regardless of what their idea of success is. If they believe that
success is defined by their income, they will maximize that income, no matter
the cost, for example.
Of course, if they are willing to succeed at any cost, they are typically
incredibly exploitative. They will have no issues with taking advantage of
other people, their weaknesses, or even throwing people under the bus if they
think that it will be enough to get them the success, they believe that they
deserve. There is no such thing as going too far with the Machiavellian, so
long as the Machiavellian gets his or her way at the end of the day.
These people tend to be incredibly calculating. They will constantly be acting
in their own best interests, even when people do not think that they are. If
they are kind and do a favor, it is because they know that doing that favor is
the best way to ensure that the other party is going to give them what they
want later. Nothing they do is without reason, and they are not likely to help
other people unless they can see some sort of legitimate benefit to doing so.
This makes it incredibly difficult to identify their true intentions.
The Machiavellian, despite coming across as charming and flattering, is

usually incredibly cynical—he does not believe that anyone will ever do
anything for reasons that are not self-serving. To the Machiavellian, if anyone
does something nice to them, it is because they want or need something and
think that being ice will get it. In reality, they lack the value of inherent
human kindness that they typically take advantage of, and their lack of
empathy means that they do not care when they are taking advantage of other
people. They will actively and readily harm other people, making other
people fall for them without ever really committing to legitimate
relationships. However, because they are so skilled at reading those around
them and deceiving other people, they are commonly seen as far more
charismatic and caring than they actually are.
Narcissism
The narcissist, on the other and is far less intentional and calculating. While
the Machiavellian is incredibly meticulous in his manipulation, narcissists do
not make the intentional decision to be manipulative people. They also lack
the empathy necessary to regulate their actions regarding how other people
see them, but in terms of the motivations, the narcissist is manipulative
because the narcissist is delusional.
The narcissists are particularly exhausting because they have their own grand
sense of self—in fact, it is so grand, that most of the time, it is grandiose.
They are completely convinced that they are the best people out there, and
entirely perfect. Because they are so confident in their perfection, they
effectively believe that they are right all the time. There is no way that they
can be wrong because they believe that they cannot be flawed, and this turns
into them believing that when there is a disconnect between what they expect
to be true versus what is actually true, they tend to assume that their own
beliefs are the ones that are right.
This gets incredibly exhausting as people deal with them—they believe that
they are perfect and inherently deserving of more than those around them.
They think that they deserve special treatment and consideration and that
treatment and consideration means that they will do anything to get it.
Effectively, the narcissist’s manipulation and harm toward others comes out
of that expectation of being right all of the time, believing that their
grandiosity is justification of everything. However, the problem with the
narcissist is that he is so skilled in convincing other people that he is right and
deserving of special treatment that he will even gaslight himself into
believing it. The narcissist will absolutely believe his narrative of what
happens. If he tells someone that something did not happen in a certain way,
they have likely convinced themselves of that narrative to protect that image
of perfection that they are so certain about. They will always believe that they
are deserving of that perfection, no matter what.
Narcissists themselves crave the center of attention—while they are unable to

empathize with other people, they absolutely believe that they are deserving
of the adoration of others, and they require it in order to feel like they are
justified. They have a constant need to be admired, and if they are not
admired, they will do things to gain that admiration, even if it hurts other
people.
Psychopathy
Of the four traits that we are looking at, psychopaths are quite arguably the
worst of the four. These people have the greatest potential to be harmful.
When attempting to identify their personality tendencies, the psychopath is
someone who flags as highly callous, impulsive, manipulative, and grandiose.
Effectively, the psychopath is someone who is not afraid of hurting other
people to get what he wants. He is willing to give in to those impulses that
would usually be disregarded quickly. If he has the thought that he wants to
hurt someone else or toy with someone’s emotions, he will do so as a game,
simply because he can. He believes that he is able to do this without regard
for the feelings of other people, and he will do it without thinking twice.
Like the narcissist, the psychopath thinks incredibly highly of himself—he
believes that he is smarter than other people and that he is skilled enough to
get away with whatever he wants to do. If he decides that he will become a
serial killer, he is convinced that no one will ever be able to catch him—he is
entirely of the belief that he is more intelligent, sneakier, and more capable
than any of the people who have attempted this manipulation before him.
Despite the monstrous nature of the psychopath, they are actually incredibly
adept at social situations. Unlike the narcissist, who may struggle in social
settings if his grandiosity gets the best of him, the psychopath is even more
skilled at blending in. They are able to emulate normal humans with ease and
will do so to their own advantage. They see their skill at blending in as a
game and they will often try to convince as many people as possible that they
are trustworthy in order to take advantage again later.
Sadism
While the previous three make up the personality types commonly referred to
as the dark triad, there is one more trait that is important to consider here
when discussing dark psychology—the sadist. The sadist has all of the
callousness of the dark triad, but unlike them, they are not particularly
impulsive or manipulative. The sadist is someone who is entirely motivated
because he enjoys being cruel.
The everyday sadist simply wants to hurt people or watch people suffer. He
may make it a point to join the military or police force, allowing himself to
shield himself from any repercussions. Within those particular career paths,
he may feel like he can hurt people or be exposed to harm of others without
having to hide it.
Of course, if that sadism comes along with one of the other personality types,
such as paired with narcissistic personality disorder, it can become incredibly
problematic—the sadistic narcissist is one that genuinely enjoys hurting
people but may even feel like he has a right to do so. He will be able to
justify his actions without having to try very hard simply because he knows
that he is better than other people.
Dark Personalities and Abuse

Ultimately, these personality types lend themselves to abusive individuals
due to the increase in callousness when compared to the others. Because of
the callousness, none of the people discussed in this chapter have any qualms
about their abuse. This means that Ethan, in his relationship with Anna, does
not care about the pain that has been inflicted. He does not care that he
effectively trapped someone under false pretenses, creating an indelible bond
between the two of them forever. Even if she were to leave, she would never
be able to truly escape him thanks to the fact that they share a child.
Studies have been done on the dark personality types that have shown that
these people will tend to choose to act in ways that inflict pain, especially if
they are quite sadistic. In this study, people were asked to choose from one of
several jobs—the study was disguised in order to make the participants
believe that they were looking at personality type and job preference. The
jobs were to reflect the type of dark behaviors that they would then be told to
do. Some of the jobs were to work in the cold, work in sanitation, or being an
exterminator.
Unsurprisingly, most of the sadists chose extermination. From there, the
scientists created what they called a killing machine—a coffee grinder that
was modified in order to make crunching sounds, and they were instructed
that they had to kill several bugs in names with cute names in an attempt to
humanize them. Throughout the experiment, the sadists absolutely did choose
to kill the bugs, and they were not disgusted by it. They were happy to kill
the bugs and enjoyed it, though compared to people without sadistic
tendencies, they enjoyed anything that they chose to do less than their non-
sadistic counterparts.
After these results, another experiment was performed—during this one,
people were sorted based on personality, and then were asked to play a
computer game. The people playing the game were told that they were
competing in order to blast a loud noise at the people in the other room. If
they won, they would be able to choose how long and loud the blast would
be. As an important note, the opponents never blasted back.
Half of these people would then have to work to be cruel—if they won, they
would then need to count before the blast of noise would occur, with the
interest of the study being how likely the extra work would deter the people
from being aggressive. Ultimately, only the sadists chose to work to hurt the
other party. While those with the dark personality types would all inflict
some degree of harm to the opponents when it was easy, adding the extra
layer of work was enough to deter the other personality types. Beyond just
that, the sadists also chose to raise the blast and make it longer just to hurt the
other team when they realized that there would be no retaliation.
Effectively, then, the sadists are the ones who are more likely to hurt other
people. Even the psychopaths, who will hurt or kill without feeling bad about
it, usually had purpose to drive them. The Machiavellians were too
calculating to risk the harm of other people unless they felt like the payoff
was right. The narcissists usually went out of their way to hurt others when
they were threatened. However, the sadists would hurt just to enjoy
themselves.
This means that, at the end of the day, it is the sadists that are going to be the
most manipulative. The narcissists will be aggressive and abusive in response
to the perception of a threat to themselves or their ego. The psychopath will
hurt to gain something or because he wants something. The Machiavellian
will abuse only when it seems like the best way to get what he wants, and it
will not be risky to do so.
Chapter 3: Manipulation
Perhaps one of the most common forms of the usage of dark psychology is
via the use of manipulation. Ethan manipulated Anna as he made it a point to
get to know her, little by little in order to reflect back what he thought she
wanted to see. In an act known as narcissistic mirroring, he was able to
present himself as exactly what Anna wanted, allowing him to draw her in.
She was convinced that he was perfect in every way when in reality, it was all
a façade—he hid behind a very specialized mask in order to win his prize:
Anna.
Manipulation primarily exists in two forms—it can be covert, meaning that it
happens without the manipulated individual knowing about it, or it can be
overt and in everyone’s face, such as extortion or blackmail that involves
threatening and coercing the other person into obedience with them knowing
full well that they must either comply or suffer the consequences. In
particular, those within the dark tetrad tend to prefer the covert forms of
manipulation—they want to be able to do their jobs well and effectively
without worrying about the aftermath. They think that their attempts to
manipulate will be more effective if they remain hidden, and for the most
part, they are right.
When you want to understand manipulation, you must first learn to define
manipulation and how it works. When you understand that definition, you
can start to understand how it is used in order to be effective. Once you
understand the pattern of how manipulation is used, you can begin to
recognize several specifically manipulative tactics that are commonly used.
In recognizing the common tactics of manipulators, you can begin to
recognize the manipulator. Finally, in recognizing the manipulator, you can
defend against manipulation.
Defining Manipulation
Psychological manipulation is ultimately a form of social influence—that
means that it is attempting to succeed at one of three different end goals: It
will gain compliance, in which the people will agree to do something, even if
they do not actually believe it is the right thing to do, it will gain
identification, which will change the thoughts of the other person, or it will
gain internalization, in which it will cause a change in belief or behavior that
is also agreed with publicly and privately.
Effectively, then, manipulation seeks to change someone’s actions, thoughts,
or both to fit with whatever it is that the manipulator is encouraging. In
particular, though, manipulation tends to be indirect, deceptive, or
underhanded. It is designed specifically to change the thoughts or behavior
without the other person being aware of it while also serving the manipulator
in some way.
Most often, the manipulator has some sort of agenda that is being addressed
—that agenda becomes the goal for that manipulation attempt. Ethan wanted
to win Anna’s favor, for example—he made it a point to convince her that he
was someone he was not because he saw something that he liked within her.
A narcissist may manipulate someone because he wants to gain that approval
and acknowledgment that he needs if he wants to feel comfortable in his own
skin. The sadist may manipulate because he wants to inflict pain. The
Machiavellian may manipulate because he wants to be able to achieve an end
goal and manipulation is the only way it will happen.
In order for manipulation to be successful, no matter what the end goal of it
is, three criteria must be met. The aggression must be concealed in some way,
usually with the manipulator seeming like someone trustworthy or worthy of
respect and consideration. The manipulator must have some working
knowledge of any vulnerabilities that will be exploited, understanding how
best to move forward to manipulate. Lastly, the manipulator must be ruthless
enough to not care about lying and potentially hurting the other person.
Think about how this relates back to Ethan for a moment. He came across as
perfectly charming in the beginning and Anna never suspected a thing. He
got to know her, noticing in particular exactly how she suffered from an
abusive relationship in the past, which he used to force a relationship. He
took advantage of that bit of knowledge and then encouraged her to continue
discussing anything and everything with her, which he then used against her
on a regular basis. Any time she told him about something personal, he would
remember and use it to continue to build the relationship more and more.
Finally, he was willing to hurt her, even though most people would usually
hesitate and avoid doing so.
Using Manipulation
Most of the time, manipulation occurs in very specific manners. In order to
manipulate someone, you must be able to meet one of five criteria to use as
the motivator. Think back to the discussion of behaviorism, particularly with
Skinner and the discussion of positive reinforcement and punishment. This is
where these concepts come back, but in terms of manipulating other people to
control their behaviors, most of the time, there are five distinct manners of
encouraging or discouraging behavior.
In artificially installing the desired behaviors with one of these tactics, the
desired behaviors become learned relatively simply. Ultimately, it will be a
matter of figuring out which the best particular tactic is for that situation. The
manipulator has a lot to consider—is the victim someone timid and easily
malleable? They may respond best to positive reinforcement or the use of
intermittent reinforcement. Are they more hard-headed? It may be best to try
utilizing a one-trial learning in an attempt to condition the desired response.
The five distinct manners of controlling the victims of manipulators are
through the use of positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement,
intermittent reinforcement, punishment, and traumatic one-trial learning.
Each of these are used in different ways to differing effects based on the
target and the desired goal.
As a quick note before continuing, remember that there is an inherent
difference between positive and negative, regarding both reinforcement and
punishment. When you are adding something, whether that something is
good or bad, you are said to be using positive reinforcement or punishment.
When you are removing or taking away something, you are using negative
reinforcement or punishment. This varies from the traditional understanding
of positive and negative in the more colloquial sense, in which people see
good things as positive and bad things as negative. We must step past that
misperception to truly be able to understand what is being discussed as we
continue.
For example, if your child pulled straight A’s on his last report card, you may
take him out for ice cream—this is an example of positive reinforcement. If
you find that your child has failed three classes, however, you may give him
extra chores until he has his grades up. This is an example of positive
punishment because you are actively giving him an aversive stimulus in
response to his misbehavior. Alternatively, taking away your child’s video
game system upon realizing that he is failing his classes would be a form of
negative punishment—you are taking away something positive. Finally, if
you are removing a negative situation, such as no longer nagging at your
child after your child has made it a point to turn in all missing work is an
example of negative reinforcement—you removed the aversive stimulus to
encourage the behavior you wanted.
In general, positive reinforcement is by far the gentlest of the forms of
manipulation. It will involve the use of creating or giving feedback to the
victim in some way to encourage a behavior. Effectively, when the use of
positive reinforcement occurs, the victim is rewarded for doing the desired
behavior. Think about how a dog that is listening during training is given a
reward—they are given a small treat to encourage the repetition of those
desired behaviors. This means that they are more likely to continue with
those behaviors in the future thanks to the fact that doing them became
enjoyable. Because the desired behavior gets associated with reward, the
behavior is more likely to be repeated.
Negative reinforcement is more or less the opposite: the behavior increases
because something negative was removed. Imagine that you are being nagged
at by your boss to finish up that assignment for work—you are only
alleviated form that constant nagging when you finish. In that case, you were
negatively reinforced simply because the removal of the aversive situation
happened.
Intermittent reinforcement uses reinforcement that is inconsistent. In
particular, it is most likely used in the occasional revocation of a negative
reinforcement. For example, imagine that Ethan expects Anna to clean the
house top to bottom and it is rarely good enough for him, no matter how hard
she tries. When she cleans up, she is occasionally granted with the benefit of
having him be pleasant, or at the very least, not as grumpy. Occasionally, he
chooses to reward her just enough to keep her hooked, making sure that she
does not want to leave. Instead, she fights harder because she sees the
occasional hope that the Ethan she fell in love with is still there.
Punishment is the usage of the addition of something unpleasant in order to
dissuade someone from behaving in a certain way. When you are punishing
someone, you are usually causing a negative consequence of some sort as a
direct result of a behavior, or a lack of the proper behavior, in order to keep
the victim on track.
Finally, traumatic one-trial learning relates to the use of sudden, harsh abuse
that is meant to intimidate and traumatize the victim into no longer repeating
those tactics again in the future. Effectively, the victim does something that
the manipulator is unhappy about and the manipulator drastically punishes
him or her. If Anna were to have done something that Ethan did not like, he
may have decided to leave her on the side of the road or threaten to take their
shred child in order to strongly discourage her from repeating that behavior.
The sole purpose of this behavior is to make the person so traumatized as a
result that they will no longer repeat those behaviors.
Recognizing the Manipulator
Identifying the manipulator is something that can be incredibly difficult to
pull off. It is tough to ensure that you can spot when someone else is
manipulating but being able to do so is incredibly beneficial. Knowledge is
power and power is a proper defense from being taken advantage of
needlessly. When you want to recognize and identify the manipulator, you
will basically be looking for several different traits and actions. If you want to
be able to know if the other party is, in fact, manipulating you, stop and
reflect on your relationship. As soon as you know what you are looking for,
you will find that they become far more transparent than they ever were
before.
Manipulators will undermine your ability to trust yourself.
One of the most common forms of manipulation is known as gaslighting—
they use this to convince you that what you think is happening around you is
actually all a figment of your imagination. Even if they have done something
in front of you, such as taking the last piece of pizza with you right there,
they will then deny it, saying that you must have eaten it. They are so skilled
at doing this that you may actually begin to believe them, leaving you
questioning your own sanity.
Manipulators say something different than what they are doing.
Rarely do the words and actions of the manipulator match up. When you are
being manipulated, you may find that the manipulator is actively saying one
thing but doing the exact opposite. Perhaps Ethan says that he has Anna’s
best interest at heart, but nothing he does actually reflects that. Instead, he
frequently does things that are arguably not in her best interest. What he may
say is to make sure that she does not eat unhealthy food is actually little more
than an attempt to keep her under his thumb, making her feel bad and causing
her to give in without actively trying to fight back.
You regularly feel guilty when around the manipulator, and you can’t
explain it.
When you are around the manipulator, you may find that guilt becomes a
common occurrence. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, you cannot help
but feel that sense of guilt, despite your best attempts. You think about things
and cannot figure out why you would be guilty, and yet there you are, feeling
like you should have tried more, done better, or attempted something entirely
different altogether. This is not a fault with you—if you are constantly feeling
like you are guilty, it is time to reevaluate to determine whether you are
simply surrounded by people who are hurting you or if you have actually
been behaving in negative ways.
The manipulator is always the victim, and you are usually at fault.
The manipulator is particularly skilled at ensuring that you feel like whatever
has happened is your fault and that whatever it was is a slight toward the
manipulator. Even so much as accidentally forgetting to bring your partner’s
requested food home from the store will suddenly be spun around, instead
becoming a deliberate attempt to hurt the manipulator.
The manipulator pushes the relationship far too quickly.
Much of the time, the manipulator will make it a point to move the
relationship as quickly as possible. They will share more than they really
should in order to convince the other party that they are being truthful about
what they are doing. They will intentionally try to convince everyone
involved that what they need above all is to move quickly. They will love
intensely, push business relationships before proper trust is built, and use
their own feigned vulnerability to fool those around them into sharing and
making themselves vulnerable as well.
The manipulator will happily agree or volunteer to help.
But then it always turns into a martyr act. While he may have agreed initially,
he will show all sorts of reluctance. If you dare to ask him if he is actually
reluctant or points out that you will be fine without him, he is likely to
instead deny and make you feel guilty about even suggesting such a thing.
Instead, his goal is to make you feel like you are indebted to him for future
use.
The manipulator will always be one step ahead of you.
Whether for better or worse, the manipulator will always be further on the
spectrum. If you are having a bad day, the manipulator’s day is automatically
worse. If you just got into a great university, the manipulator will be quick to
remind you about how he went to a better school. They will always
simultaneously have it better and worse than you, no matter what is going on.
Defending Against Manipulation
No one wants to be on the receiving end of manipulation—the problem arises
when so many people are victimized without knowing what the signs of
manipulation are. When you do finally learn what they are, however, you are
able to begin fighting back You can start to make the progress that you will
need in order to reclaim your life and keep the other party from hurting you
any further. There are several tactics that you can use to defend against
manipulation, ranging from avoiding the manipulator altogether to directly
countering what is being said to you. From here, we will go over three
methods that you can use to defend yourself from manipulation as it arises in
your life.
Know Your Basic Rights
Perhaps one of the best ways to protect yourself is through learning to
recognize your own inherent rights as an individual. As a human, you are
entitled to several basic human rights, and more often than not, the abuser
tries to get around them. When you recognize and defend your basic human
rights, you will be able to stand up for yourself—you tell the other party that
you are not willing to put up with such blatant disrespect and abuse. Instead
of being willing to lie down flatter and completely disregard the fact that you
have been treated poorly, you will be instead of making sure that you demand
the treatment you deserve. Some of these basic human rights include:
The right to respectful treatment
The right to be expressive of your own thoughts,
feelings, and desires
The right to say no for any reason without guilt
The right to get anything that you have paid for
The right to your own free opinion
The right to ensure that you are safe, physically and
mentally
The right to happiness
The right to instate and enforce any boundaries
Each of these fundamental rights can strengthen your defense against the
manipulator. If you say that you deserve respectful treatment and demand it
without exception, you can make it clear that you will tolerate nothing less
than the utmost basic respect. You will not deal with name-calling, harmful
or hurtful behavior, or anything else that may keep you down. If you are
cognizant of the fact that you have several thoughts that are your own, and
you are entitled to those thoughts, no matter what anyone else thinks, you
protect yourself from mental manipulation. When you recognize that you are
free, physically and mentally, you can stop allowing the manipulator to hold
you back. Effectively, these boundaries become your shields with which you
fend off the narcissist or manipulator. With those shields, you protect
yourself from damage. However, the battle is not won simply by wielding a
shield—you need to be proactively able to protect yourself as well. Protecting
yourself is as simple as figuring out the best way to probe back at the
manipulator.
Probing to Defend from Manipulation
Questions such as wondering if the request seems reasonable to the
manipulator, asking if it sounds fair, and then wondering if you have a say
one way or the other are all ways that you can go out of your way to twist
things around and put the onus back upon the manipulator. For example,
imagine that Ethan tells Anna to run to the store as soon as possible to pick
up a very specific item. She is exhausted and does not want to drive across
town, but he is incredibly insistent that she goes. She could stop and ask him
if that seems reasonable to him. She may ask, “Are you really expecting that I
drop everything after having gotten two hours of sleep, right after baby falls
asleep, just to get you that special nacho cheese that I can only get across
town?” When she twists things around like that, it suddenly seems far less
reasonable for her to have to follow through with doing what the manipulator
has requested.
This works for a very specific reason—you are now twisting things around
and putting the pressure back upon the manipulator. When you are able to
redirect to the manipulator, you can effectively change the tactic—instead of
you being on the defensive, you are suddenly on the offense. Instead of
having to defend yourself, you make the manipulator have to defend against
you. Effectively, then, you can point out everything that is wrong with the
suggestion. You leave the manipulator with two choices: He can deny that
what he is saying is unreasonable, saying that he would absolutely go and do
what he is asking you to do, or he will be forced to admit that the requests are
too one-sided and are incredibly unfair.
Saying No and Enforcing It
The last method that is quite easy to use in order to disarm the manipulator is
to simply learn how to say no and mean it. So often, we make it a point to let
other people rule our lives. We are willing to put up with what other people
tell us to do and what they say simply because we are too afraid to stand up
for ourselves. However, think of the implication there—if you do not stand
up for yourself, you are going to find yourself struggling. You will always be
pushed around, left and right, expected to do whatever the manipulators that
want to take advantage of you determine is right.
When you learn how to say no, however, you take away that power. The only
power that the bully initially holds over you is the power to rule your life.
When you learn to say no and really mean it, you are actively telling people
that they cannot control you. You are saying that you do not consent to being
taken advantage of, and that is significant. If you can tell other people no,
then, you can follow through and avoid falling for the problems that the
manipulator wants you to.
Manipulators count on what is called the nice guy or nice girl syndrome—
they assume that you will say yes simply in the name of being polite, and as
soon as they know that they have an in somehow, whether through you, your
actions, behaviors, or anything else, they will not hesitate to take advantage
of you, over and over again without relenting. The only way to end this is
with your own boundaries.
This means that when you say no, you need to enforce it. If they continue to
try to pester you into something, you are within your rights to simply walk
away. You do not have to consent to being controlled, and in fact, you are
going to be happier and better off if you refuse to altogether.
Saying no does not have to be difficult either—all you need to do is
apologize, say that it does not work for you, and move on. There is no reason
to explain why it does not work, no matter how hard the other party pushes
for a reason—if you relent and give them the reason it does not work, they
will try to find a way to disregard what you are saying in order to try to force
you into agreeing. Simply responding with, “That doesn’t work for me,
sorry,” is the perfectly polite way to shut someone else down without having
to provide much information. Remember, an invitation does not mean that
you are forced to do something, and a demand is not mandatory unless
enforced by the law.
When your boundaries are ignored and continuously stomped upon, what you
must do is find a way to stand up for yourself. The best way to do so is to
keep your distance from the other party. While they may initially accuse you
of being manipulative or controlling, keep in mind that all you are doing is
choosing to not expose yourself to their ridiculous demands. You are
protecting yourself, and you should not feel guilty for doing so. Instead, focus
on the fact that you can get that distance that you needed while also making a
point to heal. If they try to convince you that you are punishing them, remind
yourself that you are simply giving yourself time until you can see them
again without being angry, whether that is in the near future or never. You
are well within your rights to choose who you associate with, and even if they
cry and complain and tell everyone that you are a horrible person, you are
truly only responsible for your own feelings and opinion.
Chapter 4: Emotional Manipulation
Like any narcissist, Machiavellian, or sociopath would tell you, one of the
easiest ins to manipulating someone else is through emotions. This makes
sense—after all, emotions exist to compel us to behave in certain ways. Our
emotions are rarely questioned—not everyone consciously questions the
emotions that they have at any point in time just due to the fact that we are so
used to them. We are angry, so we behave angrily. We are afraid, so we
behave as such. This makes perfect sense when you consider the instincts of
animals—can’t most behaviors be boiled down to emotions in one way or
another? Think about it—you might have one person who is going to be
highly motivated by the fact that they feel angry. They might behave
irrationally or react strongly. This is because their anger is in control.
The human mind can commonly be thought of as existing on two planes: The
emotional and the logical, and the two sides regularly duel for control over
the other. When you take a look at the human mind, you have people who are
highly logical—they are cold and calculating, and they may also choose to
pay close attention to the real, logical outcomes of what they are doing. They
do not want to find themselves in a nasty position in which they cannot make
certain that they are in control, so they rarely pay attention to the emotional
aspect of what they are doing. There are other people, however, that swing
the opposite way. They let their emotions get the best of them, and that
becomes something that is incredibly dangerous. Emotions do not think about
logic. They are not rational, nor will they ever care to be. Emotions are pure
instinct wrapped up in behavior that may or may not be appropriate
considering the situation.
Because emotions are so visceral and so uncontrollable for many of us, they
become an easy way for people to take utter control over those that they are
around, and the dark triad will have no problem doing so. Being willing to
take control of other people—that willingness to give in to the ruthlessness is
highly important.
As you read through this chapter, we will be discussing the concept of
emotional manipulation—of taking control of someone else to ensure that
you can and will be in complete control over the situation. If you want to be
able to take over what someone else is doing, it all begins with that
willingness to take control. You need that ruthlessness to take control, and if
you have that, then everything else will fall together relatively simply.
The Role of Emotions in Behavior and Manipulation
Emotions are a difficult topic to really understand. When you are able to take
control of the emotions of someone else, you can do so. You can take control
of the situation to influence how the other person feels. Emotional
manipulation will allow for this and will work in a way that will be
practically undetected. Emotional manipulation works primarily because you
must first get yourself into a position in which the other person cares about
what you think. It requires that degree of relationship between yourself and
the other person to ensure that you do have that power.
Emotional motivators allow you to begin to trigger emotions in the other
person so you can be in control. Emotions are highly motivating, and because
of their role in guiding responses to the world, such as making sure that you
are anxious when walking home alone at night due to an innate fear of being
preyed upon, or feeling sad when you see someone in trouble due to a need
for that sort of emotional connection with others, you can begin to figure out
what it is that you will need to do. You want to make sure that you are more
than capable of taking control to ensure that you can craft those emotional
responses in other people—that will allow you to begin to figure out what
you are doing.
Ultimately, you are capable of creating emotions in other people just by
virtue of understanding how it is done in the first place. When you recognize
the power that goes into it, you can begin to figure out precisely how you can
understand others. When you see how other people are triggered to feel
certain emotions, you can hack into that. Think about it—certain things are
bound to upset anyone, and sometimes, there are triggers that are more
specific to the individual. Learning those emotional vulnerabilities will help
you to begin to tackle how to control the other person.
Creating Emotions
Emotions themselves are largely unconscious—we do not control much of
how we feel at any point in time. They are this way due to the fact that they
are meant to be instinctive. They are meant to protect us in the world.
However, because emotions are unconscious, we rarely actually understand
where they are coming from. It takes conscious effort to figure out where
those emotions begin so that people can understand what is happening. Think
about it—you might know that you feel stressed out, but you do not know
why. Even though you do not know why you are so stressed out that stress is
still going to influence everything that you do, this is imperative to
understand just due to the fact that you will be tapping into the emotions of
other people. The more that you understand what you are doing, the more
likely you are to recognize the truth and power that goes into everything.
Of course, if you want to create emotions, you can do so quite simply—there
are just a few steps that go into it, and all of those become integral to any of
the emotional manipulation methods that we are going to take a look at
shortly.
Step 1: Identifying vulnerabilities
To begin, you must first figure out what the vulnerability or emotional trigger
that you intend to create is. When you figure out what it is that you want to
create, you can begin to take control. You can, for example, recognize that
the other person is incredibly insecure about their weight, so comments that
imply a focus on weight might make them feel insecure. That is a
vulnerability that you can exploit, and being able to figure out what the best
one to exploit it can be a bit of a hassle. However, being able to influence
through exploiting vulnerabilities is one of the best things that you can do.
Step 2: Triggering emotions
Once you know what the vulnerability is that you wish to exploit, you can
then begin to trigger the emotion. This is figuring out the best way to exploit
the other person. You could, for example, choose to poke at someone’s
weaknesses. If you know that their vulnerability is their anger, something you
could use to your advantage to make yourself the victim in the situation, you
could choose to say something that you know would make them take offense.
By putting them on the offense, you can then ensure that they are going to
respond to you in the way that you want them to. If you want them to feel
frustrated by you, then you can make that work as well. All you have to do is
be willing to trigger that feeling within them and know how to do so.
Of course, the key here is that you must be discreet. If you lack discretion in
your actions, you run the risk of being found out, and that could mean that
your attempt to influence the other person has completely failed. You must be
willing to do whatever it will take for you to take control of the situation.
Step 3: Manipulation
The third step to focus on is manipulation. This is the step in which you put
the emotions that you have triggered to work. If you are trying to guilt them
into giving in to whatever it is that you want, now is the time to make it
happen and lay on the pity party. If you are attempting to pose yourself as the
victim of an altercation, now is the time to make them lash out at you. If you
can make this happen yourself, you can ensure that you are on the right track.
You can ensure that you are capable of figuring out what it will take for you
to take control. All you will have to do is ensure that you are the one in
control of the situation.
If you have manipulated them effectively, you will see that they are doing
exactly what it was that you needed from them. They will behave exactly
how you wanted just because you have taken control, and that is what you
need. The truth is, people, despite thinking otherwise, is actually incredibly
easy to take control of. All you have to do is ensure that you do whatever it
will take to make it happen. When you do so, you will be able to control the
other person.
Fear, Obligation, Guilt
A common method that is used to manipulate others is known as “FOG”—it
stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt. In this form of emotional manipulation,
you learn to take control of the other person through the use of understanding
everything about them that you will need. You effectively begin trying to
control them by making them fear you, and if they do not fear you, then you
make them feel obligated to you. If they do not feel obligated, you make
them feel guilty for not helping in the first place. This is important to
understand—when you look at it in this way, you start to see that people are
incredibly easy to manage.
This form of emotional manipulation requires a long-term effort, however, so
that makes it a bit tricky to utilize in all contexts. It becomes imperative to
understand that in this form, you will need to be close enough to the other
party that you will be able to control them. You will need a close enough
bond to them if you wish for them to be obligated to you or feel guilty just
due to the way that they will function. Think about it—if you are not close to
them, what motivation can you tap into to make them feel guilty about the
situation that you are in? Due to the constraints that are natural to this form of
manipulation, it is commonly reserved for family members and friends rather
than many of the other types of emotional manipulation or blackmail that are
used.
It all begins with fear. We know that fear is a natural response to something
that is stressful. It triggers that fight or flight response that we have when
faced with danger. Fear itself is essential to ensuring that we survive the
world around us, but it is also quite simple to abuse as well. With fear, you
can take control of the other person. You can ensure that you are in a position
in which you can take control simply due to the natural processes that happen
within the body during it. Fear naturally forces our bodies to slow down.
When we feel fear, our body shuts down non-critical functions, such as
critical thinking, in favor of focusing on preparing for a proper fight. When
someone is in fight or flight mode, the body is working more than the mind
is. The mind is focused on either finding an escape route or fighting off the
danger. However, that means that the individual in fear is going to be simpler
to control as well. Due to the stress of this form of manipulation, it becomes
simple to take control without really trying to—something that is not a good
thing for the average person. It can be of great use to you, however.
Obligation is another emotion that stems from a sense of community and
responsibility. When we feel obligated to someone or something, it is because
we feel a sense of duty to it. We need societal bonds to survive in the world,
and because of that, it becomes imperative for us to feel some sort of duty to
the society that we are a part of. After all, the only way to get through some
of the hardest tasks is through a sense of duty to some degree. When you take
a look at the duty that you have to those around you, you start to recognize
that ultimately you have to do even the hard work. Of course, that means that
if you can get yourself in as part of the “in the group” with someone, you can
work with their innate sense of obligation that they feel toward others as well.
If you know what you are doing, you can encourage them to feel like they
must do something to help us. Obligation is integral to human survival—but
it is also able to be taken advantage of as well.
Finally, guilt is quite similar to obligation—they are innately linked together.
However, guilt is a sense of having not met an obligation. We feel guilty, for
example, when we stand up to a friend for some reason. That guilt is the
sensation that we feel because we did not live up to our end of the bargain.
We did not fulfill an obligation, which in this case, may have been something
that was previously agreed upon. Guilt is an incredibly unpleasant emotion,
and it is there for a very good reason—to force us to meet our obligations. Of
course, that means that if you are attempting to manipulate someone else and
they are not working well with you, you can force the point somehow. You
can make them feel guilty for not doing what you have asserted that they are
obligated to do.
Humiliation
Another form of emotional manipulation takes place in the form of
humiliation. Utilizing humiliation allows you to take control of the other
person by making them feel bad enough that they feel like the only way for
the humiliation to stop is through compliance. Typically, humiliation is
meant to be veiled if you want to use it to control someone else. By veiling it,
you can ensure that they do not realize what is happening—or at the very
least, if it is a bit more overt, you also have a reasonable excuse for the
situation. You make it so that the other person is going to not feel as strongly
toward the entire situation. You set it up so that you can sort of forcing them
into what you want them to do.
Imagine that you know the weakness of the other person—perhaps you are
good friends with them and know that they have major holdups surrounding
feeling like they aren’t good enough for people. They always worry about
their friends leaving them, and they always feel like they are not worthy. If
you wanted to humiliate them, you could simply criticize them. Tell them that
what they did was not very friendly of them, or point out the ways in which
what they have been doing is not going to help anyone involved. The more
that you do this, the more likely that you are to ensure that you can take
control of the whole situation.
Love Bombing
Another common form of emotional manipulation is the use of love bombing.
However, love bombing also usually brings with it the act of humiliation or
devaluation as well. These two go closely together due to the cycle that they
perpetuate. Together, through love bombing and devaluation, a cycle is
created that causes the individual to feel more attached to you than they did
before.
By love bombing, you will be creating a feeling of intense love and
attachment to you in the other person. Romance is exciting at first—it is
meant to be addictive when you begin a romance to trigger those intense pair-
bonding feelings that will help you and the other person remain close to each
other. Romance and the feeling of the honeymoon period can be exacerbated
by speeding it along. Instead of allowing it to play out naturally the way that
you would like to see it happen, you can actually trigger a situation in which
you maintain complete control of everyone involved.
Typically, the love bomber will begin by showering the individual with an
excessive amount of praise, love, and affection. It may involve giving
someone gifts that are far more extravagant than would normally be expected
that early in the relationship, such as giving expensive jewelry or choosing to
take someone on an expensive cruise early in the relationship. It can also take
the place of regularly sending loving, romantic texts to the other person as
well. By love bombing, you are able to trigger that addiction to you.
The love bombing process is further managed by ensuring that you add in
your humiliation and devaluation as well. The idea is to give the person a
taste of your affection and love and then turn it around with negativity. By
doing this, suddenly kicking the other person off their pedestal, you are able
to cause them to want to get back to that position. You trigger them to try to
do whatever it will take for them to get back in your good graces so they can
be back in a position of getting showered with your affection.
The trick to this, however, is to ensure that you do so effectively and
tactfully. You want to make sure that they can’t predict what it is that you are
going to do. By removing the predictability, you remove the security, and by
removing the security, you trigger the other person to work harder and harder
for what they need. If you can do this effectively, you can figure out precisely
how to keep the other person under your thumb.
What will this entail? Figuring out the love language of the other person—
and then turning the dial to overdrive. You want to make them believe that it
is love at first sight, so they are willing to do whatever it will take to continue
to maintain it. The more that you can maintain that feeling, the easier they
will become to control as well, and that can only serve in your favor.
Chapter 5: Manipulation Techniques to Control
Minds
At this point, you should have a fairly decent understanding of the concept of
manipulation. You should see how it works and be prepared to identify it.
However, what can make this situation even easier to identify is learning how
to control minds yourself. Remember, the more you learn and the more you
are able to understand, the more likely that it is that you can protect yourself.
The tactics that are going to be used here are quite dangerous in the wrong
hands—for people who have no qualms about hurting other people, these can
absolutely be weaponized into dangerous techniques that can truly convince
other people to do dangerous, horrible things. However, they can also provide
you with valuable insight into the mind of not only the dark personality, but
also into the mind of the people that they target. When you look at how to
control a mind, understanding the intricacies that go into sneaking into
someone’s thoughts, implanting your own, and then escaping without ever
raising any red flags, you are learning to really interact with other people.
What if you inserted good thoughts that helped people?
For the most part, many of the tactics of manipulation are not particularly
good for usage outside of controlling people, and the tactics that are being
discussed here make particularly potent weapons. While the ones that you
find here will largely not be good to use on other people without the intent to
completely and utterly control someone else at any cost, you will find more
actionable advice in the next few chapters with techniques that are far more
target-friendly than most of that of manipulation and mind control.
Remember, manipulation is a form of influence that is primarily dark. It is

