Spiritual Formation @ Home

Leading-Edge Churches Driving Family-Centered Strategies

Part Three – Overcoming Obstacles

May 2008 Executive Summary

The Strong Families Innovation Alliance

written by Kurt Bruner

© Inkling Innovations Group

Moving Forward
In May 2008, leaders from 18 evangelical churchesi gathered at
Lake Pointe Church in Rockwall, Texas to continue a collaborative
effort started in 2007. (See executive summaries) The meeting
was hosted by The Center for Strong Families and jointly
sponsored by Family Life Ministries and the Willow Creek
Association.

Participants began by restating the scope of innovation established in April 2007…

Problem Statement
Evangelical families are failing to win and keep their own children in the Christian faith.

Vision
To create an innovation movement among evangelical churches that seeks to turn the tide by
acknowledging the home as central to God’s redemptive strategy.

Innovation Categories
1. Strengthening marriage relationships
2. Winning our children to Christ
3. Launching our youth as fully devoted followers of Christ

They also reviewed the ten “Models of Excellence” components identified in Fall 2007...
1. Empower a visionary champion
2. Establish new success measures
3. Build upon the existing church vision
4. Build into the existing church calendar
5. Use “Home” lens for all vs. creating a new silo
6. Define success and call families to commitment
7. Foster a culture of family intentionality
8. Customize – one size won’t fit all
9. Invest in tools for families
10. Use “two degree” strategies

Objective: The goal of this third gathering was to help church leaders anticipate and
overcome obstacles they may encounter driving a “spiritual formation at home” initiative.

Understanding The Times

The opening presentation emphasized the need for church leaders to
become astute observers of the cultural trends, research, and popular
ideas shaping the world of families. A better understanding of our
times can help us develop better home-centered strategies. One
significant trend was highlighted through a new documentary titled
Demographic Winter.ii The film shows how a global decline in
marriage and parenting has far reaching implications for the world
economy. But it also frames our challenge with regard to
generational faith transfer. A recent Policy Review essay described
the history of Western Europe in which “unprecedented family shrinkage appeared

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sometimes before and sometimes in tandem with unprecedented decline in belief…” The
same is happening in the USA. Hoover Institute fellow Mary Ederstadt observed that
family “inclines people toward religiosity” because marriage and children are the
“symphony through which God has historically been heard by many people.” iii While it
is true that families are in decline due to lack of Christian faith, it is equally true that
Christian faith is in decline due to a lack of healthy families. To stay current on such
trends, Kurt Bruner suggested the quarterly StrongFamilies Executive Briefing available
for free by emailing [email protected]

Leadership Buy-In
The first team dialogue dealt with the kind of leadership
required for a church to successfully implement a
spiritual formation at home initiative. How does a
division leader get this priority onto the lead pastor’s
radar screen? What part must the pastor play in the
inititaive? Such questions were explored from the
perspective of senior leaders (lead and executive pastors)
and ministry division leaders (small groups, students,
children’s, etc.)

KEY INSIGHTS: SENIOR LEADERS KEY INSIGHTS: MINISTY LEADERS

Why isn’t this priority on many lead pastors’ radar? Why isn’t this priority on many lead pastors’ radar?
 Other issues requiring attention  It is not part of the educational pattern for seminary,
 Weak theology of family – doesn’t understand it as leadership summits, etc.
primary focus of church  He has other passions
 Assumes it is already happening in homes  He hasn’t seen it modeled, measured
 Lacks paradigm of how church can have impact  He doesn’t see the benefits
 It is not a personal priority
How can division leaders “sell vision” to pastor?  It is a big challenge requiring lots of work and there
 Use existing church vision/language are limited resources/time
 Speak his language so he can hear/absorb
 Bring champions/leaders – not just problem What authority does SF@Home leader need?
 Explain size and magnitude of challenge  Depends upon the culture of the church re:
 Don’t blind-side, surprise or undermine pastor empowerment, etc.
 Make it his win vs. your win  No matter what level in organization, they will need
 Offer shared knowledge (books, etc.) access to lead pastor

What authority does SF@Home leader need? What part must lead pastor play?
 As high as possible – executive pastor or up  Ideal = Brings full team on board and provides the
 One with trust of and access to lead pastor finances and leverage the champion will need
 Minimum = He gives initiative a thumbs-up and
What part must lead pastor play? models/teaches the priority
 Ideal = Pastor is the primary champion
 Minimum = Pastor gives ongoing endorsement, Other insights…
platform emphasis, and access  Use Mark Holmen’s book “Building Faith at Home”
to create buy-in
Other insights...  Seek small wins
 People support what they help create, so don’t bring
a finished draft
 Find quick/early/simple wins & new measures

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From Silos to Integration
The second team dialogue focused on the challenge of moving from isolated, age-graded
programs (“silos”) toward integrated strategies for spiritual formation at home. The
group discussed impact opportunities and challenges for each of the following “silo”
ministry categories considered vital to successful integration.

