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Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 3: The most common female erotic fantasies and the surprising
truths behind them
1. Conjugal infidelity______________________________________________________19
4. Threesomes_________________________________________________________________21
6. Punishment_________________________________________________________________22
2. Reaching orgasm_________________________________________________________32
Conclusion
Bibliography
Introduction
“I have too many fantasies to be a housewife. I guess
I am a fantasy.”- Marilyn Monroe
H
aving a hot and smoldering erotic fantasy life is healthy and fun, and most
women do it. As a good friend of mine says, “No fantasy is too out-of-the-
top outrageous, abnormal or wrong if it helps me during masturbation or
sex with my husband. If thinking about the pizza boy, the florist that smiled
at you, or a pair of kinky handcuffs turn you on and get you wet in a matter of seconds, why over-
analyze it or hide it? It’s only normal to want to feel as good as you can, isn’t it?” Right she is,
and I tell her that all the time, just like I tell my patients when they come to my office all filled of
guilt or frustration because they… fantasize!
Sexual fantasies are a normal part of everyone’s lives and can play a positive role in sexual expe-
rience. Siv Cedering Fox, an award-winning Swedish-American poet, writer, and artist, said in
her book, Joys of Fantasy: The Book of Loving Couples, that “the mind is the main erogenous
zone. It is there that sense becomes sensuality.”(1)
From a certain perspective, the act of keeping them to yourself can be understandable, since
they are such a private and intimate thing. Yet society has stigmatized erotic fantasies so much
that they now lack the credit they actually deserve- as sensual, titillating enhancers that can
help you improve your sex life.
I decided to write this book precisely because I don’t think that this is the case. I don’t think that
men and women out there should continue keeping their sexual fantasies a secret. Fantasizing
In fact, by doing that, you’re actually hurting yourself and may end up suffering sexually because
of it. 15% of men and women try to repress the feelings of arousal provoked by sexual fan-
tasies because they consider them negative, triggering guilt, shame, anxiety and uneasiness,
affecting their sexual lives in awful ways.
I want to guide you into an appreciation of the kind of stimulation fantasies can provide if you
allow your mind to expand and include the input given by your imagination.
If in your mind you fantasize about being dominated, undressed, talked dirty upon, or whatever
other detail that is bound to start a fire in your groins, I encourage you to feel okay about your
erotic fantasies, however bizarre and forbidden they may seem. Share them with your loving
partner and put them to practice, if you’re both ok with it.
Also, accept the fact that your partner’s mind might be just as dirty as yours. In fact, be thank-
ful for the fact that a woman’s sexual wish
list is as rich, lustful and driven by can’t wait Besides teaching you
urgency as yours.
to be more open about
Besides teaching you to be more open about
expressing your own unique erotic fantasies,
expressing your own
the purpose of this book is also to describe unique erotic fantasies,
to you what goes through women’s heads
when they are daydreaming… lustfully! the purpose of this book
What are her deepest desires? What would
is also to describe to
she like you to do, what act would she want you what goes through
you two to impersonate during your next sex-
ual encounter? I’ve talked to many women women’s heads when
and I’ve summed up a pretty impressive
number of confessions that will definitely
they are daydreaming…
enlighten you… and make you horny! lustfully!
Read this book open mindedly and with faith
that your sex life can and will improve if you allow yourself to let loose entirely. After all, this is
what a successful monogamous relationship means, being permitted to do everything, experi-
ence all that you want and take joy and pleasure from every act of love.
“My sex fantasy is pretty straightforward: having sex with a female porn star. All out, nothing holding
us back, continuous sex with someone who obviously knows what she’s doing. The mere thought of her
licking my clitoris with ‘professional’ moves gets me immensely turned on.”- Andrea
“It’s having sex on the beach. Very romantic setting, very sweet, caring experience. I’d be completely
passive, fully enjoying the satisfaction of being put first, of my satisfaction being top priority.”- Sarah
“I’ve always had the fantasy of having sex with three or more terribly athletic and obedient men slaves.
It would take place in a glass house overlooking the ocean. I would try to please them one by one and
then they would do their best to satisfy me. Slowly. Until my orgasm makes me scream louder than the
sound of the ocean.”
“I don’t have a specific fantasy ‘scene’; I mostly fantasize about an overwhelming feeling of tenderness
and complete emotional unity between myself and my partner. I fantasize mostly about the actions that
lead to sex- kissing, caressing and massaging each other, he going down on me, etc.”- Sybil
An erotic fantasy is a normal and healthy way of self-stimulation. A good friend of mine (who
is also one of the best advocates of the importance of fantasizing) used to tell me all the time
that a fantasy is ‘a thinking man’s television’. Why should one seek sexual entertainment out-
side when we’ve got everything we need right here, inside our pretty little heads?
