The 3 Basic Listening Models and How to Effectively Use

Them

There are three basic listening models, each of which reflect upon the various ways that
the person who is doing the listening may be feeling. You may use all three of these
listening models at one point or another, depending upon whom you are listening to,
what the conversation is about, and even what type of mood you are in.

Here are the three basic listening models:

1. Competitive or combative listening: This is the type of listening that is done when
people want to push their own type of view or opinion rather than listen to someone
else's. With this type of listening, we mostly are waiting to jump in and say something or
point out flaws in what the other person is saying. We pretend that we are listening,
when really we are formulating our own ideas and just waiting for the person to break so
we can blurt them out. The downside is that we fail to actually take in what the other
person is saying and have closed our minds, which is a barrier to good listening.

2. Passive, attentive listening: In this type of listening, we are genuinely interested in

what the person is saying. At this point, we are not yet at the point of responding and
being involved, but we understand the points that the speaker is trying to make. We
may agree with what is being said, but we are doing so in a passive manner, rather than
in a reflective one.

3. Active, reflective listening: This is the type of listening model that you want to use.
In this model, you actively listen and understand what the other person is saying. Here,
we listen to what the other person has to say before we try to interject what we would
like to share. In this model, you restate or share back information with the speaker,
showing that you are paying attention and actively involved.

Helpful Tools

If you are like many people, you have a difficult time remembering the names of people
you are introduced to. In order to help combat that problem, there are many suggested
routes and different tools that work for some people. You can try to picture the person's
name written on his or her forehead, imagine yourself writing the name, repeating it
several times upon meeting the person, or trying to match something recognizable
about the person's face to the name. See what method works for you!

Where We Want to Be

After looking at all three of the basic models of listening, you can see that the active or
reflective one is the ideal situation. There are particular situations that impact your level
of communication and interaction, including your situation, the facts, feelings, emotions,
and your thoughts and beliefs.

When it comes to responding and reflecting back what you are hearing, you want to
paraphrase rather than simply restate everything that has been said. Paraphrasing is
when you sum up what the person has said, but you are not saying it verbatim. Instead,
you are putting it into your own words.

If you would like to respond but are not sure what to say, you could make an account of
the facts that have been said, say something about the thoughts or beliefs involved, or
even about the expectations that the speaker is seeking.

When you find yourself in a situation where you are confused or unsure of what is being
said, do not be afraid to let the speaker know that. Possibly you can ask the person to
say it in another way or offer an example to provide you further clarification.
Want to learn more? Take an online course in Listening Skills.

Feedback Examples

In active listening, which is modeling good listening skills, you will want to provide
feedback to the person speaking. By doing so, you are letting that person know you are
paying attention and are interested in what she or he is saying. Here is what a short
dialogue may look like when someone is actively listening and providing feedback:

Lisa: I need to find a new job; this one just isn't working anymore.

John: You don't like your job?

Lisa: No, there are just too many things that have changed.

John: So the changes are making you feel uncomfortable?

As you see, John is providing feedback, so that Lisa knows he is actively listening.
Providing feedback does not mean you have to be prepared to provide advice or
present any facts. You may not have anything to add to what the person is saying, such
as in the conversation between Lisa and John. Just providing that feedback, however,
goes a long way in showing that you care about what the person is saying.

The Three Basic Skills of Listening

Now that you have an understanding of what the three basic listening models are, it is
time to learn about the three most important basic listening skills. These are things that
are going to affect your listening ability and make a big difference in what you get out of
and put into a conversation.
The three "As," which are attitude, attention, and adjustment, play a key role in listening
skills. Once you understand how these impact your listening, they most likely will stay in
your mind and keep you on your toes when it comes to the times you need them the
most.

It Is All Attitude

According to the dictionary, attitude is a mental position or feeling of emotion in regard

to a fact or state. This has a lot to do with how you listen to someone speaking. In order
to listen well, we have to approach the situation with an open mind. It is important to
realize that what the person is saying is important, even if you have prior feelings about
the topic that you are bringing to the table.

If you have an attitude that everyone deserves respect when being listened to, you will
be a better participant and get more out of what you are hearing. We usually can learn
something from everyone. If you have an attitude that this is true, then you usually will
be a better listener and provide the speaker with more respect and attention.

Have you ever tried speaking to a child that had an attitude at the time? If so, you can
easily picture why attitude matters so much when we are listening. If people have a poor
attitude or are feeling angry, bitter, or combative, they will not be able to be effective
listeners. To be an effective listener, keep an open and relaxed attitude and you will get
more out of the exchange.

Having a positive attitude is the first step in having good listening skills. If, for example,
you are going into a lecture or seminar, do not enter the room assuming it is going to be
boring. Enter the room with an open mind so you can actually listen to the speaker.

