Sexuality & Sacred Sex

Michael Picucci, PhD, MAC, SEP

Reprinted from the Institute for Authentic Process Healing E-Zine

Sex and Soul

To define sacred sexuality, it is important to rediscover what sex means to us. Paramount
for growth in this area is to break out of preconceived thinking. To help us step out of the
cultural box I use the word sex as an acronym, S.E.X. stands for Soul Energy eXchange,
or as my partner sometimes likes to refer to it: Soul Energy eXtravaganza! Couple that
with SOUL, a Systemic Organization of Universal Love, as defined in the book, The
Living Energy Universe, by Gary Schwartz and Linda Russek. And you have Soulful
Sex.

This new perspective is not strictly about performance or procreation, or even about
orgasm, though that can be a wonderful benefit. S.E.X. is about sharing and exchanging
energies that originate more from our souls than just our heads or our genitals. It is about
uniting our longing for wholeness and connection, yearnings that are naturally sacred and
spiritual. It is about pleasuring and being pleasured in whatever consensual form that
takes.

As author, Brandy Williams, writes:

"Sex is the most engrossing human act. Intimate touch involves all the senses. At the
moment of pleasure, of shivering contact with a partner or a stolen moment of self-love,
all our normal duties, tasks, fears, failures, all things we do drop away. This is life at its
simplest, a time simply to be - to watch, listen, smell. taste, touch and feel, to focus on
being a physical creature and experience the body's capacity for pleasure.

When our bodies feel healthy and our hearts clear, when we can give and accept pleasure
freely and with sincerity, when we bring to intimate touch an awareness of the Divine,
sex becomes sacred. We blossom into a fully human consciousness, caught up in the
passionate embrace of life...We become...supple, flexible, centered, alive in the moment.”

Sacred Sexuality

Sacred Sexuality is the desire to discover and explore both our conditioning and our
limitations in exchanging four personal and distinct energies with another, or exploring
them alone. We open our "new eyes and ears" and listen to our bodies through the felt
senses. Becoming familiar with the body's felt senses adds great fluidity to the process.
And by expanding our sharing skills, however gradual, the experience of sacredness
seeps into the bones and marrow of the lover. What more beautiful way could human
beings embody the sacred than by challenging themselves to bring the four primary
soulful energies together (see below). When we do this, when we consciously give and
receive these four energies, we experience ecstasy, transcendence and a new sphere of
personal growth, empowerment, and understanding.

The Four Primary Energies

There are four primary soulful energies in Soul Energy Exchange (S.E.X.). These are:
love and pleasure, lingum and yoni. The third and fourth energies are Hindu Sanskrit
terms used by Tantra workshop leaders Charles and Caroline Muir and understanding
them assists us in breaking out of traditional, cultural thinking patterns. The third
expression, lingum energy, represents the masculine drive, penis, aggression and personal
power, the giving of complex energies, and glory. While lingum energy is often male
identified, in reality this energy is found in all human beings. And our fourth soulful
expression is yoni energy, which represents the feminine, the vagina or any part of the
body that exudes surrender and desire to receive energy. Yes, men too have yoni energy.

We are all more or less conditioned and limited in our expression of yoni or lingum
energies, not to mention love and pleasure. In truth we have all suffered traumas to our
lingum and yoni energies, as well as love and pleasure. Unlocking traumatic and toxic
shame, and thawing frozen energies are our path to the sacred. Experimenting, without
judgment, along the felt sense boundaries of these energies is a direct route to god
energy, the earth, our ancient memories, and the universe. All four of these soulful
energies are the creator's way of expressing itself through us.

As the river gives into the ocean,

what is inside me moves inside you...
-Robert Bly
The Kabir Book

Sexual Concerns

I have met with many people who have shared very personal sexual concerns with me.
They ranged from feelings of deadness in their pelvis, to erectile challenges, orgasmic
difficulties, being restricted in experiencing sexual desire or feeling limited with a partner
they love. Sometimes it's a body parts, or image, thing--too big, too small, too tight, too
wide. There are many similar burdens that people carry in a very heavy way. My
experience has taught me that the principles explored on this site can be enormously
helpful. In most of my experiences with Authentic Process Healing these types of
hardships have been resolved.

Integrating Spirituality & Sexuality

After facilitating countless workshops and sessions with individuals and couples, one
thing is certain. The healing of the schism between our sexual and spiritual energies is not
only a provocative topic, but one of the most intimidating tasks before us. Yet it is also
one of the most important. What I call the "split" arises out of early religious and cultural
training, which teaches that love and families are good while sex is dirty, bad, and
perverse. I have yet to meet one person who does not highlight this as a foremost
challenge in life.

A deeply ingrained and culturally-induced rift between sexuality and spirituality haunts
us. Yet, these two human forces are two sides of the same coin. At its most fundamental,
when two people come together with open hearts, sex is a sacred act, joining them in
body and spirit. This kind of union can be healing, the very embodiment of "transcendent
beauty", to be regarded with reverence and respect.

All too often, this is clearly not the case. Opening the heart and keeping it open can be
challenging particularly for those whose sexuality is connected to psychic and spiritual
wounds of early experiences. As a result, it is difficult to resolve our connection to a
"higher" power with our human need to express, satisfy and celebrate our sexuality.