primarily designed to be hidden, undetected, and drastic, and that is exactly
what you will see here. You will be provided with a guide to the most
insidious of the manipulator’s weapons here, from mind control to figuring
out how to isolate people.
Mind Control with Implanted Ideas
Ultimately, mind control is the ability to remove free will—you are
effectively systematically entering the mind of someone else in an effort to
get them to think or behave in a different manner than they have been. You
may be trying to convince someone of something such as to change religions
or to join a cult, or you could be simply trying to get your best friend to agree
that the band that you want to go see next weekend is actually great, despite
the friend hating them.
It is important to note before beginning that there is an important distinction
between mind control and brainwashing—mind control is far more covert,
whereas, in brainwashing, the prisoner or person being brainwashed is aware
of it. When someone is using mind control, they are befriending the person,
earning a position of trust, and using that trust in order to infiltrate the mind
of someone else in order to create a brand-new personality type altogether.
Effectively, then, this leads to several thoughts implanted in the individual’s
mind without the individual knowing where they came from. If done
successfully, there should be no way to really discern the thoughts from those
that were implanted unnaturally.
Mind control starts with the development of a relationship first and foremost.
When that relationship is developed, the manipulator is able to get access to
the other person’s mind. Of course, this takes time. The manipulator has to
wait patiently for the victim to open up and render him or herself vulnerable.
However, as soon as that relationship is built up, the manipulator can begin to
take advantage. The manipulator can make it a point to engage in talking
about topics, dropping just the right amount of hints to begin to infiltrate the
mind of the other person. For example, if you really want your friend to like
your music, you can spend the time to tell him how great the band is. The
next day, subtly mention something about the band. Continue to do this, and
after a while of hearing the same idea over and over again, the unconscious
mind becomes more impressionable. You may then decide to play the music
after a week or two of repeating that they are so great to your friend and find
that your friend is super into the music. He may even ask you what the band
is because it sounds so great. That is when you can drop it on him that he has
been listening to that one particular band that you wanted to go see, and you
can ask him to go with you.
Using Mind Control
Effectively, mind control will come with several steps that you must
complete in order to be effective. You must first develop enough of a rapport
with the other person to be a trusted individual. This is the part that takes the
longest. The more genuine you can make the relationship seem, the more
potent your skills will become. This means then that if you want to use this
technique, you need to be in it for the long haul. Think about how so many
manipulators make it a point to rush through the honeymoon stages at all
costs—this is because they desperately want to be in that familiar, trusted
position of power with the other party. When they are, they are effectively
able to start working on the manipulation side quicker. Since people that are
trusting of the manipulator are more susceptible to long-term manipulation,
this is a preferred method.
Upon becoming trusted, you must begin to lower the other person’s self-
esteem somehow. People with higher self-esteem are harder to control just
because they are too trusting of themselves. If you want to take out
someone’s self-esteem, you must lead them to think that they should not trust
themselves. You want them to feel like their own thoughts are inaccurate or
not true to reality. You may find ways to subtly imply that the other person is
not particularly intelligent, skilled, or otherwise capable in an attempt to
make them feel like they should not even bother trying.
As self-esteem lowers, you should have an easier time starting to implant
your own thoughts into the mind of the other person. You may want the other
person to actively associate a specific emotion with a certain consequence,
and you can do that. You can condition the other person at this stage as well,
using what is commonly referred to as NLP anchoring, which will be
discussed more in Chapter 8.
After repetition of the thoughts that you wish to install, you may see them
beginning to take hold. Your friend may readily listen to that music that he
hated before. The person that you were trying to make more agreeable to
have a better shot at dating is beginning to feel more self-conscious and
therefore far more susceptible to any attention.
You may decide to install multiple thoughts or triggers to allow you to better
control the other person. No matter the techniques that you chose, one thing
is for sure—when you learn how to control the minds of other people, you
learn how to take control of who they are. You can implant new interests.
You can teach them to be loyal to you. You can convince them that they have
always been interested in certain political affiliations. You can change who
they are entirely, and they will have no idea how it happens.
Effectively, you expose the other person to these changes so slowly over such
as a long period of time that they believe that the changes in their thoughts
are their own choices.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the more dangerous tactics that those with dark
personalities employ. After all, what could possibly be more insidious than
teaching someone that they cannot rely on who they are as an individual?
When you are gaslighting someone, you are effectively teaching someone to
doubt their own sanity.
Have you ever found yourself in such a moment of self-doubt? Have you ever
found yourself crippled into inaction because you cannot be sure if things
happened the way you believe they happened or if you are overreacting?
Maybe you tell yourself you are imagining the way an interaction went, or
you think that there is no way possible that things happened the way you
think they did. The manipulator wants to latch on to any doubt that you may
have and take advantage of it. Over time, the manipulator can effectively
make that wound of self-doubt fester and grow, slowly consuming your
ability to trust yourself and eroding it away into nearly nothing.
This process is incredibly dangerous—someone who cannot trust himself is
not going to be particularly effective in dealing with other people. Think back
to Anna—when she first started seeing signs of Ethan being someone, she
thought he wasn’t, she asked him about it. “Why are you so grumpy now?”
she may have asked at one point, only to be met with a quizzical look and a
quiet response of, “What are you talking about?” Being met with something
without aggressiveness, attention, or frustration is enough for Anna to
wonder if it was all in her head.
Along with those occasional attempts to derail her, he may also move her
keys. Never far or hiding them entirely—but he would shift them from the
pants she had worn that day to a pair that she had washed earlier in the
evening, only to toss that same pair of pants back in the dirty laundry pile.
She will go hunting for her keys, only to have Ethan say he thinks they are in
the laundry and have her find the pants that she could have sworn she had
hung up just hours earlier.
He may quietly correct her when she tells a story, reminding her that the
detail went a different way than she is reporting it. Did the story actually go
that way? Probably not—but he is trying to discredit her in her own mind.
That is all gaslighting is—it is a pervasive discrediting of the victim’s own
trust in reality.
Over time, the idea that Anna internalizes is that she is incapable of actually
ever trusting herself. If she is ever asked anything, she is quick to defer to
Ethan because she has taught herself that she is untrustworthy. This means
that Ethan’s control over her increases as he continues to tighten his grip.
In order to use this technique for yourself, you would simply start by
discrediting something particularly harmless. You may move keys or check
the mail early and pretend that your partner had checked it when they hadn’t.
You may make it a point to tell your partner that the oven was left on when it
wasn’t and more. Over time, you slowly up the ante. Over time, the stakes of
whatever is going on increase more and more. You point out that your partner
is driving to the wrong store and that you are going to one on the opposite
side of town when your partner turns into the store you had agreed to go to.
You may tell your partner that she forgot to pay all of her bills and that you
paid them all for her, even though she was up late the night before doing so.
Eventually, gaslighting gets so incredibly powerful that the victim could see a
car go by and then you could deny that it had ever gone by. The victim would
be willing to accept that as the truth simply because she has lost faith in
herself.
Isolation
Another common manipulation tactic is isolation. People are social creatures
—we are primarily happier and more fulfilled when we have some sort of
interaction and relationships with other people. However, manipulators
frequently find themselves feeling threatened by the idea of their victims
having inner circles of friends and family members that cannot be controlled.
The manipulator wants to retain full control of the victim, and as such, it
becomes common to isolate the victim away from everyone else he or she
ever knew and loved.
It may start out as simple as voicing a displeasure about certain friends or

