Business Style

Second to grammatical correctness, achieving an appropriate business

style may be the biggest problem for the writer of business letters. A sure
sign of an inexperienced writer, in fact, is the obvious attempt to sound
overly “businesslike.”

As per your request, please find enclosed herewith a check in the

amount of $16.49.

Such expressions as “herewith” and “as per” contribute nothing to the

message while making the letter sound stilted and stiff.

The first step, then, to wiring successful business correspondence is to

relax. While business letters will vary in tone from familiar o formal, they
should all sound natural. Within the limits of Standard English, of course,
you should try to say things in a “regular” way:

As you requested, I am enclosing a check for $16.49.

If you resist the temptation to sound business like, you will end up being
more business-minded. The second version of our sample sentence is not
only more personal and friendly; it is also more efficient. It uses fewer
words, taking less time to write and type as well as to read and
comprehend.

With this initial piece of advice in mind, review the following list of words
and expressions. Then plan to eliminate these terms from your business
writing vocabulary.

Expressions to Avoid in Business Letters:

according to our records I have your letter

acknowledge receipt of I wish to thank, may I thank/ask
as to, with reference to, in due time, in due course of time
with regard to, with respect to in receipt of
at hand, on hand in the near future

attached please find, in view of

1
attached hereto, enclosed our Mrs. Campbell
herewith, enclosed please permit me to say
find pursuant to
beg to inform, beg to tell thank you again
dully thank you in advance
for your information
hereby, heretofore, herewith

instead of ….. use …..

advise, inform say, tell, let us know
along these lines, on the like, similar to
order of
as per as, according to
at an early date, at your today, next week
earliest convenience, soon (use a specific date(
at this time, at the present now, at present
time, at this writing
check to cover check for
deem believe, consider
due to the fact that, because
because of the fact that
favor, communication letter, memo, et al
for the purpose of for
free of charge free
in accordance with according to
in advance of, prior to before
in compliance with as you requested
in re, re regarding, concerning
in the amount of for
in the event that if, in case
kindly please
of recent date recent
party person, a specific name
said not to be used as adjective
same not to be used as noun
subsequent to after since
the writer, the undersigned I / me
up to this writing until now

2
LETTER FORMAT
Before we begin to discuss letter content, we must examine letter
appearance, for it is the physical condition of a letter that makes the first
impression on your reader. Before reading even one word you written, the
reader has formed an opinion based on the way your letter looks - the
arrangement, the typing quality, and so on.

When you have composed the body of your letter and are ready to print,
keep in mind three things:

Typing

Letters should be single-spaced with double-spacing between paragraphs.

Typing should be neat and dark. Errors should not be erased.

Paragraphing

Paragraph breaks should come at logical points in your message and

should also result in an EVEN appearance. A one-line paragraph followed
by an eight-line paragraph will look bottom heavy. Paragraphs of
approximately the same length will please the eye.

White space

In addition to the space created by paragraphing, leave space by centering

your letter on the page. An ample margin of white space should surround
the message, top and bottom as well as both sides. If a letter is brief, avoid
beginning to type too high on the page; if a letter is long, do not hesitate to
use an additional sheet of paper. (See Figure 10-1 for recommended
spacing between letter parts.)

Note: Although preparing your letter on a word processor will facilitate the job of
formatting, you still control the organization of your message and remain
ultimately responsible for the final appearance of your letter.

3
Parts of a Business Letter

While the horizontal placement of letter parts may vary (see the next
section, “Arrangement Styles”), the vertical order of these parts is
standard. Refer to the model letter (Figure 2-1) as you study the
following list of letter parts.

1. LETTERHEAD: This, of course, is printed and supplied by

your employer. It is used only for the first page of a letter.

2. DATELINE: The date on which the letter is being prepared is

typed a few lines below the letterhead.

3. INSIDE ADDRESS: The address of your reader is typed as it

will appear on the envelope.

4. ATTENTION LINE: This is not always required. It should be

used when the letter is addressed to a company or
organization as a whole, but you want it to be handled by a
specific individual at the company or within the organization.
It should be underlined or typed in capitals.

5. SALUTATION: While “Dear Sir,” “Dear Madam,” “Dear

Madam or Sir,” “Gentlemen and Ladies” are acceptable in
cases of extreme formality, you should otherwise use an
individual’s name whenever it is known. When the reader’s
name is not known, the person’s title is the next best term in
a salutation.

6. SUBJECT LINE: Like the attention line, this is often omitted,

but its inclusion is a courtesy to your reader. By alerting him
to the content of your message, you enable him to decide
whether the letter requires immediate attention. It should be
underlined or typed in capitals.

7. BODY: This is the actual message of your letter.

8. COMPLIMENTARY CLOSING: This is a polite, formal way to

end a letter; standard forms are “Yours truly” or “Truly

4
 yours,” “Sincerely yours,” “Respectfully yours,” and so on.
Excessively familiar closings should be avoided, except in
special situations. “Best wishes,” for example, could be
used when the reader is well known to you. Expressions
such as “Fondly” or “Love” should, obviously, be reserved for
private correspondence.

9. COMPANY SIGNATURE: Another item often omitted from

less formal correspondence, it should be used when the
signer of the letter is writing a sa spokesperson for the
company, not as an individual. Since this information
appears in the letterhead, some companies omit it
altogether.

10. SIGNER’S IDENTIFICATION: Typed four lines below the

previous item to allow space for the signature, this includes
the signer’s name and any relevant titles.

11. REFERENCE INITIALS: Consisting of the signer’s initials in

capitals followed by a slash or colon followed by the typist’s
lowercase initials, this item serves as a reminder of who
prepared the letter.

12. ENCLOSURE REMINDER: Consisting of the word

“enclosure,” or the word “enclosure” followed by a list of the
enclosed items, this is a practical courtesy to prevent your
reader from discarding important matter with the envelope.

13. “CC” NOTATION: Also a courtesy, this tells the reader who
has been sent a carbon copy of the letter.

Arrangement Styles:

As previously noted, the horizontal placement of letter parts is flexible

– within the limits of five basic styles. Often, however, a company will
have a preferred arrangement style which employees are required to
use.

5
 FULL-BLOCKED (Figure 2-2): All letter parts begin at the left margin.
It is therefore the fastest traditional arrangement style to type.

Flanagan’s Department Store

(1) 12207 Sunset Strip
Los Angeles, California 91417

(2) June 2, 2005

Ketchum Collection Agency

(3) 1267 Hollywood Boulevard
Los Angeles, California 91401

(4) ATTENTION:MS. TERRY ROBERTS

(5) Gentlemen and Ladies:

(6) Subject: Mr. Gary Daniels, Account #69 112 003

We would like to turn over to your services the account of Mr. Gary Daniels , 4441 Natick
Avenue, Sherman Oaks, California 91418. The balance on Mr. Daniels’ account, $829.95,
is now 120 days past due; and, although we have sent him four statements and five letters,
we have been unable to collect his debt.

Mr. Daniels is employed by West Coast Furniture Showrooms, Inc.

(7) He banks at the Natick Avenue branch of Third National City Bank and has been a
customer of ours for four years. We have enclosed his file for your reference.

We are confident that we can rely on Ketchum as we have in the past. Please let us know if
there is any further information with which we can furnish you.

(8) Sincerely yours,

(9) FLANAGAN’S DEPARTMENT

STORE

(10) Martha Fayman

Credit Manager
(11) MF/wg
(12) Enclosure Figure 2-1 6
(13) THE PARTS OF A BUSINESS LETTER
cc Mr. Norman Hyman
BLOCKED (Figure 2-3): Like full-blocked, all letter parts begin at the
left margin, except the dateline, complimentary closing, company
signature, and writer’s identification, which start at the horizontal
center of the page. (Options – the dateline may end at the right
margin; attention and subject lines may be centered or indented five
or ten spaces.)