Healing the "Sexual-Spiritual Split"

The split between spirituality and sexuality is a deep psychic schism within almost
everyone in our culture which prohibits enduring, loving relationships to form, which at
the same time can remain sexually alive and growing. The rift is caused by generational,
cultural, religious, and early programming that plants seeds deep in the unconscious
which makes merging the two virtually impossible without specific healing.

The British author Aldous Huxley wrote, "The aim and purpose of life is the unitive
knowledge of God." This speaks directly to the spiritual dilemma of our time; how to
unite the polarities of our dissociative culture. Ever since Descartes said, "I think
therefore I am," we have been separating the body, mind, and spirit. I'm convinced that
the key to the disconnecting dilemma we face is to re-unite the body, mind, and spirit.
And a primary obstacle most people face is uniting the spiritual with the sexual. I call this
"healing the sexual-spiritual split." We need to reintegrate God and the cosmos with our
sexuality.

Relationships Without Sacred Sexuality

When sex is not fulfilling in a monogamous relationship, the cornerstone of the union is
weak and vulnerable. Most of us, consciously or unconsciously, commit to such
relationships, at least in part, anticipating sexual satisfaction. If fulfillment dwindles or
becomes barely existent, a foundation of the relationship is betrayed. One will often feel
imprisoned and act out in emotional or sexual ways. There is, or will soon be, trouble in
paradise. And often, because couples lack the skill required for sensitive dialogue, they
go into denial, often for years. This is not necessary. New skills are available now.

I am happy to report that I have been living in a sexually fulfilling, loving relationship for
many years now. All the work has been worth it! Opening up the heart, letting go of
taboos, sharing shame-free sex, and being responsible and self-respecting, are keys to
both the kingdoms of higher consciousness and pleasure. It is no wonder that when some
are in the throes of orgasm they say, "Oh God, Yes!" In that moment of letting go and
dropping defenses, a greater reality bursts forth. Loving sex heightens consciousness, and
for me, God is consciousness, and pure consciousness is love.

Imagine yourself and your partner, with open hearts, choosing to pleasure each other.
Imagine breathing and letting go into the bliss, whatever it may be, and knowing that you
are going to God or the highest energy powers. Your partner is joining and supporting
you in this awareness and experience. Then you switch; pleasure your partner in whatever
ways are desired and appropriate for the two of you. If you really give yourself such a
delightful experience, you will experience ecstatic sex, erotic energy, and you will have a
rich spiritual experience that is enlightening as well. Every time more veils are dropped
between partners, more consciousness opens to them. It will reveal itself in the daily
living of life and in creative expression. This is what sex and pleasuring looks like when
you are healing the sexual-spiritual split.

Sexuality & Higher Consciousness

Combining love with sexual expression can be an act of higher consciousness. In

workshops, I help foster a genuine belief that when two human beings combine love's
energy with erotic energies, a transcendent experience occurs, one that is often
profoundly healing. This is a very sacred sharing and the true goal of a fulfilling sexual
experience. Reaching this goal is the result of a give and take, a negotiation of the
openhearted experience of interconnectedness.

Though this process can be awkward, it is essential to learn to communicate about our
needs, desires, and fantasies. "Reclaiming Adolescent Awkwardness" is a phrase I use to
give people permission to go to the awkward "places" necessary to heal the sexual-
spiritual split and to form authentically intimate relationships.

Yet even so, we will often encounter resistance to fusing our loving, sexual and spiritual
energies. Contrary to what many naively believe, we need to learn that healthy loving
includes the expression of our more shadowy desires as well as our tenderness. The
delicate opening up of our repressed sexual histories, variations, and fantasies is
extraordinarily enriching and healing. Appreciating the nature of resistance and de-
shaming our fantasies are entryways to a "circle of energy" allowing the experience of
full body orgasm and full-hearted spirituality.

Under our needs, desires, and fantasies are powerful and subtle feelings and energies that
want to be expressed. These expressions help us grow holistically; they teach us about
aggression and passivity, about our feminine and masculine energies, and about
pleasuring and being pleasured. They help us dissolve shame toward our inner
contradictions and complexities and experience them fully for healing, growth, and self-
understanding.
True and spiritual lovemaking is the interweaving choreography of our higher and
shadow selves. It is a holistic fusing together of aspects of the so-called higher and lower
self - how beautiful and so very intimate to do so with open hearts.

Evaluating Our Progress

I believe that there will always be one more way we can heal this schism, drop more
veils, or enhance our capacity for pleasure and spirit. Not to worry. If all the veils were
gone, where would our humanness be? How interesting to ponder such ideas as we heal
ourselves day by day, and with each healing, enhance our ability to give and receive
pleasure. It is a process of both struggle and delight with spontaneous expressions of
perfection and bliss. Progress rather than perfection is the goal, and if we are earnest our
bodies will lead our progress toward our personal perfection.

In evaluating our progress in healing our sexual-spiritual split, we need to ask ourselves:
What motives do I bring to sexuality? What do I want from the sexual aspect of my
nature? We know our healing is progressing when our answers emphasize spiritual
fulfillment, integrating power and surrender, femininity and masculinity, and the desire
for shared experiences of pleasure and higher consciousness .