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`u I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same timeu
u
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`u If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to
blame. u
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`u £hen I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's
dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.u
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`u aou were looking good from afar.. now you're far from looking good.u
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`u àearn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control!u
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`u ?he universe is laughing behind your back.u
u
`u ?hose of you who think you know everything are annoying those of
us who do.u
u
`u Ñre you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking
I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm
thinking then we've got a problem?
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`u ÿonesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.u
u
`u I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.u
u
`u Ñ positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy
enough people to make it worth the effort.u
u
`u àove your enemies.. it pisses them off.u
u
`u ?he human race is lucky I'm a nice guy, otherwise only 1/4 of them
would be alive right now.u
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 `u Ñ paper should be like a mini skirt: long enough to cover everything,
but short enough to keep it interesting.u
u
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`u àife is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.u
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`u I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.u
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`u I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!u
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`u I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.u
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`u ‰on't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.u
u
`u aou're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.u
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`u  arth is the insane asylum for the universe.u
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`u I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.u
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`u ·ut of my mind. Back in five minutes.u
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`u ?he trouble with life is there's no background music.u
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`u It IS as bad as you think and they Ñ   out to get you.u
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`u  ver stop to think, and forget to start again?u
u
`u £ho is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?u
u
`u Ñ committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.u
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`u Ñ conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.u
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`u Basic research is what I'm doing, when I don't know what I'm doing.u
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`u ‰on't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.u
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`u I intend to live forever - so far, so good.u
u
`u I like work, It fascinates me! I can sit and look at it for hours.u
u
`u I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car.u
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`u I'm not sure what's wrong... But it's probably your fault!u
u
`u poin the Ñrmy, meet interesting people, kill them.u
u
`u àight travels faster than sound. ?his is why some people appear
bright until they speak.u
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`u àiving on  arth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around
the sun.u
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`u *eople are seldom too busy to stop and tell you how busy they are.u
u
`u *eople who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking
advantage of them.u
u
`u eality? ?hat's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!u
u
`u Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.u
u
`u Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.u
u
`u Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?u
u
`u Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.u
u
`u Sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.u
u
`u Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.u
u
`u ?he number one problem in our country is apathy, but who cares!u
u
`u ?he sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.u
u
 `u ?here's too much blood in my caffeine system.u
u
`u ?his place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.u
u
`u ?ime is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!u
u
`u £e are born naked, wet and hungry. ?hen things get worse.u
u
`u £hy do people who know the least know it the loudest?u
u
`u aour talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.u
u
`u aou can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never
come true.u
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`u ?he world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain).u
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`u I'm smiling. ?his should scare you.u
u
`u Sending *ostcards From Ñ *lane Crash (£ish aou £ere ÿere). u
u
`u £hat you do on your own time's just fine. My imagination's much
worse, I just never want to know.u
u
`u  veryone says I'm a blonde at heart. But my hearts not blonde.u
u
`u ‰eep down I'm a very shallow person.u
u
`u *atrick: I'm mad. Spongebob: £hy's that? *atrick: I can't see my
forehead.u
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`u If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two.u
u
`u Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes.
?hat way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their
shoes!u
u
 `u I was wondering why Frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it
hit me.u
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`u If worms had guns, birds wouldn't mess with them.u
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`u I never admit or deny anything it makes me more interesting.u
u
`u ‰on't take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride.u
u
`u My parents almost lost me as a child, but they didn't take me far
enough into the woods.  very one has a list of problems and issues.
But I am #1 on everyone's list. u
u
`u £e're all given some sort of skill in life. Mine just happens to be
beating up on people.u
u
u
`u ´arate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years
and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make
some of the worst movies in the history of the world.u
u
`u God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the
difference.u
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`u I fight for what I believe in. I am a mercenary, and I believe in
money.u
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`u If I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails.u
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`u Ñssassins Inc. £e aim to please.u
u
`u I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them
tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break
them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible
for everything I do.u
u
 `u àimiting the freedom of news 'just a little bit' is in the same
category with the classic example a little bit pregnant.u
u
`u It saddens Norwegians that Ñmerica still honors the Italian
Columbus, who arrived late in the New £orld and by accident, who
wasn't even interested in New £orlds but only in spices. ·ut on a
spin in search of curry powder and hot peppers- a man on a voyage
to the grocery- he stumbled onto the land of heroic Vikings and
proceeded to get the credit for it. Ñnd then to name it 'Ñmerica'
after Ñmerigo Vespucci, an Italian who never saw the New £orld
but only sat in Italy and drew incredibly inaccurate maps of it. By
rights, it should be called  rica, after  ric the ed, who did the
work five hundred years earlier. ?he United States of  rica,  rica
the Beautiful, ?he  rican àeague. u
u
`u Get plenty of sleep. Be kind to your mind. aou'll miss it when it's
gone.u
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`u £hatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much. aou're not
that good.u
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`u ‰ance, even if you have to warn others to get out of the way first.u
u
`u :* ‰on't stick that out unless you're going to use it...u
u
`u Intelligent doesn't have to mean educated. Ñnd Creative doesn't
have to mean talented.u
u
`u No one ever listens to Zathras, Quite mad they say, It is good that
Zathras does not mind, ÿas even grown to like it, oh yes." --
Zathras, Babylon 5u
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`u "Zathras is used to being beast of burdon for others. Ñ sad life, and
probably a sad death, but at least there is symmetry." -Zathrasu
u
`u Bullshit: the art of making the idiotic sound sensible.u
u
 `u Ñngry people need hugs (or sharp objects).u
u
`u ?he funniest thing about this message is that by the time you
realize it doesn't say anything you its too late for you to stop
reading it you dumb fucku
u
`u I didn't vote and I didn't die! Fuck you *. ‰iddy!u
u
`u Nostradamus predicted you'd be a loser.u
u
`u ?he best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*u
u
`u ÿigh on life- and glue!u
u
`u By the time you read this you've already read it.u
u
`u estraining orders are just another way of saying I love you. u
u