SEMI-BLOCKED or MODIFIED BLOCKED (Figure 2-4): This is the

same as a blocked letter with one change: the beginning of each
paragraph is indented five or ten spaces.

SQUARE-BLOCKED (Figure 2-5): This is the same as a full-blocked

letter with two changes: the date is typed on the same line as the
start of the inside address and ends at the right margin; reference
initials and enclosure reminder are typed on the same lines as the
signature and signer’s identification. As a result, corners are squared
off. This arrangement saves space, allowing longer letters to be fit
onto a single page. (Be sure to use a line at least 50 spaces long so
that the inside address won’t run into the dateline.)

SIMPLIFIED or AMS (Figure 2-6): Designed by the Administrative

Management Society, this style uses open punctuation and is the
same as full blocked, except:
(1) no salutation or complimentary closing is used; (2) an entirely
capitalized subject line (without the word “subject”) must be used; (3)
the signer’s identification is typed in all capitals; and (4) lists are
indented five spaces unless numbered or lettered (in which case they
are blocked with no periods after the numbers or letters). This style is
extremely efficient, requiring much less time to type than other styles.
However, it is also impersonal. For this reason, the reader’s name
should be mentioned at least once in the body.

Punctuation Styles
Regardless of punctuation style, the only letter parts (outside of the
body) to be followed by punctuation marks are the salutation and
complimentary closing. Within the body, the general rules of
punctuation apply.

7
OPEN: No punctuation is used, except in the body. (See Figure 2-2)
STANDARD: The salutation is followed by a colon; the
complimentary closing is followed by a comma. (See Figure 2-3.)
Note: The salutation and closing should be punctuated consistently: either both
are followed by punctuation or neither is followed by punctuation. Note, too, that
a comma is NOT used after the salutation. (this practice is reserved for private
correspondence.)

8
 NORP
NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF RETIRED PERSONS
Freeport High School, Freeport, Vermont 66622

October 14, 2005

Ms. Iva Stravinsky

Attorney – at – Law
200 Center Street
Freeport, Vermont 66622

Dear Ms. Stravinsky

Subject: Guest Lecture

The members of the Freeport chapter of the National Organization of Retired Persons would indeed
be interested in a lecture on “Proposed Changes in The Financing of Medicare.” Therefore, with
much appreciation, I accept your offer to address our club.

The NORP meets every Tuesday at 8 P.M. in the auditorium of Freeport High School. The
programs for our meetings through November 20 have already been established. However, I will
call you in a few days to schedule a date for your lecture for the first Tuesday after the 20th that
meets your convenience.

The membership and I look forward to your lecture on a topic so important to us all.

Sincerely yours
NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF RETIRED PERSONS

Henry Purcell
President

HP/bm

Figure 2-2
FULL-BLOCKED LETTER STYLE

9
 NORP
NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF RETIRED PERSONS
Freeport High School, Freeport, Vermont 66622

October 14, 2005

Ms. Iva Stravinsky

Attorney – at – Law
200 Center Street
Freeport, Vermont 66622

Dear Ms. Stravinsky:

Subject: Guest Lecture

The members of the Freeport chapter of the National Organization of Retired Persons would indeed
be interested in a lecture on “Proposed Changes in The Financing of Medicare.” Therefore, with
much appreciation, I accept your offer to address our club.

The NORP meets every Tuesday at 8 P.M. in the auditorium of Freeport High School. The
programs for our meetings through November 20 have already been established. However, I will
call you in a few days to schedule a date for your lecture for the first Tuesday after the 20th that
meets your convenience.

The membership and I look forward to your lecture on a topic so important to us all.

Sincerely yours,

Henry Purcell
President

HP/bm

Figure 2-3
BLOCKED LETTER STYLE

10
 NORP
NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF RETIRED PERSONS
Freeport High School, Freeport, Vermont 66622

October 14, 2005

Ms. Iva Stravinsky

Attorney – at – Law
200 Center Street
Freeport, Vermont 66622

Dear Ms. Stravinsky:

Subject: Guest Lecture

The members of the Freeport chapter of the National Organization of Retired Persons would
indeed be interested in a lecture on “Proposed Changes in The Financing of Medicare.” Therefore,
with much appreciation, I accept your offer to address our club.

The NORP meets every Tuesday at 8 P.M. in the auditorium of Freeport High School. The
programs for our meetings through November 20 have already been established. However, I will
call you in a few days to schedule a date for your lecture for the first Tuesday after the 20th that
meets your convenience.

The membership and I look forward to your lecture on a topic so important to us all.

Sincerely yours,

Henry Purcell
President

HP/bm

Figure 2-4
SEMI-BLOCKED LETTER STYLE

11
 NORP
NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF RETIRED PERSONS
Freeport High School, Freeport, Vermont 66622

Ms. Iva Stravinsky June 2, 2005

Attorney – at – Law
200 Center Street
Freeport, Vermont 66622

Dear Ms. Stravinsky:

SUBJECT: GUEST LECTURE

The members of the Freeport chapter of the National Organization of Retired Persons would indeed
be interested in a lecture on “Proposed Changes in The Financing of Medicare.” Therefore, with
much appreciation, I accept your offer to address our club.

The NORP meets every Tuesday at 8 P.M. in the auditorium of Freeport High School. The
programs for our meetings through November 20 have already been established. However, I will
call you in a few days to schedule a date for your lecture for the first Tuesday after the 20th that
meets your convenience.

The membership and I look forward to your lecture on a topic so important to us all.

Sincerely yours,

NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF RETIRED PERSONS

Henry Purcell
President HP/bm

Figure 2-5
SQUARE-BLOCKED LETTER STYLE

12
Postscripts
It is advisable to avoid postscripts; when a letter is well planned, all
pertinent information will be included in the body. However, when a
postscript is required, it is arranged as the other paragraphs in the
letter have been, preceded by “P.S.” or “PS”:

P.S. Let me remind you of our special discount on orders for a dozen or more
of the same model appliance.

Special Paragraphing
When a message contains quotations of prices or notations of special
data, this information is set in a special paragraph (see Figure 2-7),
indented five spaces on the left and right, preceded and followed by a
blank line.

The Envelope
An envelope should be addressed to correspond with the inside
address. On an envelope, though, the state name may be
abbreviated in accordance with the United States Postal Service ZIP-
code style. On a standard business-size envelope, the address
should begin for inches from the left edge, fourteen lines from the top
(see Figure 2-8).
In accordance with Postal Service guidelines, the address
should be blocked and single-spaced; and it should include the ZIP
code one space after the state. Because NO information should
appear below the ZIP code, special instructions (such as ATT: Mr.
Smith or Please Forward) should be placed four lines below the
return address. Similarly, mailing services, such as Airmail or
Certified Mail, should be placed below the stamp.
The return address, matching the letterhead, is usually printed
on business envelopes.

13
 NORP
NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF RETIRED PERSONS
Freeport High School, Freeport, Vermont 66622

October 14, 2005

Ms. Iva Stravinsky

Attorney – at – Law
200 Center Street
Freeport, Vermont 66622

GUEST LECTURE

The members of the Freeport chapter of the National Organization of Retired Persons would indeed
be interested in a lecture on “Proposed Changes in The Financing of Medicare.” Therefore, with
much appreciation, I accept your offer to address our club.

The NORP meets every Tuesday at 8 P.M. in the auditorium of Freeport High School. The
programs for our meetings through November 20 have already been established. However, I will
call you in a few days to schedule a date for your lecture for the first Tuesday after the 20th that
meets your convenience.

The membership and I look forward, Ms. Stravinsky, to your lecture on a topic so important to us all.

