Death of A Moth PDF

https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/w/woolf/virginia/w91d/chapter1.
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THE DEATH OF THE MOTH

Moths that fly by day are not properly to be called moths; they do not excite
that pleasant sense of dark autumn nights and ivy-blossom which the
commonest yellow-underwing asleep in the shadow of the curtain never fails
to rouse in us. They are hybrid creatures, neither gay like butterflies nor
sombre like their own species. Nevertheless the present specimen, with his
narrow hay-coloured wings, fringed with a tassel of the same colour, seemed
to be content with life. It was a pleasant morning, mid–September, mild,
benignant, yet with a keener breath than that of the summer months. The
plough was already scoring the field opposite the window, and where the share
had been, the earth was pressed flat and gleamed with moisture. Such vigour
came rolling in from the fields and the down beyond that it was difficult to
keep the eyes strictly turned upon the book. The rooks too were keeping one of
their annual festivities; soaring round the tree tops until it looked as if a vast
net with thousands of black knots in it had been cast up into the air; which,
after a few moments sank slowly down upon the trees until every twig seemed
to have a knot at the end of it. Then, suddenly, the net would be thrown into
the air again in a wider circle this time, with the utmost clamour and
vociferation, as though to be thrown into the air and settle slowly down upon
the tree tops were a tremendously exciting experience.
The same energy which inspired the rooks, the ploughmen, the horses,
and even, it seemed, the lean bare-backed downs, sent the moth fluttering
from side to side of his square of the window-pane. One could not help
watching him. One was, indeed, conscious of a queer feeling of pity for him.
The possibilities of pleasure seemed that morning so enormous and so various
that to have only a moth’s part in life, and a day moth’s at that, appeared a
hard fate, and his zest in enjoying his meagre opportunities to the full,
pathetic. He flew vigorously to one corner of his compartment, and, after
waiting there a second, flew across to the other. What remained for him but to
fly to a third corner and then to a fourth? That was all he could do, in spite of
the size of the downs, the width of the sky, the far-off smoke of houses, and the
romantic voice, now and then, of a steamer out at sea. What he could do he
did. Watching him, it seemed as if a fibre, very thin but pure, of the enormous
energy of the world had been thrust into his frail and diminutive body. As
often as he crossed the pane, I could fancy that a thread of vital light became
visible. He was little or nothing but life.
Yet, because he was so small, and so simple a form of the energy that was
rolling in at the open window and driving its way through so many narrow and
intricate corridors in my own brain and in those of other human beings, there
was something marvellous as well as pathetic about him. It was as if someone
had taken a tiny bead of pure life and decking it as lightly as possible with
down and feathers, had set it dancing and zig-zagging to show us the true
nature of life. Thus displayed one could not get over the strangeness of it. One
is apt to forget all about life, seeing it humped and bossed and garnished and
cumbered so that it has to move with the greatest circumspection and dignity.
Again, the thought of all that life might have been had he been born in any
other shape caused one to view his simple activities with a kind of pity.
After a time, tired by his dancing apparently, he settled on the window
ledge in the sun, and, the queer spectacle being at an end, I forgot about him.
Then, looking up, my eye was caught by him. He was trying to resume his
dancing, but seemed either so stiff or so awkward that he could only flutter to
the bottom of the window-pane; and when he tried to fly across it he failed.
Being intent on other matters I watched these futile attempts for a time
without thinking, unconsciously waiting for him to resume his flight, as one
waits for a machine, that has stopped momentarily, to start again without
considering the reason of its failure. After perhaps a seventh attempt he
slipped from the wooden ledge and fell, fluttering his wings, on to his back on
the window sill. The helplessness of his attitude roused me. It flashed upon me
that he was in difficulties; he could no longer raise himself; his legs struggled
vainly. But, as I stretched out a pencil, meaning to help him to right himself, it
came over me that the failure and awkwardness were the approach of death. I
laid the pencil down again.
The legs agitated themselves once more. I looked as if for the enemy
against which he struggled. I looked out of doors. What had happened there?
Presumably it was midday, and work in the fields had stopped. Stillness and
quiet had replaced the previous animation. The birds had taken themselves off
to feed in the brooks. The horses stood still. Yet the power was there all the
same, massed outside indifferent, impersonal, not attending to anything in
particular. Somehow it was opposed to the little hay-coloured moth. It was
useless to try to do anything. One could only watch the extraordinary efforts
made by those tiny legs against an oncoming doom which could, had it chosen,
have submerged an entire city, not merely a city, but masses of human beings;
nothing, I knew, had any chance against death. Nevertheless after a pause of
exhaustion the legs fluttered again. It was superb this last protest, and so
frantic that he succeeded at last in righting himself. One’s sympathies, of
course, were all on the side of life. Also, when there was nobody to care or to
know, this gigantic effort on the part of an insignificant little moth, against a
power of such magnitude, to retain what no one else valued or desired to keep,
moved one strangely. Again, somehow, one saw life, a pure bead. I lifted the
pencil again, useless though I knew it to be. But even as I did so, the
unmistakable tokens of death showed themselves. The body relaxed, and
instantly grew stiff. The struggle was over. The insignificant little creature now
knew death. As I looked at the dead moth, this minute wayside triumph of so
great a force over so mean an antagonist filled me with wonder. Just as life
had been strange a few minutes before, so death was now as strange. The moth
having righted himself now lay most decently and uncomplainingly composed.
O yes, he seemed to say, death is stronger than I am.

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https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/w/woolf/virginia/w91d/chapter1.

THE DEATH OF THE MOTH

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