family members. Over time, it may strengthen into something far worse—the
individual may find that it is easier to cut off friends than it is to deal with the
jealousy or pushback. The manipulator may make up stories about
particularly problematic members of the victim’s inner circle, such as
declaring that the best friend of the victim has been trash-talking the
manipulator for the last week, even though the poor manipulator has done
nothing wrong. Over time, the victim internalizes all of this—the victim
begins to internalize this. If you are constantly told that the only person that
could ever love you is a person that has been abusive to you for years, you
may begin to believe that.
If the manipulator plays his cards right, he becomes the only circle of support
for the victim. This is intentional—if only the partner or spouse works, the
victim is stuck at home with the children simply due to the prohibitive cost of
childcare. If the victim wants to go out, there are always a million reasons
why that cannot happen. Ultimately, the end result is the same—little to no
support for the victim. Without support, the victim has no one to help.
Moving out can be intimidating, or even just impossible depending on the
situation.
Isolating people is commonly done by making problems between the victim
and those around him or her that the manipulator has facilitated. He may
make it a point to call out the victim, telling her that she cannot possibly go
out with those people because they are too promiscuous. The next time that
they are going to a bachelorette party and I was told, “Oh, you know what? I
feel really sick, and you’re going to need to take care of the baby.” There is
always a reason, and over time, the individual victim loses credibility.
Criticism
Remember how a basic tenet of being able to control the mind of someone
else was being able to damage their self-esteem? This is where you begin to
do that. You are effectively going to be attempting to damage the other
person’s self-esteem so much that they do not want to make choices for
themselves. The criticism that you shower them in is enough to deter any
decision making.
When you want to criticize someone else, you need to figure out what their
true weaknesses are. If they are commonly threatened by the idea of being a
bad parent, you may latch onto that, throwing it in the victim’s face as much
as possible. If you are working on a big project for school to get your
master’s degree, you may find that your partner is suddenly telling you how
dumb or stupid you are and that you will never make it. You may find that
actually being able to proceed is next to impossible if you feel strongly and
regularly criticized.
The more criticized that you feel as well, the more likely that it is that you
will fail. You will be distracted and all of your attempts to actually do better
will likely suffer as well. When you are too busy or too afraid to take the leap
in order to actually be successful. Your distraction will potentially cost you
your degree, and that is exactly what the manipulator wants. The manipulator
wants you to feel like being successful is an impossibility, because if you
believe that it san impossibility, you will not try to leave. That means
effectively, you are self-sabotaging without ever realizing it, all because of
the constant criticism fed to you.
Think back to Anna for a moment. Ethan criticized her regularly later in the
relationship after having originally gotten Anna in the first place. He chose to
behave poorly, telling Anna that she could never get the house clean like he
expected, even though he is home all evening without helping. She is
constantly asked why she cannot do anything right despite her best efforts,
and over time, that critical worldview becomes her own. All that needed to
happen was that Anna was repeatedly and ruthlessly exposed to the same
manipulative propaganda over and over again reminding her of just how
worthless she truly was.
Now, was Anna particularly useless? Not at all—she has taken care of her
child and also managed to work on school. However, she was not living up to
Ethan’s impossible standards and he was not afraid to make her pay for it
with his criticisms and sharp words.
Fatigue
Finally, the last manipulation tactic that we will discuss is fatigue. Have you
ever felt so tired that you were convinced that you would drop dead or pass
out at any point in time? Perhaps you stayed up extra late working on a
project and never got to sleep overnight. Or maybe you had young children
that woke up around the clock, indoctrinating you to the lack of sleep club
that every young parent is introduced to. No matter the cause, think about
how you felt after not getting enough sleep.
You probably felt like you were lagging and like you could not think clearly.
Despite all of the coffee that you had chugged throughout the day, you could
not help but feel like you were ready to collapse soon. You found that you
were far more ready to just go along with what your partner was telling you
—if he says that you need to run to the store to buy something, you are
willing to do so. If he decides that you need to clean up, you begrudgingly get
up and do it in your half-asleep state.
The reason that this happens is that over time, as you become more and more
exhausted, your mind’s own mechanisms of being able to fight such
influences begin to wane. It cannot defend itself if it is too exhausted to
function, effectively. Instead, those safety mechanisms, or at least, the
primary ones within your mind, malfunction. Instead of being able to fight
back, you find that you simply agree because it is easier. You do not see the
battle as being worth the little effort, so you agree.
Fatigue is a commonly used tactic afros the board. It has been used to torture
people into spilling information before. The studies of the brain have shown
that as soon as you have been kept up for just 20 hours, you are already just
as impaired as if you had drunk a beer or two instead. You need to be able to
rest to keep your mind sharp so you can protect your body. When you are
sleep deprived, then, you are susceptible to all sorts of dangerous and
insidious abuse.
All you have to do to make someone sleep deprived is actively prevent them
from sleeping as long as you can. Try to find techniques that can be brushed
off as being some sort of coincidence rather than intentional. You may turn
on a light and then apologize and say you thought the other person was
sleeping. Dose the other person with caffeine. Convince the other person to
stay up late with you for some reason—perhaps you will be watching a movie
together or something.
Ultimately, no matter the method that you choose, you will find that you are
able to gain covert control over the mind of others if you were to utilize the
tactics within a relationship or with someone else. You can weaken the
mind’s defenses. You can slip past them entirely undetected. You can
convince people to believe false realities and more. The power of mind
control is very real, but please remember that it is a dangerous ability that
should not be taken lightly.
Persuasion is incredibly powerful. When you can persuade someone to do
something, you can usually get them to agree with whatever it is that you
want them to do. If you want to get someone to go on a date with you, you
can persuade them to do so. If you want someone to hire them, you want to
be able to convince them that you deserve to be hired in the first place. If you
want someone to help you, you want to persuade them.
Persuasion occurs in nearly every aspect of life. It will be a prevalent aspect
of nearly every interaction that you have with other people. So much as just
suggesting to someone that you would like to go somewhere is a form of
persuasion—it is the attempt to socially influence. This means that you are
trying to get someone else to do something else, changing their behaviors in
some way.
When you can persuade someone else to do something, you have changed
their behavior in a way that did not involve coercion or forcing them
somehow. You effectively managed to convince them in a way that showed
them exactly why you are right. Now, whether the method that you used was
emotional versus being a legitimate attempt to logically convince someone
else is up for debate, depending upon whether you feel that emotions are a
valid justification method to use to convince someone else.
As you read this far, you may have questions: What specifically is persuasion
when referring to it in a psychological manner? How can you truly be
persuasive? Why does it matter? Are there specific methods that usually or
always work? Why do they work?
It is normal to have these questions going through your mind. After all, if you
now know that you can persuade people to do nearly anything, you may be
wondering exactly how that persuasion can happen, and possibly even
whether it is happening to you. The good news is that persuasion, specifically
compared to manipulation, honors free will. This means that any attempts to
persuade you are not necessarily coercive or threatening in any way. Instead,
they will place a particular emphasis on truly wanting the other person to
arrive at the solution on their own. That is what makes persuasion so
effective—it is guiding the other person to make a decision.
What is Persuasion?
By definition, persuasion is an attempt to change either attitudes or behavior
without duress. The persuasion usually comes in some sort of
communication. Keep in mind that many different aspects interfere with
behavior and attitude, which is why you can have some influential techniques
such as brainwashing or mind control, but then also have persuasion. All are
different forms of influence, and they all work in different manners.
Keep in mind that not all communication is persuasive: In fact, you usually
communicate for one of three reasons. These reasons are to persuade, to
inform, or to entertain. Sometimes, you can sort of blur the lines between the
two, such as using the information to persuade or persuading someone
through humor to make the other person like you more. However, persuasion
is its own distinct form of communication that should be treated as such.
Consider for a moment that you want to convince your spouse to agree to
take your annual vacation to Hawaii this year. You may be entirely
determined to go to Hawaii, but you know that your partner prefers to go
places that are far cooler. Keeping that in mind, you offer up all of the
reasons that you would like to go. You inform your partner that you would
like to get the sunlight to boost your vitamin D. You tell your partner that you
have always wanted to go to Hawaii, or that you know that it is beautiful at
that point in time. Your spouse eventually relents, though you know that your
spouse is not going to be particularly happy on the trip. Is this a form of
manipulation or persuasion?
The answer is persuasion—there were no threats. There were no attempts to
hide information. You were entirely forthcoming with everything, including
what you were trying to do. Manipulation usually involves some sort of
deception and covertness that you did not use when talking about Hawaii.
You were not dropping constant subtle messages in hopes of subliminally
communicating with your partner—you simply had an adult conversation
with your partner about why you wanted to go to Hawaii, and your spouse
loves you enough to agree, even if that means sacrificing what your spouse
wants to do the most.
This is normal persuasion and shows a normal sort of give-and-take in a
relationship. The normalcy of this persuasion would be further emphasized if,
the next time you are going on vacation, you consider what your partner
wants over what you want yourself.
Persuasion, then, becomes a valuable tool in many different contexts. It is
critical in attempts to communicate with other people in order to get what you
wanted or needed. It is beneficial when you are actively attempting to
convince other people what you would like to do. It helps you lead people
toward decisions that you believe will be helpful to them, such as if you are a
leader that needs to be able to manage the abilities and actions of other
people.
When you are going to be persuading other people, you are going to be
helping them make decisions, and this makes it powerful in advertising in
particular. In fact, persuasion is so readily recognized that the study of it links
back to the Middle Ages: Rhetoric, which you will be discussing shortly, was
commonly used and taught in the university, and was taught to anyone who
sought to become educated.
Now, without further ado, let us look at two of the most common sets of
persuasive techniques that you can find when you are trying to learn how to
convince other people of nearly anything at all: the principles of persuasion
and the art of rhetoric.
The principles of persuasion are commonly used, and you may even find that
you actively use them without ever being aware of it. These are six common
techniques that can be used in order to directly or subtly guide the thoughts of
someone else in order to ensure that their thoughts align with what you want
to push. This is not manipulative—it is taking advantage of psychology in
ways that can be persuasive and convincing to nearly anyone. If the other
person naturally makes the decision that they are inclined to make after
hearing the persuasion, that is not an act of coercion and should be treated
accordingly.
When you are looking at the principles of persuasion, you are looking at six
distinct techniques that can be used to persuade. These are social proof,
reciprocity, commitment and consistency, authority, scarcity, and liking
something or someone. These techniques can be incredibly convincing if you
know how to use them effectively.
At this point, it is time to delve into each of these techniques. You will be
guided through what the technique is as well as how to use it, with a short
example for each of the six.
Authority
Stop and consider for a moment: You have just gotten to your family’s
holiday gettogether. You brought with you your favorite mayonnaise-based
food, but in the rush and business of the kitchen, you realized that your dish
got left out on the counter. You got to the meal at noon, and you realized that
the food was still out at 5:30 when it was time to eat. Your great-aunt is
telling you that the food is safe, and everyone will be fine if they eat it. Your
brother, who is a professional chef, on the other hand, insists that it be thrown
out because it not only sat out in a hot kitchen for 5.5 hours, but also however
long it took you to get from your home to the potluck. Who do you believe?
Naturally, you are going to lean toward believing the chef, who works with
food on a daily basis and is up to date on the most current food safety rules.
You are going to be inclined to believe the individual who has had to pass
classes on food safety simply because you trust him more on matters like this.
Have you ever stopped to consider why you would? The answer is simple:
You view him on an authority when it comes to food. This is only natural—
after all, he is a chef.
In general, people tend to believe the people that they believe to be authority
figures. While your great-aunt may have been an authority figure in your life
at some point, you also recognize that she has a tendency to hoard and has a
hard time throwing away any consumable, even if the use-by date has come
and gone. Effectively, you do not trust her to be an authority on food.
This is one of the simplest uses of the principles of persuasion: if you want to
be persuasive, you need to make sure that you are an authority in some way.
People are naturally more inclined to agree with an authority over someone
who they do not see as particularly knowledgeable. This is natural—we tend
to defer to people that we believe know what they are doing. This is exactly
why we take the advice of doctors, lawyers, and mechanics around the world:
We trust that they know what we do not, and most of the time, this is true.
Scarcity
Imagine that, at that holiday dinner, you all realize that someone has lost one
of the pies that were brought for dessert. When dessert rolls around, you all
realize that there is not enough pie to go around, even if you were to cut
pieces into small amounts. Everyone would, at best, get a sliver of pie
without much on their plate because of the lack of the pies that should have
been present.
Of course, now everyone is vying for one of the pieces of pie. They are
suddenly deemed to be far more valuable than they otherwise would have
been perceived for one reason: They are scarce. Not everyone can get a piece
of pie, or at least, not everyone can get a piece of pie that would be satisfying,
and because of that, everyone finds that that the pie must be far more
desirable than it otherwise would have been viewed to be.
This is the principle of scarcity. When something is in low demand, it is
suddenly deemed to be far more valuable. While pie may not be a very high-
ticket item to use as an example, the point still stands: The less is there, the
more it is wanted.
Consider instead that you are a car salesperson. You need to be able to sell
this car in order to get a bonus the following month, which is where you
make most of your money. Now, imagine that the person that you are talking
to does not seem convinced. They seem to feel like making a higher down
payment is in their best interest, which it is, practically speaking. However,
you really need to land that sale, so you offer a deal.
You tell the person buying that if they are willing to buy the car that night,
that they will get a steal of a deal—the deal that you are offering, however,
expires that night and they need to make a decision sooner rather than later.
The added pressure pushes the buyer over the edge from debating it to
agreeing to do so for one reason: That deal was made scarce.
People are risk aversive. They are far more likely to agree to something with
a guaranteed payout than risk not having such a good deal in the future. The
act of being able to save money now guaranteed seems far more convincing
than potentially saving more money in the long run if they were to wait to
have a larger down payment on their car, and they will use that logic to guide
their decision.
When you want to appeal to scarcity, then, you want to make sure that you
make the other person feel like they need to make a decision sooner rather
than later. They will usually err on the conservative side and take advantage
of the deal presented to them.
Social Proof
Do you remember how in childhood, you were often told not to do something
just because your friends were doing it? It turns out there is a good reason for
that suggestion—people are far more likely to make a decision to follow the
lead of other people if they do not know what to expect or what to do.
In an unfamiliar environment or when under stress, people are more likely to
follow the lead of those that they can relate to in some way. This means that
if you need to convince or persuade someone to do something, you want to
make sure that their peers are available to show them what to do, effectively.
Think about the holiday gatherings that you attended as a child: Did you
typically copy what the slightly older kids were doing? Did you pick up on
their behaviors? People learn through exposure, and that is what makes it so
powerful. Think about toddlers who will copy the swear words of their
parent, or the preteen who picks up smoking just because their peers are, even
if they are not particularly interested in doing so. It is not weakness that
makes us do these things, but rather the tendency of people to naturally learn
from those around them.
Imagine that you are still selling cars. You discover that people are far more
likely to agree to something if you tell them that their peers also often agree
to buy that one particular car for some reason. If it is a young family, you
may point out that many people with young children really like the features
such as being able to swing their feet under the license plate to open the
trunk, or being able to start their car remotely when they are inside, finishing
up the final preparations before leaving, all because it makes life so much
more convenient when you are already toting a couple of tiny humans that
inherently make everything about travel more difficult.
After all, when you are traveling with toddlers, you must consider whether
everyone has gone to the bathroom, if they are wearing clothing that is safe in
their car seat, whether you have their snacks and toys, as well as a change of
clothes present and so much more. You emphasize all of this, and you find
that your sales pitches become far more effective in the long run, all because
you make it clear that other parents also like cars with those features.
Liking
Another common usage of persuasion is through the principle of liking
someone or something. We naturally tend to be persuaded more by those that
we enjoy simply because if we are going to be going through the effort to
help someone else, we are going to do it because we genuinely want to help.
This means then that if you want to convince someone to help you do
something, or to obey what you are suggesting, you want to make yourself
likable to you.
Making someone like you can happen almost instantly in several fashions.
You can make yourself quickly liked through simply making it a point to
mirror someone, similar to a technique common to NLP. You can also go
through the process of intentionally making someone like you through a
three-step process.
This three-step process is quite simple: You must make yourself relatable
somehow, you must offer a compliment, and you must make yourself seem
like team. This works for several reasons—when you are relatable, you are
automatically seen as more human than you were just a moment ago.
Consider just how many people you interact with on a regular basis: How
many of them are you able to actively remember? Can you remember who
helped you at the grocery store, or who you passed by at work? Unless you
have some sort of super memory, chances are, you do not remember.
However, if you can make yourself relatable somehow, you will be more
memorable and more persuasive. Because you see so many people
throughout the day, you tend to forget that they are people and not just blurs
that you pass. In changing that, you automatically want to give them more
attention.
When you compliment the other person, you make a specific association
between yourself and the other person: That you are a source of good
feelings. This does begin to toe the line into emotional manipulation for some
people—it is intentionally triggering the feelings of very specific feelings for
a very specific purpose, and for that reason, you should at least make sure
that whatever compliment you offer, it is a legitimate one that you meant. If
you did not mean the compliment and only said it to get them to like you, you
are likely to do the exact opposite: instead of being seen as likable, you will
be seen as manipulative, and poorly so.
Finally, you want to establish that you and the other person are a team. In
doing so, you trigger that camaraderie that is necessary for successful
persuasion. When they feel like you are on the same team, they are far less
likely to try to guard against you simply because they do not see you as a
threat. Because of this, you then become far more capable of persuasion.
Their minds will be more open and accepting because they do not think that
you will try to take advantage of them.
Now, go back to that example of selling something to someone. Imagine that
your next client walks in with a young child in tow. You settle down at your
dest to talk to the other person, and in doing so, you offer the child a bucket
of toys that you keep in a drawer for just that occasion—you know that
children get antsy when stuck at a desk for longer than about 2.5 seconds.
You smile as you offer the toys and comment offhandedly that you have a
child about that age at home too and that it is always tough to get through
appointments, so you have made it a point to have your own toys present just
in case. You have now naturally offered a tidbit about yourself, and that has
made you more relatable.
Next, you wait a bit. After a little while of working, you make a comment
about how the child is incredibly well behaved and that the client has done a
great job with them. This makes the client feel good and they will be happy.
Finally, you point out that you are happy to help them, or you tell them to
help you help them. This establishes that teamwork that you need in order to
convince them to do what you need.
Consistency and Commitment
The next principle of persuasion is consistency and commitment—people are
usually inclined to remain consistent to their commitments for one reason:
Being consistent makes you reliable. People want to be viewed as reliable
because being reliable is powerful—it is valued greatly and if you can make
people see you as reliable, they will continue to go back to you. If you are a
reliable salesperson, for example, other people will repeatedly go back to you
to make their purchases because they trust you. If you reliably pay back your
loans, your credit goes up and people are more likely to give you loans in the
future as well.
Because people want to be reliable, they will usually follow the same pattern
of answering and offering to help over and over again. For example, if you
ask your best friend to babysit your kids one night for the weekend and they
agree, you may find that they are more likely to continue to babysit your kids
regularly every weekend because they have already agreed to do so once, and
they want to continue to agree in order to be seen as consistent. They will
then continue to babysit when asked because they do not see it as a strain or
as a problem. Eventually, however, it seems less like occasional childcare and
more like it is happening daily and must continue. That friend is going to
likely continue to babysit without a complaint until it becomes a problem
because they want to be consistent.
All you need to do to take advantage of this principle is get someone to agree
with you on one point before asking for something else. A common tactic for
this is to ask someone for a pen to get them into a mindset of saying yes
instead of no, and they are more likely to continue to say yes in the future.
Reciprocity
Finally, the last principle of persuasion is reciprocity. To understand this
principle, imagine how you feel obligated to offer someone else something in
return after they have given you something. If someone offers to help you,
you try to reciprocate in some way. For example, if your friend gives you a
birthday present, you feel like you are inclined to offer them a present in
return on their birthday as well.
This works for a very specific reason: People are inherently hardwired to
want to return the acts of altruism for them. Did your friend giving you
something or helping you actually benefit them in any way other than to
make them happy? Chances are, it did not, but them giving to you in the first
place can be enough to get you to continue to give to them in the future.
Effectively, they guarantee that you will make it a point to provide for them if
they were to need it because they have given to you.
When you want to use the art of reciprocation, think not what they can do for
you, but rather what you can do for them. Ask what they need you to do
before you go making demands and you may be surprised to see the result.
Rhetoric
Another line of thoughts surrounding the art of persuasion is rhetoric. This is
literally the art of being persuasive in the first place, and if you can master
this, you will be able to use these tools in general conversation. These
techniques have been passed down since the middle ages, and if they have
continued to be relevant, then they must be useful, at least in some capacity
or another.
Ultimately, rhetoric has several requirements. You must be able to control
language and know the culture within which you are working. Further, you
must understand the rhetorical situation, which will determine what you are
trying to do, your audience, the topic, how you will speak, and context. This
all combines together to create the rhetoric that you will be discussing.
The purpose for your situation will be acknowledging why you are writing or
talking. What are you trying to do? Then, you must figure out what you are
discussing—the topic. This should determine what you are trying to inform
or persuade about. You should be broad enough to be able to work with this,
while also being narrow enough that you have a very specific purpose in
doing so. Next, you must look into the audience—the person that you are
addressing. You may find that this is the hardest to work with, as you will not
be able to fully control the audience. You cannot possibly get everyone to do
what you want on a whim, and because of that, you need to do your best to
work with the audience that you have rather than the one you want. Finally,
you have the writer: This is the person doing the persuasion. What are you
bringing to the table? Why are you discussing what you are discussing? How
is it relevant to you?
With the situation identified, you are free to begin addressing the three
appeals of rhetoric: Logos, Ethos, and Pathos.
Logos
Logis is an appeal to logic. At its simplest, it is figuring out how to convince
your audience that there is no other option but to agree with you on what you
are saying. Oftentimes, this takes advantage of statistics or other facts in
order to get the point across. You want to make an argument that is so strong,
the audience feels no choice but to agree with it.
For example, imagine that you are trying to persuade someone to buy that car
you were really pushing for. At this point, you begin talking about all of the
statistics that mean that the car that you are discussing is safer. You may pull
up crash ratings, or how statistically they save more on gas than compared to
other cars. You are trying to bombard the other person with so much
information that it is undeniable—the best option available is to buy the car,
regardless of personal opinion.
Ethos
Ethos is an appeal to character. Unlike an appeal to logic, you are trying to
make yourself sound persuasive and trustworthy. In advertisement, consider
the fact that people tend to use celebrities in order to win people over. If you
see your favorite celebrity, who you personally admire, drinking a certain
type of coffee or wearing a certain kind of shoe, you are going to feel more
inclined to do the same simply because you want to identify with that
celebrity.
You may also do this to show that you are trustworthy on a science—perhaps
you make it clear that you have spent your entire life focusing on that one
particular study that you have finally accomplished. Emphasizing that
trustworthiness is a great way to make sure that other people will be willing
to listen to you as you talk.
Think of this as using an appeal to authority—you are listing out anything
about yourself that will make you seem trustworthy and worthy of being
Pathos
Finally, the last of the appeals of rhetoric is Pathos: An appeal to emotion.
When you are using an appeal to emotion, you are using emotion to drive the
individual forward. You want to make an emotional connection of some way
to actually get the audience to feel what you want them to feel.l When you
are able to claim and use their emotions, you will find that you are able to
convince them to do something.
This is for one specific reason: your emotions are meant to be motivating.
When you can use the emotions of other people, you can compel them to do a
lot. For example, if you are needing to get people to donate to your cause,
you mention some of the people that your cause will be helping. Perhaps you
tell success stories of people that have been helped by your foundation. When
you do this, people feel moved to act.
When you want to use pathos, you want to make sure that you identify the
emotional response that you want to take advantage of, and then you figure
out how best to trigger that emotional response in the other party. Doing so
can usually get the other person to do what you are aiming for. Think of how
commercials for charities will use photos of starving children and puppies
and kittens that look miserable. This is because these pictures are sadness-
evoking—they will trigger the individual to feel sad, and in feeling sad, they
can call for those donations that they want to see.
Chapter 7: Brainwashing
Have you ever wondered why brainwashing got so popular in media? You
may see it in cartoons or as the plot point to an incredibly popular movie or
book for adults. It seems like it is commonly used as a device to scare those
that are consuming the media, as a sort of creepy, grotesque attempt to make
them feel compelled to keep reading while also being terrified.
While the concept of brainwashing is nowhere near as grotesque as it can
become in entertainment, sometimes involving serums, spells being cast,
possession, or other such tactics, it is still a very real occurrence in
psychology. In particular, brainwashing is commonly seen in situations such
as cults and prisoners of war.
This is not the kind of sudden triggering of perfect obedience that it may
seem to be in media, but rather something brutal and traumatizing. As you
read through this chapter, keep in mind that brainwashing is not something
that should be treated lightly. This is one of the most insidious methods of
control over someone else simply due to the harm that it can trigger. If you
are attempting to brainwash someone, you must remember that the only ways
that can utilize this technique are largely abusive and sometimes illegal. If
you choose to utilize these methods, you are acknowledging that you are
taking that risk for yourself. It is strongly recommended that you avoid these
techniques but understanding how it works is still something that is
important.
What is Brainwashing?
Brainwashing itself has a definition of creating new beliefs within someone
else that are typically radically different from the original ones. These
techniques almost always involve the use of coercion. If you were to simplify
this definition, you would say that it is the act of forcing people to comply
and internalize a new internal belief system through coercion. The entire
purpose of this technique is entirely to force people to change.
It involves the act of attacking someone else’s identity so thoroughly that you
are eventually able to systematically erase or repress it. This almost always
requires some level of traumatic abuse and guilt over an extended period of
time in order to truly get it to work. This is precisely why you should avoid
ever using this against other people—you would effectively be intentionally
and maliciously destroying a person’s very being in order to create your own
identity for that person. That is so incredibly harmful, and you should make it
a point to ensure that it does not happen.
Why Brainwash?
Brainwashing happens for several reasons. People will use the art of
brainwashing in order to indoctrinate people into cults. Typically, these dark
cults demand complete and utter obedience, and if you cannot gain absolute
control over someone, you are usually going to have a hard time getting
people to stick around long enough to actually actively be abused in any way.
In particular, one of the most well-known abusive cults that had brainwashed
and completely indoctrinated the members was the cult of Jim Jones—he
convinced his entire cult to drink cyanide and kill themselves and their
children.
Other times, it is commonly used during war—when militaries take prisoners
of war, they may intentionally brainwash them in an attempt to get the people
to break down and obey under any and all situations. For example, during the
1950s, the Chinese made it a point to subject several American soldiers to
their processes of brainwashing before sending them back to the US. The
people then completely denounced their own cultures and personalities,
touting the importance and benefits of the world in China.
Even more often, you can see brainwashing in cultures such as North Korea,
through propaganda and attempts to keep everyone involved compliant and
willing to obey. When these people are subjected to constant abuse with
constant feedback about how their leader is the best leader and that they must
be perfectly obedient, they develop those beliefs as their own.
What is important to note here is that these brainwashing attempts are not
hidden—the people involved will be entirely aware of what is happening to
them. However, what is unique is the fact that they still comply anyway. By
and large, when people do know that they are being coerced or manipulated,
they are usually able to distance themselves from it. This is not the case with
brainwashing—the new identity is typically taken simply because the
individual wants to stop some sort of egregious abuse that is happening that is
too painful or too much to bear. Rather than continuing to suffer, the
individual instead makes it a point to give in, allowing for the creation of the
new personality simply for survival.
This however also adds one extra facet—you can reverse brainwashing,
though the guilt will remain. Prisoners exposed to this sort of abuse do
eventually revert back to more or less who they were before—they may be
terrified of their identity at first, but over time, they become more and more
willing to accept who they are as an individual and renounce that old
personality created in brainwashing.
Steps to Brainwashing
Despite the fact that the art of brainwashing is so incredibly insidious, if you
are able to take advantage of this process, you will find that it is far easier
than it seems. It does not take much to entirely break down a person’s mind,
so long as you have no qualms about utterly decimating the personality of
someone else. If you are not afraid of destroying someone else, you will find
that with just a handful of steps, that person can be destroyed and
brainwashed. Of course, that does not mean that it is a quick process—it does
take a significant amount of time to truly dismantle the mind of someone
else. You will need to have the time, space, and blatant disregard for the law
and other human life to take advantage of this technique.
Assault on Identity
Brainwashing is impossible if the individual that is being brainwashed is not
willing to let go of who they are as a person. This means that the first stage of
brainwashing is convincing them that they should not like the person that
they are. In particular, you will spend time assaulting their identity in hopes
of convincing them that their identity is problematic in some way.
Effectively, you want to make them fear who they are and everything they
value.
For example, you may ask someone what their name is. If they answer with
their name, you punish them severely and tell them that their name is
something else. For example, imagine that the person’s name is Bill. He tells
you that, and in response, you brutally beat him across the back with a board
and then tell him that his name is Larry now. Every time that you ask him
about his past, his identity, or anything else close to him and he answer
truthfully, you would then beat him in order to make him fear the truth. You
are effectively teaching him to fear the act of being honest with other people
about who he is and because he does fear it, he is not likely to continue to
repeat the mistake over and over.
Guilt
Next, it is time to instill guilt. As the other person is constantly being
penalized for who they are, they effectively must be convinced that the abuse
is their own fault. Maybe it was a fault of their culture or their family, or it
was simply them as a person. You want them to effectively feel like they are
responsible for their beatings and imprisonment, and you will get this through
repetition. You will add more onto their plate as well—you may blame them
for the fact that it is not sunny that day, or that something unrelated to him
has happened. You want to lay on as much guilt as possible so the individual
rejects themselves in favor of being able to reject the guilt.
Self-Betrayal
Soon, the guilt will build up, as will the fear of torture if they continue to
stand by who they are, and the individuals being brainwashed will find that it
is easier to simply betray their identities than it is to stay true to themselves.
They decide that they would rather break away from who they are as people
in order to protect their lives, as they have reached a point of knowing that
death will arrive if they are not careful. They would rather betray themselves,
satisfying the fact that they need to survive, and they obey and submit.
Breaking Point
Upon denouncement of who they were as a person, the people being
brainwashed find that they have hit their breaking point—they feel like they
have lost all hope. They have accepted their new life and know that fighting
back is futile. This is the beginning of the adoption of the new life that has
been presented to them, as at that point, to the one being brainwashed, the
choices are to assimilate or die, and they have already rejected who they once
were. They officially give up at this stage and recognize that they will have
no choice but to accept the new thoughts or cultures if they wish to survive.
Leniency
Next comes a ray of hope—someone that has been torturing the person being
brainwashed to the brink of death, when he feels like he cannot possibly cope
any longer, offers some sort of leniency. It may be a bit extra food, or a
cigarette, or even just a kind word. It is then that hope is dangled in front of
the individual and is seen as a legitimate option. The individual will latch
onto that trust, seeing it as proof that they can, in fact, survive, if they play
their cards right, and they latch onto that. The manipulator has officially won
the trust of the one being brainwashed, and they begin to accept that all of the
pain of torture will go away as soon as they are willing to give in and comply
entirely.
Compulsion to Confess
At this point, the guilt becomes too unbearable for the individual—he feels
like he cannot hold it in any longer and he feels that the only option is
confession. He is driven to let go of that previous life and let’s go of it all.
The manipulator, of course, encourages this, and soon, confessions are flying
for anything possible. Even things that are not the fault of the brainwashed
are confessed for in order to let go of all of that guilt.
Progress and Harmony
After that initial confession, the individual is slowly taught and assimilated.
This stage is the education of the new identity and culture. People are
encouraged to let go of the past. They agree to go along with what they are
being taught out of fear of being returned to the past, in which they are
treated poorly. Instead, they are given many basic human decencies to
encourage them to continue to make their positive progress in their life.
Final Confession
Eventually comes the final confession—this is the stage at which they finally
give up who they are for real. They are willing to renounce it all, seeing the
beauty in what they have been taught and finding that they identify with the
culture that has taken them in. They are willing to continue to coexist in this
new social bubble and are willing to get in as soon as possible.
Rebirth
Finally comes the rebirth—at this stage, the prisoners are released. They are
no longer being manipulated, simply because they already have been. Instead,
they are indoctrinated and welcomed into the new society. While they are
usually eager to get involved with the new life and the new people, they may
be met with hesitation as people still see them as betrayers and foreigners.
There is no amount of naming and ceremony, after all, that would allow the
general population in that new circle to accept that they are the new person.
Despite all of the effort that went into brainwashing, the general public still
wishes to keep their distance, leaving the brainwashed remaining just as
isolated as before.
Chapter 8: Deception
Have you ever felt the pressing need to lie to someone? Perhaps you felt like
someone in your inner circle was actively lying to you, but you lacked the
evidence that you needed to prove it beyond that sneaking suspicion that
whatever was being said was a lie. No matter how certain you were, no one
believed you and you were brushed off as being too sensitive or paranoid.
What if you could develop the ability to identify the signs of that deception
so you could call it out in the moment? Any time that you had those gut
feelings that something was wrong, you would be able to point out exactly
what it was that caused it. You would be able to tell exactly when you were
lied to, in order to point out to yourself that you were not, in fact, crazy. You
can end the constant self-gaslighting and instead work to eliminate the
deceivers that are hiding behind their masks, presenting you with one thing
while actually intending something entirely different.
What if you wanted to be deceptive? Sometimes, there is a good reason to be,
even if it is not always the most ethical option. Sometimes, it is a good thing
to convince someone else of something that is untrue, such as if you want to
surprise someone for their birthday. If you want to surprise them, you can
make it a point to know exactly how to skirt around the truth to keep that
surprise under wraps until the big day.
Keep in mind that while this chapter discusses deception in-depth, it should
never be used nefariously. It is incredibly unethical to be lying about what is
happening or why it is occurring, and the information provided here is for
informative purposes only in order to aid in the identification of lying. There
is no condoning of deception.
Defining Deception
Deception itself is a form of distorting the truth in some way. The truth is
often dramatized, avoided, or simply lied about to convince the other person
of what is being said, and in doing so, some sort of lie or deception is used to
disguise it. It can range from deliberately avoiding answering the question or
distracting from the question at hand, such as answering a question with
another question, and then answering that question. It could be deliberately
misconstruing the truth somehow, such as reporting causation as correlation
despite not having the evidence to support that claim. It could even be simply
saying something that is patently untrue. What is true, however, is that
deception is wrong. It can even be illegal in several instances, such as in false
advertising. If you are deceiving others, you are putting not only yourself, but
also other people, at risk.
Despite the unethicality of deception as a general rule, it is used in several
different contexts on a regular basis. It is regularly used in order to win favor,
such as in politics, for example. In particular, in politics, politicians will
regularly use ambiguity to avoid truly answering the question at hand when
they know that the answer to the question will be condemning in some way,
shape, or form.
Sometimes, people lie for abusive purposes. People like the narcissist will lie
about who they are as a person in order to win favor from their targets with
ease. They will pretend to be someone that they are not solely because they
know that it will help them in the long run. If they pretend to be someone
else, they are certain that they will actually attract the person in, and they can
continue to lie about who they are. They effectively create a mask to wear to
help themselves become the person that they need to be.
Other times, people use deception to hide something, such as making sure
that their partners do not find out that they are cheating on them. Ultimately,
people will lie if they think that it will benefit them. Despite the fact that so
many people are so willing to lie, it does not come as naturally as one may
think. Lying actually puts a huge strain on the individual at hand. When you
lie, your body is unhappy—it naturally releases stress hormones, and it
changes how body language is presented. This means that if you are able to
read those changes in behavior and state of mind, you can start to figure out
whether someone is lying or not at a glance.
Types of Deception
Deception comes in several forms, depending upon how the individual needs
to lie in the first place and what the truth that is being hidden is. Ultimately,
people will use whatever method works best for them, but at the end of the
day, there are several different forms that deception can take. These forms are
important to understand in order to both recognize the deception as it
happens, and also how to use deception as well. As you read through the next
several sections, keep in mind that you can use these techniques yourself if
you are truly certain that you would like to make use of the deceptive powers
that are shown to you.
Lying
Perhaps the most well-known form of deception is lying. When someone
thinks of someone else deceiving them, it is usually some sort of lie meant to
mislead someone. This is also the most blatant destruction of the truth. It is
the creation of a new sort of truth altogether—when you lie to someone, you
are creating a new narrative with a new truth that may or may not even
resemble the truth by the time it is spoken.
When you are lying, you are literally making something new up that is
unrelated to the truth. It is as simple as coming up with something new to tell
the other person. For example, imagine that you really want to go hang out
with your best friend who happens to be someone your partner is very
insecure about. You may tell your partner that you are going to the movies
with a completely different friend altogether to have an excuse to get out of
the house during the period of time that you will be with the friend that you
know your partner would be upset about. You have told a blatant lie in order
to avoid the fight that you know would otherwise arise.
Equivocation
Equivocation occurs when you make your answers vague intentionally. You
are intentionally hoping that the other person will be so thrown off track by
the answers that you give that the truth will be ignored. This is commonly
used in politics in particular, in which the politician may answer an entirely
different question with wording that is just ambiguous enough to sort of give
the impression of giving the most favorable answer possible without ever
committing to that one particular answer. It is secretive in an entirely
different manner when compared to lying.
For example, imagine that you tell your partner that you are going out for the
night. Your partner then, naturally, asks you where you are going. You say
that you are going to watch a movie with a friend and leave it at that as you
walk ou the door. Your partner may think that you meant going to the movie
theater with someone, when in reality, you are going to that one person’s
house that makes your partner self-conscious and nervous. You will still put
on a movie at some point, so you are not lying, as you went to watch a movie
with a friend, but you were not forthcoming with pertinent information that
likely would have raised red flags for your partner.
Omission
Omission is the act of deliberately leaving out pertinent information that
should have been included in the original statement. It is designed to hope
that the individual does not press on that one particular issue in the hopes that
the person will instead focus on what was said instead of wondering what
went unsaid altogether.
Omissions are dangerous because not every person is going to think to probe
every line of questioning that needs to happen. Most people will simply take
things at face value, and that is exactly what this person is hoping will
happen. When information is taken at face value, the end result is the
deception going entirely unchallenged, meaning that it was successful. Of
course, it is always possible that the other person will probe, meaning you
would need to segue into another form of deception as well.
For example, the example for equivocation still counts for omission as well.
Not only is the information that was offered ambiguous, it was also
incomplete, leaving a massive hole to fill in. This is what makes it a lie by
omission—the left-out information would have been pertinent to making a
properly informed decision at the end of the day.
Overstatements
Sometimes, people use overstatements in ways that are intended to be
comical—they are tongue-in-cheek attempts to make fun of oneself and are
used specifically for fun. For example, someone may say that they were
dying after that long workout. Were they really dying? Nope—they added it
for dramatic flair, despite the fact that it is untrue.
However, sometimes, the overstatement is used in ways that are meant to be
deceptive. Typically, these deceptions are meant to play the victim or martyr
—the individual makes it sound like they did far more than was asked of
them and far more than was intended, and after that, they felt the need to go
out of their way to prove all of the ways that they did way more than they
needed to. As they talk about how exhausted they were, or how much it
interfered with their schedule, they are over-exaggerating to look like the
victim or the martyr that is deserving of favor.
Understatements
As a perfect opposite to overstatement comes the understatement. Just like
how overstatements can be used comically, so too can understatements.
However, sometimes, people will use the understatement to deceive others as
well. Typically, this is involving the amount that someone had to do with
something, such as someone not wanting to take credit for throwing a
birthday party at the office, or they want to make something seem like less of
a big deal than it actually was.
For example, imagine that you accidentally backed into a light pole when you
were driving—there is a massive dent in the middle of your back bumper,
and your partner is furious. You may understate the damage, saying that it is
fine and that your insurance will just cover the cost of the items so you may
as well just not bother fixing it.
Detecting Deception
Now, with all those forms of deception above, you may be wondering how
you can ever be certain of whether or when someone else is lying to you.
Luckily, there are some simple steps that you can follow in order to figure it
out. In general, you are going to want to practice analysis—discovering what
is going on in the other person’s mind through learning to recognize all sorts
of nonverbal cues. In learning those nonverbal cues, you will find that
understanding and learning what other people are thinking is actually far
easier than it may otherwise seem.
Keep in mind that this process does involve a steep learning curve, and if you
want to become a master at identifying attempts at deception, you will want
to take the time to learn more about analyzing behavior. In doing so, you will
have a massive amount of information to compare to in order to figure out the
truth.
Before you begin to identify whether someone is lying, you must figure out
what their base, honest behavior is. This is because people’s body language
will vary from person to person based on mood, temperament, and
environment, so you need to have a solid baseline to compare it to. For
example, people who are on the timid side may show that they are nervous,
but most of the time it is literally just nerves rather than any true reason to be
nervous, such as being deceptive.
With the baseline figured out, it is time to look for behavior that deviates
from that baseline as you talk. If you can pick up deviations and they fit the
bill for common behavioral clusters of people that are deceptive, you may be
on to something and you should absolutely spend the time looking into
things. If you do not recognize any lying behaviors, you may be better off
just rejecting the attempts to identify what is going on after all.
In general, there are several important cues to remember as nonverbal cues to
deception, such as:
Answering questions that were unasked

Answering questions with questions
Not correcting oneself during conversation out of fear of
instilling doubt
Faking a lack of memory
A report of what did not happen rather than a focus on
what did
Figuring out some way to justify what has happened,
even when not necessary
Have some sort of exact alibi for exactly what they
could not explain otherwise.
Use less words than others
Describe actions weakly and passively
Focused on the weaknesses in others
Chapter 9: NLP Mind Control
Have you ever interacted with someone before and found that, inexplicably,
you were beginning to have strange and powerful temptations about what to
do next? Perhaps you felt like you needed to do something that you would
ordinarily never bother with, or you find that your emotions seem to be
strangely all over the place, despite the fact that you should have been able to
manage them well enough.
There may be an explanation for this: Neuro-Linguistic processing. This is a
particularly powerful set of actions. Words, and behaviors in order to trigger
other people into obedience. Effectively, you will be able to access and
interact with the other person’s mind, quietly and subtly controlling their
mind in ways that were likely entirely unexpected.
NLP practitioners vary from people genuinely interested in helping someone
else in the world out to people with no other intention but to manipulate and
harm others. In particular, these techniques are incredibly difficult to identify,
and in not being able to figure them out, you may find that more and more of
your behavior changes over time. For that reason, it is incredibly critical that
you develop the ability to understand exactly what NLP is and how it works.
Not only will you be able to wield these tools yourself if you so choose, you
will also be able to identify ways that the usage of these behaviors can be
beneficial to everyone
What is Neuro-Linguistic Processing?
Ultimately, NLP is the ability to learn how to communicate effectively with
the unconscious mind of either yourself or of others. When you can access
the unconscious mind of someone else, you are effectively learning to bypass
all of the checks and balances in place to ensure that they are able to retain
free will. In particular, you are learning to become a translator between the
conscious and unconscious minds. The conscious and unconscious mind both
really struggle to interact meaningfully with each other—one wants one
thing, but the other cannot quite understand the request. In the end, wires
seem to get crossed, and no one is happy with what has happened, how it
happened, or what ends up being the end result.
However, with NLP, you can learn to speak that language of the unconscious
mind. NLP looks to identify the ways that you can do just that in order to
make sure that the unconscious mind is actively communicated with in ways
that are meaningful and important. This means that you will be able to ensure
that the conscious and unconscious mind are working in tandem with each
other.
This is important because, as is commonly said in NLP, the conscious mind
works out the actions and what is wanted while the unconscious mind is
tasked with ensuring that the goals and actions actually happen.
Stop and think about what the unconscious mind does for a moment—it is
responsible for taking care of any and all automatic actions throughout the
day. You do not think about driving—your unconscious mind does it for you.
You do not think about how to brush your teeth—your unconscious does that
too. Basically, your unconscious mind goes through all of the motions,
making sure that you are doing exactly what you need to get through your
day with the least amount of effort possible. It wants to reserve valuable
conscious mind real estate for issues that are actually important, such as
making an important decision on which job to apply for or how to go about
achieving that difficult goal that you have planned out. Because there is only
so much that can be fit into the conscious mind, the unconscious takes over
for you. It allows you to run on autopilot for all of those tedious actions that
you must get through during the course of your day. Without the unconscious
mind, you would find that you need to decide and consciously focus on
brushing your teeth, buckling up, and more.
If the unconscious mind is what takes care of all of your automatic, habitual
behaviors, then, you may wonder why that is what NLP seeks to target. This
is a great question—and there is a very simple answer. The unconscious mind
is responsible for emotions. Emotions are unconscious reactions to the world
around you. You do not choose to feel happiness or anger; it just happens.
However, emotions are incredibly motivating.
Your thoughts that underlie everything influence those emotions. Your
emotions then influence your behaviors. If you want to control behaviors, you
want to be able to alter emotions, and it just so happens to be that the easiest
way to alter emotions is through figuring out how to directly tap into the
thoughts of someone else.
When you tap into the unconscious mind, then, you are able to mess around
with that sequence. You can figure out how to create new thoughts, feelings,
and behaviors, all because you are bypassing the conscious mind and
interacting with the unconscious. Since the unconscious will almost never
actually be acknowledged by the conscious in the moment, this is the best
way to directly and simply interact with the other person to avoid raising red
flags.
When you use NLP, you are using a process that has been used for years
primarily in a therapeutic sense. Despite the popularity of it in recent years
when used in tandem with dark psychology and attempts to control people, it
was initially designed to be something that could be used regularly to ensure
that people were taken care of and healthy. It was meant to give power back
to the people, looking at what makes psychologists so qualified to help other
people when regular people are not. Effectively, NLP techniques are ways to
grant the powers of a psychologist to normal people with little training. These
techniques can then be used in ways that will benefit everyone involved—
you will be able to actively help other people with ease. You will be able to
alleviate doubt, create anchors to instill confidence, and more, all because
you have these skills.
Of course, there is still the possibility of using this mind control for more
nefarious reasons. Just as simply as you could use these techniques in order
to help other people, you can use them specifically to hurt others as well.
Instead of alleviating anxiety or traumatic memories, you can make
associations with fear and avoidance in order to push someone further under
your thumb.
Effectively, when you learn how to use NLP, you hold the mind of someone
else, their entire being, in the palm of your hand, and you will be able to
manipulate it at will.
NLP and Mirroring