Henry Purcell, President

HP/bm

Figure 2-6
SIMPLIFIED LETTER STYLE

14
 F& FRANKLIN AND GORDON OFFICE SUPPLIES, INC.
G 72-01 Lefferts Boulevard, Rego Park, New York 11206

September 15, 2005

Robert Nathan, CPA

222 Bergen Street
New Orleans, Louisiana 77221

Dear Mr. Nathan:

We appreciate your interest in Franklin and Gordon office supplies and are delighted to send you
requested:

Ruled ledger paper, by the ream only, costs $45; with the purchase of six or
more reams, the price is reduced to $42 per ream, a savings of at least $18.

Black, reinforced ledger binders are $25 each; with the purchase of six or more
binders, the price is only $23 each, a savings of at least $12.

Because we are the manufacturers of many other fine office supplies, ranging from ball-point pens
to promotional novelties, we have enclosed for your consideration a copy of our current catalog.
Should you decide to place an order, you may use the convenient order form in the center of the
catalog or call our 24-hour toll free number (1-800-999-9000).

Please let us know if we may be of further assistance.

Sincerely yours,

FRANKLIN AND GORDON OFFICE SUPPLIES, INC.

George Gillian
Customer Service Manager

GG:jc
Enclosure
Figure 2-7
SPECIAL PARAGRAPHING

15
How to Get Results With Business Writing
How everyone can write successful
memos and reports

Writing winning memos

Business writers who focus only on words and grammar in their memos are
missing an important point. Your first focus shouldn’t be on your writing. It
should be on your readers.

Memos that aren’t read waste the writer’s and the reader’s time. And they
waste the company’s money.

To make your memos reader-friendly:

1. Try to use “you” and “your” when possible. Don’t write, “Everyone is
requested to provide input on the budget.” Instead, write, “Please
send me your budget ideas.”

2. Use conversational language. Write as if you were speaking to the

reader in person. Tip: Try using a Dictaphone to compose your
memos. Talking, rather than tapping a keyboard, may help you to
develop a conversational style. Additional tip: Avoid phrases such as
“per your suggestion” and “kindly advice.” Instead use: “as you
suggested” and “please let me know.”

3. Get right to the point. Don’t waste your readers’ time by covering
information they already know. How to do it? Just make your memo
answer these questions right away:
- What are the facts?
- What do they mean to us?
- What do we do now?

4. Get personal. Use the reader’s name occasionally when writing to

an individual. Example: “Fran, I’ll answer all of your questions when
we meet Friday.”

5. Use short paragraphs. Try to limit your paragraphs to five or fewer

typewritten lines. Reason: These frequent copy breaks will make
your memo look less threatening and easier to read.

16
Case Study: Coffee Breaks

Read the following Memo from John Tritt to his Divisional Personal
managers and the two following response. Based on all facts compose
your own response as the third Divisional Personal Manager using the
SOPPADA style.

To: Divisional Personal Managers

From: John Tritt, Managing Director
Date: March 20, 2005
Subject: Coffee-Making Facilities

There have been a number of comments about the amount of coffee

consumes in our company. I do not want to sound as though I am against
coffee drinking; indeed our personal consultant have emphasized how
important coffee can be if you want an efficient and motivated office staff.
But timesaving machines for making coffee do exist.

We can expect a little opposition to the idea if we are not careful. You can
never be sure how the office staff will react.

They might well take it badly. In any case we are thinking of putting in
coffee machines. Please send me a report.

Report on Coffee making & Breaks

It is very interesting that the coffee making habits that our employees have
been noticed by other people in the company. It appears as if the time

17
taken up in making coffee should be put to more productive use. We have
also known for years that there have been a number of problems
connecting the motivation of our workforce, but the role played by coffee
drinking has so far not been clarified.

In one or two department, staff seems to talk about nothing else but coffee
breaks; how long it is till the break; whose turn it is to make it… etc. This
unfortunate development has been discussed with the heads of
departments in my division on several occasions. They believe the subject
of automatic machines; one for each department for example, is not
popular with a large number of staff. The staff may think the company
would be trying to make out of them. So that there is a grave danger that
the actions of the management could be misunderstood.

Nonetheless, I feel that we should try and limit the breaks. We should
prevent the staff from gathering at the coffee-making area and chatting for
so long. I wonder if you have heard of experience of our American sister
company. They have a central coffee-Making facility for divisional offices.
This is then brought to their desks, so they don’t need a break. This is
surely one way of making working time more effective.

To: John Tritt, Managing Director

From: Ronald Greenfield, Divisional Personal Managers
Date: March 21, 2005

18
Subject: Proposed installation of Automatic Coffee-Making Machines.

1. Following your memorandum of March 20, we carried out a small

study of staff views in three selected departments.

2. My personnel officer informally asked a representative sample of

office workers a number of questions. He asked whether:
- They drank coffee during their break.
- They made it themselves or brought it with from home
- They would be in favor of a shorter coffee break.
- They would use an automatic coffee machine if available.

3. The results can be summarized as follows:

- 65 % said they enjoy a good cup of coffee.
- Only 5 % brought their own coffee with them from home.
- 25% would be in favor of a shorter coffee break and finishing
earlier
- 15% said they would use the automatic coffee machine. But
most added: if the coffee was cheap

4. On March 20, during a routine meeting with the Chief Union

representative, I mentioned that in some departments the coffee
break was lasting a lot longer than is actually allowed. The
representative's answer was not very helpful. She said the union
would always insist that the coffee break being left as it is. There is a
point beyond which no negotiation would be possible without asking
all the union members in the company their opinion.

In conclusion, it seems important to draw the board's attention to

possible difficulties which the rapid installation of coffee-machines could
bring. We need to discuss the problem a little longer and with more
people before taking any action, it would seem.

Try SOPPADA

Before issuing your next memo, check to see that it covers all of the points
in SOPPADA. If it passes, you’ve written a memo that will be read,
respected and acted upon. Here’s an example of how SOPPADA works:

19
S = Subject
- Get new personal computers for the office.

O = Objectives
- Gain more publicity by using the computers to personalize
news materials.
- Cut the time needed to prepare various publications.

P = Present Situation
- The memory typewriters now in use waste staff time
- Much design work is done by outsiders at considerable
expense.

P = Proposal
- Spend $3,000 for two personal computers and $1,500 for one
laser printer.

A = Advantages
- Save about $3,000 on outside design and printing charges in
the first year.
- Free the PR staff to work on additional projects using time now
spent recreating documents and copy on existing typewriters.

D = Disadvantages
- The initial cost – but this should be recovered promptly.
- Staff training time – but this is a one-time event. Ongoing
training needs should be minimal.

A = Action Needed
- Your approval to make this purchase.

COMPLAINTS, CLAIMS, AND ADJUSTMENTS

Business transactions will from time to time go awry, and the exchange of
money, merchandise, or service will not occur as expected. In such
situations, the customer must promptly notify the company of the problem
by letter; such as letter is logically called a complaint. A complaint that

20
calls upon the company to make restitution is called a claim. The
company, responding to the claim, will write a letter of adjustment.

Complaints

When a customer is dissatisfied with goods or services, a complaint letter

will inform the company or organization of the problem. Such a letter
should both present the facts and express the customer’s dissatisfaction.

Because a complaint, unlike a claim, does not necessarily call for action or
compensation from the company, it should be answered gracefully.
Indeed. The writer of a complaint is offering help to the offending
organization, an opportunity to improve its operations. Therefore, the
response to a complaint should be concerned and courteous, not
defensive. It may offer an explanation and suggest remedies that are being
followed. It definitely should extend an apology.

Claims

Countless aspects of business dealings can break down, but the most
common causes for claims are:

2. an incorrect bill, invoice, or statement;

3. a bill for merchandise ordered but never received;
4. delivery of unordered merchandise;
5. delivery of incorrect merchandise;
6. delivery of damaged or defective merchandise;
7. an unusually delayed delivery.