Having a sex fantasy Having a sex fantasy before and/or during the actual
sex act can actually heighten your sexual experience
before and/or during and enjoyment.
the actual sex act can People who feel less guilty about sexual fantasies during
actually heighten your intercourse report a higher level of satisfaction and func-
tioning that those on the opposite side of the line. Wendy
sexual experience and Maltz and Susie Boss, in their book In the Garden of
Desire, said that “having a sexual fantasy can help you
enjoyment. orgasm quicker, meanwhile a deficit at that chapter often
occurs along with problems of low sexual desire.”(3)
A huge number of sex therapists include sexual fantasies into their programs of curing sexual
dysfunctions, encouraging their patients to use them as a source of stimulation, which can
help them increase interest and arousal.
If you decide to explore your mind’s own private photo album or movie reel of erotic objects or
acts that can put the heat in your libido, the benefits you’ll enjoy are multiple:
1. Having healthy and positive sexual fantasies leads to engaging in sexual intercourse
much more frequently. Also, there’s a better chance you find sexual experiences and
practices more appealing and interesting, rather than boring and mundane.
2. They are a source of pleasure and arousal. Erotic thoughts enhance your arousal and
your body gradually gets more sexually charged and ready to feel a much more intense
orgasm. Also, as far as sex enhancers go, having a sexual fantasy to get hard and wet
is the least expensive of them all.
3. They help you overcome anxiety and facilitate sexual functioning. Also, they
compensate for a somewhat negative sexual experience.
4. The fact that you’re adding spice to your sex life takes you and your partner to
uncharted sexual territory. Fantasies help you mentally rehearse and anticipate the sex
act. Imagining seductive moves, deep kisses or a hot new position help you take action
easier.
5. They help you stay true to your desires, thus getting rid of unwanted and destructive
frustrations. Thus, your self-image is better and you start to feel more attractive,
powerful, loved and desired.
6. They don’t have to be terribly exciting to get you going. Something as simple as
thinking of yourself as a good lover can actually make you that... a good lover, that is.
7. They provide relief from gender-role expectations. For example, many women
fantasize about being ‘the aggressor’ in bed, and many men about being ‘the aggressee’
(the one being aggressed), which is not their usual role in bed. In her book, Men in
Love: Male Sexual Fantasies: The Triumph of Love over Rage, Nancy Friday reported
that one of the major themes of male sexual fantasies is the abdication of control in
favor of passivity: “It may seem lusty and dashing always to be the one who chooses
the woman, who decides when, where, and how the bedroom scene will be played. But
isn’t her role safer? The man is like someone who has suggested a new restaurant to
friends. What if it doesn’t live up to the expectations he has aroused? The macho stance
makes the male the star performer. The hidden cost is that it puts the woman in the role
of critic. Many men fantasize about things being the other way around.”(4)
Erotic waking fantasies commonly occur during daydreams, masturbation, or sexual encoun-
ters. In the early 1970s, the Playboy Foundation hired the Research Guild to see whether
2. A woman is more passive in her fantasy, she imagines herself as the recipient of
pleasure, while men imagine themselves as sexual initiators (with the exception of the
percentage that Nancy Friday was talking about; see above).
3. A woman focuses more on details of the setting and context, while a woman pays more
attention to details concerning the sex act in itself (the woman’s body, sex organs, etc.).
4. A woman most likely fantasizes about a familiar partner, and there’s usually emotional
connection involved. There’s a theme of affection and commitment, she is mainly
emotionally aroused, rather than purely sexual. That’s why men fantasize more about
multiple and/or anonymous partners, because their attention span is usually focused on
the sex act in itself, not the emotions that it can create.
Freud said that sexual fantasies are a direct result of our anxieties and fears. We work out
these anxieties through our sexuality.
In the majority of cases, the things that we fantasize about are placed at our ‘psychological
edge’. The edge is where our comfort zone ends. The line that separates the normal from the
not-so-normal. What we should do is to try and get over that edge, move beyond our comfort
zone. If we surpass the initial discomfort, ultimately we’ll feel more fulfilled. Think of a roller
coaster or ski diving. They may feel dangerous and scary at first, but they’re highly exciting and
stimulating after you give them a try. It’s the same with sex fantasies. They appear because our
minds and bodies need a ‘rush’ to surpass themselves and move on to more fulfilling areas.
What keeps people from accepting their own fantasies? What stops them from exploring their
imagination for even more variants of the traditional erotic images that work for them? Is it just
the fear of being discovered and considered too extravagant, too sick, perverted or obsessed?
No, there’s more. We spend so much time trying to hide our fantasies from the ears of the
world and even from ourselves that this often blocks our relationship with ourselves, which of
course vitiates our communication with the people around us.
It’s simple. If you have high self-esteem, that means you accept your own worth and consider
yourself not only deserving of love, but also allowed to do everything to procure it by yourself.
You don’t deny your sexual fantasies. You embrace them fully and without regret.
If you have high self- If you’re low on self-esteem, you subconsciously think
that you do not deserve love, and by fantasizing about
esteem, that means you it, you’re actually cheating and being selfish. I know,
kind of messed up. But there are people that think like
accept your own worth that, both men and women.
and consider yourself
The first step to accepting your fantasies is to try and
not only deserving of understand why they arouse you, why they make you
feel good, fulfilled, and happy. If you doubt their posi-
love, but also allowed tive function, ask yourself these 4 questions:
to do everything to
1. Is having sexual fantasies helping me gain control of
procure it by yourself. erotic energies that otherwise would be out of my reach?