Ultimately, before you can do anything with NLP, you must become a well-
liked individual. You must be able to develop what is known as rapport with
the person that you are attempting to influence, as without that rapport, you
have no entrance into the other person’s unconscious.
Your rapport with someone is effectively an accurate measure of just how
likely you are to be persuasive with that individual. If you want to be able to
impact the other person’s mind, you need to be able to access it, and the best
way to access it is to lower the other person’s guard.
Before understanding how to create that rapport, however, consider that the
unconscious mind is always watching. Even if your conscious mind cannot
possibly process everything that you are being exposed to, your unconscious
mind is still able to pick up on things. It recognizes even subliminal signals,
such as those included in advertisement that completely subvert conscious
understanding—and that subversion is what makes this process so powerful.
When you can subvert someone else’s mind, you can take control of it.
Mirroring is just one way of creating that rapport and gaining access. When
you mirror someone, you are telling them something specific—that they
matter to you and that you feel some sort of connection to them. Mirroring is
what people naturally do as they grow to know those around them better.
Look at two best friends for a few minutes and you will see it—they will both
walk the same, talk the same, take drinks nearly in tandem with each other,
and more. They do this all for a simple reason: Their unconscious minds have
developed that rapport with each other. They are directly communicating
with the unconscious mind of the other person, saying that they do like and
appreciate that other person, and that the other person has their utmost trust.
While developing a natural relationship will always be the best way to create
rapport, you do not always have time for that. In those instances, you can
create rapport with three simple steps: Create a connection, match the other
person, and then identify their punctuator.
Creating that initial connection is not particularly difficult—you will want to

make good, convincing eye contact, spend the time to listen to the other
person, and will the connection into existence. You effectively want to give
the other person your utmost, undivided attention in hopes of them realizing
that you do enjoy what they are talking about. During this stage, try giving
the occasional triple nod. This is when you nod three times in a row, usually
pensively, to communicate three things to the other person’s unconscious
mind. You will tell them that you are attentive, understanding, and agreeing
with the other person.
With that initial connection created, you will then make it a point to copy the
other person. In particular, you may find that the best way to do this is
through copying their vocal cues. While body language is always an easy
target to mimic, you also risk raising red flags simply because you are
mimicking them, and people generally do not appreciate when someone else
is copying them. Instead, concentrate on their verbal cues.
When you do this, you will usually start by matching the speaking speed and
intensity of the other person. If they want to speak to you animatedly, return
that right back to them. If they are speaking to you calmly and quietly, you
should do the same. In doing so, you are letting them know that you are on
the same page as them, even if the behaviors do not necessarily line up quite
right. Nevertheless, it is important.
With the verbal cues mimicked, try figuring out what the other person’s
punctuator is. The punctuator is something that all people do in emphasis
when they are talking. Some people may have a saying that they use
immediately after making the point that they want to emphasize while other
people may intentionally raise their eyebrows or make a movement of the
hand. What is true either way is that the punctuator is something that the
other person will have, and if you can identify it, you can use it.
Once it is identified, you should make it a point to actively use it. The next
time that you think the other person is likely to use the punctuator, mimic it.
In mimicking it, you will tell the other person’s unconscious mind that you
are someone that can be related to, and thus, you open up their mind.
Of course, you will want to test that connection before moving forward—you
want to ensure that the connection made is valid before you go attempting to
use NLP in other ways. All you need to do is move a certain way to
determine if the other person will move like you do. If they do, you were
successful. If not, then you have likely run into some sort of snag and they
are not going to be as likely to follow along.
NLP to Create Anchors
After creating that rapport, one of the simplest NLP techniques that you can
use when interacting with someone else is to create anchors. Anchors are
effectively a form of conditioning that can be wielded in order to control the
behaviors of someone else. Think about how Pavlov’s dogs were taught to
respond to the bell with salivating even if food is not around—that is exactly
what you are doing when you anchor someone, except you are most likely
using a technique that is far less humiliating.
When you want to start out, you must have a rapport built with the other
party. With that rapport built, you will want to ensure that you can actively
interact with the other person regularly. Since you will effectively be
conditioning the other person, you need to be able to do it with the freedom
to trigger and expose the other person.
Anchoring effectively requires you to follow a few simple steps: You will
need to figure out what the anchoring feeling that you want to use is. Then
you must identify a way for you to trigger that feeling. From there, you must
choose your anchor. With the anchor determined, you will need to trigger the
feeling with the chosen trigger, and then simultaneously use the anchor at the
same time. Over time of having the feeling and anchor coincide together on a
regular basis, the other person will, eventually, become anchored—that is to
say, the anchor will trigger the feeling that you wanted to pair with it.
This process is actually far simpler than it sounds. For example, imagine that
you want to anchor your friend that has anxiety. He is always stressing out
about finals when he has them coming up, and as a college student, those
finals come up regularly. This means that he has no choice but to face that
fear regularly.
You decide that you would rather figure out how to alleviate that anxiety with
something relatively simple. You decide that you want to teach him to feel
relaxed when he is exposed to the scratching sound of a pencil. After all,
during a final, he is likely to hear the constant scratching of pencils on paper.
Now, you have chosen a feeling and an anchor. What you missed, however,
was the trigger for that feeling. Perhaps you remember that your friend is
always super relaxed when he is listening to music. Something about it
soothes his soul, he always says. You then play the music as you are sitting
next to him and begin scratching away at some paper. You may actually be
writing, doodling, or literally just scribbling in circles, but the end result is
him beginning to relax as he listens to the music.
You repeat this process over time, making sure that it happens regularly as
you want to ensure that you really install that conditioning well. After a few
weeks, you find that just scribbling on your paper does, in fact, help him calm
down, which then enables you to trigger that calmness at will.
He never realizes what you did, but right around the next final, he tells you
that he is feeling strangely confident as he goes in—that he feels like he is
well prepared because as he had studied and took notes, he found himself
incredibly calm instead of freaking out like he normally is.
NLP and Pace and Lead
Similar to being able to anchor someone, another technique you can use after
being able to mirror and set up that valuable rapport with someone else is the
ability to pace and lead. When you can pace and lead, you are effectively able
to control the emotional state of someone else with two simple steps: You
first match what they are doing, and then you change the tempo or intensity
of it.
Remember, mirroring is usually a mutual occurrence—when you are
mirroring someone else, they are far more likely to mirror you as well, and
you need to remember to use that concept to your own advantage. When you
are mirroring someone else, then, and you can see them mirroring you, you
can begin to tap into their body language with your own. This means that you
can gently and quietly guide them into doing something else without them
ever actively thinking about it.
For example, imagine that you are talking to that same nervous friend. This
time, he is terrified because he wants to ask someone else on a date, but he is
too afraid to do it. He is nervously tapping his fingers against the table and
shifting back and forth, clear signs of his current anxiety. Instead of leaving
him to it without attempting to help, however, you stop and begin to tap your
finger on your hand subtly as you listen. You do not make it a point to make
it obvious, but you allow it to happen at the same pace as your friend’s. After
a bit, you slowly begin to slow down the speed that you are tapping, and you
shift your own body language to being relaxed and open. You may slow
down your own breathing in an attempt to impact his own breathing rate.
After a while, you notice that his tapping is slowing down with yours. This
means that your technique is working, and eventually, when you stop tapping
your own fingers, you will see that he does, too.
Chapter 10: Hypnosis
Finally, we have reached hypnosis—of the techniques for mind control that
you are learning, this will be the last. As you work toward the ability to
hypnotize people, keep in mind everything else that you have learned thus
far. The minds of other people are absolutely sacred and should be treated as
such. If you are going to be influencing other people, you should always
make sure to do it ethically. Remember, just because hypnotizing someone
for your own selfish gain is dangerous and not recommended does not mean
that hypnosis itself is bad. In fact, hypnosis has gained massive traction
lately. You see it used during labor, with women self-hypnotizing themselves
in order to avoid the pain of labor, focusing through the contractions as a way
to manage their own comfort. You see people using hypnosis for cessation of
cigarettes or other unhealthy habits. You even see people using it to help
them become more self-confident.
Ultimately, hypnosis has no shortage of usage or of people willing to try it. If
you remember to keep your control of other people ethical and consensual,
there is no harm in using these methods. However, you must always
emphasize consent above all.
Nevertheless, it is time to delve into the mysterious world of hypnosis.
Within this chapter, you will learn about how hypnosis works, understanding
that it is not the utmost control over other people that is typically depicted in
cartoons or movies—instead, it is a state of extreme relaxation and
suggestibility. We will go over a few positive uses of hypnosis, such as in
labor and delivery, and finally, we will look over the steps on how to
hypnotize someone else that is willing to be your subject. If all goes well, you
will find that influencing other people is far easier than you may have
thought.
How Hypnosis Works
Primarily, hypnosis works because it is cooperative—usually, one person is
willingly being relaxed into a hypnotic state, and the hypnotist then
encourages the thoughts and behaviors that are desired. In a therapeutic
situation, this may look like encouraging the individual to no longer care
about an ex that left or being able to resist those cravings of sugar and to
exercise more. Effectively, it allows for the implantation of thoughts in a
consensual way.
This means that the hypnotist is just the coach—they are there to guide the
way through the subconscious to create the results that the individual that is
being hypnotized wanted in the first place. The hypnotist effectively is able to
manage to walk the individual through the steps of hypnosis, and in doing so,
guides the individual to that state of extreme calmness.
Within the hypnotic state, it is often reported that the one being hypnotized is
convinced that they are asleep. They are so deeply relaxed that they feel like
they are entirely unaware of the world around them. However, that could not
be further from the truth—when you are in a hypnotic state, you are actually
incredibly aware and focused—but only on what the hypnotist is saying. If
the hypnotist is guiding you through breathing practices to keep you calm, all
you will focus on is what the hypnotist is saying. If the hypnotist happens to
be using any sort of prop or focal object, you will focus on that. In being so
incredibly focused on one particular moment or instance, you will find that
you are able to be readily and easily influenced.
This primarily works because of the divide between the conscious and
unconscious minds. While the two minds work together, the conscious mind
acts like a sort of filter between what the unconscious mind is being exposed
to and the mind itself. This means that the conscious is basically the guard
dog of the mind, and if it interferes, you are not going to be able to get
through to the more susceptible, impressionable unconscious, which is where
suggestions are meant to go.
When you encourage the conscious mind to focus entirely on one object or
action, whether breathing or the swinging of a pendulum, or anything else,
you distract the conscious. Think of what happens if you throw a dog a piece
of steak: They run after the steak and happily munch on that while you are
free to move forward. Effectively, with hypnosis, you throw your conscious
mind a steak by having it so incredibly focused on what is going on.
As this happens, the hypnotist then makes several suggestions. They will talk
to the one being hypnotized, making sure that the unconscious mind is able to
absorb and internalize all of those thoughts nicely in order to ensure that they
do, in fact, become utilized and acted upon. Because the unconscious mind is
going to be the one driving actions without the conscious paying attention,
those behaviors become quite easy. They simply happen because the
unconscious mind does it.
Remember how in NLP, you are actively recognizing that the unconscious
mind is the one that controls everything? That is effectively what you are
seeing here. Hypnosis, like NLP, will make sure that the unconscious mind is
acting accordingly to ensure that the one being hypnotized is able to do what
was desired.
Why Use Hypnosis?

Now, with that in mind, you may be wondering why people are so willing
and ready to use hypnosis on themselves to the point that they would even
pay other people to help them with the process in the first place. The answer
is that hypnosis is incredibly powerful because the unconscious is incredibly
powerful. It should be used precisely because it does allow people to tap into
their unconscious minds to unlock all of the potential that they needed to
utilize.
When you use hypnosis, you effectively are making sure that you can draw
all of the benefits that your mind has to offer. It offers you benefits such as
helping cope with any phobias or anxiety triggers that you may have. If your
anxiety and phobia is rooted in your unconscious, what better way to treat it
than to directly impact it? It can help with pain management without
requiring medication, making it incredibly valuable for people that will need
pain medication but may find that they are at an increased risk for addiction
or abusing that medication if they have it. It can be used to fight stress as
well, working as a sort of grounding method for the individual using it if they
want to reach a state of relaxation.
It can also be used in more insidious ways—some people use hypnosis to
control other people. It is commonly used in brainwashing in cults, for
example, relying on the constant repetition of words or other methods that are
designed to tap into the unconscious mind in some way, shape, or form.
This means that hypnosis can be dangerous for those who are particularly
susceptible to its effects. Not everyone is, but the vast majority of people are
quite susceptible, and this means that these people could be subtly and
unknowingly controlled by strangers without ever realizing that it was
happening in the first place.
Using Hypnosis
Ultimately, hypnosis happens in several different ways—some people utilize
an utter bombardment of the senses in order to trigger that unconscious state,
while others will lull people into it with gentle storytelling or guided
meditations. Nevertheless, regardless of the method, the end result is the
same: The other person ends up being controlled without being aware of it.
We will stop and look at two simple methods of hypnosis that can be used to
trigger trances, which can then be utilized to ensure that the one being
hypnotized is entirely obedient.
Bombardment
Think of a time when you had a teacher or someone else that was
extraordinarily boring when they spoke. It didn’t matter what was being
discussed—their voice was simply so boring; you could not help but space
out when they talked. Though unintentional, that is exactly what this sort of
hypnosis accomplishes.
When you use bombardment, you are effectively creating a constant and
steady stimulation that drones on to lull the other person into a trance. It
could involve someone speaking rapidly in a flat voice or using someone’s
naturally unvaried voice in order to eventually bore the person into a trance.
The brain struggles with processing the information when it is all constant
and unending, which is exactly why it becomes so difficult to understand.
If you want to use this, then, you will want to start up a single topic and stick
to it for the next several minutes, making your voice as flat as possible. You
want to talk as much as possible during that time, not relenting at all, even
when you see that the other person is beginning to lose focus. As the focus is
lost, you can begin to talk directly to the unconscious mind, making
suggestions and encouraging certain behaviors.
Nonverbal Hypnosis
Another method is quite similar but is done in complete silence. However,
this one will require you to have rapport built with the individual that you are
attempting to hypnotize, as you are going to need to tap into their tendency to
mirror you if you want to be effective. When you use this method, you are
going to make sure that they are following along with your own body
language, and you will start to do something repetitive and rhythmic that is
still subtle, expecting the other person to follow suit.
When you use this, you are effectively having the same relaxing effect that
you have on an infant that calms down when swayed. Just as the newborn
calms down to the motion, so too do adults, even though they may not even
realize that they are still susceptible to actions like that.
Start by ensuring that you do have rapport with the other person. With that
established, you want to actively mirror the other person for a while until you
know that they are mirroring you back. From there, you will begin to use
several motions back and forth in an attempt to sway the other person into a
relaxed state. However, the key here is making sure that whatever you do,
you are making it subtle and easily followed without it seeming to stand out
at all when done around other people.
Perhaps you start by tilting your head back and forth ever so slightly. It does
not have to be particularly obvious—just gently and subtly move your head
in a rhythmic manner. Chances are, so long as you are subtle enough, the
other person will never notice that you are doing it—but they will pick up on
it themselves. As you do this, begin to use more of your body as well, but
make sure it is still just as subtle. Perhaps you slowly raise and lower your
shoulders ever so slightly along with the slight roll of your head. Then,
perhaps you also make it a point to rock back and forth on your heels as well.
You may also alter your breathing as well in an attempt to ensure that the
other person is breathing deeply and calmly.
With some time and effort, you will find that the other person is following all
of your cues, especially if you are a trusted party in the first place. As they
begin to relax, you will find that they are far more susceptible to what you are
saying, and you are more likely to be able to get them to internalize
information in this state than before. Make sure that you tell them everything
that you wanted their unconscious mind to know before you stop the hypnotic
motions, otherwise you risk them coming out of the trance too early,
mitigating everything that you are doing.
Chapter 11: The Benefits of Dark Psychology
At last, we arrive at the end of the book, and as we arrive here, it seems
fitting to stop with a brief address of reasons that you could use dark
psychology in ways that are not nearly as insidious as many that were
discussed within the book. Remember, while dark psychology may be based
upon looking at how the dark personality types prey on people, that is not all
that it is good for—it is incredibly important to understand these abilities and
skills. In understanding comes the ability to protect and prevent, after all.
Nevertheless, as you have been exposed to several malicious usages from
several of these techniques, let’s go over the ethics of dark psychology, as
well as the benefits that may arise from it. Dark psychology does not have to
be the harmful concept that it has become because of the people that wielded
it—you can reclaim it.
Is Dark Psychology Evil?
For the million-dollar question: Is dark psychology evil? The short answer is,
no. It is actually neutral. It does not have the capability of being good or evil
in the same sense that gravity cannot be good or evil—it simply is. As a force
without free will, without any way to control itself, it cannot possibly be
labeled with a human construct such as good or evil. However, that does not
mean that it is necessarily safe, nor does it mean that it cannot be used in
hurtful manners.
While dark psychology itself is not evil, it can be used by evil people. Just as
it is not about the gun being evil, but rather the one wielding the gun that
determines how evil the situation is, dark psychology is entirely at the mercy
of those wielding it. If the individual who uses these techniques uses it for
evil purposes, taking advantage of these techniques to steal and abuse, that is
his own failure, and no one else’s. That failure is something that he will have
to address for himself and no one else, and that is significant.
Of course, that means that the inverse is true as well—it cannot truly be a
good force either. While dark psychology may not truly be good, it can be
used in ways that are beneficial to people, and throughout the book, you were
exposed to several. Is it really bad to influence someone to buy a car that will
truly better serve their own family? Is it bad to influence someone to no
longer have crippling anxiety at the idea of taking a final exam? What about
in hypnotizing someone to no longer have insomnia? You would be hard-
pressed to find anyone who would claim that any of those were bad decisions
or wrong, even though they all used techniques common to dark psychology.
Remember, as dark psychology has been studied, people have gained access
into the minds of predators that are capable of far more than the average
person is. The average person is not going to be intentionally manipulating
and harassing people on the regular—he is going to be minding his own
business. He does not have any interest in preying on other people. So, would
that average person have a use for dark psychology? Quite possibly! It can be
used in ways that were discussed throughout this book, and those can be
beneficial to literally anyone that interacts with other people. Several other
techniques can be used on yourself as well. You can anchor yourself to create
your own coping mechanisms, for example, or you can choose to self-
hypnotize in order to help yourself build self-confidence. These are not evil.
Ultimately, whether the art is good or evil, one thing remains true—it is all
about how it is used that determines how welcome the use of it is.
Reasons to Use Dark Psychology
There are several reasons that one may intentionally learn dark psychology.
They may want to use these methods to help themselves—perhaps they were
a victim of a dark personality type in the past and they want to understand
why. That insight is invaluable, and gaining the reasons why and how
someone was able to entirely and utterly dismantle someone’s personality can
be therapeutic in some way. In understanding how you have become
vulnerable, you can remove those vulnerabilities to figure out how best to
fight them off.
Some people may learn about dark psychology out of sheer curiosity—we are
fascinated by what scares us. After all, horror is a massive genre in movies
for a reason! You may find that learning how the insides of an evil
individual’s mind works is just as fascinating as it is terrifying, and for that
reason alone, you want to keep reading on how they do what they do.
Other people may read simply because they want to be able to fight back.
When you can recognize dark psychology, you can prevent it from being
effective. So much of dark psychology is all about being able to identify
vulnerabilities and exploit them, and if you know those vulnerabilities and
about the common exploits, you can simply side-step them. You can avoid
falling for them and instead work on strengthening your own skills to protect
yourself.
Effectively, dark psychology is incredibly flexible, as are the techniques. The
very same techniques that can utterly destroy someone else can also be used
in ways that actually better everyone involved. They can build self-
confidence and self-esteem. They can help cope with anxiety and other
mental health issues. They can make you more likely to be successful in
interacting with other people simply because you will have a better
understanding.
Above all, you will be able to protect yourself with ease. You will be able to
have peace of mind, thanks to learning about dark psychology. At the very
least, you will be able to rest easy knowing that the dark personality types
will be far less likely to pull a fast one over you simply because you know
what to expect.
The Insight of Dark Psychology
Now, as this book finally comes to an end, try to think about the ways that
dark psychology and the secrets that it holds may have provided you with
insight. What have you learned about the world that you did not know
before? What do you know about the mind and how it works? What secrets
have you learned that are invaluable?
Dark psychology is quite unique in the sense that it opens the window for us
to see through the eyes of the narcissist, the Machiavellian, or the
psychopath. In understanding how these techniques work, you can see
exactly what spurs these people to act in the ways that they do. You can
figure out why people want to behave these ways and what they stand to gain
by doing so.
While you may never want to manipulate others yourself, you may find that
the insight of understanding why is critical, especially if you are in the
position of healing from a relationship with one such person. When you are
able to understand the other person’s mind, you may be able to recognize it
for what it truly is—disordered.
Beyond just that, though, the insight provided in understanding dark
psychology allows us to see what made us so vulnerable to its grasp in the
first place. You will be able to see exactly why these problems arise. You
will know what it is that each of these techniques plays off of, and in
knowing what they use, you can figure out how to shield from them.
Consider that NLP directly influences the unconscious mind. When you
know that the unconscious mind is one of the most commonly attacked parts
of the mind when trying to influence someone else, you can remind yourself
to always do self-checks, understanding why you do what you are doing at
any time. You can ask yourself if the behaviors that you are doing at that
moment are your own, or if they are common for people that are usually
manipulated. You can figure out if the thought in your mind that is driving
you is your own, or if it seems out of place, or contradictory to a though that
you know that you have had for ages.
Effectively, when you are able to recognize the thought processes of yourself
in relation to dark psychology, you can figure out whether you have been
manipulated in the past. Knowing that is critical to recognizing if you are
actually a victim or if you are proactive enough to avoid victimization
altogether.
What is true, despite the insight that you have gained, however, is that, you
have earned knowledge. You have knowledge of what is possible in the
world. You have knowledge about the mind and some of its secrets. You
have knowledge about the predators that you may never have been aware of
in reality. That is invaluable. Knowledge is power, and if you can wield that
power bravely and proudly, you will be able to protect yourself.
Conclusion
Congratulations! That brings us to the end of Dark Psychology Secrets.
Hopefully, as you read, you found the content to be compelling, interesting,
informative, and easy to follow. With care, this book was designed to guide
you through the world of dark psychology.
Dark psychology is the look into the minds of the most heinous, monstrous
humans that exist. When you are looking into the depths of dark psychology,
you are looking into the minds of those who are out to hurt others. Serial
killers, master manipulators, and abusers alike may share these traits, and
those traits make them particularly dangerous. What is worse, however, is
that these people understand psychology. They understand exactly how they
need to interact with other people in order to be seen as charismatic and
trustworthy enough to win a spot in the hearts of their victims and targets.
The dark psychology user is able to do this simply by knowing how to
manipulate their target in just the right way.
However, they can only hurt and manipulate you if you give them that power.
Remember, having the power to recognize and reject the abuse from the dark
psychology user will be your best shield and sword from them. Not only will
it help you guard against them and their attempts, you will also be able to
access their minds right back.
As you read through this book, perhaps the most important takeaway from it
all is to remember that dark psychology itself is neutral—it is neither good
nor bad. While the original wielders may have been malevolent, that does not
make their weapons inherently bad as well. Remember that being able to
understand dark psychology grants you a special access to the mind of
someone else and you should always be mindful of how you use that access.
It should not be abused in any manner.
Finally, as you finish up, remember to always keep your own use of dark
psychology ethical. Always ask yourself if you really need to tap into the
mind of someone else. Ask yourself if the other person is the primary
beneficiary if you do happen to tap into their mind. Ask yourself if they will
be happy to have the end results of you tapping into their mind. If you can
answer that they will be benefitted significantly and they will appreciate it,
then it may be an acceptable time to use your arts.
Nevertheless, as this book draws to a close, you may be wondering what
comes next. Ultimately, that depends upon you. You have learned some of
the basics of dark psychology. Do you want to learn more about the natural
users? Do you want to learn how to fight it? Do you want to learn how to
become a better user? What is your end goal?
No matter what that goal is, you may find that there are several options for
you to pursue from here. You could make it a point to learn how to become
emotionally intelligent. This goes hand-in-hand with being able to persuade
others with ease. You may decide to look into the process of cognitive
behavioral therapy—doing so may provide you with more resources to
protect yourself and heal from any manipulation that you may have identified
in your life. You may decide that what is right for you is to look into the
narcissist himself, learning how he abuses in order to better understand him.
You may even choose to delve into psychology in general—there are several
different topics that you may find to be interesting and useful in your journey
from here on out.
No matter what you choose, however, keep in mind that it is up to you.l No
matter what anyone else tries to convince you, you deserve free will. You
deserve to be able to protect that free will. You deserve to have that free will
honored. As you go through the next chapter in your journey, good luck.
Hopefully, you have found what you needed within this book, and you will
find what you need in the future as well.
Thank you for allowing me to join you on your journey through dark
psychology, and good luck as you continue. Finally, if you have found that
this book has been compelling, useful, or even just generally informative,
please feel free to leave a review on Amazon. Your feedback, whether good
or bad, is always welcome to ensure that these books are always improving.
Book 3
Manipulation and Dark Psychology

Introduction
Congratulations on purchasing Manipulation and Dark Psychology, and
thank you for doing so.
Consider a time where someone made you feel guilty. Perhaps you told your
partner that you were tired, but you got called into work and cannot possibly
go on that elaborate anniversary date night that you two had planned for
weeks. You work a job where you are crucial, and they cannot easily replace
you, and you feel like you have no choice but to go in. Your partner, instead
of being understanding about the predicament, looks at you and sadly sighs,
saying, “You know, I was really, really looking forward to our date. It’s
already paid for and non-refundable, and I can’t believe that you would have
to work on our anniversary when you requested it off two months ago.” Your
partner sighs again and slowly and sadly starts to take off shoes and coat.
You are left feeling incredibly guilty as you walk out the door, but you have
no choice.
You were just the victim of an attempt to guilt-trip you into refusing to go to
work that day.
Guilt-tripping is a commonly used form of manipulation, especially when
people want to make someone else feel bad. They will say things that lead the
other person to feel guilty about having to refuse to do something, no matter
how reasonable that refusal may have been, in an attempt to force the other
person’s hand. This is more or less what manipulation seeks to do—it is
designed to make the other person feel guilty and less in control of the
situation. Because guilt is a driving motivator for most people, that feeling of
guilt is like a call to action—a warning that you are not fulfilling your
obligations, and that can be enough for the manipulator to get the upper hand.
Manipulation is limited to instilling feelings of guilt—in fact; there are
several other common, far more insidious ways to manipulate others in order
to get what you want. You can literally control minds if you know how to do
so and can get the right rapport. You can trigger people to do things that you
never thought they would be willing to do. You can effectively influence
people to do just about anything if you know what you are doing.
Forms of influence designed to force people into obedience without them
ever truly being aware of what is happening are known as covert
manipulation, and they are the favorite weapons of those who practice what is
commonly known as dark psychology—these are people such as narcissists,
psychopaths, and sadists who do not care about those around them. This book
is designed to provide you with a guide to influence and manipulation, as
commonly seen in dark psychology, as well as how to utilize these tools in
order to wield the tools of dark psychology for benevolent or beneficial
reasons rather than simply to exert power and coerce people into obedience.
Within this book, you will be given a guide to recognizing what manipulation
is, why it occurs, and how. You will learn about persuasion, a secondary form
of influence that focuses more on convincing the other person to obey rather
than forcing their hand. You will be introduced to neuro-linguistic
processing, another process that those who practice dark psychology tend to
wield, and lastly, you will address how to improve your communication and
NLP skills in ways that are conducive to living a successful, happy life.
useful information as possible; please enjoy!
Chapter 1: What is Manipulation?
If you could force people to obey you, would you do it? If you could force
the hand of someone else, even though you knew that they did not want to do
what you were asking, would you be willing to do so? Perhaps you really
need to borrow $5000 for a down payment on a car, but your parents are
unwilling to give it to you. Maybe you really want to borrow your friend’s
new motorcycle to experiment on it, but they are reluctant because you do not
have a license. How likely are you to make it a point to move forward? What
if your friend is in a relationship with someone who is abusive or just not
right for her? Would you do anything in your power to convince her to end
the relationship?
All of that and more is possible with the power of manipulation. When you
are able to manipulate people, you are effectively managing to influence the
mind of the other person. You are able to figure out how best to control the
other person and ensure that you can, in fact, take over once and for all. You
can use your understanding of the other person’s mind in order to get them to
do just about anything. If you can play your cards right, you can covertly
access the mind of someone else, install all of the right strings, and play the
other person like a puppet.
This skill can be incredibly useful to you if you know what you are doing.
You can figure out how best to take control of the mind of someone else. You
can convince them to do your bidding, whether for your own or their own
benefit. This chapter will introduce you to manipulation as a concept. You
will learn how manipulation works as a concept. Lastly, you will be provided
with several examples of types of manipulation that you may encounter in
your daily life.
Manipulation
By definition, manipulation is a form of social influence that is designed to
change either behaviors or perceptions of other people through methods that
are deceptive in some way. Usually, the purpose is to allow the manipulator
to get what he or she wants, even if it is at the expense of his or her target.
Effectively, it is finding a way to coercively and secretly exploit someone
else into doing what you want or need them to do.
When you manipulate someone else, you have your own ulterior motive that
you are pushing. You want to ensure that your desired result happens,
regardless of whether it impacts you versus your child. For example, telling
your child that he must tell the truth or you are going to die would be a form
of emotional manipulation. You are putting excessive weight on the
consequence that would never happen in order to coerce your child into
telling you something. You may be trying to get him to tell the truth, but you
are also doing so in a way that is emotionally harmful to the child.
Sometimes, manipulation is a bit more difficult to spot—it can be finding
ways to use insecurities against the victim without them being spotted. No
matter what, however, what holds true is that manipulation is designed to
override everyone’s inherent right to free will. This is not something to be
proud of or to accept—if you are on the receiving end of manipulation, you
should be trying to protect that free will as much as you can. If you are the
manipulator, you may need to reconsider your motives and tactics.
Keep in mind as you read through the rest of this chapter that this book does
not condone the active and excessive use of manipulation. Controlling people
is typically considered quite underhanded and cruel, and it should not be
occurring on the regular, or at all if it can be avoided. It can be valuable to
understand the art of manipulation in order to understand how the mind
works, or how manipulators will attack, but ultimately, the use of true
manipulation is not recommended.
The Process of Manipulation
People tend to believe that manipulation is effective for different reasons.
They have different ideas about what makes manipulation effective. In
particular, there are three criteria involving the manipulator that must be met
in order to ensure that manipulation is successful. Ultimately, it is the
manipulator that is primarily responsible for the manipulation and
determining whether it will work, though there are certain personality traits
that tend to be particularly vulnerable to the attempts to manipulate. The three
criteria that must be met to ensure successful manipulation are:
The manipulator must hide the true intentions

The manipulator must know the victim’s most viable
vulnerabilities
The manipulator must be ruthless enough to follow
through
Keep in mind that these three criteria being present is not a guarantee that the
manipulation will always work. However, they must be present if it will
work.
Hiding true intentions
If someone came up to you and said, “I am going to force you to buy me
dinner,” you would be likely to outright refuse. People tend to be contrarian
—they will lean toward doing the exact opposite of what someone else is
asserting that they do simply because they want to have their free will.
Because of this, manipulation only really works well when the true intentions
are hidden. This way, the victim is unaware of the manipulation taking place
and is more likely to fall for it. They will be unsuspecting and, therefore,
more susceptible as opposed to if they were already on guard and looking for
any attempts to force their hands.
Understanding vulnerabilities
Ultimately, the only way that you can possibly get to someone is if you know
where their weak spots are. By taking advantage of the other party’s weak
spots, you can effectively figure out exactly how to present what you want in
order to ensure they give it to you. For example, if you know that you are
dealing with a people pleaser, you may make it a point to mention that you
have this really important need that you want to figure out how to meet and
word it in just the right way that cues the other person to ask if they can help.
This is an example of a vulnerability. Others can include:
They need to be given external approval