21
21 West Main Street
Coshocton, NY 11222
October 9, 2005

Dr. Linda Peters, Director

County General Hospital
Route 97
Callicoon, NY 11203

Dear Dr. Peters

On the afternoon of October 8, my neighbor’s son, Kevin Sawyer, was raking leaves
in his family’s yard when he tripped and fell. From the degree of pain he was
obviously experiencing, I suspected he might have broken his ankle. Thus, as the
only adult around at the time, I drove him to your hospital.

When we arrived at the emergency room, no one was available to help Kevin from
the car, and I had to help him hobble in as best I could. The effort increased his pain,
yet when we were inside, the receptionist, without looking up, told us to take a
number and wait our turn. We waited for more than two hours before Kevin was seen
by a doctor.

As a member of the community your hospital serves, I am outraged by the treatment

my young neighbor received. The lack of concern was upsetting; the lack of attention
could have been life threatening. All of us in Wayne County deserve better treatment,
and I hope you will look into the situation to see that the suffering caused Kevin
Sawyer is never again inflicted by an employee of your institution.

Yours truly

Michelle Sussman

COMPLAINT

22
County General Hospital
Route 97
Callicoon, NY 1120

October 12, 2005

Ms. Michelle Sussman

21 West Main Street
Cochecton, NY 11222

Dear Ms. Sussman:

Thank you for bringing to my attention the inexcusable wait you and Kevin Sawyer
endured in the emergency room on October 8. I am extremely sorry for any additional
pain Kevin may have experienced and any emotional stress you may have felt under the
circumstances.

Allow me, however, to offer an explanation. Shortly before you arrived, an automobile
accident just outside Callicoon resulted in four seriously injured people being rushed to
County General. Since we are, as you know, a small rural hospital, our emergency staff
was stretched to its limits to assist these people simultaneously.

Nevertheless, you and Kevin should not have been ignored for two hours. I have spoken
to the receptionist with whom you dealt, and I can assure you that in the future arrivals to
our emergency room will be treated with concern and prompt attention.

Again, I apologize for the events of October 8 and greatly appreciate your letting me
know about them.

Yours truly,

Linda Peters, M.D.

COMPLAINT RESPONSE

23
SALES AND PUBLIC RELATIONS LETTERS
All business letters are in a sense sales letters. And all business
letters are also public relations letters in that one must always seek to
establish and maintain goodwill. But some letters are written for the
express purpose of selling, and others are written for no other reason
than to earn the reader’s goodwill.

These letters – sales letters and public relations letters – require a

highly specialized style of writing. Both demand a writer with flair and
the ability to win the reader with words. For this reason, most large
companies employ professional writers – advertising and public
relations specialists – who handle all the sales and publicity writing.

Not only do advertising or public relations writers know how to appeal

to people’s buying motives; they know how to find potential buyers.
They must know how to acquire mailing lists (such sources as a
company’s own files, telephone books, and directories are good
starts) and how to select the right audience from those lists.

Nevertheless, and especially in smaller companies, there are times

when almost any businessperson will have to compose either a sales
letter or a public relations letter. While the nuances of style may be
beyond the scope of this chapter, certain basic guidelines can help
you win a desired sale or earn an associate’s goodwill.

Sales Letters

Sales letters may be broken down into three categories: Direct Mail,
Retail, and Sales Promotion. While the manner of the sale is different
for each, all share a common purpose – to sell a product or service.

Direct Mail Sales Letter:

Direct mail, or mail order, attempts to sell directly to the customer

through the mail (Figure 7-1). The direct mail sales letter, therefore ,
does the entire selling job. A salesperson never calls on the
customer; the product is never even seen in person. Solely on the

24
basis of the description and inducements in the letter, the customer is
urged to buy – to mail a check and wait for his purchase to arrive.
A direct mail letter must, consequently, include a “hard sell.” It must
grab the reader’s attention with its physical appearance; the use of
flashy envelopes and the inclusion of brochures or samples often
help. It must develop the reader’s
interest with appealing headlines and thorough physical description of
the product; several pictures, from different angles, are a good idea.

Moreover, a direct mail letter must convince the reader of the

product’s quality and value; such evidence as details and statistics,
testimonies, and guarantees are essential when a customer cannot
see or test a product for herself. And finally, to clinch the deal, a
direct mail letter must facilitate action: clear directions for ordering
plus a reply card and postage-paid envelope make buying easy; a
“send-no-money-now” appeal or the offer of a premium providers
additional inducement.

25
APAll-Pro Sporting Supplies, Inc.
Box 8118, Phoenix, Arizona 85029

March 3, 2005

Dear

What do Miss Universe and Mr. America have in common? They both lift weights to keep in
shape - - with very different results, of course. And many women across the country are
discovering - - just like Miss Universe - - that weight lifting is an effective and fun way to a
better-looking body and better health in the bargain.

All-Pro has put together a special package to help women get started. We will send you a
pair of three-pound dumbbells and a fully illustrated body-building regime. In just 45
minutes a day, three days a week, these easy-to-follow exercises will firm up muscle of your
body from your deltoids to your calves.

Despite the myths that have grown up around body-building, lifting weights will not make a
woman look like a man. Does Cher look like Arnold Schwarzenegger? And weight lifting is
completely safe. According to Dr. Leonard Paddington of the Phoenix Sports Medicine
Institute, “Weight lifting, which strengthens the cardiovascular system, is safe for people of
all ages. If you start a weight-lifting program now, you will be able to continue to whatever
age you want.”

Weight lifting shows results faster than any other form of exercise. Get started now and
you’ll be all set for your bathing suit and the beach this summer.

Our Women ‘n’ Weights package, with the two dumbbells and complete exercise regime, at
the low low price of $21.95, is available only through the mail. You can’t buy it in any store.
And for a limited time only, we will send you, along with your purchase, an exercise mat
FREE. This 100% cotton, quilted mat is machine washable, a $6.96 value.

To order your Women ‘n’ Weights package, and your free exercise mat, SEND NO MONEY
NOW. Just fill in the enclosed postage-paid reply card, and your better body will be on its
way to you.

Yours truly

DIRECT MAIL SALES LETTER

26
 RETAIL SALES LETTERS

Retail sales letters (Figure 7-2) are commonly used by retail

businesses to announce sales or stimulate patronage. Their
advantage over other forms of advertising (such as television, radio,
or newspaper ads) is that letters can be aimed selectively – at the
specific audience most likely to buy. An electronics store, for
example, holding a sale on electronic phone books and digital diaries,
could target

Justin’s
Winston Salem, NC 27106

January 21, 2005 -

Dear Customer:

Now that the scaffolds are down and the hammering has stopped, you are probably aware that Justin’s
has opened a new store in the Bethabara Shopping Center. We are extremely proud of this gleaming
new addition to the Justin family.

To celebrate the occasion, we are having a Grand Opening Sale, and every Justin store will be in on it.

EVERYTHING in ALL our stores will be marked down 10-30%. Designer jeans that were $60-$90
are now $40-$60. An assortment of 100% silk blouses, originally $60-$95, are on sale for $40-$65.
The savings are incredible.

The sale is for one day only, January 31. But the doors will open at 9 A.M., so you can shop early for
the best selection. And, of course, your Justin’s and VISA cards are always welcome.

Sincerely yours,

RETAIL SALES LETTER

27
Letters specifically to business people and professionals as opposed
to, say, homemakers or educators, thus reaching customers with the
clearest need for the product.

A letter announcing a sale must contain certain information:

1. the reason for the sale (a seasonal clearance, holiday, special

purchase);
2. the dates on which the sale will take place;
3. an honest description of the sale merchandise (including a
statement of what is and is not marked down);
4. comparative prices (original price versus sale price or
approximate markdown percentages);
5. a statement encouraging the customer to act fast.