2. How do the contradictions that come up in my fantasies help me make peace with
my frustrations, my past or my way of seeing sex or life in general?
If your answer is YES, well, now you know. The images, feelings and sensations that sexually
stimulate you are meant to unblock any frustration that you might have, which is anything but
bad for you. Own your fantasies and make peace with yourself.
In this delightful ‘wickedness’ you reinvent yourself. You should crave fantasy as you crave
good dreams in the night. Lost in the trance of your most enthusiastic sexual imagery, you get
lost in what Sally Tisdale calls “the land of the not done and the wished for”, where you are the
closest to your most intimate inner self. Paired with self-pleasuring, erotic fantasies are self-
empowering. In your sex dreams you’re strong, you’re bold, you’re perfect in your authenticity.
What else could you possibly wish for?
Therefore, you should never block them, never deny them or curse them. Erotic fantasies are
your friends and allies! Choosing to either keep them unfulfilled or incorporate them into your
sexual repertoire will only serve to enhance your sex life. Better yet, sharing them within the
couple will only bring you closer and help you achieve a deeper degree of intimacy.
M
ost women aren’t very good at asking for what they want as far as
sex is concerned. As a matter in fact, neither do men. This is an overall
global communication problem which concerns everyone.
In the case of women however, the inability to ask for what she
wants comes from a hopelessly romantic attitude towards what sex (and a relationship in gen-
eral) should be. Women imagine that the right guy will instinctively grant them every sexual
favor they’ve ever fantasized about, without their having to utter a word.
Complicated, I know. Until she feels comfortable and confident enough to specifically request
her fantasies being brought to life, she’ll just sit there, silently; dreaming about what she’ll love
you to do to maker her truly ecstatic.
If your girlfriend or wife isn’t there yet, don’t despair. I’m here to give you the general idea of
what women want, of how they would like you to behave in bed in order for things to be per-
fect in every aspect.
Let’s start with the little things, which, if gone unnoticed, can compromise her expectations.
1. … shower before sex. Watching you come out of the bathroom, water dripping off
your body, with just the towel to cover your intimate parts, makes her want you right
then and there. The wetness of your body is a huge turn on for women, and the fact that
your skin is still hot from the shower (I bet there’s a trace of steam behind you) makes
sex more pleasurable. Also, when you come out of the shower, all clean and fresh, she’s
more adamant to kiss and lick your whole body. Yes, those hot spot too.
2. … talk dirty. But vary the naughty words you choose, women like that. Try out
different types of verbal kinkiness and see to which she responds better. Also, expect
her to follow your lead and do the same. Actually, she wants you to do it first so that she
can have an excuse to try it also.
3. … do house chores with no shirt on. We just can’t forget that scene from Desperate
Housewives when Eva Longoria was watching that handsome little Gardner of hers
mowing the lawn with no shirt on. Those biceps, sweat dripping off them, guaranteed
arousal. Stroll in front of her with just your shorts on, then, when you feel she’s ready to
explode, turn over to her, all sweaty and filled with pheromones, and make love on the
spot. Quick and clean, as they say. She won’t even know what hit her. In fact, she will,
because she’s been fantasizing about it for quite some time.
4. … watch porn with her. Women are visual too, and they get turned on by watching
sex scenes just as much as you do. However, they don’t enjoy all kinds of pornographic
materials, so you have to choose carefully. If she feels offended or disgusted of what
she sees, she might be put off for good. Also, never, and I mean NEVER, compare her
or her abilities to what they are seeing on the television screen. She’ll get angry and
frustrated.
5. …slide your hand up her skirt. When you’re following her up the stairs, at the
dinner table, when you’re relaxing on the couch, etc. Show her that you desire her at
every moment, regarding of what you’re doing.
6. …confess YOUR latest sexual fantasy. But say that she was present in it. If not,
seeing that women are so good at over-thinking everything, she might end up thinking
that you were fantasizing about an ex-girlfriend or something you picked up from porn.
Even if she doesn’t agree to re-enact it (though I think she will), hearing about it will
make her feel like she’s your naughty confidante, which is very hot. Bonus: She’ll grow
courageous enough to tell you hers.
7. … read sex advice books (like this one). Yes, you’re an amazing lover already, but
catching up on your reading is your best option if you want to truly impress her with
your skills. Also, if you do decide to check up my programs (Turn Her On Faster, Female
Orgasm Secrets Revealed, Hot Licks, Ejaculation By Demand, etc.), you’ll learn more
than you have ever thought you needed to know about how to satisfy a woman. You can
download them here:
http://www.HotLicksProgram.com
http://www.FemaleOrgasmRevealed.com/
http://www.TurnHerOnfaster.com/
http://www.EjaculateByCommand.com
8. … surprise her in the shower. Start with a non-sexual approach, washing her hair
and foaming her whole body with shower gel. Take the shower cap and, when she least
expects it, direct it to her clitoris. Women do that all the time, but having you do it is way
sexier and a lot more fun. Even though she giggles and squirms all over the tub, trust
me, she likes it to bits.
