Gigs From Hell

STORYTELLING GIGS FROM HELL; COPING WITH CRISIS
Storytelling is a wonderful art and being a professional storyteller is, no doubt, one of
the best jobs on planet earth. However, the job is not without its pitfalls. In my eight-
year career as a pro I've had some doozies. Where to begin?
Once I was placed on a stage that had no shade for my audience or me on a blazing hot
day. There was no public address system and there was a fully amplified rock band
playing fifty feet from me. I had the hosts move my venue to a friendlier environment.
Some of the most horrendous gigs have come when I was giving storytelling workshops.
On one occasion a librarian buddy asked if I would give a one-shot workshop to a group
of ten continuation high school kids. No problem - or so I thought. For those of you who
are not aware, continuation programs are for kids who have been kicked out of every
school in a particular district for severe disciplinary reasons, such as fighting with other
students, punching or attempting (0 punch teachers, swearing, and so on. We're talking
attitude to the nth degree!
I showed up at the appointed hour with a head full of workshop exercises, stories to tell
to model different types of tales, and boundless enthusiasm. I'd set myself up bur good!
The group consisted of nine boys and a girl, all freshmen. After I was introduced by their
teacher (who would later join a convent), I told the group my most popular surefire
story that everybody loves. I'd told it to hardened murderers in prison and they'd gotten
a kick out of it. Nothing. The kids looked at me like I was speaking gibberish. A couple of
times one kid started to laugh and the rest of the group gave him the look of death. He
de-laughed.
The most response I got to any of my stories from the rest of the group was an
occasional raising of the eyes to look at me. I tried to get them to do the wonderful
storytelling exercises that I'd prepared bur no go. They would not speak, to me or to
each other. For over an hour I told one story after another, each received as described
above. When I was through, the teacher made them applaud. I went home and took a
nap.
A week later my librarian buddy called me up and said, "Mike! They loved you! Wanna
do it again?!?" Go figure.
Recently I had another continuation school gig that made the above seem pleasurable
by comparison. I was hired to put together an arts program for three continuation
school sites in Long Beach, California. (No, I am not a masochist, bur I must be getting
karmic payback for all the grief I ever gave my teachers.)
When doing a workshop series where I will be bringing in guest artists, I usually do the
first session. This time, however, because of knee surgery, I was unable to do the first
session so I asked storyteller Asha's Baba if he'd fill in for me. He unwittingly agreed. I
called him that evening after the session and asked how things went. There was a long
and ominous pause. Then came the measured response, "It was challenging." He told
me the gory details, such as students walking into the room, looking at him and asking,
"Who the &*@#$% are you?" He knew it was going to be a long ninety minutes.
I went in the next week and felt the fire first hand. Kids were cussing, yelling, and
punching each other. The college student who was supposed to be supervising these
kids was just sitting there trying to hang on. When I tried to engage the students with
stories and exercises they tried to outdo each other in acting the fool. When they began
cussing at me and acting like I was someone they could speak to any way they wanted
to I put several of them our of the room. When one of them began spitting fingernails at
me I ended the session. We found ways to impart some lessons to those kids, but that's
another Story.
HALLOWEEN HORROR
On one occasion I was hired to perform at a Southern California school through a
friend's booking agency. I arrived at the school with the understanding that I would be
telling international folk tales. It was Halloween week. After I opened with a fun, silly
"jump" Story, the kids started asking for scary stories, which I told. After the first
assembly the principal marched up to me and said that parents and teachers were upset
with that type of story. I was also informed that they had expected an anti-drug
program?!?!
So for the second and last assembly I did non-scary folktales, interspersed with anti-drug
stories and commentary. All the kids had a great time (although the second group was
perturbed that I wouldn't tell them any scary stories) bur the parents and teachers
treated me like a leper. When I walked into the teachers' lounge to gather my
belongings, the teachers frowned and turned their backs to me. The individual who had
arranged for me to perform looked at me like I was an ax murderer. The principal
expressed concern that the children might have nightmares or worse.
I told them that I was sorry for the confusion regarding program content and offered to
do another set of assemblies at no charge. They said that they'd get back to me. Instead,
they contacted the friend who'd booked me and told him they wanted their money
back. They never wanted to have any contact with me again.
The thing that really tripped me our was that the Story they complained about the most
was "The Strange Creature." That story is my adaptation of "A Strange Animal" from
Children of Wax by Alexander McCall Smith. It's one of my most popular stories. I've
been telling it for years and everybody has loved it even continuation school teenagers.
The reaction I got that day shook me up. For a while after that performance, I'd look
around during a show to see if a lynch mob was forming. Fear not. I made a full
recovery.
What, you might ask, did I learn from this? To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln and Ricky
Nelson: You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of
the time. Bur you can't please all of the people all of the time. You've got to please
yourself.
Michael D. McCarty is organizer of the Griot Workshop in Los Angeles and the Long
Beach Boys and Girls Club Storytelling Festival. In 1998 he was invited to tour South
Africa, where he told "The Strange Creature" to enthusiastic and appreciative audiences.

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STORYTELLING GIGS FROM HELL; COPING WITH CRISIS

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