SALES PROMOTION LETTERS

A sales promotion letter (Figure 7-3) solicits interest rather than an

immediate sale. It is written to encourage inquiries rather than
orders. A product that requires demonstration or elaborate
explanation, for example, could be introduced in a promotional letter;
interested customers will inquire further. Similarly, products requiring
elaborate and expensive descriptive material (for example, a large
brochure or sample) could be introduced in a promotional letter;
uninterested names on a mailing list would then be screened out,
leaving only serious potential customers and thereby cutting costs.

Like other sales letters, a promotional letter must stimulate the

reader’s interest and describe the product. But it need not be as
detailed: customers desiring further information are invited to send in
a reply card, contact a sales representative, or visit a local dealer. Of
course, such inquiries MUST be answered promptly by either a
salesperson or a letter. And the follow-up letter (which could include
a leaflet or sample) should provide complete information, including
specific answers to questions the customer may have asked. The
follow-up must also attempt to convince the reader to buy and tell
how to make the purchase.

28
All of the sales letters described in this chapter have certain features
in common: they convey enthusiasm for the product and employ
evocative language. They demonstrate the writer’s knowledge of
both product and customer. And they illustrate the advertising
principles known as AIDA:

1. Attention: The letter opens with a gimmick to grab the reader’s

attention and create the desire to know more.
2. Interest: The letter provides information and plays up certain
features of the product to build the reader’s interest.
3. Desire: The sales pitch appeals to one or more personal needs
(such as prestige, status, comfort, safety, or money) to
stimulate the reader’s desire.
4. Action: the letter makes it easy for the reader to buy and
encourages immediate action.

29
Smith & Marcus

Financial Consultants

732 Commonwealth Avenue

Boston, Massachusetts 62633

February 10, 2005 -

Dear

In times of economic uncertainty, personal financial planning can pose more challenges than
running your own business. Determining the investment vehicles that will protect your own
and your family’s future requires financial insight and information.

That is why many successful business owners like yourself have engaged the services of the
personal financial consultants at Smith & Marcus. We have both the expertise and objectivity
to help you sort out your long and short term financial goals and then select the investment
strategies that will meet those goals. Whether your immediate concerns are tax planning or
estate planning, we believe we have the answers to your financial questions.

To introduce you to the sort of answers we have, you are cordially invited to a seminar, “What
a Personal Financial Planner Can Do for You.” The seminar will take place on Wednesday,
March 1, at 7 P.M. in the Essex Room of the Essex-Marlboro Hotel. Because seats are limited,
we would appreciate your letting us know if you plan to attend by telephoning Dorothy Phillips
at 771-3102, extension 222.

Yours truly,

SALES PROMOTION LETTER

30
 Public Relations Letters

Public relations concerns the efforts a company makes to influence

public opinion, to create a favorable company image. Its purpose is
NOT to make a sale or stimulate immediate business, but rather to
convey to the public such positive qualities as the company’s fair-
mindedness, reliability, or efficiency.

Public relations is big business, and large corporations spend millions

of dollars a year on their public relations campaigns. When a major
oil company sponsors a program on public television, that is public
relations; when a large chemical company establishes a college
scholarship fund, that is public relations, too.

The public relations specialist knows how to use all the mass media
(television, radio, magazines, newspapers, and films); she knows
how to compose press releases and set up press conferences,
prepare broadcast announcements, and arrange public receptions.

But public relations exists on a smaller scale as well. It is the local

butcher’s remembering a shopper’s name, and it is the local
hardware store buying T-shirts for the Little League. For, basically,
public relations is the attempt to establish and maintain GOODWILL
.
Public relations letters, therefore, are those letters written for the
purpose of strengthening goodwill. Some of these can be considered
social business letters (see Chapter 8), such as invitations, thank-you
notes, and letters of congratulations. Others are akin to advertising,
such as announcements of openings or changes in store facilities or
policies. Still others are simply friendly gestures, such as a note
welcoming a new charge customer or thanking a new customer for
her first purchase

A specific kind of public relations letter is designed to demonstrate a

company’s interest in its customers. This letter is written inviting
complaints; its purpose is to discover causes of customer
dissatisfaction before they get out of hand. (Responses to such
letters must always get a prompt follow-up assuring the customer that
the reported problem will be looked into.)

31
Pine & White 100 Massachusetts Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts 02116

June 12, 2005

Ms. Beverly May

100 Gould Street
Needham, Massachusetts 02194

Dear Ms. May:

Now that you’ve used your Pine & White credit card for the very first time, we are
sure you have seen for yourself the convenience and ease a charge account provides. So we
won’t try to “resell” you on all the benefits you can take advantage of as a new charge
customer.

We’d simply like to take this time to thank you for making your first charge purchase
and assure you that everyone at Pine & White is always ready to serve you. We are looking
forward to a long and mutually rewarding association.

Welcome to the “family.”

Sincerely yours,

Ms. Christine Popoulos

Customer Relations

PUBLIC RELATIONS
LETTER 1

32
Pine & White 100 Massachusetts Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts 02116

May 26, 2005

Mrs. Addison Tanghal

14 East Elm Street
Brookline, Massachusetts 02144

Dear Mrs. Tanghal:

It’s been more than six months since you charged a purchase at Pine & White, and we
can’t help worrying that we’ve done something to offend you. We are sure you are aware of
the convenience and ease your charge account provides, but we would like to assure you
once again that everyone at Pine & White is always ready to serve you.

If you have encountered a problem with our service or merchandise, we want to

know. It is our sincere desire to give you the personal attention and satisfaction you have
come over the years to expect from Pine & White. And we welcome the advice of our
customers and friends to keep us on our toes.

Please fill out the enclosed reply card if something has been troubling you. We will
give you comments immediate attention, as we look forward to seeing you once again at our
Brookline store and all our other branches.

Sincerely yours,

Ms. Christine Popoulos

Customer Relations

PUBLIC RELATIONS
LETTER II

33
Similarly, to forestall complaints (and of course encourage business),
large companies frequently send informative letters that educate the
public (Figure 7-6). A supplier of gas and electricity, for example,
may include with the monthly bill an explanation of new higher rates.
Or a telephone company will enclose a fact sheet on ways to save
money on long distance calls.

Whatever the ostensible reason for a public relations letter – to

establish, maintain, or even revive business – remember that all
public relations letters must be friendly, for their overriding purpose is
to create a friend for the company.

34
 Murgano’s Office Equipment, Inc. – Montgomery, Alabama – 36044

October 19, 2005

Dear Office Manager:

Few business folks these days would deny that the fax machine has become an indispensable tool.
Instead of waiting days for a letter to cross the country by mail, you can push a button and fax it in
seconds. Instead of paying the high price for an overnight courier to deliver your document, you
can fax the same document anywhere in the world for the price of a phone call.

Short for facsimile, a fax machine consists of three parts. A scanner reads your original document
and converts the images on the page into a digital code. A modem translates this code into a
transmittable analog signal. Finally, a telephone calls the receiving fax machine and sends the
message. When you receive a document, the process reverses. The telephone answers the call
and receives the message. The modem translates the message back to a digital code, and then this
code is converted to images on a page and printed. Thus, the received document is a facsimile of
the original, transmitted document.

Fax machines are available with a wide range of useful features, from conveniences such as
autodialer and on-hook dialing to qualities such as fine mode and half-tone (for sending finely
detailed documents. Our on-staff experts can help you determine which features will best meet
your business’s needs.

Indeed, everyone at Murgano’s is eager to make your fax purchase as uncomplicated as possible.
Just give us a call or drop by our showroom. We’ll put a fax in your future fast.

Sincerely yours,

Public Relations Letter III

PUBLIC RELATIONS LETTER III

35
PRACTICE

On another sheet of paper, prepare either a sales or public

relations letter as called for in each of the following situations.

A. Select a product (such as kitchen gadgets, magazines, or

cosmetics) that you have considered purchasing (or have
actually purchased) by mail. Write a letter that could be used to
stimulate direct mail sales for the product.