9. … jump all over her the second you walk in. By doing that, you’re showing
her how truly magnificent sex with her is, if you can’t wait 90 seconds to get to the
bedroom. Hurried and lusty sex, in the hallways or the back of the stairs is a common
fantasy among women that want to feel more desired. Remember that scene in The
Postman Always Rings Twice, with Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange all covered in
flour and consumed with passion? Well, that’s what a woman fantasizes about. If you
act like having sex with her is all you want, and you want it urgently, she’ll be obliged to
succumb to your desire.
10. … photograph her naked. Women want you to take pictures (semi-artsy) of
them in the nude, but they are not nearly as cocky as to suggest it themselves. That’s
why you need to bring the subject up yourself. Timing is crucial, so do it right after sex.
Tell her that her amazing hips and her curvy breasts need to be immortalized for ever.
She’ll blush, maybe say no at first, but she’ll agree to it in the end. She wants it just as
bad as you. Maybe even more.
11. … take breaks during sex. This is your way of showing her
that she’s the most important person in the room. By taking breaks
from intercourse in order to start another session of cunnilingus or
just to kiss her deeply and cuddle behind her you’re showing her
that emotional connection is just as important for you as it is for
her. This guarantees a powerful orgasm.
12. … caress her whole body before sex. Caress her legs
slowly, from ankle to thigh. Massage her back, kiss her arms
from palm to shoulder, blow hot steam on her neck, stimulate her
breasts, her belly, the sides of her torso (which, by the way, are
completely underrated!), etc. Treat her like a piece of porcelain that
needs to be handled with care. She’ll feel like a princess and her
arousal will soon get sky high.
14. …kiss her in front of friends. But kiss her with passion,
not just the usual peck on the lips. She wants to show others how good you are together
and how there’s still fire going on between the two of you. Women like to take pride in
their relationships, so why not keep her satisfied? After all, she’ll thank you later, in ways
that are not public approved.
15. …get her drunk and have rough sex. Oh, the wine-induces states of euphoria!
The passion that arises when there’s just a bit of alcohol in the system (just a bit, I
wouldn’t want you to get the mother of all hangovers the next day) is really powerful.
Also, after a glass of red wine, inhibitions start falling down one by one, allowing the
true sex beast that resides within her to finally take charge of her body. Have her stop
after the first glass, the purpose of this fantasy is to become confident enough to try
exciting things, not to do them and forget them by the following morning. That’s never
sexy, or healthy for that matter.
16. … watch her shave her legs. And offer to help her shave her other places of
interest.
17. … insist on performing cunnilingus. She might say she doesn’t want you,
she’s not in the mood, leave it for another day, but you shouldn’t take her word on it.
Women love oral sex. Anytime, anywhere, but not anyhow. Tell her to let you just plant o
few kisses on her clitoris, than start rocking the moves that I taught you in my Hot Licks
program. Her rose will be on fire in a matter of seconds!
18. …watch her masturbate. “It’s the best way to show you how she likes it”,
says Sandor Gardos, PhD, sex therapist and founder of MyPleasure.com. “The fact that
she’s turning you on while making herself orgasm makes her feel incredibly sexy and
compounds her pleasure.” During foreplay, put her hand underneath yours and move it
toward her clitoris. Remove your hand and encourage her to continue touching herself
while you focus your attention on the rest of her body. If you want, you can masturbate
too, while she watches. This is a huge turn-on for women, and she gets to learn how
you like to be given a hand job.
19. … play the dominant master. During a playful make out session, gently grab
her wrists and pin them down above her head, says Ava Cadell, PhD, sex therapist and
author of 12 Steps to Everlasting Love (5). Use your free hand to explore her body. If she
seems to enjoy it, progress to tying her wrists together. Speed up the rhythm of your
thrusting, so that she feels she’s truly being dominated by a “bad master”. She’ll love the
feeling of being under your complete control.
20. … dare to have public sex. “Public sex makes a woman self-aware of the
highly erotic energy she has”, says Carol Queen, PhD and author of Exhibitionism for the
Shy: Show Off, Dress Up, and Talk Hot. “The fear of being caught really heightens your
senses, allowing you to focus on the sexual experience.”(6) If you don’t dare to go all the
way yet, try something safer at first, like doing it with the drapes open.
21. …try some dirty dancing. Dancing is described as the vertical expression of
a horizontal desire. All women automatically assume that a man who can dance is a
man who also knows his way in bed. No woman is indifferent to a man who goes all
Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing on her. Rent the movie, learn a few moves and, most
importantly, set the fire and passion in your eyes. That’s what arouses a woman the
most.
1. Conjugal infidelity
“I am married but I usually fantasize about some of the friends that my younger sister brings home. I
imagine one of them asking me to initiate him into the art of physical love. I see myself ‘educating’ the
innocent young man, explaining to him what women truly like. He is eager to do what I tell him and he
gives me the most powerful orgasm that I’ve ever had.”- Anne
The temptation of making love with somebody else doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you
anymore or that she’s actually going to do something about it. It’s true, it may be a sign of sex-
ual dissatisfaction, but it can also mean that she just wants to feel desired again.