Fear of negative emotions
Unassertiveness
Struggling to know one’s true self
Struggling with self-reliance
Feeling out of control
Being naïve
Lacking self-confidence
Being too conscientious
Of course, there are other vulnerabilities as well, and you can begin to
pinpoint more personal ones as well if you know what you are doing. Your
job when manipulating others will be to figure out those vulnerabilities and
use them.
Ruthlessness
Ultimately, manipulation is quite often harmful to at least one party that is
being victimized. In most cases, the one being manipulated stands to lose
something, and most people feel guilty at the idea of costing someone else
something personal. For this reason, the successful manipulator must not care
about the other person enough to be able to shirk off the guilt that would
come along with hurting them. For many people, they are simply too
empathetic to completely disregard everyone else. For others, however, it
becomes effortless to simply disregard any guilt over feeling like they have
used the other party. They move on with their lives after getting what they
want without ever batting an eye.
Manipulation Tactics
Typically, manipulators exert some sort of control over their targets. They
would have to in order to truly get their way. However, no two manipulators
are the same. Some may favor positive reinforcement, while others prefer to
punish. No matter the method, there is no denying that the manipulation can
be exhausting, unhealthy, and sometimes completely dangerous.
Within this section, we will identify the five distinct tactics that manipulators
tend to use. Keep in mind that these tactics are separate from the techniques
that will be discussed shortly. The tactics are sort of categories of different
forms of manipulation—they are the most simplified form of classifying the
techniques that you will be introduced to, and they use some sort of
psychological tendency or process in order to control the other person.
Positive reinforcement
Rather than looking at positive as something good, think of positive as being
provided or given something. When you are given positive reinforcement to
encourage you to do something, you are introduced to some sort of motivator.
You will get something as a direct result of your choice in action or in order
to get you to do something.
For example, one form of positive reinforcement is being given praise or a

reward for completing a task as you were expected to do. In particular, during
manipulation, you may be offered praise if you do the right thing without
being asked or encouraged to do it. Ultimately, it is designed to encourage.
Other forms of positive reinforcement include:
Praise
Public recognition
Facial expressions
Approval
Love or affection
Gifts
Negative reinforcement
Negative reinforcement, on the other hand, involves using negative situations
with the removal from that negative situation as the reward. When you are
provided negative reinforcement, you are effectively being told that if you do
something, a negative situation will be remedied in some way. This uses the
negative situation and the desire to be rescued from that negativity as the
motivation to push you toward a certain action.
For example, imagine that you are in a bit of a bind—you may realize that
you are $1000 short for your bills in three days and be panicking. A
manipulator may say that they will give you that $1000 and therefore save
you from the uncomfortable and terrifying potential of losing one’s home.
Another example could involve telling a child that they will not have to do
the dishes if they do whatever you want instead.
Intermittent reinforcement
Intermittent reinforcement refers to only sometimes providing positive
reinforcement. Doing so causes doubt, fear, and a desire to keep trying to fish
for that approval or positive reinforcement that is desired. The absence of
whatever is being offered up intermittently can cause people to work harder
to get it.
Perhaps the easiest way to understand intermittent reinforcement is to look at
gambling. In gambling, you are occasionally able to win, but most of the
time, you lose. The occasional win and the knowledge that you have the
chance to win are both enough for people to continually pour money into
gambling, even though they are probably losing out on more money than they
have ever won back.
This form of reinforcement may be the most effective—it causes the
individual to effectively become addicted to the chase toward success or
fulfillment. Think about an abusive relationship for a moment—the victim
will oftentimes become addicted to the intermittent reinforcement of the
honeymoon period within the cycle of abuse, and that is enough to keep the
individual stuck.
Punishment
When discussing punishment, you are thinking about the sudden inclusion of
something negative as a response to a failure or refusal that is meant to be
unpleasant in order to encourage the other person to act as you are hoping for.
This causes the other party to give in, oftentimes, because the other party on
the receiving end of the punishment is afraid or hurt, either physically or
emotionally, and they want to avoid that same result in the first place.
Think of fines when you get a ticket—the money you pay is, in part,
administrative to take care of the cost of the police officer who issued the fine
and the judge presiding over it. However, most of that fine is designed to
punish you. You are losing out on a set amount of money because you have
committed some sort of crime.
Some examples of punishment include:
Yelling
Hurting (physically, i.e. spanking)
Playing the victim
The silent treatment
Nagging
Blackmail
Traumatic one-trial learning
Finally, traumatic learning refers to the use of abuse or trauma in very
specific instances in order to train the other party to feel like they must
concede to avoid triggering such abuse in the future. Effectively, you are
getting direct obedience through terrifying the other party into obedience in
the first place. This is among some of the more harmful types of
manipulation that people receive.
For example, you may find that you have returned home for the family for the
holidays, and your partner drove over just a bit later—no big deal, sometimes
families drive separately. However, your partner is furious that you went
rather than staying home where you would have been present with him. He
then screams at you about how you are never home or present for him and
goes onto a rampage. The message that he is trying to send is that upsetting
him is never worth it. Some forms of this include:
Abuse of any kind

Establishing dominance
Allowing emotions to blow out of control
Manipulation Techniques
Manipulation comes in several forms beyond those five different tactics.
Some people may gaslight while others love bomb and devalue. Others still
may choose to delve into mind control. There are several different
manipulation techniques that can all be used in various situations, meaning
that you always have plenty of options. What may work in one situation is
not necessarily guaranteed to work in another, and most of the time,
manipulators will have several different techniques in their back pocket to
draw from as needed.
Understanding each of these different forms of manipulation means that you
can be prepared. When you are prepared, you become less susceptible to that
form of manipulation. You will effectively be able to protect yourself because
you know what the patterns are and can recognize them as they occur,
allowing you to figure out giving in. This section will provide an explanation
of the eight common methods that are used.
Love bombing and devaluing
This form of manipulation is particularly common in relationships with
narcissists. The manipulator will shower the other person with love and gifts
to essentially addict the individual to them. Then, when the manipulator
wants something that is not being given, that love will suddenly be revoked,
often with intentionally hurting or knocking the individual down a few pegs.
They may stop responding or tell the victim that they no longer care about the
other person. The idea is to make the victim desire that love bombing stage
again to get them to work extra hard to attain it. It usually occurs in a cycle.
This is the quintessential form of intermittent reinforcement.
Gaslighting
In gaslighting, the manipulator seeks to make the other party feel entirely
incompetent and doubtful of whether or not they can truly accurately identify
what is going on around them. The whole point is to make them feel unstable,
and like their perceptions of reality, are incorrect. For example, they may tell
the victim that the victim’s perception never happened, or that the victim is
making things out to be far worse than they actually were. The gaslighter will
deny and reject thoughts and opinions so convincingly that the victim will
trust the gaslighter, and over time, the gaslighter will retain complete control.
The silent treatment
This is a common form of punishment in abusive situations. During the silent
treatment, the person who is being ignored will be entirely erased—the
individual will not acknowledge their presence or that they have said or done
anything. If the one being ignored says something, the one ignoring will stare
right past them. The entire purpose of this is to make the other person feel the
displeasure that the manipulator is feeling. It can also lead to the individual
being manipulated to be so desperate to get back to the way things used to be
that they will comply with any requests provided.
Guilt-tripping
The guilt trip tactic is designed to make the person being manipulated feel
guilty simply because guilt is a motivating emotion, and the feeling of guilt is
one that drives people to do whatever they can to alleviate it. If you are able
to guilt-trip someone, you effectively make them feel like the only way they
can escape that guilt is through doing whatever you have asked them to do.
For example, your sibling may tell you that they cannot afford to keep their
home if you do not lend them the money and that if you refuse, it will be on
you if their children are removed or if your sibling loses custody.
Playing the victim
Oftentimes, the manipulator will spin things around, so they reflect that the
manipulator is actually the victim of the circumstances rather than the
aggressor of the situation. For example, if a manipulator gets into an
argument with someone else, they may tell everyone else that they were the
victim in some way, shape, or form in order to gain sympathy. They will
twist the truth in order to make sure that they are believed to not be
responsible for whatever has happened.
Scapegoating
In scapegoating, someone else is made to take the fall for a situation. They
may push all of their faults onto the scapegoat, particularly when a child is
involved, but they may also simply refuse to give the same consideration to
the one being scapegoated. This is another form of intermittent
reinforcement.
Mind control
Another common method of manipulation is through mind control. When you
are controlling the mind of someone else, you are effectively swaying them to
do something that they do not want to do, even if it is not necessarily what
they would want to do. This is usually a method that takes plenty of time,
however, as the one doing the controlling has to first get into a trusted
position with the person, then slowly work up to the situation and then take it
when the time is right.
Covert intimidation
This refers to the sort of intimidation where you are not quite sure
why you are feeling scared, but you cannot help it. You simply feel
like something is going to go wrong or that there is some sort of
problem that you will face if you do not make it a point to first do
what was expected of you. In covert intimidation, you cannot quite
put your finger on it, but you know that something is making you
uneasy.
Chapter 2: When and Why to use Manipulation
Now, are you curious why people would choose to use this sort of
manipulation? Why does anyone need that level of control over someone
else’s actions or feelings? Who would use these forms of manipulation? Who
actually is ruthless enough to follow through without guilt or regret? All of
those are fantastic questions, and this chapter seeks to answer as many of
those questions as possible. When these questions are answered, your portrait
of the manipulator will become all the clearer.
Who Manipulates?
Manipulators come in several forms. Some are younger and simply have not
learned how to interact with the world. Others still just happen to be
manipulative by nature—they are intentionally using their abilities to get
what they want with no regard for how it hurts other people. Ultimately,
however, the manipulators tend to have several traits in common. This
section will address several traits and tendencies that can help you identify a
manipulator in the process of manipulating.
They are always the victim
It does not matter what has happened—the manipulator will always be the
victim or not at fault in some way. The manipulator could pull out a gun and
shoot you and would rationalize that he had no choice and insist that he was
the victim as he holds the smoking gun in his hand. This is a common trait of
manipulators as it makes them deserving of sympathy, which gives them the
upper hand in many different situations. They will try to figure out how to get
all of your friends and family on their side and will blame everything on you.
The worst part is that since they are so skillful at doing exactly this, they can
often convince other people to fall for it.
They regularly distort the truth
The manipulator will always twist reality. Skilled at weaving webs of lies, the
manipulator will always have a way to rewrite history, change a situation, or
otherwise make it, so their narrative is the correct one. One such example is
playing the victim. Other times, they may simply make up lies because the
lies suit them, such as saying that they are struggling to get to work because
there was a car accident and that they will be there soon, or claiming that they
cannot go outside to get to their car because a bear is sitting next to it. Some
lies may seem incredibly unconvincing, but they will vehemently insist that
he is telling the truth.
They are passive-aggressive
Manipulators tend to be passive-aggressive. A part of this is to make sure that
you know your place around the manipulator—they use it to assert
dominance and covertly exert their own influence and desire over you. For
example, they will intentionally use passive-aggression to make you feel bad,
and then be satisfied that they held power necessary to make you feel bad in
the first place.
They will pressure you
The manipulator is convinced that he is always right no matter what, and with
that in mind, he will not hesitate to pressure you in order to get whatever he
wants from you at any given moment. He knows that his way is the right
way, and he will force the point until you agree.
They will not work to solve a problem
If you find that there is a problem with the manipulator, good luck—they will
not work to come to some sort of solution. Instead, they will continue on as if
nothing is wrong, or at the very least, that nothing is wrong with them. They
could not care more about your own problems, so long as they are not the
manipulator’s problems.
They will always keep the advantage
The manipulator has an uncanny way to always remain in control in nearly
any situation. They will oftentimes find a way to ensure that they can find a
way to stay in charge. They will always pick the restaurant that you go to, or
they will always invite you out of your comfort zone and into theirs, all done
intentionally to maintain power and control over the situation. When they do
this, they effectively guarantee that they are able to stay in charge long
enough to keep you off balance and make sure that they always have the
upper hand.
They will always have excuses
When they do happen to make a mistake, manipulators typically will have
some sort of excuse. There was a car accident on the way over, or they just
got fired for no reason at all. It does not matter what the problem is; there will
be some sort of excuse that will arise to take the blame away from the
manipulator and push it onto someone else.
They will make you feel unconfident
Something about the manipulator will always leave you feeling incompetent
and unable to do anything right. This means that you will constantly be
feeling like you are the problem rather than seeing that the whole problem
may have been resting firmly with the manipulator all along.
Why Manipulate?
Manipulators have all sorts of reasons to manipulate others, with some
simply having no reason at all. When you begin to understand the motivation
behind these drives, you may be more inclined to understand those
techniques that the manipulators everywhere tend to use. This means then
that you will be able to figure out how to fight back. You can defend yourself
and others based on the knowledge that you have. Knowing why people
manipulate others can be a critical skill to develop if you want to be
successful in the world around you.
They want to advance in life

When you feel like you need to advance somehow, whether due to needing
the money in order to get what you wanted or needed, manipulation is one
way to get it. When you manipulate someone, you are usually using them as a
sort of stepping stone for yourself in order to ensure that you can, in fact,
withstand future struggles while also progressing the agenda that you have.
Typically, this is the most selfish of the reasons on this list—these
manipulators do so simply because they can.
They need power and superiority
Similar to the last reason for manipulation, oftentimes, manipulators need to
feel like they are in power. They simply are only secure in themselves so long
as they are in a position of power over other people. If they feel like their
superiority will be questioned in any way, shape, or form, they will feel
insecure. They will feel like the only way they can make themselves feel
comfortable is if they exert and enforce their own superiority, which they
give themselves through making a point to manipulate those around them.
They need control
When people are particularly controlling, they may find that manipulation is
one of the easiest ways to get the results desired. When you are able to
manipulate someone else into doing what they need to do, you are able to
ensure that you maintain control in nearly any situation. You may have to
find a way to covertly encourage the other person to do what you want, but as
soon as you manage to do that, you can effectively maintain control, even if
the other person does not realize that you are in control of the situation at
hand. The need to be in control can be particularly motivating for people
when it comes to deciding to manipulate.
They need to manipulate to better their own self-esteem
Some people, such as narcissists, tend to feel like they are only comfortable
with themselves when other people are lavishing them with attention or
admiration. These people tend to result in manipulation to get that attention,
especially if they are not particularly outstanding or deserving of attention in
the first place. In manipulating other people into giving them the craved
attention, they are able to feel better about themselves.
They are bored
Some people simply enjoy watching the world burn and will make it a point
to manipulate other people simply to get entertainment. They treat it like a
game or a challenge, intentionally testing boundaries to see how far they can
get with no real reason or motivation beyond being bored to guide them.
These may be some of the more dangerous manipulators as they have no real
goal in mind—they simply want to wreak havoc and spend some time
messing with other people despite not getting anything other than their own
satisfaction in return.
They have a hidden agenda
More often than not, the manipulator has some sort of reason to manipulate
those around him or her. This is typically hidden from the target but can be
figured out with enough time and information. Think about how some people
will intentionally seek out vulnerable people with ulterior motives. They may
marry in order to get their hands on money, or intentionally volunteer as a
caregiver for an elderly family member in order to steal money from them.
No matter what the hidden agenda is, the manipulator has good cause to try to
keep it hidden.
They do not properly identify with the emotions of others
Sometimes, the manipulation is unintentional and a side effect of simply
being unable to identify with other people. Effectively, they lack empathy,
and that lack of empathy is enough to make it so they cannot easily identify
when they have done something that is manipulative, nor do they
automatically recognize when what they have done is problematic. These are
people who simply do not understand social norms for some reason or
another. They may have a personality or other mental health disorder.
When Manipulation Occurs
No one wants to be on the receiving end of manipulation, and yet it seems to
be all around us. The world is literally surrounded by different people and
their attempts to manipulate. You can see it on television and in the media.
You can see it in religion and politics. It happens in all kinds of relationships
when they become unhealthy. There is no real way to truly avoid
manipulation, and that in and of itself can be incredibly disheartening.
However, because manipulation is everywhere, it becomes prudent to
understand what it looks like in a wide variety of situations and cases. You
want to be able to notice when it is happening and figure out how best to
fight back from it to ensure that you actually are able to protect yourself.
When you are able to protect yourself from manipulation, you can guarantee
that you, at the very least, are not regularly being used by other people simply
because you refuse to allow yourself to be
Within this section, we will take a look at manipulation in several different
relationships and contexts for a brief overview of what to expect and why it
happens.
In relationships
This is particularly referring to romantic relationships. Romantic
relationships seem to attract manipulation frequently, especially if one
member of the couple happens to be on the less confrontational side and is
afraid of ever standing up for him or herself. When this happens, you may
find that you have run into quite the conundrum—you need to figure out how
best to leave a romantic relationship rife with manipulation, which can be
difficult if the manipulator has done his job right.
In particular, when you are in a relationship and at risk for manipulation, you
will realize that the other party is likely to completely steamroll over the
relationship. The other party may try to get you to move quicker than you are
usually comfortable with, insisting that you advance your relationship to the
next level in a whirlwind romance. If the person seems too good to be true in
a situation like that, you can usually assume that it was full of manipulation
in the first place and should be avoided if at all possible.
In friendships
Manipulative friends may try to get on your good side as quickly as possible,
but they will soon fall into the habit of always needing you but never being
available when you need them. At first, you will assume it is a coincidence,
but over time, you will realize that it is actually a pattern, leaving you stuck
to decide whether you would like to leave the friendship altogether or if you
would prefer to instead put up with the manipulator’s lack of support and
enjoy what you can.
In churches
Churches commonly also manipulate people, attempting to force them into
situations and actions that they may not necessarily want. In particular, you
will commonly see threats of damnation and punishment if they do not live
by a very specific life, and that is a perfect example of manipulation. They
use their authority to sort of force your hand and make you feel like you have
no choice but to comply. This is what they count on—they assume that you
will continue to donate, to serve, and to attend because they threaten you if
you do not. While many people may not see it as a threat, being told that you
may be excommunicated or that you will be damned for eternity are two
ways to sort of scare someone into behaving a certain way.
In politics
Politicians frequently attempt to manipulate each other during debates and
will attempt to manipulate the people during speeches. You can see it in the
way they hold themselves and how they interact with each other that they are
trained and scripted on what to do, and even the way that they stand has been
scripted to avoid any of the typical discomfort signs, such as crossing arms.
Instead, to be seen as more powerful, they may fiddle with a watch or a piece
of jewelry to try to hide their gut reaction to show signs of distress.
In cults
Cults commonly use brainwashing techniques in which they may tear down
entire personalities to install their own, more obedient ones in other people.
They may welcome people with open arms, making them feel like they are
welcome and will be happy, but over time, the manipulation and
brainwashing will increase. Eventually, people are left as shells of
themselves, forced to obey and do whatever they have been told if they want
to avoid punishment. You can see these in extreme cults in particular, and
cults can be so effective that leaders can literally command their followers to
kill themselves or others, and they will do so, such as in the Jamestown cult,
in which everyone drank flavored drink laced with poison as a mass suicide.
In sales positions
Sometimes, people in sales positions will have to get crafty with how they
choose to present themselves in order to guarantee that they can, in fact,
actually close a sale. They may choose to use certain appeals to authority or
emotion in an attempt to convince you, or they may try to scare you into
submission in other instances. No matter the situation, however, it is common
to see salespeople try all sorts of influential attempts to get you to buy
something. Even something as simple as asking you a few yes questions can
be a form of manipulation taken from neuro-linguistic programming,
depending on if the other party is prepared with the techniques. In particular,
much of the influence that you will see in sales settings tend to be persuasion
or NLP.
In court
In court, when lawyers are often battling it out to figure out the truth, you
may see manipulation. Especially if the lawyers happen to be particularly
eager to prove their own positions, you may run into issues in which both
parties start flinging manipulative attempts at each other. They may word
their questions in a loaded manner to try to get the other party to fall for it.
They may try to frame the other party or pressure them into confessing.
Ultimately, even though the courtroom is supposed to be particularly
unbiased, you can frequently see manipulative attempts to control each other
play out.
In negotiations
Negotiations attempts are another area in which you may see attempts to
manipulate or influence each other. Both parties have a certain desire, and
they are likely to attempt to get their way in some degree. Of course,
negotiations also come along with compromise, so some concessions will
have to be made, but the individual responsible for those concessions may
change depending on the results of the negotiation.
Chapter 3: Victims and Vulnerabilities
Manipulation is only possible if you have victims that you can make use of.
The victims that you have usually vary greatly, but they usually share a few
common traits. Those traits are what make them as attractive as they are. The
unfortunate reality for these people is that often, they are going to find
themselves controlled or influenced because they do have those traits. The
common traits that we will be discussing in this chapter will be necessary to
recognize. Each and every one of them may be positive, but they also come
with the unfortunate reality of making the individual attractive as a victim.
Typically, the traits that the victims have stem from certain vulnerabilities
that must be acknowledged. When you can see those vulnerabilities, you can
see that they can be controlled. If you know how to do so, you can ensure that
you are in a position of power. Within this chapter, we will be addressing two
key factors here—how to identify the best targets to manipulate and why
these traits make the individual so vulnerable in the first place, and what
those common vulnerabilities are that many of those victims possess in the
first place.
Traits of the Best Manipulation Victims
Manipulators tend to seek out certain types of people because they know that
these people will be easier to control. There are certain traits that just make
for a person who is simply easier to pull strings upon just due to what they
create. Naiveté, for example, creates people who simply do not believe that
the kind of evil that would manipulate them exists. They simply do not
believe that they would be controlled in that manner due to the fact that they
would never control someone else themselves.
Because there are certain traits that may make someone more vulnerable, it
becomes easy to believe that those who have these traits are flawed for some
reason or another. However, this is not the case by any means—though these
traits may make for someone who is regularly influenced or controlled, they
are not truly negative. In fact, some of these traits are actually incredibly
positive if they are utilized properly. Being able to properly identify these
traits will help you immensely when it comes to being able to take control of
the situation that you are in. If you want to be capable of finding someone
who would be readily or easily controlled, you must begin with this list. Not
everyone is cut out to be manipulated. Some people are too stubborn,
skeptical, or smart to be the victim of manipulation, and if you try to use
these techniques on people who are not likely to fall for them, you are in for
trouble.
Empathetic
Many manipulators, we have established, lack a substantial amount of
empathy. This lack of empathy makes it easier for them to be capable of
manipulating those who have it. Because they typically understand the true
value of empathy and know that those who empathize tend to feel bad and
want to do something to help those around them who need it, they are capable
of taking control of the most empathetic people that they meet. They are more
than willing and able to take control of the situation and ensure that they are
able to control the situation that they are in.
Of course, the empathy that many people have makes them easily controlled
as well. If you wanted to, you could appeal to the need for empathy. You can
tell the other person that you need something, relying on their empathy to
make it happen. A common form of this is readily apparent when you deal
with narcissists, for example. You might have a narcissist who is abusive
toward someone, but the individual chooses to stay around them. This is
often because the victim empathizes with the narcissist, even though the
narcissist would never give them the time of day. They empathize because
they cannot help it—it is their natural state of being. They may know that
they are being abused, but they may begin to justify it in other ways as well.
“They can’t help it—they grew up in an abusive home,” may be one form of
justification that is used. Or, when the narcissist attempts to hoover the
individual back into the relationship, meaning they do everything that they
can to keep the other person invested after a large blowout, they are likely to
empathize with the narcissist if the narcissist were to cry about missing the
individual.
Trusting
Another common trait that victims have is being too trusting. Now, being
trusting is not always a bad thing—but when it comes at the cost of being
manipulated, it can be. It is easy to manipulate people when they are trusting
—they won’t make it a point to question what was done, for example. It is
easy to tell people what it is that you want them to do if you are able to get
them to trust you.
Trusting attitudes are great to target just due to the fact that they are likely to
give you the benefit of the doubt no matter what you do. If you tell them that
something happened accidentally or due to sheer coincidence, they will
believe you. They will have no reason to doubt what you have to say, and
they will take whatever it is that you assert with utter confidence. They will
believe you because they want to trust that you are fair and trustworthy
because they believe that everyone deserves that same degree of
consideration.
Unconditional love
The best victims, from a romantic perspective, are those who love
unconditionally. This unconditional love becomes highly powerful—it can be
used to ensure that the other person never leaves. If you can identify someone
who will love unconditionally and will stay loyal to you, no matter what you
do, you have a good shot at keeping them under control. Being able to do so
is typically highly dependent upon whether or not you are capable of keeping
them around long-term.
Compassion
Compassion for the other party is highly important to have. Being
compassionate helps you to be a better person in many ways. It is something
that regularly requires you to respect the other person and their struggles.
Compassionate individuals make for fantastic targets as well because they are
more likely to buy sob stories that are meant to be manipulative.
Compassion for others is highly important, but it is also easily exploited as
well. When people have compassion for others, they naturally want to help.
Because of that, the drive to help others can be easily exploited. That
exploitation can put the individual being manipulated or influenced in a
position of being controlled. This is easily done by making it a point to
choose how you engage with the other person. Choosing to act upon the
compassion of the other person can help you to take control.
Codependency
Codependency is the feeling of not being able to differentiate yourself from
other relationships. It is the idea that the only real worth that you have as an
individual comes from the relationship. If you are not in a relationship, you
feel like you are useless or worthless. This is an important feeling to
understand—it helps you to recognize the power that you have and what you
are doing.
Codependency is a trait that narcissists, in particular, look for because they
know that it will benefit them greatly to have access to it. If you want to be
able to overcome people, this is the way that you do so. When you find
someone who is codependent, your ability to influence them becomes highly
important. Codependents find themselves so reliant upon being in a
relationship, no matter how they are treated, that they are readily controlled
and influenced by you. This is perfect if you want to be able to manipulate
someone else. All you have to do is imply or explicitly threaten to leave if
they do not do what you want. After doing that, you can then ensure they will
stay in line much easier than you otherwise would.
Vulnerabilities to Exploit
When it comes to being able to exploit, there are key vulnerabilities that are
not quite traits. These vulnerabilities cause us to have little weak chinks in
our armor that can be readily utilized to pull strings to get exactly what you
want from someone else. When you are able to exploit those vulnerabilities,
you can find that you are in a position in which you will be able to get
precisely what it is that you want. Of course, you must first figure out which
vulnerabilities the other person has. When you do that, you can start to piece
together how best to approach the situation. Remember, the first step to
successful manipulation is identifying a key vulnerability and taking control
of it. The sooner that you are able to do so, the sooner that you can be certain
that you will successfully get to the result that you are looking to achieve. Do
you need to pull strings to get someone to be quiet and allow you to do
something? You can do that. Do you need to find a way to please the other
person? You can do that, too.
Understanding these vulnerabilities means that you have an in to ensuring
that you can take control of someone else. It grants you the capability to
ensure your desires are met. By recognizing these vulnerabilities in others,
you can begin to influence just about anyone—all you need to do is find their
weak point.
The need to please

The need to please is a dangerous vulnerability, and once you find it in
someone, you can take control of them almost completely. This is an intense
desire to need to ensure that everyone else is happy, even if the individual
themselves is not. For example, imagine that you have met someone who
feels the need to please you at all times. You know that it is as simple as
showing them that you are unhappy to get them to change their tune and
behave in the way that you want them to. This is simple—you just tell them
what you want and how
you want it. This is incredibly common in people who are highly empathetic
—they find that they feel the need to give in to what other people want
because they do not want to deal with the displeasure themselves. Empathetic
individuals can pick up on the emotions of other people, and in doing so, they
tend to try to avoid displeasure. They do not want to feel stuck in negativity
or negative emotions, so they try to please other people. This makes them
relatively simple to manipulate if you pull on their strings just right.
The need for approval
Similarly to the need to please, the need for approval is highly dangerous and
can cause serious problems for everyone involved. When you take a look at
the people who have this need for approval, you realize that they are highly
influenced simply by social proofs. They want to fit in—they are driven
heavily by feeling like they belong in a situation. Think about it—most
people want to belong, but for some, that need for approval is so strong that
they are willing to sacrifice just about anything to ensure that they do. They
do not care what they have to give up to make that approval happen. All they
want is to be approved of one way or another so they can feel like they
belong or feel like they are wanted. Pulling these strings is incredibly easy if
you know what you are doing and can ensure that you have complete control
over the situation that you are in at any point in time.
The fear of negativity and negative emotions
Some people simply fear negative emotions themselves. They feel entirely
uneasy when they are surrounded by negative feelings, and that alone makes
them easy to control. By paying close attention to the reactions of other
people, you can start to spot signs that they are controlled in this manner. If
you notice that negative emotions seem to make the individual feel incapable
of functioning, or if they suddenly become highly uncomfortable or are
hesitant to be around you if you are showing those signs of negativity, then
you have a good sign that you can use that fear of negativity to control them.
Being able to control people via negativity is as simple as putting on the