B. Geoffrey’s, a fine men’s clothing store located at 10 Arlington

Street, Boston, Massachusetts 02116, is having its annual fall
clearance sale. All summer and selected fall merchandise will
be on sale with discounts up to 60% on some items. The sale
will begin on September 10. Write a letter to be sent to all
charge customers, inviting them to attend three presale days,
September 7-9, during which they will find a full selection of
sale merchandise before it is advertised to the public.

C. You work for the ABC Corporation, Fort Madison, Lowa 52622,
manufacturer of electric typewriters. Write a letter to be sent to
the heads of all business schools in the area, inviting them to
inquire about your latest model. Describe some of the
typewriter’s special features and tell the reader how to receive
additional information.

D. You are employed by the First National Bank of Dayton, 1742

Broad Street, Dayton, OH 45463. You recently opened both a
savings and a checking account for Claire Paulsen, a new
resident of Dayton. Write a letter to Ms. Paulsen (222 Elm
Street, Dayton, Ohio 45466) to welcome her to the city and to
the bank.

E. Imagine that you work in the customer relations department of a

large furniture store. Write a letter that could be sent to
customers who have bought furniture for one room of their
home, encouraging them to buy furniture for another room.
Remind them of the quality and service they received when
they did business with you in the past. Urge them to shop with
you again.

36
REPLIES

A large part of handling a company’s correspondence involves

ANSWERING the mail. The ability to phrase an appropriate
response is, therefore, a valuable and marketable skill.

Letters of response fall into a number of categories, including:

1. acknowledgments
2. follow-ups
3. confirmations
4. remittances
5. order acknowledgments
6. stopgap letters
7. inquiry replies
8. referrals
9. refusals

Many companies use form letters for certain types of replies, such as
order acknowledgements. Nevertheless, a reply is often a fertile
sales opportunity, and a personal, carefully worded letter can reap
both profits and goodwill.
Like a request, a reply should be specific and complete. However, a
reply need not be brief. Indeed, because a reply must be both helpful
and sales oriented, brevity is often impossible to achieve.

On the other hand, it is essential that a reply be prompt. In striving

for a “you approach,” this promptness may even be pointed out to the
reader:

Dear Mr. Mechanic:

I received your letter this morning and wanted to be

sure you would have our current price list before the
end of the week …..

37
Without patting yourself on the back, such an opening lets your
reader know you are interested and want to be helpful. In fact,
whenever possible, a response should go a little further than the
original request. An extra bit of information or unasked-for help can
turn an inquirer into a steady customer.

Follow Ups:

After a decision or agreement has been made, either at a meeting or

in conversation, it is wise to send a follow-up letter to establish a
written record of the transaction.

THE COMMITTEE TO KEEP MINNESOTA GREEN

24 NORTH MAIN STREET, BLACKDUCK, MINNESOTA 56630

June 3, 2005

Ms. Christine Solars

Solars, Solars, and Wright
62 Onigum Road
Walker, Minnesota 56484

Dear Ms. Solars:

We are pleased that you will be participating in the Ecology

Colloquium sponsored by the Committee to Keep Minnesota Green.
As we discussed in our telephone conversation this morning, the
Colloquium will take place on June 29 in the convention room at the
Blackduck Inn.

The Colloquium will begin with the keynote address at 10:30 A.M. At
11:00, you will join our other guests of honor inn a debate on the
topic, “The Cost of Conservation: Public or Private Responsibilities?”

38
Following the debate, luncheon will be served in the main dining
room, where you will, of course, be a guest of the Committee.

Along with the other members of the Committee, I am looking forward

to our meeting on the 29th.

Sincerely yours,

39
Confirmations:

While confirmations are routine for such businesses as hotels and

travel agencies, other businesses may also require them. Doctors,
for exam and repair services can avoid wasted time by contacting
patients and customers a day or so in advance of scheduled
appointments. Such confirmations are frequently made by telephone,
a form letter or postcard will also effectively transmit clear, correct,
and complete information. However, an individually written letter can
turn a customer into a regular customer by adding a personal touch.

The Barclay
5500 South 96th Street, Omaha, Nebraska 68127

August 10, 2005

Mr. Yegor Volsky

2233 Connecticut Avenue, N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20008

Dear Mr. Volsky:

This letter will confirm your reservation for a single room with bath for
August 24-27. Your room will be available after 2 P.M.

Since you will be arriving in Omaha by plane, you may want to take
advantage of The Barclay’s Shuttle. Our limousine departs from the
domestic terminal every hour on the half hour, and the service is free
for guests of the hotel.

Cordially yours,

40
Acknowledgements:

An acknowledgment should be written as a courtesy when you

receive merchandise, material, money, or information to let your
reader know that you have received it. When the matter received
was not an order, a acknowledgment can also serve as a thank-you
note.

Markham’s Cards and Gifts

400 Paseo de Peralta, Santa Fe, New Mexico 87501

October 23, 2005

Mr. Herbert Benjamin

Sales Representative
Newmart Cards, Inc.
399 North Canon Drive
Beverly Hills, California 90210

Dear Mr. Benjamin:

Thank you for arranging for us to receive our Christmas card displays
a bit early this year. We installed them as soon as they arrived on
Monday, and we’ve already sold out two lines!

The two months between now and Christmas seem destined to be

busy ones, and I suspect you’ll be hearing from us again soon.

Yours truly,

41
Stopgap Letters

When a thorough response to an incoming letter must be delayed,

receipt of the letter at least should be promptly acknowledged. Such
letters of acknowledgment are called STOPGAP LETTERS. They let
your customer know that his inquiry has not been ignored and will be
attended to as soon as possible.

Like a delayed delivery letter, a stopgap letter informs your customer

that time is needed to process his request. Necessary information or
materials, for example, may not be immediately available. Or your
company may have prescribed channels for reacting to certain
inquiries. Credit applications and insurance claims, for instance, take
time to be processed and so are often answered promptly with a
stopgap acknowledgment.

A stopgap letter will also be called for when your employer is out of
town. The correspondent should be assured that his letter will be
relayed to your employer as soon as he returns. You should be
careful NOT to commit your employer to any action, nor should you
explain his absence.

Dear Reverend Hollingsworth:

Your request to meet with Rabbi Tucker to discuss his

participating in an interfaith symposium on world peace arrived
this morning. However, Rabbi Tucker will be back within a
fortnight. I will inform him of the planned symposium as soon
as he returns.

Yours truly,

42
Inquiry Replies

All inquiries should be answered, even those that cannot for some
reason be given a complete response. An inquiry indicates interest in
your company and a potential customer. The inquiry reply should be
designed not only to increase that interest, but to inspire the inquirer
to action.

An inquiry reply should begin by thanking the reader, acknowledging

the interest in your company. As in Figure 4-8, it should end by
offering further assistance – but ONLY if you actually want additional
inquiries from this person.

The substances of an inquiry reply is usually information. You should

include not just the specific facts your correspondent requested, but
any others that may be of help. (This is, of course, assuming that the
original inquiry or request was reasonable.) If you cannot provide all
the relevant data right away, you should promise it.

43
 A&M
A & M SEWING SUPPLIES, INC. 40-04 SUMMIT AVENUE, FAIRLAWN, NJ 07662

June 2, 2005

Mr. Samuel Long

Maxine Sportswear Manufacturing Co., Inc.
842 Seventh Avenue
New York, New York 10018

Dear Mr. Long:

Thank you for your interest in A & M equipment. We are happy to supply you with the information
you requested.

The following prices are quoted per dozen. Individual units are slightly higher:

Item 1 Dozen @:
A-1 Garment Turner $180.00
A-1 Automatic Winder 90.00
Ace Thread Trimmer 120.00
No-Slip Feed Puller 132.00

In case you have any further questions, Mr. Long, please do not hesitate to call. I can be reached
between 8:30 A.M. and 6:00 P.M. at (201) 881-9412.

