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    Achieving Audience Involvement

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    api-592757834
    This document contains suggestions for revising sentences to achieve greater audience involvement through personalization and a positive tone. The revisions provided add names and pronouns, use positive words, and soften any negative or demanding language. For example, one revision changes "You have not paid your bill yet, failure to do so might result in termination of services" to "Once your bill is paid, you will have access to your services until the next payment." The document aims to provide examples of how to engage and motivate readers through more personalized and encouraging communication.

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    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd

    Achieving Audience Involvement

    Uploaded by

    api-592757834
    82 views3 pages
    This document contains suggestions for revising sentences to achieve greater audience involvement through personalization and a positive tone. The revisions provided add names and pronouns, use positive words, and soften any negative or demanding language. For example, one revision changes "You have not paid your bill yet, failure to do so might result in termination of services" to "Once your bill is paid, you will have access to your services until the next payment." The document aims to provide examples of how to engage and motivate readers through more personalized and encouraging communication.

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    This document contains suggestions for revising sentences to achieve greater audience involvement through personalization and a positive tone. The revisions provided add names and pronouns, use positive words, and soften any negative or demanding language. For example, one revision changes "You have not paid your bill yet, failure to do so might result in termination of services" to "Once your bill is paid, you will have access to your services until the next payment." The document aims to provide examples of how to engage and motivate readers through more personalized and encouraging communication.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    82 views3 pages

    Achieving Audience Involvement

    Uploaded by

    api-592757834
    This document contains suggestions for revising sentences to achieve greater audience involvement through personalization and a positive tone. The revisions provided add names and pronouns, use positive words, and soften any negative or demanding language. For example, one revision changes "You have not paid your bill yet, failure to do so might result in termination of services" to "Once your bill is paid, you will have access to your services until the next payment." The document aims to provide examples of how to engage and motivate readers through more personalized and encouraging communication.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    of 3

    To: Nancy Meyers

    From: Blake Wells

    Date: January 13, 2022

    Subject: Achieving audience involvement

    CHAPTER 5
    ACHIEVING AUDIENCE INVOLVEMENT
    Revise the following sentences to achieve audience involvement through personalization and
    by adding pronouns and names.

    a. The company will require further information before processing this request.
    - Before processing your request, we will need more information from you.
    b. It has been decided that a new procedure must be implemented to avoid further
    mechanical failures.
    - It has been decided that we need new procedures to avoid us from having further
    mechanical failures.
    c. The department supervisor wants to extend heartfelt thanks for the fine efforts
    expanded.
    - Linda would like to thank you for your fine efforts.
    d. I think you have done a great job. I want you to know that you have surpassed this
    month’s quota by 12 percent. I believe I can speak for the entire department by saying
    thank you.
    - You have done a fantastic job. You even surpassed this month’s quota by 12 percent.
    We thank you for your exceptional work.
    e. If the computer overloads, simultaneously press reset and control. Wait for the screen
    command. If it reads “Data Recovered” continue operations. If it reads “I/O Error”, call
    the computer resource center.
    - I will walk you through the process, if the computer overloads, I want you to press
    reset and control. Then if the screen reads data recovered, you are all good to go. If
    it shows an error message then, I will transfer you over to the computer resource
    center.
    Revise the following sentences to achieve reader involvement and benefit, using positive
    words and pronouns.

    a. We cannot lay your cable until you sign the attached waiver.
    - When you sign the waiver, we can lay your cable.
    b. John, don’t purchase the wrong program. If we continue to keep inefficient records, our
    customers will continue to complain.
    - John, if we purchase the correct program, our records would be correct, and our
    customers will be satisfied.
    c. You have not paid your bill yet, failure to do so might result in termination of services.
    - Once your bill is paid, you will have access to your services until the next payment.
    d. If you incorrectly quote and paraphrase, you will receive an F on the assignment.
    - Correctly quoting and paraphrasing will positively reflect on your grade.
    e. Your team has lost 6 of their last 12 games.
    - Your team has won or tied 6 of the last 12 games.

    Rewrite the following flawed correspondence. Its tone is too negative and demanding,
    regardless of the audience. Soften the tone to achieve better audience involvement and
    motivation.
    To: Staff
    Subject: Fourth quarter goals.
    This quarter was not our best, we need to strive to work better next time. There are some
    suggestions that I think will greatly benefit us all and help us achieve a more successful quarter.

     Increase the number of cold calls in our sales department by 15% (Those who get cold
    called will receive a reward).
     Progress reports by all staff will ensure we work as a team. And we can provide any
    assistance to those in need.
     Notify me or your manager if a report will not be given on time so we can give you the
    necessary assistance.
     Managers, help provide the aid needed to all your employees to help everybody reach
    their goal.
    Remember, we are a team and when one of us falls, it is our job to pick them back up again.

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