Why is this “silo” key to success? What challenges must be navigated?

WORSHIP/TEACHING WORSHIP/TEACHING
 Worship service is “prime time” so vital to  Fear of alienating those without intact home
building the “brand” of SF@Home  Plates of leaders are already very full
 This is the face of the church where  Hard to measure impact
vision/info is transferred widely  Audience too varied to target well
 Best place to see big picture with everyone
 Place where people are “won over” by
engaging both heart and head

ADULT & SMALL GROUPS ADULT & SMALL GROUPS

 Has access to marriage & parenting audience  Time – creating a spot for emphasis
 Already plays “equipping” role  Developing strong leaders who model
 Low cost for high impact  Decentralized, scattered groups difficult to
 An easy “win” for in-home emphasis since get on same agenda
most small groups are in a home
 Can foster “theology of family” curriculum

STUDENT MINISTRIES STUDENT MINISTRIES

 Positioned to reach both students and parents  Reputation of youth leaders (“I know it all”)
 Can provide modeling for parents  Buy-in difficult, but risk too great not to try
 Tend to have “cultural relevance” with
students

CHILDREN’S MINISTRY CHILDREN’S MINISTRY

 Direct connection to kids and parents  The reality of the church calendar
 Irreligious are willing to bring kids/grandkids  Competing priorities
to functions  Effective communication with parents
 Has access to resources
 Has direct bridge into the home

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Navigating Competing Philosophies
The third and final team dialogue tackled the challenge of competing ministry
philosophies that often reside within a single church – most notably within student
ministries between those embracing one of two driving philosophies.

C o m p e tin g P h ilo so p h ie s
Philosophy A Q ue s tion : C an w e d is c ov er “b oth/a nd ” s tr a te gie s ? Philosophy B
Success defined by… “ A t H o m e & She lt er ” “O ut so urc e & D ro p O ff ”
Success defined by…
“Reaching Un-churched” • 3 k ids m i nim u m
• Sin g le I nc o me
T h e C h u r ch
• 2 k ids ma x
•D u al F T C areers
“Generational Faith Transfer”
• Hom e E d uca ti on •P ub lic S ch oo l
• Teen s in A d u lt Cu l tu re •T een s i n Y ou th Cu l tu re

S u c c ess = “ G e n e r a tio n al F ait h T r an s fe r ” Su c c es s = “R e ac h in g U n c h u r c h e d ”

Each discussion group included participants from both ends of the spectrum and were
asked to discuss how student ministry leaders can move beyond “either/or” thinking in
order to address two realities. (1) Christian families are losing their own kids. (2) Un-
churched kids need to be reached.

PITFALLS TO AVOID

CAMPS: Avoid “us” vs. “them” language or thinking.

Humbly acknowledge your own bias to avoid
overreaction or short-sightedness.

EXTREMES: Do not over correct, move too quickly or

embrace one extreme. Find ways to incorporate the best
of both philosophies.

CHURCH vs. HOME: Avoid letting ministry become

“youth group centric” by acknowledging the home as the
primary place of spiritual formation.

MEASURES: Do not allow attendance to be your only

measure of success. Establish long-term measures to
keep your team focused on this priority.

CRITERIA FOR SUCCESS

VISION: Define “mature faith” for all kids in a way that both ends of the philosophical
spectrum can support.

INTEGRATION: Facilitate strong families reaching out to un-churched kids in order to

give them a vision of God’s design for a Christian home.

OUTREACH: Create a process to reach parents of un-churched kids – such as parent skill
training opportunities.

TRUST: Listen to parental concerns and establish trust with them by acknowledging that
student ministries exist to reinforce & support parents’ role – not undermine it.

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Show-and-Tell Innovations
A highlight of Alliance gatherings is the opportunity to hear updates from various church
leaders implementing their own strategies. The May 2008 gathering included updates
from small and large churches, all addressing home-centered faith from different angles.
Fast fire highlights included…

Saddleback Church
Couples Small Groups Pastor Todd Ohltoff shared the five keys to success for their
“Pathway for Couples” initiative. (1) Tied to
vision and mission of the church (2) Outcome-
focused using the five purposes applied to marriage
(3) Resource-oriented with point where people are
done (4) Common language (5) Consistent and
ongoing offering.
Saddleback started offering Family Small Groups as a step toward generational integration and
has launched a “Family Pathway” strategy giving everyone a clear road for becoming
more intentional.

