I’m Still Alive But I Am Barely Breathing – My First Year In Law School

Experience: A Life Update by bongbooks

Yes, that line from the song Breakeven of The Script perfectly summarizes my status now after my first year in law
school. But before going any further let me just say that it feels so good to be back into blogging again!

It’s been almost 8 months since my last post and I feel so ecstatic to be finally posting something again but also feel
sorry for not keeping up with my promise on my last post that I will still post updates about my bookish life or this
and that of law school. Law school literally drowned me and took its toll on me. I expected it to be hard but I did not
expect it to be this hard. And believe it or not this is the first time after my last update that I opened my WordPress
account again.

So I’ve made it through my first year of law school. So you might ask, how was my first year as a law student. To
say that it’s hard, frustrating, tiring is a trivialization. But despite all that, I will say that being in law school is very
rewarding. My first year in law school was a roller coaster ride. A roller coaster ride that had a lot of sharp twist and
turns. Gladly, I kept my grip tight and survived my first year. Like a warrior, injured but still would want to go on and
fight. I only finished first year but I feel like something has changed within me. I would like to think that that’s the
effect of being in a law school.

Hard. Well nothing is actually easy in this world some would say and yes they are right. But in my almost three
decades of existence in this world, law school, dear law school, gave me a new definiton of the word “hard”. I’ve
never felt so pressured in my life. I remember during the first semester when I found myself lost on what to
prioritize first from all the subjects that I have and the looming laborious workload. There’s that time constraint and
you’re mind is divided being your work and school (I work full time during the day and attend law school with full
load during the night). There’s that feeling that you want to just quit working and just focus with your studies but
you realize you can’t do that because you have finances to pay.

Here’s my daily routine: Everyday I wake up at 4:45 AM to prepare for my 6 AM work. I don’t eat breakfast at home.
I eat breakfast in the office during my first 15-minute break. There were those moments during my first few weeks
in law school that I wish I am still living with my parents. After graduating from college, I’ve moved here in the city
to look for a job and have since settled in here. I long for those times when there’s already food in the table after I
wake up. After starting law school, it became impossible for me to wake up early just to cook.

Work starts at 6 AM. Depending on the volume of work, I can squeeze in a little reading here and there if we have
less volume but if there’s really a lot of things to do, I can just hope and pray that whatever I’ve read the previous
night and on the way to school will be enough for me to fight for the battle ahead. I am so blessed to have
understanding bosses and workmates who understands me whenever I am late or have to file for a leave on a short
notice or during those moments when my mind is somewhere else and I can’t keep my focus because of stress and
lack of sleep.

I get off from work at 3 PM. I should waste no time as every second counts. My travel time from work to office is
around 1 hour 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on the status of traffic. There’s no time to waste so I read on my
way to school. And because reading thick books and reading papers while standing and your bus is stuck up in traffic
is a hard feat, I had to find a way to read. What I do is I convert my files to PDF and used it to my phone to read.
Upon reaching school, if I still have some time to spare I go directly to the library and read there.

Classes end at 9 PM. Depending on how the stressful the day was and our subject the next day, if we can still spare
some time, me and friends usually go eat and talk about our day and just joke around easing out the stress of the
day. Going home takes another 1 hour and 30 mins. So I am usually at home around 10:30 PM. As much as I would
like to sleep because I have been awake for almost 18 hours already, I still have to study. The pull of my reading
desk is much harder to resist than that of my bed. There’s always that fear of what if I will be called the next day
and what I will read now is the question that will be asked tomorrow. On a regular day I sleep at around 12:00 MN.
But of course that is not always the case. If the temptation to sleep is really that strong, I just give in and just hope,
hope and hope that the stars of luck will be on my side the next day. And once you wake up, there’s that feeling of
guilt. So that’s my schedule during the weekday. If you think that I have the weekends to myself, of course no. I
have half-day class on Saturday and on Sunday, as much as I would like to spend the whole day sleeping, I have to
prepare for the next week’s battle. In short, everyday is a struggle.

Learn to prioritize.

Frustrating.  During my first year of law school the most frustrating thing I experienced would probably be being
called during recitation for a topic that you’ve read and memorized by heart but hello mental block, hello doomsday
and that feeling after an examination knowing that you could’ve done better. After all the things you’ve sacrificed
just to read and study only be be defeated by mental block is definitely a nightmare and it happened to me a couple
of times. I realized that it’s something that you can get away with when you’re in law school. There’s no time to
dwell on what happened during that recitation where you wished the world could just swallow you alive out of shame
for being ridiculed in front of the class. You have no choice but to move on, study hard, pray that you’ll be better
next meeting.

I also learned that art of declining to outings and movie invitations from my friends and company team buildings and
parties. I also neglected my bookish life. I am no longer up to date with what book has just been released or who
are the debut authors that other bookworms are expecting to be great. I am totally left out with the latest bookish
news. The time that I allotted before to doing all these stuffs were spent reading and mastering chapters and
chapters of pages of multiple books which is aside from the cases that you’ll have to analyze and relate with the
topic.

Forgive yourself.

Tiring.  Before classes even started alot of people said that I will no longer have that hard time adjusting in law
school because I am already a bookworm and that I am already used to reading, considering that being a law
student requires one to read, read and read. That aspect of law school will no longer be an issue. Well yes, it helped
in a way but it took me a while to totally adapt. Here’s the thing, I am not used to reading nonfiction books. In law
school, reading that I used to consider before as a leisure became a chore. Plus add those sleepless night that are
mentally draining.

Take a moment to relax.

Rewarding. The best thing for me in being in law school, aside from the everyday learning that I was able to get, is
the new friends that I was able to gain. I remember one of our profs telling us that you can’t be alone in your law
school journey and from which I totally agree. I consider myself as an independent person and to be honest when I
entered law school I planned on becoming a solitary soul who’ll be in this journey alone. But fate must have a
different plan on me because I meet these amazing people who I consider now not just as friends but an extension
of my family.

Diverse as we are, we share the same passion and dreams. It’s feels so good to be surrounded with people who
have the same goals with and who pushes you when you almost want to give up. People who can be both your
critique and supporter depending on what is needed. People who understands and experiences the same hardships
like what you are going through. People whom you can share the burden with and whom you can just laugh with
your epic moments in law school. People who genuinely cares about you and supports you. People who let’s you take
part on their special occasions despite only knowing you for a couple of months. And people who treats you like a
real brother and sister. I always consider myself lucky that I was able to meet them. They played a big role why it
was able to stay sane after all that I’ve been through during my first year.