The fact that Anne ‘dreams’ about being the center of attention of a young man is a sign that
she misses the thrill of the beginning of a relationship, when attraction was magnetic.
As I told you before, women’s sexual fantasies are often rooted in problems related to emo-
tions and feelings, and this is the perfect example for such a situation. When a relationship
ends up in a rut, emotionally speaking, women fantasize about starting over. It’s just like when
you fantasize about having sex with a porn star, because you’re girlfriend or wife does not want
to have anal sex with you. The fantasy provides you with something that’s lacking.
If you feel like you two or not connected emotionally anymore, imagine how she’s feeling, see-
ing that she’s a woman and she starts to notice these things a lot sooner than you do. Take
her on a real date (one that doesn’t involve her cooking) and talk to her. But really talk to her!
Ask her about how she feels about the relationship and where she wants things to head in the
future. Seeing that you care about her thoughts, she’ll feel more connected to you.
Let her know that her When you get home, make love to her like you
used to do in your first sexual encounters. Pro-
wishes are your command long the foreplay session, kiss and caress her
whole body and ask her what she’ll like you to
and that you’re ready for do in order for her climax to be stronger. Let her
deeper explorations. The know that her wishes are your command and that
you’re ready for deeper explorations. The physical
physical and emotional and emotional bonding will cure whatever insecu-
rities she might have.
bonding will cure whatever
insecurities she might Also, you can try actually fulfilling her fantasies.
Role-playing is a powerful arousal enhancer. Tell
have. her to meet you at a hotel and act as if you are
two strangers that have just men… and are about to experience the hottest one night stand
there is. She’ll be blown away!
“I work for an almost all male real estate company and I sometimes fantasize about doing it with three
of my male colleagues. I imagine going with them to see an apartment and we start chatting friendly.
It’s hot and they take off their shirts. They ask me to do the same. Aroused, I oblige. In a few seconds
they surround me. One kisses me, another caresses my sex and the third one kneads my breasts. I’m
afraid I won’t be able to handle three penises. But they all find their place inside me. This multiple and
simultaneous possession gives me the most intense orgasm I have ever had.”- Regina
For some women, quantity gives quality to an orgasm. The main purpose of having three men
is to receive the most pleasure possible. They are there just for her. I’m sure you can under-
stand this principle, since having sex with multiple partners has surely been on your top list of
fantasies also.
I’m not going to advise you to bring two friends to bed. You should not take this literally. As a
matter in fact, when it comes to women, you should never take anything literally.
She might want multiple stimulation, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants three
men in her bed. Try bringing a sex toy (or two!) in order to satisfy her insatiable needs. While
you are pleasuring her orally, insert a vibrator in her vagina and a butt plug in her derriere. She’ll
be pleasantly surprised.
“I’m on a desert island, surrounded by palm trees and the clear blue ocean. I’m swimming, completely
naked, in the warm water. I see a hot guy strolling on the beach and I’m instantly aroused. He waves at
me and I get out of the water. I lay on the sand, spread my legs, and invite him to lick the salty water
off my clitoris…Instant out of this world pleasure!”- Joanna
If you’ve read my Hot Licks program, you know how important cunnilingus is for women. We
long for it, want it, fantasize about it. Out of shyness, fear of being rejected or who knows what
else, you’ll never see a woman ask directly for a good dose of oral sex. She wants you to want
to give it to her, not to do it out of some sort of constriction from her part.
Well, it’s simple. Just give her what she needs. The next time you two get hot and dirty, stop
her on the tracks and proudly announce to her that she’s not allowed to do anything, just sit
tight and enjoy. Then work your magic, as I’ve taught you. Kiss her, lick her, stroke her, and drive
her insane with pleasure.
4. Threesomes
First of all, make her feel sexy. Keep the compliments running and mean it. Women know when
you’re just being nice. If you want her to feel good about how she looks, take her to a spa; treat
her with a nice massage and some facial treatments. Treat yourself too, while you’re there, it’s
super relaxing, and doing it together brings you closer.
Second of all, compliment her during intercourse. If you just do your thing and don’t take the
time to tell her how much you like her body, she’ll soon start feeling frustrated about it. Look
her in the eyes and tell her how gorgeous her body is. Hold her and slip your fingers all over
her skin. Women like to feel cherished during sex, not like they were a mere instrument of plea-
sure. Seduce her mind and her whole body will open up to you.
“I imagine being at a pajama party with a bunch of really pretty girls. At some point we start…
exploring, watching our bodies react to soft kisses and caresses. It’s euphoria of emotion and arousal. I
feel like they know exactly where to touch me and I know exactly where to touch them. It’s a collective
orgasm.”- Lucie
According to Freud, lesbian instincts are due to a faulty father image during childhood, which
can make a little girl grow more attached to the mother’s kindness and complicity (7). Lesbian-
ism is more discreet and more accepted than homosexuality. It depicts the need of affection
and tenderness between two women, as opposed to the heterosexual relationship, where the
woman has to endure the man’s virility. Lesbianism is either precocious (first friendship), or a
late-blooming, after successive sentimental failures and heterosexual dissatisfactions.