Healthy Marriage + Healthy Family + Individual Choice = Healthy Kids

(marriage pathway) (family pathway) (kids programs)

So far, 5800 have participated in pathway events among Saddleback attendees.

“I came to this retreat not sure if I wanted to stay married anymore. This retreat gave
me tools and the action items to begin to implement. It also reinforced my desire to
want to make my marriage work.”

“When you revealed that our spouse is the perfect accountability partner, that was
extremely important to me. I had never thought of that, but you were right. Since the
retreat, we have been better at asking questions, communicating and respecting each
other more.”

Sonrise Church
Pastor J. Otis Ledbetter shared how his smaller church (600 at Easter) was founded on the
principles of Heritage Builders (www.heritagebuilders.com) and giving
parents practical tools for building a strong spiritual legacy at home.
Despite a relatively low budget, the people of Sonrise have created
engaging intergenerational faith experiences
(“Kidz Jam”) which replaces one worship
service per quarter and an incentive-based
program where t-shirts are awarded to families
that accomplish 6 family nights in a two month period. This
reinforces a church culture and drives kids to pressure parental
intentionality.

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 Wheaton Bible Church
Family Pastor Rob Rienow described a long and fruitful journey at Wheaton Bible
Church developing three core theological foundations that became the basis of their “faith
in the home” emphasis.
1. God created families to be discipleship centers
2. The biblical purpose of parenting and grand-parenting is to impress the hearts of
children with a love for God.
3. The family is God’s primary engine of world evangelization through the power
of multi-generational faithfulness.
The youth and children’s ministry model uses a baseball diamond image to highlight that
every “hit” is a success. Some hits, however, accomplish more than others.

DOUBLE
Ministry programs for kids/teens
with their grand/parents

TRIPLE SINGLE
Programs training Ministry programs
grand/parents to for kids and teens
disciple own kids

HOME RUN
Grand/parents provide spiritual
training and discipleship in the home

Early Wheaton Bible strategy shifts included turning the family pastor into a “horizontal”
leadership position, incorporating “faith at home” into every ministry as their primary
great commission strategy, and crafting a new mission statement: Love God – through
worship at church and at home.

Ventura Missionary Church

Family Pastor David Teixeira gave an update on how the “faith at home” and “take it
home” strategies pioneered at Ventura Missionary Church are expanding to other
churches. While summarizing what’s working well at VMC and
beyond, David shared the following…
 Accepting Reality: Rather than dream of the day families
“stop being so busy” or become less intimidated by spiritual
discussions, we operate under the assumption they will always
be busy and design strategies accordingly.
 Keeping it Simple: The more basic and simple we keep things
for the families and church the better because “more complex”
does not necessarily mean “more effective.”
 Measuring Improvement: Each year we find gradual improvement in three areas…
o Anticipation: Families looking forward to “Take It Home” events
o Attendance: Families participating in “Take It Home” process
o Application: Families actually being more intentional at home

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 Lakewood Church
Family Pastor Craig Johnson gave updates on a variety of innovative ideas that have been
launched at their church (35,000 attendees) as the “faith at home” concept becomes part
of overall church DNA. Highlights include…
 Extreme Kids: A small group discussion program where kids get rewards for
working on their journals with their parents in a small group setting at home.
 Camp Kidslife – A family camp centered on a home topic where kids are doing
lessons and activities in their classroom and
parents attend sessions in a separate area.
The final night is a family finale with a
family covenant.
 Main Street Emphasis - Monthly family theme from Victoria Osteen in main service
during baby dedication and “Homelife” e-newsletter to members.
 StrongFamilies Small Groups: Hundreds of Lakewood families will go through the
StrongFamilies 100 series as a follow-up to Camp Kidslife ’08.
 Single Parent Families - Craig described a creative approach to helping single parent
families at Lakewood where they arranged to offer a $1500 Disney vacation package
for $500 to the first 250 single parent families that signed up. They were
overwhelmed by the 600 families that waited in line to take advantage of something
they could never normally afford. Lakewood Church demographics reveal an
estimated 60% of their kids will at some point live in a single parent situation, so the
church is trying to be intentional about helping this key audience.