negative feelings as soon as someone goes against your wishes. Triggering
that fear to play at the moment can help you to be certain that you are in
control of everything. All you have to do is know what you are doing.
The inability to say no
Some people simply lack the ability to say no to people. When they are asked
to do something, they immediately feel obligated or like they have no choice
but to give in. They do not stop themselves from doing something—they just
do it. Knowing that someone is not going to say no, no matter how
unreasonable or unpleasant the request is, means that you can take control of
them. You will be able to control them just by virtue of knowing how they
work. By knowing that they are not likely to turn down anything that you
request of them, you will be able to ensure that you do maintain control over
them. Do you want someone that will do your bidding no matter what it is
that you want from them? This is a good way to ensure that you get that. Do
you want someone that is going to simply agree to your requests? Put down
the pressure and watch as they flounder to say no. You will get exactly what
you wanted without having to try.
Not enforcing boundaries
Some people are simply afraid of boundaries—they struggle to do something
if they feel like they have to enforce boundaries. Being able to set and
enforce boundaries is one of the most important shields against abuse or
manipulation, and if someone lacks that shield, they are easily controlled.
Boundaries only work if they are actively enforced, and if they are not, they
cannot properly work to prevent abuse. This means that if you find someone
that is not going to enforce those boundaries, you can take total control
without having to do anything at all. All you will have to do is make sure that
you are willing to push back at them any time they try to enforce them. If you
simply ignore their boundaries and realize that they have no real recourse to
fixing the problem, then you will be able to take control.
Overly conscientious
Some people are overly conscientious. They want to assume that people have
the best intentions, and they will do anything to maintain that belief. When
you take a look at what these people think about the world, you see that they
want to believe the best in everyone, even if thinking that way is delusional at
best. By finding these overly conscientious people, who are going to
constantly give people the benefit of the doubt left and right, you will be able
to ride upon that delusion. If you do something that they do not like, you can
easily write it off as being little more than coincidental or something that
ought not to be considered a problem. They might feel bad about it, but they
will take your word for it because they will always believe that you are
honest. After all, why would anyone lie? Their high level of
conscientiousness actually works to hurt them. It makes them naïve and
makes them easily controlled in ways that will harm them in just about every
single context.
The tendency to overthink
When you take a look at the tendency to overthink things, you will see that it
also makes people easily controlled. They might see that there are red flags
there, but instead of allowing themselves to stop and think about them, they
simply shrug them off. They do not realize that there is actually a very real
problem there that will need to be fixed because they are quick to tell
themselves that they are looking too deeply into things. This is essentially the
opposite of over-conscientiousness. This is an attempt to try to see things
from a perspective that is not helping them, and that is highly problematic for
them. This means that you can ride on the fact that they will be quick to
doubt themselves as well. This allows your degree of control that you are
looking for.
Emotional dependence
Finally, emotional dependence is another common vulnerability that you can
take control of without really trying. By understanding that some people are
only secure when they feel like they are close to others, or that some people
require a certain degree of affection or emotional support to get through their
lives, you can usually see that there is a degree of vulnerability there that you
can take control of. By making them reliant upon you, you can then ensure
that you are on the right track. You will be able to manipulate them better just
by virtue of being the one that they depend on. That emotional dependence
becomes a string that you can yank every time that you want them to do
something for you. Emotional dependence is perhaps one of the favored
forms of influence or manipulation—it allows for so much more control to be
gained and earned over someone else and that is highly powerful. The strings
can be pulled repeatedly, gaining complete and utter influence over the other
person.
Have you ever been trying to figure out what to do for dinner one night only
to have your partner or child come up to you with a complete argument on
why you should go to your favorite sushi restaurant for dinner? Perhaps the
argument is all nicely laid out for you. Your child points out that you would
not have to cook or clean, which means that you have more time to spend
with your family, something that is in desperately short supply these days.
Your child points out that everyone loves sushi, so you cannot go wrong
going to the restaurant and that the whole family will find something to eat.
Lastly, your child tells you that he knows that you really want to get some
sushi because you always want to get some sushi.
You may realize that your child is right—all of that is true, and you agree to
go. In this instance, you have just been persuaded to go out to dinner by your
child. Now, the argument and attempt to persuade may have been rather
simplified, but it still counts as a form of influence. You were not thinking
about going out to dinner until your child pointed out all of the reasons that
you should. This means, then, that your child influenced your choice.
Of course, most of the time, persuasion attempts tend to be a bit less obvious.
They may be as simple as wording things in a way that is conducive to you
making a specific decision. They may be pointing out that the other party
knows best because the other party happens to be an expert on whatever is
being sold. No matter the form, however, what persuasion does that
manipulation does not is that it puts the question out in the open for everyone
to see.
Slightly more acceptable than its sister form of influence, persuasion focuses
more on free will than covertly attempting to convince someone to give in
and be controlled. In particular, you may find that you actually are okay with
persuasion simply because it is more out in the open than the covert attempt
to manipulate. They are quite similar, however, and within this chapter, you
will be introduced to what persuasion is.
What is Persuasion?
Persuasion, like manipulation, is a form of social influence. It is designed to
change the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors of someone else for reasons that
are listed or dictated for the other person in the bid to get the other person to
change. This means that the other person is well aware of the attempt early
on. Just as your child pointed out that you would love to go to sushi for
dinner, any other form of persuasion is going to be telling you what you
should be wanting or doing. It will encourage you to do something in
particular in an attempt to persuade you, but you are still always welcome to
turn it down and move on with your initial choice.
Typically, persuasion is incredibly powerful. You are creating an argument of
some sort for someone else and attempting to follow through with that
argument. You want other people to see that your argument is valid and that
you have the right idea. You want to figure out how to do just that without
there being a clear and easy way to get out of it. All this means that you need
to figure out what will motivate your target and then figure out how to
motivate them. This usually happens in several different ways, such as in the
principles of persuasion or with the understanding and usage of rhetoric.
What is true, however, is that you should end up with someone who has at
least some sort of idea about what they want by the end of the attempt. They
will either agree with you, or they will disagree and move on, and it will be
up to you to figure out which.
Persuasion vs. Manipulation
At face value, the two seem to be intricately linked—they are both attempts
to convince or cause someone to do something else. However, you likely
persuade someone nearly every single day, and yet you may make it a point
to never manipulate others. You are able to toe the line because the two are
entirely different from each other.
In particular, however, you must look at the differing definitions of the two
attempts to influence. In manipulation, you are attempting to change via
unfair means for one’s own selfish purposes. For persuasion, however, you
are looking to cause someone to do something.
This means that primarily, manipulation is unfair or secretive by default—it
seeks to use and abuse people in order to satisfy the manipulator and
whatever it is that the manipulator wants. Persuasion, on the other hand, is
simply a way that people interact with those around them. You are attempting
to persuade someone to help you because you feel like they may be a
valuable asset, and you think that they will get something out of it, too. You
are completely upfront about everything when you attempt to persuade
someone, however when you manipulate, you are not.
For example, consider that you really need a ride to work tomorrow for some
reason. You go up to your neighbor and say, “Hey, you know, I noticed that
your yard could use some TLC—would you like me to help you with that
today? I’m free all day!” The neighbor agrees, and the two of you happily
chat while taking care of yard work. The neighbor, upon finishing everything
up, asks if you need any help yourself, offering to reciprocate. You reply that
actually, you need a ride to work, and you would greatly appreciate it.
On the other hand, if you had wanted to manipulate the neighbor into a ride,
you may have gone out in the morning like usual and desperately tried to start
your car while groaning loudly and slamming on the steering wheel before
looking at your watch in exasperation. In this case, you are not interacting
with the other person directly at all—you are making it clear that you are
unhappy, but you are not speaking to your neighbor.
Your neighbor happens to see your plight and offers to help you, getting your
ride without you ever having to ask for help. That is manipulation. You
intentionally did something with your own self-interest in mind. You did not
help your neighbor, and simply took advantage of his kindness when he
offered to give you a ride without any offer for reciprocity.
As you can see, manipulation versus persuasion can be a bit complex to
figure out if you do not know what you are looking at, but it is important.
Effectively, when you are manipulating someone else, you are attempting to
make them do something for you without you having to overtly ask for it in
any way.
Using Persuasion
Between the two, persuasion is generally deemed to be socially acceptable
and something that will not be problematic for you if you were to be on the
receiving end of it. You may not feel like persuasion is particularly
threatening in the way that manipulation typically is considered simply
because when someone attempts to persuade you, they are usually honest
with you. They will tell you exactly what they want or need and they will
usually offer up reasons for why you should help them, which may
sometimes be a negotiation of services or otherwise simply appealing got
logic or something else to prove that you helping would literally be no
inconvenience to you, but would be a lifesaver to them.
When you are planning to use persuasion against someone else, you are likely
to need some sort of plan. Generally speaking, you will need to know exactly
what you want and how you need to get to that result. If you want to get a
job, for example, you may realize that the steps to get a job will require you
to be applying for jobs and working on your resume as much as possible. You
may see that there is little room for error and that you will need to actively
attempt to find that job.
When you make your plan, you can start to figure out who you will ask for
help. Do you know anyone with some connections? Do you have a friend that
works somewhere with job openings? Do you have any skills that can get you
that job that you really need or want? If you can answer yes to any of that,
you can figure out who you want to target for your persuasion. After all, there
always has to be someone on the receiving end when you attempt to persuade
someone.
Upon identifying who you will persuade, you must figure out how you wish
to persuade them. Now, this will be a bit trickier to figure out—there are
dozens of ways that you could go about trying to persuade someone, and
ultimately, you will need to choose the one that works best for you. When
you can identify exactly how you wish to be persuading someone else, you
can begin to put together the best possible toolset to do so.
Now, we will not get into the tools for persuasion until the next chapter, so
hold tight on that particular concept. However, recognize that there are
several persuasive techniques that can be used, so long as you make it a point
to use them effectively. With the plan in mind and the tools in mind, and
recognizing that you are not only persuading to get help, you need to figure
out what you are willing to offer in return. Why should the other person help
you? Will you do something in return? Will it benefit them in any way?
Remember, manipulation is the one that is self-serving. When you are
persuading someone, everyone should see at least some sort of benefits to
helping or agreeing to whatever you are attempting to persuade them of.
Finally, with the who, what, how, and why figured out, you can now attempt
to use your technique. Now is the time to go up and talk to whomever you
have identified as the individual that you are asking for help. Remember, you
should probably try asking them if you can help them before slamming onto
the theme of everything that you are looking for from them.
This means that you can make it a point to ask and persuade. You should
point out all of the reasons that helping would be good for the other person,
as well as what you will do in return. Persuasion is a give and take, after all,
and you need to be clear to the other person that you absolutely intend to give
as well as take to ensure that they do not feel pressured or stuck in the
process. When you do this, you assure them that you are not simply using
them, especially once you follow through with helping them.
Persuasion in the World
At this point, you should have a generally solid idea that persuasion is
something that can involve give and take—that either the giver or both
people should benefit. As a general rule, the taker should never be the only
one benefitting from persuasion. You can see this happen in several contexts.
You may see people shopping for a house and notice that persuasion happens
during the sales. You may see that persuasion happens in regular interactions
with your romantic partner simply as a side effect to the fact that you two
regularly interact with each other and will often have something or another
that you really want or need. You can see it in parenting, and in negotiations
as well. Leaders are also masters at persuasion—especially if they are
effective leaders, and you will often see that the best leaders are well-loved
and incredibly persuasive. They know how to wield their tools so well that
those around them are always willing to help.
This section will take the time to go over several contexts in which you may
run into an attempt at persuasion throughout your life. It is incredibly
common to see persuasion pop up regularly because it is so regularly used in
terms of interactions. If you want someone to do something, the best way to
get them to do it is by asking them to do it. If you can do that, you are well on
your way to persuading them.
In sales
When you are buying something, such as a car, you may run into someone
who is interested in attempting to sell you something that you were not
necessarily interested in at first. In order to be an attempt at persuasion, the
newly presented car should do something for you—it should be useful to you
in some way, shape, or form, and it will be on you to determine if the use of
that new car is enough to encourage you to move forward with getting the
new car or if you want to stick with whatever your original choice was.
Perhaps you went in for a small sedan because you do not like to drive
anything much large. However, you have two young children, and you find
that you are always frustrated that you do not have enough room for car seats,
a stroller, a diaper bag, and any shopping you may do during the day. This
means that your car, despite being one that you are comfortable driving, is
not one that you are necessarily going to be comfortable in using on a regular
basis.
The salesperson sees that you need some more space and recommends some
compact SUVs to you as well. They are just big enough that they will
actually accommodate the rest of your belongings without causing you to
struggle to fit some groceries when you run to the store during the day as
well. Now, to be fair, the SUV is a bit more expensive, and you know this.
The salesperson knows this too, and you can presume that the salesperson is
going to get a slightly larger commission on the SUV as opposed to the
sedan.
However, after mulling it over, you realize that the salesperson was right—
you need the space. You need room for your children, their necessities, and
anything that you may get when you are out, and your stroller barely fits in
the trunk as it is without anything extra. You then decide to go with the SUV.
Now, what makes this persuasion and not manipulation is the attempt to
make sure that you know what you are doing and that the salesperson is
genuinely trying to help you. Now, if the salesperson were simply trying to
convince you to get the largest car on the market with the most expensive
monthly payment, that would have been more along the lines of
manipulation, but considering that your salesperson showed you some
reasonable options and did not push the point, it was considered to be
persuasive instead.
In relationships
You can see this sort of give and take play out in relationships, too—for
example, imagine that you and your partner are ready to take the next step
and move in together. However, neither of you really wants to let go of your
apartment. Ultimately, the best way to get one of the two of you out of their
home and into the other’s home is through persuasion—you will both have to
come up with the reasons to stay in your own respective apartments while the
other party moves.
Because neither of you are attempting to underhandedly manipulate your way
into staying in your own home and you are both willing to calmly consider
what is going on and what the reasons for staying or going would be in order
to rationally decide the best course of action, this is considered an attempt of
persuasion.
In parenting
In parenting, the best thing that you can do is learn t0 talk to your child, so
they understand you clearly and effectively. This means that you need to
figure out how best to communicate with your own child, and that could very
well be different than what you would use for someone else that you know or
with someone else’s kid. If you can effectively learn to communicate with
your child, you can then use persuasion on a regular basis.
When you are raising a child, what you are doing is trying to figure out how
best to help them become responsible, mature adults that are productive and
capable of interacting with those around them. This means that they need to
develop skills such as how to persuade someone or how best to communicate
when they need something. This means that you should teach by example—
you should talk to your child using the same persuasive patterns that you
would use for a friend or family member.
For example, if they really want a cookie and ask nicely for one, you could
very politely say, “I am so proud of you for using your manners! But you
know, dinner is about to be finished, and you need to make sure that you save
room to eat your dinner. How about we have it tomorrow after lunch because
you don’t need sugar after dinner.” This involved you negotiating a new time
for eating the cookie and your child agreeing.
Now, of course, you could have simply said, “No cookie; it’s too late,” and
had that be the end of discussion, but that would not have been doing your
child any favors. Instead, you are making it clear that good communication
skills are critical if they want to be successful at all. You are helping them
become the best possible adults that they can be because you are teaching
them skills such as persuasion early on.
In negotiation
Negotiation is something that only certain people will deal with on a regular
basis, but nearly everyone will face it at one point or another. If you need to
negotiate with someone, persuasion is the perfect way to begin attempting to
get someone to see your own side. Effectively, you can lay out your argument
for having things done your way, offering up your own concessions, and then
seeing what happens next. You want your negotiation partner to feel willing
to accept the deal that you have put out without feeling like they are being
taken advantage of because taking advantage is not one of the main purposes
of persuasion—being fair and forthcoming is.
At work
Finally, at work, you are likely to need persuasion at some point in time. Do
you need a day off for a trip? You will have to persuade your boss that you
need it. Do you want a raise? Why do you deserve it? How will your own
productivity change if you get that raise in order to warrant it when you ask?
What can you possibly do to make that raise worthwhile?
Beyond just negotiations with employers, however, you also need to be
prepared to negotiate with clients or business partners, and you will need
persuasion to make you effective at those as well. Ultimately, nearly any time
you need to ask someone to do something, you are effectively trying to
persuade them to do something. This is exactly why persuasion is so
incredibly important to have a solid grasp upon.
Chapter 5: Mind Control Techniques with
Persuasion
Now, you have seen just how critical persuasion can be in several different
contexts. At this point, it is time to start seeing the techniques that you can
use to persuade other people. Remember, persuasion is all about being clear
about what you are asking for. However, on the other hand, it is also about
convincing people to do what you want. You need to be able to walk along
that fine line without falling on either side if you want to be effective.
This chapter will introduce you to both the principles of persuasion and the
rhetoric of persuasion. You will be guided through each and every step of the
persuasion and provided with the reasoning that you should make it a point to
truly develop these skills. Each has its own important uses if you are willing
to put in the effort to learn them.
First, we will discuss the principles of persuasion. These are six different
persuasive tools that you can use in order to convince those around you to
behave in certain ways. They can be used on their own or in tandem with
others on this list. However, what is important is that you remember that
these tools are useful, and you practice them whenever you get the chance.
Authority
The first of the principles of persuasion is authority. When you seek to appeal
to authority, you are simply trying to make yourself into some sort of
authority figure. This is for a very specific reason.
Stop and consider for a moment—would you rather take medical advice from
a random person walking down the road or from a doctor wearing a lab coat
and a badge? Which would seem more convincing to you? If both of them
held out a pill in their hand and urged you to take it, would you?
Many people would be willing to be treated by the doctor in the coat and with
a badge. They are deemed to be an authority on medicine just because they
happen to be wearing a lab coat and have their credentials printed out on their
badge. The other person, however, is some random nobody, and even if they
were to say that they are a doctor, you would have no way of knowing for
sure, nor would you be able to verify what was being offered to you to take.
Ultimately, this is exactly the kind of divide you would see ordinarily—when
there is an appeal made to authority, the one who is knowledgeable wins out.
The one deemed to be more of an authority due to credentials or experience
wins out in the end.
This means that when you want to appeal to authority, what you need to do is
make sure that you find a way to make it clear that you are, in fact, an
authority on the subject. If you are the car salesperson, maybe have letters
and pictures from your happy clients that have bought cars from you and left
fully satisfied after your help. Maybe you should pay attention to the fact that
when people walk in, the first thing you want them to see is that you are
qualified at your job. You may set up so they can see your diploma or
awards, or you will make sure that they hear about it in the first few minutes
of the meeting.
Commitment and consistency
The next principle of persuasion is known as commitment and consistency.
When you are dealing with commitment and consistency, you are effectively
playing on the fact that people tend to like what is familiar and expected. This
means that people will always try to continuously follow through on a
commitment that they have made, and the more often that they make that
particular commitment, the more likely they are to continue to make that
commitment with it eventually just becoming standard.
For example, say you asked your neighbor, who happens to be your
coworker, for a ride to work. It is literally no inconvenience because you both
travel both ways at the same time. After several drives in which your
coworker takes you to work, it eventually becomes expected, and you no
longer have to ask—you are simply waiting by your neighbor’s car before
and after work each day to catch that ride. Effectively, the first time they
agreed to take you, they locked themselves into a chain of repeatedly being
asked by you for rides and agreeing to do so on a regular basis.
People love to be consistent—it is valuable to be consistent, and because of
that, people will usually continue to follow through, even if they do not like it
and do not want to continue.
You can trick people into doing things for you with this same process as well.
If you want something, such as maybe wanting your coworker to cover a shift
for you, you may start by asking a simple yes question, such as asking if they
have had a nice week so far. Your neighbor says yes, and then you ask if they
will trade shifts with you so you can make sure that you are able to go to a
concert that you have been looking forward to.
Thanks to having already begun to say yes to other things, your coworker is
going to be in a state of mind in which he or she is already saying yes, so they
may as well continue. After agreeing to a few smaller things as well, you may
run into someone who is willing to accommodate more difficult or larger
requests in the name of consistency.
Liking
This is perhaps one of the most straightforward of the principles of
persuasion—all you need to remember is that the more you like someone or
something, the more likely you are to feel like whatever you liked is valuable,
and the more likely you are to be convinced in its favor. For example, you are
more likely to do a favor for someone that you really like than someone that
you do not like at all.
Luckily, there are several ways that you can make it a point to become likable
to someone else. You can, for example, mirror someone until they like you.
This means that you would be copying their behaviors as covertly as you
could possibly manage, which may not be particularly secretively if you do
not know what you are doing. Upon setting everything up and mirroring the
other person to the point that they mirror you back, you should be good to
continue.
However, if you are unsure how to proceed with mirroring or you simply do
not want to deal with it, there are other techniques you can use as well, such
as choosing to intentionally make someone like you. This is not nearly as
difficult as it sounds.
Start by making some sort of connection between yourself and the other party
—perhaps you make it a point to comment that you can relate to the other
person when they arrive with their child to an appointment. You tell them
that you have a child about the same age and that going back to work at that
age is just so difficult.
With the connection made, you will want to make eye contact and continue to
talk. You may offer the other party some praise or a compliment, meant to
make them feel like you genuinely care about what they are saying or what
they think. The catch here is that the compliment that you make has to be
genuine, and you must mean it.
Finally, if you want to be likable, you must make it clear that the two of you
are on the same side. Perhaps you point out that you will both be working
together toward getting the other person a car. Maybe you convince them that
you will both try to solve their problem, no matter what it is, with them. This
camaraderie set up then makes it less likely for the partners to worry about
them.
Reciprocity
The next principle of persuasion is reciprocity. When you are appealing to
reciprocity, effectively, you are working with the attitude that you will help
anyone that helps you first. You make it clear that you are happy to help them
if you think that they will respond in kind. This is not nearly as entitled as it
may seem upfront.
Think about how, when a friend buys you a gift, you feel like you must
reciprocate? This is intentional with human development—it is done, so you
feel the urge to reciprocate when someone else is offering you something.
This means that when someone else has helped you, you will be more
inclined to help them when they need help. You effectively safeguard with
your own altruistic behaviors to make sure that both you and the other party
are able to receive in your times of need.
If you want to take advantage of this, for example, you may start by reaching
out to someone that you need help from. Maybe you want your neighbor to
take care of your dog while you go out of town overnight. You then offer to
do something for your neighbor. Perhaps you clean up his yard before asking
him if he can take care of your dog for the day. You let him know that all he
will have to do is let your dog out a couple of times, and things will be fine.
After having been helped by you, he feels obligated to follow through and
help you out as well. He agrees to take care of your dog during your trip, and
that is one less thing for you to worry about over the next several days.
Scarcity
Scarcity refers to supply and demand. Effectively, the more regular or readily
available something or someone is, the less important it is. You can often see
this with material items—limited edition items tend to be far more in demand
than the same item in a standard color. For example, if you really want that
newest game console, but you want the one specific to your favorite game
series, you are likely going to have to find it on a used sale site and hope that
you can find it at a regular price. Otherwise, you will have no choice but to
simply trudge on ahead without that particular console.
This is because the regular console is common. It is easy to attain and
therefore is not particularly important to you, nor is it deemed as valuable as
the regular one to you.
Now, you may be wondering how supply and demand can relate to
persuading someone to do something. The answer is that you need to make
sure that you are able to convince them that you are in demand. Perhaps you
find that your partner seems to take you for granted. If you have a serious talk
with your partner about how you do not feel loved or respected, and during
that talk, you mention that you would rather be anywhere but there because it
is so exhausting to live completely unwanted.
This should cue to your partner that you will not always be available—you
are only available as long as you wish to make yourself available, and that
immediately ups your value. You can do this with other people, too. Reject
the first attempt to schedule something with you and say that the date does
not work for you. When you get to a date just a bit later, you can convince the
other party that you are worth the money that will be put into you. You want
people to feel like they got lucky to get you. After all, you are one of a kind
—treat yourself like it.
Social proof
Finally, social proof refers to the tendency of people to fall for peer pressure.
This is effectively just a fancy word for peer pressure and involves you
actively making a point to choose to defer to what other people are doing. If
you do not know what you should be doing, you effectively decide to defer to
what you see around you. If you see that your peers are dancing in a circle,
but you do not know why they are dancing in a circle, you are likely going to
just join in without understanding why, and that is okay. You do it anyway
and never find out why.
When you want to use this form of persuasion effectively, you will just want
to set up a control area. Do you remember why so many manipulators liked
the home-court advantage? It is so they are able to manipulate their
surroundings. You can do this, too. For example, if you want someone to do
something for you, make sure that you ask them around other people that are
actively doing whatever it was that you asked them to do in the first place.
For example, if you want to go around and collect signatures and donations
for a cause, you would want to be sure that those around you are actively
seeing that you are getting what you want. When they see that other people
are signing and donating, they are more likely to do so, especially if they
recognize names, or they feel like they need to keep up with their peers.
Effectively, then, this works well to keep people in line just by maintaining
the environment around them.
Rhetoric
Another series of techniques that can help you become more persuasive is the
art of rhetoric. Rhetoric is the art to speak or write persuasively in an attempt
to get other people to see things your way. Dating way back to the time of
Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, if you are able to form your
arguments with rhetoric, you can make sure that you are addressing other
people in a way that is compelling and difficult to reject or ignore.
In particular, rhetoric involves three distinct methods of persuasion—these
are three techniques that are commonly used in order to make sure that the
other person is likely to go along with your suggestion. These are commonly
referred to by their Greek names of Ethos, Pathos, and Logos.
Ethos
Ethos is an appeal to character. It focuses on making sure that the one
presenting all of the information for the listener is viewed as credible. If the
speaker is not credible, no one is going to believe in what he or she has to
say, which means that his or her attempts and techniques will be particularly
worthless. After all, you cannot clearly convince someone else to do
something if they do not trust you. This is essentially quite similar to the
appeal to authority in the principles of persuasion.
Ethos primarily can be seen in advertising—when you are trying to sell
something, you want to make sure you have someone credible be the one
advocating for your product, and staying true to that, you often find that
celebrities commonly are called in to promote the brands. Of course, those
people are being paid for their time and endorsements, but the effect is
undeniable. For example, imagine a local sports personality making it clear
that he always drinks one particular brand of soda without fail. The next time
that you are in the mood for soda, if you happen to be a fan of that particular
person, you may find that you are far more likely to pick up that same brand
of soda simply because your unconscious mind wants to emulate someone
that you are fond of.
This works precisely because people admire others, and when they do admire
someone else, they want to emulate them. People naturally want to be like the
people they look up to or admire in any way, and because of that, they will be
more likely to make decisions based on those admired individuals.
Pathos
The next form of rhetoric that is commonly used is pathos—this is an appeal
to emotions. This is effectively coming up with a way to establish an emotion
in your listeners in hopes of getting them to act in a way that you want to see.
You may make someone feel sad or guilty in order to get them to donate.
You may try to make someone angry in order to make them act. You may try
to make someone feel happy to encourage them to like whatever you are
promoting.
Ultimately, emotions are so powerful precisely because they are meant to be
motivating. You are going to naturally feel inclined to act according to your
emotions simply because that is why they are there. Your emotions are
effectively your unconscious mind’s way of interacting with your body,
creating emotional impulses that are meant to keep you alive. You may feel
fear when you are being chased by a hungry mountain lion, or anger when
someone threatens you—this is because your emotions are meant to help you
survive, and when you are angry, you are more likely to stand up for yourself,
or when you are in danger, you need to be able to act in a way that will keep
you alive.
By creating the necessary emotions, you can usually begin to persuade those
around you to act; however, you want or need them to. If you need someone
to be angry and act, you figure out the best way to instill that anger. If you
need help, you instill a sense of obligation or guilt. If you need to keep
someone complacent, you want them to feel content and relaxed.
A lot of the time, people will instill these emotions through stories, quotes,
and vivid language. For example, if you are at a fundraiser to benefit a
children’s hospital that sees a large number of patients with cancer, you may
be told stories of how being on that floor is a parent’s worst nightmare and
that sometimes, what they want more than anything else is to see their
children doing something normal—they want that sense of normalcy to cling
to because they do not know if they will be taking their children home at the
end of the journey, and some people know for sure that they will not be
taking their children home. The speaker may involve photos of sick children
and sobbing parents, all designed to make the audience sad or guilty,
especially if they have their own children at home. In their guilt and sadness
for those parents in the story or slideshow, more people are willing to donate.
Logos
An appeal to logic and reason is the final form of rhetoric. With Logos, you
are seeking to establish as much reason as possible that cannot be denied to
do whatever you are requesting. You may point out the numbers and facts
that support what you are asking for, or otherwise use studies that support
your opinion. Those using Logos have a tendency to throw as much data as
possible at the other person, hoping that something will stick.
Of the forms of persuasion, this may seem like the most valid—after all, how
do you fake statistics and studies? However, the problem with this form of
persuasion can arise in the fact that it is incredibly easy to misconstrue or
misuse statistics, especially if those statistics are not being fact-checked, or
the listener does not feel the need to question them.
For example, consider the difference between correlation and causation—you
can present two different statistics as correlation, but many people will
immediately assume that there is causation, despite the fact that there may be
none at all and the similarities in statistics may be nothing but coincidence
.Perhaps the most easily imagined form of this is to consider that as the sales
of ice cream increase, so does the rate of violent crime.
To someone not familiar with statistics or correlation vs. causation, they may
automatically assume that ice cream and crime are linked. However, they
both are simply results of the temperature rising. Ice cream sales tend to go
up during the hot summer months, but crime also happens to go up as the
heat makes people’s tempers shorter than ever. They are not actually related
at all beyond both having the same root cause.
Chapter 6: Influencing Others with the Science of
Persuasive Psychology
Thus far, we have thoroughly discussed the concepts and techniques behind
how to persuade others, but have not actually looked at the act of being
persuasive. There is more to persuasion than just theory, and while the theory
is important, there should also be equal, or more, consideration given to the
methods through which you can be persuasive. These methods will utilize the
principles of persuasion and rhetoric, but they will also serve as instructions
on how to be persuasive in general. You cannot simply say that you must
appeal to emotions and then leave it at that—there are other persuasive
techniques that exist.
We will be taking some time to look at how the one being influenced takes
the persuasion offered. You will be seeing why and how these methods work
and how to use them. You will be considering exactly how you can influence
the decisions that other people make without having to coerce or force the
other party to do what you are asking. Instead, you will be focusing on how
best to convince them that they ought to have a certain mindset or make a
certain decision.
Within this chapter, you will take a look at how persuasive psychology is
built up, specifically looking at the emotionally intelligent leader, who is able
to gather followers with ease, and then extrapolating beyond that particular
individual to others as well. You will see how emotional intelligence
encourages people to become persuasive individuals that they are without
ever having to coerce or force. After painting the background to what
persuasive psychology utilizes, you will be guided through four different
methods that you can use to ensure that you can persuade others to do as you
wish. As you proceed, keep in mind that one of the most defining differences
between persuasion and manipulation is that the one being persuaded can
always choose not to do what is being requested. The persuader honors free
will, and while the persuader may try to guide the individual toward what
they want, it will never happen in a forced manner. Saying no to the request
is still an acceptable result.
Persuasive Psychology and Influence
Consider, for a moment, the most influential person that you personally
know. They may be someone that you regularly interact with—a teacher, a
boss, or a friend. What makes them so influential? The answer may not be
that they are smart, funny, or handsome—but rather, they are emotionally
intelligent.
Emotionally intelligent individuals tend to be far more likely to convince
other people to do what they want or need simply because they know how to
present themselves .They know how best to interact with others and are able
to sense the best way to proceed. Interestingly enough, many of the actions
that the emotionally intelligent individual uses to try to persuade others
happen to line up almost perfectly with the principles of persuasion and with
rhetoric. They know how to utilize those particular techniques almost
instinctively, and the end result is someone who is incredibly skilled at
persuasion.
This also happens to lead these emotionally intelligent individuals to be the
ones that others go to for guidance as well. If you knew that your friend
always seemed to make the right decision, after all, you would likely go to
them any time that you felt like you were at a crossroads and were unsure of
what to do next. This is simply because you trust that friend’s judgment and
know that they would not lead you astray.
Effectively, then, your ability to be persuasive with other people will

naturally increase simply by learning to be emotionally intelligent. That is
perhaps the best way to naturally increase your persuasiveness without
having to consciously think about how to persuade others. When you do have
to think about it, however, the best way to figure out how to persuade
someone is to figure out the best approach.
Are you looking to lead someone to a decision that requires you to be
authoritative? This would be if you were attempting to sell someone on
something. Are you looking to get a friend to do a favor for you? You may
want to use an emotional appeal to make them feel like they need to help
someone that they care about. Do you want to make a whole crowd choose an
action that you are attempting to push? If so, you may want to use loaded
words and stories in an attempt to get them all motivated the same. Do you
need a single person to do you a favor? Start by asking if you can help them.
As you can see, there are several different techniques that must be used at any
given moment to help make your message more persuasive. However, you
must be able to figure out the best way to convince other people. You can
simplify the act of figuring out how best to convince someone to do
something into a few steps. First, you will start by identifying the target for
your persuasion. Then, you must figure out the nature of the persuasion that
you will be using—are you persuading someone as an authority that should
be listened to or as someone that is deserving of help? Next, you must figure
out how best to get whatever you are hoping to get, and lastly, you must use
the methods and techniques you have decided upon.
Create an Appeal to Needs