Sincerely yours,

INQUIRY REPLY 1

44
If the information requested cannot be provided at all (as in Figure 4-9), or
if it is confidential, you should explain this in your letter. You must be
careful, however, to word your explanation tactfully and resist the impulse
to accuse your reader of trying to gather information to which she is not
entitled. Assume the inquiry was innocent and try to maintain goodwill.

45
 Maxine Sportswear Manufacturing Co., Inc
……………………………………………………………………………………………………
842 Seventh Avenue, New York, New York 10018

June 10, 2005

Mrs. Sharon Tong

693 Pelham Parkway
Bronx, New York 10422

Dear Mrs. Tong:

We certainly appreciate your interest in Maxine Sportswear. Because we do not sell our garments
directly to the consumer, we try to keep our wholesale prices between ourselves and our dealers. It
is our way of meriting both the loyalty and good faith of those with whom we do business.
Clearly, divulging our wholesale prices to a consumer would be a violation of a trust.

However, I have enclosed for your reference a list of our dealers in the Bronx and Manhattan. A
number of these dealers sell Maxine Sportswear at discount.

Very truly yours,

INQUIRY REPLY II

46
Sometimes a request for information about a company’s products or
services may be answered with a brochure or catalog. Such materials,
though, must always be accompanied by a personalized cover letter. You
should not only explain why you’ve sent the brochure and arouse your
reader’s interest in it; you should also call attention to the particulars of the
brochure and attempt to encourage a sale.

A good practice for a manufacturer, moreover, who doesn’t sell directly to

the public, is to pass along copies of the inquiry and reply to a dealer who
may pursue the sale further.

Dear Mr. Godonov:

Thank you for your request for information about the Teaneck
Tennis Center. One of New Jersey’s newest facilities. We are
a full-service tennis club just 15 minutes from Manhattan.

The enclosed brochure describes our special features,

including championship-size courts and professional
instruction. You may find the section on our Business-person’s
Special of particular interest.

If you drop by Teaneck Tennis anytime between 7 A.M. and 10

P.M., we would be delighted to give you a personal tour of the
Center - - at no obligation of course.

Cordially yours,

47
Referrals

Business people often inquires that can best be answered by another

person. In that case, the correspondent must be informed that the inquiry
is being passed on.

A letter of referral should acknowledge receipt of the inquiry and explain

why and to whom it is being referred. Alternately, you may find it more
efficient to advise the correspondent of the proper source of information
and tell exactly where to write.

Again, a manufacturer should be especially careful to sustain the reader’s

interest even while referring her to a dealer. The address of a local dealer
or a list of dealers in the area should be included in this kind of referral.
Too, the reader should never be chastised for bypassing the middleman;
instead, she should be politely referred to the appropriate source.

Dear Mrs. Simpson:

Your request for information regarding marriage counselors in

your community can best be answered by the Board of
Community Services.

I am therefore referring your letter to Mr. Orlando Ortiz at the

Whitestone Community Board. He will, I am sure, be in touch
with you soon. At any case you can reach him at 555 1010.

Yours truly,

48
Refusals

There are many times when a businessperson must say no. When
granting a favor, awarding a contract, hiring an applicant, or for that matter
making any decision, saying yes to one person often means saying no to
another. The key, however, is to say no gracefully. Here, as in most
correspondence, maintaining goodwill is extremely important.

When saying no, you should first of all never actually say no. Your letter
should be as positive as you can make it. The actual refusal should be
stated once and briefly. The rest of the letter should be based on facts, not
emotions, although an appeal to your reader’s sense of fair play or
business savvy is often appropriate (see Figure 4-10). NEVER make the
reader himself the reason for your refusal.

49
AGNES CAFIERO, M.D.
California Institute of Psychiatry
629 Seventh Avenue
San Francisco, California 94120

September 1, 19 - -

The Honorable Nelson McKenzie

The State Capitol Building
Sacramento, California 91400

Dear Mr. McKenzie:

Thank you for your recent request for my endorsement of your campaign for United States Senator.
I am honored that you believe my name could be of value to you.

My professional policy, however, is to refrain from public endorsements. In my practice, I treat

patients of all political parties, and for their best interest, I wish to maintain a nonpartisan position.

Privately, of course, I allow myself more leeway. I have always been impressed by your stand on
the issues, particularly your support for national health insurance. I wish you all the best in your
campaign and am enclosing a personal contribution of $100.

Sincerely yours,

Agnes Cafiero, M.D.

Figure 4-10
REFUSAL

50
REQUEST LETTERS
As a businessperson, you will inevitably have to write many request letters.
The need for information or special favors, services, or products arises
daily in almost every type of business. The reasons for writing a request
letter are diverse:

1. to obtain information (such as prices or technical data);

2. to receive printed matter (such as booklets, catalogs, price lists,
and reports);
3. to receive sample products;
4. to order merchandise;
5. to engage services (including repair or maintenance services);
6. to make reservations (at hotels, restaurants, theaters,);
7. to seek special favors (such as permission, assistance, or advice).

While certain requests, such as ordering merchandise, are routine

matters, the general guidelines for business letter writing are especially
important when writing any request. Tact and courtesy are essential
when you want your reader to act. And if you want him to act promptly,
your letter must encourage him to do so. Therefore, all requests should:

1. be specific and brief;

2. be reasonable;
3. provide complete, accurate information.

Inquiries

Usually, an inquiry offers the recipient no immediate reward or advantage

beyond the prospect of a future customer or the maintenance of goodwill.
Therefore, your inquiry must be worded in such a way that the recipient
inquiry easy to answer.

First of all, you should decide exactly what you want before you write. This
should include the specific information that you need as well as the course
of action you would like your reader to take. Consider this request:

Dear Sir or Madam:

51
 Please send us information about your office copiers so that
we will know whether one would be suited to our type of
business.

Yours truly,

The recipient of this letter would be at a total loss to respond. Other than
simply sending a brochure or catalog, she could not possibly explain the
advantages of her company’s machines without knowing your company’s
needs. You have not made it easy for her to act.

Such an inquiry should include specific questions worded to elicit specific

facts. Since the manufacturer of copiers may make dozens of models, the
inquiry should narrow down the type your company would consider.

52
 Mahoney and Millman, Inc.

MM 1951 Benson Street

Bronx, New York 10465

May 2, 2005

RBM Manufacturing Company, Inc.

4022 Ninth Avenue
New York, New York 10055

Dear Sir or Madam:

We intend to purchase a new office copier before the end of the fiscal year. We would like to consider
an RBM copier and wonder if you have a model that would suit our needs.

Our office is small, and a copier would generally be used by only three secretaries. We run
approximately 3,000 copies a month and prefer a machine that uses regular paper. We would like a
collator, but rarely need to run off more than 25 copies at any one time.

We would also like to know about your warranty and repair service.

Since our fiscal year ends June 30, we hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely yours,

William Wilson
Office Manager

WW/sw

Figure 3-1
INQUIRY

53
 Note how the revised letter (Figure 3-1) makes it easier for your
reader to respond. You have given a clear picture of what you’re looking
for, so she can determine which of the company’s products might interest
you. Moreover, by mentioning the REASON for your inquiry, you motivate
her response. (Your intended purchase is a real potential sale for RBM.)
Finally, by letting her know WHEN you intend to buy, you’ve encouraged
her to reply promptly.

When a request does not hold the prospect for a potential sale, you should
make your letter even more convenient for your reader:

1. Itemize and list the specific facts you want.

2. Enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope.
3. Suggest a way in which you can reciprocate.

Dear Mr. Greenbaum:

I am taking a course in Principles of Advertising at Smithville

Community College in Smithville, Ohio, and am doing my term
project on the ways in which American automobile manufacturers
have been competing in the small-car market.

I would therefore greatly appreciate your sending me the following

specifications on the new RX-7:

1 Fuel economy statistics

2 Technological advances (such as steering system, brake
system, and engine capacity)
3 Available options

I would also find it very helpful if you told me in which magazine (or
other mass media) you began your advertising campaign.

