Parent child relationship

Introduction

Of the many different relationships people form over the course of the life span,
the relationship between parent and child is among the most important. The
quality of the parent-child relationship is affected by the parent's age,
experience, and self-confidence; the stability of the parents' marriage; and the
unique characteristics of the child compared with those of the parent

Definition
The parent-child relationship consists of a combination of behaviors, feelings,
and expectations that are unique to a particular parent and a particular child. The
relationship involves the full extent of a child's development.

Characteristics of the parent

Parental self-confidence is an important indicator of parental competence.
Mothers who believe that they are effective parents are more competent than
mothers who feel incompetent. Also, mothers who see themselves as effective
also tend to believe their infants as less difficult to handle. Parental age and
previous experience are also important. Older mothers tend to be more
responsive to their infants than younger mothers. In addition, parents who have
had previous experience with children, whether through younger siblings, career
paths, or previous children, are often times better able to cope with parenthood.

Characteristics of the child

Characteristics that may affect the parent-child relationship in a family include
the child's physical appearance, sex, and temperament . At birth, the infant's
physical appearance may not meet the parent's expectations, or the infant may
resemble a disliked relative. As a result, the parent may subconsciously reject
the child. If the parents wanted a baby of a particular sex, they may be
disappointed if the baby is the opposite sex. If parents do not have the
opportunity to talk about this disappointment, they may reject the infant.
Children who are loved thrive better than those who are not. Either parent or a
nonparent caregiver may serve as the primary caregiver or form the primary
parent-child love relationship. Loss of love from a primary caregiver can occur
with the death of a parent or interruption of parental contact through prolonged
hospitalizations.Divorce can interfere with the child's need to eat, improve, and
advance. Cultural norms within the family also affect a child's likelihood to
achieve particular developmental milestones.
Cultural impact
, children are commonly treated in a harsh, strict manner, using shame or
corporal punishment for discipline . In Central American nations, toilet
training In some countries, childrearing is considered protective nurturing.
Children are not rushed into new experiences like toilet training or being
in school. In other countriesmay begin as early as when the child can sit
upright.
Childhood in the United States stretches across many years. In other
countries, children are expected to enter the adult world of work when
they are still quite young: girls assume domestic responsibilities, and boys
do outside farm work. In addition, in Asian cultures, parents understand an
infant's personality in part in terms of the child's year and time of birth.

Impact of birth order

The position of a child in the family, whether a firstborn, a middle child, the
youngest, an only child, or one within a large family, has some bearing on
the child's growth and development. An only child or the oldest child in a
family excels in language development because conversations are mainly
with adults. Children learn by watching other children; however, a
firstborn or an only child, who has no example to watch, may not excel in
other skills, such as toilet training, at an early age.

Infancy
As babies are cared for by their parents, both parties develop
understandings of the other. Gradually, babies begin to expect that their
parent will care for them when they cry. Gradually, parents respond to and
even anticipate their baby's needs. This exchange and familiarity create the
basis for a developing relationship.
PARENT-INFANT ATTACHMENT One of the most important aspects of
infant psychosocial development is the infant's attachment to parents.
Attachment is a sense of belonging to or connection with a particular other.
This significant bond between infant and parent is critical to the infant's
survival and development. Started immediately after birth, attachment is
strengthened by mutually satisfying interaction between the parents and
the infant throughout the first months of life, called bonding. By the end of
the first year, most infants have formed an attachment relationship, usually
with the primary caretaker.
If parents can adapt to their babies, meet their needs, and provide
nurturance, the attachment is secure. Psychosocial development can
continue based on a strong foundation of attachment. On the other hand, if
a parent's personality and ability to cope with the infant's needs for care
are minimal, the relationship is at risk and so is the infant's development.
By six to seven months, strong feelings of attachment enable the infant to
distinguish between caregivers and strangers. The infant displays an
obvious preference for parents over other caregivers and other unfamiliar
people. Anxiety , demonstrated by crying, clinging, and turning away from
the stranger, is revealed when separation occurs. This behavior peaks
between seven and nine months and again during toddlerhood, when
separation may be difficult. Although possibly stressful for the
parents, stranger anxiety is a normal sign of healthy child attachment and
occurs because of cognitive development . Most children develop a secure
attachment when reunited with their caregiver after a temporary absence.
In contrast, some children with an insecure attachment want to be held, but
they are not comfortable; they kick or push away. Others seem indifferent
to the parent's return and ignore them when they return.
The quality of the infant's attachment predicts later development.
Youngsters who emerge from infancy with a secure attachment stand a
better chance of developing happy and healthy relationships with others.
The attachment relationship not only forms the emotional basis for the
continued development of the parent-child relationship, but can serve as a
foundation for future social connections. Secure infants have parents who
sensitively read their infant's cues and respond properly to their needs.