What drives you to act in your life to survive? We are not talking about
things that you enjoy right now, but rather, what compels you more than
anything else? The answer to this is a need—your needs keep you motivated
to act toward fulfilling them. You will always be motivated to find food when
you are hungry, for example, or to find shelter when you are too cold. This is
because you have basic human needs to meet that keep you alive. Your needs
can vary from physical needs to keep yourself alive all the way to how to feel
fulfilled, and ultimately, these motivators are incredibly compelling.
Before delving into creating and appealing to needs, let’s stop and go over
the basic hierarchy of needs. Take a look at the pyramid below: As you can
see, at the base, you have the most important needs. These are the needs for
food, water, air, shelter, warmth, and reproduction. These are the bare
minimum needs to stay alive and to reproduce, as is the biological
imperative. In general, you must meet the bottom three tiers of needs before
you can begin to work on yourself.
Each of these categories manage different sorts of needs for you, and
ultimately, people are always striving to do better and move from one to the
next. These categories encompass needs such as:
Physiological needs: The need to survive and be

healthy physically—food, water, air, shelter,
reproduction, warmth, etc.
Safety needs: The need to feel safe and secure, such as
the need for steady access to resources and health
Love and belonging needs: The need to feel like you
belong with others—this is friendship, intimacy, and a
sense of connection with others
Esteem needs: This is a need for respect and
recognition
Self-actualization needs: This is a need to be the best
person that you can be
Ultimately, people are always striving for the top—self-actualization.
However, you cannot work toward self-actualization if you are hungry or
unsafe. You need to secure the bottommost needs before you can work at the
top.
When you want to create a need that you can use, you may find that
sometimes, identifying a previously existing need can be easier .However,
you can also create a sense of urgency to meet one of these needs. For
example, imagine that you are selling a car. You are really working to
persuade someone to get a very specific car, though you know that they are
not particularly interested in it. One way to create an appeal to a need is to
mention that the car that the people are interested in does not have the best
ratings in terms of safety. You point out that the car has been known to
underperform in accidents, and that the one that you are pushing for tends to
be safer simply because it is bigger and sturdier, or it has better safety ratings.
By appealing to that need for safety, you are more likely to get them to agree
to buy that particular car. If they are not concerned about safety, you can
appeal to a need to belong—you can point out that other people also tend to
prefer that one car that you would like to sell over the one they are interested
in and provide the evidence to support that claim.
Loaded Words
Another commonly used method to persuade other people is through using
loaded language. This is the act of using words or language that has very
specific connotations in hopes of changing the way that the other person
perceives what is being talked about. Effectively, you are using words that
typically attract attention or are seen as particularly beneficial bonuses.
Imagine that you are trying to sell a new baby food brand. You have worked
hard to develop the image for the food, but you realize that people do not
usually buy a food that they know nothing about—they tend to go with
trusted brands that they know and can trust will be safe or deliver what they
wanted. You may be stuck trying to figure out how best to break into the
scene to actually get on the market and convince people to buy.
One such method of convincing others is through using loaded words and
images. You will want to make sure that you are constantly utilizing words or
images that are perceived as strongly positive. For example, think about what
it is that parents want for their newborn children. You may acknowledge that
most parents want to ensure that their children are happy and healthy and that
they are not exposed to chemicals or other additives that may make them sick
or cause a reaction. After all, babies are believed to be incredibly fragile, and
because of that, parents tend to go all-out in making sure that their children
only have the best.
You may, then, decide that you will be appealing to that desire for all-natural
products. You take your advertising campaign to emphasize that you use
natural, organic, non-GMO food products with the bare minimum ingredients
necessary. You push that your food is healthy and simple, encouraging
parents to be more inclined to buy simply because they know that they can
read all of the ingredients on the label.
Effectively then, when you want to use loaded language, you are appealing to
emotion. You are making someone feel like they are making the right choice
in deciding to go with whatever you are requesting that they use. This means
that you are better able to get people to see things your way and better able to
persuade simply because you know how to activate emotions. You will
always choose the loaded language that will activate the feelings that you
need present to play upon.
Anchor Biases
An anchor bias is a cognitive bias that ends up being incredibly influential.
Effectively, you want to make something seem like a good idea or plan
simply by making it seem reasonable in comparison to the anchor point.
When you do this, you are generally setting an anchor point that you use to
be a reference point for whatever you are trying to persuade someone else to
do.
This is best understood when looking at the negotiation of pay. You may be
asking for a raise during your next review at work. Perhaps you want a 10%
raise because of the productivity you have put in and the rate at which you
are able to retain valuable clients. You figure out exactly why and how you
want to argue for this particular number, but all that is left is the delivery of
the argument. You need to present your information in a way that makes it
seem realistic or reasonable.
In a negotiation, it is common knowledge that you rarely ever take the first
offer—you are usually able to counter-offer, and then meet somewhere in the
middle. This means that if you ask for that flat 10% raise right off the bat,
your chances of actually getting it are slim. However, if you are able to make
an anchor point that makes that 10% raise seem reasonable, you may actually
stand a chance.
The best way to do this is to always ask for more. You may go in and ask for
a 15 or 20% raise instead, knowing that the number will be cut down. When
you ask your boss for that raise, you will likely be shot down immediately,
followed by a counteroffer of 5-10% simply because your original asking
price was so high. This means that the other party is going to feel more
inclined to give what you initially wanted since it is still significantly less
than you originally asked for.
In the end, you get your 10% raise, all by asking for far more than you were
actually interested in. By shooting high right away, you make anything that
comes afterward seem reasonable.
You see this during sales pricing as well. Several different stores have pricing
strategies that involve marking up prices only to discount them back to
market value. This means that you see that you are getting a 20-30%
discount, but only because the prices were inflated 20-30% in the first place.
At the end of the day, you are paying market value, but you feel better about
it because the anchor point of full-price seemed like far more.
Ask First What You Can Do for the Other Person
Perhaps one of the simplest techniques that you can use to persuade someone
to do something for you is to appeal to reciprocity. People naturally feel
inclined to return favors when they have received them in the first place, and
you can use this tendency in order to influence other people to do whatever it
is that you want or need them to do. You may be able to convince someone to
take a shift for you at work just by covering their extended lunch break, for
example.
This is a popular technique for the emotionally intelligent leaders. They make
themselves sound entirely focused on making someone else feel better about
doing a favor by offering to do one first. You may find that you have a friend
that is always happy to help you or is the first to volunteer when you voice
that you have a problem. Emotionally intelligent leaders make it a point to do
this simply because it sets up a standard of camaraderie—you make it clear
that you are interested in the other person simply by volunteering
occasionally to help them out. Not everyone is willing to help out when asked
or needed, but if you are willing to do so, even occasionally, other people will
be more inclined to help you out when you need a favor.
After having offered, you will then know that the individual that you have
helped will be more inclined to help you in the future as well. For example,
imagine that you know that you have a vacation coming up, and you do not
want to board your dog. You also know that you have a friend that will be
going on a trip just a week or so before you and your friend has cats. You
may volunteer to go and check on the cats several times during your friend’s
trip when your friend talks about having to look for someone to come in and
take care of them. They will need litter cleaned a few times and will need
daily food and water, but beyond that, they will be fine on their own. Your
friend graciously accepts and then asks you to let her know if you will need
any help in the near future. You reply that you actually will need help soon
and that you need someone to take care of your dog. Your friend volunteers
to keep the dog at her house for a few days while you are on your trip, and
you no longer have to worry about boarding your dog because you know that
your dog will be safe and happy with your friend.
This technique tends to be better for those who need help from a friend or
someone that they know personally just because it involves one-on-one
interaction. However, you can also see this play out on a larger scale as well.
Perhaps you are a manager, and your employees are all asking for an increase
in pay across the board. You take it to your higher-ups, and in return, your
employees all see that you have their back. They then make it a point to
always help whenever they are asked to do so and they are willing to go
above and beyond when requested.
To take advantage of this technique, you are best served by always asking
how you can help other people whenever it is not a strain on you or what you
need to do. If you are able to always ask other people what they want or need,
you can make sure that you are setting up good relationships with other
people, and with that good relationship established, you will be far more able
to get them to do whatever it is that you needed.
Chapter 7: What is NLP?
Have you ever gone through the effort of trying to communicate with
someone else that does not speak the same language as you? Perhaps you
speak English, and the other person speaks Chinese. The person speaking
Chinese is desperately gesturing for something, but you are entirely unsure
what it is that they need. They gesture frantically, but you never figure it out.
You make many guesses—you offer a phone, and they shake their head. You
offer water, and they shake their head. No matter what you offer, the other
person becomes more and more annoyed or frustrated because he or she
cannot get through to you. Eventually, the other person storms off without
having ever gotten whatever it is that he needed and you are left wondering
what it was that was so desperately needed in the first place.
Now, imagine that same exchange, but you are both the English and Chinese
speaker—one half of you only speaks in English while the other desperately
tries to communicate in Chinese. Neither side is able to communicate with
the other, and both end up disjointed, frustrated, and without any proper
communication. This is actually what does happen in your mind. Your
conscious mind thinks in one way, and the unconscious mind thinks entirely
differently. You may want to be setting up a life to be happy and successful,
but in reality, your unconscious has never received the message. As a result,
you find that your unconscious continuously sabotages you. Your emotions
do not line up with your goals. Your body language does not fit. You simply
run into complication after complication, despite the fact that you know what
you want.
Keep in mind that your unconscious mind is not meant to be your adversary.
It is not something that needs to be tamed or controlled. Rather, it is
something to harness and work within tandem. However, this means that you
need to learn to communicate with it appropriately. If you can figure out the
right way to communicate with that unconscious part of yourself, you can get
it lined up with your conscious desires and expectations. You can get it to
help you achieve your goals. It is not a matter of your unconscious being out
to get you or subvert your attempts to happiness; it is a matter of you do not
know how best to communicate with your unconscious mind to get what you
want.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming
This is where neuro-linguistic programming comes in. NLP is designed to
help you facilitate getting the results that you want and need. It helps you
figure out how best to act in ways that are conducive to your success. Those
who practice NLP say that the unconscious mind is what drives you to
achieve your goals, so long as you are able to communicate those goals
effectively. NLP recognizes that both the conscious and unconscious minds
are important and serve their own roles.
NLP helps to bridge that gap between the two, acting as a sort of translator,
so your conscious desires are communicated to the unconscious mind in order
to ensure that your mind works together rather than against each other. By
working together, you will find that you are far more likely to see your
desired results simply because you are not running into the problem of having
the two parts of your mind clash.
Effectively, neuro-linguistic processing is a method of learning to
communicate with the unconscious. You are learning to become fluent in
your unconscious mind’s method of communication so you can finally tell it
what you want. It allows for that communication with yourself, but also
facilitates the communication with others as well. This means that you can
use the processes learned during the practice of NLP to also communicate
with the unconscious minds of others as well. You can implant thoughts,
facilitate behaviors, and encourage changes in lifestyles all by learning how
to tap into the unconscious minds of others.
While this may sound manipulative, you actually see people paying others to
give them the NLP treatment. People will pay practitioners to help them
overcome phobias or bad habits. People can be taught to overcome emotions,
create new coping methods, and more all by interacting with someone fluent
in NLP.
For example, imagine that you have severe anxiety because, as a child, you
went up to present something, but you really needed to use the bathroom.
You could not go before the presentation, and as you gave it, you accidentally
had an accident. Everyone laughed at you, and ever since, you have been
terrified of ever getting involved in presentations. Being in front of a crowd
became something that you could not possibly bring yourself to do. You
failed several assignments all through school because you simply would
refuse to present. You would do the work, but you would not go up to present
it.
Obviously, there are plenty of job choices during which you would never
have to be in front of a crowd, but if you happened to choose a job that would
regularly put you in front of people to deliver reports, you may find that you
struggle. You know that you are not a child anymore and that realistically,
you would not be wetting yourself again any time soon, but you cannot get
over that feeling of being laughed at and horrified.
As a solution, you may have spoken to an NLP practitioner. The practitioner
would have access to several tools that could help you process that trauma in
order to get past it. You could reframe the situation, learning to laugh at it
instead of feeling traumatized. You could learn to create anchors that will
have you begin to feel an entirely different feeling when you go up to present.
No matter the method, there are several tools that can be used to help you get
over that trauma.
This is just one example of a time that NLP can be used to benefit. However,
it can also be used in ways that are harmful. Manipulators love the tools of
NLP because they grant access to the unconscious mind. The manipulator can
use NLP techniques to create tendencies to obey almost mindlessly. They can
create tendencies to give the manipulator exactly what he or she wants. The
manipulator will be able to communicate with the unconscious mind without
ever tripping the alarms of the conscious mind. Effectively, the manipulator
is able to completely bypass the conscious and tell the unconscious exactly
what is expected—and the unconscious will comply. Without any clear way
to communicate, the individual will be left frustrated, wondering why they
keep behaving the way that they are with no clear answer.
The Keys to NLP
For NLP to be effective, there are a few steps that need to be followed. These
are the keys to NLP that will help you figure out how to access the mind. At
this point, you are being shown a brief overview of what needs to happen.
There are techniques that will more or less use these steps on their own and
other steps that will seek to change things up a bit. However, at the heart of
things, these must happen. These three steps, the keys to being able to
practice NLP, are being able to examine and identify beliefs, choosing an
appropriate anchor, and then setting that anchor in an efficient manner.
If you can master these three simple steps, you will find that the more
specific techniques seem to fall into place with ease. You will be able to
convince people to do almost anything, simply by knowing how to get into
the other person’s mind. This is a strategic endeavor, but once you are able to
follow that strategy, you will find that the control that you can exert over both
yourself and others around you is far more than you had access to ever
before. You will become the master over your own behavior, while also
having the power and access to other people to be a master over them as well.
You can effectively use these NLP techniques and strategies to figure out
how best to win the long game.
Examine beliefs
First, you are figuring out the information at hand. This is where you start to
piece together what you or the other person think or feel surrounding a
certain event or situation. You may find that the other person is highly
anxious about socializing and being in front of crowds. When in front of a
crowd, they tend to melt down and freak out. You know this and
acknowledge it.
You will be examining beliefs to figure out why that is felt. In this case, it
may link back to that one incident of wetting herself in front of a crowd and
then being mortified any time she is under public scrutiny.
If you are attempting to use NLP on yourself, which is a valid technique that
many people will use, you may take this time to identify the emotion that you
have that you wish was not problematic. You may figure out that you tend to
feel angry during certain situations, and because of that anger, you struggle to
really communicate with other people effectively. That lack of
communication usually has the unfortunate result of causing problems in
your relationships.
As you identify those feelings, you will find that you can figure out where the
problem lies. In figuring them out, you can start to figure out how best to
target and destroy them. In NLP, this process usually involves the use of
anchors—points that are directly related to a certain event or feeling. An
anchor for your stress, for example, maybe you bite your nails out of habit,
but after a lifetime of biting your nails when stress, just the act of absently
biting your nails can make your anxiety begin to flare up.
Choose an anchor
Knowing that you will be under the influence of several anchors already,
certain situations or actions that cause you to feel a certain emotion, it is time
to figure out which anchors and emotions you can use to overcome the
problem. If you know that you have an anger issue, you may go through the
effort of learning how to combat that anger issue through triggering new
emotions instead. Whenever you would feel yourself getting angry, then you
would make sure that you trigger your anchor, and that would then cause you
to feel something else.
Effectively, if you are familiar with basic psychology, you are conditioning
yourself. You are effectively training yourself to act a certain way in response
to certain situations, and in doing so, you are able to make sure that you can
overcome the negative feelings that have been holding you down. If you have
bad habits in relation to your emotions, you can begin to counter them. You
can figure out how to create new, healthier habits that trigger you to behave
in new, healthier ways. You can figure out how best to protect yourself from
your negative emotions so you can heal and move on in life.
Your new anchor can be just about anything. You could use an affirmation or
word that you repeat to yourself to help keep yourself under control. It could
be a movement or an action that you use to remind yourself to stay under
control, such as snapping your wrist with a rubber band whenever you find
that your anger is getting out of hand. It could be a scent that makes you feel
secure. It can even be a certain thought or memory that you return to during
times of distress.
When you choose an anchor, you want to make sure that it is something that
you can regularly access for maximum impact. You may be best served with
a short phrase that you use or a motion of your hands. That is something that
you can do subtly and at any point in time.
Set an anchor
Finally, you must figure out how to set your anchor. This is where you see
the most deviation in your behaviors and techniques. There are several
different methods that can be used in order to set a good anchor point for you
or for those around you, and how you decide to do so will largely be
dependent upon what you are hoping to do and how you are dealing with.
You may choose to use visualization if you are working with someone
intentionally, with the other person knowing what you are doing. You may
choose to use something more along the lines of mirroring and subtle
mimicry and emotional triggers if you want to be entirely unnoticed. You
may choose to do something like intentionally reframing a memory from
negative and traumatic into something funny if you want to change your own
way of thinking and your own emotional reaction. Ultimately, the method
that you choose will largely be subject to who you are attempting to persuade
and how you want to go about it.
If you want to make it a point to, for example, persuade a stranger to buy
something that you want them to, you may make it a point to trigger a
mirroring relationship—do not worry if you do not know how to do this. It
will be discussed in Chapter 8. From there, you can subtly influence him to
nod his head by nodding your own head, making the other person’s mindset
far more likely to be agreeable, and leading to the other person being
influenced to nod along with you without ever realizing that you had
influenced and encouraged that decision.
Whether you want to control yourself or someone else, you always want to
choose an anchor that is simple and easily implemented, but not so common
that it will be randomly triggered by strangers during the course of the day.
While you probably could trigger someone to make a certain face every time
you do a very specific and common movement, such as giving a thumbs up, it
would not be particularly kind or ethical to do so. You would be triggering
the other person in a way that will likely be distracting and problematic. After
all, no one wants to be grimaced at every time they give a thumbs up to
someone else.
The History of NLP
NLP, like nearly any psychological technique, has changed drastically from
creation to what you now know and see today. While the root is still the
same, there are different ways that the thoughts and techniques are
approached now compared to what was seen back when it was first founded
in the 1970s. This chapter will provide you with a brief overview of how
NLP has changed and what you can expect if you were to use NLP today.
Ultimately, you can think of NLP as what it was during creation and within
the four waves of NLP.
The Creation of NLP
Created in 1972 by two psychotherapists named Richard Bandler and John
Grinder, this process was originally designed to model several other
therapeutic processes at the time. In particular, it referenced and developed
from techniques such as gestalt therapy, hypnotherapy, and systemic family
therapy. All of these came together to create an approach that would address
two specific things: Why are psychotherapists special or skilled in
influencing others? How can that specialty be transferred to other normal
people without any formal training in psychology?
These two thoughts then triggered the beginning of the development of NLP.
IN particular, people were taught to look at each of the aforementioned
psychotherapy processes. Bandler and Grinder drew from those different
forms of psychotherapy and pulled out any processes or techniques that they
thought were critical in making the therapist so powerful. They identified the
patters in communication and attitudes and were able to then create and build
a list of techniques and beliefs drawing from those forms of psychotherapy.
Thus, NLP was born.
NLP as primarily existed within four specific waves, during which different
aspects were focused on or developed. These four waves are important to
understand in order to truly understand what NLP was and what it has
become.
Wave 1: NLPure: In the first wave of NLP, you see the
original NLP as developed by Bandler and Grinder. This
is the purest form, during which success and enthusiasm
were the most important factors that were pushed.
Wave 2: NLPt: In the second wave, you see NLP used
as an application in psychotherapy. It is commonly
referred to as neuro-linguistic psychotherapy, and it
began in 1989. This was all about making sure that
people had a healthy and happy approach and view of
life.
Wave 3: NLPeace: This third wave, NLPeace, arose in
1992, with a focus on spirituality. Instead of focusing on
how to fix the mind itself, it was focusing on how to
find meaning in life and figure out how to connect
spiritually.
Wave 4: NLPsy: Finally, the fourth wave encompasses
the use of neuro-linguistic processing as a form of
psychology. Beginning in 2006, this was used to being
to identify psychological patterns. It requires a master’s
degree in psychology, for a qualification to practice
psychotherapy, and also an NLP master training
qualification. Effectively, when you see someone that
practices NLPsy, you know that they have gone through
years of schooling in order to be as effective as possible
when it comes to offering treatment.
When you seek out NLP treatment from a professional, you will likely face
someone that is trained in fourth wave NLP. This is good—they are licensed
to help you and can enable you to be the healthiest you that you can be.
However, remember that NLP itself was designed to be accessible even to the
average person. While you are not qualified to diagnose people if you have
not gone to school to become licensed to do so, you will still be able to
develop an affinity for several NLP processes so you can use them effectively
and in ways that you know are beneficial to others around you or to yourself.
Chapter 8: NLP Basic Principles to Improve Life
Before really delving into the processes of NLP and how you can utilize
them, it is important to recognize that there are several principles that you
will have to keep in mind. When you want to use NLP, you must meet these
principles if you want to be able to be successful. After all, accessing other
people’s unconscious minds will require you to be patient, flexible, and
willing to spend the time to do so effectively. You will need to have a clear
plan ready for yourself so you can actively address and live by the rules that
you are seeking to make use of.
Think of these as your guiding processes that will help you to make sure that
you are able to use NLP. These will be your founding principles that you will
live by if you want to be able to tap into the unconscious. These will guide
you in being successful, whether you want to improve your own life or
convince someone else to do something specific. No matter what you choose
to do, you will be able to do so, if you keep these steps in mind.
In particular, the steps that will be addressed here are being able to know
your outcome, take action, maintain sensory acuity, have flexibility, and live
by a physiology of excellence. With these five principles, NLP will be
successful for you. This chapter will guide you through learning how to
utilize these principles in your own life. You will be able to help yourself.
You will be able to help others. Above all, you will be able to be effective
and successful.
Know your outcome
The first and most important place to start when you are attempting to live
with the utilization of NLP is knowing your outcome. This is effectively
figuring out exactly what you want, how you will get it, and why you want it.
If you do not know what the outcome you want is, how can you possibly
hope to ever achieve it? If you do not know that you want to be a lawyer, for
example, can you possibly reasonably expect yourself to go through law
school and build up all that debt, only to find out after the fact that law was
your passion after all? No—no one in their right mind would ever put
themselves through law school without ever knowing that they wanted to be a
lawyer or that their true goal in life was to be a lawyer. People may go
through law school because they have been told their whole life that they
should go to law school, but even those people grew up with the expectation
of being a lawyer. No one goes to law school without the expectation or
desire to become that person.
Just like no one would ever expect that you must know your own outcome
and desires if you want to succeed. You need to figure out exactly what you
want in life so you can figure out how to get it. Do you want to be rich? Do
you want to find love? Maybe you want to be a parent, or you want to
become a firefighter. No matter what the dream is, you need to know and
vocalize it to yourself if you want it to become a reality. If you want to be
rich, you can tell yourself that. If you want to be happy, you can tell yourself
that, too. What your goal is in life is not as important as knowing what that
goal is. That knowledge is power and will help you during your process.
If you are using NLP for other people, you may want to know what your end
goal for that person is. Do you want them to be happy? Do you want them to
buy that car you are selling? Maybe you want them to break up with their
narcissistic partner. No matter what it is you want, you need to know what it
is if you hope to make it happen.
Once you know what you want, it is time to form it in a way that you can act
upon it. This is effectively just coming up with a way to structure your
desires so you can act upon them. When you do this, you must meet certain
specific criteria to ensure that the outcome is well-formed. This is a fancy
way of saying that if you want your goal to be actionable and attainable, you
need to word it in the proper manner. These criteria are critical to making
sure that you are able to act accordingly. These criteria are:
Positive-oriented: Your goal must be focused on what you do

want, not what you would like to avoid. For example, you must
state that you want to find love, versus you don’t want to be
alone any longer. Shifting this to a positive instead of a negative
gives you something to work toward instead of something to
avoid.
Sensory specific: As we continue along the NLP path, you will
begin to see that every method of influence on someone else,
whether it is on yourself or on someone else, is sensory. You
must figure out which senses you will be targeting and how
those senses will perceive when you have been successful at
achieving your goal. Perhaps this will be that you can see that
you have a partner if your end goal is to find love. If you want to
sell that car, perhaps you decide that the sensory input will be
having the paperwork with the signatures in your hand. Try to
address how each of your five senses will interact with the
outcome when it has been achieved. This helps you be able to
truly visualize what you want.
Contextual: This involves making sure that you know the
context under which you will be successful. You are
acknowledging what has to happen if you want to be successful.
Where will it happen? When? How? Who will you be with?
When you know the context of what you are seeking, you will be
able to acknowledge what you need to do to set up the
environment properly to ensure that you do happen to get
whatever you are hoping to achieve.
Self-achievable: You must make sure that the goal you want is
one that you can set into action on your own without the
influence of other people. You may need to make sure that other
people are doing something, but can you do so? You must have
access to the resources that you will need to achieve your goal.
Ecological: This is as simple as asking three specific questions
for yourself: Is it good for you? Is it good for other people? Is it
for the greater good? Remember, NLP is all about bettering the
world and those who are using it. While it is often used as a tool
for manipulation and controlling others, that is not always the
intention.
Worthwhile: Finally, you must make sure that whatever the
outcome that you are trying to achieve is worthwhile. Is it
something that will actually be useful and positive to you? It
does not have to be useful on a daily basis, but you should be
able to see some good from whatever it is. You may have
enhanced other people’s lives, allowing your friend to no longer
be terrified of crowds, which indirectly improves your own life
because your friend is happier and healthier. On the other hand,
you may directly address a problem of your own in an attempt to
better yourself, and that is okay too. So long as it is effective,
either directly or indirectly, it is good enough.
Take action
The next step to making sure that you are able to be successful in using NLP
is to take action. This is something that may seem like common sense, but
many people entirely miss this step altogether. You must be willing to act if
you hope to see any results. If you want to ensure that you can actually
change your life or change the behaviors of someone else, you must figure
out reasons to work or do something.
Oftentimes, people fall into the trap 0f inaction—they feel like they cannot
possibly succeed, and therefore they fall victim to procrastination. However,
this is your mind’s attempt to avoid action in order to protect yourself from
failure. When you protect yourself in this way, it is easy to make excuses and
act like it happened for a reason- you may tell yourself that you are too dumb
to really make a difference, or that you will fail even if you try.
Well, guess what: Failure happens. People fail all the time, but that is not
inherently bad. When you fail, you learn. When you learn, you become better
prepared for your next attempt. It is okay to fail, so long as you learn from
that failure and do not let it define you. Effectively, then, you want to live
through learning from that failure and not letting the fear of failure keep you
locked in inaction.
When you are practicing NLP, you must act. If you refuse to act, nothing gets
done. Nothing changes. People’s behaviors remain the same. You fail. NLP is
not passive—it requires constant action and effort, and for that reason, you
must be willing to go through the motions and make whatever it is that you
want happen.
Sensory acuity
Next, you must learn sensory acuity. This is effectively learning to cue into
all of the important body language that you will need to understand if you
hope to be able to use NLP. NLP is all about being able to look at someone
else, understand their mindset and processes, and then use those processes in
order to figure out how to influence the other person’s mind as well.
Stop and consider for a moment what body language is—it is unconscious
movements that are designed to convey very specific meanings. Your
unconscious mind is largely responsible for your body language—if you are
anxious, your body language will convey that. If you are happy, your body
language will convey that. This means that if you learn how to read the body
language of someone else, you will be able to read the state of their
unconscious mind.
This is because body language and actions are directly influenced by
thoughts. They exist within a cycle—thoughts influence feelings and those
feelings influence behavior. Effectively, then, you can learn to track the
thoughts by learning to identify behavior. You can also take this one step
further by learning to change thoughts by influencing behavior as well.
Effectively, then, sensory acuity is the ability to focus entirely externally.

Think about what happens most of the time when someone is telling you a
story. If you are not trained in effective listening, you may make it a point to
constantly be coming up with arguments that you can use to make a certain
point in response. You may feel like you are listening, but in reality, your
mind is also busy trying to come up with some sort of reaction or
counterargument. This is problematic—you are not paying close enough
attention to the other party, and you run some serious risks in doing so.
However, you can learn to defeat this. You can learn to focus entirely on
listening instead.
When you focus on sensory acuity, focusing on what the other person is
doing as they talk, you are paying complete attention. You see all of those
minute shifts in body language. You are seeing the other person change up
what they are doing in response to you. You are seeing those subtle signs that
may betray a lie, or that say that the other person is uncomfortable with the
line of questioning but is desperate to try to remain open in communication.
Effectively, then, you must learn to always listen attentively. You must learn
how to recognize these aspects of body language so you can use them as
feedback for yourself. In learning to recognize that body language, you can
effectively allow yourself to respond appropriately, or to glean all of that
information that you will need in order to be successful with the attempts to
persuade with NLP.
Behavioral Flexibility
Another important aspect of NLP is flexibility. NLP is not an exact science
simply because no two people are the same. People are complex, and so too
are their minds. One person may be entirely comfortable with talking about a
personal issue while the other is terrified to mention similar issues. You may
find that some people are happy to comply without resistance, and others are
completely unresponsive to your best attempts to influence. Because no two
minds are the same, you must be willing to engage in a little trial and error.
You cannot simply decide that you will come up with a one size fits all
approach to accessing other people’s minds—you must be willing to entertain
several different possibilities and to change things up when you hit a
roadblock.
Oftentimes, people fail at this—they simply stubbornly refuse to ever engage
in anything other than what they have originally set out to do, but the results
never change. If it failed the first and second time, why do you think that the
same attempt would pass the next time? If you never try anything different,
the change will never arrive. You need to be able to focus on change if you
want to be successful at NLP. You need to be flexible in your own behaviors.
You need to be flexible in what you are willing to try.
This helps beyond just learning NLP, too—when you use this, you are
effectively making yourself more flexible in general. You are teaching
yourself to cope with failure or the unexpected with ease. You will no longer
be afraid of failing or feeling like you cannot try anything else. It helps you
become more likely to succeed simply because you are willing to step out of
your comfort zone and mix things up when you need to. If you are unwilling
to make concessions or change your best attempts at dealing with a situation,
all you are going to do is keep yourself stubbornly rooted in failure and
control rather than looking at things as being a chance for improvement.
Physiology of excellence
Finally, if you want to be successful in your endeavors with NLP, you must
be able to operate from a position of health. You need to be feeling physically
and mentally sound if you hope to operate at your best, which means that you
must be able to take care of yourself. You cannot take care of others if you
cannot take care of yourself, so you must be willing to maintain that
physiology of excellence.
Just as you are told that you must put your own oxygen mask on before
tending to your children on an airplane, you must be willing to take care of
yourself before you are willing to take on the world’s problems. You need to
ensure that you are healthy. This means that you must engage in self-care.
You must make sure that you are healthy. You must make sure that you get
the proper rest to maintain yourself.
In particular, if you find that your life is not giving you the excellence that
you need or that you are not as healthy as you could be, you should put in the
time to achieve it. You may need to use some of your own NLP techniques to
achieve this, such as teaching yourself to be more diligent about your own
sleep or exercise regimen or reminding yourself to eat healthily. However,
you owe it to yourself and to those around you that are relying on you to keep
yourself healthy. After all, you cannot possibly focus on the other person if
you are not feeling well.
Besides just being in your own best interest, if you are able to make sure that
you are healthy, you will rub off on those that you are with. If you adopt your
own healthy lifestyle, those closest to you are more likely to begin to adapt
some of those tendencies for themselves as well.
Chapter 9: Mind Control with NLP
With that understanding of what NLP is and how it can influence you, it is
time to begin understanding some of the most common techniques that you
can use to control the minds of others. You may choose to control your own
mind, influencing your unconscious to behave accordingly to ensure that you
can get what you need, or you may be influencing other people to help them
instead. No matter who you are attempting to influence, you will be able to
do so with these techniques. Keep in mind that some of these may require
tweaking between using it for yourself and using it for someone else.
As you read through this chapter, you will be introduced to NLP and mind
control—you will understand why it works at all. You will be shown how
NLP works in order to help control other people. From there, you will then
begin to learn how to exact that control over other people as well. You will
be guided through four distinct tactics that you can use that wield NLP as a
tool in order to influence others. As always, remember that NLP is one of
those tools whose value and intent chan entirely change the meaning. If you
use NLP from a position of wanting to help others, it is incredibly effective.
However, if you want to use it in order to manipulate or hurt others, you will
find that you can do far more harm than you may have realized. Keep in mind
that playing inside someone else’s mind, no matter what your intention, is
something dangerous. It is not something to take lightly or simply do to mess
with someone. You should be very deliberate in your acts of controlling
others. Free will and someone else’s mind are very personal and private, and
that privacy deserves to be respected.
Ultimately, NLP is one of the most effective ways to influence someone
else's mind. While you will not be able to simply tell someone to do
something and get them to do just that or to use someone else’s mind with
your own controller to gain absolute control, you are able to heavily influence
what someone is willing to do or what they are willing to say or put up with,
all by learning to access their minds and prime them to do what you want.
You will effectively be able to plant thoughts into their minds, having them
fit perfectly and neatly as if they were always intended to be there.
Effectively, then, this is an incredibly powerful influence—it will enable you
to get other people to do almost anything that you want them to do if you
know what you are doing. You can dispel anxiety, or you can use it to instill
fear for a tighter grip over someone. You can use it to free someone from
stress or to make them feel entirely powerless. This is because you are
accessing the unconscious mind.
NLP is effectively a form of hypnosis—you are gently and covertly lulling
the other person into a state of suggestiveness, during which you can bypass
the conscious mind in order to install your own desires into someone else.
You can make sure that the other person is willing to think or feel whatever it
is that you want them to do just by making sure that you know what you are
doing. In fact, people have used these techniques to convince people to do
nearly anything. All you need to be able to do is lull them into a state of
relaxation and trust.
In fact, one of the most important parts of being able to install a sense of trust
in you. This is known as establishing a rapport with the other person, and if
you can do that, you can effectively gain access to the other person’s mind.
Ultimately, when someone trusts you, they will not be actively guarding
against you or what you might do. This is why developing that rapport is so
critical in NLP.
When someone practices NLP, they usually spend a period of time building
up that rapport so they will be able to tap into the other person’s unconscious
mind. You will be able to do this yourself if you are willing to put in the
effort.
Mirroring
First and foremost, you must build up rapport, as mentioned. The best way to
do so is through learning to mirror someone. Mirroring is the unconscious
mimicking of people that we are close to. Think about how, when one person
yawns, their friends or family member that are present are likely to yawn as
well—that is a form of mirroring. However, it does not stop there. When two
people are close to each other emotionally and truly trust each other, you will
find that their breathing rates will synchronize. They will walk together with
the same steps and pacing. They will naturally take sips at the same time, or
take bites at the same time if they are eating together. They will make the
same motions as one another—if one itches their nose, the other will likely
itch theirs as well. They may even take the same poses as each other without
thinking about it.
This is mirroring, and it is incredibly telling. When someone is mirroring
someone else, it is because they are able to recognize that they like or trust
that other person—that rapport has been built up and is being honored. If you
mirror someone else around you, you are likely to do so because you feel like
you can trust them. However, this can take a lot of time to build up naturally.
Unless you have happened to have an instant connection with the other
person, you are likely to need to go through the process of building it
yourself. You can do this with just a few simple steps.
First, you must build up a connection with the other person. You can do this
by making sure that you are looking directly at them—you want to be making
eye contact and directly acknowledging the other person. You may make it a
point to pick up on their own subtle cues—try to synchronize your breathing
with the other person as well. As you listen to them, you want to make it a
point to nod your head regularly—in particular, you want to do the triple nod.
The triple nod tells the other person three things: You are listening, you
understand, and most importantly, you agree. You should feel the relationship
build up naturally at this point.
Next, you want to pick up on the other person’s verbal cues. While you could
begin by mimicking their body language, that tends to ring more alarm bells
than simply picking up on speech patterns. You will want to make sure that
you are talking at the same pitch as the other person and actively following
their pace and enthusiasm. As you do so, you will find that the other person
will continue longer, especially if you acknowledge them with the triple nod.
Finally, the last step in developing that mirroring connection is through
finding their punctuator. Everyone has one—it may be as simple as a waggle
of the eyebrows when you want to emphasize something. It may be more
complex, such as pumping a fist in the air or tilting the head and smiling
when you say something that you want emphasized. Nevertheless, identifying
this will require some active work on your end. You must be willing to put in
the effort to watch the other person’s reactions and tendencies in order to
figure out what their own punctuator is. You want to know what they do so
you can mimic it yourself.
When you figure out their punctuator, you want to use it back the next time
you feel like they are likely to use it. If you feel like they are gearing up to
waggle their brows at you, do it first. They may not notice it, but they likely
will smile and continue to engage with you. They will feel an instant
connection to you without truly understanding why, and that is okay.
Now, all you need to do is test the connection. You can do this simply by
brushing your own shoulder or actively doing something else in an attempt to
see if they are willing to copy you. You want to make sure that whatever you
choose to do is relatively subtle and that it will not seem out of place, but it
also has to be something that you think would not be coincidental. If they
follow along, you know that you have done your job well, and you can move
on. If not, go back to the beginning and try again. Sometimes, it takes a while
to really convince someone to trust you.
Anchoring
Once you have built a connection with someone else, you are ready to move
on to actually attempting to alter the mind of someone else. One of the best
ways to do this is through anchoring—when you are anchoring someone to
something, you are setting them up to have a specific reaction to a very
specific stimulus. This may be that you want them to actively change their
mood when you do something, or you want to figure out a way to make them
do something in particular in response to their own anxiety or negative
feeling. You can use this to make someone more likely to choose a positive
decision when they feel out of control, or you can do so in order to get them
to do something specific for you.
A common tactic of manipulators, for example, is to create a trigger to fear
from a very small anchor that is unnoticeable to most—they may use a slight
but distinct movement of the hand in order to make the other person feel fear
in order to keep the other person under control. However, it can also be sued
to prevent bad habits, such as smoking or drinking, or to be a way to cope
with anxiety at the moment.
Anchoring is quite simple once you are able to develop a rapport with
someone else. All you need to do is figure out the right steps and the right
feelings to anchor. There are five simple steps to getting someone else
anchored to a feeling. Keep in mind that these will take time—you cannot
simply expect someone to randomly anchor without much effort. You are
effectively conditioning someone, likely without them even being aware of it,
and that takes effort and energy to remain undetected. Without further ado,
let’s take a look at the five steps of anchoring someone else.
Step 1: Choose a feeling