In this particular case however, the fact that Lucie fantasizes about… a woman’s touch doesn’t
necessarily mean that she’s a lesbian. A group of researchers in psychology at the University
of Northwestern conducted a study and found out that all women have a certain degree of
bisexual orientation, which nonetheless doesn’t determine their sexual orientation. She’s just
in need of more understanding, a sense of complicity which, she feels, only another woman
could give her. The perfect relationship, two bodies completely united, reciprocal caresses,
fusion and symbiotic love- that are what she craves for.
Pay more attention to how you treat her during intercourse. Are you too hard, too quick, too
fast, and too harsh? Maybe it’s time for a little slow-motion love, one that nurtures the body
and the soul. Don’t head directly to her known erogenous zones; think as if her whole body is
one giant wet hot spot. Discover it bit by bit, centimeter by centimeter.
6. Punishment
“I imagine being in bed with my husband. He whispers something in my ear but I don’t hear it. He gets
mad at me and ties to the bed, as a form of punishment. He bites my nipples and slaps them, thrusting
forcibly. Though at first I’m scared, I gradually become so aroused that when he decides to end the
punishment, I beg him not to. He smiles, turns me around and we start to have anal sex. Though I am
usually not so eager to try it, in my fantasy I feel an immense pleasure.”- Nadine
Suffering and pleasure are two equally strong forces. From an erotic perspective, you can say
they represent the ying and the yang, the light and the dark, and one without the other robs
you of the dynamic tension that is meant to truly heighten pleasure.
In most cases though it’s about women’s tendency to want to be dominated. If your lady is
generally the submissive type who’s easygoing and expects you to make many of the deci-
sions within the relationship, then she may prefer being submissive in bed as well. Perhaps
she prefers when you initiate sex and take the reigns under the sheets.
For instance, she may like it when you hold her hands down in the missionary position or give
her soft-spoken instructions. The only way to find out is by gauging her reaction during sex and
talking about your preferences with each other.
It’s important to keep in mind that if she doesn’t mind relinquishing her power in the bedroom
and in the relationship, she is doing this consciously; she is willingly abandoning herself to your
desires and letting you call the shots. This does not make her weak, intellectually inferior or
less deserving of your respect.
Interestingly enough, the best way to make her accept your role as the dominant one in the
relationship is to treat her like an equal. The more you try to keep her under your thumb and
treat her in a blatantly sexist manner, the more likely she is to fight back to assert her power.
Treat her as an equal and she will happily submit to your wishes. Why? Because treating her
as an equal shows that you’re so confident in your masculinity that you’re not threatened by
a smart woman. And confidence is a huge turn-on. On the other hand, blatant sexism on your
part will be interpreted as weakness and insecurity, which are the ultimate turnoffs for women.
“He appears at my doorstep, dressed in ragged overalls, but handsome and athletic like a gymnastics
coach. I receive him in a sheer night gown. I like his way of pretending not to notice my naked skin.
I take him to the fridge that’s broke. He asks me to empty it. While I do this, I can feel him more and
more troubled each time I bend over. His breathing betrays him, turning me on. The vegetable stand,
too heavy, doesn’t want to get out. He lowers behind me, to give me a hand. His strong hands get lost
and end up on my breasts. I don’t turn around to see him. We don’t say a word. His hands keep lowering
towards my sex. We make love in that position. The sensation is so strong that I clench my hands on the
stand. The violence of my orgasm unleashes the stand.”-Brandy
The fantasy of seducing virile simple men, with a social status that’s lower to theirs, is for many
women their way of unleashing a pure and harsh desire, the emotionless kind. In this kind of
fantasy the woman doesn’t search for romantic love, she just wants the pure physical pleasure.
Sex for the sake of sex. That’s why she chooses a partner that’s no more than a sex tool, but
who knows how to make her orgasm.
There are a number of situations when women want sex and nothing more. Here are the most
common ones and how to take advantage of them:
a. After a fight. The concept of “make-up sex” is not a myth. A heated argument with
your woman tends to get your blood boiling, and your heart pumping. And hers as well.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advising you to pick a fight with your girlfriend or wife
just to have raw sex afterwards. What you can do is tease her, get her heated up in a
contradictory argument. When she least expects it, tear her clothes off and make love
to her right there and then.
b. Amid stress. Stress can actually raise a woman’s libido, if you can believe it. If your
woman’s been stressed out lately, chances are that she’d be quite appreciative if you
offered her a release for her tension. That goes for stress-induced headaches too, by
the way. That’s right; a good dose of naughty action often gets rid of her headaches
altogether. The good thing about having sex when stressed is that she’s being selfish
and she’s focusing on pure pleasure and nothing more.
c. When she’s jealous. Every woman twinges with insecurity when she sees another
woman trying to seduce her man. After an evening of watching you be hit on by other
women, she may just want to remind you about one of the important reasons you’re
with her and not with them and she might serve you the hottest, naughtiest sex you
two have ever had. But don’t go out of your way to make her jealous, that will just hurt
and confuse her in the long run.