Toddlerhood
When children move from infancy into toddlerhood, the parent-child
relationship begins to change. During infancy, the primary role of the
parent-child relationship is nurturing and predictability, and much of the
relationship revolves around the day-to-day demands of caregiving:
feeding, toileting, bathing, and going to bed.
As youngsters begin to talk and become more mobile during the second
and third years of life, however, parents usually try to shape their child's
social behavior. In essence, parents become teachers as well as nurturers,
providers of guidance as well as affection. Socialization (preparing the
youngster to live as a member of a social group) implicit during most of the
first two years of life, becomes clear as the child moves toward his or her
third birthday.
Socialization is an important part of the parent-child relationship. It
includes various child-rearing practices, for example weaning, toilet
training, and discipline.
Dimensions of the parent-child relationship are linked to the child's
psychological development, specifically how responsive the parents are,
and how demanding they are. Responsive parents are warm and accepting
toward their children, enjoying them and trying to see things from their
perspective. In contrast, nonresponsive parents are aloof, rejecting, or
critical. They show little pleasure in their children and are often insensitive
to their emotional needs. Some parents are demanding, while others are
too tolerant. Children's healthy psychological development is facilitated
when the parents are both responsive and moderately demanding.
During toddlerhood, children often begin to assert their need
for autonomy by challenging their parents. Sometimes, the child's
newfound assertiveness during the so-called terrible twos can put a strain
on the parent-child relationship. It is important that parents recognize that
this behavior is normal for the toddler, and the healthy development of
independence is promoted by a parent-child relationship that provides
support for the child's developing sense of autonomy. In many regards, the
security of the first attachment between infant and parent provides the
child with the emotional base to begin exploring the world outside the
parent-child relationship.

Preschool
Various parenting styles evolve during
the preschool years. Preschoolers with authoritative parents are curious
about new experiences, focused and skilled at play , self-reliant, self-
controlled, and cheerful.

School age
During the elementary school years, the child becomes increasingly
interested in peers, but this is not be a sign of disinterest in the parent-
child relationship. Rather, with the natural broadening of psychosocial and
cognitive abilities, the child's social world expands to include more people
and settings beyond the home environment. The parent-child relationship
remains the most important influence on the child's development. Children
whose parents are both responsive and demanding continue to thrive
psychologically and socially during the middle childhood years.
During the school years, the parent-child relationship continues to be
influenced by the child and the parents. In most families, patterns of
interaction between parent and child are well established in the
elementary school years.

Adolescence
As the child enters adolescence , biological, cognitive, and emotional
changes transform the parent-child relationship. The child's urges for
independence may challenge parents' authority. Many parents find early
adolescence a difficult period. Adolescents fare best and their parents are
happiest when parents can be both encouraging and accepting of the child's
needs for more psychological independence.
Although the value of peer relations grows during adolescence, the parent-
child relationship remains crucial for the child's psychological
development. Authoritative parenting that combines warmth and firmness
has the most positive impact on the youngster's development. Adolescents
who have been reared authoritatively continue to show more success in
school, better psychological development, and fewer behavior problems.
Adolescence may be a time of heightened bickering and diminished
closeness in the parent-child relationship, but most disagreements between
parents and young teenagers are over less important matters, and most
teenagers and parents agree on the essentials. By late adolescence most
children report feeling as close to their parents as they did during
elementary school.

Parenting styles
Parenting has four main styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive
(indulgent), and detached. Although no parent is consistent in all situations,
parents do follow some general tendencies in their approach to
childrearing, and it is possible to describe a parent-child relationship by the
prevailing style of parenting. These descriptions provide guidelines for
both professionals and parents interested in understanding how variations
in the parent-child relationship affect the child's development.
Parenting style is shaped by the parent's developmental history, education,
and personality; the child's behavior; and the immediate and broader
context of the parent's life. Also, the parent's behavior is influenced by the
parent's work, the parents' marriage, family finances, and other conditions
likely to affect the parent's behavior and psychological well-being. In
addition, parents in different cultures, from different social classes, and
from different ethnic groups rear their children differently. In any event,
children's behavior and psychological development are linked to the
parenting style with which they are raised.