You will start this process by figuring out what feeling you wish to instill in
someone else. For the purpose of this process, let’s say you want to make
your partner feel more confident, so she is not afraid to ask for what she
needs when she needs it. You know that she struggles with this and you want
to change it. Of course, this feeling could be anything. You could choose to
instill anxiety or relaxation. You could choose happiness or sadness.
Ultimately, you need to find a trigger that works for you and your situation.
Step 2: Choose a trigger
This is a fancy way of telling you to figure out a way to install that particular
feeling to the other person. You may use storytelling for someone else, telling
them a time that brings back feelings of that particular feeling that you want
to install. If you want your partner to feel confident, you may reminisce over
a period of time during which she was quite confident, describing it until you
can see that she seems to be reliving that feeling.
Step 3: Choose an anchor
Next, you must identify the anchor that you will use. This can use touch,
sight, smell, taste, or sound. Most often, sight is the easiest one to instill in
someone else, but it still requires enough proximity that you can trigger it
when you need it. Figure out what works best for you and the other person.
Perhaps, in this case, you choose that you will use a touch to one specific
point inside the wrist that is not commonly touched.
Step 4: Trigger the feeling
At this point, you will be actively triggering the feeling that you are
anchoring. You may tell the story during which your partner was confident.
You may say things that will help boost your partner’s confidence, such as
offering lavish praise for the dinner that was prepared, or pointing out how
beautiful she looks that day. You want her to feel confident, so you can then
link it to the anchor. You may make it a point to do this several different
ways several different times throughout the day.
Step 5: Link the anchor
Finally, when you can see that the other person is feeling the emotion that
you are trying to anchor, you can begin to use the anchor that you want. If
you have chosen that quick touch to the inside of your partner’s wrist, you
will touch it then. If you have chosen a facial expression, you may make it.
As you do this, over time, you will find that your partner makes an
association between her confidence and whatever it is that you are anchoring.
The trick here is to make sure that any time you trigger that feeling for her,
you must pair it with the anchor as well. This is critical if you want it to truly
be effective. Keep in mind that this will take time, but it will also be
incredibly effective.
Pacing and Leading
Commonly used in NLP is the act of pacing and leading. Effectively, this is
the ability to figure out how best to identify with the other person (such as
mirroring to get on the same page) and then guiding them into your own
mindset instead of allowing them to maintain their own.
As you read this, going over the words written here for you, you may find
that you are growing curious about what pacing and leading is and how it can
be used.
If you now feel curious about pacing and leading, then you have just fallen
for it—your current state was acknowledged, and then you were gently
guided to a different state—curiosity. This is an incredibly effective
technique for one specific reason: You start by mentioning something that is
true, acknowledging the state of someone else before actively mentioning
something else. It effectively disarms the conscious mind immediately after
telling the truth—the conscious no longer sees what is about to be said as
potentially threatening because the first part was not.
Sometimes, this can be quite overt, as it was in that first reaction, but you can
also see it happen far subtler as well. As long as you are able to match the
pace and then lead, you will find that this technique can be successful. Of
course, you must have that initial rapport built up—if you do not already
have a rapport with whomever you are attempting to pace, start with
mirroring and then move on to this technique.
Consider for a moment that you are in an argument with your spouse. Your
spouse is getting quite angry, and his voice is rising. You are also quite angry
but you do not want it to escalate any further. In this instance then, you may
make it a point to match the other person’s pace. This does not mean that you
should start yelling at your spouse. You need to find another way to match
pace. Instead of also yelling out your frustrations, perhaps you return that
same pitch and intensity with something slightly less serious. You yell back
that you are hungry instead of yelling back that you are angry. Maybe you
even mix it up and yell that you are hangry instead. You then start to
gradually lessen your own intensity, taking them and their own intensity with
you. The sudden change in pace may initially shock your spouse, but you
should find that your spouse will follow along with your de-escalation most
of the time.
This can be incredibly useful in many different settings—you may use it in a
business setting, listening to what your client has to say, matching pace, and
then leading into what you would like to discuss instead. You can use this in
advertising, acknowledging what people are doing, and then directing them to
ordering the product. You can even use it to gain interest in something, as
was done at the beginning of this section.
Learning to Read Body Language
Finally, one last technique that is regularly used in NLP is to learn how to
read and wield body language. Spending the time to understand nonverbal
communication means that you will be able to better read what other people
are intending. In understanding the intents of other people, you will find that
you can also influence and control situations far better as well.
When you are able to read body language, you develop the ability to
understand what they are thinking. However, when you learn to wield your
own body language, you can begin to figure out how best to interact with
other people in order to subtly change their own feelings.
Think back to mirroring—the other person is likely to follow your lead when
you are able to create that connection with them. What if you were to begin to
use your own nonverbal cues to help calm them down or change their
mindset during that? Maybe you are talking to someone who seems hesitant
to make a purchase—you can mirror the other person and subtly nod your
head in order to gently push them toward wanting to agree. You can use this
to sort of push people into making their final decision. If the other person is
still floundering about the idea after you have already attempted to push for a
yes, you should probably accept that no and move on.
You can use this in several other ways as well. If someone seems annoyed,
you can mirror them to get your own rapport with the other person and then
use body language to begin to calm them down as well. This is effectively an
entirely physical version of the pace and lead, but it can be incredibly
effective if you know what you are doing and make it a point to use it well.
All you need to do is go through the process, and you will find that you can
constantly influence even minor feelings.
Chapter 10: Improving Communication Skills
Considering just how social that NLP comes across with how much you must
be able to interact with the minds of others, it should come as no surprise that
good communication skills are critical if you want to be able to use it. These
can be difficult to develop if you do not know what you are doing, but you
can learn how best to develop the skills that will serve you well if you are
willing to put in the effort. In particular, communication skills that are strong
can provide you with a myriad of benefits, both within NLP and persuasion
and just in your general life. You will be able to communicate with others to
be understood better, meaning that you will not run into conflict as much.
You will be able to cope with struggles that you may run into. You will be
able to ask for what you need. You will be able to better communicate with
the unconscious minds of those around you. All you need to do is develop the
right skills to do so. It will up your own confidence, and with that improved
confidence, you will find that you are much more likely to be happy in your
life.
In particular, when you need to develop solid communication skills, the best
ones to learn are to be able to make meaningful eye contact without forcing
or faking it, being able to present yourself as confident and in control, and
being able to listen effectively. These, in particular, will help you become far
better at being able to communicate in a way that not only facilitates your
own understanding of what others want to convey to you but also to make
sure that you can tell other people what you need in a clear and meaningful
way. Effectively, you will be able to ensure that those around you understand
you and are able to respect what you want and need.
This chapter will provide you with the necessary information to address those
three specific techniques referenced above, providing you with the steps to
make these habitual, even if you find that you are intimidated by the idea of
making eye contact or trying to be confident. Just keep in mind, whenever
you feel doubtful about these methods, that you will be seen as more
trustworthy, and that trust is critical if you hope to be seen as reliable by
those around you.
Making Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of those skills that you need to develop to be effective at
communicating, but it is also one that people tend to struggle with. Eye
contact can make what you are saying more impactful and change how
people view you as you speak, but it can also be quite difficult to maintain. If
you want to be able to communicate clearly, you need to develop a tolerance
for making eye contact, or at least learning how to make eye contact in a way
that convinces the other party that you are looking at them.
Because so many arguments and conflicts can be linked to a communication
mistake, being able to communicate clearly and effectively is critical. With
good eye contact and solid communication skills, you will find that people
around you are far more willing to listen to what you have to say. They will
trust you more frequently and more willingly. They will be more engaged in
the conversation and exchange and be more likely to remember you fondly
and happily. The beginning of this all is eye contact. After all, if someone
does not make strong eye contact with you, you usually assume that they are
untrustworthy—it is a sign of deception, and that is not what you want to be
portraying if you want to be seen as honest and worthy of listening to.
When you use eye contact, you are telling the other person that you are
listening and interested. You tell the other person that, at that moment, your
focus is on that other person, meaning that they are free to continue.
However, people generally struggle with eye contact. If you want to better
your ability to make meaningful eye contact, try to follow the following
steps.
The 50/70 rule
At first glance, this may seem confusing since it does not add up to 100, but it
actually makes sense. You are looking for eye contact that is good,
meaningful, but not staring and uncomfortable. While we all want to receive
eye contact to know that we matter and that the other party is actively
listening, we also do not want too much eye contact. Too much feels
aggressive and uncomfortable, and for that reason, you need to find that
middle ground where you give enough eye contact to acknowledge but not so
much that you are staring at the other person.
This is managed by making eye contact 50% of the time when you speak, and
70% of the time when you are listening. When people speak, they naturally
look away as they gather their thoughts. This is because thinking is incredibly
difficult to manage. Eye contact is mentally intensive and exhausting, and for
this reason, it can get distracting if you try to maintain it constantly during a
conversation. By making eye contact half of the time when you speak, you
tell the other person that you are talking to them without coming across as
rude or challenging.
When you are listening, however, you want to be seen as attentive to
encourage the other person to keep talking. This is where the 70% rule comes
in—you want to look at them more so they feel like they have your attention,
but you still want to avoid any actual staring as people generally do not enjoy
being stared at. It is distracting, uncomfortable, and can cause problems.
Maintain 4-5 seconds of eye contact at a time

When you are making that eye contact, make sure that you take a break every
4 or 5 seconds. Doing so breaks the eye contact enough to soften it up
without appearing flighty or distracted. By breaking your eye contact every
few seconds, you make it clear that you are not trying to be rude or
aggressive, and by returning back to the speaker, you tell them that they still
have your full attention.
Pay attention to where you look
When you are taking a break from eye contact, it can be easy to look down or
look off quickly. This, however, tends to make you look nervous, and
therefore not trustworthy. When you are breaking your eye contact, make it a
point to look to the side rather than looking down. Veering off to the side or
up and to the side implies thinking, but looking down makes you seem
uncomfortable or shy.
Immediate eye contact
When you want to talk to someone, make sure that you get eye contact before
you speak, and make sure that you meet eyes as you begin to speak. You
want that eye contact present as the speaking begins. Establish your eye
contact, talk, and then look away.
Look between the eyes
If you find that legitimate eye contact is too uncomfortable to maintain, you
can try looking in between the eyes at the bridge of the nose instead. You can
usually use this to fool the other person into thinking that you are looking at
them, though you are saving yourself from the discomfort of eye contact. Of
course, genuine eye contact is always preferred, but you can use this as a
crutch while you work on establishing your eye contact more readily and
regularly.
Listening Effectively
Along with making good eye contact, you must also be able to listen
effectively if you hope to make good progress with people around you.
Listening is another of those skills that many people take for granted—they
feel like being able to listen to someone should be easy since we have a sense
of hearing. All you need to do is hear, right?
Wrong.
Hearing is entirely different from listening. Hearing is passive, whereas
listening is active. When you are hearing someone, you are simply registering
that they are talking. You do not truly understand what is intended or being
said, even if you are able to more or less summarize the point of what was
said. When you hear someone, you are not necessarily listening to them, but
when you are listening to someone, you hear them.
Active listening is one of those skills that you can develop then to elevate
your hearing to listening. In doing so, you will find that communication, in
general, is greatly improved. If you can communicate and listen effectively,
you will get a better understanding of what was intended by that conversation
because you took the time to listen and inquire about it instead of just making
assumptions.
How to Listen Actively

When you are ready to listen actively, you will have to go through several
steps. You effectively want to ensure that you are in a position that is able to
listen and pay attention. You want to avoid distractions. You want to give the
other person your undivided attention. You want to really listen without
contemplating how you will respond to the other person.
This may sound simple in theory, but think about what your mind is doing
during a conversation—do you find that you end up spending the time trying
to figure out how to answer the last point made when the other person is still
talking? That is not active listening. That is hearing the other person and then
distractedly putting together a rebuttal that may be entirely irrelevant by the
end of the conversation, and that is not fair to the other person. To listen
actively, then, you will do the following:
Step 1: Face the other person: This is where you give them
your undivided attention. No phones or screens present. You will
make sure that you are making eye contact and undistracted.
Step 2: Listen: When you are listening, make sure that you are
actively paying attention to what the other person is saying. You
are not trying to come up with a response during this period—
you are simply listening to the other person.
Step 3: Attentive body language: Remember how you would
nod when trying to build rapport? That comes back here. Make
sure that you nod and give affirmation that you are still listening
as the other person talks, but do not interrupt. You also want to
make sure that you lean in slightly as you listen to the other
person and keep your own body language open and receptive as
well. This means no crossing of the arms and paying attention
effectively.
Step 4: Ask questions: When you get to the end of the other
person’s speech, ask them a few questions. These should be
clarifying questions, not questions designed to poke holes in the
other person’s argument. Take the time to ask if you understood
properly.
Step 5: Form your answer: Do not begin to formulate your
response to the other person until you have gotten confirmation
that you do, in fact, understand what was said. At that point, take
a minute to put together a response, and then go ahead and give
it.
When you follow these steps, you will find that you are actually far better at
understanding what people are saying than you initially thought. You will
begin to get more insight from other people. Others will trust you more in
conversation with them. They will be more inclined to listen to you as well,
and you will be more prepared for your own NLP journey. Remember, if you
want to be able to master NLP, you need to be able to listen effectively.
Confident Body Language
Finally, one last method that you can use to better your own communication
with others is to develop confident body language. This means that you need
to make sure that you do not close yourself off to contact other people. If you
are quite conscientious about your body language, making sure that you
portray yourself in a positive and attentive manner, you will find that you are
actually far more effective in communicating with others.
This section will provide you with several different ways that you can keep
your body language effective and confident in order to convince others to
show confidence in you as well. If you can attract confidence, you will find
that others are more receptive to your attempts to communicate with them.
Stand up tall: The best way to be seen as assertive and

confident is to keep your body language tall and open. The best
way to do this is to straighten your spine, keep your head
straight, and make sure that your legs are nicely spaced. You
should stand with your feet at shoulder-width apart—doing so
makes it clear to other people that you are confident and
comfortable with yourself.
Use power poses: Some poses, such as standing calmly and tall
while your hands are behind your back, exude confidence
without being overpowering. If you are able to use your power
poses, you will not only tell other people that you are
comfortable and confident, you will also begin to feel more
confident as well.
Keep track of your hands: Make sure you watch what your
hands are doing. It can be incredibly easy to offend someone
with a misplaced gesture or by hiding your hand in your pocket.
Be mindful of what you do with them to ensure that you show
that you are calm and in control.
Make good eye contact: This cannot be more important or more
emphasized—you need to be able to make good eye contact to
be deemed as confident.
Avoid fidgeting: People who are unconfident often find that
they are regularly caught up in fidgeting or other nervous
behaviors simply because they are uncomfortable. Their body
betrays that lack of confidence. Try to stand still and open when
you are communicating in order to be seen as confident.
Open body language: Make sure that you keep your body
language wide open. This means that you cannot be crossing
your arms in front of you or otherwise attempting to hide when
communicating. You want to ensure that the other person does
not see you as dishonest or unwilling to communicate
effectively.
Chapter 11: NLP for a Successful Life
Finally, we have reached the last chapter in this book. You may be feeling
like you have far more insight into how you can use NLP and influence other
people. However, you can also use it on yourself as well. Do you have some
sort of negative trauma that makes it difficult for you to function? Perhaps
you feel like you have been held back by your emotions or attempts to get
through life. Well, after reading this book, you now have several tools that
can help you feel better about who you are, what you want, and how you live
life. All you need to do is begin to utilize them.
NLP can be used upon yourself regularly enough to make yourself happier,
healthier, and more confident. In attracting happiness and confidence, you
will find that you are far more successful in your endeavors. You may realize
that you are able to better communicate and relate to people after having
defeated your anxiety or fears. You may find that you are able to get along
better because you can communicate easier. You may find that you are
simply feeling better without that concern over how people will see you is
gone.
When you are able to wield NLP for yourself, you can begin to defeat any
traumas that have lingered, holding you back for far too long. You will be
able to reframe those traumas, separating from that negativity and figuring
out ways to make those memories something far less traumatic. You will be
able to anchor yourself in a process that is incredibly similar to the one used
for other people, and with using this, you will find that you are able to defeat
negative habits. With those habits gone, you will feel far more capable. You
will be empowered. You will be successful. You will be using NLP for its
truest purpose—to wield to help others and yourself.
This chapter will guide you through three techniques that you can use to
wield the power of NLP on yourself. You will learn how to use dissociation
in order to distance yourself from feelings related to a specific traumatic
event or to remove a trigger between an event and a feeling. You will learn to
use reframing to change the way that you view an event or memory. Lastly,
you will be guided through how to anchor yourself with ease.
Dissociation
Anxiety can be debilitating, especially if it is an anxiety toward something
that you must face regularly. Let’s go back to the example of the woman who
had an accident in front of her class and could never get past it again. She
may decide, after reading through this book, that she wants to go through the
process of dissociation. She wants to figure out how to remove that inherent
link between her negative feelings and being able to go in front of crowds
once and for all.
This process involves three simple steps: Identify the problematic emotion,
focus on it and the cause, and then visualize and change.
Our friend may identify that she feels shame. She is ashamed that she
urinated on herself in class in front of all of her peers, and that shame comes
up regularly. She acknowledges that she feels that same shame every time she
stands in front of other people, such as her coworkers, or when she has to go
to an interview, and in the back of the mind, she is always afraid that it will
happen again.
Next, she must visualize the triggering event. In this case, she visualizes the
incident like it was yesterday—she stops and remembers how she felt when
she had to go to the restroom but was too afraid to raise her hand and ask to
go. She had been embarrassed that she was going to go during a presentation,
and she worried that those around her would be angry that she did not hear
the presentation that was given. She imagines elementary school her going up
to the front of the class, trying desperately to give her own presentation, even
though she really needed to go to the restroom. She hears the sound of the
rain pitter-pattering on the window in the classroom, and she remembers the
sensation of wet warmth spreading down her legs. She remembers the sound
of laughter that exploded within the room and the embarrassment and tears as
she ran to the bathroom, with urine squelching in her shoes. She remembers
this as vividly as possible, and she can feel her face turning bright red in
shame as she does.
With the memory firmly in mind, it is time to repeat that scene again, but this
time, trying to distance herself from the shame that she felt. It is time for her
to look at the memory in a way that reduces the negativity. Perhaps she
imagines that everyone wet their pants at the same time, and the laughter was
directed toward everyone, not just her. Maybe she imagines that instead of
urine, she had spilled soda or something else on her lap. She wants to change
the context, so it is no longer distressing and instead funny.
Over time, the negative emotions will fade away. It may take time and
repetition, but over time, the feelings of shame will be desensitized and fade
away.
Content Reframing
Another technique that can be useful toward yourself is learning to reframe

the content. You will effectively be taking the feeling that you want to
eliminate and reframing what has happened in order to change the result. This
is effectively attempting to tap into the cycle of thoughts, feelings, and
behaviors. For example, if you feel like you are a bad person, you are going
to act in ways that fail to show that you are a good person—you will be
nervous and flighty. This will lead other people to want to keep their
distance, only further reinforcing that initial thought of being a bad person.
When you are able to remove that initial negative feeling, so you stop
obsessing, you will see a change in behavioral patterns as well. For example,
let’s go back to the woman who urinated in class as a child. She is so
concerned with embarrassing herself in public again that she gets afraid every
time he knows that she has to perform or give a presentation. This leads to
nervousness, which leads to a failure to perform to satisfaction, which further
reinforces her fear.
In reframing, you will effectively stop focusing on the negative and instead
shift your attention to something else that will help, such as accepting your
own responsibility for your emotions. You may decide that you will no
longer worry about failing or making a mistake and instead focus on how to
ensure that your project is as successful as possible. In doing so, you will
actually shift your attention to something that you can fix. In the end, you
will perform better and teach yourself that the shift in attention is absolutely
necessary. You will find that life gets better and that you actually are not as
afraid of presentations as you initially were because you have begun to get
some positive experiences out of it.
Anchoring Yourself
Finally, the last process that will be discussed within this book is how to
anchor yourself. You will be able to use that anchoring process with all of the
benefits of anchoring that was discussed earlier and begin to apply it to
yourself as well. The only real difference in anchoring yourself versus
anchoring others is that when you anchor yourself, much more of the process
is internal. You do not have to try to trigger emotions in other people—
instead, you are focused on yourself and what you need to do.
This will follow the same steps as anchoring other people: You will still be
making it a point to identify an emotion, identifying a trigger for the emotion,
identifying an anchor, triggering the emotion, and then using the anchor until
it works. That stays the same. What changes are the methods through which
you are able to anchor other people? Instead of focusing on how to trigger the
feelings in other people externally, you must trigger them within yourself.
For example, consider our friend who had the accident once more. Perhaps
she wants to stop feeling anxious and instead feel relaxed when she is
presenting. She declares that the feeling that she wishes to trigger is
relaxation. She then must think of a time during which she felt that emotion
incredibly strongly in order to use it. Perhaps she chooses a time on her
wedding night during which she and her newlywed husband watched the
sunset over the ocean to the sound of the waves lapping at the beach. That
time was particularly relaxing for her and she loved it. That memory becomes
her trigger for her emotion.
Now, she chooses a simple anchor—she decides to use a very specific
tapping pattern of her toes against the bottom of her shoe, as she knows that it
will be discreet, and she will be able to use it in public without anyone ever
knowing.
She thinks about that memory at the beach, waiting for the feelings of
relaxation to wash over her, and right as those emotions reach their peak, she
taps her toes within her shoe to the pattern she is linking to the memory. Over
the course of several days and attempts at this, she finds that every time she
taps her toes, she is reminded of that relaxing memory. She has now anchored
herself to that feeling and can use it any time she is in public and feeling
distressed, or whenever she has to present for someone at work. She can use
these techniques and find that her stress and anxiety simply melt away.
Conclusion
Congratulations! You have made it to the end of Manipulation and Dark
Psychology. Throughout this journey, you have been provided with several
different methods through which you could control other people’s mind,
whether through influence, manipulation, NLP, or persuasion. Each of these
tactics have their uses in certain contexts, and as you are ready to embark on
your journey beyond this book, you may even have some ideas of how you
wish to wield the information contained within.
Throughout this book, you were provided with advice that was meant to be
actionable. Whenever possible, you were given a step-by-step guide, and
hopefully, you have found this to be useful for you as you prepare to take this
advice into the real world. Remember, as you prepare to leave this book
behind that you keep any usage of the techniques within this book as
benevolent as possible. Remember, people have a right to their own free will,
and while it can be fun to think about the idea of taking control of someone
else just to see if you can, doing so is not kind or respectful to the people
around you. You must remember to use the information included in this book
respectfully and responsibly. After all, little is as precious to people as their
own free will and minds.
Now, you may be wondering what to do next with the information that you
have read. You may be itching to try some of these techniques, and that
makes sense! You may be curious to see how much of this book is actually
truthful. So long as you are willing to take responsibility for anything that
you do, you are free to do what you want.
From here, some places to go next may be to look into more about dark
psychology. You may be interested in other techniques that can be used to
influence other people. Another good place to go from here would be to look
into how to analyze people better. After all, so much of the skills include
within this book require you to be skilled at understanding the state of mind
of someone else. Perhaps you are interested in learning about the people
whose minds are prone to wield manipulation, such as the narcissist. Maybe
you want to see more about dark psychology and how else you can slip into
the mind of someone else completely undetected. Perhaps what you really
want to do is learn how to use someone else’s unconscious mind against
them.
No matter what you wish to do next, remember what you have been taught
here. Remember the importance of respecting the integrity of other people
whenever possible and to act in ways that are responsible and not abusive or
controlling. It can be easy to wield these tools like the manipulator and the
abuser, but then you have lowered yourself to their levels.
Thank you for joining me on this journey into the unconscious mind and
looking at how you can access and influence it in nearly anyone. If you have
found this book to be actionable, helpful, informative, or beneficial in any
way, please feel free to leave a review on Amazon. Your insight and opinion
is always greatly welcomed and appreciated!
Conclusion Bundle -
“ The ABC … Dark Psychology 2.0 “
So, you’ve made it through a massive ten books on human psychology—
congratulations! That is no easy feat. But, rest assured that you now know
plenty of information about what you will need for yourself. Being able to
understand human psychology is fantastic for understanding how to navigate
your relationships. When you know what to expect from the people around
you, you should have no problem with figuring out what it will take for you
to succeed. If you want to be successful, it all starts with knowing that
information about others and how they will act—that is how you can start to
navigate the world the right way.
As you read through this bundle of books, you were guided through
information on basic psychology. You learned about how to understand
human behavior and how that understanding of human behavior allows for
understanding of manipulation and dark psychology. You learned about what
it would take for you to figure out how to engage with others. You learned
about how you could control other people if you wanted to, and how you
could defend against it as well. You delved into some of the darkest minds in
hopes of gaining a new sort of insight and clarity that you could use to
navigate the world.
You also learned about the information that would help you to better your
interactions by learning to figure out other people. You learned how to
decode people and how to analyze their body language to ensure that you
knew what to expect and how to expect it. You also learned what it would
take for you to understand narcissists and how to recognize them. This
information is crucial for navigating through even the toughest of social
interactions with people and how to present yourself if you want to engage
the right way.
Finally, you were given information that would help you to become a better
person, learning to recognize how you can begin to change your own mind to
change your own behavior as well. This information is imperative if you want
to succeed in life and helps you to ensure that you are on the right track—no
matter what it may be. By recognizing this information and putting it to use,
you will be able to create a better you—one that can navigate through the
world with the most success possible, and all you had to do was learn.
Thank you for joining me on this long journey. Hopefully, you feel more
fulfilled having read through the series! Hopefully, you feel like you have a
better understanding of the human mind—both your own and that of those
around you as well. This is crucial if you want to be successful in life, but
you can learn to develop everything that you need along the way! And
finally, if you found this bundle to be useful, consider leaving behind a
review with your opinions so other people can feel like this book would help
them as well! Good luck out there—and enjoy putting all of this knowledge
to the test and making it work for you!

B08N6Z838C

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

B08N6Z838C

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

B08N6Z838C

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

The ABC

Dark Psychology 2.0

Benedict GOLEMAN & Daniel ROBINSON

Benedict GOLEMAN & Daniel ROBINSON

The Spread of Psychology

Psychology achieves this by having four main goals: To describe, explain,

The Biological Perspective

Nevertheless, people everywhere continue to procrastinate. Even knowing

Dark Psychology Secrets

Benedict GOLEMAN & Daniel ROBINSON

The Machiavellian, despite coming across as charming and flattering, is

Narcissists themselves crave the center of attention—while they are unable to

Dark Personalities and Abuse

Remember, manipulation is a form of influence that is primarily dark. It is

It may start out as simple as voicing a displeasure about certain friends or

Answering questions that were unasked

NLP and Mirroring

Creating that initial connection is not particularly difficult—you will want to

Why Use Hypnosis?

Manipulation and Dark Psychology

Benedict GOLEMAN & Daniel ROBINSON

The manipulator must hide the true intentions

They need to be given external approval

For example, one form of positive reinforcement is being given praise or a

Some examples of punishment include:

Abuse of any kind

They want to advance in life

The need to please

Being able to control people via negativity is as simple as putting on the

Effectively, then, your ability to be persuasive with other people will

Create an Appeal to Needs

Physiological needs: The need to survive and be

Positive-oriented: Your goal must be focused on what you do

Effectively, then, sensory acuity is the ability to focus entirely externally.

Step 1: Choose a feeling

Pacing and Leading

Maintain 4-5 seconds of eye contact at a time

How to Listen Actively

Stand up tall: The best way to be seen as assertive and

Another technique that can be useful toward yourself is learning to reframe

You might also like