“A friend of mine who’s an escort girl asks me for a favor. She has to accompany two foreign clients to
dinner and her colleague is down with the flu. Since I’m an expert in foreign languages, she asks me
to fill in for her colleague. I find myself saying yes. During dinner, I totally embrace the escort-girl role,
feeling my pulse racing with excitement. One of the men takes me to our hotel room. I undress him with
the certainty of a professional. He seems to like it.”- Mary
Let her take the charge next time you go to bed. Tell her
she can do whatever she wants with your body, strap it,
tie it, kiss it, lick it, whatever she feels like it. She’ll enjoy
having the chance of showing you what exactly she can
do and to what heights she can take you with her… pro-
fessional moves. Lucky for you, you just have to sit back
and enjoy the ride.
“Multiple partners are satisfying me while the technical crew works around us, capturing all the action.
Since it’s my first time in a porn movie, both the director and the actors want to take advantage of my
naivety and ask me to please them. I’m not that easy to fool but I gladly accept to do whatever the
director asks me to, because I’m feeling a strong voluptuousness in being hired for my beautiful body.
The idea that this film will feed the pleasure of millions of men out there excites me even more.”- Tania
Most women doubt their capacity of being a sex symbol, of seducing men in all aspects. If your
girlfriend or wife fantasizes about being in a sex movie, she probably secretly wishes she were bet-
ter at giving you the satisfaction you need. Women know guys watch porn, masturbate on it and
drool when seeing a professional sex expert doing things that they could only dream about. Some
of them can actually become jealous of the woman behind the screen, that’s got all your attention.
Praise her sexual abilities and they way she makes you feel after intercourse. Just like you want to
hear that she liked it and had an orgasm, she wants to make sure you were satisfied also. Women
can be extremely sensitive when it comes to horizontal performances. Assure her that she’s better
than any porn star, mainly because, let’s face it, she’s real, she’s there, and she wants you.
“I imagine myself walking on stage, the clients of the club receiving me with enthusiasm. I undress with
very ingenious gestures, adapting myself to the rhythm of the music and the ambience, which grows
hotter and hotter. The viewers’ expectations create a truly erotic tension. They want me to undress
completely. They throw money at me, applaud and whistle. I decide to please them and take off my bra
and panties.”- Helen
The fantasy of exhibitionism allows women to make peace with their own body. A woman who
fantasizes about undressing in public has problems with trusting his abilities to seduce. Imagina-
tion compensates a strong sub-appreciation tendency. In the fantasy, her body has a certain value,
it “costs” a lot of money and people are willing to pay to price just to see it in its entire splendor.
The lights are low. Your favorite sultry tunes are playing quietly in the background. The phone
is off the hook. A scented candle is burning. You sit in the center of the room, eagerly awaiting
the surprise she’s been planning for weeks. Slowly, she makes her entrance, dressed in a little
black number she bought on the sly. As your jaw drops she slinks toward you, moving to the
rhythm of the music. She’s got your attention now, and the night has only just begun.
Her fantasy is to fulfill… your fantasy! How cool is that, right? She’s just a little shy, and doesn’t
really know if she’ll do well or you’ll like it. Assure her that her body is gorgeous and that every-
thing she’ll want to do will be received with enthusiasm from your part.
A
s I’ve told you already, inti-
macy, trust and connection
are extremely important for a
woman when it comes to dis-
closing her most intimate sexual fantasies to a guy,
mostly because she’s afraid that you’ll judge her, as
society often does. She must feel that you are wor-
thy of hearing them, and that you will receive them
with understanding and desire.
Therefore, if you want to know which of the fantasies presented above appear in the case of
your girlfriend, I’d advise you to try and further the sense of “connectedness” that’s been built
between you two so far. Here’s how you do that:
Step 1. Help her get over any feelings of shame or guilt she might have regarding her erotic
fantasies. You can do that by convincing her that it’s normal to fantasize about things and by
encouraging her to accept them. Buy her a copy of a book that speaks about women’s erotic
fantasies, for example The Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday, where the author presents a num-
ber of different types of fantasies women have. She’ll feel more ok with it if she sees that she’s
not the only one having this type of thoughts and dreams.
Step 2. After reading the book mentioned above together, ask her what she thinks about it:
“Here it says that women fantasize about doing it with another woman. Have you ever had
such a fantasy?” By openly discussing the subject in a non-sexual environment, she’ll feel
more at ease about telling you about it.
Step 3. Agree to ‘trade’ her disclosure for one of yours. This way her fantasies will appear less
frightening to her, since you two experience them. You can also play a variant of the famous
game of ‘truth or dare’, to give a more playful approach to the whole act. Or use it as a phone
sex stimulation technique. If she’s still shy, tell her to write her hottest fantasy on a post-it and
slip it in your pocket when you’re not aware. That way you can read it without her being pres-
ent and you can discuss it later.