Authoritarian parents
Authoritarian parents are rigid in their rules; they expect absolute
obedience from the child without any questioning. They also expect the
child to accept the family beliefs and principles without questions.
Authoritarian parents are strict disciplinarians, often relying on physical
punishment and the withdrawal of affection to shape their child's behavior.
Children raised with this parenting style are often moody, unhappy, fearful,
and irritable. They tend to be shy, withdrawn, and lack self-confidence. If
affection is withheld, the child commonly is rebellious and antisocial.

Authoritative parents
Authoritative parents show respect for the opinions of each of their
children by allowing them to be different. Although there are rules in the
household, the parents allow discussion if the children do not understand
or agree with the rules. These parents make it clear to the children that
although they (the parents) have final authority, some negotiation and
compromise may take place. Authoritative parents are both responsive and
demanding; they are firm, but they discipline with love and affection, rather
than power, and they are likely to explain rules and expectations to their
children instead of simply asserting them. This style of parenting often
results in children who have high self-esteem and are independent,
inquisitive, happy, assertive, and interactive.

Permissive parents
Permissive (indulgent) parents have little or no control over the behavior
of their children. If any rules exist in the home, they are followed
inconsistently. Underlying reasons for rules are given, but the children
decide whether they will follow the rule and to what extent. They learn that
they can get away with any behavior. Indulgent parents are responsive but
not especially demanding. They have few expectations of their children and
impose little or inconsistent discipline. There are empty threats of
punishment without setting limits. Role reversal occurs; the children act
more like the parents, and the parents behave like the children.
Children of permissive parents may be disrespectful, disobedient,
aggressive, irresponsible, and defiant. They are insecure because they lack
guidelines to direct their behavior. However, these children are frequently
creative and spontaneous. Although low in both social responsibility and
independence, they are usually more cheerful than the conflicted and
irritable children of authoritarian parents.

Disengaged parents
Finally, disengaged (detached) parents are neither responsive nor
demanding. They may be careless or unaware of the child's needs for
affection and discipline. Children whose parents are detached have higher
numbers of psychological difficulties and behavior problems than other
youngsters.

Parental concerns
Child's development is affected by family conditions such as divorce,
remarriage, and parental employment. The parent-child relationship has a
more important influence on the child's psychological development than
changes in the composition of the household. Parenting that is responsive
and demanding is related to healthier child development regardless of the
parent's marital or employment status. If changes in the parent's marital
status or work life disrupt the parent-child relationship, short-term effects
on the child's behavior may be noticeable. One goal of professionals who
work with families under stress is to help them reestablish healthy
patterns of parent-child interaction.
Discipline is also a concern of parents. Children's behavior offers challenges
to even the most experienced and effective parents. The manner in which
parents respond to a child's behavior has an effect on the child's self-
esteem and future interactions with others. Children learn to view
themselves in the same way the parent views them. Thus, if the parent
views the child as wild, the child begins to view himself that way and soon
his actions consistently reinforce his self image. This way, the child does
not disappoint the parent. This pattern is a self-fulfilling prophecy. While
discipline in necessary to teach a child how to live comfortably in society, it
should not be confused with punishment.

KEY TERMS
Adolescence —A period of life in which the biological and psychosocial
transition from childhood to adulthood occurs.
Coping —In psychology, a term that refers to a person's patterns of
response to stress.
Culture —A test in which a sample of body fluid is placed on materials
specially formulated to grow microorganisms. A culture is used to learn
what type of bacterium is causing infection.
Discipline —In health care, a specific area of preparation or training, i.e.,
social work, nursing, or nutrition.
Family —Two or more emotionally involved people living in close
proximity and having reciprocal obligations with a sense of commonness,
caring, and commitment.

Resources

BOOKS
Kohn, Alfie. Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishment
to Reason and Love. Riveside, NJ: Simon & Schuster, 2005.
Post, B. Bryan, et al. For All Things a Season: An Essential Guide to a Peaceful
Parent/Child Relationship.  Mountain View, OK: M. Brynn Publishing, 2003.

WEB SITES
"Parenting." MedlinePlus. Available online at
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/parenting.htm(accessed December
18, 2004).
Aliene S. Linwood, RN, DPA, FACHE