I am certain my classmates will find this information extremely

interesting. I will be sure to send you a copy of my report as soon as
it is complete.

Respectfully yours,

54
Orders

Many companies use special forms for ordering merchandise or

service. They may use their own, called a purchase order, or one
provided by the seller, called an order form. These forms have blank
spaces to insure the inclusion of all necessary information. Their
advantage is that they enable a company to number and so carefully
file all expenditures.

Nevertheless, there will be times when an order must be put into

letter format. At such times, you must be sure to include
COMPLETE, ACCURATE INFORMATION because incomplete
orders result in delayed deliveries, and inaccurate facts result in
receipt of the wrong merchandise. Every order should include:

1. the name of the item being ordered;

2. the item’s number (catalog number, style number, model
number, etc.);
3. quantity desired (often in large units such as dozens, cases,
reams, etc.);
4. description (such as size, weight, color, material, finish, extra
features);
5. unit price;
6. applicable discounts;
7. applicable sales tax;
8. total price;
9. method of payment (such as charge account, including the
account number; c.o.d.; check; etc.);
10. desired delivery date;
11. method of shipment (such as parcel post or air express);
12. delivery address (which may vary from the billing address);
13. authorized signature.

In addition, if your order is in response to an advertisement, you

should mention the source (such as the title and issue date of a
magazine or newspaper).

The following letter would run into trouble:

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Dear Sirs:

Please send me one of your weather vanes which I saw

advertised for $34.95. We have recently repainted our
garage, and a weather vane would be a wonderful
finishing touch.

My check is enclosed.

Sincerely,

56
 First of all, an order clerk would not know what to send this
customer unless the company manufactured only one style of
weather vane for $34.95. Moreover, instead of providing
NECESSARY FACTS, the writer included unnecessary details.
Generally, it is NOT NECESSARY TO MENTION A REASON
FOR AN ORDER. Orders are routine and handled in quantity;
as long as you are a paying customer, your motive for buying
does not interest the seller.

While the preceding letter would require interim correspondence

before the order could be shipped, the letter in Figure 3-2 would elicit
prompt delivery.

250 Commonwealth Avenue

Boston, Massachusetts 02118
February 14, 2005

Cape Cod Ornaments, Inc.

94 State Road
West Yarmouth, Massachusetts 02757

Dear Madam or Sir:

I have seen your ad in the Boston Globe of Sunday, February 12, and would like to order the following
weather vane:

Model EPC-18” eagle with arrow, copper, $34.95.

I would like the weather vane sent to the above address by parcel post and charged, with any
applicable sales tax and handling costs, to my VISA account (number 003 0971 A109; expiration
date, 3/06).

Yours truly,

Figure 3-2
ORDER

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* PRACTICE
For each of the following activities, prepare a request letter using appropriate
arrangement and punctuation styles.

A. You are the program chairperson of the Harrisburg Civic

Association. Write a letter to Margaret Belmont, mayor of
Harrisburg, asking if she would be willing to attend a future
meeting of the association and address the members on a topic
of general interest. Meetings are held the second Wednesday
of every month at 7:30 P.M. in the basement meeting room of
the community center. Previous speakers have included Hiroko
Kamata, president of Grand Northern Motels, Inc., who spoke
on the topic “Increasing Tourism in Harrisburg,” and Gregory
Lardas, CPA, who spoke on the topic “Local Property Tax:
Boost or Burden?” You may explain that meetings are attended
by approximately 75 community-minded people and that the
lecture segment of the meeting usually lasts about one hour.

B. As assistant buyer for Fenway’s Toy Store, 1704 North

Broadway, Richmond, Virginia 23261, write a letter to the
Marco Toy Company, Inc., 223 Sunrise Highway, Glen Cove,
New York 11566, to order two dozen Baby Jenny dolls (at $10
each), one dozen Baby Jenny layette sets (at $15 each), and
three dozen 18-inch Tootsie-Wootsie teddy bears (at $7 each).
You would like to have these items in stock in time for the pre-
Christmas selling season. You want to make this purchase on
account and have it shipped air express. If Marco has available
any special Christmas displays for their merchandise, you
would like to receive these, too.

C. As assistant finance manger of your company, it is your

responsibility to report to your supervisors about year-end tax
saving measures that can be taken within the organization.
Write a letter to Wilda Stewart (Stewart and Stewart CPA’s, 466
Main Street, Eugene, Oregon 84403), an accountant you met
recently at a seminar on the new federal tax laws. Ask her for
information for your report, including pointers on deferring
income and accelerating deductions as well as year-end
expenditures.

58
D. Answer the following advertisement in the current issue of
Office Workers’ Weekly:

COPY KWIK COPYSTAND

America’s widest used copystand: Functional, good-looking … saves

precious desk space … relieves neck and eye strain … attaches easily
to any computer monitor … comes with copy clip and magnetic line
guide. One-year warranty. $24 plus $2.95 postage and handling (NJ
residents please add appropriate sales tax). CKC, Inc., 2019 Logan
Street, Paramus, NJ 70622.

E. You are the supervisor of the secretarial pool of the Am-Lux

Company, Inc., 51 West 42 Street, New York, New York 10031.
You recently read an article by Loretta Lawrence entitled “Ten
Pitman Pitfalls to Watch Out For” in Sten magazine. You
believe the twenty-five secretaries in your department would
benefit from reading the article. Write a letter to Ms. Lawrence,
in care of Sten, 705 Tenth Avenue, New York, New York
10048, requesting her permission to make twenty-five copies of
her article for circulation only within your company.

59
Skill Test

Pick the verb that agrees in number with its subject:

1. The number of protestors (was/were) increasing.

2. Neither the employees nor the boss (has/have) signed up yet.
3. the report, together with three proposals, (was/were) found the
day after the meeting.
4. A number of candidates for the position (is/are) scorning well on
the test.
5. Twenty-three years (is/are) a long time to wait for a promotion.

Replace each very expression with one word:

1. very small
2. very weak
3. very far
4. very large
5. very near

Rewrite these sentences to remover all excess prepositions:

1. The members of the agency supported the new program.

2. They expected to improve the efficiency of the computer
operations.
3. His report contained a suggestion for a reorganization of the
department.

Remove all redundancies and correct the word-usage errors:

1. We cancelled the meeting because neither George nor Harriet

were able to attend.
2. We cannot overestimate his outstanding past accomplishments.
3. His future plans call for building a prototype model.
4. A great number of times she is wrong, but she was right when
she said we would not get a sufficient number of signatures.

Get rid of all the weak “there is, there are,” and “there were” structures:

1. There were 23 references to public relations in the report.

60
2. There are two old buildings on the site.
3. There is a conflict between the marketing and PR departments.

61
Cut out the unneeded verbs in each sentence:

1. The editor, who was an expert, solved the verb problem.

2. The staff that I have includes three people who are experts on
marketing.
3. Alice Quackenbush is a woman who enjoys a task that is a
challenge.
4. Cooper, who was employed by the company for 27 years,
retired last year.

Tighten each sentence by changing nouns to verbs:

1. He made a suggestion that provided a solution to the problem.

2. To give an explanation of the process, she made a revision of
the report.
3. We expressed our position to the plan that led to the reduction
in our staff.
4. The supervisor gave the staff authorization to conduct an
investigation of the problem.
5. After she submitted her application for the job, she came to the
realization that she had used exaggeration to describe her
skills.

Change all the unneeded passive verbs:

1. The recommendations made by the consultant are contained in

the report.
2. A significant budget reduction was accomplished by the
research department.
3. During the year, the firm has been confronted with major
challenges to its leadership role in the industry.
4. It is recommended by us that every effort be made by the writer
to make sure the passive voice is changed to the active.
5. It is argued by the customer that an error was made by the
shipping department.

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