Woodmen Valley Chapel

Student Ministry Pastor Brian Carlson gave an update on growing momentum at
Woodmen Valley Chapel. Much effort has been put into demonstrating to leaders and
staff how driving faith home flows from and serves the existing church vision statement.
Highlights from recent middle school ministry efforts driving intentionality include…
 Spiritual Growth Plans: Six “Driven” conferences were held
involving more than 50% of homes active in middle school
ministry. Parents and students crafted a “Spiritual Growth Plan”
for the upcoming year.
 One11 Challenge: Calling parents and middle school students to
take the One11 challenge in which once per week one parent and
one child intentionally meet together for breakfast, lunch, ice cream, etc.
 Driven Home Sheets: Students take home from their service a sheet (also emailed to
parents in PDF format) to help process the message through three questions parents
ask the student, three questions students ask parents, and one challenge to do together.
 Amazed Race: Held a parent/teen “Amazed Race” based upon CBS reality show.
Parent/teen teams raced 500 miles around Colorado. (Note: “Amazed” is a central
idea in the church vision statement – “toward a deeper amazement of God’s grace.”)
 Reworking New Believers Program: Rewriting the new believer's/baptism course
to make it a parent/child experience "at home" with "at church" reinforcement.

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 Lake Pointe Church
Pastor of Spiritual Formation Kurt Bruner gave an update on HomePointe, an integrated
strategy for creating a culture of intentional families. Key strategy elements include:
 “MAIN STREET” EMPHASIS: Campaigns (sermon series, small group lessons,
intentionality contest, etc.) to keep the priority of home at forefront of church culture
 ONE STEP AT A TIME: Provide tools that make it easy for couples, parents, and
grandparents to become more intentional
 CUSTOMIZED PLANS: Trimester “intentional family plan” invitation in worship
service and small groups that includes an “appraisal” to reinforce and gauge
congregational intentionality
 EASY ACCESS: A campus and web “HomePointe Center” providing free, practical
ideas and “going further” resources to support family intentionality

During the HomePointe launch campaign, 1500 households representing 4500 Lake
Pointe attendees enrolled for ongoing email encouragement and creativity on becoming
more intentional at home. A PDF document providing a more detailed explanation of the
HomePointe initiative can be obtained at www.ministryadvantage.org

Parent Expectations
Kurt gave an overview of data provided by the Willow Creek Association taken from
recent Reveal surveys in which parents provide insight into their expectations and
satisfaction levels when it comes to churches helping them develop strong faith in their
children. Key “take away” insights from the survey include…

 EQUIP PARENTS MORE: Parents of young children and teens want

us to help them guide the spiritual development of their children far
more than we do now.
 WORK PARENTS LESS: Parents think we ask them to serve in
church program a bit too often.
 KEEP HAVING FUN: Parents think we do a good job offering
appealing and fun programs for young children.
 MAKE IT REAL: Parents think we do a poor job equipping their children to live out their
faith in practical ways.
 SEPARATE US LESS: Parents of teens think we do a poor job of including kids in the life
of the main church, possibly reflecting a “youth group centric” over-emphasis.

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Marriage Movement
Eric Garcia (Association of Marriage and Family Ministries) gave an executive overview
of what is happening across the country with regard to marriage trends and hosted a pre-
screening of the September 26th film titled FireProof. (fireproofthemovie.com) The
discussion once again emphasized the importance of church
leaders understanding the times in order to develop better
impact strategies.

Web Collaboration Invitation

John Trent invited those interested to join a Facebook group he is hosting designed to
widen the innovation movement to churches beyond Alliance participants. Those
interested can request an invitation at [email protected].

The fourth and final Alliance gathering is scheduled for November 2008 at
Ventura Missionary Church. For additional information or questions about
the Strong Families Innovation Alliance, contact Executive Director Kurt
Bruner at [email protected]

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i
The following churches were represented at the second Innovation Alliance gathering…
• Lake Pointe Church in Rockwall, Texas (www.lakepointe.org)
• Bannockburn Baptist Church in Austin, Texas (www.bbcfamily.com)
• Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas (www.lakewood.cc)
• Perimeter Church in Duluth, Georgia (www.perimeterchurch.org)
• Highlands Church in Scottsdale, Arizona (www.highlandschurch.org)
• Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL (www.willowcreek.org)
• Northridge Community Church in Cave Creek, AZ (www.northridge.org)
• Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California (www.saddleback.com)
• Ventura Missionary Church in Ventura, California (www.vmc.net)
• Grace Family Baptist Church in Spring, Texas (www.gracefamilybaptist.net)
• Hill Country Bible Church in Austin, Texas (www.hcbc.com)
• Sonrise Church in Clovis, California (www.sonriseclovis.com)
• Scottsdale Bible Church in Scottsdale, Arizona (www.sbcaz.org)
• Sun Valley Community Church in Scottsdale, Arizona (www.sunvalleycc.com)
• The Rock Church in San Diego, California (www.therocksandiego.org)
• Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, Arkansas (www.fbclr.org)
• Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, Illinois (www.wheatonbible.org)
• Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs, Colorado (www.woodmenvalley.org)

ii
www.demographicwinter.com
iii
Mary Ederstadt, How the West Really Lost God (www.realclearpolitics.com/articles)

10 © Inkling Innovations Group