Step 4. Don’t push her if she’s reluctant to tell you. Have a proactive attitude about it and
agree to tell your side of the story even though she doesn’t yet want to tell you hers. This is a
sign of trust and bonding, and she’ll appreciate it.
Step 5. Once she told you about what her fantasies are, don’t insist on re-enacting it. She
might not want that right away or she might not want that at all. Moreover, fantasies tend to
lose their erotic appeal after they are brought into real experience, so if her fantasy is a particu-
larly cherished one, she might one to keep it unfulfilled.
b. Agree on the rules. Talk about the things you might say and do. You might think
that you’re prepared and ready for whatever happens, but when you’re actually in the
middle of doing it… unexpected trouble might put both of you off. For example, let’s
say you want to play it rough. You should tell her exactly how rough you are planning to
do things, because if she thinks that rough means just a little spank here and there and
you end up living marks on her sexy bottom, she might not be so pleased. Be specific,
tell her details of the way you want to do it, so that she is fully aware of what is going
to happen and no unpleasant surprises ruin your experience. You should also mention
to her if you plan on using any kind of sex toy, whether it’s a vibrator, a butt plug or
handcuffs. She must agree from the start. The use of an escape word is also crucial.
If either of you wants or feels it’s time for a break or time to end it altogether, by just
uttering the escape word you’ll break out of character and be your normal selves again.
When things get too intense, if she’s not enjoying the way things turned out, or if she
just needs a glass of water or a trip to the bathroom, the escape word puts an end to it.
2. Reaching orgasm
Nervousness and pressure, focusing on exterior thoughts (the outside noise, the following
day’s work schedule, the ton of dirty laundry that’s waiting to be done, etc.) is the best way of
scaring the orgasm away and lowering the libido.
Again, fantasies can really help in this case, because they get you relaxed and focused exclu-
sively on giving and receiving pleasure.
If she’s feeling distracted and her minds wander to the things she has to do, turn her around by
suggesting the re-enactment of her favorite sex fantasy. This gives an edge to the sex act and
grounds her to what’s going on between the sheets.
Sexual fantasies are happy, and fun, and intense. Practicing role-playing games (that you’re
both into), using dirty words (which are un-offensive), applying oils and creams to make mas-
sages more pleasurable, everything that breaks the rut is advisable.
Talk about your mutual desires and sensations. Read magazines and books together (erotica
books by authors such as Nancy Friday, Erica Jong, and Caleb Knight or sex trysts confessions
in sultry nude magazines), watch erotic films (Nine and a half weeks, Unfaithful, Secretary,
etc.) that can help activate your sexual imagination and create fantasies that unleash emotions,
pleasure and desire.
Sex fantasies allow the brain to get involved in the sex act. They stimulate natural lubrication.
They get you turned on in a matter of seconds. They are healthy. Play with your imagination and
you will achieve sexual heights like never before!
Conclusion
S
exual fantasies are a form of visualization. As you very well know, visualization
is a technique that works in many fields, from business presentations to sports.
When used in connection with lovemaking, visualization can help you feel plea-
sure at a much higher intensity, handle sex issues better, improve technique and
better your self image.
There is absolutely nothing negative about fantasizing, and I hope I have made this clear enough
in this e-book. It’s about time that people came out of their shells and really enjoyed the plea-
sures that a good fantasy session can give you. And I’m not talking about the pure physical evi-
dence alone, but also about the mental orgasm that helps you connect intimately to your own
self and with the person that is standing right beside you.
People have used fantasy as a means of aiding arousal and general capability of enjoying inter-
course for many years. Imagining yourself in the most positive, loving, exciting and satisfying
love-making is wonderful. It gives you a boost of happiness and well-being like nothing else
ever could.
Whether a substitute for sex, a part of foreplay, or a way to breathe new excitement into your
sex life, fantasy is a great tool to use if you’re in a monogamous relationship, practicing safer
sex, or simply want to be titillated without limits. In fact, the limit is your own imagination.
I hope you have find this book useful and as you’re reading this last chapter, you are already
thinking about the amazing sex that you will soon have with your partner. Don’t be shy about
applying to real life the tricks and tips I offered you within these pages. They are meant to give
a serious boost to your lovemaking routine. Be the happy and fulfilled couple that I want you
to be. That’s the image that pushes me forward, making me want to continue helping people
around the world.
Bibliography
1. Cedering Fox, S. (1977).Joys of Fantasy: The Book of Loving Couples. Chicago: Stein and Day.
2. Kronhausen, P. & Kronhausen, E. (1969). Erotic Fantasies: A Study of Sexual Investigation. New
York: Grove Press Inc.
3. Maltz, W. & Boss, S. (1998). In the Garden of Desire: Women’s Sexual Fantasies as a Gateway
to Passion and Pleasure. New York: Broadway Press.
4. Friday, N. (1982). Men in Love: Male Sexual Fantasies: The Triumph of Love over Rage. New
York: Dell Publishing.
6. Queen, C. (1995). Exhibitionism for the Shy: Show Off, Dress Up, and Talk Hot. San Francisco:
Down There Press.