At Attention

It only makes sense that to listen to what someone is saying you have to pay attention.
But for many, that is easier said than done. Some people may have a short attention
span and become easily distracted or bored, and others may have difficulty paying
attention because they tend to daydream, have a hard time focusing, or even have
difficulty hearing.

If you have a difficult time with paying attention, it will make effective listening that much
more of a challenge. There are some things you can do in order to improve your
attention skills, such as playing memory games, reading, and playing an observation
game in which you look at a picture for a minute and then turn away and recall as much
about the picture as you can. Even regularly doing meditation can help improve your
ability to focus and pay attention.
Adjustment Ease
If you are familiar with the term "go with the flow," then you can easily gain an
understanding of what adjustment means in terms of listening. Rather than assuming
that the speaker should be saying something, steering the speech in one direction, or
talking about a particular topic, adjustment allows you to adapt to what is happening.
The more you can adapt to where the speaker is taking the conversation, the better a
listener you will be.

If you are not able to adjust to where a speaker is going, you will not be able to have an
open mind. This takes us back to the first of the three basic skills of listening: attitude.
Having an open mind allows us to adjust to what is being said and, in the end, makes us
better able to take in what we are hearing.

Putting It Together

When we apply the three basic skills of listening that we just learned about, we should
find that we are right where we need to be in order to effectively listen. We should be at
a point where we actively listen to and reflect on what we hear.

At this point, you may be thinking that you want to have a better attitude, pay more
attention, and be more flexible and adjusting, but you are not sure how to do that. This
is common, as there are many barriers to listening.

Barriers to Listening
By this point, you have been introduced to what listening skills are and the basics of
listening models and skills. In order to really be a good listener, it is important to
understand some of the most common barriers to listening. Once you know these, it
makes identifying and addressing them much easier.

Common Listening Barriers

While the following list does not encompass all the possible barriers that may exist, it
does include the most common barriers you are likely to see and identify with. The more
you understand the barriers to listening, the more likely you are to be successful in
avoiding them.

Boredom: People find it difficult to concentrate on what is being said when they are not
interested in the topic or they are simply bored.

Internal issues: People often are distracted by what is going on internally, such as
having a headache, being hungry, or not feeling well. All of these issues will make it
more difficult to listen.
Knowing it all: If you are listening to someone and you believe you already know what
they are going to say or the answer to what they are speaking about, you are more
likely to shut out what they are saying. This is another example of why it is important to
approach listening with an open mind.

Being preoccupied: If you have something else on your mind, it will be more difficult to
think about what is being said around you. What your mind is preoccupied with is likely
to keep creeping back into your thoughts, stealing your focus. Being preoccupied and
daydreaming are both issues that that will prevent effective listening.

Environmental distractions
One of the most common things that prevents people from actually listening is the
distractions that are going on around them. These environmental distractions, whether
music, television, telephones, or the sound of a vacuum down the hallway, can be a big
enough distraction that it makes concentration difficult for someone trying to listen.

Perception: If listeners have any bias or prejudice regarding the speaker or subject
matter, it is likely that they will be focusing on their disapproval rather than what is
actually being said. This is why it is important to approach listening with an open mind
and relaxed attitude. Listeners' emotions play a big role in how they perceive what they
are listening to, as well as the speaker.

Red flag words: There are particular words that are hot-button issues with most
people. If someone is listening to someone else speak and hears particular words that
the listener may be sensitive to, it could put the focus on that and become a distraction.
If someone is emotional, he or she will have a more difficult time listening.

Language barriers: If there are language barriers, such as someone not being a native
English-speaker or having a speech problem, it can create difficulty in how the listener
takes in what is being said. Language barriers also can make it challenging for the
listener to stay interested in the speaker and resist daydreaming.

Attention span issues: As previously mentioned, if someone suffers from a medical

condition that prevents or makes it difficult for the person to pay attention, she or he
most likely will not be able to listen very well. People with attention span challenges can
work on trying to improve and also see a doctor for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
testing if they feel there may be a medical reason for their difficulties.

Addressing the Barriers

The common barriers to listening listed above can be addressed to improve your skills.
Here are some tips:

 Keep an open attitude so that you are free of bias, prejudice, or emotions that may
complicate your experience.
  Approach speakers by giving them the same respect that you would hope someone
gives you. Adhere to the old saying that we should treat others how we would want
to be treated. If you would find it offensive for people to snap their gum and look at
their shoes as you are explaining something, then be sure not to engage in such
activity yourself. Putting yourself in the other person's shoes is a sure way to focus
on the way in which you should listen.
 Eliminate environmental distractions, including background noise. If you have the
ability to reduce or eliminate the distractions, you should make the effort.
 Be patient, especially if someone is having difficulty getting his or her point across or
there is a language barrier. If you allow people the time to work through what they
are trying to say, they will be more successful.
 Work on ways to focus your attention and improve your attention span. Being able to pay
attention, even if it is a topic that does not interest you, will make your listening
experience more beneficial.